Original subtitles

Oh, God, my allergies are so bad today.

-Listen how stuffed up I sound. -How can you tell?

Where's all the tissues? I thought this was a full box.

Good morning.

Fran, where are the double stuffed Oreos?

Shut up, Brighton.

-Here, sweetheart. -Thank you.

Listen, we're gonna have to be very sensitive where your sister is concerned.

-She's eager to develop. -Yeah, you're right.

In couple of years, we'll have to go through the same thing with Maggie.

I don't know how I'm going to get through this day.

My only remaining single friend called to tell me he's getting married.

Niles, you poor thing.

You're probably feeling so vulnerable and insecure, like a big loser.

Welcome to my world, baby.

It's just that I'm lonely, Miss Fine. You don't know what it is

to be the only one of your friends who's not married.

Hello!

-And over 40. -Not a clue.

Niles, how I wish that the woman of your dreams

would just come walking right through that door.

I have been tasting garlic pesto for two days now.

Would she ever leave Morty? What am I saying?

Darling, I just won a contest,

and I'm on my way over right now to pick up my prize.

Nineteen inches of heaven.

I'm so hoping it's a TV.

Brand new Sony Trinitron.

And all I had to do was fill out this little questionnaire on retirement.

Sylvia, have you eaten breakfast already?

-What do you think? -Then, you'll just want a little nosh.

I love you.

And I love that perfume. Good God, man, get a grip.

Come on, Franny, we gotta pick up the TV before 3:00.

Ma, this is a scam.

They're only trying to lure you down there

so they can talk you into buying a retirement condo in... Boca?

I'm gonna get my bag.

She was working in a bridal shop In Flushing, Queens

'Til her boyfriend kicked her out In one of those crushing scenes

What was she to do, where was she to go? She was out on her fanny

So, over the bridge from Flushing To the Sheffields' door

She was there to sell makeup But the father saw more

She had style, she had flair She was there

That's how she became the Nanny

Who would have guessed That the girl we described

Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed?

-Now the father finds her beguiling -Watch out, C.C.

-And the kids are actually smiling -Such joie de vivre!

She's the lady in red When everybody else is wearing tan

The flashy girl from Flushing The Nanny named Fran

An average day at Sun Lake Village consists of waking up,

God willing....

To breathtaking beaches, lush foliage and unspoiled vistas.

Tony Roma's.

Just six minutes from a Loehmann's,

a 24 hour Cadillac dealership

and the best prostate man in South Florida.

-See that guy in the front row? -Yeah.

-I'll bet he's got great hands. -Yetta....

What? One of us has to be able to open the pickle jar.

So, ma, what do you think? This place looks fabulous.

I couldn't make a decision like this without discussing it with your father.

And now, for those of you who are ready to make a deposit,

please, you'll join us for complimentary coffee and cake.

You know, I'm my own person.

Does the appliances come in avocado?

Mr. Sheffield, I know that it's really late, but I couldn't sleep.

And I was just hoping that you might be up.

-Were you having a nightmare? -I... think so.

I was dreaming I was sleeping in my bed.

-Yeah? -And this incredibly sexy woman came in

and bloody woke me up!

You think I look incredibly sexy?

Miss Fine, what are you doing in my bedroom?

Mr. Sheffield, I've got insomnia and I couldn't sleep.

And I thought if you couldn't sleep

and you came into my room, I'd be there for you.

All right. So, why do you think you can't sleep? What are you feeling?

I'm feeling frustrated and I don't know why.

Well...

When do you....

-When do you think this started? -Four years ago.

The insomnia kicked in tonight.

Did something happen today that's upsetting you or worrying you?

No. It was a perfectly normal day, manicure, pedicure, facial for Gracie.

She had a big play date today.

Then I took Ma to buy a condo in Florida, then Bloomies, then home.

Miss Fine, your mother's moving to Florida?

She put a deposit on a condo for her and Daddy today.

They're finally moving to Boca, 1372 miles away, roughly.

Miss Fine, did it occur to you

that your mother moving to Florida might be what's troubling you?

So not.

Seriously. I think it might be worrying you more than you think.

I think this is the thing you should talk to Dr. Miller about.

-In therapy? -Of course, in therapy.

What do you think those sessions are for?

You're not gonna tell me you sit there week after week, talking about me?

Yeah. Right.

Hello, Dr. Miller. I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time.

Not at all.

No. I'm always up at 5:30 in the morning.

How did you get my home number?

Let's just say there are 30 Dr. Millers in the tri-state area

that are a little PO'd at me.

All right, Fran, what's the emergency?

Dr. Miller, last night my dream came true.

You know, I couldn't sleep, so I went into Mr. Sheffield's room

-and, while we were in bed... -Yes?

Don't get excited.

Just on the night when I should have been jumping for joy,

I wound up miserable.

It's not unusual that,

when two people fantasize for a long time about something

and it happens, it's not uncommon for them to feel let down.

The question is, what about your feelings?

Were you completely satisfied?

I think so.

I mean, you know, it's what I've always dreamed of.

-You know how long I've wanted this. -Did you feel the earth move?

Doc, they're moving to Boca, not Antarctica.

Excuse me?

My parents are moving to Boca. Why aren't I happy?

Fran, it is a long and sometimes painful process

separating from one's mother, but you have to understand

you must do that in order to become a mature, healthy adult.

Mother, I am in session.

I don't even know why I still keep going to that Dr. Miller.

I mean, listen to what this man says to me.

For a woman my age, I have an abnormal connection to my mommy.

What's that?

It's wrong, Fran.

If you were still living at home and sleeping on a pull out couch,

-then already you'd be-- -You....

You know, the man is wacko.

Do you know how many people would kill to have a relationship

like I have with my mother?

I mean, let's face it. She's not getting any younger.

You don't know how many years you have together.

You gotta appreciate every precious moment.

I don't want my mommy to move away.

I'm really sorry.

-Good, my antidepressants. -They're mine.

-Please, would you stop? -Yeah.

Just because your friend's getting married and you're not.

You know, you don't exactly make tons of money.

You should be happy you don't have a wife to support.

And on that note....

Poor Niles, always a best man, never a man.

What do you think will be the hardest part?

Watching your friend kiss the bride,

or starting every sentence with, "No, I don't have a date."

I was thinking of asking a tall, voluptuous blond,

but she's moving to Boca.

You are pathetic. All right.

If you're that desperate, I will go with you.

That doesn't sound like you.

Someone leave that on your answering machine?

Now you can just forget it.

I wouldn't go with you if you begged me.

-Pick you up at 8:00? -7:00. We'll have drinks.

Oh, Val,

What am I gonna do without my mother being here?

I'm gonna miss her hugs and kisses.

Why is she the one that always gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling?

Because she don't wax her chin.

You are not putting brown pebble linoleum

in my gray and mauve nouveau riche condo.

Your condo?

Whose $350 a month social security is paying the mortgage?

Could you puke from this?

And this is hip.

At least mine is more appetizing.

You need more appetite.

Excuse me, Ma, but Dr. Artenberg says

that I have a sluggish metabolism,

and I have to eat or I will die.

And if that happens, I will put in my will

that you are not putting this brown pebble fakakta linoleum!

Val....

I can't tell her not to move. Look how happy she is.

Miss Fine, I've got a wonderful surprise for you.

The entire family is going to Florida for the weekend.

Florida sucks.

Miss Fine, do you really think

that sundae can replace your mother's love?

No.

Now it can.

You've got to come to grips with your mother moving.

I'm trying to, but every time I turn around,

something else reminds me of her.

Do I start yelling, or will those things disappear on their own?

She's just taking them out for a spin.

Would you think of them as training wheels?

Come here, sweetie.

Miss Fine, come with us. It'll be fun. Look, we're traveling first class.

Big shrimp. Free slippers.

We'll be staying at the Fontainebleau,

and your palatial suite has its own jacuzzi.

On the terrace?

I don't care. I'm not going.

Miss Fine, I understand.

But we'll be back Monday morning,

after I finish judging the Miss Universe contest.

Maybe it would be better for me to be around people.

Hi.

-Pretty girl, isn't she, Miss Fine? -Yeah.

You know, her platform is the environment.

You can tell she's had her whole body reconstructed

from her country's natural resources.

A little jealous, are we, Miss Fine?

Please! I've had a glimpse of a few of their mothers.

I know where they're headed.

Speaking of mothers, you're handling your future separation well.

I'm very proud of you.

You know, this has been a great diversion for me.

The plane, the shrimp, watching Booty Call.

Thank you for taking me on this trip. I really haven't even thought about Ma.

I'm always there for you, Miss Fine.

I know. You are such a good friend and--

They need me to take a picture with Miss U.S.A.

Hello, I am Alicia Machado.

Hi. From Who's the Boss?

No. That is Alyssa Milano. But I get that all the time.

I'm Miss Universe. Look at that.

Miss Universe....

Qué pasa, chica? Why are you crying?

I just saw a contestant that reminded me of my mother.

-Who? -Miss Hungary.

Poor baby.

Tell me, what interests you, Miss U.S.A.?

You mean, other than handsome judges?

Mr. Sheffield, I wanna go home. I have to tell Ma that she can't move.

It sounds delicious. Why don't you make reservations?

Excuse me, I just wanna say what a wonderful job

your judges are doing, especially that one over there.

You know, his cousin's a little nervous.

He's giving her a few tips on how to win this thing.

His cousin?

What on earth would make them think I was related to Miss U.S.A?

She's bloody Hawaiian, for God's sake.

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise.

The British aren't exactly known for picking the most attractive people

to wear a crown.

Miss Fine,

I haven't seen Gracie's new figure since we left Disney World.

What happened?

Space Mountain, they blew off into a galaxy far, far away.

So, Brighton, am I going the right way?

Yeah. Just make a left at that old lady.

We're in Florida. Which one?

I don't remember it taking this long to get to the airport.

I mean, I'm just anxious to get home and talk to Ma.

Miss Fine, I have a little confession to make.

I thought we were going to Sylvia's condo?

Stop the car!

Miss Fine, do you want us all to die?

When in Boca...

I just thought, if you actually saw your mother's condo

and the beautiful lifestyle she'll have, you might be happy for her.

Wouldn't you think?

Did you ever think some good might come of your mother moving away?

Mr. Sheffield, I've been so lost since Ma left.

Really? I feel wonderful.

I don't know what it is, Miss Fine,

but I feel so much closer to you since Sylvia left.

Sylvia who?

Miss Fine, I'm not sure how much longer I can control my feelings for you.

Well, wait three, four seconds and let her rip.

I gave Niles the day off.

Mr. Sheffield...

Where are the children?

I should know that, shouldn't I?

School. They're in school till 3:00.

So, there's nothing to stop us.

I mean, your mother isn't gonna be dropping by, is she?

Ma's moving to Boca Ma's moving to Boca

Ma's moving to Boca

According to the map, we should be there by now.

There's no condos around here. This is a complete and total swamp.

Oh, no.

Oh, my God. Oh, no.

Miss Fine, I think your mother's been taken for a ride.

No.

You know what? We'll get her deposit back.

And as soon as possible,

she'll put another down payment on a condo in Boca. As soon as possible.

Did I say that twice?

I'm car sick. I think I'm gonna throw up.

Me first.

Miss Fine, your mother's not moving to Boca, so why the sundae?

My mother's not moving to Boca.

Miss Fine...

Where's Niles? Did I give him the day off?

I guess so.

Where are the children?

I should know that, shouldn't I?

This is delicious.

-Here, you wanna try some? -Yeah.

Good, huh?

Oh, boy, got a little chocolate on the little mouthy.

I have been tasting kung pao beef for two days now.

Almost there.

Yes. Yes!

Just give me 20 minutes to recover,

and then I'll open up the apple sauce.

Yeah.