Original subtitles

(ROCK SONG PLAYING)

MAN: Wait. Wait a second. (INDISTINCT)

(WENDY GIGGLING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

No class. Oh, yeah?

I saved some for you, that's class.

Did you spit in it?

No, I forgot. (ELECTRONIC GAME BEEPING)

Hey! Where'd you get those batteries?

What batteries? The ones that you're using.

I had 'em. You didn't have 'em last night.

I found 'em. You found 'em?

Yeah. You found them right out of my Walkman,

that's where you found 'em. Now give me those!

Don't break it. If you ever come in my room again,

then I'm gonna cut off your feet. No, you won't,

'cause then you would have to carry me to school.

Don't try and find out.

Morning. BOTH: Morning.

Can I get you something, Bri?

Wet Willie! WENDY: What's going on?

WENDY: Wait a minute! BRIAN: What you gonna do, huh?

You're gonna drink this, pecker-head.

BRIAN: Booger brains. Oh good, nice talk, very descriptive.

Stop it! or wear it!

Oh, cool it. Would you guys get back in here?

Animals.

Brian, you didn't eat anything.

Yes, I did. No, you didn't.

At least have some milk, okay?

(BUS HONKING)

Uh, Brian, here, eat this on the bus, at least.

You eat it for me.

(CHUCKLES)

GIRL: Come on, we're gonna be late.

BOY 1: You got it, you got it.

LEE: What's up, boys? BOY 2: How's it going?

Hey, Lee, the hell is in your ear, Lee?

Oh, no, did you do it?

Oh, my God! Oh! Did it hurt?

Oh, no. No. Did you get it in the right ear?

I hope. (GRUNTS)

Tasteful. What did your folks say?

They were happy. Happy?

Yeah, I told 'em I wasn't getting a Mohawk.

Hey! Hi!

I wouldn't be seen with this...

Hey, you know what my dad told me?

My dad said that we're gonna have, like,

undercover cops in every high school.

Oh, he should know, because he's a doper, I guess?

Shut up! Yo, I wonder who it is.

I was thinking it was you.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

Morning, class.

Hope all of you have had a nice healthy breakfast

to fortify those active little minds of yours.

Books under your seats, pens and paper out for a little quiz.

STUDENTS: Quiz?

Yesterday's assignment, remember?

GIRL: You said it was optional.

Right, the assignment was optional.

You didn't have to do it, but I didn't say we wouldn't have a quiz, did I?

Well, you tricked us. Yeah, I tricked you.

But it's not fair!

Big news, Jill, life isn't always fair. That's part of the lesson.

Uh, this isn't supposed to be life.

(STUDENTS CHUCKLING)

How are we supposed to know what's what?

I mean, if you don't tell us.

You wouldn't have to worry about it, Beckman,

if you spent as much time studying

as you do stuffing your face.

BOY: Beckman.

Any other complaints?

Good. Let's take the quiz.

(STRAINING)

COACH: It's good.

Stay low. Stay low.

Bend your back! Bend your back!

Keep your hands on that stick!

Keep it going, guys! Keep that ball down.

Good scoop! Good scoop!

That-a-way! Play it out.

BOY: All right! COACH: Good scrimmage.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

COACH: Take your time.

Look up, Field, there's an open man!

COACH: Come on! Keep it moving!

That-a-way. Good pass. Good pass.

Goal. Nice shot.

COACH: Not good enough, Why not?

Cause I wanna see it in a game!

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

BOY 1: Yeah, come on. BOY 2: Dude...

All right, food time. Ooh, yeah.

BOY 3: Hey, so what happened?

LEE: Yeah, so, Melanie's sporting a tube top, right?

And I go up to her, and I'm like, "'Sup?"

And she's looking right at it.

What? Oh, give me a break.

LEE: The noodle, the beef noodle.

The one-eyed snake with a turtleneck.

(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS)

Yo, Brian, my man, what's up?

Hey, sit a little closer, huh, Brian?

Eleven-year-olds into heavy metal!

They don't even know. By the time they're our age,

they're gonna be biting the heads off chickens

and listening to Barry Manilow. (LAUGHS)

JAKE: Barry Manilow? Will you explain that, please?

No, thank you.

Oh, God, they're closing in on us.

JAKE: What do you want? Get outta here.

Chocolate chippers.

Here.

Well, Jeffrey wants one. Well, make him do a trick.

Yeah. (ALL LAUGHING)

BOY: Make him speak.

Here, Jeffy.

(ALL LAUGHING)

WENDY: Hey, can I have a hand out here?

Hi. Hi.

Hey, I thought we were going to get your learner's permit.

Yeah, right. You forgot?

Forgot? I did not forget.

Oh? till I get mine.

My parents will never sleep again. Hello.

Oh, looks like the Russian army stopped by for lunch again today.

Glad I went to the store.

Things got a little out of control.

Things got totally out of control.

Hey, let's go if we're going, huh?

Oh, yeah. Guys, I gotta split, okay?

Later, Chief.

All right, man. Thanks a lot.

Bye, boys.

BOY 1: Bye.

BOY 2: So, where to? Where are we going?

LEE: We'll go to your house.

Well, can I come?

Put on a clean shirt, huh?

Can Jeffrey come? JAKE: No.

WENDY: Guess not.

(MUTTERING)

(JAKE WHISTLING)

I can't believe it.

What's that? What?

You!

When did you get so big and good-looking?

And how'd you get so smart, huh?

Not from me.

My God, you're gonna be driving.

You're just gonna come home to change your clothes and eat, huh?

I'm never gonna see you again.

Don't get nostalgic on me.

Come here, hon.

Come on, let's go. Oh, too uptight to give your mom a hug, huh?

Who's uptight? Are you too cool for this stuff? Is that it?

What are you doing? Oh, I'm getting my hug.

Oh. Oh, come on, Jake.

(SIGHS)

Listen, this is the real stuff.

And don't you forget it.

WENDY: Hmm.

If they're gonna be driving, I'm moving to Idaho.

JAKE: So, what if I just wanna drive around the neighborhood?

Well, you can't drive without me in the car.

You can ride a motorcycle with a learner's.

Oh, they're too dangerous, honey.

Not a real big one, just a dirt bike.

Well, we'll see.

Yeah, that means "no way." Shut up.

Hey... Look, you're doing just fine.

Just take it easy, okay?

You take it easy.

Yeah, he drove all that summer; Dad let him.

Colorful guy. Yeah, and on the highway.

You little narc! Hey, stop it, both of you!

Both hands on the wheel!

WENDY: All right. Look. Look. Want me to drive this car?

(CAR HONKING)

Jake, you can drive!

Ta-da. He can even drive with one hand.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

I could ask him to turn it up.

Ask him to turn it up, maybe he'll turn it down.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

WENDY: Jake. Lisa.

Oh, Mom, look, uh, one sec.

We just have to put on our clothes.

Huh? Jake!

Shh.

(CHUCKLES) Very funny.

Dinner's ready.

Now, not too much parmesan cheese on that, Bri.

How's your pasta, Jeffrey? Good.

You're not eating? No, I'm going out later.

With Russ?

Bri, I don't go out with Russ anymore.

Come on, you know that.

People can always change their minds.

Jake, I wish it was that simple.

So, who are you going out with?

Just some friends.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, no, no, no, not all the windows, just in there.

Okay, still extra $25.

Just for the front? Great!

(ELECTRONIC GAME BEEPING) (SIGHS)

Hey, Bri, will you stop fooling around and clean your room, please?

Your dad's coming in town.

He is, today? Yup.

REPAIRMAN: Here, you want windows, okay?

Yeah, yeah, that's okay.

Yeah, he called this morning. He sounded good!

Well, when's he getting in?

Hey, Dad's coming to pick us up for dinner,

and then he's going to Montreal.

Montreal?

Colorful guy. (CHUCKLES)

Uh, Bri, that T-shirt, that's what you're wearing?

You can't be serious. He bought it for me. Dad likes Conan.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING) (SIGHS) Not that much.

Oh, honey, please don't eat,

He's gonna wanna take us someplace nice, you know?

(SIGHS) Brian, trust me on this.

And watch out for your jacket.

And bring your shoes.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

(MOUTHING)

You look nice.

(DOOR OPENS)

Dad!

Dad! Bri, look at you,

you're growing like a weed. Amazing.

How long you gonna stay? Dad!

Just tonight. Hey, Jake.

How you doing? Great!

God, it's good to see you guys.

I really missed you. JAKE: It's good to see you.

ALAN: Three months is too long.

JAKE: So, where are we going for dinner? Wait and see.

Hi. It's good to see you.

I wasn't sure this was going to work,

but I had to give it a try.

This will be quick, but memorable.

When's your plane leave? 7:00 a.m.

Well, come on in.

Actually, uh, we better move it. I made reservations.

But I want you to see the house. Let's have a drink.

Joanne's at the hotel.

BRIAN: Joanne's here?

Oh.

She's going to Montreal?

Mmm-hmm.

Well, you better get going. You guys ready?

BRIAN: Well, can Mom come with us? Oh, no, I can't.

I made other plans, and I couldn't break them, could I?

Go on. Go on.

Go ahead. Go ahead.

You guys go on ahead for a minute, all right?

I wanna talk to your mom. Okay?

(INAUDIBLE)

Okay, let's go get some chow.

Your mom seemed good. Everything okay?

Everything?

Everything at home, you know what I mean.

Yeah, everything's okay.

Russ all over with? Looks that way.

Is she going out? Is she seeing anybody?

I think, yeah.

Maybe someone new.

Good. Good.

JAKE: Uh, yeah, we're having a Saturday scrimmage, right?

I'm coming downfield, and Brody, remember Brody,

the guy who can bench-press a house? ALAN: Big bozo.

JAKE: He comes out and knocks me

right into the ground,

I'm hurting, I can't even breathe...

So how does your team look? How are they gonna do this year?

Pretty good. Pretty good. Springfield's our first game,

and I feel good about it. I've never seen lacrosse.

I'd love to see you play.

Well, maybe... Oh, hey, Dad.

If you're gonna get me something up in Montreal,

you wanna know what I want?

-Sure, what do you want? -A sabre.

A sabre? Yeah, a real one.

Could you get me one up there?

What do you plan to do with it?

He needs it to finish his lobster. (ALL CHUCKLING)

No, you know, hang up on my wall.

Dad, if you get him a sabre,

get me a suit of armor (LAUGHING)

Jake, Bri...

We got some good news to share.

Joanne and I are getting married.

When?

JOANNE: Next weekend.

Well, congratulations.

Remember, guys, if you need me,

all you have to do is pick up the phone.

Okay.

(DOOR CLOSING)

You should have seen me trying to get that wine out of the house.

I had to walk right past my mother,

and I had the bottle underneath my jacket.

1968.

This wine is older than we are.

Oh, my God, maybe that's really good wine!

Well, it tastes pretty good.

No, I mean maybe it's really expensive.

Look, if you have to, you can always blame it on Julie.

That's the good thing about having an older sister.

Yeah, that's a brilliant idea. Then, I would really get it.

Don't worry. Why not?

'Cause you got other things to worry about.

Oh, yeah, like what?

Like that bear standing right behind you.

I didn't spit in it.

Hey, come here.

What happened to your hand?

I had to punch Max.

(SCOFFS) You had to? Yeah.

I was trying to play handball, and he kept kicking

the soccer ball into the court.

So you punched him? No.

I kicked his ball way behind the handball court,

and when he went around to get it,

I followed him, then I punched him.

One of these days, you're gonna get your ass kicked.

You realize that, don't you?

Not by Max.

Oh, you must be one tough guy! Tough enough.

Cocky enough.

(SCOFFS) Better watch out, badass.

(MAN COUGHING)

Who is it?

I don't know.

Is it Russ?

(MAN BLOWING NOSE)

Hi.

I'm Sam.

Where's Mom?

Mom's, uh, sleeping.

Your mom's been waiting to...

We wanted... We wanted to...

(SIGHS) Well, this is a kick.

This isn't the greatest way to meet, is it?

I know one of you is Jake, right?

I'm Jake. Hi.

I'm Adolph.

JAKE: He's Brian.

Hi, Brian.

Sleep okay? (CHUCKLES)

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I gotta go to work.

Has your mother got... coffee around here?

(BUS HONKING)

Your bus.

Hey, space cadet.

Jake, has your mother got any coffee?

Oh. No.

Um, she stopped using it.

It kept her up, you know.

Why don't you try the herb tea?

Won't make you as jumpy.

Thanks.

(WHISTLE BLOWS) (BOYS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

Hit it! Hit one knee.

We got an epidemic going around.

(CHUCKLING AND SCOFFING)

I gotta teach you bozos

the proper way to dry yourselves after a shower.

(CHUCKLING)

First, dry your head.

Second, dry the crotch area.

You gotta be kidding me. This is too weird.

This might be the most important thing you learn in school, listen up.

Last, dry your feet and toes.

Head, crotch, feet. (BOYS CHUCKLING)

Only in that order. Got it?

Let me hear it.

ALL: Head, crotch, feet!

(ALL CLAMORING)

Hold it! Hold it! Hold it, listen to me.

When I was a kid, got a bad case of athlete's foot.

It got infected.

One night I woke up screaming.

The infection had spread from my leg into my groin area,

and that's how I lost one of my testicles.

(BOYS EXCLAIMING)

Put it in the showers, guys!

(CLAMORING)

There's this incredibly powerful connection.

Chemistry, whatever you want to call it.

I knew it the minute I met him.

In a lot of ways, we're very much alike.

You know, I mean, we're totally comfortable together.

We're like kids. We have fun!

It's as if I've known him all my life, this guy.

No, wait a minute, wait a minute.

You haven't know this guy all your life,

you just met him.

So what's your rush? I mean, three weeks ago,

you were a basket case cause Alan said he was getting married.

WENDY: Well, yeah, that's right. So why don't you be happy for me?

What is with you?

You know, Alan got his ice princess. What am I supposed to do,

go into mourning for a year?

Hey, I would hate to see with someone on the rebound.

It's been two years since Alan and I split up.

Let me be happy, do you mind?

I'm tired of being alone.

I am not asking you to be alone.

I'm just trying to suggest

that you please take a look at what you're getting yourself into.

WENDY: So he does not have a law degree, so what?

He's a very nice guy. He's solid,

he's full of life, and he needs me.

And right now, that's very important to me.

I don't wanna talk about this anymore, Pat. (TOOL CLANGS)

The, uh... The way we met wasn't so hot.

(CHUCKLES) Was it?

So, how's school going?

(SNICKERS) WENDY: I'll be right down.

How's work going?

(CHUCKLES)

Depends on the day.

What kind of work do you do?

Oh, I'm in, uh, security systems.

Right now, selling and installing.

I used to have my own company,

but, uh, big guys moved in and squeezed me out.

And to help things along, I had a partner who was stealing from me.

(CHUCKLES)

But there was just no way I could compete with the big companies,

so now I'm working for them.

(CHUCKLES) Isn't it crazy?

And all they care about is sales.

Man, I mean, whatever it takes,

without any kind of regard for, I mean...

I mean, forget about the customer.

They don't care about that.

And I, for one, find it a little bit difficult

to deal on that kind of level.

So, I'm putting together my own new company.

Very, very personalized, very quality-oriented.

And with no partner this time.

And I'm gonna beat Tri-State at its own game.

Okay.

Okay? Better than okay.

Uh, listen, at Jeffrey's tonight,

so there's all kinds of stuff in the freezer,

but you could just yourself a pizza. Mom.

Yeah? Don't worry.

Okay. Goodnight, honey.

Take it slow, Jake.

WENDY: Bye. SAM: Bye.

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

Come on, maniac, can we get out of here?

Shh.

(CAWING)

Come on, let's go.

Hey!

Hell of a shot, Bri.

BRIAN: It was an accident.

I didn't mean to.

I just wanted to see...

What would happen?

Yeah, sort of.

Well, you don't have to do it again, okay?

(KIDS SHOUTING)

JAKE: Guess who's here.

WENDY: What do you think, Jake? SAM: Whoa.

It is Jake's? Yup.

Here you go. It is?

Uh-huh.

JAKE: Fantastic! I don't believe it.

Sam talked me into it.

SAM: It's two years old, but it's still in pretty good shape.

I picked it up from a friend of mine I work with.

JAKE: It's great! He even polished it for you.

Yeah, but Mom paid for it.

JAKE: She did?

Thanks. SAM: Hop on.

No, no, Brian, get off. Get off!

Mom! Yeah, get off.

Come here. Come, Brian.

How's it feel? Oh, incredible.

Okay, let me check you out before you start.

You been on one of these before, right?

Yeah. You got your ignition here.

Foot crank. You give it a crank, make sure it's in neutral.

(ENGINE STARTING) Great.

Left-handed clutch. Right-handed brake.

Okay, put it in gear, let it out a little bit.

Easy, easy, easy.

WENDY: Be careful! No sweat.

Now, take it easy, Jake. Just real easy now,

get the feel of it.

Remember, just lean into it, lean into it.

There you go. There you go.

(DOG BARKING)

(HONKING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

Maybe Sam's okay.

He's an asshole.

Not a total asshole.

Close enough.

Why, 'cause you didn't get a dirt bike?

'Cause I didn't get shit!

Hey, watch it!

Wait, wait, forget this, do you?

What would I do without you?

SAM: Forget the charcoal, that's what.

(WENDY GIGGLING)

Okay, gentlemen, gather 'round here,

because the key, I say,

the key to great barbecuing is right here in this bag.

Right, you need charcoal.

What is he, a wise guy?

This is mesquite.

Ever heard of it, cooking with mesquite? No.

This stuff'll make your tennis shoes taste good.

That great, huh? Yeah, that great.

Here, take this off.

Okay, back off, Brian.

Okay, go ahead.

Yeah! All right.

JAKE: Can I close it? SAM: Yeah.

JAKE: Tell me when.

SAM: Good hands, Jake!

Wasn't expecting it.

Yeah, but you didn't back away, that's good.

JAKE: Didn't have time.

You going out for the team?

Lacrosse, I'm on the team.

Well, that's too bad, we could've practiced together.

I used to play minor league ball myself once,

about 100 years ago.

Really, who for?

Phillies farm team, in Nebraska.

BRIAN: What position?

Uh, second base, anywhere they put me.

(HUMMING)

We did good, huh? We sure did. Mmm.

You dudes should see what we got for dessert.

BRIAN: Ketchup.

You got a smart, beautiful mother who can whip up

an unbelievable chocolate cream pie.

That was supposed to be a surprise, huh?

You guys got it made.

I swear I love this kind of grub.

Simple, but good.

One of these days... I'm gonna open up

my own restaurant just like this.

Tasty fish and meat cooked right over mesquite.

What about your security company?

Well, this is something your mother and I could do together.

We cook our own food, everything.

Main course

and outrageous desserts. Hey!

Can't miss. You should do it.

Ketchup?

Yeah.

Brian, you seen those little off-road three-wheelers?

Yeah.

You don't even have to ride one of those, do you?

WENDY: Sam, should I put coffee on now?

I'll talk to your mother, see what I can do.

Yeah, absolutely.

Maybe for Christmas.

You're right, he's an asshole.

Maybe we should give him a break.

At least until Christmas.

You said he was okay.

He's an asshole he's okay, okay?

Maybe he is okay, the asshole.

You really think that?

How do you know he's an asshole?

(SIGHS)

I just know.

Will you calm down?

He tries too hard.

So, what is wrong with that?

I don't know.

He says and maybe he's okay.

You know you wouldn't like anybody she brought home.

Hey.

You should get one of those.

Oh, right, sure.

I wouldn't wear that in my own bedroom.

Melanie wears them.

Melanie's a sleaze.

She's not that bad.

Okay, so she's a nice sleaze.

Maybe you could just wear it in your room.

Mmm-hmm, or in your room?

Good idea. Forget it.

Hey, what about these?

No!

I hate their dumb commercials.

Yeah, me, too.

Look, just get the kind you always get. They look great on you.

Thank you.

I liked Russ.

Yeah, and look what happened.

Maybe you shouldn't make snap judgments.

Well, what about trusting my instincts?

If she's happy, what is your problem?

Trusting her instincts.

Oh, God, Jake, you sound just like a parent.

-Jake! -That's the worst thing you've ever said to me!

-Jake, what are you doing? You take that back right now!

Or you're going home just like that.

All right, let's go.

What? Let's go.

Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?

LISA: What? You know I'm right.

Get in there.

(SNORTING AND LAUGHING)

All right, I forgot who I was dealing with.

Yes, you definitely forgot.

Goodbye!

Yeah.

What do you say, Jake? Not much.

What are you doing?

Well, I'm trying to burglar-proof this place.

I'm reinforcing this front door here; putting in new locks.

Gonna alarm all the windows,

then wire the whole thing up to a first-rate security system.

-Is this stuff from your company? -Uh-huh.

I want you guys to feel safe.

With all the wackos the streets today,

you can't afford to be too careful.

The house was robbed.

Yeah?

Well, I got stories you don't wanna hear.

Goddamn true life nightmares.

Maybe you should tell them to your customers.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Hi, Mom.

Hello, Jacob.

Sam's turning this place into a fortress.

Can't be too careful.

What you making?

A cake.

A cake? Mmm-hmm.

Mom's making a cake.

Mom's making a cake?

WENDY: Yup.

Devil's food. Another outrageous dessert.

What's it for? It's for us.

Must be Sam's birthday.

Just make sure he gives us the key to those locks. (CHUCKLES)

Sam's gonna be staying here for a while.

He is?

Mmm-hmm.

For how long?

He had to move out of his apartment.

Apartments aren't that easy to find.

You mean he's moving in?

I knew the cake meant trouble.

(SIGHS) Look, you guys, I need to have my own friends, don't I?

We'll be your friends. (SIGHS)

Hey, Mom, what's going on? Just tell us.

All right, okay.

Well...

This is what's happening.

It's been a while since Russ.

I met Sam, and I like him a lot. I really do.

I like being around him,

so I want him to be around here with us.

And I just want everyone to feel comfortable about it.

Just like that?

We live here, too. Don't we get any say?

Let me know when it's time for dinner.

Brian, wait a second.

(FOOTSTEPS POUNDING)

(SIGHS)

(DOOR SLAMMING SHUT)

Jake, why won't you try?

It's too quick.

No, it isn't.

Sometimes it doesn't take long to know.

Your dad's getting on with his life; why can't I?

It's major. Russ didn't even move in!

It's too important.

You'll have to trust me on this, Jake.

Oh.

Oh, I'm just gonna have to.

Yes.

Honey, it's change. Things change.

Sometimes it's hard to accept.

But you have to try. Please try.

(SCOFFS) Oh, you mean go with the flow.

Jake, give it a chance.

What if I don't like where it's going?

Well, you don't always have a choice.

Things aren't always about you, honey.

Right.

Jake. Please, for me.

(GRUNTING)

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

COACH: Set it up. Set the offense up.

Set it up.

Keep it moving. Play it through!

(GRUNTING)

Try and keep that stick on the outside!

My fault! Play it out!

(GRUNTS) (WHISTLE BLOWING)

Cut it out, Livingston!

Save it for a game! You all right?

Let's set it up! you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine, but watch it.

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

What's wrong? I got another one.

Oh.

Great. Nice going, Bri.

I didn't start this one, I swear.

Yeah, I'll bet.

Oh, come on, just... Please.

All right, let me have it.

Oh, it looks perfect.

One more of these, and she's gonna have to go in and meet with 'em.

We'll both be in deep shit.

But this one wasn't my fault.

Why are you getting in so many fights?

'Cause I always win.

It's like being the fastest gun. Then lose once.

Thanks.

Anybody got a chainsaw?

Takes a lot of nerve to call this toilet a restaurant,

know what I mean?

There's nothing wrong with mine. Mine's good.

And look at this, babe, they're just packing 'em in.

Yep, you know why?

'Cause there's nothing else around. That's why.

The sad thing is, people are just waiting to be turned on.

I'm telling you, we should do it.

We should really do it, Wendy.

I mean it. if you're really serious.

What, open a restaurant?

I'm dead serious. Yeah.

Well, doesn't it take a lot of money to open a restaurant?

No. Not if you open up a sushi bar.

All you need is some raw fish and a knife.

Let's do it. How... How do we do it?

How do we get a loan?

That's tricky, for a restaurant,

but there's other ways we can put it together. I know we can.

Like what?

Well, we could turn over some real estate.

Hell, I know some property we could turn over.

It's only a little house but it's on this beautiful

piece of land. When did you see it?

It just went on the market last week, it's perfect.

We'd fix it up.

I could do most of the work myself.

I bet we could get in for $10,000 down,

we'd turn it over in five or six months.

We'd probably triple our money.

And that's all we have to do?

Bang! That's the down payment on the restaurant.

WENDY: It sounds like we could really do it.

We could. What if you can't sell the place?

Oh, I could sell it, Jake, that's no problem.

They've been trying to sell the house next door to us for over a year.

Well, not that house.

That just means the market's soft, Jake,

and now's the time to get in. Make sense?

What if it stays soft?

Jake, why are you so negative? What's with you, Jake?

Why is everything such a bummer with you, huh?

WENDY: Well, all kids are cynical today, you know.

It's hip. JAKE: No, it's not.

Oh. SAM: Oh, it's not?

You tell us what's hip, Jake.

Nothing's hip.

Oh, nothing's hip? You mean, nothing matters anymore?

I didn't say that. Well, what'd you say then?

You mean, nothingness is hip? What'd you say?

(SIGHS)

"Hip" isn't hip anymore.

Sorry.

WENDY: Now, Brian, you have a spelling test.

I want you to study for that right now.

BRIAN: Right now? Right now.

Hey.

Get off my back.

I had this really bugged out dream about Rader's class...

Not again! ...last night.

Wait a minute, where you're in class,

naked and totally unprepared?

No, this is the one where everyone else was naked,

and I was the only one who did the assignment.

Oh, you're very sick, you know that.

Even sicker than I seem. Yes.

Where are the cookies? Hey, Jake, can I get a Coke?

LEE: I must have the cookies.

Hey, Jake, how 'bout a Heineken, huh?

Hey, guys.

Yo, let's get outta here now, all right.

LEE: Why? Now?

(BOYS TALKING ALL AT ONCE)

LEE: Where we gonna go?

JAKE: We're going to your house, okay?

All we got is Melba Toast.

All right, all right, all right.

JAKE: Okay, let's go Come on!

(BOYS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY)

(INDISTINCT TALKING AND LAUGHING)

"And Rocky proves that if you work hard,

"and believe in yourself, and have the guts..."

(MR. RADER HOOTING)

Boring!

Boring alert!

Boring!

The assignment was major contributors to the 20th Century."

Rocky's not even a real person.

Yeah, I know, but... You know,

I have been trying to figure out what your problem is.

You believe in the tooth fairy, too?

And did you forget about Spider-Man?

Spider-Man can beat up Rocky.

Superman can lick 'em all.

Sit down. Sit down.

Asshole.

Did I hear what I think I heard?

Someone have something to say to me?

Jake?

(BELL RINGING)

Stay in your seats.

If you've got something to say, stand up and say it.

Don't be a coward.

I didn't say anything.

Go!

Jake!

Your work isn't good enough anymore

that you can afford to get on my bad side.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Watch it.

Okay.

(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC STOPS) Hey.

Aw, nuts.

You wanna play my records, ask.

I didn't think you'd mind, they were lying out on your desk.

Where's my mom?

She went to pick up Brian.

You like the oldies, huh? That's my time.

Your mother give 'em to you?

My dad gave them to me, and they're mine.

Yeah, I know they're yours, Jake.

The pinball machine's mine, Jake,

but you can play it anytime you want.

Thanks, anyway.

SAM: What's the matter? Lisa giving you a hard time?

- WENDY: Wait! -Brian, you look like you been shot at and missed.

WENDY: Wait! Hey babe, what's wrong?

WENDY: Oh, I said I was sorry, what else do you want me to do?

SAM: Wendy? You were two hours late!

Next time I'm not waiting! What's going on?

Wendy? Open this door!

Hey, there's a limit!

WENDY: Come on, Bri, take me off your shit list, honey.

I don't need this shit.

BRIAN: You aren't on my shit list.

Today you made the hall of fame. (WENDY SIGHS)

Right, there's a limit.

What you mean by that?

Your brother.

BRIAN: "Went to Lake George."

Is that her writing?

Must have been in a hurry.

She didn't even leave a number or anything.

Lake George.

Around three gulps.

(VEHICLE HONKING)

Drink it, go ahead.

(VEHICLE HONKING CONTINUES)

No, you drink it, it tastes like rat piss.

(DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE)

(METAL CLANKING)

Do you think they'll be back in the morning?

Maybe I'll sleep at Jeffrey's.

No, not tonight.

His mom said I could sleep over any time.

Well, some other time.

Why?

Because I asked you.

Aw, are you gonna be lonely?

No.

If you're gonna be lonely, I'll stay home.

I'm not gonna be lonely!

Enough cookies.

I'll stay home anyway.

His mom makes anything you want for breakfast.

(KIDS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

Hi.

Hey.

Hey, do you wanna come for dinner?

Tonight? Yeah, I've already checked,

just come over after practice.

I can't. Oh, why not?

I... I gotta go home.

I gotta be there I'm sorry.

All right.

Easy.

I'm waiting for Sam.

How... How did Where's my mom?

Oh, she's out.

Sam went to get some beers.

You're here alone?

Not since you got here.

What, are you a friend of Sam's or something?

Are you?

How'd you get in?

Wrong house.

I thought I lived here.

Have fun in Lake George?

Yeah, it was kind of spontaneous.

Yeah, kind of.

Don't you even say hello?

Hey, come back here, your hands are filthy.

Hey, Brian, I'm talking to you!

Do you hear me? Come back here!

(WENDY BANGING ON DOOR)

WENDY: Brian, open the door. (BANGING CONTINUES)

I said open this door, right now!

Come on.

I met a friend of yours today.

Oh, yeah?

Interesting guy.

What do you mean?

Interesting guy.

What do you mean, interesting?

Interesting.

Yeah, you said that. Now you wanna tell me what he said?

Nothing.

He asked me something, though.

What?

If I was your friend.

(LAUGHING)

He did? (CHUCKLES)

Yeah, he did.

What did you say?

Nothing.

Why don't you just spit it out, Jake?

You wanna tell me what that means?

Do I have to?

Hey, shove it! No, you shove it!

Come back here, you little shithead!

Hey, don't talk to Jake like that.

Now, wait a minute, you hear what that bug said to me?

I don't care who he is! Who are you?

Listen to that! Why do you get out of here?

Oh, both of you... I'm telling you now,

I'm not taking that kind of bullshit from you! Hey, stop it,

both of you! And you let him act like a shithead!

Well, you don't have to act like one, too.

Hey, hey, he acts like a shithead,

and you jump all over my ass?

Christ, why don't you...

Why don't you go deal with your goddamn son,

and get the hell off of my back?

SAM: Hey, you're not listening to me.

I'm telling you, I'm at the end of my rope here.

WENDY: These are kids! They're kids!

You're not used to them, you don't know.

SAM: Oh, I know, I know. I'm not gonna takung any more crap around here.

I know that because I got enough shit!

I'm knee-deep in it. WENDY: Well, don't blame me!

It is not my fault!

SAM: Oh, what, it's not your fault?

Do you think it's my fault? You think I screwed up?

WENDY: No! I didn't say that!

SAM: Oh, yeah, you did, you think I blew it.

Come on. WENDY: No, I don't...

SAM: Listen, I don't give a shit what you think!

You ungrateful bitch!

WENDY: Hey! Don't you dare. You lousy, ungrateful bitch!

(SLAPPING) WENDY: Stop it!

Stop it!

(SCUFFLING)

(DOG BARKING)

Hi.

Hi, Jake.

How you feeling? You all right?

I'm fine.

You sure you're okay?

Yes, yes, I'm okay!

Are you just gonna take that from him?

How can you just take that from him? Now, look...

What is going on? Nothing.

He lost his temper, that's all. He feels terrible.

He feels terrible?

Yes! Sam has feelings, just like anybody else.

And he shows them.

Believe me, no one feels worse than he does.

What about you?

(SIGHS)

What about me?

Look, we lost that property the other day.

It fell through. Things just haven't been easy.

He's really trying, he is trying,

which is more than I can say for you.

See, we're trying to do this restaurant thing together.

I know it's something it's something I can do.

It's for all of us.

I want this just as much as he does. I don't believe any of it.

Well, you better believe it, Jake.

(SIGHS)

Look, let yourself get to know him.

I know him.

He's a deadbeat, he's a loser,

and he's a bullshitter. Hey.

No, he isn't.

Mom, why can't you see it? You blind?

Hey, excuse me, I am your mother.

You don't talk to me that way.

Then act like it.

Jake.

(PANTING)

(METAL CLANKING)

Look.

I yelled at you,

and, uh, I don't like yelling.

A lot of things are happening for me right now.

Some big changes.

A few setbacks.

I'm feeling a lot of pressure, Jake.

Sometimes I blow it. I'm human, you know?

I never raised a family before.

It takes some practice.

You don't know about pressure yet.

You don't know about a lot of things, but whether you believe it or not,

your mother and I are gonna have that restaurant!

And it's gonna be a winner, because I'm gonna make it happen!

Because I really love your mother.

What do you think I'm doing around here?

You think I'm just sitting around here, huh?

I'm trying to do something good for all of us, Jake.

I'm no loser,

and I'm no bullshitter, either.

Next time you wanna come in my room,

knock.

Next time you pass judgment on me,

don't go whine to chicken-shit wimp.

Have the balls to come and say it to my face.

(DOOR CLOSING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(PINBALL MACHINE BEEPING)

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

(EXHALES)

(DOOR CLOSING)

It's life.

Next.

(SNIFFLING)

(GRUNTING)

(MOANING)

Baby, baby, wake up.

She's... She's okay.

Fell asleep.

Is she drunk?

Come on.

(KIDS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

Hey, listen, um, there's a party at Betsy's on Saturday.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah! We're invited.

So, are we gonna go?

I don't know.

Maybe. Maybe?

When do you think you'll know?

I don't know!

Maybe I don't wanna go.

Well, great, am I supposed to go by myself?

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY)

You asshole!

Hey.

It was an accident.

Hey, come on, Jake. It was an accident, Jake.

It was an accident.

You're an accident.

Will you stop it?

Jesus! What's the matter with you?

Jake, will you stop?

What are you doing?

What is wrong with you?

(BANGING)

WENDY: Great! Great! Wonderful! Wonderful!

I can't do this.

Great!

Goddamn, where's my nail file? (SNIFFS)

The school called; Brian beat up some kid.

Oh, no.

I gotta go meet the principal.

They won't let him until I go down there!

(SNIFFLING)

I gotta go meet the goddamn principal.

(CONTINUES SNIFFLING)

I don't need this shit today.

I know Mrs. Mercer.

Come in.

Jake.

I asked to see your mother.

I've got to see her.

She can't, she got sick.

She's not coming?

Would you let him come home with me, Mrs. Mercer?

Someone could've been badly hurt this afternoon.

I know.

(SIGHS)

If this fighting continues, Brian's going to have to stay at home.

I don't know what else we can do.

Could you give him another chance?

Why is your brother so quick to punch?

(PHONE RINGING)

Our mom's sick.

Seriously ill?

I don't know.

We don't know what's gonna happen.

It's... It's been very different for us.

He won't do it again, I promise.

How can we be sure?

Because I promise.

Boy, are you lucky.

What happens if she's sick?

I don't care.

Everything I said was true.

Put that on.

Think we could live with Dad?

Don't get your hopes up.

Come on.

You ready? Yeah, go on. Ready.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

SAM: Brian!

Your mother's crying right now because you're screwing up.

You're tearing her apart. You satisfied with that, huh?

Come back here, I'm talking to you!

Eat shit, dick-face, you're not my father, okay?

Come back here, you little prick!

You don't know... Hey, leave him alone!

(PANTING)

Don't ever touch me or my brother again.

(DOOR CLOSING)

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

(CAR DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING)

(ENGINE STARTING)

Is he coming back?

(SIGHS) Yes, he's coming back.

He just went away on business.

Oh.

You know, Jake, you and your brother don't understand anything.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Hi, it's Alan. Oh, hi.

How are you?

I'm fine, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Can I talk to Jake?

Yeah, he's here, just a second.

Jake.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

It's your father.

Dad. Hi, Jake.

How's it going?

Where you calling from?

London.

London?

Got a new client here.

Is Brian around?

Uh, he's not here.

I got a message he called the office.

Is everything all right?

How long you gonna be there?

For the rest of the month.

Do you know what he wanted?

Probably just to say hi.

Things okay with your mom?

Fine.

Maybe we'll all come to London this summer.

Sound good?

Sounds good, Dad.

Listen, I gotta go.

You take care, okay?

Tell Brian I called.

Okay, I will. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. (DISCONNECTED TONE)

(SLAMS RECEIVER)

(KIDS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

See you tomorrow, Bri.

You gotta take it home? Yeah.

Tastes like the box when you take it home.

No, no, it's better here.

BRIAN: Look, we could go to Alaska.

Are you crazy? We'd freeze our asses.

Look.

I don't care where we go. Let's just go.

Just leave Mom?

Yeah.

She still cares about us.

No.

No, she doesn't.

How do you know?

Because I know how I feel.

I'm sleeping at Jeffrey's tonight.

I made dinner.

I made dinner for us.

But then you didn't come home.

Brian called from Jeffrey's.

I didn't know.

I made linguini.

It's all stuck together.

And chocolate chip cookies with macadamia nuts.

Your favorites.

You want one?

Come here, they turned out good. They really did.

Mmm.

You're a coke-head, aren't you?

What?

No. Look at you.

What?

Look at the house.

I can't be everybody's maid.

Look at your family.

Brian. Look at what's happening to us.

Don't you care?

Well, I can't be everything for everybody, can I, honey?

(SNIFFLING)

I can't do everything for everybody.

Is Sam your family?

Don't put this off on him.

Everything was fine before he showed up.

You might've been fine,

but I wasn't fine.

You're not fine.

That's not you, Mom.

You gotta do something, for us.

Please.

What do you want me to do?

Get him out.

No.

(SNIFFLING)

I can't.

(SNIFFLING)

I can't do that.

(DOOR CLOSING)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

You are late!

Your research papers are finally graded.

Hmm.

No excuse for the delay.

I put it off as long as I could.

Then I kept falling asleep.

What?

What's this supposed to mean?

MR. RADER: We can discuss it after class.

JAKE: I didn't plagiarize anything!

Whatever you call it, you copied key passages out of a reference book.

I quoted! I quoted what I used!

You stole a lot more than you quoted.

I did not! After class.

You're wrong!

Jake, I've got the same book.

If I'm wrong, we will discuss it after class.

Now sit down. Let's get started.

It's in the library, I'm gonna go get it.

MR. RADER: Not now. I can prove it.

-Just sit down. -Why can't I get the book?

Jake!

MR. RADER: Either sit down, or go to the VP's office.

JAKE: You don't want the class to know.

-Did you hear what I said? -You wanna be the only one with the answers.

You want us to think you're the coolest, hippest...

Go to the Vice Principal's office.

If you're that great, then why are you trying so hard to impress us?

Get out.

You keep telling us about the real world.

You get out of my class!

In the real world, you'd be a grown man

competing with a bunch of 10th-graders!

You're a lightweight.

Lisa, stay in your seat!

(DOOR CLOSING)

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

(CAR DOORS CLOSING)

(THUNDERCLAP)

Where's the Peking duck?

On the outside. Outside?

Peeking in. (BOTH LAUGHING)

Hey, did you hear they're opening a restaurant on the moon?

Uh-huh. Great food but no atmosphere.

(BOTH CACKLING)

SAM: All right. All right. Listen...

(WENDY CONTINUES LAUGHING)

Listen, listen, guys...

I wanna say something that's very important to me.

Listen, I realize that me moving in here

and me living with you guys has been

a pretty rough adjustment on all of us.

But we're gonna bury this thing right now.

I mean it.

We got a lot of great times coming to us.

All our plans are coming together just like we wanted.

Today is day one. (TAPS TABLE)

Sounds good to me.

SAM: What do you say?

Sounds good.

It does?

Come on, Brian.

JAKE: Yeah, Bri.

Yeah, okay.

All right.

You guys wanna split a beer?

Okay, good idea. (DOORBELL RINGING)

Oh, I'll get it.

No, no, I'll get it, I'll get it.

You expecting someone? Yeah, yeah.

Well, hurry up before it gets cold.

I'll only... it'll only take a few seconds.

Someone from Peking.

You're early. I gotta head back to New York.

Okay. Uh, yeah, go up the stairs.

(DOOR CLOSING)

WENDY: I know I ordered Peking duck.

(CHUCKLING)

He can be so funny sometimes.

Who is it?

Uh...

(DOOR CLOSES)

You know, he means it.

He really wants things to be good for all of us.

If we could all just give him a chance.

Do we have to laugh at his jokes?

SAM: Wendy!

Wendy, could you please come up here?

You're not serious?

(FOOTSTEPS)

Who's that?

MAN: Goddamn amateur.

He never had it.

(DOOR CLOSING)

SAM: Where the hell is it? What did you do with it?

WENDY: What? (FLOORBOARD THUDDING)

SAM: Oh, don't give me that shit. Now, where is it?

WENDY: I don't know!

I don't know what you're talking about.

SAM: Oh, God damn it, what do you think I'm talking about?

What do you think I was doing with the money?

Now, come on, you're not that dumb!

WENDY: Sam!

SAM: Jesus Christ! Where is it?

WENDY: Hey, what're you doing? -What'd he lose? His dick?

Go. Out of the house. WENDY: Sam!

SAM: Oh, man. Oh, man! Why?

Just do it, now!

BRIAN: Why, what's going on?

-JAKE: Just go! -...somewhere in this house!

WENDY: Why did you do this?

SAM: It's got to be here.

Christ! What the hell WENDY: Sam!

WENDY: Hey, wait don't! SAM: I'm gonna find it!

Where is it? What happened to it?

Go away!

SAM: I don't give a shit!

It's here somewhere, and I'm gonna find the stuff!

Goddamn it, happened to it?

Where is it?

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Do you know what I'm looking for?

Yeah.

You do? Don't shit me.

I know where it is, too.

What am I looking for?

It's not here.

And if you don't get out of our house,

I'm gonna tell the police where it is.

The police?

You're gonna call the police you little shit for brains?

What about your mother? You're gonna call the police on your mother?

WENDY: No, Sam! You wanna get your mother busted?

Please, don't hurt him! It's her money, asshole!

$10,000! That's conspiracy, pal!

So, call the police!

Go ahead, call them! No!

'Cause if I go down, she's going down, too!

Now, don't shit me! (GRUNTS)

Oh, God.

Tell him where it is.

Oh, Jake. (SIGHS)

Just tell him where it is, honey.

(WENDY SNIFFLING)

I'll kick it out of you.

No! No! No!

Stay away... (YELLS) Get out of my way!

WENDY: Leave him alone, Sam! Where are you going?

Sam!

Come on! Come on! Come on!

(ENGINE STARTING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(BRAKES SCREECHING) (CAR HONKING)

Son of a bitch! Move it!

(TRAIN HORN BLOWING)

(TIRES SQUEALING)

(BRAKES SCREECHING) (SCREAMS)

(CAR DOOR OPENING)

MAN: Jesus. Are you okay?

JAKE: Yeah, yeah.

Are you sure My bike.

My bike. My bike. Don't worry about your bike.

I'm okay. I'm okay. Just help get my bike up.

You're bleeding.

Hey, wait a minute! Come back!

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

(DOG BARKING)

Hey! What are you doing?

Get outta there!

(DOG GROWLING)

(GARAGE DOOR CLOSING)

(SQUEAKING)

Shit. (GLASS SHATTERING)

(SLAMS RECEIVER)

(GRUNTING)

Get out!

I'll break your head off! I'll break your head off!

Open the door!

(FRANTIC KNOCKING) There's you mother.

You want me to hurt your mother?

I will, I swear I'll hurt her. I, I...

As much as I love her, I'll hurt her!

I'll do it, You want me to do that?

No. Ow! Huh? Huh?

Okay. Okay, what?

I'll show you where it is. You're gonna show me where it is?

You are? You promise? WENDY: Open the door!

(BANGING CONTINUES) Okay, get up.

Sam!

What's happening?

Jake, you're bleeding. Everything's all right.

Everything's just under control. Right?

Yeah, Mom, Where are you going?

We're going away, we'll be right back.

I'm going with you! No, you're not!

Where are you going with my son!

Will you just let us finish this thing?

No! Mom, just stay here!

Jake. It's gonna be all right.

You just stay, okay? Okay.

Just stay here.

SAM: You better pray to God that stuff didn't get wet.

Well, where is it, stud?

I'm waiting.

It's here.

You better not be pulling my chain, pal.

If this is more of your bullshit...

Oh, come on!

Okay, get up, get up!

Get out of there.

Okay, that's cool.

That's good. Good.

All right.

That's good. All right.

Everything's cool.

Come on, let's go home. Go.

SAM: The only thing we're trying to do here,

is we're trying to be a family.

To help each other get exactly what we need,

and to go exactly wherever we wanna go.

(SOBBING)

What do you think, huh? all about to me.

Being strong enough to handle whatever happens.

No pain, no gain.

No pain, no gain.

One quick phone call, to drop this stuff.

Come on, let's go tell your mother we got our restaurant.

Wendy!

What's going on?

(SIGHS) Get out!

What? Wait a minute.

Wait a minute... No, I just want you to leave.

Wendy, what are you doing now?

We got it, babe. We... We finally got it,

it's out in the car. I don't want any part of that.

I don't want you around us anymore!

I don't want you around my sons!

Come on, baby, you're just tired.

I am, too. Listen, we should go to bed.

Would... Would you leave us alone for a minute?

Sam, it's over.

No, no, no. No, don't say that.

Get out!

No.

I'm not going anywhere.

I'm staying right here in this house.

And that's the end of it, you understand me?

No, they don't understand you.

I'm telling you, get out!

Oh, you're telling me?

Oh!

Now I'm telling you!

I'm telling you, I've had enough.

You understand? I'm not going anywhere.

Get your hands off me!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

No! Sam, get off of him!

(GROANING) (GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

(BRIAN YELLING)

Ow!

(GRUNTING)

(BOTH GRUNT)

(GASPS)

(STRUGGLING)

(GRUNTING)

(BOTH PANTING)

Get out.

You come back again and I'll kill you.

Get out.

(GROANING)