Original subtitles

[Theme - Jack Jones, "love boat"]

Theme song: Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

Love boat soon will be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure.

Your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

Excuse me, I am Evita monteverde.

Miss monteverde, ah, you are on promenade deck, cabin 342.

Thank you.

And this is se or Carlos Jose Ramon Raul--

Sebastian battista Ramirez.

Uh huh.

And you are in the adjoining cabin.

All of you.

Gracias.

Is there a place aboard where I can practice

with my fencing swords?

Swords?

Carlos: Mhm.

A gymnasium on the sun deck.

Carlos: Splendid.

We have been engaged for three years, Carlos,

and you have always found an excuse for not getting married.

But I warn you, if you start once more with another woman,

you will need no excuses.

Because I will find another man.

Carlos: I hope she doesn't mean that.

Because if she found another man, of course

I would have to kill him.

Of course.

Hello.

Oh, hi.

Welcome aboard.

I'm Julie McCoy, your cruise director.

I'll be delighted to accept any directions you give.

Oh.

That ought to get your undivided attention.

Forget him.

I'm the right man for you.

Hollis: Please forgive them, miss McCoy.

It's the price one has to pay for dealing

with creative geniuses.

I'm Hollis witkin.

Hello, how do you do?

Mr. Bartlett and Mr. Marciano.

How do you do?

What do these geniuses create?

Toys, miss McCoy.

Educational, entertaining, and the world's finest.

I'm Alan.

Shall we say dinner at eight?

I'm Don.

I saw your first.

How about 7:30?

Please accept one, miss McCoy.

I don't want to be stuck with both of them.

All right, Alan did ask first.

Hollis: Right.

Come on you two.

I'll see you at 8:00.

Uh huh.

Listen, but you'll run away with me afterwards, right?

Right after dinner.

Ok.

I'm so excited I can't stand it.

I'm finally gonna meet my great aunt hilly.

Relatives can be fun and sometimes so can strangers.

Well, how am I gonna recognize her?

Well, that's easy.

Wherever there's a crowd, there's aunt hilly.

The caviar goes into the lounge

for the bon voyage party.

Take the silk sheets into the cabin,

and then make up the beds or the hammocks or whatever.

Oh, merrill.

How wonderful to see you.

Aunt hilly.

And can this beautiful woman young be Vicki?

How do you do?

Oh, she is a dear.

Oh, but I want you both to meet colonel Van Ryker,

my dearest husband.

How do you do?

My pleasure, sir.

I've always been a helpless admirer

of all the stubing ladies.

Thank you.

Your bon voyage party is already in high gear.

There must be 50 people down there.

Only 50?

I must be slipping.

But your son hasn't arrived yet.

Conrad?

Oh, I can't wait to meet him.

Well, that'll have to wait for another time.

The poor boy couldn't make it.

A business meeting or something.

Come along, Vicki, you'll be the guest of honor.

Good old hilly.

I have a feeling Vicki will never be the same again.

I have a feeling you may be right.

Oh, Alan, thank you.

They're beautiful.

Well, not while you're holding them, my dear.

They pale by comparison.

Hey, that's a good line.

I got to remember that.

They pale by comparison.

Julie: Alan, you know Isaac.

And this is gopher Smith, our assistant purser.

They're both leaving.

Who said anything about leaving?

I got all this stuff to go through.

Come on, gopher.

I want to show the new bar towels.

- Good bye. - You'll love 'em.

Eight o'clock was just too long to wait, Julie.

I couldn't.

You're so sweet.

Aw.

Here we go.

A little gift from the first day.

Don, do you mind?

Julie and I are trying to have a private conversation.

Thanks. Thanks, doll.

I won't be but a minute.

Oh, Don, you're crazy.

Sad, isn't it?

We've been trying to get him a brain transplant,

but the poor guy has nothing for a trade in.

By the way, your minute is up.

I hope I'm not doing interrupting anything.

No, no.

No, not at all.

Good, good.

Alan, I would like to see you in my cabin.

I just had a call from production.

There's some question about your remote control spaceship.

Oh, listen, Alan, you better go, you know?

Now, don't worry about a thing.

Julie and I won't budge from this spot.

I'll give you my word.

Ok.

I won't take no for an answer.

[Knocking]

You can call binky and fly down with him in his private jet.

Oh, Vicki, come in please.

Thank you.

I just wanted to thank you for inviting

me to your sailing party.

Was that man I met really an honest to goodness Duke?

[Laughing] He's a Duke, all right.

But as for the honest to goodness--

I wish my cousin Conrad had come with you.

What's he like?

My son?

He's nice.

Vicki: What does he do?

Oh, something in plastics or factories.

That sort of thing.

You have a picture of him?

I'm sure we do somewhere.

It'll probably take us the rest of the cruise to unpack.

Hilly: Know who that is?

Your grandmother.

You know, there's a family resemblance between you two.

You really think so?

I want you to have it.

Oh no, I couldn't.

Hilly: I insist.

Vicki: My very own grandmother.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

May I go show my dad?

Of course.

That was a lovely gesture, hilly.

She's such a sweet child.

Poor thing.

No one but merrill to take care of her.

And he seems to be doing a remarkably good job.

Oh, I'm sure she's doing the best he can,

but running a ship can't give him much time.

She needs special attention.

Please, hilly, don't get too involved.

We cannot stay on this ship forever.

Oh, I know, Larry.

And neither should Vicki.

I meant what I said, Carlos.

I will find another man if you continue

looking at all those girls.

Oh now, now, such foolish notions.

You must be tired.

Why don't you take a little nap?

Maybe I should.

What will you do?

I'll just sit here, get some sun, read my book.

Ok.

You go ahead.

Bye.

See you later.

Good afternoon.

Ok, he's going to get it.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi, miss Montevideo.

Um, monteverde.

Oh, please call me Evita.

Evita.

Evita: Mhm.

Where's your friend with the swords?

Oh, who cares?

I was hoping that you would show me around your pretty ship.

Me? Evita: Mhm.

Me and you? I can't.

I'm a bleeder.

I mean, I'm a purser and I have to go purse.

Well, I can do the honors.

I'm Adam bricker, the ship's doctor.

Fully licensed native guide.

Uh, let's go this way.

I want everyone to see what a good-looking man I'm with.

Wait, you mean you and Alan are both vice presidents

of Mr. Witkin's company?

Yeah.

But see, by the time the trip's over, why, one of us

is gonna be president because the old man is

planning to retire.

That's gonna be quite a decision for him to make.

I mean, you and Alan are about as opposite as can be.

Yeah, we are.

You see, Alan is very old line, very Ivy league.

Got a lot of Polish.

He's a very classy guy.

Well, you're not exactly a charm school dropout yourself,

you know.

But you see, in my neighborhood,

you didn't quote Shakespeare to a girl.

I mean, if you're really crazy about her,

you showed her by not stealing her father's hubcaps.

No, you see, Alan, he's got a lot of style,

but I am the one that's gonna grab the president's job.

Well, well, well, well, fancy meeting you here.

Don: What are you doing here?

I thought I told you that we'd meet you by the pool

where we were. - That's right.

You did.

That's exactly why I didn't go up there.

You know what, Alan?

I got to stop underestimating you

because you're beginning to think like me.

Ok, time.

Guys, I've got to go earn my salary.

A cruel reality, but I will survive.

After all, I am the one having dinner with you.

Don: Hey, you know what?

That's right.

So if you'll excuse me, I think I'd better go

make plans for my own evening.

Hm, that was a little too easy.

Oh?

I know him.

He's up to something.

But what?

I'll see you later.

I think aunt hilly is the most wonderful

lady in the whole world.

Conrad is sure lucky to have a mother like that.

Oh, Vicki.

There goes wonder woman now.

Let me get you some pillows, aunt hilly.

Thank you, dear.

Well, you've certainly won her over.

If was a mutual exchange.

Merrill, sit down.

A question.

Scout's honor, do you think of me as frivolous,

a scatterbrain leading a life of expensive parties

and many husbands?

To be honest, I used to.

But when my gray hairs came along in limited quantities,

I think I acquired a little understanding too.

I became your fan.

Then you wouldn't be angry if I interfered where I have

absolutely no business at all.

Vicki.

I have some ideas, but I wouldn't

want to be an interloper.

Hilly, my love, interlope at will.

I welcome the help.

There, that'll feel more comfortable.

Thank you, dear.

Vicki, how would you like another female

in your immediate family?

You gonna have a baby?

Ha, not without a miracle.

[Laughing]

Don't you dare laugh.

No, I'm referring to me.

I'd love it.

Good.

Because from now on, I'm going to be part of your future,

for better or for worse.

I'm sure it will be for the better.

Just remember you said that.

Of course it's all quite different by moonlight.

Perhaps we could tour it again tonight starting with dinner?

I have a date for dinner.

Oh.

But what about after dinner?

Better yet.

There she is, and doc's still with her.

I can see that.

Shall we meet here?

May I suggest another place for us to meet?

Might be easier to find for the two of us.

Such as?

My cabin.

Promenade 342.

Nine o'clock sharp.

- Doc! - Doc!

Hey, doc.

Doc, you got to stay away from her.

She is with her boyfriend.

The guy's a regular Zorro, and he brought his swords with him.

Doc, he means business.

Gopher, come on.

In today's world, a lady has complete freedom of choice.

And that lovely se orita has most intelligently

chosen good old doc.

[Speaking Spanish]

Gopher: [Speaking Spanish]

Gopher, maybe doc's right.

He's wrong.

I'm telling you, if doc keeps seeing her

we're gonna have to pick him up with a pair

of eyebrow tweezers.

[Knocking]

Hi.

Good, I'm in time.

I brought a dress for you to wear to dinner.

It says Paris.

Is it really from Paris?

It is.

Go ahead, open it.

I had to guess at your size from the snapshots

that your dad sent me.

It's beautiful.

Try it on.

The next time Lawrence and I are in Paris,

we must talk your father into letting you join us.

Me in Paris?

I wouldn't know what to do.

Oh, darling, that is what I am for.

Well, does it look good on me?

Good?

No.

Spectacular.

Oh, honey, you are so lucky.

You have the whole world still to discover,

and it can all be yours.

Remember, whatever you really wish is possible.

I wish I could be just like you.

I'm working on a little surprise.

And who knows?

You may have your wish.

[Jazz music]

Allow me.

Oh, thank you.

Julie, I can't tell you how much I've been looking forward

to being alone with you.

Don: Julie.

Hey, Alan, what a coincidence.

Alan: Amazing.

Mrs. Murphy.

Don: Oh, listen.

For your sake, I changed places with her because you

wouldn't have enjoyed her.

She's not the fun type.

I'd love to have you join us, Don,

but I know that Mr. Witkin is expecting you for dinner.

And you know how Mr. Witkin is when Mr. Witkin is hungry.

Don: You're not gonna sucker me, pal.

Because I spoke with Mr. witkin this afternoon,

and he's having dinner in his cabin.

Good evening

good evening.

Really, Don, you're not a very considerate date.

Date?

I've been waiting for you to pick me up.

Pick you up?

Hollis: Am I speaking in a foreign tongue?

Your note said that as long as Alan was having

dinner with miss McCoy, why don't you

and I have dinner together?

Or have you forgotten the note?

The note.

Are you gonna start that again?

No.

No, sir.

Good.

Let's eat.

I'm starved.

Alan, you wrote that note.

Well, I mean, with Don, you've got to protect

yourself at all times.

You know that.

As I was saying, Julie, I can't tell

you how much I've been looking forward

to being alone with you.

Wasn't that a delicious dinner?

Delicious.

But it's not even nine o'clock.

Wouldn't you like to go dancing?

Oh, not tonight, dear.

I have such a terrible headache.

Aw.

Perhaps you should see the doctor.

I may do that, but probably all I

need is a good night's sleep.

And you do have your book to read.

What book?

The one you read on deck all afternoon.

Oh, that one of course.

Well, I say good night.

Good night, darling.

Right.

I hope you feel better.

Oh, I'm sure I will.

[Knocking]

[Speaking Spanish]

That means welcome.

It certainly does.

I brought a bit of bubbly so we can celebrate close encounters

of the very best kind.

Hurry, my sweet.

This bed is so cold.

Fear not.

Dr. Warm is on the way.

This is so wonderful.

You are a man among men.

Did you hear me?

I said you were a man among men.

I heard you.

I heard you.

Let me get out of this jacket.

Oh.

Oh, you're taking your clothes off.

How wonderful.

Hurry, my sweet, hurry.

Hurry.

Your man among men returns.

Evita.

Adam.

Adam: Evita.

Adam.

Oh, darling, why don't we have a little wine

and a nice, long talk?

What happened to hurry, hurry?

I'd love to see Paris sometime, especially

if my dad was there too.

We have such fun together.

I should think with all his duties

you wouldn't find much time to see each other.

Well, no, he spends a lot of time with me,

especially when I goof up something.

Then boy does he spend time with me.

What do you talk about?

Lately he's been teaching me about the stars.

Do you see the north star up there?

Did you know that if you measure how high up

it is that will give you its latitude.

Ancient sailors found out about it.

Good thing to know.

Vicki: He's also trying to get me hooked on pre-columbian art.

There's a museum in mazatl n full of it.

I don't understand it very much, but he

likes it so I keep trying.

Well, it seems to me that living aboard a cruise ship

is not so limiting after all.

Oh, we'll be in mazatl n in the morning.

Would you like it if I showed you the town?

Indeed I would, provided you promise

to skip the museum this time.

[Laughing] Deal.

Do you think aunt hilly would like to come too?

Not a chance.

She doesn't believe in mornings in any form.

Well, she said she had another surprise for me.

I can't wait to find out what it is.

But I wish you wouldn't leave so soon.

Evita, I've been here for three hours.

I started out in bed, and I've been losing ground ever since.

Well hello, may I introduce myself?

Oh, my darling, how can you tease me so?

Hold me in your arms.

I cannot wait a moment longer.

Aha.

What are you doing here?

Who is this?

See this.

Oh no, Carlos, not that.

Not a duel.

Have a friend call up on me so we may arrange to cross

swords in the field of honor.

Cross swords?

You've got to be kidding.

No, sir, I am not kidding.

I will have satisfaction.

Well, that's a hell of a lot more than I had.

Julie: Attention all passengers going on the tour of mazatl n,

buses are now waiting at the dock.

Hilly, good morning.

There is no such thing.

Why don't you have some coffee?

If you're looking for Vicki, she just

went into town with Lawrence.

I know.

You know, i'm surprised she still

isn't wearing that Paris dress.

It was a wonderful gift, the second wonderful gift.

And now I have a third.

I made a call last night to Switzerland to an old friend

who runs the lyceum Moritz.

The private school?

The time has come for Vicki, merrill.

And the lyceum is the finest in the world.

I sent my own son there.

Yes, but Switzerland, that's the other side of the world.

She'd be alone.

Oh, Lawrence and I would pop in from time to time,

and she'll be with you every summer.

If the child is to grow, she must have wider horizons.

It's the perfect place.

It's stimulating, challenging, and

she'll make friends of her own age

from the very best families.

Sending Vicki away.

I've considered the idea before, of course.

I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it.

But I'm confident that deep down

you know it's best for her.

Hilly, this is something that needs a lot of thinking about.

Please don't say anything to Vicki.

I promise you I'll have a decision

before the cruise is over.

Hi.

Oh, hi, Don.

I've been looking all over for you.

Well, you found me.

You win anything?

I was hoping for a little serious conversation.

Oh, hey, you are serious.

Oh look, Don, I like you.

I think you're bright and funny, and I enjoy being with you.

But if you're looking for any kind of commitment--

no, no, no.

No, wait a minute.

Now, look, I don't want to scare you off.

I was just thinking we could use the rest of the cruise

to maybe get to know each other a little better, like maybe

the dance tonight, ok?

Ok.

Ok.

Ok.

Ok, hey, you just made me a very happy man.

I'll do my very best to try to return the favor.

I'll see you tonight.

All right.

It seems so obvious now Evita was

just using me to make Carlos jealous, and I didn't see it.

I'm some Turkey.

And he's gonna carve you up like one too.

No, he can't be serious.

I'll just stay away from Carlos 'til he cools off.

That kind of a guy never cools off.

Yeah.

He's got doc scheduled for a Spanish shish kebab.

Mhm.

Listen, Isaac, we are doc's only chance.

We have got to talk Carlos out of the fight.

Check.

We tell him that doc is totally helpless,

and he doesn't know his sword from his skivvy shorts, right?

Wrong.

We tell him just the opposite.

Oh, captain, please.

Please, won't you join us?

Thank you, Lawrence.

Thank you.

Well, you know, Vicki is quite a guide.

Showed me everything in town.

I did manage to talk her out of the museum.

That wouldn't be hard to do.

She would probably appreciate museums

more if she went to the lyceum.

You can stop the sales pitch, hilly.

I very gratefully accept your offer.

Oh, merrill.

You have considered every aspect?

Of course he has.

I don't have to tell you what a painful decision this is.

It would be selfish of me to keep her here.

I can't wait to tell her.

As a favor, please don't.

Let me in my own way, ok?

Of course.

Thank you.

Lawrence.

Isn't it wonderful?

Possibly, hilly.

Possibly.

But the doctor doesn't know anything about swords.

It will be cold-blooded murder.

It is a matter of honor.

[Knocking]

- Se or. - Se or.

Gentlemen.

We are here as seconds for Dr. Bricker.

The doctor will have the choice of weapons.

Not important, se or.

These swords will do fine.

However, you should know the doctor's

equally deadly with Spears.

Pistols.

Ax handles.

Poisoned darts.

Oh, he duels often.

Very often, se or I could retire

on just his florists bill.

Now about your body.

24 and 1/2.

24 and 1/2.

Well, of course, you have the choice

to either be buried at sea or have your body shipped home

in one of your suitcases, provided, of course,

you're not over the legal weight allowance.

59.

59.

Isaac: Ah, we just love burials at sea.

The crew loves them because then we get a chance to hear

the ship's Cannon fired.

Gopher: You, of course, will only get one shot.

The doctor has been going so well we've had to cut down.

The ship was using more ammunition

than the sixth fleet.

72.

72.

I don't intend to be buried at sea.

Oh good, then I'll put you down

for our regular weekly body pickup by united parcel.

Gentlemen, if you will excuse me,

I must inform Evita of this new development.

Se or.

Se or.

[Laughing]

Oh, doesn't Vicki look cute?

She's so excited.

See, her aunt's promised her some sort of--

Don, hey, you haven't heard a word I've said.

Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm just wondering why the rich kid hadn't showed up.

You spent the whole cruise trying to get rid of him,

and now you're worried because he's not here?

Oh no, no, no.

Not worried.

See, it's great.

It's just with him, you never know what he's up to.

Oh, I know what he's up to.

Amazing how fast his broken heart mended, isn't it?

It's another miracle of modern medicine.

Oh, there's Mr. witkin over there.

Would you excuse me for a minute?

Because I just remembered I got to have

a word with the old man.

Of course, Don.

You're excused.

Hello.

How about a little stroll in the moonlight?

Come on, Alan, you know I'm here with Don.

He'll be back any minute.

I don't really think so.

Julie: Of course he will.

Won't he?

But he said-- well, I mean--

Alan: That's Don.

I knew he couldn't resist that little basket of goodies.

You sound as though you set the whole thing up.

Alan: Of course I did.

One look at Mary Jane, and I knew

he'd start clawing at his bars.

Now Julie, forget him.

He's ancient history.

Let's find a quiet place where we can be alone.

We've got so much to talk about.

Yes, we certainly have.

Why so quiet, [Speaking French]..

I'm trying to think of a charming way

to begin our first quarrel.

You don't approve of her going to the lyceum.

I definitely do not.

But it's a marvelous school.

I sent my own son there.

You had a reason to.

You were a lady on the way up.

You were full of plans, on the go.

You were making a life.

You think I sent Conrad away because he was inconvenient?

It's possible, isn't it?

It certainly is not.

That school was for his benefit.

He learned so much, and he got to know all the right people.

He never got to know you.

Now, I'm not saying that you didn't care for him.

Of course you did but in your own way.

Now, may I ask you a very tactless question?

No.

Well, all right.

When's his birthday?

His birthday.

That's not tactless.

It's just silly.

As if I wouldn't know my own son's birthday.

Well, when is it?

Well, it's in April.

I remember I had to leave in the middle

of the Paris couturier showings to get back

to the hospital in New York.

That would be April or may at the latest.

Oh, hilly, you've done nothing wrong.

It's just the way things were with you and Conrad.

Private school solved everything for both of you.

But this situation is different, vastly different.

The people are different.

Merrill does have time to see his child.

And at this stage of her life, no school,

no school in the world, can match up to that.

Since when do you know so much about children?

How many do you have?

I am not saying that you don't love him.

You're interfering in something

you know nothing about.

Kindly stay out of this.

So you convinced Carlos I was the world's greatest swordsman.

Man, his teeth were chattering so hard they

sounded like castanets.

And to clinch the image, wear this around.

I got it from the marimba player in the band.

Doc, doc, he's coming his way.

Oh, probably to apologize.

Doctor.

Se or.

About tomorrow.

Tomorrow, tomorrow.

Oh, the tonsillectomy.

Yes, 9:15.

No, no, no, no, se or, the duel.

Oh, yes, I almost forgot.

One small favor.

Please bring my sword to me tonight.

I want to sterilize the edge.

I wouldn't want you to pick up an infection.

Gopher: Always a doctor.

A killer but a healer.

Carlos: Doctor.

Adam: Se or.

May I suggest the promenade deck?

The light is better.

Of course.

Good light is important.

You mean you intend to go through with--

of course, to the end.

Frankly, I was going to cancel out.

Evita had me convinced you were inexpert.

But these two gentlemen assured me you are skillful.

So the duel is on thanks to them, which reminds me I have

no one to do the honors for me.

Isaac, would you do me the favor of acting as my second?

Yeah, sure.

Thank you.

I shall send your sword, as you requested.

Meet at dawn.

Oh, poor old Don may never realize

what a treasure he lost.

Alan, I want to know what makes you think he lost.

Well, you're here with me, aren't you?

But he has Mary Jane.

It's hardly a comparison.

Oh, you mean as long as we wound up together,

that's all that really counts, right?

Right, right.

Hey, there you are.

You know fun's fun, but this is the last night

and Julie's my date.

I am?

You seemed quite happy with your other lady.

That was just a duty dance.

Just a case of good manners.

Alan: On, come on, duty dance.

You can do better than that, Don.

Hey, you know what?

You're just jealous.

That's why you're trying to steal my girl to get even.

Julie is not your girl.

I mean, she is quite definitely my girl, and I can--

[whistling]

Now, hold it, hold it.

I'm not your girl.

[Laughing] See?

- And I'm not your girl either. - See?

But I'm sure you'll both recover

because the fact is neither one of you really cares.

- I mean-- - that's not true.

Why do you think we've been--

you're really something.

You've both become so obsessed with competing

that what you're competing for doesn't mean anything.

It's like me, i'm just another trophy.

Oh, come on.

You're both really nice guys.

You've just got a lot of growing up to do.

[Clapping]

Beautiful speech, one I've been

wanting to make for two years.

Grow up, gentlemen.

Until you do, neither of you will ever sit in my chair.

This will never happen.

The whole thing is too crazy.

Doc is too smart to show up.

I just feel awful about this whole thing.

It's all my fault.

Relax.

I'm sure it'll all work out.

The important thing is you must interrupt us as soon

as you hear me say "en garde."

Oh, I understand that.

I know.

You interrupt as soon as you hear me say "en garde?"

En garde.

- I just remembered. - What?

If doc doesn't show up, as his second

you have to take his place.

Bite your tongue.

Morning, gentlemen.

I hope I'm not seeing this, doc.

Doc.

Hm?

You can't go through with this.

Shall we commence?

No!

Uh uh, please!

We won't let you.

No.

We are wasting time, doctor.

With your permission, may I suggest

we dispense with the services of our seconds.

An excellent idea.

Leave us. - No, doc.

Doc.

Gopher: You can't, doc.

Isaac: Doc.

Go.

You heard him.

Excuse me.

En garde.

En garde.

[Shouting]

No, no, no.

Wait, wait, wait.

You're a woman.

You cannot see this.

He needs me.

I have to help him.

No, he needs a psychiatrist.

You he doesn't need.

Come on, let's go.

You Lily-livered coward, come down!

En garde!

I've got to go, please.

No, no, no, no no.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Stop that.

En garde.

Beg your pardon?

En garde.

What was that?

En garde!

En garde.

This is murder.

I have to help him.

I'm coming.

I'm coming!

Whoa!

Time.

[Speaking Spanish]

[Screaming]

Stop it!

What happened?

She fainted.

Part of her morning sickness.

We'll just fight around her.

Morning sickness?

She's with child?

Oh, didn't she tell you.

I guess she wanted to make sure first.

All the tests were positive.

En garde.

I'm going to have a son.

Then that night you were only examining her professionally?

Oh, I've been so foolish, my love.

Forgive me.

I promise I will never ever duel again ever.

Oh, Carlos darling, I love you.

I knew you'd do it.

I love you.

Gopher: Well, maybe he still has a chance.

Poor doc.

So young.

So many songs yet to be sung.

So many books to be read.

So many chicks to be chased.

Can't believe he's dead.

Well, that's life.

Adam: He was one of the best.

Yeah.

Carlos conceded defeat.

He couldn't match either my curve or my slider.

Doc, wait a minute.

Doc--

[knocking]

Come in.

I know you're busy, merrill, but do you have just a minute?

Well, of course.

Well?

I hope you'll allow an old friend

and flaky relative the prerogative

of changing her mind.

Oh.

You see, my very wise but tactless husband has made

me realize that Vicki may have more going for her here

than at the lyceum.

Oh boy.

Did I say something funny?

Merrill: Kind of.

I've been racking my brain, trying

to think of some way to tell you that I'd changed my mind.

You've decided against her going.

Hilly, I've spent so much time trying

not to be selfish I forgot to see things the way

they really are.

The fact is Vicki and I need more time together now,

so I decided to postpone my decision for a few years,

'til her 16th birthday.

When is Vicki's birthday?

June 4th.

Why?

Nothing really.

I just think that 16 is a better age

to consider her going away and meeting all of the best

people in the world.

It may never be necessary.

After all, she already knows the two very best.

Alan: Julie.

Julie, Julie, Don and I have been looking all over for you.

And we both agree that this endless competition

between the two of us is absolutely ridiculous.

As a matter of fact, old silver tongue

here would make a far better president than I would.

Now wait a minute, you're much better prepared than I am.

No, don't be such a bonehead.

You've got everything the job needs.

Alan: Come on, you're much better with the sales force

than I am.

[Whistling]

Go.

Good bye, Julie.

Bye.

Don: I'll see you.

Come back, only one at a time.

Au revoir.

Au revoir.

We shall get married the minute we get home.

We send you all invitations.

Oh, thank you.

That's very nice.

Together with a notice of when the baby will be born.

Now that's confidence.

And now, my friends, I have to say good bye.

Thank you very much for everything.

Adios.

Wonderful journey.

[Speaking Spanish]

Let's do it again.

Of course.

Thank you.

What are you gonna do when he finds out you're not pregnant?

Oh, don't worry, doctor.

By tomorrow I will be.

- Adios. - Adios.

Adios.

Adios.

So long.

Well, I hope you enjoyed the cruise, Lawrence.

Merrill, it's been just a delightful--

dad, guess what?

Aunt hilly just told me what my big surprise is.

She did?

Mhm, they've invited me to come visit them in Paris.

Merrill: Oh, great.

And I promise Conrad will be there too.

Make a not of the date, April 17th.

We're having a very special party.

What kind of a party?

Oh come, Lawrence, what kind of a party

would we have on April 17th?

It's Conrad's birthday.

Oh.

He's so forgetful.

I keep forgetting things.

And I hope all of you can come.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Good bye, merrill.

Good bye, hilly.

Good bye, darling.

[Theme song]