Original subtitles

[Lewis] If I could just find this damn thing, I could go home.

Life is a mystery, just accept it.

You're in your own world, Crosetti.

The quest is what matters. Not finding, looking.

- I read about it in this book. - Now, since when did you ever read a book?

I read this book. An excerpt of this book.

See, that's what I'm saying, man, you said you read a book,

but you didn't read nothing but an excerpt.

It says you never really find what you're looking for,

'cause the whole point is looking for it.

So, if you find it, it defeats its own purpose.

You know, you're in your own little world,

'cause don't nobody else want to live there with you.

[Crosetti] You try to explain everything,

but there are things you cannot explain.

You know what you are, man?

You are a little fat-head guinea. You know that?

- A little Italian salami-brain. - You're gonna regret that.

[Lewis] Man, let's come back and look for this projectile tomorrow, all right?

- [Crosetti] All right. - [Lewis] All right, man, what you got?

We found this wallet on him. His name's Keith Becker.

[Crosetti] Mr. Becker ducked, but he didn't duck good enough.

[indistinct] started ducking.

Was that the girl who was with him when he got shot?

- [uniform] Yeah, Dollie Withers. - [Lewis] Dollie Withers?

[uniform] She was unconscious. Ambo took her over to Harbor Hospital.

Maybe she saw who did it.

A man with a gun wanted them dead. It ain't no mystery.

[Crosetti] Do you know what a mystery is? A mystery--

A mystery is... when a man goes to the john,

he always brings something to read.

But a female never brings anything to read.

[Lewis] This man either had his drugs stolen, or he was stealing drugs.

Yeah. Bet she could explain.

That's the problem with this job.

It's got nothing to do with life.

[pensive music plays]

[theme song plays]

[music fades]

Uh, excuse me, hi. Uh, this is um, homicide?

Homicide? We work for God.

Listen, I'm looking for a Lieutenant Giardello.

Nice pen set.

[Giardello] So if I should decide at some point...

Keen detective instinct.

Unsolved cases.

No, it couldn't be misconstrued that way.

No, no. I won't.

Excuse me, I'm sorry again. Where did you say that was?

There's a lack of confidence in the detectives handling those cases, wasn't there?

[Crosetti] No, no, it couldn't be misconstrued that way.

- Absolutely not. - Uh, Lieutenant Giardello, I'm, uh, Tim Bayliss.

Hey, I'm Giardello.

- Oh. - Come on, I'll show you around.

The box where we match wits against the city's master criminals.

- There's one of the masters. - [Bayliss] Oh.

The fishbowl.

Wherein said criminals reflect on the error of their ways.

The board. Open cases are in red, closed cases are in black.

You look up there, you know exactly where you stand.

About how many things in life can you say that, huh?

It looks like a lot of open cases.

You know you're young to be in homicide.

Yeah, I spent the last two years on the mayor's security detail.

We'll get you to fill out all the papers

that's necessary, get you partnered up.

We work partners here. One's primary, one's secondary.

Let me just say something, sir.

This is where I've always wanted to be. You know what I'm saying?

Homicide, thinking cops, not a gun.

This.

That's very poetic.

[Howard] Hey, Gee. Where's Munch?

- Felicia wants to know. - The double-stabbing.

The Billard brothers.

He's over at Hopkins with Bolander with a suspect.

Munch, homicide. Is this the guy?

Let me see your hand.

Cut it on a fence.

- You want this one? - You think I can't handle this, Stanley?

I'm overwhelmed? I'm out of my depth?

I'm gonna go make a phone call.

- What fence, Bernard? - The corner of Denmore and Gasse.

That's the schoolyard over there, right?

- Let's go and see. - See what?

Well, there better be some blood around the fence, right?

The Billard brothers are in the morgue with more holes in 'em than Augusta National.

I'm thinking someplace in the middle of all that action,

the knife got slippery.

Okay, I was there, but I didn't kill him.

Who killed him?

- A Jamaican killed him. - A Jamaican? What's his name?

I don't know, but he's the one that cut me,

said he'd kill me too, if I said anything.

- When did he tell you that? - When he drove me to the hospital.

So this unnamed mystery J kills both Billard Brothers,

cuts your hand, drives you to Hopkins, bleeding all over his car,

and swears you to secrecy along the way.

- That's why I lied about the fence. - Okay, now I get it.

You're saving your really good lies for some smarter cop, is that it?

I'm just a donut in the on-deck circle.

Wait 'til the real guy gets here.

Wait 'til that big guy comes back.

I'm probably just his secretary.

I'm just Montel Williams. You want to talk to Larry King.

I'm telling the truth.

I have been a murder police for ten years.

If you're gonna lie to me, you lie to me with respect.

Now what is it? Is it my shoes?

Is it my haircut? Got a problem with my haircut?

Don't you ever again lie to me like I'm Montel Williams.

I am not Montel Williams. I am not Montel Williams!

Yeah, it's okay. Call back. Yeah.

- Who's Montel Williams? - I'm not Montel Williams.

Do you hear me? I'm not Montel Williams.

[nurse on PA] Paging Dr. Wyatt. Dr. Wyatt, call your office.

Let's go.

Is this Montel Williams from your neighborhood?

I don't know. There's something wrong with this guy.

[Crosetti] Miss Withers, about last night,

you and Mr. Becker are outside the liquor store where you both get shot?

They just started shooting.

Who, Miss Withers? Did you see who?

Did you get a look at who shot you?

[Lewis] You have any idea who wanted to shoot your boyfriend?

[nurse on PA] Dr. Forrest, dial 118, please.

She's in, she's out.

[nurse over PA] Please dial 118.

You want to wait?

Yeah, why not, man?

You look pitiful, man. You all right?

I couldn't sleep last night. My mind was racing. All night long.

Even when I was-- I was sleeping, I was-- I was dreaming about it.

What?

There were two people in the box with Lincoln the night he was shot.

It was John Wilkes Booth,

and-- and there was a Major-- Major Henry Rathbone.

How come we don't hear about this Henry Rathbone?

So you think Major Henry Rathbone's the guy that capped Lincoln, huh?

I don't know. It just doesn't hang together.

Hey, man, Booth jumped down on the stage,

broke his leg trying to get away.

The president was shot. What the hell would you do?

This is what kept you up all night.

Who was the doctor who set John Wilkes Booth's leg?

It was Dr. Samuel Mudd, okay?

100 years later, who gets passed over for anchorman?

Roger Mudd. It's his great-great-grandson.

What does that tell you about the power structure in this country?

Ex-- Excuse me. I-- I-- I didn't notice.

Was Abraham Lincoln on the board this morning?

Meldrick, all our lives since we were kids,

we were taught in the history books that John Wilkes Booth shot Lincoln.

- [Dollie moans] - Now, if that's not true...

maybe nothing's true.

You know, I'm doing my job. I-- I'm building up my cases.

And-- And the whole foundation's rotten.

You got that right.

[nurse on PA] Dr. Kravitz, you have a visitor in the main lobby.

Dr. Kravitz, a visitor in the main lobby.

[office din]

- [phone rings] - You want it?

That's all I need is an another open case.

On the other hand, this could be closed by the end of the day.

This could be the one that gets me out of the hole.

- I'll take it. - You got a feeling about this?

I'm saying, let me take it. What does it matter to me if I have an open case?

Be straight with me. Is this it?

- Do you feel the magic? - I'm offering.

You want me to take it, I'll be the primary.

Take it. Take it. Take it.

Howard, homicide.

[indistinct police radio chatter]

[flies buzzing]

The whole neighborhood is talking about it, so--

There is a dead body in Jerry Jempson's basement.

So, I figure I better get over here

before he starts blaming it on me, like everything else he does.

- Can you identify the body, ma'am? - Henry Biddle.

[Felton] Henry Biddle, the bill collector for Little Pages?

- That's him. - You know this guy?

- [Felton] You know Little Pages, downtown? - Yeah.

- I bought a Divino. - [Howard] What's a Divino?

It's like a couch.

- [Howard] Like, a sectional? - With a bed in it.

- Oh, a Davenport. - No, no. Not a Davenport. A Divino.

They're having a sale, 18 a month on layaway.

- A Divino? - A Divino.

A Divino!

[flies buzzing]

Husband owns this house or rents?

A deadbeat. He's an ex-husband.

He's a fiend and no way is he wrapping me up in this thing.

His name is Jerry Jempson.

J-E-M-P-S-O-N.

Listen, do you guys want to look around for some clues?

The body in the basement is sort of a big clue.

We still have to find Jerry.

[phone rings]

Hello.

Detective Howard of the Homicide Unit. Who is this?

It's Jerry.

You're amazing.

[Howard] So, Jerry, when could we meet with you?

[office din]

Detective Munch.

You like the sound of that, don't you?

Detective John Munch.

- Quit staring at me. - I'm not staring at you.

It's your conscience.

Reminding you the Jenny Goode case remains unsolved.

Didn't I solve Lena Como?

Didn't I get the paper this week on my man, Clayvon?

[Bayliss] Excuse me. Hi.

Where can I get a cup of coffee?

[Munch] There's a machine on the first floor.

First floor. All right, thank you very much.

[Munch] Yeah, you're welcome.

- There's coffee right in there. - That's our coffee.

Look, forget Jenny Goode. It's been three months.

There's nothing new. It's over.

- Detective Munch? - Jenny Goode is pended.

Shiner put her death down as a road kill.

- It's over. - Shiner is a coroner.

His job is "cause of death."

What does he know from murder or not murder?

It's not even on the board.

We don't have enough to worry about that is on the board,

I have to worry about Jenny Goode?

Detective Munch.

Detective Munch.

You see, you think I need your respect.

But I don't. It is known.

My bunkies back in the district know what kind of cop I am.

Jenny Goode was murdered, John.

Someone has to speak for her.

[typewriter keys thudding]

[Munch] I can't believe you're tearing that up.

See, I lied to protect my girlfriend's family.

They live downstairs from me. It must have been one of them that did it.

Hey, look, I'm telling the truth now. What, you don't believe me?

Frankly, I liked the Jamaican story better.

It had a kind of Elmore Leonard quality.

Let me get some more paper.

See what you can come up with, okay? Thank you.

Yeah, Dollie Withers. Yeah.

Yeah, she's-- she's conscious? Okay, she's alert?

What's with the ties he wears?

- [Howard] Who? - Pembleton.

Enough already with Pembleton.

A pink tie with a polo player on it.

A polo player? This is a Black homicide cop.

What does he got to do with a polo player?

Yeah, it'd be like you wearing a tie with a brain on it.

Hey, hey. My wife buys my ties, pal, okay?

What's that supposed to mean, a tie with a brain on it?

Forget about it.

Face it, Gee, you let that guy get away with murder.

[Howard] Read the papers. Gee lets everybody get away with murder.

I talked to the hospital. She woke up.

That guy thinks he's smarter than everybody else

because he listens to Emmylou Harris.

- [laughs] What? - Who are we talking about, Pembleton?

Pembleton has that New York attitude.

You know, it's like that black-and-white movie. You know the one I mean?

- [Lewis] What movie? - Uh, the black-and-white movie

with, uh, with Gary Cooper.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pride of the Yankees.

- [Crosetti] No, with Grace Kelly. - High Noon.

- High Noon. - High--

You're a salami-brain. You know that? You really are.

You're gonna regret that.

The-- the reason why Pembleton goes out by himself

is 'cause he likes to go out by himself.

Gary Cooper, on the other hand, in High Noon,

went out by himself 'cause wouldn't nobody go with him.

Well, then what does Pride of the Yankees have to do with it?

I don't know. I didn't bring it up. You brought it up.

- I brought up High Noon. - [Howard laughs]

What does High Noon have to do with New York?

Pride of the Yankees. That's New York.

[Howard] Who's the wife in Pride of the Yankees?

All I'm saying is,

Pembleton doesn't have a partner.

So we gotta listen to this whole long-ass analogy

just so you can prove a point that Pembleton don't have a partner.

The guy's just gonna pull his weight, Gee. You gotta say something.

You want him to have a partner, you be his partner.

I want Howard with the new guy, anyway.

- [Lewis laughs] - Wait a minute. This is decided?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm not partnering with Pembleton.

You don't like orders, Mr. [indistinct]?

You are a member of a police department.

All that means is you just teed off a guy with a gun.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What about the check?

What about the check?

That whole thing was just a pretext not to pay the check.

- He always does this. - [Lewis] Yeah, you know what?

With the way you squeeze a buck, Washington thinks you're Martha.

He's gonna regret that.

- He's always doing that with the check. - Oh, man.

[Munch] How old would you say?

[Bolander] Can't tell 'til we flip her.

[Munch] Doesn't look like a robbery.

[Bolander] Jenny Goode was murdered, John.

Someone has to speak for her.

Tell you what my first question is.

[Munch] Where's her other sandal?

- Frank Pembleton. - Oh, hello, Gee.

This is a homicide office. What'd you do, get lost?

I hear you've become a yenta.

- Felton needs a partner. You need a partner. - And what about Howard?

You don't want to see me put Felton with the new guy, do you?

Look, Gee.

Partners are the last thing I need, the way I work.

Maybe the way you work is why you need a partner.

- Huh? - Gee, I think you need Lezapin.

You know what I mean? It builds the memory.

Because if you look out there on the board,

you'll see an awful lot of black under my name to jog it for you.

You need to be more of a team player.

Oh, a team player. Oh, a team player.

Come on, that's the squad talking.

- You know what that's all about, Gee. - No, no, no.

This is not a Black thing. This is a blue thing.

Blue.

Gee, let me frankly confess.

A bunch of guys running around and solving suicides.

It's a waste of my time.

But the bosses upstairs want to see

that something is getting done.

Nothing is getting done.

- Nothing. - [scoffs] So they kick you, and you kick me.

No, no, no. Look, no. Look at it this way.

Now you can kick Felton.

Amazing. Life is amazing.

- Really? - This must be a mistake.

Am I actually going on a routine call with Frank Pembleton?

You're right. It's a mistake.

Frank Pembleton only handles the big investigations.

This is just some dead guy.

See what happens when I come into the office?

Imagine handling a routine call

with Detective Frank Pembleton.

I'm slumping.

Oh, man.

Don't tell me, somebody forgot to write down the parking space.

Who took the car out last? It's on the back of the card.

I did. I forgot.

[Felton] So I was right. This is a big investigation.

Find Pembleton's car.

Pembleton's on special detail again.

- Find Pembleton's car. - Well, you know how it is.

They all look alike.

Now, let's just go upstairs and get another one.

Oh, get another car.

That's exactly the kind of cat you are, isn't it?

[Felton] We're not gonna check every one of these cars.

[Pembleton] I have a method to find this car.

And I'm going to find this car.

So go upstairs. Go ahead.

'Cause I sure as hell didn't invite you.

Well, that's exactly what you want me to do, isn't it?

And that's why I'm gonna stay right here.

Well, suit yourself.

[Felton] Your lonely days are over, pal. I'm staying right here.

[Munch sighs] A bar with a German-sounding name.

A bunch of brain-dead witnesses.

- Hagens. Is that German? - [Bolander] Irish.

Either he had a mustache, or he didn't have a mustache.

Rick or Ray, who was driving a black 280Z

or a $60,000 custom Lotus with gold-winged doors,

that may or may not have had a flaming eagle on the hood.

But they all clearly remember that his uncle had a bar in Highland Town

with a German-sounding name.

[Bolander] They all remember long, blond hair.

[Munch] Great. We could arrest Axl Rose.

Who is Montel Williams?

[Munch] He's from Baltimore. He's got his own talk show.

A guy from Baltimore has got his own talk show? How did he do that?

Connections. That's how it works in that business.

Did you pull the ident photos on the suspects?

German-sounding name. Adolf Hitler Bar. How does that work for you?

You take the driver's names.

You go down to the first floor, and you match 'em with the photo files.

I admit, it's a long way to the first floor. I know.

I will get the ident photos.

What do I know? I'm just a poor, dumb, white boy from Hampton.

There's plenty of red ink under your name, too.

- Just explain it to me. What does it prove? - I am not going upstairs.

I'll hotwire one for you.

Why don't you just go ahead, and say it?

- Take your free shot. Go ahead. Say it. - Say what?

"I don't like being in the basement with that nigger."

This is insanity.

Oh, yeah, but you didn't deny it, did you?

The way you dress, who even knows you're Black?

Do you think I'm stupid, huh? You think I'm stupid?

You think I don't know what you're saying to every other guy on the squad?

There's a body decomposing right now at the West Point Motel.

Look, you resent me. You--

You resent me, because every day I prove that you are no better than me.

I guess that makes your little world

a little less understandable than it already is.

No, I resent you because when you walk in the squad room,

suddenly my phone weighs a ton.

I resent you because you won't go up and get another car.

And you think that makes you somebody special.

Because I'm stuck in this stinking hot garage,

because you, Frank Pembleton, have got to find that car.

I am not going upstairs!

[Felton] Just explain it to me. Why?

[Pembleton] Because what if it's the next one?

Don't you understand anything?

- Hey, Frank. - Beau.

- [Lewis laughs] - Hey, what's up?

[Felton] What if it's not the next one?

[Pembleton] It's the next one. It's not the next one.

There's a whole 'nother garage on the other side of the building

we haven't checked yet we can still go to.

Are you sure you didn't pull up on East Side?

[Pembleton] Look, if you want to partner with me, you do it my way.

So, you believe that-- that someone's trying to kill you, Ms. Withers,

and not Mr. Becker?

All I know is if I had $5,000, I could get out of it.

But instead of $5,000, what I got is you.

What do you mean if you have $5,000?

My Aunt Calpurnia.

She told me it would take $5,000

to protect me from getting killed.

That's from the compensation. From the last time.

- What do you mean last time? - [Dollie] I got my throat cut.

That $5,000 is gone. I gotta live, you know.

Against all odds, I would say.

Let me just get this straight.

Some guy come and slashed your throat,

and you got $5,000 from the State Crime Victims' Compensation.

And then someone else come along and shot you in your head,

because you didn't have $5,000 to give to your aunt, is that right?

I got shot in the head another time for nothing. Bullet's still in there.

I could tell her to take the money from the life insurance,

but by then, I'm already dead.

What life insurance?

Uh, Ms. Withers, is your Aunt Calpurnia

the beneficiary of the life insurance?

She says you gotta prepare for the unexpected.

She says, "Look at all the tragedy I got in my life with my husbands."

Life is a veil of tears, is what she calls it.

[Crosetti] Uh, how many husbands has she had?

- Five. - Five husbands?

She's had a lot of tragedy. A lot of tragedy.

And, um, she's had life insurance on all of them?

Thank the Lord.

- Praise God. - Praise Him.

[Howard] Jerry Jempson never showed.

We're gonna go check out his favorite drug corners.

- What's going on? - Ask him.

It's close. I can smell it.

You're a bloodhound, Frank.

Somebody forgot to write down the number?

I don't want to talk about it.

Bayliss here tells me

he's fresh from the mayor's security detail.

[Felton] The wagging tail of a political favor, huh?

I'd say three months before he proves himself an absolute [indistinct].

[Bayliss] I was on the SWAT team.

- [Howard] Oh, yeah? - Mm-hmm.

- [Howard] What'd you do with the SWAT team? - [Felton] Drills.

That's what SWAT teams do, rope climbing.

- It's called rappelling. - [Felton] Oh, rappelling.

Thin blue line between us and the terrorist invasion of Baltimore, huh?

Yeah, well, we had plenty of calls.

[Pembleton] There's blood in the water.

You ever see a dead guy?

I didn't think so. Hey, Frank.

Forget about the car, we're gonna go take the rookie to see his first dead guy.

[Crosetti] We started investigating this Becker shooting,

and now we find out the bullet's meant for Dolly Withers,

because her aunt's got insurance money on her,

and the same aunt may have killed five of her husbands?

[man] Forget about it.

She didn't even put a stone over his head.

Didn't want to spend the money.

We do an autopsy, we know it's poison, right?

We think Miss Church killed her husband for the insurance money.

- The reverend? - Her husband.

[laughs] She's buried a few of them.

She's like a regular around here.

Her last husband, Reverend Rayfield Church.

Buried without a stone over him.

Woman throws around nickels like manhole covers.

It's like every name in this place is, like, an old case of mine.

Do you know her niece, by any chance, Dolly Withers?

Saw her at the funeral. She had her throat cut.

The funeral before that, she had a bullet in her head.

Yeah, well, she caught another bullet in her head.

[laughs] We'll need an atom bomb to get her in here.

- [Crosetti] Hey, what was that? - [man] That's the top.

You got the top of the box right there.

Just pull that out, don't even mess with it.

[Lewis] That's a pretty cheap-looking casket, ain't it?

Styrofoam. Buried like a hamburger.

I could have put him in stainless steel for $2,200.

Find that for less than six grand.

- Tell him to hurry up, will you? - Hurry up, will you?

I could have put him in solid cherry for $1,800.

Try and find that for less than four grand.

He look a little smaller,

like-- like a-- a prune or something.

Don't you think he looks heavier in the picture?

Nobody stays fat down there.

[Mr. Goode] You don't know what it's like.

To lose a daughter is bad enough,

but not to know what happened?

Anything you forgot to mention to us?

Um, any names of friends?

Friends of friends?

We've been racking our brains since the day we saw you.

When was that, three months ago?

Did you find a diary, a matchbook, anything?

A piece of paper with a phone number on it?

I just can't believe anybody would want to kill Jenny.

Honestly, I can't think of a stone we've left unturned.

We got the word out and everything.

Excuse me, you got the word out?

[Mr. Goode] You know, that the police were looking for someone

with a black sports car.

Maybe it had Jenny's missing sandal in it.

Did I say something wrong?

Mr. Goode, if I was the man that killed your daughter

and I heard the police were looking for a black car,

how long do you think it would be before I ditched that car?

How long before I burnt that sandal?

I was just trying to help.

There's a basic principle at work here, maybe I should explain.

This is trying to find someone who doesn't want to be found.

Well, you know, it's not like we'd heard

from you people or anything.

Grandma, do you want to come and look at my picture?

No, honey.

The police are here.

Why don't you go back in the other room, and play?

Are they gonna bring my mommy back?

[Pembleton] I don't like the way he's laying.

[Bayliss] There's no sign of struggle.

There's no overt trauma, no bullet holes,

no knife wounds, no bruises or contusions.

[Uniform No. 1] Robert Hempstead Burger,

65 years old.

Drives in once a week to spend the night

with whatever he can get over in Patterson Park for 20 bucks.

[Pembleton] Hm. 65? He gets the senior citizen's discount.

[laughter]

[Uniform No. 1] The desk man was the one that found him.

- You want to talk to him? - [Pembleton] Yeah, in a sec.

- Thanks. - Okay.

Now, the blood under the nose could just be from the decomp.

Could have been strangled.

There would be petechial hemorrhaging

in the whites of the eyes from the strangulation.

[Pembleton] You know, I'm confused suddenly. Whose case is this?

It's a fat guy. He's 65.

That could just be a heart attack.

It's a murder. Where are the lab techs?

I think we can pull some prints off his glasses.

If somebody killed him, they did a lousy job of robbing him.

[Pembleton] It's a murder.

Well, then, how come his wallet's still here, hmm?

How come his car isn't?

Look, Frank, uh, we're gonna go look for Jerry Jempson, okay?

Yeah, okay, yeah. Leave this rookie with me.

- Call in and get me a car? - [Kay] You bet.

[woman] Detective Howard.

You know...

you couldn't be much worse than Felton.

You remember what kind of car Mr. Burger was driving?

T-Bird. White.

- What year? - New one.

- Seen anybody with him? - Just the boy.

- What boy? - Johnny.

Went down, lived in the country with him.

- Hmm. - Same boy since January.

[office din]

[Crosetti] Why don't we just arrest Mrs. Church?

Because I want a confession, and I'm not bringing her in

'til I get what I need to get that.

Well, I want this whole thing to be over with.

You know, if she's this cold that she can kill five husbands, she's gonna be tough to crack.

No, it's impossible, she won't have killed five husbands.

Yeah, and we're gonna have to dig up all five of them.

- Oh, but, uh... - How are you?

It's like a traffic jam in here.

Hey, why don't you look at the bright side?

Now, look, we got five dunkers here. No, six.

We got five dead husbands, right, and Becca.

Aunt Calpurnia is gonna single-handedly

drive our clearance rate up to 60%.

- Me and you gonna be heroes. - Don't talk like that.

You act like you never seen a dead body.

A dead body's a different thing.

You flip them over, and you take their picture,

and then you bring them down here,

and it's not the same as digging is.

Yeah, I know, it's their final repose.

You disrupt that, and it breaks apart the whole--

We have a problem.

You dug up the wrong guy.

How'd they know?

They know, because they found a hospital bracelet on him

that didn't say Reverend Rayfield Church.

It said Eugene Bonaparte. That's how come they knew.

- Huh. - Huh.

They did the autopsy before they found the I.D. bracelet.

- You know what an autopsy is? - I know.

- They dug him out like a canoe. - [laughing]

It is bad enough when you do it on the right man.

Well, he ain't in the right place.

See, now you're getting somewhere.

Well, what I mean is, we're at the right place,

but he ain't where he's supposed to be.

Okay, let me just ask you something here.

If we go to where Eugene Bonaparte is supposed to be,

you think we got a hope in hell of digging up the Reverend?

Maybe.

Why? They died a month apart.

Well, maybe not.

You don't know where he is, do you?

The man is lost.

This man was entrusted to you for his eternal rest.

- Eternal rest. - This is a man of God,

and now he's-- he's out there somewhere.

He's under the mud. He's in a hole.

He's lost.

So we'll find you someone else. How many do you need?

[phone ringing]

I thought I put you with the new guy.

Pembleton's with the new guy.

Is there a reason why I can't control my own men?

It's better to be feared than loved?

Look, I'm not going to remind you about this again.

A tie is a dress code. You're not working narcotics.

I'll tell you, I don't get no respect, all right?

You don't deserve to be respected.

Jerry Jempson's disappeared. Face it, the no-hit is over.

Uh, Detective Howard, I'm Jerry Jempson.

You're not on anything, are you, Jerry?

No, ma'am. No, that's a stupid question.

- Stupid question, huh? - Well, it will be, yeah.

- Clean as a whistle, then, right? - I'm pretty clean, yeah.

Jerry, we had an appointment earlier this morning.

- Can you tell me why you didn't show up? - I lost my appointment book.

Do you have any idea why a dead body was found in your basement?

Is that what that smell was?

You remember talking to me on the phone this morning, Jerry?

Yes, I do. Actually, you look better in person than on the phone.

I was kind of surprised when I saw you.

- Have you ever met Henry Biddle? - Biddle.

- Name sound familiar? - Biddle.

Kind of rhymes with fiddle, huh?

Biddle. Yeah, I think I-- Yeah, uh...

Well, I don't...

No, Biddle, no. I'm sorry, no. Biddle, no.

Well, jeez, uh...

Can I think about that question? Because I'm not sure about it.

Biddle, Biddle, Biddle, Biddle, Biddle, Biddle, Biddle.

No, no, no Biddle.

[office din]

Do you have a nephew named Rick?

No.

- Ray? - No.

You know anybody named Rick or Ray, long blond hair?

- No. - Drives a black 280Z?

- No. - You know a girl named Jenny Goode?

- No. - Redhead?

Do I know a redhead?

What about a knockwurst? Can you give me a knockwurst?

You have to pay for it.

Yeah, he'll pay for mine, too.

I'll confess. Would that satisfy you? I did it, okay? It's over.

I confess. I had a blackout. Now it comes back to me.

I was driving in my car.

I killed Jenny Goode. My tires hydroplaned over her.

Case closed. I did it.

Cancel the knockwurst. I'm going to the gas chamber.

Oh, you think we can get the death penalty?

It's like a death penalty being with you every time

you smoke in the car with the windows closed.

You're not gonna smoke now, are you, while we're eating?

It's still got its little cover on.

So you practice safe smoking, is that it?

Long blond hair.

Anybody have long blond hair anymore?

"Did you pull the ident photos?"

Yeah, I pulled the ident photos.

I'm pulling 'em now. I'm looking at 'em now.

Detective Munch.

Well, it's semi-long, I guess.

Oh.

[office din]

Good morning.

- Give me a quarter. - Give you a quarter?

If I give you a quarter, will you shut up

and leave me alone about Jenny Goode?

Please?

It is with mixed emotions that I report

that you've acquired the odor of a dedicated police.

- Thank you. - Find anything?

Yeah, one guy's got a black 280Z with front-end damage,

but he has thinning brown hair.

Another guy has long blond hair,

but he has a tan-colored Trans Am.

But there is one that keeps coming back to me.

This is from two weeks after Jenny Goode was murdered.

What is wrong with this photograph?

[sighs]

- Black hair. - Blond eyebrows.

Hmm.

Detective Munch.

That is police work.

His hair is dyed.

Now, why would some motorhead from Blair Road,

two weeks after Jenny Goode's murder,

dye his hair black?

- Let's go shake his tree. - Absolutely.

Detective Munch.

[Bolander sighs] You ran her down, Jimmy.

I was drinking. I don't remember.

Don't lie to me. She was run over in that lot.

Look, I just thought I hit the curb.

I remember, I thought I hit the curb.

No curb in that lot.

[sighs] I was drinking.

You picked her up, you paid for her drinks,

maybe even let her smoke some of your dope.

Then you drove over to an abandoned lot to have sex.

Then she said she wanted to go home.

You struggled.

She lost her sandal when she got out of the car.

And then you ran her down.

I-- I don't-- [sighs]

I don't remember. I was drinking.

We found some red hair in the undercarriage.

I-- I was drinking.

I was drinking.

I was drinking.

I was drinking.

I was drinking.

[suspenseful music plays]

[officer] Homicide.

Where's the coroner?

You're not supposed to say coroner, sir.

You're supposed to say medical examiner.

We're gonna have a conversation about the Jenny Goode road kill,

which just happens to be a murder.

I may wake up everybody in this morgue.

You don't say morgue, sir. It's medical examiner's office.

Hey.

What?

What's a lady like you doing in a place like this?

Looking for Mr. Right.

[Howard reading] "To Lt. Al Giardello Jr., from Detective Steve Crosetti.

Subject: Ethnic slurs. Comments made by Detective Meldrick Lewis."

[Crosetti] I told you you would regret that.

- You can't send that in. - I told you you'd regret it.

You give that to Gee, that makes it official.

[Howard reading] "It's something which I have never faced

in this enlightened department, and hoped I never would."

- That's not funny. - [Howard reading] "Nonetheless, on the above date,

Detective Lewis twice made vicious verbal attacks on my ancestry."

- What'd you say? - I call him a salami-head, which is what he is.

[Howard reading] "As you know, my parents were born and raised in Italy,

and my father struggled to gain purchase upon these shores

by playing the homely trade of butcher,

which made the salami brain remark particularly--"

I think you need a hyphen in "salami-brain."

[Lewis] You're not gonna-- you can't send that in.

[Munch] When did the Italians become the Italians?

Hey, you know something?

Gee is not gonna notice the joke. He ain't got no sense of humor.

Who says it's a joke?

They go from Romans to the Italians. When?

One day it's "Friends, Romans, countrymen."

The next day, it's-- "Yo, hey, oh! Eh!"

[Howard reading] "Being of negligible ancestry yourself..."

- I like that. Nice touch. - [Lewis] You can't say that stuff.

Man, they take that stuff seriously, man.

- That's like sexual harassment. - That's my next memo.

- [Lewis] Oh, for-- - What do you like better, shame or chagrin?

[all] Chagrin.

You cannot insult an ethnic group worse than the truth.

- Just lay off the Irish. - [Munch] The Irish.

A million people died in the potato famine.

Ireland is an island.

An island, by definition, is surrounded by fish.

A million people died because they didn't like fish.

Potatoes are nothing. That's like with a four-year-old.

- It's not even the main course. - [Lewis] Give me the thing.

- Give me the thing. Give me. - Hey, yo, yo.

- [Howard] It's perfect there. - The memo goes here. The memo goes in.

- [Pembleton] How you doing? - [Bayliss] Hey.

Uh, give me a [indistinct].

- Glass of milk. - Uh, make mine a club soda.

So, you think we're gonna catch that kid?

- What kid? - You know, the Burger murderer.

You think it was that kid that he picked up in the park?

Well, the car's on the teletype. We'll catch the kid with the car.

Why do you think that this kid would be riding around

in Burger's white T-bird when that was the easiest way to link him to the murder?

I don't know, because crime makes you stupid.

[laughs] Can I quote you on that?

Okay, listen.

Now, I know everybody thinks that I'm here because of the mayor,

but I went to the mayor because of this.

All right, two years with this trap on my leg

because I knew it would get me to homicide.

Look, kid, I got nothing against you, but, uh,

I don't need a partner.

I don't want it, and I don't need it.

Yeah, not "it." Me.

- Okay. I don't want you. - Okay.

["Young Disciples Theme" by Young Disciples]

♪ Constant struggle And trouble and fighting ♪

♪ Waging war with metaphors To increase your menopause ♪

♪ This is raw like a warrior ♪

♪ Who won't go down Beneath the feet ♪

♪ Of stampeding down Trodden creation that's weak ♪

♪ My mind's alight with music Just grips like a vice ♪

[police siren wailing]

What do you observe about the suspect, detective?

Uh, let's see, approximately 5'10", 150.

- He's got, uh, scratches on his left cheek. - No, no, no, no, no.

The suspect is asleep.

Oh, yeah, he's been in the room for four hours.

Rule Number Four.

A guilty man left in the box alone falls asleep.

Oh. Are there any other rules?

Yeah. Uncooperative.

Too cooperative. Talks too much.

Talks too little. Blinks.

Stares. Gets his story straight.

Messes his story up. There are no other rules.

- It's an expression. - Yeah, I'm hip.

So, you gonna interrogate him?

Interrogate him?

Yeah, yeah, I'm just saying that,

you know, not a partner thing, but, uh,

when you interrogate him, I'd like to sit in.

Then what you will be privileged to witness will not be an interrogation,

but an act of salesmanship.

As silver-tongued and thieving as ever moved used cars,

Florida swampland, or Bibles.

But what I am selling...

is a long prison term

to a client who has no genuine use for the product.

So, that's a "yes."

[Pembleton] Jonathan! My man.

[huffs] We got some serious business to sort out.

Can I have a cigarette?

Give my friend a cigarette.

This is Detective Bayliss. He lives over on Eager Street.

Right next to the gas chamber.

You got any Kools?

Before we get started, let's get through this paperwork.

You want to read that?

I-- I didn't do nothing.

Just go ahead and read it out loud, so I know you're reading it.

"You have the absolute right to remain silent."

Okay.

Just put your initial right next to that one.

"You have the right to talk with a lawyer at any time

before any questioning, before answering any questions."

Okay, you understand all that.

Just make your initial right next to that one.

This is out of ink.

[Pembleton sighs]

- What if I want a lawyer? - Fine!

That's your constitutional right.

Of course, you get up here, and they'll call that lawyer.

I got to write it up the way it looks,

and the way it looks right now is first-degree murder.

Go get him, Frank. We need this one.

- I-- I think I... - Oh, you want a lawyer?

I'll get you a lawyer.

I get up there and walk out of here,

the next face you're going to see is a state's attorney,

a three-piece suit with a license to kill.

Listen, all I did was steal the car.

You guys want to arrest me, arrest me.

I never met this guy.

Son, why do you think we're in here?

Huh?

The only reason I'm in here is to make sure

you got nothing to say for yourself,

before I write it all down.

You take a look around yourself, Johnny.

Go ahead. You take a good look.

This room is like a wall,

and at the very tip-top of that wall

is a small, open window.

A way out.

Son, I am that window.

So, what happened?

Huh? What was it?

I'll tell you what it was.

He got a seizure.

You got scared, and you ran out. That's what it was.

You're wasting my time.

[Johnny] Yeah. Yeah, he had a seizure.

[chuckling] Whoa, so, now you're talking.

Okay, here's your rights form.

Go ahead, read that.

"I am willing to answer questions,

and I do not want any attorney at this time.

My decision to answer questions without having an attorney present

is free and voluntary on my part."

[Pembleton] Okay, go ahead and sign it, son.

So...

you were in the Westport Motel with Burger?

Yeah, I was there.

You were there when he died, just the two of you?

He had the seizure.

[Pembleton] Uh-huh.

"Says that he was there...

alone, in the hotel room,

- with Burger..." - [pen scraping]

"...at the time...

of death."

[Johnny] He started shaking, and flapping his arms,

and his eyes bugged out.

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.

Burger was strangled.

Huh?

[chuckles] The autopsy report proves it.

You did a man's crime, son.

Now act like a man.

You strangled him.

[Johnny panting]

[whispering] Go ahead and say it.

Say it, son.

[ragged breathing]

Yeah. Yeah, I strangled him.

Okay.

[Johnny panting]

It's gonna be all right.

I saw what you did to him. That kid wanted a lawyer.

- Wow, did he say it? - Yeah, he said it.

- He said-- - No, no, he said a lot of different things.

I never heard him say, "I want a lawyer."

- No, that was very clear. - Well, that's the law.

I know the law, and the law says that you give the man a chance.

Well, he had his chance.

Listen, you tricked him into waiving his rights.

You tricked him into a confession.

Now, since when does that autopsy report prove

that Burger was strangled, huh?

Look, do you think he killed Burger?

Yeah, of course I do. That's not the point.

So if this case ever goes to trial,

the kid's lawyer gonna have him up on the stand saying,

"Oh, he changed his mind about the sex."

And there's not a man or woman on that jury

that's not gonna think that Burger was a dirty old man,

so he got what was coming to him!

So the state's attorney's gonna bargain it down to five years,

the kid's gonna do a third of that,

and you think he didn't have a chance.

Listen, I just wanna know what an innocent man

- would do with the same chance. - What--

What is that? What is that? What is that?

Is that a line from your textbook, rookie?

Stay out of my face!

[thunder rumbling]

[Munch] It's really getting to me.

I wake up in the morning, I'm lying in bed,

and I'm checking around my own body to see if there's a chalk outline.

[Crosetti] Yeah, you should see what we went through at the cemetery today.

[Crosetti snickering]

[Munch] You know, I could retire with half-pension

and go into the drywall business with my brother.

Now, come on, you retire?

That's like saying you're gonna be a ballerina.

It ain't possible.

Last year, we had 325 cases and we solved three-quarters.

This year, we'll have 350, solve another three-quarters.

It's like mowing the lawn.

You mow the lawn, the next week, you gotta mow it again.

It's homicide.

The one thing this country's still good at.

[Munch] Drywall.

You put up the drywall, you have a sense of accomplishment.

Yeah, all right. Let me tell you a business.

You want to know a business? The diaper business.

- That's a business. - [Munch] Diapers, like, diapers?

Yeah, yeah. Adult diapers.

More adults wear diapers than kids wear diapers.

That's a fact. Disposable diapers.

No kidding.

Let me tell you how I got the idea.

Think mail order, right? Huh?

Discreet little package, delivered direct to the door.

Just the three of us. Can't lose.

This could be it. This could be our ticket out.

Mail order disposable diapers. That's actually a career?

What would you rather do? Bust your butt for a buck the rest of your life?

Say you're a Supreme Court justice.

You're standing in a checkout line

at a supermarket with diapers.

Imagine the embarrassment.

[Crosetti] What embarrassment?

I heard Madonna's wearing diapers

in that new photo book she's got.

If that catches on, it could be the end of it.

Look at this, huh?

That's what I've become.

I'm-- I'm just an easy mark. I'm a fat old white man.

That's all I am, and this guy's trying-- jeez.

I'll take care of it. This is a New-Age mugger.

Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet--

Hey, Munch, Munch, if you kill him, he's mine.

Hey, we're police. Go rob somebody else.

[quiet chatter]

[humming quietly]

[phone ringing]

[phone keeps ringing]

You want it?

- [phone keeps ringing] - You ready?

Take it.

Detective Bayliss.

[low, tense music plays]

[siren wailing in the distance]

[*]

[indistinct police radio chatter]

Homicide.

[*]