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1
00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:14,892
♪ Love ♪
2
00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:18,813
♪ exciting and new ♪
3
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:22,983
♪ come aboard ♪
4
00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:26,654
♪ we're expecting you ♪
5
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:30,945
♪ and love ♪
6
00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:34,830
♪ life's sweetest reward ♪
7
00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:39,119
♪ let it flow ♪
8
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:42,995
♪ it floats back to you ♪
9
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:46,464
♪ the love boat ♪
10
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:51,506
♪ soon will be making
another run ♪
11
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:54,803
♪ the love boat ♪
12
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:59,058
♪ promises something
for everyone ♪
13
00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:01,522
♪ set a course for adventure ♪
14
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:07,823
♪ your mind on a new romance ♪
15
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,201
♪ and love ♪
16
00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:15,489
♪ won't hurt anymore ♪
17
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:19,195
♪ it's an open smile ♪
18
00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:23,827
♪ on a friendly shore ♪
19
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:28,297
♪ it's love ♪
20
00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:34,339
♪ welcome aboard,
it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪
21
00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:13,171
Isaac!
22
00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:14,178
Mrs. Binkley!
23
00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:15,589
Hey, how you doing?
24
00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:17,047
Fine. How are you?
25
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,217
So you're joining us
again, huh?
26
00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:21,385
Well, things are
looking up!
27
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:24,064
I thought I heard
a familiar voice.
28
00:02:24,143 --> 00:02:26,063
Familiar and loud,
right?
29
00:02:26,145 --> 00:02:29,065
Will your sister be back
this year, too?
30
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,069
The dynamic duo lives.
31
00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:32,990
Do we have
our same stateroom?
32
00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:34,859
First cabin,
promenade deck --
33
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,866
just follow
the Martini glasses.
34
00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:38,578
Uh, yes and no.
35
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,448
Oh, well,
that's pretty definite.
36
00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:43,248
Well, didn't your sister
tell you?
37
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,249
Tell me what?
38
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,370
Olivia!
39
00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:47,036
[ Chuckles ]
40
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,665
You old bag of doorknobs!
41
00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:53,462
Ahhh!
Sis, how are you?!
42
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,585
Okay, enough small talk --
let's raise hell.
43
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,387
Uh, no.
44
00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:02,390
Things are gonna be
a little different this year.
45
00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:04,893
Why? I'm still young
and desirable.
46
00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:06,266
[ Chuckles ]
47
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:10,062
Well, uh, because...
Byron's coming with us.
48
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:15,107
You brought your husband?
49
00:03:15,194 --> 00:03:18,164
Well, yes.
But we'll still have fun.
50
00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:20,949
Sure, we'll lock him
in the closet.
51
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,954
[ Both laugh ]
52
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:27,922
What's so funny?
53
00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:31,129
Nothing, darling.
54
00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:32,750
I can't believe it.
55
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:35,467
Those two married women
were raising hell on this ship
56
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:36,418
for six years.
57
00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:38,007
Now one brings her husband.
58
00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:41,472
Well, I guess that means only
half the men onboard
59
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,564
are gonna have
a good time.
60
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:52,649
Hello. Welcome aboard.
61
00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:54,782
I'm gopher Smith,
the assistant purser.
62
00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:56,779
Hello, I'm Janet latham.
63
00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:58,281
Uh...
64
00:03:58,363 --> 00:03:59,953
Oh, Mrs. Latham, there's
a gentleman looking for you.
65
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:00,871
Right.
66
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,489
For me? Here?
67
00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,365
Are you sure?
68
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:07,292
Yes, ma'am. He's waiting
for you in the lobby.
69
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:09,122
Well, this is quite
a mystery.
70
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,667
I'll show you.
71
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,971
Oh, that's
the gentleman there.
72
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,965
That's my florist.
73
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,892
Oh, it's too bad.
74
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,097
Mrs. Latham.
75
00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:32,185
Mr. Dobson.
76
00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:35,321
I, uh...J-Just because
you're on vacation,
77
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,240
i didn't want you to
miss out on your roses.
78
00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:39,399
Oh, thank you.
79
00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:42,027
Goodness,
do you mean to tell me
80
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,865
you came all the way
from San Francisco
81
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,331
just to deliver this?
82
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:47,661
Oh, no.
83
00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:51,365
No. No.
I'm sailing, too.
84
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:54,037
Oh. Why, that's very nice.
85
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:57,837
Perhaps we'll run in
to each other.
86
00:04:57,922 --> 00:04:59,222
Perhaps yes.
87
00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:01,968
Well, what a small world.
88
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,846
Hi. Oh, thank you.
89
00:05:14,313 --> 00:05:15,233
Hello.
90
00:05:15,314 --> 00:05:17,194
Hello.
91
00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:19,735
Oh, that figures. If it's not
one thing, it's another.
92
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:22,569
What's the problem?
93
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:22,569
Mumps.
94
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,565
Nothing personal, but would
you mind standing downwind?
95
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:26,407
I never had the mumps.
96
00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:28,412
No, not me --
Danny denzlo.
97
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,414
Danny denzlo has the mumps?
98
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,916
That's terrible!
That's awful!
99
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,539
Who's Danny denzlo?
100
00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:37,205
He's the singer I booked
for this cruise.
101
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:40,205
Oh, now his manager says
he has the mumps,
102
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:41,758
and he can't sing.
103
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:42,761
Can he hum?
104
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:46,392
Doc, we're sailing in
15 minutes without a singer.
105
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:49,141
What am I gonna tell
the captain?
106
00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:52,143
Tell him to learn
"melancholy baby" quick.
107
00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:53,476
Okay.
108
00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:56,111
You know what I love
about you?
109
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,769
Not much.
110
00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:02,492
She used to be
such a pleasant girl.
111
00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:05,450
[ Air horn blows ]
112
00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:33,893
Come on, Isaac, think!
113
00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,766
I have to find
some entertainment
114
00:06:35,853 --> 00:06:37,153
for the acapulco lounge.
115
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,860
I need to find somebody
to replace that sick singer.
116
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:40,861
I've got it!
117
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:41,982
What?
118
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,318
♪ Give my regards
to Broadway ♪
119
00:06:44,403 --> 00:06:45,663
Next!
120
00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:48,278
So, then...
Promenade 343.
121
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:50,486
That should be right here.
122
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:52,996
I'll open it up for you.
123
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,619
Here we are.
124
00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:57,325
Your home...Away from home.
125
00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:59,376
Thank you, gopher.
126
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:00,750
Mm-hmm.
127
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:03,007
I, uh, I suppose I seem
like a dunce,
128
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,509
but I've never traveled
alone before.
129
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,681
Oh, well,
you won't be alone for long
130
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,010
if you get out
and mix and mingle.
131
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,306
Is that as dreadful
as it sounds?
132
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,980
[ Chuckling ] No, no.
133
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:17,849
Besides, it looks to me as if
you already have an admirer.
134
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,357
Henry dobson.
135
00:07:19,438 --> 00:07:23,398
Oh, no, he just delivers me
a Rose every day.
136
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:28,356
Oh, my husband was
a very romantic man.
137
00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:30,697
Every day of our marriage,
138
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:34,003
he sent a single white Rose
to me.
139
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:38,038
And even though he's been gone
now for three years,
140
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,004
the roses keep coming.
141
00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:43,884
Wow. That's the most beautiful
thing I've ever heard.
142
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:47,263
Yes -- beautiful.
143
00:07:47,341 --> 00:07:49,551
Well, here you go.
144
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,215
And your key.
145
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,894
Thanks again, gopher.
146
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,223
You're welcome. Bye-bye.
147
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,388
Bye-bye.
148
00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:14,619
[ Crying ]
149
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:21,036
Gee, I wonder what Julie's
gonna do about getting a singer.
150
00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:23,415
I don't know,
but if she doesn't find one,
151
00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:25,592
she'll have to do
her sewing by hand.
152
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:29,181
"Singer" -- "sewing" --
you get it?
153
00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:30,588
Unfortunately.
154
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:33,966
Mr. Smith,
your cleaning's ready.
155
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:36,215
♪ Oh, Danny boy ♪
156
00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:40,687
♪ the pipes,
the pipes are calling ♪
157
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:47,988
♪ So come ye back ♪
158
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:52,779
♪ when summer's in the Meadow ♪
159
00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:59,615
♪ or when the valley's hushed
and white with snow ♪
160
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:06,705
♪ 'Tis there I'll be
in springtime or in shadow ♪
161
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:12,005
Honey, I'm gonna go
across the hall and see livy.
162
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:13,263
Let's meet later.
163
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:14,304
Uh, how much later?
164
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,637
I don't know.
165
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:17,811
Go find something
to amuse yourself.
166
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:18,810
Like what?
167
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:21,351
Byron, I see my sister
once a year.
168
00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:24,105
I have only one chance
to gossip, giggle,
169
00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:25,478
and get caught up.
170
00:09:25,564 --> 00:09:26,824
What's to get caught up on?
171
00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:28,479
You write to each other
every week.
172
00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:32,277
They're off and running!
173
00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:34,953
I don't want to say
it's boring over there,
174
00:09:35,032 --> 00:09:37,162
but I've unpacked,
finished my magazines,
175
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:40,163
read the ship's log, and was
about to start on the Bible.
176
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,996
Come in.
177
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:43,501
I am in.
178
00:09:43,582 --> 00:09:46,882
I used to live here
in the good old days.
179
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,511
Oh, yes, I've heard
about the good old days,
180
00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:53,008
and I think it's high time
somebody kept an eye on you two.
181
00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:55,592
You were right.
Let's lock him in the closet.
182
00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:58,847
Hey!
183
00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:00,521
Hey, come on.
184
00:10:00,599 --> 00:10:03,059
[ Pounding on door ]
185
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:05,524
We're gonna go
find some action, Byron.
186
00:10:05,604 --> 00:10:07,234
Call us
if you need anything.
187
00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:11,685
Byron: Joan, you come back here
right now!
188
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,897
Oh, I guess we'd better
let him out.
189
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:14,818
Why?!
190
00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:16,985
Well, I think
we should just let him out.
191
00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:18,994
He doesn't love this stuff
the way we do.
192
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:20,196
Come back here right now!
193
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,116
Oh, I guess so.
194
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:22,873
They don't call old Byron
a wet blanket
195
00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,415
'cause he sleeps
in the rain.
196
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:34,934
♪ I'll be here in sunshine
or in shadow ♪
197
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:39,559
♪ oh, Danny boy,
oh, Danny boy ♪
198
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:44,519
♪ I love you so ♪
199
00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:47,562
Bravo! Bravo!
200
00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:51,066
If I knew you were coming, I
would have saved some hot water.
201
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,240
Gopher, you're fantastic!
202
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,449
Oh, thank you.
203
00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:58,028
Well, you know, I work out
and avoid between-meal treats.
204
00:10:58,115 --> 00:11:00,075
How'd you like to sing
for the passengers?
205
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,749
Oh. Come on,
I'm not a performer.
206
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:04,788
Aw, you could have
fooled us.
207
00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:06,212
♪ Oh, Danny boy ♪
208
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:08,580
Come on,
I sing in the shower.
209
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,088
You sang
for the cruise show.
210
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,959
Yeah, but that
was different.
211
00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:14,086
There, I was hamming it up
with my dad.
212
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,843
I couldn't get up
in front of an audience alone.
213
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:18,796
Julie's singer is sick.
214
00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:21,346
Now, somebody has got
to go on.
215
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,930
Well, get yourself
another somebody,
216
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:26,936
because I am not gonna
make a fool out of myself.
217
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,559
Oh, gopher.
218
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:32,226
Hey, tell her you don't argue
with a man in a wet towel.
219
00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:33,566
He's right.
220
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:37,071
He might decide
to snap it at you.
221
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:40,494
Now, if you will
please excuse me. Hmm?
222
00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:43,124
If you will please
excuse me.
223
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:44,792
Please excuse me.
224
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:47,870
"An interesting performance
with fine music and lyrics.
225
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,287
The costuming, however,
left much to be desired."
226
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:51,456
Out!
227
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,095
Thank you.
228
00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:03,349
Thank you.
229
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,101
Say, here's one
you might remember.
230
00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:07,102
♪ Oh, Danny -- ♪
231
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:20,155
I'll be right back.
232
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:31,922
Thank you.
233
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:45,313
Would, uh...
234
00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:50,099
Would you care for a, uh,
glass of Sherry, Mrs. Latham?
235
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,436
No, thank you, Mr. Dobson.
236
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:54,191
I don't like Sherry.
237
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:55,823
Oh.
238
00:12:56,984 --> 00:12:59,204
[ Clears throat ]
239
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:03,698
They, uh, they told me
to mix and mingle.
240
00:13:03,782 --> 00:13:06,542
They told me
the same thing.
241
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:12,040
Won't you sit down?
242
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,047
I'm disturbing you.
243
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:21,682
Not at all.
244
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:25,389
It's nice to see
a familiar face.
245
00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:33,016
Well, uh, how long
have we known each other --
246
00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:35,273
six, seven, eight years?
247
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:37,726
11.
248
00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:39,436
But who's counting?
249
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:43,067
But I guess you couldn't
really say we know each other.
250
00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:44,905
No, it's --
that's too bad.
251
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,700
It's a shame, isn't it,
252
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:49,954
that we get so caught up
in our big-city lives?
253
00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:54,497
I guess it's just a matter
of getting past "hello."
254
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:56,043
That's right.
255
00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:59,456
Well...
256
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,377
Hello, Henry.
257
00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:03,925
Hello.
258
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,520
Now what?
259
00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:12,268
Will you have dinner
with me, Mrs. Latham?
260
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:14,401
I'd love
to have dinner with you.
261
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:16,268
Oh.
262
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,395
Good.
263
00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:21,442
And it's "Janet."
264
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,947
Janet.
265
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:29,655
Now what?
266
00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:48,675
[ Chuckles ]
267
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:16,325
Well, how are my
two favorite passengers doing?
268
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:17,665
No complaints.
269
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,040
Not that many compliments,
either.
270
00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:22,707
Oh, allow me.
You look ravishing.
271
00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:24,876
I'd rather look ravished.
272
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:29,466
Were the drinks okay?
273
00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:30,803
Oh, another round, Isaac.
274
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,348
Oh, certainly.
275
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:34,851
Joan, I don't need
another round.
276
00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:36,853
Wrong.
277
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:39,855
[ Chuckles ]
278
00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:43,528
Oh, there's
a sad situation,
279
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:46,239
a handsome man sitting
in the corner, all alone.
280
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,160
And what's sad about that?
281
00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:50,868
The fact that
I'm sitting here. Bye.
282
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:56,289
What's she doing?
She's a married woman.
283
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:58,332
Oh, she's just flirting.
284
00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:01,875
I just don't understand
women these days.
285
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,710
Women are no different
than men.
286
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,626
They like to let it all
hang out once in a while, too.
287
00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:08,545
Ah, three piña coladas.
288
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:11,934
Uno...uno...uno.
289
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:12,932
Mmm!
290
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:17,693
Now, livy is gone...
Byron doesn't want his...
291
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:21,358
So it looks like
I'm all on my own.
292
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:30,072
There must be some way
to get gopher to sing tonight.
293
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:32,735
Well, sure, you could put
a gun to his head,
294
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,405
hold his parents hostage.
295
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:35,743
Hide his skate key.
296
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,328
Why do I listen to them?
Why don't I learn?
297
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:41,384
Julie, if he doesn't want
to sing, you can't make him.
298
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:42,788
I know.
299
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:44,166
Look --
300
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:49,085
I'd love to go on chatting
with you,
301
00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:51,894
but I'm about to have
a previous engagement.
302
00:16:54,012 --> 00:16:55,932
Wonder if she can sing.
303
00:16:56,014 --> 00:16:59,394
I don't think that's
what doc is gonna ask her.
304
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:03,436
You know, the one way to get
somebody to do something
305
00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:05,272
they don't want to do
306
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:09,067
is to convince them that
what they don't want to do
307
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,113
is really something
they want to do.
308
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:12,316
Huh?
309
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:16,866
When I get finished,
gopher will want to.
310
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:21,289
Run that by me again?
311
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:38,809
McCoy!
312
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,481
McCoy, what --
313
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,020
yes? Is there
something you wanted?
314
00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:45,983
Julie, look,
I clearly stated
315
00:17:46,064 --> 00:17:47,784
that under no circum--
316
00:17:46,064 --> 00:17:47,784
oh, wow!
317
00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:50,318
Oh, wow!
318
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,282
This is you, isn't it?
319
00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:54,952
Well, yeah, it's me.
320
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,032
You're singing here tonight?
321
00:17:58,076 --> 00:18:00,156
Well, actually,
I'm just, uh...
322
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:03,035
Oh, I just love singers.
323
00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:06,503
They make me feel so...Sexy.
324
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:07,835
Oh, really?
325
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,760
Oh, yeah.
326
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:13,508
I just can't seem to control
myself when a man sings to me.
327
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:14,432
Oh, really?
328
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:16,723
Smith?
329
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,104
What?!
330
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,970
Did you want to say
something to me?
331
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,768
Yes, Julie, um...
332
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:28,194
That is, uh...
333
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,233
Gotta go rehearse
with the band.
334
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,695
Thank you.
335
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,334
Anytime.
336
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,870
Listen, I gotta run. I gotta
have dinner with my husband.
337
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,035
I didn't know
you were married.
338
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,004
Yeah, to an accountant.
339
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:49,344
Accountants make me feel
so sexy.
340
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:04,515
[ Soft music plays ]
341
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:26,250
This has the color
of a night Rose.
342
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:29,251
You know so much
about flowers.
343
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,094
And absolutely nothing
about wine.
344
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:39,301
Mmm! Tastes terrific,
though.
345
00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:42,096
What a wonderful business
you're in.
346
00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:44,270
You make
so many people happy.
347
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,889
I'm a lot like you.
348
00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:47,096
Oh?
349
00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:50,435
You make them happy
just to look at you.
350
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:53,782
Now i'm the color
of a night Rose.
351
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,149
[ Chuckles ]
352
00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:08,416
Where's the watchdog?
353
00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:10,288
At El buffet.
354
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:11,955
[ Chuckles ]
355
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:15,594
Livy, I'm really sorry
if he's cramping your style.
356
00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:17,302
Nobody's cramping
my style.
357
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:19,302
I'm just sorry
you're stuck with him.
358
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:23,144
Byron's not so bad
if he'd just let himself go.
359
00:20:23,221 --> 00:20:25,141
If my husband
would let himself go,
360
00:20:25,223 --> 00:20:26,273
I'd help him pack.
361
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,654
Things still lousy at home?
362
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,809
Well, let's put it
this way...
363
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,648
Mm-hmm.
364
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:37,323
But, look, let's not spend
the whole evening
crying in our beer.
365
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:38,452
I came here to
366
00:20:38,528 --> 00:20:41,028
♪ live, love, laugh,
and be happy ♪
367
00:20:41,114 --> 00:20:43,624
Or words to that effect.
368
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,490
Yeah!
369
00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:47,157
Yeah.
370
00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:49,075
See you.
371
00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:54,998
Hey, guys.
372
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,507
I can't get any of
the musicians to tell me
373
00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:58,839
what gopher's gonna sing.
374
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:00,224
Every time I ask,
375
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,640
they just look at me
and start laughing.
376
00:21:02,719 --> 00:21:04,849
Well, that's not
very encouraging.
377
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:07,520
Well, what are we
worried about, huh?
378
00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:10,019
I mean, we've heard him sing.
He's great.
379
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,692
Nothing to worry about.
380
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:13,020
Julie?
381
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:13,020
Yes, sir?
382
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,685
I noticed that
you've substituted gopher
383
00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:18,074
for the scheduled
entertainment.
384
00:21:18,151 --> 00:21:20,321
I only hope
the passengers concur
385
00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:22,494
with your artistic
judgments.
386
00:21:22,572 --> 00:21:25,372
Now I'm worried.
Are you worried?
387
00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:26,660
Nah.
388
00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:26,660
No.
389
00:21:26,743 --> 00:21:27,663
Really?
390
00:21:27,744 --> 00:21:30,834
Well, sure.
It wasn't our idea.
391
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,878
Well, what can you do?
It's too late to cancel him.
392
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:39,091
Man, if he goes up and bombs
after you conned him into it...
393
00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:40,302
He's not gonna bomb.
394
00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:41,382
But, just the same,
395
00:21:41,466 --> 00:21:44,046
what do you say we give him
a little insurance?
396
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:47,256
I don't think we have
any applause machines on board.
397
00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:50,477
No, but we do know a lot
of the passengers on board.
398
00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:53,809
Maybe we could tell them
that gopher's our friend.
399
00:21:53,895 --> 00:21:55,555
And plead for mercy.
400
00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:58,067
No, and ask for them
to encourage him.
401
00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:59,690
What do you say, doc?
402
00:21:59,776 --> 00:22:01,566
Well, if you think
it'll help.
403
00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:03,743
I'll make sure
everybody gets plenty to drink.
404
00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:05,822
They may not even see him.
405
00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:11,620
[ Soft music plays ]
406
00:22:16,668 --> 00:22:18,498
Oh, that was
a great dinner.
407
00:22:18,587 --> 00:22:19,497
Hmm?
408
00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:21,878
The dinner --
it was great.
409
00:22:21,965 --> 00:22:25,585
You know, I never cared
for Olivia's husband much,
410
00:22:25,677 --> 00:22:28,557
but I sure feel sorry
for him now.
411
00:22:28,638 --> 00:22:30,928
Are we gonna waste
a beautiful evening
412
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:32,386
worrying about Ted?
413
00:22:32,476 --> 00:22:35,146
I am.
414
00:22:35,228 --> 00:22:37,858
Oh, come on, honey,
have a Margarita.
415
00:22:37,939 --> 00:22:40,649
And besides,
it's none of our business.
416
00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:43,954
A toast...
To Joan and Byron.
417
00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:47,279
May they live
a thousand years.
418
00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:50,326
She kissed him.
419
00:22:54,372 --> 00:22:58,092
May Joan live a thousand years.
May Byron drop dead.
420
00:22:58,168 --> 00:22:59,628
You know, honey,
421
00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:02,961
i-i don't see how you can
condone that kind of behavior.
422
00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:04,508
Come on, honey.
423
00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:08,641
Stop worrying about Olivia
and concentrate on me.
424
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:09,680
After all,
425
00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:14,103
I am the more attractive,
younger, sexier sister.
426
00:23:14,184 --> 00:23:16,564
And you're mine --
all mine.
427
00:23:16,645 --> 00:23:18,805
Hey, Joan!
Remember me?
428
00:23:18,897 --> 00:23:21,647
Roger.
Last year -- señor frog's.
429
00:23:21,733 --> 00:23:23,113
The conga line --
430
00:23:23,193 --> 00:23:25,033
♪ da da da da da da ♪
431
00:23:25,112 --> 00:23:26,452
♪ da da da da da da ♪
432
00:23:26,530 --> 00:23:28,120
We gotta do that
again sometime.
433
00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:30,738
My wife said she never had
so much fun in her whole life.
434
00:23:44,047 --> 00:23:47,047
Well, I talked
to a few people,
435
00:23:47,134 --> 00:23:50,054
and I think we can
safely rule out sniper fire.
436
00:23:50,137 --> 00:23:52,507
Well, let's not
get carried away, huh?
437
00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:55,347
I mean, gopher's just
gonna sing a simple song.
438
00:23:55,433 --> 00:23:56,483
It's no big deal.
439
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,400
[ Dramatic music plays ]
440
00:23:58,478 --> 00:24:00,808
Oh, my.
441
00:24:00,897 --> 00:24:02,607
[ Piano plays introduction ]
442
00:24:09,656 --> 00:24:11,576
[ Jazzy music plays ]
443
00:24:15,495 --> 00:24:17,865
[ Applause ]
444
00:24:17,956 --> 00:24:20,206
I don't believe it.
445
00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:24,092
Madame Frankenstein,
meet your monster.
446
00:24:24,171 --> 00:24:25,881
[ Applause continues ]
447
00:24:25,964 --> 00:24:28,054
Thank you. Thank you.
448
00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:30,183
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.
449
00:24:30,260 --> 00:24:32,720
Thank you and good evening.
450
00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:34,604
Or should I say...
451
00:24:34,681 --> 00:24:37,271
Buenos noches?
452
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:42,361
Okay, I want to dedicate
this first one...
453
00:24:42,439 --> 00:24:47,279
To all you guys
and you gals that are in love
454
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:51,240
'cause I think you'll find
this song tells it all.
455
00:24:53,116 --> 00:24:56,866
♪ Oh, you know that
the shark has, you know it ♪
456
00:24:56,953 --> 00:25:00,293
♪ such sharp teeth, dear ♪
457
00:25:00,373 --> 00:25:03,753
♪ and he shows them
pearly white ♪
458
00:25:03,835 --> 00:25:05,745
I guess he uses
dental floss, right, girls?
459
00:25:05,837 --> 00:25:09,547
♪ Just a Jack knife
has old macheath, dear ♪
460
00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:11,553
Where you from originally?
461
00:25:11,635 --> 00:25:13,715
♪ And he keeps it
out of view ♪
462
00:25:13,803 --> 00:25:14,723
♪ out of sight ♪
463
00:25:14,804 --> 00:25:15,934
Whoops!
464
00:25:16,014 --> 00:25:18,644
♪ Hey, when that shark bites ♪
465
00:25:18,725 --> 00:25:20,265
♪ with those teeth, dear ♪
466
00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:23,402
♪ Scarlet billows
start to spread ♪
467
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,230
Yeah!
468
00:25:25,315 --> 00:25:27,275
♪ Fancy gloves, though ♪
469
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:28,439
Oh, excuse me!
470
00:25:28,526 --> 00:25:30,106
♪ Wears macheath, dear ♪
yeah, right.
471
00:25:30,195 --> 00:25:31,525
♪ So there's never ♪
472
00:25:31,613 --> 00:25:33,283
Oh!
473
00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:35,325
♪ Never a trace of crimson
or Scarlet or red ♪
474
00:25:35,408 --> 00:25:37,618
Hit it!
475
00:25:37,702 --> 00:25:40,252
♪ Oh, on the sidewalk ♪
476
00:25:40,330 --> 00:25:42,080
♪ on Sunday morning ♪
477
00:25:42,165 --> 00:25:44,625
♪ there's a body oozing life ♪
478
00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:46,419
♪ someone sneaking ♪
479
00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:48,463
♪ sneaking 'round that corner ♪
480
00:25:48,546 --> 00:25:49,966
Whoops!
481
00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:53,128
♪ Could that someone,
oh, be mack the knife? ♪
482
00:25:53,218 --> 00:25:55,258
Everybody! Oh!
483
00:25:55,345 --> 00:25:57,755
♪ Sukey tawdry ♪
484
00:25:57,847 --> 00:25:59,637
♪ oh, Jenny diver ♪
485
00:25:59,724 --> 00:26:01,144
Captain stubing,
ladies and gentlemen.
486
00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:02,636
♪ And old Lucy brown ♪
487
00:26:02,727 --> 00:26:04,227
Ho!
488
00:26:04,312 --> 00:26:06,982
♪ Oh, the line forms
on the right ♪
489
00:26:07,065 --> 00:26:08,475
Maybe!
490
00:26:08,566 --> 00:26:09,986
♪ Now that mackie's ♪
491
00:26:10,068 --> 00:26:11,238
Ho! Ho!
492
00:26:11,319 --> 00:26:12,649
♪ Mackie's ♪
493
00:26:12,737 --> 00:26:13,987
Ho! Ho!
494
00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:19,292
♪ Mackie is back
in this to-o-o-o-wn ♪
495
00:26:19,369 --> 00:26:20,829
[ Applause ]
496
00:26:35,677 --> 00:26:38,847
How many people
did you talk to about gopher?
497
00:26:38,930 --> 00:26:39,810
Not that many.
498
00:26:39,889 --> 00:26:41,179
They like him.
499
00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:43,346
What did you put
in the drinks?
500
00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:53,029
Great show, Julie.
Congratulations.
501
00:26:53,111 --> 00:26:54,321
Uh, thank you, sir.
502
00:26:54,404 --> 00:26:56,364
You know,
for a while there,
503
00:26:56,448 --> 00:26:58,578
I didn't even realize
he was putting us on.
504
00:26:58,658 --> 00:27:00,698
Excuse me.
505
00:27:00,785 --> 00:27:02,575
He thinks gopher
was kidding.
506
00:27:02,662 --> 00:27:04,372
Apparently,
everybody does.
507
00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:06,366
Maybe he was
putting us on.
508
00:27:06,458 --> 00:27:09,208
I don't want to ask him.
Do you want to ask him?
509
00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:12,054
Not me.
510
00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:12,054
I don't want
to ask him.
511
00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:12,054
Not me.
512
00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:14,510
Well, listen, a guy has to do
what he has to do.
513
00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:16,551
I appreciate it, though.
I really do.
514
00:27:16,634 --> 00:27:19,224
Mr. Smith, you were wonderful --
absolutely wonderful.
515
00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:20,354
Well, you're very kind.
516
00:27:20,430 --> 00:27:22,060
Very impressive work, my boy --
very impressive work.
517
00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:23,220
Thank you.
I'll try and --
518
00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:24,558
wasn't he good?
Wasn't he good?
519
00:27:24,642 --> 00:27:26,192
Thank you. Thank you.
520
00:27:32,984 --> 00:27:36,494
[ Soft music plays ]
521
00:27:40,158 --> 00:27:43,748
[ Music stops ]
522
00:27:43,828 --> 00:27:46,248
[ Jazzy music plays ]
523
00:27:46,331 --> 00:27:48,081
We, uh,
we dance well together.
524
00:27:48,166 --> 00:27:50,286
Well, you dance well
with anybody.
525
00:27:50,377 --> 00:27:51,917
It's like you invented
the waltz.
526
00:27:52,003 --> 00:27:53,593
Oh, I did.
527
00:27:53,671 --> 00:27:57,261
Whoever dances the waltz
must pay me $3 in royalties,
528
00:27:57,342 --> 00:28:00,182
which is why
I'm a very rich man today,
529
00:28:00,261 --> 00:28:01,891
and why I own this ship.
530
00:28:01,971 --> 00:28:03,431
[ Laughs ]
531
00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:04,925
Oh, well...
532
00:28:11,022 --> 00:28:13,732
I'm very comfortable
with you.
533
00:28:13,817 --> 00:28:16,317
And I wasn't sure
I would be.
534
00:28:16,403 --> 00:28:18,453
Why? Am I so forbidding?
535
00:28:18,530 --> 00:28:20,570
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.
536
00:28:20,657 --> 00:28:22,447
I, uh...
537
00:28:22,534 --> 00:28:25,624
I was just afraid.
538
00:28:25,703 --> 00:28:29,083
I've never taken a risk
in my whole life.
539
00:28:29,165 --> 00:28:31,955
Neither have I.
540
00:28:32,043 --> 00:28:35,763
Change is so frightening.
541
00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:38,259
So is
staying in one place.
542
00:28:49,227 --> 00:28:51,647
Well...
543
00:28:51,729 --> 00:28:54,939
I guess I owe you $3.
544
00:28:55,024 --> 00:28:57,154
You what?
545
00:28:57,235 --> 00:28:59,815
I danced
one of your waltzes.
546
00:28:59,904 --> 00:29:02,994
Oh! Oh, yes. Yes.
547
00:29:03,074 --> 00:29:04,874
Will you take a check?
548
00:29:04,951 --> 00:29:07,541
Do you have
any identification?
549
00:29:18,089 --> 00:29:19,339
I can't believe it.
550
00:29:19,424 --> 00:29:21,554
Gopher's the new
romantic heartthrob
551
00:29:21,634 --> 00:29:23,184
because of his singing.
552
00:29:23,261 --> 00:29:25,721
And we thought
it was gonna be heartburn.
553
00:29:25,805 --> 00:29:27,715
You're talking
about romance.
554
00:29:27,807 --> 00:29:30,347
Gopher just told me
about Mrs. Latham.
555
00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:32,685
Her husband gave her
a single white Rose
556
00:29:32,770 --> 00:29:34,480
every day
they were married.
557
00:29:34,564 --> 00:29:36,024
He died three years ago,
558
00:29:36,107 --> 00:29:39,237
but he made arrangements
for the roses to keep coming.
559
00:29:39,319 --> 00:29:43,699
Hmm. I have the same kind
of arrangement with my ex-wives.
560
00:29:43,781 --> 00:29:46,871
I send them alimony checks
every day.
561
00:29:46,951 --> 00:29:50,041
It really makes me feel good
to know if I wasn't here,
562
00:29:50,121 --> 00:29:52,871
you'd be off in some
conga line with...Roger.
563
00:29:52,957 --> 00:29:55,787
How many times do I have to
tell you Roger's married?
564
00:29:55,877 --> 00:29:59,087
Well, so are you, but it
doesn't seem to slow you down!
565
00:29:59,172 --> 00:30:01,092
Roger, his wife, and I
had fun.
566
00:30:01,174 --> 00:30:03,384
Remember when
we used to have fun?
567
00:30:03,468 --> 00:30:06,178
Oh, probably not --
it's been such a long time.
568
00:30:06,262 --> 00:30:08,892
Yeah, I suppose your sister
is having fun, too.
569
00:30:08,973 --> 00:30:11,233
Well, that's exactly
what she's having.
570
00:30:11,309 --> 00:30:14,019
She's a very outgoing person,
and she likes people.
571
00:30:14,103 --> 00:30:15,193
Especially men.
572
00:30:15,271 --> 00:30:19,231
Especially men -- but it doesn't
mean she sleeps with them!
573
00:30:19,317 --> 00:30:20,897
Honey, you needn't shout.
574
00:30:20,985 --> 00:30:23,445
It's awfully hard to yell
at you without shouting.
575
00:30:25,865 --> 00:30:28,865
Boy, this is some cruise.
576
00:30:28,952 --> 00:30:30,292
You can say that again.
577
00:30:30,370 --> 00:30:33,920
I can't say that again.
I'm not speaking to you.
578
00:30:33,998 --> 00:30:36,788
Well...
579
00:30:36,876 --> 00:30:39,046
Good night.
580
00:30:39,128 --> 00:30:40,418
Hmm!
581
00:30:40,505 --> 00:30:43,465
I certainly wish
it had been.
582
00:30:55,478 --> 00:30:58,058
Oh, good breakfast.
I am stuffed.
583
00:30:58,147 --> 00:30:59,357
Yeah, me too.
584
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:02,530
Gee, maybe we shouldn't
go swimming.
585
00:31:02,610 --> 00:31:04,150
We'll probably sink.
586
00:31:04,237 --> 00:31:05,447
[ Chuckles ]
587
00:31:05,530 --> 00:31:07,570
Isn't Roger's wife nice?
588
00:31:07,657 --> 00:31:08,867
Yes, she is.
589
00:31:08,950 --> 00:31:10,490
And so is Roger.
590
00:31:10,577 --> 00:31:13,407
And I'm sorry
about last night.
591
00:31:13,496 --> 00:31:16,416
I even take back everything
I said about Olivia.
592
00:31:19,043 --> 00:31:20,713
Isn't that --
593
00:31:20,795 --> 00:31:23,585
boy, you must think
I'm some pushover.
594
00:31:23,673 --> 00:31:24,673
W-What?
595
00:31:24,757 --> 00:31:27,177
Well, if this is the way
you and your sister behave
596
00:31:27,260 --> 00:31:28,600
when you're away from home.
597
00:31:28,678 --> 00:31:30,808
What Olivia's done has
nothing to do with me!
598
00:31:30,888 --> 00:31:31,848
Oh, sure. Sure.
I know.
599
00:31:31,931 --> 00:31:34,271
You and Roger and his wife
were dancing the conga.
600
00:31:34,350 --> 00:31:35,480
And who else
was in that line?
601
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:36,600
And that was only one night!
602
00:31:36,686 --> 00:31:38,856
And what about all those
other cruises you were on?!
603
00:31:38,938 --> 00:31:41,478
♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪
604
00:31:41,566 --> 00:31:44,316
Joanie, wait till
I tell you what --
605
00:31:44,402 --> 00:31:47,912
honey, what's the matter?
Why are you crying?
606
00:31:47,989 --> 00:31:52,159
Byron saw someone coming out
of your cabin just now.
607
00:31:52,243 --> 00:31:53,953
And he thinks...
608
00:31:54,037 --> 00:31:57,037
He thinks all these cruises,
i'm...
609
00:31:57,123 --> 00:32:00,003
Guilty by association?
610
00:32:00,084 --> 00:32:04,014
Honey, I'm really sorry.
611
00:32:04,088 --> 00:32:06,008
It's not your fault.
612
00:32:06,090 --> 00:32:09,050
Why'd I let him come
anyway?
613
00:32:09,135 --> 00:32:12,305
You know, I thought
that maybe he'd be --
614
00:32:12,388 --> 00:32:14,518
maybe he'd be different.
615
00:32:14,599 --> 00:32:17,689
Maybe -- aw,
what's the use?
616
00:32:17,769 --> 00:32:21,649
Joanie, let's face it,
Byron is...Byron.
617
00:32:21,731 --> 00:32:26,151
Come on, honey,
fix your face.
618
00:32:26,235 --> 00:32:31,155
By my count, you've got
five cruises to make up for.
619
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:33,160
Come on.
620
00:32:38,122 --> 00:32:40,712
Hey, have you guys
seen gopher?
621
00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:42,712
He's meeting his public.
622
00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:44,554
Hey! Hey!
Hey, saw you last night.
623
00:32:44,629 --> 00:32:46,339
Love you --
thanks for coming in.
624
00:32:46,422 --> 00:32:47,762
All right, okay. Hey.
625
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:51,390
I guess he knew
what he was doing last night.
626
00:32:51,469 --> 00:32:53,679
You know, I guess a guy
can sing his brains out,
627
00:32:53,763 --> 00:32:55,563
but if there's nobody there
to listen to him,
628
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:57,180
you're all by yourself,
you know?
629
00:32:57,266 --> 00:32:59,226
Hey, thanks a million.
630
00:32:59,310 --> 00:33:01,690
Glad you enjoyed it. Dedicate
one just for you tonight, okay?
631
00:33:01,771 --> 00:33:03,271
Here he is,
ladies and gentlemen.
632
00:33:03,356 --> 00:33:04,396
Thank you.
Thank you.
633
00:33:04,482 --> 00:33:07,362
Boy, it really went great
last night, don't you think?
634
00:33:07,443 --> 00:33:08,703
Oh, yeah.
635
00:33:08,778 --> 00:33:10,408
Everybody thought
you were terrific.
636
00:33:10,488 --> 00:33:11,408
Yeah, I know.
637
00:33:11,489 --> 00:33:13,029
I was actually afraid
638
00:33:13,116 --> 00:33:15,736
I was gonna get up there
and look stupid last night,
639
00:33:15,827 --> 00:33:18,247
but I even made some mistakes
at the beginning,
640
00:33:18,329 --> 00:33:19,079
and nobody noticed.
641
00:33:19,163 --> 00:33:20,583
[ Coughs ]
642
00:33:20,665 --> 00:33:22,535
No.
643
00:33:22,625 --> 00:33:24,705
Oh, Julie, by the way,
I'll be talking to you later
644
00:33:24,794 --> 00:33:26,504
about getting
some backup singers.
645
00:33:26,587 --> 00:33:28,587
I think they might really
jazz up the act, you know?
646
00:33:31,759 --> 00:33:32,679
Oh, hi!
647
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:35,140
Hey, listen, saw you
in the audience last night.
648
00:33:35,221 --> 00:33:36,721
Enjoy it?
649
00:33:36,806 --> 00:33:38,056
I'll sign that
cocktail napkin for you now.
650
00:33:38,141 --> 00:33:41,101
No, no. No problem. Here.
Got a pen right here.
651
00:33:41,185 --> 00:33:44,435
Okay. Young people
are beautiful.
652
00:33:44,522 --> 00:33:45,982
Maybe we oughta tell him.
653
00:33:46,065 --> 00:33:47,725
[ Clears throat ]
654
00:33:46,065 --> 00:33:47,725
Oh.
655
00:33:47,817 --> 00:33:52,157
On second thought,
why ruin his day?
656
00:34:04,709 --> 00:34:07,129
There's a language
of flowers?
657
00:34:07,211 --> 00:34:08,921
I never heard of that.
658
00:34:09,005 --> 00:34:10,335
Oh, sure.
659
00:34:10,423 --> 00:34:13,973
A Daisy is for innocence.
660
00:34:14,051 --> 00:34:19,471
A deep-red carnation means,
"alas, my poor heart."
661
00:34:19,557 --> 00:34:23,477
[ Chuckles ]
Did you invent this, too?
662
00:34:23,561 --> 00:34:25,811
Am I going to owe you
another $3?
663
00:34:25,897 --> 00:34:26,857
No. No.
664
00:34:26,939 --> 00:34:30,859
A daffodil means,
"best regards."
665
00:34:30,943 --> 00:34:36,163
A striped carnation means,
"I refuse your love."
666
00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:37,780
Do me a favor
667
00:34:37,867 --> 00:34:40,657
and don't send me any
striped carnations, okay?
668
00:34:40,745 --> 00:34:45,495
White Rose
stands for purity...
669
00:34:45,583 --> 00:34:48,253
Or, "am I worthy
of your love?"
670
00:34:51,047 --> 00:34:53,007
Which reminds me...
671
00:34:53,090 --> 00:34:56,340
You didn't get your Rose
today.
672
00:35:07,146 --> 00:35:09,516
Is something wrong?
673
00:35:14,445 --> 00:35:17,365
I'll be all right.
674
00:35:17,448 --> 00:35:20,868
Excuse me.
675
00:35:38,761 --> 00:35:40,051
Oh, Julie.
676
00:35:40,137 --> 00:35:41,057
Yeah?
677
00:35:41,138 --> 00:35:42,678
I want to talk to you.
678
00:35:42,765 --> 00:35:45,175
I'm thinking maybe
we should change this poster.
679
00:35:45,268 --> 00:35:47,558
I want to lose that "gopher."
It's too undignified.
680
00:35:47,645 --> 00:35:50,265
I mean, have you ever heard
of a star named gopher?
681
00:35:50,356 --> 00:35:53,726
I think maybe just "the song
stylings of burl Smith,
682
00:35:53,818 --> 00:35:55,528
the man and his music."
683
00:35:55,611 --> 00:35:59,121
I think you should bill yourself
as "comedian burl Smith,"
684
00:35:59,198 --> 00:36:01,278
or maybe
"parodist burl Smith."
685
00:36:02,034 --> 00:36:04,954
That is what you call someone
who's doing a takeoff, isn't it,
686
00:36:05,037 --> 00:36:06,117
a parodist?
687
00:36:06,205 --> 00:36:07,955
Uh...
688
00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:10,840
Well, anyway, gopher,
whatever you put on that sign,
689
00:36:10,918 --> 00:36:12,878
you've got the passengers
in stitches.
690
00:36:12,962 --> 00:36:14,092
Keep up the good work.
691
00:36:24,307 --> 00:36:28,477
Well...at least I gave
you all a good laugh.
692
00:36:41,282 --> 00:36:42,702
Hello.
693
00:36:42,783 --> 00:36:44,793
Good afternoon, Mr. Horner.
694
00:36:44,869 --> 00:36:46,449
Captain.
695
00:36:46,537 --> 00:36:49,617
You have some special wife
and sister-in-law there.
696
00:36:49,707 --> 00:36:51,787
We look forward
to seeing them every year.
697
00:36:51,876 --> 00:36:53,126
Uh-huh.
698
00:36:53,210 --> 00:36:55,460
And you must be
pretty special yourself,
699
00:36:55,546 --> 00:36:57,966
giving your wife
all the freedom you do.
700
00:36:58,049 --> 00:37:01,639
Well, you know, I was pretty
busy the last few years.
701
00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:04,349
You know, some men
are so possessive,
702
00:37:04,430 --> 00:37:07,810
they squelch the joy
right out of their marriages.
703
00:37:07,892 --> 00:37:09,772
Pretty soon, they, uh...
704
00:37:09,852 --> 00:37:13,482
Well, they've lost the one thing
they were trying so hard
705
00:37:13,564 --> 00:37:14,864
to hold on to.
706
00:37:14,941 --> 00:37:16,981
I've seen a lot
of couples --
707
00:37:17,068 --> 00:37:19,318
very few
enlightened husbands.
708
00:37:26,118 --> 00:37:28,578
[ Joan and Olivia laughing ]
709
00:37:32,917 --> 00:37:35,627
Uh, Joan...
710
00:37:35,711 --> 00:37:39,511
May I speak with you
a minute?
711
00:37:39,590 --> 00:37:41,180
Excuse me.
712
00:37:47,598 --> 00:37:51,688
Well, you've had your minute.
Now speak.
713
00:37:51,769 --> 00:37:55,109
I'm trying to find
the right words.
714
00:37:55,189 --> 00:37:56,729
It isn't easy.
715
00:37:56,816 --> 00:37:58,646
Well, maybe I can help you.
716
00:37:58,734 --> 00:38:00,364
It's Olivia, right?
717
00:38:00,444 --> 00:38:03,034
You think that because
she spent the night with a man
718
00:38:03,114 --> 00:38:07,204
that it runs in the family.
719
00:38:07,284 --> 00:38:08,624
Well, Byron,
let me tell you,
720
00:38:08,703 --> 00:38:10,373
Olivia acts the way she does
on these trips
721
00:38:10,454 --> 00:38:13,544
because Ted doesn't give her
a chance at home!
722
00:38:13,624 --> 00:38:15,424
She's miserable!
723
00:38:15,501 --> 00:38:18,001
But she keeps it all
locked up inside!
724
00:38:19,672 --> 00:38:21,762
I don't give a damn
about Olivia.
725
00:38:21,841 --> 00:38:23,511
It's you I care about,
726
00:38:23,592 --> 00:38:26,392
and if I didn't, I wouldn't
feel so jealous all the time.
727
00:38:26,470 --> 00:38:29,220
I'm telling you, Joan,
it drives me just about nuts
728
00:38:29,306 --> 00:38:31,886
every time you go
on one of these cruises.
729
00:38:31,976 --> 00:38:35,186
I imagine all sorts
of things.
730
00:38:35,271 --> 00:38:37,901
I just can't help myself.
731
00:38:37,982 --> 00:38:42,362
Are you asking me whether I've
done what Olivia's been doing?
732
00:38:44,488 --> 00:38:48,238
I have to be
perfectly honest with you.
733
00:38:50,327 --> 00:38:52,577
The answer's no.
734
00:38:52,663 --> 00:38:57,923
Honestly...never.
735
00:38:58,002 --> 00:39:01,882
Oh, and there were
plenty of opportunities.
736
00:39:01,964 --> 00:39:06,054
It could have been dangerous,
exciting, and fun.
737
00:39:06,135 --> 00:39:07,085
But the fact is,
738
00:39:07,178 --> 00:39:10,218
I've been waiting
to have an affair with you.
739
00:39:12,683 --> 00:39:14,313
With me?
740
00:39:14,393 --> 00:39:18,063
You're all the lover
I need, Byron.
741
00:39:18,147 --> 00:39:20,607
Only you're not always
there when I need you.
742
00:39:22,693 --> 00:39:25,453
Oh, joanie.
743
00:39:25,529 --> 00:39:27,569
Joanie, I'm sorry.
744
00:39:30,910 --> 00:39:33,750
I love you.
745
00:39:33,829 --> 00:39:36,959
Talk is cheap, Byron.
746
00:39:37,041 --> 00:39:39,131
Let's have a little action.
747
00:39:57,728 --> 00:40:00,978
Janet...
748
00:40:01,065 --> 00:40:05,145
Whatever happened
this morning...
749
00:40:05,236 --> 00:40:08,276
I'm sorry.
750
00:40:08,364 --> 00:40:10,994
It's not your fault.
751
00:40:11,075 --> 00:40:17,455
I know this is a cruise ship,
and life isn't real here,
752
00:40:17,540 --> 00:40:19,670
but I thought --
753
00:40:19,750 --> 00:40:23,130
i hoped you were feeling
the same things for me
754
00:40:23,212 --> 00:40:25,802
that I've been feeling
for you.
755
00:40:25,881 --> 00:40:29,141
I have been, Henry.
756
00:40:29,218 --> 00:40:32,678
That's the whole trouble.
757
00:40:32,763 --> 00:40:35,353
You know, people say,
758
00:40:35,432 --> 00:40:39,902
"just name me one
happy married couple."
759
00:40:39,979 --> 00:40:43,229
Well, dick and I
were that couple.
760
00:40:43,315 --> 00:40:46,685
He was so thoughtful
and kind...
761
00:40:46,777 --> 00:40:48,987
And good.
762
00:40:49,071 --> 00:40:54,241
And the roses he sent me to
show me how much he loved me,
763
00:40:54,326 --> 00:40:56,866
and he's still saying it.
764
00:40:56,954 --> 00:41:01,754
Wouldn't you think
that'd be enough for me?
765
00:41:01,834 --> 00:41:05,254
He's still saying it.
766
00:41:05,337 --> 00:41:07,837
Only he's dead.
767
00:41:10,634 --> 00:41:12,854
And I'm alive.
768
00:41:12,928 --> 00:41:15,598
Janet, listen...
769
00:41:15,681 --> 00:41:18,891
I sent them.
770
00:41:18,976 --> 00:41:21,226
What?
771
00:41:21,312 --> 00:41:23,902
After your husband died...
772
00:41:23,981 --> 00:41:26,071
I sent the roses.
773
00:41:26,150 --> 00:41:30,070
At first, I did it
out of compassion,
774
00:41:30,154 --> 00:41:34,204
because I knew how much
he meant to you.
775
00:41:34,283 --> 00:41:38,543
I wanted to help you
through your sorrow.
776
00:41:40,831 --> 00:41:47,091
Then I realized...
I was sending them for myself.
777
00:41:47,171 --> 00:41:51,221
I couldn't stand the thought
of not seeing you every day,
778
00:41:51,300 --> 00:41:55,600
even if it was
just to say hello.
779
00:41:55,679 --> 00:41:57,929
I'm sorry.
780
00:41:58,015 --> 00:42:02,265
I didn't mean to hurt you.
781
00:42:02,353 --> 00:42:07,363
I wish I could take
the roses back.
782
00:42:07,441 --> 00:42:09,941
I'm sorry.
783
00:42:10,027 --> 00:42:14,107
I'm really sorry.
784
00:42:25,876 --> 00:42:30,296
[ Knocking on door ]
785
00:42:30,381 --> 00:42:33,591
Julie: Gopher, we know
you're in there!
786
00:42:33,676 --> 00:42:36,096
May we come in?
787
00:42:38,597 --> 00:42:39,307
Okay, we're in!
788
00:42:39,390 --> 00:42:41,390
Gopher, we have to talk
to you.
789
00:42:41,475 --> 00:42:43,975
Yeah, you can't hide
in here forever, man.
790
00:42:44,061 --> 00:42:46,771
Sorry, gang, the show's over.
You can all go home.
791
00:42:46,855 --> 00:42:48,975
Hey, is that any way
to talk to the people
792
00:42:49,066 --> 00:42:50,316
who made you a celebrity?
793
00:42:50,401 --> 00:42:53,071
Yeah --
celebrity laughingstock.
794
00:42:53,153 --> 00:42:54,993
Gopher, that's not true.
795
00:42:55,072 --> 00:42:56,452
We're the only ones who know
796
00:42:56,532 --> 00:42:59,332
that you weren't trying
to be funny last night.
797
00:42:59,410 --> 00:43:01,950
Everybody else thought
you were wonderfully witty.
798
00:43:03,914 --> 00:43:06,504
Yeah.
799
00:43:06,583 --> 00:43:07,503
Yeah.
800
00:43:07,585 --> 00:43:08,495
Yeah?
801
00:43:08,585 --> 00:43:09,495
Yeah.
802
00:43:09,586 --> 00:43:11,956
And we still need somebody
to perform tonight.
803
00:43:12,047 --> 00:43:13,507
Oh, no! Unh-unh!
804
00:43:13,590 --> 00:43:15,340
No, no.
If I tried that again,
805
00:43:15,426 --> 00:43:17,176
I'd really make a fool
out of myself.
806
00:43:17,261 --> 00:43:18,301
Forget it -- no way!
807
00:43:18,387 --> 00:43:20,597
Gopher, just sing --
forget the act,
808
00:43:20,681 --> 00:43:22,731
and just sing "Danny boy"
like we heard it.
809
00:43:22,808 --> 00:43:23,888
You'll be great.
810
00:43:23,976 --> 00:43:25,516
No!
811
00:43:25,602 --> 00:43:27,982
From now on, I sing
where I'm comfortable --
812
00:43:28,063 --> 00:43:30,573
in the shower.
813
00:43:30,649 --> 00:43:37,739
♪ Oh, come ye back
when summer's in the Meadow ♪
814
00:43:37,823 --> 00:43:45,213
♪ or when the valley's hushed
and white with snow ♪
815
00:43:45,289 --> 00:43:48,249
♪ 'Tis there I'll be ♪
816
00:43:48,334 --> 00:43:55,594
♪ in sunshine or in shadow ♪
817
00:43:55,674 --> 00:44:01,104
♪ oh, Danny boy,
oh, Danny boy ♪
818
00:44:01,180 --> 00:44:07,690
♪ I love you s-o-o-o-o-o-o ♪
819
00:44:07,770 --> 00:44:09,310
[ Gargling ]
820
00:44:10,522 --> 00:44:13,232
[ Applause ]
821
00:44:13,317 --> 00:44:15,487
[ Jazzy music plays ]
822
00:44:31,502 --> 00:44:32,422
Oh, honey.
823
00:44:32,503 --> 00:44:34,593
I'll go get us
some drinks.
824
00:44:34,672 --> 00:44:36,972
Mmm. Don't be long.
[ Chuckles ]
825
00:44:42,805 --> 00:44:45,925
Well, what's with you two?
You look like Romeo and Juliet.
826
00:44:46,016 --> 00:44:49,056
Oh, Olivia, I'm having
my first shipboard romance.
827
00:44:49,144 --> 00:44:52,444
Oh, I get it. And you're trying
to throw Byron off the track.
828
00:44:52,523 --> 00:44:55,153
Nice going.
Who's the lucky guy?
829
00:44:55,234 --> 00:44:59,244
No, no.
I'm the lucky one.
830
00:44:59,321 --> 00:45:01,621
I'm having an affair
with my husband.
831
00:45:01,698 --> 00:45:04,578
With Byron?
[ Chuckles ]
832
00:45:04,660 --> 00:45:08,290
Well, they say truth
is stranger than fiction.
833
00:45:08,372 --> 00:45:10,292
Olivia, I love him.
834
00:45:10,374 --> 00:45:12,294
Do you love your husband?
835
00:45:12,376 --> 00:45:13,456
Well, sure, but --
836
00:45:13,544 --> 00:45:14,804
oh, no more excuses.
837
00:45:14,878 --> 00:45:17,798
You know, you can't solve
your problems
838
00:45:17,881 --> 00:45:20,971
by playing Suzie swinger
one week out of the year.
839
00:45:21,051 --> 00:45:23,931
Wouldn't you rather
be swinging with Ted?
840
00:45:24,012 --> 00:45:27,022
I guess so,
but Ted would never go for this.
841
00:45:27,099 --> 00:45:29,179
How do you know?
Have you ever asked him?
842
00:45:29,268 --> 00:45:30,188
No.
843
00:45:30,269 --> 00:45:32,809
Well, I asked Byron.
844
00:45:32,896 --> 00:45:37,356
He gave me exactly
the answer that we needed.
845
00:45:39,445 --> 00:45:41,525
Here we are.
846
00:45:41,613 --> 00:45:43,203
Well, where's my drink?
847
00:45:43,282 --> 00:45:45,452
Oh, I'm sorry, Olivia,
I thought --
848
00:45:45,534 --> 00:45:46,664
I know what you thought,
849
00:45:46,743 --> 00:45:49,043
but you're gonna be stuck
with the two of us
850
00:45:49,121 --> 00:45:50,961
for the duration
of this cruise.
851
00:45:51,039 --> 00:45:53,829
I know you two are plotting to
throw me into the closet again.
852
00:45:53,917 --> 00:45:55,337
We might.
853
00:45:55,419 --> 00:45:58,009
Well, this time, I'm taking
you both in there with me.
854
00:45:58,088 --> 00:45:59,508
Whoa-ho!
855
00:46:03,093 --> 00:46:05,013
All right.
856
00:46:05,095 --> 00:46:07,465
[ Chuckles ]
857
00:46:16,940 --> 00:46:20,690
I thought it was time I brought
you some flowers for a change.
858
00:46:20,777 --> 00:46:23,527
And "change"
is the key word.
859
00:46:23,614 --> 00:46:25,164
Daffodils, hmm?
860
00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:28,410
"Best regards" --
well, it's a start.
861
00:46:28,494 --> 00:46:30,874
That was all they had
on the ship.
862
00:46:30,954 --> 00:46:32,334
Mm-hmm.
863
00:46:32,414 --> 00:46:35,214
Oh, and...
864
00:46:37,127 --> 00:46:39,337
$3?
865
00:46:39,421 --> 00:46:42,881
I was hoping
they'd play a waltz.
866
00:46:42,966 --> 00:46:44,886
Oh.
867
00:47:08,534 --> 00:47:12,204
Well, Mrs. Horner, I hope
you had your usual good time.
868
00:47:12,287 --> 00:47:14,537
Much better
than usual this year.
869
00:47:14,623 --> 00:47:16,423
Must have been the food.
870
00:47:16,500 --> 00:47:19,090
And what do yellow roses
stand for?
871
00:47:19,169 --> 00:47:20,749
A decrease in love.
872
00:47:20,837 --> 00:47:22,417
No yellow roses for me.
873
00:47:22,506 --> 00:47:24,796
The pink ones?
874
00:47:24,883 --> 00:47:26,093
I don't know.
875
00:47:26,176 --> 00:47:29,426
Well, then,
you'd just better find out.
876
00:47:29,513 --> 00:47:32,773
A florist's wife
should know those things.
877
00:47:32,849 --> 00:47:34,269
Yes. [ Chuckles ]
878
00:47:36,395 --> 00:47:37,765
Here you go.
879
00:47:37,855 --> 00:47:39,565
Oh, Julie,
you didn't have to do this.
880
00:47:39,648 --> 00:47:41,068
Well, I wanted
to thank you.
881
00:47:41,149 --> 00:47:42,779
You really got me out
of a tight spot
882
00:47:42,859 --> 00:47:44,149
by filling in
for that singer.
883
00:47:44,236 --> 00:47:45,946
Well...
884
00:47:46,029 --> 00:47:47,779
Hey, you should save
the paper.
885
00:47:47,864 --> 00:47:49,784
Is it somebody's
birthday?
886
00:47:49,866 --> 00:47:52,946
No, I just wanted to help boost
gopher's singing career.
887
00:47:53,036 --> 00:47:55,286
Ohhhh...
888
00:47:55,372 --> 00:47:58,332
I love it!
889
00:47:58,417 --> 00:47:59,957
What is it?
890
00:48:00,043 --> 00:48:01,463
It's a rubber tuxedo
891
00:48:01,545 --> 00:48:04,415
for when you and your shower
open in Las Vegas.
892
00:48:04,506 --> 00:48:05,506
[ Laughs ]
893
00:48:05,591 --> 00:48:07,931
Hey, thank you.
Thank you.
57742
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