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Miss Bentley: THE STORY BEGINS ON LAKE COMO,

MANY YEARS AGO DURING THAT LAST FANTASTIC SUMMER

BEFORE THE WAR.

HELLO.

Bentley: RETURNING TO THE LAKE

HAS ALWAYS SEEMED LIKE COMING HOME.

EVERYONE IS SO FRIENDLY.

EVERYONE IS WELCOME.

THE VILLA BARBIANELLO BASKS ALL DAY

IN THE LAKESIDE SUN,

WHICH IS HOTTER THAN USUAL FOR LATE APRIL.

OH! OH, IT'S ALWAYS YOU RUNNING AWAY!

BUON GIORNO, MISS BENTLEY.

TO BELLINZONA TO FETCH THE NEW NANNY.

OH, OF COURSE. I TOTALLY FORGOT.

I HOPE SHE'S STRICT.

WHEN WILL YOU BE BACK?

TOMORROW AFTERNOON,

IN TIME FOR A NICE CUP OF TEA. HMM?

Bentley: I'LL MISS YOU AT DINNER.

ARRIVEDERCI, MISS BENTLEY.

LIKEWISE, MISS BENTLEY.

TOODLE-OO! ARRIVEDERCI!

Girl: ARRIVEDERCI!

BYE!

Bentley: FATHER AND I CAME HERE EVERY SUMMER

FOR 16 YEARS.

IN A WAY I'M SURPRISED THAT THE PLACE IS STILL HERE.

IT SHOULD HAVE DIED WITH HIM.

SO FAR, I'M THE ONLY ENGLISH GUEST.

QUITE ALONE.

UNTIL TODAY THAT IS.

WE HAVE A NEW ARRIVAL.

I LIKE HIS EARS.

DID YOU VISIT OXFORD?

OH, YES, IT WAS JUST PERFECT.

OH, NO, NO.

Man: YES, I THINK MY MOST FAVORITE ENGLISH CITY

OF ALL IS OXFORD.

IT'S LOVELY THE WAY THE RIVER FLOWS THROUGH IT.

First Woman: OH, AND THAT BEAUTIFUL BRIDGE.

AND THE SWANS.

Second Woman: I WANT THAT BRIDGE FOR MY GARDEN.

Man: IT MIGHT PROVE A LITTLE AWKWARD AT CUSTOMS.

First Woman: SHE'S GONNA BE WANTING

A THATCHED ROOF NEXT!

SO, TELL ME, MAJOR,

JUST EXACTLY WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

I MEAN, WHAT CITY IN ENGLAND?

OH!

NO, THE MAN IN THE HAT.

HE'S INGLESE.

UM, MAJOR WILSHAW.

Grazie.

BUON GIORNO, ENRICO.

BUON GIORNO, SIGNORINA BENTLEY.

A SMALL CUP OF COFFEE, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

MAJOR WILSHAW...

WILSHIRE. YES.

EXCUSE ME. I WONDERED

IF I COULD JUST LOOK AT YOUR NEWSPAPER.

I WON'T KEEP IT.

I JUST WANTED TO LOOK SOMETHING UP.

DO, BY ALL MEANS.

IT'S, UH, LAST WEEK'S, I'M AFRAID.

OH, I'M USED TO BEING BEHIND THE TIMES.

IS IT DOING WELL? HMM?

THE FINANCIAL INDEX.

OH!

BETTER THAN OF LATE. THANK YOU.

NO, NO. WILL YOU JOIN ME?

OH, I DON'T WISH TO INTRUDE.

NO, NO, YOU'RE NOT.

NICE TO HEAR SPOKEN ENGLISH AGAIN.

WELL, YOU WERE SURROUNDED BY ENGLISH LAST NIGHT.

YES, AMERICAN.

NOT QUITE THE SAME THING.

WHY, THERE USED TO BE SO MANY OF US HERE.

YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY BEEN BEFORE.

YES, MANY TIMES.

SO WHERE ARE THEY?

I DON'T KNOW.

TALK OF WAR, I SUPPOSE.

YOU STAYING LONG?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

FAMILY AT HOME?

HEAVENS. A LOT OF QUESTIONS.

HMM.

SORRY. IT WAS VERY RUDE OF ME.

OH, I MUST BE OFF. I'LL BE LATE.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE COFFEE.

NO, NO, NOT AT ALL.

UM...DRINK THIS EVENING?

SO 7:30?

OH! THANK YOU.

TELL ME, MAJOR, WHY DO YOU...

CARRY 2 TENNIS RACKETS?

OOOH, YOU NEVER KNOW WHO MIGHT LIKE A GAME.

Bentley: I'M GOING TO STAY HERE ANOTHER MONTH.

I'VE ALWAYS HAD A THING ABOUT MEN'S EARS,

AND I'M QUITE TRANSFIXED BY MAJOR WILSHAW'S.

HE HAS THE EARS OF A GENTLE AND KIND MAN.

I WONDER IF I'M RIGHT.

HELLO.

Bonizzoni: MISS BENTLEY!

OH, HA HA! WELCOME BACK!

THANK YOU.

MISS BENTLEY, I'M PLEASED TO INTRODUCE TO YOU

ENCHANTING NEW ADDITION TO OUR HAPPY FAMILY--

MISS BEAUMONT.

Bonizzoni: UH, EXCUSE ME, LADIES.

I MUST GO

TO CHANGE MYSELF BEFORE DINNER.

WELL, YOU-YOU'RE NOT QUITE WHAT I IMAGINED.

OLD AND STARCHY?

WELL, UM, YOU ARE RATHER UNSEVERE.

YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ME IN ACTION.

OH. WELL.

I'M SORRY TO BE A BOTHER,

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO EAT, DO YOU?

I'M FAMISHED.

WELL, UM, THERE'S A PIECE OF KENDAL MINT CAKE,

IF YOU'D LIKE.

IT'S ALL I'VE GOT LEFT, I'M AFRAID.

WHATEVER.

YOU BETTER COME IN. SORRY ABOUT THE MESS.

HERE. HERE WE ARE.

DID YOU HAVE FAR TO COME?

NO. SWITZERLAND.

FINISHING SCHOOL.

FINISHED ME NEARLY.

AFTER A COUPLE OF TERMS, I JUST LEFT.

AND YOU DIDN'T WANT TO GO BACK TO AMERICA?

Beaumont: MY MOTHER'S NOT READY FOR ME YET.

I'VE BEEN EXILED TO EUROPE FOR THE SCHOOL YEAR,

AND THAT'S THAT.

BUT A NANNY?

IT WASN'T MY IDEA, I ASSURE YOU.

ARE YOU A PHOTOGRAPHER?

WELL, THAT'S A MATTER OF OPINION.

CIGARETTE?

NO THANKS.

SO WHAT'S IT LIKE HERE?

WELL, I LOVE IT,

BUT THEN I'M NOT AS YOUNG AS YOU.

WELL...I'M SURE I'LL FIND SOMETHING TO OCCUPY MYSELF.

I DO HOPE SO.

I WOULD SO HATE FOR YOU TO BE BORED.

DINNER SOON. I'D BETTER GO.

THANKS FOR KEEPING ME GOING.

AH, THERE YOU ARE!

I AM.

I WONDERED WHERE YOU GOT TO.

WE WERE GOING TO MEET FOR A DRINK.

WELL, I ASSUME IT WAS AN INVITATION,

NOT A SUMMONS.

OH, DEAR. NOW I'VE MADE YOU CROSS.

HMM?

YOUR EARS HAVE GONE BRIGHT RED.

WHAT?

I'VE MADE A STUDY OF EARS. YOURS ARE DEFINITELY CROSS.

WHAT UTTER NONSENSE, MISS BENTLEY.

HMM. I'M FLATTERED, MAJOR.

YOU KNOW MY NAME.

AH, MISS BENTLEY.

BUONA SERA!

BUONA SERA.

BUONA SERA. BUONA SERA.

NO, NO, WE BRING THEM TOO, AND I CAN'T COPE.

OH, THEY'RE CHERUBS--

HEAVENLY CREATURES!

AREN'T I RIGHT, SIGNORA BONIZZONI?

Signora Bonizzoni: WHY NOT?

Bentley: BON APPETIT!

Signor Bonizzoni: GRAZIE.

JULIA...

BUONA NOTTE!

WE'VE NOT BEEN INTRODUCED.

MY NAME IS WILSHAW. MAJOR WILSHAW.

HOW DO YOU DO?

BEAUMONT, MISS.

Wilshaw: FRENCH NAME. GALLIC BLOOD?

YES, BUT ON MY MOTHER'S SIDE.

STAYING LONG?

A FEW DAYS.

Wilshaw: I'M NOT STAYING LONG MYSELF.

BACK TO YOUR WIFE?

UH...ALAS, NO.

COME ALONG, ANGELS!

ANGELS? DO THESE ANGELS BELIEVE IN MAGIC, I WONDER?

WHOO!

HA HA!

DELIGHTFUL.

NOW, WE'VE HAD A LONG DAY AND WE MUST GO TO BED.

BUONA NOTTE, MAJOR.

Girls: BUONA NOTTE!

BUONA NOTTE.

Woman: MISS BENTLEY. MISS BENTLEY,

WOULD YOU BE SO KIND TO TAKE THESE 2 LADIES

TO THE LIDO, SO THEY WILL NOT BE LOST?

Bentley: WITH PLEASURE.

CIAO.

MORNING, MAJOR. GOOD GAME?

GOOD MORNING! NOT MUCH COMPETITION.

Bentley: MY WORD.

PRAY, THAT GOOD?

WELL, SHORTAGE OF PARTNERS, IN FACT.

DO YOU PLAY?

OH, NOT FOR YEARS. HEH.

I'LL GIVE YOU A GAME, IF YOU LIKE.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

GO ON, MISS BENTLEY.

DON'T BE SHY.

I'LL BOOK A COURT THEN. THIS AFTERNOON SUIT YOU?

ROOT FOR MISS BENTLEY!

Woman: WE'RE ROOTING FOR YOU, DEAR.

OK.

DID YOU ASK THEM?

JUST BEING FRIENDLY.

I WISH IT WEREN'T QUITE SO PUBLIC.

I SHALL BE VERY GENTLE.

ROUGH OR SMOOTH?

UH, SMOOTH.

ROUGH. ME TO SERVE.

RIGHT, LET'S PLAY!

PREGO, SIGNORA.

OHH, GRAZIE.

SORRY.

HEH.

SORRY!

OHH! HA HA HA!

BRAVO!

30-LOVE!

BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE SCORING YET!

OF COURSE!

OHH HO HO HO HO!

BRAVO! HA HA!

YES!

SORRY.

40-15!

OUT!

40-30.

YES!

Bentley: DEUCE. SORRY!

SORRY!

WILL YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT?

AAH!

NICE.

MISS BENTLEY!

WHOO HOO HOO!

AAAH!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

WE'LL GET IT LATER.

OH, NO, WE WON'T.

BALL, PLEASE!

LISTEN, I NEVER SAID I COULDN'T PLAY.

I JUST SAID I HADN'T PLAYED FOR YEARS!

IT DOESN'T MATTER!

IT SEEMS TO MATTER VERY MUCH!

AND YOU ATTRACTED THOSE WRETCHED ITALIANS!

I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE GOING TO BE THERE

ANY MORE THAN I KNEW ABOUT YOUR LOT!

WELL, YOU ENCOURAGED THEM!

OH, PIFFLE!

I TELL HER TIME AND AGAIN

NOT TO TOUCH THE WATER. DRINK IT BOILED,

AND TIME AND AGAIN,

I CATCH HER PUTTING HER GLASS TO HER LIPS,

READY TO DIE FOR HER BIG-HEADEDNESS.

THEIR SANITATION IS NOT LIKE OURS.

I MEAN, IT ISN'T.

GOOD EVENING. OH, HEH HEH.

AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

JUST PERFECT, MAJOR.

Wilshaw: OH, I'M SO GLAD.

Wilshaw: OH, HOW NICE TO SEE YOU.

Man: MAJOR.

BELLAGIO. DAY RETURN, PLEASE.

YES, THAT'S 1 AND 1/2, PLEASE.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

AH.

HMM.

BUON GIORNO, SIGNORA.

WE'LL PRETEND I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU,

IF YOU LIKE.

BIT LATE FOR THAT, ISN'T IT?

SORRY. HEH.

PAX?

PAX.

OHH, THANK GOODNESS.

BEAUTIFUL.

MY FATHER ADORED THIS LAKE.

OH, SO THAT'S WHO YOU CAME HERE WITH.

HE PAINTED EVERY VIEW IMAGINABLE. HEH.

I DO A SPOT OF PAINTING MYSELF WHEN I'VE THE TIME.

HE WAS A GOOD ARTIST. NOTHING VERY BOHEMIAN.

SOCIETY PORTRAITS, AND HOUSES, HORSES,

YOU KNOW, THAT SORT OF THING.

HE--HE WAS PAINTING A DUCHESS

THE EVENING HE DIED. THE NEXT MORNING,

SHE DEMANDED HER MONEY BACK.

BUT HE WOULDN'T HAVE FOUND

ANYTHING ODD IN THAT.

HA. BUT YOU DID.

YEAH.

WAS THAT LONG AGO?

JANUARY. HE'D BEEN ILL FOR YEARS.

OH, I'M SORRY.

YOUR MOTHER?

OH, SHE RAN OFF WHEN I WAS A CHILD.

I COULDN'T EVEN DESCRIBE HER. HEH.

ON YOUR OWN, THEN?

YOU'RE INQUISITIVE, MAJOR.

WELL, DOES IT MATTER?

MY FATHER TAUGHT ME IT'S BETTER TO OBSERVE

THAN TO BE OBSERVED.

IN YOUR CASE, THAT'S A WASTEFUL PHILOSOPHY.

NEVER TRUST FLATTERY.

YOU SHOULD TRY.

YOU'RE NOT A BAD SORT, MISS BENTLEY.

WELL, THAT'S A COMPLIMENT I CAN UNDERSTAND.

WE OUGHT TO KEEP AN EYE ON THE TIDE.

IT'S 3:00.

THE STEAMER LEAVES AT 10 TO 4:00.

WELL, WE DON'T WANT TO GET TOO LATE.

IT'S THE LAST ONE.

HANDS AND THE EARS.

THE BANE OF FATHER'S LIFE.

HE COULD NEVER GET THEM RIGHT.

YOU CAN TELL SO MUCH ABOUT SOMEONE

BY THEIR EARS.

YES. MINE, FOR INSTANCE--

RED.

HA HA HA! ONLY WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY.

BUT THEY'RE REALLY VERY NICE.

AHH.

I THINK WE OUGHT TO BE GETTING BACK.

OH, IT'S SO PEACEFUL HERE.

MM.

WHAT'D YOU SAY THE TIME WAS?

IT'S 3:00 EXACTLY!

NO, IT'S 5 TO 4:00!

BUT MY WATCH KEEPS PERFECT TIME.

SIT DOWN!

OH, GOD!

I FORGOT TO WIND IT.

Wilshaw: MISS BENTLEY, WILL YOU SIT DOWN?!

DON'T GO SO FAST!

YOU TRY TO KEEP UP!

I CAN'T! IT'S MILES!

YOU HAVE ANOTHER SUGGESTION?

SIGNORA, WHERE YOU GO?

SORRY?

ARE YOU LOST?

WE MISSED THE BOAT. MY FAULT.

IT'S A LONG WAY TO WALK. I GIVE YOU A RIDE.

WELL, I-- I DON'T KNOW.

YOUR HUSBAND CAN COME WITH ME!

I'M NOT HER HUSBAND!

GOOD GOD!

Man: MAJOR, YOU GO WITH ME!

Wilshaw: NO, I DO NOT. IF YOU WERE SENSIBLE,

MISS BENTLEY, YOU'D STAY HERE WITH ME!

I'M NOT HALFWAY SENSIBLE, MAJOR!

Man: HA HA HA!

BYE-BYE! BYE!

CIAO!

First man: ARRIVEDERCI!

Second man: BYE, NOW!

DRIVER!

STOP! STOP! STOP!

THAT MAN--

HE IS YOUR BOYFRIEND?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

HE'S NOT MY TYPE!

UH-HUH.

AND I'M CERTAINLY NOT HIS.

AND WHO IS YOUR TYPE?

Wilshaw: MOVE OVER!

MOVE OVER, DAMN YOU!

AH!

OH, PUSH OVER!

HEY, ENRICO!

WHOO! OHH!

AY-AY-AY-AH!

WHOO-HOO! HA HA!

OH, WASN'T THAT BREATHTAKING, MAJOR?

I HAVEN'T HAD SUCH EXCITEMENT FOR YEARS!

I KNEW YOU WERE AN ODD ONE, MISS BENTLEY,

BUT THIS REALLY TAKES THE CAP.

BISCUIT! WHAT?

MISS BENTLEY?

MISS BENTLEY--

MISS BENTLEY.

MARIA.

WHAT TIME IS IT?

11:00?

OHH, CRIKEY!

WHERE DID THESE COME FROM?

"PAX AGAIN."

PRONTI!

LOVELY. ENRICO, UN BELLE SORRISO.

HEH.

GREAT.

Enrico, laughing: OH! GRAZIE.

Maria, laughing: GRAZIE.

Woman: DON'T YOU WANT TO GO UPSTAIRS?

UH-UH.

ORDER ME A GIN. I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN.

SIGNORA.

A GIN AND VERMOUTH,

AND A JUG OF BOILED WATER

WITH LOTS OF ICE.

I THINK IT'S ONLY FAIR TO WARN YOU,

THE ICE ISN'T MADE WITH BOILED WATER.

MISS BENTLEY,

I DON'T GIVE A HECK.

OH! HELLO. HOW WAS THE EXPEDITION?

WE WENT DOWN TO THE VILLAGE MARKET

FOR THIS, THAT, AND THE OTHER.

WE WOULD'VE ASKED YOU TO JOIN US, OF COURSE,

BUT YOU WEREN'T AT BREAKFAST.

I OVERSLEPT, I'M AFRAID.

YOU WERE EVER SO THOUGHTFUL

TO SEND THOSE FLOWERS.

I THINK I SHOULD'VE SENT SOME TO YOU.

I LOSE MY SENSE OF HUMOR SOMETIMES.

HA.

WELL, I SHALL MISS THIS PLACE.

WELL, NOT FOR A WHILE YET, I HOPE.

YES, YES, I'M OFF IN THE MORNING.

BUT YOU--YOU'VE ONLY JUST ARRIVED.

BESIDES, YOU FIT IN SO WELL HERE. HEH.

WELL, IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU TO SAY SO,

BUT IT'S ALL ARRANGED, I'M AFRAID.

THEN UNARRANGE IT.

LIFE'S NOT THAT SIMPLE, MISS BENTLEY.

WOULD THAT IT WERE.

I TELL YOU WHAT, THOUGH. AS A PEACE OFFERING,

WOULD YOU DO ME THE GREAT HONOR

OF DINING WITH ME TONIGHT?

OH, THANK YOU. YES, THAT WOULD BE LOVELY.

GOOD.

7:30?

UH...HEH.

I DON'T OFTEN MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE.

MISS BENTLEY, COME AND JOIN US.

Woman: BUONA SERA, MISS BENTLEY.

Girls: CIAO.

COME ON.

AHHHHHH.

YOU'LL LIKE IT.

PENNY?

SHILLING, THEN.

HEH. SO, YOU WILL LEAVE TOMORROW?

I'M AFRAID SO.

WORK BECKONS, AND ALL THAT.

BUT I'M NOT SURE THAT THE BUSINESS

DOESN'T RUN ITSELF BETTER WHEN I'M AWAY.

PERHAPS YOU LIKE TO FEEL YOU'RE NEEDED.

WELL, IT'S ONLY RECENTLY THAT I'VE ALLOWED MYSELF

TO LEAVE IT AT ALL.

CAN'T YOU STAY A LITTLE LONGER?

NO, I'VE MADE MY PLANS,

AND I MUST STICK TO THEM.

DON'T, UM, DON'T YOU HAVE ANY REASON

FOR GOING BACK TO ENGLAND?

NONE WHATSOEVER.

TELL ME,

WERE YOU NEVER MARRIED?

NO. UH, YES, I WOULD'VE BEEN,

BUT HE ALREADY HAD A WIFE.

14 YEARS THAT WENT ON.

BECAME SUCH A HABIT THAT WHEN SHE DIED,

WELL, I SUPPOSE HE COULDN'T FACE--

ANYWAY, I NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN.

WERE YOU EVER MARRIED?

BEFORE THE WAR, I WAS ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED,

BUT BY THE TIME IT WAS ALL OVER,

THAT HAD CHANGED.

ONE LOST A LOT OF FRIENDS IN THE WAR,

AND, UH, I FOUND IT HARD

TO MAKE ATTACHMENTS AFTER THAT.

IT SEEMS WE'VE BOTH BEEN UNLUCKY IN LOVE.

MM.

PERHAPS WE SHOULD STICK TO TENNIS.

Bonizzoni: MAJOR, YOUR CARRIAGE AWAITS!

GOOD GRACIOUS ME. WHAT ON EARTH'S GOING ON?

OH, I COULDN'T LET MY FRIEND GO IN A TAXI.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. HA HA.

TODAY IT WILL BE MY PLEASURE

TO TAKE YOU TO THE STATION MYSELF.

WHY, THAT'S TERRIBLY KIND OF YOU.

QUITE SURE? IT'S A LONG WAY.

YOU WILL BE DOING ME A FAVOR.

MY FAMILY THIS MORNING ARE GOING TO THE LIDO,

WHICH, YOU KNOW, I DO NOT ENJOY.

UH, MISS BENTLEY, DO YOU LIKE TO COME WITH US

TO SAY "CHEERIO"?

OH, NO, THANK YOU. I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT ALL THAT.

NEVER MIND.

UH, MAJOR, WE DEPART, OR WE MISS YOUR TRAIN.

Wilshaw: INDEED.

SO, GOOD-BYE, THEN.

I SUPPOSE IT IS.

SCUSI!

CIAO.

GRAZIE. PREGO.

MAJOR!

DEAR MAJOR, I'M SO SORRY YOU'RE GOING

BEFORE WE'VE HAD A CHANCE TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

SUCH A WASTE.

HERE.

SOUVENIR.

BETTER NOT MISS YOUR TRAIN!

NO.

ARRIVEDERCI!

THAT WAS A CRUEL THING TO DO.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HE WENT AWAY HAPPY, DIDN'T HE?

HE TOOK YOU SERIOUSLY.

FINISH?

SÌ, FINITO.

NO.

MERINGATA?

CREMA DI AMARETTI?

NO, THANKS.

NO HUNGRY? MM-MM.

NO GOOD. TOO THIN.

HELLO.

MAJOR!

MAJOR!

MAJOR, ARE YOU THERE?!

OH.

I'M--I'M SORRY. UM...

WRONG ROOM. SCUSATE. SBAGLIATE.

I THOUGHT YOU'D MISTAKEN THE TIME OF YOUR TRAIN.

NO, NO, I DIDN'T.

OH, YOU UNARRANGED THINGS, THEN?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YES, PERFECTLY.

OH, GOOD. HEH.

SO, ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME?

TELL YOU WHAT?

WELL, SOMETHING CHANGED YOUR MIND.

OHH, YES.

WELL, YOU KNOW,

AN UNEXPECTED IMPULSE, I SUPPOSE.

YOU PROBABLY DON'T HAVE SUCH THINGS.

OH, COME ON, MAJOR.

YOU AND I HAVE WILD,

UNCONQUERABLE DESIRES.

YES, BUT ONE THAT STOPS YOU DEAD IN YOUR TRACKS,

LIKE A VOICE.

DO-- I'M NOT SURE I--

DO YOU FEEL THAT--

WHAT? SORRY. DO I FEEL WHAT?

THAT LIFE HAS A PREDETERMINED PATTERN?

LORDY, I HOPE NOT.

SO HOW LONG WILL YOU STAY

NOW THAT YOU'RE BACK?

WON'T YOU BE MISSED?

NO, NOT REALLY.

I HAVE MY OWN BUSINESS, YOU SEE.

INDUSTRIAL ENGINEERING, LIGHT METAL, AND SO FORTH.

NO, IT MORE OR LESS RUNS ITSELF NOWADAYS.

I ASSUMED YOU WERE IN THE ARMY.

YES. SAPPERS-- LONG TIME AGO.

SO PERHAPS YOU SHOULD STAY A WHOLE MONTH.

AT LEAST UNTIL ANOTHER IMPULSE STRIKES YOU.

WELL...

YEAH, WE'LL SEE.

HEY, PRESTO!

AH!

SURPRISED TO SEE ME?

THAT TRICK'S ALREADY IN DANGER

OF BECOMING STALE.

KNOW WHAT YOU SAID WHEN I LEFT THIS MORNING--

THAT WE SHOULD GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER PROPERLY?

DID I SAY THAT?

YOU DID. I REMEMBER EVERY WORD.

MISS BEAUMONT, HOW LONG ARE YOU STAYING FOR?

OH, I REALLY CAN'T SAY.

WILL YOU JOIN ME FOR A DRINK THIS EVENING?

W-WELL...

Bentley: MAJOR!

MISS BENTLEY.

HELLO. AH! HELLO.

HELLO.

WANT ANYTHING FROM TOWN?

I'M JUST GOING TO PICK UP

A COUPLE OF THINGS.

MUST HAVE SOMETHING NEW TO WEAR

IF I'M GOING TO STAY ANOTHER MONTH.

NO, NO. NO, THANKS.

WANT ME TO TAKE THE CHILDREN?

OH, WOULD IT BE TOO MUCH TROUBLE?

OH, ABSOLUTELY NOT.

UH, DID--DO--

MISS BEAUMONT!

THEY LEFT AN HOUR AGO.

THEY'VE GONE FOR THE DAY.

HMM?

THE BONIZZONIS.

WITH MISS BEAUMONT, OF COURSE.

I KNOW. SHE TOLD ME.

YOU NEEDN'T HAVE GOT UP SO EARLY.

OH, WELL. CAN'T SIT AROUND ALL DAY.

MAJOR.

BUON GIORNO, SIGNORA.

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW

THAT I SHAN'T BE IN FOR LUNCH TODAY.

ARE YOU GOING SOMEWHERE NICE?

YES, I THOUGHT I'D TAKE THE STEAMER FOR MENAGGIO.

AH. WELL, IF YOU HURRY,

YOU WILL CATCH MISS BENTLEY.

AH.

IS THERE A BUS FOR TRUMETSA?

A BUS?

OF COURSE.

Wilshaw: HEY, STOP! STOP!

OH, NO!

YOU--OH!

MAGGIORE, I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU.

SHH, SHH. GRAZIE.

YOU WAITING FOR SOMEONE?

UH, YES, MISS BEAUMONT.

SHE WAS COMING DOWN FOR A SWIM AT 11:00.

WHAT TIME IS IT NOW?

OH, IT'S QUARTER PAST.

SHE HATES GETTING UP ON HER DAY OFF.

SOME PEOPLE DO, YOU KNOW.

YEAH.

I DON'T SUPPOSE--

NO.

YOU'RE ASKING ME TO COME FOR A SWIM?

UH, YES.

YES, I'M SO SORRY.

UH, YES, OF COURSE I AM.

AH.

THANK YOU.

SHOULD WE GO?

THERE YOU ARE. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

WELL, I'VE BEEN WAITING SINCE 11:00.

I--I THOUGHT YOU'D CHANGED YOUR MIND.

I'VE BEEN HERE, BY THE WRETCHED BOAT,

WHERE YOU SAID.

OH, GOOD LORD, I--

I'M SO SORRY.

WELL...IF WE'RE GOING.

I'M GOING TO GRAB SOME HUTS.

BE NICE TO HIM.

BE SERIOUS.

I THINK HE MAY BE, THAT'S ALL.

THAT'S HIS FUNERAL, THEN.

WELL, NOW YOU MENTION IT, HE IS GETTING ON A BIT.

I SHOULD INTRODUCE HIM TO MY MOTHER.

SAD, REALLY.

A MAN THAT RICH GOING LONELY TO HIS GRAVE.

ONLY 2 OF THEM LEFT, I'M AFRAID.

DO YOU MIND SHARING?

TERRIBLY SORRY.

LIVEN THINGS UP A BIT IN THE EVENINGS--

I THOUGHT I MIGHT DO A CONJURING SHOW.

CHILDREN ARE VERY KEEN ON THE IDEA.

MIGHT BE RATHER FUN, WHAT.

Bentley: HMM. GOOD IDEA.

YOU COULD MAKE ONE OF US DISAPPEAR.

COMING IN?

IT'S A BIT CHILLY.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU SWAM SO WELL.

IT'S ME, VITTORIO, YOU REMEMBER?

OH, HELLO AGAIN.

SIT DOWN.

HAVEN'T SEEN YOU AT THE LIDO BEFORE.

HOW DID YOU GET SO BROWN?

YOU ALWAYS COME IN THE MORNINGS.

I USUALLY COME IN THE AFTERNOONS

WHEN YOU'RE NAPPING.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE A DRINK WITH ME?

I DON'T THINK MY FRIEND WOULD LIKE IT.

HE CAN BE VERY JEALOUS.

WELL, IT'S GOOD TO BE JEALOUS.

WELL, I'M NOT SURE.

YOU'RE MUCH TOO CLOSE.

YOU LIKE THE GARDENS, HUH?

YES.

VITTORIO...VITTORIO.

MAGGIORE AND--

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

EXCUSE ME.

PLEASE LET ME THROUGH.

EXCUSE ME.

SIGNORA FASCISTA,

PHOTOGRAPH, PLEASE.

SMILE, PLEASE.

HEY!

WHOO! HA!

OH, YOU'RE HURT!

I--I'LL TAKE YOU TO MY SISTER'S HOUSE.

SHE WILL MAKE IT WELL. SHE'S A NURSE.

OH, NO, IT'S NOTHING.

IT'S NOT SAFE!

QUICKLY, SIGNORINA, WE MUST GO FROM HERE!

QUICKLY!

I'M PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT. YOU CAN LET GO NOW.

MY SISTER IS A DOCTOR.

I REALLY HAVE TO BE GOING BACK.

WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS IN A HURRY?

I'M NOT!

THEN DO AS YOU'RE TOLD!

SORELLA!

PREGO.

UH, I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE CAN BE.

SHE HAS A VERY MASCULINE TASTE.

OH, REALLY, I MIGHT HAVE KNOWN.

GIVE ME THAT KEY. FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE,

I'M OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR MOTHER.

ENGLISH GIRLS AND ITALIAN MEN ARE GOOD.

I AM AN ENGLISH WOMAN. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.

OH, CRIKEY.

I AM ITALIAN.

AAH!

YOU WILL NOT REGRET.

UNH!

SIGNORE BALSARI.

YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT A GENTLEMAN!

AH, YOU'RE VERY STRONG.

SO ARE YOU, BUT YOU WON'T HURT ME.

YOU BETTER GIVE ME THAT KEY.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU.

PLEASE.

SO NOW YOU'RE GOING BACK TO YOUR MAJOR.

TO MAKE LOVE TO HIM?

OR DOES HE PREFER THE PRETTY GIRL--

THE YOUNG ONE?

THIS IS SIESTA TIME.

WHAT DO YOU THINK THEY ARE DOING?

NOTHING LIKE THAT, I CAN ASSURE YOU.

YOUR MAJOR...

HE WOULD BE VERY ANGRY

IF HE THOUGHT YOU HAD BEEN WITH ME.

I DON'T THINK HE'D BELIEVE IT.

YES, BUT I'M SURE HE WOULD BE JEALOUS.

WOULD YOU BE SO INTERESTED IN HIM

IF THIS GIRL IS NOT THERE?

YES.

YES?

WELL, NO.

NO.

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU WANT I SHOULD TELL HIM?

OH, DON'T YOU DARE.

I TRY ONLY TO HELP.

SCUSA.

MAMA!

VITTORIO,

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR PHOTOGRAPH TAKEN?

WHY?

NEVER MIND WHY.

I LIKE TAKING PHOTOGRAPHS.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT!

OVER THERE.

OVER THERE.

THERE?

THERE.

THIS IS NOT MY ROOM.

THIS IS MY FRIEND'S, GUIDO.

PAPA--MY PAPA--

HE MAKES MOTOR TIRES IN MILANO.

HE HAS A BIG CONTRACT FOR THE ARMY.

SO WHEN THE WAR COMES,

WE WILL BE MANY TIMES MILLIONAIRE.

I'M SURE.

YOU KNOW HATFIELD?

A LITTLE VILLAGE NEAR LONDON?

HEH. FOR ONE YEAR WE LIVED THERE.

I HAD A GOOD TIME.

INCREDIBLE.

ENGLISH GIRLS.

TELL ME--

WHY SO MANY ARE CALLED "DORIS"?

BEAUTIFUL.

BEAUTIFUL.

WELL, I'M NOT,

SO DON'T EXPECT ME TO TELL YOU.

IT'S FINISHED?

ALREADY? MM-HMM.

YOU COME AGAIN?

DON'T THINK SO. THANK YOU.

OOH, I MUST BE OFF.

WITH A BIT OF LUCK,

THEY'LL BE WONDERING WHERE I'VE GOT TO.

YOU WANT I TAKE YOU THERE?

MM.

OH, YES. YES.

YES!

HEY!

OH, MISS BENTLEY. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YES, OF COURSE I AM.

WE WONDER WHAT HAPPEN TO YOU.

MAJOR SAID YOU DISAPPEARED FROM THE BEACH,

AND THEN THERE WAS A BIG PARADE.

WE IMAGINE-- OH, I DON'T KNOW.

IT WAS SO UNLIKE YOU. I EVEN PHONED THE POLICE.

OH, YOU NEEDN'T HAVE. YOU'RE SO KIND.

HONESTLY, I CAN LOOK AFTER MYSELF.

I'M SURE YOU CAN.

I'M HAPPY YOU'RE NOT AFRAID.

BUT ME--

ME, I AM AFRAID.

OF SO MANY THINGS. SO MANY THINGS.

BUT WHATEVER HAPPENS TO US ALL,

I WANT YOU TO KNOW

THIS WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR HOME.

SIGNORA, THANK YOU.

SI, SI.

SI, SIGNORA.

YOU DISAPPEARED RATHER SWIFTLY THIS MORNING.

DID I?

I THOUGHT SO.

I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THE GOOSEBERRY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

THE 3 OF US WENT OFF TOGETHER,

AND SO I THOUGHT...

THEN YOU WEREN'T AT LUNCH, EITHER.

NO, I WAS AT A CAFE.

WITH YOUR YOUNG ITALIAN FRIEND?

YES. HE'S RATHER NICE.

HMM.

I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE A PICKUP.

HE'S WHAT THOUSANDS OF WOMEN

WOULD GIVE THEIR EYETEETH FOR.

WELL, I FIND IT MOST SURPRISING IN YOU.

HE'S A BOY.

MISS BEAUMONT'S HARDLY ANTIQUE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

WELL, I'M SORRY I MADE YOU ANGRY.

YOU DIDN'T.

WE WERE SIMPLY WORRIED, THAT'S ALL.

QUITE UNDERSTANDABLY, AS IT TURNED OUT,

WITH THESE POLITICAL SHENANIGANS GOING ON.

YOU MIGHT'VE BEEN HURT, YOU KNOW.

MISS BENTLEY, THE CONJURING SHOW--

I REALLY NEED A COLLABORATOR

FOR ONE OF THE TRICKS.

OOH.

WHAT DOES IT ENTAIL?

WELL, I THOUGHT THAT WE MIGHT REHEARSE IT

A BIT TOMORROW NIGHT.

OH.

OH, I CAN'T TOMORROW NIGHT.

I'M DINING IN COMO

WITH MY ITALIAN BOY.

HELLO?

COME IN.

Miss Beaumont: OH, MAJOR.

Major Wilshaw: SIGNORE BONIZZONI

IS WAITING FOR US IN THE CAR.

HE SENT ME UP TO SEE IF YOU WERE READY.

I'M TRYING TO GET THESE WRETCHED CHILDREN DRESSED.

ANGELI, BUTTON IT,

OR I'LL CHOKE YOU TO DEATH.

DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD WAKE HER UP?

OH, LET HER SLEEP.

SHE MUST NEED IT AFTER YESTERDAY.

POOR OLD DEAR MUST BE EXHAUSTED.

"OLD DEAR"?

HMM.

LITTLE COW.

HELLO.

I'VE WONDERED WHERE YOU'VE BEEN.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ALL DAY.

WELL, YOU SPENT MOST OF THE DAY WITH THE MAJOR.

HE TELLS ME YOU'RE OFF TO COMO FOR DINNER.

OH, NEWS TRAVELS FAST.

GOSH!

DID YOU TAKE THOSE?

UH-HUH.

YOU HOT TICKET, YOU.

OH, WHOEVER WOULD'VE THOUGHT IT.

I INSIST YOU GIVE ME ALL THE DETAILS.

I'LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING LATER, MY DEAR GIRL,

BUT NOT NOW.

YOU'LL MAKE ME LATE FOR DINNER.

OOH.

THESE PICTURES WERE DEFINITELY OF THE SAME YOUNG MAN?

OH, YES.

WHATEVER ELSE, SHE'S A GOOD PHOTOGRAPHER.

I'D KNOW THAT FACE ANYWHERE.

WITH NO SHIRT?

WELL, I DIDN'T MAKE A CLOSE INSPECTION.

SHE CERTAINLY IS QUITE A GIRL, I'D SAY.

WOW. YOU WOMEN--

YOU REALLY ARE EXTRAORDINARY.

YOU NEVER CEASE TO SURPRISE ME.

GOOD.

I'D HATE TO BE PREDICTABLE.

LIKE YOU--

EVERYTHING YOU DO IS SO...

OBVIOUS.

SOME GIRLS LIKE THAT.

THEY FEEL SAFE.

MISS BENTLEY SAYS YOU HAVE MONEY.

OH, DOES SHE?

WELL, SHE HASN'T ANY RIGHT TO SAY THAT, HAS SHE?

I THINK SHE WAS TRYING TO GET ME

INTERESTED IN YOU.

AH.

AND DID SHE SUCCEED?

WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?

YOU DRINK RATHER A LOT, DON'T YOU?

DIDN'T YOU, AT MY AGE?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU REMIND ME OF,

SITTING THERE ALL PRIM AND UPRIGHT?

GO ON. WHAT? HA. HA HA.

A CANDLESTICK.

HA HA HA HA!

CANDLESTICK.

I THINK I COULD PROBABLY

JUST BLOW YOU RIGHT OUT.

OOH HOO HOO HOO!

HA HA! HA HA HA HA!

OOH.

GOD, YOU'RE SO BORING.

I WANT TO HAVE FUN.

WELL, LOOK, LET'S GO AND DANCE, SHALL WE?

IN THIS MORTUARY?

Miss Beaumont: YOO-HOO!

HEY, CANDLESTICK!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

THIS IS THE STYLE!

COME ON, OLD MAN, SHOW ME WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF.

Major Wilshaw: OH! HOO!

Miss Beaumont: WHOO!

GO!

CANDLESTICK, SET YOURSELF ALIGHT!

A-WHOO HOO HOO!

HO HO!

AH HA HA HA! OHH!

OH, BUGGER!

OH!

OH! HO HO! HO HO!

Miss Beaumont: WHOO HOO!

OH, SHH, SHH, SHH.

OOH. AHH.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO KISS ME,

YOU CAN KISS ME.

DON'T CREEP ALL OVER ME.

OHH!

IDIOT.

YOU SHOULD BE IN BED.

Miss Bentley: HELLO?

Major Wilshaw: CAN YOU SPARE ME A MINUTE, PLEASE?

I'M VERY BUSY.

WELL, FOR THE CONJURING SHOW THIS EVENING.

YOU SEE, I--I'M STILL RATHER HOPING

THAT YOU MIGHT PERHAPS GIVE ME A HAND.

OH, WELL...

I WISH YOU'D FIND SOMEBODY ELSE.

WELL, YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON

THAT I CAN TRUST.

I'M HOPELESS AT THAT SORT OF THING.

IT'S TERRIBLY SIMPLE.

YOU SEE, I INVITE--

I INVITE EVERYONE TO WRITE SOMETHING DOWN

ON A PIECE OF PAPER.

UM, WELL, I MEAN,

LIKE, WELL, "SHALL WE JOIN THE LADIES?"

AND THEN THEY SEAL IT UP, PUT IT BACK IN THE ENVELOPE.

BUT FOR THE TRICK TO WORK,

I REALLY NEED TO KNOW NOW

WHAT IT IS THAT YOU ARE GOING TO WRITE.

WELL, THAT SOUNDS AWFULLY LIKE CHEATING.

WELL, JUST THINK OF IT AS A GAME--

SOMETHING FOR THE CHILDREN.

THOSE LITTLE MONSTERS?

WELL, ALL RIGHT, THEN--FOR ME.

PLEASE?

JUST SAY THE FIRST THING THAT COMES INTO YOUR HEAD.

SPRING IN THE MOUNTAINS.

VERY GOOD.

AHA. TREMENDOUS. "SPRING IN THE MOUNTAINS."

YES. VERY GOOD. THANKS.

YOU APPEAR TO BE LEAKING, MAJOR.

OH, GOD.

OH, HELL'S BELLS.

I STILL HAVEN'T GOT IT RIGHT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

SIGNORES, SIGNORAS,

WILL YOU GIVE ME YOUR KIND ATTENTION?

A FEW EXAMPLES OF THE MAGIC ART.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

PAULO THE MAGIC WANDERER

WOULD LIKE TO BORROW AN EGG.

CAN ANYONE OBLIGE ME WITH--

OH, I SAY. I THINK I CAN SEE ONE.

HA HA HA!

OH!

OH, WHAT A LOVELY EGG.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I SHALL PUT IT IN MY HAT--

KEEP IT NICE AND SAFE, YOU SEE?

NOW...

YOU KNOW, I SAY,

YOU'VE GOT ONE UNDER YOURS, TOO.

HA HA!

HOW CLEVER.

LOVELY. NOW I THINK I NEED ONE MORE.

SIGNORA BONIZZONI, HOW LOVELY.

Woman: OH HO HO HO HO!

3 LOVELY FRESH EGGS.

AND NOW I NEED MY MAGIC WAND.

Pow.

THE MAGIC WORDS--

ABRACADABRA, SACK OF POTATOES,

CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE.

AND...

HEY, PRESTO!

Man: BRAVO!

BRAVO!

BRAVO! BRAVO!

SIGNORE BONIZZONI,

WOULD YOU VERY KINDLY DISTRIBUTE THESE FOR ME?

GREAT PLEASURE.

THANK YOU.

THERE YOU GO.

MISS BENTLEY.

NOW, IT'S VERY EASY.

EACH OF YOU WRITES DOWN ON YOUR PIECE OF PAPER

A VERY SIMPLE PHRASE,

LIKE "WATER ON THE BRAIN"

OR "BETTER LATE THAN NEVER."

YOU PUT IT IN THE ENVELOPE, YOU SEAL IT UP,

AND THEN, WITHOUT OPENING THE ENVELOPES,

I SHALL TELL YOU WHAT IS WRITTEN

INSIDE EACH ONE OF THEM.

EASY ONE.

A LIGHT.

LIGHTS. LIGHT.

MISS BEAUMONT.

GRAZIE. HA HA HA!

MISS BENTLEY.

I AM NOW READY TO READ YOUR MINDS.

THE FIRST ENVELOPE.

YES, YES, I THINK--

YES.

I THINK I CAN PENETRATE THE VEIL

OF THIS FIRST MIND.

THE WORDS WHICH THIS ENVELOPE CONTAINS ARE...

"SPRING IN THE MOUNTAINS."

DID ANYONE WRITE THAT?

"SPRING IN THE MOUNTAINS"?

I DID.

OHH.

AH!

BRAVO!

OH, YES.

"SPRING IN THE MOUNTAINS."

THERE WE ARE.

NOW, UH...

THE NEXT ENVELOPE.

UM...

YES, I THINK...

YES, I THINK...

I, UM--

PATIENCE, SIGNORES, SIGNORAS.

THE WORDS...

DID ANYONE WRITE "CANDLESTICK"?

HMM?

DID YOU?

I DID.

HMM. WELL, NOW...

I THINK SOMETHING'S GONE WRONG.

UM...

I'M REALLY-- I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.

UH, YES.

I THINK THAT'S IT.

THANK YOU, MAJOR, FOR SUCH A WONDERFUL SHOW.

HE'S VERY KIND TO GIVE US SO MUCH PLEASURE.

Woman: BRAVO!

NOW FOR SOMETHING NOT SO GOOD.

MY DEAR SIGNORE BONIZZONI AND HIS FAMILY

MUST RETURN TO MILAN THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW.

BUT WE MUST NOT BE SAD.

THIS IS A SPECIAL EVENING FOR GOOD FRIENDS,

SO I HAVE ARRANGED A PARTY IN THE DINING ROOM

TO CELEBRATE THIS WONDERFUL EVENING

OF ENCHANTMENT.

THE COMING BACK OF HAPPINESS.

Woman: BRAVA!

Man: GRAZIE, MAGGIORE.

OH HO HO! SIGNORA FASCIOLI.

GRAZIE.

HA HA. I HAVE A GOOD IDEA.

WHAT ABOUT A PICNIC?

A FAREWELL FINAL PICNIC, TOMORROW IN THE MOUNTAINS.

LIKE LOST DEERS, HUH?

OH, YES.

THE TROUBLE IS, WE ARE ONE MORE THIS TIME--

AND MY LITTLE CAR.

OH, NO, BUT WE COULD HIRE ANOTHER.

THE MAJOR AND I COULD PERHAPS STAND FOR THAT.

INVITE YOUR ITALIAN BOYFRIEND.

HE DRIVES, DOESN'T HE?

AN ITALIAN BOYFRIEND?

NO, HE'S--

WONDERFUL!

WE JUST HAD A SWIM TOGETHER.

OH.

OH, I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT IT WAS LUNCH.

AND DINNER. AND PHOTOGRAPHS.

WELL, OF COURSE. INVITE HIM.

THE CAR WILL BE MOST USEFUL.

WHAT IS HIS NAME?

BALSARI. VITTORIO BALSARI.

VITTORIO BALSARI. OH.

NICE BOY. I KNOW HIS FATHER.

MAJOR, A GOOD TRICK, THAT--

THE ONE WITH THE ENVELOPES.

THANK YOU.

HOW'S IT DONE?

EASY. IT'S AS OLD AS THE HILLS.

GOOD NIGHT.

WAIT A MINUTE, YOUNG LADY.

WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT?

THAT JOKE'S AN OLD CHESTNUT.

I LEARNED IT AT SCHOOL.

DON'T BE SO SPITEFUL! HE THINKS THE WORLD OF YOU!

THEN HE'S AN IDIOT!

NO, HE'S NOT! HE'S KIND!

MAYBE HE TRIES TOO HARD.

ALL HE REQUIRES IS A LITTLE INDULGENCE FROM YOU.

IF IT MEANS SO MUCH TO YOU,

WHY DON'T YOU INDULGE HIM YOURSELF?

EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

OHH!

UHH. OHH.

SORRY.

DON'T WORRY. I SHOULD'VE LOCKED THE DOOR.

NO. I SHOULD'VE KNOCKED.

I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

I PROBABLY DESERVED IT.

YOU PROBABLY DID.

GOD, YOU REMIND ME OF MY MOTHER.

AND YOU REMIND ME OF MINE.

WELL...

THE MAJOR MIGHT SAY...

PAX.

PAX.

BUT YOU DID LEAD HIM ON.

YOU MADE A COMPLETE ASS OF HIM.

ADMIT IT.

IS THAT ALL THE THANKS I GET?

IF I HADN'T LED HIM ON,

HE WOULDN'T STILL BE HERE, WOULD HE?

TRUE?

HMM.

TRUE.

TRUE.

GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY!

WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY.

OH, MORNING, MAJOR.

VITTORIO.

I'M NOT LATE, AM I?

OH, NO, NO, NO.

TO OUR HOLIDAY!

VIVA! HEY!

VERY NICE.

MAJOR, WILL YOU COME BACK TO THE LAKE?

OH, BY GEORGE, YES, I HOPE SO.

OH. MISS BENTLEY, OF COURSE.

WELL, WE'LL SEE.

YOU MUST PREFER COMO.

WELL, COMO-- COMO IS VERY NICE,

BUT NOT SO NICE AS THIS.

I HATE COMO.

IT'S SO BORING.

Major Wilshaw: THE NICEST PLACE

I'VE BEEN TO IN ITALY

IS A LITTLE TOWN

IN ONE OF THE VALLEYS

BETWEEN BOLSANO AND VENICE.

THEY GROW TOBACCO.

STUPID, THOUGH. I CAN'T REMEMBER ITS NAME.

VENEZIA.

VITTORIO'S FAMILY HAVE A PALAZZO THERE.

IN VENICE?

MY FAMILY HAS 4 HOUSES AND 27 SERVANTS.

HMM. WELL, YOU WON'T HAVE THEM

MUCH LONGER THOUGH, WILL YOU?

THEY'LL ALL BE CALLED UP

IF THERE'S GOING TO BE A WAR.

Vittorio: YOU'RE RIGHT.

THIS COUNTRY'S NOT JUST FOR TOURISTS.

MY FATHER'S FACTORY HAS TO WORK 24 HOURS A DAY

FOR THE ARMY.

VERY SOON, WE SHALL ALL BE IN UNIFORM.

I SINCERELY HOPE

THAT THAT WILL NOT PROVE TO BE THE CASE.

YES.

THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE

AND A BEAUTIFUL DAY.

WHY DO WE TALK OF SUCH THINGS?

Bonizzoni: YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

BESIDES...

I'D LOOK RIDICULOUS IN UNIFORM.

WELL, NOW, WHO'S FOR A GAME OF CRICKET?

GOOD IDEA.

OH, BELLISSIMO.

COME ON, MAJOR.

VITTORIO...

AHEM.

Miss Beaumont: GUESS WHAT?

THE BONIZZONIS HAVE GIVEN ME NOTICE.

IT SEEMS I'M NOT

THE WORLD'S GREATEST NANNY AFTER ALL.

OH, I'M SO SORRY.

LIAR.

SO--SO, YOU...

YOU'RE GOING HOME?

GOD, NO.

MY MOTHER WOULD HAVE ME ARRESTED.

SHE ALREADY THINKS I'M A DELINQUENT AS IT IS.

SHE'S PROBABLY RIGHT.

AND THEN WHAT?

WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES...

GOOD LUCK!

OH!

TOO LATE.

Miss Beaumont: THE BALL!

OH!

1, 2...

3. HA HA!

I WIN, I WIN!

Children: AAH! OHH!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

FOR A STROLL.

PENNY.

HOW LONG ARE YOU STAYING FOR?

2 DAYS.

2?

MM-HMM.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID A WHOLE MONTH.

I DID...

BUT I CHANGED MY MIND.

AH.

AH. MMM.

AH.

AH.

Bonizzoni: OH OH!

OH OH!

Major Wilshaw: DAMN.

OOP.

AHEM.

WE MUST GO HOME NOW!

OH OH!

Announcer: THIS IS THE BBC WORLD SERVICE

FROM LONDON.

THE TIME IS 6:00.

TODAY, WINSTON CHURCHILL, MP,

HAD A PRIVATE MEETING WITH VON RIBBENTROP,

THE FOREIGN MINISTER OF GERMANY,

TO DISCUSS A CASE FOR AN ANGLO-GERMAN ALLIANCE

IN WHICH GERMANY WOULD STAND GUARD

FOR THE BRITISH EMPIRE.

IN EXCHANGE, GERMANY REQUESTED

THE RETURN OF HER COLONIES

AND THAT BRITAIN GRANT HER A FREE HAND

IN EASTERN EUROPE.

IT WAS CLEARLY INDICATED BY CHURCHILL

THAT THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT WOULD NOT CONCEDE

TO SUCH TERMS.

GREAT BRITAIN WOULD NEVER DISINTEREST HERSELF

IN THE FORTUNES OF THE CONTINENT

TO AN EXTENT WHICH WOULD ENABLE GERMANY

TO GAIN DOMINATION OF CENTRAL AND EASTERN EUROPE.

VON RIBBENTROP REPLIED,

"THE FUHRER IS RESOLVED THAT NOTHING WILL STOP HIM,

AND THAT WAR IS INEVITABLE."

MAY I JOIN YOU?

YES.

THAT LOOKS RATHER GOOD.

I'LL HAVE ONE OF THOSE, TOO, PLEASE.

YOU GO AHEAD, PLEASE.

THE SUN'S REALLY QUITE WARM

WHEN YOU CONSIDER THAT IT'S ONLY MAY.

MMM.

YES, IT'S REALLY BEEN

EXCEPTIONALLY WARM ALL MONTH.

YES, I'VE HEARD EVEN THE ITALIANS SAY,

"IT HAS BEEN EXCEPTIONALLY WARM."

IT'S AWFULLY QUIET HERE

WITHOUT THE BONIZZONIS.

MM, YES, VERY CHEERFUL, WEREN'T THEY?

MMM.

YOU WERE SAYING.

NO, I WAS ONLY GOING TO SAY,

YOU SEEM TO HAVE GOT UP RATHER EARLY.

WERE YOU THINKING OF GOING FOR A SWIM?

NO, I WAS THINKING OF GOING UP INTO THE MOUNTAINS AGAIN.

APPARENTLY THERE'S A BUS

THAT TAKES YOU MOST OF THE WAY.

DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D CARE TO COME?

I REALLY OUGHT TO DO MY PACKING.

WELL, IT SHOULDN'T TAKE TOO LONG.

WE COULD BE BACK BY 3:00.

OH, I CAN'T.

I'VE SIMPLY GOT TOO MUCH TO DO.

WELL, YOU'VE GOT UNTIL TOMORROW. WHAT TIME'S YOUR TRAIN?

WELL, AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER THING.

I REALLY OUGHT TO GET MY SLEEPER TICKET.

I'VE GOT AN OPEN ONE.

I SHOULD'VE GOT IT YESTERDAY.

OH, VERY WELL.

I EXPECT YOU'D RATHER SAY GOOD-BYE TO COMO, ANYWAY.

MAGGIORE.

GOOD GOD.

WHAT?

YOUR EARS HAVE GONE BRIGHT RED.

WELL...

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

IF YOU DON'T STAY FOR A MONTH,

I SHALL CHUCK YOU IN THE LAKE.

I DARE YOU.

Miss Bentley: OH, YES. LAKE IS MAGICAL,

FOR AS WE KISSED,

I COULD SWEAR THAT MUSIC PLAYED.

NOW THE WAR'S OVER, WE'VE COME BACK.

TO OUR RELIEF, THE VILLA IS STILL HERE.

LAST NIGHT WE DRANK CHAMPAGNE,

AND WE RAISED OUR GLASSES TO MISS BEAUMONT.

AFTER ALL, IT'S THANKS TO HER WE ARE TOGETHER.

AND SHE WAS MAGICAL, TOO.

OUR HOLIDAYS ARE PLANNED TILL THE END OF TIME.

EVERY YEAR WE'LL SPEND SPRINGTIME IN THE MOUNTAINS,

AND EVERY SUMMER, A MONTH BY THE LAKE.