Original subtitles

The following program contains strong language, adult humour,

and scenes that some viewers may find distressing.

This has to be the best halloumi sandwich I've ever tasted.

Enough with the halloumi.

You didn't even know what it was until yesterday.

Called it squeaky squares.

OK, This isn't Glastonbury, you've got a job to do.

Connecting with the community. You two are the face of the service.

Ooh. 'Face of the service'. I like that job.

Takes balls, to admit I'm the best.

You know where my best paramedics are, Maleek?

Out there, in ambulances. Yeah well. Team effort, innit?

A smiley face on a balloon could do this.

Just try and make us look better than the filth and the hose muppets.

It's alright Jo, these people round here, they know me.

They look up to me. Oi, oi!

You having a threesome with a sex doll? Pair of perverts.

I don't even need a sex doll, 'Cause I've got your mother.

Yeah. And your gran!

Woah. What? No. Never the grans. What the hell?

That's disgusting.

Oh my god.

Maleek?

Oh. Yo.

Yasmine. Yes.

I thought it was you. Ten points for you, innit.

You look well.

I am. Yes.

How do you two know each other?

It's complicated. School.

She's kind of my ex. Oh yeah! I forgot we went out.

As if you forgot year eight.

Anthony, maybe you'd like to be a paramedic like Maleek when

you're older, eh?

As if. This guy looks like some green paedo.

Wow. Manners. You know, me and your mum, we go way back, bro.

Me and your mum go way back.

Anthony, how would you like to see what a mangled leg looks like?

You actually trained Jo? Oh yeah.

And now she's your boss? How does that make you feel?

The way I see it, Jo's success is my success.

But it's not really, is it?

She's got the power, the respect. And you've got...

...what?

The warm fuzzy feeling that I put her on the path to great things.

And what path are you on? The Gary path. I guess.

I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but

I don't have time for the Gary path.

And if I did I wouldn't step on it, cause it's old, it's crumbling,

and it doesn't go anywhere. I need responsibility.

I need cat ones, I need the chance to shine, and I don't need

a choccy biccy break every five minutes

You're on.

Cleaning up! Let's hunt injury.

How come you've been away so long?

We moved away, me and Anthony's dad.

You remember Jayden? Jayden from school? He was a legend!

He's a dick head.

Turned out he was cheating with four other girls at the same time.

Fantasy.

Why do I always go for the bad boys, eh?

Can we go fire engine now? This is so dry.

No, I've got to get to work. Jayden's meant to have him but

can't, because there's new maps on Call of Duty.

Oh there's new maps? Oh it's a big day.

We can look after Anthony. We're here all day anyway.

What? Really? That'd be amazing.

Let me just get his stuff.

What are you doing? Does this look like daddy day care?

If you're in with the kid, you're in with the mum.

I'm setting you up with Yasmine.

You only get one chance with Maleek.

You can't close the door on love. Look at me!

I've just been chatted up by a fireman!

Fireman? They chat up everyone. Just sit round watching porn all day.

Thank you so much.

Okay. Yeah, it's okay. Just saving the day as usual.

Shall I give you my number? For emergencies?

You gonna give me the real one this time?

Still funny.

Okay. Okay. See you later.

Bye! ...ten, eleven! Wow.

(RADIO) 50's male with chest pains. Do you have the location?

I'm just checking it now.

Just press that one over there! (RADIO CONTINUES)

When we used to have it on a pad it was so much easier,

you just have a pad.

He's not responding. He's arrested. Darrell, give me a beat.

♪ I'll be riding shotgun, underneath the hot sun,

♪ Feeling like a someone

♪ I'll be riding shotgun... Shit.

Ben and Jerry got here first.

♪ Feeling like a someone-

♪ Someone ♪

God they’re good.

Can you get their dicks out of your mouth for a second, please?

We need to take the lead on these,

we’re not Darrell and Darryl’s back-up dancers.

Where you gonna be Darryl?

£14? You gave my colleague a free one just for being a paramedic.

No, I gave her one because she was nice.

Plus you've had every sauce.

Of course I've had every sauce, it's dry cheese.

See, we used to get so much free stuff back in the lockdown days.

These dusty people forget who saved them.

Hey, did your mum give you your lunch money?

I'll give it back to you man!

Come on, give me the money, man.

So, when I said what are you in to I meant more like music.

What even is step porn?

Sort of pretend incest. Step families. It's all above board.

Right. So that drink?

Okay, you need to elevate the arm to stop the bleeding. Yes?

Right. Next bit's crucial- (RADIO BEEPS)

358 Lima Charlie.

(HANGS UP)

(PANICKED) Lawrence?

(CALMLY) Hi. 358 Lima Charlie.

Don’t have to call me that. Just Jo. Or mate. What’s up?

We’ve got a purple plus here. I’ll be off ‘til the coroner shows.

My guess it was suicide. Suicide? Okay. What happened?

Oh, no. You talked to him? Seemed interested at first!

Then I got onto craft beers, and, yeah.

‘Oh no. Lawrence is so boring I’m going to kill myself’.

Ha. Seriously though, looks like sleeping pills. Poor guy.

Of course, tragic. Thoughts and prayers.

I’ll be stuck here for hours. Stuck?

Do you need help? I could whizz round.

Um. No, all good. Good?

Good. Good actually. Stuck with a big fanny like you all day,

Might get the sleeping pills out myself.

L- Not really Lawrence! I could listen to you for hours.

You are really interesting- See you later!

See? This is all your fault! I can't impress stuck at this dry depot.

You know what kids find impressive? What?

Unboxing. Why don’t you unbox something?

I’m not taking advice from you.

I know what boys like, I do have a son.

No you don’t. Stop gassing! Yes I do. Spencer.

Why have you never told me about this Spencer?

I’ve talked about him loads. You just don’t listen to me.

Wendy, if you want me to listen, you have to engage me.

It’s not every day pingu ‘meh meh meh, blah blah.’

(MAKES MOCKING PINGU NOISES) Whenever you go up North...

Pingu? Ugh, whatever.

I need to show this kid my sick skills.

D'you know what? Fuck it. Oi! Come.

We’re hitting the roads. Put your seatbelt on.

You coming? Yeah, I'd quite like to get away from the firemen.

Darrell! I know this is cringe-orama but

you and Darryl are like hashtag paramedic goals.

I totally Stan you guys.

Kareshma that means so much.

Yeah. It must be so intense, working together and living together.

If we didn't live together, I'd hardly see him.

You know? Just work, weekends and holidays. Christmas day. Easter.

I feel like I'm failing her, and it's affecting my mood at home.

Trish has picked up on it.

The other day, I told the Amazon guy to-

...eff his mother.

My Darrell? Exactly the same when he started. He was wild.

Big temper, I used to call him Hurricane Darrell.

How did you turn him round?

We did a lot of yoga, and cut out dairy.

But I bet it’s hard to keep it from going stale.

I know Darryl’s got his worries. What?

What's he said? Oh. Was that mean to be a secret?

He thinks we’re stale? Forget it.

I've said too much. Sorry, I don’t want to make things even worse.

Why would he say that?

The mad thing is, I don't even know that Amazon guy.

Or his mother.

I'll see you later. It was nice meeting you. What station are you from?

South Hill, same as you... It's Gary?

We've worked together for years.

Here's your Fanta. Better drink it up quick.

Wouldn't want it going stale.

See Ant? This is what the job's all about.

Out on the road. Playin by your own rules. Being your own boss!

Cool. Well. Jo's our boss.

Yeah technically. But Jo ain't here, is she?

And there are actually quite strict rules.

Maybe for you, cause you're a shook head.

Basically we have to go wherever the doo-dar sends us.

Excuse me. Can you stop undermining me with the kid.

Sorry. I didn't realize I was cock blocking you.

Woah. Look.

First of all, that's not what cock blocking is.

Secondly, don't say you're cock blocking me with a ten year old.

That's disgusting. (RADIO BEEPS)

Ooh, we've got a call. Cat 1.

Choking. Shotgun. I'm dealing with it.

It's all me.

Gonna do a little Heimlich. Little Heimlich ting.

Get the blues. Move!

(LOUD KNOCKING)

Police! Get on the floor!

Had you going. You piss yourself? Gross.

What are you doing here?

New protocol, there has to be two people here to write up a body.

Didn't know about that. Because it's new!

Right. Don't get up.

Come on! Humour's important in this game and that was quite funny.

No? Poor bloke.

He must've been so alone. No sign of his dog any more.

I know that feeling. You lose your soul mate,

and you can't replace them. There's always Battersea?

I meant Karen. Come on, positivity, please!

Sorry, you're right. Positive attitude.

Maybe the dog didn't die. Yes. Exactly.

I'll put the kettle on.

Maybe he ran away and was adopted by a kind family, and you know, they live in the countryside- (THUMP)

and he's scampering through the meadows.

Yeah. Found the dog. Yeah, it's dead.

...chasing rabbits.

It's a real mess.

All bloated up, big balloon.

Like a big, hairy space hopper.

Let's do this thing. Hang on! I'm coming!

It's number 76 not 74. Help is here!

Who woke the baby? Who the fuck are you!?

Why are you doing coming through my house!?

Oi! Wait for me for the cool stuff. I shotgunned.

I finally get her down and you run in, you fat prick!

It's lodged in there, we'll have to perform abdominal thrusts, alright?

If you could just hold on ever so slightly for my colleague. Okay?

Your house smells like shit. I'm calling the RSPCA.

So was it a sandwich- No-

Your neighbour's a dickhead. Hello! Hey mate.

Right look, we're just gonna get you up, yeah?

Everything's gonna be alright, okay?

Just gonna... here, let's, get my good side.

(GASPS) There you go! You alright?

Took your time you--

Probably best to concentrate on getting your breath back, lovey.

Yeah, be grateful. I'll put it back in there.

Bow! Show it to your mum. Bow! Bow!

-and if you think we're losing the magic, I'd like to hear it from you.

I thought we talked about our problems.

Alright, calm down. I'm sensing Hurricane Darrell.

Just relax. Maybe Kareshma was right about us.

Oh. You take our problems to Kareshma now?

So we do have problems! He admits it!

Well let's call Kareshma and find out.

Let's call her, see what issues we have.

Yeah, let's call Kareshma! Let's give her a buzz!

'Oh hey Kareshma, have we got problems? Yeah, exactly! Yes we do!'

I'm telling you, I'm trying. I don't know if you

want to dance with me anymore.

That's the dog binned. I went general waste, instead of food.

Just. Felt more respectful.

Lot of board games for a man on his own.

Ooh, he's got Jenga.

Chess for legends, get in!

Now, this'll cheer you the eff up.

Jenga? It's a little bit inappropriate, isn't it?

If he'd been crushed under a tower of wooden blocks, maybe.

Come on, you melt.

Who thinks Lawrence should play Jenga?

(HIGH PITCHED) I do!

Two against one. Come on Lawrence.

Yo, I thought my man was gonna be KO'd!

Bruv, he was, until Black Panther stepped in.

Aight listen, heroes need fuel. Two Twixes for me, Calippo for Wendy.

Wendy, give him some money. Yeah, but bring me the change.

Yep.

I like him, man.

I can see the three of you together. A ready made family.

Yeah. Big poppa bear, sexy Yasmine bear and little baby bear.

And me, Goldilocks.

You're not hanging out with me and Yasmine.

You already ducked out on one family.

Excuse me, I didn't duck out on them.

We mutually decided to explore new things.

Yeah, you're exploring firemen and they're exploring being ducked out.

Mighty! Let me get my chocolate.

Thank you, Anthony. Let's roll.

(RADIO) 451 Papa Kilo. You're up.

Ooh nice, we've got a burn at a barbecue.

Might get a free hotdog.

Typical. And I've spent fourteen quid on a rasclart wrap.

Woah. You mean I spent.

Big man, what part of I.O.U. don't you understand?

Eat your Twix.

(RADIO) 451 Papa Kilo. Caller failing to respond. Could be a time waster.

Let me come with you. Nah, man.

Don't worry, I'm not Jayden, I will come back.

You don't need to watch me run a finger under a cold tap. That's dead.

You stay here and check in with your mum.

Tell her what a fab time you're having.

Yeah, tell her I saved that guy.

Use that gun finger emoji when you text her.

Aaaarrrggghhhh!

I've never seen that before.

Nope.

The way his skin melted- Yes, Wendy, I remember.

Antony's not said anything for a while.

He's alright.

Aren't you lil man?

And the crumpled underdog steps up to make his move.

That's quite off-putting. I don't know whether you're

aware of the rules of Jenga, but that's. That's a no-no.

Okay! And... Okay.

He's made a choice.

And slowly he moves in, with all the consumate precision

of a Jenga master, without even looking, its never been attempted before.

He selects the piece and pulls it from the tower, which is still standing!

Oh yes. The crowd go wild!

All except one, who seems to be in shock.

There he is.

About time you moody bastard! Ah. You got me.

You've got me, Lawrence.

It is, I think, your move.

Or is it your move?

No, because I just won, so it's your move.

(THROAT CLEARING)

Thanks for coming lads. Here's your purple plus.

Overdose, looks like it might be prodoxamol but I'll leave it to you.

Prodoxamol.

You talking to me or you new best friend Kareshma?

Every day Kareshma this, Kareshma that.

Hey, hey. Stop it. I hate to see you guys like this.

Look, it's the last thing I want to do, but if you guys need a

break from each other, we can always re-partner?

Leave Darrell? Leave Darryl?

I wouldn't want your friendship to suffer.

I don't know. Maybe she's got a point.

And you'd be happy to swap? For you two?

Of course.

Gary?

Well yes but- I mean,

you two are inspirational.

The way you work together, you're like a well-oiled machine.

And machines break so-

And the way you pick each other up time after time,

I mean you two, you have something we lesser mortals can only dream of

and you want to throw all that away?

Well shame on you!

Well they've already said they do, we all heard it, I'll ring Jo.

This is... (BOTH) Crazy.

Let's not stick a plaster on some serious issues here, guys.

Darrell without Darryl, that's like the sky, without...

everything in the sky. All the sky stuff, gone!

The birds, and the clouds. A balloon!

I can't do this. I need my Hurricane.

Nice one Gary!

Thanks mate. We was proper on a ledge.

Thank you mysterious stranger.

What? No, it's Gary. Come on!

I helped you move!

Oh, come on!

He's not blinked for ages. I know.

Blow on his eyes.

Not that hard! What's wrong with you?

Anthony.

Yo. You want a happy meal? I need you to say something.

Big mac! Big Mac for a big man?

I'll buy you a game. I'll buy you a game!

Your mum's dead! What you doing?

Trying to shock him. We've already done that.

The burning man? The man on fire?

He don't need a dead mum as well. There he is, my little man.

Hope he wasn't any trouble. Trouble? Nah. He's a good as gold.

Big imagination on him though, he made up a few lies earlier,

didn't you little man?

Probably do the same to you at home.

So just ignore anything, everything he says.

Face...face...

Facetime you later? You beg.

Nah, I'll shout you. That man... was on fire.

I was on fire, saved nuff lives and dat.

Soooo, you can say no or whatever but are you free for a

drink tomorrow night? To say thanks?

Let me check my diary.

Yeah, I'm free.

Great. I'll text you. Come on. Cool.

I feel awful, I think we really traumatised him.

Nah. Damage was already done. His broken home and all that.

Don't worry, I'll fix it once I'm with his mother.

I'm not sure that's looking too good.

They've stopped. Now he's telling her something.

Oh, that little snitch!

Now she's coming this way. What?

Quite quickly. Shut the gate.

Shut the bludclart gate!

I'm finally where I belong, on these streets.

Damn, your biker boy- shit!

Woah! Sorry!

Are you two related? We all look the same to you?

Is that it?

You think I fancy Lawrence? Ugh.

You'll end up doing something stupid like I did.

What did you do?

Shit, Wendy, we've done something bad.

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