Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard ♪

♪ it's love ♪♪

♪♪

- Hello. - Hello.

- Adieu.

- Here comes a guy I've hated all my life.

- Who is he? - I have no idea,

but he's got those handsome looks

I've hated all my life.

- Excuse me. Howard Samuels, promenade 110.

- Ah, yes, sir. Promenade 110. Up the stairs, to your left.

- Thank you. - Enjoy your cruise, sir.

- Has he boarded yet?

Tall, dark, very broad shouldered.

Very athletic-looking.

Uh, 32 waist, 16 neck, and a 34 sleeve.

Couple of dimples too.

Howard Samuels?

- Oh, Howard Samuels. Yeah, he just boarded.

Promenade 110. Up the stairs, to your left.

- Good. - Excuse me?

Are you his friend?

- Me, no. I've never met the man.

- Well, aunt Chris, now that you've had

a tour of the ship, what do you think?

Pretty neat, huh? I think you're gonna have a good time.

- I suppose so. - Hey, come on, will you stop it?

I'm not gonna let you waste

the rest of your life in mourning.

- I'm not in mourning.

- Okay, well, your attitude is black

even if your dress isn't.

I think since uncle John died,

the last time you had fun was recaulking your bathroom tiles.

- Julie, he was my husband.

- I know, but he's gone now and you're still here.

And I think it's time you went out

and started meeting people and doing things.

It's been almost two years.

- Julie, I do not want to meet anyone.

I mean, it could just never be the same, okay?

- Okay. Why don't you just give it a chance

and surprise yourself?

You might have a good time, eh?

You stay here, I'm gonna get your key.

- Oops! - Oh, I'm sorry!

Oh, are you all right?

- I'm fine, it's just...

- Miss?

- I, um...

It's just that...

You look like someone.

- Oh, that's convenient, because I am someone.

Neal rich.

I know I'm clumsy, but I'm not dangerous.

- Uh, Christine frank.

- Very nice to meet you.

Maybe we'll see each other again.

- Well, I think I'm still trying to figure out

what you put in it. (Chuckling)

Excuse me. Aunt Christine,

here's the key to your floating suite.

What's the matter, aunt Chris?

You look like you've just seen a ghost.

- I think I have.

♪♪

- Afternoon. - Good afternoon.

- I'm Marshall stubing, your captain's brother.

- Oh, of course! Well, I'm Julie McCoy,

your cruise director. - Yes.

- Oh, this is a great pleasure.

- No, the pleasure is mine, cherie.

- Well, I'm gonna take this hand

and press it in a book. (Both chuckling)

- Captain stubing! Look who's here.

- Marshall?

- Merrill!

Surprised?

- Surprised isn't exactly the word.

What happened, Marshall?

They close the riviera for remodeling?

(Chuckling)

- Let me look at my big brother.

It's been ages.

Merrill, the sea has been good to you.

But you always did look smashing in a uniform.

Even in the boy scouts.

- Excuse us. - Yes, sir.

- Drinks later.

- Marshall, what are you doing on my ship?

- What everybody is doing.

Looking for a little Mexican moonlight and amore.

- In other words, you're broke

and you're looking to get your hooks into some rich woman.

Marshall, I want you off my ship.

- Merrill, I see you haven't lost

your rye sense of humor.

- Off. Off.

- Sorry, but I have this.

One ticket for a wild and wonderful cruise.

(Woman) - My goodness.

What a real sweet little boat.

I think I might buy me one.

- I think I see my ticket for the rest of my life.

May I take that for you?

- Honey, that's my hand.

- Of course. Who could ever forget a lovely hand like that?

- Have we met before?

- You don't remember, do you?

Was it nice in '74? Monte Carlo in '75?

(Woman) - I don't reckon so.

- Was it Tulsa in '76?

- Well, who cares? At least we found each other now.

Is nice anywhere near Oklahoma city?

- Your brother sure works fast.

- Call the guinness book of records.

I think he's just broken the four-minute mooch.

(Ship horn blaring)

♪♪

(Piano playing) (People chattering)

- Here you go. A pisco punch.

I had to look that one up in the book.

I never made it before.

- Yeah, I know, it's unusual.

But it's the only thing I drink during the daytime.

- Ah, well, to each his own.

Yes, ma'am? - Hello.

Pisco punch, please.

- A pisco punch? - Mm-hmm.

Brandy, lemon juice, pineapple.

- Please, miss, I'm a professional bartender.

- Okay.

Hi. Do you happen to know "close to you"?

(Playing "close to you") That's it.

Thanks a lot, I love it.

- Miss? I hope that you don't think that this is a line,

but you just ordered my favorite drink

and you just asked him to play my favorite song.

- Really, how interesting.

- Green bay packers?

Are you a football fan too?

- Guilty.

- That's incredible.

I don't believe it.

- Next you're gonna be telling me

you like to play chess and go camping

and that you like Mozart, eh?

- Yes, I do. This is uncanny.

- Are you serious?

- Miss, we have to talk.

My name is Howard Samuels.

- Holly Christopher.

- Hi, Holly. - Hi. Thank you.

- Holly...

Would you have dinner with me tonight?

Look, I don't want you to think that I'm the kind of guy

who comes onto every pretty girl that he meets.

I'm really not.

I mean, it's true.

- Well...

- You'll see once you get to know me.

- I can hardly wait.

♪♪

(Mariachi band playing)

- Hello.

- Captain merrill?

- Uh, not really.

- Oh, I'm sorry. Well, you look like captain merrill.

Except for you have more...

Oh, I mean, he has more...

Skin.

- Evening, captain!

- Well, brother, I see you've met my daughter, Vicki.

- Well, it's my pleasure.

I didn't know my brother had a little girl.

- Well, now we're even.

I never knew captain merrill had an older brother.

May I have some ice cream?

- Sure, make it a double scoop.

So where's your lady in the white mink coat,

or did she wise up to you already?

- Oh, she'll be here. I'll introduce you.

Her name is Ruby Gibbons.

- No thanks, I want no part of your schemes.

- Who's scheming? - I know how you operate.

First, you tell them you live on the glorious riviera.

- Well, I do, don't I? - But you forget to tell them

you live in one room over a Chinese laundry.

- That's because I'm fussy about my shirts.

- And then you drop big names trying to impress them.

- You think I'm a name dropper?

Wait'll you meet Princess grace.

- You're never gonna learn, are you, Marshall?

When're you gonna stop all this...

This deceiving of women?

- When it stops working.

Ruby! cherie!

Over here.

- Good evening, Marshall. - Good evening.

- You didn't tell me we were dining with the captain.

- I always go first cabin.

In London, I dined with prince Charles.

In Manhattan, I rendezvous with Jackie.

- Oh? - That's the one.

- Oh!

You gentlemen are brothers, aren't you?

You know, I thought that you looked a lot alike.

This is an honor. - It's my pleasure.

Oklahoma, right?

- How ever did you know?

- I moonlight reading tea leaves.

(Both chuckling) - He always was the funny one.

- What do you do in Oklahoma, miss Gibbons?

- Well, nothing much.

Not since my husband Horace died,

may he rest in peace.

- I'm so sorry.

- Yes, we buried him in his oil field.

Horace always did like to have

everything put back into the business.

- Oil field? - Well, it's just nothing really.

Three little old oil Wells, per acre.

- Well, well, well. This calls for a drink.

- Well, you gentlemen are busy talking.

Shall I get them? Champagne all around?

- None for me, thank you. I'm driving.

(Laughing)

- Oh, he is the funny one.

- Merrill, do me a favor. Lend me $50.

I left my wallet in the cabin. It was empty at the time.

Come on, merrill, I'd do it for you.

- Well... wait a minute.

- Come on, merrill, give me the money

and I'll stay out of your hair.

Sorry.

Thanks.

How much do I owe you?

- That'll be $3.75.

- There you go, champ. Keep the change.

- Keep the bottle.

- Aunt Chris, try one of our specialties.

- Okay. - There ya go.

- Julie, it's him. - Who?

- That's the man I met in the lobby.

Oh, hello?

- Oh, we meet again.

I was afraid I'd be too late to see you.

- Oh, Julie, this is Neal rich.

This is my niece, Julie McCoy.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

The only people who love me for being late are my students.

- You're a teacher?

- I beg your pardon, I'm a professor.

- Well, please excuse my faux pas.

- I think that's a little like calling a dentist "mister."

- Would you mind if we all sat together?

- Well, I... - I think we'd love to, thank you.

- Thank you. - Oh, uh, waiter?

Could we have a bottle of chateau d'yquem, '64.

- Julie, that was John's favorite wine.

- Ooh, 1964. An excellent year,

unless you happened to vote for goldwater.

- I see we both like lobsters.

How do you feel about dancing?

- Oh, I love it. - Oh, good.

I feel lobster and dancing

are two of the necessities of life.

(Chuckling)

- Oh, hi! Would you care

to join me for dinner, miss Christopher?

- Oh! Oh, thank you very much.

But i-i, uh...

- He's not here yet. Will I do?

- As a matter of fact, in a way, you will.

Doctor, since you are a doctor,

I have something here I'd like to ask a second opinion about.

- At your service. - This company that I work for

has all these computers that house all this information

about millions of men.

Their likes, their dislikes,

their IQ, their health, their heritage.

And this figures in separating the... the superior,

insurable male versus the inferior, uninsurable one.

This one happens to be superior in every category.

- What is his name again? - Howard Samuels.

- Howard Samuels, I hated him on sight

without knowing why, now I know why.

- It's because he's perfect.

Soon to be the perfect father of my child.

- You mean just because of statistics,

you want to marry him?

- No, no, I did not say anything about marriage.

- Oh, you just wanna...

- You got it.

- Well, what about the good ol' institution of love

and courtship and marriage?

- Well, I... I want a child, I don't want a family.

I want to be a mother, and I'm ready to be a mother.

But a wife? No. I'm not ready for that.

- Hi. - Hi!

- Have you seen the buffet? The food looks wonderful.

- Wait'll you see the dessert.

- Yeah!

♪♪

(Band playing) (People chattering)

- I can't believe how good you are.

It's like we've been dancing together for years.

- Well, who knows? Maybe we have.

- I mean it. I'm amazed by how well we fit together.

- I know what you mean.

- It's unusual for me. I've been a loner all my life.

It's why I never got married. What about you?

- What? - Have you been married?

- Oh, I'm a widow.

- No way you could've stayed single.

- More champagne? - I don't know.

I hate the taste of it.

But then again, I love the effect.

I guess so. - No problem.

I'll get you another one and hold your nose

while you drink it.

Two champagnes please. - Certainly.

- Uh, enjoying the cruise?

- Oh, yeah, I'm having a wonderful time.

And it's mainly because of Holly.

I've never met anybody quite like her.

She is so beautiful, she can have any man she wants.

But instead, she just seems to enjoy being with me

and talking football.

- Well, maybe she just wants a chip off your old block.

- Huh? - It's just an old med school expression.

I went to the only medical school

that had a course in carpentry.

- Here you go. - Promenade 110.

Thank you.

- Oh, that poor guy.

- Looks pretty happy to me.

- The least she could do is take him to a movie first.

♪♪

- To Christine. - To John.

I mean Neal. Oh, I am so sorry.

It's just that I've met so many new people today.

- It's all right. I understand... Amy.

(Chuckling)

It's hard to believe we've only known

each other for a couple of hours.

- Mmm. - Pretty crazy, isn't it?

- Oh, I don't think so. I think it's wonderful.

♪♪

- You're right. It is pretty wonderful.

- You know what I'd like? - What?

- Hot cocoa. - Hot cocoa?

- With marshmallows. I'm sorry, I just think

hot cocoa in the moonlight is very romantic.

- If that's what you want, I'll see if I can round some up.

Don't go away. - I won't.

- Hot cocoa? (Chuckles)

- Uh, excuse me, miss. Have you seen my aunt?

She's easy to recognize, she's the woman who

who under no circumstances thought

she'd have a good time on this cruise.

- Oh, I'm glad I was wrong. - So am I.

Seems like a really terrific guy.

- Oh, he is. Julie, I never thought

I would meet anyone so like John.

- But, aunt Chris-- - he looks like John,

he dresses like him, he's even a professor.

Why, it's almost as if John never really died.

- But he's not uncle John.

- Oh, Julie, he's even romantic the way John was.

Oh, it's like a dream come true.

- Windy tonight, huh?

Well, this is me.

Would you like to come in?

- It's kind of late, isn't it?

- Yes, it's very late. But if you insist,

you can come in for a few minutes.

Come on. Come on, sit down.

There.

Just, uh, relax.

Take your tie off. Take off anything you like.

Well...

That's better, huh?

(Radio playing)

Howard?

I like you very much.

I think...

You're very nice.

Like that song? - Yeah.

- Me too.

Howard, a lot of people don't know this.

But sex is very similar to the foxtrot.

Watch. One... two...

Like a box.

Three... four... see?

- Mm-hmm. - Try it.

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

- What are you doing with my picture?

- Uh...

Oh, Howard, sit down.

I suppose I should've just told you about this right away.

- Told me what? - About us.

- What about us? I just met you.

- Yes, I know. But I've spent the last three months

studying everything about you.

Including when you'd be on my vacation.

- Why? What for?

- Howard...

I would like to have your baby.

- You can't have my baby.

- Why not? - I don't have a baby.

- Howard...

I would like you to give me a baby.

- Give?

(Laughing) I don't believe this.

- Well, what's the big deal anyway?

You don't even have to spend the night if you don't want to.

Just make love to me and forget about it.

- Forget about it? You know, aside from the fact

that you've been using me, you're forgetting

one very important thing.

The minute you become the mother,

I become the father.

- It doesn't matter. - Well, it does to me.

I'm not just some sex object.

(Door slams)

You know, I am very disappointed in you.

All that talk about the green bay packers

was just a come on.

- Well, yeah.

♪♪

- Good night, captain merrill.

- Oh, good night, Vicki. Sweet dreams.

- Captain merrill? - Mm?

- Don't you like uncle Marshall?

- Why do you ask me that?

I never told you that I don't like my brother.

- Well, you didn't exactly say that

but you looked at him, you know,

like you don't approve of him.

- Vicki, it's not that I disapprove of my brother.

It's just that, well, he's never worked for a living.

- Oh... oh, I see!

It's not that you don't approve of him,

you're jealous of him.

(Marshall) - Hey, everybody, this way!

Last one in buys the drinks!

(People hooting)

- Vicki... - I know, "go to bed." Bye.

- Oh, I love this ship. They got bars all over.

- What's going on here? (All laughing)

- Oh, just go on. Do what you're doing, merrill.

You won't bother us. - Bother you?

Who ordered all this champagne?

- Well, you did.

The order was signed "m. Stubing."

- Really? Well, I'm afraid you all have to leave.

- Oh, come on now. A toast, to my brother.

The finest captain on this ship.

(Laughing)

- Bottom's up. Oops, maybe I better not

say that while we're still at sea.

- Now, I must insist.

- Come on, everybody. We're gonna sing now

just like we practiced. Here you go, Ruby.

(Ship horn blaring)

(Vocalizing with ship horn)

Everybody!

(All) - ♪ row, row, row your boat ♪

♪ gently down the stream ♪

- Ah! - ♪ merrily, merrily ♪

♪ merrily, merrily, life is but a dream ♪

- Starboard side only!

(Singing continues) (Chattering)

Ruby, you're the greatest!

♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪

♪ gently down the stream ♪

♪ merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪

♪ life is but a dream ♪♪

♪♪

- Ah, beautiful morning.

- It was a beautiful night. - Yeah.

Well, What'll we do today?

How about some shuffleboard?

- Hey, how about a game of gin?

- Oh, I'm not much at playing cards.

How about some backgammon?

- Oh, I bet you're a great card player.

- What makes you think so?

- A woman's intuition.

I knew someone a lot like you

who was a tournament champion.

We used to play cards for days at a time.

- I hate to disappoint you, but I can barely

tell the difference between a spade and a club.

- Oh, I'll teach you. Give it a try, all right?

- All right. All the money you hustle out of me

is gonna deprive my poor old grandmother

of her gallbladder operation.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Listen, I'm really sorry for what happened last night.

- Okay.

- I mean, I'm really sorry.

- Okay. I mean, you can't help it

if you're an animal.

- Then you forgive me?

- Yeah, sure. I forgive you.

- Oh, what a relief.

I am so glad you're not mad at me anymore,

because I really want you to be the father of my baby.

- Will you stop that?

If you don't stop, I won't talk to you again.

Not even about the green bay packers.

♪♪

- Marshall...

I don't think anything could ever be

more beautiful than last night.

- Wait'll tonight.

(Clears throat) - Forgive me.

But I thought saw smoke coming from this direction.

- Um... my, I have to run.

I have a manicure. I'll see y'all later.

- Bye, honey.

- My compliments.

You're working fast, even for you.

- Why? Because I gave her an engagement ring?

- You bought an engagement ring?

- You should know that. I put it on your bill.

- What?!

(Scoffs) - Relax, merrill.

I think maybe I love her.

- Oh, well, this love you feel wouldn't have anything to do

with three little ol' oil Wells, would it?

- Per acre.

No, it's got nothing to do with that.

- I can't believe you. What happens when she finds out

you're not what you claim to be?

- Oh, merrill, you've been a worrywart since we were kids.

- I don't suppose you want advice from your older brother.

But you can't build a happy marriage

on a foundation of lies.

- You're absolutely right. - I am?

- Yes. I don't want your advice.

- Oh! Oh, boy! I told you I wasn't very good at cards.

- Well, if you could just try. Come on.

- Why do you make such a big thing of it?

Why is it so important that I play cards?

- It's not so important, it's just...

It's just that I thought it might be nice

if we could play cards together, that's all.

- Well, there are other things we could do together.

Aren't there?

Cards aren't such a big deal,

if you'll pardon the expression.

- Okay, come on, try again.

♪♪

(Knocking on door)

- Come in, it's open.

- I hope I'm not interrupting.

- Oh, no, it's just captain stuff.

Getting our bearings. We're either

off the coast of puerto vallarta

or somewhere near Topeka, Kansas.

(Laughing)

- I, uh, want to talk to you about your brother.

He just gave me this ring.

- Yes, he said he was going to do that.

- Well, I wanna buy Marshall a little present.

Nothing fancy. A gold watch or a car.

But I know so little about him,

and I ought to know more about the man

I'm gonna spend my life with.

- Well, in that case...

Maybe you'd better sit down.

Miss Gibbons--

- Ruby. - Ruby...

- Look, I still think you should find a guy and fall in love.

Buy a house in the country, buy a station wagon,

and then have his baby.

- You don't seem to understand something, doctor.

I am not against these things, I like this.

But statistics prove, and you know this,

that one out of every two marriages ends in divorce.

One out of every two.

- I know all about those statistics.

In the last divorce survey, I was the only one

mentioned by name. (Laughing)

But I still think you're making a very serious mistake.

- I think I know what I'm doing, doctor.

But I'll tell you one thing.

I sure appreciate your concern.

- May I speak to you? - Me?

- Yeah. - Yeah, sure.

- I have had it. - You have?

- And not only that, I have something to say to you.

Something I should've said last night

and you better listen. - What?

- Holly, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

You're kind and you're beautiful

and you're fun to be with.

And not only that, you're a good person.

- Did a computer somewhere say all that about me?

- But you're also selfish and you're unrealistic.

After all the time that you spent choosing me

and then finding me, you can just go

choose somebody else?

- I mean, I'm sure the doc is a nice guy.

But let's face it, you don't know

anything about him.

So if you're gonna make a mistake,

you might as well make it with me.

At least that way, it'll be easy to rectify

because I like you.

- What're you trying to say?

- One, two, three, four.

- You are kidding.

One, two, three, four?

- My cabin. 8:30.

- Okay, yeah!

- Hey. - Hi.

- Hey, what're you buying in there?

You have everything.

- I didn't buy anything for myself.

It's a present for you.

- For me? - Mm-hmm.

- Can I open it now or do I have to wait for Christmas?

- No, go ahead, open it.

- Oh, that's great.

Almost makes me wish I smoked.

- I know the best pipe tobacco to go in it too.

You're really gonna love it.

- No, you didn't hear me. I don't smoke.

- I've been thinking how distinguished you'd look

standing there lecturing in front of your class with a pipe.

- But... - Look, I have to get my hair done.

I'll see you at dinner, okay?

- Oh, a gift from your aunt.

- Oh, it's very... Professor-ish.

- Yeah, maybe I can use it for a prop.

- You know, it's just like the one my uncle John smoked.

♪♪

♪♪

(Piano playing) (People chattering)

- Ruby, where've you been? - I am sorry.

Marshall, I had a long talk with your brother.

- Oh. Great guy, isn't he?

- Mm-hmm. - What'd you talk about?

- You.

- I'll kill him. Don't believe a word he said.

(Ruby chuckling) What'd he say?

- He said that you were a tad irresponsible

and you tend to stretch the truth a mite.

- Did he say anything else? - Plenty.

- I guess he told you that I'm not really

all those things I said I was.

- Well, not exactl-- - and that I don't really own

a villa in the south of France.

- No, he didn-- - and then I'm sure he told you

I'm so broke, I don't know where my next tin

of caviar is coming from.

- No, he didn't say that either.

- What did he say?

- He said he really admires you.

- That you are one of the few people in this world

that knows how to love life.

- Merrill said that about me?

- And that you're warm and giving

and that you'll make me a wonderful husband.

- I told you not to believe a word he said.

It was nice, Ruby. Really nice.

- Marshall, wait. Why are you leaving?

- Because I love you.

You deserve a lot better than me.

♪♪

- Aunt Chris, I just don't think

you ought to be taking anything for granted.

- I'm not, but Neal said he had something

important to tell me and, well,

I don't think it's a secret how we feel about each other.

(Knocking on door)

Oh, that must be Neal. Would you mind?

- Sure.

Oh, hi. Come on in.

I'll just... See you two later.

- You look lovely. - Thank you.

I, uh, ordered a bottle of our favorite wine.

It should be here soon. Now, um,

what is all this you can't tell me at dinner?

- Well, for one thing, maybe we shouldn't

have dinner together tonight.

Christine, this is very hard to say

but whatever it is that's happened between us

has gone too far, too fast.

I think we have to slow it down.

- Slow it down?

I don't know what you mean.

If you've come to say good-bye, why don't you just say it?

- Chris-- - I understand.

The cruise is almost over, and so is the shipboard romance.

You're a real gentleman to let me know.

- Christine, what I feel for you,

I never felt about anyone before.

I don't think you're ready for us yet.

- How can you say that?

You know I love you very much.

I admit that when I came on board,

falling in love was the furthest thing from my mind.

But you reminded me so much of my late husband John

that I fell...

- I thought that's what it was.

I'm not John. Till you accept that,

you won't be ready for me or anyone else, for that matter.

- Is that it? Have you had your say?

- Yes. Except that I care for you.

Very much. I want you to know that.

- I'll try to keep that in mind.

- Christine...

- Would you please go?

♪♪

(Knocking on door)

- I've been counting the minut--

- well, I got here as soon as I could.

- Right here. - All right, certainly.

Now, um, would you like me to open this for you now?

- No, no. - Is this all right? Is this fine?

- Just great, thank you. - Oh, wonderful.

Ah, thank you.

- Oh, you're here.

- Yeah, well, I didn't want to be late for our, you know...

- Yeah, well, that's fine. I like punctuality.

- Good. Well, like you said, I'm here.

- Yeah, well, shall we--

- what? Yes?

- Dance?

- Sure, why not?

Sure.

- I wouldn't blame her if she never wanted to see me again.

- But it isn't your fault.

You had to try to get through to her somehow.

- I don't want to lose her in the process.

- I know. - Neal...

- Oh, excuse me. I'd better leave

before I'm late for whatever it is

I'd be late for if I didn't leave.

Excuse me. Bye, aunt Chris.

- Can I get you folks something to drink?

- How about some chateau d'yquem?

- Well... - Cup of hot chocolate?

- If you don't mind, I think we ought

to try something different.

I mean, those others are good,

but maybe it's time we found a new favorite.

Our favorite.

(Clears throat)

- We'll leave it to you, Isaac.

But remember, you're starting a tradition.

- Mmm, a big responsibility like that may take some time.

So you're gonna have to find a way

to keep yourselves occupied.

- No, stop! - Stop? Why?

- Because, can't you see? I like you too much.

- What's wrong with that?

- It ruins everything, that's what.

It's defeating the whole purpose of what I'm trying to do.

I mean, it's just not another situation.

And you're not a sex object anymore.

- Well, that's not so bad.

- Statistically, it's horrible, Howard.

I mean, there's just no future

in anybody liking anybody anymore

and believe me, I know what I'm talking about, Howard.

I don't know, it just seems like today

a good divorce is better than a good marriage.

It lasts longer.

- Well, you could be right, I don't know.

But what I do know, is that I like you.

A lot. And I kind of have a feeling

that we can change those statistics.

But you're gonna have to give me something

that's very important to you.

- What?

- A little time.

- How much time?

- Time to play chess, go camping,

maybe see a football game.

What do you say, Holly?

Can we start over again?

Hi. My name is Howard Samuels.

- Hi.

My name is Holly Christopher.

- Hi, Holly.

Hey, can I walk you home?

- Yes, you handsome devil.

- Evening, brother. - Evening, brother.

- Where's Ruby? - Before Ruby threw me over,

I thought I'd do her a favor and throw myself over.

Oh, that was very nice, what you told her about me.

That I was warm and giving. - Well, you are.

Unfortunately, what you give is usually mine.

Listen, Marshall, everything I told her was true.

- Well, I just told her some other true things about me.

I guess you're bringing out the boy scout in me, merrill.

- I'm glad you decided to come clean.

- So am I, even though it does cramp my style.

(Ruby) - Marshall?

There you are. I have been looking

all over this boat for you.

Evening, captain. - Ruby.

Well, if you need anyone to talk to,

I'll be in my cabin polishing my merit badges.

- Marshall, I was worried about you.

- About me?

Hey, I'm the guy who really loves life.

Remember?

- Marshall?

I love you.

- You mean after the way I lead you on,

you still want me?

- You don't have to say all that stuff to impress me.

I don't care about what you don't have.

It's what you got that matters.

And you got something I really need.

- I do?

- Yep. You love me.

- I really do.

- Honey, I may not know much about you

but I know what I like.

- Oh, Ruby.

- And I especially like that.

♪♪

- Doc! (Squeals)

- Wh-what was that for? - For your opinion.

- What was that for? - Well, Holly told me

some of the things that you said

and I just wanted to thank you.

- Yeah, thanks again. - Hey, wait a minute.

Doesn't anybody want to thank me?

- Sure, gopher, I'll thank you.

- Sure, anytime.

(Julie) - Bye-bye.

Aunt Chris, is that you?

- Yep, I thought I would try

something different for a change.

- I love the hat.

- What are you looking at? - Nothing.

Except for those glasses and that hat,

you're the spitting image of a girl

I went steady with in high school.

- Really?

- Why are you doing that? - From now on,

when we look at each other,

we won't be seeing anyone who isn't there, okay?

- Deal.

- Bye-bye. - Good-bye, sweetheart.

- That'll be fine, Jacqueline.

- Merrill!

It's been great seeing you again,

and meeting your lovely daughter.

- Well, Marshall, this time I can honestly say

it was great seeing you.

And your lovely Ruby.

- Thank you, captain.

- You're so pretty.

I hope I look like you when I grow up.

- You could do worse, Vicki.

And when I grow up, I hope I'm more like your father.

♪♪

♪♪