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00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:07,966
♪ ♪
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00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:15,074
The Venom - $5 million GTD Poker Tourney
Download AmericasCardroom.com
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00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:27,192
D'oh!
4
00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:36,160
Refill!
5
00:00:36,167 --> 00:00:38,169
♪ ♪
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Kids,
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is there anything better
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00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,963
than when a restaurant
misprints a coupon?
9
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:50,424
And with the money we saved,
10
00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:53,969
your mom is getting
a Swedish massage.
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00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:56,805
All the tension's going
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00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:58,474
out of my body.
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00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:03,395
Now let's take one deep breath
of this classy place
14
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,606
before we go back
to our lousy car.
15
00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:07,983
Excuse me,
16
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:10,569
that air is the property
of this restaurant.
17
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:12,404
Fine, I'll give it back.
18
00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:16,575
Good one.
19
00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:19,536
Memory book.
20
00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,205
Okay, kids.
I admit we hustled
21
00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:22,998
the restaurant there,
but that's it.
22
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:24,500
I don't want you to think
this is the way
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00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:25,918
you get ahead in life.
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00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:29,087
Do not take advantage
of someone else's mistakes.
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00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:31,590
- Your car, sir.
- But that's not...
26
00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:35,302
You see that, kids?
27
00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:36,887
It's the kind of car
they don't make anymore.
28
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:39,556
Windshield that breaks into
a thousand glass razor blades.
29
00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:41,558
Your lap is the cup holder.
30
00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:43,936
Vinyl seats that can
melt your ass.
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God, do I want to drive it.
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00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:49,483
Oh... so useless.
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00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:52,945
This is the car
I've always wanted.
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00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,696
You'll never have
a car this nice.
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00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:56,573
You'll never have
a girlfriend this cute.
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00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:57,991
That's right!
37
00:01:57,992 --> 00:02:00,953
And you'll never have
exhaust this toxic.
38
00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:07,292
Oh, I need this.
I've always needed this.
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00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:09,127
Get in, kids, get in.
40
00:02:09,128 --> 00:02:11,130
Dad, what were you
just telling us?
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00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,798
This is morally wr...
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00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,300
Whee!
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Pull every knob.
Press all the buttons.
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00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:18,429
Find out what things do.
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00:02:21,768 --> 00:02:25,017
For subtitling services, contatct:
waqas.zahoor89@gmail.com
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Don't you
"chitty chitty bang bang" me!
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00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:34,653
Ooh, what's this crank for?
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00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,154
Duh, rolling down the window.
49
00:02:36,155 --> 00:02:38,532
Hmm. How do I put on
the air conditioning?
50
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,659
Uh, you're doing it.
51
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,786
Aw, cool. An ashtray.
52
00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:45,038
A full ashtray!
53
00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:48,458
Uh-uh-uh!
Bad, bad, bad!
54
00:02:48,459 --> 00:02:50,961
Ah, smooth.
Bad, bad.
55
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:59,052
Now, to tie them in a bow.
56
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:04,851
My husband-- he's doing
something incredibly stupid.
57
00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:08,353
Look at this beautiful color.
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00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:11,607
Seafoam. This is what
cars used to look like.
59
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,859
And what the sea
used to look like.
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00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,987
Whee!
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00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:18,530
Whoa!
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00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:21,283
Put this on the list of things
we don't tell your mother.
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00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:23,119
Including the fact
there is a list.
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00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:26,204
Aw, it's over.
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00:03:26,205 --> 00:03:28,165
Now, to teach you kids
a life lesson.
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00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:31,710
Moments of pure joy
always have consequences.
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00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,045
We already knew that.
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00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,963
Yeah. Why do you think we exist?
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00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:37,090
Quick!
Put on your innocent faces.
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00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:39,217
Innocenter... innocenter.
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00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:43,347
Uh, yeah, I'm, uh, I'm sorry,
you gave me the wrong car.
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00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:47,392
The moment I realized,
I brought it back immediately.
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00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:49,394
You stole my car.
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00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:53,690
My precious 1957 Cadillac
Eldorado Biarritz convertible
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00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:57,110
in the original seafoam,
with the illegal brodie knob.
76
00:03:57,111 --> 00:04:00,572
Oh, God. Tell me right now you
did not touch my brodie knob.
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00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,574
Absolutely not.
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00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,618
This is the brodie knob.
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00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,662
Oh. I was all over that thing.
80
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,163
You're in big trouble.
81
00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:10,457
They're gonna charge you
with grand theft auto.
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00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:13,293
A lousy game
but a magnificent law.
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00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:15,629
Listen, I'm sorry.
Really sorry.
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00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:18,090
I just wanted to give
my kids a ride,
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00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,800
show them the house
I was born in,
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00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,593
show them the house
I'm gonna die in,
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00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:22,761
then drive through
a cornfield for kicks.
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00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:23,763
Whoo-hoo!
89
00:04:25,264 --> 00:04:27,724
I gave you
the USS Enterprise,
90
00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:31,228
and you returned
with the Orville!
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00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:33,814
I am so sorry.
You're absolutely right.
92
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,482
I'll get it fixed by a pro.
93
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,567
I'll get you a license plate
frame saying
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00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:40,612
"My other car is a..."
insert dumb movie reference.
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00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,240
Tron Legacy Light-Cycle.
Well, okay.
96
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:46,743
I suppose I could allow you to--
oh, God!
97
00:04:46,744 --> 00:04:48,286
No!
98
00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:52,624
My mint condition copy
of Radioactive Man number one!
99
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,961
This was the comic
I always wanted most
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00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,463
since I was an athletic,
popular child.
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00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:00,048
Look, you're a nice guy.
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00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:03,510
When have you ever seen me
be a nice guy?!
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00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:06,514
I am pressing charges!
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00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:10,726
Is this yours?
105
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,854
Yes.
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00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:15,522
Simpson, get on the bike.
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00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,315
Put your arms around me.
108
00:05:17,316 --> 00:05:20,652
Now, head on my shoulder.
Yeah... aw, that's nice.
109
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,529
And don't lean the same way I do
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00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:23,697
or we're both dead.
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00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:25,657
Uh, by the way,
you're under arrest.
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00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:28,243
Uh, doesn't the law say
I need a helmet, too?
113
00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:29,996
Another law you're breaking.
114
00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:35,292
Why are you riding a motorcycle?
115
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,127
It's not for fun!
I got arrested!
116
00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:39,047
That's worse!
117
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:42,841
Your Honor, I'm scared.
Okay, I screwed up.
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00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:46,303
If you'll permit, may I read
a speech in my defense?
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Did your daughter write it?
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00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,181
Absolutely not.
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00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,641
Sir, if an opportunity
came along
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00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:54,019
to give your kids
a memory they'll never forget,
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00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,229
- wouldn't you hop
in the driver's seat?
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00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:58,815
A golden day with their dad.
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00:05:58,816 --> 00:06:01,443
What could be more innocent?
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00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,279
All I know is that
as that gas gauge read empty,
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00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,407
our hearts were full.
Full of love.
128
00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:12,913
Love of what our country does
best: build cars 60 years ago!
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00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:17,626
I'm a judge.
But I'm also a father.
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00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,461
A father whose ex-wife
only lets him see the kids
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00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:22,297
on summers and Christmas.
I don't need you to rub it in.
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00:06:22,298 --> 00:06:23,757
I find the defendant guilty.
133
00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:26,384
Your Honor, I'm not the one
on trial here.
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00:06:26,385 --> 00:06:27,969
Yes, you are.
135
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:33,058
"Hire a lawyer," I said.
"Waste of money," he said.
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00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:36,895
This is what I spend my time
in courtroom audiences for.
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00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,481
This is my Starbucks.
138
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:44,319
Two weeks.
Two weeks to turn this around.
139
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:45,946
Lisa, can we get the state
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00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:47,864
to change its sentencing
guidelines
141
00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:49,199
in the next two weeks?
142
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,202
Ah, the legislative calendar
is pretty full.
143
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,621
And they take off
the second week for Easter.
144
00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:57,916
Roman Easter! To the Byzantine
world, it's nothing!
145
00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:01,336
I'm afraid we have to prepare
for the possibility
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00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:03,672
that you might go to prison.
147
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:07,385
The Arts and Incarceration
Channel presents...
148
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,682
What advice would you give
to a new inmate?
149
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,517
Everything can be a weapon.
150
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:18,520
I saw a guy get his eye gouged
with uncooked spaghetti.
151
00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:20,856
You sound
like you've seen a lot.
152
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:24,317
I've seen things and done things
I ain't proud of.
153
00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:25,527
And I'm the chaplain.
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00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,779
I can't take this, Marge.
155
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:30,991
Maybe I can make peace
with Comic Book Guy.
156
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,993
Do you think so?
He's an angry man.
157
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:36,663
His favorite thing is Star Wars,
and he hates Star Wars.
158
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:38,456
I'll talk to him.
159
00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:41,668
Careful, Marge.
He's a lazy, overweight slob.
160
00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:43,462
Don't fall in love with him.
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00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:51,511
Comic Book Guy,
my husband is really sorry.
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00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:55,140
Okay, he screwed up.
But he doesn't belong in prison.
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00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,934
I beg to differ.
That car is very special to me.
164
00:07:57,935 --> 00:07:59,811
When I was young,
my father took me in it to...
165
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,898
- Buy comic books?
- No, not comic books.
166
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,066
Everything in my life
is not comic books, okay?
167
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,860
We bought baseball cards.
168
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:09,863
Look, we'll detail your car
and fix your comic book.
169
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:13,491
This is not about my car.
It is about me getting respect.
170
00:08:13,492 --> 00:08:16,328
I want all the Little Lulus
five dollars can buy.
171
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,663
And make it snappy,
Blobba the Hutt.
172
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:22,167
Jabba is actually quite slim!
For a Hutt.
173
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,710
Just get the Lulus.
174
00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:26,088
Or I'll take my business
to Build-A-Bear.
175
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,926
Here you go. Five dollars'
worth of Little Lulus.
176
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,554
As for you, I am not budging.
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00:08:34,555 --> 00:08:37,849
Like the door of Superman's
Fortress of Solitude
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00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,685
when the Beatles tried to visit.
Pure folly.
179
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,896
That comic is noncanonical.
180
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:46,274
The only thing noncanonical
in my store is Snoopy
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00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:50,612
dressed as Sgt. Rock
for an ill-timed Vietnam war ad.
182
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:54,199
I see. Well, I'm sorry
to have bothered you.
183
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,326
Yes, don't let the door hit you
on the way out.
184
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:58,328
No, seriously.
It's just been painted.
185
00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:01,415
Oh. That's what
being nice gets you.
186
00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:06,836
Mom, Dad, I think I found
the answer on the Internet!
187
00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:09,297
Lisa, nothing good
ever comes from YouTube.
188
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:12,093
Except ducks eating watermelon.
189
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:20,392
No, no.
Sentencing mitigation videos.
190
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,352
People have had
their jail terms reduced,
191
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,688
or even gotten off death row
192
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:27,691
by producing slick
video appeals to the judge.
193
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:31,820
Finally, a way for rich people
to bend the system their way.
194
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,822
Mr. Burns got off the hook once
195
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:37,492
by using a video directed
by Guillermo del Toro.
196
00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:41,079
Hello, I am, uh, film director
Guillermo del Toro.
197
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:45,250
Uh, when I was a young boy,
I fell in love with monsters.
198
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:48,461
Frankenstein's monster,
King Kong, Son of Kong,
199
00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:50,964
Nosferatu, Godzilla,
Mechagodzilla,
200
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,632
Godzilla's nephew Godzooky,
201
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:54,301
Mothra the caterpillar,
Mothra the moth,
202
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:56,136
the Blob from The Blob...
203
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,805
and Godzilla's cousin,
Sheldon Godzilla.
204
00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:01,474
Lesser known
but equally horrifying.
205
00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:04,811
Monsters, yes.
But they are capable of love.
206
00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:07,564
Which brings us
to Montgomery Burns.
207
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,149
Oh, hello.
208
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,734
Did someone mention me?
209
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:13,112
From birth, he was not wanted.
210
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,449
Then came the real monsters:
211
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,493
the bullies that hated him
just because he was wealthy.
212
00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:22,496
And maybe he rubbed it in
a little.
213
00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:30,629
But no one knows
the real Mr. Burns.
214
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,851
I love Señor Burns.
215
00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:46,311
Who are you?
216
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,563
He combines the ancient evil
of Cthulhu
217
00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:51,149
with the trim physique
of Slender Man.
218
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,860
Señor Burns demonstrates
that in all so-called monsters
219
00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:56,071
beats a heart.
Thank you for listening.
220
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,405
And thank you,
Georgia Film Commission,
221
00:10:57,406 --> 00:10:59,115
for the 22% discount.
222
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:01,493
I'll see you wherever
free people congregate.
223
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,328
Like the Yale Club.
224
00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:12,295
Wow. Maybe I've been
all wrong about evil.
225
00:11:12,296 --> 00:11:15,465
Once again, Mr. del Toro
stripped away the darkness
226
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,467
and found beauty at its core.
227
00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:19,637
Like that fish-snuggling movie.
228
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:22,389
Excuse me.
229
00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:26,976
Ah... you told me you've
never been to Missouri.
230
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:29,479
You're right, honey.
Hollywood can solve anything.
231
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:32,023
Except its own lack
of creativity and diversity.
232
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:33,691
Now, how do we make this thing?
233
00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:36,069
I think we should use
a videographer.
234
00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:37,738
There's one left in town.
235
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:42,158
I will do anything
for your wedding video.
236
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:46,246
Color, black and white, or
Polaroid Swinger, cha cha cha.
237
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:48,748
I gotta warn you,
my camera hand is shaky
238
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:51,960
because I have
a major vitamin E deficiency.
239
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:54,921
No problemo.
It works fine if you just
240
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:56,256
nod your head like this...
241
00:12:01,595 --> 00:12:03,763
You know, we could
just do it ourselves.
242
00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:07,643
Yeah. Those are the words
that are killing my profession.
243
00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:10,395
Now you say nice things
about me.
244
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,729
So what is it
you're looking for?
245
00:12:11,730 --> 00:12:14,232
Words or something?
Uh, human words?
246
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:17,902
Okay, uh, Homer Simpson,
uh, well, real family man.
247
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:20,155
Yeah. Always brings his kids
into the bar.
248
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,991
Not one of them aristocrats
who gets all bent out of shape
249
00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:24,659
when there's a mouse
in his beer.
250
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:27,412
Hey, Moe. I need you to file a
serial number off a wheelchair.
251
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,580
Cut!
252
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:31,124
Hmm... Homer Simpson?
How can I put this?
253
00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:35,044
Ah, we've never had an employee
get rehired so many times.
254
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:38,214
Homer Simpson has two children
enrolled in our school.
255
00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:40,259
That's all I'm
comfortable saying.
256
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,761
All right, let's see
what you got.
257
00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:45,931
I had to edit a little.
258
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,975
Homer Simpson. Family man.
259
00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:50,643
Happy. Aristocrat.
260
00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,228
Too. Cool. Comfortable.
261
00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:54,606
Homer is a...
grace to the family.
262
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,649
He is an ape... le father.
263
00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:59,194
I warned Marge... marry him.
264
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:02,655
That's the best you can do?
I'm screwed!
265
00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:05,492
Not while I can use
Final Cut Pro.
266
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:06,993
We'll start from scratch.
267
00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:09,996
Using the only two things
people still believe in:
268
00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:11,664
babies and dogs.
269
00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:15,460
Sorry, Snowball,
cats are polarizing.
270
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:20,006
Please...
271
00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:23,469
just give us something
we can use.
272
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:28,765
We're ready.
273
00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:31,142
Oh, now the dog
won't cooperate.
274
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:33,979
There's a trick that always
works with Kevin James.
275
00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:43,530
♪ I think I'll color
this man father... ♪
276
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:45,657
He's a guy who gets off at 5:00
277
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,785
and comes directly home
to be with his kids.
278
00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:51,454
♪ Said I'm gonna
color him father ♪
279
00:13:51,455 --> 00:13:53,164
♪ Color him father... ♪
280
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:56,126
He's incredibly generous
to his friends and neighbors.
281
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:02,298
In his spare time,
he loves PTA meetings.
282
00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:04,592
Helping with the Cub Scouts.
283
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:07,178
Or just going to the movies.
284
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,180
This is Maggie, our baby.
285
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:11,849
And she understands
what's going on.
286
00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:15,311
She's never said a word,
but I get the feeling
287
00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:18,231
she wants to say something now.
288
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:21,067
Nee... Da... dy.
289
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:23,571
What a man.
290
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:26,781
And now we pray.
291
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:28,533
Bless us, O Lord,
for this bountiful feast...
292
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:30,076
Not that prayer.
293
00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:32,245
I must say, I am impressed.
294
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:35,039
So, unless the prosecution has
a rebuttal, I'm inclined to...
295
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,333
Not... so... fast.
296
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:38,960
Do you have a video, too?
297
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,962
No, that would be pretentious.
298
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:45,008
- Very well, then.
- I have a speech.
299
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:47,927
- Comic book sales is
a very fragile field.
300
00:14:47,928 --> 00:14:50,763
Kids hate to read,
the stores smell like farts
301
00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:54,225
and bubble gum...
302
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:57,937
Then the things I cherish most--
my father's car,
303
00:14:57,938 --> 00:15:01,107
my precious, precious comic,
and most important,
304
00:15:01,108 --> 00:15:03,611
my dignity-- were taken from me.
305
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:07,238
I'm just your ordinary
small businessman.
306
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:09,824
Never took anything from anyone.
307
00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:14,412
But I did dare to think
I would be treated with respect.
308
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:17,790
I have so many fictional heroes,
Your Honor.
309
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:21,295
For once, please
give me a real one.
310
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,966
Best. Courtroom speech. Ever.
311
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:28,092
Yes!
312
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:30,136
I will render
my sentence tomorrow.
313
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,846
I thank you.
Good night.
314
00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:33,222
Boom.
315
00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:34,974
Wait, wait, wait.
Do you want to go to a movie?
316
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:36,726
I'll go to a movie
with you, Judge.
317
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:38,562
- You won't be available.
- Oh.
318
00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:45,485
Dad, the computer says...
319
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,987
That computer has brought me
nothing but trouble
320
00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:50,448
and sports scores
while I'm at church!
321
00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:52,325
A store in Ogdenville
just put up
322
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,827
the same Radioactive Man comic
that we destroyed
323
00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:56,788
in perfect condition.
324
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,748
It's my last hope at freedom.
325
00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:01,751
I mean, how much could
an old comic cost?
326
00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:24,565
- Are you done?
- No.
327
00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:41,290
You can't be closed.
It's Tuesday at 4:30!
328
00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:46,170
Do you not see the "closed" sign
written in Wakandan?
329
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:49,132
And I wasted high school
learning German.
330
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,300
Was fur eine Schande!
331
00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:55,388
Well, German is Earth's closest
language to Klingon.
332
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:56,640
Come on in.
333
00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:17,076
What do you want?
334
00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:18,746
I'm extremely busy.
335
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:24,126
Mm-hmm.
336
00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:26,544
I want to talk to you.
337
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:29,797
I see we have reached the
epilogue of our little drama.
338
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:33,885
No, not the epilogue.
Still plot. Still plot!
339
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,636
Look, I know we've had
our differences,
340
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:37,263
but we can still be friends.
341
00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:40,099
Like when Superman teamed up
with Lex Luthor.
342
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:43,436
That was an imaginary story
written by Harlan Ellison
343
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,979
because he wanted to get fired.
344
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:48,733
Well, maybe this will
tickle your ponytail.
345
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:53,863
The Ogdenville copy!
It lives!
346
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:54,823
Am I forgiven?
347
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,365
I'm afraid not. No.
348
00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:59,202
I don't have a choice.
The grudge is still inside me.
349
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:02,997
Which is also the name of
a low-budget Roger Corman movie.
350
00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:04,791
Oh! What does it take?
351
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,834
How to explain
what I am feeling.
352
00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:09,629
Uh... look around.
What do you see?
353
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:12,256
Uh... a bunch of stuff
that other people threw out?
354
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:14,175
Like a mirror,
you see everything
355
00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:16,636
but understand nothing.
Get out.
356
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:19,138
Let's go.
357
00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:20,556
Oh, my God! Oh!
358
00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:23,852
Is that a season one
Welcome Back, Kotter key chain?
359
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,896
It is! The proof...
360
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:29,565
a John Travolta
who is happy to be there!
361
00:18:29,566 --> 00:18:32,193
How did you get this?
362
00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:37,073
Did I ever tell you
about my Uncle Max?
363
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:38,491
He was the halfback
in the family.
364
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,618
If you gave him a sandwich,
you got half back.
365
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:45,498
This is for you, son.
366
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,124
Don't say I never
gave you nothing.
367
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:49,126
Are you gonna give me
anything else?
368
00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:50,212
Nope. One thing.
369
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:54,799
Homer, when you look
at your precious totem there,
370
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,425
how does it make you feel?
371
00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:58,135
I never thought of it before.
372
00:18:58,136 --> 00:18:59,345
I touch it all the time.
373
00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,597
I feel unhappy
if I don't have it.
374
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,391
Sometimes I dream about it.
375
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,726
I think I love it!
376
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:08,855
Well put. Now understand this.
377
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,231
Dah!
378
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:13,109
That is how you made me feel!
379
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,362
Now you see.
380
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:18,406
And you may consider
the charges dropped.
381
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:20,867
Let us shake hands,
drink rice wine,
382
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,326
and enjoy Swedish Fish candy.
383
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:24,579
Are you saying I'm off the hook?
384
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,539
Yes.
In fact, you may be surprised,
385
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,541
but you are now my best friend.
386
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:30,418
So I'm not going to prison?
387
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:32,670
No, you are going
to Comic-Con with me.
388
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:34,213
Oh. Hmm.
389
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:36,007
Let me see, let me see.
390
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,718
Dad, just say yes.
391
00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,262
Is prison still an option?
392
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,931
No. Not until you hold down
Harrison Ford
393
00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:46,017
while I clip off
his fingernails.
394
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,019
Let's get to it.
395
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:58,613
- What's this?
- Mitigation video.
396
00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:02,742
When I first met Bart, I was
just a nerdy kid with glasses.
397
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,994
But now this
blue-haired butterfly's
398
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:07,747
ready to emerge from his pupa!
399
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:10,207
Simpson, you think
this is helping you?
400
00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:14,629
Skinner's a jerk.
Skinner's a jerk.
401
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:17,173
Skinner's
a jerk. Skinner's a jerk.
402
00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:18,591
Skinner's a jerk.
403
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:19,926
Skinner's
a jerk.
404
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:21,261
Skinner's a jerk.
405
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,973
Shh!
405
00:21:06,305 --> 00:21:12,452
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