Original subtitles

♪

NARRATOR: In two previous HBO programs,

Richard Kuklinski, known as the Iceman,

who is serving multiple life sentences,

answered many questions about his brutal, cold-blood killings,

solving many cases,

but the unanswered question remains--why?

[Camera clicking]

KUKLINSKI: I was a person who was able to hurt somebody

at any given time

with no remorse...

and who could do it over and over again

without it bothering them.

MAN: Did you think of yourself as an assassin?

Assassin? Sounds so exotic?

I was just a murderer.

♪

[Indistinct chatter]

How are you doing? Good.

How are you today? Good.

NARRATOR: In July of 2002, HBO invited Dr. Park Dietz,

a world-renowned psychiatrist and consultant to the FBI

to search for an answer to the mystery

of the twisted criminal mind of Richard Kuklinski.

With the Iceman's cooperation, Dr. Dietz spent 13 hours

over 4 days talking with him

to try to understand this human killing machine.

Richard, if I understand you correctly,

you're positive you killed more than 50 people, and...

Definitely. You think you probably killed

more than a hundred people.

Definitely.

You're sure of that one?

Definitely.

But not sure it's more than 200?

I wouldn't say definitely to that.

Maybe yes, maybe no.

I would say--

less than 200 people?

Well, you tell me.

It's not less than 200 people.

You killed more than 200 people.

Sure. Yep.

I killed basically more-- a hundred people

when I was a young man

before I even knew anybody too much.

In one part of my life, I killed people for nothing.

Just for somebody to look at me wrong, I would kill them--

stab them, shoot them.

[Camera clicking]

♪

You tended to shoot people up close and personal.

Definitely.

I wanted to tell them just before they left.

I wanted to say good-bye.

You liked to look them in the eye?

I wanted them looking straight at me.

This was a long way away,

the distance we are now.

We were closer.

What did you want them to think as they died?

Just see my pretty face.

I'd take it to them.

What the last thing they ever saw was me,

and if they carried that glimpse

to eternity, infinity, or whatever it is,

they're gonna be thinking of me all that time.

[Camera clicking]

I'd be looking in their eyes.

I would see the blankness come over it.

I'd watch them die.

I just didn't shoot them and walk away.

I saw the surprise, the shock, the blank--

psshht--they're gone,

and all I saw was my reflection, but that's it.

Did you have a favorite place you'd like to shoot?

A favorite? Yeah.

Well, most of the time if you're up close,

you shoot them under the chin.

You would shoot them.

I shot a guy one time in his, uh...Adam's apple

to see how long it would take him to die.

How long did it take?

A few minutes.

He drowned actually. He...

Drowned on his blood.

Mm-hmm.

I was with somebody else.

We had a $50 bet.

I lost.

[Camera clicking]

You thought he'd go faster, huh?

Yes.

Do you know what an adrenaline rush feels like?

Oh, yeah.

What will give you one?

Sex.

That's the only one.

I don't really get anything from hitting anybody,

hurting anybody, shooting anybody.

Does nothing for me.

The only thing that gives me pleasure is sex.

Well, that's a different kind of pleasure

than what an adrenaline rush would do to you.

It's the only pleasure I get.

Yeah.

If I were to beat somebody up,

it would do nothing for me,

if I knocked them down and stepped over them.

That's why, you see, it doesn't bother me.

I don't care to hurt anybody.

It does nothing for me, killing someone else.

WOMAN ON RADIO: I need 1484 immediate to 20th Highland Avenue.

But you can never get a feeling out of it.

I never got one, no.

It was disappointing.

That's when I figured I must be crazy

because I figured some of--should have some kind of a feeling,

something.

NARRATOR: The Iceman sessions with Dr. Dietz reveal

that even at the age of 10 Richard Kuklinski

was already showing signs of pathological behavior.

How were you with animals at that age?

Deadly.

[Meow]

Cats, dogs?

Cats, dogs.

I used to tie two cats' tails together

and throw them over a clothesline and watch them

rip each other apart.

How long does it take?

Not long.

They both die?

I don't know. I never stood around

to see the final thing.

Ahem. I would say eventually they both died

because they were both pretty well tore up.

That's got to be noisy.

It was quite noisy.

What else did you do with cats?

Well...we had the incinerator

in the projects there, so I threw a cat

in the incinerator.

Then I threw a book of matches in there,

and through the door, I watched the fire get

bigger and bigger, and this cat was running around,

trying to get away.

Eventually the fire got too big for him,

and he didn't run anymore.

You only did one cat?

No.

That was a pastime.

Did they all behave the same way?

Mostly. One almost got out the door.

He almost jumped back up, came out the door

I threw him in because that's where I was looking,

and he almost came back out.

How about dogs?

I'd get them off the roof,

tied them to the back of a bus.

Then they'd just be dragged once they got tired.

Never saw the end of those things, though,

just did it.

Do you remember any feelings associated with it?

I don't think so.

Might get maybe a little excitement.

Most of the time, though, after that, I felt disgust

that I did it...

because I didn't really do anything

that took any kind of a challenge.

I just did it on some kind of helpless nothing.

They couldn't stand up to me anyway.

And you'd be alone when you did this.

Yes.

Did you say you were bored?

Mm-hmm.

Is that mostly what it was about,

fighting the boredom?

Probably.

When there's--you had nothing to do, so you look

for something to break the monotony.

♪

NARRATOR: Richard's father Stanley was the adult who

had the most impact on his childhood.

It was from him that Kuklinski learned

how effective violence could be.

What's the worst beating you ever took

from your old man?

Heh heh heh.

I don't think there's much difference in any of them.

They were all pretty bad.

He, uh, left his mark on me pretty much.

And he did most of that before you were, what, 11?

Yes. I was young.

And was that worse when he was drinking?

With Stanley, it didn't really matter whether

he was drinking or he wasn't drinking.

He was a nasty son of a bitch,

and he always will be till the day he died,

and even when he died, he was a nasty son of a gun.

Did you go to his funeral?

No, I didn't.

Was there one?

Yes.

I didn't like him in life.

Why would I want to go see him in death?

I was glad he was dead.

How about your mom? How was she?

Over the years, I got to dislike my mother a great deal,

but now that I have more time to think

about it, she was just a victim of her own life.

As a kid, how did you see her?

Hateful.

Disliked her a great deal.

She didn't believe in sparing the rod either.

I mean, she used to hit me with a broomstick

if I did something wrong.

Where would she hit you?

Wherever it hit.

NARRATOR: As Kuklinski grew older, he swore

that no one would ever again treat him with disrespect.

He held unreasonable grudges

and would sometimes stalk his victims for days.

How much would somebody have to humiliate you

before you'd become obsessed

with killing them?

It would--it would be the degree he humiliated me.

If it were not mu-- and it would be the time.

It would be how my attitude was.

If I was jumpy or edgy, it wouldn't take much.

If I was passive, then he might get away with it,

but no one really knew.

I took a guy down one time just following him around.

He was with a few people, and as they went to the bar,

this person decided he couldn't wait to get inside to urinate.

He never did.

Everybody else went in.

He stayed outside to urinate, he urinated.

He went comfortably anyway.

He had an empty bladder, but I actually strangled him.

From behind, I assume. Definitely.

I actually did it in a way that's maybe--

maybe this is original, maybe not,

I don't know, but I put the rope around his neck,

twisted it, then threw him over my shoulder

and held him there, so actually, I was the tree hanging him.

Yeah. And he eventually just stopped kicking...

and I let it loose at one end,

and he slid down to the ground,

and I put him over by the garbage and left.

Had you brought a length of rope with you?

No. Actually, I--heh--um...

this guy--these people had a, um--around the back

of the bar--they must have lived upstairs.

There was an apartment upstairs,

and they had one of these things

where they had rope across this thing,

and they had a couple of these lines

going across this way, and that's what I took.

You talking about clothesline?

Yeah.

Now what had this guy done to you?

I didn't like him.

He just made me mad some reason or other.

For me to track him and wait for him,

I was mad at him for something.

Do you remember what his body did while you

were hanging him?

Yeah. It was twitching and kicking.

How long did it take?

I don't really know. Didn't look at my watch,

so I really couldn't say, you know.

I kept him awhile.

Even after he stopped, I kept him awhile

just to make sure.

Did you have another weapon with you?

Yes.

But this was quieter.

It was more personal.

I actually felt him die.

Did you like that?

Didn't do anything, but I did feel him die,

I felt him go limp.

And you got your relief?

Yes.

Basically, I didn't have anymore pressure,

no more tension.

It was almost like a cure-all.

Unbelievable.

♪

NARRATOR: Kuklinski's early years were plagued

with a hair-trigger temper.

If he had a problem, he solved it

the only way he knew how.

I was driving in Georgia one time,

and we were riding down the road,

and there was a couple of vans running around,

and they were whooping and hollering there.

I guess they were having a good old time and maybe drinking and whatnot.

♪

They decided--I guess it was interesting to play

with a guy from New Jersey, and they started to

click-clack with their vans and push me here

and push me there off the road,

and they were running in and out,

and what their problem was I really don't know,

never did know, but, uh...

it came to a point where I got extremely mad

about that and, uh-- but it was silly of me

because I was away from home.

I had no backing, I had nothing--a problem.

I only had one weapon, which was in the trunk,

which was a .357 with a hair-trigger.

So I stopped the car and got out, opened the trunk.

Had the release in the-- went in the trunk

and took the .357 and just stood there.

Apparently their eyesight mustn't be too good

because I don't think I'd walk up on a guy

with a .357 standing by his side,

but these fellas did.

Foolish mistake.

They all died.

[Gunshots]

And I didn't even know them.

How many?

It was a few of them.

I reloaded.

[Gun cocks]

Killed every last one of them?

Yeah, and wasn't even one I wanted to do.

Do you think that they what they did was

a capital offense?

What they did?

You mean, playing with me?

Yeah. Well, they could have killed me.

What if they ran me off the road and I died?

Bad behavior, no argument.

Reckless endangerment, reckless driving,

host of bad things.

Is it a capital offense they committed against you?

Apparently.

I did kill them, so to me it must have been

because when I had come to that point--

and that point, that is the last point they come to--

I don't back off once I go forward.

Once I go forward and I take a gun,

I do not back off.

I didn't know how many they had,

I didn't know what they had.

They could have had guns.

They could have had anything.

They wanted to play with me.

I didn't want to play, so we didn't play no more,

and I would have taken whatever came.

You almost made me mad.

I know.

What made you mad about that?

I don't know, but you almost did.

Can you figure out what it is?

No.

Try to look at it.

Look at what made you mad there.

I don't know.

I think it must have been something you said.

Heh. Yeah.

Obviously, but I don't know what it was.

Could it be that I was challenging you

and it sounded judgmental?

Could be.

Hmm. Yeah, could be because you've got me

annoyed with you now.

Yeah. That's the truth.

How mad are you?

Not bad.

Pretty.

I feel a little flushed, so that means that I've

reached the point in my life that I'm a little annoyed.

What would you like to do?

Doesn't matter.

I don't think it's gone to the point that I'm

actually gonna do anything stupid.

Just curious to myself why--why it happened.

I don't know why it happened.

I'm--I'm--actually almost glad it did happen

because you had a chance to see something,

but I don't know why it happened.

Did you feel I was criticizing you?

Yes.

Is that what did it?

I think so. Because who--

Maybe that's the part that did it.

who used to criticize you the most?

Of course, my father.

Yeah.

♪

NARRATOR: In his 20s, Kuklinski's proficiency

at remorseless killing caught the attention

of the Mafia, and he graduated

from the impulse murders of his youth to his new career

as a contract killer.

He tells Dr. Dietz about his first murder for hire.

They gave me a picture of him

and, um, a description of what he does

and what he generally does and where he goes,

places he goes, and, uh, so I went to the area

where they said he might be,

and I saw somebody who looked like him, similar to him.

He had a knack for smoking,

and they told me he smoked big cigars,

Churchill cigars or something.

[Camera clicking]

♪

So I pulled up alongside of him.

At the time, I was riding a motorcycle,

and I just said, "Cuban? Are they Cuban?

Looks like a good cigar."

And he wasn't a happy camper because he said,

"Fuck you."

Heh. And when he said, "Fuck you,"

he looked my way, and I got a clear shot of his face.

It was the picture I had of the man they wanted,

and I said, "Nah. Don't fuck me, fuck you,"

and I just took this weapon out

and blew his head off.

[Gunshot]

[Glass shatters]

Just disintegrated his--pppffooo.

Like, you see a pumpkin get hit with a shotgun

or something, they just--pffff-- spread out,

and that's what happened,

and the light turned green

about the time I shot him, and I left.

[Motorcycle revving]

[Motorcycle pulls away]

Does it give you any response in your guts to

see a man's head explode?

It surprised me a lot.

A response in my gut.

What kind of response do we want?

I don't know. I don't have any response.

Most people when they see horrible things,

if they see somebody badly injured,

certainly see something that awful,

have a visceral reaction.

They feel nauseated.

They may want to vomit.

Hmm.

It makes them very uncomfortable all over real fast.

Did you get anything?

No. It's a good thing I didn't have to vomit

because then I would have had real problems

on that motorcycle, but I didn't have that problem.

I didn't have any sickness, dizziness,

or upset stomach or anything like that.

It helped you adapt and cope not to care.

Definitely.

Not to care is much better.

Because it's a weakness to care.

That's right. It is.

♪

Then you have baggage.

When you care, you can't just move.

You have worry.

And you got something to lose.

That's right.

NARRATOR: By the late Sixties, the Iceman had

become one of the Mob's most efficient contract killers.

His most brutal murders took place

at the Gemini Lounge in Brooklyn,

a favorite hangout for the Mafia.

Dismembering bodies, did that turn

your stomach?

I don't think so.

I remember having pizza one day while were doing

something like that.

Pizza in one hand, chainsaw in the other?

No. Ahem, ahem.

I didn't like chainsaws.

That's another fable that they've come up with,

that I used chainsaws.

See, chainsaws are messy.

Yeah.

All you get is little-- all over me,

I have these little pieces of meat.

Now that's a pain in the neck if I use chainsaws.

Now would I want to ruin a good shirt

with a chainsaw?

That would be downright stupid,

and I definitely have the wrong--I don't think I could walk

around with bits of meat hanging off me

or bits and pieces of somebody's body hanging off me.

I would probably smell a little bit bad, also, at that point.

So what's a better way to dismember a body?

Just a knife, a butcher knife.

You know, you cut it around the bone

and a little slice here, a little slice there,

wrap it, ship it.

[Camera clicking]

♪

Do you understand that most people can't imagine

doing that to a human?

Sure.

I can understand that a great deal.

I can't understand why I can.

Did you have to cultivate that ability,

or is that natural for you?

I don't know. I don't recall.

I did it.

I don't recall when I started doing it

or why or the feeling I had when I did that.

I don't know.

Jeffrey Dahmer told me that when he cut bodies apart...

I know. Yeah.

it repelled him, he found it horrible.

He had to get himself drunk to overcome that natural revulsion.

Stink. Yeah.

That's because it's disgusting.

Yes, it is.

But to you, you could just do it, no feeling.

No.

The smell sometimes was annoying,

but I would put cologne on.

I would generally put cologne across here

so I could smell the cologne a lot better than I could smell anything else.

Canoe or something like that was always nice.

Now you're dating yourself with that.

But it was still nice.

What else would you use for the smell?

Spray, you know, any deodorizers, you know,

spray, put it in the air and try to kill the smell,

but the deodorizers actually were worse

than the smell because when they mingled,

somehow or another they gave off a more distasteful smell,

so what I would take is the bottle of Canoe

and just throw it all over the walls and the floor

and everything, and I'd have a $25 nice smell in the room.

That was an expensive deodor, but it worked.

♪

NARRATOR: Guns, knives, strangulation,

even cyanide were all part of Richard Kuklinski's

repertoire of murder.

He even froze some of his victims' bodies

to confuse their time of death, earning him the name of Iceman.

In his sessions with Dr. Dietz,

he reveals that some of his clients wanted his victims to suffer

before they died, and Kuklinski obliged

by offering them a nightmarish death

of sheer torture, a death he often captured on film.

[Projector clacking]

I used to have a thing where I would take

somebody into a cavern or a cave,

whatever you want to call it,

and I would, uh--heh...

I would tie them up or tape them,

their hands and their feet together,

and then I would leave them there,

and I'd leave a camera on,

and, um, rats used to eat them.

[Projector clacking]

♪

Rats used to kill these people.

It was a very painful death for these people

because rats would eventually smell them

or come near them and...

and, uh, start nibbling away at them.

The people would definitely scream and yell

and holler and try to get away,

and, uh, eventually, more rats would come,

and they would consume these people eventually,

you know, but there was a lot

of screaming and yelling in between.

When I did that and I watched it on--tkk--

what the devil was that?

Super 8, I think it was.

I found it distasteful, and it used to make me nervous for some reason.

So that was some type of a feeling

which I wasn't too keen on having,

but I did it because it gave me a feeling of some kind,

and therefore, I was trying to find out what it was that was giving me some type

of feeling, whether it was the horror of what was

going on or the screaming that was happening

or just the nastiness of it,

but I never figured it out,

but I did that quite a few times, too,

maybe too many times.

And watched it?

Yes.

[Projector clacking]

[Projector stops]

I beat a guy to death one time.

I had blood in my shoes, his blood in my shoes.

Just goes on that way.

Had to throw all my clothes away.

There I was, driving a big Lincoln Town Car with--

butt naked.

Ha ha ha!

Had a sheet wrapped around me.

We're having too much fun, you know that?

You realize that?

I'm coming across like a nice guy.

Nobody's gonna believe this, nobody.

I wouldn't believe this if I was watching this.

Because I'm the furthest thing from a nice guy.

I am what you call a person's nightmare.

Because of the way I project myself,

people think they can get by,

and then all of a sudden

when they wake up, it's too late.

They already hit the stop sign...

and that's a dead stop.

But there have been people you've been good to, aren't there?

Not many. There have been people.

I don't know what you consider good.

Your interpretation of good might be different

than mine, I don't know.

What do you mean good?

Well, how do you think you were with your kids?

Oh, the kids.

♪

Now you're talking completely different.

Now you're talking black and white.

There was nothing I wouldn't do

for my children, nothing.

I'd kill everybody in this room for them.

That's just to show you a point,

not that I would or want to.

I'm just saying I would.

If it meant I had to for them, I would do it

without even thinking twice.

It might upset me, it might hurt me,

but I would do it.

Does that answer your question?

To a point, but then you're not sure.

All right.

Who else were you good with?

Good with? Yeah.

There aren't many people I was good with.

It was only my family.

I was good to my family, and even those people I hurt.

How?

Just by being there.

I was a nasty son of a gun.

I am a nasty son of a gun.

What would happen at home?

You name it.

Violence, I think they call it,

domestic violence, yes.

I've cornered it all.

There's nothing I haven't done

and nothing she hasn't put up with.

I'm not proud of it.

That's the way it is.

I could say I'm sorry.

What good would it do?

I couldn't have been too sorry.

I did it again, but yet I was sorry.

I couldn't control it.

It's one of those things.

Couldn't control it.

I found something I couldn't control,

almost a hate-love, hate-love relationship

because I really liked, loved the girl,

but when I got mad, I forgot all that

and wound up hurting the person I love,

so where did I really love her?

I still hurt her.

I got to trust her more than I trusted anybody in my whole life.

She's the only person I ever really trusted.

NARRATOR: He reveals to Dr. Dietz how far

he would go to prove his faith in his wife,

even in the midst of a violent quarrel.

I believe I tempted her to do it.

I gave her the knife and told her,

"Here. Here's a chance you'll never get again,"

or something like that, and I turned around.

Now she had a chance.

She didn't do anything.

She dropped it on the floor and walked away,

and I left the house.

There was a stabbing between your parents, wasn't there?

Yes, there was.

What room was that in?

I don't remember, I don't remember.

What happened?

I don't know.

Stanley, uh, stabbed, uh, Anna.

Why, I don't recall.

I don't remember what it was all about,

but I remember it did happen, yeah.

Stabbed her in the back.

Might have. Yeah.

And here you are inviting Barbara to do that to you.

Stupid, wasn't it?

Yeah, but I did. It's true.

Were you testing her?

You're trying to--I don't know.

I might have been.

It would have been a powerful thing if I was wrong.

Heh heh heh!

Yeah.

I definitely would have got the point.

Heh.

Told you you had a sense of humor.

I know you did.

That's why I threw that in there,

but it's not a joking matter.

It's a very serious thing.

Domestic violence is very serious.

It's--I believe that's probably why my daughter

dislikes me a great deal, probably because she lived through a lot.

You know, they lived through it all.

Heard it, saw it.

Saw it, everything.

Psychologically, I probably hurt them

in some way because they have that in their mind

as I have things in my mind.

Why did you decide to talk to me?

Well, basically I think I tried to--

I decided to talk to you would be

so I could find out more about myself.

Since I don't know the answers

and you are a person who is highly qualified

to give me answers possibly of what's going on,

I figured this would be a good time to talk

to somebody like you or you, you know?

Well, why don't we turn the tables here

and you interview me?

I'll answer your questions.

Interesting.

I could live with that.

Just so happens I might have a question for you.

Hmm. Hmm, hmm, hmm.

What do you think about me?

Anything good, bad, or indifferent?

Yeah, some of each.

The, uh, the issues about your behavior,

I think there are really a couple of things to say.

The things that I'm most sure of

based on the information you've told me

are that your principal problem has been a warp

in your personality,

and we classify personality according to different types,

and there are two types of personality features

that you have a great deal of.

The first of them is called antisocial personality disorder.

What it refers to behaviorally is someone

who does not have a conscience,

does not have remorse,

does not feel a sense of guilt

about most of the bad things they do,

is impulsive and violent.

The typical things we see before age 15

in people who are in that label are cruelty toward animals,

cruelty toward people,

and an awfully interesting part

of that condition is that we've got

a little bit of knowledge

of what causes it and where it comes from,

and that's where there's some good news and some bad news.

The bad news is that part of where that comes from is hereditary,

that there's a genetic basis to being a fearless person,

and you've told me about how rarely you have any experience

that even begins to resemble nervousness or fear.

It takes extreme things to make you have a sense of impending danger.

Normal people get fearful

about a wide variety of things frequently

and would be beside themselves

with the kinds of experiences

that you had on a weekly basis.

You couldn't have done the things you did

if you were capable of ordinary fear,

but the fact that you're born with a genetic predisposition

to fearlessness doesn't mean that it's inevitable

for you to become a criminal

because some people who have that genetic predisposition

to fearlessness become prosocial risk takers.

They do things like drive racecars, test fly planes,

fighter pilots, bomb disposal technicians.

Those are all jobs where it helps to have a lot

of fearlessness, and in fact,

some people in law enforcement

are brave and have that same capacity to be fearless.

And the difference between the people who grow up to be

risk-taking good guys with white hats

and the people who grow up to be

risk-taking bad guys with a long, long rap sheet

and a lot of crimes has to do with how their parents raise them.

If you raise a kid with love and kindness and affection,

most of the time, you've got a good shot at their growing up

to be decent, caring, loving human beings

and treating their own kids well,

but if you raise a kid the way

Stanley raised you with no love,

no affection, constant abuse,

beatings for no reason, all you teach is hatred.

You make it impossible for that child

to grow up and form strong attachments

and loving, caring relationships

or to be willing to risk themselves to protect the world.

So I think you got to be this kind of antisocial psychopathic person

both by getting Stanley's genes

and having Stanley's parenting

and your mother's cold, standoffish way of treating you.

In other words, that part of you

was both born and made,

but your own kids and your own grandchildren

will turn out according to how you and Barbara raised them

despite whatever genetic influence there may be.

The other thing that I think is true about you

is another personality style where I think it's

fair to say that you've got the features

of what we call a paranoid personality disorder.

The general rule for someone who is paranoid

is to trust no one, let no one get too close to you,

and to never forgive anyone who does you wrong.

If somebody criticizes them,

they're quick to respond with anger or to counterattack.

If somebody humiliates them,

then they must have revenge.

About 1% to 2% of the population has

the paranoid personality disorder.

About 2% to 3% of males and 1% of females

have the antisocial personality disorder,

and then there's a smaller group that has both,

and it was having both that allows you to have

this career that you've had and that allowed you

to profit from your capacity

for completely emotionless, fearless, remorseless hit.

By being free of any conscience

and also free of friends and of people

who could bring you down,

you were able to have a very long run

as a successful contract killer,

which is quite unusual.

And you wouldn't have been able to do that

had you not had both of those personality flaws.

In your line of work, they turned out to be

major advantages,

kind of preconditions for a successful career.

I appreciate your taking the time

and explaining this to me.

I am probably the loneliest person

in the world because I have nothing I care for,

and I can't make any friends to have

any kind of a relationship or--

so I've lost everything.

I've lost everything I ever cared for,

everything I ever wanted.

It's down the toilet.

Since there's no love in my life,

I must have something to replace it,

so I replace it with hate,

constant hate, constant reminder to hate.

What's that do for you?

Keeps my left foot going in front of my right foot.

Keeps me moving.

Without it, I would probably just--ppllpp--

plop down someplace and have no reason to continue.

Is that all you've got left is hate?

It's all I've got left.

Everything that I ever cared for is gone,

everything I ever liked is gone,

everything that meant anything to me is gone,

so hate.

That's all you started with, too.

Then I've come full circle.

It's time for me to die.

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