Original subtitles

Love,

exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

Love,

life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow

it floats back to you.

The love boat

soon will be making another run.

The love boat

promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,

your mind on a new romance.

Love

won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile

on a friendly shore.

Yes love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

Come in.

You wanted to see me, sir?

Ah, yes, Isaac.

I wanted to go over your schedule.

You're gonna need some time to

work with the new girl in the

gift shop.

No problem, sir.

I've already set aside some time.

Oh, good.

What was her name again?

Stephanie.

Stephanie Jackson.

Ah, yes. Stephanie.

Will this be her first job?

No, no. She worked in a

department store before she,

before she...

Arrested for shoplifting.

You're not having second

thoughts about this, are you,

sir?

Absolutely not.

I'm very glad to be participating in

this juvenile rehabilitation

program.

Well, actually, my mom

deserves all the credit. I mean,

it was her church group that

started the program.

Yes. Well, I have a

lot of faith in you, Isaac.

I know you can handle Stephanie's

training and adjustment to

shipboard life.

Sir?

May I?

Thank you.

Uh...

If it's any consolation, sir,

I...i don't

think that cashews...

Stain.

Droll...mr. Washington.

Very droll.

That'll be all.

Right.

I don't know.

I feel strange being here.

Wouldn't you rather be alone with this...

What Lisa...

Or is it Barbara this trip?

Dad, it's Libby.

Libby hall.

Libby hall.

Sounds like a dorm in a girl's school.

Well, you haven't met her yet.

We've only dated a few times.

She agreed to go on a

cruise with you?

She paid for her own cabin.

Oh, well.

Dad, we're just gonna

spend some time together.

That's all.

Then I'll surely be in

the way.

Dad, you won't be in the way.

She's gonna love you.

Alan. Hi.

Libby.

Excuse me.

Hello. Hello.

How you doing.Good to see you.

I want you to meet my dad.

Dad, now this is Libby hall.

Oh, pleasure to meet you.

Excuse me.

Alan didn't tell me you

were an artist.

You are?

Well, this is either an

artist's portfolio, or you have

very thin clothes.

Do you paint?

Not since high school.

I once painted a picture of the

principal and I was almost

expelled.

That bad.

I painted it on the side

of his car.

Excuse me.

Alan...alan billingsley.

Remember me?

Alan billingsley.

What are you doing here?

Hey, why don't you find a date

and join us?

You're sure I won't be in

the way.

Probably. But it's too

late to send you home.

Let me take care of this.

Oh.

Thank you.

Welcome aboard, Mr. Beery.

I'm Julie McCoy, your

cruise director, and this is

Adam bricker, our ship's doctor.

Hi.

How do you do?

You and Mrs. Beery will

be on the promenade deck, cabin

one-ten.

Oh, oh...Wait...Wait a minute.

There... there is no

Mrs. Beery.

I hope you enjoy your cruise.

Oh, I'm enjoying it already.

I mean, just...Just one

breath of this air and my

allergy's gone.

I'm not sneezing.

Aren't you surprised?

Ahhh--choo.

Well, it looks like

lourdes is gonna stay in business.

Excuse us.

I knew you'd love it.

I took the week off, changed

your reservation and booked us

the most beautiful cabin on the ship.

For three wonderful days,

and two fabulous nights,

we'll be travelling as Mr. and

Mrs. Fred beery.

Ah-choo.

Your allergy sounds much better.

Oh.

It must be the sea air.

Come along.

You got a dude named

Isaac Washington around here?

Isaac?.

Yeah, right there.

Hey, oh, Stephanie right?

You're Isaac Washington?

Well, if I'm not, I've

been sending mother's day cards

to the wrong lady.

But you're black.

No.

I just figured you'd

be one of those guilty white

liberals.

Well, until one comes along,

why don't I show you to

your cabin and get you settled in.

Oh. Right. Let's go

to my cabin.

Oh, Stephanie listen.

If there's anything Isaac can't

do for you, you just come to me.

Okay? 'Cause nobody knows this

ship any better than I do.

Nobody.

I'll be in the laundry.

Look, you got plenty of

closet space over here.

And the air conditioning

controls are on the wall on the....

What are you doing?

You got me the gig.

I'm ready to pay off.

Stephanie, sit down.

Now sit down over here.

Now listen,i got you the job for a reason,

but it's not the reason

that you're thinking.

Now all anybody wants is for you to

get a fresh start.

You dig?

Are you serious about

painting?

Well,

you have to take some lessons.

It's never too late to start.

That's what they said

about skiing. So, the very next

week, I broke my leg.

You like to ski?

I like it, but I do it

about as well as I paint.

How 'bout you?

No. But I've always

wanted to learn.

Hey, I'll tell you what.

You teach me to paint, and I

will teach you to break your

leg.

Anybody for another drink?

Alan, if you continue to

hog the conversation, I may as

well go to my cabin.

Christine, you are leading

again.

I'm sorry.

Being together,

.in this romantic setting.

It makes me feel wild

and impetuous.

In fact, if someone were to ask me to marry

them tomorrow in Mexico,

I'd probably agree.

Ahhh.

Are you starting to sneeze?

Or are you saying yes?

Yes.

Oh, Fred,

you have made me the happiest

woman in the world.

No, don't say anything.

Mere words would spoil the moment.

Oh.

Hi, Stephanie.

I don't think we've been introduced.

I'm Julie McCoy, cruise director.

I'm Stephanie Jackson.

Your friendly,

neighborhood parolee.

Hi, Stephanie. Think

you're gonna like working in the

gift shop?

Beats shoplifting in

the ghetto.

Stephanie, we don't

care where you came from or what

you did before you got here.

The only thing that matters to us,

aboard this ship, is how well

you do your job.

You're an attractive, intelligent young lady.

Give yourself a chance.

Is he for real?

Stephanie, a lot of people are for real.

You just haven't met 'em yet.

Thank you for taking

care of our blood samples on

such short notice, Dr. Bricker.

I've got so much to do for tomorrow.

Let's see now, we can

get the rings in port.

And the blue dress will have to do.

A veil...I need a veil.

I've got some gauze you can use.

Oh, goodness. I've

got to call my mother.

I mean it isn't every day that her

little girl gets married.

Ahhhh.

Doctor,

could you give Freddy something for his

allergy. I mean, it's not gonna

be very nice if he goes down the

aisle saying achoo, instead of I do.

I love you, Fred.

Goodbye, doctor.

Bye bye.

Thank you.

I could give you some

antihistamine, Mr. Beery.

Oh, no, no. Please,

I...I'm just up to here,

with antihistamines.

Nothing seems to be any help.

Well, I'm not an allergist,

but maybe if we could get at the

source of your sneezing, I'd be

able to prescribe something

else.

Do you remember when the symptoms first began?

Let's see when I...

Yes, actually, it all...It all seemed

to start when...

Well, when...When Christine first came

to work in the office.

But she kept asking me to come home to

dinner a lot, see...

And everybody.

Any unusual dishes?

No. Just plain white with

a blue border.

Mmm...

Does Christine have a dog or cat?

No.

She does have a picture of a bird though.

Well...

See one night,

after a game of gin rummy and,

a couple of creme De menthes

frappes,

I stayed the night.

After that Christine began

thinking... no, no, Christine

presumed that we were...

That we were gonna,

going....

Ahhhhchoo...

Gesundheit.

Thank you.

Well, if it's not food or

animal hairs or mattress

stuffing,

I can't imagine what the source

of your sneezing might be.

Doctor.

Yes?

Oh...

No, I mean, that would be silly...Silly.

What?

Oh. Well, I mean...

People cannot be allergic to other

people, can they?

There have been instances.

Oh well.

That's it.

I'm allergic to Christine.

We had fun tonight.

It's been a wonderful evening.

I can't remember when

I've had so much fun.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You think maybe I could come

in for a while?

Ahhh...

I'm kind of tired.

It must be boat lag.

Who knows? Okay, I'll

take a raincheck.

Well, goodnight Woody.

I mean, Alan.

Ahhh.

Oh, freddums. Didn't

the doctor give you something

for your sneezes?

There's nothing he can give me.

Why?

What did he say?

Oh, well, he just said that.

Well, sometimes you

develop symptoms when you had to

do things you don't want to do.

Like what?

Well, like...

Well, you know, like...

When you had to eat spinach

when you don't want to.

Or...or...or when you're

forced to practice the violin

when you don't want to.

You know.

But you love spinach

and you love the violin.

But I don't love you,

I don't want to marry you.

I...

Don't even want to share this cabin with you.

Oh dear.

Took you long enough to mention it.

The whole ship,

my mother, and by now

probably half the town thinks

we're getting married.

You've,

you've made me look

like a real chump, Fred.

No.

I made myself look like a chump.

I saw myself pushing you.

But I hoped.

I hoped.

Fred.

Have you ever wanted anything so bad,

you thought you'd shrivel up and die.

If you don't get it?

No.

I guess you haven't.

Christine.

I don't have to sneeze.

I don't even feel like I want to sneeze.

Now, every time you make

a sale, you write up a receipt

on this pad. One copy goes to

the customer and the other copy

goes into the cash drawer with

the money. And it's very

important that you don't lose a

receipt or misplace it, because

it's the only record that we

have of a sale.

Right.

What's a receipt?

Okay. Now, this is the

key to the showcase here. All right.

It's a good idea to keep

this locked, because this

jewelry in here is the real

thing.

Hey....hey, they're

beautiful.

Yeah, well, you save your

paychecks and they can be yours.

Okay? That's just about

everything you need to know. You

think you can handle this?

Well.

Ah....i like the way

you've redecorated the gift shop.

No discount for sweet-talk, gopher.

What do you need?

Some new Cologne.

The only thing my old stuff was

attracting was mosquitoes.

That's on one of your

better days.

Have you got anything

with a little spice.

A little lime.

Hey, why don't I spray you

with one of my margaritas?

How 'bout this, gopher.

Macho beast. Guaranteed

to kill 'em.

And only fifteen dollars.

At that price, it's gonna

kill me.

Well, you need every break

you can get.

I'll take this.

Thank you, Stephanie.

Thank you, sir.

Ladies, please! Stop!

I'm not just a body.

I have a mind, too.

You enjoying this as much

as I am?

Dad, no one is enjoying it

as much as you are.

Well, good morning.

Good morning. Sit down.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

Gonna sketch today, hah?

Oh, I thought I'd go into town.

Would you like to come along?

I have a better idea.

Well, why don't we just stay on

board today, and you can sketch

a gorgeous view from my cabin

window.

I really want to go to

puerto vallarta.

I hear it's a beautiful city.

Would you like to come?

Well, I thought you'd never ask.

I've got it.

The three musketeers in puerto

vallarta.

No, dad, why don't you go ahead.

Three musketeers is a crowd.

Alan.

If Alan wants to be a

stick in the mud, let him.

I'll tell you what, I will lend you a

sketch pad and then you won't

have to use the side of

somebody's car.

Do you mind if I go?

Of course not.

Should I?

Not bad.

I've decided to take this sweater.

It's your color, too.

And you know something?

Now that is dynamite.

You know you're right.

I will take them both.

You know, you have a very good

fashion sense.

Thank you. I can't

afford two hundred dollar

outfits, but I read two dollar

fashion magazines.

I know what I'm talking about.

My husband and I own several

boutiques.

Are these pearls real?

Yes, ma'am.

Would you like to see them?

Yes.

Oh, my.

Oh, they are gorgeous.

With the sweater and scarf.

All right.

Oh, I know, but Walter would

kill me.

Think of them as a business expense.

I mean, you could wear

them to work and

knock the customers dead.

You know, you're very good.

But I'd better not.

At...at least not until I've had

a chance to work on Walter.

Would you send these things to me.

I'm on promenade, room three

forty-two.

I certainly will.

Well, my dearest,

it's been a pleasure dealing

with you.

Thank you.

Come back again.

Oh, I will.

Gopher.

Hm?

You smell like the avon lady.

Well, thank you, sir.

Oh good lord.Gopher, how much Cologne

did you put on?

Hardly any. Still have

half a bottle left.

Hello doctor.

Christine.

Hello, Fred.

Are you doing what you want to do?

Christine, I...I wanted to

talk to you this morning, but

you'd gone already.

I'm not gonna push myself

on you anymore.

I want you to feel like

I'm not even here.

You didn't have to spend

all night in the bathtub.

It was okay.

Except when the shower dripped.

No wait, I'm not playing the martyr.

I realize that for a

long time you've been doing

things my way and hating every

minute of it.

What are you drinking? Scotch?

Well, you probably can't stand

creme De menthe.

Oh, well, I...

And I bet you hate

chicken marengo, too.

No wonder you had that allergy.

I'm glad we got it all out in the open.

So am I.

Oh, but I am sorry I made you cry.

It's not the first time

you've made me cry.

But it will be the last.

I guess I finally realized that when you

reach the end of the rainbow

there isn't necessarily a pot of

gold.

P.A. voice: We hope you enjoyed

your day in puerto vallarta.

Hi. How's business?

Busy. Any more customers and

we'll have to open

an express Lane.

Well, look it's almost closing time.

Why don't you get ready for dinner,

and I'll stick around

and close up. Okay?

Oh, that's okay.

I'll do it.

No, no, no. You...

You haven't had a break all day today.

Now I'll see you at dinner.

It's Italian fiesta night,

so try to look Italian.

Well,

okay.

I'll wear pizza in my hair.

Ah, where is our new

employee going?

I told her I'd close up,captain.

You know, she really

did a great job today.

Good.

Oh, I'm sorry,

you're closing.

I'll...I'll only take a minute.

There...there was a darling girl that waited on me

this afternoon, and she showed

me a gorgeous pair of Pearl

earrings and I wanted to wear

them at dinner tonight,and

oh, they're gone.

Well, I guess they were

sold to someone else.

Ah, let me check.

Oh, I knew I shouldn't have

waited to talk to Walter about it.

Oh, never mind.

Thank you, anyway.

There is a receipt for

those earrings, isn't there?

Isaac?

Ah, I'm sure there is.

So I looked all over the shop,

and I couldn't find the

earrings or a receipt.

And there's no extra money in

the cash drawer.

Could I have been that wrong about her?

No...

No there must be some explanation.

Well, I certainly can't

ask Stephanie.

All her life people have always thought the

worst of her.

If she thinks I'm like that too...

Well, maybe you could find out,

without asking directly.

Mmm..

How?

Well be diplomatic.

Tactful. Always ask a question

without seeming like a question.

And if you can bring that off,

we got another mission for you.

Getting rid of gopher's

Cologne.

Doc, don't you just love

Italian fiesta night?

Love it? I love everything Italian.

Italy's my favorite

country in the world.

Yeah?

Arrivederci.

Roma.

Goodbye...goodbye to Rome.

Yeah, doc, I believe you.

I believe you love it.

Oh, good evening, Mr. Beery.

Mr. Beery.

Good evening.

Christine.

I...

I have to sit here.

It's my assigned table.

It's all right.

I'll find another place.

Christine.

Sit down.

I want to have dinner with you.

Well...

As long as you're sure.

I'm sure.

Waiter.

I would like to have the shrimp

cocktail.

A small dinner salad.

Oh, and the chicken marengo.

You hate chicken marengo.

I probably hate chicken marengo

when I am forced to eat it.

It is different when I

choose to eat it.

Nonsense.

You're just trying to please me again.

I am not....I...

Ahh...ahh...

Waiter!

I will have the chicken marengo.

It is what I want!

Alan?

What?

Nothing.

Well, that was a short conversation.

I guess being with

Libby's got you all talked out.

It's...

Libby I want to talk to you about.

Talk.

I don't know how to say this.

But today...

With Libby...

I felt....

Young.

For the first time in years.

You know, I felt...

What are you trying to do?

Are you trying to make us both

look like fools?

I'm telling you how I feel.

I'm telling you how I feel.

What the hell's the matter with you, dad?

That girl's half your age!

I had the feeling that she cared,

too.

You're my father!

She's just being nice to you.

I'm sorry.

No, that's

that's...okay.

There is no fool like an old fool.

That adage has been around,

a lot longer than you have.

Dad..

Why don't you finish getting dressed,

and the three of us'll

have a nice dinner.

No, look, why...

Why don't you and Libby have a meal alone?

Dad....

No, please...Please.

It would make me happy.

Tell her that...

Well, make up some excuse for me.

You sure?

Okay.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Ah, beat it.

Mustn't keep a classy lady waiting.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

I'm sorry I'm late.

No, problem.What to see the menu?

Oh please.

Where's your dad?

I think he overdid it in town today.

He said he'd see you tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Tonight's the last night.

He's all right?

Oh, sure, he's all right.

Of course, he's fine.

Libby,

now promise me you won't laugh.

But I think my father

has a crush on you.

I'm sorry.

You know, everyone thinks

you're doing a great job in the

gift shop.

Thanks.

Must get kind of hectic

in there sometimes.

Yes.

And it's kind of tought to keep

track of everything.

Can I ask you something?

What?

Do you mind not hoggin'

the bread.

Fine friend you are

standing me up for dinner.

Well, didn't you see Alan.

I told him to tell you.

Woody...

Please don't let Alan come between us.

Hey, I'm twice your age.

That is not you talking.

That is Alan talking.

Well, he's right.

He's not right.

From the first moment I met you,

I felt something special.

I think you did too.

And then in town today.

The most wonderful time,I've had in a long time.

How 'bout you and Alan?

Alan...alan...we're friends.

We've dated a couple of times.

Anything more than that

is just in his imagination.

As for you,

you're everything that I

always wanted to have in a man.

You're warm and compassionate.

And funny.

And gentle.

Ooh.

I think I'm falling in love.

You, too?

Oh, boy.

Well, it's okay.

In the future remind me not to bring my women around you.

I wouldn't want to be accused

of having a dirty old man

for a father.

Oh, son, i'm...

Alan...

I've never in his whole life have I...

Laid one hand on him in anger.

I'm sorry.

I've destroyed something between you two.

I am so sorry.

No, it's all right.

It's not your fault.

I apologize.

Please forgive me.

I know it's for gopher's own good,

but I still think it's

a cruel way to tell him.

Doc...

It's a cruel Cologne.

Hi, guys.

Okay,i get the message.

Hey, doc, you wanna buy an

expensive Cologne cheap?

Isaac?

Yes, sir?

May I speak to you for

a moment?

Certainly.

Have you made any

progress on the earrings?

Ah, no, sir. But I don't

think Stephanie had anything to

do with them.

Really? Well, I wasn't

going to mention this, but under

the circumstances.

What is it?

I saw Stephanie with

the earrings this afternoon.

She was just admiring them, but,

yes, sir.

I'll...I'll talk to her.

It's beautiful.

Romantic.

Christine.

You don't have to sleep in the bathtub tonight.

Stay with me instead.

I insist.

Well,

I'll....

Find us a couple of creme De menthe frappes and

I'll meet you in the cabin.

It cost me fifteen dollars.

I'm sorry, gopher.

You have no choice.

Overboard.

That Cologne you're wearing.

Tell...tell me where to

get some. Quick!

Stephanie, there's

something that I have to ask you, and

I don't want you to

take this in the wrong way.

You...

Showed a pair of Pearl earrings

to a passenger this afternoon.

Yeah. So?

She...

Came back later to buy them, but they were gone and

I was wondering....

You were just wondering

if I stole them.

No.

Oh, man, I knew it. I knew

I would get nailed for

something on this jive ship.

Stephanie, I....

Oh, come on.

Wait a minute. Now look,

look, don't talk to me.

Don't say a word.

I'll show you.

Stephanie, if you've just seen

them....

Now there are your

damned earrings. I put 'em aside

because I knew that lady would

be back for 'em. But, no...You

think a once a thief, always a

thief. Right? Well, you can take

your earrings and your job and

you know what you can do with

them.

Christine...

Christine,

it...it's freddums.

Christine (o.C.): Just changing

into something comfortable.

Oh, oh, fine...Fine.

You...you...you...you just take

your time. Christine...

Old freddums will be

waiting.

Oh Christine.

What can I say, Fred.

This is comfortable.

Well...

You're....

You're beautiful.

Oh...

Don't be silly.

Well, go get your

pajamas on so we can go to bed.

Alan,

I'm sorry.

No...

Dad...

I'm the one that should be sorry.

Oh, yeah?

I bet I'm sorrier than you are.

Can I...

Buy you a Brandy?

You're on.

Okay.

I found out how much I depend on you.

You know, I

I really have been taking you

too much for granted.

I...

I love you, Christine.

I do. I do.

Tell me you still

love me.

Oh, I do love you, Fred.

I do. I love you,

just like a brother.

Christine.

What did you do?

Rub your body with chicken marengo?

Alan.

Alan....alan...alan.

I don't want to go to your

cabin.

Well, that's too bad.

Besides, you owe me a raincheck.

Now before we go in,

let me just...Let me just tell you a little story.

When I was a kid,

my dad used to take me to

school every day.

We'd get off the bus on the corner and we'd

race to the playground.

I'd be ahead and then he'd pass me by.

And then just before we got there,

I'd grab a hold of his coat tails

and I'd push on past him.

I used to win every morning.

So...

Well, it wasn't until a

few years later that I figured

out that my dad was letting me win.

Cause I felt like a man

when I would beat him.

That's how I...

Libby that's...That's the way

that, I felt with you.

I felt like I was back in a race

with my father.

Well, race is over.

I don't think anybody won.

No, it's not over.

Not until somebody crosses that

finish line.

Alan...

Yes.

Man...

I really blew it with Stephanie.

She was just starting to trust people.

And now I can't even find her to

talk to her.

Isaac, you were

following orders.

If I'd only had a little

more faith in her.

Come in.

Yes?

I took them.

You what?

I....

I stole the earrings.

But see...

Before dinner I went

and put them back.

But it doesn't make any difference, does it?

I still took them.

Stephanie...

Send me back to the

correction center.

That's where I belong.

Young lady...

I've only one thing to say to you.

You're late for work.

Huh?

We'll be in port soon,

and you have to take inventory.

You have five minutes to get

down to the gift shop.

Inventory. You know,

that's when you make a list...

I know what inventory is,

jive Turkey!

Captain, how can I thank you?

Now you have four minutes.

You're something else.

Thank you.

Isaac?

Tell me...

What exactly is a jive Turkey?

Oh, please Chris...

Please, Christine, marry me!

Fred, you're...

You're creating a scene.

I don't care who knows it.

I love you! Do you hear!

I love this lady.

I love her!

What's gotten into you?

Christine, you must marry me!

Ahhh.

I don't want to force you.

Now whatever you want...

You just take your time.

Just sayin...In...A day...A week...A...A

month... a...A...Forever.

I don't care. I'll wait.

Ahchoo.

If you don't mind my

saying so, miss hall, you were

one of the most beautiful ladies

on this cruise.

Gopher, that is not a

thing to say to a lady who's

about to be a mother in two

weeks.

You're...you're gonna be a mother,

in.

Yes.

His.