Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

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[ Whining ]

[ Grunts ] [ Whines ]

SON OF A BITCH!

WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE FOR A DIFFERENT NIGHTMARE.

[ Sighs ]

YOU HAD THE DREAM, TOO, DIDN'T YOU, DOG?

[ Sighs ] HONEY?

HONEY!

ARETHA!

HEY, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

I HAD THE DREAM AGAIN. THE DOG HAD IT TOO.

SWEETHEART, MAYBE IT'LL BE ON THE 6:00 NEWS,

IF WE ONLY HAD THE 6:00 NEWS.

YOU LOOK SO GOOD. AHH! [ Kissing Sounds ]

- HOW'D YOU SLEEP? - [ Chuckling ] ARE YOU KIDDING?

COME ON, PHILLIP. SEPARATE BEDROOMS IS ONE THING, BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST?

OH, UM, COFFEE, FETA CHEESE, BREAD, FETA CHEESE.

AND, FOR A CHANGE OF PACE, A NICE FETA CHEESE OMELET.

WELL, THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

I LOVE FETA CHEESE.

NINO.

COME ON. LET'S GO TAKE A PISS. [ Laughing ]

COME ON, NINO. TIME TO GET MOVING.

IT'S ALL HERE, DOG.

BEAUTY, MAGIC, INSPIRATION...

AND SERENITY.

NOT TO MENTION SILENCE,

AMAZEMENT, INTIMACY,

ENCHANTMENT.

HERE! HERE!

** [ Humming ]

[ Nino Barking ]

OH, YOU LOOK GREAT. THANK YOU.

OHH!

MMM. HMM.

LET'S GET CRACKING, KIDDO. WE'VE GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO ON THE THEATER.

HOW 'BOUT SOME WORK ON MY THEATER? BREAD.

GOOD. MMM.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE GONNA DRIVE ME CRAZY. MM-HMM.

[ Slapping Sound ] OHH!

[ Chuckling ] I'VE FORGOTTEN WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE SAD AFTER SEX.

[ Coughing ]

[ Goat Bleating ] MARY.

[ Coughing ]

HELLO, MARY.

[ Radio ] * GIVE THE PAST A SLIP STEP ON A CRACK *

* BREAK YOUR MAMA'S BACK *

GOOD MORNING, DAD. MORNING, ARETHA. MORNING, SWEETHEART.

HAD THE DREAM AGAIN. WHAT?

WILL YOU LOWER THIS THING? I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING HERE. [ Radio Off ]

I HAD THE DREAM AGAIN. I HAD A DREAM TOO.

I DREAMT I WAS SMOKING POT AT A GO-GO'S CONCERT.

MEET YOU AFTER MY SWIM.

** [ Resumes ] I WANT YOU TO HAVE A GOOD BREAKFAST.

YOU GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO TODAY. NO KISS?

- WHAT'S WITH HER? - OH, IT'S CALLED PUBERTY.

MARY, HAVE SOME FETA.

[ Bleats ]

** [ Radio: New Wave ]

* I-I-I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS

* THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO GOOD

* I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO BAD *

* WHEN THEY'RE AROUND ME MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M THE ONLY GUY IN TOWN *

* I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO GOOD *

* THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT MY ONE-WAY MIRROR *

* THEY'RE NOT FRIGHTENED BY MY COLD EXTERIOR *

* THEY DON'T ASK QUESTIONS SOME BODY.

* THEY DON'T WRITE STORIES *

* THEY DON'T LOOK FOR ANSWERS *

* THEY JUST WANT TO HOLD ME ISN'T THIS FUN *

[ Sighs ] COME ON, BABY.

LET KALIBANOS WOO YOUR POO.

* OH-OH-OH I-I-I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS *

* THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO GOOD

* I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS

* THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO BAD * DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE, DOUBLE YOUR FUN.

[ Barking ] [ Screams ]

SON OF A BITCH DOG.

GET HIM, NINO! I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPY, YOU CREEP!

DIRTY, STINKING DOG! GET HIM! SIC HIM!

I KILL YOU!

SON OF A BITCH! DON'T BITE ME! DON'T BITE ME.

[ Barking, Panting ]

[ Grunts, Panting ]

BOSS, H-HELLO.

A BIG SCORPION, BOSS, ABOUT THIS BIG.

BOSS, YOU NEED NEW SHOES, EH? NEW SHOES!

I GET YOU BETTER SHOES, BOSS. MARKO FROM-- WILL YOU STOP THAT?

[ Sighs ] WERE YOU SPYING ON MY DAUGHTER?

NO! AH, ME? I AM THIS ROCK, BOSS. YOU SEE THIS ROCK?

IF YOU TOUCH HER, I'LL KILL YOU. IT IS ME.

I DON'T SPY ON NOBODY. DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?

WHAT? IF YOU TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, I'LL KILL YOU.

YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING TO YOU?

YES, BOSS, I UNDERSTAND.

LATER WE GO FISHING, BOSS, EH?

DON'T CALL ME BOSS.

OKAY, I NO CALL YOU BOSS. DON'T CALL ME BOSS AT ALL.

NO. I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANY "BOSS" FROM YOU ANYMORE.

YOU UNDERSTAND? OKAY.

AH! NO "BOSS."

WE GO FISHING, EH? NINO.

NINO! DOG!

[ Whining ]

WELL,

ISN'T THIS JUST SO PERFECT?

MAN IN HIS ELEMENT--

BALANCE, HARMONY.

[ Laughs ] YOU KNOW WHAT LAU TSE SAID, DON'T YOU, DOG?

"NATURE. AND IT SPEAKS TRUE.

WHY NOT MAN?"

[ Car Horns Honking ]

[ Honking Continues ]

I HATE NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTIES.

YOU SAY THAT EVERY YEAR.

TEN MINUTES AFTER WE GET THERE, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT DOESN'T WANT TO GO HOME.

YEAH, BUT THOSE PARTIES ARE WITH PEOPLE WE KNOW.

EVERYBODY LIVING IS GOING TO BE AT THIS PARTY.

EVERYONE DEAD IS GONNA BE AT THIS PARTY.

IT'S GONNA BE NOISY AND PRETENTIOUS AND VERY, VERY NERVOUS.

PHILLIP, WE ARE NOISY AND PRETENTIOUS AND VERY, VERY NERVOUS.

WILL YOU TWO QUIT IT? I SHOULD HAVE STAYED HOME AND WATCHED GUY LOMBARDO.

GUY LOMBARDO'S DEAD. REALLY?

YEAH. HOW SAD.

YEAH. WHO'S GUY LOMBARDO?

** [ Band ] ANTONIA, PLEASURE TO SEE YOU.

OH! HOW ARE YOU?

FINE, FINE. TERRY BLOOMFIELD.

- OH, YES, SURE. - ANTONIA DIMITRIUS, MY WIFE BETSY.

HI. BETSY BLOOMFIELD. HI.

HAVE YOU MET MY HUSBAND PHILLIP?

HI, PHILLIP. HAPPY NEW YEAR.

LOVE TO TALK TO YOU LATER ABOUT SOMETHING. HAPPY NEW YEAR.

I NEED A DRINK.

[ Laughing ]

I JUST SAW JOHN TRAVOLTA DOWNSTAIRS. WHO'S JOHN TRAVOLTA?

OH, DAD, YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING. GIVE HIM MY BEST REGARDS.

[ Antonia ] HERE COMES ALONZO.

PERFECT WAY TO END THE YEAR. HI. HI.

ENOUGH, PHILLIP, OKAY? JUST ENOUGH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, PUMPKIN? DON'T BE THAT WAY.

ANTONIA, PHILLIP, WELCOME TO MY HOME. ALONZO. THANK YOU.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, MY FRIENDS. HAPPY NEW YEAR.

IN SEVEN MINUTES IS HAPPY NEW YEAR.

THIS IS GABRIELLE. WE MET AN HOUR AGO AND WE'RE ALREADY IN LOVE.

GABRIELLE, YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.

THIS IS MY WIFE ANTONIA. HELLO.

AND, ALONZO, THIS IS OUR DAUGHTER MIRANDA.

BELLISSIMA.

AT THAT AGE, THEY DON'T LIKE TO BE KISSED.

I UNDERSTAND. I HAVE ONLY A SON, BUT ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS KISS.

WELL, PHILLIP, ARE YOU HAPPY?

UH, I'M HOPING THAT NEXT YEAR WILL BE MORE FUN.

PHILLIP IS A MOODY MAN, BUT HE IS A GENIUS, SO ALL IS FORGIVEN.

I'M NO GENIUS, BOSS. YOU KNOW THE ALONZO BUILDING?

OF COURSE. PHILLIP DESIGNED IT.

OH, I LOVE ARCHITECTS.

THANK YOU. [ Miranda ] THERE'S WOODY ALLEN.

WHO'S WOODY ALLEN? DAD!

NO, WHO'S WOODY ALLEN? DAD, OH, PLEASE. YOU KNOW WOODY ALLEN.

CHERIE, I WANT TO SAY A BONJOUR A WOODY. HAVE FUN.

DON'T FORGET-- WE FLY TO ATLANTIC CITY ON THURSDAY, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT. BYE-BYE. CIAO. CIAO.

HERE, DARLING. THANKS.

DO YOU REALIZE THAT THE SPLIT ENZ ARE IN ATLANTIC CITY?

I'M AFRAID TO ASK WHO THE SPLIT ENZ ARE.

WHO ARE THE SPLIT ENZ? VERY FUNNY.

** [ "Auld Lang Syne" ]

[ Crowd ] * BE FORGOT HAPPY NEW YEAR.

* AND NEVER BROUGHT TO MIND * WHAT?

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

* SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT *

* AND DAYS OF AULD LANG SYNE *

HAPPY NEW YEAR, SWEETHEART. HAPPY NEW YEAR.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, KID.

* FOR AULD LANG SYNE MY DEAR *

* FOR AULD LANG SYNE

* WE'LL TAKE A CUP OF KINDNESS YET *

* FOR AULD LANG SYNE

* SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT * HAPPY NEW YEAR!

* AND NEVER BROUGHT TO MIND

* SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT *

* AND DAYS OF AULD LANG SYNE *

OH, MY GOD!

[ Antonia ] WHAT? WHAT'S THE MATTER? YOU HAVE A NIGHTMARE?

[ Groans ] OH, GOD. LOTS OF WATER.

JESUS CHRIST.

A LOT OF WAVES.

OH, GOD.

IT WAS A WET DREAM, YOU MIGHT SAY.

[ Antonia Groans ] YOU WERE THERE SOMEWHERE.

[ Exhales ] YOU WERE ON A YACHT.

YEAH? WHAT WAS I WEARING?

[ Water Running ]

YOU WERE DROWNING.

EMOTIONAL.

OH, GREAT. WONDERFUL.

HEY, WOULD YOU BRING ME A GLASS OF WATER, PLEASE?

SORRY, DARLING.

WOULD YOU BRING ME A GLASS OF WATER WHILE YOU'RE UP?

[ Water Running Continues ]

YOU KNOW, I WAS TALKING TO TERRY BLOOMFIELD AT THE PARTY LAST NIGHT.

WHO'S THAT? HE'S A BIG PRODUCER, YOU KNOW?

I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW HIM. YUP!

WE MET HIM WHEN WE FIRST WENT IN WITH HIS WIFE...

TO THE PARTY LAST NIGHT, REMEMBER?

ANYWAY, HE ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO ACT AGAIN.

[ Water Stops ]

AND?

I THINK I'D DO IT.

IT'S A COMEDY. IT'S RIGHT HERE IN THE CITY.

WHY NOT? GREAT.

[ Sighs ]

I'M PICKING UP THE SCRIPT TOMORROW.

GOOD.

FIDEL CASTRO.

GOOD.

WHAT?

DID YOU HEAR ONE WORD I SAID?

YEAH.

FIDEL CASTRO'S, UH-- UH--

PRODUCING A PLAY, AND YOU'RE PICKING UP THE SCRIPT TOMORROW.

YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT. YOU KNOW THAT? I HEARD EVERY WORD.

TERRY BLOOMFIELD, THE PRODUCER. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

IT'S A COMEDY. I'M KIND OF NERVOUS ABOUT THIS.

WELL, WE'RE ALL NERVOUS.

WHAT DO YOU GOT TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT,

ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT YOU'RE NUTS?

BECAUSE I AM NOW A VERY OLD PERSON.

OH. OH. WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME?

YOU? YOU, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

YOU'RE VERY, VERY BEAUTIFUL.

REALLY? THANK YOU. YEAH.

YOU'RE VERY BEAUTIFUL TOO. VERY BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU.

FOR A VERY, VERY OLD PERSON. THANK YOU.

I GOTTA PEE.

AW. I GOTTA PEE.

I GOTTA PEE.

GOOD MORNING, MR. ALONZO. HI, MacKENZIE.

MR. GONDORF. HIYA, MacKENZIE.

HELLO, PHIL. HOW ARE YOU?

HOW'S JEANETTE? GOOD, GOOD. KIDS ARE GOOD.

HOW ARE YOU?

HUH! RUST!

RUST! THE BEAMS ARE RUSTING! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING TO ME? I'M SORRY, MR. ALONZO.

- I DIDN'T MAKE THE STRIKE. - I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT!

BETWEEN THE STRIKES, THE LABOR AND THE TAXES, IT DOESN'T PAY TO OWN A CASINO.

ARE WE GOING TO MAKE OUR SCHEDULE? WE'LL TRY, SIR.

TRY? TRY-- [ Grunting ]

TRY IS WEAK! I WANT TO HEAR THE CROUPIER BY NEW YEAR'S EVE, OKAY?

LONG AS WE DON'T GET ANY MORE LABOR PROBLEMS, WE GOT A SHOT.

JESUS!

I WANT THIS TO BE THE GREATEST CASINO EVER BUILT,

EVERY FLOOR NAMED AFTER A ROMAN EMPEROR, EVERY SUITE NAMED AFTER A POET.

WHAT, NO GODS?

HUH?

YES, PERFETTO. SURE. WHY NOT?

WE NAME THE DINING ROOMS AFTER THE GODS. YOU'RE A GENIUS!

THAT'S WHY YOU PAY ME THE BIG BUCKS, BOSS.

YES, BUT YOU'RE BECOMING A BITTER BASTARD.

I KNOW. PEEVISH.

CHILDISH. SILLY.

I AGREE WITH YOU. YOU'RE A TYPICAL AMERICAN.

THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, YEAH.

YOU WANT TO STAY A BOY. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE AND ALSO STUPID.

LOOK, BOYS DON'T HAVE HALF THE FUN WE HAVE.

BOYS ARE NERVOUS. THEY DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE YET.

THEY'RE MOSTLY BROKE, AND THEY MAKE LOVE IN THE BACK OF A SMALL SPORTS CAR.

[ Sneezes ]

SON OF A BITCH. I'M CATCHING A COLD. HEY, MacKENZIE.

HOW ARE WE GOING TO HEAT THIS PLACE?

MR. ALONZO, THERE'S NEVER A PROBLEM HEATING A CASINO.

YOU GET ENOUGH PEOPLE IN THESE PLACES TO GENERATE THE HEAT.

I SEE. YOU HAVE TO AIR-CONDITION EVEN IN THE WINTER.

WE'LL GO WITH A STANDARD CENTRAL BOILER SYSTEM. I UNDERSTAND.

THREE-PIPE VERTICAL SYSTEM.

NO PROBLEM. [ Alonzo Coughing ]

ALSO, DEPENDING ON THE AMOUNT OF GLAZING YOU HAVE ON THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A VARIABLE SITUATION.

NOW, PHIL'S GOTTA DECIDE, OF COURSE,

HOW MUCH GLASS HE'S GONNA USE TO FACE THE BUILDING,

BUT THAT'LL ALLOW A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF HEAT GAIN IN THE WINTER,

CERTAIN AMOUNT OF HEAT LOSS IN THE SUMMER, AND VISA VERSA.

ALL THESE FACTORS, SO...

IT DEPENDS ON A LOT OF DIFFERENT-- [ Clears Throat ]

BUT THESE THINGS ARE ALL UP IN THE AIR RIGHT NOW.

DEPENDING ON WHAT PHIL WANTS TO DO,

WE'LL MAKE OUR DECISIONS ACCORDINGLY.

I QUIT.

OKAY, HARRY, TELL HIM WHAT I'LL DO TO HIM IF HE QUITS.

SUE YOU, MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO WORK ANYWHERE ELSE.

PROBABLY SEND A COUPLE OF GOONS AROUND TO BREAK UP YOUR KNEECAPS.

AH, LIVE UP TO YOUR CONTRACT, PHILLIP.

SCREW MY CONTRACT. HE'S A BOY.

TURN DOWN THE AIR CONDITIONING, WILL YOU, PLEASE?

TURN DOWN THE AIR CONDITIONING.

I'M JUST A LITTLE CRAZY. CHALK IT UP TO A MID-LIFE CRISIS.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO BUILD ANY MORE SLUMS.

THIS IS GOING TO BE THE MOST FANTASTIC CASINO EVER BUILT, AND YOU KNOW IT, PHILLIP.

YOU WANT ME TO BEG YOU? A CONTRACT IS A CONTRACT,

A MORAL OBLIGATION.

[ Sneezing ] IT'S FREEZING HERE!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S OUR FOUNDING GODFATHER,

ALBERTO ALONZO! ** [ Humming Theme From The Godfather ]

THEY'RE PLAYING OUR SONG, ALONZO!

KNOCK IT OFF! WE GOT THE JOB. SPEAKING OF ELEPHANTS--

HEAR ABOUT THE GUY WHO CROSSED A HOOKER AND AN ELEPHANT?

AND HE GOT A 2,000-POUND BLONDE WHO PUTS OUT FOR PEANUTS.

[ Mild Chuckling ]

THIS IS A WONDERFUL BUNCH OF PEOPLE. WHAT, ARE YOU PAINTED ON THESE SEATS?

I COULD HAVE DONE MY BIG NUMBERS, LEAPED IN THE AIR AND LANDED ON THIS.

GOT THAT FROM YMA SUMAC.

HERE THEY ARE-- BOJANGLES AND HIS GIRL. THIS IS NOT AN EASY LIFE.

GIVE ME A LITTLE SONG. GIVE ME A LITTLE PEARL BAILEY.

* DARLING, HONEY IF THEY'D ROLL, ROLL, ROLL *

* WAY UP THAT RIVER, HONEY *

I DON'T KNOW WHY HE MAKES ME LAUGH.

BUY HIS CONTRACT. FOR HOW LONG?

FOR LIFE. LAUGHTER IS NEVER CHEAP.

[ Air Pumping ]

PRESSURE'S A LITTLE HIGH, BUT NOTHING TERRIBLE.

YOU'VE GOT THE BEGINNINGS OF A SLIGHT COLD, BUT REALLY, YOU'RE FINE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I'M FINE? WHY DO I FEEL SO LOUSY?

SIXTY HARD YEARS. I'M NOT A MAGICIAN.

IF YOU WERE A GOOD DOCTOR, YOU WOULD FIND SOMETHING WRONG.

- TAKE TWO ASPIRINS. - ASPIRINS?

AH, DR. THEO SEBASTIAN, MEET ARNIE TRINC.

HE'S OUR RESIDENT COMEDIAN.

HOW DO YOU DO? YOU MAKE 'EM CRY, I'LL MAKE 'EM LAUGH.

HEAR ABOUT THIS GERMAN COUPLE--

YES, I KNOW THAT ONE. IT'S A PARTICULAR FAVORITE OF MINE. I LOVE IT.

HOW ARE YOU, PHILLIP?

I'M DRINKING TOO MUCH, SMOKING TOO MUCH AND GENERALLY FEELING TENSE.

MM-HMM. SOUNDS JUST LIKE ME.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING FOR ALONZO?

- THIS IS THE END OF MY FIVE-YEAR CONTRACT. - AND YOU'RE GONNA RENEW?

MY STETHOSCOPE SAYS NO, BUT MY BANK ACCOUNT SAYS...

PROBABLY YES.

I HAVE EXPENSIVE FANTASIES.

[ Chuckles ] WHAT ABOUT YOU, HARRY?

I'M ON FOR LIFE.

SAME AS ME, HARRY. YOU KNOW THE DEFINITION OF JEWISH FOREPLAY?

MMM. TWO HOURS OF BEGGING.

I DON'T THINK THIS IS MY ROOM. GIVE ME A SCOTCH, PLEASE.

NEXT THEY'LL ASK ME TO CHIP IN FOR GAS.

[ Imitating Dracula ] GOOD TO SEE YOU, MY FRIEND. THE CASTLE CLOSED EARLY TONIGHT.

IT'S VERY NICE. PHILLIP, COME ON. LET'S HAVE A TALK.

IGOR, FOLLOW HIM. HE'LL HAVE A BIG NIGHT.

GOOD TO SEE YOU BOTH TOGETHER.

LAUREL AND HARDY. I KNOW THE ACT WELL. HAVE MY LAUNDRY BACK TUESDAY.

PHILLIP,

YOU HAVING TROUBLE AT HOME?

WHY?

WHEN A MAN AS SMART AS YOU IS JUMPY,

IT'S USUALLY GOT SOMETHING TO DO WITH HIS BEDROOM.

THANK YOU. MY BEDROOM IS FINE. [ Clears Throat ]

IS SHE GETTING THE HEADACHES?

NO, I'M GETTING THE HEADACHES.

MAYBE YOU NEED SOMETHING VERY YOUNG.

NOT THAT YOUR WIFE ISN'T A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

SHE CERTAINLY IS VERY BEAUTIFUL.

LET'S FACE IT. SOMETIMES A MAN NEEDS NEW FLESH.

YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL WAY WITH LANGUAGE. YEAH.

I TALK STRAIGHT. YOU DO HAVE ENERGY.

I DON'T KNOW HOW THE HELL YOU DO THAT. HOW I DO IT?

I KNOW THAT EVERY MOMENT I HAVE MAY BE MY LAST,

SO I'M IN ONE BIG HURRY.

DON'T YOU EVER WANT TO RELAX, HANG OUT WITH YOUR BOY?

THAT'S WHAT CHRISTMAS IS FOR.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE POLISH STRIP JOINT? PUT IT ON, PUT IT ON!

[ Laughing ]

HOW 'BOUT THE MEXICAN TV SHOW, LITTLE HOUSE ON THE CHEVY?

STOP. STOP IT. HOW 'BOUT THE GUY THAT WORKED IN A SAWMILL?

FOUR BEERS! THE SON OF A BITCH MAKES ME LAUGH!

[ Coughing ]

COME ON. UP.

HARRY.

REMIND ME I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY MAUSOLEUM.

[ Coughing ]

HI, KID.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

PIGEONS.

I WAKE YOU UP? NO. I COULDN'T SLEEP.

MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE SOME VALIUM.

THAT'S OUT OF THE QUESTION. WHY?

BECAUSE I SAID SO, THAT'S WHY. IT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.

HOW COME YOU USE IT?

HOW'S SCHOOL? EXCEPTIONALLY BORING, EXCEPT FOR BASKETBALL.

I HAVE TO SEE YOU PLAY.

THERE'S A GAME THURSDAY AGAINST TAFT.

THEY'RE GOOD. ALL BLACK AND SEVEN FEET TALL.

IS THAT A BIT OF PREJUDICE OR WHAT? NO, IT'S THE TRUTH.

THEY'RE ALL BLACK AND SEVEN FEET TALL.

YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME?

YOU'RE EXTREMELY PHILOSOPHICAL...

FOR THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING.

[ Phillip ] WE SHOULD PLAY SOME SPORTS TOGETHER, KEEP IN SHAPE.

[ Miranda ] YOU? YEAH, I'M NOT KIDDING.

ANYTHING THE MATTER? WE COULDN'T SLEEP.

AH. YOU WANT SOME BREAKFAST?

UH, I'M GOING BACK TO BED.

IF I'M NOT UP BY 7:00, WAKE ME UP.

PLEASE. PLEASE.

OH, GOD. ARE YOU OKAY?

DAMN!

I WANT TO QUIT.

QUIT WHAT?

I WANNA GET OUT.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH.

WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO INSTEAD? I DON'T KNOW.

I WANNA TRAVEL. I WANNA DREAM AND WANDER.

WONDERFUL. YOU WANT TO WANDER, I WANT TO WORK.

[ Wheezing Laugh ] BAD TIMING?

NO.

NO. NO, NO.

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO QUIT, YOU SHOULD QUIT.

YEAH, BUT IF I QUIT, THEN I WON'T HAVE ANY MORE EXCUSES, WILL I?

PHIL, ARE YOU NOT IN LOVE WITH ME?

WHAT THE HELL HAS LOVE GOT TO DO WITH THIS?

I'M ASKING.

I WANNA KNOW.

DO YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO ME?

I DON'T NEED YOUR GUILT.

YOU'RE NOT ANSWERING THE QUESTION.

I CARE ABOUT YOU.

I CARE ABOUT YOUR WORK.

I CARE ABOUT YOUR HAPPINESS.

I CARE.

BUT MOST OF THE TIME, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING.

EXCEPT YOURSELF, YOU MEAN.

THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT, EXACTLY. SEE, THESE BORE ME.

SEE THESE CHEESE THINGS? THEY BORE THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

THIS GODDAMN FLOOR BORES ME, AND THIS KITCHEN--

THE WHITE WALLS BORE ME. AND THIS STINKS!

AND I CAN'T STAND TO LOOK AT THE GODDAMN THING!

AND THIS GODDAMN VASE BORES ME, YOU UNDERSTAND?

GO AHEAD, BREAK IT. YOU DON'T LIKE IT? BREAK IT. DO IT.

BULLSHIT.

I'M THE KING OF HIGH TECH.

I HATE THIS CAT. I HATE ITS WHISKERS.

I DON'T LIKE ITS EYES. I DON'T LIKE YOUR FACE. YOU UNDERSTAND, CAT?

I HATE CATS AND YOUR GODDAMN FLEAS.

AND I HATE YOU.

THERE WE HAVE IT.

SORRY, KID.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

[ Motor Whirring ]

SO FAR, YOU'VE GOT A GREAT HEART, MR. DIMITRIUS.

IS THAT GOOD OR BAD?

I MEAN, IS IT GOOD? JUST CALL ME PHIL ANYTIME.

OKAY, PHIL. YOU JUST LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU GET TIRED.

OH, NO, I'M NOT TIRED. I COULD DO THIS FOR ANOTHER HOUR.

BUT WE WANT YOU ALIVE.

IS SOMETHING WRONG, REALLY?

NOTHING'S WRONG, MR. DIMITRIUS. JUST KEEP WALKING.

YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO HAVE A CIGARETTE, DO YOU, DOC?

JUST LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH. 190 OVER 100.

190-- IS THAT GOOD?

190 OVER 100. IS THAT THE ACTUAL SATISFACTUAL THING?

[ Coughs ] ALL RIGHT. I'M ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, I'VE HAD ENOUGH. OKAY, LISTEN.

BE CAREFUL OVER HERE.

I WANT YOU TO MAKE A RIGHT. RIGHT.

THAT'S IT.

STEP UP ON THE STEP. I WANT YOU TO LAY ON YOUR BACK.

[ Beeping ]

HOW ARE YOU FEELING, PHIL? FINE.

DOCTOR, THERE'S AN EMERGENCY PHONE CALL FOR MR. DIMITRIUS.

- YOU CAN PUT THE CALL THROUGH. - HELLO.

OH, HARRY. WHAT'S THE MATTER?

NO, THIS IS JUST A ROUTINE CHECKUP.

WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?

ALL RIGHT. I'LL FLY OUT TOMORROW.

YOU HAVE BAD NEWS?

YEAH.

FELLOW NAMED MacKENZIE JUST DIED OF A HEART ATTACK.

IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY TO REPLACE A FOREMAN LIKE MacKENZIE.

DID YOU KNOW HIM WELL?

NO, NOT REALLY, BUT I LIKED HIM.

CLASSY MAN, NO BULLSHIT.

ONE OF THOSE GUYS WHO DIDN'T TALK A LOT, BUT YOU COULD TRUST HIM.

HE'LL BE TOUGH TO REPLACE, WON'T HE?

DON'T YOU EVER STOP WORKING FOR ALONZO?

HEY, THAT'S NOT FAIR. YOU NEVER DO, DO YOU?

NO, I GUESS NOT.

WHAT'S HE GOT ON YOU?

NOT A THING. I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, PHIL.

GANGSTERS ARE EVERYWHERE--

BUSINESS, SPORTS, GOVERNMENT.

AT LEAST WITH ALONZO, IT'S ALL RIGHT OUT FRONT.

WELL, MAYBE I'LL JUST FIND MYSELF AN ISLAND,

WATCH THE SUN COME UP.

GANGSTERS ARE ON THE ISLANDS TOO, PHIL.

* LIKE JACK HORNER IN THE CORNER *

* DON'T GO NOWHERE WHAT DO I CARE *

* YOUR KISSES ARE WORTH WAITING FOR *

* BELIEVE ME

* I DON'T GO OUT LATE DON'T CARE TO GO * * DON'T CARE TO GO

* I'M HOME ABOUT 8:00 JUST ME AND MY RADIO *

* AIN'T MISBEHAVIN' SAVIN' MY LOVE FOR YOU *

* OOH, WONDERFUL YOU *

** [ Glissando, Ends ] GREAT.

I SOUND LIKE GEORGE BURNS TO YOU JUST A LITTLE?

NO, YOU HAVE A NICE-- YOU KNOW, SHE REALLY HAS A NICE VOICE.

I CAN'T STAND THAT WORD "NICE." I'M SORRY.

SHE HAS A SWEET VOICE. I HATE THE WORD "SWEET."

TRAGIC. A TRAGIC VOICE. I'LL BUY THAT.

TERRY, COME ON. TELL US ABOUT THE NEW PLAY, OR IS THAT AGAINST THE LAW?

NO. IT'S COMMERCIAL. I'M GONNA ADMIT THAT. IT'S A COMEDY.

- YEAH. SO? - LET PAUL EXPLAIN IT. HE'S DIRECTING IT.

IT'S SORT OF A CROSS BETWEEN A CHORUS LINE AND MACBETH.

WE'RE STUDYING MACBETH IN SCHOOL.

- IT'S UNBELIEVABLY BORING. - YES, THERE ARE PARTS--

SO, TERRY, TELL ME. WHEN ARE YOU GONNA DO SOME PINTER OR PIRANDELLO?

SOMETHING THAT'S NOT SO SAFE.

SAFE. COMMERCIAL.

I SEE. LISTEN, MY DARLING MARK.

TERRY BLOOMFIELD HAS TAKEN MORE CHANCES ON OR OFF BROADWAY...

THAN ANY PRODUCER IN NEW YORK.

I'VE LOST MORE MONEY DOING IT THAN ANY PRODUCER ON OR OFF BROADWAY.

TRUE. YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

I SAW SOMETHING BY PINTER ON TV. IT WAS REALLY BORING.

PINTER SHOULD NOT BE SEEN ON TV.

- IS THERE ANY MORE PATE? - CERTAINLY. CERTAINLY.

YOU OUGHT TO BE IN BED.

SOON AS JOHNNY CARSON'S OVER.

** DOES ANYBODY SING AT THIS PARTY?

* THESE FUNDAMENTAL THINGS APPLY *

* AS TIME GOES BY

WANNA DANCE, HONEY?

* AND WHEN TWO LOVERS WOO THEY STILL SAY I LOVE YOU *

* ON THAT YOU CAN RELY

* NO MATTER WHAT THE FUTURE BRINGS *

* AS TIME GOES BY *

LOOK AT THIS.

HELLO. * MOONLIGHT

* MOONLIGHT AND LOVE SONGS **

JEALOUSY AND HATE!

YOU'RE HOME EARLY. ** [ In Mock French ]

UM... ARE YOU DRUNK?

NO, I'M WORKING ON IT. WILL YOU INTRODUCE ME?

I CAME FROM A QUICKIE FUNERAL. IS THIS A PARTY?

YES. I THINK YOU KNOW EVERYBODY. WHAT ARE WE CELEBRATING?

MURRAY, HERE'S PHILLIP, AND, UH--

MY PLEASURE. HI. HOW ARE YOU?

HERE'S, UH, CYNTHIA.

HI, SWEETIE. HELLO, CYNTHIA.

I KNOW YOU ANYWAY. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT YOU'VE, UH--

YOU'VE MET PAUL. PAUL FREDERICKS. I'M THE DIRECTOR.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU. HI, PAUL. HOW ARE YOU?

MARK. HE'S IN MY SHOW. GOOD TO SEE YOU.

AND, UH-- YOU CAN LET GO.

BETSY AND TERRY BLOOMFIELD. HI.

HI. HI. HI. HOW ARE YOU?

HOW ARE YOU? WE MET NEW YEAR'S EVE.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER.

HMM, GOOD-- SORRY.

YOU ALL RIGHT? TERRY BLOOMFIELD!

RIGHT. NICE TO SEE YOU. YOU ARE THE PRODUCER, RIGHT?

RIGHT. THE ONE THAT MY WIFE IS, UH--

WE'VE HAD A GREAT EVENING, AND IT'S A WONDERFUL PLACE.

- YOU'VE HAD A GREAT EVENING? - YEAH.

WHERE? RIGHT HERE.

DID YOU USE THIS WHOLE APARTMENT? IT'S FANTASTIC.

I TELL YOU, I JUST LOVE THE WAY-- YOU LIKE IT?

I DID IT. IT'S WONDERFUL.

I DID THE WHOLE THING. I DESIGNED IT. IT'S A WONDERFUL PLACE.

IT WAS WONDERFUL-- [ Laughing ]

YOU ALL RIGHT? EXCUSE ME. I'M SO SORRY.

WOULD YOU DANCE WITH ME?

UH-- JUST SAY YES.

DON'T MAKE IT COMPLICATED, ALL RIGHT? SURE.

LET ME PUT MY ARMS AROUND YOU.

CAN YOU SING, PLEASE? I CAN'T DANCE WITHOUT MUSIC.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SING? MY STEPS ARE CLUMSY.

* YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS OHH!

OKAY? YOU ALL RIGHT? * A KISS IS STILL A KISS

LET'S GO HOME. * EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS APPEALING **

LET'S GO. EASY, BABY. COME ON, COME ON.

TAKE IT EASY. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING UP AT THIS HOUR?

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS KID DOING UP AT ONE OF THESE GODDAMN...

"ME-ME" SHOW BUSINESS PARTIES?

[ TV: Faint Talking, Audience Laughing ]

EXCUSE ME. WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP AT THIS HOUR?

ALL RIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT, DARLING. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. GOOD NIGHT.

EXCUSE ME. I'M TERRIBLY SORRY FOR BEING A BAD HOST.

TAKE IT EASY, FELLA. JUST TAKE IT EASY.

[ Wheezing Laugh, Snorts ]

NO HARD FEELINGS. NO, I ENJOYED YOUR ENTRANCE.

I'M SORRY.

YOU OKAY? OH, SURE.

SURE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO STAY? ABSOLUTELY.

GOOD NIGHT, DARLING.

* YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS

* A KISS IS STILL A KISS

* A SIGH IS STILL A SIGH *

WELL, THAT WAS TRULY, UNIQUELY...

DISGUSTING.

I WANT THIS KID TO GO TO BED. I'M NOT A KID! KIDS ARE GOATS!

GO TO BED! SHE'S GOT TO GO TO BED. I'M NOT TIRED!

YOU'RE THE ONE THAT OUGHTA BE IN BED. [ Thunderclaps ]

TELL IT LIKE IT IS, BABY.

YOU'RE REALLY RUDE.

YES, SIR.

ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING. SEE THAT?

[ Meows ]

SHOW ME THE MAGIC.

[ Howling ]

SORRY.

THE PROBLEM IS I FOUND A WHITE HAIR ON MY CHEST.

I PLUCKED IT OUT. THE PROBLEM IS, IT GREW RIGHT BACK.

THE PROBLEM IS, YOU NEED HELP.

HELP?

[ Thunder Continues ]

YOUR MOTHER AND I USED TO ARGUE ONCE A WEEK JUST FOR THE PLEASURE OF IT.

SMALL THINGS.

TO BUY A CAR OR NOT.

WHY DIDN'T I GO TO CHURCH MORE OFTEN?

TOO MANY BACKGAMMON GAMES WITH THE BOYS.

OH, G-GUS. HEY, GUS, COME HERE.

WANNA TELL YOU SOMETHING. MY BOY HAD A FIGHT WITH HIS WIFE.

DID YOU HIT HER? NO.

WELL, THEN IT'S NOT A FIGHT.

THERE, YOU SEE?

YOU LOOK LIKE GOAT SHIT.

YOU THINK OF YOURSELF AS OLD?

THAT'S RELATIVE.

WHEN I'M WITH MIRANDA, I FEEL LIKE AN OLD MAN...

BECAUSE SHE'S A LITTLE GIRL.

WHEN I'M WITH NICK PAPPAS, I FEEL LIKE A SPRING CHICKEN.

NICK IS PUSHING 80.

COME ON, COME ON.

AND WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME?

[ Laughs ] I FEEL LIKE A FATHER.

NOT YOUNG, NOT OLD.

WELL, JUST...

"HERE IS MY SON PHILLIP.

HOW IS HE DOING? WHY DOESN'T HE VISIT HIS OLD MAN MORE OFTEN?"

PAPA STUFF.

YOU'RE NEVER CONFUSED? I'M ALWAYS CONFUSED.

ALWAYS. I REMEMBER YESTERDAY BETTER THAN I DO TODAY.

THAT'S LIFE. LIFE IS PROBLEMS. LIFE IS JOYS.

LIFE IS A JOKE.

HEY, DID YOU HEAR THIS? WHAT IS JEWISH FOREPLAY?

TWO HOURS OF BEGGING.

AH, NICK PAPPAS TOLD ME. I THOUGHT IT WAS NEW.

YOU'RE IN TROUBLE, EH, KID?

UH--

YEAH, THE MONEY AND THE POWER DON'T MEAN A THING.

AND THE FAMILY?

ANTONIA WANTS TO WORK AGAIN.

MIRANDA WATCHES US ARGUE. IT'S GREAT.

YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND? NO.

SHE GOT A BOYFRIEND?

NO. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

MARRIAGE IS LIKE BASEBALL.

IT'S A LONG SEASON.

YOU'RE A FUNNY MAN, POP.

YEAH, I'M A FUNNY MAN.

GO TAKE A VACATION. GO TO GREECE.

WATCH THE GRAPES GROW.

OH, DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE POLISH STRIPTEASE JOINT?

PUT IT ON, PUT IT ON.

WHO TOLD YOU THAT, POP? JOHNNY CARSON.

AHH.

ALL RIGHT, NINO. COME ON. LET'S GO TO WORK.

NINO, HUTCH!

NINO. [ Bleating ]

ARETHA? YEAH.

DID YOU EVER DYE YOUR HAIR? OH, SURE.

YEAH, I WAS A REDHEAD ONCE FOR THREE MONTHS.

YOU'RE DOING GOOD WORK. YOU'RE DOING GREAT WORK. WE'RE DOING EXCELLENT WORK.

AND YOU'RE DOING GOOD WORK, EVERYONE!

THE WHOLE PLACE IS DOING GOOD WORK.

UH, I WAS THINKING ABOUT PUTTING A PINK AND GREEN STREAK IN MY HAIR.

I COULD DO THAT FOR YOU. USED TO WORK IN A BEAUTY PARLOR. REALLY?

YEAH, WORKED IN A BEAUTY PARLOR. I WAS A TEACHER FOR A WHILE.

ACOUSTICS. EXCELLENT SOUND.

YOU CAN HEAR IN THE STRONGEST WIND. FETA!

WHEN DID YOU HAVE YOUR FIRST AFFAIR?

HIGH SCHOOL.

HE WAS THE CAPTAIN OF THE BASKETBALL TEAM. BRING MORE ROCKS.

BRING MORE ROCKS OVER HERE.

HE WAS, LIKE, TEN FEET TALL. OKAY.

I THINK I MAY DIE A VIRGIN. RIGHT OVER HERE.

HEY, BOSS. HOW 'BOUT A FIG BREAK?

FIVE MORE MINUTES.

MAYBE TOURIST BOAT COME. WHO'S GONNA SHOW THEM THE CAVES?

HEY, HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN HERE?

UH--

[ Muttering ]

- A YEAR, RIGHT? - YEAH, A YEAR, YES.

A YEAR. TWELVE FULL MOONS.

AND HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE US?

THE FAT ENGLISH LADY THAT LOOK THROUGH THE RUINS, THE ARAB THAT LOOK FOR THE OIL.

WHAT SHE'S SAYING IS IT ISN'T LIKELY THERE'S GONNA BE ANY TOURISTS TODAY.

THANK YOU. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY!

WE'RE NOT TOURISTS ANYMORE. NO, WE'RE DAY LABORERS.

WE'RE LEARNING HOW TO LIVE LIKE HUMAN BEINGS.

HUMANS GO TO THE MOVIES. HUMANS GO SHOPPING AND HAVE FUN.

HUMANS GET A PIECE OF THE ACTION.

"PIECE OF THE ACTION." WHERE'D YOU GET THAT KIND OF TALK?

I HEARD IT ON TV IN THE BAD OLD DAYS.

WELL, THANK GOD THERE'S NO SUCH CRAP ON THIS ISLAND.

RIGHT! WE'VE GOT GOATS AND CHICKENS AND CHEESE AND ROCKS.

WELL, YOU CAN TAKE THE NEXT BOAT OUT.

- YOU CAN GRAB THE NEXT BOAT OUT. - WHAT BOAT?

THE BOAT!

YOU CAN TAKE IT. IT'S A ROWBOAT TRIP ALL THE WAY FOR 40 MILES.

** KALIBANOS, RUN HER OVER.

YOU SON OF A BITCH!

YOU CAN-- ALL YOU HAVE ON YOUR MIND IS SEX.

WELL, SIX MONTHS IS A LONG TIME TO DO WITHOUT!

I KNOW.

I KNOW, BUT I NOW AM CONSCIOUSLY...

PRACTICING CELIBACY.

** [ Clarinet Continues ]

YOU'RE CONSCIOUSLY--

YOU'RE CONSCIOUSLY PRACTICING-- [ Grunting ]

[ Gasping ] AAH, YOU ARE LOONY TUNES!

I AM LOONY TUNES. YOU ARE LOONY TUNES.

LOONY TUNES, LOONY TUNES, LOONY TUNES, LOONY TUNES, LOONY TUNES.

[ Screams ] * LOONY TUNEY TUNEY, TUNEY, TUNEY *

* LOONY TUNEY TUNEY, TUNEY, TUNE *

YOU ARE LOONY TUNES! WAIT! UGH!

* LOONY, TUNEY TUNEY, TUNEY *

* TUNEY, TUNEY TUNEY, TUNEY TUNES * [ Laughing ]

* LOONY TUNEY TUNEY, TUNEY TUNES *

* GOATS AND SHEEP AND OCTO-PEE-PEE *

* GOATS AND SHEEP AND OCTO-PEE-PEE *

* LOONY TUNEY TUNEY, TUNEY, TUNEY *

* LOONY TUNEY TUNEY, TUNEY, TUNEY * WHOO!

* GOATS AND SHEEP AND OCTO-PEE-PEE *

* LOONY TUNEY TUNEY, TUNEY, TUNEY *

[ Screams ] * LOONY TUNEY TUNEY, TUNEY, TUNEY *

HEY! * GOATS AND SHEEP AND OCTO-PEE-PEE *

HO! * LOONY TUNEY TUNEY, TUNEY, TUNEY **

[ All Panting ] [ Aretha Sighs ]

[ Sighing, Giggling ]

[ Sighing ]

ISN'T THIS BEAUTIFUL? ISN'T THIS BEAUTIFUL? THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

WASN'T THAT A MOMENT... IT WAS A MOMENT.

THAT YOU NEVER EXPERIENCED ANYPLACE ELSE ON THIS POLLUTED GLOBE?

- NEVER ANYPLACE ELSE. - THAT WAS PRETTY NEAT.

[ Whispering ] HEY. HEY, KID.

COME ON. [ Speaking Greek ]

COME ON, COME ON.

- I GOT SURPRISE. - NO, THANKS.

NO, IT'S GOOD SURPRISE! COME!

IT'S GOOD SURPRISE. IT'S SECRET.

WHAT'S THE SECRET?

I GOT TV IN MY CAVE.

WHAT? SONY TRINITRON.

I TRADE FOUR GOATS, INCLUDING MY DEAR ALEXANDER, TO MARKO FROM SICILY.

SHOW ME!

[ Bleating ]

[ Bleating ] COME. COME.

DOES IT WORK? SURE THING, PRETTY LADY.

HAVE A FIG WHILE I FIX THE AERIAL.

[ Metal Squeaking ]

** [ Instrumental ]

[ Announcer Speaking In Greek ]

[ Greek Continues ]

INCREDIBLE.

RING AROUND THE COLLAR.

GOOD TO THE LAST DROP.

[ Greek Continues ]

NO, NO. NO, NO.

GOOD SHOW, GOOD SHOW, HUH?

SOME SHOW, HUH?

KALIBANOS NOT SUCH A BAD GUY, HUH?

YOU LIKE KALIBANOS.

HAVE A FIG.

[ Sighs ]

[ Loud Bleating ] I'M--

BEATRICE!

I WILL EAT YOU LIKE THIS FIG.

CAN'T YOU EVER STOP?

[ Chuckling ] UGH.

I KNOW YOU'RE A SWEET FLOWER.

[ Loud Bleating ]

I KNOW YOU'RE ONLY A KID. I'M ONLY A KID TOO.

FIRST OF ALL, YOU'RE NOT A KID. SECOND OF ALL, I'M NOT A KID EITHER.

I WANT TO TOUCH--

I WANT TO KISS. I WANT TO BALANGA YOU WITH MY "BONIJONI."

YOU MEAN SEX? BEATRICE!

[ Bleating ] SORRY. I'M SORRY.

I MEAN-- I MEAN LOVE.

I MEAN AGAPE.

HELLO.

SO SOFT, EH?

LIKE, UM-- LIKE BIRD FEATHER.

MY BEAUTIFUL GODDESS. MY BEAUTIFUL GODDESS.

YOU PERVERT! YOU ASKED FOR IT.

BEAT IT, KID!

I KNOW I'M NOT A KID ANYMORE.

HOW CAN I STILL BE A KID? I HAVE THE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE TO PROVE IT.

A LOT OF GOOD IT'S DONE ME TO MATURE. I STILL FEEL LIKE A KID.

I FEEL LIKE I'M JUST AS CRAZY AS THE REST OF THEM,

JUST LIKE DAD.

MAYBE IT RUNS IN MY FAMILY.

I HATE IT HERE. I WANT TO GO HOME.

[ Sighs ] I WANT TIGHT LEVI'S, HIGH HEELS.

I WANT TO GO TO A CONCERT.

I WANT MY CAT, A FROZEN DAIQUIRI.

FROZEN DAIQUIRIS ARE TOO SWEET, AND THEY MAKE YOU DIZZY.

IT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING.

I DON'T REALLY WANT A FROZEN DAIQUIRI.

I TASTED ONE ONCE AND I ALMOST BARFED.

BUT I'M NOT FREE TO DO WHAT I WANT. MOM IS, YOU ARE, I'M NOT.

WE'RE NOT FREE. WE'RE JUST OLDER. YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT.

I DREAM WHAT I DON'T DO. LIKE WHAT, BESIDES QUITTING YOUR JOB?

MY JOB IS PART OF WHAT I AM. IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE, DODO.

SCHOOL SUCKS, BUT I CAN'T QUIT.

IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE FOR ME EITHER.

THINK IT'S FUN ALWAYS ASKING FOR MONEY? YEAH, YEAH.

TOO BAD.

KIDS HAVE NO ECONOMIC BASE. WE'RE PRACTICALLY HOSTAGES.

YOU WATCH TOO MUCH TELEVISION.

I DO NOT. I HARDLY WATCH ANY TELEVISION.

I READ ALL THE TIME. YOU ALWAYS SEE ME READING. DON'T YOU?

I DON'T WATCH TOO MUCH TELEVISION. WHERE'D YOU GET THAT FROM?

THAT'S STUPID. HERE'S WHAT I WATCH.

I JUST WATCH MONDAY AND FRIDAY NIGHTS AND SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.

I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM. HE USES PEOPLE LIKE KLEENEX. HE--

HEY, DON'T START! THAT'S MY PROBLEM, NOT YOURS. HE BLOWS HIS NOSE--

OKAY? HE THROWS THE KLEENEX AWAY. YOU WANT A DIVORCE?

YES, I DO. I WANT MY FREEDOM. YOU WANT YOUR FREEDOM?

I'LL THROW YOU OUT THE FRONT WINDOW, AND YOU'LL GO DOWN-- YEAH? GO AHEAD!

YOU'LL GO LIKE A BIRD, AND YOU'LL TAKE BIRD-FACE WITH YOU, ALL RIGHT?

IF YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM, THEN HOW CAN YOU SEE HIM?

OH. WERE YOU LISTENING TO US? YEAH.

SHE LIVES HERE. SHE MIGHT AS WELL HEAR EVERYTHING.

I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO GET CAUGHT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THIS.

CAN'T YOU JUST GO SEE A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR? WE COULD SEE A SHRINK.

DON'T SHOWBOAT. DON'T SHOWBOAT IN FRONT OF OUR CHILD.

I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH YOUR FATHER ANYMORE.

IF HE'D BE HONEST, HE'D TELL YOU THAT HE'S NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN ME.

BUT HE LOVES YOU. THAT DOESN'T COUNT.

MAYBE, BUT HE'S NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN ME. NO, ALONZO IS.

YES, HE IS. I THINK SO. I'M NOT GONNA LIVE WITH YOU AND THAT CREEP.

I'M NOT LIVING WITH HIM, SWEETHEART. I'M SEEI HIM.

ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH HIM? MIRANDA! YOU CAN'T ASK ME THAT KIND OF QUESTION.

- THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. - YOU SHUT UP!

HE'S ABOUT A HUNDRED YEARS OLD.

OH, HONEY, I LOVE YOU.

IF YOU LOVE ME, THEN STAY WITH DADDY.

AH. LOOK, I'M WRONG, DARLING.

I'M WRONG. YOUR MOTHER'S RIGHT.

I'M WRONG. THE OLD MAN WANTS TO WANDER.

YOU'RE NOT OLD. I KNOW, BUT YOUR MOTHER'S RIGHT.

IT'S-- TIME HAS COME TO MOVE ON.

WHAT ABOUT ME? YOU ARE LOVED.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING? GREECE, I GUESS.

AND GET BACK TO YOUR ROOTS AND THAT SORT OF THING?

[ Sighs ] WHAT A WAY TO BREAK A CONTRACT--

TRADE YOUR WIFE IN FOR YOUR JOB.

THAT'S LOW. YEAH, BUT IT'S TRUE.

WHEN ARE YOU GOING?

WHEN AM I GOING? NOW. TOMORROW.

AND ME TOO? I DON'T THINK SO, DARLING.

NO, YOU'RE NOT GOING. I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO.

I'M NOT GONNA LIVE WITH YOU.

IT'S SUMMER VACATION. WHY CAN'T YOU TAKE ME?

TAKE HER, PHILLIP.

BUT JUST FOR THE SUMMER, OKAY?

YEAH.

JUST FOR VACATION, OKAY?

YEAH.

[ Pounding ]

HI.

HEY, POP-TART. WHATCHA DOIN'?

KALIBANOS KISSED ME.

HMM.

WHAT YOU DO?

I DECKED HIM. [ Laughing ]

HE'S GOT A TV IN HIS CAVE. HE'S GOT A WHAT?

A TV.

SO HE ASKED YOU TO GO UP AND SEE HIS TV, HUH? YEAH.

WE HAVE GOT TO CONVINCE DAD TO GO.

WELL, SWEETHEART, UM...

IT'S NOT GONNA BE THAT EASY, YOU KNOW.

CRAZY, ISN'T HE?

YEAH! SOMETIMES HE'S CRAZY, SOMETIMES HE'S NOT. MOSTLY, HE IS, BUT--

WHY DO YOU STAY?

UM...

FOLIE A DEUX.

EXPLAIN.

WELL, THAT'S A... FRENCH EXPRESSION,

AND WHAT IT MEANS IS,

WELL, WHEN ONE PERSON'S NUTTY AND HE'S WITH ANOTHER PERSON,

PRETTY SOON THE OTHER PERSON CATCHES THE NUTTINESS, AND... THEN THEY'RE BOTH NUTTY.

WELL, THEN THAT'S FOLIE A DEUX.

YOU MEAN LOVE.

YEAH.

[ Car Horn Honks ] LOOK, DAD. WHAT A FUNNY DOG.

[ Phillip ] THAT IS A FUNNY DOG.

MISS, YOU AND THE DOG-- YEAH?

WHERE YOU GOIN'?

ATHENS.

BUT IF THAT'S INCONVENIENT, HOW ABOUT BROOKLYN?

HOP IN.

COME ON. THAT'S A BOY.

THANKS.

I'M... PHILLIP DIMITRIUS. THIS IS MY DAUGHTER MIRANDA. HI.

I'M ARETHA TOMALIN, AND THIS IS, UH, NINO. NINO?

TOMLIN, LIKE IN LILY TOMLIN? NO, MINE HAS AN "A" IN IT.

WHO'S LILY TOMLIN? VERY FUNNY.

AND THE ARETHA IS BECAUSE MY MOM WAS ONE OF YOUR VERY LIBERAL SOCIALIST TYPES,

AND WE HAD A CLEANING WOMAN NAMED ARETHA, WHO SHE LOVED VERY MUCH,

SO SHE NAMED ME AFTER HER.

DIVORCED? SEPARATED.

HOW'D YOU KNOW? IT'S ON YOUR FACE.

YOU'RE NOT THE FAMOUS ARCHITECT PHILLIP DIMITRIUS, ARE YOU?

HE SURE IS.

LOOK, WHY DON'T WE GRAB A BITE TO EAT AND I'LL TELL YOU MY LIFE STORY?

MY FIRST HUSBAND WAS AN ISRAELI I MET IN THE MUSEUM OF MODERN ART IN NEW YORK.

HE DRAGGED ME BACK TO TEL AVIV.

GORGEOUS! I MEAN, A TALMUDIC SCHOLAR WITH TWO-FOOT-LONG EYELASHES.

YOU KNOW, HE TAUGHT SWIMMING FOR A LIVING,

WHICH IN ISRAEL IS TOTALLY RIDICULOUS...

[ Chuckling ] BECAUSE THE JEWS DON'T BELIEVE THEY CAN FLOAT.

ANYWAY, THEN-- OH, TOTALLY CRAZY ABOUT HIS MOTHER.

MAYBE JUST A LITTLE BIT GAY. ANYHOW, THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT.

SO, THEN, IN JERUSALEM I MET...

A GREEK AND MARRIED HIM.

A SHRINK.

HE FLEW ME BACK TO ATHENS.

WE SET UP HOUSEKEEPING.

THE ONLY PROBLEM WAS THAT-- THERE.

OKAY. COME HERE.

[ Sighs ] THE ONLY PROBLEM WAS I WAS HIS ONLY PATIENT...

'CAUSE THE GREEKS DON'T BELIEVE MUCH IN HEAD-SHRINKING,

AND HE USED TO TAKE THESE FIVE-HOUR COFFEE BREAKS.

KAFETHES. UH, COCA COLA?

COKE. COCA COLA, PARAKALO.

ANYHOW, SO THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT. AND THAT BRINGS US UP TO THE PRESENT.

AM I TALKING TOO MUCH?

NO. YOU? I ALSO CAN SING "HAVA NAGILA" IN TWO LANGUAGES.

I'M GONNA GO LOOK FOR SOME MUSIC.

SHE'S REALLY GREAT.

ANYHOW, SO THAT'S HOW I'M WORKING MY WAY BACK-- GETTING SINGING JOBS.

BACK TO NEW YORK?

UNLESS I FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, WHICH IS A DISTINCT POSSIBILITY.

THAT WOULD BE A MISTAKE.

I'M RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

WHO'D SHE RUN OFF WITH?

SHE DIDN'T EXACTLY RUN.

YOU'RE IN A LOT OF PAIN, HUH?

SO ARE YOU.

[ Chuckles ]

OF COURSE. UM--

DO YOU LIKE ME?

HEY, I LIKE YOU, REALLY.

UM, I'VE GOTTA GO, UH, WASH MY DOG.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

REALLY, IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.

SAY GOOD-BYE TO THE KID.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Sighs ] OH.

[ Chuckles ]

I GET OFF AT WORK AT 3:00. THERE'S MY ADDRESS.

HI. YEAH, BYE. NICE TO MEET YOU. HI. BYE, NINO.

COME ON.

I LIKE HER. I REALLY LIKE HER A LOT, BUT YOU BETTER NOT DO IT.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

WHY DON'T YOU SEND ME TO A PRIVATE SCHOOL, PERVERT?

HEY, LISTEN, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY-- HEY, KID!

HEY, DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU!

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! STOP IT!

YOU'RE SUCH A PERVERT! YOU'RE LITTLE. YOU'RE THIS BIG!

YOU'RE A LITTLE SNOT-NOSE. A LITTLE, LITTLE SHIT-POT!

** [ Radio: Man Singing In Foreign Language ]

**

HI, GEORGE. HELLO.

** [ Continues ]

HI.

WORK LATE, HUH? NO.

I TOLD YOU I GOT OFF AT 3:00. HOW YA DOIN? [ Groans ]

LISTEN, UH-- ARETHA.

I KNOW YOUR NAME.

THIS IS VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME. GOING TO BED WITH ME IS VERY DIFFICULT?

NOT GOING TO BED WITH YOU IS VERY DIFFICULT.

I CAN'T DO IT. IT'S WRONG.

I CAME TO GIVE YOU BACK YOUR KEY IN PERSON.

YOU'RE ONE OF THE SEXIEST... WOMEN...

I HAVE EVER SEEN.

YOU'RE FUNNY, AND YOU MAKE ME FEEL GOOD, BUT IT'S WRONG.

AND MY DAUGHTER IS ONLY PART OF IT.

I MEAN, I HAVE A LONG LIST OF REASONS.

MY LIFE IS VERY COMPLICATED RIGHT NOW.

FIVE MINUTES AFTER THE SEX, I'D... BE LOOKING AT MY WATCH.

I DON'T EVEN HAVE A WATCH. NOT THAT THE SEX WOULDN'T BE WONDERFUL.

SEX WOULD BE... INCREDIBLE.

OF THAT I FEEL CERTAIN.

BE THE FOURTH OF JULY.

BUT I'D BE THINKING ABOUT MY KID. I'D BE THINKING ABOUT MY WIFE.

I'D BE THINKING ABOUT...

STORMS AND NIGHTMARES, UH,

WAVES, ELECTRICALS.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

LOOK, THANKS FOR BEING HONEST WITH ME, REALLY.

- YOU DO UNDERSTAND ME, DON'T YOU? - YEAH. YEAH.

[ Whines ]

LOOK. THE ONLY REASON I GAVE YOU MY KEY...

IS JUST BECAUSE I HAVE THIS INCREDIBLE FEAR OF,

YOU KNOW, NOT GIVING MY KEY TO THE ONE PERSON I SHOULD GIVE MY KEY TO...

BECAUSE THEY MIGHT BE THE PERFECT ONE.

THAT'S ALL.

WELL, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT.

WELL, I HAVEN'T GIVEN MY KEY TO THAT MANY PEOPLE. THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN.

I'VE NEVER BEEN REALLY GUILTY ABOUT SEX,

BUT MAYBE THEN I HAVEN'T BEEN AS... SELECTIVE AS I SHOULD'VE.

BUT THERE HAVEN'T BEEN THAT MANY OF 'EM. I BELIEVE YOU.

SO THERE'S NO OBLIGATION.

WELL, I FEEL REALLY GOOD NOW. I REALLY FEEL RELAXED.

YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK? HOW ABOUT SOME, UH--

I'M HOT. ICE WATER, THEN? OR A LITTLE, UM--

I'D GIVE A LOT FOR A COLD SPRITE.

GEORGE, WE NEED TWO SPRITES, OKAY? OKAY. OKAY.

UM--

SIT HERE? YEAH.

OH! OH!

OKAY.

SO. SO.

WHAT WERE YOU SAYING? YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT, UM...

STORMS AND ELECTRICAL APPLIANCES.

[ Laughing ] WHAT?

[ Chuckling ] WHAT?

[ Laughing ]

DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES. DIDN'T YOU--

** [ Radio: Woman Singing In Foreign Language ]

OH, NOW-- [ Moans ]

[ Aretha Chuckling ]

GEORGE? HUH?

HOW MUCH DO WE OWE YOU? [ Greek ] THREE HUNDRED DRACHMAS.

[ Greek ]

OKAY? [ Greek ] META.

META. THAT MEANS "AFTER." OKAY, GOOD NIGHT. WE'LL SEE YOU LATER.

[ Aretha Giggling ]

* HAVA

* NAGILA

* HAVA NAGILA

* HAVA NAGILA

* V'NIS M'CHA

* HAVA N'RA-NA-NA

* HAVA N'RA-NA-NA

* HAVA N'RA-NA-NA V'NIS M'CHA *

* U-RU, U-RU A-CHIM

* U-RU A-CHIM B'LEV-SA-ME ACH *

* U-RU A-CHIM B'LEV-SA-ME ACH U-RU A-CHIM *

* B'LEV-SA-ME ACH U-RU A-CHIM B'LEV-SA-ME ACH *

* U-RU A-CHIM

* U-RU A-CHIM

* B'LEV-SA-ME ACH *

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. ARE THERE ANY OTHER REQUESTS?

"VOLARE," PLEASE.

* SOMETIMES THE WORLD IS A VALLEY OF HEARTACHES *

* AND TEARS

* AND IN THE HUSTLE AND BUSTLE *

* NO SUNSHINE APPEARS

* BUT YOU AND I HAVE A LOVE ALWAYS THERE *

* TO REMIND US

* THERE IS A PLACE WE CAN LEAVE ALL THE SHADOWS *

* BEHIND US

* VOLARE WELL.

THIS IS NOT A NICE SURPRISE. BE NICE.

WE COME AS FRIENDS. * CANTARE

HELLO, PHILLIP.

SAME OLD GANG, HUH? ** [ Continues ]

WHERE'S MIRANDA? SHE'S HOME. SHE'S SLEEPING.

WELL, HOW DID YOU FIND ME? HOW'D YOU KNOW I WAS HERE? WE KNOW EVERYTHING.

INCLUDING THE SINGER. DON'T.

I JUST THINK THAT WE OUGHT TO HAVE A TALK.

HE LISTENS TO YOU.

YOU MUST BE SATISFYING HER. IS HE SATISFYING YOU? STILL A BOY, A BOY.

I WANT TO TAKE MIRANDA HOME WITH ME. WHERE IS HOME?

THE APARTMENT. DOES HE STAY THERE TOO?

I SPEND TIME THERE. I'M HONEST WITH YOU, PHILLIP.

I LOVE ANTONIA.

I WANT HER HAPPY, AND SHE WANTS HER CHILD BACK.

SO? SUMMER'S OVER, PHIL.

WHY DON'T WE ASK MIRANDA WHAT SHE WANTS?

HELLO. HI. I'M ARETHA TOMALIN. THIS IS ARETHA TOMALIN.

I'M THE NEW GIRL. YOU MUST BE THE NEW GUY. SHE'S THE NEW GIRL.

AND YOU'RE THE... DOCTOR...

AND LAWYER AND THE COMIC.

WHENEVER YOU NEED A JOB, YOU LET ME KNOW, MISS TOMALIN.

I CAN ALWAYS USE A FORTUNE TELLER. THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY.

PHILLIP, WE MADE A DEAL. OKAY? SUMMER'S OVER.

I WANT HER BACK.

SHE'S MY KID, AND I'M NOT GONNA FOOL AROUND WITH YOU ABOUT THIS.

WHY DON'T WE TALK TOMORROW?

YOU REMIND ME A LOT OF MIRANDA. THANK YOU.

I LIKE THE WAY YOU SING VERY MUCH. OH, THANK YOU.

I LIKE THE WAY YOU LOOK VERY MUCH. I LIKE THE WAY I FEEL.

DON'T RUN OUT ON US. OR ELSE WHAT, SON?

LISTEN. LISTEN. I HAVEN'T HAD A COLD IN TWO MONTHS.

I SLEEP LIKE A BABY. MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS 130 OVER...

EIGHTY-FIVE. 85.

ALL THAT BECAUSE ANTONIA MAKES ME HAPPY. SO PLEASE MAKE HER HAPPY TOO.

I DON'T LIKE THREATS.

THREATS? THOSE WEREN'T THREATS.

YOU'LL KNOW WHEN I THREATEN YOU.

WELL, IT WAS REALLY NICE MEETING YOU. CIAO. CIAO. CIAO.

CIAO.

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

I HATE YOU. TOUGH.

I'M NOT GOING BACK. I KNOW THE ISLANDS.

YOU STAY OUT OF THIS. THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? I JUST DON'T WANT ANY MORE COMMITMENTS, ALL RIGHT?

WHO THE HELL'S ASKING YOU FOR A COMMITMENT?

I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO AN ARGUMENT ABOUT SEMANTICS, ALL RIGHT?

THERE ARE COMMITMENTS, AND THERE ARE COMMITMENTS! WHAT ISLAND?

THERE ARE ISLANDS AROUND HERE WE COULD GO TO, AND NO ONE WOULD EVEN FIND US.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR MOTHER? I WANT TO GO.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR MOTHER? WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL? WHAT ABOUT HER?

I DON'T WANNA SEE HER AS LONG AS SHE'S WITH THAT CREEP.

YOU NEVER WANNA SEE YOUR MOTHER AGAIN? NO!

PLEASE?

- ARE YOU SURE, KID? - YEAH.

ARE YOU SURE? I DON'T WANNA FOOL AROUND HERE. YES, I'M SURE.

- AND YOU'RE SURE TOO? - ARE YOU SURE?

I'M SURE.

[ Kisses ]

HEY. HOW YOU LIKE THIS? BEAUTIFUL, HUH?

THIS IS PARADISE.

[ Phillip ] THAT'S WHERE WE'LL LIVE.

ALL RIGHT! THAT'LL BE MY ROOM.

OKAY, THEN, WE WANT THE TERRACE, ALL RIGHT?

WHERE ARE ALL THE PEOPLE?

VASSILIS, WHERE ARE ALL THE PEOPLE? NOT MANY PEOPLE HERE.

- NO PEOPLE? - BECAUSE THEY NOT HAVE JOB, THEY NOT HAVE MONEY.

GO TO WORK. AUSTRALIA, MEXICO, TO GERMANY.

NO CHILDREN? NO WOMEN, NOTHING? NO. NO.

NO WOMEN, NO MONEY, NO GIRLS, NOTHING. HEY!

HEY!

[ Greek ] WELCOME!

[ Goats Bleating ] I AM KALIBANOS!

I AM KALIBANOS!

I'M PHILLIP!

I'M PHILLIP! WHO-WHO'S THAT?

HE IS KALIBANOS. HE'S CRAZY.

HE'S CRAZY? YES. HE SLEEP WITH HIS GOATS.

HE SLEEPS WITH HIS GOATS? YES. [ Laughing ]

[ Greek ]

[ Greek ]

[ Vassilis Speaking Greek ]

[ Greek ]

[ Goats Bleating ] HAH! HAH!

I AM THE BIG GUY ON THIS ISLAND! I AM THE BOSS!

I GUIDE TOO! I SHOW YOU DIRTY STATUES IN CAVE.

HEY, WE'RE LOOKING FOR A CONDOMINIUM WITH A SOUTHERN EXPOSURE!

- YOU GOT ANYTHING LIKE THAT? - [ Muttering In Greek ]

GEIA SOU ! HELLO! THIS IS NINO.

AH. [ Grunts ] NINO, YES. [ Whines ]

[ Laughs ] WELCOME, EH, PHILLIP!

KALIBANOS, HUH? YES, KALIBANOS, KALIBANOS. WELCOME.

OH.

UH, NAME? UM, MIRANDA.

MIRANDA. WELCOME, MIRANDA.

[ Chuckles ] NAME?

ARETHA. ARETHA. WELCOME, ARETHA.

HOW DO YOU DO? BOSS, YOU GOT A CIGARETTE?

KEEP THE PACK.

MM, MY TAPE RECORDER.

VERY NICE SUNGLASSES. HOW MUCH IT COST, SUNGLASSES?

[ Greek ]

OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

PRETTY FANCY, EH? KALIBANOS FANCY GUY, NO?

ME FANCY GUY, NO? YEAH.

[ Laughing ] OH, BOSS!

HERE. I HELP. OH!

BRAVO, BOSS. BRAVO.

HEY, VASSILIS. [ Greek ]

[ Greek ] SON OF A BITCH. GET OUTTA HERE.

[ Greek ] WHISKEY, EH?

SON OF A BITCH, GO FROM HERE. GO SLEEP WITH GOATS, OKAY? [ Yelling In Greek ]

[ Arguing In Greek ]

[ Arguing Continues ]

WHAT ARE THEY ARGUING ABOUT?

HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE TWO WOMEN AND HE HAS NONE.

AT YOUR SERVICE, BOSS. HERE. I--

OH!

MY GOODNESS! THIS IS... EH, FANTASTIC!

I AM AT YOUR SERVICE, BOSS. HERE. I TAKE THIS. CUTE GOAT!

OH, THAT'S MY BEATRICE, MY SWEET GOAT. SHE'S BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T SHE?

COULD I HAVE THAT, PLEASE? IT'S VERY DELICATE, OKAY?

THANK YOU. UH, CAN YOU GET THOSE SUITCASES, PLEASE?

OKAY, BOSS.

PHIL, I COME BACK ONCE A MONTH. WANT ME, RAISE FLAG, ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT. WHEN I SEE THE FLAG--

- OKAY, GOOD-BYE, GOOD LUCK. - [ Chattering In Greek ]

[ Sighs ] JUST DON'T EVER FALL FOR AN ARCHITECT WHO'S INTO CELIBACY.

DON'T YOU REALIZE WHAT KIND OF A LIFE WE HAVE HERE?

I-- I'M TIRED OF BEING A PRISONER!

I MEAN, WHAT DOES OUR DAY CONSIST OF? RIGHT, HUH?

FEED THE GOATS, FEED THE CHICKENS, SWEEP THE FLOOR--

WASH THE RUGS. WASH THE CLOTHES!

PRESS THE OLIVES. PRESS THE GRAPES!

BUILD THE THEATER! WASH THE WINDOWS! I DON'T DO WINDOWS!

TRYING TO TAKE A NAP!

[ Together ] WE'RE TIRED OF BEING PRISONERS!

TOUGH SHIT.

[ Gasps ]

[ Together ] OOH! OOH!

* OOH-WAH, OOH-WAH

* OOH-WAH, OOH-WAH

* OOH-WAH, OOH-WAH

* WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVE *

* WHY DO BIRDS SING SO GAY *

* LOVERS AWAIT THE BREAK OF DAY *

* WHY DO THEY FALL IN LOVE *

* WHY DOES THE RAIN FALL FROM UP ABOVE *

* WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVE *

* WHY DO THEY FALL IN LOVE *

[ Aretha ] * LOVE IS A LOSIN' GAME

[ Miranda ] * LOVE CAN BE A SHAME

* I KNOW OF A FOOL YOU SEE *

* FOR THAT FOOL IS HE

* TELL ME WHY TELL ME WHY *

* TELL ME WHY

* WHY DO THEY FALL IN LOVE *

* WHY DO FOOLS

* FALL IN LOVE *

[ Both Laughing ]

[ Clucking ]

** [ Tape Recorder: Tango ]

**

**

**

** [ Continues ]

I-- I THOUGHT YOU WERE YOUR MOTHER. ** [ Stops ]

MOM'S BEAUTIFUL. I'M-- YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, DARLING.

YOU WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP, BUT YOU AIN'T UGLY, KIDDO. DON'T CALL ME THAT.

YOU DANCE WITH ME? NO.

** [ Resumes ] COME ON. DANCE WITH ME.

I'D LOVE IF YOU-- YOU'D DANCE WITH ME, SWEETHEART.

PLEASE? LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE. JUST GO AWAY.

I NEED YOU. I HAVE NO-- GO AWAY!

NO CONTACT WITH YOU ANYMORE. LEAVE ME ALONE!

COME ON. DANCE WITH ME. YOU'RE--

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? COME ON. ** [ Humming ]

COME ON. LEAVE ME ALONE!

GODDAMN IT!

WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY WITH ME?

I HATE IT HERE. I'M BORED. YOU'RE CRAZY.

THIS IS-- THIS IS PARADISE HERE.

YOU'RE LEARNING THINGS HERE YOU'D NEVER GET A CHANCE TO KNOW ABOUT.

** [ Stops ] CAN I BE HONEST WITH YOU?

YES. YOU HAVE A SEVERE CASE OF FOLIE A DEUX.

WHO DO YOU LOVE MORE THAN ANY GOAT, EH?

KALIBANOS, EH? YOU LOVE KALIBANOS?

COME HERE. HEY, YOU LOVE KALIBANOS, HUH?

KALIBANOS, KALIBANOS.

HA, HA!

I SING FOR YOU. I PLAY.

GOOD SONG FOR YOU, BEATRICE. LISTEN.

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. BEAUTIFUL, BEATRICE.

[ Beatrice Bleats ]

** [ Folk Tune ]

** [ Singing In Greek ]

** [ Singing Continues ]

**

WHAT? YOU DON'T LIKE IT?

[ Bleats ] I KNOW. [ Laughs ]

I KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE. I KNOW.

** [ "New York, New York" ]

** [ Bleats ]

** [ Bleats ]

[ Woman Singing ] * START SPREADIN' THE NEWS

* I'M LEAVIN' TODAY

* I WANNA BE A PART OF IT

* NEW YORK, NEW YORK

* THESE VAGABOND SHOES

* ARE LONGIN' TO STRAY

* AND STEP AROUND THE HEART OF IT *

* NEW YORK, NEW YORK

* I WANNA WAKE UP

* IN THE CITY THAT DOESN'T SLEEP *

* TO FIND I'M THE KING OF THE HILL *

* HA, TOP O' THE HEAP

* MY LITTLE-TOWN BLUES

* ARE MELTIN' AWAY

* I'LL MAKE A BRAND-NEW START OF IT *

* IN OLD NEW YORK

* IF I CAN MAKE IT THERE

* I'D MAKE IT ANYWHERE

* IT'S UP TO YOU

* NEW YORK

* NEW YORK

[ Bells Clanging ]

* NEW YORK, NEW YORK *

I'M JUST NOT IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE.

[ Sighs ] PHIL,

I DON'T GET IT. THIS IS GETTING TOO COMPLICATED EVEN FOR ME.

YOU KNOW? I MEAN, [ Laughs ]

"NEUROTIC" IS A WORD I'VE ALWAYS UNDERSTOOD,

BUT THIS IS GETTING REALLY CRAZY.

ARETHA, HAVE YOU HAD AN INTERESTING TIME?

HAVE YOU HAD A GOOD TIME SO FAR? INTERESTING?

[ Laughs ] YEAH. SO--

SO FAR HAS BEEN A LONG TIME, THOUGH.

WHAT STARTED OUT AS AN ADVENTURE HAS TURNED INTO A LIFE SENTENCE.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW. I'M WORRIED ABOUT MY THEATER.

UH-- WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU AFRAID EURIPEDES IS GONNA FINISH THE PLAY AND YOU WON'T BE READY?

UH-UH.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN MYSELF ANYMORE.

I-- I JUST DON'T HAVE THE SMART WORDS ANYMORE. I LIKE IT.

I LIKE IT HERE.

[ Sighs ] CAN I HAVE A HUG?

OH, YOU'RE SO GREEK.

OH, YOU'RE SO GREEK. LOOK AT THIS.

WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. MAYBE THE SEX DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT.

MAYBE IF I WAS GETTING IT REGULAR-- AS MY FRIEND PHYLLIS USED TO SAY--

I STILL WOULDN'T BE HAPPY.

MAYBE-- MAYBE WHAT I WANT IS LIKE A--

A REGULAR GUY AND... A HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS.

OUCH.

AND A BABY? OUCH.

AND A MANICURE ONCE A WEEK?

YOU HAVE THE HUMOR, GIRL. YOU REALLY HAVE THE HUMOR.

WELL, IT'S GOIN' KINDA FAST. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

[ Kisses ] OH, I MAY BE HERE FOREVER.

PHIL, IT'S GETTING KINDA SICK FOR THE KID.

YEAH.

TODAY, KALIBANOS MADE A PASS AT HER. HE KISSED HER.

[ Nino Barking ] [ Bleating ]

BAD. BAD.

BAD "BONGOLONGO" BELLS. PHILLIP IS ANGRY.

WHAT DOES THIS SAY?

OCTOPUS. SPELL IT.

- [ Kalibanos' Voice ] O-C-T-U-P-U. - WHAT IS THAT, REFINING?

MAKES IT, UH--

AND HERE COMES THE PITCH. THE GREEK SWINGS!

[ Grunts ] OUT.

** [ Folk Tune ]

[ Nino Whines ]

DOG.

OKAY, ROW.

SON-OF-A-BITCH STORM COMING.

THAT WHAT YOU'RE AFRAID OF? YES, SIR.

LOOKS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO ME. WHAT DO YOU THINK, DOG?

DOG NOT KNOW SHIT ABOUT WEATHER.

REMEMBER WE DISCUSSED NOT LYING, AND WE TALKED ABOUT IT?

AND YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD NEVER LIE. I DON'T LIE.

THAT'S VERY GOOD.

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MIRANDA THIS MORNING?

I WATCH HER SWIM.

LATER ON I'M TALKING ABOUT. I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THEN. I'M TALKING ABOUT LATER ON.

UH, OKAY, I LOOK AT HER MELONES.

THEN WHAT?

I SHOW HER MY TV.

- YOU WHAT? - I GOT TV IN CAVE.

[ Chuckles ] SONY COLOR CONTROL TRINITRON, BOSS.

TWELVE INCH! IS WOND--

IT REALLY-- [ Chuckling ] VERY GOOD. VERY GOOD, BOSS.

GOOD FOR COWBOY SHOW.

YOU'RE A SON OF A BITCH.

- DID YOU TOUCH HER? - NO, SIR.

LIES.

- BOSS. - LIES!

I HOLD HER HAND...

LIKE FRIEND.

"HELLO, MIRANDA. HELLO."

I KISSED HER. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

[ Grunts ]

OKAY, BOSS. OKAY.

- SHE WAS MY BABY. - SHE'S NOT A BABY! SHE'S WOMAN, BOSS!

- LOOK YOURSELF! - I WAS YOUR FRIEND. I HELPED YOU.

I WAS BOSS BEFORE YOU SHOW UP! ME BOSS!

YOU'RE IGNORANT! YOU'RE A SUPERSTITIOUS BASTARD!

I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO READ, I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO COUNT,

FIX THE PUMP, READ THE STARS.

I SHOW YOU THE OLIVE AND THE FIG AND THE SWEET WATER!

I GIVE YOU MY BACK, AND NOW YOU DROWN ME...

BECAUSE MY "BONIJONI" DANCE IN MY PANTS!

[ Grunts ]

SHE WAS MY BABY! [ Panting ] OKAY, BOSS.

[ Yells ]

[ Panting ]

[ Kalibanos ] NO!

SOON SHE WANT THE "BONIJONI" INSIDE HER TOO!

SOON SHE DANCE IN THE NIGHT FOR AMOR FOR LOVE!

WITH WHO? WHO SHE GOING TO DANCE WITH?

YOU? YOU, THE POP?

ONLY ME! ONLY KALIBANOS!

[ Grunts ]

YOU-- YOU ARE GOD, BOSS.

I'M NO GOD. I'M A MONKEY, JUST LIKE YOU.

[ Horn Blaring ]

YOU KNOW WHAT I GAVE UP FOR THIS LIFE, FREDDY? WHAT?

NOTHING. OH, I HOPE SOME DAY IF I GET REINCARNATED, I COME BACK AS MYSELF.

A COUPLE OF NATIVES ARE TAKING A DIP. SMELL THAT AIR.

[ Sniffs ] PITTSBURGH. I WISH THERE WAS SOME SURF.

YOU'LL ONLY GET BORED. SURF-BORED.

PRETTY CORNY, MR. TRINC. BET YOUR OLD MAN LAUGHS AT IT.

- OKAY. A HUNDRED DRACHMA. - MAKE IT 200 DRACHMAS. - YOU'RE ON.

YOU KNOW, I LOOK OUT ON THE SEA SOMETIMES, AND I WONDER,

WHAT IS MAN'S DESTINY? [ Exhales Sharply ]

IT'S ONE OF THOSE MYSTERIES,

SORT OF DEEP AND DARK LIKE THE SEA.

HOW SAD.

WELL, THOSE ARE PRETTY DEEP THOUGHTS.

WHAT TIME IS IT, HARRY? [ Harry ] MY STOMACH TELLS ME IT'S TIME FOR LUNCH.

[ Grunts ] I HOPE ALONZO FEELS BETTER.

HE HAD A ROTTEN NIGHT. SORRY. HOW 'BOUT YOU?

ME? OH, I'M STRANGE, AS USUAL. MM-HMM.

[ Giggles ] STRANGE IS BETTER THAN MIDDLING.

YEAH. NO, THANK YOU. NAH.

[ Dolores ] MMM, THAT LOOKS GOOD.

I JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT I'M DOING HERE.

YOU'VE GOTTA TRY TO ENJOY YOURSELF. GO WITH THE MOMENT.

YOU KNOW, I'VE TRIED THAT. IT JUST DOESN'T WORK OUT FOR ME, UNFORTUNATELY.

WELL, IT DIDN'T WORK FOR ME EITHER, UNTIL GURDJIEFF.

GURDJIEFF?

- YOU KNOW GURDJIEFF, DON'T YOU? - OH, INTIMATELY.

DO I KNOW GURDJIEFF. COME ON. [ Chuckles ]

ENOUGH GLOOM HERE. LET'S GET SOME LUNCH.

THAT'S AN OLD TEXAS BOY, ISN'T IT? YEAH. WASN'T HE IN YOUR CLASS?

YEAH. MAY HAVE BEEN AT RICE.

YOU'RE MY DOCTOR, NOT MY NURSE.

SOMETIMES, I WISH IT WERE THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? [ Antonia ] GOOD MORNING.

- HOW DO YOU FEEL? - HOW DO I FEEL? OH, FINE, FINE.

I'VE GOT A KNIFE IN MY COLON. MY HEAD FEELS LIKE A BRAIN TUMOR.

PLANTAR'S WARTS ON BOTH FEET, AND I HAVEN'T TAKEN A GOOD CRAP IN A WEEK.

OTHER THAN THAT, I AM PERFECT.

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY, ANTONIA. LISTEN-- HEY, HEY, HEY, LOOK. LISTEN.

I AM NOT PART OF YOUR ENTOURAGE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I KNOW.

IF YOU'RE SICK, I'M SORRY, BUT DON'T YOU EVER SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT.

PLEASE, PLEASE, ANTONIA. BE HAPPY.

LOOK, LOOK. MAYBE WE'VE JUST COME TO THE END OF IT, HUH? PLEASE.

WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU AND ME? NO. THIS-- THIS TRIP.

YES. EVERYTHING. BUT--

LISTEN. IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S ME. I-I'M HOPELESS.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M DOING ANYMORE, KID. BUT THIS--

THIS IS FREDDY'S HOLIDAY. I AM RIGHT ON THE EDGE, ALONZO.

CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? OKAY. OKAY. A NEW LEAF.

OKAY? STARTING NOW. OKAY? PLEASE, ANTONIA.

PLEASE. OKAY?

I LIKE NEW YORK. IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN L.A. I LIKE L.A. SO MUCH BETTER.

I MEAN, YOU CAN GET INTO YOUR BODY, YOU KNOW?

I PREFER THE NEW BI-COASTALITY. IT'S, UM, BRIGHTON BEACH AND VENICE.

GRAZIE. PREGO.

YOU ALL RIGHT, DAD? YEAH. WONDERFUL. I FEEL LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS.

AND THAT'S PEANUTS TO YOU. HEY, YOU HEAR ABOUT THE KID WHO WANTED TO SURF?

BUT THERE'S NO WAVES. SO THIS OTHER KID TELLS HIM HE'S BORED. WHAT IS THIS?

SURF-BORED. [ Laughs Hysterically ]

YOU WIN, MR. TRINC.

- [ Alonzo Speaks, Indistinct ] - I'M GONNA DO SOME SCUBA DIVING.

BE CAREFUL. THE WATER IS TRICKY IN THESE ISLANDS.

OKAY, DAD. MMM. NOT BAD. THEY DON'T SERVE WINE ON THE SHIP.

HAT OVERBOARD! HAT OVERBOARD! [ All Laughing ]

ME FREDDY.

[ Imitating Greek Accent ] ME MIRANDA.

ME FROM BOAT.

ME FROM ISLAND.

YOU SPEAK GOOD ENGLISH.

ME LEARN FROM, UH, TOURISTS.

ME, I'M 17, 17 YEARS OLD. YOU?

UH, 15.

I'M 15.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. [ Chuckling ] ME UGLY.

NO WAY. YOU'RE REAL NEAT.

- YOU OKAY? - YEAH. UM, ME OKAY.

FREDDY, COME TO THE OTHER SIDE. IT'S... BEAUTIFUL.

BOY, WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE FOR A SLICE OF NEW YORK PIZZA RIGHT NOW.

AND A ROOT BEER FLOAT.

HEY, ARE YOU PUTTING ME ON?

YEAH. I'M AMERICAN.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I LIVE HERE.

OHH.

YOU INTO SOME KIND OF COMMUNE? NO. IT'S A LONG STORY.

- IS PUNK STILL BIG IN THE STATES? - NO. POP.

POP? WHAT'S POP? I DON'T KNOW. IT'S HARD TO DESCRIBE.

STELLA, IF THERE ARE ANY PHONE CALLS FOR ME, TELL THEM I'M BUSY.

I DON'T WANT TO BE DISTURBED. OKAY, MR. ALONZO.

TODAY I SWIM. I SURPRISE FREDDY.

[ Trinc ] ALONZO, I TALKED TO THE DOC. YOUR HEALTH IS GREAT.

HE'S TOUCHING UP YOUR X RAYS. OH, ARNIE, THAT'S THE OLDEST JOKE IN THE WORLD.

[ Trinc ] I THINK I STOLE IT FROM MYSELF. [ Dolores Laughs ]

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL ISLAND, ISN'T IT? IT'S VERY BEAUTIFUL.

IT LOOKS LIKE A DREAM.

[ Alonzo ] USED TO BE PIRATES HERE, STRANGE AND POWERFUL WARRIORS.

LIKE YOU?

HAVE I LOST YOU? [ Sebastian ] IT'S GETTING ROUGH.

THE WATER IS VERY CHOPPY, MR. ALONZO. [ Speaking Italian ]

VA BENE. VA BENE. ANDIAMO.

[ Continues In Italian ]

ARETHA, WHERE IS PHILLIP?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANYONE'S DOING. PETE ROSE-- I COULD TAKE HIS RECORD.

TY COBB AND PETE ROSE AND HOW YOU COMPARE THESE TWO GUYS TOGETHER. PHIL!

PHILLIP, TOURIST BOAT COME RIGHT INTO THE ISLAND. MAY I TELL YOU SOMETHING?

TOURIST BOAT IS COMING! YOU KNOW, JOE DiMAGGIO...

HIT IN 56 CONSECUTIVE GAMES.

NOW, THIS IS AN AMAZING THING, BECAUSE YOU HAVE BABE RUTH,

WHO HIT 60 HOME RUNS AND 714 HOME RUNS IN HIS LIFETIME.

AND YOU HAVE ROGER MARIS, WHO HIT 61. AND YOU HAVE AARON,

WHO HIT, YOU KNOW, 714, BROKE THE RECORD...

AND THEN WENT ON TO HAVE 726, WAS IT? BUT TOURIST BOAT IS COMING.

THIS IS BETTER THAN ROGER MARIS, 61 IN ONE SEASON,

BABE RUTH, 60, AND 714 HOME RUNS IN ONE YEAR. PHIL.

TOURIST BOAT IS COMING. MY PROBLEM IS I CAN'T FIGURE OUT...

WHAT'S HAPPENING IN BASEBALL THIS YEAR. AH.

LOOK. UH, WE CAN SELL THEM THE STARFISH.

WE CAN SELL THEM THE EIGHT-FOOT, UM-- OCTO-PEE-PEE LEG. WHAT?

EVERYTHING. WE CAN SELL THEM MANY THINGS, MAKE BIG MONEY. WHO?

THE TOURIST BOAT IS COMING. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

A HUNDRED TOURISTS IN ONE BOAT ARE COMING TO THE ISLAND, BOSS.

WE CAN SELL AND MAKE A LOT OF MONEY.

DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS A GREEK PITCHER NAMED ART PAPPAS THAT PLAYED WITH--

[ Yells In Greek ] COME ON. LOOK! LOOK FOR YOURSELF.

HERE. THERE. SEE? THERE.

OVER THERE. SEE? IT'S COMING, BOSS. GREAT. GREAT. THAT'S GREAT.

PLEASE, MAKE-- WE HAVE TO MAKE THEM STOP HERE, RIGHT? YOU'RE GREEK, THOUGH.

SELL THEM COCA-COLA, SELL THEM THE-- THE GUCCI LOAFERS, THE TV.

WE MAKE A LOT OF MONEY! WILL YOU STOP SHOUTING? THERE WAS A TIME HE SET--

I SHOW YOU WITH TELESCOPE! HEY! NOT MY TELESCOPE!

THERE, BOSS, THERE. SEE?

[ Chimes Tinkling ]

[ Phillip Groans ] UH-UH-UH-UH-UH.

- [ Devious Laugh ] - UH-UH.

[ Maniacal Laugh ]

- THEY'VE FOUND US. - WHO FOUND US?

- THEY FOUND US. - YOU MEAN, TOURISTS FOUND US?

THEY FOUND US.

THEY FOUND US! THEY FOUND US! OKAY! THEY FOUND US!

HEY, ARETHA, THEY FOUND US!

[ Rueful Laugh ]

SHOW ME THE MAGIC. COME ON.

SHOW ME THE MAGIC.

COME ON. SHOW ME THE MAGIC, NOW.

COME ON. SHOW ME THE MAGIC. COME ON, NOW. COME ON.

[ Low Whimpering ]

THAT'S IT. [ Chimes Tinkling ]

[ Rumbling ]

ARETHA, TOURIST BOAT IS COMING. TWO HUNDRED TOURISTS. WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THEY FOUND US. THEY FOUND US.

[ Aretha ] WHO?

** [ Humming ]

COME LOOK! SWEETHEART, WHAT'S GOING ON?

LOOK THROUGH THE TELESCOPE. A THOUSAND TOURISTS THERE. * BOOM, BOOM

* BOOM, BOOM, BOOM

* BOOM, BOOM SWEETHEART, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP IT.

THEY WANTED A STORM, I'LL GIVE 'EM A STORM. [ Thunderclap ]

[ Glass Breaking ]

[ Thunderclaps Continue ]

[ Clucking ]

[ Bleating ]

[ Piercing Lightning ]

YOU ARE GOD, BOSS!

GET US IN! LIFE JACKETS, EVERYBODY! [ Dolores Shrieks ]

IS THIS MY DESTINY? TO BE DROWNED IN A MAGIC STORM?

OHH. AAH.

[ Dolores Shrieks ]

YOU WANTED A STORM; I GAVE YOU A STORM. YOU MAKE STORM, BOSS!

PHILLIP, STOP THIS! STOP IT!

ALL RIGHT. LET'S STOP THIS THING. COME ON, FELLAS.

PHILLIP-- PHIL. STOP.

STOP. PLEASE, PHIL. COME INSIDE.

- PHIL, GET IN. WILL YOU HELP ME? - OKAY, OKAY.

HELP ME GET HIM INSIDE. PHIL. [ Shrieks ]

MIRANDA!

YOU NOT GOD. ONLY GOD, GOD.

TRINC! TRINC! TRINC! OH, MY GOD.

[ Shrieks ] TRINC, HERE.

[ Choking ] TAKE THE SAIL!

[ Yelling Continues, Indistinct ]

[ Screams ]

[ Alonzo ] ANTONIA!

[ Man ] OVER HERE!

WHO THE HELL IS HE? DAD, HE'S FROM THE BOAT.

FREDDY, THIS IS DAD. DAD, THIS IS FREDDY. HOW YA DOIN'?

[ Dolores Shrieking ]

[ Gasping ] IT'S A MIRACLE. I'M GONNA WRITE A BOOK ABOUT THIS.

[ Goat Bleating ]

[ Sniffs ]

[ Gagging ]

[ Bleating ]

[ Both Panting ] [ Whispering ] IT'S ALL RIGHT.

TALK ABOUT URBAN RENEWAL.

- THEY SAID YOU COULD SWIM IN THIS. - [ Panting ]

- [ Trinc ] SMELLS LIKE SOMETHING IN HEAT. - COULD BE A VAMPIRE BAT.

[ Trinc ] IT SMELLS LIKE A COUGH DROP FACTORY.

[ Murmuring ] [ Gasping ]

IT'S A FISH IN DRAG. I THINK HE'S A BANDIDO.

BANDIDO. BANDIDO. [ Imitates Gunfire ]

LOOK, LOOK. YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT.

WE'RE FROM THE BOAT. YACHT-O. STORM-O. YES. WRECK-O. SINK-O.

UH, KALIBANOS. KALIB-- THEN YOU'RE GREEK.

AHH. ACROPOLIS? ACROPOLIS.

"NEVER ON SUNDAY." MELINA MERCOURI. DEMOCRACY.

- TELLY SAVALAS. - TELLY SAVALAS! KOJAK. OH!

YES! OH, I LIKE KOJAK VERY MUCH. HE IS FANTASTIC.

- I LIKE KOJAK VERY MUCH. - HE SPEAKS ENGLISH.

- HE'S ATTRACTIVE IN A THIRD WORLD SORT OF WAY. - [ All Laughing ]

HEY, YOU DRINK? OHH! SURE. YEAH.

HERE. VERY GOOD STUFF. PARTY'S PICKING UP.

[ Greek ]

[ Repeats Greek ] YOU KEEP A VERY FINE CELLAR. VINTAGE ALONZO.

YOU WANT TO BUY, UH, DIRTY STATUES? WHY NOT? WHY NOT?

VERY OLD. VERY OLD ANTIQUE. 10,000 DRACHMAS.

YOU GOT ANYTHING A LITTLE SMALLER?

[ Dolores Panting ] [ Nino Barking ]

OH. AIR. AIR.

OH, MY GOD. THIS IS PARADISE, HARRY.

OHH, DON'T YOU WISH WE COULD STAY HERE FOREVER?

GOD.

WE'D FIND WAYS FOR SHELTERING OURSELVES FROM THE ELEMENTS.

[ Harry Laughs ] MY GOD, HARRY. WE COULD START AN IDEAL SOCIETY.

JUST THINK. NO MORE WARS. NO MORE POVERTY.

NO MORE TRAFFIC JAMS.

[ Harry ] MATTER OF FACT, THIS PLACE MIGHT MAKE A VERY GOOD CLUB MED.

OH, HARRY. NAH. PUT IN A DECENT HARBOR.

SET UP A MARINA. HALF A DOZEN GOOD, SOLID RESTAURANTS.

AN OLYMPIC-SIZED POOL. [ Alonzo ] SHUT UP, HARRY. SHUT UP.

[ Phillip ] HARRY, YOU'RE FREE TO SAY ANYTHING YOU WANT ON THIS ISLAND.

- THERE'S NO MASTER HERE. - [ Harry ] WHO IS THE BOSS HERE?

HARRY, CAN'T YOU LIVE WITHOUT A BOSS? PROBABLY NOT.

I LIKE TAKING ORDERS. WELL, THEN, YOU CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.

YEAH? ARE YOU THE BIG GUY HERE, PHIL?

ARETHA, RUN UP TO THE HOUSE AND START A FIRE. GO AHEAD. YES, MASSA!

CAN I HELP? ASK THE GUY IN THE KIMONO. HE'S THE ONE THAT HAD THE ELECTRICALS.

GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD. GO ON. I'M GOING TOO.

- NO! YOU STAY HERE WITH US! - I'M GOING.

[ Aretha ] LET HER COME!

WELL, THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME QUESTION OF AUTHORITY ON YOUR ISLAND.

PUT SOME FOOD ON! [ Aretha ] OKAY!

SHE'S GROWING UP.

DID SHE ASK ABOUT ME? TRUTHFULLY?

NO.

DOES SHE HATE ME? ASK YOURSELF.

- DO YOU HATE US, PHILLIP? - YES.

BUT I HAVEN'T GIVEN IT MUCH THOUGHT. I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

- CONSCIOUS THOUGHT. - WELL, WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING HERE?

WAITING FOR YOU, SWEETHEART. KALIBANOS!

WHO'S KALIBANOS? YOUR LONG-LOST ANCESTOR.

KALIBANOS!

BEST I EVER SURFED WAS THE PIPELINE IN HONOLULU.

I'VE NEVER BEEN TO HAWAII. I WENT TO SCHOOL THERE FOR HALF A TERM.

DIDN'T DO MUCH STUDYING, SO MY OLD MAN SHIPPED ME TO THIS MILITARY ACADEMY IN VERMONT.

VERMONT. OHH. DO THEY STILL HAVE SNOW IN VERMONT?

ONLY IN THE WINTER, MA'AM. THANKS, SONNY.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

I WOULD'VE GONE TO PUBLIC SCHOOL, BUT MY OLD MAN WOULDN'T LET ME.

WHY NOT? GUESS HE REALLY DOESN'T WANT ME AROUND FULL-TIME.

[ Goat Bleating ] THANKS.

WHAT ABOUT MY MOTHER? ANTONIA?

SHE'S NICE. NO. I MEAN, DID SHE WANT YOU AROUND FULL-TIME?

WELL, SHE LIKES ME, BUT MY OLD MAN IS THE CHIEF HONCHO.

DID SHE EVER TALK ABOUT ME?

ALL THE TIME.

WHAT'D SHE SAY? WATCH YOUR HEAD.

A LOT OF LOVE STUFF. SHE DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL.

SHUT UP, PLEASE.

HEY, DID I SAY SOMETHING WRONG?

UH, DO YOU THINK YOUR PEOPLE LIKE FETA? WHAT'S FETA?

[ Freddy ] I HOPE SO. [ Aretha Chuckles ]

OKAY. WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GO UP AND LIGHT SOME LIGHTS?

WATCH YOUR HEAD. WATCH YOUR HEAD.

SORRY I SAID, "SHUT UP." NICE PLACE YOU GOT HERE.

ALL I SAID IS, "YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL." UP THE STAIRS.

I'M NOT EXACTLY BEAUTIFUL. BESIDES, I'M A VIRGIN.

WOULD YOU HAND ME THAT OVER ON THE BED? OH, YEAH.

WHEN I LIGHT THIS, MOVE THAT THING TO THE... LEFT.

RIGHT THERE.

[ Hissing ]

I'VE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE.

I HAVEN'T EITHER.

I'M NOT ON THE PILL, SO I GUESS THAT'S ALL THERE IS.

[ Antonia ] I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU STAYED HERE FOR A YEAR.

IT'S BEEN VERY PRODUCTIVE. REALLY? NO PAIN?

DARLING, PURE PLEASURE.

HA! I DON'T BELIEVE YOU. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE OR YOU DON'T BELIEVE.

REALLY? WHAT ARE YOU SO SORE ABOUT IF YOU DON'T CARE WHAT I THINK?

BECAUSE, DARLING, I FOUND PARADISE, AND YOU TURNED IT INTO A SLUM.

HO! YOU'VE LOST NONE OF YOUR PRIDE, I SEE.

I DID THE BEST I COULD. ONLY FOR YOURSELF, AS USUAL.

THE SAME AS YOU THEN. OH, GOD.

- ALWAYS BLAME THE OTHER GUY. - WHAT DID YOU WANT FROM ME?

I WANTED US TO SHARE SOMETHING-- I MEAN, A LIFE.

I WANTED US TO-- I DIDN'T WANT TO BE JUST PART OF YOUR LIFE, JUST, YOU KNOW, STAND THERE.

I WANTED BOTH OF US TO MAKE SOME SACRIFICES.

YOU WANT SACRIFICE? ALL RIGHT.

I'LL GIVE YOU SACRIFICE.

WELCOME. [ Harry ] BOY, AM I GLAD TO SEE THIS PLACE.

[ Indistinct Chattering ]

OH, THANKS. THANK YOU.

[ Harry ] OH, THANK YOU.

[ Aretha ] HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT, WARM UP. HI, I'M ARETHA.

HI, I'M DOLORES. NICE TO MEET YOU. [ Goat Bleating ]

[ Whines, Barks ]

YOUR LIVES WERE SPARED. THAT'S A MIRACLE.

ON THIS ISLAND, WE HONOR A MIRACLE WITH A SACRIFICE.

[ Goat Screeching ]

- PHIL. - [ Screeching Continues ]

[ Screeching Stops ]

** [ Tango ]

MAY I KISS YOU, MUSH?

I LOVE YOU, MOMMY.

HI. HI, KID.

HOW YA DOIN', BOSS? [ Sighs ]

IT'S TIME TO FORGIVE.

ARE YOU MY TEACHER OR MY PUPIL? [ Laughs ]

OH, I'M JUST A NICE CATHOLIC GIRL FROM NEW JERSEY...

WHO'S DESTINED TO ROAM THE EARTH IN SEARCH OF MR. NICE.

MEANTIME, YOU WANNA DANCE?

FREDDY, MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

YEAH, POP?

WOULD YOU BE VERY ANGRY AT ME IF--

IF I KISSED YOU?

I DON'T THINK SO.

EXCUSE ME, DAD. SURE.

WANNA DANCE?

YOU DANCE BEAUTIFULLY, NINO. YOUR NAME IS NINO?

[ Dog Growls ]

OH, IT'S KINDA LIKE ROSELAND ON A SLOW NIGHT, HUH?

THANK YOU FOR SAVING MY LIFE. AW, 'TWEREN'T NOTHIN'.

LOOK, YOU WANNA TRIP THE LIGHT FANTASTIC?

I WOULD BE DELIGHTED.

BY THE WAY, I LIKE THE WAY YOU SING.

HUH, YEAH. I LIKE THE WAY YOU LIFT.

[ Clears Throat ]

SO, HOW'S BASEBALL? THERE WAS A BASEBALL STRIKE.

OH, I KNEW THAT. I DREAMT THAT.

HOW'S THE CAT?

PREGNANT.

FORGIVE ME.

OKAY.

JUST LIKE THAT? I LOVE YOU.

[ Yelling Drunkenly ]

* SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT *

* BE FORGOT, BE FORGOT

* GOATS AND SHEEP AND BOATS AND BOOZE *

* SHOULD AULD-- * WE GOT, WE GOT

[ Laughing, Muttering ]

* SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT *

* BE FORGOT IS WHAT WE GOT *

* WE GOT-- * [ Continues, Indistinct ] MAY I CUT IN?

HEY, WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT? SON OF A GUN.

THAT'S MY STETSON, AIN'T IT? HUH! THAT'S GREAT.

HEY, TRINC! IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU ALIVE! HOW YA DOIN', HARRY?

HA, HA, HA! HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. NOW, DON'T YOU GET ANY FUNNY IDEAS.

[ Chuckling ] IT'S VERY LONELY IN THE CAVE. YEAH, I'LL BET IT IS.

EXCUSE ME.

WOULD YOU CARE TO DANCE? GRAZIE.

I AM KALIBANOS. I AM DOLORES.

- I LIKE YOUR MELONES. - THANK YOU.

AND YOUR BUMBA. YOU'RE SO STRONG.

SO BEAUTIFULLY... PRIMITIVE.

WHAT'S A BUMBA ? THIS. MMM.

OH, YOU HAVE CHARISMA.

MY CHARISMA IS GROWING LIKE MOUNTAIN FLOWER IN SPRINGTIME.

[ Exhaling Deeply ] AND YOU'RE A POET.

I'M A SINGER. OHH.

KALIBANOS? WHAT, PHIL?

FORGIVE ME. FOR WHAT?

JUST FORGIVE ME. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

[ Engine Chugging ]

HAVE MANY ISLANDS HERE--

MYKONOS, SERIFOS, MYTILENE,

SANTORINI, EVROS, POROS,

NAXOS, PATMOS, ANTIPARO, MILOS.

ALSO TERCEIRA, CEPHALONIA.

I'M DREAMING. [ Captain Continues, Indistinct ]

- I KNOW. - ...LEFKADA,

ZAKINTHOS, DELOS, TINOS.

[ Captain ] HAVE MANY ISLANDS, MANY. HEY!

- YOU NEVER GAVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER! - OH, UM,

AREA CODE 212-555-- [ Phillip ] 555-44--

[ Antonia ] 9-9. [ Miranda ] 9-9.

[ Shouting Continues, Indistinct ] ...CRETE, LESVOS,

SKIATHOS, SKOPELOS.

[ Woman ] * WE'LL TAKE MANHATTAN HAVE MANY.

* THE BRONX AND STATEN ISLAND TOO *

* IT'S LOVELY GOING THROUGH *

* THE ZOO

* WELL, IT'S VERY FANCY

* ON OLD DELANCEY STREET YOU KNOW *

* THE SUBWAY CHARMS US SO *

* WHEN BALMY BREEZES BLOW

* TO AND FRO

* AND TELL ME WHAT STREET *

* COMPARES WITH MOTT STREET

* IN JULY

* SWEET PUSHCARTS

* GENTLY GLIDING

* BY

* THE GREAT BIG CITY'S

* A WONDROUS TOY

* JUST MADE FOR A GIRL AND BOY *

* WE'LL TURN MANHATTAN

* INTO AN ISLE OF JOY

* WE'LL GO TO YONKERS

* WHERE TRUE LOVE CONQUERS

* IN THE WILDS

* AND STARVE TOGETHER DEAR *

* IN CHILD'S

* MMM

* WE'LL GO TO CONEY

* AND EAT BOLOGNA

* ON A ROLL

* IN CENTRAL PARK WE'LL STROLL *

* WHERE FIRST

* A KISS WE STOLE

* SOUL TO SOUL

* AND FOR SOME HEARTFELT

* WE'LL GO TO MY FAIR LADY SAVED *

* WE'LL HOPE IT

* CLOSES

* SOME DAY

* THE CITY'S CLAMOR

* CAN NEVER SPOIL

* THE DREAMS OF A BOY AND "GOIL" *

* WE'LL TURN MANHATTAN

* INTO AN ISLE OF JOY

* THE CITY'S BUSTLE CANNOT *

* NO, IT CANNOT DESTROY

* THE DREAMS OF A GIRL AND BOY *

* WE'LL TURN MANHATTAN

* INTO AN ISLE OF JOY *