Original subtitles

[Theme - Jack Jones, "love boat"]

Theme song: Love, exciting and new, come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward, let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat soon will be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

We set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

[Music playing]

[Phone ringing]

Oh, hey, you guys, my aunt Loretta hasn't come aboard yet,

has she?

- Not yet, gopher. - Relax, gopher.

Don't be nervous.

You're acting like you're auditioning

for the part of her nephew.

Now, believe me, you've got the job.

Sir, I know. I know.

I want her to be proud of me.

She's so used to hobnobbing with all

these sophisticated celebrities.

Just because your aunt Loretta is an international celebrity,

you know she's still your aunt.

Judging from the picture you have of her,

I'd say that your aunt Loretta has just come aboard.

Aunt Loretta!

Gopher!

Ooh, ooh.

Muah.

I was afraid you weren't going to get here before we sailed.

Oh, I was too.

The plane was late.

I thought you had your own plane.

Well, that's why I was late.

I stayed on board to see the end of the movie.

That's the last time I show "gone with the wind."

That sure beats standing in line at the movies.

Your own plane, I don't even have a bike.

Oh, aunt Loretta, I want you to meet some perfect strangers.

This is our ship's doctor, Adam bricker.

- Hello. - Doctor.

And this is Julie McCoy, our cruise director.

- Welcome aboard. - Surely.

And this is Vicki stubing and her father,

captain merrill stubing.

This may not be my very own ship,

but I certainly hope you enjoy the crew.

Oh, I'm sure I will, captain.

And if she doesn't, she'll just buy the ship

and make me the captain.

Oh, don't worry, sir.

I'll always find a place for you.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

Oh.

Stupid of me.

No, I take that back.

It wasn't stupid of me.

It was very intelligent of me.

Otherwise, I never would have met you.

Hi, Duncan Harlow.

That's my aunt Loretta.

Charmed.

Well, i--

I'm sure you all have some work to do.

And I don't want to be in the way.

So I, uh, I think I'll get a breath of city air

before we sail.

Bye-bye.

Goodbye.

She's lovely, gopher.

Yeah, runs in the family.

Loretta, where have you been?

It's chilly.

And you took my fur.

Oh, well, i--

I am sorry.

I, uh--

yes, well, bring the suitcases.

Um, oh, no, no, ma'am.

Um, this way.

[Music playing]

Yeah, the captain's going to take good care of you.

I promise.

[Inaudible]

There you go.

Here, I hope you'll forgive me.

I love you.

I love you very much.

Well, hello.

Hello, there.

I'm Ted Harper, and this is Richard Henderson.

Hi.

I'm the sexy one.

And he's the best friend of the sexy one.

It's ok.

This man has been embarrassing me since college.

Hey, rich, be fair.

I've actually been embarrassing you since grade school.

Uh, rich, how about checking us in?

The sexy one has to find somebody to be sexy with.

Terrific, yeah.

Is he really your best friend?

For 20 years.

We have absolutely nothing in common,

except 56 of us fraternity brothers invested

$100 apiece into a pot about 12 years ago

to go to the last bachelor.

Ted and I are the only two left.

Wow.

56 times 100, that's almost $6,000.

A lot more than that.

We invested the money in glamor stocks,

which performed glamorously.

Now it's worth about $50,000.

Wow.

So who's going to hold out the longest?

You know, I don't think either of us will ever get married.

See, Ted, he likes all the ladies.

And me, I, uh, I guess I'm married to my job.

Hm.

That's Richard.

What do you think of your future husband?

He's kind of cute.

But I always hoped I'd marry for love.

Well, don't look at me.

I'm planning on a long and wealthy bachelorhood.

Come on.

Don't get cold feet now.

Ok, a deal's a deal.

Thanks, Paula.

I knew I could count on an old friend like you.

If I'm such an old friend, how come

I've never met Richard before?

Well, with $50,000 on the line,

he hasn't exactly been anxious to meet girls.

Besides, I never thought of this idea before.

[Horn blowing]

Crowd: Goodbye.

Goodbye.

[Music playing]

Eddie?

Eddie Martin.

Karen.

Hi.

Hi.

Just "hi, Karen?"

In cumberland high, it was undying love in the back seat

of your father's ship.

You remember that?

Yeah, well, a lot's happened since then.

Well, I should hope so, for both our sakes.

You work here?

Uh, yeah, I do.

I work here.

Good.

Well, then we'll have time to catch up on what

each other's been doing.

You know, you're a lucky guy.

Me?

Sure, I had to pay for this cruise.

Well, you did it again, merrill.

You got us out of port without sideswiping a single ship.

Well, I do have a nice touch, don't I?

[Crying]

Is there something you want to tell me, merrill?

Shh.

"Dear captain, I know that you will take good care of my baby.

I've tried, but I can't."

Aw.

"God forgive me."

It's ok.

[Music playing]

Careful, Loretta, you're mussing my slip.

Yes, ma'am.

You know, Loretta, I think your problem is that you think

you're too good to be a maid.

Now, just because you had some money--

[laughs]

I didn't have some money, ma'am.

Before my husband died, I had lots of money.

And you had lots of debts.

Don't forget, Loretta.

I could probably get a maid who hadn't had lots of money

and would just like to work.

Yes, ma'am.

Uh, Mrs. Randolph, as I told you, by coincidence,

my nephew is a member of the ship's crew.

And he doesn't know that I'm working it.

I'm not interested in your personal life, Loretta.

I'm not paying you to talk.

I'm paying you to work.

Yes, ma'am.

[Music playing]

I don't know.

The more I think about it, the less

I like the idea of talking somebody into marriage.

We're just setting a trap.

He's a free citizen.

Nobody's forcing him to walk into it.

And besides, you'll be getting $10,000 from me,

and you can divorce him in six months.

It sounds worse all the time.

Don't worry.

Now, remember his weaknesses.

He's very practical.

That's right.

He's a nice man, but very, very slow with the dollar.

And he's very health conscious, and he's

a nut about being punctual.

And here he comes now.

Don't forget the punctuality.

Where'd you go?

I thought you were going to wait for me to change.

Ah, I'm sorry, rich.

I came out to get some sun.

Say, listen, I hear there's a shuffleboard contest.

What time do you have?

Uh--

it's exactly 35 minutes and 7/10 of a second past 3:00.

Make that 8/10 of a second.

Are you always that time conscious?

Yes, indeed.

We're all servants of time.

And by being punctual, we greatly

please our stern employer.

Beautiful way to put it.

Well, come on, rich.

Let's go catch a shuffleboard contest.

That's ok, Ted.

You-- you go ahead.

I'd like to talk some more to this young lady.

That is, if you don't mind.

I don't mind.

I plan to sit here for another 13, um, three quarters minutes.

You're very time conscious.

Well, time is life.

Life is time.

Exactly.

I wonder whose it is.

Well, whoever left this baby is either still on the ship

or got off before we sailed.

Thanks, goph, that narrows it down.

Well, until we return to Los Angeles

and turn it over to the proper authorities,

the responsibility of the baby is ours.

I wonder if it's a boy or a girl.

Oh, it's a boy.

How do you know?

Well, I looked.

It's stitched in right here on his bonnet--

Matthew.

- Doc? - Huh?

Can I hold him?

Yeah, ok.

Thank you.

Aw, you cute little rascal.

Does anyone have any idea how he got here?

I think he swam.

He's all wet.

Oh.

Oh.

Excuse me.

Do I have to physically bump into you again to talk to you?

Or could we just settle for figuratively bumping

into each other this time, huh?

Well, this time I'll settle for figuratively bumping

into each other, although who knows what the future brings?

Exactly.

Now, when I came aboard, I didn't

realize that there was going to be a lovely lady in mind.

And looking even further into the future,

would you have dinner with me this evening?

Well, I've been invited to sit at the captain's table,

but, uh, since my nephew has great influence on this ship,

I'm sure you're welcome to join us--

that is, if you care to.

I will sit anywhere to be near your, even if I have

to share you with the captain.

Thank you.

It isn't every maid who gets to go on an ocean voyage.

Oh, you brought your maid along on the cruise.

Well, even a maid deserves to be treated nicely.

Hi, Karen.

Oh, hi.

Listen, I want to apologize for before.

I was very rude.

Oh, no, you weren't, Eddie.

You know, except for the beard, you

haven't changed a bit since you took me to the senior prom.

Thanks.

That was one of the best nights of my life.

Yeah.

How's everything in New York?

I understand you're a successful decorator.

Yeah, I've been very lucky.

And bumping into you, maybe I'm lucky again.

Yeah, well, I've got a lot of work to do.

Uh, could-- could we have dinner tonight?

Uh, no, I'm sorry, Karen.

It's, uh, it's against the rules.

Belowdecks don't mix with abovedecks.

Then I'll change decks.

I'm sorry, Karen.

I guess our timing never was the best.

Ah, here you go, San Francisco sunrise.

[Crying]

That baby's crying.

Thank you, Washington.

He's been crying for an hour.

I'm going him down to doc's and get him checked over.

Maybe he's just hungry.

Hey, big fella, you want a pretzel?

Isaac, he doesn't even have any teeth.

Neither does my uncle, and he eats everything.

Will you cut out the jokes?

I think he's sick.

Poor baby.

Are you the proud father?

Oh, no, no, um, he was abandoned,

right here on the ship.

Oh, that's horrible.

Who'd do a cruel thing like that?

Listen, are you guys just going to stand

there and let that baby cry?

[Music playing]

This baby isn't sick.

It just a little love.

That's all.

Eddie, you and that baby seem to belong together.

[Music playing]

I just can't believe all the things we have in common.

May I help you, folks?

Uh, grapefruit juice, please.

Oh, that's my favorite.

Make that two.

All right.

Please bring my grapefruit juice with no ice.

Then with my grapefruit juice with no ice,

bring me a separate glass of ice.

Certainly, that's the only way to drink it.

If they bring you the ice in the grapefruit juice,

you only get half as much grapefruit juice.

However, if you order a glass of ice separately,

you not only get twice as much as ice,

you get twice as much grapefruit juice.

I never thought of that.

This way, it's like getting two glasses of grapefruit juice

for the price of one.

Hi.

Hi.

Ah, my watch stopped.

I think it's broken.

Aw.

Let me see that.

That should last your lifetime.

Why, thanks.

Isn't she great?

Yeah, I guess so, if you like practical women.

[Music playing]

That's a fabulous story, Loretta.

I bet you've dined with every celebrity that ever lived.

Well, everyone but queen Elizabeth.

We kept missed each other's calls

and never did get together.

Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

She called.

I forgot to give you the message.

Oh, I'm sorry.

By the way, gopher, whose baby was

that I saw you with on deck?

Oh, you must mean little Matthew.

We don't know.

He was abandoned.

But we're all taking care of him.

You should've seen the way gopher changed his diapers.

What's wrong with the way I changed his diapers?

Poor little Matthew almost had to go

through life with gopher's fingers pinned to his bottom.

Not true, Vicki.

Now, anyone can make a mistake.

Where's Richard?

He went to the cabin to get something.

Oh.

Things are going just great.

He's swallowing the whole thing hook, line, and sinker.

How do I look?

Oh, just look casual, like you're on a date.

Now, listen.

Remember, at dinner, you have to convince

him you're a fellow health nut.

Turkey.

Oh, that'd be a smart thing to order.

See you later.

Sorry, I forgot my vitamins.

Some people don't believe vitamins, but I do.

Oh, I take some vitamins myself once in a while.

I used to take more vitamins, but I've

cut down to only 53 different kinds before each meal.

These days, i'm concentrating more on herbs.

I've found that squaw vine is absolutely marvelous for almost

everything.

Yucca-- I'm sure you know-- is for the muscles.

And skunk cabbage stops whooping cough in its tracks.

I'd given up all hope of ever meeting a woman like you.

Mm.

Loretta, there's your maid.

Gopher: I didn't know you brought your maid.

Oh, well, wherever I go, she goes.

Excuse me.

Mrs. Randolph, I thought you were going to have

your dinner in your cabin.

I changed my mind.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Would you care to join us?

Thank you.

I know we're living in a changing world,

but I'm of the old school.

I don't approve of ladies and their maids sitting

down to dine at the same table.

Oh, she's such an eccentric.

Loretta, I, for one, think it was very charming of you

to ask her to sit with us.

Well, I want to treat us as equals.

But being from the old school, she just won't have it.

[Music playing]

I really should be getting back to my cabin.

All right-- in about three hours.

Hi.

Well, hi.

Well, dinner wasn't much fun alone, you know.

The way you look and with all the guys on the ship,

I find it hard to believe you couldn't find someone.

Well, maybe I wasn't looking.

Better be careful-- that's the way it usually happens.

I know.

Eddie, what's the matter?

Where's the old Eddie I used to know with a smile as bright

as sunshine, huh?

I guess I just got a lot on my mind, Karen.

Can I help?

No, I don't think so.

Hey, it's me, Karen, remember?

We used to tell each other everything.

Karen, uh, I was married.

And my wife died about-- about six months ago.

Oh, I'm really sorry.

It's all right.

Thank you.

I'm just having a little trouble getting my life back together.

Well, I can imagine.

I also have a little baby, a son.

Well, he's a lucky boy.

I bet you're a wonderful father.

I can tell by the way you held that baby on deck today.

Um, where is he, your baby?

Oh, he's, uh, he's being taken care of by some friends.

Oh.

You're a marvelous dancer.

Thank you.

I used to be very clumsy till I started

running 12 miles a day, six miles forward, six miles

backward.

You're a very nice dancer too.

In fact, you're a very nice man.

I'll go get us a couple of grapefruit juices.

Remember.

I know, one glass of grapefruit juice,

one glass of ice.

This is easier than I thought it would be.

I think he's in love with you.

Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it so much.

I feel terrible.

How can you play such a dirty trick

on a good friend of yours?

Listen, if one of us doesn't get married,

that money is going to stay there forever.

This way, uh, at least one of us will get to enjoy it.

We still have a deal, don't we?

[Sighs] Yes.

Then keep dancing, kid.

[Music playing]

Oh, what a beautiful night.

But I really should be getting back to my cabin.

Mrs. Randolph will be wondering what happened to me.

Mrs. Randolph really is my maid.

But, um, sometimes she treats me as if she were my governess.

It's fitting you should have a governess,

because you make me feel like a very little boy again.

A very naughty little boy.

Loretta, I'm a very wealthy man,

and I control a very powerful conglomerate.

But right now, i'm thinking of a merger.

Is that all you can think about, out here

in the moonlight?

Yes.

I would like to merge my lips with yours.

Well, I would hate to disappoint the stockholders.

Ah.

What a wonderful evening.

And what a wonderful girl.

Richard, there's something I want to tell you.

What is it?

Well, uh, I don't know how to tell you this.

Um, i'm, um, well, I'm finding it very difficult to say.

I think I know what you're saying.

I've been finding it very difficult to tell you too.

As a matter.

Of fact, I've never told anyone before in my life.

But here goes.

I love you.

That was a lot easier than I thought it would be.

Now do you want to try it?

Go ahead.

It's easy.

Uh, I love you too, Richard.

There you go, one more thing we have in common.

Wait till Ted finds out he's going

to have 50,000 more bucks.

Huh?

Nothing.

It's a private joke.

[Music playing]

Uh, you called me, ma'am?

Yes, I've been calling you.

What more, I have been calling you all night.

Where in the world have you been?

Well, I guess I was sound asleep.

I went to your room.

Well, maybe I was sleepwalking.

Loretta, you've worked for me for five years.

You never walk in your sleep.

Well, it comes and goes just about every five years.

I don't want to hear any more about it.

Now, here's the list of what I want you to to do for me today.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, Mrs. Randolph, could I take a second to see my nephew?

We haven't seen each other in such a long time.

All right, but don't disappear all morning.

I won't.

Thank you.

[Music playing]

Well, aren't you surprised about us?

Surprised isn't the word for it.

Who would have ever thought I'd find

my future wife on this cruise?

Who indeed?

I'm going to miss you, old buddy.

Oh, yeah?

Well, while you're missing me, you can sit around

and count your money too.

Come on, Paula.

Let's walk off this breakfast.

See you later, Ted.

Well, everything's arranged just the way you wanted.

They can get married in the city hall in acapulco.

I think they look happy, don't they?

Yeah.

Tell me something.

Hm?

For a man, who just won $50,000,

why don't I feel happier?

Maybe you're starting to realize

that your friend may have gotten the better end of the deal.

Of course, I'm biased.

I'm a woman.

[Crying]

There, there, Matthew.

Everything's going to be all right.

Dad, why is he so cranky?

Is he ok?

I hope so, Vicki.

[Knocking]

Come in.

I think we have a problem, Adam.

He feels very warm.

Warm?

Hell, this baby is burning up.

[Crying]

Hi.

Good morning, darling.

Coffee?

Oh, thank you.

Well?

Well what?

Are you going to tell me?

Tell you what?

I know your secret, aunt Loretta.

How did you find out?

You can't hide things from me.

I saw you two kissing last night.

That old Harlow is really a mover, isn't he?

Oh, you-- you mean Duncan Harlow.

Mhm.

Well, yes, I like Mr. Harlow a lot.

So are you going to marry him or not?

Oh, I only just met him.

Well, maybe that be a good time to get married, before we

find out each other's faults.

[Crying]

I'm going to put you down now.

Nice and easy.

Lie down.

There you go.

I'm no pediatrician, merrill, but all my tests

point to the same conclusion.

Matthew has autoimmune hemolytic anemia.

What's that?

It's a severe bladder infection.

He needs a transfusion, otherwise--

otherwise what?

I just don't know if he'll make it.

I'll make arrangements to have him flown to Los Angeles.

No, we don't have that kind of time, merrill.

He needs blood right away.

Use mine.

I wish I could.

You see, Matthew's blood type is ab.

It's extremely rare.

Maybe a passenger.

Well, we can try.

But, well, keep your fingers crossed.

Only three people in 100 have type ab.

It's ok.

It's all right.

I think we should drink a toast to our marriage.

To the woman I've waited for all my life.

I can't marry you, Richard.

What do you mean you can't marry me?

Ted set the whole thing up with me to win the $50,000.

I don't believe this.

You're just too nice a guy to go through with it.

You mean, everything was a lie?

[Sighs] Everything.

Ted thinks the reason I was doing it was because he

was going to give me $10,000.

The real reason is I was hoping to make him jealous.

[Sighs]

[Sighs] I feel terrible.

That son of a gun, he got me.

I can't believe I let myself fall for that.

I'm sorry, Richard.

I am going to get that louse.

I don't know how, and I don't know when.

But I am going to get him.

And you're going to help me.

Loretta, I want to talk to you about something very serious.

All right, I'll put on my very serious face.

Loretta, I do not do things by whim.

But I put you through the computer of my mind,

and the final result was, "wow," with three exclamation points.

I want to marry you.

Oh, well, I thought you were going to talk

about something serious.

I have never been more serious in my whole life.

Hell, i-- I love you.

And you don't have to worry about my

marrying you for your money, because i'm

very well off myself.

There you are.

I'm sitting there drinking.

I've been looking for you all day.

Excuse me.

But I don't think that that is the proper tone

of voice for a maid to use to her employer.

Maid?

Do I look like a maid?

She's the maid.

I'm the employer.

And the employer's telling the maid she's fired.

[Music playing]

Oh, it's beautiful here, isn't it?

Yeah.

Well, you seem to be feeling better today, huh?

Yeah, a little bit.

Eddie, listen, I know that you're going

through a rough time right now.

But I just want to tell you that I really

care about you and for you.

Thanks.

Karen, I know I could care about you too, if I let myself.

But right now, I just can't.

I can't.

I understand.

No, I don't think you do.

It's not what you think.

I haven't told you everything.

Well, I'm a good listener.

Merrill stubing (on intercom): This is your captain.

I have an announcement of utmost importance.

A blood donor is needed immediately.

If you have blood type ab, contact

the ship's doctor right away.

An infant is gravely ill.

Oh, could it be that poor abandoned baby?

Oh, my god, no.

Where are you going?

I'm going to my son, Karen.

Won't be long before I'll be Mrs. Richard Henderson.

How do you like my wedding dress?

Oh, you look lovely.

Hey, that's the way you wore your hair when we first met.

- Is it? - Sure.

Don't you remember?

Oh, women don't remember those silly things.

And isn't that the perfume you always wore?

Yes and no.

Behind this ear is new.

Behind this ear is the one you remember.

Oh, that's even better than I remember it.

Richard loves it too.

I'm so lucky.

Some people marry for love, some for money.

I'm marrying for both love and money.

And I have you to thank for it.

Oh, yeah, I fixed things up real good.

Is something wrong?

No, no, nothing's wrong--

nothing except that I love you.

Ted, please.

I'm practically married.

Then you're also still practically single.

Marry me when we get to acapulco.

Marry you?

That's right.

I want you to live with me in a big house with lots of kids.

What about Richard?

We won't have room.

I mean lots of kids.

I can't do it to him.

It'll break his heart.

He'll have $50,000.

He can get a transplant.

What do I tell him?

Nothing, nothing, I'll tell him after the wedding.

You're both very nice.

Please.

Well, I guess I have known you longer.

Dad, how long have they been in there?

Vicki, you've asked me that five

times in the last five minutes.

Sorry, dad.

I'm sorry, honey.

I shouldn't be snapping at you.

It's just that I'm worried about little Matthew in there.

Poor Eddie, I can imagine how he feels.

Eddie's a good person, captain, and a caring person.

Abandoning a baby is a serious offense.

Well, I'm sure that he had an important reason

for doing what he did.

Well, yes, I'm sure.

But I cabled the authorities the minute we found Matthew.

So I'm afraid it's out of my hands.

For god sakes, don't let him die, doc, please.

I'm doing everything in my power, Eddie.

I promise you that.

Matthew: [Wailing]

It's ok.

Aunt Loretta, something wrong?

There's only one thing wrong, but it's

a pretty big one thing.

I am not who you think I am.

Well, I think you're my aunt Loretta.

You're not my aunt Loretta?

Oh, of course i'm still your aunt Loretta.

It's just that I'm not a wealthy aunt Loretta anymore.

When my husband died, gopher, I found out

that all of his companies were heavily in debt.

So I had to sell everything to pay back what he owed.

Oh, I still travel all over Europe, but,

uh, now as Mrs. Randolph's maid.

You are a maid?

Oh.

I didn't want the rest of the family

to worry or feel sorry for me.

So i-- I just didn't tell anyone.

Oh, aunt Loretta, i--

well, I guess you and I are going to have to do

some serious family planning.

Because if you're a maid, that means that Thursday

is your day off, right?

Oh, gopher.

Oh, well, Mrs. Randolph just fired me.

So now I have mondays, Tuesdays, wednesdays,

and Fridays off too.

Hm.

Did you tell Mr. Harlow about this?

Yes, he knows.

And I'm sure he doesn't need another maid.

I'm leaving the ship at acapulco.

Oh, aunt Loretta, I'm sorry.

Well, I really love you.

Come here.

Oh.

They've been in there for three hours.

Well, I'm sure doc's doing all he can, sir.

Any news?

No, not yet.

Oh, Eddie.

Is he all right?

Yeah, he's going to be ok.

I think this man could use a drink.

Hey.

Orange juice.

[Music playing]

Announcer (on intercom): Good afternoon,

and welcome to acapulco.

The ship will remain in acapulco until 12 midnight.

And so in front of these witnesses,

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Ha, ha.

I got you.

I got you.

You tried to do it to me, but I did it to you.

Is he telling the truth?

Did you set me up?

Here you are, Paula, $10,000 for helping me out scheme

the schemer.

Ted.

Would-- would somebody finish kissing the bride for me?

Announcer (on intercom): Your attention, please.

Our light club tour will leave in one half hour.

Captain, please.

I'm sure if you spoke to the authorities--

I want to help you, Eddie.

But the authorities can take your baby away from you.

After all, you did abandon it.

Captain, my back was to the wall.

When my wife died, my mother started taking care of Matthew.

And then she got sick.

The only reason why I brought him to you

was because of all the people I know,

I knew you'd find him a good home.

I appreciate that.

But my only concern is what's best for the baby.

I've thought of nothing else for the last few days.

And I know what's best for Matthew.

It's me.

He's my son.

He needs me.

I need him.

But you still have the same situation.

Matthew still has no one to take care of him.

Yes, he does.

Eddie, I'll help you look after Matthew.

That is, if you want me to.

Are you sure?

I've been sure since high school.

Look, it has to be more than coincidence

that brought us together again.

And Eddie, I do love you.

I love you too.

Captain, please.

Please, i-- I need another chance.

Karen and I can give Matthew a very good home.

Well, Dr. Bricker worked hard trying to save the baby.

I guess the least I can do is try to save the family.

Oh, Karen.

Ted, please.

Remember when I told you that you only

had to be married to Richard for six months

then you could divorce him?

Yeah, I remember.

Well, in divorcing me, how about doing me a favor

and don't wait so long?

Ted, I want to try to explain.

Look, Paula, there's nothing to explain.

I tried to con rich.

Instead, he conned me.

I got caught in my own trap.

No, it's not the same trap at all.

That money wasn't for me.

It was for us, for our marriage.

I love you.

I have for years.

But you let Richard set me up.

No.

I let Richard do me a favor.

Come to think of it, I haven't kissed the bride yet.

May I?

Until I tell you to stop.

[Music playing]

Well, aunt Loretta, I guess if I

can't talk you out of leaving, this is goodbye for a while.

I'll write you soon as I get settled, gopher.

Where are you going with those?

Oh, those are my suitcases.

I'm leaving.

Well, you have the family silverware in there.

But no matter what you've got in there,

I'm not letting you off this ship with it.

In fact, you're not leaving the ship with or without it.

Oh, thank heavens someone needs a maid.

Hey, congratulations.

I haven't seen you two since the wedding.

I guess you haven't.

I married this one.

Strange cruise.

You see what I have to do because of you.

I hope you're satisfied.

I am.

Mhm.

Oh, Mrs. Randolph, I really do want

to thank you for everything during the past five years.

Don't expect a reference.

She won't need one.

She's already found a new position.

Bye-bye, aunt Loretta.

Aw.

You're still my favorite relative.

No, thank you, cupid.

Well, if things go the way I have planned,

you may be having yourself a new relative.

Well, that's ok with me, unc.

Bye, gorgeous.

Goodbye, handsome.

And if you ever need any shirt signed, just let me know.

Captain, Vicki, listen, doc, I don't

know how we can ever thank you.

By just taking care of that son of yours.

Don't worry.

We will.

Oh.

Uh, um, we all chipped in and have

a little something towards Matthew's college education.

[Music playing]

[Theme - Jack Jones, "love boat"]