Original subtitles

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

Isaac!

Mrs. Binkley!

Hey, how you doing?

Fine. How are you?

So you're joining us again, huh?

Well, things are looking up!

I thought I heard a familiar voice.

Familiar and loud, right?

Will your sister be back this year, too?

The dynamic duo lives.

Do we have our same stateroom?

First cabin, promenade deck --

just follow the Martini glasses.

Uh, yes and no.

Oh, well, that's pretty definite.

Well, didn't your sister tell you?

Tell me what?

Olivia!

[ Chuckles ]

You old bag of doorknobs!

Ahhh! Sis, how are you?!

Okay, enough small talk -- let's raise hell.

Uh, no.

Things are gonna be a little different this year.

Why? I'm still young and desirable.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, uh, because... Byron's coming with us.

You brought your husband?

Well, yes. But we'll still have fun.

Sure, we'll lock him in the closet.

[ Both laugh ]

What's so funny?

Nothing, darling.

I can't believe it.

Those two married women were raising hell on this ship

for six years.

Now one brings her husband.

Well, I guess that means only half the men onboard

are gonna have a good time.

Hello. Welcome aboard.

I'm gopher Smith, the assistant purser.

Hello, I'm Janet latham.

Uh...

Oh, Mrs. Latham, there's a gentleman looking for you.

Right.

For me? Here?

Are you sure?

Yes, ma'am. He's waiting for you in the lobby.

Well, this is quite a mystery.

I'll show you.

Oh, that's the gentleman there.

That's my florist.

Oh, it's too bad.

Mrs. Latham.

Mr. Dobson.

I, uh...J-Just because you're on vacation,

i didn't want you to miss out on your roses.

Oh, thank you.

Goodness, do you mean to tell me

you came all the way from San Francisco

just to deliver this?

Oh, no.

No. No. I'm sailing, too.

Oh. Why, that's very nice.

Perhaps we'll run in to each other.

Perhaps yes.

Well, what a small world.

Hi. Oh, thank you.

Hello.

Hello.

Oh, that figures. If it's not one thing, it's another.

What's the problem?

Mumps.

Nothing personal, but would you mind standing downwind?

I never had the mumps.

No, not me -- Danny denzlo.

Danny denzlo has the mumps?

That's terrible! That's awful!

Who's Danny denzlo?

He's the singer I booked for this cruise.

Oh, now his manager says he has the mumps,

and he can't sing.

Can he hum?

Doc, we're sailing in 15 minutes without a singer.

What am I gonna tell the captain?

Tell him to learn "melancholy baby" quick.

Okay.

You know what I love about you?

Not much.

She used to be such a pleasant girl.

[ Air horn blows ]

Come on, Isaac, think!

I have to find some entertainment

for the acapulco lounge.

I need to find somebody to replace that sick singer.

I've got it!

What?

♪ Give my regards to Broadway ♪

Next!

So, then... Promenade 343.

That should be right here.

I'll open it up for you.

Here we are.

Your home...Away from home.

Thank you, gopher.

Mm-hmm.

I, uh, I suppose I seem like a dunce,

but I've never traveled alone before.

Oh, well, you won't be alone for long

if you get out and mix and mingle.

Is that as dreadful as it sounds?

[ Chuckling ] No, no.

Besides, it looks to me as if you already have an admirer.

Henry dobson.

Oh, no, he just delivers me a Rose every day.

Oh, my husband was a very romantic man.

Every day of our marriage,

he sent a single white Rose to me.

And even though he's been gone now for three years,

the roses keep coming.

Wow. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

Yes -- beautiful.

Well, here you go.

And your key.

Thanks again, gopher.

You're welcome. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

[ Crying ]

Gee, I wonder what Julie's gonna do about getting a singer.

I don't know, but if she doesn't find one,

she'll have to do her sewing by hand.

"Singer" -- "sewing" -- you get it?

Unfortunately.

Mr. Smith, your cleaning's ready.

♪ Oh, Danny boy ♪

♪ the pipes, the pipes are calling ♪

♪ So come ye back ♪

♪ when summer's in the Meadow ♪

♪ or when the valley's hushed and white with snow ♪

♪ 'Tis there I'll be in springtime or in shadow ♪

Honey, I'm gonna go across the hall and see livy.

Let's meet later.

Uh, how much later?

I don't know.

Go find something to amuse yourself.

Like what?

Byron, I see my sister once a year.

I have only one chance to gossip, giggle,

and get caught up.

What's to get caught up on?

You write to each other every week.

They're off and running!

I don't want to say it's boring over there,

but I've unpacked, finished my magazines,

read the ship's log, and was about to start on the Bible.

Come in.

I am in.

I used to live here in the good old days.

Oh, yes, I've heard about the good old days,

and I think it's high time somebody kept an eye on you two.

You were right. Let's lock him in the closet.

Hey!

Hey, come on.

[ Pounding on door ]

We're gonna go find some action, Byron.

Call us if you need anything.

Byron: Joan, you come back here right now!

Oh, I guess we'd better let him out.

Why?!

Well, I think we should just let him out.

He doesn't love this stuff the way we do.

Come back here right now!

Oh, I guess so.

They don't call old Byron a wet blanket

'cause he sleeps in the rain.

♪ I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow ♪

♪ oh, Danny boy, oh, Danny boy ♪

♪ I love you so ♪

Bravo! Bravo!

If I knew you were coming, I would have saved some hot water.

Gopher, you're fantastic!

Oh, thank you.

Well, you know, I work out and avoid between-meal treats.

How'd you like to sing for the passengers?

Oh. Come on, I'm not a performer.

Aw, you could have fooled us.

♪ Oh, Danny boy ♪

Come on, I sing in the shower.

You sang for the cruise show.

Yeah, but that was different.

There, I was hamming it up with my dad.

I couldn't get up in front of an audience alone.

Julie's singer is sick.

Now, somebody has got to go on.

Well, get yourself another somebody,

because I am not gonna make a fool out of myself.

Oh, gopher.

Hey, tell her you don't argue with a man in a wet towel.

He's right.

He might decide to snap it at you.

Now, if you will please excuse me. Hmm?

If you will please excuse me.

Please excuse me.

"An interesting performance with fine music and lyrics.

The costuming, however, left much to be desired."

Out!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Say, here's one you might remember.

♪ Oh, Danny -- ♪

I'll be right back.

Thank you.

Would, uh...

Would you care for a, uh, glass of Sherry, Mrs. Latham?

No, thank you, Mr. Dobson.

I don't like Sherry.

Oh.

[ Clears throat ]

They, uh, they told me to mix and mingle.

They told me the same thing.

Won't you sit down?

I'm disturbing you.

Not at all.

It's nice to see a familiar face.

Well, uh, how long have we known each other --

six, seven, eight years?

11.

But who's counting?

But I guess you couldn't really say we know each other.

No, it's -- that's too bad.

It's a shame, isn't it,

that we get so caught up in our big-city lives?

I guess it's just a matter of getting past "hello."

That's right.

Well...

Hello, Henry.

Hello.

Now what?

Will you have dinner with me, Mrs. Latham?

I'd love to have dinner with you.

Oh.

Good.

And it's "Janet."

Janet.

Now what?

[ Chuckles ]

Well, how are my two favorite passengers doing?

No complaints.

Not that many compliments, either.

Oh, allow me. You look ravishing.

I'd rather look ravished.

Were the drinks okay?

Oh, another round, Isaac.

Oh, certainly.

Joan, I don't need another round.

Wrong.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, there's a sad situation,

a handsome man sitting in the corner, all alone.

And what's sad about that?

The fact that I'm sitting here. Bye.

What's she doing? She's a married woman.

Oh, she's just flirting.

I just don't understand women these days.

Women are no different than men.

They like to let it all hang out once in a while, too.

Ah, three piña coladas.

Uno...uno...uno.

Mmm!

Now, livy is gone... Byron doesn't want his...

So it looks like I'm all on my own.

There must be some way to get gopher to sing tonight.

Well, sure, you could put a gun to his head,

hold his parents hostage.

Hide his skate key.

Why do I listen to them? Why don't I learn?

Julie, if he doesn't want to sing, you can't make him.

I know.

Look --

I'd love to go on chatting with you,

but I'm about to have a previous engagement.

Wonder if she can sing.

I don't think that's what doc is gonna ask her.

You know, the one way to get somebody to do something

they don't want to do

is to convince them that what they don't want to do

is really something they want to do.

Huh?

When I get finished, gopher will want to.

Run that by me again?

McCoy!

McCoy, what --

yes? Is there something you wanted?

Julie, look, I clearly stated

that under no circum--

oh, wow!

Oh, wow!

This is you, isn't it?

Well, yeah, it's me.

You're singing here tonight?

Well, actually, I'm just, uh...

Oh, I just love singers.

They make me feel so...Sexy.

Oh, really?

Oh, yeah.

I just can't seem to control myself when a man sings to me.

Oh, really?

Smith?

What?!

Did you want to say something to me?

Yes, Julie, um...

That is, uh...

Gotta go rehearse with the band.

Thank you.

Anytime.

Listen, I gotta run. I gotta have dinner with my husband.

I didn't know you were married.

Yeah, to an accountant.

Accountants make me feel so sexy.

[ Soft music plays ]

This has the color of a night Rose.

You know so much about flowers.

And absolutely nothing about wine.

Mmm! Tastes terrific, though.

What a wonderful business you're in.

You make so many people happy.

I'm a lot like you.

Oh?

You make them happy just to look at you.

Now i'm the color of a night Rose.

[ Chuckles ]

Where's the watchdog?

At El buffet.

[ Chuckles ]

Livy, I'm really sorry if he's cramping your style.

Nobody's cramping my style.

I'm just sorry you're stuck with him.

Byron's not so bad if he'd just let himself go.

If my husband would let himself go,

I'd help him pack.

Things still lousy at home?

Well, let's put it this way...

Mm-hmm.

But, look, let's not spend the whole evening crying in our beer.

I came here to

♪ live, love, laugh, and be happy ♪

Or words to that effect.

Yeah!

Yeah.

See you.

Hey, guys.

I can't get any of the musicians to tell me

what gopher's gonna sing.

Every time I ask,

they just look at me and start laughing.

Well, that's not very encouraging.

Well, what are we worried about, huh?

I mean, we've heard him sing. He's great.

Nothing to worry about.

Julie?

Yes, sir?

I noticed that you've substituted gopher

for the scheduled entertainment.

I only hope the passengers concur

with your artistic judgments.

Now I'm worried. Are you worried?

Nah.

No.

Really?

Well, sure. It wasn't our idea.

Well, what can you do? It's too late to cancel him.

Man, if he goes up and bombs after you conned him into it...

He's not gonna bomb.

But, just the same,

what do you say we give him a little insurance?

I don't think we have any applause machines on board.

No, but we do know a lot of the passengers on board.

Maybe we could tell them that gopher's our friend.

And plead for mercy.

No, and ask for them to encourage him.

What do you say, doc?

Well, if you think it'll help.

I'll make sure everybody gets plenty to drink.

They may not even see him.

[ Soft music plays ]

Oh, that was a great dinner.

Hmm?

The dinner -- it was great.

You know, I never cared for Olivia's husband much,

but I sure feel sorry for him now.

Are we gonna waste a beautiful evening

worrying about Ted?

I am.

Oh, come on, honey, have a Margarita.

And besides, it's none of our business.

A toast... To Joan and Byron.

May they live a thousand years.

She kissed him.

May Joan live a thousand years. May Byron drop dead.

You know, honey,

i-i don't see how you can condone that kind of behavior.

Come on, honey.

Stop worrying about Olivia and concentrate on me.

After all,

I am the more attractive, younger, sexier sister.

And you're mine -- all mine.

Hey, Joan! Remember me?

Roger. Last year -- señor frog's.

The conga line --

♪ da da da da da da ♪

♪ da da da da da da ♪

We gotta do that again sometime.

My wife said she never had so much fun in her whole life.

Well, I talked to a few people,

and I think we can safely rule out sniper fire.

Well, let's not get carried away, huh?

I mean, gopher's just gonna sing a simple song.

It's no big deal.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Oh, my.

[ Piano plays introduction ]

[ Jazzy music plays ]

[ Applause ]

I don't believe it.

Madame Frankenstein, meet your monster.

[ Applause continues ]

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you and good evening.

Or should I say...

Buenos noches?

Okay, I want to dedicate this first one...

To all you guys and you gals that are in love

'cause I think you'll find this song tells it all.

♪ Oh, you know that the shark has, you know it ♪

♪ such sharp teeth, dear ♪

♪ and he shows them pearly white ♪

I guess he uses dental floss, right, girls?

♪ Just a Jack knife has old macheath, dear ♪

Where you from originally?

♪ And he keeps it out of view ♪

♪ out of sight ♪

Whoops!

♪ Hey, when that shark bites ♪

♪ with those teeth, dear ♪

♪ Scarlet billows start to spread ♪

Yeah!

♪ Fancy gloves, though ♪

Oh, excuse me!

♪ Wears macheath, dear ♪ yeah, right.

♪ So there's never ♪

Oh!

♪ Never a trace of crimson or Scarlet or red ♪

Hit it!

♪ Oh, on the sidewalk ♪

♪ on Sunday morning ♪

♪ there's a body oozing life ♪

♪ someone sneaking ♪

♪ sneaking 'round that corner ♪

Whoops!

♪ Could that someone, oh, be mack the knife? ♪

Everybody! Oh!

♪ Sukey tawdry ♪

♪ oh, Jenny diver ♪

Captain stubing, ladies and gentlemen.

♪ And old Lucy brown ♪

Ho!

♪ Oh, the line forms on the right ♪

Maybe!

♪ Now that mackie's ♪

Ho! Ho!

♪ Mackie's ♪

Ho! Ho!

♪ Mackie is back in this to-o-o-o-wn ♪

[ Applause ]

How many people did you talk to about gopher?

Not that many.

They like him.

What did you put in the drinks?

Great show, Julie. Congratulations.

Uh, thank you, sir.

You know, for a while there,

I didn't even realize he was putting us on.

Excuse me.

He thinks gopher was kidding.

Apparently, everybody does.

Maybe he was putting us on.

I don't want to ask him. Do you want to ask him?

Not me.

I don't want to ask him.

Not me.

Well, listen, a guy has to do what he has to do.

I appreciate it, though. I really do.

Mr. Smith, you were wonderful -- absolutely wonderful.

Well, you're very kind.

Very impressive work, my boy -- very impressive work.

Thank you. I'll try and --

wasn't he good? Wasn't he good?

Thank you. Thank you.

[ Soft music plays ]

[ Music stops ]

[ Jazzy music plays ]

We, uh, we dance well together.

Well, you dance well with anybody.

It's like you invented the waltz.

Oh, I did.

Whoever dances the waltz must pay me $3 in royalties,

which is why I'm a very rich man today,

and why I own this ship.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, well...

I'm very comfortable with you.

And I wasn't sure I would be.

Why? Am I so forbidding?

Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

I, uh...

I was just afraid.

I've never taken a risk in my whole life.

Neither have I.

Change is so frightening.

So is staying in one place.

Well...

I guess I owe you $3.

You what?

I danced one of your waltzes.

Oh! Oh, yes. Yes.

Will you take a check?

Do you have any identification?

I can't believe it.

Gopher's the new romantic heartthrob

because of his singing.

And we thought it was gonna be heartburn.

You're talking about romance.

Gopher just told me about Mrs. Latham.

Her husband gave her a single white Rose

every day they were married.

He died three years ago,

but he made arrangements for the roses to keep coming.

Hmm. I have the same kind of arrangement with my ex-wives.

I send them alimony checks every day.

It really makes me feel good to know if I wasn't here,

you'd be off in some conga line with...Roger.

How many times do I have to tell you Roger's married?

Well, so are you, but it doesn't seem to slow you down!

Roger, his wife, and I had fun.

Remember when we used to have fun?

Oh, probably not -- it's been such a long time.

Yeah, I suppose your sister is having fun, too.

Well, that's exactly what she's having.

She's a very outgoing person, and she likes people.

Especially men.

Especially men -- but it doesn't mean she sleeps with them!

Honey, you needn't shout.

It's awfully hard to yell at you without shouting.

Boy, this is some cruise.

You can say that again.

I can't say that again. I'm not speaking to you.

Well...

Good night.

Hmm!

I certainly wish it had been.

Oh, good breakfast. I am stuffed.

Yeah, me too.

Gee, maybe we shouldn't go swimming.

We'll probably sink.

[ Chuckles ]

Isn't Roger's wife nice?

Yes, she is.

And so is Roger.

And I'm sorry about last night.

I even take back everything I said about Olivia.

Isn't that --

boy, you must think I'm some pushover.

W-What?

Well, if this is the way you and your sister behave

when you're away from home.

What Olivia's done has nothing to do with me!

Oh, sure. Sure. I know.

You and Roger and his wife were dancing the conga.

And who else was in that line?

And that was only one night!

And what about all those other cruises you were on?!

♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪

Joanie, wait till I tell you what --

honey, what's the matter? Why are you crying?

Byron saw someone coming out of your cabin just now.

And he thinks...

He thinks all these cruises, i'm...

Guilty by association?

Honey, I'm really sorry.

It's not your fault.

Why'd I let him come anyway?

You know, I thought that maybe he'd be --

maybe he'd be different.

Maybe -- aw, what's the use?

Joanie, let's face it, Byron is...Byron.

Come on, honey, fix your face.

By my count, you've got five cruises to make up for.

Come on.

Hey, have you guys seen gopher?

He's meeting his public.

Hey! Hey! Hey, saw you last night.

Love you -- thanks for coming in.

All right, okay. Hey.

I guess he knew what he was doing last night.

You know, I guess a guy can sing his brains out,

but if there's nobody there to listen to him,

you're all by yourself, you know?

Hey, thanks a million.

Glad you enjoyed it. Dedicate one just for you tonight, okay?

Here he is, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you. Thank you.

Boy, it really went great last night, don't you think?

Oh, yeah.

Everybody thought you were terrific.

Yeah, I know.

I was actually afraid

I was gonna get up there and look stupid last night,

but I even made some mistakes at the beginning,

and nobody noticed.

[ Coughs ]

No.

Oh, Julie, by the way, I'll be talking to you later

about getting some backup singers.

I think they might really jazz up the act, you know?

Oh, hi!

Hey, listen, saw you in the audience last night.

Enjoy it?

I'll sign that cocktail napkin for you now.

No, no. No problem. Here. Got a pen right here.

Okay. Young people are beautiful.

Maybe we oughta tell him.

[ Clears throat ]

Oh.

On second thought, why ruin his day?

There's a language of flowers?

I never heard of that.

Oh, sure.

A Daisy is for innocence.

A deep-red carnation means, "alas, my poor heart."

[ Chuckles ] Did you invent this, too?

Am I going to owe you another $3?

No. No.

A daffodil means, "best regards."

A striped carnation means, "I refuse your love."

Do me a favor

and don't send me any striped carnations, okay?

White Rose stands for purity...

Or, "am I worthy of your love?"

Which reminds me...

You didn't get your Rose today.

Is something wrong?

I'll be all right.

Excuse me.

Oh, Julie.

Yeah?

I want to talk to you.

I'm thinking maybe we should change this poster.

I want to lose that "gopher." It's too undignified.

I mean, have you ever heard of a star named gopher?

I think maybe just "the song stylings of burl Smith,

the man and his music."

I think you should bill yourself as "comedian burl Smith,"

or maybe "parodist burl Smith."

That is what you call someone who's doing a takeoff, isn't it,

a parodist?

Uh...

Well, anyway, gopher, whatever you put on that sign,

you've got the passengers in stitches.

Keep up the good work.

Well...at least I gave you all a good laugh.

Hello.

Good afternoon, Mr. Horner.

Captain.

You have some special wife and sister-in-law there.

We look forward to seeing them every year.

Uh-huh.

And you must be pretty special yourself,

giving your wife all the freedom you do.

Well, you know, I was pretty busy the last few years.

You know, some men are so possessive,

they squelch the joy right out of their marriages.

Pretty soon, they, uh...

Well, they've lost the one thing they were trying so hard

to hold on to.

I've seen a lot of couples --

very few enlightened husbands.

[ Joan and Olivia laughing ]

Uh, Joan...

May I speak with you a minute?

Excuse me.

Well, you've had your minute. Now speak.

I'm trying to find the right words.

It isn't easy.

Well, maybe I can help you.

It's Olivia, right?

You think that because she spent the night with a man

that it runs in the family.

Well, Byron, let me tell you,

Olivia acts the way she does on these trips

because Ted doesn't give her a chance at home!

She's miserable!

But she keeps it all locked up inside!

I don't give a damn about Olivia.

It's you I care about,

and if I didn't, I wouldn't feel so jealous all the time.

I'm telling you, Joan, it drives me just about nuts

every time you go on one of these cruises.

I imagine all sorts of things.

I just can't help myself.

Are you asking me whether I've done what Olivia's been doing?

I have to be perfectly honest with you.

The answer's no.

Honestly...never.

Oh, and there were plenty of opportunities.

It could have been dangerous, exciting, and fun.

But the fact is,

I've been waiting to have an affair with you.

With me?

You're all the lover I need, Byron.

Only you're not always there when I need you.

Oh, joanie.

Joanie, I'm sorry.

I love you.

Talk is cheap, Byron.

Let's have a little action.

Janet...

Whatever happened this morning...

I'm sorry.

It's not your fault.

I know this is a cruise ship, and life isn't real here,

but I thought --

i hoped you were feeling the same things for me

that I've been feeling for you.

I have been, Henry.

That's the whole trouble.

You know, people say,

"just name me one happy married couple."

Well, dick and I were that couple.

He was so thoughtful and kind...

And good.

And the roses he sent me to show me how much he loved me,

and he's still saying it.

Wouldn't you think that'd be enough for me?

He's still saying it.

Only he's dead.

And I'm alive.

Janet, listen...

I sent them.

What?

After your husband died...

I sent the roses.

At first, I did it out of compassion,

because I knew how much he meant to you.

I wanted to help you through your sorrow.

Then I realized... I was sending them for myself.

I couldn't stand the thought of not seeing you every day,

even if it was just to say hello.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

I wish I could take the roses back.

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

[ Knocking on door ]

Julie: Gopher, we know you're in there!

May we come in?

Okay, we're in!

Gopher, we have to talk to you.

Yeah, you can't hide in here forever, man.

Sorry, gang, the show's over. You can all go home.

Hey, is that any way to talk to the people

who made you a celebrity?

Yeah -- celebrity laughingstock.

Gopher, that's not true.

We're the only ones who know

that you weren't trying to be funny last night.

Everybody else thought you were wonderfully witty.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah.

And we still need somebody to perform tonight.

Oh, no! Unh-unh!

No, no. If I tried that again,

I'd really make a fool out of myself.

Forget it -- no way!

Gopher, just sing -- forget the act,

and just sing "Danny boy" like we heard it.

You'll be great.

No!

From now on, I sing where I'm comfortable --

in the shower.

♪ Oh, come ye back when summer's in the Meadow ♪

♪ or when the valley's hushed and white with snow ♪

♪ 'Tis there I'll be ♪

♪ in sunshine or in shadow ♪

♪ oh, Danny boy, oh, Danny boy ♪

♪ I love you s-o-o-o-o-o-o ♪

[ Gargling ]

[ Applause ]

[ Jazzy music plays ]

Oh, honey.

I'll go get us some drinks.

Mmm. Don't be long. [ Chuckles ]

Well, what's with you two? You look like Romeo and Juliet.

Oh, Olivia, I'm having my first shipboard romance.

Oh, I get it. And you're trying to throw Byron off the track.

Nice going. Who's the lucky guy?

No, no. I'm the lucky one.

I'm having an affair with my husband.

With Byron? [ Chuckles ]

Well, they say truth is stranger than fiction.

Olivia, I love him.

Do you love your husband?

Well, sure, but --

oh, no more excuses.

You know, you can't solve your problems

by playing Suzie swinger one week out of the year.

Wouldn't you rather be swinging with Ted?

I guess so, but Ted would never go for this.

How do you know? Have you ever asked him?

No.

Well, I asked Byron.

He gave me exactly the answer that we needed.

Here we are.

Well, where's my drink?

Oh, I'm sorry, Olivia, I thought --

I know what you thought,

but you're gonna be stuck with the two of us

for the duration of this cruise.

I know you two are plotting to throw me into the closet again.

We might.

Well, this time, I'm taking you both in there with me.

Whoa-ho!

All right.

[ Chuckles ]

I thought it was time I brought you some flowers for a change.

And "change" is the key word.

Daffodils, hmm?

"Best regards" -- well, it's a start.

That was all they had on the ship.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, and...

$3?

I was hoping they'd play a waltz.

Oh.

Well, Mrs. Horner, I hope you had your usual good time.

Much better than usual this year.

Must have been the food.

And what do yellow roses stand for?

A decrease in love.

No yellow roses for me.

The pink ones?

I don't know.

Well, then, you'd just better find out.

A florist's wife should know those things.

Yes. [ Chuckles ]

Here you go.

Oh, Julie, you didn't have to do this.

Well, I wanted to thank you.

You really got me out of a tight spot

by filling in for that singer.

Well...

Hey, you should save the paper.

Is it somebody's birthday?

No, I just wanted to help boost gopher's singing career.

Ohhhh...

I love it!

What is it?

It's a rubber tuxedo

for when you and your shower open in Las Vegas.

[ Laughs ]

Hey, thank you. Thank you.