All language subtitles for Tempest.1982.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX].eng

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[ Whining ]

[ Grunts ]
[ Whines ]

SON OF A BITCH!

WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE
FOR A DIFFERENT NIGHTMARE.

[ Sighs ]

YOU HAD THE DREAM, TOO,
DIDN'T YOU, DOG?

[ Sighs ]
HONEY?

HONEY!

ARETHA!

HEY, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

I HAD THE DREAM AGAIN.
THE DOG HAD IT TOO.

SWEETHEART, MAYBE IT'LL
BE ON THE 6:00 NEWS,

IF WE ONLY HAD
THE 6:00 NEWS.

YOU LOOK SO GOOD.
AHH!
[ Kissing Sounds ]

- HOW'D YOU SLEEP?
- [ Chuckling ]
ARE YOU KIDDING?

COME ON, PHILLIP.
SEPARATE BEDROOMS IS ONE THING,
BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST?

OH, UM, COFFEE,
FETA CHEESE, BREAD,
FETA CHEESE.

AND, FOR A CHANGE OF PACE,
A NICE FETA CHEESE OMELET.

WELL, THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

I LOVE FETA CHEESE.

NINO.

COME ON.
LET'S GO TAKE A PISS.
[ Laughing ]

COME ON, NINO.
TIME TO GET MOVING.

IT'S ALL HERE, DOG.

BEAUTY, MAGIC,
INSPIRATION...

AND SERENITY.

NOT TO MENTION SILENCE,

AMAZEMENT, INTIMACY,

ENCHANTMENT.

HERE! HERE!

** [ Humming ]

[ Nino Barking ]

OH, YOU LOOK GREAT.
THANK YOU.

OHH!

MMM. HMM.

LET'S GET CRACKING, KIDDO.
WE'VE GOT A LOT OF WORK
TO DO ON THE THEATER.

HOW 'BOUT SOME WORK
ON MY THEATER?
BREAD.

GOOD.
MMM.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE GONNA
DRIVE ME CRAZY.
MM-HMM.

[ Slapping Sound ]
OHH!

[ Chuckling ]
I'VE FORGOTTEN WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO BE SAD AFTER SEX.

[ Coughing ]

[ Goat Bleating ]
MARY.

[ Coughing ]

HELLO, MARY.

[ Radio ]
* GIVE THE PAST A SLIP
STEP ON A CRACK *

* BREAK YOUR MAMA'S BACK *

GOOD MORNING, DAD.
MORNING, ARETHA.
MORNING, SWEETHEART.

HAD THE DREAM AGAIN.
WHAT?

WILL YOU LOWER THIS THING?
I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING HERE.
[ Radio Off ]

I HAD THE DREAM AGAIN.
I HAD A DREAM TOO.

I DREAMT I WAS SMOKING POT
AT A GO-GO'S CONCERT.

MEET YOU
AFTER MY SWIM.

** [ Resumes ]
I WANT YOU TO HAVE
A GOOD BREAKFAST.

YOU GOT A LOT OF WORK
TO DO TODAY. NO KISS?

- WHAT'S WITH HER?
- OH, IT'S CALLED PUBERTY.

MARY, HAVE SOME FETA.

[ Bleats ]

** [ Radio: New Wave ]

* I-I-I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS

* THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO GOOD

* I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS
THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO BAD *

* WHEN THEY'RE AROUND ME
MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M
THE ONLY GUY IN TOWN *

* I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS
THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO GOOD *

* THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT
MY ONE-WAY MIRROR *

* THEY'RE NOT FRIGHTENED
BY MY COLD EXTERIOR *

* THEY DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
SOME BODY.

* THEY DON'T
WRITE STORIES *

* THEY DON'T
LOOK FOR ANSWERS *

* THEY JUST
WANT TO HOLD ME
ISN'T THIS FUN *

[ Sighs ]
COME ON, BABY.

LET KALIBANOS
WOO YOUR POO.

* OH-OH-OH
I-I-I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS *

* THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO GOOD

* I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS

* THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO BAD *
DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE,
DOUBLE YOUR FUN.

[ Barking ]
[ Screams ]

SON OF A BITCH DOG.

GET HIM, NINO!
I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPY,
YOU CREEP!

DIRTY, STINKING DOG!
GET HIM! SIC HIM!

I KILL YOU!

SON OF A BITCH!
DON'T BITE ME!
DON'T BITE ME.

[ Barking, Panting ]

[ Grunts, Panting ]

BOSS, H-HELLO.

A BIG SCORPION, BOSS,
ABOUT THIS BIG.

BOSS, YOU NEED
NEW SHOES, EH?
NEW SHOES!

I GET YOU BETTER SHOES,
BOSS. MARKO FROM--
WILL YOU STOP THAT?

[ Sighs ]
WERE YOU SPYING
ON MY DAUGHTER?

NO! AH, ME?
I AM THIS ROCK, BOSS.
YOU SEE THIS ROCK?

IF YOU TOUCH HER,
I'LL KILL YOU.
IT IS ME.

I DON'T SPY ON NOBODY.
DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?

WHAT?
IF YOU TOUCH MY DAUGHTER,
I'LL KILL YOU.

YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M SAYING TO YOU?

YES, BOSS, I UNDERSTAND.

LATER WE GO FISHING,
BOSS, EH?

DON'T CALL ME BOSS.

OKAY,
I NO CALL YOU BOSS.
DON'T CALL ME BOSS AT ALL.

NO.
I DON'T WANNA HEAR
ANY "BOSS" FROM YOU ANYMORE.

YOU UNDERSTAND?
OKAY.

AH! NO "BOSS."

WE GO FISHING, EH?
NINO.

NINO! DOG!

[ Whining ]

WELL,

ISN'T THIS JUST
SO PERFECT?

MAN IN HIS ELEMENT--

BALANCE, HARMONY.

[ Laughs ]
YOU KNOW WHAT LAU TSE
SAID, DON'T YOU, DOG?

"NATURE.
AND IT SPEAKS TRUE.

WHY NOT MAN?"

[ Car Horns Honking ]

[ Honking Continues ]

I HATE
NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTIES.

YOU SAY THAT
EVERY YEAR.

TEN MINUTES AFTER WE GET
THERE, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT
DOESN'T WANT TO GO HOME.

YEAH, BUT THOSE PARTIES
ARE WITH PEOPLE WE KNOW.

EVERYBODY LIVING
IS GOING TO BE
AT THIS PARTY.

EVERYONE DEAD
IS GONNA BE
AT THIS PARTY.

IT'S GONNA BE
NOISY AND PRETENTIOUS
AND VERY, VERY NERVOUS.

PHILLIP, WE ARE
NOISY AND PRETENTIOUS
AND VERY, VERY NERVOUS.

WILL YOU TWO QUIT IT?
I SHOULD HAVE STAYED HOME
AND WATCHED GUY LOMBARDO.

GUY LOMBARDO'S DEAD.
REALLY?

YEAH.
HOW SAD.

YEAH.
WHO'S GUY LOMBARDO?

** [ Band ]
ANTONIA,
PLEASURE TO SEE YOU.

OH!
HOW ARE YOU?

FINE, FINE.
TERRY BLOOMFIELD.

- OH, YES, SURE.
- ANTONIA DIMITRIUS,
MY WIFE BETSY.

HI.
BETSY BLOOMFIELD.
HI.

HAVE YOU MET
MY HUSBAND PHILLIP?

HI, PHILLIP.
HAPPY NEW YEAR.

LOVE TO TALK TO YOU LATER
ABOUT SOMETHING.
HAPPY NEW YEAR.

I NEED A DRINK.

[ Laughing ]

I JUST SAW JOHN TRAVOLTA
DOWNSTAIRS.
WHO'S JOHN TRAVOLTA?

OH, DAD, YOU'VE
GOTTA BE KIDDING.
GIVE HIM MY BEST REGARDS.

[ Antonia ]
HERE COMES ALONZO.

PERFECT WAY
TO END THE YEAR.
HI. HI.

ENOUGH, PHILLIP, OKAY?
JUST ENOUGH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, PUMPKIN?
DON'T BE THAT WAY.

ANTONIA, PHILLIP,
WELCOME TO MY HOME.
ALONZO. THANK YOU.

HAPPY NEW YEAR,
MY FRIENDS.
HAPPY NEW YEAR.

IN SEVEN MINUTES
IS HAPPY NEW YEAR.

THIS IS GABRIELLE.
WE MET AN HOUR AGO
AND WE'RE ALREADY IN LOVE.

GABRIELLE,
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.

THIS IS MY WIFE
ANTONIA.
HELLO.

AND, ALONZO,
THIS IS OUR DAUGHTER
MIRANDA.

BELLISSIMA.

AT THAT AGE,
THEY DON'T LIKE
TO BE KISSED.

I UNDERSTAND.
I HAVE ONLY A SON, BUT
ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS KISS.

WELL, PHILLIP,
ARE YOU HAPPY?

UH, I'M HOPING
THAT NEXT YEAR
WILL BE MORE FUN.

PHILLIP IS A MOODY MAN,
BUT HE IS A GENIUS,
SO ALL IS FORGIVEN.

I'M NO GENIUS, BOSS.
YOU KNOW
THE ALONZO BUILDING?

OF COURSE.
PHILLIP DESIGNED IT.

OH, I LOVE ARCHITECTS.

THANK YOU.
[ Miranda ]
THERE'S WOODY ALLEN.

WHO'S WOODY ALLEN?
DAD!

NO, WHO'S WOODY ALLEN?
DAD, OH, PLEASE.
YOU KNOW WOODY ALLEN.

CHERIE, I WANT TO
SAY A BONJOUR A WOODY.
HAVE FUN.

DON'T FORGET--
WE FLY TO ATLANTIC CITY
ON THURSDAY, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT. BYE-BYE.
CIAO. CIAO.

HERE, DARLING.
THANKS.

DO YOU REALIZE
THAT THE SPLIT ENZ
ARE IN ATLANTIC CITY?

I'M AFRAID TO ASK
WHO THE SPLIT ENZ ARE.

WHO ARE THE SPLIT ENZ?
VERY FUNNY.

** [ "Auld Lang Syne" ]

[ Crowd ]
* BE FORGOT
HAPPY NEW YEAR.

* AND NEVER BROUGHT
TO MIND *
WHAT?

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

* SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE
BE FORGOT *

* AND DAYS
OF AULD LANG SYNE *

HAPPY NEW YEAR,
SWEETHEART.
HAPPY NEW YEAR.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, KID.

* FOR AULD LANG SYNE
MY DEAR *

* FOR AULD LANG SYNE

* WE'LL TAKE A CUP
OF KINDNESS YET *

* FOR AULD LANG SYNE

* SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE
BE FORGOT *
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

* AND NEVER BROUGHT TO MIND

* SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE
BE FORGOT *

* AND DAYS OF AULD LANG SYNE *

OH, MY GOD!

[ Antonia ]
WHAT? WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU HAVE A NIGHTMARE?

[ Groans ]
OH, GOD. LOTS OF WATER.

JESUS CHRIST.

A LOT OF WAVES.

OH, GOD.

IT WAS A WET DREAM,
YOU MIGHT SAY.

[ Antonia Groans ]
YOU WERE THERE
SOMEWHERE.

[ Exhales ]
YOU WERE ON A YACHT.

YEAH?
WHAT WAS I WEARING?

[ Water Running ]

YOU WERE DROWNING.

EMOTIONAL.

OH, GREAT.
WONDERFUL.

HEY, WOULD YOU BRING ME
A GLASS OF WATER, PLEASE?

SORRY, DARLING.

WOULD YOU BRING ME
A GLASS OF WATER
WHILE YOU'RE UP?

[ Water Running
Continues ]

YOU KNOW, I WAS TALKING
TO TERRY BLOOMFIELD
AT THE PARTY LAST NIGHT.

WHO'S THAT?
HE'S A BIG PRODUCER,
YOU KNOW?

I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW HIM.
YUP!

WE MET HIM
WHEN WE FIRST WENT IN
WITH HIS WIFE...

TO THE PARTY LAST NIGHT,
REMEMBER?

ANYWAY, HE ASKED ME
IF I WANTED TO ACT AGAIN.

[ Water Stops ]

AND?

I THINK I'D DO IT.

IT'S A COMEDY.
IT'S RIGHT HERE
IN THE CITY.

WHY NOT?
GREAT.

[ Sighs ]

I'M PICKING UP
THE SCRIPT TOMORROW.

GOOD.

FIDEL CASTRO.

GOOD.

WHAT?

DID YOU HEAR
ONE WORD I SAID?

YEAH.

FIDEL CASTRO'S,
UH-- UH--

PRODUCING A PLAY,
AND YOU'RE PICKING UP
THE SCRIPT TOMORROW.

YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT.
YOU KNOW THAT?
I HEARD EVERY WORD.

TERRY BLOOMFIELD,
THE PRODUCER.
THIS IS IMPORTANT.

IT'S A COMEDY.
I'M KIND OF NERVOUS
ABOUT THIS.

WELL,
WE'RE ALL NERVOUS.

WHAT DO YOU GOT
TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT,

ASIDE FROM THE FACT
THAT YOU'RE NUTS?

BECAUSE I AM NOW
A VERY OLD PERSON.

OH. OH.
WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME?

YOU?
YOU, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

YOU'RE VERY, VERY
BEAUTIFUL.

REALLY? THANK YOU.
YEAH.

YOU'RE VERY BEAUTIFUL TOO.
VERY BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU.

FOR A VERY, VERY
OLD PERSON.
THANK YOU.

I GOTTA PEE.

AW.
I GOTTA PEE.

I GOTTA PEE.

GOOD MORNING, MR. ALONZO.
HI, MacKENZIE.

MR. GONDORF.
HIYA, MacKENZIE.

HELLO, PHIL.
HOW ARE YOU?

HOW'S JEANETTE?
GOOD, GOOD.
KIDS ARE GOOD.

HOW ARE YOU?

HUH! RUST!

RUST!
THE BEAMS ARE RUSTING!
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE
DOING TO ME?
I'M SORRY, MR. ALONZO.

- I DIDN'T MAKE THE STRIKE.
- I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT!

BETWEEN THE STRIKES,
THE LABOR AND THE TAXES,
IT DOESN'T PAY TO OWN A CASINO.

ARE WE GOING
TO MAKE OUR SCHEDULE?
WE'LL TRY, SIR.

TRY? TRY--
[ Grunting ]

TRY IS WEAK!
I WANT TO HEAR THE CROUPIER
BY NEW YEAR'S EVE, OKAY?

LONG AS WE DON'T GET
ANY MORE LABOR PROBLEMS,
WE GOT A SHOT.

JESUS!

I WANT THIS TO BE
THE GREATEST CASINO
EVER BUILT,

EVERY FLOOR NAMED
AFTER A ROMAN EMPEROR,
EVERY SUITE NAMED AFTER A POET.

WHAT, NO GODS?

HUH?

YES, PERFETTO.
SURE. WHY NOT?

WE NAME THE DINING ROOMS
AFTER THE GODS.
YOU'RE A GENIUS!

THAT'S WHY YOU PAY ME
THE BIG BUCKS, BOSS.

YES, BUT YOU'RE BECOMING
A BITTER BASTARD.

I KNOW.
PEEVISH.

CHILDISH. SILLY.

I AGREE WITH YOU.
YOU'RE A TYPICAL
AMERICAN.

THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM,
YEAH.

YOU WANT TO STAY A BOY.
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE
AND ALSO STUPID.

LOOK, BOYS DON'T HAVE
HALF THE FUN WE HAVE.

BOYS ARE NERVOUS.
THEY DON'T KNOW
WHO THEY ARE YET.

THEY'RE MOSTLY BROKE,
AND THEY MAKE LOVE IN THE
BACK OF A SMALL SPORTS CAR.

[ Sneezes ]

SON OF A BITCH.
I'M CATCHING A COLD.
HEY, MacKENZIE.

HOW ARE WE GOING
TO HEAT THIS PLACE?

MR. ALONZO,
THERE'S NEVER A PROBLEM
HEATING A CASINO.

YOU GET ENOUGH PEOPLE
IN THESE PLACES
TO GENERATE THE HEAT.

I SEE.
YOU HAVE TO AIR-CONDITION
EVEN IN THE WINTER.

WE'LL GO WITH A STANDARD
CENTRAL BOILER SYSTEM.
I UNDERSTAND.

THREE-PIPE
VERTICAL SYSTEM.

NO PROBLEM.
[ Alonzo Coughing ]

ALSO, DEPENDING ON
THE AMOUNT OF GLAZING YOU HAVE
ON THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
A VARIABLE SITUATION.

NOW, PHIL'S GOTTA DECIDE,
OF COURSE,

HOW MUCH GLASS HE'S GONNA USE
TO FACE THE BUILDING,

BUT THAT'LL ALLOW
A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF HEAT
GAIN IN THE WINTER,

CERTAIN AMOUNT OF HEAT
LOSS IN THE SUMMER,
AND VISA VERSA.

ALL THESE FACTORS, SO...

IT DEPENDS ON
A LOT OF DIFFERENT--
[ Clears Throat ]

BUT THESE THINGS ARE ALL
UP IN THE AIR RIGHT NOW.

DEPENDING ON WHAT PHIL
WANTS TO DO,

WE'LL MAKE OUR DECISIONS
ACCORDINGLY.

I QUIT.

OKAY, HARRY, TELL HIM
WHAT I'LL DO TO HIM
IF HE QUITS.

SUE YOU,
MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU
TO WORK ANYWHERE ELSE.

PROBABLY SEND A COUPLE
OF GOONS AROUND TO BREAK UP
YOUR KNEECAPS.

AH, LIVE UP
TO YOUR CONTRACT,
PHILLIP.

SCREW MY CONTRACT.
HE'S A BOY.

TURN DOWN
THE AIR CONDITIONING,
WILL YOU, PLEASE?

TURN DOWN
THE AIR CONDITIONING.

I'M JUST A LITTLE CRAZY.
CHALK IT UP TO
A MID-LIFE CRISIS.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO
BUILD ANY MORE SLUMS.

THIS IS GOING TO BE THE MOST
FANTASTIC CASINO EVER BUILT,
AND YOU KNOW IT, PHILLIP.

YOU WANT ME TO BEG YOU?
A CONTRACT
IS A CONTRACT,

A MORAL OBLIGATION.

[ Sneezing ]
IT'S FREEZING HERE!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT'S OUR FOUNDING
GODFATHER,

ALBERTO ALONZO!
** [ Humming Theme
From The Godfather ]

THEY'RE PLAYING
OUR SONG, ALONZO!

KNOCK IT OFF!
WE GOT THE JOB.
SPEAKING OF ELEPHANTS--

HEAR ABOUT THE GUY
WHO CROSSED A HOOKER
AND AN ELEPHANT?

AND HE GOT A 2,000-POUND BLONDE
WHO PUTS OUT FOR PEANUTS.

[ Mild Chuckling ]

THIS IS A WONDERFUL BUNCH
OF PEOPLE. WHAT, ARE YOU
PAINTED ON THESE SEATS?

I COULD HAVE DONE MY BIG
NUMBERS, LEAPED IN THE AIR
AND LANDED ON THIS.

GOT THAT FROM YMA SUMAC.

HERE THEY ARE--
BOJANGLES AND HIS GIRL.
THIS IS NOT AN EASY LIFE.

GIVE ME A LITTLE SONG.
GIVE ME A LITTLE PEARL BAILEY.

* DARLING, HONEY
IF THEY'D ROLL, ROLL, ROLL *

* WAY UP THAT RIVER, HONEY *

I DON'T KNOW WHY
HE MAKES ME LAUGH.

BUY HIS CONTRACT.
FOR HOW LONG?

FOR LIFE.
LAUGHTER IS NEVER CHEAP.

[ Air Pumping ]

PRESSURE'S A LITTLE HIGH,
BUT NOTHING TERRIBLE.

YOU'VE GOT THE BEGINNINGS
OF A SLIGHT COLD,
BUT REALLY, YOU'RE FINE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I'M FINE?
WHY DO I FEEL SO LOUSY?

SIXTY HARD YEARS.
I'M NOT A MAGICIAN.

IF YOU WERE A GOOD DOCTOR,
YOU WOULD FIND SOMETHING WRONG.

- TAKE TWO ASPIRINS.
- ASPIRINS?

AH, DR. THEO SEBASTIAN,
MEET ARNIE TRINC.

HE'S OUR RESIDENT
COMEDIAN.

HOW DO YOU DO?
YOU MAKE 'EM CRY,
I'LL MAKE 'EM LAUGH.

HEAR ABOUT
THIS GERMAN COUPLE--

YES, I KNOW THAT ONE.
IT'S A PARTICULAR FAVORITE
OF MINE. I LOVE IT.

HOW ARE YOU, PHILLIP?

I'M DRINKING TOO MUCH,
SMOKING TOO MUCH
AND GENERALLY FEELING TENSE.

MM-HMM.
SOUNDS JUST LIKE ME.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN WORKING FOR ALONZO?

- THIS IS THE END
OF MY FIVE-YEAR CONTRACT.
- AND YOU'RE GONNA RENEW?

MY STETHOSCOPE SAYS NO,
BUT MY BANK ACCOUNT SAYS...

PROBABLY YES.

I HAVE EXPENSIVE
FANTASIES.

[ Chuckles ]
WHAT ABOUT YOU, HARRY?

I'M ON FOR LIFE.

SAME AS ME, HARRY.
YOU KNOW THE DEFINITION
OF JEWISH FOREPLAY?

MMM.
TWO HOURS OF BEGGING.

I DON'T THINK
THIS IS MY ROOM.
GIVE ME A SCOTCH, PLEASE.

NEXT THEY'LL ASK ME
TO CHIP IN FOR GAS.

[ Imitating Dracula ]
GOOD TO SEE YOU, MY FRIEND.
THE CASTLE CLOSED EARLY TONIGHT.

IT'S VERY NICE.
PHILLIP, COME ON.
LET'S HAVE A TALK.

IGOR, FOLLOW HIM.
HE'LL HAVE A BIG NIGHT.

GOOD TO SEE YOU BOTH
TOGETHER.

LAUREL AND HARDY.
I KNOW THE ACT WELL.
HAVE MY LAUNDRY BACK TUESDAY.

PHILLIP,

YOU HAVING TROUBLE
AT HOME?

WHY?

WHEN A MAN AS SMART
AS YOU IS JUMPY,

IT'S USUALLY GOT SOMETHING
TO DO WITH HIS BEDROOM.

THANK YOU.
MY BEDROOM IS FINE.
[ Clears Throat ]

IS SHE GETTING
THE HEADACHES?

NO, I'M GETTING
THE HEADACHES.

MAYBE YOU NEED SOMETHING
VERY YOUNG.

NOT THAT YOUR WIFE
ISN'T A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

SHE CERTAINLY IS
VERY BEAUTIFUL.

LET'S FACE IT.
SOMETIMES A MAN
NEEDS NEW FLESH.

YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL WAY
WITH LANGUAGE.
YEAH.

I TALK STRAIGHT.
YOU DO HAVE ENERGY.

I DON'T KNOW
HOW THE HELL YOU DO THAT.
HOW I DO IT?

I KNOW THAT EVERY MOMENT
I HAVE MAY BE MY LAST,

SO I'M IN ONE BIG HURRY.

DON'T YOU EVER
WANT TO RELAX,
HANG OUT WITH YOUR BOY?

THAT'S WHAT
CHRISTMAS IS FOR.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT
THE POLISH STRIP JOINT?
PUT IT ON, PUT IT ON!

[ Laughing ]

HOW 'BOUT THE MEXICAN
TV SHOW, LITTLE HOUSE
ON THE CHEVY?

STOP. STOP IT.
HOW 'BOUT THE GUY
THAT WORKED IN A SAWMILL?

FOUR BEERS!
THE SON OF A BITCH
MAKES ME LAUGH!

[ Coughing ]

COME ON. UP.

HARRY.

REMIND ME
I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT MY MAUSOLEUM.

[ Coughing ]

HI, KID.

WHAT ARE YOU
LOOKING AT?

PIGEONS.

I WAKE YOU UP?
NO. I COULDN'T SLEEP.

MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE
SOME VALIUM.

THAT'S OUT
OF THE QUESTION.
WHY?

BECAUSE I SAID SO,
THAT'S WHY.
IT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.

HOW COME YOU USE IT?

HOW'S SCHOOL?
EXCEPTIONALLY BORING,
EXCEPT FOR BASKETBALL.

I HAVE TO SEE YOU PLAY.

THERE'S A GAME THURSDAY
AGAINST TAFT.

THEY'RE GOOD. ALL BLACK
AND SEVEN FEET TALL.

IS THAT A BIT OF PREJUDICE
OR WHAT?
NO, IT'S THE TRUTH.

THEY'RE ALL BLACK
AND SEVEN FEET TALL.

YOU HAVING
A GOOD TIME?

YOU'RE EXTREMELY
PHILOSOPHICAL...

FOR THIS EARLY
IN THE MORNING.

[ Phillip ] WE SHOULD
PLAY SOME SPORTS TOGETHER,
KEEP IN SHAPE.

[ Miranda ]
YOU?
YEAH, I'M NOT KIDDING.

ANYTHING THE MATTER?
WE COULDN'T SLEEP.

AH. YOU WANT
SOME BREAKFAST?

UH, I'M GOING BACK
TO BED.

IF I'M NOT UP BY 7:00,
WAKE ME UP.

PLEASE.
PLEASE.

OH, GOD.
ARE YOU OKAY?

DAMN!

I WANT TO QUIT.

QUIT WHAT?

I WANNA GET OUT.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH.

WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO
INSTEAD?
I DON'T KNOW.

I WANNA TRAVEL.
I WANNA DREAM AND WANDER.

WONDERFUL.
YOU WANT TO WANDER,
I WANT TO WORK.

[ Wheezing Laugh ]
BAD TIMING?

NO.

NO. NO, NO.

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO QUIT,
YOU SHOULD QUIT.

YEAH, BUT IF I QUIT,
THEN I WON'T HAVE ANY MORE
EXCUSES, WILL I?

PHIL, ARE YOU NOT
IN LOVE WITH ME?

WHAT THE HELL HAS LOVE
GOT TO DO WITH THIS?

I'M ASKING.

I WANNA KNOW.

DO YOU CARE ABOUT
WHAT HAPPENS TO ME?

I DON'T NEED YOUR GUILT.

YOU'RE NOT ANSWERING
THE QUESTION.

I CARE ABOUT YOU.

I CARE ABOUT YOUR WORK.

I CARE ABOUT
YOUR HAPPINESS.

I CARE.

BUT MOST OF THE TIME,
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT
ABOUT ANYTHING.

EXCEPT YOURSELF,
YOU MEAN.

THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S RIGHT, EXACTLY.
SEE, THESE BORE ME.

SEE THESE CHEESE THINGS?
THEY BORE THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

THIS GODDAMN FLOOR BORES ME,
AND THIS KITCHEN--

THE WHITE WALLS BORE ME.
AND THIS STINKS!

AND I CAN'T STAND TO LOOK
AT THE GODDAMN THING!

AND THIS GODDAMN VASE
BORES ME, YOU UNDERSTAND?

GO AHEAD, BREAK IT.
YOU DON'T LIKE IT?
BREAK IT. DO IT.

BULLSHIT.

I'M THE KING OF HIGH TECH.

I HATE THIS CAT.
I HATE ITS WHISKERS.

I DON'T LIKE ITS EYES.
I DON'T LIKE YOUR FACE.
YOU UNDERSTAND, CAT?

I HATE CATS
AND YOUR GODDAMN FLEAS.

AND I HATE YOU.

THERE WE HAVE IT.

SORRY, KID.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

[ Motor Whirring ]

SO FAR, YOU'VE GOT
A GREAT HEART,
MR. DIMITRIUS.

IS THAT GOOD OR BAD?

I MEAN, IS IT GOOD?
JUST CALL ME PHIL
ANYTIME.

OKAY, PHIL.
YOU JUST LET ME KNOW
WHEN YOU GET TIRED.

OH, NO, I'M NOT TIRED.
I COULD DO THIS
FOR ANOTHER HOUR.

BUT WE WANT YOU ALIVE.

IS SOMETHING WRONG,
REALLY?

NOTHING'S WRONG,
MR. DIMITRIUS.
JUST KEEP WALKING.

YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO HAVE
A CIGARETTE, DO YOU, DOC?

JUST LET ME KNOW
WHEN YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.
190 OVER 100.

190-- IS THAT GOOD?

190 OVER 100.
IS THAT THE ACTUAL
SATISFACTUAL THING?

[ Coughs ]
ALL RIGHT. I'M ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
OKAY, LISTEN.

BE CAREFUL
OVER HERE.

I WANT YOU
TO MAKE A RIGHT.
RIGHT.

THAT'S IT.

STEP UP ON THE STEP.
I WANT YOU TO LAY
ON YOUR BACK.

[ Beeping ]

HOW ARE YOU FEELING,
PHIL?
FINE.

DOCTOR, THERE'S
AN EMERGENCY PHONE CALL
FOR MR. DIMITRIUS.

- YOU CAN PUT
THE CALL THROUGH.
- HELLO.

OH, HARRY.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

NO, THIS IS JUST
A ROUTINE CHECKUP.

WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?

ALL RIGHT.
I'LL FLY OUT TOMORROW.

YOU HAVE BAD NEWS?

YEAH.

FELLOW NAMED MacKENZIE
JUST DIED OF A HEART ATTACK.

IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY
TO REPLACE A FOREMAN
LIKE MacKENZIE.

DID YOU KNOW HIM WELL?

NO, NOT REALLY,
BUT I LIKED HIM.

CLASSY MAN,
NO BULLSHIT.

ONE OF THOSE GUYS
WHO DIDN'T TALK A LOT,
BUT YOU COULD TRUST HIM.

HE'LL BE TOUGH TO REPLACE,
WON'T HE?

DON'T YOU EVER STOP
WORKING FOR ALONZO?

HEY, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
YOU NEVER DO, DO YOU?

NO, I GUESS NOT.

WHAT'S HE GOT ON YOU?

NOT A THING.
I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING, PHIL.

GANGSTERS
ARE EVERYWHERE--

BUSINESS, SPORTS,
GOVERNMENT.

AT LEAST WITH ALONZO,
IT'S ALL RIGHT OUT FRONT.

WELL, MAYBE I'LL JUST
FIND MYSELF AN ISLAND,

WATCH THE SUN COME UP.

GANGSTERS ARE ON
THE ISLANDS TOO, PHIL.

* LIKE JACK HORNER
IN THE CORNER *

* DON'T GO NOWHERE
WHAT DO I CARE *

* YOUR KISSES
ARE WORTH WAITING FOR *

* BELIEVE ME

* I DON'T GO OUT LATE
DON'T CARE TO GO *
* DON'T CARE TO GO

* I'M HOME ABOUT 8:00
JUST ME AND MY RADIO *

* AIN'T MISBEHAVIN'
SAVIN' MY LOVE FOR YOU *

* OOH, WONDERFUL YOU *

** [ Glissando, Ends ]
GREAT.

I SOUND LIKE
GEORGE BURNS TO YOU
JUST A LITTLE?

NO, YOU HAVE A NICE--
YOU KNOW, SHE REALLY
HAS A NICE VOICE.

I CAN'T STAND
THAT WORD "NICE."
I'M SORRY.

SHE HAS A SWEET VOICE.
I HATE THE WORD
"SWEET."

TRAGIC.
A TRAGIC VOICE.
I'LL BUY THAT.

TERRY, COME ON.
TELL US ABOUT THE NEW PLAY,
OR IS THAT AGAINST THE LAW?

NO. IT'S COMMERCIAL.
I'M GONNA ADMIT THAT.
IT'S A COMEDY.

- YEAH. SO?
- LET PAUL EXPLAIN IT.
HE'S DIRECTING IT.

IT'S SORT OF A CROSS
BETWEEN A CHORUS LINE
AND MACBETH.

WE'RE STUDYING MACBETH
IN SCHOOL.

- IT'S UNBELIEVABLY BORING.
- YES, THERE ARE PARTS--

SO, TERRY, TELL ME.
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA DO SOME
PINTER OR PIRANDELLO?

SOMETHING
THAT'S NOT SO SAFE.

SAFE.
COMMERCIAL.

I SEE.
LISTEN, MY DARLING MARK.

TERRY BLOOMFIELD
HAS TAKEN MORE CHANCES
ON OR OFF BROADWAY...

THAN ANY PRODUCER
IN NEW YORK.

I'VE LOST MORE MONEY
DOING IT THAN ANY PRODUCER
ON OR OFF BROADWAY.

TRUE.
YOU CAN SAY THAT
AGAIN.

I SAW SOMETHING
BY PINTER ON TV.
IT WAS REALLY BORING.

PINTER SHOULD NOT
BE SEEN ON TV.

- IS THERE ANY MORE PATE?
- CERTAINLY. CERTAINLY.

YOU OUGHT TO BE IN BED.

SOON AS
JOHNNY CARSON'S OVER.

**
DOES ANYBODY SING
AT THIS PARTY?

* THESE FUNDAMENTAL THINGS
APPLY *

* AS TIME GOES BY

WANNA DANCE, HONEY?

* AND WHEN TWO LOVERS WOO
THEY STILL SAY I LOVE YOU *

* ON THAT YOU CAN RELY

* NO MATTER
WHAT THE FUTURE BRINGS *

* AS TIME GOES BY *

LOOK AT THIS.

HELLO.
* MOONLIGHT

* MOONLIGHT
AND LOVE SONGS **

JEALOUSY AND HATE!

YOU'RE HOME EARLY.
** [ In Mock French ]

UM... ARE YOU DRUNK?

NO, I'M WORKING ON IT.
WILL YOU INTRODUCE ME?

I CAME FROM
A QUICKIE FUNERAL.
IS THIS A PARTY?

YES. I THINK
YOU KNOW EVERYBODY.
WHAT ARE WE CELEBRATING?

MURRAY, HERE'S PHILLIP,
AND, UH--

MY PLEASURE.
HI. HOW ARE YOU?

HERE'S, UH, CYNTHIA.

HI, SWEETIE.
HELLO, CYNTHIA.

I KNOW YOU ANYWAY.
I DON'T BELIEVE
THAT YOU'VE, UH--

YOU'VE MET PAUL.
PAUL FREDERICKS.
I'M THE DIRECTOR.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
HI, PAUL.
HOW ARE YOU?

MARK.
HE'S IN MY SHOW.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.

AND, UH--
YOU CAN LET GO.

BETSY AND TERRY
BLOOMFIELD.
HI.

HI. HI. HI.
HOW ARE YOU?

HOW ARE YOU?
WE MET
NEW YEAR'S EVE.

I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU REMEMBER.

HMM, GOOD--
SORRY.

YOU ALL RIGHT?
TERRY BLOOMFIELD!

RIGHT.
NICE TO SEE YOU.
YOU ARE THE PRODUCER, RIGHT?

RIGHT.
THE ONE THAT MY WIFE
IS, UH--

WE'VE HAD A GREAT EVENING,
AND IT'S A WONDERFUL PLACE.

- YOU'VE HAD A GREAT EVENING?
- YEAH.

WHERE?
RIGHT HERE.

DID YOU USE
THIS WHOLE APARTMENT?
IT'S FANTASTIC.

I TELL YOU,
I JUST LOVE THE WAY--
YOU LIKE IT?

I DID IT.
IT'S WONDERFUL.

I DID THE WHOLE THING.
I DESIGNED IT.
IT'S A WONDERFUL PLACE.

IT WAS WONDERFUL--
[ Laughing ]

YOU ALL RIGHT?
EXCUSE ME.
I'M SO SORRY.

WOULD YOU DANCE
WITH ME?

UH--
JUST SAY YES.

DON'T MAKE IT COMPLICATED,
ALL RIGHT?
SURE.

LET ME PUT MY ARMS
AROUND YOU.

CAN YOU SING, PLEASE?
I CAN'T DANCE WITHOUT MUSIC.

WHAT DO YOU
WANT ME TO SING?
MY STEPS ARE CLUMSY.

* YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS
OHH!

OKAY? YOU ALL RIGHT?
* A KISS IS STILL A KISS

LET'S GO HOME.
* EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU
IS APPEALING **

LET'S GO.
EASY, BABY.
COME ON, COME ON.

TAKE IT EASY.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
DOING UP AT THIS HOUR?

WHAT THE HELL
IS THIS KID DOING UP AT
ONE OF THESE GODDAMN...

"ME-ME" SHOW BUSINESS
PARTIES?

[ TV: Faint Talking,
Audience Laughing ]

EXCUSE ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP
AT THIS HOUR?

ALL RIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT, DARLING.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
GOOD NIGHT.

EXCUSE ME.
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY
FOR BEING A BAD HOST.

TAKE IT EASY, FELLA.
JUST TAKE IT EASY.

[ Wheezing Laugh,
Snorts ]

NO HARD FEELINGS.
NO, I ENJOYED
YOUR ENTRANCE.

I'M SORRY.

YOU OKAY?
OH, SURE.

SURE YOU DON'T
WANT ME TO STAY?
ABSOLUTELY.

GOOD NIGHT, DARLING.

* YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS

* A KISS IS STILL A KISS

* A SIGH IS STILL A SIGH *

WELL, THAT WAS TRULY,
UNIQUELY...

DISGUSTING.

I WANT THIS KID TO GO TO BED.
I'M NOT A KID!
KIDS ARE GOATS!

GO TO BED!
SHE'S GOT TO GO TO BED.
I'M NOT TIRED!

YOU'RE THE ONE
THAT OUGHTA BE IN BED.
[ Thunderclaps ]

TELL IT LIKE IT IS,
BABY.

YOU'RE REALLY RUDE.

YES, SIR.

ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING.
SEE THAT?

[ Meows ]

SHOW ME THE MAGIC.

[ Howling ]

SORRY.

THE PROBLEM IS
I FOUND A WHITE HAIR
ON MY CHEST.

I PLUCKED IT OUT.
THE PROBLEM IS,
IT GREW RIGHT BACK.

THE PROBLEM IS,
YOU NEED HELP.

HELP?

[ Thunder Continues ]

YOUR MOTHER AND I
USED TO ARGUE ONCE A WEEK
JUST FOR THE PLEASURE OF IT.

SMALL THINGS.

TO BUY A CAR OR NOT.

WHY DIDN'T I GO
TO CHURCH MORE OFTEN?

TOO MANY BACKGAMMON GAMES
WITH THE BOYS.

OH, G-GUS.
HEY, GUS, COME HERE.

WANNA TELL YOU SOMETHING.
MY BOY HAD A FIGHT
WITH HIS WIFE.

DID YOU HIT HER?
NO.

WELL, THEN
IT'S NOT A FIGHT.

THERE, YOU SEE?

YOU LOOK LIKE GOAT SHIT.

YOU THINK OF YOURSELF
AS OLD?

THAT'S RELATIVE.

WHEN I'M WITH MIRANDA,
I FEEL LIKE AN OLD MAN...

BECAUSE SHE'S A LITTLE GIRL.

WHEN I'M WITH NICK PAPPAS,
I FEEL LIKE A SPRING CHICKEN.

NICK IS PUSHING 80.

COME ON, COME ON.

AND WHEN YOU'RE
WITH ME?

[ Laughs ]
I FEEL LIKE A FATHER.

NOT YOUNG, NOT OLD.

WELL, JUST...

"HERE IS MY SON PHILLIP.

HOW IS HE DOING?
WHY DOESN'T HE VISIT
HIS OLD MAN MORE OFTEN?"

PAPA STUFF.

YOU'RE NEVER CONFUSED?
I'M ALWAYS CONFUSED.

ALWAYS.
I REMEMBER YESTERDAY
BETTER THAN I DO TODAY.

THAT'S LIFE.
LIFE IS PROBLEMS.
LIFE IS JOYS.

LIFE IS A JOKE.

HEY, DID YOU HEAR THIS?
WHAT IS JEWISH FOREPLAY?

TWO HOURS OF BEGGING.

AH, NICK PAPPAS TOLD ME.
I THOUGHT IT WAS NEW.

YOU'RE IN TROUBLE,
EH, KID?

UH--

YEAH, THE MONEY
AND THE POWER
DON'T MEAN A THING.

AND THE FAMILY?

ANTONIA WANTS
TO WORK AGAIN.

MIRANDA WATCHES US ARGUE.
IT'S GREAT.

YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND?
NO.

SHE GOT A BOYFRIEND?

NO.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

MARRIAGE
IS LIKE BASEBALL.

IT'S A LONG SEASON.

YOU'RE A FUNNY MAN, POP.

YEAH, I'M A FUNNY MAN.

GO TAKE A VACATION.
GO TO GREECE.

WATCH THE GRAPES GROW.

OH, DID YOU HEAR THE ONE
ABOUT THE POLISH
STRIPTEASE JOINT?

PUT IT ON, PUT IT ON.

WHO TOLD YOU THAT, POP?
JOHNNY CARSON.

AHH.

ALL RIGHT, NINO.
COME ON. LET'S GO TO WORK.

NINO, HUTCH!

NINO.
[ Bleating ]

ARETHA?
YEAH.

DID YOU EVER
DYE YOUR HAIR?
OH, SURE.

YEAH, I WAS A REDHEAD ONCE
FOR THREE MONTHS.

YOU'RE DOING GOOD WORK.
YOU'RE DOING GREAT WORK.
WE'RE DOING EXCELLENT WORK.

AND YOU'RE DOING GOOD WORK,
EVERYONE!

THE WHOLE PLACE
IS DOING GOOD WORK.

UH, I WAS THINKING ABOUT
PUTTING A PINK AND GREEN
STREAK IN MY HAIR.

I COULD DO THAT FOR YOU.
USED TO WORK IN A BEAUTY PARLOR.
REALLY?

YEAH, WORKED
IN A BEAUTY PARLOR.
I WAS A TEACHER FOR A WHILE.

ACOUSTICS.
EXCELLENT SOUND.

YOU CAN HEAR
IN THE STRONGEST WIND.
FETA!

WHEN DID YOU HAVE
YOUR FIRST AFFAIR?

HIGH SCHOOL.

HE WAS THE CAPTAIN
OF THE BASKETBALL TEAM.
BRING MORE ROCKS.

BRING MORE ROCKS
OVER HERE.

HE WAS, LIKE,
TEN FEET TALL.
OKAY.

I THINK I MAY
DIE A VIRGIN.
RIGHT OVER HERE.

HEY, BOSS.
HOW 'BOUT A FIG BREAK?

FIVE MORE MINUTES.

MAYBE TOURIST BOAT COME.
WHO'S GONNA SHOW THEM
THE CAVES?

HEY, HOW LONG
HAVE WE BEEN HERE?

UH--

[ Muttering ]

- A YEAR, RIGHT?
- YEAH, A YEAR, YES.

A YEAR.
TWELVE FULL MOONS.

AND HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE
HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE US?

THE FAT ENGLISH LADY
THAT LOOK THROUGH THE RUINS,
THE ARAB THAT LOOK FOR THE OIL.

WHAT SHE'S SAYING IS
IT ISN'T LIKELY THERE'S
GONNA BE ANY TOURISTS TODAY.

THANK YOU.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY!

WE'RE NOT TOURISTS
ANYMORE.
NO, WE'RE DAY LABORERS.

WE'RE LEARNING HOW TO LIVE
LIKE HUMAN BEINGS.

HUMANS GO TO THE MOVIES.
HUMANS GO SHOPPING
AND HAVE FUN.

HUMANS GET A PIECE
OF THE ACTION.

"PIECE OF THE ACTION."
WHERE'D YOU GET
THAT KIND OF TALK?

I HEARD IT ON TV
IN THE BAD OLD DAYS.

WELL, THANK GOD
THERE'S NO SUCH CRAP
ON THIS ISLAND.

RIGHT! WE'VE GOT
GOATS AND CHICKENS
AND CHEESE AND ROCKS.

WELL, YOU CAN TAKE
THE NEXT BOAT OUT.

- YOU CAN GRAB
THE NEXT BOAT OUT.
- WHAT BOAT?

THE BOAT!

YOU CAN TAKE IT.
IT'S A ROWBOAT TRIP
ALL THE WAY FOR 40 MILES.

**
KALIBANOS,
RUN HER OVER.

YOU SON OF A BITCH!

YOU CAN-- ALL YOU HAVE
ON YOUR MIND IS SEX.

WELL, SIX MONTHS
IS A LONG TIME
TO DO WITHOUT!

I KNOW.

I KNOW, BUT I NOW
AM CONSCIOUSLY...

PRACTICING CELIBACY.

** [ Clarinet Continues ]

YOU'RE CONSCIOUSLY--

YOU'RE CONSCIOUSLY
PRACTICING--
[ Grunting ]

[ Gasping ]
AAH, YOU ARE LOONY TUNES!

I AM LOONY TUNES.
YOU ARE LOONY TUNES.

LOONY TUNES, LOONY TUNES,
LOONY TUNES, LOONY TUNES,
LOONY TUNES.

[ Screams ]
* LOONY TUNEY
TUNEY, TUNEY, TUNEY *

* LOONY TUNEY
TUNEY, TUNEY, TUNE *

YOU ARE LOONY TUNES!
WAIT! UGH!

* LOONY, TUNEY
TUNEY, TUNEY *

* TUNEY, TUNEY
TUNEY, TUNEY TUNES *
[ Laughing ]

* LOONY TUNEY
TUNEY, TUNEY TUNES *

* GOATS AND SHEEP
AND OCTO-PEE-PEE *

* GOATS AND SHEEP
AND OCTO-PEE-PEE *

* LOONY TUNEY
TUNEY, TUNEY, TUNEY *

* LOONY TUNEY
TUNEY, TUNEY, TUNEY *
WHOO!

* GOATS AND SHEEP
AND OCTO-PEE-PEE *

* LOONY TUNEY
TUNEY, TUNEY, TUNEY *

[ Screams ]
* LOONY TUNEY
TUNEY, TUNEY, TUNEY *

HEY!
* GOATS AND SHEEP
AND OCTO-PEE-PEE *

HO!
* LOONY TUNEY
TUNEY, TUNEY, TUNEY **

[ All Panting ]
[ Aretha Sighs ]

[ Sighing, Giggling ]

[ Sighing ]

ISN'T THIS BEAUTIFUL?
ISN'T THIS BEAUTIFUL?
THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

WASN'T THAT A MOMENT...
IT WAS A MOMENT.

THAT YOU NEVER
EXPERIENCED ANYPLACE ELSE
ON THIS POLLUTED GLOBE?

- NEVER ANYPLACE ELSE.
- THAT WAS PRETTY NEAT.

[ Whispering ]
HEY. HEY, KID.

COME ON.
[ Speaking Greek ]

COME ON, COME ON.

- I GOT SURPRISE.
- NO, THANKS.

NO, IT'S GOOD SURPRISE!
COME!

IT'S GOOD SURPRISE.
IT'S SECRET.

WHAT'S THE SECRET?

I GOT TV IN MY CAVE.

WHAT?
SONY TRINITRON.

I TRADE FOUR GOATS,
INCLUDING MY DEAR ALEXANDER,
TO MARKO FROM SICILY.

SHOW ME!

[ Bleating ]

[ Bleating ]
COME. COME.

DOES IT WORK?
SURE THING,
PRETTY LADY.

HAVE A FIG WHILE I
FIX THE AERIAL.

[ Metal Squeaking ]

** [ Instrumental ]

[ Announcer Speaking
In Greek ]

[ Greek Continues ]

INCREDIBLE.

RING AROUND THE COLLAR.

GOOD TO THE LAST DROP.

[ Greek Continues ]

NO, NO. NO, NO.

GOOD SHOW, GOOD SHOW,
HUH?

SOME SHOW, HUH?

KALIBANOS NOT SUCH
A BAD GUY, HUH?

YOU LIKE KALIBANOS.

HAVE A FIG.

[ Sighs ]

[ Loud Bleating ]
I'M--

BEATRICE!

I WILL EAT YOU
LIKE THIS FIG.

CAN'T YOU EVER STOP?

[ Chuckling ]
UGH.

I KNOW YOU'RE
A SWEET FLOWER.

[ Loud Bleating ]

I KNOW YOU'RE ONLY A KID.
I'M ONLY A KID TOO.

FIRST OF ALL, YOU'RE
NOT A KID. SECOND OF ALL,
I'M NOT A KID EITHER.

I WANT TO TOUCH--

I WANT TO KISS.
I WANT TO BALANGA YOU
WITH MY "BONIJONI."

YOU MEAN SEX?
BEATRICE!

[ Bleating ]
SORRY. I'M SORRY.

I MEAN-- I MEAN LOVE.

I MEAN AGAPE.

HELLO.

SO SOFT, EH?

LIKE, UM--
LIKE BIRD FEATHER.

MY BEAUTIFUL GODDESS.
MY BEAUTIFUL GODDESS.

YOU PERVERT!
YOU ASKED FOR IT.

BEAT IT, KID!

I KNOW I'M NOT
A KID ANYMORE.

HOW CAN I STILL BE A KID?
I HAVE THE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE
TO PROVE IT.

A LOT OF GOOD
IT'S DONE ME TO MATURE.
I STILL FEEL LIKE A KID.

I FEEL LIKE
I'M JUST AS CRAZY
AS THE REST OF THEM,

JUST LIKE DAD.

MAYBE IT RUNS
IN MY FAMILY.

I HATE IT HERE.
I WANT TO GO HOME.

[ Sighs ]
I WANT TIGHT LEVI'S,
HIGH HEELS.

I WANT TO GO
TO A CONCERT.

I WANT MY CAT,
A FROZEN DAIQUIRI.

FROZEN DAIQUIRIS
ARE TOO SWEET,
AND THEY MAKE YOU DIZZY.

IT'S THE PRINCIPLE
OF THE THING.

I DON'T REALLY WANT
A FROZEN DAIQUIRI.

I TASTED ONE ONCE
AND I ALMOST BARFED.

BUT I'M NOT FREE
TO DO WHAT I WANT.
MOM IS, YOU ARE, I'M NOT.

WE'RE NOT FREE.
WE'RE JUST OLDER.
YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT.

I DREAM WHAT I DON'T DO.
LIKE WHAT, BESIDES
QUITTING YOUR JOB?

MY JOB IS PART OF WHAT I AM.
IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE, DODO.

SCHOOL SUCKS,
BUT I CAN'T QUIT.

IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE
FOR ME EITHER.

THINK IT'S FUN
ALWAYS ASKING FOR MONEY?
YEAH, YEAH.

TOO BAD.

KIDS HAVE NO ECONOMIC BASE.
WE'RE PRACTICALLY HOSTAGES.

YOU WATCH
TOO MUCH TELEVISION.

I DO NOT.
I HARDLY WATCH
ANY TELEVISION.

I READ ALL THE TIME.
YOU ALWAYS SEE ME READING.
DON'T YOU?

I DON'T WATCH
TOO MUCH TELEVISION.
WHERE'D YOU GET THAT FROM?

THAT'S STUPID.
HERE'S WHAT I WATCH.

I JUST WATCH MONDAY
AND FRIDAY NIGHTS
AND SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.

I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM.
HE USES PEOPLE
LIKE KLEENEX. HE--

HEY, DON'T START!
THAT'S MY PROBLEM, NOT YOURS.
HE BLOWS HIS NOSE--

OKAY?
HE THROWS THE KLEENEX AWAY.
YOU WANT A DIVORCE?

YES, I DO.
I WANT MY FREEDOM.
YOU WANT YOUR FREEDOM?

I'LL THROW YOU OUT THE FRONT
WINDOW, AND YOU'LL GO DOWN--
YEAH? GO AHEAD!

YOU'LL GO LIKE A BIRD,
AND YOU'LL TAKE BIRD-FACE
WITH YOU, ALL RIGHT?

IF YOU'RE NOT
IN LOVE WITH HIM, THEN
HOW CAN YOU SEE HIM?

OH. WERE YOU
LISTENING TO US?
YEAH.

SHE LIVES HERE.
SHE MIGHT AS WELL
HEAR EVERYTHING.

I DIDN'T WANT YOU
TO GET CAUGHT RIGHT IN
THE MIDDLE OF ALL THIS.

CAN'T YOU JUST GO SEE
A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR?
WE COULD SEE A SHRINK.

DON'T SHOWBOAT.
DON'T SHOWBOAT
IN FRONT OF OUR CHILD.

I DON'T WANT TO LIVE
WITH YOUR FATHER ANYMORE.

IF HE'D BE HONEST,
HE'D TELL YOU THAT HE'S NOT
REALLY INTERESTED IN ME.

BUT HE LOVES YOU.
THAT DOESN'T COUNT.

MAYBE, BUT HE'S NOT
REALLY INTERESTED IN ME.
NO, ALONZO IS.

YES, HE IS. I THINK SO.
I'M NOT GONNA LIVE
WITH YOU AND THAT CREEP.

I'M NOT LIVING
WITH HIM, SWEETHEART.
I'M SEEI HIM.

ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH HIM?
MIRANDA! YOU CAN'T ASK ME
THAT KIND OF QUESTION.

- THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
- YOU SHUT UP!

HE'S ABOUT
A HUNDRED YEARS OLD.

OH, HONEY, I LOVE YOU.

IF YOU LOVE ME,
THEN STAY WITH DADDY.

AH. LOOK,
I'M WRONG, DARLING.

I'M WRONG.
YOUR MOTHER'S RIGHT.

I'M WRONG.
THE OLD MAN WANTS TO WANDER.

YOU'RE NOT OLD.
I KNOW, BUT YOUR
MOTHER'S RIGHT.

IT'S-- TIME HAS COME
TO MOVE ON.

WHAT ABOUT ME?
YOU ARE LOVED.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
GREECE, I GUESS.

AND GET BACK TO YOUR ROOTS
AND THAT SORT OF THING?

[ Sighs ]
WHAT A WAY TO BREAK
A CONTRACT--

TRADE YOUR WIFE IN
FOR YOUR JOB.

THAT'S LOW.
YEAH, BUT IT'S TRUE.

WHEN ARE YOU GOING?

WHEN AM I GOING?
NOW. TOMORROW.

AND ME TOO?
I DON'T THINK SO, DARLING.

NO, YOU'RE NOT GOING.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO.

I'M NOT GONNA
LIVE WITH YOU.

IT'S SUMMER VACATION.
WHY CAN'T YOU TAKE ME?

TAKE HER, PHILLIP.

BUT JUST FOR
THE SUMMER, OKAY?

YEAH.

JUST FOR VACATION, OKAY?

YEAH.

[ Pounding ]

HI.

HEY, POP-TART.
WHATCHA DOIN'?

KALIBANOS KISSED ME.

HMM.

WHAT YOU DO?

I DECKED HIM.
[ Laughing ]

HE'S GOT A TV
IN HIS CAVE.
HE'S GOT A WHAT?

A TV.

SO HE ASKED YOU TO GO UP
AND SEE HIS TV, HUH?
YEAH.

WE HAVE GOT
TO CONVINCE DAD TO GO.

WELL, SWEETHEART, UM...

IT'S NOT GONNA BE
THAT EASY, YOU KNOW.

CRAZY, ISN'T HE?

YEAH! SOMETIMES HE'S CRAZY,
SOMETIMES HE'S NOT.
MOSTLY, HE IS, BUT--

WHY DO YOU STAY?

UM...

FOLIE A DEUX.

EXPLAIN.

WELL, THAT'S A...
FRENCH EXPRESSION,

AND WHAT IT MEANS IS,

WELL, WHEN ONE PERSON'S NUTTY
AND HE'S WITH ANOTHER PERSON,

PRETTY SOON THE OTHER PERSON
CATCHES THE NUTTINESS, AND...
THEN THEY'RE BOTH NUTTY.

WELL, THEN THAT'S
FOLIE A DEUX.

YOU MEAN LOVE.

YEAH.

[ Car Horn Honks ]
LOOK, DAD.
WHAT A FUNNY DOG.

[ Phillip ]
THAT IS A FUNNY DOG.

MISS, YOU AND THE DOG--
YEAH?

WHERE YOU GOIN'?

ATHENS.

BUT IF THAT'S INCONVENIENT,
HOW ABOUT BROOKLYN?

HOP IN.

COME ON.
THAT'S A BOY.

THANKS.

I'M... PHILLIP DIMITRIUS.
THIS IS MY DAUGHTER MIRANDA.
HI.

I'M ARETHA TOMALIN,
AND THIS IS, UH, NINO.
NINO?

TOMLIN, LIKE
IN LILY TOMLIN?
NO, MINE HAS AN "A" IN IT.

WHO'S LILY TOMLIN?
VERY FUNNY.

AND THE ARETHA IS BECAUSE
MY MOM WAS ONE OF YOUR
VERY LIBERAL SOCIALIST TYPES,

AND WE HAD A CLEANING
WOMAN NAMED ARETHA,
WHO SHE LOVED VERY MUCH,

SO SHE NAMED ME
AFTER HER.

DIVORCED?
SEPARATED.

HOW'D YOU KNOW?
IT'S ON YOUR FACE.

YOU'RE NOT THE FAMOUS ARCHITECT
PHILLIP DIMITRIUS, ARE YOU?

HE SURE IS.

LOOK, WHY DON'T WE GRAB
A BITE TO EAT AND I'LL
TELL YOU MY LIFE STORY?

MY FIRST HUSBAND WAS AN ISRAELI
I MET IN THE MUSEUM OF
MODERN ART IN NEW YORK.

HE DRAGGED ME
BACK TO TEL AVIV.

GORGEOUS! I MEAN,
A TALMUDIC SCHOLAR WITH
TWO-FOOT-LONG EYELASHES.

YOU KNOW, HE TAUGHT
SWIMMING FOR A LIVING,

WHICH IN ISRAEL
IS TOTALLY RIDICULOUS...

[ Chuckling ]
BECAUSE THE JEWS
DON'T BELIEVE THEY CAN FLOAT.

ANYWAY, THEN--
OH, TOTALLY CRAZY
ABOUT HIS MOTHER.

MAYBE JUST A LITTLE BIT GAY.
ANYHOW, THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT.

SO, THEN,
IN JERUSALEM I MET...

A GREEK AND MARRIED HIM.

A SHRINK.

HE FLEW ME
BACK TO ATHENS.

WE SET UP HOUSEKEEPING.

THE ONLY PROBLEM
WAS THAT--
THERE.

OKAY. COME HERE.

[ Sighs ]
THE ONLY PROBLEM WAS
I WAS HIS ONLY PATIENT...

'CAUSE THE GREEKS DON'T BELIEVE
MUCH IN HEAD-SHRINKING,

AND HE USED TO TAKE
THESE FIVE-HOUR COFFEE BREAKS.

KAFETHES.
UH, COCA COLA?

COKE.
COCA COLA, PARAKALO.

ANYHOW, SO THAT DIDN'T
WORK OUT. AND THAT BRINGS US
UP TO THE PRESENT.

AM I TALKING TOO MUCH?

NO. YOU?
I ALSO CAN SING "HAVA NAGILA"
IN TWO LANGUAGES.

I'M GONNA GO LOOK
FOR SOME MUSIC.

SHE'S REALLY GREAT.

ANYHOW, SO THAT'S HOW
I'M WORKING MY WAY BACK--
GETTING SINGING JOBS.

BACK TO NEW YORK?

UNLESS I FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU,
WHICH IS A DISTINCT POSSIBILITY.

THAT WOULD BE A MISTAKE.

I'M RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE
OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

WHO'D SHE RUN OFF WITH?

SHE DIDN'T EXACTLY RUN.

YOU'RE IN A LOT
OF PAIN, HUH?

SO ARE YOU.

[ Chuckles ]

OF COURSE. UM--

DO YOU LIKE ME?

HEY, I LIKE YOU, REALLY.

UM, I'VE GOTTA GO,
UH, WASH MY DOG.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

REALLY, IT WAS NICE
MEETING YOU.

SAY GOOD-BYE TO THE KID.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Sighs ]
OH.

[ Chuckles ]

I GET OFF AT WORK AT 3:00.
THERE'S MY ADDRESS.

HI. YEAH, BYE.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
HI. BYE, NINO.

COME ON.

I LIKE HER.
I REALLY LIKE HER A LOT,
BUT YOU BETTER NOT DO IT.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT
TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

WHY DON'T YOU SEND ME
TO A PRIVATE SCHOOL, PERVERT?

HEY, LISTEN, YOU DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT MY--
HEY, KID!

HEY, DON'T YOU WALK AWAY
FROM ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU!

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT
TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!
STOP IT!

YOU'RE SUCH A PERVERT!
YOU'RE LITTLE.
YOU'RE THIS BIG!

YOU'RE A LITTLE SNOT-NOSE.
A LITTLE, LITTLE SHIT-POT!

** [ Radio: Man Singing
In Foreign Language ]

**

HI, GEORGE.
HELLO.

** [ Continues ]

HI.

WORK LATE, HUH?
NO.

I TOLD YOU I GOT OFF AT 3:00.
HOW YA DOIN?
[ Groans ]

LISTEN, UH--
ARETHA.

I KNOW YOUR NAME.

THIS IS VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME.
GOING TO BED WITH ME
IS VERY DIFFICULT?

NOT GOING TO BED WITH YOU
IS VERY DIFFICULT.

I CAN'T DO IT.
IT'S WRONG.

I CAME TO GIVE YOU BACK
YOUR KEY IN PERSON.

YOU'RE ONE OF
THE SEXIEST... WOMEN...

I HAVE EVER SEEN.

YOU'RE FUNNY,
AND YOU MAKE ME FEEL GOOD,
BUT IT'S WRONG.

AND MY DAUGHTER
IS ONLY PART OF IT.

I MEAN, I HAVE
A LONG LIST OF REASONS.

MY LIFE IS VERY COMPLICATED
RIGHT NOW.

FIVE MINUTES AFTER THE SEX,
I'D... BE LOOKING AT MY WATCH.

I DON'T EVEN HAVE A WATCH.
NOT THAT THE SEX
WOULDN'T BE WONDERFUL.

SEX WOULD BE... INCREDIBLE.

OF THAT I FEEL CERTAIN.

BE THE FOURTH OF JULY.

BUT I'D BE
THINKING ABOUT MY KID.
I'D BE THINKING ABOUT MY WIFE.

I'D BE THINKING ABOUT...

STORMS AND NIGHTMARES, UH,

WAVES, ELECTRICALS.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

LOOK, THANKS FOR BEING
HONEST WITH ME, REALLY.

- YOU DO UNDERSTAND ME,
DON'T YOU?
- YEAH. YEAH.

[ Whines ]

LOOK. THE ONLY REASON
I GAVE YOU MY KEY...

IS JUST BECAUSE I HAVE
THIS INCREDIBLE FEAR OF,

YOU KNOW, NOT GIVING
MY KEY TO THE ONE PERSON
I SHOULD GIVE MY KEY TO...

BECAUSE THEY MIGHT BE
THE PERFECT ONE.

THAT'S ALL.

WELL, THERE'S
NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT.

WELL, I HAVEN'T GIVEN MY KEY
TO THAT MANY PEOPLE.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN.

I'VE NEVER BEEN
REALLY GUILTY ABOUT SEX,

BUT MAYBE THEN I HAVEN'T BEEN
AS... SELECTIVE AS I SHOULD'VE.

BUT THERE HAVEN'T
BEEN THAT MANY OF 'EM.
I BELIEVE YOU.

SO THERE'S NO OBLIGATION.

WELL, I FEEL
REALLY GOOD NOW.
I REALLY FEEL RELAXED.

YOU WANT
SOMETHING TO DRINK?
HOW ABOUT SOME, UH--

I'M HOT.
ICE WATER, THEN?
OR A LITTLE, UM--

I'D GIVE A LOT
FOR A COLD SPRITE.

GEORGE, WE NEED
TWO SPRITES, OKAY?
OKAY. OKAY.

UM--

SIT HERE?
YEAH.

OH! OH!

OKAY.

SO.
SO.

WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT, UM...

STORMS AND ELECTRICAL
APPLIANCES.

[ Laughing ]
WHAT?

[ Chuckling ]
WHAT?

[ Laughing ]

DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES.
DIDN'T YOU--

** [ Radio: Woman Singing
In Foreign Language ]

OH, NOW--
[ Moans ]

[ Aretha Chuckling ]

GEORGE?
HUH?

HOW MUCH DO WE OWE YOU?
[ Greek ]
THREE HUNDRED DRACHMAS.

[ Greek ]

OKAY?
[ Greek ]
META.

META. THAT MEANS "AFTER."
OKAY, GOOD NIGHT.
WE'LL SEE YOU LATER.

[ Aretha Giggling ]

* HAVA

* NAGILA

* HAVA NAGILA

* HAVA NAGILA

* V'NIS M'CHA

* HAVA N'RA-NA-NA

* HAVA N'RA-NA-NA

* HAVA N'RA-NA-NA
V'NIS M'CHA *

* U-RU, U-RU A-CHIM

* U-RU A-CHIM
B'LEV-SA-ME ACH *

* U-RU A-CHIM
B'LEV-SA-ME ACH
U-RU A-CHIM *

* B'LEV-SA-ME ACH
U-RU A-CHIM
B'LEV-SA-ME ACH *

* U-RU A-CHIM

* U-RU A-CHIM

* B'LEV-SA-ME ACH *

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
ARE THERE ANY OTHER REQUESTS?

"VOLARE," PLEASE.

* SOMETIMES THE WORLD
IS A VALLEY OF HEARTACHES *

* AND TEARS

* AND IN THE HUSTLE
AND BUSTLE *

* NO SUNSHINE APPEARS

* BUT YOU AND I HAVE
A LOVE ALWAYS THERE *

* TO REMIND US

* THERE IS A PLACE
WE CAN LEAVE ALL THE SHADOWS *

* BEHIND US

* VOLARE
WELL.

THIS IS NOT
A NICE SURPRISE.
BE NICE.

WE COME AS FRIENDS.
* CANTARE

HELLO, PHILLIP.

SAME OLD GANG, HUH?
** [ Continues ]

WHERE'S MIRANDA?
SHE'S HOME.
SHE'S SLEEPING.

WELL, HOW DID YOU FIND ME?
HOW'D YOU KNOW I WAS HERE?
WE KNOW EVERYTHING.

INCLUDING THE SINGER.
DON'T.

I JUST THINK THAT WE
OUGHT TO HAVE A TALK.

HE LISTENS TO YOU.

YOU MUST BE SATISFYING HER.
IS HE SATISFYING YOU?
STILL A BOY, A BOY.

I WANT TO TAKE MIRANDA
HOME WITH ME.
WHERE IS HOME?

THE APARTMENT.
DOES HE STAY THERE TOO?

I SPEND TIME THERE.
I'M HONEST WITH YOU, PHILLIP.

I LOVE ANTONIA.

I WANT HER HAPPY,
AND SHE WANTS HER CHILD BACK.

SO?
SUMMER'S OVER, PHIL.

WHY DON'T WE ASK MIRANDA
WHAT SHE WANTS?

HELLO. HI.
I'M ARETHA TOMALIN.
THIS IS ARETHA TOMALIN.

I'M THE NEW GIRL.
YOU MUST BE THE NEW GUY.
SHE'S THE NEW GIRL.

AND YOU'RE THE... DOCTOR...

AND LAWYER AND THE COMIC.

WHENEVER YOU NEED A JOB,
YOU LET ME KNOW, MISS TOMALIN.

I CAN ALWAYS USE
A FORTUNE TELLER.
THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY.

PHILLIP, WE MADE A DEAL.
OKAY? SUMMER'S OVER.

I WANT HER BACK.

SHE'S MY KID, AND I'M
NOT GONNA FOOL AROUND
WITH YOU ABOUT THIS.

WHY DON'T WE
TALK TOMORROW?

YOU REMIND ME A LOT
OF MIRANDA.
THANK YOU.

I LIKE THE WAY
YOU SING VERY MUCH.
OH, THANK YOU.

I LIKE THE WAY
YOU LOOK VERY MUCH.
I LIKE THE WAY I FEEL.

DON'T RUN OUT ON US.
OR ELSE WHAT, SON?

LISTEN. LISTEN.
I HAVEN'T HAD A COLD
IN TWO MONTHS.

I SLEEP LIKE A BABY.
MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS 130 OVER...

EIGHTY-FIVE.
85.

ALL THAT BECAUSE
ANTONIA MAKES ME HAPPY.
SO PLEASE MAKE HER HAPPY TOO.

I DON'T LIKE THREATS.

THREATS?
THOSE WEREN'T THREATS.

YOU'LL KNOW
WHEN I THREATEN YOU.

WELL, IT WAS REALLY NICE
MEETING YOU. CIAO. CIAO.
CIAO.

CIAO.

GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.

I HATE YOU.
TOUGH.

I'M NOT GOING BACK.
I KNOW THE ISLANDS.

YOU STAY OUT OF THIS.
THIS IS NONE OF
YOUR BUSINESS.

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?
I JUST DON'T WANT ANY MORE
COMMITMENTS, ALL RIGHT?

WHO THE HELL'S ASKING YOU
FOR A COMMITMENT?

I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO
AN ARGUMENT ABOUT SEMANTICS,
ALL RIGHT?

THERE ARE COMMITMENTS,
AND THERE ARE COMMITMENTS!
WHAT ISLAND?

THERE ARE ISLANDS
AROUND HERE WE COULD GO TO,
AND NO ONE WOULD EVEN FIND US.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR MOTHER?
I WANT TO GO.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR MOTHER?
WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL?
WHAT ABOUT HER?

I DON'T WANNA SEE HER AS LONG
AS SHE'S WITH THAT CREEP.

YOU NEVER WANNA SEE
YOUR MOTHER AGAIN?
NO!

PLEASE?

- ARE YOU SURE, KID?
- YEAH.

ARE YOU SURE?
I DON'T WANNA FOOL AROUND HERE.
YES, I'M SURE.

- AND YOU'RE SURE TOO?
- ARE YOU SURE?

I'M SURE.

[ Kisses ]

HEY. HOW YOU LIKE THIS?
BEAUTIFUL, HUH?

THIS IS PARADISE.

[ Phillip ]
THAT'S WHERE WE'LL LIVE.

ALL RIGHT!
THAT'LL BE MY ROOM.

OKAY, THEN, WE WANT
THE TERRACE, ALL RIGHT?

WHERE ARE
ALL THE PEOPLE?

VASSILIS, WHERE ARE
ALL THE PEOPLE?
NOT MANY PEOPLE HERE.

- NO PEOPLE?
- BECAUSE THEY NOT HAVE JOB,
THEY NOT HAVE MONEY.

GO TO WORK.
AUSTRALIA, MEXICO, TO GERMANY.

NO CHILDREN?
NO WOMEN, NOTHING?
NO. NO.

NO WOMEN, NO MONEY,
NO GIRLS, NOTHING.
HEY!

HEY!

[ Greek ]
WELCOME!

[ Goats Bleating ]
I AM KALIBANOS!

I AM KALIBANOS!

I'M PHILLIP!

I'M PHILLIP!
WHO-WHO'S THAT?

HE IS KALIBANOS.
HE'S CRAZY.

HE'S CRAZY?
YES. HE SLEEP
WITH HIS GOATS.

HE SLEEPS
WITH HIS GOATS?
YES. [ Laughing ]

[ Greek ]

[ Greek ]

[ Vassilis Speaking Greek ]

[ Greek ]

[ Goats Bleating ]
HAH! HAH!

I AM THE BIG GUY
ON THIS ISLAND!
I AM THE BOSS!

I GUIDE TOO!
I SHOW YOU DIRTY
STATUES IN CAVE.

HEY, WE'RE LOOKING
FOR A CONDOMINIUM
WITH A SOUTHERN EXPOSURE!

- YOU GOT ANYTHING LIKE THAT?
- [ Muttering In Greek ]

GEIA SOU ! HELLO!
THIS IS NINO.

AH. [ Grunts ]
NINO, YES.
[ Whines ]

[ Laughs ]
WELCOME, EH, PHILLIP!

KALIBANOS, HUH?
YES, KALIBANOS,
KALIBANOS. WELCOME.

OH.

UH, NAME?
UM, MIRANDA.

MIRANDA.
WELCOME, MIRANDA.

[ Chuckles ]
NAME?

ARETHA.
ARETHA.
WELCOME, ARETHA.

HOW DO YOU DO?
BOSS, YOU GOT A CIGARETTE?

KEEP THE PACK.

MM, MY TAPE RECORDER.

VERY NICE SUNGLASSES.
HOW MUCH IT COST,
SUNGLASSES?

[ Greek ]

OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

PRETTY FANCY, EH?
KALIBANOS FANCY GUY, NO?

ME FANCY GUY, NO?
YEAH.

[ Laughing ]
OH, BOSS!

HERE. I HELP. OH!

BRAVO, BOSS. BRAVO.

HEY, VASSILIS.
[ Greek ]

[ Greek ]
SON OF A BITCH.
GET OUTTA HERE.

[ Greek ]
WHISKEY, EH?

SON OF A BITCH, GO FROM HERE.
GO SLEEP WITH GOATS, OKAY?
[ Yelling In Greek ]

[ Arguing In Greek ]

[ Arguing Continues ]

WHAT ARE THEY
ARGUING ABOUT?

HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND
WHY I HAVE TWO WOMEN
AND HE HAS NONE.

AT YOUR SERVICE, BOSS.
HERE. I--

OH!

MY GOODNESS!
THIS IS... EH, FANTASTIC!

I AM AT YOUR SERVICE, BOSS.
HERE. I TAKE THIS.
CUTE GOAT!

OH, THAT'S MY BEATRICE,
MY SWEET GOAT.
SHE'S BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T SHE?

COULD I HAVE THAT, PLEASE?
IT'S VERY DELICATE, OKAY?

THANK YOU. UH, CAN YOU GET
THOSE SUITCASES, PLEASE?

OKAY, BOSS.

PHIL, I COME BACK ONCE A MONTH.
WANT ME, RAISE FLAG, ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT.
WHEN I SEE THE FLAG--

- OKAY, GOOD-BYE, GOOD LUCK.
- [ Chattering In Greek ]

[ Sighs ] JUST DON'T EVER
FALL FOR AN ARCHITECT
WHO'S INTO CELIBACY.

DON'T YOU REALIZE WHAT KIND
OF A LIFE WE HAVE HERE?

I-- I'M TIRED
OF BEING A PRISONER!

I MEAN, WHAT DOES OUR DAY
CONSIST OF? RIGHT, HUH?

FEED THE GOATS,
FEED THE CHICKENS,
SWEEP THE FLOOR--

WASH THE RUGS.
WASH THE CLOTHES!

PRESS THE OLIVES.
PRESS THE GRAPES!

BUILD THE THEATER!
WASH THE WINDOWS!
I DON'T DO WINDOWS!

TRYING TO TAKE A NAP!

[ Together ]
WE'RE TIRED OF BEING PRISONERS!

TOUGH SHIT.

[ Gasps ]

[ Together ]
OOH! OOH!

* OOH-WAH, OOH-WAH

* OOH-WAH, OOH-WAH

* OOH-WAH, OOH-WAH

* WHY DO FOOLS
FALL IN LOVE *

* WHY DO BIRDS SING
SO GAY *

* LOVERS AWAIT
THE BREAK OF DAY *

* WHY DO THEY FALL
IN LOVE *

* WHY DOES THE RAIN FALL
FROM UP ABOVE *

* WHY DO FOOLS
FALL IN LOVE *

* WHY DO THEY FALL
IN LOVE *

[ Aretha ]
* LOVE IS A LOSIN' GAME

[ Miranda ]
* LOVE CAN BE A SHAME

* I KNOW OF A FOOL
YOU SEE *

* FOR THAT FOOL IS HE

* TELL ME WHY
TELL ME WHY *

* TELL ME WHY

* WHY DO THEY FALL
IN LOVE *

* WHY DO FOOLS

* FALL IN LOVE *

[ Both Laughing ]

[ Clucking ]

** [ Tape Recorder: Tango ]

**

**

**

** [ Continues ]

I-- I THOUGHT
YOU WERE YOUR MOTHER.
** [ Stops ]

MOM'S BEAUTIFUL. I'M--
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, DARLING.

YOU WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP,
BUT YOU AIN'T UGLY, KIDDO.
DON'T CALL ME THAT.

YOU DANCE WITH ME?
NO.

** [ Resumes ]
COME ON.
DANCE WITH ME.

I'D LOVE IF YOU-- YOU'D
DANCE WITH ME, SWEETHEART.

PLEASE?
LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE.
JUST GO AWAY.

I NEED YOU.
I HAVE NO--
GO AWAY!

NO CONTACT
WITH YOU ANYMORE.
LEAVE ME ALONE!

COME ON.
DANCE WITH ME.
YOU'RE--

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
COME ON.
** [ Humming ]

COME ON.
LEAVE ME ALONE!

GODDAMN IT!

WHY ARE YOU
SO ANGRY WITH ME?

I HATE IT HERE.
I'M BORED. YOU'RE CRAZY.

THIS IS-- THIS IS
PARADISE HERE.

YOU'RE LEARNING THINGS HERE
YOU'D NEVER GET A CHANCE
TO KNOW ABOUT.

** [ Stops ]
CAN I BE HONEST WITH YOU?

YES.
YOU HAVE A SEVERE CASE
OF FOLIE A DEUX.

WHO DO YOU LOVE
MORE THAN ANY GOAT, EH?

KALIBANOS, EH?
YOU LOVE KALIBANOS?

COME HERE. HEY,
YOU LOVE KALIBANOS, HUH?

KALIBANOS, KALIBANOS.

HA, HA!

I SING FOR YOU.
I PLAY.

GOOD SONG FOR YOU,
BEATRICE. LISTEN.

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
BEAUTIFUL, BEATRICE.

[ Beatrice Bleats ]

** [ Folk Tune ]

** [ Singing In Greek ]

** [ Singing Continues ]

**

WHAT?
YOU DON'T LIKE IT?

[ Bleats ]
I KNOW.
[ Laughs ]

I KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE.
I KNOW.

** [ "New York, New York" ]

**
[ Bleats ]

**
[ Bleats ]

[ Woman Singing ]
* START SPREADIN' THE NEWS

* I'M LEAVIN' TODAY

* I WANNA BE A PART OF IT

* NEW YORK, NEW YORK

* THESE VAGABOND SHOES

* ARE LONGIN' TO STRAY

* AND STEP AROUND
THE HEART OF IT *

* NEW YORK, NEW YORK

* I WANNA WAKE UP

* IN THE CITY
THAT DOESN'T SLEEP *

* TO FIND I'M THE KING
OF THE HILL *

* HA, TOP O' THE HEAP

* MY LITTLE-TOWN BLUES

* ARE MELTIN' AWAY

* I'LL MAKE A BRAND-NEW
START OF IT *

* IN OLD NEW YORK

* IF I CAN MAKE IT THERE

* I'D MAKE IT ANYWHERE

* IT'S UP TO YOU

* NEW YORK

* NEW YORK

[ Bells Clanging ]

* NEW YORK, NEW YORK *

I'M JUST NOT IN
THE MOOD FOR LOVE.

[ Sighs ]
PHIL,

I DON'T GET IT.
THIS IS GETTING
TOO COMPLICATED EVEN FOR ME.

YOU KNOW? I MEAN,
[ Laughs ]

"NEUROTIC" IS A WORD
I'VE ALWAYS UNDERSTOOD,

BUT THIS IS GETTING
REALLY CRAZY.

ARETHA, HAVE YOU HAD
AN INTERESTING TIME?

HAVE YOU HAD A GOOD TIME
SO FAR? INTERESTING?

[ Laughs ]
YEAH. SO--

SO FAR HAS BEEN
A LONG TIME, THOUGH.

WHAT STARTED OUT
AS AN ADVENTURE HAS TURNED
INTO A LIFE SENTENCE.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
I'M WORRIED ABOUT
MY THEATER.

UH-- WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU AFRAID EURIPEDES
IS GONNA FINISH THE PLAY
AND YOU WON'T BE READY?

UH-UH.

I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO EXPLAIN MYSELF ANYMORE.

I-- I JUST DON'T HAVE
THE SMART WORDS ANYMORE.
I LIKE IT.

I LIKE IT HERE.

[ Sighs ]
CAN I HAVE A HUG?

OH, YOU'RE SO GREEK.

OH, YOU'RE SO GREEK.
LOOK AT THIS.

WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
MAYBE THE SEX DOESN'T HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT.

MAYBE IF I WAS GETTING IT
REGULAR-- AS MY FRIEND
PHYLLIS USED TO SAY--

I STILL WOULDN'T BE HAPPY.

MAYBE-- MAYBE WHAT
I WANT IS LIKE A--

A REGULAR GUY AND...
A HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS.

OUCH.

AND A BABY?
OUCH.

AND A MANICURE ONCE A WEEK?

YOU HAVE THE HUMOR, GIRL.
YOU REALLY HAVE THE HUMOR.

WELL, IT'S GOIN' KINDA FAST.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

[ Kisses ]
OH, I MAY BE HERE FOREVER.

PHIL, IT'S GETTING
KINDA SICK FOR THE KID.

YEAH.

TODAY, KALIBANOS
MADE A PASS AT HER.
HE KISSED HER.

[ Nino Barking ]
[ Bleating ]

BAD. BAD.

BAD "BONGOLONGO" BELLS.
PHILLIP IS ANGRY.

WHAT DOES THIS SAY?

OCTOPUS.
SPELL IT.

- [ Kalibanos' Voice ]
O-C-T-U-P-U.
- WHAT IS THAT, REFINING?

MAKES IT, UH--

AND HERE COMES THE PITCH.
THE GREEK SWINGS!

[ Grunts ]
OUT.

** [ Folk Tune ]

[ Nino Whines ]

DOG.

OKAY, ROW.

SON-OF-A-BITCH STORM COMING.

THAT WHAT YOU'RE
AFRAID OF?
YES, SIR.

LOOKS LIKE
A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO ME.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, DOG?

DOG NOT KNOW SHIT
ABOUT WEATHER.

REMEMBER WE DISCUSSED NOT LYING,
AND WE TALKED ABOUT IT?

AND YOU PROMISED
YOU WOULD NEVER LIE.
I DON'T LIE.

THAT'S VERY GOOD.

WHAT DID YOU DO
TO MIRANDA THIS MORNING?

I WATCH HER SWIM.

LATER ON I'M TALKING ABOUT.
I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THEN.
I'M TALKING ABOUT LATER ON.

UH, OKAY, I LOOK
AT HER MELONES.

THEN WHAT?

I SHOW HER MY TV.

- YOU WHAT?
- I GOT TV IN CAVE.

[ Chuckles ]
SONY COLOR CONTROL
TRINITRON, BOSS.

TWELVE INCH!
IS WOND--

IT REALLY--
[ Chuckling ]
VERY GOOD. VERY GOOD, BOSS.

GOOD FOR COWBOY SHOW.

YOU'RE A SON OF A BITCH.

- DID YOU TOUCH HER?
- NO, SIR.

LIES.

- BOSS.
- LIES!

I HOLD HER HAND...

LIKE FRIEND.

"HELLO, MIRANDA. HELLO."

I KISSED HER.
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

[ Grunts ]

OKAY, BOSS. OKAY.

- SHE WAS MY BABY.
- SHE'S NOT A BABY!
SHE'S WOMAN, BOSS!

- LOOK YOURSELF!
- I WAS YOUR FRIEND.
I HELPED YOU.

I WAS BOSS
BEFORE YOU SHOW UP!
ME BOSS!

YOU'RE IGNORANT!
YOU'RE A SUPERSTITIOUS
BASTARD!

I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO READ,
I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO COUNT,

FIX THE PUMP,
READ THE STARS.

I SHOW YOU THE OLIVE AND THE FIG
AND THE SWEET WATER!

I GIVE YOU MY BACK,
AND NOW YOU DROWN ME...

BECAUSE MY "BONIJONI"
DANCE IN MY PANTS!

[ Grunts ]

SHE WAS MY BABY!
[ Panting ]
OKAY, BOSS.

[ Yells ]

[ Panting ]

[ Kalibanos ]
NO!

SOON SHE WANT THE "BONIJONI"
INSIDE HER TOO!

SOON SHE DANCE IN THE NIGHT
FOR AMOR FOR LOVE!

WITH WHO?
WHO SHE GOING TO DANCE WITH?

YOU? YOU, THE POP?

ONLY ME!
ONLY KALIBANOS!

[ Grunts ]

YOU-- YOU ARE GOD, BOSS.

I'M NO GOD.
I'M A MONKEY, JUST LIKE YOU.

[ Horn Blaring ]

YOU KNOW WHAT I GAVE UP
FOR THIS LIFE, FREDDY?
WHAT?

NOTHING. OH, I HOPE SOME DAY
IF I GET REINCARNATED,
I COME BACK AS MYSELF.

A COUPLE OF NATIVES
ARE TAKING A DIP.
SMELL THAT AIR.

[ Sniffs ] PITTSBURGH.
I WISH
THERE WAS SOME SURF.

YOU'LL ONLY GET BORED.
SURF-BORED.

PRETTY CORNY, MR. TRINC.
BET YOUR OLD MAN
LAUGHS AT IT.

- OKAY. A HUNDRED DRACHMA.
- MAKE IT 200 DRACHMAS.
- YOU'RE ON.

YOU KNOW, I LOOK OUT
ON THE SEA SOMETIMES,
AND I WONDER,

WHAT IS MAN'S DESTINY?
[ Exhales Sharply ]

IT'S ONE
OF THOSE MYSTERIES,

SORT OF DEEP AND DARK
LIKE THE SEA.

HOW SAD.

WELL, THOSE
ARE PRETTY DEEP THOUGHTS.

WHAT TIME IS IT, HARRY?
[ Harry ] MY STOMACH TELLS ME
IT'S TIME FOR LUNCH.

[ Grunts ]
I HOPE ALONZO FEELS BETTER.

HE HAD A ROTTEN NIGHT.
SORRY. HOW 'BOUT YOU?

ME? OH,
I'M STRANGE, AS USUAL.
MM-HMM.

[ Giggles ]
STRANGE IS BETTER
THAN MIDDLING.

YEAH.
NO, THANK YOU.
NAH.

[ Dolores ]
MMM, THAT LOOKS GOOD.

I JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT
WHAT I'M DOING HERE.

YOU'VE GOTTA TRY
TO ENJOY YOURSELF.
GO WITH THE MOMENT.

YOU KNOW, I'VE TRIED THAT.
IT JUST DOESN'T WORK OUT
FOR ME, UNFORTUNATELY.

WELL, IT DIDN'T WORK
FOR ME EITHER,
UNTIL GURDJIEFF.

GURDJIEFF?

- YOU KNOW GURDJIEFF,
DON'T YOU?
- OH, INTIMATELY.

DO I KNOW GURDJIEFF.
COME ON.
[ Chuckles ]

ENOUGH GLOOM HERE.
LET'S GET SOME LUNCH.

THAT'S AN OLD TEXAS BOY,
ISN'T IT?
YEAH. WASN'T HE IN YOUR CLASS?

YEAH.
MAY HAVE BEEN AT RICE.

YOU'RE MY DOCTOR,
NOT MY NURSE.

SOMETIMES, I WISH
IT WERE THE OTHER WAY
AROUND.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
[ Antonia ]
GOOD MORNING.

- HOW DO YOU FEEL?
- HOW DO I FEEL?
OH, FINE, FINE.

I'VE GOT A KNIFE IN MY COLON.
MY HEAD FEELS
LIKE A BRAIN TUMOR.

PLANTAR'S WARTS ON BOTH FEET,
AND I HAVEN'T TAKEN A GOOD CRAP
IN A WEEK.

OTHER THAN THAT,
I AM PERFECT.

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY,
ANTONIA. LISTEN--
HEY, HEY, HEY, LOOK. LISTEN.

I AM NOT PART
OF YOUR ENTOURAGE.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I KNOW.

IF YOU'RE SICK, I'M SORRY,
BUT DON'T YOU EVER SPEAK
TO ME LIKE THAT.

PLEASE, PLEASE, ANTONIA.
BE HAPPY.

LOOK, LOOK. MAYBE WE'VE
JUST COME TO THE END OF IT,
HUH?
PLEASE.

WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU AND ME?
NO. THIS-- THIS TRIP.

YES. EVERYTHING.
BUT--

LISTEN. IT'S NOT YOU.
IT'S ME. I-I'M HOPELESS.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT I'M DOING ANYMORE, KID.
BUT THIS--

THIS IS FREDDY'S HOLIDAY.
I AM RIGHT ON THE EDGE,
ALONZO.

CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
OKAY. OKAY.
A NEW LEAF.

OKAY?
STARTING NOW. OKAY?
PLEASE, ANTONIA.

PLEASE. OKAY?

I LIKE NEW YORK.
IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN L.A.
I LIKE L.A. SO MUCH BETTER.

I MEAN, YOU CAN
GET INTO YOUR BODY,
YOU KNOW?

I PREFER
THE NEW BI-COASTALITY. IT'S,
UM, BRIGHTON BEACH AND VENICE.

GRAZIE.
PREGO.

YOU ALL RIGHT, DAD?
YEAH. WONDERFUL. I FEEL
LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS.

AND THAT'S PEANUTS TO YOU.
HEY, YOU HEAR ABOUT THE KID
WHO WANTED TO SURF?

BUT THERE'S NO WAVES. SO
THIS OTHER KID TELLS HIM
HE'S BORED.
WHAT IS THIS?

SURF-BORED.
[ Laughs Hysterically ]

YOU WIN, MR. TRINC.

- [ Alonzo Speaks, Indistinct ]
- I'M GONNA
DO SOME SCUBA DIVING.

BE CAREFUL.
THE WATER IS TRICKY
IN THESE ISLANDS.

OKAY, DAD.
MMM. NOT BAD. THEY DON'T
SERVE WINE ON THE SHIP.

HAT OVERBOARD!
HAT OVERBOARD!
[ All Laughing ]

ME FREDDY.

[ Imitating Greek Accent ]
ME MIRANDA.

ME FROM BOAT.

ME FROM ISLAND.

YOU SPEAK GOOD ENGLISH.

ME LEARN
FROM, UH, TOURISTS.

ME, I'M 17,
17 YEARS OLD.
YOU?

UH, 15.

I'M 15.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
[ Chuckling ]
ME UGLY.

NO WAY.
YOU'RE REAL NEAT.

- YOU OKAY?
- YEAH. UM, ME OKAY.

FREDDY, COME TO THE OTHER SIDE.
IT'S... BEAUTIFUL.

BOY, WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE
FOR A SLICE OF NEW YORK PIZZA
RIGHT NOW.

AND A ROOT BEER FLOAT.

HEY, ARE YOU
PUTTING ME ON?

YEAH. I'M AMERICAN.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
I LIVE HERE.

OHH.

YOU INTO SOME KIND
OF COMMUNE?
NO. IT'S A LONG STORY.

- IS PUNK STILL BIG
IN THE STATES?
- NO. POP.

POP? WHAT'S POP?
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S HARD TO DESCRIBE.

STELLA, IF THERE
ARE ANY PHONE CALLS FOR ME,
TELL THEM I'M BUSY.

I DON'T WANT
TO BE DISTURBED.
OKAY, MR. ALONZO.

TODAY I SWIM.
I SURPRISE FREDDY.

[ Trinc ] ALONZO,
I TALKED TO THE DOC.
YOUR HEALTH IS GREAT.

HE'S TOUCHING UP YOUR X RAYS.
OH, ARNIE, THAT'S
THE OLDEST JOKE IN THE WORLD.

[ Trinc ] I THINK
I STOLE IT FROM MYSELF.
[ Dolores Laughs ]

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL ISLAND,
ISN'T IT?
IT'S VERY BEAUTIFUL.

IT LOOKS LIKE A DREAM.

[ Alonzo ]
USED TO BE PIRATES HERE,
STRANGE AND POWERFUL WARRIORS.

LIKE YOU?

HAVE I LOST YOU?
[ Sebastian ]
IT'S GETTING ROUGH.

THE WATER IS VERY CHOPPY,
MR. ALONZO.
[ Speaking Italian ]

VA BENE. VA BENE.
ANDIAMO.

[ Continues In Italian ]

ARETHA,
WHERE IS PHILLIP?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
ANYONE'S DOING. PETE ROSE--
I COULD TAKE HIS RECORD.

TY COBB AND PETE ROSE AND HOW
YOU COMPARE THESE TWO GUYS
TOGETHER.
PHIL!

PHILLIP, TOURIST BOAT
COME RIGHT INTO THE ISLAND.
MAY I TELL YOU SOMETHING?

TOURIST BOAT IS COMING!
YOU KNOW,
JOE DiMAGGIO...

HIT IN 56 CONSECUTIVE GAMES.

NOW, THIS IS AN AMAZING THING,
BECAUSE YOU HAVE BABE RUTH,

WHO HIT 60 HOME RUNS
AND 714 HOME RUNS
IN HIS LIFETIME.

AND YOU HAVE ROGER MARIS,
WHO HIT 61.
AND YOU HAVE AARON,

WHO HIT, YOU KNOW, 714,
BROKE THE RECORD...

AND THEN WENT ON
TO HAVE 726, WAS IT?
BUT TOURIST BOAT IS COMING.

THIS IS BETTER THAN ROGER MARIS,
61 IN ONE SEASON,

BABE RUTH, 60,
AND 714 HOME RUNS IN ONE YEAR.
PHIL.

TOURIST BOAT IS COMING.
MY PROBLEM IS
I CAN'T FIGURE OUT...

WHAT'S HAPPENING
IN BASEBALL THIS YEAR.
AH.

LOOK. UH, WE CAN
SELL THEM THE STARFISH.

WE CAN SELL THEM
THE EIGHT-FOOT, UM--
OCTO-PEE-PEE LEG.
WHAT?

EVERYTHING. WE CAN
SELL THEM MANY THINGS,
MAKE BIG MONEY.
WHO?

THE TOURIST BOAT
IS COMING.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

A HUNDRED TOURISTS
IN ONE BOAT ARE COMING
TO THE ISLAND, BOSS.

WE CAN SELL
AND MAKE A LOT OF MONEY.

DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS
A GREEK PITCHER NAMED ART PAPPAS
THAT PLAYED WITH--

[ Yells In Greek ]
COME ON. LOOK! LOOK
FOR YOURSELF.

HERE. THERE. SEE?
THERE.

OVER THERE. SEE?
IT'S COMING, BOSS.
GREAT.
GREAT. THAT'S GREAT.

PLEASE, MAKE-- WE HAVE TO
MAKE THEM STOP HERE, RIGHT?
YOU'RE GREEK, THOUGH.

SELL THEM COCA-COLA,
SELL THEM THE--
THE GUCCI LOAFERS, THE TV.

WE MAKE A LOT OF MONEY!
WILL YOU STOP SHOUTING?
THERE WAS A TIME HE SET--

I SHOW YOU
WITH TELESCOPE!
HEY! NOT MY TELESCOPE!

THERE, BOSS, THERE.
SEE?

[ Chimes Tinkling ]

[ Phillip Groans ]
UH-UH-UH-UH-UH.

- [ Devious Laugh ]
- UH-UH.

[ Maniacal Laugh ]

- THEY'VE FOUND US.
- WHO FOUND US?

- THEY FOUND US.
- YOU MEAN, TOURISTS FOUND US?

THEY FOUND US.

THEY FOUND US!
THEY FOUND US!
OKAY! THEY FOUND US!

HEY, ARETHA,
THEY FOUND US!

[ Rueful Laugh ]

SHOW ME THE MAGIC.
COME ON.

SHOW ME THE MAGIC.

COME ON.
SHOW ME THE MAGIC, NOW.

COME ON.
SHOW ME THE MAGIC.
COME ON, NOW. COME ON.

[ Low Whimpering ]

THAT'S IT.
[ Chimes Tinkling ]

[ Rumbling ]

ARETHA, TOURIST BOAT IS COMING.
TWO HUNDRED TOURISTS.
WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THEY FOUND US.
THEY FOUND US.

[ Aretha ]
WHO?

** [ Humming ]

COME LOOK!
SWEETHEART,
WHAT'S GOING ON?

LOOK THROUGH THE TELESCOPE.
A THOUSAND TOURISTS THERE.
* BOOM, BOOM

* BOOM, BOOM, BOOM

* BOOM, BOOM
SWEETHEART, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
STOP IT.

THEY WANTED A STORM,
I'LL GIVE 'EM A STORM.
[ Thunderclap ]

[ Glass Breaking ]

[ Thunderclaps Continue ]

[ Clucking ]

[ Bleating ]

[ Piercing Lightning ]

YOU ARE GOD, BOSS!

GET US IN!
LIFE JACKETS, EVERYBODY!
[ Dolores Shrieks ]

IS THIS MY DESTINY?
TO BE DROWNED
IN A MAGIC STORM?

OHH. AAH.

[ Dolores Shrieks ]

YOU WANTED A STORM;
I GAVE YOU A STORM.
YOU MAKE STORM, BOSS!

PHILLIP, STOP THIS!
STOP IT!

ALL RIGHT.
LET'S STOP THIS THING.
COME ON, FELLAS.

PHILLIP-- PHIL.
STOP.

STOP.
PLEASE, PHIL.
COME INSIDE.

- PHIL, GET IN.
WILL YOU HELP ME?
- OKAY, OKAY.

HELP ME GET HIM INSIDE.
PHIL. [ Shrieks ]

MIRANDA!

YOU NOT GOD.
ONLY GOD, GOD.

TRINC! TRINC! TRINC!
OH, MY GOD.

[ Shrieks ]
TRINC, HERE.

[ Choking ]
TAKE THE SAIL!

[ Yelling Continues,
Indistinct ]

[ Screams ]

[ Alonzo ]
ANTONIA!

[ Man ]
OVER HERE!

WHO THE HELL IS HE?
DAD, HE'S FROM THE BOAT.

FREDDY, THIS IS DAD.
DAD, THIS IS FREDDY.
HOW YA DOIN'?

[ Dolores Shrieking ]

[ Gasping ]
IT'S A MIRACLE. I'M GONNA
WRITE A BOOK ABOUT THIS.

[ Goat Bleating ]

[ Sniffs ]

[ Gagging ]

[ Bleating ]

[ Both Panting ]
[ Whispering ]
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

TALK
ABOUT URBAN RENEWAL.

- THEY SAID YOU COULD
SWIM IN THIS.
- [ Panting ]

- [ Trinc ] SMELLS
LIKE SOMETHING IN HEAT.
- COULD BE A VAMPIRE BAT.

[ Trinc ]
IT SMELLS LIKE
A COUGH DROP FACTORY.

[ Murmuring ]
[ Gasping ]

IT'S A FISH
IN DRAG.
I THINK HE'S A BANDIDO.

BANDIDO. BANDIDO.
[ Imitates Gunfire ]

LOOK, LOOK. YOU CAN
HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT.

WE'RE FROM THE BOAT.
YACHT-O. STORM-O.
YES. WRECK-O. SINK-O.

UH, KALIBANOS.
KALIB--
THEN YOU'RE GREEK.

AHH.
ACROPOLIS?
ACROPOLIS.

"NEVER ON SUNDAY."
MELINA MERCOURI.
DEMOCRACY.

- TELLY SAVALAS.
- TELLY SAVALAS!
KOJAK. OH!

YES! OH,
I LIKE KOJAK VERY MUCH.
HE IS FANTASTIC.

- I LIKE KOJAK VERY MUCH.
- HE SPEAKS ENGLISH.

- HE'S ATTRACTIVE
IN A THIRD WORLD SORT OF WAY.
- [ All Laughing ]

HEY, YOU DRINK?
OHH!
SURE.
YEAH.

HERE.
VERY GOOD STUFF.
PARTY'S PICKING UP.

[ Greek ]

[ Repeats Greek ]
YOU KEEP A VERY FINE CELLAR.
VINTAGE ALONZO.

YOU WANT TO BUY,
UH, DIRTY STATUES?
WHY NOT? WHY NOT?

VERY OLD.
VERY OLD ANTIQUE.
10,000 DRACHMAS.

YOU GOT ANYTHING
A LITTLE SMALLER?

[ Dolores Panting ]
[ Nino Barking ]

OH. AIR. AIR.

OH, MY GOD.
THIS IS PARADISE, HARRY.

OHH, DON'T YOU WISH
WE COULD STAY HERE FOREVER?

GOD.

WE'D FIND WAYS FOR
SHELTERING OURSELVES
FROM THE ELEMENTS.

[ Harry Laughs ]
MY GOD, HARRY. WE COULD
START AN IDEAL SOCIETY.

JUST THINK.
NO MORE WARS.
NO MORE POVERTY.

NO MORE TRAFFIC JAMS.

[ Harry ] MATTER OF FACT,
THIS PLACE MIGHT MAKE
A VERY GOOD CLUB MED.

OH, HARRY.
NAH. PUT
IN A DECENT HARBOR.

SET UP A MARINA.
HALF A DOZEN GOOD,
SOLID RESTAURANTS.

AN OLYMPIC-SIZED POOL.
[ Alonzo ]
SHUT UP, HARRY. SHUT UP.

[ Phillip ] HARRY,
YOU'RE FREE TO SAY ANYTHING
YOU WANT ON THIS ISLAND.

- THERE'S NO MASTER HERE.
- [ Harry ]
WHO IS THE BOSS HERE?

HARRY, CAN'T YOU LIVE
WITHOUT A BOSS?
PROBABLY NOT.

I LIKE TAKING ORDERS.
WELL, THEN,
YOU CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.

YEAH? ARE YOU
THE BIG GUY HERE, PHIL?

ARETHA, RUN UP TO THE HOUSE
AND START A FIRE. GO AHEAD.
YES, MASSA!

CAN I HELP?
ASK THE GUY
IN THE KIMONO. HE'S THE ONE
THAT HAD THE ELECTRICALS.

GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD.
GO ON.
I'M GOING TOO.

- NO! YOU STAY HERE WITH US!
- I'M GOING.

[ Aretha ]
LET HER COME!

WELL, THERE SEEMS
TO BE SOME QUESTION OF AUTHORITY
ON YOUR ISLAND.

PUT SOME FOOD ON!
[ Aretha ]
OKAY!

SHE'S GROWING UP.

DID SHE ASK ABOUT ME?
TRUTHFULLY?

NO.

DOES SHE HATE ME?
ASK YOURSELF.

- DO YOU HATE US, PHILLIP?
- YES.

BUT I HAVEN'T
GIVEN IT MUCH THOUGHT.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

- CONSCIOUS THOUGHT.
- WELL, WHAT THE HELL
HAVE YOU BEEN DOING HERE?

WAITING FOR YOU,
SWEETHEART.
KALIBANOS!

WHO'S KALIBANOS?
YOUR LONG-LOST ANCESTOR.

KALIBANOS!

BEST I EVER SURFED
WAS THE PIPELINE
IN HONOLULU.

I'VE NEVER BEEN
TO HAWAII.
I WENT
TO SCHOOL THERE FOR HALF A TERM.

DIDN'T DO MUCH STUDYING, SO
MY OLD MAN SHIPPED ME TO THIS
MILITARY ACADEMY IN VERMONT.

VERMONT. OHH.
DO THEY STILL HAVE SNOW
IN VERMONT?

ONLY IN THE WINTER,
MA'AM.
THANKS, SONNY.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

I WOULD'VE GONE
TO PUBLIC SCHOOL, BUT
MY OLD MAN WOULDN'T LET ME.

WHY NOT?
GUESS HE REALLY DOESN'T
WANT ME AROUND FULL-TIME.

[ Goat Bleating ]
THANKS.

WHAT ABOUT MY MOTHER?
ANTONIA?

SHE'S NICE.
NO. I MEAN, DID SHE
WANT YOU AROUND FULL-TIME?

WELL, SHE LIKES ME,
BUT MY OLD MAN
IS THE CHIEF HONCHO.

DID SHE EVER TALK
ABOUT ME?

ALL THE TIME.

WHAT'D SHE SAY?
WATCH YOUR HEAD.

A LOT OF LOVE STUFF.
SHE DIDN'T TELL ME
YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL.

SHUT UP, PLEASE.

HEY, DID I
SAY SOMETHING WRONG?

UH, DO YOU THINK
YOUR PEOPLE LIKE FETA?
WHAT'S FETA?

[ Freddy ]
I HOPE SO.
[ Aretha Chuckles ]

OKAY. WELL,
WHY DON'T YOU GO UP
AND LIGHT SOME LIGHTS?

WATCH YOUR HEAD.
WATCH YOUR HEAD.

SORRY I SAID, "SHUT UP."
NICE PLACE YOU GOT HERE.

ALL I SAID IS,
"YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL."
UP THE STAIRS.

I'M NOT EXACTLY BEAUTIFUL.
BESIDES, I'M A VIRGIN.

WOULD YOU HAND ME THAT
OVER ON THE BED?
OH, YEAH.

WHEN I LIGHT THIS,
MOVE THAT THING
TO THE... LEFT.

RIGHT THERE.

[ Hissing ]

I'VE NEVER BEEN
IN LOVE.

I HAVEN'T EITHER.

I'M NOT ON THE PILL,
SO I GUESS THAT'S ALL
THERE IS.

[ Antonia ]
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU STAYED HERE FOR A YEAR.

IT'S BEEN VERY PRODUCTIVE.
REALLY?
NO PAIN?

DARLING, PURE PLEASURE.

HA! I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE
OR YOU DON'T BELIEVE.

REALLY?
WHAT ARE YOU SO SORE ABOUT
IF YOU DON'T CARE WHAT I THINK?

BECAUSE, DARLING,
I FOUND PARADISE,
AND YOU TURNED IT INTO A SLUM.

HO! YOU'VE LOST NONE
OF YOUR PRIDE, I SEE.

I DID THE BEST I COULD.
ONLY FOR YOURSELF,
AS USUAL.

THE SAME AS YOU THEN.
OH, GOD.

- ALWAYS BLAME THE OTHER GUY.
- WHAT DID YOU WANT FROM ME?

I WANTED US
TO SHARE SOMETHING--
I MEAN, A LIFE.

I WANTED US TO-- I DIDN'T WANT
TO BE JUST PART OF YOUR LIFE,
JUST, YOU KNOW, STAND THERE.

I WANTED BOTH OF US
TO MAKE SOME SACRIFICES.

YOU WANT SACRIFICE?
ALL RIGHT.

I'LL GIVE YOU SACRIFICE.

WELCOME.
[ Harry ]
BOY, AM I GLAD
TO SEE THIS PLACE.

[ Indistinct Chattering ]

OH, THANKS.
THANK YOU.

[ Harry ]
OH, THANK YOU.

[ Aretha ]
HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT, WARM UP.
HI, I'M ARETHA.

HI, I'M DOLORES.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
[ Goat Bleating ]

[ Whines, Barks ]

YOUR LIVES WERE SPARED.
THAT'S A MIRACLE.

ON THIS ISLAND,
WE HONOR A MIRACLE
WITH A SACRIFICE.

[ Goat Screeching ]

- PHIL.
- [ Screeching Continues ]

[ Screeching Stops ]

** [ Tango ]

MAY I KISS YOU,
MUSH?

I LOVE YOU, MOMMY.

HI.
HI, KID.

HOW YA DOIN', BOSS?
[ Sighs ]

IT'S TIME TO FORGIVE.

ARE YOU MY TEACHER
OR MY PUPIL?
[ Laughs ]

OH, I'M JUST A NICE
CATHOLIC GIRL FROM NEW JERSEY...

WHO'S DESTINED
TO ROAM THE EARTH
IN SEARCH OF MR. NICE.

MEANTIME,
YOU WANNA DANCE?

FREDDY, MAY I
ASK YOU A QUESTION?

YEAH, POP?

WOULD YOU BE VERY ANGRY
AT ME IF--

IF I KISSED YOU?

I DON'T THINK SO.

EXCUSE ME, DAD.
SURE.

WANNA DANCE?

YOU DANCE BEAUTIFULLY,
NINO. YOUR NAME IS NINO?

[ Dog Growls ]

OH, IT'S KINDA LIKE ROSELAND
ON A SLOW NIGHT, HUH?

THANK YOU
FOR SAVING MY LIFE.
AW, 'TWEREN'T NOTHIN'.

LOOK, YOU WANNA
TRIP THE LIGHT FANTASTIC?

I WOULD BE DELIGHTED.

BY THE WAY,
I LIKE THE WAY YOU SING.

HUH, YEAH.
I LIKE THE WAY YOU LIFT.

[ Clears Throat ]

SO, HOW'S BASEBALL?
THERE WAS A BASEBALL STRIKE.

OH, I KNEW THAT.
I DREAMT THAT.

HOW'S THE CAT?

PREGNANT.

FORGIVE ME.

OKAY.

JUST LIKE THAT?
I LOVE YOU.

[ Yelling Drunkenly ]

* SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE
BE FORGOT *

* BE FORGOT, BE FORGOT

* GOATS AND SHEEP
AND BOATS AND BOOZE *

* SHOULD AULD--
* WE GOT, WE GOT

[ Laughing, Muttering ]

* SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE
BE FORGOT *

* BE FORGOT
IS WHAT WE GOT *

* WE GOT-- *
[ Continues, Indistinct ]
MAY I CUT IN?

HEY, WHERE DID YOU
FIND THAT?
SON OF A GUN.

THAT'S MY STETSON,
AIN'T IT? HUH!
THAT'S GREAT.

HEY, TRINC!
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU ALIVE!
HOW YA DOIN', HARRY?

HA, HA, HA!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. NOW,
DON'T YOU GET ANY FUNNY IDEAS.

[ Chuckling ]
IT'S VERY LONELY IN THE CAVE.
YEAH, I'LL BET IT IS.

EXCUSE ME.

WOULD YOU CARE
TO DANCE?
GRAZIE.

I AM KALIBANOS.
I AM DOLORES.

- I LIKE YOUR MELONES.
- THANK YOU.

AND YOUR BUMBA.
YOU'RE SO STRONG.

SO BEAUTIFULLY...
PRIMITIVE.

WHAT'S A BUMBA ?
THIS. MMM.

OH, YOU HAVE CHARISMA.

MY CHARISMA IS GROWING
LIKE MOUNTAIN FLOWER
IN SPRINGTIME.

[ Exhaling Deeply ]
AND YOU'RE A POET.

I'M A SINGER.
OHH.

KALIBANOS?
WHAT, PHIL?

FORGIVE ME.
FOR WHAT?

JUST FORGIVE ME.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

[ Engine Chugging ]

HAVE MANY ISLANDS HERE--

MYKONOS, SERIFOS,
MYTILENE,

SANTORINI, EVROS, POROS,

NAXOS, PATMOS, ANTIPARO,
MILOS.

ALSO TERCEIRA, CEPHALONIA.

I'M DREAMING.
[ Captain Continues,
Indistinct ]

- I KNOW.
- ...LEFKADA,

ZAKINTHOS,
DELOS, TINOS.

[ Captain ]
HAVE MANY ISLANDS, MANY.
HEY!

- YOU NEVER
GAVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER!
- OH, UM,

AREA CODE 212-555--
[ Phillip ]
555-44--

[ Antonia ]
9-9.
[ Miranda ] 9-9.

[ Shouting Continues,
Indistinct ]
...CRETE, LESVOS,

SKIATHOS, SKOPELOS.

[ Woman ]
* WE'LL TAKE MANHATTAN
HAVE MANY.

* THE BRONX
AND STATEN ISLAND TOO *

* IT'S LOVELY
GOING THROUGH *

* THE ZOO

* WELL, IT'S VERY FANCY

* ON OLD DELANCEY STREET
YOU KNOW *

* THE SUBWAY
CHARMS US SO *

* WHEN BALMY BREEZES BLOW

* TO AND FRO

* AND TELL ME
WHAT STREET *

* COMPARES WITH MOTT STREET

* IN JULY

* SWEET PUSHCARTS

* GENTLY GLIDING

* BY

* THE GREAT BIG CITY'S

* A WONDROUS TOY

* JUST MADE
FOR A GIRL AND BOY *

* WE'LL TURN MANHATTAN

* INTO AN ISLE OF JOY

* WE'LL GO TO YONKERS

* WHERE TRUE LOVE CONQUERS

* IN THE WILDS

* AND STARVE TOGETHER
DEAR *

* IN CHILD'S

* MMM

* WE'LL GO TO CONEY

* AND EAT BOLOGNA

* ON A ROLL

* IN CENTRAL PARK
WE'LL STROLL *

* WHERE FIRST

* A KISS WE STOLE

* SOUL TO SOUL

* AND FOR SOME HEARTFELT

* WE'LL GO
TO MY FAIR LADY SAVED *

* WE'LL HOPE IT

* CLOSES

* SOME DAY

* THE CITY'S CLAMOR

* CAN NEVER SPOIL

* THE DREAMS
OF A BOY AND "GOIL" *

* WE'LL TURN MANHATTAN

* INTO AN ISLE OF JOY

* THE CITY'S BUSTLE
CANNOT *

* NO, IT CANNOT DESTROY

* THE DREAMS OF A GIRL
AND BOY *

* WE'LL TURN MANHATTAN

* INTO AN ISLE OF JOY *