Original subtitles

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow, ♪

♪ it floats back to you. ♪

♪ The love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore yes, love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's love. ♪

I hope I'm not doing the wrong thing by hiring this act sight unseen.

Wrong thing?

You don't know how lucky you are to get Deacon dark.

Yeah, but that jazz trio who just backed out at the last minute.

Well, it's just a good thing that my uncle's girlfriend is

Deacon dark's agent's secretary's roommate.

Gopher?

Gopher: Hm?

Are you sure that this guy's the right act for our passengers?

Oh, wow, Julie.

He has seven gold records.

His concerts are always s.R.O.

Sro?

Standing room only.

His name is on more t-shirts than fruit of the loom.

Julie: Hmm?

All right, all right, everybody.

That'll be it.

Thanks very, very much for coming, but Deacon dark is gonna

take a few days to rest up from his very successful European

tour, his seventh gold record, and two dynamite weeks in las Vegas...

Don't worry, we will be available for more interviews when we come back into port.

Love ya.

Love ya all.

Love ya all.

Love ya.

Phil: Marty?

What?

Take the snake, will ya?

Mr. Dark, welcome aboard...Sir.

Marty: Oh, hello my darlings.

I'm Marty Austin, personal manager and confident to the despicable Deacon dark.

I believe we have three fifty-one and three fifty-three on the promenade deck.

Gopher: Yes, sir.

And excellent cabins.

They are right through these doors and up the stairs.

Love ya. Love ya.

Listen, my darling, do you think you could possibly take Irving for a walk?

And when you're through, bring him up to our cabin.

Goodbye, Irv.

Sure!

Gopher, I'm gonna get you for this.

Mornin', Julie. Howdy, gopher.

Hi, Andy.

Anderson...would you do me a favor and take my friend

Irving....got him?

Buy him a drink, would you please?

Yeah, he'd probably like a grasshopper.

Come on, Irving.

I may need a drink myself.

Gopher: Welcome aboard.

Julie: Welcome aboard. Hi.

Welcome aboard.

Enjoy your cruise...

Oh, Sara! Hi.

Welcome.

I've...been expecting you.....

Oh no, whoa...Whoa... Not so fast.

Well, wait a minute. When did you learn sign language?

Oh, I used to do some volunteer work at Sara's school.

And all the kids always said that I had two left hands.

Julie, why don't you introduce me to your friend?

Tell her that the two of us could make beautiful music together.

Oh, well, I think you've already done that.

You see Sara reads lips.

Oh...

What'd she say?

Oh, well, she said...

Please!

We hardly know each other.

Doc: Look out....

Isaac, what are you reading that's got you in such a daze?

"Murder in Eden"...The new Evelyn bosworth mystery.

Oh!

I just finished it.

Yeah, well, don't tell me how it ends.

I've only got eight more pages to go....Seven.

You'll never guess who did it.

The accountant. Right?

No.

It was the....

Don't tell me...Don't tell me!

Adam?

Adam bricker?...

Oh, doc, it's so good to see you.

Oh....

Mitzi!

Oh, how long has it been?

Mitzi, what are you doing here?

I'm on my honeymoon.

Honeymoon?

Mitzi, what're you doin', huh?

I turn around to pay the cabbie and you split.

Oh, keep your shorts on.

You found me, didn't you?

Doc, this is Vinnie derisi... My husband.

Ah-ha....

Vinnie, I want you to meet a very dear friend of mine.

Dr. Adam bricker.

How do you do?

Glad to meet ya.

Doc and I were very close at one time.

Not close-close.

Just sort of close....

Actually, distant-close.

We gonna stand around here like this all day or what?

We'd better get unpacked.

See you later.

Terrific....

Yeah, the three of us.

Now, he's the kind of guy you suspect of murder.

But never in a bosworth mystery.

It's never anybody like him.

It's always somebody like the grocer, or somebody's

grandmother or....Or somebody like them.

Teddy: Oh uh, miss McCoy?

Julie: Hmm?

I wondered if we might have a few words with the captain.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Smith

but the captain's busy on the bridge right now.

I'm sure you'll be able to see him up on the lido deck later, though.

Ah, thank you.

Julie: Hm-hm.

Enjoy your cruise.

Thank you.

Teddy?

What?

The...the lido deck.

Doesn't that sound like the perfect place for a murder?

You might have something.

[Ship horn]

I'm really sorry I let you talk me into comin' on board in this freak outfit.

That freak outfit pays a lot of bills, buddy-boy.

Yeah, well I just want to be Phil backstrom and I just want to rest for a couple of days.

Right.

We could talk business later.

What's this?

Appearing tonight in the acapulco lounge special guest star...Deacon dark!

Just a way to defray expenses.

It's...it's great publicity.

I'm not doin' it.

Oh, yes you are.

No way. Forget it.

Oh, it's a great chance to try out the new stuff...

And we do have a contract.

Okay, I'll sing for my supper.

But no snakes.

No costume.

And no tarantulas.

What're you talkin' about?

That's your act.

Look, man, I don't need all those gimmicks.

I'm a singer.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Sinatra's a singer.

Lou rawls is a singer...

You...are an attraction.

I'm a side show.

Nobody every went broke giving the public what it wants.

You know, Marty, this may sound real corny...But there's a few

things inside me i'd like to say.

Go to confession.....

A year and a half ago you were an aging rock star who couldn't get arrested.

Today, you have a half a million in the bank and you are a star.

And who got you there?

You did, Marty.

Then we have nothing to talk about.

Right?

Yeah, right.

Good....

I have to go to a meeting now.

Ciao, baby....

Think positive.

Reading on duty?

I know, but I've only got three more pages to go.

Yeah?

Isaac: Yeah.

Hey, you want me to tell you how it ends?

Morning, Isaac....

Mr. Smith.

Gopher: Hi, sir.

Hi, sir.

Well, you've been reading "murder in Eden."

Ah, no sir, hm-hm. I...

I just found it.

Good.

I've been dying to read it.

Oh, Vinnie, I can't believe we're really here.

Oh, this is super.

It's so...So romantic.

What're you doin', honey?

Cool it. There's people around here.

We're on our honeymoon.

You can think of it as a honeymoon, if you want to.

But I gotta tell you somethin'...After livin'

together for two and half years, I think of it as a trip.

Are you ashamed of me or somethin'?

What're you talkin' about?

You never take me any place.

The only place you ever take me is to the track or some game.

And then you treat me like your sister.

You won't even kiss me in public.

What about that day at the coliseum...When the rams beat Minnesota?

I kissed you then.

You also kissed the man in front of us,

the peanut vender and a little old lady in a viking hat.

Made a bundle that day.

Can't we forget about gambling and

do some of the things that honeymooners do on a cruise?

Like what?

Like use your imagination...

We could take a jacuzzi.

Honey...i took a bath already on the Lakers.

All right...

You choose something.

P.A. voice: Ladies and gentlemen...The casino is now open.

Lady luck awaits you.

Hey....

Vinnie....

This cruise is gonna turn out to be better than I thought.

Mitzi: Vinnie...

Vinnie: Look, honey....Here's a c-note.

Go buy yourself somethin' nice.

I'll see you later.

How 'bout a ginger ale?

Comin' right up.

Hello...

Hi.

Nice day, huh?

Yes.

I'm Phil backstrom.

Hello, Phil.

I'm Julie McCoy and this is my friend Sara.

Oh, I'm very pleased to meet you.

Oh. She says that she's happy to meet you too.

Oh....

Oh, how did that go again?

Say it again.

How'd I do?

That means...

I... I know what that means.

Couldn't we just slash his throat and get on with our vacation?

Frankly, sweetheart, I am bored stiff with slashing throats.

Well, I'm bored with murder.

Lilly, how can you say that?

Murder's our living.

I mean without it you wouldn't have that beautiful diamond

brooch, or the rolls Royce, or the estate in the country.

Now come on, let's get on with that captain business quickly,

then you can start your vacation.

All right....

Oh look.

What?

Lillian: There's something...

The captain is officiating at skeet shooting.

Well?

We could make it look like an accident.

Shooting's always so messy.

And you know it attracts a crowd...

What about an ice pick through the head.

Teddy, that's been done to death.

Well, tell me what hasn't?

Doc!

Doc!

Doc!

Doc!

Doc!

Doc: Isaac, what's the matter?

You look like you've seen a ghost.

We'll be seein' the captain's ghost if I don't warn him.

They're planning to kill him.

What?

Who?

The smiths.

They want to murder the captain.

Oh, come on.

Man, listen...Listen.

They were talkin' about slashed throats.

It's...it's...it's their business.

Isaac, slashed throats are my business,

along with scraped knees and...Fever on the brain.

You are my.....Was it this way or was....

Friend.

I gotcha.

Say goodbye to the groupie, kid.

We got business.

Marty, this is Sara.

And Marty...

Marty: Yeah?

Sara is my friend.

Oh, charades...Charades.

Marty, Sara's deaf.

Marty: Oh...

Say your good-byes and meet me in the lounge.

You gotta rehearse the tarantulas.

It would take too long to explain.

I'll walk you back to your cabin.

Okay?

Teddy: Right there Isaac: Have a good day.

Issac: Alright bye-bye.

Two Singapore slings, please.

Can't we just drown him?

A sea captain?

Oh, Lillian, think of your profession.

Well, it was much easier in the old days.

We could just blow them away.

Ah...one must move with the times...

Just think what we have at our fingertips...

Laser beams...High frequency sounds....

Yes.

We'll sauté his inners with microwaves.

Now you're cooking.

I wonder what the captain's gonna do when Deacon dark shows up at his table.

Don't worry.

Get along fine.

I just hope he doesn't wear his snake.

Phil: Hi, gopher.

Hi, Julie.

Gopher: Hi, Phil. Julie: Hi, Phil.

Oh, oh, excuse me.....

Uh, Phil?

Phil: Yeah?

Gopher: Phil?

Phil: Yes?

This seat is reserved for Deacon dark.

I'm sorry.

I'm afraid that's me.

Gopher: Really?!

Phil: Yeah.

Oh!

Captain, this is Deacon dark...

The Deacon dark!

Well, how do you do, Mr. Dark?

Nice to meet you.

I'm afraid I'm not familiar with your music.

Well, most of my music is kind of obscure.

Are you kidding me?

Screaming voodoo devil boogie woman....

Step, step, step on toads?

I've all of Deacon's albums.

I used to collect Teresa brewer albums.

Why?...

Uh....

I can't stay.

I have to...

I have to check on towels.

Isaac?!

Don't tell me you're still spying on that nice couple.

Doc...they're really gonna do it.

They're gonna off the captain with microwaves.

Doc: Hm-hm.

Well, when you see them brandishing an oven, you let me know.

Listen, you gotta believe me.

Those people are for real.

Isaac, if they were for real, they'd choose something simple and available.

Like poison sugar cubes...

Look, Sherlock Holmes you're not.

Relax...

Good evening...Evening.

Evening, doctor.

Joanne, what do you say, you and I go into the acapulco lounge

and boogie the night away.

Gopher, you gotta help me.

She needs my help more than you do.

The smiths...Poison...Sugar cubes.

What?

They're gonna poison the captain.

Mrs. Smith took the sugar.

The captain's life is in danger.

Okay.

Here's what we'll do.

You stick close to the captain.

Don't let him out of your sight.

First sign of trouble, you call me.

Ah, okay.

I'll be in the bar pretending to work.

Okay.

I'll be with joanne pretending to boogie.

What'd you have to drag me away from the card game for?

I was just breakin' even.

Oh, I thought maybe we could dance.

I don't feel like it.

You go ahead. I'll catch up to you later.

Hi.

Hi...

Anything I can do?

Here I am on a romantic ship in the middle of a beautiful ocean...

Doc, a girls wants a little love and affection in her life.

Why can't Vinnie feel for me what I feel for him?

Hey...hey...eyes as lovely as yours shouldn't be clouded with tears.

You say the nicest things.

Only to the nicest people.

You're a marvelous dancer.

How do you do it?

She says that she can't hear the music, but she can feel the vibrations.

At last, someone who can enjoy my singing.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the acapulco lounge.

I'm here to introduce a super star...

Ladies and gentlemen...Here he is...The demented...The

dangerous.....the disgusting...deacon dark.

(Deacon dark singing "smash it") ♪ smash it, smash it ♪

♪ hit it with a hammer and crash it ♪

♪ bash it, slash it... hit it with a hammer and trash it ♪

♪ you think you want to see the world ♪

♪ I say smash it ♪

♪ smash it ♪

♪ you say you want to save our love ♪

♪ I say trash it ♪

♪ trash it! ♪

♪ You know you never say what you mean ♪

♪ hey ♪

♪ you know I'm not like that 'cause I'm mean ♪

♪ and I mean what I say, I mean what I say ♪

♪ I mean what I say, I mean what I say ♪

♪ yeah, you say you want to save my soul ♪

♪ I say smash it ♪

♪ smash it! ♪

♪ You say you want to save my life ♪

♪ I say smash it. ♪

♪ Smash it ♪

♪ slash it ♪

♪ slash it! ♪

♪ Hit it with a hammer and trash it ♪

♪ trash it! ♪

♪ Bash it ♪

♪ bash it! ♪

♪ Smash it ♪

♪ smash it! ♪

♪ Hit it with a hammer and trash it ♪

♪ smash it, smash it ♪

♪ stab it ♪

♪ slash it...♪

♪...smash it! ♪

You liked it.

Right, sir?

Well....let me put it this way...

He's no Jerry vale.

Sorry, I'm late, honey.

I got hung up on a table, so I...

What're you doin'?

Leaving you.

Leaving me?

What're you gonna swim home to your mother?

Very funny, Vinnie.

But I'm going.

What're you talkin' about?

You never cut out on me before.

I'm tired of being taken for granted.

I want some affection.

Intimacy.

Things you obviously won't give me.

Where're you goin'?

To doc's...

Isaac, I want to thank you for your concern, but...Why would

the smiths want to murder me?

Because...uh...

Frankly, sir, I think he's been working too hard.

I haven't been working hard at all...

Oh, well, what I mean, sir, is they're gonna bump you off with poisoned sugar cubes.

Oh, Isaac, this whole idea is ludicrous.

He's reading too many mysteries.

Sir, I wish you'd take this thing seriously.

Take what seriously?

The....the killing.

Ah, Mr. Washington,

I want to thank you again. Bye-bye...

But...but, sir, I am positive.

Isaac...

I haven't an enemy in the world.

[Knocks on door]

Enter.

Good evening captain stubing....

Evening boys...

Oh, uh... he just needs a little bit of shore leave, sir.

He'll be fine. Good evening.

Good evening.

Ah, how are you this evening, captain?

I took the Liberty of pouring your tea.

Oh, I didn't order any tea, Anderson.

You mean to tell me you didn't call up and order tea?

No.

Well, sir, I'll just take it right back then.

I'm sorry to disturb you.

Well, that's all right.

A... cup of tea might just hit the spot.

Oh, leave it.

All right, sir.

Thank you.

Have a good evenin', sir.

Thank you, Anderson.

Anderson: Thank you, sir.

Captain (v.O.): "Jensen knew he was dying.

He laughed bitterly as he realized the irony of his last words to Mildred....

Don't worry, darling, no one wants to kill me.

I haven't an enemy in the world?"

So, what'd you think?.....

Really bizarre, huh?

I mean those people just love those gimmicks...

You didn't like it, did you?

Look, I know I'm not the world's greatest singer.

I just give the people what they want, that's all.

Who am I to fight with success?

Right?......

Oh, forget about it.

I mean you don't have to be able to speak for me to know what you're thinking...

You're entitled to your opinion.

I'm sorry I disappointed you.

Goodnight.

Mitzi!

Vinnie!

What're you doin' with my wife?

Doing?

I wasn't doing anything.

She just got here.

And I'm here, because I will go anywhere to be where you're not!

Ohhh....

I want you to make my wife fall out of love with you and come back to me...Or...

Vinnie, she's not in love with me and I'm not in love with her.

We're just good friends.

Ah, then you won't mind if I break the door down with your face.

Uh, excuse me...

Uh, mitzi, this is doc.

Mitzi, why don't you and Vinnie go back to your cabin and talk things out?

Mitzi (o.C.): Because!

Well, that makes sense.

Mitzi (o.C.): Take a hike Vinnie and leave me alone.

Okay.

Terrific.

I ain't losin' any sleep over you, lady!

Come on.

What?

You're not stayin' here with my wife.

Please, Mr. Derisi, I'm a doctor.

Yeah, but you ain't operatin' tonight.

Out!

So after you left I started to think about people who might qualify.

Qualify?

Yes.

For the enemies I might have in the world.

And you remembered the smiths?

Maybe Smith isn't their real name...

Maybe they were sent by someone.

So...i made up a little list....

The names with the stars are my top ten enemies.

How 'bout the names with the dots?

Runners up...

What's the matter with me?

No one has a good reason to want to see me dead.

Maybe it was someone with no reason.

Or maybe it's just someone who likes a challenge.

Doc?

Doc: Hm?

Doc, are you asleep?

Oh...

Vinnie...

Vinnie, it's....The big hand's on the twelve, the little hand's on the three....Three?!!!

Oh, Vinnie!

Doc, we gotta talk.

If I lose mitzi, I'll go crazy.

Vinnie, I told you what to do.

Yeah, I know...Tenderness, gentleness, romantic stuff.

I can't talk like that.

But it's easy.

Compliment her on her eyes, her hair, whatever you happen to be looking at.

Goodnight.

Yeah, that's it.....

Your skin...It's so white...It's so smooth...Like a brand new cue ball.

You've convinced me......

You need help....

You're lucky I make house calls....

Now look...

P.a.voice: Good morning and welcome to cabo San Lucas.

We hope you enjoy your day.

I'm really sorry about last night.

I wasn't angry with you, I was angry with myself...

Look, it's gonna be kind of hard to explain...But I'd like to try again.

Okay?...

Friend.

See, I know I don't need all those props and gimmicks,

but...but Marty...Well Marty doesn't understand.

He thinks that's the only way I can make it.

All I want to do is write songs and...And sing.....

Somehow it all got mixed up with money and success and...

Well, I wrote this song for you and...

Just pretend it's poetry and pretend it's good.

Okay?

They're neck and neck.

It's blue moon.

Hi yo silver and rolling roar...Moving up on the inside...

Hey, I didn't know they had horse racin' on the ship.

Vinnie, I didn't stay up all night coaching you so you could play the horses.

Now you stay here and behave yourself.

I'll go get mitzi.

What if somethin' goes wrong?

Nothing's gonna go wrong.

You'll do fine.

Okay?

Okay.

Sara, come on in...

What's the matter? What's wrong?

This from Phil?...

Oh, slow down...No, no.

Don't go so fast...

Mmm...

Are you sure you love him?...

Well, then if you feel that strongly, go to him and tell him...

You'll find a way...

Bye.

Gopher: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now one minute to post time

for race number three on lido deck, durby day. Place your bets.

Vinnie: Put up a dollar on purple passion for me.

Mitzi: Doc said you wanted to see me.

Oh yeah, well....It was kinda lonely without you last night.

I'll bet.

Mitzi, I'm just tryin' to be nice to you.

Gopher: And they're off!

And the first number is four.

There goes green hornet off to an early lead followed by beige

beauty, blue moon, purple passion, red rover and

hi yo silver...

So...what do you want to say?

Well....

Gopher: And neck...Purple passion leads....

Your neck...

What about it?

Ummm...

Gopher: As they enter the stretch...

It stretches.

Oh, that's really beautiful.

No, wait...Wait...Wait...Wait.

Gopher: Nose to nose.

Your nose.

Gopher: Coming up on the outside.

It's on the outside.

Gopher: It's purple passion...

And the winner is purple passion.

Vinnie: I win! I win! I win!...

I lose.

I feel ridiculous having a bodyguard.

Would you rather feel dead?

Sounds like Isaac's been sampling his own work, sir.

Now, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

This entire thing has gotten out of hand.

Lillian, it's imperative that we find a way to finish off the captain tonight.

Lillian: Mmm...You're right.

We've already received a contract for the next one.

It must be the busy time of the year.

Teddy: And don't forget...We've got that convention in Boston next month.

Gopher: Oh my god!

They have group rates.

Isaac: Captain!

What are you doing?

I am going to confront the killers.

Sir, don't confront killers.

You could get hurt.

I am not going to my death like a spineless jellyfish.

Once they know I'm onto them...The tables will be turned....In my favor...

Excuse me.

Lillian: Oh...

Captain.

I know why you are here and what you are up to.

Oh, good...

Perhaps you'll be kind enough to cooperate, because we're having a devil of a time.

Teddy: Captain, don't tell anyone...'Cause we're on a very

tight schedule and we don't want to attract a crowd.

And we'll just hang around until...Until we get the job done.

Wish us luck.

Hi there.

Hey, doc...

Say, doc, is mitzi still stayi' in your cabin?

Yeah...

I wish you two'd get together.

I kinda miss my own lumpy mattress.

Could you do me a favor and give her this?

And give her this note, too...

Want to tell her goodbye.

Goodbye?

Vinnie, mitzi doesn't want to lose you.

She loves you.

Ah, not anymore.

Vinnie, all mitzi wants from you is some signs of affection.

Well, I talked to her like you told me to.

Good...good.

No.

Bad...bad.

You see this horse race was goin' on...

Oh, Vinnie, you didn't?

Yeah.

I did.

My horse came in, but my wife walked out.

I should have stayed with you.

Yeah. You could have told me what to say.

That's it!

That's what we'll do.

What?

We'll go knock on mitzi's door.

Now she won't want to talk to me, so she'll keep the door closed.

But I'll talk to her anyway.

The only thing is you'll be telling me what to say.

Sounds vaguely familiar, but it won't work.

Of course it will. I saw it in a movie.

Cyril deburgerjack.

Cyrano De bergerac?

Have it your way.

With a little practice, I know we can pull this off.

Come on, doc!

Well, I don't know...

Sara...hey, Sara, I'm really sorry about the...

Oh, you can't go out there, sir.

They'll find you.

I've got a ship to run... Rounds to make.

I can't stay in here forever.

Gopher: I've got it!

Sir...you will make your rounds.

Take off your clothes.

Play?

♪ ♪

You little devil.

You can feel the music with your hands...

♪ Never saw the rainbow, only saw the rain...♪

♪ Everything was wrong and nothing right...♪

♪ Then along came Sara...Sweet and loving Sara...♪

♪ Took my hand and led me to the light...♪

♪ Now I see the rainbow...And I don't mind the rain...♪

♪ Sara's here and nothing is the same...♪

♪ All my world is magic...Since she smiled hello...♪

♪ Now that I have found you, Sara...♪

♪ I can never...Ever let you...Go...♪

Gopher?

Shhhh...

Gopher, what are you doing?

I'm impersonating the captain.

You could go to jail for impersonating an officer.

I could get killed for impersonating an officer.

I'm on decoy patrol.

I'm gonna throw the smiths off the captain's trail.

What are you talking about?

I can't talk now.

I've got to keep moving.

Remember me fondly.

Good evening.

You going up on deck?

Teddy: Yes.

The moonlight tonight will knock you dead.

They say it's a killer.

That's it, Marty.

I work like this, or I don't work at all.

Oh, come on, Deacon.

Phil...

Look, what makes you think you can make it like that?

Well....well, I sang that song for Sara this afternoon and she loved it.

Could I ask you a question, Phil?

How many records do deaf people buy?

Mitzi...

It's Vinnie, I want to talk to you...

Don't...don't open the door.

Why not?

Well, I'd like to talk to you and what I've got to say has to be said through the door.

What do you want to say?

What do I wanna say?

This is never gonna work.

This is never gonna work.

What do you mean?

What do I mean?

Will you be quiet till i'm ready?

Will you be quiet till i'm ready?

Mitzi: Did you come here to insult me?

Doc: Uh, mitzi...

Mitzi, I don't know why I wasted all my time on them foolish

games of chance...When I could've been playin' the best

game in town...The game of love...With you.

Oh, Vinnie, that's beautiful.

Yeah, ain't it.

But you...But you...You sound...You sound different.

Ahhh...that's 'cause I'm all choked up with emotion.

Vinnie: Yeah, like the Dodgers choked in the third game of the world series.

Now you sound like the old Vinnie.

I may sound like the old Vinnie, but believe me this is the new Vinnie...

A new Vinnie who wants a new relationship...A new

relationship full of intimacy and full of affection.

Yeah...and public kissing.

Oh, Vinnie!!

I love you...

Doc?!

Hi, there...

Hi, there.

I shoulda known.

You even found a way of turning love into a hustle.

No, no, no, honey, honey.

Listen, please, I...

I meant everything he said.

I swear.

He did...He did.

Oh, sure he did.

Okay, if you don't believe me then go ahead and split.

Now, wait a minute...Both of you just hold on.

Get over here...

Now you loved each other enough to get married.

Now why don't you give it a chance?

Come on, Vinnie...Tell her how you feel.

It doesn't have to be special or fancy.

It just has to be you.

Mmm...

You're like filling an inside straight...

And you know somethin' else?

Without you I'd croak.

Ohhh...

Vinnie....

Oh, Vinnie.

The man's a poet.

Sir, please sit down.

It's out of our hands now.

I'm worried about mr.Smith.

Our Mr. Smith.

Ah, do you mind if I read the last few pages while we're waiting?

Isaac, at a time like this?...

The smiths are Evelyn bosworth.

Huh?

They write these mysteries.

Oh, they're not trying to kill me.

I bet they're plotting their next book.

It probably takes place on a cruise ship.

Well, Teddy, I have to hand it to you.

What's that?

As usual, you've come up with the perfect way to do the dirty deed.

Congratulations.

Oh, stop it, pretty face.

You make me blush.

Come on.

Open the champagne.

It's a celebration.

Teddy: I'm doing my best.

You know how good I am at this.

Ahhh...

Hey, what happened?

Hey, what happened? Are you alright?

What is it?

I regret that I have but one life to give for my

captain...

Sir!

Sir...I'm sorry about the blood on your uniform, sir.

Just have it cleaned and take the money out of my last check.

There is no blood.

No blood?

Captain: No blood.

There has to be blood.

They shot me.

With blande des blande fifty-nine.

♪ "Then along came Sara...Sweet and loving Sara...♪

♪ Took my hand and led me to the light...♪

♪ Now I see the rainbow...And I don't mind the rain...♪

♪ Sara's here and nothing is the same...♪

♪ All my world is magic...Since she smiled hello...♪

♪ Now that I have found you, Sara...♪

♪ I can never...Ever let you...Go...♪

What a gimmick...

No gimmick.

"The love boat will continue in a moment."

Thanks, doc.

Oh, it wasn't anything.

It was something.

And every year on our anniversary, you'll be getting a bottle of champagne.

In that case, I hope you have lots of them.

Thanks, doc.

I'll never forget you.

Hey kid, hurry up.

The press is waiting outside.

I wish you had a tie and a jacket, you know?

We have a new image to maintain.

You should look more like...

Jerry vale.

Marty...don't worry about it.

Why don't you go take care of the press?

Okay? Marty: Okay, kid.

Okay.

Good...good.

He'll never change.

I love you.

Captain: Oh, Mr. Smith?

Captain...yes?

I...finished your novel last night.

Your detective is amazing.

Well, he doesn't work alone.

No...he had help.

Just as we did in our latest endeavor.

And last night it finally all came together.

And that's why we were celebrating with champagne.

Oh...

Well, tell me....What sort of death did you choose for this....Fictitious captain?

Captain, what fun would it be if you knew the outcome ahead of time?

Oh, Lillian's right, captain.

It's better that you wait and see.

Rest assured...It's grisly.

Lillian: Mmmm...

Oh...

We're calling it "murder on the high seas"...

You'll love it.

Wow!

Hey, murder in Eden.

I've been wanting to read that book.

Did you finish it yet?

Yeah...

The bus driver did it.