Original subtitles

[calm music playing]

[wind howling]

- What are you doing? - What's it look like I'm doing?

Looks like you're defacing

that poor, defenseless tree with Christmas decorations.

Stop, Munch, I don't want to hear it.

I almost got a hernia dragging this thing up here.

In order to get here tonight,

I had to run a virtual gauntlet of Christmas cheer.

Bargain-hungry shoppers, mewling kids,

carols blasting from diabolically hidden loudspeakers.

The only thing that kept me going

was the reassuring thought

that once I reached my destination,

our sacred inner sanctum,

I would find some refuge from all this yuletide delirium.

Here, hold this.

I'm not gonna let your attitude bother me tonight.

This is Christmas Eve.

We've got the graveyard shift.

So why don't we lighten up and have a little fun, huh?

I hate Christmas.

You're just being contrary. You're trying to get attention.

I know you, Munch. I wish I didn't, but I do.

What's this? A Christmas tree?

No, no, no, that's a palm tree.

What's wrong with you people?

I hate Christmas

because you're supposed to feel happy at Christmas.

And if you don't feel happy, then you think something's wrong with you,

which makes you even unhappier.

Did you know that more suicides are committed

during Christmas than any other time?

Christmas is when Jesus was born.

That was a miracle.

That's why we remember it and celebrate it.

Why?

Because have to celebrate miracles.

- That's why. - How come all the miracles that ever happened,

- happened in the past? - What are you talking about?

Name one miracle that happened in your lifetime.

How about the fact I haven't killed you yet?

[phone ringing]

- Odds or evens? - Odds.

[ringing continues]

Merry Christmas. Homicide.

[theme music playing]

[music fades]

[indistinct radio chatter]

Merry Christmas.

Female. Late 20s. 100% third-degree burns.

- She was torched. - We found this right over here.

Smells like kerosene.

Get me a print check on this, please.

- Who called it in? - Anonymous.

It figures.

- Any ID on the body? - Nothing.

Everything was burned.

[Lewis] No rings, no earrings, no necklace,

no purse laying around?

Not so far. We're still looking.

I've ordered up a dental exam.

The neighbors see anything?

What neighbors?

You know, I can't believe we've gotta spend

Christmas Eve in this hole.

I don't know, it's not so bad. It's kind of cozy, really.

Where would you be if you weren't here?

Oh, home in the Chesapeake, seeing my family.

Hmm.

- Or seeing an old friend. - Oh, yeah?

Male old friend,

approximately your age, ruggedly handsome?

Hey, Bayliss, do you have a life?

- Hmm? - No, not really.

Not since Emma left.

What the hell is that?

I know, I know. Don't ask.

[phone ringing]

- I like it. - You would.

[Bayliss] Watch it!

Ho, ho, ho, homicide. Mm-hmm.

Autographed baseball for Zack.

Mike Mussina. Zack's gonna love it.

Oh, you don't even know where Beth took the kids.

How are you gonna get Christmas presents to 'em, huh?

I'll find 'em, Kay. Sooner or later, I'll find them.

Until then, I'll keep these presents for them.

This way, they'll know I was thinking about them.

[Munch] Put down your ball, Stan.

We've got a murder over on Eaton Place. Let's go.

Okay, all I'm saying is, is that you are a pessimist.

- Me, a pessimist? - Yeah.

You always see the worst in things.

You don't leave any room for something good to happen.

A moment of redemption.

I mean, you don't believe in anything.

- Sure I do. - Oh, yeah?

- Yeah. - What do you believe in?

I believe that one day

I'll be sitting at a bar in Hong Kong,

and this incredibly attractive and submissive woman

with an abiding interest in art and existential philosophy,

will come up to me and say, "Take me home and ravish me."

- You don't believe it. - Yes, I do.

- You can't possibly believe that. - Why shouldn't I?

Because it's never gonna happen.

Because all a beautiful women is gonna come up with you

and say is, "Excuse me, you're blocking the view."

Exactly who's the pessimist around here, Stan?

[dramatic music playing]

[Munch] Uh-oh! Rudolph's gonna be pissed.

[indistinct radio chatter]

Her name's Whitney Louise Freeman.

[Christmas music playing]

[Lewis] 27. Caucasian.

Last known address, 55, Pitcher Street.

Two counts of possession, December '88, December '93.

Not a good month for her.

Also currently material witness

in the murder trial of a Boots Chiggens.

- She had good teeth. - What?

The girl. Her teeth, they were perfect.

- Good night, Meldrick. - Night.

- Hey, hey, Scheiner? - Yeah?

- I didn't know you were Jewish. - I'm not.

[Lewis] What's with the Hebrew salutation?

- I get a lot of bodies in here. - Mm-hmm.

A lot of different backgrounds.

This time of the year,

I want everybody to feel welcome.

Good night.

[sirens wailing]

Excuse me, Stan,

I hate to interrupt your Christmas ecstasy,

but we got a dead Santa Claus on our hands.

I spoke to a Mrs. Buchowski.

Our Santa here is a Nicholas McGibney.

Kind of ironic, don't you think?

The name and all. Nicholas, Saint Nick, Santa.

Who is this Mrs. Buchowski?

She lives right over here at number 11.

McGibney is the Salvation Army's Santa Claus for the neighborhood.

He has been for about eight years, a yuletide regular.

He always stood right here by the fountain,

and he would ring his bell

and collect tribute from the guilt-ridden.

So, what is he doing lying at the bottom of the fountain,

with six stab wounds in his chest?

Um, rebellious elves?

Mutant reindeer?

Did Mrs. Buchowski have any idea where our Santa might live?

Yeah, he lives six blocks down this street.

And there's a courtyard.

It's the house with the red door.

I want you to understand one thing.

No matter what comments you might make,

or what events befall us this evening,

I'm not gonna let it ruin my Christmas.

- Got it? - [Munch] Got it.

[dramatic music playing]

[Giardello whistling]

- Hey, Al. - [Giardello] Hi, Megan.

Are you here on your off hour to sing carols?

No, actually, I brought you some Christmas cookies.

My daughter made them.

Yeah, she put some out with some milk.

Said she was gonna stay up all night

waiting for Santa Claus.

Ten minutes later, fast asleep.

Her grandparents are watching her.

We don't give gifts around here, but thanks.

- Thank Caroline for me. - I will.

- What are you doing? - I'm cleaning out our desk.

That's your pile. That's my pile.

And what about this pile?

Undetermined.

My pile?

- It's yours, right? - No.

- Caroline's? - No.

Then whose is it?

[Pembleton] That tree is pathetic.

[Howard] Why did Stan get it for, anyway?

I don't know, we never get Christmas tree.

I think that we should finish decorating it.

- Scraggly, that's the problem. - Naked.

It's got potential, though.

But I like the thicker ones, you know.

The ones that are darker green. They gotta name that kind.

What's the name of those, anyway?

A Christmas tree is a Christmas tree, Tim.

- Anybody see this watch before? - No, sir.

Well, then, how did it get in our drawer?

Where's Pitcher Street?

- [Howard] Pitcher-- - Let's see.

I think that's over in Highland Town,

over near the Polish club.

No, no, no, it isn't.

It's that weird street back behind the old warehouses

on Halls Street.

The one that just ends at the water.

Pitcher is exactly and precisely

three blocks west of Fleet and Conklin.

All of y'all born right here in Baltimore, huh?

[chuckling] Anyways.

Yeah. Pitcher, Pitcher?

Whitney Louise Freeman?

- Yeah. - You know her?

She was supposed to testify against this guy

named Boots Chiggens at his murder trial next week.

Here we go. You were all wrong.

Just as I suspected, over by the Maryland Institute.

I'm going with you.

Well, Chiggens was my case.

Okay, well, Tambelli's, but he's on vacation.

He's visiting his mother in Phoenix.

Come on.

- [Giardello chuckling] - [indistinct].

- So who is this Chiggens guy? - Crack dealer.

Killed a compatriot. Territorial dispute.

Whitney Freeman came in one night,

said she saw the murder.

She was a mess.

She was a user. She bought from Chiggens.

So maybe one of Chiggens' crew lit up the Freeman girl?

Now, didn't she have some kind of witness protection?

- Yeah, she did. - So, what happened?

Well, that's what we're gonna find out.

[sighs] You know, Lieutenant, I gotta tell you,

I feel kind of uncomfortable going out with you.

You know, senior officer, a woman senior officer.

Why are you doing this for, anyway?

I miss it, Meldrick.

[Lewis] You miss this?

- What? - Going out.

It's an addiction.

Don't ever kid yourself about that.

Why would someone wanna kill Santa Claus?

It's the collapse of western civilization, Stanley.

All received values have lost their meaning.

[knocking on door]

Maybe nobody's home.

[child] What do you want?

Baltimore Police. Open up.

I'm Detective Munch. This is Detective Bolander.

Let me see your badges.

Is it okay if we come in for a second?

How do I know those badges aren't fake?

I guess you'll just have to take our word for it.

Let me see your driver's license.

You have a very suspicious nature, you know that?

Is this the home of Nicholas McGibney?

Maybe.

- Is your mother home? - No.

Look, either Nicholas McGibney lives here or not.

Depends on your definition of live.

Kid, we're freezing out here. Could we come in, please?

Let me see your driver's license and a major credit card.

Now we need a major credit card to get in.

What, you charge for conversation?

Five dollars.

- Five dollars. - Five dollars.

Stan, this kid's getting on my nerves.

- Look, are you alone in there? - Yeah.

Except for my killer dog, Lothar.

Is Nicholas McGibney your dad?

So what if he is?

[Bolander sighs]

- Okay. - [Munch sighs] Here you go.

Five dollars. Each.

[Munch] Stan, I'm short.

[m]

- Is this your mom? - Yeah.

How come you wear dark glasses indoors?

I have sensitive eyes. Where is she?

Gone.

I think you're hiding something.

I have nothing to hide. My soul's an open book.

- Where did she go? - I don't know.

She left a long time ago.

I don't even remember her.

- Do you have any tattoos? - Excuse me?

My dad does, on his back.

A map of Texas. He used to be a cowboy.

- What's your name, kid? - Fidel.

Fidel? As in Fidel Castro?

- Who? - [Bolander] Kid's right.

Place is empty.

His name is Fidel.

When's the last time you saw your father, Fidel?

This morning, before he went to work.

He works for the Feds.

Dresses up in various disguises.

Keeps an eye on things.

You know, street crime, that kind of stuff.

Undercover work.

Every Christmas, he's a Santa Claus.

So, he left here about what time?

After breakfast.

- He in trouble again? - Trouble?

- What kind of trouble? - Where is he?

- Where you going? - I'll tell you what, John.

Why don't you stay here and keep Fidel company?

- And I'll go contact the child welfare people. - Oh, no, you don't.

You're not sticking me with this bullheaded, no way.

I'll be gone maybe five minutes.

[wind howling]

[bells jingling]

I can't believe this is where Whitney Freeman lived.

- [Russert] Why not? - Look at this joint.

It's so fancy.

[Russert] Yeah, well, you know.

- [doorbell ringing] - Yes, I'm coming.

- [Russert] Mrs. Freeman? - Yes.

[string music playing]

Mrs. Freeman, hi.

I'm Lieutenant Russert.

This is Detective Lewis.

We're from the Baltimore Police Department.

Homicide.

- Would you like some eggnog? - Oh, no, thank you.

Well, come and see my beautiful tree.

I just love this time of year, don't you?

All the treasures come down from the attic.

Oh. Oh.

My father made that tin horse when he was eight.

Oh, and these beautiful Victorian decorations,

that my sister and I hung when we were little girls.

Are you sure you wouldn't like some eggnog?

Francie makes the best eggnog in Baltimore.

[chuckling] Her recipe is a closely guarded secret.

Mrs. Freeman, we're here about your daughter, Whitney.

You know, I grew up in this house,

and so did my father.

His father built the house.

And did you know those lights out there were gas lamps?

Your daughter is dead, Mrs. Freeman.

I'm sorry.

[m]

How did she die?

She was burned to death.

- Burned to death? - Yes.

Did Whitney live here with you?

But she was always out of money.

It's hard to believe, isn't it?

Mrs. Freeman,

do you have any idea who might have killed her?

We didn't speak much.

There was a uniformed policeman assigned to watch her.

Well, she managed...

to get past him.

The man was an idiot, and he was rude.

I told him three times to wipe his feet

when he came into the house.

Oh, Jerome, no.

You're-- Hang that red ball a little higher.

You can't hang balls of the same color all together.

Oh, to the left. A little to the left!

You have to spread them out. Oh, Jerome!

Really! Honestly!

Hey, Beau, wanna play some cards?

- No, I'm lousy at cards. - Oh, come on.

Hey. It'll help pass the time.

So, how about a game of hearts, huh?

Look, Tim, I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything...

but being here in this dump on Christmas Eve

with you, playing hearts,

is enough to make me wanna put a bullet through my head.

- Okay? - Okay. Fine.

We won't play cards.

Although there's nothing like a good game of hearts

to take your mind off your troubles.

What do you know about my troubles?

Ah, nothing. Hey, I'm sorry.

- Sorry. I'm out of here. - No, no, no, no, no, no, Tim.

Tim, I'm the one who should apologize.

Please, sit back down.

Humor me.

Tell me what you could possibly know about my problems.

I would really like you to tell me, Timmy boy.

I really would.

I don't know.

I guess that, you know, it must be hard.

Your wife having left and all.

'Cause now I imagine that you won't be spending

Christmas with your kids.

Beat it, Bayliss.

Okay.

[Bayliss whistling]

Hey, Kay.

Say,

do you like cards?

- Christmas cards? - No, no, no, no, card games.

- Hearts in particular. - Oh, I don't know.

- I never played hearts. - Come on, you--

To tell you the truth, I'm not very good at card games.

My mind wanders.

- Okay. I understand. - Good.

Okay, Kay.

What are you so nervous about?

[sighing] I'm not nervous, I'm pacing thoughtfully.

You're nervous about something.

Look at the way your eyebrows are twitching.

My eyebrows are not twitching!

Yeah, they are. You're all kinda tense.

You've got a weird face. You know that?

Enough with the face jokes, okay?

That's why I didn't think you were really a cop.

- You look like a bad guy. - What are you talking about?

I have a friendly, easy-going visage.

I don't have a weird face.

Darkly handsome maybe, but not weird.

Are you gonna tell me where my dad is?

- Well-- - He ought to be home by now.

Fidel, there's something you should know.

Something it's my sad responsibility

to have to tell you.

- What? - It's about your dad.

What about him?

[clearing throat] He's...

- He's an okay guy. - You know him?

Not intimately, but, you know, from around the street.

"Hey, how you doing."

- You like him? - Like him?

Well, I think he's got character. I do.

And I think he plays a mean Santa Claus.

- Mean? - Manner of speaking.

He's good at it, is what I mean.

You've got a weird way of talking.

Don't start with me again, Fidel.

It's like you have to use all these weird words.

And it's like you're listening to the words,

like they were in a cartoon coming out of your mouth,

and you're watching them thinking, "I'm cool, I'm cool!"

Hey, Frank.

Do you mind if I sit down here?

[Bayliss sighs]

Boy, oh, boy! So, how you doing, hmm?

How's your Christmas Eve?

- I miss my wife. - Hmm.

- I miss my fireplace. - [Bayliss sighing]

- I miss Nat King Cole. - Oh, boy. Damn.

To tell you the truth, I'm a little bored, too,

so I was just wondering if--

- No. - What?

- Forget about it. - Forget about what?

- Oh, forget about that. - Ah.

Well, then, I guess you've heard

about my interest engaging someone in a game of hearts.

No, I didn't hear about it.

I intuited it,

because I am a master detective.

And the answer's still no because...

[Pembleton sighs]

...once, long ago,

when I was young and foolish,

I lost a lot of money in a card game.

You don't say.

And I vowed, right then and there,

that I'd never make that mistake again.

Mm, I bet.

And I won't.

[sighs] Well, who said anything about money?

[both chuckling]

You know, there's more suicides at Christmas

than at any other time of the year.

Christmas is supposed to be a happy occasion.

- You missing Crosetti? - Maybe.

Yeah, I guess.

This is the first Noel without the little salami brain.

Not that we ever did much, you know,

but I'd just go round to his house,

and I'd bring him a bottle of vodka.

He'd give me a box of cheap cigars.

We'd just kick back with the family, you know--

- Meldrick. - This it?

- Yeah. - But then, I don't know.

After he got divorced,

he just didn't want me around, and I just...

Police!

- Ma'am, we-- - Gun!

[rock music playing]

Give me that! What's wrong with you?

You got a permit for this thing?

[man] Can't afford no permits.

Yeah, well, consider it confiscated.

Is this the family residence of Boots Chiggens?

- Yeah. I'm Danielle. - His wife?

- [Danielle] Not officially. - Excuse me.

We're from the Police Department, Homicide.

May we come in?

[kids laughing]

Danielle, is there someplace where we can talk

that's a little more private?

This is as private as it gets, babe.

You here about Boots?

Will you stop bothering your sister?

Now, you hear me, you stop it now.

You want something to eat?

Mamma, mother, bring these people something to eat.

- Look at 'em. - Skinny. Both of 'em.

Comes from chasin' the likes of Boots

up and down this sad city.

Look, I'm not gonna say nothing negative about Boots.

He's a crazy fool, but he's the father of my children.

Well, we're not asking you to say nothing about Boots.

We just want to find out about some of his cohorts.

Co-who? What's that?

His crew, his business associates.

May they all rot in hell.

Don't mention those names in this house.

Well, there's been a murder,

and we think that one of Boots' friends may have--

They ain't his friends!

Is there anybody you could tell us about people

that Boots worked with?

He kept me out of the work situation.

He was a real gentleman that way.

Hey, Keisha, put the top on the tree.

That's right.

[Christmas music playing]

Hi, Gee, I hope I'm not bothering you.

Listen, have you noticed

a lack of holiday spirit out there tonight, hmm?

Here, come here, let me show you something.

You see that? Huh?

People aren't exactly bubbling over

with mirth and fellow feeling.

Frankly, sir, morale is low.

You're right.

- It's like a morgue out there. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I think that you should do something about it, sir,

because you're our leader.

- True. - Right. They respect you.

We respect you.

- Also true. - Mm-hmm.

We respect and we admire you, sir,

and that's with good reason.

You know, I think you should visit me more often, Tim.

I mean, don't be shy.

I know I may seem imposing, intimidating, regal even,

but I'm not, not really.

You know what we have to do? We have to do something to lift their spirits, right?

- Oh. - Right.

I think I know what to do.

Yes, sir. Cards.

- Cards? - Yes, sir.

Hearts, specifically.

What kind of game is this hearts?

Well, it's action-packed,

but it's for a thinking man like yourself.

If they were to see you play, right?

- Hmm? - [both laughing]

That would be a horse of a whole different cloth.

- Wouldn't it, sir? - Oh, you mean--

you mean I should sort of set an example?

That's exactly what I mean. Uh-huh.

Now, what I think we should do,

just ante up a little bit of money,

you know, just to pique their curiosity.

I don't know, say, five dollars a hand.

What do you say?

[knocking on door]

[Lewis] Boy, the state's attorney lives here?

Sorry to bother you on Christmas Eve, Ed.

[orchestral music playing]

Thanks.

I interviewed the Freeman girl once.

The story kept changing.

It made me nervous.

Not the basic facts, but the details,

and that's where you get killed on the stand.

So, what happens to your case

without Whitney Freeman's testimony?

It takes a nose dive.

She's the only thing we had that wasn't circumstantial.

Boots Chiggens will walk.

[Lewis] Now, that's what I call motivation.

- Thanks. - Yeah, but what about opportunity?

He's in jail.

[Lewis sighs] Now, when you interviewed Freeman,

did she mention anyone?

You know, friends of Boots, relatives?

Anybody she might have been scared of?

Uh, I don't know. I'd need the file.

- So, where's the file? - At work, of course.

Oh.

No.

No, not tonight.

Come on, guys.

Give me a break. I'm expecting company!

It's Christmas Eve for crying out loud!

I'll go get my coat.

- Ed's a very civilized guy, hmm? - Yeah.

[film playing on TV]

[Fidel] Oh, cool!

[Munch] What do you mean he's not there yet?

Bolander. B-O-L-A-N--

This is Child Welfare, isn't it?

Well, could you please have him call me when he gets there?

Thank you.

[Munch sighs]

- You shouldn't be watching that. - Why not?

It's disgusting, that's why not.

I've seen more violence in the last 20 minutes

than I have in my entire career as a homicide detective.

Ah, this is nothing.

You should've seen Make My Night.

It's got this guy that cuts people's heads off,

and then he cooks them and has these big dinner parties

for the dead guy's families and stuff.

Sounds great.

So you're a homicide detective?

Do you see a lot of corpses and stuff?

Unfortunately, yes, I do.

Dad said he'd be here by now.

He promised he wouldn't forget this time.

What do you mean "forget"?

Sometimes he forgets.

- To come home? - Yeah.

But it's not his fault. He's forgetful.

You mean you live alone sometimes?

Mrs. Massovitch upstairs takes care of me.

But Dad promised me he'd be home for Christmas Eve.

He said we'd have a lot of fun together.

He could have been a homicide detective

if he'd wanted to, by the way.

Better than you, any day.

But he had other stuff to do.

- [Munch sighing] - Come on.

- Let's go. - Where?

I know where he'll be. Come on.

Fidel, I think the sounder policy would be to wait here

till my partner comes back with more information.

See, when I was a Boy Scout, and we got lost,

they said don't wander too far off.

Wait for the rescuers to come to you.

We're not lost.

We're not in Boy Scouts. Come on.

- Fidel! - [sighing] What?

[sighs] Nothing.

[somber music playing]

[Fidel sighs]

Come on!

Don't let the snow into the house.

- All right, all right. - [Fidel] Come on!

Strange to see snow in Baltimore.

Uh, it's the result of a low-pressure system

moving up from the Gulf.

What? You're an amateur meteorologist?

- I like weather. - [Russert chuckles]

What do you mean you like weather?

- What kind of weather? - All kinds of weather.

All k-- Well, that's like saying

you like everything, which is meaningless.

No, I like the change of seasons.

Gives me a fresh attitude, four times a year.

Yeah, well, I'm glad it's snowing...

for Christmas.

Caroline loves it.

Yeah, well, I don't believe that it snowed in Bethlehem.

They have winter in Israel. It gets cold over there.

- Hey, get out of town! - No!

It's a desert over there.

I mean, if it snowed, the camels would die.

It would be a disaster for them people.

Here's your report on those fingerprints

from the kerosene can.

One set came up negative, no record.

Another set made the bells ring.

Desmond Styles.

Yep, Desmond Styles.

It's right here on Danvers' list.

Convicted two counts of larceny.

One count disturbing the peace.

And distribution of crack cocaine.

- [Russert] Oh! - Thanks a lot.

[Russert] Merry Christmas, Jay.

Did you know that in medieval Germany,

the fir tree was first used in pageants

celebrating Adam and Eve?

It was only much later

that people brought them into their homes,

where they placed wafers on them.

The wafers, of course, representing the host.

- Redemption. - Oh, well. Of course.

Frank, Frank, we're wondering what's going on in there with Bayliss and Gee?

They used to have small wooden pyramids with shelves in them.

And they'd place their Christmas presents in those.

By the 16th century, the small pyramids

and the fir tree had merged into the Christmas tree,

of which that is an unholy example.

Did Tim ask you to play some kind of card game?

Yeah, hearts.

Hey, hey, he's in there playing cards with Giardello.

What?

- Are they playing for money? - I can't tell.

Yeah, they're playing for money!

Hey, hey, I didn't know you could play hearts for money.

You can play anything for money.

- Oh. - Oh.

[Pembleton] Huh?

[rock music playing]

Look, Fidel, I hate bright, crowded, noisy places, okay?

Get some earplugs. Close your eyes.

Hey, Sam. You seen Dad?

Not since he went to work, kid.

What time was that?

I guess about six.

How was he doing? You know.

Uh, the same as usual, Fidel, you know.

[Sam mumbles]

[Munch] What's all this nudge and wink stuff?

- What do you mean "you know"? - Who's he?

- A weirdo. - Quiet, Fidel. I'm a cop.

- [Fidel] Ha-ha! - I'm serious. Zip it.

What is this code?

Well, his dad's a boozer.

He tied a good one on this afternoon.

He is not a boozer!

Hey, he's got a nose like W. C. Fields!

- You liar! - [Munch] Whoa, hold on, Fidel!

- Slow down! Slow down! - Listen, kid, no offense.

I don't care if your dad has a drinking problem.

Most of my best friends have a drinking problem.

You said you knew my dad. Does he have a drinking problem?

His dad does not have a drinking problem.

- Okay? - Okay. Okay. Fine.

- You want to go hit some balls? - I don't know.

I got a bum shoulder, I got a trick knee--

Great. Come on! It's fun.

My dad's really good at this.

I once saw him go two hours straight,

not missing a single ball.

That's good.

[Russert] Nice way to spend Christmas Eve, huh?

Watching addicts get their yuletide fix.

[Lewis] Beats shoveling reindeer crap.

- [Russert] Hmm. - [Lewis] Want to do this?

[Russert] Yeah, let's go.

[dramatic music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

Sorry to intrude, be gone in a flash,

but any of y'all know the whereabouts

of a brother named Desmond Styles?

- [thudding] - [glass clinking]

Hey, come on, come here, man! Get back here!

- Now what are you gonna do? - [Russert] Hey, hey!

[Lewis] Now where are you going? Put your hands on your head.

- On your head! - [Russert] Freeze!

Ah-ha! Desmond Styles, I believe.

Once-upon-a-time compadre in crime of Boots Chiggens?

[Russert] You know anything about the murder

of Whitney Freeman, Desmond?

[Desmond] Whitney what?

[Lewis] Sweet young thing, you know,

lived on the right side of the tracks?

[Russert] Yeah, somebody set her on fire, Desmond.

We found a can of kerosene near the body.

Had your fingerprints on that can.

- I didn't set nobody on fire. - [Russert] Oh, no, no, no.

No, you set her on fire,

so that she couldn't testify against a good friend,

Boots Chiggens, in his upcoming murder trial.

[Desmond] Boots Chiggens the one deserves to die.

I hate that man. He stole everything from me I got.

He'd steal from his mother, if he thought it'd make him five cents richer.

- You're lying to us, Desmond. - It wasn't me.

- It was that damn woman. - What woman?

That crazy woman of his.

Danielle.

- No way. Nice try, though. - Hell, hell, girl!

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, no! - I sold her the kerosene!

[Russert] He sold her the kerosene.

Come on.

[siren wailing]

Tell me again why I'm doing this?

Because it's no fun if I do it alone.

- My dad always does it with me. - Right, your dad, again.

What the hell was that?

It's called a baseball. The idea is to hit it.

Right, I know that, the problem is how do I see it?

- Concentrate. - Concentrate?

- You didn't concentrate. - I did, too.

I saw the blur a lot clearer this time.

Well, maybe if you take off those stupid dark glasses.

[Munch groans] That's way too fast.

No human being could possibly hit a ball

traveling a million miles an hour.

I'd go to the moon for breakfast traveling at that speed.

Give me a break. [grunts]

Face it, you have no skills.

You're a spaz!

You know, you remind me of someone.

Someone unpleasant. Can't quite put my finger on it.

- [Munch groans] - Let's go.

- I'm embarrassed. - Oh, I embarrass you?

Compared to what exactly do I embarrass you?

It couldn't possibly be your dad, could it?

Yeah, could be.

I embarrass you compared to some fall-down drunk

who leaves his kid alone half the week?

Some guy who dresses up like Santa Claus,

rings a bell on the street corner?

You got such low standards? You still find me lacking?

[Fidel sobbing]

[sighs] I didn't mean that. I'm sorry.

I'm just sore 'cause I can't get a baseball.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

My dad's not a fall-down drunk,

and he is coming home.

Fidel, I really-- I didn't mean that.

To tell you the truth, Tim, I like this game.

- [Bayliss] Mm-hm. - Hearts.

- Yeah. - Funny name, though.

- Hmm. - How much have I lost so far?

Not really much. Just a few bucks, that's all.

[both laughing]

The night is young, ah?

Not so young, according to this watch

that's seeming to be mine,

even though I've never seen it before.

It's almost dawn.

Well, that gives us plenty of time.

Yes, sir, plenty of time for a few more hands.

You know something?

You could go into profit any minute now.

- Go into profit! - That's what makes it such a damn exciting game.

- Oh! [Howard chuckling] - Hey.

Oh, yeah, we were just ordered some pizza,

wanted to know if you guys wanted to have some.

I'm starving.

I'm always hungry when I'm having fun.

- Hmm. - [Giardello] Pepperoni, I hope.

I'm shocked, Gee. What about your high-fiber diet?

To hell with that high-fiber diet.

- To hell with it, that's right! - It's a holiday!

- [Bayliss] A holiday. - [Howard laughing]

How's the card game coming along?

Oh, it's good, man. It's great.

Pull up some chairs, join the festivities.

- Okay, I'll order that pizza. - Yeah.

One big happy family. Money!

- You're playing for money! - [Bayliss] That's right.

- That's right, Beau. - What a strange coincidence!

I play cards for money myself.

Yeah, couple of large pepperoni pizzas, homicide unit.

[dramatic music playing]

[Danielle screaming] What do you want?

Get out! Please, get out!

Where you gonna run to? Where you going?

[Russert] Danielle Spright, you're under arrest

for the murder of Whitney Freeman.

This is a duly authorized arrest.

You have the right to remain silent.

You have the right to an attorney.

- Get out of here! Get out! - Anything you say can

and will be used against you in a court of law.

- No, no, get out! - You should go upstairs and get her some clothes.

I was just protecting my family.

And that's all I was doing. I was protecting my children.

These children need their daddy.

- It's Christmas, you bastard! - [children crying]

Just get out! [Danielle sobbing]

[eerie music playing in TV]

[Munch sighs] This really is repulsive, you know.

- [Fidel] Toughen up. - Can I ask you a question?

What exactly is the appeal of eating ice cream

on a freezing cold winter night?

It tastes good.

Hey, look, this is really gross.

Gross? It's a recommendation?

Yeah, that's good.

Fidel, it appears as though we've been abandoned

by my supposed partner, Stanley,

which means the time has come.

The inevitable can no longer be postponed.

- What does that mean? - It means it's time to talk.

[laughs] You're kidding, right?

That's all you ever do, is talk.

You talk and talk, and nothing ever makes any sense.

- [Munch sighs] - Hey, what are you doing?

- It's just getting good. - I'm serious, Fidel.

We gotta talk about your father.

He'll be here. I told you. He promised me.

You know how when you're a little kid,

and somebody dresses up like Santa Claus at Christmas time,

the way your dad does,

and you say, "Hey, that's really Santa Claus

from the North Pole, here to see you," right?

I never believed in Santa Claus.

Yes, you did. When you were little.

- Everybody did. - I never did.

I always knew it was a trick. I always knew it was fake.

You're just saying that now because you're older, but then--

Santa Claus is just something that's supposed to make you feel good

when there's nothing to feel really good about.

How can you live with an attitude like that?

Do you believe in Santa Claus?

- Of course not. - So what's your point?

[sighs] My point is that sometimes

people believe things that aren't true,

because they need to believe them.

Like my dad's such a great guy?

No, like your dad's coming back.

He's coming back. He always comes back.

- Not this time. - He's just late.

He forgets.

He goes out on those stupid jobs he does.

But he always comes back because he's my dad.

Fidel, your dad...

He's...

[door clicks open]

Dad!

[uplifting music playing]

- You could've called me! - I did call you.

The phone rang 12 times. Where the hell did you go?

[indistinct] me, and you could have come in the door first.

You could have at least warned me, prepared me.

I've been spending the whole night

trying to tell this kid that his father is dead.

Munch, calm down. You are overexcited.

This is not bad news. This is good news.

And a very nice piece of detective work

on my part, I'd like to say.

[Munch sighs] So, the kid's dad was mugged?

Yeah. Yeah.

He got drunk, feel asleep.

And this wise guy, named Lenny Krantz, he comes along, right?

And he says, "Eh, this is an easy night's work."

So he takes the Santa Claus suit, and he takes [indistinct],

takes the pot, and he takes off with it.

So, he puts on the suit, right?

And he's ringing the bell. He's collecting money.

He figures he's home free.

Some other guy comes along and kills him,

for the same dough in the pot.

- [Munch sighing] - This is some city, huh?

- Merry Christmas. - [Bolander sighs]

[Bolander singing]

So, what about you?

[Christmas music playing]

What about me?

Well, wasn't just the action

that drove you out on a Christmas Eve, now, was it?

Caroline's grandparents are visiting.

My husband's parents.

As you may or may not know, my husband's dead,

and, well, his parents are very sweet,

but they remind me of him.

I had to get out of the house, you know?

- Oh. [chuckles] I can relate. - Hmm.

My apartment's so empty,

the whole apartment echoes when you flush the toilet.

What? No girlfriends?

- Not this week. - [Russert chuckles]

I'm gonna go out to my folks' place to-- today.

You know, there's the whole thing--

it's uncles, cousins, all of that.

- It'll be nice. - Hmm.

My husband's name was Mike.

- Was he a cop, too? - No. No.

He was a lawyer. A tax lawyer.

[both chuckling]

I met him at my sister Eileen's annual Christmas bash

for her fellow accountants.

20 very boring people sipping very cheap champagne.

Was Mike boring, too?

Yeah.

Yeah, he was.

I'm sorry.

[Russert sighing]

But I loved him, you know.

I loved how he looked guilty every time

he thought he was having too much fun.

Boring bastard. He ruined Christmas for me.

- Oh. - [Russert sighs]

- It's hard missing the dead. - Yeah.

[church bells tolling]

We just wanted you to know

that we caught the person who killed your daughter.

Well, thank you very much

for coming to tell me.

That's very generous, very considerate.

Well, you see, I have a daughter too, Caroline.

Well, she's much younger, but--

I am sure

that you are a better mother to your daughter

than I was to Whitney.

Uh, I was much too involved in my own life

to give her the love she needed.

Too busy.

Wouldn't you like to stay for coffee?

No, thank you.

Oh, I can't stay, thanks. I really should get back.

I'd like to be there when Caroline opens her stocking.

Well, yes, of course.

I told them 100 times,

not to put all the red decorations together!

Thank you again for coming.

It was a rare gesture

in an uncivilized world!

[somber music playing]

Shelby!

Shelby, please show the police officers to the door.

[Bolander] Where the hell is everybody?

Look at this!

They didn't even decorate the Christmas tree.

What type of people are we dealing with here, anyway?

Gambler types.

Don't-- don't-- don't-- don't say anything.

The evening's entertainment is about to conclude.

You mean you've been playing cards

while we've been out trying to save the world?

Can I just ask why nobody finished

decorating my Christmas tree?

[Pembleton blowing raspberry]

- What's going on? - They're playing cards.

- Hearts. Good game. - Hearts?

Hearts.

- [Bayliss] Oh, hearts! - [Howard] Oh, no!

What do you mean, hearts? Hearts?

- Oh, don't do it, Gee! - Hearts!

[Pembleton] Oh, no!

- [Munch] Hearts? - [Pembleton laughs]

Look at that, and he got all that,

and he got the queen of spades.

I can't believe it, he shot the moon!

Thought I had you there, Gee.

- [Bayliss groans] - Good hand.

[Pembleton] Well, I'm broke. I had fun.

- I like having fun. - I can't believe I lost.

You did good, Gee.

[Giardello] Thanks a lot. I'm going home.

- Tim? - Yeah.

I enjoyed watching you come into my office

to persuade me to play a game I was unfamiliar with.

Play for money, no less.

I was just, you know, trying to help out with--

- Office morale, I know. - Yeah.

Let me give you a little advice for the future, Tim.

Never try to hustle a Sicilian.

[Munch laughing]

You tried to hustle Gee in hearts? What are you, out of your mind?

What do you mean, out of my mind?

He was famous in the old days. Nobody could beat him.

He put one of his kids through college playing hearts.

- He did? Did he? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Once a rookie, always a rookie.

[indistinct chatter]

Where's Megan?

She went home, Gee, but don't worry about it,

she'll be back in time to baby-sit these bozos.

- [Higby chuckling] - Oh, sorry, Higby.

Didn't mean to hurt your non-existent feelings or nothing.

Well, Merry Christmas to you, too, Meldrick.

[Felton] Hey, Kay!

[Christmas song playing]

[Howard laughing]

- Yes! It's snowing! - [Howard] Woo-hoo!

[indistinct chatter]

- Merry Christmas. - [Howard] Merry Christmas, Gee.

[Bolander] Merry Christmas!

[indistinct shouting]

[Munch] Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukah!

[Bayliss] Merry Christmas!

[theme song playing]