Original subtitles

What a beautiful day for a picnic.

I'll tell you, I'm so glad we got out of that dining room and back in to nature.

Peppermint or Darjeeling?

-Mint. -You know, Miss Fine,

it really was a wonderful idea of yours to have a picnic.

But I never took you for the natural, outdoor type.

Please, why do you think I don't wear make-up.

You know, at Camp Kindervelt, Val and I used to roast marshmallows

on my curling iron.

And if you steam a frankfurter in your hot curlers,

you'd swear you were at Nathan's.

I'm sorry. What were you saying?

Mr. Sheffield, that's the third time you said "what are you saying?"

There's something wrong with your left ear.

-I think your hearing's going bad. -Nonsense.

The herring's fine.

The egg salad's a little suspicious.

You know, my father had hearing problems. And Ma dragged him to the doctor.

He had to have a whole irrigation going on.

They found enough wax in there for Madame Tussauds

to make herself a nice little Linda Hunt.

Miss Fine, he'll never see a doctor.

He's far too vain to admit his hearing is going.

You know, it's so sad when a man can't age gracefully.

Would you look at that spectacle?

That 30 year old man kissing that young girl.

She could hardly be more than Margaret's age.

Where are her parents?

-That's what I want to know. -Hi, Maggie.

Calm down. Calm down.

This is just a phase. It'll pass.

I once dated an older guy when I was in high school

and it led to nothing but a heart break.

Especially when he failed me in math.

She was working in a bridal shop In Flushing, Queens

'Til her boyfriend kicked her out In one of those crushing scenes

What was she to do, where was she to go? She was out on her fanny

So, over the bridge from Flushing To the Sheffields' door

She was there to sell makeup But the father saw more

She had style, she had flair She was there

That's how she became the Nanny

Who would have guessed That the girl we described

Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed?

-Now the father finds her beguiling -Watch out, C.C.

-And the kids are actually smiling, -Such joie de vivre!

She's the lady in red When everybody else is wearing tan

The flashy girl from Flushing The Nanny named Fran

All right, young lady, you've got some explaining to do.

-Now start talking. -Daddy, I just--

I don't wanna hear it. Now, go upstairs to your room.

Come on, like she couldn't climb out the window,

shimmy down the trellis and pay Niles extra so that she...

This is between you and your daughter.

That boy is much too old for you, Margaret.

Dad, he's only 25.

It's the best relationship I've ever had.

-When did the two of you meet? -This morning.

At a book store.

A book store.

That's a great place to meet intelligent guys.

They'd have to light it bright enough so you could read. Nah, no good.

Come on, Dad, you don't even know John.

He's self-reliant, ambitious...

-Plus he's already a vice president. -Where?

His dad's firm.

Perfect. Some spoiled little rich brat living off his father.

What'd I do?

Dad, I'm not a little kid anymore. Why don't you trust me to go out with him?

Because I was a 25 year old boy once and I had nothing on my mind

but sex, women and how to combine them.

My luck, I don't get to meet him until he's going deaf and he can't digest corn.

You better get used to it, young lady. You're never seeing that boy again.

You are so unfair!

All right. That's it. That is it.

I'm locking her in her room until she's... your age.

Mr. Sheffield, you can't lock her away for... five years.

Come on, why don't we at least meet the guy? Then Maggie won't hate us.

All right. I'll keep an open mind. I don't suppose there could be any harm

in meeting the twisted, little cradle-robbing, sex maniac.

Sex maniac? Well, maybe I should meet this guy by myself.

This is insane. I forbid Margaret to go out with some 25 year old.

Well, fine. If you forbid her to see him, she's just gonna sneak out anyway.

I was 17 once, too. I snuck out all the time.

Of course, I didn't have a boyfriend.

I just wanted to eat bacon.

You know, I don't know why dad's making such a big deal

about me dating an older guy.

Because he's concerned about your welfare.

I mean, look at Anna Nicole Smith.

She marries a guy 60 years older than her.

He dies. All she's left with is his fortune.

So?

So? Sometimes they live.

My God! He's here.

Hi, Maggie.

Isn't he smart?

-And who is your beautiful friend? -Very smart.

-Hi, I'm Fran Fine. -Hi.

-This is my friend Mike. We work together. -Hi. I hope you don't mind,

I just came along for a cappuccino and the hot new Grisham.

Well, I don't know about a Grisham but the almond horn is delicious.

So, what do you think?

Honey, what can I say? There's too big of an age difference.

It's never gonna work out.

That's incredible! I can't believe how much you and I have in common, Fran.

-I know. We're both Libras. -We both love jazz.

And we both think that on the Mary Tyler Moore show

Phyllis' off-screen husband, Lars, might have been gay.

-I love these shows. I grew up on them. -Me too.

Thank God for Nick at Nite.

Yeah.

So, Fran, where'd you go to school?

-Hillcrest High. -Really? When did you graduate?

My senior year.

So, Mike McMullen, what are the chances of you being Jewish?

Well, you know, actually, my mother's Jewish, Fran, so technically--

Say no more.

Now, to satisfy my mother's second question,

what does your father do?

He's a buyer for Loehmann's.

I just could not get out of bed this morning.

Someone leave a big rock on your coffin again?

Very funny, janitor shaped like a drum.

I can't sleep and it can't be the coffee because all I drink here is decaf, right?

Of course.

Why don't I bring a nice cold soda in to pick you up?

All right. But make sure it's caffeine free.

Of course.

Sir, I made an appointment with the doctor for your hearing test.

-What? -I said I made an appointment--

I heard what you bloody said.

-Who told you to call the doctor? -Miss Fine.

Well, excuse me, but when did she become master of the house?

Three years ago, September.

-Would you like me to cancel? -Yes.

Would you like me to kick back and take the rest of the day off?

I said, yes.

All right.

So, Fran, you and John's friend, Mike, really seemed to hit it off.

Yeah. You know, it's so refreshing to meet a guy

that thinks Pulp Fiction is John Travolta's first film.

You know, this is so cool.

I mean, you're going out with Mike. I'm going out with John.

Well, you're half right.

-Fran. -Honey, he's way too old for you.

You're 17, he's 25. That is a huge gap.

So? You're going out with Mike and he's 25 and you're 33.

I am not!

Yes, you are. We had your 30th birthday here three years ago.

Well, I lied. I said I was older to get the job.

Well, what about your parents?

You said that your father was ten years older than your mother.

No, I didn't. I said my mother took ten years off his life.

You are such a hypocrite.

Why is it okay for Mike to date you but it's not okay for me to date John?

Because Mike is not my daughter.

Well, neither am I.

Well, go ahead and cancel the date with Mike

because now I'm dead.

Meanwhile, Ma, it's been two whole days and Maggie's still not talking to me.

No. I didn't try and bribe her with a salty pretzel and an egg cream.

And thank you very much.

Do you know how many years it took me to stop solving

my emotional problems with food?

Don't yell at me with your mouth full.

Good bye. Good bye!

-Fran. Forget about Maggie. -What?

I'm here and I think you're great.

-In fact, I think you're the best darn-- -Brighton,

you're not going to the makeup party.

Well, you're on your own.

-Fran. -What, sweetie?

Maybe I can give you some advice.

Remember, I had a crush on an older man once.

He used to bring me all those gifts.

Sweetie, that was Santa.

Niles.

How am I ever gonna convince Maggie

that she has nothing in common with a 25 year old?

And you do?

Absolutely. I was 25.

And for several years.

I haven't slept for three days. Niles, are you sure this is herbal tea?

Of course.

No sleep and yet I feel oddly calm and relaxed.

-Miss Babcock-- -What?

I just wanted to say that I'm glad you're here

because I really need a woman to talk to.

Well, aren't you going to say anything?

What? You mean, because she said that, you thought I was going to say something

about you not being a woman? That is beneath me, sir.

What's on your mind, Nanny Fine?

Well, Maggie thinks I'm being hypocritical

because I'm dating a 25 year old and she's not allowed to.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Who's Maggie?

The big one.

-Yeah. -Forget her.

So, you're dating a younger guy.

Delicious!

I think it's far more natural.

Women don't even reach their sexual peak until their 30s.

Yeah, well, for me it's happening much earlier.

Girlfriend, you got it going on!

I'm sorry. I was watching something on FOX before I came over.

When you were Maggie's age, did you ever date an older guy?

Sure. My father didn't care.

But the world was a different place when I was a girl.

Yes. They thought it was flat.

You know what? If I was smart, I would just let her go out with the guy.

Nanny Fine, Maxwell will kill you.

Good idea. Very unconventional. I like it.

No. Don't you see? They will have nothing to talk about with each other.

She'll get bored and break it up with him all on her own.

Of course, I'll have to chaperone with the young, eager-to-learn Mike.

But it's not as if we don't have a lot of stuff in common.

We both dig Toodie and the Blow Fish.

Tea, sir?

Tea, sir?

How's the hearing, you lucky little brat born into money?

On my right side, I hear fine.

Just funning you, sir.

Mr. Sheffield, about this Maggie-John situation,

I think I've got the perfect solution.

All I want to hear is that Margaret is never seeing that boy again, Miss Fine.

Fine. That's exactly what you're gonna hear.

They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightning,

no one at sea is smarter than he.

Well, go on.

And, you know, Flipper lives in a world full of wonder,

lying there under, under the sea.

And then she'll dump him.

What do you think?

Fabulous.

-Fabulous. Keep up the good work. -Thanks.

Call for you on line one, sir. Christopher Plummer.

Finally!

Now, get around here and fix my blasted toilet.

I'll get it.

-Hi. -Hi. Aren't you cute.

All right. Back off. Isn't it enough I'm letting you date her?

Young lady!

-What? -What?

Hello, Mr. Sheffield. Congratulations. I read you're doing a new show.

Why did Christopher Plummer drop out?

Miss Fine, you, me, alone, right now!

Typical male. Doesn't know what he's got till it's gone.

What is that man still doing with Margaret

and why were you kissing his friend?

Well, look at him.

You know, you didn't hear a word that I said to you yesterday, did you?

Well, that's the problem with our whole relationship.

That and the fact that you said that you loved me in Paris

and then you took it back, you just took it back.

I thought we agreed to put all that behind us.

Well, I thought we'd be picking out China patterns.

You know, if you had only-- Come here.

If you'd only gotten your hearing checked, none of this would have happened.

Why are you so vain about getting older?

-I'm vain about getting older? -Yes.

I'm not the one trying to recapture my youth, Mrs. Robinson.

Now, would you please relax. Maggie is a very smart girl.

I guarantee you one more date

and she'll realize she has nothing in common with him.

What about you and your young friend?

I'm a slow learner.

So get this. I finally call the accountant up and I say

"You call this a tax refund?" 200 bucks.

-A lot more than I got back. -I got back $2500...

after I declared all my dependents.

Fran, you’re a single woman. What dependents?

I support a lot of people.

Donna, Karan, Ralph, Lauren, Liz and Claiborne.

I've never paid taxes.

How do you do that?

Hi, guys. What'll you have?

-Vodka martini, straight up. -Two, please.

I'll have a margarita, no salt.

Joan Collins, please.

Honey, that's Tom Collins.

And no.

You'll have a better chance getting Joan.

But who doesn't?

Gonna have to proof you guys.

Ma'am, you're fine.

Are you sure?

-Excuse me. Ma'am. -What?

Please. I need to see your ID.

My, this is such a hassle.

You guys, I got a great idea. John, what do you say afterwards,

we head down to the Blue Note we go listen to a little jazz.

-Great! -Jazz? Who likes jazz?

-I do. -I do.

Wait a minute. We should do something that we all like.

What do you wanna do?

Well, I could see Clueless again.

Tell you what. Why don't we go grab something to eat?

-Eating is good. -I could always eat again.

-Fran, could I talk to you for a minute? -Excuse us.

I wanna go. I just think that I should be alone with John.

Well, I think that I should be alone with Armand Assante

but that ain't happening either.

I want to break up with him.

-We have nothing in common. -Really?

You sure you gave it enough time?

Fran, he didn't even know

that the Saved By The Bell kids went to college.

You knew this was gonna happen, didn't you?

Yeah. But you had to find it out for yourself.

Honey, you're a teenager, he's an adult.

It's perfectly normal for you guys to have nothing in common.

Well, I have everything in common with you.

Well, I'm stunted. I have no life.

I'm sorry I said I wasn't your daughter.

You are like a real mother to me.

Well, sweetie, why don't you and John take the limo home.

Me and Mike'll cab it later.

You're not bored with Mike?

So not!

See? When your sideburns are longer, it makes your face look thinner.

Plus, it wouldn't hurt to lay off the brie.

-Next customer. -Well, all right.

Yes, I could use a trim. Thank you.

You know, Miss Fine, I just caught Margaret

making out with that boy from her class.

God, I am so happy!

I don't know what you did but it certainly worked.

Well, I was just like Maggie when I was 17.

Except I wasn't tall, rich and thin.

And I never put Miracle Whip on a bagel.

You know, you were right about me too.

I was putting off having my hearing checked

because I was afraid of getting older.

Well, I was dating Mike because he made me feel younger.

And you know what I learned from that whole experience?

Worked like a charm.

What'd the doctor say?

Well, it seems I'm suffering from some short-term hearing loss.

It could be a virus or...

prolonged exposure to an unusual frequency or pitch.

That's funny. I live here and I've never had that problem.

Brighton!

Must be a virus.

My God, I completely forgot you were waiting, C.C.

I am so sorry.

I've just been to the ear doctor. I... I feel terrible.

Look how lovely you look.

I'll tell you what, why don't we go to your favorite restaurant?

Just the two of us?