Original subtitles

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

[ "'Tis the season to be jolly" playing ]

Isn't the tree beautiful, gopher?

Mm-hmm.

Christmas is my favorite cruise.

Mine, too.

You see this angel?

Yes.

I was the model.

Oh, Vicki, I forgot a handkerchief.

Would you mind going back to my cabin?

No.

I didn't want her to hear.

Did Marco's pet shop deliver anything for me?

Not yet, sir.

Not yet?

They were supposed to deliver it two hours

before boarding time.

Well, I'd say they're late.

But I'll keep an eye out for you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Hi.

I'm, uh...

It's you!

Gesundheit.

[ Laughs ]

And this is Mrs. Braddock.

Well, welcome aboard, Mr. Braddock, Mrs. Braddock.

I'm Julie McCoy.

Gee, I've got all of your husband's records.

Oh, so do we.

I'm so glad you're here to entertain

for our Christmas cruise.

So am I.

What could be more fun than a working vacation?

Yeah!

Honey, would you mind checking us in?

I want to take a look at the acapulco lounge.

Fine.

Where is it, Julie?

Oh, you can take the elevator -- deck five.

Thank you.

Okay, let's see.

You're on the promenade deck -- cabin 350.

Uh, Julie, I'm glad we have a moment alone.

Could I ask you a favor?

Sure, that's what I'm here for.

Well, Bobby and his father, Richard braddock,

will be on this cruise.

Isn't that wonderful!

They used to perform together, didn't they?

Well, yes, they did, uh,

but neither one of them knows that the other one is here,

and I'd like to keep it as a secret

until tonight's performance.

Okay.

I'll tell you what I'll do --

I'll give them separate seatings for dinner.

Oh, won't that be fun when they see each other!

Uh, I hope so.

They, uh, haven't spoken to each other for 10 years.

My mother-in-law and I

are trying to get them together again.

Well, what better time than Christmas?

Yeah.

Oh, isn't that Mr. Braddock?

Uh, yes, it is. Thanks, Julie.

Sure.

Well, hello. Welcome aboard.

I'm Julie McCoy, your cruise director.

And what a pretty Julie you are.

Oh, thank you.

We're lil and Richard braddock.

Well, welcome aboard.

You're on the fiesta deck, cabin 220.

Who's the entertainment on this cruise?

[ Scoffs ] Is that all you ever think about?

Once a performer, always a performer!

[ "Jingle bells" plays ]

Adam bricker, ship's doctor --

office hours 3:00 to 5:00 in case you sprain your neck.

Jeff Dalton. Nice to meet you.

Hi.

Excuse me,

but could you tell me how to get to the fiesta deck,

cabin 119?

Yeah, through the lobby and to the right.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I wonder if it's too late to put that on my list to Santa.

Hi, can I help you?

Oh, uh, yeah, sure,

I was just looking for my, uh...

Father, yeah.

There he is.

Dad! Dad!

When he's checkin' chicks, he doesn't hear anything.

Hey, mister.

Mister, there's a cute-lookin' girl

over there, and I think she kind of likes you.

Yeah? Where?

Right there.

Good eye, kid.

I oughta put you on the payroll.

Uh, Vicki, I-I just remembered something.

Julie wants to see you. She needs your help.

Where is she?

In the purser's lobby.

Ahh.

Sir, what is this?

Shh! It's Vicki's Christmas present.

Oh.

It's a parrot and a parrot book.

He talks and reads?

The book tells you how to train the parrot.

Now, look, I need your help.

I want you to hide all this in your cabin...

Only till Christmas Eve.

But, sir, a parrot --

that will keep me up all night.

Believe me, gopher, the way you gab,

you'll keep the parrot awake all night.

Please. Thank you very much.

I don't want Vicki to see it.

Oh, gopher!

Isaac, look, give this to gopher.

And tell him it's his food.

And tell him to go easy on it.

It has to last the entire cruise.

Well, this should be plenty, sir.

This will keep gopher chirping for three days.

[ Air horn blows ]

Hey, is this seat saved?

Oh, hi, kid.

Well, I was hoping to get lucky,

but you weren't exactly what I had in mind.

Well, if some chick comes along,

she can play, too.

Wait a minute, kid. What are you doing?

I'm dealing gin.

And the name's not kid -- it's Scotty.

Remember?

Well, Scotty, thanks, but no thanks.

Hey, I play a buck a point.

Let's go, sport. Your play -- discard.

One game, and that's it.

Yeah, watch those hands.

I've see a few cheaters in my time.

Are you playing to see who pays for the drinks?

Uh, I didn't order any drinks, Isaac.

I did.

You looked thirsty.

Hey, the beer's mine.

The softdrink's yours.

Not on my ship.

Here you go.

Okay.

I put a little something on there for you, Isaac.

Thanks, sport.

Thanks for the beer, kid.

Don't mention it.

I signed your name.

Are you here on your honeymoon,

or are you with your folks?

With the folks,

but, uh, they don't come out of the cabin too much.

See, my mom's shy, and my dad doesn't like crowds.

Gin.

Gin?! Already?

Yeah, what can I say? I'm good.

Hi.

Haven't I, uh, seen you somewhere before?

I haven't heard that line since the senior prom.

Well...

Would you care to join us?

You could save me from being taken to the cleaners

by this card shark here.

Well, thanks, anyway,

but I really think I've had enough sun for the first day.

Well, how about a stroll around the ship --

only the shady parts.

Okay.

As long as they're not too shady.

Hey! We just started!

Well, now it's our turn.

Some father -- leaving his son for a woman.

Oh, that's his son?

Mm-hmm.

Well, at least he's teaching him something.

Some father!

♪♪

[ Parrot squawking ]

Listen, bird,

i don't want a roommate that throws his food

all over the floor.

You got that?

[ Parrot squawks ]

Same to you, pal!

Hey, man, that lido deck is really jumpin'.

How's the parrot?

He's a pig.

Well, why don't we give him a bath?

That's a good idea.

[ Parrot squawks ]

Why don't we throw it over the side with a bar of soap!

Hey, now, wait a minute, where's your Christmas spirit?

We're supposed to be doing this for Vicki!

Oh, some present, man.

The dumb parrot doesn't even talk.

And I think he bites.

[ Knock on door ]

Enter-o!

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Sir.

Well, how's our parrot, gopher?

Any problems?

Oh, no, sir, no problem. He's a sweetheart.

Good. What words is he saying?

Well, he doesn't say a thing, sir.

He's all squawk and no talk.

No?

I was promised a trained parrot.

What fun is a bird that can't even talk?

Well, he's pretty. He's got beautiful feathers.

[ Parrot squawks ]

Yeah.

If I wanted beautiful feathers,

I would have ordered her a duster.

Hey, gopher.

What?

I got a great idea.

Why don't we teach the parrot how to talk?

What? Come on!

Hey, man, come on, now. Listen!

That's what Christmas is all about, isn't it,

doing something nice for people you like?

Yes.

That would please the captain and Vicki, wouldn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, but, man, Christmas is a day after tomorrow!

Well, maybe we can teach it a Carol.

[ Squawks ]

♪♪

Goodbye, dear.

Richard's gone to get a haircut.

Bobby's rehearsing. Now we can ask Julie.

Julie.

Mm-hmm?

Julie, we need your help.

Okay.

Tonight, when Bobby's singing,

could you introduce his father from the audience

and get him up onstage?

Well, sure, but why?

The two of them stopped talking to each other

when Bobby left the act and went out on his own.

And we thought

if we could get them both back together onstage...

Oh, that's a great idea.

Oh, this is gonna be a great Christmas.

Yeah, and maybe the beginning of world war III.

♪♪

Well, hi.

Oh, hi.

Hey, your father's over there.

Right -- I've been looking for him.

Thanks.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, I'm starved. I hope I'm not too late.

Whoa.

Have you already ordered?

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

I'm waiting for a friend to join me.

What am I, an enemy?

Let me show you a disappearing aces trick.

I got a better idea.

Why don't I show you the disappearing Scotty trick?

Hey, you're funny.

How long you been off your medication?

Hi, gorgeous.

Say goodbye to Scotty. He was just leaving.

Hey, why don't you pull up another chair?

Scotty, look -- man to man -- beat it before I belt you.

Okay.

Evidently, the little boy's father has other plans

for the evening.

Scotty, I'm gonna count to three,

and if you're not gone,

I'm gonna play taps on your head with a soup spoon.

Okay.

Okay. I get the message.

Excuse me.

Young man...

One minute, please.

Me? I didn't do anything.

I know, but you could do me a favor.

There's an empty place at my table.

I'd appreciate it if you'd join me.

But --

I'd not only appreciate it, I insist.

[ Sighs ]

This is Dr. Bricker.

Hi, how are you?

My daughter Vicki.

Hi.

And you are?

Hungry.

The name's Scotty.

Well, Scotty, I'm glad you're hungry.

Santa doesn't bring presents

to children who don't eat their dinner.

Well, hi.

Hi, Julie.

We just took a stroll on deck.

Oh.

Yes, it's a beautiful night.

Yes. The coast is clear.

Oh, wonderful. Come on, darling.

What are you gonna get for Christmas?

Oh, me and my dad don't celebrate Christmas.

He gives me presents all year-round.

Oh.

Where's gopher?

Oh, I think he ate earlier.

He's probably in his cabin relaxing.

[ Clears throat ]

[ Squawks ]

[ High-pitched voice ] Hello.

Hello.

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪

[ Normal voice ] Would you stop it?!

Jingle bells -- I can't even make him say hello!

We're wasting our time with him, man.

The captain bought a dumb parrot!

You're a dumb parrot!

Oh, come on, now,

we've only been at it less than an hour.

It takes time.

Are you sure he's even supposed to be out?

Yeah, it says so right here in the book.

Well, he's lookin' at my nose like it's a sunflower seed.

What else does the book say?

"Treat your bird like a friend."

Hey, you want to talk about girls?

"Make him feel secure."

How, open a savings account in his name?!

Give him a year's supply of worms?!

Well, the kind of security they're talking about

is making him feel loved and wanted.

I guess you're just not using the right approach.

Oh! Okay, then you make him feel loved and wanted.

Let's see your approach.

Me?

Make him feel loved and wanted.

I dare you!

Oh, okay.

Hey, brother, man, what's happening?

Man, you've got some pretty feathers.

Mm-hmm.

You know, those are the most beautiful eyes

I've ever seen.

[ Bird squawks ]

I think she's smiling.

Now, listen, sweetheart,

this is all I want you to do...

Is say, "hey, baby."

Hey, baby.

Hey, baby.

Hey, baby.

I wish I had a picture of this.

There you are, my dearest --

the best seats in the house.

My, you're in a good mood tonight.

Why shouldn't I be? It's christmastime.

I'm with the one I love.

Oh.

Ladies and gentlemen,

tonight, the acapulco lounge proudly presents

the exciting and talented Bobby braddock.

[ Applause ]

You knew about this!

Sit down.

♪ Sleigh bells ring ♪

♪ are you listenin' ♪

♪ in the Lane ♪

♪ snow is glistenin' ♪

♪ a beautiful sight ♪

♪ we're happy tonight ♪

♪ walkin' in a winter wonderland ♪

♪ in the Meadow we can build a snowman ♪

♪ then pretend that he is parson brown ♪

♪ he'll say, "are you married" ♪

♪ we'll say, "no, man" ♪

♪ "but you can do the job when you're in town" ♪

♪ later on, we'll conspire ♪

♪ as we dream by the fire ♪

♪ to face unafraid ♪

♪ the plans that we've made ♪

♪ walkin' in a winter wonderland ♪

♪ walkin' in a winter wonderland ♪

♪ walkin' in a winter wonderla-a-a-a-nd ♪

[ Applause ]

Ladies and gentlemen, as you all know,

Bobby braddock is the second generation of great stars

in the braddock family.

But what you don't know and what Bobby doesn't know

is that his father, Richard, is here in the audience tonight.

Now, maybe we'll be able to get him to come up onstage

and sing a song with his son.

Would you like that?

[ Applause ]

[ Audience gasps ]

Or maybe we'll just all dance, huh?

[ Soft music plays ]

Oh, Jeff, a kiss in the moonlight, and then a show.

Now champagne.

How could you top an evening like that?

Well, we'll, uh, think of something.

[ Knock on door ]

Maybe it's my late-shift replacement.

Hi, Jeff.

Thought I'd give you a chance to get even.

Uh, gee, great, but right now, I'm busy.

Cathy and I would like

to spend a little time together.

You already spent time together.

I saw you two kissing on the deck.

You did?

Yeah, well,

we'd like to spend a little more time together.

Gotcha, pal. Be back in five minutes.

Oh, whoa, wait.

You're not getting the picture.

It wasn't Julie's fault, merrill.

She was just trying to help get Bobby braddock

and his father back together again.

It was a very nice Christmas gesture.

And the way it turned out,

she could have waited till easter.

Jeff: I can't make it any clearer.

Beat it! Hmm?

And please, don't come back.

Not tonight, I mean.

Cathy and I, uh, we want to be alone.

Okay.

Sure, no problem.

Great.

No problem.

Check with me tomorrow, okay?

Tomorrow.

Must be an epidemic on this ship...

Fathers running out on their sons.

Hi, Scotty.

Oh, hi.

We, uh, couldn't help but overhearing.

Oh, that? Oh, that's nothing.

Me and my father have a great arrangement.

You're up kind of late, Scotty.

Where you do plan to spend the night?

Oh, it's no big deal. I'll just go somewhere else.

Absolutely not.

You'll spend the night in my quarters.

Hey, I'm not a kid! I can handle it.

Uh, careful.

If you disobey captains, they make you walk the plank.

My cabin's this way.

[ Parrot squawking ]

Hat.

Hat!

Book.

Shell.

Tie!

Isaac, this is no use! He is not gonna talk!

Let's make a piñata out of him!

No, wait, hold it.

Now, I think we're getting closer.

It's just like the book says --

he'll talk faster if he's around pleasant surroundings.

What can we do to make these surroundings more pleasant?

Call in a decorator!

Talk!

[ Squawking ]

Gopher, he's not a jailbird.

Well, neither am I. Look at me!

I'm sharing my room with a squawking bird!

I'm losing sleep!

I've got birdfeed all over the floor!

Wait, wait. Simmer down. Simmer down.

No, this thing was wrong right from the start!

Right from the start -- wrong!

Anybody who buys a parrot that isn't trained is crazy!

Captain stubing is a jerk!

[ Squawk ] Captain stubing is a jerk.

Captain stubing is a jerk.

Congratulations.

You taught the bird how to talk.

[ Door closes ]

Captain stubing is a jerk.

[ As parrot ] Gopher Smith is unemployed!

[ Squawks ] Captain stubing is a jerk.

You must have been a good boy this year.

You sure got a lot of presents.

[ Chuckles ]

Those aren't for him. Those are for giving.

Yeah, well, Christmas -- who cares?

I do.

Well, that's it.

Vicki, you go back to bed.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

And you, young man... You get into bed.

Bed? It's too early.

You can go to bed, and I'll turn in later.

Go to bed.

All right.

Well, you can't go to bed with your clothes on.

Why not?

I always sleep with my clothes on.

It saves time in the morning.

Get up.

Come on, you're gonna take your shirt off.

You're gonna take your trousers off.

I can undress myself. Leave me alone!

My lord.

Scotty, your back.

Hey, what's the big deal?

How did it happen?

Leave me alone.

Can't a guy get any sleep around here?

Oh, Bobby,

we went through it all a hundred times last night.

Your mother and I meant well.

It merely backfired.

Backfired? You mean exploded.

Oh, great, I'm gonna have fun talking to you...

Tomorrow, the next day.

Good morning.

Good morning, lil, Richard.

Bobby, you know your father, don't you?

Sit down.

Your father is very sorry about what happened last night.

Aren't you, Richard?

Aren't you, Richard?

I made a mistake.

See?

A mistake?

My own father walks out on me in front of all those people.

That wasn't a mistake. It was a disaster!

Look who's talking!

You're the expert on walking out!

Or don't you remember the act you ruined 10 years ago

when you walked out on me?!

I didn't walk out. I escaped.

And I wouldn't have had to

if -- if you had treated me like a partner

instead of a child!

You're right! You weren't a child!

A child would show more respect for his father!

Well, I'm glad to see that after 10 years

of not speaking to you, I haven't missed a thing.

Some merry Christmas this is going to be.

[ Squawking ]

Go to sleep...Sleep.

Go to sleep.

Your eyelids are getting droopy.

Sleep. Sleep.

Captain stubing is a jerk.

Sleep.

Sleep.

Gopher, you're losing control.

This is not gonna work. Give me my watch back.

No, no, I've seen hypnotism work on people

who are trying to lose weight and stop smoking.

All I have to do is put the bird under,

and I can make him stop saying that, can't I?

Go to sleep.

Your feathers are getting tired.

Your beak is getting tired.

Your whole body is getting sleepy.

Sleep.

Isaac!

What?

[ Squawk ] Captain stubing is a jerk!

Well, that answers that question.

Isaac, what are we gonna do, man?

Tonight is Christmas Eve.

The captain wants to give the bird to Vicki tonight.

When we get to mazatlán,

why don't we take this parrot to a pet shop

and swap him for another one?

That's a great idea.

That is a great idea.

Why didn't I think of that?

Because I'm the brawn, and you're the brain.

Captain stubing is a jerk.

I bet I beat you this hand.

Gin. Boy, you're a pushover.

Your old man's gonna end up owing me this whole ship.

Adam, what happens in a case like this?

Can an abused child be taken away from his parents?

Well, that's out of my province, merrill.

That's legal.

I sure would like to have a look at the boy.

Good. Meantime, Julie and I will talk to his father.

Good idea.

Scotty.

Scotty, I want you to spend some time

with Dr. Bricker.

Julie and I are gonna talk to your father.

Oh, no.

Um, I don't think that's such a good idea.

I mean, uh, he's probably not in his cabin right now,

and if he was, he'd probably be asleep,

and you'd better not wake him.

I'll handle it, Scotty.

You just stay with the doctor.

♪♪

Come on, Scotty.

Don't worry. He's a good doctor.

Come on. You're not packing!

Because I'm not going anywhere,

and neither are you.

Oh, yes, I am.

I'm not staying on this ship any longer than I have to!

I'm catching a flight home tonight from mazatlán.

Well, I'm going up on deck and work on my tan,

in case you get sane enough to change your mind

all of a sudden.

[ Knock on door ]

Hi, lil.

Can I talk to Richard for a moment?

Be my guest.

Maybe you can knock some sense into that thick skull of his.

He's packing to leave.

In case I don't see you tomorrow, merry Christmas.

Oh, I hope you're not gonna start in on me, too.

No. No, I came because I owe you an apology.

I never should have set you two up like that last night.

I'm sure lil put you up to it.

No, it was actually my idea.

And I would think you'd know why I did it.

I love your son,

and it kills me to see him unhappy.

What's he unhappy about?

He's rich, he's famous. Ha, he's a big star.

I know,

but it doesn't mean a thing to him without your love.

And I guess he'll never get it.

♪♪

Julie: Welcome to mazatlán,

whose beautiful shops and open-air bazaars

are perfect for your last-minute Christmas shopping.

Ah, no, no.

No, no. No banderas, no sombreros.

No, no.

No, no, no.

Ah, buenos días.

Ah, you picked that up from the birds, huh?

What can I do for you today, señor?

I'm having a little trouble with my parrot,

my parrito.

He talks all the time.

He says something I don't like.

I know how you feel. My wife's the same way.

Yeah, well, listen,

I want to know if I can trade him.

Okay.

Yeah?

Sure. I'll take your parrot, you take my wife.

No, no, no, amigo.

I want to exchange my parrot for one of yours.

No, sir, no exchanges.

What would I do with a used parrot?

What would I do with a used wife?

Adios.

Ah, señor, how about a nice dog?

Watch this, señor.

Okay, zippy, lie down.

See how he behaves?

I live on a boat.

Watch this -- don't get up.

See -- perfectly trained.

Parrot: Captain stubing is a jerk.

Shut your beak!

Captain stubing is a jerk.

Uh, señor,

you know, sometimes,

if you leave a parrot with other parrots that talk,

it may learn what they say

and stop saying the other things.

Is that true?

Why would I lie?

Okay, listen, amigo, here's what I want to do.

I want to leave him here for a few hours and see, okay?

Ah, lo siento, señor. I don't have room.

I can't.

I got two parrots on one perch over here.

I got three -- there's nothing I can do.

I'd like to help you, señor, but over here, it's just too --

[ chuckles ] I just found room.

Adios.

No! No, no, no. No banderas, no sombreros.

No.

♪♪

There he is.

Mr. Dalton.

May we have a word with you, please...Alone?

Well, we were on our way into mazatlán.

This will only take a minute.

Sure, captain.

Uh, I'll wait for you inside, Jeff.

Okay.

Thank you.

It's about Scotty.

Mm-hmm. He's a great kid. I get a real kick out of him.

Yeah, you sure have a funny way of showing it.

Mr. Dalton, you shouldn't take your personal problems

out on the boy.

You've got to stop neglecting him.

Uh, what is this, some kind of good neighbor lecture

or what?

Look, he gets in the way sometimes.

You just have to be firm with him.

Firm is one thing -- brutal is another.

What are you talking about?

Mr. Dalton, do you even know or care

where you son spent the night?

My son? [ Chuckles ]

Scotty's not my son. I've never seen him before.

He just, uh, latched on to me.

He's not?

No.

Sir, do you think he might be a stowaway?

Yes.

And a runaway, judging from what I saw last night.

Scotty is covered with bruises.

I'm sorry.

I thought you were responsible for him.

Uh, no. Well, maybe I can help.

Merrill, Scotty gave me the slip.

I left him alone in my examination room for a moment.

When I came back, he was gone.

♪♪

May I sit down?

I ought to be mad at you, you know.

[ Chuckles ] Join the club.

Here. Here's a Christmas present for you.

I know it's a little early, but go ahead and open it.

Oh, mom. I don't believe it.

All my reviews...

All my clippings...

Pictures...my whole life!

Thanks, mom.

Enjoy it.

This was my first Vegas opening.

The white house.

Oh, dad and me on the "ed Sullivan show."

You were a terrific team.

We sure were.

I'm not just talking about the act.

I'm talking about father and son.

Yeah, well, uh, thanks for the scrapbook, mom.

It must have been a lot of trouble,

all that cutting and pasting.

It's a labor of love.

I appreciate it. I really do.

Well, don't thank me for it.

Thank your father.

Dad?!

You mean he did all this?

Your father loves you, Bobby.

It's just that he doesn't know how to tell you.

You know something, mom -- all the time,

I keep thinking that, one of these days,

we're gonna be a family again.

Your father isn't getting any younger, Bobby.

And one of these days, you'll find out

that "one of these days" is too late.

♪♪

Oh, captain.

Yes?

Here's the reply to that cablegram you sent.

Scotty lives with foster parents.

They reported him missing the day we left L.A.

Mm.

I see this isn't the first time the boy's been abused.

No.

Captain.

Yes?

Excuse me, but has Scotty turned up yet?

No.

I thought you were going into mazatlán.

Well, we couldn't under the circumstances.

Read this.

Why doesn't the law step in on cases like this?

Well, as a lawyer, captain,

i can tell you it's difficult to separate unfit parents

from their children.

Even unfit foster parents?

Yes, it's difficult, but, uh, not impossible.

Then there is a ray of hope.

Julie.

Yes, sir?

Have the stewards make a cabin search.

I want to find that boy.

I want Scotty to have a happy Christmas.

Yes, sir.

♪♪

Hey, mister! Psst!

Want me to carry your bag? Only a buck.

Well, the steward union must have lowered the working age.

Is that what your parents brought you on the cruise for,

to hustle passengers for money?

Look, mister, you want to part with a buck or not?

You're too old to carry that.

What is it with you kids?!

Were children put on earth to cause parents grief?

Us? Parents are the trouble --

always hassling us, always walking out on us,

never there when we need them.

♪♪

Here. You can carry my bag.

Thanks, mister.

Hey! This is a 10 spot.

Yeah, keep the change.

Thanks.

Mom? Dad? It's me -- Bobby.

Come on, dad, we can't go on like this forever.

It's too late, Bobby. Your father's gone home.

[ Sighs ] I'm sorry, mom.

It'll be the first Christmas we've been apart

in 35 years.

Gracias.

I hope this worked, man.

Hey, don't worry,

I'm sure the guy in the pet shop knew

what he was talking about.

Captain stubing is a jerk.

Captain stubing is a jerk.

Captain stubing is a jerk.

Captain stubing is a jerk.

Taxi!

Wait a minute.

Captain stubing is a jerk.

Captain stubing is a jerk.

Buenos días.

Buenos días!

Captain stubing is a jerk.

Captain stubing is a jerk.

Captain stubing is a jerk.

Captain stubing is a jerk.

Buenos días.

Buenos días.

Go, señor!

Go -- out.

Out!

Captain stubing is a jerk!

Captain stubing is a jerk!

Buenos días!

Buenos días!

Julie: We'll be leaving mazatlán in 30 minutes.

Don't forget our Christmas Eve party tonight

in the acapulco lounge.

♪♪

How can a kid just disappear into thin air?

Damn, I wish we could find him.

Poor thing -- he's probably scared to death.

When I was a kid, we never had much money, but...

I always knew my parents loved me.

Well, I guess love is something that Scotty missed.

And we found.

Boy, you guys kiss enough!

Well, well, well,

if it isn't the disappearing card shark himself.

Were you looking for me, Jeff?

We've all been looking for you.

Where in the heck have you been?

Oh, I've been having fun.

This is a big ship -- plenty of things to do.

[ Sighs ] You had us worried to death, Scotty.

Scotty, we have to talk.

Ever play solitaire gin before?

I won 400 bucks off myself.

Scotty, I know you're a runaway.

Runaway?

Ha! My parents sent me on this cruise.

I'm a rich kid.

I come from a great family.

Scotty, I know about the bruises,

and I know what they're from.

So I got a few bruises.

I've been playing football -- rough sport.

Right, sport?

Yeah, it's rough, all right.

Well, I guess I was wrong about you.

I thought maybe I could help you a little bit,

but you don't need me.

You've got everything under control, right?

See you around, kid.

Jeff. No, wait.

I've been bad, Jeff.

I've been really bad, and I'm sorry.

I deserve to be punished.

No, you don't.

Like that old guy said -- kids ain't nothin' but grief.

Wrong -- sometimes it's the parents.

But mine are mean, Jeff. I don't want to go back.

They hurt me, and I'm scared.

Well, sometimes things get too big

for a guy to handle by himself.

And that's when he needs a friend.

But I don't have any friends.

Oh, yes, you do. You're looking at one.

Make that two.

♪♪

And together, the three of us are gonna handle this.

And together, the three of us are gonna handle this.

Thank you very much.

You know, Christmas is the most beautiful time of the year --

the smell of pine needles on the tree,

crackling of a log on the fire,

and the sound of little children laughing.

Most of all, it's a family time of the year.

And I've been very lucky in that respect

because I have a loving wife and a beautiful mother.

And of course, you all know my father,

whom I love very much.

He can't be here tonight, but I'd like to do this song

as kind of a special Christmas card to him...

And to all of you.

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ah-ah ah-aye ♪

♪ ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ah-ah ah-aye ♪

♪ there's a song in the air ♪

♪ but the fair señorita doesn't seem to care ♪

♪ for the song in the air ♪

Richard: ♪ so I'll sing to the mule ♪

♪ if you're sure ♪

♪ she won't think I'm a fool ♪

♪ serenading a mule ♪

♪ amigo mio, does she not have a dainty bray ♪

♪ she listens carefully to each little tune you play ♪

♪ si, si mi muchachito ♪

♪ she loves to sing it, too if only she knew the way ♪

♪ but try as she may ♪

♪ in her voice, there's a flaw ♪

♪ and all that the lady can say ♪

♪ is hee-ha-a-a-a-w ♪

♪ ha-a-a-a-a-w ♪

♪ señorita donkey-cita ♪

♪ not so fleet as a mosquito ♪

♪ but so sweet like my chiquita ♪

♪ you're the one for me ♪

♪ you're ♪

♪ the ♪

♪ one ♪

♪ for me-e-e-e-e ♪

Olé!

Merry Christmas, son.

Merry Christmas, dad.

Julie: Isaac. This is for you from me.

Merry Christmas.

Thank you. That's for you, Julie.

Thank you.

This is for you, Isaac.

Where's gopher?

Did you like the --

oh, I...

I, uh, I called him,

and he said he'd be here in a minute.

Shh!

Shh.

[ Squawks ]

I know I have trouble communicating,

but do me a favor and keep your mouth shut!

Your life depends on it.

Oh, ho, ho!

Look what Santa just crammed down my chimney.

Gopher, thank you. Thank you.

Not at all, sir.

Vicki, this is a present from your loving father.

Merry Christmas.

I wonder what it is.

[ Chuckles ]

A parrot!

Just what I wanted. Thank you, dad.

Does it talk?

No!

No!

Well, not yet, but, uh, we have to teach it.

Ooh, that'll be fun.

Hello!

Hello!

Oh, don't worry, honey, you can teach it.

It just takes time.

Well, it's not that, dad.

I love the parrot.

I was just thinking about Scotty.

I bet he's never had a great Christmas present like this.

I don't think he has.

♪♪

Isn't the real spirit of Christmas giving?

Mm-hmm.

Would you be upset if I gave Scotty my parrot?

Swell idea!

That's a good idea, Vicki!

Oh, gopher, I forgot your presents.

[ Squawks ] Captain stubing is a jerk.

What was that?

I said, [as parrot] Captain stubing loves to work -- squawk!

Oh, I think I'll take this to Scotty right now.

That's a good idea! Here we go.

Gopher, Vicki, just a minute.

Merry Christmas to the best crew,

to the best friends, and the loveliest daughter

a man could ever ask for.

Merry Christmas to you, too, sir.

Merry Christmas, daddy.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Oh, Julie. Thank you very much.

It turned out to be a lovely time.

Jeff: It sure did.

As a matter of fact,

dad and I decided not to speak for another year

so we can come back again.

[ Laughs ]

Well, just promise you'll sing.

Both of you.

You can count on it.

I hope Santa clause was good to you.

Oh, he certainly was.

I got the greatest Christmas gift a father could ask for.

But how do you gift-wrap a son?

[ Laughter ]

Well, thanks for sailing with us.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Well, captain and his santas.

It's been a wonderful Christmas cruise.

And that goes for all you santas.

Oh, thank you.

I hope everything works out for you, Scotty.

Well, if things work out the way I hope,

I'll have an instant family.

Thanks for the parrot, Vicki.

You're a good chick.

Thanks.

Bye-bye.

Don't worry, I taped his mouth shut till we get home.

Uh, captain, about Scotty's fare...

Oh, it's all been taken care of.

Thanks, Santa.

Not this Santa.

That Santa.

All: Bye.

I hope to see you again. Good luck.

Merry Christmas.

Thanks, big spender. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

All: Merry Christmas!