Original subtitles

[Theme - Jack Jones, "love boat theme"]

Theme song: Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow, it floats back to you.

Love boat soon will be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love!

Welcome aboard, it's love.

Woman (over pa): Attention debarking

passengers-- please have your luggage

ready for customs inspection.

[Music playing]

To debarking passengers-- we apologize for the delay

in customs inspection.

What's the delay?

If these departing passengers can't get off the ship on time,

we won't be able to leave on schedule.

We have both bad news and good news.

Evidently there's some kind of a hang up in customs,

but gopher has gone down there to handle it.

Gopher?

What's the good news?

Folks! Folks!

Please be patient.

Just a few moments longer.

I think we have located the cause of the delay.

Blenderman, what are you doing, inspecting bags or aging wine?

Quiet, swabby.

I'm looking for false bottoms.

Turn around.

Can't you speed this up a little bit?

Sure.

I'll just ask all the smugglers to raise their hands.

Look, you can not cause these unnecessary delays week

after week.

I'm off now.

Could you take over?

I know why you do this.

You do this because you don't like me.

Wrong, Smith.

I do it because it's my job.

The fact that I don't like you just makes it easier.

You're not a good person, blenderman.

I love you, too, Smith.

[Music playing]

Man (over pa): Attention all passengers--

the Princess is now ready for boarding.

You can go right through those doors and turn left.

Sally!

Oh, you must be so excited having your fiance

along for the cruise.

Yes.

It'll be so good for Donald.

Give him a chance to get out in the sun.

He's a teacher, you know.

Spends all his time with his books.

There he is.

Welcome aboard.

So how is blenderman?

Shut up!

Doc, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I just-- just give me a couple of hours

to put some ocean between me and that woman, and I'll be fine.

Ok.

A. Blenderman.

Blenderman, is that really you?

It ain't zsa zsa Gabor.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You're making a big mistake.

You don't want to go to Mexico.

You'll hate it.

People are nice there.

You're on aloha deck, cabins 270 and 272.

Thank you.

Two cabins.

I happen to be traveling with a gentleman companion.

Eat your heart out, Smith.

There he is.

Hey, Roy!

Oh, hey, baby!

I've been looking all over for you.

Later.

Well, this should be a real fun trip.

Especially since this means that you are working for me.

We're the coulsons.

Mrs. and her only son, Stanley.

Well, welcome aboard, Mrs. Coulson.

You're on the fiesta deck, adjoining cabins.

130 and 132.

Thank you.

A lot of pretty girls on this cruise.

We're not interested.

Come on, mom.

How do you know I'm not interested?

Marvin, did you hear that?

Our only son is asking how I know.

Stanley, darling, a mother knows.

Tell all the girls on board to forget about him.

Stanley Coulson is not on the open market.

You must be Julie.

That's right.

You're even more charming than I have been told.

Thank you.

Permit me.

I am Ricardo Ortiz.

Hello.

Sally has mentioned you many times.

Oh, you're a friend of Sally's.

If you want to catch her, she just went--

no, no, no.

I want to wait until we're at sea.

Then I want to surprise her.

You see, we are engaged to be married.

[Ship's horn sounds]

[Music playing]

How's this, mom?

Oh, that's fine, just fine.

I mean that's just terrible.

Why?

What's wrong?

Them!

Look at those bathing suits, if that's what they call them.

Mom, it doesn't mean anything.

Our generation is just a little bit more honest

with themselves, that's all.

Naked is honest?

There's nothing wrong with it.

Marvin, did you hear that?

We brought up a sex maniac.

You're lucky to have a decent girl like Laurie guilford

waiting at home for you.

Laurie guilford would never get into anything like that.

Mom, Laurie guilford couldn't get into anything like that.

Laurie is a fine, intelligent girl.

She makes her own clothes.

And her father has two drugstores.

Look, I'll be honest with you.

I invited you on this cruise hoping to cheer you up

after you lost dad.

Also, I thought maybe it'd be a chance

for me to meet another girl.

Where could you possibly find a more

perfect wife than Laurie?

Oh, mom, please.

You'd have two stores.

I could buy wholesale.

And you'd have a wonderful family.

Laurie's mother, rest her soul, was a fine woman,

and her father is so considerate.

Harvey guilford calls me almost every night

just to find out how I am.

If you like the family so much,

why don't you marry Harvey?

I mean, he seems to be interested in you.

He's polite.

Harvey wants to see you and Laurie together, and so do.

I so why go shopping for nudists?

Here, improve your mind.

So Betty's not working this cruise?

No.

We have the cabin all to ourselves.

[Knocking]

Come in.

Hello.

Oh, hi.

Donald, this is my friend Julie McCoy.

- Nice to meet you. - Thank you.

Welcome aboard.

Thanks.

Why don't you finish unpacking, and then we can go

up on deck for some fresh air? - Ok.

It will do you good to get away

from those books for a while.

Sally, you know, we've got, really, an interesting group

this cruise.

One guy even said he was engaged to you.

Oh, he must have been at a real wild bon voyage party.

I'll just get some extra towels for us, darling.

Ok.

Nice meeting you.

Yep.

That man, did you get his name?

Ricardo Ortiz.

He's tall, and--

I know what he looks like.

You do?

I should.

He's my fiance.

But I thought Donald was your--

he is.

They both are.

You see, I was going with Donald in Los Angeles.

He's got a marvelous mind.

The perfect intellectual companion.

And then I met Ricardo in acapulco.

He's all male, the perfect physical companion.

They both proposed.

I went crazy!

I just couldn't decide.

So you went for the set?

And it's been working out great.

I spend my time off in la with Donald

and my time off in acapulco with Ricardo.

I really love them both.

Oh, there you are.

Well, it's all over now.

Maybe not.

Sally!

Well, hello.

You did tell her I was here?

Oh, believe me.

It was a surprise.

I arranged to have a cabin close to yours,

so it'll be easy to get your clothes.

Not that you'll need that many, but--

[inaudible]

Betty's getting dressed.

Oh.

Listen, darling, why don't you just go into your cabin,

and I'll tell her you're here.

Ok?

I'll be with you in a moment.

Well, let's get some of that great air

you've been recommending.

Oh, there's no great air up there anymore.

Terribly windy.

Look, darling, why don't you just go in there

and read one of your nice books.

And while Betty is reading on of her nice books--

[Music playing]

Hey, isn't that miss blenderman from customs?

So what?

She doesn't seem like such an ogre.

Even Jack the ripper had a nice smile.

You two shouldn't be squabbling all the time.

Go talk to her.

Oh, I don't want to.

This might be your chance to Bury the hatchet.

There's the creep I was telling you about.

The little guy in the sailor suit.

Yeah, yeah.

I think I'm going to go back to the cabin.

We just got here.

I know, I know. You have fun.

You enjoy yourself.

I'm going to take a nap.

Ok?

I'll see you later.

Hey, Smith?

When you make captain, do you get to wear long pants?

This happens to be a very sharp outfit, blenderman.

You'd know that if your tastes weren't so far up your nose.

Hey, can I get you something to drink, gopher?

Gopher?

Is that what they call you?

No, they-- well sometimes they--

gopher?

Do you come up on deck and look for your shadow?

No, that's a groundhog.

Gophers are-- look, blenderman, I don't have time for this, ok?

I've got duties on the ship.

What do you do, help row?

So go already.

Don't stand around and dazzle me with your personality, Smith.

I've got my own guy.

Two lemonades, please.

Coming right up.

Hey, listen, Isaac, you know those cute single girls

that you mentioned?

What would be the best way to meet one of them?

Well, one way is--

not a wild fling.

A nice girl.

Well, what I like to do is, i--

Stanley?

It is you, isn't it?

Stanley kilten? - Coulson.

Coulson!

I'm Jill Leonard.

We went to summer camp together.

Camp omahami, when we were like 9 years old?

Jill!

Yeah, of course, the craft course, right?

We made all those plastic braided whistle cords.

Yeah.

Hey, this is great.

You know, I always wondered whatever happened to you.

Boy, all those peanut butter crackers sure

did wonders for you.

Hey, have a seat.

Let's do some catching up.

I'm in a paddle tennis tournament right now.

Well, how about tonight, for dinner?

I'll meet you in the lobby at 8:00?

That's super.

I'll be wearing a red and white whistle cord.

Oh, great.

Well, I guess we'll see you then.

Oh, and, Isaac, thanks a lot.

Glad to help.

He did say, "we'll see you then."

Mm-hmm.

And two drinks?

Yeah.

I'm such a dummy.

He's married.

No he's not.

Are you sure?

Positive.

He came aboard with his mother.

His mother?

You know, Isaac, I am convinced

that blenderman just came on this cruise

to make me commit seppuku.

Seppuku?

Yeah.

You know-- [speaking Japanese]

Do we need to make reservations for dinner

tonight? - No, you don't.

There should be plenty of seating for everyone.

Oh, good.

Have plenty of champagne on ice.

My guy loves to spoil me.

Certainly.

You're quiet.

Yeah, well--

keep it up, Smith.

Silence is one of your better qualities.

It's because of women like her that monasteries

have waiting lists.

Say, isn't that the guy that blenderman came on board with?

Yeah.

Hey, he's hitting on other ladies.

Well do you blame him?

I just hope that i'm around when mademoiselle

big mouth finds out about this.

Blow this ship right out of the water.

[Knocking]

Hey, it really was windy out there, wasn't it?

What do you mean?

Oh, yes.

Sorry to bother you, John.

I seem to have left my key somewhere.

I thought I'd get myself all sexy smooth.

How did you--

you left it in my cabin.

Why did you leave so soon?

Today is still very young.

Ricardo, listen.

We really can't.

It's Betty.

Oh.

Darling!

You know, this would make a great honeymoon cruise.

Yes, it sure has all the makings.

I know I've been neglecting you.

After all, you're a very healthy woman.

Oh, no, honestly, you haven't.

Listen, Donald.

I have to go and check the shop.

Why don't you get dressed and--

and-- and take a little walk around the ship?

Oh, ok.

I'll see you at dinner.

What time?

7:30.

Ok.

[Phone ringing]

Hello.

What time do we meet for dinner?

Dinner?

7:30.

No.

I mean, for you, 8:30.

Maybe I ought to get roller skates.

[Music playing]

Roy, I'm ready.

Roy: Ready for what?

For dinner.

I'm not going.

I'm sick.

I got too much sun.

But you were only out there for five minutes.

Yeah, I must have caught a bad ray.

Don't you at least want to see my new dress?

I'm wearing it especially for you.

I'll see it tomorrow.

Wear it to breakfast.

I can't wait.

Ta-da!

Who's that?

It's my nurse.

I think you owe me an explanation.

Come on.

When you invited me on this cruise,

we hardly knew each other.

You said you'd get a discount if you invited somebody along,

we'd have some laughs.

No strings attached.

That was the agreement.

But I thought that once we got on board ship that we'd--

that was your first mistake.

That dress is your second.

If you want to see any action, swap it for something else.

Yeah, take it back.

I can't take it back.

I made it myself.

Say, that must be Sally's fiance.

She said he'd be on board.

She's such a quiet, conservative little woman,

leads such a sheltered life.

They say there's someone for everyone.

And I guess she managed to latch on

to the one guy who's Mr. Right.

Anthropologists claim that humans--

excuse me.

Would you care for an after dinner liqueur?

No, no thank you, Isaac.

We don't drink.

Oh, my gosh!

It's 8:30.

Listen, Donald, why don't you--

why don't you check out the library?

I've just got to have a quick word with the captain,

and I'll see you later in the cabin.

- All right. - All right?

You look so wonderful.

My life begins anew.

Oh, Isaac-- a bottle of your best champagne, please.

But didn't you just say that--

better make it two, Isaac.

That's great.

We're going to dance until dawn after dinner.

I'm not going to let you out of my sight.

[Inaudible]

So, you two met at summer camp.

That summer camp was my husband's idea.

I wanted Stanley to have violin lessons instead.

Look, mom, it's getting late.

I'd like to take Jill to the dance, ok?

Who's keeping you?

Don't worry about me.

You two young people go ahead and have a good time.

Don't worry about me.

I'll-- I'll be all right.

Ok.

You're going?

You just said--

well, does have to be this minute?

I haven't even finished my coffee.

Mom, you've had 12 cups.

Marvin, would you believe it?

Your son is counting.

So, tell me, Joan--

it's Jill.

Jill.

Are you promiscuous?

I beg your pardon?

It's too big a word?

No, it's not that.

I don't mean to be nosy, but I like to know

what my only son is doing.

Come on, Jill.

Listen, mom, I'll see you in the morning, ok?

Excuse me.

Marvin, will you stay while I finish my coffee?

[Music playing]

[Crying]

Say, you know what?

I just remembered, I've got to stand watch tonight.

I'm sorry.

Goodbye.

We've got rules against littering.

Take a hike, Smith.

I don't feel like dealing with you tonight.

Hey, me neither, me neither.

My girl just dumped me.

Join the club.

Blenderman, I don't want to question your judgment,

but how did you wind up with a yo-yo like Roy?

He had beautiful luggage.

Oh, I'm stupid.

I admit it.

Beggars can't be choosers, you know.

Blenderman-- have you got a first name?

Angelina.

Angelina?

What did you expect?

Butch?

[Inaudible]

No, no, no.

Angelina blenderman.

It's a nice name.

What are you, Spanish?

Half.

I don't speak the language.

What am I doing here?

I don't belong on a cruise to Mexico.

So you're probably not going in to acapulco tomorrow.

No, I'd be too embarrassed.

Right.

Besides, I don't have anything to wear.

Well, you know best.

Too bad, though.

What's too bad?

Well, it's just I know acapulco pretty well,

and I could probably direct you to various points of interest.

You know, beaches, restaurants, dress shops.

But I don't want to tear you away from a fun day of sulking.

Let me get this straight now.

You're inviting me?

Yeah.

But don't ask me why, because I'm not sure that I know.

I'll have to think about it and get back to you.

Fine. You've got two seconds.

I'll go.

And Smith?

Huh?

Thanks for not making fun of my name.

Hey, I'm sorry I teased you earlier.

Forget it.

Gopher's not my real name anyway.

No?

What is?

Burl.

Burl?

Burl and gopher.

Stay with Smith.

Mom, what are you doing up?

What am I doing up?

I'm not sleeping.

That's what I'm doing up.

And you know why?

Sure.

You had two gallons of coffee.

Because I'm half out of my mind, worrying about you.

It's 3:00 in the morning.

You could have called.

For all I knew, you had an accident,

or you were hit by a truck.

On a ship?

Mom, I'm ok.

Come on.

Go to sleep.

Did she try to seduce you?

Mom, that's none of your business.

All right.

If you won't tell me, tell your father.

Mom, would you get some sleep?

Are you going to see that nudist again?

If you mean Jill, yes, definitely.

She's a real wonderful girl.

Besides, we're going ashore tomorrow in acapulco.

Did wonderful happen to say what her father does?

He works for the county.

Something in civil service.

Stanley, Stanley, think.

Laurie guilford's father has two drugstores.

He can teach you the business.

You could open a third.

What can a civil servant do?

You can't open your own government.

Pleasant dreams.

Pleasant dreams.

Pleasant dreams.

How could I have pleasant dreams?

You!

You had to send him to summer camp to meet a naked stranger.

Don't worry, Marvin.

We're not giving up yet.

[Music playing]

Donald.

What time is it?

Donald, I have a confession to make.

It's only 10:30.

You must've dozed off.

You've got to go to bed.

You've done enough reading for tonight.

You need a decent night's sleep.

There you are. - Wait a minute.

This isn't fair to you.

This is our first night aboard.

I'm going to get dressed and we're going to go dancing.

Oh, no, there'll be time for that tomorrow night.

Really, I don't feel like dancing tonight.

You don't?

Believe me.

Sleep well.

Good morning, darling.

Rise and shine.

We don't want to be late for breakfast, now do we?

You're going to go to breakfast in that?

Well, running the boutique, you know,

they expect me to dress for all meals.

I'll tell you what.

Change into something else.

We're going to go jogging.

Jogging?

Yeah.

You said I needed to exercise.

Oh, no.

We won't do too much.

Just-- just a couple miles.

Just a couple miles.

Woman (over pa): Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to acapulco.

Land tours will be leaving in one half hour.

Come on, doll.

What did I do wrong?

Everything.

You're a creep!

Get lost!

How are you doing?

[Laughing]

You sure know your quaint Mexican villages, Smith.

I had a swell time.

Oh, good.

For a while there, you had me worried.

How come?

Well, we spent at least half the day together.

You didn't insult me once.

I knew there was something I forgot.

Your friend's here.

They're probably cleaning his cage.

Oh, you shouldn't have let me buy all these clothes, Smith.

Where am I ever going to wear them?

At the captain's table, with me, tonight.

Me?

At the captain's table, with all those ritzy people,

and all those little forks?

I wouldn't know how to act.

I wouldn't know what to say.

I'd be too embarrassed.

Pick me up at 7:30.

Deal.

Here.

Thanks a lot.

Ok.

Ah, yes.

Very chic.

Bye.

Bye.

Hey, baby.

I've been looking all over for you.

I bet.

Look, about last night.

I hope you can forgive me.

It was all that sun and the drinks.

Where's your playmate?

Oh, I got rid of her, right after you left me.

Baby, I'm going to go up to the lido deck.

I hope you find it in your heart just

to spend a few minutes with me.

Just come up there and talk to me.

It'd mean everything.

Wasn't that jogging great this morning.

You going to have extra energy all day and all night.

I sincerely hope so.

Oh, you'd better hurry.

The tour buses are about to leave.

You know, it's a shame that you've got to work.

Well, I'll see you when I get back.

Oh, Sally.

I love you so.

Oh, and I love you.

Who is this?

Who would it be?

Oh, Ricardo.

You were so wonderful last night

that I decided to stay on board and take

that trip back to Los Angeles.

Wouldn't it be great?

Oh, yes.

Great.

I just have to go back home and get some clothes.

But I'll be right back.

Ok?

All right, well, take your time.

Sally, look at you!

You won't be able to keep this up.

I'll make it somehow.

Just a couple more days.

Guess who?

You're really surprised, aren't you?

Um, yes.

Julie, this is Henry crane.

How do you do?

How do you do?

He's-- he's--

he's your fiance.

How did you figure that out?

There's a lot of it going around.

Didn't we have a good time.

And the prices on those dresses were so inexpensive.

But you didn't buy--

that's right.

You-- you don't wear clothes much, do you?

I'm going to give these shoes to Laurie

guilford as a present from you.

That's his best girl back home.

I'll just have time for a little nap before dinner.

I didn't sleep a wink last night--

from worry.

Well, about 7:30 then?

I don't think so.

Look, about mom--

it's ok.

I understand.

She just lost her husband, and you're her only son.

She loves you.

Naturally she wants the best for you.

Which happens to be someone else.

Look, Jill, I can make up my own mind.

Then I guess I'm the one who's a coward, because I just

couldn't hack her disapproval.

So I think I'd better get out before I get in too deep.

Goodbye, Stanley.

The best.

[Music playing]

Roy?

You ask me to come talk to you, but all I want to talk to you

about is the fact that I don't think I want to talk to you.

Well, at least we're talking.

That's the first step.

Looks like you had a lot of fun ashore.

I guess that Smith fellow is worth every penny they pay him.

What do you mean, pay him?

Oh, that's his job, to jolly up lonely girls.

I'm glad he filled in when I goofed.

I really appreciate what he did.

Thank you very much.

Well, I got Henry all settled into his cabin.

He seems real nice.

Oh, yes, he is.

He's Canadian.

I met him on the Alaska cruise.

He's a most generous man.

Marvelous provider.

Oh, I wondered what his specialty was.

Well, you know, Sally, you're amazing.

You've got three countries all tied up,

and all three men obviously adore you.

But you know you can't possibly get away with it, not

with all of them right here.

What time do you close up here?

Uh, not for quite some time.

Can't you get somebody else to take over?

I see so very little of my fiance,

and I want to be with her every minute I can.

I know exactly how you feel.

I, too, am traveling with my intended,

and I very seldom get to see her.

You know, we should have a union.

I'm Donald cheevers.

Ricardo Ortiz.

Perhaps we should get together with our ladies

and see what can we do.

Hey, that's a great idea.

Let me introduce you--

excuse me.

What time are you closing up?

Right away.

Everybody out, please.

Marvelous!

We can go for a walk on deck.

A thousand pardons, but I have the first claim.

You can't do that.

What would your fiance think?

Besides, Sally is engaged.

I know that.

And you fellows wouldn't believe this,

but the lucky guy is standing right here.

And it's me.

Sorry, but I think you're mistaken.

You sure are.

Sally, tell him--

she's gone.

I think I'll be going, too.

I'm sure the three of you have a lot to talk about.

Excuse me.

So you and blenderman had a good time, huh?

Yes.

She's ok.

Obviously, I was wrong about her.

Obviously.

I was wrong about being wrong about her.

She was just using me to make that gorilla jealous.

Hey, goph.

I hear you and blenderman are just like that.

Miss blenderman, I find I will be unable to escort

you to dinner this evening.

Thank you.

I guess he decided to work on another dame.

Maybe you didn't tip him enough.

[Music playing]

Sally?

Sally, you can come out now.

Are you alone?

All alone.

I come with a message from the United Nations.

Those poor guys.

They must hate me.

It's a wonder they don't.

But after they finally settled down,

they understood, and they forgive you.

Oh what darlings.

Well, you can see why I love them.

Mm-hmm, but--

but?

They want to have me shot?

Sally, you have to decide on just one of them.

Just one?

And whichever two aren't selected

promise to accept gracefully and stay out of your life.

So now it's up to you.

I have to settle for just one.

Well, that shouldn't be so tough, should it?

It is when you're used to having three.

I hear you and miss blenderman are great pals now.

You should've invited her to join us.

She was busy.

Well, you're in for a great treat tonight.

My new pastry chef's been working all day

on a magnificent dessert.

Hey, isn't it more fun sitting here than at that stuffy old

captain's table, baby?

You said gopher would have a girl with him.

He doesn't.

I guess nobody wanted to be with that creep.

[Applause]

There it is, goph.

I expect you can hardly wait to dig into that, huh?

Sir, will you excuse me?

I'm not very hungry tonight.

Oh, I think I'm going to give that bird the word.

No, Roy.

No.

No!

Hey.

You leaving early, sailor boy?

I just want to tell you to keep your clammy hands

off another guy's property.

You hear me, lunch meat?

Your shoe's untied.

Oh, thanks.

Tell me he didn't do it, Adam.

Tell me he didn't do it.

That was nice, having dinner, just the two of us.

I guess the nudist wasn't hungry.

She didn't want to intrude.

Oh, sh has manners.

But so does Laurie.

Odds are I won't end up with either.

This is just a snapshot, isn't it?

What did you expect, an oil painting?

Just a snapshot.

When your father and I were married,

we couldn't afford a photographer.

You mean your father didn't have two drugstores?

Two drugstores?

He didn't even have two suits.

Now, now, don't you be clever with me, Stanley.

I'm just trying to help, so you don't

have the hard times we had.

Yeah, but weren't those hard times also the good times?

I mean, the things you and dad always

laughed about, that happened way back when

you were just starting out.

Without a dime.

Son, what's wrong with having a head start?

Or even better, two?

Don't you have any confidence in me?

That I can get my own two stores?

Can't I do what dad did?

Find the right girl first.

All right.

You want the nudist?

Go ahead, take her.

I can't stop you.

She won't have me.

She wants something I can't give her.

Like what?

Except for the violin lessons, you have everything.

What more could she want?

Your approval.

I lost her, because I wasn't strong enough.

But I will be next time.

I have to be, because I intend to start out just the way

dad did--

with the lady I choose.

I love you very much, mom, but I'm not going

to lose a very special girl.

You-- you'll be happy with Laurie.

You'll see.

Weren't you listening?

Weren't you listening, mom?

You simply do not push people's faces into desserts

in formal dining rooms.

You should have let me do it.

Roy would have broken every bone in your body.

Wait a minute.

You're not supposed to protect me.

I'm supposed to protect you.

I'm the knight in shining armor.

You're the damsel in distress.

You got that?

Listen, pally.

I've been slaying my own dragons my whole life.

I don't need you to do it for me.

I'm not charity case.

Charity case?

Hey, look at this.

What is this?

A salvation army uniform? - Time.

- What? - Question.

What?

Did you tell me ashore because it was part of your job?

I didn't think so.

Ok, back to the screaming.

Is that it?

You honestly think I spent all this time

with you because it's my job and I felt sorry for you?

You are impossible!

You are the most pigheaded, narrow minded--

I love you, too, Smith.

What did you say?

You heard me.

Hey, we're fighting again.

That's good, huh?

Yeah.

But I know something that feels better.

Now, Sally, you have decided on one of them?

Ricardo.

I'm sure you two will be very happy together.

But I could be happy with Henry or Donald, too.

[Inaudible] Tell them.

Sally, it has to be done.

Come on.

I'll wait for you here.

Ok.

[Knocking]

Hi, Donald.

Sally.

Sally, Sally, Sally!

You've made me the happiest man in the world!

Oh, well, actually--

and I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world.

Every day will be a joy and a celebration.

Sally, I do love you so.

And I love you, but--

have you told the other two fellows that you've chosen me?

What?

No.

Um-- well, i--

I suppose I'd better.

Hurry back.

Hurry back.

Well, that was quick.

See, it wasn't so bad.

I didn't tell him.

Huh?

I took him.

Now I suppose I've got to tell Ricardo and Henry they're out.

[Knocking]

Hi, Ricardo.

Oh, lord, you have answered my prayers.

[Spanish]

This isn't easy.

I know it is not.

And those two fine gentlemen will be sad at their loss,

but you and I will know love such

that the world has never seen.

Stanley, you shouldn't be out here in this wind

without a scarf.

Mom, please.

That's now why I came up here.

I found a girl who could be perfect.

Mom, I'm not interested, ok?

Oh, so now you're not interested in nudists?

So say hello.

You'll have to do something about his manners.

I'll sure try.

Mom, you really mean--

you know what they say-- three's a crowd.

But that shouldn't apply to mothers.

No go on, go on, both of you.

Marvin, I know what you're thinking.

They'll have to struggle.

But he said he wanted a marriage just like ours was.

They should be so lucky.

[Music playing]

Wow, that's some story.

And Mr. America won, huh?

Yeah, but I feel sorry for the other guys.

Excuse me, doc--

bye bye, Sally.

It was wonderful.

Oh, bye, Henry.

I'll call.

Take care!

Well they sure seem happy for losers.

Oh, but they're not losers.

Nobody is.

I just couldn't bring myself to say goodbye to any one of them.

And I'm glad I couldn't.

Now we're all happy.

But--

Julie, for most of my life, men have

never paid any attention to me.

Then suddenly, I had three.

Well, I suppose deep down inside,

I really wanted them all.

I have all those lonely years to make up for.

So, I've decided to keep the set.

But they'll find out if they ever come cruising again.

Oh, no, that won't happen.

I've had a new job offer, as traveling representative

for a sportswear designer.

So the guys won't be able to find me,

but I'll be able to find them.

Sally, I don't think--

he's very artistic.

Who?

The designer.

You know, I've never been engaged to an artist before.

I hope you enjoyed your cruise.

We sure did.

Mom, we'll get a cab and go to--

no, no, you two go on.

I'm being picked up.

Harvey guilford called me last night.

Laurie's father?

You know, I knew he was interested in you.

Oh, don't talk foolish.

Why would he be interested?

What do I have to offer?

A great deal, Mrs. Coulson.

A great deal.

Thank you.

You know, once we teach her to wear clothes,

I think she'll turn out just fine.

Everything is, mom.

We're both going to have what we want.

I'm going to have Jill.

And you're going to have your two drug stores.

So now that we're an item, I guess you'll give me a break

and speed up the customs line, right?

Wrong.

I didn't think so.

Well, these were going to be a bribe,

but I guess now you'll just have to accept them

as a token of my affection.

Oh, Smith, they're beautiful.

Looks like the fight of the century

has turned into a lovely romance.

What did you do that for?

You know the rules.

No flowers, fruits, or vegetables

may be brought uncovered into the continental United States.

What's wrong with you, Smith?

Blenderman, blenderman!

Blenderman, wait!

Strange girl.

Sure is.

Any sensible girl would have kept the flowers.

Blenderman!

Blenderman, come back here!

Together: And thrown gopher overboard.

[Theme music]