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1
00:00:31,251 --> 00:00:33,462
Hello! Welcome!
2
00:00:37,091 --> 00:00:40,260
Good to see you. Welcome to camp!
Drop your phone over there.
3
00:00:40,385 --> 00:00:42,759
Hi, good morning.
How are ya? Welcome.
4
00:00:42,884 --> 00:00:44,598
- Hello!
- Hi.
5
00:00:44,723 --> 00:00:47,101
- Hey, there.
- ♪ Wanna say goodnight to your mama... ♪
6
00:00:47,226 --> 00:00:49,009
No! No running.
7
00:00:50,145 --> 00:00:52,439
Drop your cell phone over there, please.
8
00:00:52,564 --> 00:00:54,942
♪ Let's stay alive forever
9
00:00:55,067 --> 00:00:57,527
♪ Wanna say goodnight to your mama
10
00:00:57,652 --> 00:01:01,073
♪ Let's make a life
and do something big
11
00:01:01,198 --> 00:01:03,517
♪ I'll live it up
12
00:01:03,642 --> 00:01:05,032
♪ I'll make my mind. ♪
13
00:01:05,157 --> 00:01:07,037
- My man.
- Oh, my God.
14
00:01:07,162 --> 00:01:08,962
Kindly give your cellphone
over there, please.
15
00:01:08,997 --> 00:01:11,666
How are you?
Hey, how's it been?
16
00:01:11,791 --> 00:01:13,835
Hey, man.
17
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:16,421
Hey.
18
00:01:16,546 --> 00:01:17,882
This is gonna be our year, boys.
19
00:01:18,007 --> 00:01:20,300
- Yeah.
- I can feel it.
20
00:01:20,425 --> 00:01:22,932
- Cellphone, please.
- I don't have one.
21
00:01:23,057 --> 00:01:24,779
- Why not?
- It inhibits your connection
22
00:01:24,904 --> 00:01:27,180
- with the world.
- What's this thing?
23
00:01:27,305 --> 00:01:29,476
- A dildo.
- Get outta here!
24
00:01:29,601 --> 00:01:32,104
- Hello, hello. Welcome!
- My dad's a lawyer,
25
00:01:32,229 --> 00:01:35,632
and he says that you can't
take anything that's my personal property
26
00:01:35,757 --> 00:01:37,517
- or else you can go to jail.
- Well, listen.
27
00:01:37,583 --> 00:01:40,654
Judge Hulk says,
time to give up the phone.
28
00:01:40,779 --> 00:01:43,453
Everyone has to. Mandatory.
29
00:01:47,834 --> 00:01:48,854
Thank you for being good.
30
00:01:48,979 --> 00:01:50,622
All right.
31
00:01:50,747 --> 00:01:53,708
- Time to turn in the phones.
- Dr Weinberg!
32
00:01:53,833 --> 00:01:57,171
You look like a decent person,
but looks can be deceiving.
33
00:01:57,296 --> 00:01:59,422
Oh!
34
00:01:59,547 --> 00:02:01,091
What's this?
35
00:02:01,216 --> 00:02:03,093
Security!
36
00:02:03,218 --> 00:02:05,137
They're tampons!
37
00:02:05,262 --> 00:02:07,097
My bad.
38
00:02:07,222 --> 00:02:08,515
- Hi.
- Hi. Phone, please.
39
00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:09,640
Yeah, okay.
40
00:02:09,724 --> 00:02:11,685
- Good to see ya.
- Counsellor Mike.
41
00:02:11,810 --> 00:02:13,520
- There he is.
- Yo, how you doing?
42
00:02:13,645 --> 00:02:16,106
Good. Looking good, man.
43
00:02:17,148 --> 00:02:19,443
Can I check your sleeping bag?
44
00:02:23,155 --> 00:02:24,447
I went phone-less this year
45
00:02:24,572 --> 00:02:27,076
'cause, uh, I wanna be
in touch with nature and shit, you know?
46
00:02:27,201 --> 00:02:29,744
That's beautiful.
Hey, check his bags, and his pockets.
47
00:02:29,869 --> 00:02:31,726
- Feel me up, TSA.
- Hey, Jake, we're in Gesher.
48
00:02:31,746 --> 00:02:32,746
Oh.
49
00:02:32,789 --> 00:02:34,541
Gesher! Yeah!
50
00:02:34,666 --> 00:02:37,252
Boys are back in town, right?
51
00:02:37,377 --> 00:02:39,421
The song. Up top.
52
00:02:42,465 --> 00:02:45,058
See you soon, guys.
See you at the cabin.
53
00:02:46,678 --> 00:02:49,139
♪ Oh, oh. ♪
54
00:02:50,932 --> 00:02:53,375
Welcome back to Camp Pearlstein.
55
00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:54,811
It's that time of year again.
56
00:02:54,936 --> 00:02:59,316
Whether you're a returning camper
or a first-timer, remember,
57
00:02:59,441 --> 00:03:01,614
you might be on summer vacation,
58
00:03:01,739 --> 00:03:06,157
but you're never on vacation from God.
Ooh, I like that.
59
00:03:06,282 --> 00:03:09,534
All right, standing right there
is the hottest girl ever,
60
00:03:09,659 --> 00:03:11,474
and you're gonna win her over right now,
with this walk.
61
00:03:11,494 --> 00:03:12,951
It's easy. Like, I just look over at her,
62
00:03:12,971 --> 00:03:14,251
like, maybe give her, like, a...
63
00:03:14,289 --> 00:03:15,479
Dude, what are you...?
You're hopping.
64
00:03:15,499 --> 00:03:17,106
- Yeah, you look like a hunchback.
- You're hopping.
65
00:03:17,126 --> 00:03:20,420
Dude, you're not gonna hop your way
to pussy, let me tell you that.
66
00:03:20,545 --> 00:03:22,586
Oh, I call first shower.
67
00:03:22,711 --> 00:03:23,882
Uh, no.
68
00:03:24,007 --> 00:03:26,072
Everybody has to be here
if you're gonna call first shower,
69
00:03:26,092 --> 00:03:28,637
and not everybody's here,
so... sorry.
70
00:03:28,762 --> 00:03:30,803
That's hilarious, 'cause, like,
I just called first shower,
71
00:03:30,823 --> 00:03:32,579
- so I'm taking first shower.
- No, no. Howard's right.
72
00:03:32,599 --> 00:03:34,206
- Those are the rules.
- Oh, those are rules?
73
00:03:34,226 --> 00:03:35,832
I don't look like
a guy who follows rules, do I?
74
00:03:35,852 --> 00:03:36,979
Well, this is the...
75
00:03:37,104 --> 00:03:40,316
"Do I look like a guy who follows rules?"
All right, guys, let's chill out.
76
00:03:40,441 --> 00:03:42,776
Everyone's gonna get
a chance to take a shower.
77
00:03:42,901 --> 00:03:45,160
Hey, I've got an idea.
Let's have a super cool
78
00:03:45,285 --> 00:03:47,197
- just chill summer this year.
- Oh, yeah.
79
00:03:47,322 --> 00:03:48,531
- Yeah!
- Can we do that?
80
00:03:48,656 --> 00:03:50,388
- We're gonna have a good time this year.
- Oh, yeah!
81
00:03:50,408 --> 00:03:51,743
- Yeah, man.
- Whoo!
82
00:03:51,868 --> 00:03:53,225
See you guys at the dining hall at 6:00.
83
00:03:53,245 --> 00:03:54,413
- Can you be there?
- Yeah.
84
00:03:54,538 --> 00:03:56,819
Otherwise, consequences, all right, guys?
Can you do that?
85
00:03:56,915 --> 00:03:58,649
- Sure, yeah.
- Harry Potter?
86
00:03:58,774 --> 00:04:00,543
Wonderful.
87
00:04:00,668 --> 00:04:02,213
- Creeps me out.
- Dude.
88
00:04:02,338 --> 00:04:03,880
That guy is gonna get locked up.
89
00:04:04,005 --> 00:04:06,217
Hey, check this out.
Burn pad from last year.
90
00:04:06,342 --> 00:04:08,010
Oh!
91
00:04:09,761 --> 00:04:11,034
Oh, is that me? Did you draw me?
92
00:04:11,054 --> 00:04:12,681
- No, no.
- No, no, no. It's, uh...
93
00:04:12,806 --> 00:04:14,288
Wait, why would you draw me
in your burn book?
94
00:04:14,308 --> 00:04:15,955
It's not...
No, it's not you. It's another guy.
95
00:04:15,975 --> 00:04:18,728
Hello, fellow Israelites!
96
00:04:18,853 --> 00:04:20,231
- Jake! There's my guy.
- Oh, hey.
97
00:04:20,356 --> 00:04:21,690
Hey... Oh!
98
00:04:21,815 --> 00:04:22,899
Yeah...
99
00:04:23,024 --> 00:04:24,693
Oh, oh.
100
00:04:24,818 --> 00:04:26,988
- Wow, wow, wow.
- Howard?
101
00:04:27,113 --> 00:04:29,540
- Hey, bud!
- Hey, man. Hugs all 'round.
102
00:04:29,665 --> 00:04:30,888
Oh, there we go.
103
00:04:31,013 --> 00:04:33,847
You got... You got buff.
What, have you been...
104
00:04:33,972 --> 00:04:35,203
jerkin' it with two hands?
105
00:04:35,328 --> 00:04:37,914
Yeah, dude.
Like, minimum four times a week.
106
00:04:38,039 --> 00:04:39,375
- Wow.
- Minimum.
107
00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:42,210
- Whoa. What the fuck is this?!
- What?
108
00:04:42,335 --> 00:04:45,482
Dude, no more of your Jew shit, okay?
This year we're getting laid.
109
00:05:00,312 --> 00:05:01,980
Are you Jewish?
110
00:05:02,105 --> 00:05:04,944
- Yeah, are you Jewish?
- I literally just said that, Sarah.
111
00:05:05,069 --> 00:05:06,840
- Well, yeah, but I was, like, just...
- Okay.
112
00:05:06,860 --> 00:05:08,867
- In case she didn't hear you..
- She did, she did. Stop.
113
00:05:08,887 --> 00:05:10,321
Just, shh.
114
00:05:10,446 --> 00:05:11,740
Do I look Jewish?
115
00:05:11,865 --> 00:05:14,569
Well, that's a trick question.
116
00:05:14,694 --> 00:05:16,619
I mean, if I say yes,
you'll roll your eyes,
117
00:05:16,744 --> 00:05:19,373
- and if I say no, I'll appear racist.
- She'll appear racist.
118
00:05:19,498 --> 00:05:21,583
And nobody wants that for Ilana.
She's not racist.
119
00:05:21,708 --> 00:05:23,169
Hello?
120
00:05:23,294 --> 00:05:26,629
- But, really, um, why are you here?
- Yeah, why are you here?
121
00:05:26,754 --> 00:05:28,757
My dad's girlfriend is Jewish,
122
00:05:28,882 --> 00:05:31,242
and he took her to Europe
for the summer instead of me,
123
00:05:31,367 --> 00:05:33,387
so, I'm stuck here.
124
00:05:33,512 --> 00:05:35,013
Because she's the devil.
125
00:05:36,055 --> 00:05:39,833
Maya, hon.
I mean, I don't know about you, but...
126
00:05:39,958 --> 00:05:41,770
Jewish women
are taught to support each other.
127
00:05:41,895 --> 00:05:43,377
So, you shouldn't
talk about her like that.
128
00:05:43,397 --> 00:05:46,275
- We're taught to support each other.
- Guys, guys, guys.
129
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,736
I'm getting, like, a really,
like, passive aggressive vibe
130
00:05:49,861 --> 00:05:51,280
from this, like, side of the room,
131
00:05:51,405 --> 00:05:53,102
and I just wanna have
a really peaceful summer,
132
00:05:53,122 --> 00:05:55,556
and your, like, negative energy
is, like... like this big cloud.
133
00:05:55,576 --> 00:05:56,973
It's, like, permeating this building.
134
00:05:56,993 --> 00:05:59,288
Oh!
135
00:05:59,413 --> 00:06:02,208
Hey, Angela! Look who's here.
136
00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:04,085
There goes our shot at winning best bunk.
137
00:06:04,210 --> 00:06:06,504
- There it goes. Out the window.
- Oh, well.
138
00:06:06,629 --> 00:06:08,088
Oh, hey.
139
00:06:08,213 --> 00:06:10,508
Could I borrow that, um,
Bible of Aliens book
140
00:06:10,633 --> 00:06:12,675
that you always, you know, sleep with?
141
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,720
Yeah, sure. Just let me borrow
the number of your plastic surgeon.
142
00:06:15,845 --> 00:06:20,434
- I'll be happy to let you borrow my book.
- Oh, wow! That was so...
143
00:06:20,559 --> 00:06:22,199
Are you...
Do you... Do you want a tampon?
144
00:06:22,228 --> 00:06:23,875
Are you on your period?
'Cause you're being kind of a bitch.
145
00:06:23,895 --> 00:06:26,503
- Go back to Area 51 where you belong.
- It's okay, it's okay, Sarah.
146
00:06:26,523 --> 00:06:29,485
- Oh, my God, she's being so rude to you.
- She's okay.
147
00:06:29,610 --> 00:06:32,195
Hey, are these girls always like this?
148
00:06:35,990 --> 00:06:39,327
All right, listen up,
you little Chode McMuffins.
149
00:06:39,452 --> 00:06:43,957
It's gonna be our year.
We are gonna get so much action.
150
00:06:44,082 --> 00:06:45,712
Okay, this is what you say
every single year,
151
00:06:45,732 --> 00:06:47,419
and secondly,
152
00:06:47,544 --> 00:06:50,172
I saw Angie at check-in
and she looked pretty cute.
153
00:06:50,297 --> 00:06:52,928
Yeah, but what I'm talking about
are, like, girls who aren't completely,
154
00:06:52,948 --> 00:06:56,010
- you know, ugly.
- Yeah, like, Angela? Are you serious?
155
00:06:56,135 --> 00:06:59,681
Um, I noticed her nail polish.
It was really striking.
156
00:06:59,806 --> 00:07:01,724
Ivan, just... just shut up, man.
157
00:07:01,849 --> 00:07:05,895
What's wrong with...
I mean, have you guys even talked to her?
158
00:07:07,230 --> 00:07:09,399
Oh, she has a nice personality.
That's amazing!
159
00:07:09,524 --> 00:07:11,609
Dude, but what
I'm talking about is, like...
160
00:07:11,734 --> 00:07:14,612
- She's, like, a six or a seven, if that.
- Or, like, a five.
161
00:07:14,737 --> 00:07:17,448
And we're sticking to, like,
nines or tens this year, man.
162
00:07:17,573 --> 00:07:20,202
- Get your game together.
- Fir... Okay, nine or ten.
163
00:07:20,327 --> 00:07:22,954
There are no nines or tens
at Jewish summer camp.
164
00:07:23,079 --> 00:07:25,524
And why are you talking about girls
165
00:07:25,649 --> 00:07:28,190
when you've never even had
an encounter with a woman
166
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:30,128
besides your mom?
167
00:07:30,253 --> 00:07:33,154
Oh! Have you seen Maya Johnson?
168
00:07:34,215 --> 00:07:37,969
- Maya Johnson, Maya Johnson?
- Is that the new Black girl?
169
00:07:38,094 --> 00:07:40,763
Yeah. Her dad played for the '96 Knicks.
170
00:07:40,888 --> 00:07:43,683
Wait, if her dad played
for the '96 Knicks, why is she here?
171
00:07:43,808 --> 00:07:45,643
Who cares why?
Point is, she is.
172
00:07:45,768 --> 00:07:48,292
And I'm gonna get with her, so if I see
any of you guys looking at her,
173
00:07:48,312 --> 00:07:51,941
touching her, doing anything,
I will literally destroy you.
174
00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:54,421
The first night of camp
can only mean one thing.
175
00:08:54,546 --> 00:08:57,131
- What's that, Rabbi Randy?
- Ghost stories!
176
00:08:57,256 --> 00:08:58,883
So, bring your imaginations.
177
00:08:59,008 --> 00:09:01,219
And your sweaters.
We don't want anyone to get a cold.
178
00:09:01,344 --> 00:09:04,035
No, we don't want any... And it
can be a little bit draughty out there.
179
00:09:04,055 --> 00:09:05,432
It can be a bit nippy.
180
00:09:05,557 --> 00:09:08,810
And bask in the quiet
of a technology-free summer.
181
00:09:08,935 --> 00:09:12,230
Forget your phones,
this is the time to...
182
00:09:31,958 --> 00:09:36,213
♪ Let's go shooting for the moon tonight
183
00:09:36,338 --> 00:09:39,257
♪ I'll get you there and over... ♪
184
00:09:39,382 --> 00:09:42,469
Jake!
What are you looking at?
185
00:09:42,594 --> 00:09:44,679
♪ ..for the moon tonight
186
00:09:44,804 --> 00:09:47,182
♪ I'll get you out. ♪
187
00:09:49,435 --> 00:09:51,269
Hey. Uh, I'm Jake.
188
00:09:52,521 --> 00:09:53,825
Hey.
189
00:09:55,273 --> 00:09:58,527
I just wanna, like, introduce myself.
W-What's your name?
190
00:09:58,652 --> 00:10:00,654
The summer of 19...
191
00:10:00,779 --> 00:10:02,406
Your fly is open.
192
00:10:02,531 --> 00:10:03,990
Oh... Oh.
193
00:10:04,115 --> 00:10:07,118
Hey, Ilana, hey.
194
00:10:07,243 --> 00:10:08,661
Excuse me?
195
00:10:12,957 --> 00:10:15,209
Hey. Angela, right?
196
00:10:15,334 --> 00:10:17,086
Yeah.
197
00:10:17,211 --> 00:10:19,297
"Angela the Alien."
198
00:10:22,551 --> 00:10:25,094
You got...
You matured... You grew...
199
00:10:25,219 --> 00:10:28,682
Like, you... you changed a lot
since last year.
200
00:10:28,807 --> 00:10:30,809
Mm. Yeah, my... my boobs did grow.
201
00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:34,000
One of the many benefits
of Jewish heritage.
202
00:10:35,229 --> 00:10:36,314
Right.
203
00:10:36,439 --> 00:10:39,485
Sorry, I'm just trying to,
like, introduce myself.
204
00:10:39,610 --> 00:10:41,842
I know it's hard, like, when you're
new at a camp and you wanna, like...
205
00:10:41,862 --> 00:10:44,511
you know, you don't have friends,
you maybe want a companion or something.
206
00:10:44,531 --> 00:10:46,575
Not, like, a companion.
I mean more of, like, a...
207
00:10:46,700 --> 00:10:48,576
So, your dad's, like,
a basketball player, huh?
208
00:10:50,036 --> 00:10:52,622
My dad's, like, a big-time dentist.
209
00:10:53,707 --> 00:10:55,197
You know, you were...
210
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,460
..a real ass to me last summer.
211
00:10:57,585 --> 00:10:58,628
I was?
212
00:11:00,296 --> 00:11:03,126
I didn't mean to be. I'm sorry.
213
00:11:04,550 --> 00:11:06,742
Sorry, I'm just trying to, like,
you know, put myself out there,
214
00:11:06,762 --> 00:11:08,494
you know, show you that I'm...
I'm here for you.
215
00:11:08,514 --> 00:11:11,162
Well, not here for you. You know,
like, I'm trying to make you comfortable.
216
00:11:11,182 --> 00:11:12,767
- Mm-hm.
- Not too comfortable, right?
217
00:11:12,892 --> 00:11:15,019
Like, the sweet spot
of comfortability that...
218
00:11:15,144 --> 00:11:17,898
- Ah!
- Jacob Philip Weinberg.
219
00:11:18,023 --> 00:11:19,607
- Hi.
- Hi.
220
00:11:19,732 --> 00:11:21,632
I think you're the most beautiful girl
I've ever seen.
221
00:11:21,652 --> 00:11:24,512
My name is Ez, and I happen
to have invented the flashlight.
222
00:11:24,637 --> 00:11:26,332
Uh, hey, Maya, um,
223
00:11:26,457 --> 00:11:28,387
the inventor of the flashlight was
actually a guy called David Misell, so...
224
00:11:28,407 --> 00:11:30,368
Hey, Maya, check it.
You can see shit in the dark.
225
00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:41,087
Same tapping.
226
00:11:41,212 --> 00:11:46,092
Same shrill, disgusting noises
of pain and death.
227
00:11:54,976 --> 00:11:58,396
And when the rabbis woke up,
they found the boot marks
228
00:11:58,521 --> 00:12:01,441
leading to
a little clearing in the forest.
229
00:12:01,566 --> 00:12:05,486
What they found were the remains
of a small Jewish boy,
230
00:12:05,611 --> 00:12:08,865
in an old, tattered Nazi uniform.
231
00:12:10,324 --> 00:12:12,660
Of course,
the rabbis just thought it was a sick joke
232
00:12:12,785 --> 00:12:14,854
that the local people were playing.
233
00:12:14,979 --> 00:12:17,290
But then, the next night,
they went back to sleep.
234
00:12:19,274 --> 00:12:22,628
Again, the same noise.
And you know what that was?
235
00:12:23,879 --> 00:12:25,298
Do you know?
236
00:12:27,543 --> 00:12:29,385
It was the ghost...
237
00:12:29,510 --> 00:12:32,681
of Camp Pearlstein.
238
00:12:32,806 --> 00:12:35,433
The Nazi ghost.
239
00:12:35,558 --> 00:12:39,270
So, if you guys...
if you guys hear any German...
240
00:12:40,606 --> 00:12:43,191
..that's probably Helga
who helps us out in the kitchen,
241
00:12:43,316 --> 00:12:45,902
- but it could also be the ghost of...
- Okay. Okay, great.
242
00:12:46,027 --> 00:12:49,197
That was, uh, wonderfully disturbing.
Uh, who would like to go next?
243
00:12:49,322 --> 00:12:51,984
- I'll go.
- Okay, great.
244
00:12:54,785 --> 00:12:57,079
Campers.
245
00:12:57,204 --> 00:13:01,692
You beautiful, innocent, young,
hopefully virgin campers.
246
00:13:01,817 --> 00:13:03,433
You all think...
247
00:13:04,503 --> 00:13:09,069
..that aliens,
they're slimy, scary, obvious.
248
00:13:10,301 --> 00:13:11,469
Well, guess what?
249
00:13:11,594 --> 00:13:16,557
They can take on the form of anything
or anyone that they want.
250
00:13:16,682 --> 00:13:19,853
They take on the form of a human body.
251
00:13:19,978 --> 00:13:22,772
I should have brought my sweater.
252
00:13:22,897 --> 00:13:24,649
- Okay.
- And to cure this...
253
00:13:24,774 --> 00:13:29,184
this insatiable hunger for human flesh...
254
00:13:30,321 --> 00:13:32,782
..they chew their nails...
255
00:13:32,907 --> 00:13:34,075
and their hair.
256
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:37,328
Gimme a cell.
I wanna call my dad.
257
00:13:38,496 --> 00:13:41,582
I don't have a phone.
There's one in Hulk's cabin.
258
00:13:41,707 --> 00:13:44,394
We could go there,
you could call your dad.
259
00:13:47,129 --> 00:13:49,841
- Yeah, you go first.
- All right.
260
00:13:49,966 --> 00:13:53,135
..and to take on
the form of a human body
261
00:13:53,260 --> 00:13:57,807
is a very disturbing process
that I will not cover right now.
262
00:13:57,932 --> 00:14:00,018
I think you'll need,
like, a third person.
263
00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:02,138
..tomorrow, right?
264
00:14:03,604 --> 00:14:06,023
It's not good news for you, is it?
265
00:14:07,191 --> 00:14:08,777
Mm-mm.
266
00:14:13,864 --> 00:14:15,909
This is Hulk's place.
267
00:14:16,034 --> 00:14:18,493
- Are you sure he's not here?
- Yeah, yeah.
268
00:14:19,537 --> 00:14:21,665
Hey, right there.
269
00:14:21,790 --> 00:14:23,917
That white mini-fridge?
270
00:14:24,042 --> 00:14:25,474
First make-out sesh.
271
00:14:26,710 --> 00:14:28,171
Thanks for telling me.
272
00:14:40,182 --> 00:14:43,477
Maya. Arr, Peter Pan!
273
00:14:43,602 --> 00:14:45,688
Dork.
274
00:14:45,813 --> 00:14:48,441
- Shut up. Stop it, seriously.
- I'm gonna grab it.
275
00:14:48,566 --> 00:14:49,841
No.
276
00:14:51,778 --> 00:14:53,404
- Stop.
- Let me pick it up.
277
00:14:53,529 --> 00:14:55,115
No, stop.
278
00:14:57,241 --> 00:14:58,534
Shut up.
279
00:15:04,957 --> 00:15:06,918
What are you two doing here?
280
00:15:15,092 --> 00:15:17,178
Since you're here,
make yourselves at home.
281
00:15:19,139 --> 00:15:21,139
I'll get you some refreshments.
282
00:15:51,670 --> 00:15:53,381
Nazi!
283
00:16:00,513 --> 00:16:04,142
It was real. I swear.
284
00:16:07,353 --> 00:16:10,689
Ivan, there is
no such thing as the camp Nazi.
285
00:16:10,814 --> 00:16:12,841
You scared the hell out of everyone.
286
00:16:12,966 --> 00:16:15,737
- Just go to bed.
- Dude, they're just trying to scare you.
287
00:16:20,341 --> 00:16:22,243
Hey, Ez.
288
00:16:22,368 --> 00:16:24,870
- Dude, what are you doing?
- I'm gonna raid Habonim.
289
00:16:24,995 --> 00:16:26,831
What? The girls' bunk?
290
00:16:26,956 --> 00:16:29,208
Wait, wait...
What if Hulk catches us?
291
00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:31,274
- "What if Hulk catches us?"
- It's the first night of camp.
292
00:16:31,294 --> 00:16:33,629
- Stop being a little bitch, man.
- I think it sounds fun.
293
00:16:33,754 --> 00:16:36,465
Yeah, right? Hey, come on.
Let's go. Come on.
294
00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:38,593
- Get up.
- We might get busted, man.
295
00:16:38,718 --> 00:16:40,449
And you, let's see
what you're packing down there.
296
00:16:40,469 --> 00:16:43,305
Oh, shit.
Come on. I'll sign you out.
297
00:16:43,430 --> 00:16:47,059
Even you, you little dick-licker.
Dude, you can either stay here with us
298
00:16:47,184 --> 00:16:51,063
or cry, use your tears as lube, and jerk
at Justin Bieber's Never Say Never album.
299
00:16:51,188 --> 00:16:54,445
- That's not even his best album. Jesus.
- Wow.
300
00:16:57,653 --> 00:17:00,369
- Ez, it's not cool.
- Fuck, you guys.
301
00:17:01,824 --> 00:17:04,826
You think Ivan really saw a Nazi?
302
00:17:04,951 --> 00:17:07,122
Guys, I really don't think
we should be out here.
303
00:17:07,247 --> 00:17:10,332
- Yeah, like, what if we get caught?
- Would you guys just shut the fuck up?
304
00:17:10,457 --> 00:17:13,261
You think this is the first time
I've ever raided a girl's bunk?
305
00:17:14,588 --> 00:17:18,842
Speaking of first times,
have you ever had a girlfriend?
306
00:17:18,967 --> 00:17:21,302
- Who, me? Yeah.
- What's her name?
307
00:17:21,427 --> 00:17:23,403
- My name or her...?
- Her name.
308
00:17:23,528 --> 00:17:24,680
Susan?
309
00:17:24,805 --> 00:17:26,515
Susan. Is she from
Imagination Land, USA?
310
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:28,810
No, she's from... Portland.
311
00:17:28,935 --> 00:17:30,519
- Shh.
- Portland.
312
00:17:30,644 --> 00:17:32,814
Like, I honestly feel like
she doesn't understand me.
313
00:17:32,939 --> 00:17:35,566
Like, she told me I couldn't have
my allowance twice a week
314
00:17:35,691 --> 00:17:39,070
because apparently I need to be
more of a normal child or whatever.
315
00:17:39,195 --> 00:17:42,031
That's ridiculous. Seriously,
you don't need to be a normal child.
316
00:17:42,156 --> 00:17:44,159
You're abnormal, it's fine.
317
00:17:46,702 --> 00:17:48,685
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
318
00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:51,958
- What are you doing?!
- Oh, shit!
319
00:17:52,083 --> 00:17:54,668
Yo, Maya. Come here, babe.
320
00:17:54,793 --> 00:17:57,171
- What are you guys doing here?
- I don't know. Boys.
321
00:17:57,296 --> 00:18:01,051
- You scared us.
- Oh, my God, I, like, scare you?
322
00:18:01,176 --> 00:18:03,512
Well, at least
something interesting happened.
323
00:18:03,637 --> 00:18:06,223
- Oh, we can be interesting.
- Hm.
324
00:18:07,649 --> 00:18:09,851
- Hm?
- Good.
325
00:18:09,976 --> 00:18:13,177
- A sip?
- She doesn't want any either.
326
00:18:13,302 --> 00:18:16,023
- Right, Sarah?
- Right, Ilana.
327
00:18:16,148 --> 00:18:18,909
Danny DeVito's no longer thirsty, guys.
How will you finish this shit?
328
00:18:18,985 --> 00:18:20,862
- Danny DeVito?
- Chug that.
329
00:18:20,987 --> 00:18:22,864
- Immature.
- There's a lot in it.
330
00:18:22,989 --> 00:18:25,324
Dude, just go for it.
331
00:18:25,449 --> 00:18:26,909
- Yeah?
- Whoa.
332
00:18:27,034 --> 00:18:29,705
- Oh! Oh!
- Dude!
333
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,485
Come here, bro.
334
00:18:33,610 --> 00:18:36,002
Nice. Gimme that.
What do we do with an empty bottle?
335
00:18:36,127 --> 00:18:38,754
- You leave.
- We spin that shit!
336
00:18:38,879 --> 00:18:40,965
Everyone, middle of the floor right now.
Let's go.
337
00:18:41,090 --> 00:18:44,297
- No, I don't want to.
- Oh, hey, except for you, uh, Pluto Tits.
338
00:18:44,422 --> 00:18:47,096
Why don't you just go
stick over there on your planet?
339
00:18:47,221 --> 00:18:48,995
Everyone in the middle of the room.
Here we go.
340
00:18:49,015 --> 00:18:50,641
Hey, hey, Ez. Hey, Ez. Ez.
341
00:18:50,766 --> 00:18:53,061
Are we gonna do, like,
full-on or, like, on the cheek?
342
00:18:53,186 --> 00:18:55,188
- Jesus Christ, man.
- Okay, well, let's sit down.
343
00:18:55,313 --> 00:18:57,356
You should not have asked that.
344
00:18:57,481 --> 00:18:59,608
All right, so, my bottle, my spin.
345
00:18:59,733 --> 00:19:01,903
That good with everyone?
Like I care.
346
00:19:02,028 --> 00:19:04,488
- Here we go.
- ♪ It's true
347
00:19:04,613 --> 00:19:06,740
♪ My heart starts racing... ♪
348
00:19:06,865 --> 00:19:08,517
Oh.
349
00:19:08,642 --> 00:19:12,247
♪ I'm hot for you, you know it's true... ♪
350
00:19:12,372 --> 00:19:15,041
Oh, do I have to?
Do I have to? Yes.
351
00:19:15,166 --> 00:19:17,085
♪ When I think of you
352
00:19:17,210 --> 00:19:19,408
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
353
00:19:21,044 --> 00:19:23,091
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh
354
00:19:23,216 --> 00:19:25,759
- That was a nice kiss, guys.
- Okay, dude. Awesome.
355
00:19:25,884 --> 00:19:29,164
- Next spin. Come on.
- Whatever.
356
00:19:29,289 --> 00:19:31,224
♪ The room gets steamy... ♪
357
00:19:31,349 --> 00:19:32,641
- Oh!
- Oh!
358
00:19:32,766 --> 00:19:34,393
- Re-spin.
- No. Rules are rules.
359
00:19:34,518 --> 00:19:36,480
- Explore this. Come on.
- I don't wanna explore it.
360
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:38,731
The floor is yours, ladies.
Make love.
361
00:19:38,856 --> 00:19:41,942
Maybe we'll find something out
about ourselves that we didn't know.
362
00:19:42,067 --> 00:19:45,043
Oh!
363
00:19:45,168 --> 00:19:49,158
♪ I can't take it when it feels so good
364
00:19:49,283 --> 00:19:52,369
♪ Make it make sense,
make it make sense... ♪
365
00:19:52,494 --> 00:19:54,872
- Oh!
- Oh, uh...
366
00:19:54,997 --> 00:19:56,124
- No.
- No!
367
00:19:56,249 --> 00:19:58,417
- Re-spin.
- No, no, no. This is good for you.
368
00:19:58,542 --> 00:20:01,295
Come on, Ivan.
Let's get your dick wet.
369
00:20:01,420 --> 00:20:05,007
Whoo!
370
00:20:05,132 --> 00:20:08,218
Go for it.
371
00:20:08,343 --> 00:20:11,055
♪ It's not understood. ♪
372
00:20:12,681 --> 00:20:14,184
- Guy, guys, it's mine.
- No!
373
00:20:14,309 --> 00:20:15,559
No, it's not.
374
00:20:15,684 --> 00:20:17,270
No, no.
375
00:20:17,395 --> 00:20:18,479
No, it's not!
376
00:20:18,604 --> 00:20:20,148
- Come on.
- No, it's not.
377
00:20:20,273 --> 00:20:23,359
- Guys, guys, come on. No, I...
- It's definitely Ivan's.
378
00:20:23,484 --> 00:20:26,544
- No, it's... Oh, shit!
- Oh, come on, guys. Come on.
379
00:20:28,306 --> 00:20:30,991
Come on.
Don't leave a fella hanging.
380
00:20:31,116 --> 00:20:32,575
Do it!
381
00:20:45,755 --> 00:20:48,259
- It's your turn.
- This is pretty wild, eh?
382
00:20:48,384 --> 00:20:49,990
Well, I don't know.
Read the instructions. I don't know.
383
00:20:50,010 --> 00:20:52,596
Sneaking out and everything.
384
00:20:52,721 --> 00:20:54,433
Shut up.
385
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,275
Pale Blue Dot. That's, uh...
386
00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:06,443
Sounds like a cool book.
387
00:21:06,568 --> 00:21:08,168
What's it about?
388
00:21:09,571 --> 00:21:12,574
It's by Carl Sagan. He refers to
what Earth looks like from space.
389
00:21:12,699 --> 00:21:14,586
That's, uh...
390
00:21:14,711 --> 00:21:18,831
Yeah, that's super-cool.
I like extraterrestrial and space a lot.
391
00:21:18,956 --> 00:21:21,208
Do you believe in, like, aliens and stuff?
392
00:21:21,333 --> 00:21:24,129
You know,
a lot of smart people believe in aliens.
393
00:21:24,254 --> 00:21:27,075
Not... I'm not calling you
dumb or anything, you know.
394
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,049
Stop. Hey, hey.
395
00:21:29,174 --> 00:21:30,864
What I'm saying is
I'm into science fiction, too.
396
00:21:30,884 --> 00:21:32,177
It's... It's cool, like...
397
00:21:32,302 --> 00:21:35,385
You know,
extraterrestrials are not science fiction.
398
00:21:37,350 --> 00:21:40,060
Yeah, I get that confused a lot.
Um...
399
00:21:40,185 --> 00:21:42,354
I meant non-fiction.
400
00:21:42,479 --> 00:21:46,026
Um, my brother got me a, uh...
a Philip Dick...
401
00:21:46,151 --> 00:21:49,695
You can borrow this. It's...
It's pretty great.
402
00:21:49,820 --> 00:21:53,657
Um, just make sure you return it,
'cause it's a first edition.
403
00:21:53,782 --> 00:21:58,205
It's about aliens and stuff, right?
Ros... Roswell?
404
00:21:58,330 --> 00:22:01,207
- Hm.
- Hey, Howard.
405
00:22:01,332 --> 00:22:05,878
Why don't you come back to planet Earth,
hang with the normal people?
406
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,257
Why do you hang out with that asshole
every summer?
407
00:22:10,382 --> 00:22:14,428
He's not... Yeah, he's an asshole.
408
00:22:14,553 --> 00:22:17,806
I've known him for so long, and...
409
00:22:17,931 --> 00:22:20,418
- he's not that bad.
- Not that bad compared to what? Ebola?
410
00:22:22,895 --> 00:22:24,283
Oh! No, no, no, no, no.
411
00:22:24,408 --> 00:22:26,048
Shut it down!
Gesher boys, get your stuff!
412
00:22:26,106 --> 00:22:28,066
- Sorry, sorry.
- Go, go, go, go, go!
413
00:22:28,191 --> 00:22:29,444
Let's go, let's go!
414
00:22:29,569 --> 00:22:32,112
- Bye!
- Counsellor Jane, look at you, baby.
415
00:22:32,237 --> 00:22:33,739
Sorry, we're working.
416
00:22:33,864 --> 00:22:36,450
That's adorable,
and really on-trend right now.
417
00:22:36,575 --> 00:22:38,494
Laters!
418
00:22:38,619 --> 00:22:42,122
All right, ladies,
if I can still call you that,
419
00:22:42,247 --> 00:22:44,875
I think we need to have a little chat.
420
00:22:46,679 --> 00:22:48,462
I am ashamed.
421
00:22:48,587 --> 00:22:50,923
Shocked.
422
00:22:51,048 --> 00:22:52,884
Shock, shame.
423
00:22:53,009 --> 00:22:54,885
I'm the S-words.
424
00:22:55,010 --> 00:22:57,539
In my defence, I was highly against it.
425
00:22:59,891 --> 00:23:01,809
What went down tonight,
426
00:23:01,934 --> 00:23:04,102
not cool.
427
00:23:04,227 --> 00:23:06,756
What was not cool about it?
428
00:23:06,881 --> 00:23:10,275
We left our bunks after curfew.
429
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:13,155
Um, we raided the girls' cabin.
430
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,490
- God-damn it, Max!
- Uh, my name's Ivan.
431
00:23:16,615 --> 00:23:18,201
Whatever!
432
00:23:19,409 --> 00:23:21,912
It's not cool because you got caught.
433
00:23:22,037 --> 00:23:26,708
What's not fun is being pregnant at camp.
434
00:23:26,833 --> 00:23:29,004
That is not fun.
435
00:23:29,129 --> 00:23:31,630
We can go ahead and call up
Carly Steinberg,
436
00:23:31,755 --> 00:23:34,800
summer of '99, and ask her ourselves.
437
00:23:34,925 --> 00:23:37,554
She used to be
the most popular girl at camp,
438
00:23:37,679 --> 00:23:40,560
and now she works at Hot Dog on a Stick,
439
00:23:40,685 --> 00:23:43,058
dipping wieners into batter!
440
00:23:43,183 --> 00:23:46,103
Yeah. Yeah, boys...
441
00:23:46,228 --> 00:23:48,647
this is summer camp.
442
00:23:48,772 --> 00:23:51,692
Get in trouble, take risks.
443
00:23:51,817 --> 00:23:53,417
Live it up.
444
00:23:53,542 --> 00:23:55,737
This is your time.
445
00:23:55,862 --> 00:24:00,355
Unless you get caught
like a bunch of dipshits.
446
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,744
- And you know what she drives?
- What?
447
00:24:02,869 --> 00:24:07,719
She drives a '99 Honda Civic.
448
00:24:07,844 --> 00:24:09,251
That's embarrassing.
449
00:24:09,376 --> 00:24:12,546
When I went to Camp Pearlstein...
450
00:24:12,671 --> 00:24:14,464
I did some ratchet shit.
451
00:24:14,589 --> 00:24:17,035
Lost my virginity in a canoe.
452
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,262
Got high on the roof of the cafeteria.
453
00:24:20,387 --> 00:24:24,392
Hell, I even took some secret Polaroids
of the girls changing.
454
00:24:24,517 --> 00:24:27,102
This... This is before internet porn,
455
00:24:27,227 --> 00:24:29,397
so, you had to be creative.
456
00:24:29,522 --> 00:24:32,983
Gentlemen... be creative.
457
00:24:33,108 --> 00:24:34,860
Take risks.
458
00:24:34,985 --> 00:24:37,237
And don't get caught, you ding-dongs.
459
00:24:37,362 --> 00:24:39,573
Okay, yeah. But what are Polaroids?
460
00:24:39,698 --> 00:24:43,080
It's a photo, Honey Boo Boo.
461
00:24:43,205 --> 00:24:46,038
You know what? Cheese it, boys.
462
00:24:46,163 --> 00:24:48,542
It's going time.
463
00:24:52,461 --> 00:24:54,338
Hulk is such a man-child.
464
00:24:54,463 --> 00:24:57,134
Dude, Hulk is the king of camp.
Ooh!
465
00:24:57,259 --> 00:24:59,760
Look!
466
00:24:59,885 --> 00:25:01,429
- I got Legal Skin.
- Whoo!
467
00:25:01,554 --> 00:25:04,848
- The fuck is Legal Skin?
- Asian juggaroos!
468
00:25:24,868 --> 00:25:27,120
- Here!
- Whoo!
469
00:25:48,435 --> 00:25:50,936
Guys, if we could just
settle down for a brief second.
470
00:25:51,061 --> 00:25:54,147
- It seems very loud in here.
- Everybody, calm down.
471
00:25:54,272 --> 00:25:56,592
It seems... We can't shout
above the crazy din
472
00:25:56,717 --> 00:25:58,215
- that's going...
- Sheket.
473
00:25:58,340 --> 00:26:00,153
- Sheket Bevakashah.
- Hey.
474
00:26:00,278 --> 00:26:01,598
We shouldn't be the ones hey-ing.
475
00:26:01,656 --> 00:26:03,970
- It should be coming from you.
- It's a give-and-take right now.
476
00:26:03,990 --> 00:26:07,370
- It's like a Joe Lieberman rally.
- It's like a Joe Lieberman rally.
477
00:26:07,495 --> 00:26:09,950
- Everybody, calm down right now.
- I think we'll just...
478
00:26:10,075 --> 00:26:12,190
Okay, as your head and assistant...
479
00:26:12,315 --> 00:26:14,655
- Co-rabbi.
- It's more of a co-Rabbi situation.
480
00:26:14,780 --> 00:26:16,086
Co-rabbis.
481
00:26:16,211 --> 00:26:19,297
We would like to start off today
with a story.
482
00:26:19,422 --> 00:26:22,367
- Yes. It's more of a fable.
- It's still a story.
483
00:26:22,492 --> 00:26:24,409
Everyone's gonna learn a lesson
by the end of it.
484
00:26:24,429 --> 00:26:28,098
- It's about a farmer.
- A farmer in rural Poland.
485
00:26:28,223 --> 00:26:29,891
- Yes.
- Small town in Poland.
486
00:26:30,016 --> 00:26:32,185
- Yes.
- And, mind you, this is not a rich man.
487
00:26:32,310 --> 00:26:33,562
Nor was he a poor man.
488
00:26:33,687 --> 00:26:36,023
Well, the incidents
of his financial situation
489
00:26:36,148 --> 00:26:37,755
- were not made public.
- It wasn't an incident.
490
00:26:37,775 --> 00:26:39,882
We're not saying there was
an incident involving his finances.
491
00:26:39,902 --> 00:26:42,739
We shouldn't be looking into
other people's financial situations.
492
00:26:42,864 --> 00:26:47,075
This man was approached
by a beggar one day, asking for money.
493
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:48,786
Which is what a beggar does.
494
00:26:48,911 --> 00:26:51,204
- If he's doing it right...
- He's doing his thing.
495
00:26:51,329 --> 00:26:54,916
- ..he's gonna be asking for money.
- And he said no.
496
00:26:55,041 --> 00:26:57,377
He said, "I will not give you my money."
497
00:26:57,502 --> 00:27:00,654
This man went away. And the man
who refused to give the beggar money,
498
00:27:00,779 --> 00:27:02,675
he became poor for seven years.
499
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,010
- Seven long years of poverty.
- Seven years.
500
00:27:05,135 --> 00:27:08,431
And he understood that he should have
given money the first time around.
501
00:27:08,556 --> 00:27:10,196
Because he came back, and who did he see?
502
00:27:10,307 --> 00:27:12,810
- The original beggar.
- The man he refused.
503
00:27:12,935 --> 00:27:15,103
And this man is now dressed in a long...
504
00:27:15,228 --> 00:27:18,524
- Technicolour duster.
- It was more of a kaftan than a duster.
505
00:27:18,649 --> 00:27:21,860
It was a beautiful coat
signifying his new-found wealth.
506
00:27:21,985 --> 00:27:23,571
He was wealthy now.
507
00:27:23,696 --> 00:27:26,094
So, the man asked the
original beggar, "Can I have some money?"
508
00:27:26,114 --> 00:27:27,534
Know what the beggar said?
509
00:27:27,659 --> 00:27:29,369
- "Take it."
- "Take my money.
510
00:27:29,494 --> 00:27:31,537
- "Take my wife for an evening."
- "Take my wife."
511
00:27:31,662 --> 00:27:34,873
And they made beautiful love
through a hole in a sheet
512
00:27:34,998 --> 00:27:37,835
on Shabbos, which was a double mitzvah.
513
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,520
- Two mitzvahs in one.
- Now, do we know
514
00:27:39,628 --> 00:27:41,318
- if this beggar was an angel?
- We don't know.
515
00:27:41,338 --> 00:27:44,674
- We don't know who this beggar was.
- Was he sent down here to test us?
516
00:27:44,799 --> 00:27:46,384
Or was he an angel that was sent...
517
00:27:50,138 --> 00:27:52,599
- Tzedakah.
- Tzedakah.
518
00:27:52,724 --> 00:27:55,102
It's not such a bad thing.
519
00:28:04,485 --> 00:28:06,802
Jacob, isn't that right?
Isn't that what we're talking about here?
520
00:28:06,822 --> 00:28:08,220
Jacob, is that
what we're talking about here?
521
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:12,369
Maya, not here, come on.
522
00:28:12,494 --> 00:28:14,414
Maya.
523
00:28:16,499 --> 00:28:19,209
My, uh... My, uh...
524
00:28:19,334 --> 00:28:22,170
My yarmulke, it was... it was askew.
525
00:28:22,295 --> 00:28:24,653
- I'm glad you're listening.
- There's somebody who's listening.
526
00:28:24,673 --> 00:28:27,884
- Somebody who calmed down for a second.
- Everybody should be listening
527
00:28:28,009 --> 00:28:30,178
- to your heart.
- Listen to your souls.
528
00:28:30,303 --> 00:28:32,389
Listen to the little man or woman
inside of you.
529
00:28:32,514 --> 00:28:36,061
Some of you... And I'm just
gesturing in this general vicinity...
530
00:28:43,191 --> 00:28:45,414
Did you find anything?
531
00:28:46,945 --> 00:28:48,865
Not yet.
532
00:28:50,407 --> 00:28:52,202
Close your eyes.
533
00:28:52,327 --> 00:28:54,648
- What?
- Close your eyes.
534
00:29:03,545 --> 00:29:07,090
Now we have... our hats,
535
00:29:07,215 --> 00:29:10,093
so the aliens can't hurt us.
536
00:29:10,218 --> 00:29:14,306
Right, 'cause tin hats
will protect us from extraterrestrials.
537
00:29:14,431 --> 00:29:16,141
I made it in Arts and Crafts.
538
00:29:19,292 --> 00:29:22,397
Well, I'm not afraid of 'em.
539
00:29:22,522 --> 00:29:26,713
They're the normal ones, really.
It's humans that scare me.
540
00:29:29,946 --> 00:29:32,240
Most of 'em, anyways.
541
00:29:47,714 --> 00:29:49,925
I need an adjective.
542
00:29:51,217 --> 00:29:53,303
"Slutty."
543
00:29:53,428 --> 00:29:54,805
- Slutty?
- Slutty.
544
00:29:54,930 --> 00:29:58,975
"Slutty," I like that. I like slutty.
Slutty's good. Plural noun.
545
00:29:59,100 --> 00:30:02,229
- "Vagina."
- No, dude, it has to be a plural noun.
546
00:30:02,354 --> 00:30:04,147
Uh, vaginas.
547
00:30:04,272 --> 00:30:06,901
It's so nice hearing that word
come out of your mouth, Ivan.
548
00:30:07,026 --> 00:30:09,236
I'm very impressed.
Very nice. Vagina's good.
549
00:30:09,361 --> 00:30:11,404
- Noun?
- Uh, "shit"?
550
00:30:11,529 --> 00:30:13,408
- Another adjective?
- "Fucking."
551
00:30:13,533 --> 00:30:17,144
- That's, like, an adverb, though, right?
- Mm-mm, no.
552
00:30:17,269 --> 00:30:19,287
- That would be "fuckingly."
- Mm.
553
00:30:19,412 --> 00:30:24,319
Fuck Chris Hemsworth.
Um, marry Chris Pratt
554
00:30:24,444 --> 00:30:26,211
and kill Chris Evans?
555
00:30:26,336 --> 00:30:28,213
Well, I'm sorry, it was a...
556
00:30:28,338 --> 00:30:31,925
it was a hard decision,
but somebody had to make the call.
557
00:30:32,050 --> 00:30:33,762
Oh, okay.
558
00:30:33,887 --> 00:30:37,932
Um, what about Ez, Howard, and Jake?
559
00:30:38,057 --> 00:30:40,873
Can I just say that I would marry Ivan?
I know that he wasn't in that one.
560
00:30:40,893 --> 00:30:44,814
- I know he's gay, but he's, so sweet.
- No, I would totally fuck Ivan.
561
00:30:44,939 --> 00:30:46,503
I feel like he'd love me unconditionally,
562
00:30:46,523 --> 00:30:48,243
even if it was
in a friend-zone sort of way.
563
00:30:48,316 --> 00:30:50,215
- Okay, that's too far.
- I wouldn't mind at all.
564
00:30:50,235 --> 00:30:54,699
You can't keep using "fucking."
Use your imaginations, guys, come on.
565
00:30:54,824 --> 00:30:57,409
- "Pounding."
- Ooh, "erect."
566
00:30:57,534 --> 00:30:59,120
This game is fun.
567
00:30:59,245 --> 00:31:00,892
Can you guys just
answer the actual question?
568
00:31:00,912 --> 00:31:01,935
- Okay.
- Wait, who was it?
569
00:31:01,955 --> 00:31:03,957
It was Ez, Howard, and Jake.
570
00:31:04,082 --> 00:31:06,418
I would marry Jake and fuck Howard.
571
00:31:06,543 --> 00:31:08,044
I'd do the opposite.
I'd marry Howard.
572
00:31:08,169 --> 00:31:10,735
No, I don't know.
Jake, you know. Hm.
573
00:31:10,860 --> 00:31:13,823
- Plural noun.
- "Haemorrhoids."
574
00:31:15,593 --> 00:31:19,641
- What is that?
- It's, like, a disease kinda...
575
00:31:20,725 --> 00:31:23,323
..I don't know, like, in your asshole?
576
00:31:24,727 --> 00:31:26,815
My dad had it.
577
00:31:28,525 --> 00:31:30,358
Did it smell weird?
578
00:31:30,483 --> 00:31:33,778
Like, my dad's room always
smells like fish-sticks and baby-wipes.
579
00:31:33,903 --> 00:31:37,700
I really hope we don't have
fish-sticks for lunch tomorrow.
580
00:31:37,825 --> 00:31:40,077
- "Foreskin."
- Plural noun.
581
00:31:40,202 --> 00:31:42,287
Dude, there's, like, so many nouns.
582
00:31:42,412 --> 00:31:44,398
Okay, so, I think my wedding
583
00:31:44,523 --> 00:31:48,335
is gonna be at, like,
the end of September, in Napa.
584
00:31:48,460 --> 00:31:49,962
Aw, that's so nice.
585
00:31:50,087 --> 00:31:53,173
I love Napa.
It'd be, like, so flawless and nice.
586
00:31:53,298 --> 00:31:54,842
Yeah, I know.
587
00:31:54,967 --> 00:31:57,785
♪ Wake up, flawless,
post up, flawless. ♪
588
00:31:57,910 --> 00:31:59,889
You all know that?
589
00:32:00,014 --> 00:32:04,852
I mean, like, I don't really, like,
believe in the concept of marriage,
590
00:32:04,977 --> 00:32:08,605
but if I were to get married,
I'd want it to be in, like, a submarine.
591
00:32:08,730 --> 00:32:12,984
Well, as Rabbi Randy says,
if you will it, it is no dream.
592
00:32:13,109 --> 00:32:14,869
Um, Elana,
that's a quote from Theodor Herzl.
593
00:32:14,945 --> 00:32:18,658
Rabbi Randy literally just said it
yesterday. Were you not there?
594
00:32:18,783 --> 00:32:20,785
I'm gonna go sneak
some food from the canteen
595
00:32:20,910 --> 00:32:23,704
before you guys start
putting your hair up in bobby pins.
596
00:32:23,829 --> 00:32:25,665
That's not all we do, Maya.
597
00:32:25,790 --> 00:32:27,290
You coming?
598
00:32:27,415 --> 00:32:30,335
"When my best friend
and I got to the carnival,
599
00:32:30,460 --> 00:32:35,758
"we go on as many slutty rides as we can
before we run out of vaginas.
600
00:32:35,883 --> 00:32:37,968
"We drive the bumper whores around
601
00:32:38,093 --> 00:32:41,346
"like crazy haemorrhoids
sucking into each other,
602
00:32:41,471 --> 00:32:46,351
"screaming at the top
of our fuckingly sweaty...
603
00:32:47,602 --> 00:32:50,147
"..titties."
604
00:32:50,272 --> 00:32:52,357
Guys, hands in the middle.
Hands in the middle.
605
00:32:52,482 --> 00:32:53,818
- On three for the boys.
- Yeah.
606
00:32:53,943 --> 00:32:56,861
Howard, get in here.
One, two, three.
607
00:32:56,986 --> 00:32:58,279
For the boys!
608
00:33:03,701 --> 00:33:05,788
I actually like being out here.
609
00:33:05,913 --> 00:33:08,849
Away from all the perfect people
back at home.
610
00:33:10,084 --> 00:33:11,919
Especially my sister.
611
00:33:12,044 --> 00:33:13,547
She's so annoying.
612
00:33:16,339 --> 00:33:18,050
Yeah.
613
00:33:18,175 --> 00:33:20,385
Yeah, I mean, I feel that.
614
00:33:20,510 --> 00:33:22,472
You know...
615
00:33:22,597 --> 00:33:25,306
It's just...
It's hard to figure out who you are
616
00:33:25,431 --> 00:33:28,060
when you're always
in someone else's shadow.
617
00:33:34,357 --> 00:33:37,820
Challah? It's the bread of my people.
Eat, child.
618
00:33:37,945 --> 00:33:40,083
It looks good.
619
00:33:41,575 --> 00:33:43,212
Nice.
620
00:33:46,257 --> 00:33:48,769
It's just that...
621
00:33:48,894 --> 00:33:50,894
that's exactly my point.
622
00:33:51,959 --> 00:33:53,993
Being in someone else's shadow.
623
00:33:56,004 --> 00:33:58,079
It's like when I come out here...
624
00:33:59,507 --> 00:34:03,089
..I look up and I see the millions
of stars and the millions of planets.
625
00:34:04,345 --> 00:34:06,191
All sequestered in...
626
00:34:06,316 --> 00:34:08,316
constantly expanding nebulae.
627
00:34:09,726 --> 00:34:11,332
And I just...
628
00:34:12,478 --> 00:34:14,915
..think about how big the universe is.
629
00:34:17,109 --> 00:34:21,446
And just the possibility
of life somewhere else...
630
00:34:24,699 --> 00:34:27,619
..just makes my problems seem small.
631
00:34:27,744 --> 00:34:29,414
You're pretty cool.
632
00:34:35,169 --> 00:34:38,256
"I'm Ilana. I have to work
off all the carbs by power walking."
633
00:34:38,381 --> 00:34:41,426
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Like you're on the runway or something.
634
00:34:46,804 --> 00:34:50,283
Bravo. After you, darling.
635
00:35:05,615 --> 00:35:07,455
All right, ladies.
636
00:35:08,493 --> 00:35:10,703
Five more seconds of tread.
Come on now.
637
00:35:12,164 --> 00:35:15,419
All right, Howard is making
weird sex noises. Ten more seconds.
638
00:35:18,336 --> 00:35:19,673
And time.
639
00:35:21,716 --> 00:35:25,011
Free swim, baby. Let's do it!
640
00:35:33,267 --> 00:35:34,975
Yo, dude, where's Jake?
641
00:35:36,271 --> 00:35:39,233
I don't know. I'm not his mom.
He can do whatever he wants.
642
00:35:39,358 --> 00:35:41,026
It's free time.
643
00:35:41,151 --> 00:35:43,736
- You all right, man?
- I'm fine.
644
00:35:43,861 --> 00:35:48,200
What, are you just pissed 'cause...
'cause I've been giving Angela shit?
645
00:35:48,325 --> 00:35:49,742
I...
646
00:35:49,867 --> 00:35:52,704
Look, for the last time,
I don't care what you think of Angela.
647
00:35:52,829 --> 00:35:55,040
I think she's cool, okay?
648
00:35:55,165 --> 00:35:57,960
And frankly,
it really doesn't matter what you think.
649
00:35:58,085 --> 00:35:59,691
Well, dude,
you know I'm looking out for you, right?
650
00:35:59,711 --> 00:36:01,651
Like, that's the only reason
I'm being hard on you.
651
00:36:01,671 --> 00:36:03,404
Just leave her alone.
652
00:36:04,841 --> 00:36:07,468
Gang, we found some faecal matter
in the pool last week,
653
00:36:07,593 --> 00:36:10,388
and I'm afraid it tested for human.
654
00:36:10,513 --> 00:36:12,266
My bad.
655
00:36:12,391 --> 00:36:15,055
Wasn't quite sure
how the filtration system worked here.
656
00:36:39,375 --> 00:36:41,505
Guys, easy with those noodle sticks.
657
00:36:44,131 --> 00:36:46,386
Yo, Jake, I call first shower!
658
00:36:49,554 --> 00:36:51,042
Jake?
659
00:36:58,436 --> 00:37:00,168
Everyone seems to think
that their best concert
660
00:37:00,188 --> 00:37:02,398
was Big Cypress, New Year's Eve, 1999,
661
00:37:02,523 --> 00:37:07,072
but my personal favourite is Saturday,
June 11th, 1994, at Red Rocks.
662
00:37:07,197 --> 00:37:09,781
That version of Stash is perfect.
663
00:37:09,906 --> 00:37:12,617
Wow, that's amazing.
664
00:37:12,742 --> 00:37:15,267
Ever since I started smoking weed,
I've just really gotten into Phish.
665
00:37:15,287 --> 00:37:16,579
Oh, that's funny.
666
00:37:16,704 --> 00:37:20,416
Ever since I started sniffing glue,
I've been really into Fall Out Boy.
667
00:37:20,541 --> 00:37:23,337
- Wait, really?
- No, Lily, that's a joke.
668
00:37:23,462 --> 00:37:25,713
Oh.
669
00:37:25,838 --> 00:37:28,549
God, I have never been
so bored in my life.
670
00:37:28,674 --> 00:37:30,344
Well, that's about to change.
671
00:37:30,469 --> 00:37:33,514
Time for you to experience wonder.
672
00:37:34,597 --> 00:37:36,266
- Come on, M.
- Where did you get that?
673
00:37:36,391 --> 00:37:38,352
That girl Sarah gave it to me.
674
00:37:38,477 --> 00:37:40,895
Here. A little bit goes a long way,
just to let you know,
675
00:37:41,020 --> 00:37:43,481
'cause, like,
one time I ate a whole pot brownie,
676
00:37:43,606 --> 00:37:45,067
I spent the day playing with my dog,
677
00:37:45,192 --> 00:37:48,112
but then I realised my dog got hit
by a car when I was, like, eight, so...
678
00:37:48,195 --> 00:37:50,283
- Oh.
- Just take a little.
679
00:37:52,824 --> 00:37:54,369
Takes a second to kick in.
680
00:38:01,666 --> 00:38:04,086
I saw a real Nazi.
681
00:38:04,211 --> 00:38:07,256
Ivan, Ivan, Ivan, Ivan, Ivan, Ivan.
682
00:38:07,381 --> 00:38:09,216
You're a good kid, Ivan.
683
00:38:09,341 --> 00:38:12,596
- We are a persecuted people.
- Throughout history.
684
00:38:12,721 --> 00:38:15,972
And that persecution leads to vigilance.
This is just your vigilance...
685
00:38:16,097 --> 00:38:17,520
And your creativity.
686
00:38:17,645 --> 00:38:20,685
..forming a bond together
for your eventual benefit.
687
00:38:20,810 --> 00:38:23,000
Yeah, but...
688
00:38:23,125 --> 00:38:24,772
I'm not creative.
689
00:38:24,897 --> 00:38:26,442
I got a B in art.
690
00:38:26,567 --> 00:38:28,318
- He got a B!
- He got a B.
691
00:38:28,443 --> 00:38:31,799
- He got a B in art.
- And he's acting like it's a bad thing.
692
00:38:31,924 --> 00:38:33,865
Hang that B right on the old refrigerator.
693
00:38:33,990 --> 00:38:37,286
- Refrigerator. Put it up.
- Did Picasso ever get above a B?
694
00:38:37,411 --> 00:38:38,622
- Straight Cs.
- Never did.
695
00:38:38,747 --> 00:38:40,330
Straight Cs.
696
00:38:40,455 --> 00:38:42,937
- And I love that you have the scepticism.
- Keep the scepticism.
697
00:38:42,957 --> 00:38:44,418
Be sceptical of everything.
698
00:38:44,543 --> 00:38:46,263
Be sceptical
of what we're saying right now.
699
00:38:46,336 --> 00:38:47,795
What I just said, question it.
700
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:49,760
- Don't believe us.
- But I will tell you this.
701
00:38:49,799 --> 00:38:51,549
The Nazis are coming back.
702
00:38:51,674 --> 00:38:54,677
They're coming... Maybe not in
our lifetime, maybe not in your lifetime.
703
00:38:54,802 --> 00:38:56,784
- Probably in your lifetime.
- Probably in your lifetime.
704
00:38:56,804 --> 00:39:00,975
And we need to be ready to flee
at a moment's notice.
705
00:39:01,100 --> 00:39:02,852
Mark our words.
706
00:39:02,977 --> 00:39:07,815
We will continue talking in this way
until you understand.
707
00:39:11,860 --> 00:39:15,615
Hey, dude, do you ever think about,
like, how 'cause, like,
708
00:39:15,740 --> 00:39:18,130
- plants are living things and shit...
- Uh-huh?
709
00:39:18,255 --> 00:39:20,475
..like, if you bit into a piece of fruit,
like, does it feel it?
710
00:39:20,495 --> 00:39:22,289
Like, what if it screamed?
711
00:39:22,414 --> 00:39:23,774
Dude, what if it fucking screamed?
712
00:39:23,873 --> 00:39:26,293
Like, when you bit into, like,
a fucking orange or something,
713
00:39:26,418 --> 00:39:28,253
it was like, "Argh!"
714
00:39:28,378 --> 00:39:29,942
Like, they're here
and they're, like, judging you.
715
00:39:29,962 --> 00:39:32,762
- Like, "You shouldn't be doing that."
- Hi, there. Hey, you guys okay?
716
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:34,967
Where'd you come from?
717
00:39:35,092 --> 00:39:38,012
- Over there.
- Were you watching us?
718
00:39:38,137 --> 00:39:41,113
- You were spying on us.
- No. No, I wasn't, guys. Come on.
719
00:39:41,238 --> 00:39:43,726
No, I'm just trying to
help you get back. Let's go.
720
00:39:43,851 --> 00:39:45,109
No.
721
00:39:45,234 --> 00:39:46,500
- There you go.
- No, you weren't.
722
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,148
- Easy does it.
- Where are we going?
723
00:39:48,273 --> 00:39:51,153
- I was. Don't worry. Come on.
- Wait. Jack, Jack, do you want a brownie?
724
00:39:51,235 --> 00:39:54,403
- No, that's okay.
- Ever since last year's brownie disaster,
725
00:39:54,528 --> 00:39:57,824
- I feel a deep sense of trauma.
- No. No, I don't wanna go.
726
00:39:57,949 --> 00:39:59,992
- I wanna stay here. I wanna stay here.
- Come on.
727
00:40:00,117 --> 00:40:01,953
- Uh, Maya...
- No.
728
00:40:02,078 --> 00:40:03,790
Leave me alone, Jack.
729
00:40:08,128 --> 00:40:09,919
Come on.
Mitch is playing the talent show.
730
00:40:10,044 --> 00:40:12,172
- Lily.
- Really?
731
00:40:12,297 --> 00:40:15,424
All right.
World Gaga Championship, let's go.
732
00:40:15,549 --> 00:40:20,140
Ga... ga..ga... ga... ga.
733
00:40:20,265 --> 00:40:22,100
You're out. You're out.
734
00:40:27,604 --> 00:40:30,231
Dude, you're out, you're out.
735
00:40:30,356 --> 00:40:32,650
- No Gaga for you?
- Uh, no, no, no, no, no.
736
00:40:32,775 --> 00:40:35,862
- What's this?
- You don't have to... That's...
737
00:40:35,987 --> 00:40:37,364
Wait, just tell me. What is it?
738
00:40:37,489 --> 00:40:38,990
- Stop.
- I'm not letting go.
739
00:40:39,115 --> 00:40:40,700
I don't... It's...
740
00:40:40,825 --> 00:40:42,411
Uh, okay.
741
00:40:42,536 --> 00:40:45,913
Um, well, if you let go, I can...
I can tell you...
742
00:40:46,038 --> 00:40:48,084
what it is.
743
00:40:49,166 --> 00:40:50,705
Anyway, um...
744
00:40:52,044 --> 00:40:56,340
No, me and Jake started it,
like, I don't know, five summers ago.
745
00:40:56,465 --> 00:40:59,386
And it started out, like,
just making fun of people,
746
00:40:59,511 --> 00:41:01,929
and then he started to add,
like, storylines.
747
00:41:02,054 --> 00:41:03,612
And originally in the burn book,
748
00:41:03,737 --> 00:41:06,351
we would draw, like,
dicks and stuff like that.
749
00:41:06,476 --> 00:41:08,412
We still draw dicks, there's some dicks.
750
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:10,935
Um...
751
00:41:11,060 --> 00:41:12,607
..but it's pretty...
752
00:41:12,732 --> 00:41:15,194
Yeah, it's pretty stupid.
753
00:41:15,319 --> 00:41:17,238
I don't know. I think it's...
754
00:41:17,363 --> 00:41:19,178
it's pretty cool.
755
00:41:22,658 --> 00:41:24,205
You...
756
00:41:34,756 --> 00:41:36,970
Oh, wow.
757
00:41:39,050 --> 00:41:40,884
You can...
758
00:41:41,009 --> 00:41:42,785
You can keep it.
759
00:41:44,972 --> 00:41:46,937
I will.
760
00:41:49,015 --> 00:41:51,145
Where are you taking us?
761
00:41:51,270 --> 00:41:54,092
- We're lost.
- No, we're not. I... Oh.
762
00:41:55,861 --> 00:41:59,136
I'm taking you guys back to your cabin.
763
00:42:03,199 --> 00:42:05,410
I wanna get out of this place.
764
00:42:05,535 --> 00:42:07,662
Oh, yeah. Me, too.
765
00:42:07,787 --> 00:42:10,790
Trust me, you're stuck here.
766
00:42:10,915 --> 00:42:14,061
Hey, we can at least
focus on the good stuff, right?
767
00:42:14,186 --> 00:42:16,380
What good stuff?
768
00:42:16,505 --> 00:42:19,051
Oh, come on.
There's gotta be something you like.
769
00:42:20,216 --> 00:42:23,302
All right, well, look. Tell me your
five favourite things about camp, okay?
770
00:42:23,427 --> 00:42:26,222
- Mm.
- Gimme a top five.
771
00:42:26,347 --> 00:42:29,934
Come on. There's gotta... You gotta
be able to give me something. Come on.
772
00:42:30,059 --> 00:42:32,248
I like...
773
00:42:32,373 --> 00:42:35,482
- playing soccer with Howard.
- Okay, sure.
774
00:42:35,607 --> 00:42:38,402
- Yeah.
- Yeah, absolutely.
775
00:42:38,527 --> 00:42:40,966
I don't love playing soccer,
'cause it involves a lot of running
776
00:42:40,986 --> 00:42:44,186
and being athletic and stuff like that.
What else? Come on, gimme something else.
777
00:42:45,699 --> 00:42:49,120
Uh... Oh, I like eating
in the canteen with Angela.
778
00:42:49,245 --> 00:42:51,998
Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure.
779
00:42:52,123 --> 00:42:56,336
Yeah, definitely.
The food is kind of hit-and-miss.
780
00:42:56,461 --> 00:42:59,046
- Yeah.
- That lasagne is sketch, questionable.
781
00:42:59,171 --> 00:43:00,737
Wait for me!
782
00:43:04,218 --> 00:43:07,066
Yeah. A kid almost died
on lasagne last year.
783
00:43:07,191 --> 00:43:08,682
- It's true.
- This is for you.
784
00:43:08,807 --> 00:43:11,058
- Okay. Something else.
- Ooh, okay.
785
00:43:11,183 --> 00:43:14,467
Um, uh...
786
00:43:14,592 --> 00:43:16,839
Oh, I like those Shabbat dinners.
787
00:43:16,964 --> 00:43:20,985
Shabbat... Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, okay. All right. Um, one more.
788
00:43:21,110 --> 00:43:23,697
- Um...
- Okay. Whoa, whoa. Easy, easy.
789
00:43:23,822 --> 00:43:24,947
Hmm.
790
00:43:25,072 --> 00:43:26,855
One more.
791
00:43:28,036 --> 00:43:30,939
What's that bread?
That... That "challa"...
792
00:43:32,955 --> 00:43:35,836
- Oh, Challah. Challah, yeah.
- Challah. Challah bread.
793
00:43:35,961 --> 00:43:37,461
- Okay.
- That's good.
794
00:43:37,586 --> 00:43:40,296
- Yeah.
- I like that a lot. Yeah, it's...
795
00:43:40,421 --> 00:43:43,841
Four to five of those things
were food-related.
796
00:43:43,966 --> 00:43:46,510
Anything, like, non-food-related
you love about camp?
797
00:43:46,635 --> 00:43:50,181
Hmm. Fudgesicles. Mm-hm.
798
00:43:50,306 --> 00:43:51,902
Mm-hm.
799
00:43:52,027 --> 00:43:53,357
Sort of food.
800
00:43:53,482 --> 00:43:56,605
- Kind of... It's, like, ice...
- I think I'm gonna go take a shower.
801
00:43:56,730 --> 00:43:58,608
Uh...
802
00:43:58,733 --> 00:44:00,483
okay.
803
00:44:00,608 --> 00:44:02,569
- So, I...
- I think I'm gonna go, too.
804
00:44:02,694 --> 00:44:05,613
- Okay.
- Mm-hm. But...
805
00:44:05,738 --> 00:44:07,909
Oh, I...
806
00:44:09,450 --> 00:44:11,368
You're so cute.
807
00:44:18,542 --> 00:44:21,225
I'll wait here.
808
00:44:30,972 --> 00:44:33,326
Fuck.
809
00:44:56,831 --> 00:44:58,792
Oh, shit.
810
00:44:58,917 --> 00:45:01,463
Jake, you dirty little savage.
811
00:45:24,525 --> 00:45:27,037
Oh, hey. Uh...
812
00:45:30,283 --> 00:45:33,492
I'm going to back out slowly
813
00:45:33,617 --> 00:45:37,037
and you are going to put that away.
814
00:45:37,162 --> 00:45:40,627
And then we're gonna call the rabbis.
Mazel tov.
815
00:45:48,969 --> 00:45:52,303
- Hey.
- Hey, you wanna see something cool?
816
00:45:52,428 --> 00:45:53,719
Sure.
817
00:45:56,265 --> 00:45:57,474
What is it?
818
00:45:57,599 --> 00:45:58,976
Check it out.
819
00:45:59,101 --> 00:46:00,146
Hm?
820
00:46:01,866 --> 00:46:04,148
Hm? Zoom in. Zoom in.
Zoom in to that.
821
00:46:04,273 --> 00:46:05,441
Wait, wait. No, not that one.
822
00:46:05,566 --> 00:46:07,589
Zoom in to that one. There we go.
Right there. Zoom in. Right.
823
00:46:07,609 --> 00:46:09,862
Wow, huh?
824
00:46:09,987 --> 00:46:11,429
Hold...
825
00:46:12,492 --> 00:46:15,658
- Dude.
- There are more, there are more.
826
00:46:17,161 --> 00:46:18,373
Ezra, what the fuck?
827
00:46:19,696 --> 00:46:22,083
- How did you get... What?
- You're welcome.
828
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:29,591
- Oh, Jacob, it is hot in here right now.
- Jacob.
829
00:46:29,716 --> 00:46:32,761
- Jacob, it is very hot in here.
- Jacob and the coat of many colours.
830
00:46:32,886 --> 00:46:34,303
- That was Joseph.
- Doesn't matter.
831
00:46:34,428 --> 00:46:35,680
Jacob, what we wanna tell you,
832
00:46:35,805 --> 00:46:38,515
I don't even know how to start this,
but I will say this.
833
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:42,853
Men have been given enormous privileges,
mentally and physically.
834
00:46:42,978 --> 00:46:44,773
Mentally and physically.
835
00:46:44,898 --> 00:46:46,942
You understand what I'm saying?
836
00:46:47,067 --> 00:46:48,570
He's talking about the penis!
837
00:46:48,695 --> 00:46:50,801
- There is nothing more powerful...
- Got it.
838
00:46:50,926 --> 00:46:52,739
- ..than the male Jewish penis.
- Okay.
839
00:46:52,864 --> 00:46:54,846
It is one of the most powerful things
in this world.
840
00:46:54,866 --> 00:46:57,340
It is like a tiny Aron Kodesh.
841
00:46:57,465 --> 00:46:58,828
- So holy. So powerful.
- Okay.
842
00:46:58,953 --> 00:47:00,664
It's like a dioxin spill.
843
00:47:00,789 --> 00:47:03,290
- It's radioactive.
- It can ruin the groundwater.
844
00:47:03,415 --> 00:47:05,292
It just spills,
and it can ruin everything.
845
00:47:05,417 --> 00:47:07,483
- And I get where you're coming from.
- He understands.
846
00:47:07,503 --> 00:47:10,422
I was young once. My mother walked
in on me watching The Brady Bunch.
847
00:47:10,547 --> 00:47:12,049
He had a little thing for Alice.
848
00:47:12,174 --> 00:47:14,802
I had a thing for Alice.
She was an authoritative figure.
849
00:47:14,927 --> 00:47:17,409
- She didn't belong to the family.
- She was not part of the family.
850
00:47:17,429 --> 00:47:19,891
Maybe she had the power
to spank those children, I don't know.
851
00:47:20,016 --> 00:47:23,352
Maybe she did spank Jan
on and off the set, I don't know.
852
00:47:23,477 --> 00:47:26,397
But I felt it in my loins,
and then imagine my surprise
853
00:47:26,522 --> 00:47:28,962
when I found out later, Ann B Davis,
the woman who played her,
854
00:47:29,024 --> 00:47:31,460
she was a lesbian.
I was even more confused.
855
00:47:31,585 --> 00:47:35,699
It just created a lot of confusion.
The point is, we all have these urges.
856
00:47:35,824 --> 00:47:38,284
- Sure.
- You're gonna have the urges publicly.
857
00:47:38,409 --> 00:47:41,684
We say, when the urges come on,
think about...
858
00:47:41,809 --> 00:47:44,456
- your mother.
- Think about this temple.
859
00:47:44,581 --> 00:47:46,458
- Think about us.
- Think about kugel.
860
00:47:46,583 --> 00:47:49,154
- Think about Israel.
- Think about planting a eucalyptus tree
861
00:47:49,279 --> 00:47:53,176
- in the Golan Heights.
- Think of the 1948 borders.
862
00:47:53,301 --> 00:47:56,595
And then think of
Menachem Begin shaking...
863
00:47:56,720 --> 00:48:00,389
- Nancy Reagan's hand.
- At Camp David, over a piece of corn.
864
00:48:00,514 --> 00:48:05,185
I swear to you, those urges,
those public urges, will dissipate.
865
00:48:05,310 --> 00:48:07,939
- Now, get outta here.
- Get outta here, you.
866
00:48:08,064 --> 00:48:10,066
- Yes! Go.
- Go ahead. Yes, get outta here.
867
00:48:10,191 --> 00:48:12,986
We'll stay in here and shvitz.
Don't worry about us.
868
00:48:13,111 --> 00:48:16,825
- Just keep the Torah in the ark.
- If you know what he means.
869
00:48:20,827 --> 00:48:22,621
Good morning, Camp Pearlstein.
870
00:48:22,746 --> 00:48:26,625
Today, a pitgam, a daily proverb.
871
00:48:26,750 --> 00:48:30,419
"Who is strong?
One who overpowers his inclinations."
872
00:48:30,544 --> 00:48:34,423
On an unrelated note,
Jake Weinberg, your mother called.
873
00:48:34,548 --> 00:48:36,258
She says she misses you.
874
00:48:36,383 --> 00:48:40,596
She's shipping you more of that
peach iced tea that you like.
875
00:48:40,721 --> 00:48:41,847
Is it diet?
876
00:48:41,972 --> 00:48:44,668
Guys, gather 'round.
We got a forecast for rain today,
877
00:48:44,793 --> 00:48:46,435
so we're not taking any chances.
878
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:49,396
We're gonna go inside
and watch a movie, all right?
879
00:48:49,521 --> 00:48:52,068
It's a movie about
a different kind of camp.
880
00:48:53,525 --> 00:48:55,737
About a concentration camp.
881
00:48:55,862 --> 00:48:58,700
Oh, yeah.
882
00:49:02,954 --> 00:49:04,704
Boom!
883
00:49:04,829 --> 00:49:08,374
Dude, tell me, was it like a, uh...
a self-pleasuring,
884
00:49:08,499 --> 00:49:10,710
- really romantic kind of stroke?
- Okay, like...
885
00:49:10,835 --> 00:49:13,555
Or are we talking more like a self-hatred,
"I hate myself" kind of...
886
00:49:13,587 --> 00:49:16,548
Okay, just give it... Just shut up, man.
887
00:49:16,673 --> 00:49:19,313
No, but seriously, dude,
what prompted you to just start jerking it
888
00:49:19,370 --> 00:49:21,096
on her bed?
889
00:49:21,221 --> 00:49:23,932
That's my question.
I mean, is it, like, a, you know...
890
00:49:24,057 --> 00:49:27,020
- Just shut up, man. Seriously.
- I'm just curious!
891
00:49:27,145 --> 00:49:28,936
All right,
let's have a reverent environment.
892
00:49:29,061 --> 00:49:30,396
- Let's get in there.
- Whoo!
893
00:49:30,521 --> 00:49:33,832
No movie for you today, Boba Fap.
Gotta clean up.
894
00:49:36,820 --> 00:49:38,112
Good luck.
895
00:49:52,543 --> 00:49:55,671
Hey, is this...
is this pillow sitting here?
896
00:49:55,796 --> 00:49:57,926
No. Go ahead.
897
00:50:07,225 --> 00:50:09,435
Hey, I'm sorry
about that whole Jake thing.
898
00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:11,478
I mean, that's really disgusting,
899
00:50:11,603 --> 00:50:14,163
and, like, you should never have to deal
with anything like that.
900
00:50:15,024 --> 00:50:16,900
I mean, me, personally,
and this is just me,
901
00:50:17,025 --> 00:50:20,739
but I would ask permission
before masturbating in your bed.
902
00:50:20,864 --> 00:50:23,157
But then again, I'm not like other guys.
903
00:50:23,282 --> 00:50:25,425
Yeah.
904
00:50:26,705 --> 00:50:28,955
No, but seriously.
905
00:50:29,080 --> 00:50:33,645
I mean, you know, it's weird, like,
everybody here thinks, uh...
906
00:50:33,770 --> 00:50:35,591
I'm sort of a dick.
907
00:50:36,670 --> 00:50:39,132
And, like, I'm really not.
908
00:50:39,257 --> 00:50:42,593
And I want you to know that
if you ever want to talk about anything,
909
00:50:42,718 --> 00:50:44,616
like, about what happened
or just about anything in general,
910
00:50:44,636 --> 00:50:46,956
like, I'm here for you,
and I really want you to know that.
911
00:50:49,752 --> 00:50:51,165
I can never tell if you're being serious.
912
00:50:51,185 --> 00:50:52,791
- Like...
- I mean it, I mean it, I promise.
913
00:50:52,811 --> 00:50:55,355
I really do. Anything.
914
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:57,622
All right. Yeah, thanks.
915
00:51:02,363 --> 00:51:04,334
If I get scared...
916
00:51:04,459 --> 00:51:05,955
will you hold me?
917
00:51:08,076 --> 00:51:10,325
Yeah, sure.
918
00:51:28,459 --> 00:51:30,599
Oh, those are cool. What are those?
919
00:51:30,724 --> 00:51:32,601
- What's that one?
- Just rings.
920
00:51:32,726 --> 00:51:34,811
- Does it fit me?
- Does it fit you?
921
00:51:34,936 --> 00:51:36,942
- Try it. Let me try it on.
- Shh!
922
00:51:37,067 --> 00:51:38,563
Be quiet.
923
00:51:39,608 --> 00:51:41,625
Just ignore her.
924
00:51:41,750 --> 00:51:43,259
- Yeah, it fits you.
- It looks good, right?
925
00:51:43,279 --> 00:51:44,864
- Mm-hm.
- What about from this angle?
926
00:51:44,989 --> 00:51:46,698
Mm-hm.
Even better from this angle.
927
00:51:46,823 --> 00:51:47,891
- It looks good, right?
- Yeah.
928
00:51:47,911 --> 00:51:50,708
- Looks better on you, though.
- Thanks.
929
00:51:54,751 --> 00:51:56,912
You wanna get outta here?
930
00:51:59,337 --> 00:52:00,754
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah?
931
00:52:00,879 --> 00:52:02,589
- Yeah.
- I'll go first.
932
00:52:02,714 --> 00:52:04,159
Okay.
933
00:52:18,647 --> 00:52:20,277
Yeah.
934
00:52:33,371 --> 00:52:35,751
Nice jugs, bro.
935
00:52:38,959 --> 00:52:41,670
Hey, when you're done with that,
936
00:52:41,795 --> 00:52:43,969
you gotta check all these bags
for Ivan's retainer.
937
00:52:46,970 --> 00:52:51,680
- What is this place?
- This is my private honeymoon suite.
938
00:52:51,805 --> 00:52:54,060
- Mm-hm.
- Just for you.
939
00:53:06,027 --> 00:53:08,555
Oh, God.
940
00:53:13,244 --> 00:53:15,379
Definitely done this before.
941
00:53:17,331 --> 00:53:18,721
Yeah.
942
00:53:20,500 --> 00:53:22,669
We're doing more?
943
00:53:22,794 --> 00:53:24,176
Mm-hm.
944
00:53:46,735 --> 00:53:49,780
Ez. Come on, move on, let me sit.
945
00:53:49,905 --> 00:53:50,992
Ez!
946
00:54:05,045 --> 00:54:06,174
What the hell?
947
00:54:17,182 --> 00:54:19,267
Maya! Maya, wait up!
948
00:54:19,392 --> 00:54:22,649
You totally missed it! Lily was
feeding squirrels outside the cabin
949
00:54:22,774 --> 00:54:24,753
and one got in,
and Ilana was totally losing her shit.
950
00:54:24,773 --> 00:54:26,942
Like, she's Purell-ing everything.
951
00:54:27,067 --> 00:54:28,332
Hey!
952
00:54:30,445 --> 00:54:32,492
Hey, what's wrong?
953
00:54:38,119 --> 00:54:40,375
You... You were right about Ez.
954
00:54:41,844 --> 00:54:45,128
He's just like everybody else. He just
wants something to... to brag about.
955
00:54:45,253 --> 00:54:47,587
He's not gonna say shit,
because, I swear to God,
956
00:54:47,712 --> 00:54:50,465
I'm gonna rip his forked tongue
out of his head with my bare hands.
957
00:54:50,590 --> 00:54:52,135
- I swear to God.
- No, don't.
958
00:54:52,260 --> 00:54:54,824
Please. If... If you say something,
it'll just make it worse.
959
00:55:01,852 --> 00:55:04,475
Just don't let some shithead guy
get to you.
960
00:55:07,065 --> 00:55:08,448
'Cause you're seriously...
961
00:55:10,819 --> 00:55:15,073
..you're seriously one of the coolest,
most real people I have ever met at camp.
962
00:55:16,568 --> 00:55:20,115
Or, like... ever.
963
00:55:21,917 --> 00:55:23,578
You, too.
964
00:55:25,083 --> 00:55:27,544
- No, no.
- Yeah.
965
00:55:27,669 --> 00:55:29,755
Uh, you have Ebola now.
966
00:55:33,258 --> 00:55:35,802
Are you sure I can't rough him up,
just a little?
967
00:55:35,927 --> 00:55:39,042
You know, swift snake-bite to the penis?
968
00:55:51,151 --> 00:55:52,465
- Ooh!
- Shouldn't you be at, like,
969
00:55:52,485 --> 00:55:55,447
- kickball or something?
- Shouldn't you be with Sarah?
970
00:55:55,572 --> 00:55:56,990
Oh, shut up.
971
00:55:57,115 --> 00:55:59,659
I don't think I've ever
seen you guys not together.
972
00:55:59,784 --> 00:56:01,870
Well, I don't think
I've ever seen you alone.
973
00:56:01,995 --> 00:56:04,623
You're always with your dumb friends.
Where are they?
974
00:56:04,748 --> 00:56:06,458
Kickball.
975
00:56:06,583 --> 00:56:09,530
So, I was thinking that...
976
00:56:09,655 --> 00:56:11,838
we should hang out again,
like we did last summer.
977
00:56:11,963 --> 00:56:15,134
And why would you think that?
978
00:56:15,259 --> 00:56:18,455
Because I saw the way that you were
looking at me the other night.
979
00:56:18,580 --> 00:56:20,334
Oh, yeah.
980
00:56:20,459 --> 00:56:23,395
- Don't make me feel like a freak.
- Aren't you with Maya?
981
00:56:24,434 --> 00:56:26,185
Uh, no. It's finished.
982
00:56:27,438 --> 00:56:28,980
So, you were with her?
983
00:56:29,105 --> 00:56:32,315
Yeah, but it... it didn't work out.
984
00:56:34,239 --> 00:56:36,369
So, what do you say, wanna get outta here?
985
00:56:42,330 --> 00:56:44,173
Sure.
986
00:56:50,630 --> 00:56:52,921
Hey. I was reading,
and, uh, did you know
987
00:56:53,046 --> 00:56:54,923
when they were doing
an autopsy of the aliens,
988
00:56:55,048 --> 00:56:56,905
they found, like,
umbilical cords, which means that...
989
00:56:56,925 --> 00:56:58,805
Why do you hang out with Ez?
990
00:57:00,095 --> 00:57:01,347
Come on, can we not?
991
00:57:01,472 --> 00:57:04,099
We already got into this, just...
I read the book,
992
00:57:04,224 --> 00:57:07,395
- let's sit down and talk about it.
- What's wrong with you?
993
00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:10,021
I don't know what to say.
He's a weird guy,
994
00:57:10,146 --> 00:57:11,524
he does weird things to us,
995
00:57:11,649 --> 00:57:13,422
he treats us like shit,
he takes pictures of the girls,
996
00:57:13,442 --> 00:57:15,735
he hangs out with...
with Hulk, like, I don't know what...
997
00:57:15,860 --> 00:57:17,365
Pictures of what?!
998
00:57:21,617 --> 00:57:23,243
Angie, come on.
999
00:57:24,998 --> 00:57:27,000
Angie, come on!
1000
00:57:30,375 --> 00:57:32,625
Yo, Jake. Move.
1001
00:57:34,671 --> 00:57:37,034
I peaced out of the movie
to get some R-rated footage.
1002
00:57:37,159 --> 00:57:38,476
Check it.
1003
00:57:39,677 --> 00:57:41,419
Oh, man.
1004
00:57:46,434 --> 00:57:47,475
Hm?
1005
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:50,774
- Is that Maya?
- Yeah, that's Maya.
1006
00:57:52,008 --> 00:57:53,767
- Okay, look, I don't wanna see that.
- Whoa, whoa, dude.
1007
00:57:53,787 --> 00:57:56,131
- Why are you showing me that? Seriously?
- I don't know, I thought...
1008
00:57:56,151 --> 00:57:57,300
- Why would I wanna see that?
- I thought you'd like that.
1009
00:57:57,320 --> 00:57:58,800
Why would I wanna see that?
Dude, seriously?
1010
00:57:58,820 --> 00:58:01,390
Are you kidding me?
Look, I'm taking a shower.
1011
00:58:01,515 --> 00:58:03,054
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm taking a shower.
1012
00:58:03,074 --> 00:58:05,160
- No, I called it, okay?
- Oh, you called it?
1013
00:58:05,285 --> 00:58:07,662
Get off me, man! Really, dude?
1014
00:58:11,750 --> 00:58:14,252
Now, stand there in your filth, asshole!
1015
00:58:14,377 --> 00:58:16,715
- I called it.
- Yeah?
1016
00:58:19,215 --> 00:58:20,967
No, no, no.
You're right, you're right.
1017
00:58:21,092 --> 00:58:22,969
You, uh... You called it.
1018
00:58:23,094 --> 00:58:25,555
Dude, really?
1019
00:58:25,680 --> 00:58:29,225
- No, no, no. You called it, buddy.
- Come on, dude!
1020
00:58:29,350 --> 00:58:30,438
Screw you.
1021
00:58:33,897 --> 00:58:35,257
Yeah, you like that, first shower?
1022
00:58:35,325 --> 00:58:36,758
- What the hell, man?
- First shower.
1023
00:58:36,778 --> 00:58:38,778
- Really, Ez?!
- Yeah.
1024
00:58:47,205 --> 00:58:49,288
Stop, stop.
Chill, all right, chill.
1025
00:58:49,413 --> 00:58:51,247
Asshole!
1026
00:59:05,470 --> 00:59:07,292
Guys, this way, come on.
1027
00:59:11,202 --> 00:59:12,332
All right, everybody, gather around.
1028
00:59:12,352 --> 00:59:15,868
Angela, why aren't we in our bunks?
It's... It's almost curfew.
1029
00:59:15,993 --> 00:59:18,425
- 'Cause it's not safe there.
- Not safe?
1030
00:59:18,550 --> 00:59:20,486
Wait, guys...
1031
00:59:20,611 --> 00:59:22,988
are we gonna choreograph
the Beyoncé Formation Tour dance?
1032
00:59:23,113 --> 00:59:26,825
- 'Cause I am so down.
- We should. I learned all the moves.
1033
00:59:26,950 --> 00:59:29,935
But like, obviously I'd be Beyoncé,
you'd be, like, Michelle or something.
1034
00:59:30,060 --> 00:59:31,371
Right.
1035
00:59:31,496 --> 00:59:34,020
- All right, this is serious.
- Oh, my God, did Phish break up again?
1036
00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:37,295
- Trey just isn't as good solo.
- No, Lily, no.
1037
00:59:37,420 --> 00:59:39,672
All right, there...
there's a predator amongst us.
1038
00:59:39,797 --> 00:59:41,798
Oh, Angela,
how many times do we have to tell you,
1039
00:59:41,923 --> 00:59:45,051
- there's no aliens out here.
- This is about Ez.
1040
00:59:45,176 --> 00:59:48,514
He's taking pictures of... of us.
1041
00:59:48,639 --> 00:59:51,224
Wait... what do you mean?
1042
00:59:51,349 --> 00:59:52,755
Doing what?
1043
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:56,161
Curfew in five minutes, wrap it up!
1044
00:59:57,188 --> 01:00:00,112
I don't know, and we won't know
until we get our hands on that phone.
1045
01:00:00,237 --> 01:00:04,154
- How do you know this to be factual?
- Well, I have a reliable source.
1046
01:00:04,279 --> 01:00:06,451
- Is it your boyfriend?
- It doesn't matter, all right?
1047
01:00:06,576 --> 01:00:07,994
What matters is we get that phone.
1048
01:00:08,119 --> 01:00:11,411
Oh, my God.
Does he have pictures of us, like, naked?
1049
01:00:11,536 --> 01:00:14,670
Yeah, that happened to my cousin one time.
There was photos of her online everywhere.
1050
01:00:14,690 --> 01:00:16,351
I mean, it basically ruined her life.
1051
01:00:16,476 --> 01:00:18,877
She got rejected from Princeton.
She got so depressed.
1052
01:00:19,002 --> 01:00:21,445
You guys,
I cannot be rejected from Princeton!
1053
01:00:21,570 --> 01:00:24,215
- Me neither.
- Keep it down.
1054
01:00:24,340 --> 01:00:27,302
Sarah, you're not smart
enough to get into Princeton, okay?
1055
01:00:27,427 --> 01:00:30,472
You're probably gonna have to apply
to Vassar. Even then, it's a long shot.
1056
01:00:30,597 --> 01:00:33,975
Who died and made you
my guidance counsellor?
1057
01:00:35,518 --> 01:00:38,104
That's why you don't hang out with Ez.
1058
01:00:38,229 --> 01:00:40,273
Yeah, and if those videos get out,
1059
01:00:40,398 --> 01:00:42,158
you guys better hope
that Stanford Admissions
1060
01:00:42,259 --> 01:00:44,903
doesn't know how to use Google.
1061
01:00:45,028 --> 01:00:47,531
Of course they know
how to use Google, Sarah.
1062
01:00:47,656 --> 01:00:49,410
Gmail was, like, tested on their campus.
1063
01:00:49,535 --> 01:00:51,347
That was the entire premise
of the joke, Ilana.
1064
01:00:51,367 --> 01:00:54,329
Okay, that... Now is not the time.
1065
01:00:54,454 --> 01:00:56,654
We should cover our windows up
with something, 'cause...
1066
01:00:56,692 --> 01:00:58,249
..he may still be out there.
1067
01:00:58,374 --> 01:00:59,959
- Yeah.
- Okay.
1068
01:01:00,084 --> 01:01:01,464
That's a good idea.
1069
01:01:02,837 --> 01:01:06,255
Hey, you know,
Vassar is still a really good school.
1070
01:01:07,759 --> 01:01:09,511
Thanks, Maya.
1071
01:01:19,103 --> 01:01:20,400
Hey.
1072
01:01:22,315 --> 01:01:24,631
Did you take pictures of girls
with your phone?
1073
01:01:28,488 --> 01:01:31,617
Did you take pictures of girls
with your cellphone?
1074
01:01:31,742 --> 01:01:32,951
What phone?
1075
01:01:33,076 --> 01:01:34,573
What the hell, man?
1076
01:01:34,698 --> 01:01:37,968
All the counsellors know about it.
They're coming here for it. Hand it over.
1077
01:01:40,668 --> 01:01:45,171
What... What about, like... What about
the Polaroid stuff you told us about?
1078
01:01:45,296 --> 01:01:47,070
It was supposed to be fun, right?
You told us...
1079
01:01:47,090 --> 01:01:50,385
Yeah! You're not supposed to
listen to what I'm saying.
1080
01:01:50,510 --> 01:01:52,828
- Why not?
- Because it's bullshit.
1081
01:01:52,953 --> 01:01:55,766
- Gimme the phone! Just do it.
- I don't know. Why... Why should I?
1082
01:01:55,891 --> 01:01:58,476
Why? 'Cause the counsellors
are gonna be here in two minutes,
1083
01:01:58,601 --> 01:02:00,083
we're all gonna get kicked outta here.
1084
01:02:00,103 --> 01:02:02,063
So, give me the phone now.
Believe me.
1085
01:02:02,188 --> 01:02:05,362
- What, are you gonna tell on me?
- Dude, I got your back.
1086
01:02:11,990 --> 01:02:12,990
Dummies.
1087
01:02:20,248 --> 01:02:21,958
Was it you, Jake?
1088
01:02:22,083 --> 01:02:24,613
- Hm?
- No.
1089
01:02:24,738 --> 01:02:27,673
- You little snitch.
- It wasn't me.
1090
01:02:27,798 --> 01:02:30,383
Huh. What about you?
1091
01:02:30,508 --> 01:02:34,304
Your freak girlfriend, Angela, huh?
She tell on me?
1092
01:02:34,429 --> 01:02:36,364
She's not a freak.
1093
01:02:37,432 --> 01:02:40,435
Oh, okay. But she is...
she is your girlfriend.
1094
01:02:40,560 --> 01:02:43,108
Yeah, she's my girlfriend.
1095
01:02:44,397 --> 01:02:47,235
That's sad, man. That's pathetic.
1096
01:02:48,611 --> 01:02:51,739
No, no, no.
I'm disappointed in you.
1097
01:02:51,864 --> 01:02:55,241
I don't... I don't care
if you're disappointed in me.
1098
01:02:55,366 --> 01:02:57,079
You're fucking crazy, dude.
1099
01:02:57,204 --> 01:02:59,663
You take pictures of girls
while they're changing.
1100
01:02:59,788 --> 01:03:02,878
- Don't call her the weirdo.
- Man, she's such a loser.
1101
01:03:16,847 --> 01:03:18,351
Hey.
1102
01:03:25,313 --> 01:03:28,129
Look, I... I'm really sorry about
what happened in the bunk the other day.
1103
01:03:28,149 --> 01:03:30,549
Okay? That was super messed-up,
and I'm really, really sorry.
1104
01:03:31,527 --> 01:03:33,007
Just stop.
1105
01:03:33,132 --> 01:03:34,410
I'm sorry.
1106
01:03:34,535 --> 01:03:37,743
I really am, okay?
I know I should never do that.
1107
01:03:37,868 --> 01:03:41,022
That's not what I'm talking about.
That's not what I'm mad about, okay?
1108
01:03:43,289 --> 01:03:45,918
Oh, my gosh. Did they tell you
that my dad's not a dentist?
1109
01:03:46,043 --> 01:03:48,127
I'm sorry I lied.
He's a hygienist, okay?
1110
01:03:48,252 --> 01:03:51,005
- I will never lie again.
- Could you just stop with the jokes?
1111
01:03:51,130 --> 01:03:52,425
Okay, it's not funny.
1112
01:03:54,134 --> 01:03:55,900
What are you mad about, then?
1113
01:03:58,638 --> 01:04:00,415
Please?
1114
01:04:02,976 --> 01:04:04,727
You knew about Ez.
1115
01:04:04,852 --> 01:04:07,359
W-What about Ez?
1116
01:04:08,439 --> 01:04:10,505
Hey, Maya, what about Ez?
1117
01:04:11,526 --> 01:04:13,315
The photos.
1118
01:04:16,192 --> 01:04:18,576
Y-You knew about those?
1119
01:04:18,701 --> 01:04:20,933
Yeah, and so did you,
and you didn't do anything about it.
1120
01:04:20,953 --> 01:04:22,870
I know. Look...
1121
01:04:22,995 --> 01:04:25,895
Maya, I totally didn't know about those
until just a little while ago.
1122
01:04:26,020 --> 01:04:27,147
All right? I was not in on it.
1123
01:04:27,167 --> 01:04:30,149
Right, but you should've... you should've
just said something as soon as you knew.
1124
01:04:30,169 --> 01:04:31,633
You should have told me.
1125
01:04:33,757 --> 01:04:35,848
Look, I know I should have.
1126
01:04:38,971 --> 01:04:40,430
Maya, please, believe me.
1127
01:04:40,555 --> 01:04:43,308
Okay, I am not Ez. All right?
1128
01:04:43,433 --> 01:04:47,105
- I would never do that to you.
- That's what they all say.
1129
01:04:55,570 --> 01:04:59,365
All right, you check those two,
and I'll get Ez's bunk.
1130
01:04:59,490 --> 01:05:00,533
These two?
1131
01:05:00,658 --> 01:05:03,098
- Yeah, check those two. Get in there.
- All right, cool, man.
1132
01:05:04,328 --> 01:05:06,043
All right, that's good.
1133
01:05:09,500 --> 01:05:13,713
- Hey, are you banging Counsellor Jane?
- Dude, now's not the time.
1134
01:05:13,838 --> 01:05:15,633
Don't just stand there.
Go check the bunks.
1135
01:05:15,758 --> 01:05:17,300
I did. Uh...
1136
01:05:17,425 --> 01:05:19,887
I think it's already
up in the clouds, man.
1137
01:05:32,232 --> 01:05:33,984
What do you think it means?
1138
01:05:34,109 --> 01:05:38,750
I don't want to walk on myself,
especially if I'm wearing heavy boots.
1139
01:05:40,030 --> 01:05:41,785
Who cares, dude?
1140
01:05:43,451 --> 01:05:46,037
Maybe it means, like...
1141
01:05:47,624 --> 01:05:49,624
..you have to guide yourself.
1142
01:05:51,004 --> 01:05:52,452
You...
1143
01:05:52,577 --> 01:05:54,549
have to control your own life.
1144
01:06:01,804 --> 01:06:03,722
Hey, come on.
1145
01:06:03,847 --> 01:06:07,020
Hey, wait up. Jake?!
1146
01:06:07,145 --> 01:06:09,982
Uh! Oh, I'm gonna trip.
1147
01:06:11,023 --> 01:06:14,357
Campers, let's take
a moment and reflect on today's proverb.
1148
01:06:14,482 --> 01:06:18,281
"In a place where there are no men,
strive to be a man."
1149
01:06:18,406 --> 01:06:19,905
And that goes for the women, too.
1150
01:06:20,030 --> 01:06:22,532
It's a confusing time
to be alive right now.
1151
01:06:22,657 --> 01:06:26,120
And on top of that,
it's a confusing time to be a teenager.
1152
01:06:26,245 --> 01:06:28,830
Ugh. Don't get me started,
Rabbi Randy.
1153
01:06:28,955 --> 01:06:34,567
Remember to stand up and be a man,
1154
01:06:34,692 --> 01:06:37,169
even if you are a woman.
1155
01:06:38,215 --> 01:06:40,092
What are we doing?
1156
01:06:40,217 --> 01:06:41,513
Shh.
1157
01:07:05,242 --> 01:07:06,824
It's empty.
1158
01:07:07,953 --> 01:07:10,819
- Dude, come on.
- But we're breaking the rules.
1159
01:07:29,141 --> 01:07:30,683
What's up?
1160
01:07:30,808 --> 01:07:32,602
I'm sick of this asshole friend of yours.
1161
01:07:32,727 --> 01:07:34,687
Holy shit! Can you calm... Stop!
1162
01:07:34,812 --> 01:07:36,730
- What is your problem?
- Get down here!
1163
01:07:36,855 --> 01:07:40,530
- Oh, my God. Can you relax? Please.
- He's a piece of shit...
1164
01:07:40,655 --> 01:07:42,009
- He made one mistake.
- ..and you know it!
1165
01:07:42,029 --> 01:07:43,909
A mistake? Are you serious?
1166
01:07:44,034 --> 01:07:47,034
He's not that bad. You're blowing
this up way out of proportion.
1167
01:07:47,159 --> 01:07:49,452
Stop defending him.
You both disgust me.
1168
01:07:49,577 --> 01:07:51,204
You're such a coward.
You're a follower!
1169
01:07:51,329 --> 01:07:52,663
- Fuck you!
- Stop!
1170
01:07:55,334 --> 01:07:57,255
Oh, my God.
1171
01:08:02,673 --> 01:08:05,092
Let me see it. Come on, let me see.
1172
01:08:05,217 --> 01:08:07,386
Angie... Oh, my God.
1173
01:08:07,511 --> 01:08:08,600
Fuck.
1174
01:08:13,018 --> 01:08:15,895
Hey, Jake.
Seriously, what are we doing here?
1175
01:08:16,020 --> 01:08:17,943
Dude, we have to find Ez's phone.
1176
01:08:19,774 --> 01:08:21,943
Huh. Maybe Hulk is the Nazi.
1177
01:08:22,068 --> 01:08:24,195
Dude, there are no Nazis.
1178
01:08:26,072 --> 01:08:28,787
Look, will you
come and help me with this?!
1179
01:08:38,043 --> 01:08:40,044
- Run!
- I'm a terrible runner!
1180
01:08:50,888 --> 01:08:53,038
Okay, okay, all right.
Yeah, okay, all right, all right.
1181
01:08:53,058 --> 01:08:56,103
You're under arrest, Jake.
You have the right to remain silent.
1182
01:08:56,228 --> 01:08:58,028
Anything you do or say
can be held against you
1183
01:08:58,145 --> 01:09:00,690
in the court of the Hulkster, understood?
1184
01:09:00,815 --> 01:09:02,946
- Understood?!
- Understood.
1185
01:09:06,113 --> 01:09:08,531
You messed with
the wrong guy today, bro-bro.
1186
01:09:08,656 --> 01:09:10,078
Wrong guy.
1187
01:09:15,917 --> 01:09:17,146
Ah!
1188
01:09:18,290 --> 01:09:21,419
Ivan, calm down and come here.
1189
01:09:21,544 --> 01:09:23,250
It's me...
1190
01:09:23,375 --> 01:09:24,839
Rabbi Randy.
1191
01:09:24,964 --> 01:09:28,972
And me, Rabbi Jason Shalowitz.
1192
01:09:29,097 --> 01:09:30,859
You're all right, son.
1193
01:09:32,138 --> 01:09:33,225
You guys are Nazis?
1194
01:09:34,807 --> 01:09:36,601
It's your last year of camp, guys.
1195
01:09:36,726 --> 01:09:40,813
We thought we could treat you like adults,
but you're acting like a bunch of babies.
1196
01:09:40,938 --> 01:09:43,566
Okay, well, Ez is taking photos
and Hulk is protecting him.
1197
01:09:43,691 --> 01:09:46,611
- No, I'm not, you little dick-muncher.
- Get your dirty hands outta here.
1198
01:09:47,987 --> 01:09:51,866
Who are you gonna believe, Mike?
Me or Lord Fondle-Nuts over here?
1199
01:09:51,991 --> 01:09:54,057
Oh, really?
Look, he's hiding Ez's phone in his cabin.
1200
01:09:54,077 --> 01:09:57,747
You know what? I've had enough.
1201
01:09:57,872 --> 01:10:01,709
I am so ashamed of all of you.
1202
01:10:01,834 --> 01:10:04,296
I am gonna call your parents,
and until then,
1203
01:10:04,421 --> 01:10:06,756
you're gonna sit here
and think about what you did.
1204
01:10:06,881 --> 01:10:09,884
- Mikayla?
- My name is Ruth. I'm your boss.
1205
01:10:10,009 --> 01:10:11,814
With all due respect,
1206
01:10:11,939 --> 01:10:15,056
my parents died
in a murder-suicide 15 years ago.
1207
01:10:15,181 --> 01:10:18,194
So, try as you may,
1208
01:10:18,319 --> 01:10:20,590
they will be unavailable for phone calls.
1209
01:10:25,080 --> 01:10:28,212
Did you hear Jake got in trouble
for trying to sneak into Hulk's cabin?
1210
01:10:29,945 --> 01:10:33,325
In the middle of the day?
He's so dumb.
1211
01:10:33,450 --> 01:10:36,952
I know. What do you think
he was looking for, anyways?
1212
01:10:37,077 --> 01:10:40,951
Maybe beer, or porn to jerk off to.
1213
01:10:42,375 --> 01:10:44,962
Oh, maybe it was the phone.
1214
01:10:45,087 --> 01:10:46,749
That doesn't really
sound like Jake, though.
1215
01:10:46,769 --> 01:10:48,005
I mean, that's pretty brave.
1216
01:10:48,130 --> 01:10:50,549
Yeah, but if they don't
find that phone soon,
1217
01:10:50,674 --> 01:10:52,760
we're gonna have to all,
like, change our names
1218
01:10:52,885 --> 01:10:55,392
- and move to France or something.
- Don't touch me.
1219
01:10:57,056 --> 01:10:59,392
You know, if we don't find that phone,
we're ruined.
1220
01:10:59,517 --> 01:11:02,425
Like, honestly, you, me, Maya...
1221
01:11:02,550 --> 01:11:03,550
Ouch.
1222
01:11:03,588 --> 01:11:05,923
You know, Maya, when I first met her,
1223
01:11:06,048 --> 01:11:09,823
I didn't really like her, but now
I think she's actually pretty cool.
1224
01:11:09,948 --> 01:11:11,654
Yeah, she's pretty cool.
1225
01:11:11,779 --> 01:11:14,366
You know, us women,
we have to support each other.
1226
01:11:14,491 --> 01:11:16,722
Yep, we have to support each other.
1227
01:11:19,036 --> 01:11:20,785
I just said that.
1228
01:11:23,666 --> 01:11:25,714
Oh, my gosh, you did just say that.
1229
01:11:25,839 --> 01:11:27,839
Um... wow.
1230
01:11:46,398 --> 01:11:47,898
It's fashion, it's comfortable,
1231
01:11:48,023 --> 01:11:49,775
it's easy,
you don't have to think about it.
1232
01:11:49,900 --> 01:11:53,321
The only downside is that when you go pee,
you have to take off your entire outfit.
1233
01:11:53,446 --> 01:11:57,871
Oh, honey,
I still have so much to teach you.
1234
01:11:57,996 --> 01:12:00,161
I'm just saying.
1235
01:12:00,286 --> 01:12:01,966
They're really...
They're mostly on sale...
1236
01:12:07,214 --> 01:12:09,680
Come on, Ilana, move over.
1237
01:12:11,338 --> 01:12:13,045
Predators aren't welcome.
1238
01:12:18,512 --> 01:12:19,805
Seriously?
1239
01:12:49,919 --> 01:12:51,712
Ivan, you're not like the other kids.
1240
01:12:51,837 --> 01:12:55,925
- They need to be reminded.
- We started this to keep kids vigilant.
1241
01:12:56,050 --> 01:12:57,965
Not to scare.
1242
01:13:00,554 --> 01:13:02,975
Why was I the only one who saw you?
1243
01:13:04,767 --> 01:13:07,437
You were the only one who noticed.
1244
01:13:19,740 --> 01:13:25,163
We pray for the courage
to carry on in the face of disappointment.
1245
01:13:25,288 --> 01:13:29,834
♪ You come back
and the ghost is gone... ♪
1246
01:13:29,959 --> 01:13:33,421
For the wisdom to learn from adversity.
1247
01:13:33,546 --> 01:13:38,638
♪ Your memory's as sweet as candy, oh... ♪
1248
01:13:38,763 --> 01:13:42,304
And the strength to start over again.
1249
01:13:43,390 --> 01:13:48,361
♪ Whatever you did,
yeah, whatever you've done
1250
01:13:49,604 --> 01:13:52,898
♪ I guess I have to let it go... ♪
1251
01:13:53,023 --> 01:13:55,693
To love again.
1252
01:13:55,818 --> 01:13:59,016
Im yirtzeh Hashem. Bli ayin hara.
1253
01:13:59,141 --> 01:14:00,739
To hope again.
1254
01:14:00,864 --> 01:14:05,290
♪ You're the sun in the empty sky... ♪
1255
01:14:08,543 --> 01:14:13,880
♪ Your memory's as sweet as candy, oh
1256
01:14:19,550 --> 01:14:23,350
♪ I guess I have to let you go
1257
01:14:23,475 --> 01:14:27,683
♪ I guess I have to let you go
1258
01:14:27,808 --> 01:14:31,979
♪ I'm burning like the summer sun
1259
01:14:32,104 --> 01:14:37,155
♪ I burn like the summer sun... ♪
1260
01:14:44,745 --> 01:14:48,871
Ivan, there was an old Hasidic rabbi
who once said something very, very simple
1261
01:14:48,996 --> 01:14:52,033
but very, very profound.
1262
01:14:53,793 --> 01:14:55,503
♪ You come back and the ghost is gone... ♪
1263
01:14:55,628 --> 01:14:59,616
He said,
"The entire world is a narrow bridge."
1264
01:15:00,883 --> 01:15:05,885
♪ Your memory's sweet as candy, oh... ♪
1265
01:15:07,724 --> 01:15:11,477
But the important thing, Ivan,
the important thing...
1266
01:15:11,602 --> 01:15:14,818
is never be afraid.
1267
01:20:57,453 --> 01:20:59,864
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