All language subtitles for The Indian Detective - 1x01 - Episode 1 (HDTV-CROOKS, HDTV-AFG, HDTV-RMX, 720p-CROOKS, 720p-RMTeam).eng

One more time, D'Mello.
From the beginning.

Look, I apologize for calling
your partner a dick stick.

I mean, come on. It's not
even a real word, "dick stick."

I wasn't really calling him that.

I was referring to a guy I went

to high school with named Richard Stick.

You know, it'd be the same
if I called him Michael Hunt

or Michael Hawk. Any of the Mikes.

To be honest, I don't even
know what a "Richard Stick" is.

I mean a dick stick. Sorry. See?

Even I went right back to Richard.

It was reactionary. It
wasn't like I really meant it.

I don't even know the guy.

Focus! Let's get back to the story.

Look, I told you. My partner and I

were staking out the border

with our informant, Jerry Wax.

He was feeding me information. _

- Is that him there?
- No.

Quite frankly, if you
had seen Jerry Wax...

He was feeding himself, too.

How can you be sure?

Because I saw him load it, Sherlock.

Yeah, but you said it's
a white cargo truck.

Not that white cargo truck.

Does that guy look Indian to you?

You never said Indian.
What do you mean Indian?

Like Native American
Indian, or my kind of Indian?

- What do you mean?
- "Indian" Indian. Like you.

I'm in the hands of an idiot.

- He never said Indian once.
- Doug.

This was gonna make my career.

Detective D'Mello, here I come.

Are you sure you guys are real cops?

We're real cops!

Real cops? Well, where's your backup?

Don't worry about backup, all right?

We got this.

Doug, maybe we should call for back up.

We call for back up, then
Farinelli gets this bust.

Yeah. Rocco's major crimes. We're not.

Oh, my God! You guys aren't real cops!

- Hey.
- Shut up! Rocco?

When did he become Rocco?

Um, Sherlock, you still
want me to shut up?

Yeah, I want you to shut up!

'Cause the friggin' white cargo truck

you want is right there.

Go time!

Doug!

Watch out!

Hey, hey! Gear down there, big rig.

Constable Doug D'Mello, 91 Division!

- Toronto?
- Yeah.

Yeah. We need to search
this man's vehicle.

What for?

Half a ton of high-quality heroin,

Agent Shamansky.

Street value in excess
of 50 million dollars.

You got a warrant?

Do we need one? It's a border crossing.

Okay. Officer Kadu, open it up.

Yes, sir.

Keep an eye on the perp.

Ha-ha! Like it's that
easy, huh? I got this.

What you got, big city?

What are you doing?

Just want the world to
see what an a-hole you are.

Did I really think it
was gonna be that easy?

This was the worst day of my life.

Maybe not the worst day of my life...

Easily the second worst day.

My Mom's death was the
worst day of my life.

This was right up there.

Made some poor choices
in my police career.

Busted a clown once. Who busts a clown?

Thought he was human trafficking;

it turns out it was one of those
clown cars with 30 people in it.

What was I thinking? This is Canada.

We don't smuggle people in in cars.

We save that for America.

Whoa! Who throws away a watch like that?

And why is this guy
taking off his clothes?

I'll tell you why, it's
150 degrees in India.

It's hot.

He's just a billionaire
dropping off his laundry.

Seems innocent enough, I guess.

Right?

Except... What do they call it?

The "butterfly effect"?

What happened to complete strangers

on the other side of the world

totally turned my life upside down.

Swami!

Swami!

_

_

Kids' bikes.

Can't we just bust somebody who steals

something with a motor for once?

Goddamn it.

Douglas.

Hot Toddy.

- What are you wearing?
- Oh, you like it?

- No.
- Breathable fabric.

It's imported. Really airs out the boys

for the iron playground.

- You tall enough to play there?
- Eh...

Anyone got a problem
with male camel-toe

- at the iron playground?
- So how was your bust, Dougie?

How do you know about the bust?

Come on, guys, let's give him
a round of applause. That's...

That's impressive.

Gerner, D'Mello, in my office...

Again.

Really sorry, Doug, but...

Superintendent Ray McKinnon. My boss.

He loves fishing and
he actually likes me.

I mean, you'd never it know
it right now, but he does.

You didn't tell anyone
about your informant.

Uh, he came to me, sir.

He came to you, like, in a dream?

- No, sir. We were at Timmies...
- On a break.

And the informant approached me.

Why would he approach you?

Because I'm a law enforcement officer.

Oh. Yeah.

He told me about a heroin shipment

that would be crossing the border.

Now at that point, you should've
contacted a qualified officer.

Sir, I am qualified officer.

The crossing was
imminent, superintendent.

- There was no time.
- Constable Gerner...

- One-week suspension.
- Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Gerner, would you, uh, give
me a moment alone with D'Mello?

Take a seat there, Doug.

Sir, it was a solid lead.
I know it... sounds fishy...

Get it? Fishy?

I get it, Doug.

- You ever gone fly-fishing?
- No, sir.

My people don't fly-fish.

In fly-fishing, we have rules.

You know, the way you set your bait.

Where you anchor your boat.

How to pee in a bottle
when you're far from land.

The ways we do things and ways we don't.

You don't follow rules,
Doug. You never have.

One-week suspension. Thank
you. I can live with that.

You've been suspended for a month.

- What? A... a month?
- When you come back,

you're demoted.
Constable, fourth-class.

Have you ever thought of
applying your talents elsewhere?

Elsewhere?

Yeah. I mean, have you
ever considered I.T.?

Could work with Todd.

You know, give him a hand,
he looks like he needs one.

If I'm gonna be working in I.T.,

I might as well move back to Brampton.

Well?

Hey, hey, hey! Doug-a-rino!

- Bob.
- I call you "Bob."

- Hey.
- Rocco.

Yeah. Hi.

Listen, tough break, man. But
that gang is really tricky.

- That gang?
- Yeah, so, anyways... um...

We still on for tonight?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

All right, I'll pick you up.

No friggin' way.

- Yeah. I was gonna tell you.
- You were gonna tell me?

Yeah, but I knew you'd be upset.

Why would I be upset? I'm not upset.

Who gets upset over that?
He calls me "Doug-a-rino."

Best thing I've ever been called.

- Doug...
- Since when?

Since, um... last month.

- Where you going?
- Home-a-rino.

- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.

Come on!

Gopal Chandekar,

one of Mumbai's bright,
young crime lords.

The guy loves murder
and mayhem. So weird.

If I looked like that, I
would have just done Bollywood.

Mr. Marlowe.

I trust you had a pleasant trip.

David Marlowe. More
money than God's ex-wife.

Let's get this over with.

You know, back in Toronto,

this guy never even stepped
into a non-white neighborhood

unless he had an eviction
notice in his hand.

Should've had me build this
place for you, Chandekar.

You'd have come in on
time and under budget,

and have the most gorgeous
house you've ever seen.

I'll settle for the
skyscraper, Mr. Marlowe.

Yeah.

And I'll launder your dirty
money to build it, Chandekar.

About that. There have
been some challenges.

What kind of challenges?

The billionaire won't give up his land.

Then we'll build it somewhere else.

- No.
- Don't be stupid.

There're plenty of places
to put up a skyscraper

- around here.
- It must be built there.

I will get the deed.

All right.

- What else?
- The heroin was meant

to cross the Canadian
border two days ago,

- but it didn't go through.
- That's your problem, not mine.

I don't have your money
or your land... yet.

Mmm.

Then get it.

- Not running a charity.
- The great David Marlowe...

one of the richest men in
Canada and he's over-leveraged.

You get the 50 million you promised me,

or you can forget about
your damn building.

You'll understand.

- Hey, Dad. What's up?
- You know what I did last night?

Let me guess. You sat on the porch

- with your shirt open?
- You're so wound up.

Still not getting any action
from that partner of yours?

- Robert?
- Robyn, Dad. Robyn.

I heard it was Robert.

- Robert's a guy's name.
- Robyn isn't?

You know, son, if you
are a gay man, it's okay.

What do you want, Dad?

Okay, okay, Mr. Detective,
always in a hurry.

Can you get some stuff from my room?

"Your" room, huh?

My condo.

- What is it this time?
- My Harris tweed.

- Yep. Right here.
- And my Artie Shaw album?

Yep. Got it. I'll send it tomorrow.

Send it?

What about bringing it with you?

I've been in Mumbai
for the last five years,

and you've not visited me once.

Um, I had a job. Remember?

"Had" a job?

Those bloody sods! Did you get sacked?

No, no. I got suspended.
It's no big deal.

- Can you leave the country?
- Yeah. I'm not a criminal, Dad.

- Come and visit your old man.
- I don't know, Dad.

- I got a lot going on over here.
- Come home, son.

Dad, I am home. Remember?
I was born and raised here.

India is the land of your ancestors,

your beloved mother.

God rest her soul.

Look, Dad, I gotta
go. Uh... Steven's here

- to have sex with me.
- What did you say?

So, I'll call you later, okay?

- Bye, Dad.
- Hello?

Hello?

Oh, you weren't in bed, were you?

No, not really. What
do you have in mind?

Beer me.

Wowsers.

You going to prom?

I mean, I knew you were a girl.

I just didn't know
you were a "girl" girl.

- Right.
- Early night.

I forgot, Rocco's Italian.

Probably still lives in
Woodbridge with his parents?

Rocco's not so bad, you know?

Isn't he? I mean, he's six-two, pretty.

No body fat.

He's actually everything that I'm not.

But I have personality on my side.

- You're really mad at me.
- I'm not mad.

Yeah, I'm mad a little
bit, I guess. Yeah.

- Well, I am, too.
- What are you mad at?

- You're a good constable, Doug.
- Constable?

There's no shame in it.

Yeah, but I'm not good enough
to be a detective, am I?

Honestly?

I don't know if either of
us could ever make detective.

Wow.

Here.

Hey, Dad, can I call you back?

I'm in the middle of
something right now.

Not Dad. It's me.

Dattu? Is everything okay?

Not okay. He's in hospital.

He very bad.

You must come now. Please, Bapa.

Excuse me! Uh, Stanley D'Mello?

- Are you immediate family?
- Yeah, I'm his son.

I'm so sorry, sir. Your
father is no longer with us.

He's gone?

Yes, sir.

How...

How did he die?

Who said he died?

_

Hey, is that a cow air freshener?

Yes.

New leather smell,
no? New car smell, no?

It smells like there was
a cow in here earlier,

and now there's not.

That is because there was a
cow in here and now it's not.

Look, I just got back from India.

I found out I'm not Indian.

I mean, in Canada, if you needed
to identify me, I'd be Indian.

But in India, 100 percent...

"You are not Indian."

I'm from the south of Canada.

We're a little darker over there.

Bapa! Welcome.

Hey, Dattu. How are you?

Good to see you.

Mister Stanley, Bapa is here.

What?

What the hell is that on your head?

I don't want to look like Dattu.

I want to look manly.

"Stanley the Manly."

Did you get my Harris Tweed
and my favorite record?

I thought you had a heart attack.

It, uh... felt like a
heart attack. It was gas.

Very bad gas.

It was a fart attack. Come on!
I don't know. I'm not a doctor.

I thought you were dying.

Did you see that, Dattu?

I have to be at death's door

before my son can come and visit me!

- Not cool, Dad. Not cool at all.
- Come on! You are here now.

Come and spend some
time with your father.

And, now, who is this... Steven?

Steven?

- We broke up.
- What?

- Nothing. He was huge.
- What do you mean by huge?

I'm joking! It was a joke.

Ah, okay. Funny.

- Where are you going?
- To sleep! I'm tired.

Give your father a hug. Come on!

Haven't seen you after years.

Yeah. I hope you didn't
have "to pay" for that thing.

- Go on, you bugger!
- That way, Bapa.

You should tell him.

- I've got nothing to tell.
- Mister Stanley...

Hi, this is Robyn.

Leave your message after the...

Hey, Bob! It's me, your
favorite brown person.

Guess what? My dad
farted. No big deal here.

Hey, I sent you an image just now

of some graffiti in
the back of that truck.

Can you send it over to, uh...
"Italian Stallion" over there

and see what Racoots comes up with?

All right? Uh, get back to me soon.

I miss your stupid face. Bye.

I was jet lagged and I was starving.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking.

"Who cares if you were hungry, fat boy?

You could have skipped a meal or two."

I'm with ya. But the street
food in India's so good.

- Hi.
- You like vada pav?

Uh...

- Two, please.
- You like very much, eh?

I guess.

Sure. Thank you.

- Uh, is this enough?
- More!

You're screwing me over, aren't you?

- Probably costs way less.
- No.

Hello, ladies.

Slowly!

_

Hey! _

Give me my wallet.
Guess where you're going?

You're going to jail. Let's go! _

Excuse me. Thank you.

_

Sorry.

Officer. Officer.

This kid tried to steal my wallet.

And I brought him to you for justice.

Hello? There's a child here with me.

Yes. This kid stole my wallet.

Ah, now we're working it.
You're in trouble now, kid.

What the hell was that?

Excuse me?

That kid stole my wallet
and you just let him go?

What, do you think I'm fishing for kids?

Is this catch and release?
Nothing? You do nothing?

Sign here, Mr. D'Mello.

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

Detective?

Me?

You are Detective Doug
D'Mello, aren't you?

- Have we met?
- Vagrancy, disturbing the peace?

It's a good thing you didn't
sign that statement, detective.

You gotta stop calling
me that. It's just Doug.

Priya Sehgal.

Nice to meet you. Thanks
for getting me out of there.

Your father's shown me your
picture so many times, huh?

My father? How do you know my father?

Well, my family lives upstairs.

Oh, right, right.

But your father's so proud of you.

All the murders you've solved.
Getting the Order of Canada.

The Order of Canada? Right.

Get in. This is for you.

- Oh. Are you coming?
- No.

I've still got a lot of work
to do before I go to court.

Thank you so much.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Of course that was on my mind,

but this was different.

She was beautiful. Like, really pretty.

And smart.

I don't even know what
the Order of Canada's for.

Does it get you out of jail for free?

Obviously not.

Two bald men were murdered last night

and one of them was wearing a wig.

Joking!

- Morning, Dattu.
- Morning.

Morning, Dad.

Chai?

Ah, no thank you. Coffee, please.

Nothing is better than coffee.

That's right.

You finally woke up.

I was beginning to think that
you also had a fart attack.

Uh, no.

I... I met your neighbor
last night, though.

- Miss Sehgal.
- It's not Miss Sehgal.

It's Priya Sehgal.

- You forget about it.
- Forget about what?

Ah, you're a Roman Catholic,
a Canadian passport holder,

a firangi, you don't stand any chance.

Why'd you tell her I was a detective?

You catch criminals.
You are a detective.

No. I'm not a detective, Dad.

I'm a constable. Fourth-class.

Fourth class?

You... you got demoted?

I'll... I'll get it.

He got demoted again.

And you should know the difference

between coffee and tea.

- At least pretend!
- Sorry.

- Oh!
- Oh!

- Good... Hello. Good morning.
- Good morning. Again.

Yes!

Good morning, beautiful.

Good morning, Mr. D'Mello, Dattu uncle.

Come in.

No, actually, I just
wanted to ask a favor.

- From me?
- Yes.

Me...

Have you ever had a suspect confess

to a murder he didn't commit?

That, uh... no.

That generally does not happen.

Well, the man I went to see last night

confessed to poisoning a Swami

and I'm quite certain he's innocent.

So I wanted to know if you
could question him for me?

- Me?
- I know it's a lot to ask.

But since you're an
experienced detective...

_

Yeah. That...

Shouldn't the local
police talk to him first?

They have. But you've seen
what the police are like.

- Mmm.
- Will you help me?

Yes. I mean, yeah. Yeah!

I can do that. I'm
just going to go change.

You wanna come in and have some tea

- or coffee, or...
- Yes, sure.

The coffee... The tea
tastes like coffee,

'cause it's actually tea,

But what are you gonna do, you know?

I've read your statement, Mr. Vimal.

Uh, it says you killed the Swami
because he put a curse on you

and gave you money troubles.

_

_

I'm gonna ask you a
question, and I want you to...

to think about your answer carefully.

When you were 12,

what did you want to
be when you grew up?

_

_

_

- Did he just say astronaut?
- Rakesh Sharma.

It's interesting. Yet,
you went the tea route.

And according to your case
file, it says business is good.

_

_

Who do you owe money to?
We'd like to speak to them.

_

_

_

He doesn't owe money, does he?

I'd like to speak to the
officer in charge of this case.

- But what good will that do?
- Just let me talk to him.

Did you rob the bank?

- Did you rob the bank?
- _

You and who else?

Can't you see I'm questioning a suspect?

Miss Sehgal.

Inspector Devo.

This is Detective Doug D'Mello
from the Toronto Police Service.

- Toronto, in Canada.
- Toronto's in Canada.

Yep.

And all this time I
was thinking Finland.

Well, guess what? All this
time you've been incorrect.

Can I ask you a question?

- Is your name really "Devo?"
- Not "Really Devo."

Just Devo.

Have you ever just... whipped it?

And then whipped it good?

Nobody?

Okay. We're here about
the chai-wallah Vimal.

He confessed to a
murder he didn't commit.

- Now why would he do that?
- I don't know.

Maybe he's covering for somebody.

Interesting theory, but
Vimal said he did it.

So, the case is closed.

How can you close a case when
there's a reasonable doubt?

Toronto, I can do what the hell I want.

And if you don't get out
of my office right now,

I will have you arrested.

For the second time in 24
hours, from what I hear.

Really? On what charge now?

On the charge of "Ah, guess what?

I don't need a charge!"

- Doug, let's just go.
- Okay.

Looks delicious.

I want you to remember something.

* When a problem comes along *

* You must whip it *

* When you think You're eating lunch *

* You must whip it *

* I'm gonna walk out Your office *

* Because I whip it *

Sir!

What did they want?

They're saying the
chai-wallah is innocent.

Is he?

Sir, I have an armed bank robbery,

two abductions, a dowry
death and a strangling case.

The chai-wallah has confessed.

It's done.

Who's the giant sperm?

Urvesh Malkani. The Swami's
most devoted follower.

A billionaire who's
giving away his fortune,

piece by piece, in line
with the Swami's teachings.

What kind of teaching is that?

That material things corrupt the spirit.

The Swami inspired him

to live a life as a
holy barefoot beggar.

- Who's that?
- Urvesh's wife. Vinaya Malkani.

And their children.

You know, I think I've seen her before.

Where?

Last night at the police station.

She actually bumped
into me. She was crying.

You don't consider
her a suspect, do you?

Everyone's a suspect.
First rule of detective-ing.

Detecting. Detectivizing.

You know what I mean.

- Namaste, Mrs. Malkani.
- Namaste.

I'd like you to meet Doug D'Mello.

Hi.

Are you a follower?

Oh, yeah. Big follower.

And your husband's a really
inspiring dude, as well.

I'm thinking about giving
away all my cash, too.

Actually, I don't think Urvesh

will remain on that
path for much longer.

Really?

Changed his mind?

He had supported the Swami

both spiritually and financially.

My husband still believes
the Swami's a very great man,

but it's just that, you
know, after his death, his...

his faith is really shaken.

Doug is assisting me with
the defense of Mr. Vimal.

Vimal is a very nice man.

And he's got three lovely daughters.

It was a pleasure to meet you.

Namaste.

- So, what do you think?
- I think we should pay a visit

to Mr. Vimal's three lovely daughters.

It will be a beautiful building, Gopal.

It will be much more
than that, my friend.

And? What did you find out
about the Canadian detective?

And nothing.

Except they questioned
Mrs. Malkani at the funeral.

Mrs. Malkani went to jail
to console the chai-wallah.

- Is he guilty?
- He signed a confession.

Want me to look into it?

I want you to do nothing.

Let this detective-wallah
keep asking questions.

Keep an eye on him.

- Namaste, Seema.
- Namaste.

This is Detective Doug
D'Mello from Toronto.

In Canada. Hi.

- Please come in.
- Thank you.

May I offer you some tea?

- Oh, no thank you.
- Yes.

Tea would be lovely, thank you.

Her dad killed somebody with tea.

Have you seen my father?

- We saw him this morning.
- When will he come home?

We don't know yet.

You speak English really well.

Thank you. Your English is good too.

Thanks. I'm from Canada.
It's what we speak there.

And French.

I'm not really good at either of them.

I bet you get good grades.

We cannot afford to pay for school.

We teach ourselves, so that we
may go to university one day.

How are you gonna pay for university?

Pray to Saraswati.

Is that the God of Tuition?

She's the goddess of
wisdom and knowledge.

She will provide.

Gotcha.

You have to understand,

hope is all anyone has in this place.

Hope doesn't pay the bills.

You'd be surprised.

When you believe something is real,

it becomes real.

What's going to happen to those girls

if their father gets convicted?

They'll go from the
slums to the streets,

where begging and prostitution
is their only future.

There's gotta be something we can do.

Well, Vimal enters a
plea in the morning.

And that will be the end of it.

- But thank you.
- For what?

For caring.

Most people don't.

Most people are dicks.

Oh, Dad! Even in your sleep.

- Bob?
- Oh, hey partner!

I've been trying to
reach you. How's your dad?

Yeah. Flatulent.

Mm.

I asked Rocco about that
graffiti in the truck.

- Mm-hmm.
- He doesn't recognize it.

- You think it means something?
- Uh, I don't know yet.

What's that?

Oh, sorry, Doug, gotta go. Call me.

Hey, darling!

Hi, Ma.

Where's your dad?

- Asleep.
- How did your case go?

Oh. I'm sorry.

- Stanley's son helped, though.
- Mr. D'Mello's son?

_

- What?
- I know that tone of voice.

No. It's not like that.

Anyhow, I spoke to Vihaan's Mom today

and she sent me this photo of him.

- He's very handsome, isn't he?
- Very.

Well done, Ma.

I'm so excited for you, sweetheart.

I think he'll make an excellent husband.

Hey! There's the dad I remember!

Oh!

And there's the dad you've become.

- "Stanley the Manly."
- Yeah.

You know, other than that
cat sitting on your head,

you look fantastic. Where are you going?

Air Force Social Club for lunch.

- Why don't you come with me?
- Maybe.

If you do me a favor.

Okay.

Hi. Dr. Sehgal?

Yes.

I'm Doug D'Mello, Stanley's son.

Ah, yes.

I need to speak to Priya.

- I'm sorry. She's not up yet.
- I'm up, Ma.

- Hey.
- What's this about?

Proof that Vimal did not kill the Swami.

_

How can I help you, Miss Sehgal?

I think you should have a look at this.

- Darling?
- Did you do this?

Kill the Swami?

Of course not. What is this?

A statement from the chai wallah

rejecting your offer to pay
for his daughters' education.

Vinaya?

I know you put the oleander seeds

in the Swami's tea.

I don't think she was
trying to kill him.

Just trying to make him sick enough

so that he'd leave your husband alone.

So you bought Vimal's silence

with the one thing he valued the most...

an education for his daughters.

The Swami was a holy man. How could you?

Who else was going to
look after our children?

You were just going to
give away their future.

I wasn't born to wealth like you.

I know there's nothing
noble about poverty.

_

_

Right here!

_

How does your client plead?

Not guilty, your Honor.

But... but... I told you.

_

_

_

Now that's police work!

Am I right?

Come on, gimme some. Up high.

We're not there yet?

Nothing?

Mr. Chandakar...

I heard about your wife
and the Swami, Mr. Malkani.

A very sad affair.

You have the influence of the police?

Yes.

I can arrange for the
charges to be dropped.

- For a price.
- Name it.

I think you know what I want.

What I don't get is you
can't even speak Hindi.

How did you get Vimal
to sign the statement?

Well, some things become real
if you believe they're real.

Wait...

you typed that statement?

My father did.

I mean, I knew she did it.
I just couldn't prove it.

Do detectives from Toronto

always play such tricks with the law?

About that...

I know. You're not really a detective.

I kind of figured when you started

using words like "Detective-ing."

I'm a constable, but, in all fairness,

we have a Detective Charles
Ing back at the station, so...

Detective "Ing" is a real person.

I'll, uh... see you around?

Yes. You'll... see you around.

- Okay.
- Good... Good job... partner.

See you in there.

I'm going to wait out here,

so it doesn't seem
awkward, we go in together.

Lock down these streets.
Make sure no bad guys get in.

High five? You went for a high five.

You friggin' idiot!

High five?

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