Original subtitles

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your 15-minute call.

Fifteen minutes, please, to the top of Act 1.

The stage is available.

Thank you.

Toi, toi, ladies.

It's gonna be amazing. Have fun.

Thanks for everything, Rob.

Thank you.

We're gonna be really fucking good.

I have no doubt. I am pumped.

Yeah, as you should be.

No, like, we're ready, we're there.

Yeah.

It's gonna be great. Have fun.

Will you read it to us?

"Dear dancers.

"Thank you for all of your hard work,

"creativity, and brilliant dancing.

"It has been a privilege and a pleasure

"creating this ballet with you.

"Sincerely, Rob."

"Thank you for being so responsive and adaptive

"to the 35 million changes we've made to this ballet

- "in the last three months." - In the last two days!

Yeah!

"Thank you for all the stress you've endured

"and for all the tears you've cried.

"They mean a lot to me."

Thank you for joining us

for the world premiere of our new production of Swan Lake.

You know, the announcement

of the new season and so forth,

I think... personally, I think we all know

that it's likely that we're gonna cancel

the March and June season as they're currently announced,

and I think we need to make that announcement

sooner than December.

I know we had always sort of targeted

the beginning of December,

but I think for a variety of reasons,

it's too hard...

Well, here's the thing.

We had just done Swan Lake at the Met,

and I had danced with Rudolf Nureyev,

and he said, "Come with me, come with me.

"We go party, we go party."

I'm doing a terrible, terrible imitation of him!

No, I love it.

So, he has this limo take us over there.

And he takes me up, we go up in this elevator

in this fancy building, and the door opens,

and it's packed full of people.

There's bowls of cocaine on the tables, and caviar,

and people... there's every rock star you've ever...

it's a zoo!

I am wandering through this, no... like I'm in a movie.

I'm just wandering through this place.

And I meet Andy and he says,

"She looks like an angel."

And, um...

So I waited there, and he asked me to put my hands like this,

and he mumbled and he walked all around me,

and he took pictures from all angles,

and he disappeared.

And that was it.

I just hated it.

I just was like, "Oh, all that glitter, ugh!"

You know? Like...

Karen Kain is one of the biggest

international ballet stars ever,

like up there with Rudolf Nureyev

and Margot Fonteyn.

She is completely a legend.

When I go work in Russia,

still the only ballet name they know is

"Karen Kain."

She's beloved.

She's like the Princess Diana of Canada.

Everything that woman touches turns to gold,

whether it's performing or being an artistic director.

This year was a culmination of so many things,

for me personally and for the National Ballet of Canada.

But 50 years with the company,

in my capacity as a dancer and then artistic director,

it's really time for me to retire.

We needed a new Swan Lake, and I thought,

"I want to try to find the courage to do this."

That, some fan gave me and I don't like it.

But I didn't know what to do with it, so I stuck it up there.

I am directing for the first time.

I admit that I have no experience,

but I guess I felt that at this point in my career,

if I felt this strongly about this ballet,

this would be the only time I would ever

have a chance to do it.

I have to feel just so...

brave, going forward to do this.

I-I...

It has to be a success.

It has to be.

Thank you for calling

the National Ballet. This is Karen Kain.

Our offices are now closed.

Please listen carefully, as some of our voicemail options

have recently changed...

So, every ballet company,

we have a hierarchy from apprentices, or junior company,

to corps de ballet, to demi-soloist, to a soloist,

to a first soloist, and principal ballerina,

and then so-called étoile,

or internationally acclaimed dancer

that travels around the world as a guest ballerina.

So, um, I think I've been fortunate in my career

to be the... the...

the principal ballerina

and internationally acclaimed ballerina worldwide.

This will be my tenth different production of Swan Lake.

Swan Lake is the ballet I have performed the most

around the world.

Swan Lake has definitely been always somehow my ballet,

so, um, I do expect to dance as Swan Queen.

Oh.

See?

You can't hold the horse back.

What did he tell you?

- What did you tell them? - Just say "yes."

In general, in the Western world,

I mean especially here,

in everything is so many activities for kids, right?

I didn't grow up with that.

I grew up with just, like, if you do something,

you do it seriously, not as a hobby.

I had to fight for everything.

From the first day of even getting the ballet school,

I had to even fight for that.

When I look back how I started, I just could never even imagine

that this is the life I would be living.

Oh, that was hard!

I love Swan Lake.

I mean, it's just a classic, you know?

The only thing I want in my whole life

is to be a principal dancer.

But I'm not, like, at that level...

yet, so...

I will be the nice, like,

30-second duck in the back of the stage.

Okay, Google, how's the weather?

Currently in Toronto,

it's 62 degrees and mostly sunny.

There's Cheez-Its in here

if you guys want any morning Cheez-Its.

Okay, Google, what does it all mean?

Just kidding. It can't tell me.

According to Google Books,

should the hard questions of philosophy matter

to ordinary people?

In this down-to-earth, non-historical guide...

I was born in Nacogdoches, Texas.

Very Bible Belt.

Maybe not white trash, but eggshell!

You were an Army brat, right?

Yeah!

Still am.

My whole wall in my bedroom was, like,

plastered with ballet pictures,

just, like, from top to bottom.

I didn't, like, give myself another option.

I was just like, "I'm going to be a ballet dancer."

I will always be hoping that

somebody is gonna see something good in me, you know?

Um, but it's...

not really that simple.

It's been more than two years

that we've been talking about Swan Lake, and...

I think in my mind, just to make it easier for myself,

I just kind of let it go, thinking,

"It's not gonna happen."

I can't believe we're finally getting to do this.

The stop-and-start,

the excitement and the disappointment.

The first thing is to take off the cat sneakers

and put on the dance sneakers.

There are Swan Lakes all over the world

and they're danced beautifully,

but I'm tired of looking at things

that are academic exercises.

I want to be moved.

It's theatre...

You know? I want to cry.

The music starts, it's the key for me to everything.

I hear the music...

my body can remember everything.

I can feel the coordination inside...

and can remember every step on every note...

that you haven't even thought about for so many years.

But it's still there, in some part of your brain.

It's still there.

Ayano?

How're you doing?

Good. What do you want to do?

Yeah, yeah. No, we should go slow.

How's your foot?

Good, good.

How's it feeling?

Yeah?

So, we will do Leighlynn 16,

Monika 17, Shae 18, Jackie 19, Maya...

Maya 20, uh,

Jeannine 21, Jenna 22,

Tene 23, and Kate 24.

All good?

Come on!

The first meeting we had,

Karen just sat me down and said, "Okay, I need your help.

"I need you to make sure that young people

"aren't gonna think this is stupid."

Which is at once, like, a very simple

and very difficult brief to be given.

I've never considered myself

a choreographer.

I knew that I needed someone who could actually choreograph

the new sections.

Robert Binet is a wonderful young choreographer,

and I think he can do some amazing formations

with the swans, making it a little more of today.

Five, a-six, other one...

One-a-two, three-and-a-four, five-a-six, seven, eight.

Now we're crossing to get to two lines.

Five, six, seven, eight...

Go one-a-two, three-a-four, five-a-six, seven-a-eight.

One, two...

Any time you go and see the ballet,

so, for example, Swan Lake,

and you see all the swans on stage,

that's the corps.

It means the body of the company.

I don't think you really can have a beautiful ballet

without the corps.

One-a-two, three-a-four...

go, Jeannine... five-a-six, seven-a...

that's gonna look better.

Being part of the corps de ballet

means that you are just full-throttle all the time.

You are in every single show.

Arielle, move forwards a little bit.

I was just, like, dying.

Like, my arm felt like it was gonna fall off.

They think you're doing it,

and then they're like, "No, uh, hmm,"

and then they start picking it apart.

Space for your head, Erin, and your elbow.

The arm extension, the hand...

There's so many details that go into, like, just to stand.

Good, that's rhythm, ladies!

Good!

Like, and corps work is not always about, like,

pulling your dick out and doing 12 pirouettes, you know?

It's literally like, "Oh," like, "Can you please stand

"on that mark that we told you 17 times?"

Keep the arms moving...

Better!

Up!

Down!

Up!

That unison, the duration, the stillness...

So many things that are so difficult about ballet,

that make ballet so beautiful to watch, are in that ballet.

And if I go to see Swan Lake, it's for the corps.

Every damn hand of the corps de ballet

better be exactly where everyone else's damn hand is

in the corps de ballet.

If they're not together, I get really cranky.

So, and one, and two, and a-three,

and a-four, and a-five.

- It wasn't together at all. - It was just visual before.

Working on Swan Lake, you know,

all the formations have to be perfect,

and they have to resolve perfectly

with the tallest people in the back

and the shortest people in the front.

You know, it doesn't matter how good the principal dancer is.

If the corps de ballet around them is a mess, the show's bad.

And that's something Karen is really adamant about,

that, like, the corps de ballet level has to be so high.

Let's try that same section again.

Thank you, ladies.

So, in terms of casting,

well, we've got first cast Jurgita,

Harrison with Jurgita, and then Brendan with Heather,

and then we've got Guillaume, Naoya, Donald, Chris.

And then understudying with have both Ben and Siphe.

The principal dancer

who dances Odette and Odile,

the White Swan and the Black Swan,

has to have a huge number of qualities

because they demand completely different things.

This kind of dichotomy of this beautiful, gentle,

spiritual White Swan,

and then this cunning and seductive Black Swan,

it's a very demanding role.

That's why people really want to test themselves against it.

Well, and if I could work with Jurgita on, like,

incidental Odette stuff, it would be great to have time,

'cause she's our first cast, to, like,

experiment and play with the mime

and how she's gonna do the whole crown, and...

Yeah, and she's got so many other versions in her head.

- Yeah, she'll have ideas. - But I don't...

I don't want to do those other versions.

- No. - I might!

I might. She might convince me.

- Yeah. - She's very convincing.

- This was okay, I think. - Mm-hm.

And pendulum up and down...

and this one's down. Down, down, down...

I think just step... step is not enough,

but I think you might need a little,

"Dee, dee, dah, dah, dah," run, run.

Because you used to do this right away,

"dee, dah, dah, dah"...

We didn't have the temps levés, and I think that...

Now you go.

That's it.

Well, the impact of the first cast matters,

because it's, you know, the moment where...

where the production's unveiled.

Um...

Everything.

Jurgita, you know when you... before you start

to come to him for the first time, don't run so far.

- Okay. - You know?

I'm trying to get to the centre,

so the girls are around and I see them

being in this position.

Oh, okay, well, then I'll see with everyone.

Me and Karen, we're very different ballerinas.

It's definitely going to be interesting, of... of...

what she wants to see,

and how can I make it mine.

Are you... are you saying that I insisted on that?

No, no, no, this is the right what we agreed.

This is what we did.

It's lovely. Let's leave it.

Okay, alright.

We're not gonna change it. Go back.

Okay.

I know what it's like.

Once you've got it figured out, and it works for you,

and you've been successful a certain way,

you... you wanna do that.

And I wanted it a little different.

It wasn't a lot different, but it was a little different.

Jurgita...

Why don't you bravely try doubles?

Well, rond a little more.

Just rond a little... relax your knee.

Are you?

It looks like a really good single.

Okay, just think, "In, in, up!"

No, it can't be on the floor.

Nobody... nobody in the world does them on the floor.

- Up, up... - Brush, in, in, up.

In, in, up.

One second.

It's just doing them quick enough

that you don't knock yourself over.

If you do them slow, it takes too much time.

And one, that's it!

And one...

One...

- This is what I like. - Yeah.

Yeah, this is...

this is exactly right, what they're doing.

I don't know what everybody is doing, but that's exactly...

This is what I like.

This is what I like too.

Want to do your solo? You have four minutes.

I just wanna do the beginning.

Okay.

Okay, yeah.

And...

Jurgita Dronina...

She's kind of extraordinary.

Well, she's a pretty major ballerina.

She's an animal! Like, she eats the stage.

People all over the world know who she is.

When she's on the stage, like,

you can fucking, like, feel.

She used to do a performance

of Sugar Plum Fairy in the Nutcracker here,

go to the airport, get on a night flight to London...

In the makeup still...

Get off the plane, go to the theatre...

- Warm up... - Do the show there...

Run straight to the airport,

take the flight overnight, sleep on the flight,

and the next day perform.

Never heard of anyone else doing that!

I was born in Saratov in Russia.

Our relatives in Lithuania

said that the Soviet Union was going to collapse.

And we better get back to Lithuania, ASAP.

She packed the bags.

Soviet Union collapsed... war, tanks.

That was the beginning of the end.

By this evening, the demonstrators outside

the Lubyanka were beginning to claim Moscow

as their own.

When my father arrived to Lithuania,

he did not fit in.

Our life changed from being a normal family

to a very violent and abusive family.

We lost literally everything.

We lost all the documents; we lost housing.

We lost everything, he burned everything.

We were on the street.

And we literally sent my father away by train,

and we said, "Please never come back.

"Please promise to never, ever be back."

And that's when the story came

that I was given a chance to go to ballet school

and live in the dorm instead.

And have food!

Have electricity, and have a chance to create a life.

That childhood has formed her as a mother,

as a wife, and definitely as a dancer.

You can't hide who you are when you're on stage,

because she's seen stuff that, as kids, not many have.

It was not just doing a pink tutu and ribbons dance.

I saw it as a way of living.

We're talking weeks now

before we'd have to start, you know, distributing tights.

And why can't we just have bare legs?

We can.

I mean, maybe I won't like it,

but I-I watch it in contemporary works

and I think it looks fantastic.

I'm only concerned that we get there

and a week beforehand, you just think,

"I would love to see something else,"

and that we didn't prepare for that.

If you're ready, that's fine.

It's just that I wanted... I wanted it to look like skin.

I didn't want it to look like tights.

No, Karen, I want exactly what you want.

I only worry for you.

I just got worried about the idea...

In 2020, we had conversations

with the dancers in the company,

and I had no idea that this was an issue for them,

but I found out that wearing tights

that weren't their skin colour bothered them.

It just never occurred to me.

And then I started thinking, for Swan Lake,

when they're in the corps de ballet,

they don't have to all have pink legs.

That's always been tradition with Swan Lake.

After the murder of George Floyd in 2020,

if I had to use one word about

what happened within the world of ballet, it would be fear.

And that was the fear of being looked at

very, very, very closely.

The world of ballet is having a very slow reckoning

with its deep, long problem of racism.

I think Karen was called on to address

some biases, especially when it comes to casting and hiring.

Swan Lake, for hundreds and hundreds of years,

has been all these women in pink or white tights,

white tutus, looking identical

and, back in Karen's day, painted white.

Well, certainly, I've been on a journey, too.

I mean, I was brought up on the stereotypes

of how dancers are cast.

We have dancers that are Black,

we have people of colour.

So when you wear, like, white tights or pink tights

and pink shoes, it's not one long line,

which was the intention.

And it's frustrating 'cause it's like

a sense of impostor syndrome that you didn't create.

I really want to try it.

I really want to seriously try it.

Like, even if we go to the rough dress and do it.

No, but I think this is a good plan,

and I think we have to be very clear,

like us with the dancers, you with the dancers,

that Karen will make this decision.

Like, nobody gets to say, "I want to wear tights,

"I don't want to wear tights."

Like, when we're saying there's two options,

they are Karen's options;

they are not everybody's options.

Yeah.

Hey, Mom. Do you have a minute?

I'm doing Odile. Odette/Odile.

I know!

Like, it's official.

I'm learning it with Chris.

I know!

Oh my God!

I... Oh my gosh.

I know, I can't... It still hasn't processed yet.

Genevieve's the new one on the block, as they say!

Each cast needs to rest between shows,

because it's so demanding.

Otherwise they'll get injured.

So you need at least four casts to even get through one week.

And then that sort of sits...

I mean, I was thrown into Swan Lake when I was 19.

Woo, woop! Caught it.

That's okay.

Have fun!

I will.

This is a big opportunity for me at my age.

Yes, village girl!

I don't think most people can say

they started their career with Swan Lake.

Are you from Bridgerton?

Bridgerton, yeah, yeah!

Guys, it's a mermaid!

Whenever you go up the ranks really quickly,

there's resentment.

And even though they're all good people,

it's just human nature.

Why, are you trying to make me a villain?

I actually have to, like, fight my jealousy

because I know it's not, like, useful to anyone, you know?

And I am really happy for her

and I know she's gonna be really good.

But of course, I'm like so jealous,

and every time I'm like, "Ugh!"

But I know I, like, could not do it so...

yeah.

Hopefully I'll get to, like, I don't know,

use some of this 'big sad' one day on stage.

That's all I can hope for.

And work for.

I should also say I don't really actually, like, know how to...

um, make anything.

I just, like...

mess around with all of my stuff all the time.

I was homeschooled,

um...

with a heavy emphasis on the home,

less of an emphasis on the schooling.

They were, like, did not want me or my siblings

to be learning from a place that, like,

taught or believed in evolution.

They were, like, "The Devil's work is done in public schools!"

It says, "Socialist, Marxist, Libertarian, Slut."

That's me!

Hi, Bubba!

Caroline's in Germany.

- How's it going? - It's good. Look.

- Cheers! - Cheers!

- Happy Easter! - Happy Easter.

My mom worked as, like, the receptionist

at my ballet studio.

My brother and I used to clean the studios

because we couldn't afford classes.

I mean, of course some half-Mexican kid

that's cleaning the studios, you're gonna be picked on.

I just wanted to fit into the pink box so bad

when I was little.

I would, like, check the box with like a cross for Jesus.

I would pray so much just to, like, not be queer, to, like,

not be sad, to have,

like, my mom be happy.

I would, like, pray all the time.

For Shae to make it this far

is kind of crazy,

considering what she had to put herself through

to show up and, like, take a ballet class every day.

I had to, like, find sponsors

so I could get pointe shoes.

Like, I had to, like, do fundraising;

I had to work in my ballet schools.

She is gonna be a principal dancer

somewhere, sometime, for sure.

There's, like, nothing stopping her, except, like, herself.

She's incredibly talented,

and she's incredibly hard on herself,

which is a tough combination.

Being in a room where I don't belong,

that's been, like, the thing, since I was a kid.

It's hard, like, to have a personality that isn't, like...

it's in direct conflict with, like,

the thing you love most in the world, you know?

Rothbart represents

the evil quality of men.

You know, you live long enough and you see the evil

that men are capable of.

It happens in the real world

and it also happens in this fairy tale.

The resistance of the corps de ballet

to Rothbart is something unique to this production,

and it's not totally clear yet.

I need to make it clear and I'm not totally sure how.

The idea has been that Rothbart can control

not just the women but the weather,

and he creates these huge storms

that get more and more wild and violent,

and we see those in the shape of the women

because they are sucked into the storm

and essentially become the storm unwillingly.

What I really want to do is make sure

that we can understand that the swans

are women who have been abducted,

and they are trapped women, they're not birds.

They've been forced to dress a certain way

that appeals to this very sick man.

Rothbart...

He's abducted these women.

He has abducted them

and he has forced them to wear...

Yes.

Swan costumes in order to satisfy his craziness?

Wow, I didn't hear this before.

He's ordered them to dress a certain way

- because it gets him off. - Wow.

Oh, I haven't told you about this!

- No, you haven't! - Yeah, that's how I'm seeing it.

Okay, I want to do that whole section

one more time, and then we'll go on.

You know, every time she comes

to see a section I've made, I'm nervous,

because, you know, all these big group numbers are a ton of work

to get them looking like something.

She's been a mentor to me my whole career

and has really, like, guided my development

as a choreographer,

so her liking it is really special to me.

Um...

Shanae, you're just a half-beat late there.

I think let's do that one more time,

'cause it's getting better every time.

And one-two-three, two-two-three, three-two-three,

four-two-three, five-two-three, six-two-three, seven-two-three,

eight-two-three, five-two-three, two-two-three, three-two-three,

four-two-three, five-two-three, six-two...

Good.

Uh, was that in front of Monika that time,

or behind Monika?

Okay. And...

One-two-three, two-two-three, three-two-three, four-two-three,

five-two-three, six-two-three, one-two-three, two-two-three,

three-two-three, four-two-three, five-two-three, six-two-three,

seven-two-three...

Shit, sorry, sorry, sorry.

You just have to turn around sooner.

Okay, one more time.

I'm just trying to show them as really human,

right before the end.

We're going far, and we may have to pull it back,

but it's like they try to...

they try to rebel against Rothbart

and he knocks them all to the floor,

and they have this moment where they're trying to recover,

and then he turns them back into birds at the end.

- Okay. - So we're just playing.

Okay, okay.

Okay...

So, five, six, seven, eight...

And one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight...

One, two, three, four...

Good. Thank you!

What do you think?

It's interesting, yeah.

It's interesting?

It's the first time to see it.

Let's try it one more time with that shift, please.

This was always gonna be a tricky moment

because Karen's way is always that she needs to see things

and then make decisions.

But, like, it's such a gentle evolution.

And so I'm saying, like, "You see it now.

"What do you want?"

And she's still like, "Well, I don't really see it yet."

And I'm like, "I know it's not perfect, but it's there,

"and we need to start making calls."

Thank you.

Okay, I need to sleep on it.

Do you have any thoughts?

No.

No.

I-I'm just absorbing.

Yeah, same.

Endings are tough.

I did an audition.

Like, I did a proper audition for the National Ballet at 18.

But then, a year later,

suddenly the ballerinas were injured,

and we were going on tour,

and I had to learn it.

The whole thing, Swan Lake, on tour, all over the US.

Not long after that,

Rudolf Nureyev came to the tour with us,

and from the moment Rudolf laid his eyes on me,

he decided that I was going to be his protégé

and he was going to help me.

Reach down, hand.

- Reach down. - Okay, that'll slow it down.

Rudolf had just filled my sails with air

and I lived on that for a number of years.

And then I didn't have it, and that was hard.

I did not do well.

I quit dancing for a while,

and the love of dance could not overpower the anxiety

and the feeling that I wasn't worthy of all of this attention.

Do you overwork?

I felt that I have, during the last year.

I've just pushed myself almost to the point of going too far,

and I think this is something I have to be very careful of.

Something eventually gives out.

If it's... if it's not an ankle or a knee or a back,

it's your morale that just drops very low.

When I took over as artistic director,

we were deeply in debt.

Please join me in welcoming

the new artistic director, Karen Kain.

We were losing support.

I tried my best to help keep the company afloat.

I felt desperate to do that because this organization

has been my life from the time I was 18 years old,

and it's given me everything.

Sorry.

And, um, I felt it was going into bankruptcy,

basically, at that point.

There were some very dark days

in my early years as artistic director.

I was completely terrified.

I would have heart palpitations, like really bad,

but that was my nature.

I was like that as a child.

You know, it just was who I was.

So I still have anxiety with Swan Lake,

just with my heart rate and everything.

The responsibility is enormous.

I was thinking again today that we thought

we were gonna do this two years ago.

We would have been more rushed,

but I would have been younger

and would've had a lot more energy.

Hey!

Hello!

It's so exciting!

It's so pretty!

We're just testing out to see whether or not

bare legs is gonna feel comfortable

while we're dancing and if there's any adjustments

we need to make, or what we can do so everyone feels

like their best selves.

I hate this.

Oh, no!

Oh my God, cut!

I... no.

No, no, the bare legs.

Oh, I see.

It's very uncomfortable.

Well...

One by one, here we go...

I can't see, like, my toes, to like, go down.

When I was auditioning

for the Australian ballet school,

my mom, I was old enough for her to sort of talk to me

about being a Black woman, like,

in society and all of that, and she said, you know,

"It is going to be harder for you

"regardless of what career you are in;

"it's just going to be harder,

"so as long as you're prepared to do the work,

"that's all that matters."

Oh, that looks amazing.

Bare legs.

Cut?

Yeah.

The whole idea was that they're these trapped women

and they all have different skin colours,

so the discussion is around,

"If we just wear our skin, my shoes won't match," or...

"What if I'm sweating?" and, "What if this?"

and, "What if that?"

I know, right?

So, we decided we'd start Tirion on centre.

And then, I mean, if we can get all the way to Brenna on centre,

that would be ideal 'cause then we go back the other way.

And...

It's definitely been hard to see,

like, the lack of enthusiasm, I think,

from peers and colleagues.

We're like, "This is a huge thing for us,

"to finally get to be ourselves on stage,"

and it looks better on... in my opinion,

I think it looks better on everybody.

With ballet, everyone wants to be...

like, you want to honour the tradition.

But racism isn't a good tradition.

I think they look beautiful.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

You happy with the bare legs?

- I am. - Great.

We'll do it.

So, bare legs means that everybody

has to pancake their shoes.

Cool.

Okay, so let's go...

Is it okay to let the ladies get out of costume now?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so ladies who are in costume, you can get out.

We're gonna go to the top of Act 4 and just start putting...

- Hey. - Hey.

Can we go in the hallway?

- Is that okay? - Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Sorry.

So, for the costumes, y'all have like fully decided,

like, no one's wearing tights, right?

That's what Karen wants.

Okay, 'cause, like, you know my whole, like,

thing that happened in December?

No.

Where I was, like, in the hospital.

Oh, I don't have details, but I mean...

Well, basically I just like,

really, like, I went crazy and, like, cut my legs

and had to get 75 stitches.

Oh my God.

And it was almost like to the muscle, so...

I just have like really, really, like bad scars

- that are still, like, purple. - Ah, okay.

- Okay. - And, like, really raised.

Like, I tried to like cover them,

- but it doesn't do anything. - Yeah.

- I can, like, take a picture... - I mean, I believe you.

You don't need to prove it to me.

Um...

I'll just need to brainstorm with Stacy.

- Okay, yeah. - We'll come up with a solution.

Okay, just checking, 'cause I was like...

I don't want it to be, like, distracting.

No, I mean, I... um...

It's also gonna be about...

like, is it important to you that they're covered,

or are you worried about us?

Well, it's like... I'm worried about you guys.

Okay, cool. Thank you so much.

- Sorry, Rob. - No, don't apologize.

I had a really bad, um,

depressive episode and I went a little crazy

and slipped back into, um,

some bad habits I had when I was younger.

We had done the last show and, like,

I was hanging out with people, and I got so in my head.

I thought, like, everyone hated me.

I...

When in reality, I just hate myself!

Ballet is the only thing that, like,

helps me, like...

It's like my...

It's like my angel, you know?

But it's also, like, my fucking demon.

It's, like, amazing how much she, like,

bounces back, like, every time something happens.

Like...

She just loves ballet so much, like,

even though it destroys her.

It's like I'm in, like,

an unrequited love situation.

Like, I love ballet, and sometimes it feels like

it doesn't love me back, you know?

Approved?

I have two bad options, so...

the best out of the bad is to get injection.

Okay, okay...

I don't talk about this injury.

I don't think even my colleagues really know.

I just don't talk about it.

I just deal with it, every single day.

I've had this nerve injury for about eight years.

When the nerve starts hurting, it causes spasms.

The pain is,

I can't even tell you the strength of the actual pain.

You scream.

Like day and night, I would go up the stairs

and I would just scream from pain.

Sometimes therapy is enough to release the nerve,

and sometimes it's not,

and then I have to get an injection.

Sorry, sorry. Come back down.

This injection carries a risk.

It's a trigger point... you hit one, everything goes.

And Swan Lake is in two and a half weeks.

Any other person probably would have stopped a long time ago.

But I refuse because it's part of me, it's who I am,

it's my identity.

And where I feel human.

What ballet means to me is so much that, again,

I just refuse to accept this.

It's a massive show,

and it's an important production, because,

well, there's Karen's retirement.

Like, there's a lot of people's life goals

that revolve around these moments.

We don't really know how it's going until

we start to put it together in the theatre next week,

and even then, when we start to see it under lights,

we won't know till we try it with the dancers

and with the scenery.

Gabriela's the designer

for this Swan Lake production.

She designs all the costumes, all the set.

Gabriela has worked for major shows,

and she's used to having an unlimited budget.

That's why Andrew Lloyd Webber loves her!

Yeah.

She certainly has a flair, from what I've seen.

And, you know, it's lavish, it's big.

Mm-hm.

Have you been waiting for long?

Yeah?

It's been a hell of a time.

First time I flew over to Canada,

I flew from Australia to meet with Karen, and we got on.

We really connected, and I sort of...

I think I kind of got to

what Karen wanted to say with the show.

It wasn't just, you know, "This is Swan Lake

"and we're gonna have white swans."

The themes were much deeper,

and she was really interested to explore the darkness

of somebody actually possessing somebody else's life.

So, today is a costume run-through.

Um, it's really a chance for the costume designer

to see everything together, and it's a good chance for us,

too, to practice putting them on and seeing how they fit.

That's a snug fit.

I was asked about this show in my interview

in August 2019,

and it's all I've thought about until this moment,

so I'm so excited that it's finally happening.

And I'm just like, "How am I gonna get through Swan Lake?

"It's so massive."

We need to ask for that.

- Yeah, I can't... - 'Cause it's like...

This is as high as I go.

Karen, I'm just warning you, it might be...

because I haven't seen them all together,

if some of them jump out too much,

we can always knock them down.

Okay, welcome back.

You look amazing.

We're gonna go from the top of Act 3.

This is gonna be a bit more stop-start

'cause we're integrating some supers into this,

and we re-choreographed the waltz yesterday.

So, could I have everyone in place

for the top of the act, please?

It'll be the first time it goes from,

like, a series of dances to a story, is the hope.

And making sure the story comes through

is the most important thing.

Let's do the circle again.

Ladies, we need to do it faster if the music's faster.

Go back the other way, supers!

It is chaos right now.

We didn't have space to do our dance,

and then our costumes fuck us over so much.

You see the frustration

for the performers, too, because it just feels like

it's so much harder, or the costume's in the way.

It just feels different.

Okay, we're going to keep going.

We're gonna give you your five now,

and then some time to get into costume.

I'm gonna throw up!

- Take care. - Uh-huh.

And I've decided to let them all have

their natural colour skin...

Yeah.

Like, not make them, even as swans, wear white.

- Yeah, I think Stacy told me. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - So I think this is...

Yeah, and I've heard there's possible issues

with some girls because...

Yeah, well, we'll see, but I think it's more

contemporary to do that.

Mm-hm.

I mean, if you're going to have certain skin colour...

Then why are you putting tights?

Why would you have white tights?

- Yeah, true. - So...

Yeah.

She's caught.

They do a lot.

They dance a lot.

Corps de ballet works like... they work like dogs.

I do feel every day like

we're balancing on, like,

the tip of a razor blade, because it's this thing

where you have to push hard enough to get there,

but not so hard people get hurt.

Oh...

But it's also like,

Karen's looking at me like, "This is a mess."

And I'm like, "I know. Can't address that now."

It's just still a lot of question marks for me,

you know, at this moment in it,

and I'm really anxious.

Dancers, you're all excused!

Thank you very much!

Oof!

- A lot of work to do. - Yep.

The fourth act...

Ti! Get it together!

You're gonna flood this place!

This part makes me nervous,

more than, like, the actual shows.

We're just, like, doing more, and, like,

bodies are more tired, and...

brains are not working.

'Cause everything just starts hurting more.

The move into theatre is always

an adjustment for everyone.

It's like a different life there

than the life here in the studio.

Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Okay, let's go back to...

The lights are coming at you

from different sides,

and the set is in a place you didn't expect.

You've got a different hurdle.

Punk rock.

Yeah!

Like, there's just so many things to adapt to

before they go in front of thousands of people

and do really hard things.

And then...

Coming right down, yes.

Okay, that'll work. Thank you.

We're gonna go back to after the coda...

The stage is really revealing for corps work

because you suddenly pick up on these differences

and inconsistencies that you didn't in the studio.

Two, three, four...

And it's also like,

the corps is what makes Swan Lake.

To me, they're the star of the show.

I need to, like, get into the circle.

Over by Tene and Jenna, can you open the circle...

I go directly into the wing.

Yes?

We were just thinking they might be going into the wing.

There's a spike there.

Everyone wants the best.

But it's hard when there's so many different voices.

I walked all the way over there

and I could see her...

Nan... Nan? Is it possible...

It's bumpy, but...

today I have to push really hard.

I know that if I can get to a place where everyone knows

where they're supposed to be,

at least they can focus on their dancing

and not wonder what the fuck is going on.

Just keep hiding, get behind that centre line...

no, no.

Stay behind them. That's it.

Stay hidden.

Just criss-cross. And it's quite heavy, this one.

So it better be attached well.

It's one of the hardest days

because you're just in the theatre all day

from morning till evening,

and not knowing when you're gonna go on.

So you just wait for your entrance while they stop and go,

stop and go, it doesn't work, changes, entrances...

Just embody what Karen believes that Swan Lake is.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four...

It's gonna be painfully slow.

- I'm prepared. - Are you?

I need to see all my courtier supers on stage.

We're going to place you...

Okay, courtiers, let's go to where we think

- we're supposed to be. - Good lord...

So, peacock is furthest that way.

So we need to go butterfly and peacock.

Then mermaid.

Then swan.

And musicians.

Then gingerbread, unicorn,

Queen of Hearts.

I think that looks too far on.

I think it looks too far on, too.

Rob, I think it's too far on.

Vanessa, you need to get the up faster to conceal her.

Yes, Jurgita?

Do you want to try the whole entrance again?

Okay, we'll go from the same place again.

I have no space.

I've always been at the side of the choreographers

who came to work with us.

I've never been fully responsible for it before.

That's the difference.

And boy, it's a big difference.

Um, they have to come in earlier for the fouettés,

because I'm standing there, it's my music to go,

I've barely made it, and I have to start going.

- Yeah. - It's ridiculous.

We'll fix it, we'll fix it.

We'll fix it, don't worry! We'll fix it.

- Um, yeah, thank you. - Okay.

Mostly I see what isn't working,

as opposed to what is,

and then I try to tell myself to look at what is working.

And snap out of it!

I was so happy to see Genevieve this afternoon,

even though it's her first time on the stage

in the lights and all that.

If the worst happened

and Jurgita couldn't perform,

I would sit down with Rob and the artistic staff

and I would listen to all of their advice,

and then I would make up my own mind

about who I would give that opportunity to.

I...

I would like to.

I'm probably getting an injection.

If the injection has the outcome

that I don't want it to have and I don't do the shows,

then I'm done.

Okay?

It's not fair.

- Not wearing a vest, no. - Muscley...

No, not wearing a vest. A muscley guy with a dog.

I feel like you would date like a, like...

"Hmm, I wear a watch all the time."

I feel like you would definitely date a guy

who wears, like, a big watch.

Absolutely!

You're like, "Money, money, money, money, money!"

No, not about the money, but it's just, like,

a watch is important!

This is what it looks like

to actively be overcoming your eating disorders.

High five.

I think we're all capable of it.

- Yeah, definitely. - That's the thing.

So it's just like we have to save ourselves so that we can

- make it to opening night. - Yeah.

And I feel like it's especially hard for, like,

people our age to save ourselves because, like...

Well, yeah, you're just trying to prove yourself

- all the time, yeah. - There's, like, pressure

to prove yourself and do everything always 100% full-out.

- Yeah. - And you're like...

"I'm gonna fucking break my foot again," you know?

Mm-hm.

Yeah, it's finding the balance of, like,

saving yourself but also doing your best every time.

Yeah.

And every show.

Bourrées, fast bourrées, ladies.

Good. Energy in the back leg!

Better, good!

Mind the arms on those piqué turns!

What fucking arms?

And up on jeté will help the landing.

I'm gonna fucking sprain my ankle doing this.

Nice clean lines.

I was like...

It's really demanding,

really demanding, both technically and physically.

But the corps' been quite rough.

That was much better.

Yeah? Pssht.

Good, 'cause it doesn't feel better.

Tene wore her Apple watch

during the fourth act

and realized that, uh, she ran 5K.

Then we had to do it again for every principal.

So something like that, it's pretty brutal on your body.

Uh, Maya in the back, you were just a bit...

Somehow this diagonal...

This is not right.

Death. Slow death.

Tene told us that she had a pedometer on,

and during Act 4 they run 5K.

Wow.

I think that's where, when you sign on the dotted line,

that's what you were in for!

How's it going?

It's going.

I guess.

It's kind of like a shit show right now.

It's, like, crazy and chaotic,

and I'm like so anxious and all of the girls are like...

They're just like...

It feels like we're just working and working and working

our bodies and not actually fixing anything.

And, like...

there's, like, a disconnect somewhere,

between, like, the staff and us, it feels like.

So it's, like, stressful and...

I don't know.

All of us are just, like, crumbling, you know?

There have been a couple of nights

that I just went home and Ross was like,

"How's it going?" you know?

And I'm like...

"Not well!"

Um, and then, of course, I can't sleep, so, um...

I just...

Just a million thoughts going through my head about

what we can do, how we can route...

you know, re-synch some bits,

and other things, going,

"I think that should work, but it's not working."

They did it right yesterday afternoon,

one of them, and I thought,

"Okay, we're getting closer to this moment."

There's one that I love already...

I always wait for it... it's when all the women,

they're all huddled together across the back,

and they're consoling each other.

Those moments for me are so important.

They hit you in a way, if you see them,

they hit you in a way that nothing else can.

I also think I've never seen that done in any Swan Lake.

It's just always perfect swans and lines,

and everybody dances well.

But here, there are moments when they stop just being

incredible dancers and they become human beings.

So, last time I used a slightly thicker needle,

so I'm purposefully using a thinner needle today,

just so you know, because...

As long as it does the same job.

Yeah. "Just fix it!"

Just fix it!

There we are.

So, when I went to get injection,

the doctor suggested to do only partial injection,

to just relieve the nerve enough

but not deactivate the muscle.

The next day, I knew that I'm gonna be fine.

That's much better.

Just wish I would have had that answer before.

So I'm just grateful

that events aligned itself that I can dance today.

Incredibly thankful that I did not do the full injection

'cause I wouldn't be able to dance.

Enjoy. Okay?

You enjoy.

- I will. - Good, I hope so.

If not, you'll tell me.

Fun games that we play.

I don't think this is something we should be super proud of,

- but it's our Advil tally! - You could duct tape it.

Oh yeah, maybe I'll just tape it to the door.

It has to be taken in this building,

and then depending on how much you're taking you get, like,

1 point, 2 points, or 2.5 points.

It's starting today because of opening night.

Opening night is always weird for me

because it's the first time that, like,

I don't have a microphone!

I can't say anything.

Like, if something's wrong, I can't fix it.

So it's really, like...

a big, for me, like just handing over

all my trust to the dancers.

I'm really reckoning with,

like, how hard I push them,

but I hope that they know

that I am asking all this of them

because I see, like,

limitless potential in what they do as a group.

And I think that ultimately, like,

it is the most powerful force on stage.

But all of these women want so much,

which is also why it's so good

and why they push themselves so hard.

Okay, I gotta... I gotta go and warm up,

but I'll chat to you soon.

Alright, love you. Bye.

But yeah, this question of, like,

"What's worth it, and what's too much?"

is kind of like one of the endless challenges

in ballet.

And it's like, "Okay, yeah, they all agreed to it."

That doesn't necessarily make it right.

Toi, toi, ladies.

Um...

it was not a good rehearsal.

You know what they always say, that...

Mmm, we hope!

Tough dress rehearsal, great opening night.

So we're really hoping for the best for tonight.

It's sold incredibly well.

It's probably also that people are just really anxious

to see dance again.

But this is the best sales we've had in a long time.

Well...

Well, I think Swan Lake is a pretty compelling...

Take some credit for once, woman!

We've waited two and a half years to do this,

so there's a lot riding on this emotionally.

And the artists, you know, they have to rise to that level.

It's now in their hands.

There's nothing I can do.

Thank you for joining us

for the world premiere of our new production of Swan Lake.

Yes!

Just for the next one.

It's fine, it's okay.

Let's save her!

Let's help her!

You were so good.

- Thank you. - Muah!

Thank you.

When I started ballet,

I just could never even imagine that this is the life

I would be living.

I made it from zero.

Those memories of stepping on stage when I was nine

to what I do now, it makes sense.

I let go, I risk...

I'm a soul on stage.

And, you know, every second,

I believed every second of what you did.

- Thank you. - Every second.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

- I poured my heart. - You sure did.

You were amazing, all of you!

All of you, thank you so much!

All your hard work.

Just so beautiful.

It came so far.

Thank you so much, ladies.

I hope you enjoyed it a little bit.

A lot?

Muah!

Really fantastic corps de ballet.

Thank you all.

I loved it.

I think everyone looks amazing without the tights.

I even had friends that watched that thought it was beautiful

and were shocked that this wasn't just the normal thing

that we do.

And I was like, "No, guys, this is the first

"classical ballet that is not requiring us to

"change half of ourselves or be anything else."

Like, we are actually just us.

One, two, three...

- Are you okay? - Yes!

Don't you fuckin' dare hurt yourself!

Thank you so much, Rob.

Thank you. You guys were amazing.

- You had fun? - Yes.

Good. Act 4 was like...

I feel like we all were like...

Hello, sweetheart!

- Did you have a good time? - The best time.

- It was beautiful, wasn't it? - It was fantastic.

Congrats on your first Swan Lake.

Thank you.

Do I look cranky?

I mean pretty.

I'm the ugly ducking.

I just want to, like, bow by myself.

One day I'm gonna fucking do it.

I just need to figure out how to not hold myself back, I think.

And I need to just be like,

try and believe people when they say nice stuff to me, you know?

Ballet is punk rock as fuck.

Nobody wants to admit it, but it's true.

It's a one-in-a-lifetime experience,

to be part of something so big

and be trusted with the choices I make artistically on stage.

I know that I did my best

in trying to make her vision alive.

Long lift?

For now, I have still another

eight to ten years to dance, hopefully.

It will be time to transition from dance.

But not yet.

Congratulations.

Oh!

Fantastic. They were fantastic, yeah.

It just went another level.

I mean, finally, it all...

No, no, it just takes time, yeah.

Well, thank God it was tonight that it gelled...

Yeah, I know!

I was thinking maybe next week it'll gel, after yesterday.

Remember when you said, "Show ten"?

"Show ten, it's gonna be great!"

We got show one!

But, you know, I came expecting to, you know,

have to accept that some things were gonna be a little bit iffy.

- Yeah, and it was... - And nothing was iffy.

- Yeah, yeah. - That's a miracle.

Agreed, agreed!

That's hard work.

It's hard work!

I'm ecstatic.

I mean, they all danced their little hearts out.

It was just...

Yeah, I was, like... I could barely move, I was...

[indistinct conversation in background

They pulled me in to the drama.

Just the way I wanted!

I am so happy and I haven't even had a drink yet!

Oh, the "Story About Me"?

This is my book, "A Story About Me"...

by Karen Kain!

"When I grow up, I'm going to be a ballerina.

"I could go out every night and dance."

Only I said "dace."

"I will be in 'Giselle.'

"It will be so much fun being a ballerina."

"Dancing is never really fun."

Oh, dear!

Did you say that?

I guess I did.

"Sometimes afterwards, you can say,

'That was a really good experience

'and I really enjoyed it.'

"But you're concentrating so hard on what you're doing

"that the only time it's ever really fun

"is when you're feeling no pain

"and things seem to be going well."

So...

I was 27.

I'd forgotten all this stuff.

Oh my God, well...

Oh, this is when we were filming Giselle, I think.

Oh, this is Frank and I. Oh my God, we're so young.

Yeah, this is like the final...

the final moments in Swan Lake.

The last... the last Swan Lake.