All language subtitles for The.Mick.S01E11.1080p.WEBRip.x265-INFINITY

She's inappropriate,
but in charge.

-She's The Mick.
-Can I have some more ice cream?

Oh! Aaah!

Catch all-new episodes Tuesdays,

and check out
our other Fox programs--

New Girl, Son of Zorn
and Lethal Weapon.

-That's attractive.
-Why would they--

Only on Fox.

(children chatter indistinctly)

(sighs)
Is your aunt always this late?

She said
she's on Irish time.

(door opens)
MICKEY:
Hey.

Sorry I'm late.
Hey, buddy.

BEN:
Hi.
MICKEY: Stuck

in, uh, traffic
for over an hour. Ew.

Well, we have been waiting
for almost two hours.

Well, I'm in the middle
of a very busy afternoon.

What can I do for you?

Ben is no longer
allowed to ride the bus.

He's been urinating on it.

That true, buddy?
You peeing on the bus?

No. I peed
in Ryan Leggio's backpack.

Well, that's still
not a bathroom.

And then on his shoes

when he called me a "pee freak."

Okay, I can see how
that might be a problem.

But look, in the kid's defense,
it's a brutal commute.

I had to stop at a gas station
on the way here,

or I would have peed myself.

Uh, look, it's not just the bus.

Ben has been

doing poorly in his
classes, as well.

Einstein flunked math.

He's also having trouble
making friends.

You think Bill Gates
had friends?
And

he refuses
to wear his uniform properly.

Oh. Huh. You know who else
refused to wear a uniform?

Muhammad Ali, The Champ.

Did The Champ
wear high heels?

Look, give him a break.
The kid probably misses his mom.

They're Sabrina's.

Look, if Ben can't

change his behavior, I think
that we're going to have to...

You're going to have
to what? Boot him?

(laughing):
Oh, no, buddy.

Too late. We reject you.

Yeah. That kid's special, okay?

Not special like he...

He-He's just a special kid.

And if you can't see that,
you can burn in hell.

Okay. Well, I wish you luck.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I wish you luck,

because your school is a mess.
Have you met the other

two Pemberton kids
you've educated?

Yes, I know Chip
and Sabrina.
Yeah.

Well, this place has
just about ruined them.

You're running
a crap factory here, pal.

Just churning out crap. Ugh!

Look at this kid.
Are you kidding me?

That kid sucks.

Sucks, sucks.

This is a great school

to come to if you want
your kid to suck.

Oh, look, here comes another
guy. You suck!
Well,

it's the middle of the school
year. I think you're gonna

find it very difficult
to find any school

that's willing to...
No, no, no, no, no, no.

You're not the only game
in town, buddy, okay?

This school's a joke,
and not a good one.

Then I think
we're done here.

No.think we're done here.

Should I go with her?

Regrettably.

MICKEY:
Seven schools?

Who gets rejected
by seven schools?

Maybe you should have thought
about that before

you took him out of the best
prep school in the country.

Yeah, well, maybe
I didn't think it through,

'cause I was too focused
on how much Lockwood sucks.

And by the way, your
principal's a real tool.

Nice influence.
I mean,

what is the problem? The kid's
got an odd fashion sense.

What's wrong
with my fashion senses?

Oh, hey, buddy.

Uh... nothing.

Not a thing. I think
you look very handsome.

Uh, you want to go play
in the other room?

So you can keep
talking about me? Okay.

So I can keep talking about you.

That is a smart kid.

I do not understand why
he can't get into a school.

Oh, come on.
Don't be naive.

We all know
the real reason.

Here we go.

Frederico Diaz, 3.0,

crapped the bed on the SATs,
gets into Brown.

Meanwhile, Dustin Wakefield--
straight A's,

school treasurer--
gets into Wesleyan.

Disgraceful.

What are you talking about?
It's never

been harder to be a white male
than it is right now.

I'm gonna have to work twice
as hard to achieve half as much.

Preach, brother.

I haven't had a
win in 37 years.
SABRINA:
Oh, come on.

Try being a woman.

At least I understand the plight
of diverse people.

What?!
You two are about as diverse

as a Jimmy Buffet concert.

I would call you racist,

but you only hang out
with white people.

So I guess
that makes you separatists.

You don't know who
I hang out with.
Okay.

Name one
non-white friend.

(scoffs)

Alba.

Alba. Super not white.

Oh, don't drag
me into this.

Alba is not your friend.

You do not yell at your friend

for putting dressing
on your salad.

You know nothing
about her.

I know plenty about her.

What's her last name?

Gonzalez?
Perez.

Maldanado.
That's a tough
start, guys.

MICKEY:
You have lived with Alba

your entire lives, and you don't
know her full name?

Alba is a rich

fountain of culture.

Guzzle from her.

You know what, Alba?
Hmm?

Tomorrow, me and you--
we're going out. On me.

And I want to know
every single thing about you,

because you are my new friend.

That sounds good.
Okay. (laughs)

Count me in.
I frickin' love diversity.

Yeah, uh, okay, I got to
get Ben into a good school.

I cannot have him
turning out like you.

Look, there's only
two schools that are

accepting students right now--

the all-girls school
across the street

and the public school, but
it's, like, 40 minutes away.

Well, enjoy the drive.

(sighs)

I know the first day
at a new school can be tough,

but you just remember
to be yourself,

and you'll be just fine.

I'm a transformer!

Yeah. Sure.

Transformer. Close enough.

So, am I a girl now?

No, only when
you're at school.

Or whenever else
you want to be.

Cool. Do I
have a vagina?

No, you don't.
Any other questions?

What is a vagina?

Oh, that's like,
right up the... in between...

You got...

Can I get back to you
on that one?

Okay.
Thanks, buddy.

You look really good
in that dress, by the way.

Thanks. It's breezy
on my vagina.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe
don't mention that, though.

Now, listen,
there are three things

you've got to remember
today, okay?

Number one:
go wherever the girls go,

do whatever the girls do.

Number two--
and this one's critical-- you...

What? Are we here already?
My God, that's close. Nice.

All right.

Sorry we're late.
You know how fussy

little girls are getting ready.
Well, we are

thrilled to have our very first
transgender student.

Oh, say thank you, Ben.

I thought you said
my name was "Beth."
Yes.

That's what I said. He still
gets confused sometimes.

Well, you mean "she"?

Yeah, yeah,
that's what I mean.

You'll get it.
Don't worry about it.

Hey, Ben... th...
why don't you run outside

to the playground
while we finish up,

okay?
Okay.

Should I do
the thing now?

Yeah.

Oh!
(Mickey laughs)

(loud, overlapping
chatter and shouting)

Want to play dolls?
I'm not really
into dolls.

Want to play
super smash ball?

It's like dodge ball,
except we're all ninjas.

Okay.

So, Alba, tell us
more about Guatemala.

Oh. Uh, okay.

Well, the national flower

is the White Nun Orchid,

and the national bird...
Oh, wait. Hold on.

I want to write this down so
I can throw it in Mickey's face.

Oh, okay.

Uh, the national bird
is the quetzal.

And, uh, oh, the
population is 12.7 million.

Wow.
Alba, this is delicious.
Is this eggplant?

No, it's beef.

(gasps)
(laughs)

Alba, you know
I don't eat red meat.

Why would you order this?

That is strange.

It must be regional.

You know, where I'm from,
it's vegetarian.

No, pepian is always beef.

No, it's not. No. Take it away.
No. Get it out of here.

No. That's not good.
Not where I come from. No.

Alba? Why is your phone on
the Guatemala Wikipedia page?

Is it?

Alba. What's going on?

Well, okay, I'm from Guatemala,

What? I came here

as a little girl, so my culture

is your culture.
Are you kidding me?

I just blew eight years
of no red meat for nothing?

Why didn't you
just tell us?

I don't know. Uh,

when I saw how much
you guys wanted

to hang out with me,
I got excited.

Now I feel terrible.
The whole point of this

was to get to know you better.

No, the whole point of
this was to hang out

with somebody diverse so
we could shut Mickey up.

Ignore him.
Alba, is there anywhere

that you actually like going?

Well... there is this
one place I really love.

Okay, good, let's go there.

But first let's send
a selfie to Mickey.
Oh.

Oh, wait.
Oh.

#ChipsAndGuac.
(chuckles)

(birds chirping)

Getting Ben into a school
across the street was genius.

He is cranking through my
mascara like a street whore,

but it's worth it.

Hey, you mind
if I go bare-ass?

I'd really rather
you did not.

(phone vibrating)

Hello.

Yep.

What, you mean right now?

Oh, gosh, I'd love to,

but I'm kind of
right in the middle of...

Okay.

Yeah, I get it.
All right, I'll be right there.

Everything okay?
Mm-hmm.

Just got to hike
over to Ben's school.

You want to come with me?
No.

I'm gonna stay here and cook
off some of these tan lines.

*

(disgusted groan)

* Ooh, my little pretty one,
pretty one *

* When you gonna give me some

* Time, Sharona
Alba, I had no idea

you liked karaoke--
that's so cool and interesting.
Oh,

I love it. As a little girl,
I dreamed of being Elton John.

All right,
everyone keep their eyes peeled

for an ethnic person.

You're the reason
people hate us.

Jealousy is the reason
people hate us.

Alba, what song
are you gonna sing later?

(laughs):
Oh, no, no.

I only sing in the shower
or the car

or doing dishes,
you know,

getting dressed
or folding clothes,

but never in front of anyone--
I could never do that, no.

Okay, this is what
I'm talking about.

Hey, man, where are you from?
Nigeria.

Jackpot.

* My, my

* My-yi whoo!

GIRLS:
I'm a little Dutch girl

dressed in blue.

These are the things

that I can do.

What are you doing here?

Hi! I just came to
see your principal.

I see you made
some new friends.

Yeah. I really like
this girl Jennifer.

Does that make me a lesbian?

You don't have to worry
about labels, buddy.

Just like who you like.
Good. 'Cause I also like

this kid named Brad
from my old school.

Sweet. Keep your
options open.

See you in a bit.

GIRLS:
I can do the...

Hope this is some
sort of an emergency.

I was in the middle of
an important meeting.

This is Gene,
a parent here.

He has some concerns
regarding Beth.

You kept me waiting,
so I'm gonna get right to it.

My wife and I aren't comfortable
with our daughter

sharing a bathroom
with a boy in a dress.

I'm sorry, I don't know anything
about a boy in a dress.

I know about a darling
little girl in a dress-- is that

who you're talking
about, Gene?
Okay, look,

I'm not trying to pass
any judgments here, all right?

Anything anyone wants to do
or wear, I'm cool with.

Well, would you
listen to that!

Gene here is cool with the rest
of the world having free will.

Thank you, Gene.

I didn't mean it like that.
No?

No. I'm just looking after
my daughter's safety.

I mean, come on, it's
common sense, all right?

That's why we have
a boys' room and a girls' room.

I got news for you, friend.

The world is a dangerous place.

Nobody's safe.

It does not take
a little boy

in a dress
to molest your daughter.

I use the girls' room.

I could easily molest
her any time I want.

Uh, please,

let's not make this personal.

I'm not done, Rita.

I won't do it, Gene, okay?

But maybe... not only
am I a sexual predator,

maybe I'm liar.

So maybe I will do it.

Whoa.

Okay.

Stop for
just a moment.

I understand this is
a very emotional issue.

We thought we were ready
for this, but clearly we aren't.

What?
So I'm sorry.

Beth has to leave Barnsdale.

(groans)

No.

No. This isn't over.

You tell your daughter
to watch her back.

Can you believe that bigot
chucked our little girl?

I got to find a way
to get him back in.

Now a transgender person
knows how it feels to be
white these days.

Ben is white. And
he's not transgender.

He just likes wearing
little girl's clothing.

If anything,
he's gender-fluid.

You know what? I'm proud
to be his big sister.

No, don't make this your thing.
This is Ben's thing.

It seems like
it's your thing.
I'm just trying

to get your brother
into a school he likes.

And if I can fight injustice
and slam my foot up her ass

at the same time,
then that's a win.

Oh, yeah, so suddenly
you're just this big friend

of the LGBTQ community?

Mm-hmm.

Wh-What?

Are you serious?
Lesbian-Gay-

Bisexual-Transgender-
Questioning.

Pretty sure the Q's
for "queer."

No, "queer"
is offensive.

Why? When I was growing up,

it was the kid with the ball.

And where's the "S"
for "straight"?

You don't need to
be represented.

So... they can exclude us,

but when we exclude them,
we're the bad guys?

When exactly do my people
get their justice?

For the last
5,000 years.

Agree to disagree.
JIMMY: You know, this reminds me

of Massachusetts v. Shepherd.

Never heard of it.
Well, it was

a case involving me.

I was at the aquarium
and I got lost.

I end up in the wrong bathroom.

Next thing I know,
I'm getting arrested

for looking like a predator,
which, incidentally,

is why they threw out the case.

They profiled the mustache.

Hmm.
Not a good move.

You should just
sue Barnsdale.

No, I'm not suing anyone, okay?

Suing is how rich white people
solve their problems.

Yeah, but you don't have
to actually sue them.

You could just
threaten to sue them.

I do love threatening.

Hey, Sabrina, I'm so happy
you wanted to come back here.

Yeah, well,
these ribs are delicious.

And... I wanted
to sing and show you

there was nothing
to be afraid of.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

Oh, I'm so
nervous for you.

I want to throw up
and run away.

MAN: All right, next up,
Sabrina Pemberton.

Watch and learn.

Come on up.

(people clapping)

So, how long have you
been in America?

Since I was
12 years old.

Is your family out here?

My family is dead.

Mm.
My mother, she
died of malaria.

So I ran away from home.

Then I was taken and
made to be a soldier.

Huh.
They gave me a gun and
forced me to execute

a farmer, but
my gun jammed.

Thank God you caught a break.

They made me hack him
with a machete instead.

(shudders)

It was my ninth birthday.

Wow. That...

that's just...

perfect.

Do you mind starting
from the top?

Just... Record it
for a friend.

This next song is
for my maid, Alba.

(chuckles)
She's been keeping it real
since I was in diapers.

WOMAN: Yeah, Alba!
Everybody show her some love!
Come on!

You my girl, Alba.

You my girl.

I love you, boo.
Let's do this.

(Notorious B.I.G.'s "Hypnotize"
playing)
Uh. Uh.

Uh.

Come on. Ha.
(whooping)

* Sicka than your average, poppa
twist cabbage off instinct... *

(indistinct chatter)

(grunts)

(grunting)

Easy access, huh?

Mark that down as the school's
first security issue.

Yeah, check.
All right, I'm gonna go

have a chat with that principal.

You stay here and film
anything that looks dangerous.

Safety hazards, violations,
dangerous birds.

Anything you think we could
use as a potential lawsuit.

Okay.

By the time I'm done,

Ben will be prom queen.

(booing)

You got
some nerve

using that word.
Racist!

SABRINA:
How was that racist?

Those are the words of the song.
MAN: Have some respect!

Hey. Where you going?
I thought we were friends.

You don't even know my name.

SABRINA:
Is Mark Twain racist?

Good-bye, Chip.

Good-bye... you.
I mean,

asking me to sanitize
Biggie's art, that's racist.

Yeah, if we didn't buy
Biggie's albums,

then he wouldn't be kicking it
on a yacht right now.

Oh, stop.
(booing)

Shut up, Chip.
You're not helping.

* At last...

* My love has
come along *

(whistling, applause)

WOMAN:
Yeah, Alba!
(whooping)

* My lonely days are over

*
(whooping)

* And life is like a song...

Damn, girl's got pipes.
(applause)

Wow.
MAN: Go, Alba!

* Yeah, yeah...
(whooping, whistling)

Ya!
(screams)

Molested!

(chuckles)
Just kidding.

I will not. But if I did want
to violate you,

there would be no one around
to stop me.

Get out!
Eh, fair enough.

You finish up
this little operation.

I'll meet you in the hallway.

Oh, my God.
(door creaking)

Why are you here?

You no longer have a
child at this school.

It's annoying, right?
And the thing is,

you could have me escorted out,
but you have no security.

And you know what else
you don't have?

Security cameras. Ah!

Ooh! Dark, scary room.

You know what they call that
in prison?

They call that a blind spot.

It's a real good place
to catch a shiv.

Okay. Please stop
kicking doors.

I am simply trying to point
out that my little Beth

is not the problem.

Let's take a walk.

I mean, take a look around
this place.

This school is a
hotbed for predators.

Whoa! Hold on,
who's that guy?

Hey. Little girl.

Hi. Do you feel safe?

Please tell me you know him
and he's a parent

and not
some predator.
Oh, yeah?

I've never seen
that man before.
Pervert!

Predator!
(girls screaming)

Pedophile!

Not again.

What kind of operation
are you running here, lady?

You've just got
Peeping Toms

milling about,
making smut films?

No.
I've got half a
mind to report you.

No, no, no. Wait, wait.

Mm-hmm.

There's my guy. Hey,

guess who's back
in Barnsdale.

I'm thinking a five.

I'm not happy there.

What are you talking about?
We love Barnsdale.

Can I go back to my old school?

Really?

I'm sorry
for whatever I was doing wrong.

Oh, buddy.

Hey, you didn't do
anything wrong.

I was the problem, not you.

Can I still wear skirts
and stuff,

or will I get in trouble?

You do whatever you want.

Okay?

I'm sorry.

(humming)

Oh, good.

You're here.
Uh, please, have a seat.

I really would like to
talk to you about Ben.

I sit there.

You've got assigned seats
in here?

Yeah, it's a principal's office.

Hmm. Where I'm from, the
guest gets the good seat.

No, not here.
Okay. It doesn't matter.

Listen, please give Ben
another chance

and take him back.
I'm sorry,
it's too late for that.

I know. I get it.
I owe you an apology.

I certainly owe Ben an apology.

I most likely owe the entire
LGBTQ community an apology.

But I... Please, just
give us another chance.

I'm sorry, but you probably
shouldn't have pulled him out.

I know. I shouldn't have.
I make bad decisions.

I'm a terrible person
and a horrible influence.

I drink,

smoke, lie, steal.

I'm drunk right now.
(chuckles)

I had to take a cab to get here.

And then I had to run away
when it was time to pay,

'cause I didn't have any money.

(sighs)

And I stole this from your desk.

Oh. (sighs)
I... Please.

I'm sorry, okay? I'm awful.
I can't help it.

Yes, you are. Now please leave,
or I'll have to call security.

Security! You've got security.
That's awesome.

That's exactly why Ben needs
to go here.

It's a good school.
And he was happy here.

Just... Please, if you
don't take him back,

I might have to homeschool him.

And I will ruin him.

Please don't let me do that.

All right, fine, fine.
Ben can return to Lockwood.

You cannot.

You got it.
Thank you so much.
Okay. All right.

One last thing,

please cut the kid some slack
on his outfits, okay?

He's gender fluid.

He's what?

He's gender fluid.

You're an educator.

Educate yourself.

(door opens, shuts)

All I'm saying is, I
never yelled a racial slur

at a crowd of people.
I didn't yell it.

I just sang it exactly
like it is in the song.

Well, my Nigerian friend
is pretty torn up over it.

Again, his name is Kingsley.

Look, here comes Mickey.
Let's just keep this

between us, okay?
I want to keep capitalizing

on this Guatemalan thing.

Part of my brand.

Absolutely. Plus, I want
to rub it in her face

that we've
been hanging out.
Oh,

don't worry. I won't mention you
said that word a bunch of times.

Hey, Mickey. Did you know
that the national bird

of Guatemala
is the quetzal?

'Cause I do.

What's Alba's last name?

Hmm.

Really?

I'm sorry. I...

Santiago?
Sanchez?
No.

Um, Smith?
With an "R"? Ra-Ramirez.

It's Ramirez!
Rodriguez!

(birds chirping)

(jackhammering)

What the hell
is that?

Oh. Barnsdale's doubling
the size of their wall

to keep out the creepies.

We done good, Mick.

(jackhammering continues)
(groans)

(truck brake hisses)
(creaking)

(truck beeping)

I mean...

You good with this?

This is crazy.
(groans)

Captioning sponsored by
20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

MICKEY:
Molested!

Now that you've gotten
to know The Mick,

here are a few more shows
to check out
from Fox.

(gunshot)

(gunshot)

(retching)

(gunshot)

No one rode around
on a horse, screaming,

"The British are coming,
the British are coming"?
No.

I think I need to fix
something very important.

I have questions about
colonial Massachusetts.
It's urgent.

You have urgent questions
about colonial Massachusetts?
Yes!

I play a character named Dan,

who is a bit of a loser
and has figured out a way

to time travel.

A really big duffel bag?

It's a time machine.
I go to the past
every weekend.

Sometimes on Tuesdays.
Get in.

Never. No.

-You invented time travel.
-Yup.

When he goes back to the past,
he is instantly high status.

He's a stud 'cause
he's got all his teeth.

He smells nice
'cause he showers.

Doesn't have
any big diseases.
Right.

So I just gotta see
my girlfriend real quick.

What, you're dating
someone in the past?

Look, I told you,
I'm really popular
around here.

And I think that
that can be very appealing,

when you have a chance
to reinvent yourself.

You always know
just what to say.

You complete me.
Ah!

PALLY: Dan will be visiting
colonial times.

He'll be visiting
the early 1920s Chicago.

-I am Al Capone.
-(crowd gasps)

(chuckles)

He gets to deal
with Paul Revere.

Is it true that you've
been courting Deborah Revere?

Your girlfriend is
Paul Revere's daughter?

Yes?

The British can wait

until I find and kill
Deborah's suitor.

I'm Tom Cruise.
This is Magic Johnson.

PALLY: So his romance
may or may not

have screwed up
the American Revolution.

So, in 2016, black people
and white people are friends?

Yes, exactly.
Not at all.

What?

We are in the heart
of one of the world's
most remote jungles

deep in the South Pacific.

Along with ten
tough survivalists

from all walks of life.

But they don't quite know
what they're in for yet.

Surviving this game
will be the hardest thing
that you have ever done

because you won't be
paired with each other.

You'll be paired...
with these guys.

(all cheering)
WOMAN: Hi!

Ten total novices
who have never spent a night
camping in their own backyard,

let alone surviving
in the wilderness.

Oh, boy.

So we've "game-ified" surviving
in the wild.

(whimpering)
So that is like
the first big challenge,

right, for these novices--

just staying alive.

-(shouting)
-(screaming)

(laughing)

-Aaah!
-Are you okay?

SIMONE: They have to learn how
to make fire and to get food.

(screaming)

And then,
with their teammate,

they go on to the challenges
that we've prepared for them.

MAN: If you love action,
you're gonna see contestants

propelling down waterfalls.

If you love drama,

you're gonna see
relationships forming

and romances forming
in the reality
that we're shooting.

And if you love humor,
you're gonna see
this incredible humor

of these people that really
don't belong in the jungle
trying to survive out here.

So they have to survive
each other and the jungle
and the game.

(buzzing)

(animals chirping, tweeting)