Original subtitles

Love,

exciting and new.

Come aboard,

we're expecting you.

Love,

life's sweetest reward.

Let if flow,

it floats back to you.

The love boat,

soon we'll be making another run

the love boat,

promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,

your mind on a new romance.

And love,

won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile,

on a friendly shore.

It's love,

welcome aboard it's love.

Gopher: Hi.

Welcome aboard.

Hello.

I'm gopher.

Or as my mother prefers to call me yeoman purser burl Smith.

Welcome aboard, Mr.

And...

Alfred: Newberry.

Gopher: Newberry.

You have a cablegram.

It's from Mr. Littlejohn.

He'll be here.

Sandra: Mark littlejohn is seeing us off?

Gopher: Mark littlejohn.

The author?

Sandra: And maniac.

Why did you ask him to see us off?

Alfred: I didn't.

Sandra: Well then why...Al, you didn't ask him to sail with us?

Gopher: He's sailing with us?

The Mark littlejohn?

Alfred: Sandra, he still owes me the final chapter of his book.

I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone.

Sandra: Give me the stone.

I'll kill the two birds.

You and littlejohn.

Mark: Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

Sandra, you're more lovely and more beautiful than ever.

But unfortunately, I see you're still married to that stiff of a publisher.

And who is this fair nymph of the sea?

Julie: Ah, Julie McCoy, your cruise director and this is gopher Smith, your purser.

Gopher: An honor, Mr. Littlejohn

I've read every one of your books.

Mark: Oh, yes, well here's the autograph.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Let the festivities begin.

Sandra, what say you, Julie and I pop some bubbly while the old man takes away the bags.

Sandra: Too early for me.

Mark: All right.

Then Julie, my darlin', I guess it's you and me.

Julie: Oh, sir, I have a work to do.

Mark: Well, you work to take care of the passengers, and I'm gonna need a lot of taking care of.

Julie: Oh...

Sandra: There he goes...Chasing girls again.

Do you really think you can get him to finish his book on this cruise?

Alfred: Either that, or he'll swim home.

Martin: He hasn't checked in yet.

He...he must be stuck in traffic.

Allison: Oh, I think it's terrific.

Martin: What?

That he's stuck in traffic?

Allison: No.

The cruise, daddy.

I mean what a great way to close a business deal.

Martin: Honey, the merger between the Collins machinery and my company is not exactly in the bag.

Allison: Well, you just stop worrying... Mr. Collins is gonna love you.

I'll bet he'll even want to keep you on as a consultant.

Martin: I don't care what he does.

I'm gonna keep you on as president of my fan club.

Allison: Jim...?

Jimmy?

Jim: Oh, I don't believe it.

Allison: What's it been?

Six years?

Jim: Oh, at least.

Allison: I'm surprised you remember me.

Jim: Are you kidding?

Forget the girl I took to the senior prom?

You look terrific, Wanda.

Allison: Oh...allison, you smarty .

Dad, I'm sorry...

Martin: Jim...jim Lawrence.

You used to play sax and drive a thirty-two Ford with a broken muffler.

Jim: Hey, that's quite a memory.

Martin: How could I forget?

With that muffler and sax, I didn't get much sleep.

Jim: Well, I still have the sax.

Martin: Well, I hope our cabins aren't too close.

Jim: Ah, well, actually, my band's playing this cruise.

Allison: Oh, that's wonderful.

Martin: Oh, good...Oh, there's the man I'm supposed to meet.

Will you excuse me?

Allison: Well...

Jim: Yeah.

My thoughts exactly...I've really.

Allison: It's been so...

Jim: Hey, let's have a drink later.

Allison: I'd like that.

Jim: All right.

About three o'clock...After my rehearsal.

The pirate's cove.

Allison: I'll be there.

Jim: Okay.

Martin: Allison...this is Brad Collins of Collins machinery.

Brad, this is my daughter...Allison.

Allison: It's nice to meet you.

Brad: Well, Martin, I can see it's gonna be a great pleasure doing business with you.

As soon as I check in I'll drop by your cabin.

Martin: We'll see you then.

Brad: You bet you will.

Martin: Well, what do you think of him?

Allison: Well...uh...i like him.

And I know he likes you.

Julie: Hi.

Welcome aboard...Hello.

Cyrus: Afternoon, ma'am.

Foster's the name...Well, good to see the ship is ship shape and the girls are girl-shaped.

Julie: Well, Mr. Foster

we're very happy to see you.

We've been expecting you.

It's not every day we get to entertain the captain's favorite uncle....I'm Julie McCoy, your cruise director.

Cyrus: My cruise director?

Julie: Yes.

Cyrus: Oooh...i hope the other passengers get one just as nice as you...

Merrill, or should I say captain merrill.

Captain: Oh, I've been looking forward to this for a long time.

With my father in the Navy, uncle Cyrus practically raised me.

He's responsible for what I am today.

Cyrus: Well, you can't win 'em all.

Captain: Julie, I want you and the crew to out do yourselves.

He gets the red carpet treatment.

Cyrus: Will there be enough room on the carpet for both of us?

Julie: Mr. Foster...

Cyrus: It's uncle Cyrus.

Welcome to the family.

And it's a very loving family.

Julie: Well, thank you.

Sandra: "I'm in the mood for love..."

Alfred: Littlejohn may be a nut, but he sure can write.

I hope I can get him to finish it.

This autobiography has got to be a best-seller.

His love scenes are incredible.

Sandra: Oh...anything would be compared to ours.

Alfred, you promised me this was gonna be a vacation.

Alfred: Hang on, will ya?

Just a minute, honey, while I finish this chapter.

Okay?

Sandra: Whoopee...

Isaac: Ah, Mr. Littlejohn...How's the book coming?

Mark: Well...i could use a shot of inspiration.

Make it a double.

Isaac: Oh, you're writing two books, huh?

Mark: Ha...ha...

Isaac: What'll you have?

Mark: Irish whiskey.

The drink of my forefathers.

Isaac: Yeah, that's why I like to drink black Russians.

There you go.

Mark: Ah, don't...Don't put that bottle away.

There's at least four chapters in left in there...

Hello, hello...Hello...A little Irish.

Sandra: Mark, why didn't you go back to your writing?

The sooner you finish your book, the sooner al can relax and enjoy the cruise.

Mark: Forget...forget Alfred.

Forget him.

I'm relaxed.

You're relaxed.

We'll enjoy the cruise.

Let's go forward and get us some little winds in our faces.

Sandra: It'll be cold.

Mark: Not with a drink inside you...Come on, one drink.

Sandra: Okay.

One drink but then you promise you'll go back to your cabin and write?

Mark: I promise.

One drink.

Isaac: That is gonna be one long drink.

Cyrus: Come in.

Julie: Hi.

Cyrus: Hi.

Julie: Oh.

Compliments of the captain.

Oh, I sure hope you're hungry.

Cyrus: Oh, I am.

I am.

Julie: Good.

Cyrus: But it's no fun stuffing myself alone.

Will...will you help me?

Julie: No, I really shouldn't.

Cyrus: Oh...

Julie: Well, all right.

For a minute.

Sure.

Cyrus: Well, make yourself at home.

Julie: Okay.

Cyrus: Oh, would...Would you like to see some pictures of my grandchildren?

Julie: I'd love to.

Cyrus: So would I, but I don't have any.

Julie: Well, you're so gallant...Mr.

Foster, please!

Cyrus: You don't have to beg.

It's my pleasure.

Julie: Mr. Foster, what are you doing?

Cyrus: In my day, dear this was known as bussing.

Julie: In my day, it's called forced bus.

Cyrus: Ahhhh!!!

Cute.

I love a woman who combines humor with passion.

Julie: Passion?

Here, eat an apple.

Cyrus: Forget the apple, Eve.

I'm already tempted.

Julie: Mr. Foster!!!

Cyrus: Darling, come to me.

Doc: Hi, kid.

Julie: Oh, hi, yourself.

Doc: What's up?

Julie: Ahh...the captain's uncle just made a pass at me.

Can you believe that?

Doc: Well, sure.

Hey, don't put yourself down, Julie.

You're not a bad lookin' girl.

Allison: Jimmy, we had such great times together.

What happened to us?

Jim: Well, you know...I got busy with my music...

Started travelling around with the band.

Allison: Yeah.

Well, I guess that's the same thing that happened to me.

After mom died...Dad was all alone.

He got to depend on me.

Jim: Yeah, you two were always close.

Allison: He's had some rough times.

You know?

If he could just clinch this merger...I've got to make it happen.

Jim: Hey...take it easy.

If it's not this deal, there'll be another.

Allison: I don't think so, Jimmy.

He's down to his last card.

Martin: Hi, Allison.

Allison: Hi, dad...Mr. Collins.

Brad: Ah...brad, please.

Allison: All right.

This is Jim Lawrence, an old friend of mine.

Brad: Hi, Lawrence...Well, what do you say the three of us play a little Blackjack before dinner?

Allison: I don't know how to play.

Brad: You stick with me, honey and I'll teach you everything you ever need to know.

Allison: Well...i think I'll change for dinner first.

Brad: Don't be too long.

I'm gonna need you to help me count my winnings.

Martin: So you hurry along, honey.

Allison: Jimmy, you want to come with us?

Jim: No, you go ahead.

I'd just be in the way ...

Business before pleasure....

But I'd like to see you later tonight after my set.

Allison: Okay.

That's what I call a pleasure.

Sandra: How much whiskey can you drink?

Mark: How much whiskey is there?

Sandra: Al says your autobiography's gonna be a smash.

And you only have one chapter yet to go?

Mark: Hm-hm...the truth is...I haven't a clue how to finish it.

Sandra: How can you write a whole book and not know how it ends?

Mark: It is an autobiography, you know.

I'm not quite dead yet...Like your husband.

Sandra: What do you mean?

Mark: Well, if I were on a cruise with a beautiful woman

I wouldn't spend my time reading how another man makes love.

Sandra: Oh?

Well, what would you do?

Mark: Oh...oh...oh...is that a dare?

Sandra: Oh, no, no, no.

You promised me that after your drink you'd go back to your cabin.

Mark: Well, i'd...I'd like to, but not alone.

Sandra: Uh-uh.

I don't intend to be another chapter in your book.

Mark: Well, think about it, Sandra.

Oh...oh...I'd love to immortalize you.

Doc: You know, I've never read any of Mark littlejohn's books, but I hear they're kind of sexy.

Gopher: Well, let me put it this way...The last one I bought, I read under a cold shower.

Captain: Ah, there you are, Julie.

I just want to thank you for spending so much time with uncle Cyrus.

He's having a ball.

Doc: Real son-of-a-gun, isn't he?

Julie: Hm, you can say that again.

Gopher: Boy, I've never seen an old guy with so much pep.

He sure is in great shape.

Captain: Well, he always took good care of his body.

Doc: Now he's trying to take care of yours.

Cyrus: Oh, there you are, nephew...No wonder we're going around in circles.

Nobody's running the ship.

Captain: Oh, uncle Cyrus, you haven't changed.

Captain: I didn't know it was your birthday.

Cyrus: It's not.

But it's always somebody's birthday.

Nine o'clock.

Okay?

Oh, no presents please.

Ah, maybe a little watch.

Captain: How 'bout you, Julie?

You coming to the party?

Julie: Ah...no, sir.

I've got a big day tomorrow.

Captain: Well, so do I, but I wouldn't miss one of cy's party for the world.

See you at nine.

Doc: Oh, come on, Julie.

So the old man got a little impulsive this afternoon.

He's probably starved for affection.

Julie: Well, I'm not gonna be part of his diet.

Gopher: Don't worry.

We're all gonna be there.

If Cyrus foster so much as puckers his lips, we'll form a circle around you.

Doc: Besides, why hurt an old man's feelings?

Gopher: Yeah.

Julie: Okay.

I'll go.

Doc: Thatta girl.

But go easy on the lip gloss.

You don't want to turn the old man on.

Martin: Well, you certainly taught them how to play Blackjack, Brad.

What a gambler.

You...you have nerves like steel.

Brad: Well, I'm just a natural winner.

Isaac: There you go.

Three scotch rocks...And, of course you make the third.

Okay?

Brad: Hold it, buddy.

This is bar scotch.

Isaac: Oh, no, sir.

That's the brand that you ordered.

Brad: Just take it back and bring us three more.

Okay?

Isaac: Of course...Thank you.

Brad: Well, Marty, this little merger of ours has side benefits I've never even imagined.

Martin: Brad...about our two companies.

Brad: Plenty of time to talk about business, Marty.

Right now I feel like dancing.

How 'bout it, Allison?

Allison: Yes of course.

Jim: Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Ladies and gentlemen, right now I'd like to do a song for a very dear friend of mine....

Someone I wish were more than just a friend...

And the lady's name is...Miss Julie McCoy.

Sandra: Al, do you love me?

Alfred: Sure.

Sandra: You say sure, but how do I know?

Alfred: Well, you asked me.

And I tell you.

Sandra: Well, that's the point.

I mean why should I have to ask you?

Couldn't you just sometimes tell me?

Alfred: It never comes up.

Sandra: Never comes up?

If I don't bring it up in a conversation, you don't think about it.

Alfred: Sandra, I know our love is there.

It's like...It's like my neck.

Sandra: Your love for me is like your neck?

Alfred: Sure.

I know it's there, but I don't think about it...Unless it rains.

Sandra: Oh, terrific.

Every time it rains you love me.

Alfred: No.

Every time it rains my neck hurts.

Sandra: So what it comes down to, is your love for me is like a pain in the neck.

Alfred: Wrong...this conversation is a pain in the neck.

Sandra: I'll bet when it rains Mark littlejohn doesn't think about his neck.

Alfred: Mark littlejohn can only think about his next drink.

Sandra: I bet he likes to lie in bed and listen to the rain.

He's a romantic.

Alfred: A romantic?

Sandy, Mark littlejohn is a crazy person.

Oh, he's a great writer, but he's like a child...He acts out every one of his fantasies.

Sandra: Maybe other people ought to.

Alfred: Other people know that life is more than just fun and games.

Sandra: Our life could stand a little more fun and games.

Alfred: Ah, Sandra, grow up.

Sandra: Oh, Alfred, get with it.

Alfred: It must be raining somewhere.

Cyrus: Welcome to the club Cyrus.

Julie: Hello everybody...Oh, where is everybody?

Cyrus: Oh...they'll be here in a minute.

Why don't you have a drink, Julie.

Something to get the ball rolling.

Julie: Oh, I was hoping the ball would already be rolling.

You sure the others are coming?

Cyrus: Ah, they'd better.

I just opened up a fresh can of peanuts there on the nightstand.

Julie: Oh!!!

Mr. Foster.

What on earth.

You're old enough to be my grandfather!

Cyrus: Forget sun city.

This is fun city.

Julie: Mr. Foster

stop it...Mr. Foster

Cyrus: You can call me Cyrus.

Julie: What are you doing?

Cyrus: I'm proposing.

Julie: Well, behave yourself and let go of me!

Cyrus: I like your spunk, girl.

You and I could make beautiful music together.

Julie: Get yourself a tape deck.

Cyrus: Aw, come on, Julie.

Don't play so hard to get.

I'm really a nice guy once you get to know me.

I grow on people.

Julie: Plant yourself on somebody else!...Oh, look.

Mr. Foster...Look!

What on earth is that couple doing out there?!!!

Cyrus: What couple?

...is it something I said?

Allison: Ah, you're gonna hate me.

Jim: You can't keep our date tonight.

Allison: I really should be with my father and Brad.

Hey, you do understand, don't you?

Jim: Oh, I'm not sure.

Convince me again....I have an idea...

Tomorrow we're gonna be in Puerta vallarta for the day.

Why don't I give you a guided tour?

Allison: Gee, I don't know about that.

I need some convincing.

Jim: Pick you up at nine...Anymore convincing and I'm not gonna let you go.

Allison: See you in the morning.

Gopher: Hm-hm...check that out

Julie: Hey, guys...How could you not show up?

How could you leave me there all alone with that old lecher!

Doc: Julie, he called all of us up and cancelled.

Isaac: Yeah, he said he wanted to catch up on his sleep.

Julie: Well, that's not all he wanted to catch up on....

Of all the sneaky, devious, deceitful tricks.

Gopher: Yeah.

Sounds like your technique, doc.

Julie: You guys, that is not funny.

This man is nothing but a wolf in...In...In senior citizen's clothing.

Isaac: Well, maybe you should speak to the captain.

Julie: Oh...yeah...and say what?

Gopher: And tell him the truth.

Say, captain, your uncle is a dirty old man who can't keep his hands to himself.

Isaac: Yeah, that...That sounds like a good idea to me.

Julie: Oh, yeah, that's terrific...You guys, the captain happens to idolize his uncle Cyrus.

I can't do that.

I'm just gonna have to stay out of the old goat's way...Yeah, sure.

Why not?

It's a big ship.

Doc: You want to raise the ante?

Isaac/gopher: Yeah.

Cyrus: Julie, want to go skinny-dipping in the pool?

Mark: Ahh...marvelous.

Sandra: I'm not here to make love.

Mark: Oh, I didn't ask you to.

Sandra: Well, don't ask.

Mark: I don't have to ask.

Sandra: Mark, please.

I...i really don't know why i'm here.

Mark: Why?

Who cares why?

You're here.

Would you like to have a drink?

Sandra: No, thanks.

Mark: Would you like to have a talk?

Sandra: If you promise not to try to talk me into...I don't know what.

Mark: I promise...So, I suppose Alfred will be showing you the sights in puerto vallarta tomorrow?

Sandra: No, he'll be working.

Mark: Ahh...

Sandra: I was planning on seeing the town alone.

Mark: That's impossible.

You need a guided tour.

Sandra: I suppose you're the guide?

Mark: Manana, senora.

Sandra: Manana, senor.

Julie: Excuse me, sir.

Captain: You know, puerto vallarta's one of my favorite places.

Maybe I'll settle down here when I retire and hang up my ship on the old locker room wall.

Julie: Yes, sir...Um, sir...

Captain: What's on your mind, Julie?

Julie: Well, sir, it's about your uncle.

Mr. Foster

captain: Uncle Cyrus...Oh, I almost forgot.

He wants to have cocktails and dinner with you tonight.

You know, I think he's taking quite a shine to you.

Julie: Yes, sir.

Well, you see, it's more than just a shine.

Captain: Then I take it it's a yes.

Uncle will be delighted.

Cyrus: Yoo-hoo, nephew.

Captain: Uncle, looks like you and Julie have a date.

Cyrus: Isn't that nice...Mmmm...Mm...Let's say at five.

I'll pick you up at your cabin.

Captain: That's my uncle.

Always the gentleman.

Julie: Yes, isn't he?

Excuse me

Captain: Ah, splendid scenery, isn't it?

Cyrus: Splendid scenery.

Martin: Oh...jim.

Jim: Hello, Mr. Scott

is Allison ready?

Martin: Well, you just missed her.

She...went into puerto vallarta with Brad.

Jim: Oh, I see.

Okay.

Martin: She said to say she was sorry.

She said you'd understand.

Jim: Yeah, I understand.

You are really an expert on Mexico.

Are you kidding me?

I happened to owned every record from mazola mazola made.

What?

Sandra: How much did you pay for this?

Mark: Who knows.

Whenever I'm in a foreign country I take whatever money I have in my pocket, hold it out and pray.

Sandra: And you call yourself a guide?

Mark: Si, senora...Now this...This is the most romantic hotel in all of puerto vallarta.

Sandra: Oh, really?

Mark: Oh yes.

It has an enchanting little bar that serves the best margaritas in town...

And in every room they have beautiful hand-carved four-poster beds...

Something no tourist should miss.

Sandra: That would be crazy.

Mark: Of course it would be crazy.

But I've never known a moment that mattered that wasn't crazy....

All right, all right...At least we can have the best Margarita in town.

Julie: I still can't believe it.

Not only did I not tell the captain about his uncle,

i somehow got roped into cocktails and dinner with the old buzzard.

Gopher: The captain?...Oh, the other old buzzard.

Julie: The worst part is, he's coming to my cabin to pick me up.

What am I gonna do?

Isaac: I suggest you wear a beautiful gown...Some attractive jewelry...And track shoes.

Doc: Hey, wait guys...Guys, this is no laughing matter.

Now somebody should teach him a lesson.

Isaac: Sounds like he's doing all right without lessons.

Julie: I wish my aunt Phoebe were here.

She'd teach him a lesson.

Gopher: Who's that?

Julie: My aunt Phoebe.

She's a vice cop in Milwaukee.

Sort of like Angie Dickinson without the blonde hair or the great body or the beautiful face.

Doc: Oh, a female Kojak.

Julie: Phoebe busts guys like uncle Cyrus for breakfast.

But that's just wishful thinking.

She's in Milwaukee.

Doc: Ah, Julie...If you like...I could slip on a dress and I could be your aunt Phoebe.

Julie: You know, doc...I think that could work.

Doc: No, no.

I...just kidding.

Gopher: Why?

You've got nice legs.

Isaac: Sure.

Shave those legs...Slip on some pantyhose...And who's gonna know.

Doc: Ah, the ship's doctor can't do that.

I'm on call all the time.

Gopher: Right.

Isaac: Guys, I'd like to do it, but they'd never buy me as Julie's aunt...

Moustache.

Julie: Hey...

Gopher: Now wait a minute...Ah...Ah...

I don't have a thing to wear...Okay...All right, I'll do it.

But remember this.

Just because I'm a purser...Does not mean I have to carry a purse.

Doc: Can I have this next dance?

Allison: Daddy, you in there?

Martin: Hi.

Allison: Hi.

Oh, dad, Brad and I had the greatest time.

And have I got news for you.

Martin: Oh, I hope it's about the merger.

If it doesn't go through, i'm wiped out.

Allison: Well, dad, would you let me tell you.

Now Brad said something abut keeping you on as a consultant after the deal is made.

Martin: Seriously?

Allison: Yes.

Martin: Ah-ha...allison...what would I do without you?

Allison: Me?

I didn't do anything.

Martin: Well, you just clinched the deal, that's all.

But tell me, honey...The truth...Wouldn't you rather have spent the day with Jim?

I mean this Brad Collins isn't the kind of guy you...

Allison: Look, dad...I really like Brad.

Martin: Really?

Allison: Really.

Alfred: This doesn't make any sense, Sandra.

How can you leave me when we're out in the middle of the ocean?

Sandra: Try to understand, Alfred.

I'm not abandoning ship, i'm just abandoning you.

Alfred: You're abandoning your senses.

Sandra: Maybe I am a little crazy.

Maybe it's time I got a little crazy.

That's your trouble, al.

You're...you're never crazy.

And your never being crazy has driven me crazy.

Alfred: Oh no, that's not your thinking.

That's Mark littlejohn.

Sandra: Mark loves me.

Alfred: Mark littlejohn doesn't love anybody but himself....Give me another chance.

Sandra: It's too late.

You wasted all your chances.

Allison: Hi.

Jim: Hello.

Allison: Gee listen, Jim, I'm sorry.

Can we talk?

Jim: I've got a rehearsal.

Allison: Hey, my father means more to me than anything in the world.

He needs this deal.

That's why I went ashore with Brad.

Jim: Well, why didn't you come to my cabin and tell me that yourself?

Allison: I didn't have a chance.

Please don't be mad at me.

I wanted to go with you.

Honest.

I promise I'll never do anything like that to you again.

Jim: You can do that to me anytime you want to.

Allison: Am I forgiven?

Jim: Um...you don't get away that easy...

Now you're forgiven.

I don't want to rush you into anything...

Allison: Jimmy, you're not rushing me.

Jim: What about this guy, Brad?

Allison: That's business and business only.

Okay?

Jim: Okay...want me to take off?

Allison: Would you mind?

Jim: No.

We'll take up where we left off later.

Brad: Who is that guy?

Allison: Oh, he's just an old friend.

Brad: Well, let's just keep it that way.

Okay?

Now how 'bout a nice kiss for a new friend?

Mark: How much whiskey can you drink?

Sandra: How much whiskey is there?

Alfred: I hope you two will be very happy together.

Mark: Well, thank you, Alfred.

We're...we're gonna try to be.

Alfred: She's a wonderful woman.

Mark: Exceptional.

Alfred: Smart.

Mark: Sexy.

Sandra: You guys left out sophisticated.

Alfred: I also left out loyal.

Mark: Alfred, don't worry.

I'll take very good care of her.

Alfred: For Pete's sake, Sandra, don't you know what your life will be like married to this lush?

Mark: Hey, I beg your pardon.

Who said anything about marriage?

I'm a charter member of the a.M.A....Against marriage absolutely.

Alfred: That's very funny.

I like that.

Good.

Mark: You should have stayed in publishing 'cause now you're into my specialty...

Down with marriage.

This is for free love!

Alfred: There's nothing free about Sandra's love.

If you want it, it's gonna cost you.

Slipper, are you alright?

Hold on, just a second.

Sandra: Stop it!

Enough!

Stop it!

Stop it!

Both of you!!

Stop it!

Enough.

Stop it!!!

Captain: Stop it!

Stop it!

This is your captain and that is an order!!

Alfred: This is to defend a woman's honor.

Mark: You're more interested in the woman's honor, than the woman herself.

Alfred: I am interested in Sandra.

She's my whole life.

Sandra: Stop it, Mark.

You've done enough.

Alfred...alfred...

Alfred: Was that crazy enough for you.

Sandra: Al, you're not experienced enough to be that crazy.

Julie: Hi...

Gopher: Hi...how do you like it?

Left over from one of our masquerade balls.

Julie: You know Cyrus will be here any minute.

You're late.

Gopher: I had a little trouble getting into my bra.

Well, do you like it?

Do I look like your aunt?

Julie: You look like my uncle.

Gopher: Your uncle wore a bra?

Julie: Come on, gopher, let's be serious.

We don't have much time.

Now let's rehearse this.

Gopher: Right.

Julie: You'll be hiding outside...Cyrus will come in here.

If he should happen to make a pass, I will ring the bell....And you come running.

Right?

Gopher: One question.

Julie: What?

Gopher: Does this lip gloss go with my nail Polish?

Julie: Outside!

Gopher: Ringy-dingy.

Gopher: Hi, sailor.

Captain: Good afternoon.

Cyrus: Forget the dining room, we'll have dinner here.

Julie: Ah, Mr. Foster, you came here to take me out for cocktails.

Cyrus: Well, first we'll have a little appetizer.

How 'bout a little kiss?

If you think I'm gonna retire to a neutral corner, you've got another thing coming.

Julie: Hurry up!!!

Cyrus: I'm chasing you as fast as I can.

Gopher: Okay, Mac, you've mauled your last innocent.

Phoebe McCoy, Milwaukee vice.

I'm takin' you in.

Cyrus: What?!!!

Gopher: You heard, Mac.

Let's go quietly.

Cyrus: Go where?

We're in the middle of the ocean.

Who is this?

Gopher: Julie's aunt Phoebe.

And keep your hands off my niece, or I'll bend your bones.

And you can take that to the bank.

Cyrus: Aunt Phoebe?

Julie: Yes.

Cyrus: Ah, aunt Phoebe...I...I can explain this...It's just a casual dinner date.

Julie: Well, the date's off.

I'm having dinner with my aunt.

Phoebe would you keep an eye on this guy while I freshen up?

Gopher: Sure, honey...How could you?

My own little niece.

Cyrus: Oh...I'm sorry, aunt Phoebe.

I'm...I'm an uncle myself and I know exactly the way you feel.

I promise never to lay a hand on her again.

Gopher: I should hope not.

Cyrus: No, I...I need a much more mature woman...

Somebody with experience....Who's...Who's been around...Like yourself.

Gopher: Back off.

I'm a policewoman.

Cyrus: I can't help myself.

I'm a nut for law and order...

You're a guy...You're the assistant purser...I kissed an assistant purser.

Gopher: You're lucky.

You almost got the doctor.

Cyrus: This is entrapment.

I'm gonna report you two to the captain.

Gopher: Go ahead, Mr. Foster,

I'm sure the captain would love to know what caused all of this.

Cyrus: I don't know why I carry on this way.

I was married to Edith for thirty-two years ...Rest her soul...I never once...

Funny...funny how lonely you can get when you lose the most important one.

I...i know it isn't much, but...I guess it's the only excuse I have...Julie, can you ever forgive me?

Julie: Of course I can, mr.Foster, but...You've got to change your ways.

Gopher: Have you tried bingo, Mr. foster?

Cyrus: I guess this means dinner's off.

Julie: Not if you promise to behave yourself.

Cyrus: Oh, I promise.

Julie: Then dinner's on...In the dining room.

Cyrus: Gopher...will you join us?

Gopher: Oh...I'm not dressed for dinner...See you back at the precinct.....Toodles.

Captain: Gopher!!!

Has this ship gone mad?

Allison: Jim...

Jim: Allison, do me a favor...Just leave me alone.

All right?

Allison: I don't understand.

Jim: Look, it's over between us...So let's forget about it.

Allison: Jimmy, what are you talking about?

Jim: This little game you've been playing...

You and your dad are nothing but a couple of cheap hustlers.

He's got you hitting on this guy just to clinch a deal.

Martin: Allison...jim...it was all my fault.

I wanted this deal so badly that I...I closed my eyes to what was really happening.

Allison was just trying to help me.

Please forgive her.

Forgive me.

Jim: Mr. Scott, I'm in love with your daughter.

But she....

Martin: Leave it to me.

I'll straighten this out.

Brad: Marty, look at here.

I found my dancing partner.

Martin: Forget dancing for a minute, Brad.

Let's talk business.

Brad: Later, Marty.

Martin: No, now...Allison, wait for me at the table please.

Thank you.

Brad: What's this all about?

Martin: Look, I came on board to discuss a deal.

Allison is not part of it.

Brad: Just who do you think you are, laying down rules to me?

You need this merger, buster, and you need it bad.

Martin: I don't need it that bad.

The deal is off.

Allison: Oh, daddy, what did you do?

Martin: Well, let's just say that...He's not the kind of guy I want to do business with.

Allison: But dad...

Martin: Look, there's a guy up there that I happen to know is nuts about you.

And I think the feeling's mutual...

Why don't the two of you go out on the dance floor and talk this thing over?

Sax.

Allison: Jim, I...

Martin: Who is it?

Brad: It's Brad.

Brad: Martin, I want you to sign these papers.

Martin: What's this all about?

Brad: Remember I told you I always get what I want?

Well, I don't.

I don't get people knocking themselves out for me the way your kid did for you.

Martin: Well, Allison's my daughter.

She cares about me.

Brad: Other people care about you, too, Martin.

You know how to make that happen....And that's what i'm buying.

So sign right here.

Martin: What?

Brad: Here's a pen...As soon as you put your name on that dotted line

we'll get Allison and we'll take her out and celebrate.

Martin: Forget Allison.

Brad: Allison and Jim.

It is Jim, isn't it?

Martin: Yeah.

Brad: I want to get to know the whole damn family.

Sandra: I'm sorry for putting you through all that.

Alfred: Well, I'm not.

I'd be a lot sorrier if I kept on going the way it was going and let you slip away.

I love you....Hey, you start that and we're liable to wind up in bed again.......

Go away.

Mark: Hello!

Hello!

Mark: Here's the final chapter, Alfred.

It is unforgettable.

Alfred: Drop it off in my office, will ya?

My wife and I have other plans...And they are going to be unforgettable.

Be careful about that.

Martin: Hey, you two...Save it for later.

You're holding up the ship.

Brad: Forget about the ship.

They're holding up the biggest merger since sears and roebuck.

Jim: Sorry, man...We're workin' on a merger of our own.

Captain: Goodbye.

Come see us again.

Bye bye.

Mark: Ah, captain...It's a fine ship you've got here.

It was a wonderful cruise.

Captain: And quite memorable.

Mark: Yes, i'm...Sorry about the fracas.

I'm sure my publisher will pay for any damages.

Captain: I've already spoken to Mr. newberry.

He said he'd pay for everything...Out of your royalties.

Mark: Well, I didn't mind Alfred giving me a clout in the head,

but hitting me in the wallet...That's going a mite too far, don't you think?

Alfred: Aren't you gonna say goodbye to Mark?

Sandra: I just want to say hello to you.

Cyrus: Great ship, merrill...Wonderful crew, especially Julie.

You know, I've got quite a crush on that girl.

Captain: Oh, come on, uncle Cyrus.

Isn't she a little too young for you?

Cyrus: Of course she is.

Merrill, what do you think I am...A cradle-snatcher?

Julie...gopher I want to thank you both for a wonderful time.

Julie: Well, uncle Cyrus is was great having you aboard.

It was a real challenge.

Gopher: I won't forget you in a hurry.

Cyrus: I won't forget you, gopher...

Cute knees.

Julie: Take care of yourself, you old cutie.

Cyrus: Julie?

Julie: Hm?

Cyrus: One last question?

Julie: Sure?

Cyrus: You got a younger sister?