All language subtitles for 01 And Bimbo Was His Name-O (1)

I voted for Carter twice.

>> I hold you personally responsible for

everything that's wrong
with this country today.

>> It's never a good
thing in a relationship.

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No, no, I didn't know that.

>> It's from the lady on
the other side of the bar.

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>> What the old boy how about that?

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>> Thank you.

>> You looked like you could use it.

First date?

>> What gave it away?

You know, I have to tell you, I've never
had a woman buy me a drink before.

>> Well, to tell
you the truth, I have

never bought a drink
for a man before.

>> Oh.

How was it for you?

>> It was kind of disappointing.

Actually, I thought I would feel much
more like Lauren Bacall or something,

and I really felt more like, I don't
know, four bucks lighter, I guess.

But that's not your fault.

>> Oh.

>> But I'm glad I did it, I am.

I really needed to do something
different tonight, something not me,

you know what I mean?

>> What language is that?

>> Sure.

>> Anyway, you don't have to stay there.

You don't even have to drink that.

I just wanted to, you know,
try it, and I did, and so.

Thank you.

>> Oh.

You're welcome.

>> Mr. Topper, your table is ready.

>> Oh, no.

I think I, my date decided
to, we have nothing to lose.

Would you like to have dinner with me?

>> Dinner?

Me?

No, I don't think so, no.

Sorry, I can't.

No, thanks.

>> Okay.

>> Although... [

>> Oh, Martin, you really
shouldn't be so closed-minded.

>> No, no, no, no.

This is something I feel very
strongly about, you know?

You don't put blueberries on cheesecake.

Blueberries are for pie, right?

>> Mm-hmm.

Sometimes the touch of a
woman's hand can mean a great deal.

>> Your waitress has gone home.

Perhaps you should as well.

>> Well, apparently we've broken something.

You know, this was really nice.

Maybe you should do
something different more often.

>> Yeah, well, I really
ought to be getting home now.

>> Sure.

>> Although...

>> Mm.

Well, I've certainly
never done this before.

>> Sandra, if you're not comfortable
with this, you know... >> No, no, I am.

I am. I really am.

I just, uh... I think
I better be going.

>> [ Chuckles ]

I understand.

Good night.

>> Although...

>> This you've done before?

>> Yes, I have.

Martin, make it wonderful.

Take me away.

>> Okey-doke.

I'll give it a shot.

- Oh, sorry. Go back to sleep.
- Well, where are you going?

Where are you going? Stay.

Oh, I can't. Where are you?
Um, just close your eyes.

Can I call you?

I'll call you.

What is this? A one-night stand?

[ Chuckles ]

This is -- Oh, my God,
this is a one-night stand.

I let you buy me a drink, you use
me, and then you toss me aside.

It's not a one-night stand.
Really, really, it isn't.

I'll call you. I promise. I promise.

I had a wonderful evening.

Okay. Now go back to sleep.

[ Sniffles ]

I can't. I can't.

I'm just -- I'm a little like... [ Snorts ]

.

"Topless Dennis" is a just-a-kimic
on the next Eddie Charles show.

[ Chuckles ].

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Don't start with me.

Excuse me? I'm having one of those days.

Yeah, well, maybe I'm
having one of those days, too.

That's no reason to take
your anger out on me.

There are some things it
is better not to bother with.

I apologize.

[ Phone rings ]

Martin Tuppers' office.
Can I have a last name, please?

I'm not gonna just tell him anything
till I get some information here.

Oh, is it? Shh.

You don't get it, do you?
I'm the gatekeeper.

I'm the sentinel. I'm the three-headed
dog that guards the... Toby.

It's some Sandra person.
She won't give me a last

name, but don't worry.
I'll get it out of her.

I know who that is. I'll take it by office.

Fine! To bribe me at what
little pleasure I get from this job.

Hello?

So, did you ever fall back to sleep?

Yes. Yes, I did.

I had a wonderful time last night.

So did I. Although I had no idea how
far you people were going to get votes

these days.

Oh. So you know.

How could you not tell me?

Well, I didn't think you
were interested in politics.

Oh, excuse me, Mrs. McGann.

Listen, I really can't talk about this
here. Can you meet me someplace?

Absolutely not.

I should have told you.

Yes. Yes, you should have.

Well, I'm really sorry.

But I'm not really, really sorry.

Because if I had
told you, we probably

would have had a
very different night.

And I liked the night we had.

Well, wasn't too bad, was it?

No. No, not bad at all.

That's not the point.
I mean, it shouldn't have happened.

Martin, yesterday at 6.30 in the
morning, I had to meet with 300 dairy

farmers who tried to teach me how
to use an automatic milking machine.

Believe me, it's not as
glamorous as it sounds.

And then I had breakfast three times.

First with the Rotary Club and then
with the Knights of Columbus and then

with some senior citizens group who
insisted that I square dance with them.

I keep thinking about last night
when I was kissing your arms.

They're very soft skin.

Well, so you were square dancing?

And then there was this big group of women.
I don't know who they were, but

they gave Dan a plaque.

And then we went to a cocktail party
and Dan told the funny story about

meeting Babe Ruth, which really
isn't very funny and I'm pretty sure never

really happened.

You left a little bite Mark on my thigh.

Did I?

And then after the photo session, I
went into the ladies room and I looked

in the mirror and I had this big grin
on my face and I thought, what the

fuck are you smiling about?

I had to get out of there.
That's when I went to the bar.

Then I met you.

And I hope, I hope that
I get to see you again.

Yeah, me too. Say, look, why don't we
go have a sandwich someplace? Maybe we

can straighten this out.

Well, I'm sorry. I just, I just don't go
out with married women. It's wrong.

And you get hit a lot.

Look, you may have no
problem with this sort of thing.

I've never done anything like this
before in my life. But even if I never do

what I did again, I'm glad
I did what I did with you.

All right.

Goodbye, Sandra.

Do you remember what happened on
your first date? Well, we have a story

about a famous woman and her secret love.

Well, at least you were
having a good hair day.

Toby, are you here for a reason?

There's some members of
the press here to see you.

Shit.

Mr. Tepper, Mr. Tepper, did you have...

Well, the American press,
what a delightful surprise.

All right, all right, one at a time.
Blondie, you're first.

Mr. Tepper, did you have
an affair with Sandra McAdan?

My head hurts. I don't remember so good.

No comment.

Good answer.

But there's pictures...
He said no comment.

You at the lipstick.
You're next.

Have you seen the picture in today's post?
And do you deny that that's you

with Mrs. McAdan?

That's two questions. You're out.

Isn't this you?

Maybe it is.

And maybe it's not. Maybe
it's a trick. Maybe it's his

head on somebody else's
body. Maybe it's his twin brother.

You don't know.

Thank you, Toby.

Mr. Tepper, did you or did you
not have sex with Mrs. McAdan?

Let's keep sex out of this.

I don't think my sex life
is any of your concern.

So you admit you have a sex life.

Hey, whatever happened between me
and Sandra McAdan, and I'm not saying

anything did happen, is
between me and... and her.

I love my wife very much.

And I'm not about to let some Martin
Tepper destroy what we've built over

the last 19 years.

Mrs. McAdan.

Mrs. McAdan, would you say
Martin Tepper seduced you?

If by seduced, you
mean did he take

advantage of her, the
answer would be yes.

Is it true, Mrs. McAdan?

Yes. Yes, it is.

She said what?

Hey, she picked me up in a bar, okay?
She bought me a drink. You can check

the bar receipts.

If anyone was seduced here, it was me.

What this man is doing is a disgrace.

I don't know why this man
is trying to destroy our lives.

But with the primary two weeks
away, it could be politically motivated, or

he could be a psychotic.

All I know is, this has
been very hard on Sandra.

Mr. Tepper! Mr. Tepper, right here!

Mrs. McAdan, please!

Please! Everybody will get a crack at him.

Doris? And then out.

Mr. Tepper, were
you aware that you

were having an affair
with a married woman?

I keep trying to tell you.
When we met, I didn't know she was married.

And when I found out she
was married, I broke it off.

But you do admit you had sex
with her on at least one occasion.

Yes. Yes, we had sex. On one occasion.

Mr. Tepper, are you a sex addict?

Do I look like some
maniac that runs around

in public parks
beating up on blondes?

Let me tell you something. I'm a single
guy, okay? And every now and then, I

date women. And yes.

Yes, occasionally, I even have sex. Yes.

Mr. Tepper! Mr. Tepper, right here!

Wait till he gets his sight back!

In the three days since the
McAdan scandal hit the headlines,

we have uncovered 73 women who
claimed to have had sexual relations with

Martin Tepper.

Oh, my God.

73?

Well, you know how these girls come and go.
They change their names. Who

could keep track?

I wonder what's on cable.

Among them is actress Julia Montana.
We spoke with Julia on the set of her

latest movie.

Sure, I slept with
him. It was during

the filming of the
Richard Stone story,

for which I got the
Golden Globe nomination.

It was a brief affair. Frankly, I don't
know what all the fuss is about. He

was just okay.

Ouch!

Bad press. Just by a nun.

Now you want.

73, huh?

Lenora Hempel of
Utica, New York has

come forward with
the strongest allegation.

Who's Lenora Hempel?

We met off and on over several years.

He insisted on keeping our love a secret.

I have never seen this
woman before in my life.

He promised to marry me.

I loved Martin Tepper.

This is your baby, Marty!
This is your baby!

I'm naming Roy after your father.

Your father's name isn't Roy.

Nothing gets by you.

Martin, relax. I know this is
a difficult time, but it'll pass.

Richard went through the same thing
in March when that People Magazine

article came out.

Shoot, if they named
him the sexiest man

alive, that's not
exactly the same thing.

Okay, I see what you're saying, but
the point still holds. You can't let the

press get to you.

You go now live to Jennifer Clara.

I'm standing outside the
apartment of Martin Tepper.

Here she is.

Here she is.

Whoa, whoa, I'm not here.

And according to sources, it is here
that Martin Tepper and his ex-wife,

Judith Tepper Stone, are
still secretly living together.

What?

Judith Tepper
Stone is currently in a

denoted position
and philanthropist, Dr.

Why did you not live here?
I came to pick up my son.

Hey, Mom's on TV.

Mrs.
Stone, does your husband have any idea?

I do, but there is nothing
to have any idea about.

Hey, this is cool.

Dude, just get in here with me.

Secretly living together, where
do you people get this crap?

Dude, shut the door.

Good night.

Well, that was an extremely
emotional Judith Tepper Stone.

Now, back to you, Terry, in the newsroom.

There were two more murders.

I thought you handled that very well.

Shut up.

Man, you're going about this all wrong.

You can't count on the press
to tell your side of the story.

What am I supposed to do? Rent a billboard?

All right, all right. I'll tell you what.
Come on my show.

You know, we're supposed to do this
thing tomorrow with Amish transsexuals,

but if you want, I'll bump them
and I'll give you a whole hour.

Really?

What are friends for?

I'll see what I can do.

Martin Tepper talks back on
the next Eddie Charles show.

See? Done.

Next time on Dream On...

This woman has
lied about me in the

press and she's made
my life a living hell.

He continues to capitalize
on it for his own personal gain.

Bullshit!

All right, Martin, I know you had
enough of this little scandal and quite

frankly so a lie.

You're a disgusting, vile,
pernicious piece of shit.

Get out of town.
Now, look, he told me some stuff in there.

- And when I go to the press...
- What? What are you going to tell them?

That even after all that's happened,
you can count on my vote Tuesday.

Call security.

I think it's time we told
the truth about that night.

- It's time... - No.

- Start doing it.
- ...fortunate business... I have no idea.

Bonnie Hunt is David Letterman's
special guest on The Late Show.

And that's coming next.

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