Original subtitles

[Theme music playing]

(Singing) Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat soon will be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

[Music playing]

I do not think this is funny, guys.

Gopher, we had no idea it'd go this far.

We're really sorry. - Yeah.

Come on, gopher.

It was supposed to be a little joke.

Little joke?

Sending phony love letters to some love-starved pen pal

and signing my name-- that's a little joke?

Gopher, we had no idea she'd come

here all the way from Quebec.

Well, when she gets here, she's going to be

your problem and not mine.

You wrote the letter.

You do the explaining.

Woman: Excuse me.

I'm looking for gopher.

Both: We're gopher.

Wait a minute.

I'm gopher.

Oh, I'm Nicole Robert.

How do you do?

I'm fine.

I've just been standing here waiting for you.

I was afraid you'd miss the boat.

Well, forgive me for arriving on short notice like this,

but the tone of your letters was getting serious.

So I thought it would be best if we

met and got to know each other.

I did the right thing, n'est-ce pas?

Oh, yes.

Oui-- Oui, Oui, we should get to know one another.

[Throats clearing]

Oh, Nicole, these are two friends of mine,

Dr. Bricker, Isaac Washington.

It's really won--

doc, do you mind?

This is our first meeting.

Why don't I just show you to my--

uh, to your cabin.

Sure.

Hello.

Jack Clayton.

Welcome aboard.

You get a lot of people on here, don't you?

Oh, we've been sold out for months.

Let's see, Mr. Clayton.

Oh, you're on the fiesta deck, cabin 132.

Right.

And I'm Helen mann.

Well, welcome aboard, miss mann.

Let's see.

Your cabin is--

I'll show her.

That's funny.

How would he know?

[Phone ringing]

Simple.

She's in his cabin.

Be sure the coco Chanel article is on my desk

before I get back.

I'll finish the article on divorce without pain.

I'll phone that in from the boat.

Oh, be sure to call [Inaudible] in Paris.

He always works better under pressure.

Oh, uh, excuse me?

Yes, may I help you?

We're the beachams.

Well, welcome aboard, Mrs. Beacham, Mr. Beacham.

That's not Mr. Beacham.

This is.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Um, your cabin is through those doors and to the left.

Thank you.

Well, that's about it, Jason.

Just be sure that they leave enough space

in the next issue for a double spread on femininity

and women's [inaudible].

See you when we get back.

Uh, might I [inaudible]?

I certainly hope this cruise will be a wonderful vacation

for you both.

Well, if you're betting on me, I'm about even money.

But you better give pretty big odds on my roommate.

Hi, I'm Kay tindal.

Hello.

Let's see.

Tindal-- yes, you're on the promenade deck, cabin 350.

And you're traveling alone, right?

Afraid so.

Oh, not for long.

Let's hope you're right.

Thanks.

Oh.

Very nice.

Oh, it's lovely.

We're going to have a lot of fun.

Where's your cabin?

I'm really glad you agreed to come on a cruise.

Is it on this deck?

Mm-hmm.

Across the hall?

It's closer.

Next door?

It's closer.

Oh, isn't that your bag?

Uh-huh.

Well, I wonder why they didn't put it in your room.

They did.

I thought that you said that this was--

you're in this cabin?

Mm-hmm.

With me?

When I invited you, I thought you understood.

Understood?

We have known each other for exactly two weeks.

When you asked me to come on this cruise,

I never dreamed that you were thinking of playing house.

I'm awfully sorry, but--

I'm going home.

Well, you can't.

We're at sea.

Well, then, you're leaving.

To go where?

There are no other cabins available.

You heard the captain.

The ship is sold out.

That's your problem.

Out.

Helen, be reasonable.

I--

out.

Ned, this is all too distracting.

I can't concentrate.

I've got to go back to the cabin.

Margo, this is supposed to be a vacation.

Darling, I have to finish this.

Can't it wait?

You know I'm on a deadline, ned.

Why don't you get yourself a drink,

and I'll be back before you finish your first pina colada?

I don't drink pina coladas.

Oh, don't be such a snob.

It's, uh, tiny, isn't it?

Oh, well, yeah.

We'll be crowded in here.

Won't we?

Oui.

[Knocking on door]

Champagne to welcome you aboard.

Merci.

- Merci beaucoup. - Sure.

Ok.

Um, Nicole, to you and to getting to know each other.

Could I see you just for a minute?

Gopher, you cannot keep her here.

You know the regulations.

If the captain ever finds out, he'll bounce both of you

right off of this ship.

I'll risk it.

Are you crazy?

Have you lost your mind?

At least get her a job as a chambermaid or something.

That way, she'll have her own quarters,

a job, and you two can see each other

without getting into trouble.

I'll sleep on it.

You're both nuts.

Sorry, doc, we're not receiving--

oh, you turned her over to me, remember?

Welcome aboard the love boat, Nicole.

Oh, you're so kind.

Thanks, doc.

But like I said, we're not receiving company.

- Problem, gentlemen? - No.

No problem.

No problem at all.

Would I be prying if I asked who that is?

- Who? - Where?

Her, there.

Oh, her.

Who is she, doc?

That's Nicole Robert from Quebec.

Oh.

And what is she doing here?

What is she doing here?

Uh, gopher?

She's the new chambermaid.

Then I suggest you direct her to the staff quarters

and report to your stations.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Chambermaid?

I don't know a thing about being a maid.

Believe me, it's a very simple job.

Nothing no it.

[Clears throat]

Excuse me, sir, but is there something wrong with bathroom

in your cabin?

Hm-mm.

You do have a cabin?

Mm-hmm.

Then why are you shaving in here?

My girlfriend is very shy about changing

in the same room.

There, nothing to it.

Now that was easy, wasn't it?

Very.

Well, now let's see.

We've made the bed.

Done the vacuuming.

- I should do something. - Oh, no, no.

Here, let me take this. It's much too heavy for you.

Plenty of time for that.

You'll be soloing soon enough.

And now let me show you the rest of the ship.

Hey, no, doc.

Now wait, wait.

Don't you have any office hours or patients

or medical responsibilities?

Me?

Yes.

You, doc.

I was looking for you in your office.

I was just leaving.

I kept trying to tell him the duty comes first, sir.

- Then what are you doing here? - Me?

I was just leaving.

Can I get you something from the bar?

Yes, one of everything.

You want that in a glass or a salad bowl?

[Laughs] I want something exotic.

Are we still talking about the drink?

- Yes. - Huh?

- What? - You?

No.

Yeah, sure.

Mai Tai, scorpion-- whatever.

Right.

Uh, excuse me, is there any reason that you're carrying

your luggage around with you?

Phobia.

I'm afraid of being robbed.

I like to be close to my shorts.

Well, if it'll make you feel any easier,

I've been working here for years,

and no one has ever ripped off any underwear.

Isaac, are many of these girls traveling alone?

Yeah, quite a few.

Oh, really?

Mm-hmm.

Why do you ask?

My landlady kicked me out.

And I was wondering if one of these girls

might be interested in taking in a boarder.

Medic?

Medic?

Another casualty, Mr. Beacham?

Yes, and so young.

War is hell.

I better find you another replacement.

I hope I'm not intruding on your grief.

But I thought I should pay my last respects.

That's very kind.

Are you related to the deceased?

No, not exactly.

But I, uh--

I'm acquainted with some of his relatives.

Do you two know each other?

Not officially.

This lady is one of the mourners.

Mr. Beacham, Mrs. Tindal.

Ned.

Kay.

Did he say "Mrs."?

Don't you just hate a big mouth?

Actually, I'm a widow lady.

And what about you, she said hopefully.

Oh, I am an old married man.

That figures.

The good ones are never free to play.

I may be a lot freer than I had planned on.

And what about your homework?

Finished, including my French and algebra.

Ok.

Then you can stay at the dance till 10:30 pm.

Excuse me.

You go ahead, Vicki.

I'll catch up with you later.

Still shy?

She wouldn't come out from under the bed till I left.

Strange.

Excuse me.

You'd make a lousy ad for a fun-filled cruise.

Hello, Kay.

Far be it for me to pry, but I can't wait to find out

why an attractive male-type fellow like

you is having dinner alone.

Wife seasick?

Wife working.

On a cruise?

Wife's very busy executive.

She doesn't have time to get seasick.

[Sighs] Sounds like the flip-side of my late husband.

Two workaholics-- they'd have made a great set of bookends.

Well, actually, i'm not really complaining.

Margo's about the best thing that ever happened to me.

But--

ned, now I'm so sorry.

Darling.

I didn't realize how late it was.

Kay, I'd like you to meet my wife, margo.

This is Kay tindal.

Hi, Kay.

Hello, margo.

Honey, I got so involved, I just lost all track of time.

Guess we should have booked the late sitting.

Yes.

Well, I think it's about time that I

put on my drinking shoes.

Please, don't go.

I wish you'd stay and keep ned company, 'cause

I've got to go back to work.

You what?

Honey, I can't help it.

The office just called.

Amelia's sick.

I have to do the editorial.

There's no one else.

You haven't even had your dinner.

Well, I'll have a sandwich sent up to my cabin.

Thanks for helping out.

Have fun, you two.

You heard the lady.

Let's-- let's go for it.

Oh, gopher, thank you so much for this dress.

It's the most beautiful gift I ever had.

But I can't keep it--

so expensive.

Oh, no, no, no.

I insist, Nicole.

You look fantastique.

Besides, it makes up for you being stuck as a chambermaid.

But that wasn't your fault, gopher.

I shouldn't have come on short notice like this.

But then i--

I couldn't resist your sweet, tender letters.

Letters?

Oh, the letters-- right.

Uh-huh.

Especially last one, remember?

Sure, how could I forget?

You wrote, "how do I love thee?

Let me count the ways.

I love thee"-- how does it go after that?

Well, uh, how do I love thee, let me count the ways--

want a hint?

No, I don't want a hint.

Let me count the ways.

Good evening, Nicole.

Hi.

You look absolutely stunning tonight.

Oh, thank you, doctor.

We're just talking about gopher's letters.

Oh, I can't wait to hear gopher quote them.

They're personal.

Let me count the ways [inaudible]..

They're beautiful.

Gopher is so romantic.

And he hides it so well.

Counting the ways, there's, uh--

I'm not interrupting anything, am I?

Not anymore.

We're going dancing.

Great idea.

Let's do it.

Oh.

I love it.

All this attention from two men--

it's so, um-- so--

what's the word I'm looking for?

Crowded.

[Soft jazz music playing]

Hi, Helen.

Would you reconsider and let me come back?

If I have to sleep on deck, I'll freeze to death.

Good.

You don't really mean that.

You do really mean that.

Good night, Mr. Clayton.

Mr.--

oh, pleasant dreams.

Excuse me.

I don't have a place to sleep tonight.

And I was wondering if you had a place in your heart,

and your cabin, for a lonely--

is she with you?

Have a nice evening.

Oh, you'd have liked Peter.

Most men did.

He sounds like a man who enjoyed his work.

I'm not sure "enjoyed" is the right word.

But whatever it was that drove him, he couldn't quit.

So I finally gave him a choice--

work or me.

And?

Well, he agreed, reluctantly, that it

might be time to get out of the rat race

and start enjoying life.

His timing was a little off.

Three weeks later, I buried him.

I'm sorry to hear that, Kay.

He did leave me very well-fixed, though.

I'm one of the rich kids on the block.

And I'd swap it all for a pair of warm feet on a cold night.

Well have you tried the yellow pages?

Not yet.

Any other suggestions?

Sorry, I'm taken.

Are you?

[Laughs]

Merci.

Would you like a drink?

Can I get you a drink?

Oh, that would be nice.

Something exotic, please.

Both: I'll get it.

Isaac, make me a double Hawaiian hula Hummer

with plenty of crushed ice and an umbrella.

Give me a triple tropical passion

punch with plenty of pineapple and papaya and a peeled peach.

Make mine a quadruple with four

umbrellas and six cherries.

Double whatever he has, and then triple what I have.

And I want an olive, an avocado-- and you

know what else I'd like? - A stomach pump.

Excuse me, would you care to dance?

Oh, I guess it would be all right.

[Music playing]

Where is she?

Straight off your port bow.

Nice going, gopher.

You scared her off.

I scared her off?

You're the one that's been coming on like a sailor.

Oh, come on now.

I acted like a perfect gentleman.

Well, she's not interested in perfect gentlemen.

She likes me.

Is that so?

Yeah, that's so.

Wait a minute, gopher.

This is silly.

Why don't we stop acting like a couple of kids

and let Nicole choose between us on her own?

We'll just be ourselves-- no trickery, no lobbying.

And whoever she picks, she picks.

Deal?

Hmm?

Deal.

Ok.

May the best man win.

What time do you think we'll be getting into mazatl n?

Oh, about 10:30 tomorrow morning.

Do all those cute sailors go ashore?

No.

No, most of them stay on board.

Good.

What about you?

Um, I have my duty.

Excuse me.

She's a very slow dresser.

You on board alone?

So far.

Oh, well, do you believe in love at first sight?

Well, it depends on the sight.

Well, how would you feel about renting out half your cabin?

It's possible.

But I wouldn't know what to charge you.

What are you willing to give me?

What do you want?

I'll pay it.

Cruise director (On loudspeaker):

Attention, all passengers.

We'll be arriving in mazatl n in 15 minutes.

For those passengers going on the tour,

buses will be waiting at the dock.

Oh, ole, amigo.

You ready for the taco tour?

As soon as I can drag margo from that phone.

Good luck. See you on the dock.

Right.

Harry, don't tell me your problems.

I have enough of my own.

Margo, come on, darling.

We're getting into port.

It's Harry Wheeler.

Exactly what I need right now-- another headache.

Now wait a minute.

You put that phone down.

You get your tail into gear.

Come on.

Harry, just a moment.

Honey, I can't go.

It's impossible.

After I get off the phone, I've got an article to get out.

Then I have these notes to try and decipher.

Why did you even bother to come on this cruise?

[Chatter on phone]

Yes, Harry. I'm still here.

Go ahead.

Nice going, doc.

I thought we had a deal.

And you're cheating.

I'm cheating?

And what are you, a float in the Rose parade?

Doc, now look, to you, Nicole is just another conquest.

I really like her.

You're not serious.

Doc, I know it started as a bad joke.

But i'm-- well, uh--

you are serious.

As a friend, I would like you to step aside.

Goph, I had no idea.

Here.

Take it.

All the best.

Nicole.

Gopher.

Here.

For you. - Oh, more gifts?

Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

Look, I'm off duty right now.

You want to go for a swim?

Oh, I'd like that.

But I have a lot more room to clean.

Oh.

Well, I'll tell you what--

I'll do it.

You run down to your cabin and get changed.

I'll meet you on deck in half an hour.

But can I help?

There are at least a dozen rooms to do.

Oh, no, no, no.

I can handle this, really.

You're sweet.

Thank you.

Bye.

Au revoir.

I still don't understand why you're dispossessing me.

Well, you never know, I might find a better tenant.

But keep in touch, just in case I don't rent out your room.

Yeah.

Have a nice day.

Thanks.

Good morning.

For some people.

Did you really sleep here?

Do you really care?

You really did sleep here?

What choice did I have?

Jack, you must have frozen.

No, it-- it really wasn't that bad.

[Coughing]

I'm sorry.

I hope you understand how I feel.

It's just that I'm old-fashioned.

And I don't believe in an instant roommate.

Of course I understand it.

And don't worry, really.

[Coughs] Whatever happens, I deserve it.

And I do have hospitalization.

[Coughing]

Well, you are a speedy little devil.

Good luck in your new location.

What was that all about?

Well, I had the chair in the shade.

And it got chilly, so I brought it to a sunnier location.

There really are no other cabins available?

Not a one.

Well, I guess i'd better hurry if i'm

going to catch that tour.

Are you going?

No, I can't.

I'm afraid they'll rent out my room.

I'll see you.

Stop by anytime, now that you know where I live.

Oh, I wish we could've stayed longer.

Are you kidding?

If we'd stayed any longer, you'd have turned

into an enchilada junkie.

I know.

Isn't it awful?

I just love Mexican food.

Where do you put it?

It doesn't show.

Oh, well, at last, i'm making some progress.

You aren't touching, but at least you're looking.

[Sighs]

You know, this is the most fun day I've had since--

well, in a long time.

Well, I'm glad.

I enjoyed it, too.

I hope you mean that.

Of course I do.

You're fun to be with, and you're pretty.

More, more.

And you laugh at all my jokes, even the old ones.

We do go well together, don't we?

Like frijoles and beans.

Frijoles are beans.

And you're not going to joke your way out of this one.

Starting to sound a little serious.

Ned, I was beginning to feel that days like today

would never happen for me again.

This is the most comfortable I've

ever felt with anybody since--

since Peter died.

Kay, slow down.

No, let me finish.

Most people never get one shot at the brass ring.

If there's a second chance for me, I don't want to blow it.

Kay, I'm married.

And in spite of the problems we're having now,

happily married.

In fact, today is our 25th wedding anniversary.

I hear you.

I'm not asking you to get UN-married.

I'm not even asking you to leave margo.

All I want is more days like today and some of the night.

No.

You're not being fair to yourself.

Hey, who said anything about being fair?

Fair doesn't get you a shoulder to cry on when you need

it or somebody to talk to when you're lonely enough

to start climbing the walls.

Ned-- ned, let me worry about being fair.

Kay, I don't want to mislead you.

Then don't worry about misleading me.

Just think about what I said.

If there's any misleading to be done, I'll do it.

Cruise director (on loudspeaker): We hope you

enjoyed your day at mazatl n.

Hi.

Gopher, are you all right?

You took so long.

Oh, I shouldn't left you doing all the work.

No, problem.

I'm a tiger.

It's such a nice day.

Yeah, it sure is.

Going to have a lot of fun.

Bonjour, Nicole.

Hi, frank.

I really enjoyed our dance last night.

Oh, thank you.

I did, too.

Say, I understand they've discovered a lot more ocean

on the other side of the boat.

Oh.

Would you like to go for a walk?

Oh, I can't.

I'm here with go--

I don't think he'd mind.

I'll ask him.

Gopher?

Gopher, do you mind?

He hasn't answered.

I guess it's all right.

Mind.

And I feel guilty about locking him out.

You really didn't know you were supposed to share a cabin?

Julie, I wouldn't have come.

I know I'm some kind of a dinosaur.

But those are my values.

Well, I think you should stick to them.

On the other hand, he is paying for the cabin.

He should be able to sleep there.

Well, do you like him?

I thought I did until this happened.

Well, he really should have told you what was going on.

But I guess in today's world, that's sort of assumed.

What would you do?

Oh.

Well, I'd consider how I felt about him

and the possibility of a relationship,

and then how i'd feel about that.

Mm-hmm.

Then I'd think about the way he invited me.

And then?

Then I think i'd be mad as hell.

Well, that's exactly where I am right now.

But I can't help thinking about it.

Well, you should take your time with that.

Remember, you've got the bed.

You were right.

I'm glad we came on this cruise.

It is perfect.

And it'll even be more fun if you don't get that phone

stuck in your ear again.

You resent it that much--

my working, I mean?

I think I resent what it's doing to us.

We don't have any time together anymore.

I seem to remember those same words

coming out of me about you.

Sure.

But we had a good reason back then.

We had children to raise, bills to pay.

I never blamed you, ned.

It's just that, when the kids were gone,

there were all those empty days to fill.

So I had a choice of three things--

become an alcoholic, get a job, or have an affair.

Since I don't really like the taste

of booze and I always was and always

will be a one-man woman--

I know.

And that's fine.

But darling, now that I am retired

and I have time to play, you have picked up my old habit.

What's happening?

Ladies and gentlemen, please join us

in wishing margo and ned beacham a very

happy 25th wedding anniversary.

[Applause]

Well, darling, blow out the candles before you

set the ship on fire.

Congratulations.

I hope you're with us on your 50th anniversary.

Thank you very much.

Oh, ned.

Darling, happy anniversary.

I realize silver goes with 25 years,

but you know how expensive that's gotten.

So I'm afraid you're going to have to settle for diamonds.

Oh, ned.

I'm just-- I'm sorry, I forgot.

Are you angry?

No.

No.

But margo, we do have a problem.

I had hoped this cruise would give us

enough time to talk about it.

We have time.

Let's talk.

All right.

You know, it took me 35 years to realize there's more to life

than succeeding at work--

35 years.

And then I quit.

Now we have enough to travel, to play,

to do anything we want to do.

And fortunately, we're still young enough to enjoy it.

But you, with this new career, you've become the old me.

And sweetheart, if it's going to take you

35 years to come to the same conclusion,

the ball game is over.

Darling, I want to share my life with someone.

I hope it'll be you.

All right.

My turn.

Excuse me.

There's a phone call for you, Mrs. Beacham.

It's from New York.

They said it was important.

[Sighs]

Thank you.

Ned, can we pick this up later?

Sure.

Sure.

[Theme music playing]

Hi.

Hi, Helen.

I didn't see you at dinner.

No, I was late.

Took me a while to get dressed.

I had company in my bathroom.

Been uncomfortable, hasn't it?

No, I'm adjusting.

And if I ever want to be a stowaway--

look, I've been thinking.

This whole thing isn't fair.

You've paid for the cabin.

It's rightfully yours.

You should be there.

Are you saying I can come home?

I don't think it's right to ask you to sleep

out on deck for the whole trip.

You won't be sorry.

- Well, I know. - That's fine.

Have them radio this ahead to the port.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, captain.

Yes.

I won't need this anymore.

On second thought, I've got a new location for that sign.

As I was saying, please have them

send them out to [inaudible].

Man: Yes, sir.

Hey, Isaac.

Hey, doc.

The usual?

Yeah, please.

How's it going, goph?

I can't sleep.

I can't eat.

I can't function.

I'm tortured.

It's Nicole, right?

I'm hooked, doc.

I'm thinking of proposing.

No more drinking for you.

It's starting to affect your mind.

Marriage is a very serious decision.

I'd think about that if I were you.

I have, doc.

Thought about it a lot, and she's what I want, I think.

Well, go for it.

Yeah.

Nicole would be lucky to get you.

Ok.

Wish me luck? - Good luck.

Good luck, gopher.

Go for it.

Go out there and get her, man.

Congratulations.

Yes.

I sure hope that's not contagious.

I'll drink to that.

Helen?

Helen: I'll be out in a minute.

I'm almost done.

Take your time.

Take your time.

Ah.

Yeah.

Helen: All set.

Great.

Why are you wearing that?

Oh, it gets cold up on that deck.

What are you talking about?

I said you could have your cabin back.

And I have to sleep someplace.

Yeah, well, you don't have to sleep there.

You can--

oh, no, that's really sweet of you.

But I couldn't put you out again.

Fair's fair. I'll see you in the morning.

Good night.

But Helen--

You know, Nicole, when you came on board, there was

no real commitment between us.

That's true.

I came here all on my own.

But this ship does funny things to people.

Most unlikely people, they meet, and they fall in love.

I know.

And it's almost insane the way you can know somebody

for so short a time, and yet feel that deep

down inside, it's right.

It can even happened to an old, hardened sea dog, like me.

I know what you mean.

The same thing has happened to me.

Well, that's wonderful.

You're not upset?

Upset?

Why should I be upset?

I came on board to meet you, and now I've fallen in love.

I couldn't help it.

Don't fight it.

Such wonderful man--

warm, considerate, thoughtful.

It's true.

It's all true.

So tall and handsome.

Well, one out of two-- not too bad.

Frank and I are so grateful to you for bringing us together.

Oh, well, Nicole, really, it--

frank?

If I had not come to meet you, I never would have met him.

And we're getting married.

And we owe it all to you, dear gopher, for everything.

Hey, goph, when's the wedding?

Ask frank.

- Frank? - Frank.

Who's frank?

Frank is a guy who has the one thing that I need

to make my marriage a success--

Nicole.

Helen?

You awake?

It's too cold to sleep.

What are you doing here?

I can't let you do this.

Go on back to the cabin.

I'll stay here.

It's cold.

I guess I deserve to freeze.

I was wrong in asking you on this cruise the way I did.

And you were right to react the way you did.

Take the bed.

You sure?

You know, you're really sweet to do this.

I'd never go to sleep knowing you were out here.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Um, Jack?

Come on.

You sure?

Who wants to sleep anyway?

Ned?

I've been looking all over for you.

I had a lot of thinking to do.

I know.

So did I.

I made a decision.

Well, if it's not too late, I've made one, too.

No matter what happens, that damn thing is never

going to come between us again.

I quit.

But I did it in 32 years less than you did.

Are you sure?

I've never been more certain of anything in my life.

And when we get back, I'm going to find you

the best anniversary present you ever saw.

Uh-uh.

You already gave it to me.

[Theme music playing]

For a trip that had such a bad start, it ended great.

Yeah.

I'm just sorry we wasted that first night you

slept up on deck.

I didn't sleep on deck.

You didn't?

Where did you find an empty bed?

Well, it wasn't empty.

Oh.

Well, you can file that memory away for your old age,

because that is the last bed you're going

to share with anyone but me.

You bet I do.

Excuse me, there's a telephone call for you, Mr. Beacham.

For me?

You sure it's not for Mrs. Beacham?

No, it's for you.

Thank you.

Hello?

Hi.

This is your wife--

your full-time wife.

Where are you?

Right behind you.

I just wanted to tell you, I love you.

Thanks for sailing with us.

Well, it's time to say goodbye.

Well, listen, you two, I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, gopher, for everything.

I'll never forget you.

Bye.

- Bye-bye. - See ya.

Bye-bye.

So long.

Why him when she could have had me?

Ah, well, at least I won't have to clean more cabins.

Wasn't that the maid?

She's leaving, marrying one of the passengers.

Really?

Cabins on her deck have never been cleaner.

We'll just get a new chambermaid.

No, don't bother.

Gopher has done the job so well, I think I'll

let him keep right on doing it.

Wait, um--

[Theme music playing]