Original subtitles

It's over between Felicia and me,

I know it, and I've accepted the fact.

I went to her place last night. I could see the lights on.

I could hear her moving around inside.

But she won't come to the door,

she won't even come to the window.

It's over. Finito.

I love nature. It fills me up.

Trees, flowers and sky.

It's all ragweed, pollen, and bird droppings.

The closest I want to get to nature is that series on PBS.

In winter, things that are dead suddenly bloom in the spring.

What?

I mean, you step back,

and you look at the cycle of nature,

the miracle of it.

Excuse me?

You've got to believe in the possibility of miracles.

I'm hurting, big man.

And you're talking about miracles.

I've lost my will to live. I can barely stand straight.

You know what's holding me up right now? Muscle memory, okay?

I know you're hurting, John.

If I could wish away the pain or take it on for you, I would.

"John"? Since when do you call me John?

Since when do you even know I have a first name?

[indistinct radio chatter]

A homeless couple.

This guy was out walking his dog,

hunting for some truffles and morels, and he comes across these two.

[Bolander] They were found holding hands like that?

Yeah, we recovered a handful of prescription bottles back at their tent.

One of them was on some heavy-duty heart medicines.

It's sad, this kind of stuff.

They weren't sad, look how they're sitting there,

holding on to each other.

They sat down facing east, that's the first light of day.

They sat down there

to catch whatever wind would take them

on the journey they're going on.

You sure there's nothing left in those prescription bottles?

[theme song playing]

[*]

- Kay. - [Howard] Stanley!

- I want you. - Huh?

- I need you. - Me?

I'm in love.

- Well-- - Have dinner with me tonight.

- Dinner? - Please.

- Well-- - You pick the place. Some place romantic.

- Stanley-- - Are you still going with that guy?

- That Danvers guy who's Assistant State's Attorney? - Yeah.

Okay, good, good, good! I want you both.

Where exactly is this conversation going?

I'm-- I'm asking you to double date.

[Howard laughing]

Yeah, what did you think? I mean, come on!

I mean, I'm going to bring a date for myself.

This girl-- woman, Linda.

[sighs] We've been seeing a lot of each other, okay?

But this is the first real date, so I want you and Danvers

to come along and kind of, you know,

take the pressure off, take the edge off.

- Ah! - She's special.

- She is-- I think I'm in love. - Love?

- Yeah, so, would you break bread with us? - How can I refuse?

You're gorgeous, you know that? You are.

Wherever you decide, that's where we're going to go.

I mean, I'm picking up the tab. I want it to be top drawer.

Money is no object.

We'll have wine, caviar, flowers on the table.

Could you find a-- Excuse me.

Could you find a place with music and dancing?

Are you gonna dance?

Everything up to and including the "Woolly Bully."

- That I would pay to see! - [Bolander laughs]

[suspenseful instrumental playing]

- She's been strangled. - Mm-hm.

- Oh! "Ed did it." - He did, huh?

Yeah, that's what the note says, "Ed did it."

- [Schanne] Who's Ed? - [Pembleton] Well, Ed is Ed, that's my guess.

- [Schanne] Mine too then. - Don't you love when a victim leaves a note ID-ing who it?

- She's very considerate. - Isn't she?

Okay, so where's the one who found her?

The next door neighbor? She's next door.

Go ahead.

[camera shutter clicks]

And her name was Frandina? F-R-A-N--

D-I-N-A.

- That's right, Angela Frandina. - Uh-huh.

And you have a key to her apartment?

Yes, just in case, you know.

But the door was wide open. That's the reason I knocked.

That's the reason I went in, I was on my way home from work.

And Angela's door was wide open.

You live here, Jeremy?

Sort of.

We've known each other since high school.

[Bayliss] And you work until 6:00 a.m.?

At a law firm typing briefs.

Poor Angela.

I mean, she was such a wonderful person.

[Jeremy] Yeah.

- Who's Ed? - Ed? Ed who?

[Pembleton] Well, who's an Ed that Angela might know?

[Bayliss] Did Angela have a boyfriend?

- Yeah, plenty. - Jeremy.

It's not like she did a lot of one-nighters.

She'd have a boyfriend for a couple weeks, maybe a couple months,

and then he'd be gone.

She never seemed satisfied.

So what did Angela do for a living?

She worked at a clothing store,

The Leather Chain, over on Broadway.

[sobbing] Just why is she dead?

Ask for Tanya. She's the manager.

- No, get off. - Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Stanley has a girlfriend?

I don't get the impression she can be officially classified as girlfriend.

Why wouldn't he tell me he has a girlfriend?

I'm sure he has his reasons, huh?

Chill out, you're acting like a betrayed wife.

Hold on a second, Beau, you don't ride with him,

you don't tell him your innermost feelings.

You don't buy him his garlic bagels for his blood pressure, either.

He asked you on a double date?

Know how many times I've asked him on a double date?

You know what he does? He spits in my face.

He wants to go someplace fancy, huh?

He wants flowers on the table.

He's popping for the whole thing.

Now, where is this extravaganza from which I'm excluded?

I'm not gonna say. He didn't invite you.

- It's not for me to say, right? - Hey, you gotta tell me.

- I'm not gonna talk, I don't know. - She's no Judas.

Say what you will about Judas, but he had his good points.

If it wasn't for him, the whole show wouldn't have

got underway in the first place, [indistinct], Kay?

Kay, please, tell him, okay? Or he'll be whining all shift long.

[pop music playing]

[Bayliss] You and Angela were friends, right?

Uh, I wouldn't call us friends exactly.

Uh, we shared similar fantasies.

Angela ever mention anyone

that she was angry with, that she didn't like?

Angela didn't like a lot of people.

She wasn't afraid to say so.

But she would have liked you.

Great.

Detective Pembleton, are you married?

Um, yeah.

Wouldn't your wife look just fabulous in that?

Why, yes. Yes, she would.

Feel this.

Oh, that's nice.

There's nothing like the feel or smell of new leather.

[Pembleton sniffs]

It's horsehide.

- [Pembleton] Horsehide? - Mm-hmm.

- [Pembleton] Like Mr. Ed and Sea Hero? - Uh-huh.

Horsehide is warmer, so that when you're riding your bike,

you can wear this and nothing underneath.

- Here, try it on. - Yeah, yeah, this and the chaps.

Just because you're working doesn't mean you can't have fun.

- Yeah, Tim, come on, try it on. - No, I said no, Frank, all right?

Okay, can't blame a girl

for trying to make a sale, can you?

[Bayliss] Depends on what she's selling.

- Who's Ed? - Ed's her boss.

[Bayliss] You mean the owner of this place?

No, her other boss from her other job.

Angela worked two jobs. She had bills to pay.

- What's Ed's last name? - I don't know.

What was her other job?

Uh, she answered phones.

You mean at the phone company?

No, no, you know, one of those 900 numbers.

Oh, you mean like the Home Shopping Network.

She talked dirty to people.

- I beg your pardon? - You know.

She gave phone sex.

we were finished with the love songs of Jay Stanley Bolander.

I want the paperwork on that double suicide.

I don't care if it's in rhyming couplets, I want it finished.

- It's finished, it's on my desk. - Then it should be on my desk.

[Munch] I gotta get lover boy Stanley to sign off on it.

I'm getting hell from the bosses,

because of your sloppy paperwork.

I don't need that on top of everything else.

My point is, he's acting strange.

- Munch. - Do you notice how he's dressing?

He's wearing a tie today that has design and color.

He's got socks that stay up over his ankles.

Yesterday, we stopped in traffic,

he gets out of the car, he starts dancing.

Out of the clear blue sky, he's doing a damn Hokey Pokey in midday traffic.

I'm a professional civil servant.

I can't afford to be embarrassed in public like that.

Munch!

The report. On my desk.

At the end of the shift.

Understood?

- Where's my old Stanley? - Oh, my God.

I can't get up in the morning, I can't face the day

unless I know he's gonna be more miserable than me.

The whole world's out of whack, Gi, you gotta do something.

Like what?

- Order him to be miserable again. - Oh, stop.

You're the boss, it's for the common good.

It's a public safety issue, the guy's dancing in traffic.

There's gotta be something on the books

to forbid happiness, it's-- it's unprofessional.

It's those sensitivity sessions, I knew they'd come back to haunt me.

I had this fear that something bad would come from those sessions.

I thought maybe Bayliss, maybe Lewis, maybe even you.

But never, ever Stanley.

You want your paperwork? Give me back my old Stanley.

Send the big man in here.

That's all I ask.

[Pembleton] How you doing, ma'am?

Baltimore City Police.

[woman] "Yes, I'm blonde,

yes, oh, I am jealous.

I just hate seeing you with all those other girls."

"My parents don't know either. This is our secret.

Here, on the beach."

Yes. No, I'll--

I-- I-- I don't know.

I can't find my cold shower script.

"Oh, I like it when you let me see it."

You must be very proud.

You've got quite an operation here, huh?

I got 30 women working for me, three shifts around the clock.

And a couple of guys, because that side of the business

is really picking up.

The sleaze business, right, Ed?

We deal in fantasy.

Look,

this is what my boys and girls use.

It's a script.

Believe me, I know, without a script, things go all over the place.

It's a lie, Ed, you know, you're working from a script,

you're cheating your customers.

There's got to be some sort of statute against this, you know?

We got laws against smoking, right, Frank?

But we got no laws against this?

Read the script.

Go ahead, look at it.

There's not a dirty word in there.

It's all verbs, "push," "pull," "jam."

And pronouns, "it," "you," "me."

I dare you to tell me that that doesn't sound like a basketball game on TV.

Angela Frandina's dead.

- What? - Angela was found murdered this morning.

She was strangled.

Oh, my God.

I don't believe it. What you're saying is obscene.

Angela tells us that you killed her. Here.

- With this note, she says? Me? - Yeah.

-"Ed did it." - That's what she writes.

"Ed did it."

Angela didn't write that note.

- [Pembleton] Oh. - This is her handwriting.

That's how Angela signs her name.

That what you got there in that bag,

that's not Angela's handwriting.

Angela's is big, like Valentine's.

- I gotta hold on to this. - Yeah, help yourself.

- Angela have any boyfriends? - Yeah, sure.

Any boyfriend that wanted her dead?

Well, um,

Chris Novoselic.

Her last boy toy was-- was weird.

- What made him weird? - He always wore chains and leather.

He worked in that club on Fayette Street.

- What club? - I don't know.

The one where they tie each other up, where they whip each other.

What the hell's the name of that place?

The Eve of Destruction.

Oh, yeah, Eve of Destruction, sure.

Who'd want a pretty girl like that dead?

You know, I expect her to walk in the door any minute.

Jesus, it's almost time for a shift.

If she's dead, I gotta get a replacement.

Now, where the hell am I gonna get somebody at the last minute?

She was a real favorite

with the lunch crowd in the rush hour.

She really loved those car phone freaks.

Hey, E-D, E-D. "Eve of Destruction," Ed.

No, no, no, no. "Eve of Destruction" is E-O-D.

Not necessarily. "Ed did it."

That's someone who works there, frequents there.

Frank, Frank, this note, it's a red herring.

- It's to throw us off. - Well, somebody left it for us.

- Somebody wanted us to find it. - You know something?

Everyone keeps saying how normal Angela was, you know,

how wonderful she was.

But if she is so wonderful, what is she doing working in a dump like that?

"Wonderful."

How did she end up being strangled?

- How old is she? - 26.

- How old? - 26, all right?

I should have my head examined, right?

You should, she'll end up breaking your heart.

Thanks, I appreciate your good wishes.

You're blind, Stanley.

That's what love is supposed to do, isn't it?

I mean, I wish you could see yourself right now.

How about you see yourself?

- Me? - Yeah, you. I mean, you.

What-- what's going on with you, huh?

What have you got better?

Your wife died seven years ago,

and you are still grieving.

Yeah, I don't mean any disrespect here, all right?

But it's seven long years,

and what is going on with you?

I-- I'm not grieving.

You are still dating the same two women from five years ago.

One of them you take to dinner at Dalasio's every Friday night.

The other one you take for a ride every Sunday out to the shore.

- You are still at the funeral. - Look, look, look.

I have just not found the right person, okay?

Yeah, and you know what?

You're not going to,

because you're comfortable

being the same miserable son of a bitch

that you were the day that she died.

Hmm?

I'm happy.

I'm happier than I can ever remember being.

I don't know, maybe I don't quite fit in the picture frame.

Okay, not quite.

At my age, what am I going to be but a long shot?

Wow.

Well, I think this is all terrific, man.

I'm jealous.

[Bolander] I'd be jealous too.

I got lucky.

- How lucky you mean? - Not that lucky.

[both laughing]

No, no, no, I haven't kissed her yet,

but I thought maybe-- I don't know.

- Maybe tonight after dinner. - After dinner.

Oh, man, Stanley, I'm pleased for you.

I'm pleased and jealous.

My only advice to you is...

use a rubber.

Either it's murder, or this library has a very strict overdue book policy.

Come on, let's go chat with our star witness.

- [Lewis] Now, Miss Newdow-- - Mrs. Newdow.

Everyone always assumes librarians are all maids.

Sorry, would you mind telling us your story, please?

Well, the man who got shot

and the man who shot the man who got shot were talking.

They came in with each other? They're together when they--

No, and I don't think they even knew each other.

But they were having a conversation.

I even had to tell them to shush once.

- [Lewis] They were arguing? - No, not at all. Very friendly.

The man who shot the man who got shot

asked to borrow the man who got shot's pen.

"Oh, sure." Very polite.

Then he went back to his table, and he scribbled something down on a pad,

and he returned the pen, this happened several times.

The third time, the man who shot the man

who got shot told the man who got shot

that he really liked his pen, and asked to buy it from him.

The man who got shot said, "Well, it's just a $1.49 pen,

and it's the only one I have, you can buy one anywhere."

The man who shot the man who got shot

took out a gun, and he shot him.

He just kept on firing, it was very noisy.

I ducked down here behind the counter.

Suddenly there was silence, and I stayed down here a long while.

I wasn't sure if the man had left yet.

There was no arguing, no yelling, no fighting?

Are you saying that--

What I'm saying is, the only reason he blew him away

was over a $1.49 pen.

No, it wasn't rape.

There was nothing under her fingernails?

Nothing to indicate a struggle.

Her nails were clean of blood, hair, and skin tissue.

- But there was a presence of semen. - Consensual sex.

Listen, I don't know about that, I only know there wasn't any fight.

Yeah, well, maybe this guy held a gun to her head, huh, Frank?

How many autopsies have you been through,

and still you never pick it up?

What, they're-- they're ligature markers.

From a belt, a belt with a distinctive pattern

of either metal studs or hard, glassy beads.

Okay, so we find the belt, we find the killer.

[Dr. Scheiner] I'm about to slice her open, and check

the hyoid bone in her neck, wanna take odds that it's broken?

Uh, that's all right, but have yourself a ball.

Will, a knife, please.

There's got to be more to this than a lousy five-and-dime ink pen.

No, maybe not.

Remember that, uh-- The kid who stabbed his younger brother

- over the sneakers. - Yeah.

Baltimore, home of the misdemeanor homicide.

What's the body's name again?

- Max Zintac. - Zintac.

Yeah.

[sighs] I don't know, they--

We run his name in the computer, we see if he comes up

a drug twirler or something, huh?

- Who, Max Zintac? - Yeah. Who else?

Meldrick, when you, uh--

You see a horse with stripes on it, you call it a zebra.

Now, what does that little bit of Neapolitan logic supposed to mean?

I'm the one who's, uh, always thinking about conspiracies,

and always looking for something more than what's there.

But this, this is a murder that is exactly what it is.

It's a man who shoots another man over a pen.

If the guy wanted the pen bad enough to kill for it,

why would he leave it here?

[heavy metal music playing]

Sorry to keep you waiting. Where were we?

Frank.

Uh, let's see, you were, uh--

you were saying how Angela

first started coming here about three months ago, right?

That's the first time I noticed her.

Some people come in, hide in the shadows, just wanting to watch.

[Bayliss] Watch what?

Whatever goes on any given night.

Wherever your imagination can take you.

All right, so, uh, you and Angela got involved?

- For about a month. - [Pembleton] Right, okay.

- She was quite a gal. - [Pembleton] So why'd you break up with her?

Why does anybody break up?

Hey, pal, listen, all right? We want some answers, all right?

If you don't give me these answers, I'm gonna slap some cuffs on you,

take you downtown, and knock you around, you got that?

You do that, I'm gonna have to kiss you.

[Pembleton] Whoa, whoa, whoa, big boy, whoa!

- Get back, Frank! - It's all right.

- Come on, kid. - You push me around.

You got power, don't you?

You can shove anyone around all you want.

You cuff me, yell at me,

I get scared.

That's what this scene is, chief.

Only diff between you and me, you got a badge.

You play it for real.

Me, I'm only skin-popping a fantasy.

Around here, we let each other know when we've gone too far.

It's play-acting. It's pretend!

Angela Frandina has a leather belt around her throat.

Now she is not acting, she is dead.

She didn't understand there have to be limits.

That's why I stopped snorkling.

[heavy metal continues]

Tell me that you don't find all this porno stuff,

all this phone sex

and S&M stuff disgusting.

Well, Bayliss, that's just the way of the world, it's been that way forever.

When they dug through the ruins of Pompeii, they found written on the walls,

"An vere fama susurrat

grandia te medii tenta vorare viri?"

It's a long, roundabout way of saying "fellatio."

Saint Ignatius High, New York City.

Yeah, I had to do something to make a Latin class interesting.

All right, granted, listen, perversion has existed since the beginning of time.

All right, we see it everywhere, but that doesn't mean

that I am willing to accept that.

Well, in any given 10 square feet of this great country,

there are people who think it's perverted for a person

of your color and my color to sleep together.

No, Frank, I'm not talking about prejudice.

What I'm talking about is kinky sexual acts.

Dehumanizing acts

between two human beings, all right?

Sex is love, period. This I believe.

Oh, yeah, right, so a beautiful woman passes you on the street.

You smile at her. Ooh, she smiles back.

You're not thinking about marriage.

You're thinking about her in a French maid's outfit.

- Bent over, straight-- - No, no, I don't.

- I don't think that way, Frank. - Either a liar or a moron.

If you're a liar, then fine. At least you got a chance.

But if you're a moron, you're just a bore, you know?

I'm gonna have to take you out and shoot you.

- To put you out of your misery. - Wait a minute.

I don't think dirty, so I can't understand

the criminal mind, is that it, huh?

I mean, I don't want to kill someone

so I can't get into the killer's head, is that it, Frank?

I don't think about molesting some child,

so I don't know how to investigate Athena Watson's murder.

- Is that what you're saying? - So you really are a moron.

- I'm not a moron. - Let me tell you something, we're all guilty of something.

Cruelty or greed or going 65 in a 55-mile-per-hour zone.

But you know what? You want to think about yourself as the fair-haired choir boy?

You go ahead.

All right, okay, so what are you saying, huh?

I'm saying you got a darkness.

You, Tim Bayliss, you got a darkness inside of you.

You got to know the darker, ugliest sides of yourself.

You got to recognize them so they're not constantly sneaking up on you.

You got to love them because they're part of you.

Because along with your virtues, they make you who you are.

Virtue isn't virtue unless it slams up against vice.

So consequently,

your virtue is not real virtue

until it's been tested, tempted.

- Meldrick? - Yo.

I got a positive ID on the fingerprints on that pen.

Aside from the late Mr. Zintac,

we have a thumb and a forefingerprint of a Mitchell Forman.

This Forman's only got a couple of disorderly conduct.

- Any drug arrest? - No, no, no.

But he spent a little time in Spring Grove.

Spring Grove? Insane asylum.

You don't say "insane" anymore, Meldrick, you say

-"mental health disorder." - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't say "asylum" anymore, you say, uh--

You say "diagnostic center."

Nutcase has done time in a loony bin.

- You got it, maybe this will help explain what went down. - Not really.

I got a current address on this Forman.

Come on, let's go wrap this thing up.

You know, Crosetti, my grandmother gave me this pen.

Right before she went into surgery for the last time, she took my mother by the hand,

and she said, "Buy Meldrick a gold pen."

- I love this pen. - Are you serious?

I love this pen, but not enough to die for.

I surrender. No more.

Gluttons for punishments, all of us.

I'm going to regret those marinated sweetbreads with truffles and garlic.

I don't want to hear about it later on.

How can you still be mad at me? You had two crème brûlées.

You have a very delicate stomach.

And I'm not mad.

So you and Stanley are practicing a duet, huh?

Yeah, over at the Peabody. Handel's "Passacaglia."

Stanley on cello, me on violin.

- When do we get to hear it? - Never.

[Linda laughs] No, not never.

Well, I can't get the bowing right.

You will when the moment's right.

Right now, you're still worried about the tension in the strings.

You're afraid you'll miss the moment when the bow should draw across.

You're scared that the music's going to come from your head and not from your heart.

[both humming]

[Munch humming mockingly]

Every fairy tale has its nightmare, and this is mine.

De gustibus to you, pal.

Why don't you sign off on this double suicide,

so I can slink back into the night?

Maybe I should put my name on that list of miserable deaths.

- Now, there's an idea. - Are you Munch?

- I have to plead the Fifth on that. - Well, sit down.

Am I allowed?

Um, well, we're just getting through here.

It's nothing but dirty dishes, we're waiting for a check,

can we have a check over here, please?

I'm the concierge,

my husband was the concierge, but he died.

So now I'm the concierge.

- Um, do you know when Mr... - Forman.

...Forman will be back?

Don't know, don't know if he's ever coming back.

[Lewis] Is he married?

Yeah, sure.

Has he ever been married? Do you know that?

I doubt it, but, hey, anything's possible, right?

- Does he have any family at all? - I don't know.

How long has he been living here?

- Fifteen, sixteen years. - Fifteen years?

You don't know if he has any family?

Look, I don't pry on my guests' lives.

I give them a clean room, a bath down the hall,

and free use of the ice machines, that's all.

Miss Prince, do you know that when Mr. Forman shot Mr. Zintac,

he left a pen sitting right there at the table?

He didn't even take it with him, now, don't that seem a little bit odd to you?

Look, say what you will about Mitchell Forman, he pays his rent on time.

Okay? He's an honest man.

He wanted to buy the pen, the guy said no, so he left it there.

He would have never, ever stolen that pen.

Yeah, but has he ever killed for a pen before, Miss Prince?

Um, would you mind if we had a look in his room?

- Sure. - Okay.

Damn goat roper.

[mysterious instrumental playing]

[Lewis] Pens.

Thousands of pens, Crosetti.

Look at them.

It's a lot of pens.

A lot of pens.

Hi.

Didn't I see you at the Eve of Destruction last night?

Let's just get this over with, okay?

What can you show me in a leather belt?

- What kind of leather belt? - The one about two inches wide.

- With studs or beads. - Hmm, I sell a lot of belts.

But that one only comes with this kind of jacket.

Okay, bingo. This is the same kind of belt.

Metal studs in a diamond pattern.

And do you ever sell one of these jackets

- to Chris Novoselic? - Novoselic? That jerk?

- He's too cheap. - [Pembleton] What about Ed Grady?

Him? I wouldn't even let him in my store.

I'm very particular about my customers.

Well, let me ask you, did Angela ever buy one of these jackets

for herself or for a friend?

You know, like, an employee discount?

Yeah, yeah, she bought one of these.

From Molly-- What's her name?

- [Bayliss] Sullivan? - Yeah, her neighbor.

Molly was very particular about this jacket.

from the leather chain showing that you used your credit card

to purchase a black leather motorcycle jacket.

Yeah, the jacket was a present for Jeremy.

Jeremy, your boyfriend.

[Pembleton] Where is Jeremy now?

He's out.

The jacket was for his birthday.

He loves that jacket. He says it brings him luck.

Well, is Jeremy wearing the jacket this evening?

No, he's at dinner with his grandparents.

He's wearing his suit.

Would you show us this lucky jacket of Jeremy's, huh?

Sure.

It's hanging.

- Is this it? - Here it is.

- Beautiful, huh? - Uh-huh.

- It's horsehide. Horsehide's warmer. - Yeah, we heard.

Now, where is the belt that goes to this jacket?

- The belt? - Yeah, didn't this jacket come with a belt?

It did. Where is the belt?

[Pembleton] Maybe Jeremy lost the belt.

I'll kill him if he did.

We have the city of angels, Los Angeles.

Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love.

And now, Baltimore, the city of the brokenhearted.

She asked me to marry her, twice.

She asked me.

But I love Felicia beyond the immediate moment,

I love her for all of eternity.

And so I know, she's too young, I tell her.

And here I see you, dallying with Linda.

- It is Linda, isn't it? - [Linda] Mm-hmm.

[Munch] My heart sinks to the floor to see your youth.

Your fleeting youth.

Come autumn, and autumn does come, doesn't it, Kay?

You'll be sitting in that big bay window of yours.

- What bay window? - [Munch] Some window that you got.

- Whatever looks onto the street. - Oh, yeah.

[Munch] The rains will be falling.

Those first hard, vicious rains of the season.

And you wonder what exactly it was that broke you and Danvers up.

- Wait a minute. - [Munch] You know what I'm saying, Danvers.

I can tell by your tone of voice, you know.

You've been in that window looking down, haven't you?

Everyone will be outside, holding hands, being in love.

And you wonder why you and Danvers are now just good friends.

And you'll be standing somewhere, by yourself.

And there will be that song, that song.

Doesn't matter when you hear it, but when it comes on,

it'll make you think of all those silly things you did together.

You'll break up. Get back together again.

Break up, get back together, call it off for good.

Find yourself sitting up in bed next to her

on one last desperate evening, saying to yourself,

"I miss her."

And she's laying in bed next to you.

Thinking the same thing about you.

[Bolander] Munch, if you don't shut up

and shut up fast, I'll gut you.

[Munch] Now, truth hurts, doesn't it, Stanley?

[Kay] God, life is so depressing.

Love is hopeless.

[Danvers] Come on, Kay, I'll take you home.

No. No, Ed.

I need to be alone tonight.

Good night.

Thanks a lot, Munch.

Come on, Linda, let's go, too.

I'll deal with you in the morning, and don't look forward to it.

Stanley, we can't just leave him, come on.

Someone would write my life story.

I am Ahab's orphan son.

Okay, but Mr. Forman, what I need for you to do right now,

sir, is I need to talk to you about a shooting, sir.

I did it.

- [Lewis] Yeah, I know that. - That's why I came here.

- [Lewis] I know that. - To turn myself in.

But now, I've changed my mind.

No, Mr. Forman, listen to me.

Please, look at me here. Please concentrate.

- Now, listen to me. - I wanted the pen.

- [Lewis] I know that. - I offered to pay for the pen.

- [Lewis] I know. - I love that pen.

[Lewis] I know you do, sir, let me just tell you something.

Let me just make you a deal. Listen, look at me.

You come down off this ledge here,

and I will write your whole life story, okay?

- I will put it all down for you. - Really?

I promise I'm not going to miss a word.

What kind of pen would you use?

How about this one right here?

- Oh, very nice. - [Lewis] Yeah.

Okay, now we're going to get down, okay, Mr. Forman?

- Okay. - Okay. Okay, there you go.

- There you go. - [crowd cheering]

[Bayliss] You understand your rights?

- No sweat. - [Pembleton] Jeremy.

Where were you last night?

Last night? With my girlfriend, Molly.

Last night Molly was working.

- Where were you, Jeremy? - I don't remember.

- Jeremy, where's your birthday present? - What present?

- The black leather motorcycle jacket. - In the closet at Molly's house.

- Where's the belt to that jacket? - Wanna know about the belt?

- [Pembleton] Mm-hmm. - I lost it, I don't know where.

I think somebody must have stolen the belt.

Someone stole your belt, and left your jacket.

[Jeremy] That's what I think happened.

You lost your leather belt

around the neck of Angela Frandina.

What? Nah, come on.

Yeah, you put it around her neck,

and you strangled her with it.

- No. - Yeah, you did.

- No. - You were there, Jeremy.

You were there.

I was there, but it wasn't murder.

She told me to put the belt around her neck.

I'd have never thought of something like that.

You were just doing what she asked you to do, right?

Yeah, I went to see Molly. I forgot she was working.

Angela's hanging in the doorway, she invites me in.

We're talking about this and that.

Then she tells me about doing that phone sex stuff.

I mean, man, she tells me to close my eyes,

and starts doing it in my ear.

It's real sexy.

She grabs me, kisses me.

So we start kissing, messing around.

Then she tells me to slap her.

- She asked you to hit her? - Yeah.

I told her I didn't hit women, I couldn't.

Then she takes the belt from my motorcycle jacket

and starts doing a strip show for me.

She's taking off her clothes while she's dancing around,

and doing stuff to herself with that belt.

- Get to the point. - We started going at it.

She's telling me, "Put the belt around my neck, and then pull the belt tighter."

Then we start really going at it, and she's moaning,

and telling me, "Pull it tighter, tighter!"

I'd never done sex this way before, I lost control.

- It was different, exciting. - Okay, okay.

It was like if I got swept up in it.

- Like it wasn't me. - I said enough, all right?

Okay?

You're under arrest for the murder of Angela Frandina.

- She made me do it. - Made you, huh?

Made you.

Angela was tough, you know?

She was tough, you know?

To be honest, we never really liked each other.

Go ahead, I won't be long, okay?

Take your time.

Not that at your age you have much choice.

[Linda laughing]

- You're a funny guy. - I'm funny to you?

- Yeah. - Did you hear anything I said tonight at all?

I heard every word, but feeling sympathy for you

or giving you comfort would be like cuddling a pit bull.

You wouldn't know how to act.

Leaving you speechless is probably the cruelest thing

anyone could ever do to you, am I right?

That's what Felicia did.

Fort McHenry.

Used to come here on field trips when I was a kid.

- Yeah? - Yeah, I know the whole story.

War of 1812, Francis Scott Key,

Star-Spangled Banner, big deal.

I mean, what are we doing here, anyway?

Did you know that in World War I,

this was used as an army hospital?

Tens and thousands of young men

with wounds fresh from Château-Thierry and Argonne

came here to recuperate or die.

There was one guy who arrived,

his mind clouded with mustard gas,

his right arm and leg were blown off.

Ouch.

Came here despairing

because life as he'd known it had changed forever.

But then he met a beautiful woman,

they fell in love,

got married, and lived happily ever after.

Really? It's great. Who cares?

Well, I do, for one.

They were my great-grandparents. Love is a surprise.

The end of love usually isn't, but falling in love is always a surprise.

- Linda. It is Linda, isn't it? - [laughs] Yes.

- You're a very nice person. - Oh, thank you.

And obviously you're capable of the impossible by making Stanley happy.

But your homespun homilies, they don't play with me.

I'm a homicide cop. Nothing surprises me.

- Nothing? - Absolutely nothing.

[fireworks popping]

What the hell was that?

I don't know, your heart, maybe.

- Wow. Look at that. - [Munch] Yeah, look at that.

[Bolander] Wow. Oh, my God.

You know, Stanley, this woman,

you gotta respect her.

Why she goes out with you, I'll never know, as far as I'm concerned,

your good fortune hangs right up there with the great mysteries of life,

right alongside the whereabouts of the Lost Tribes of Israel

and the true meaning to the lyrics of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds."

[Linda laughs]

I think I'll go look for a couple of those Lost Tribes right now.

- I'm sorry about him. - No, he's a hoot, Stan.

You just don't get him at all, do you?

No, I don't.

But then again, I don't want to.

[both laughing]

Whoa!

The guy was obsessed with pens.

Uh-huh.

Obsessed enough to kill somebody over one.

Is that any worse than killing someone over a car, or over a woman?

Yeah, but you could love a car, Gi, you could love a woman.

Why can't someone love a pen?

[Felton] Come on. Piece of crap.

[Lewis] What's up, Beau?

It's brand-new, and it doesn't write.

You got another one?

- Yeah, I've got one. - Oh, that's a beauty.

- You like that pen, Beau? - I love this pen.

Keep it.

[handcuffs creaking]

Hiya.

Hi.

I hear you got the guy who killed Angela.

Yeah, how'd you know that?

In our little community, word travels fast.

Here. A present.

Oh, no, no, I can't, um--

Please accept it as a thank you.

It's nice to know that if the same thing happens to me,

you'll be out there.

I don't know how you can say that.

If you know that you could be killed,

then why do you keep doing it?

Believe it or not, when I've given myself

over completely to the control of someone else,

I'm free.

- Free? - Yeah.

Here.

- Come on, try it on. - No.

- Yes. - No.

Yes.

Okay.

[Bayliss chuckles]

- Hmm. - It's you.

[Bayliss] Hmm.

- See ya. - [Bayliss] Hmm.

[club music playing]

Got 20 girls this time, [indistinct].

[*]

[theme song playing]