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( Theme music playing )
2
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♪ All the shadows in the city ♪
3
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♪ Used to love you,
what a pity ♪
4
00:00:18,770 --> 00:00:22,649
♪ I miss the questions
you used to ask me ♪
5
00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:26,736
♪ Bored to death,
cut, mad and lonely ♪
6
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♪ Bored to death, cut,
mad and lonely... ♪
7
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- (coughs)
- ♪ Bored to death ♪
8
00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:35,203
♪ Cut, mad and lonely. ♪
9
00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:38,706
( whistle blows )
10
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- Do you love books?
- Oh my God.
11
00:01:16,953 --> 00:01:18,454
Sorry...
12
00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:20,665
Are you Dimitri?
13
00:01:20,832 --> 00:01:22,166
That's not the code.
14
00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:24,335
Sorry...
15
00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:26,170
I love books and books love me.
16
00:01:26,337 --> 00:01:28,298
Better. I'm Dimitri.
17
00:01:28,464 --> 00:01:29,924
- I'm Jonathan Ames.
- I know.
18
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:33,970
Thank you for suggesting
that I bring Gogol's "The Nose."
19
00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:36,431
In addition to being
a private detective,
20
00:01:36,598 --> 00:01:39,017
I'm also doing some
writing on the side
21
00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:41,352
and I have always loved novels.
22
00:01:41,519 --> 00:01:42,854
Me too.
23
00:01:43,021 --> 00:01:44,856
Turgenev, Dostoevsky, Gogol...
24
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These were my cellmates in prison.
25
00:01:47,525 --> 00:01:49,360
They kept me alive for three years.
26
00:01:49,527 --> 00:01:51,446
Prison? Why were you in prison?
27
00:01:51,613 --> 00:01:54,616
It's not important.
Let's sit and talk.
28
00:02:06,252 --> 00:02:08,296
I need you to find a woman.
29
00:02:08,463 --> 00:02:11,257
That's my specialty.
I've found several.
30
00:02:11,424 --> 00:02:13,760
Good.
She is the great love of my life.
31
00:02:13,926 --> 00:02:15,637
She is all I thought about in prison.
32
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:18,181
How long were you with her?
33
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One night.
34
00:02:19,766 --> 00:02:20,933
Just one night?
35
00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:23,269
One night, if the love is perfect,
36
00:02:23,436 --> 00:02:25,313
is all you need.
37
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,815
Also I was arrested the next day.
38
00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:29,942
We met in Brighton Beach...
39
00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:32,945
very romantic.
Have you ever been there?
40
00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:35,657
No, my girlfriend Suzanne
always wanted to go
41
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:38,326
to those nightclubs
out there but we never did.
44
00:02:42,955 --> 00:02:44,624
So what did you offer her to stay...
45
00:02:44,791 --> 00:02:47,293
diamonds, gold, a car with sunroof?
46
00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:50,254
No, I just begged.
47
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:52,131
And I...
48
00:02:52,298 --> 00:02:53,299
Cried?
49
00:02:53,466 --> 00:02:55,134
A little.
50
00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:57,637
Good. It's natural.
51
00:02:57,804 --> 00:02:59,472
But also if you want
to keep a woman,
52
00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:00,807
you have to be strong.
53
00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:04,477
Women need us to be
commanding and decisive.
54
00:03:04,644 --> 00:03:05,978
But do they?
55
00:03:06,145 --> 00:03:08,356
I don't know. Maybe they do.
56
00:03:08,523 --> 00:03:10,233
They do.
57
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,485
So my woman...
58
00:03:12,652 --> 00:03:14,987
I don't know her real name,
59
00:03:15,154 --> 00:03:17,115
only her stage name...
60
00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:20,368
Irenna, the Lonely White Dove.
61
00:03:21,411 --> 00:03:23,496
She was singer at Cafe Tatiana.
62
00:03:23,663 --> 00:03:25,206
I want you to go there.
63
00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:27,166
I'm happy to go to this club for you,
64
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:30,086
but why don't you just go?
It'll save you my fee.
65
00:03:30,253 --> 00:03:32,547
My parole officer
won't let me out at night.
66
00:03:32,714 --> 00:03:34,716
That's why I find you on Craigslist.
67
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,635
Also I got apartment, exercise bicycle,
68
00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:39,846
and you... my own private detective.
69
00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:42,682
I'm your man then.
I'll go to Tatiana.
70
00:03:42,849 --> 00:03:44,976
Spasibo.
71
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,312
Please find my woman.
72
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:02,618
Do you think I lost Suzanne
because I didn't take her places
73
00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:05,955
or do you think I lost her
because I was indecisive?
74
00:04:06,122 --> 00:04:07,623
Probably both.
75
00:04:07,790 --> 00:04:10,501
But I can't think about your failed
relationship right now.
76
00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:14,088
I have to tell you,
I'm in a bad way, Jonathan.
77
00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:15,298
Why? What's going on?
78
00:04:15,465 --> 00:04:17,341
The magazine's numbers are way down...
79
00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:19,969
newsstand, subscriptions, advertising.
80
00:04:20,136 --> 00:04:23,097
It's very bleak and it's all my fault.
81
00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:25,266
It's not your fault.
All magazines are dying.
82
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:27,393
Yes yes, but a few will survive.
83
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:30,146
It's Darwinian.
See, we need to adapt.
84
00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:31,939
I need to adapt.
85
00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:34,525
Our biggest problem
is our female demographic.
86
00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:38,780
See, we've lost over 37%
of our women readers.
87
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:41,073
- That is a lot of women.
- I know.
88
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,993
So what's the plan...
hire more women writers?
89
00:04:45,495 --> 00:04:47,163
That's a good idea, actually.
90
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:50,750
That'll be the second step.
The first step, though, is to change me.
91
00:04:50,917 --> 00:04:54,295
See, if I'm right,
the magazine will be right.
92
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:56,297
But how are you going to change?
93
00:04:56,464 --> 00:05:00,092
You told me once that after the age
of 55 it's impossible to change.
94
00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:03,638
That's why my therapist is suggesting
something radical.
95
00:05:03,805 --> 00:05:06,307
He wants me to experiment
with bisexuality.
96
00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:07,475
What?
97
00:05:07,642 --> 00:05:09,560
Mr. Christopher,
I need to clean in here.
98
00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:11,896
Yes, of course.
Yes, of course.
99
00:05:12,063 --> 00:05:13,731
Sorry...
100
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:22,824
He says it will help me
appeal to women readers,
101
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:26,118
put me in touch
with my feminine side.
102
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:28,496
- Your therapist sounds crazy.
- I know, I know.
103
00:05:28,663 --> 00:05:31,624
But most therapists are.
That's what gives them insight.
104
00:05:31,791 --> 00:05:34,794
- This is insane.
- What can I say, Jonathan?
105
00:05:34,961 --> 00:05:37,964
I am desperate to help the magazine.
I'm willing to try anything.
106
00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:40,132
But if you experiment with bisexuality
107
00:05:40,299 --> 00:05:42,635
you'll just be more gay,
not necessarily more feminine.
108
00:05:42,802 --> 00:05:43,886
That's fine.
109
00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:45,930
I mean, who designs
women's clothing?
110
00:05:46,097 --> 00:05:47,223
Gay men.
111
00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:49,725
Who do women find attractive?
Gay men.
112
00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:53,187
Who writes women's TV shows? Gay men.
113
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,149
I really think it's my only choice.
114
00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:59,151
But have you ever experimented before?
115
00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:02,113
No, but I do have an open mind
about the whole thing.
116
00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:06,242
You know, Laurence Olivier
and Danny Kaye were lovers.
117
00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,411
- Really?
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
118
00:06:08,578 --> 00:06:11,372
And oddly enough they're
my two favorite actors of all time.
119
00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:14,917
They were like two sides
of this strange coin...
120
00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:16,919
"Hamlet" and "The Court Jester."
121
00:06:17,086 --> 00:06:20,131
the dark prince and the Technicolor clown.
122
00:06:20,298 --> 00:06:21,632
It's amazing.
123
00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:24,135
It's hard to imagine them as lovers.
124
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,680
Sorry to put this in such
old-fashioned terms,
125
00:06:27,847 --> 00:06:30,349
but who do you think played
the woman in the relationship?
126
00:06:30,516 --> 00:06:32,768
Danny Kaye.
He could do a lot of accents.
127
00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:36,314
That way Olivier could have
a different woman every night.
128
00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:51,412
( Fast dance music playing )
129
00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:54,832
( people laughing, chattering )
130
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:05,635
I'll have a white wine.
131
00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:17,480
I was wondering
if you could help me.
132
00:07:17,647 --> 00:07:21,692
I'm looking for a singer...
Irenna, the Lonely White Dove.
133
00:07:34,956 --> 00:07:37,291
I don't know if you gentlemen
heard my question,
134
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:40,503
but I'm looking for Irenna,
the Lonely White Dove?
135
00:07:40,670 --> 00:07:43,798
- You're a tourist?
- No no, not exactly.
136
00:07:43,965 --> 00:07:45,508
I live in Brooklyn.
137
00:07:45,675 --> 00:07:47,885
Then come sit down,
have a good Russian meal...
138
00:07:48,052 --> 00:07:50,471
vodka, caviar,
139
00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:52,890
blini, semga.
140
00:07:54,016 --> 00:07:57,603
( Woman singing in Russian )
141
00:08:04,068 --> 00:08:06,570
Excuse me, who is that
beautiful singer?
142
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,533
Oh, that is Basha.
You have no chance.
143
00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:12,326
She's not interested in penis.
144
00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:14,161
She's a Sappho.
145
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:15,913
Oh, I'm not... I didn't mean...
146
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,873
Do you know, is there a singer here
147
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,794
named Irenna, the Lonely White Dove?
Her old boyfriend is looking for her.
148
00:08:21,961 --> 00:08:24,964
We don't have a lonely dove.
We have a lonely sparrow.
149
00:08:25,131 --> 00:08:26,882
She sings tomorrow.
150
00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,718
Great. Thank you.
151
00:08:30,261 --> 00:08:32,263
Oh, thank you.
152
00:08:34,432 --> 00:08:37,768
- Na zdorovie!
- Na zdorovie!
153
00:08:44,150 --> 00:08:46,652
Is vodka really made
from potatoes?
154
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:21,062
( Groans )
155
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,105
I'm really hungover
from that vodka.
156
00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:26,275
You gotta write something.
I do my best work hungover.
157
00:09:26,442 --> 00:09:29,028
I have less brain cells
to confuse the issue.
158
00:09:29,195 --> 00:09:31,739
I did this yesterday morning
159
00:09:31,906 --> 00:09:34,033
right after I barfed all over the place.
160
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,160
You're not that big.
161
00:09:36,327 --> 00:09:40,206
In my mind I am...
huge but underused.
162
00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:41,916
What are you drawing this for?
163
00:09:42,083 --> 00:09:44,460
It's a story about being a sperm donor
to Lisa and Michelle,
164
00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:46,545
and how Leah won't sleep with me.
165
00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,714
This editor at "Esquire" is really into it.
166
00:09:48,881 --> 00:09:50,716
Really great work.
167
00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:53,886
I'm sorry, I feel so sick.
168
00:09:54,053 --> 00:09:55,888
Let's go get a drink right now.
169
00:09:56,055 --> 00:09:58,432
Oh, quit kidding around.
I gotta drink more tonight.
170
00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,267
I'm going back to that club.
171
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:04,313
I'm supposed to find out
if the lonely sparrow is Irenna.
172
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,983
Actually I had a really
fun time there last night.
173
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:10,778
I can't believe I never took
Suzanne to Brighton Beach.
174
00:10:10,945 --> 00:10:13,864
Why don't you take Suzanne
tonight, you know?
175
00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:17,535
You guys haven't had any breakup sex, right?
It's been a couple of months.
176
00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:19,870
You're due.
177
00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:21,288
Maybe you're right.
178
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:23,457
If you do call her, maybe Leah
and I could go with you.
179
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:25,960
Tonight we're supposed to
work on our intimacy issues.
180
00:10:26,127 --> 00:10:28,379
But if the four of us go,
that's not very intimate.
181
00:10:28,546 --> 00:10:31,090
Yeah, but if you go we won't fight,
182
00:10:31,257 --> 00:10:33,634
and that's really good for intimacy.
183
00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:39,223
( Groans )
184
00:10:39,390 --> 00:10:41,392
Mi vida loca.
185
00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:46,438
( Phone rings )
186
00:10:48,107 --> 00:10:50,609
( sighs ) Hello.
187
00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:53,112
Suzanne, it's Jonathan.
188
00:10:53,279 --> 00:10:55,364
I know.
What's going on?
189
00:10:55,531 --> 00:10:58,784
First of all, I just want to say
I'm really sorry about what happened
190
00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:01,370
the last time I saw you
with your Al-Anon friend.
191
00:11:01,537 --> 00:11:02,872
Let's not talk about it.
192
00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:06,417
Well, I want to make it up you. You know
how we never went to Brighton Beach
193
00:11:06,584 --> 00:11:09,128
because I thought it was
too long of a subway ride?
194
00:11:09,295 --> 00:11:12,756
Well, you and I are going
out there tonight.
195
00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:15,759
That's right.
I found this great place.
196
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,470
We'll eat dinner, drinks, dancing.
197
00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:20,472
You know I don't want
to see you drinking.
198
00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:22,474
I was talking about water.
199
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:24,935
We'll drink water
after we dance to rehydrate.
200
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,478
What is this about?
201
00:11:26,645 --> 00:11:29,106
Nothing.
I'm just feeling really...
202
00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:31,775
decisive, you know?
203
00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:35,196
I want you to have the Brighton Beach
night I never gave you.
204
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:38,199
I don't think we should be
going on a date, Jonathan.
205
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,618
It's not a date. It's platonic.
206
00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:42,161
Dancing is platonic?
207
00:11:42,328 --> 00:11:43,996
Yes, dancing is platonic.
208
00:11:44,163 --> 00:11:46,999
We'll stay three feet apart from each
other the whole night, I promise.
209
00:11:47,166 --> 00:11:50,127
And there's gonna be lots
of people there... Ray and Leah...
210
00:11:50,294 --> 00:11:52,129
( speaks gibberish )
211
00:11:52,296 --> 00:11:53,964
Lots of people.
212
00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:57,051
Well, I guess I did always want to go.
213
00:11:57,218 --> 00:11:59,053
We don't even have to sit
next to each other.
214
00:11:59,220 --> 00:12:01,055
I'll sit across the room the whole night
215
00:12:01,222 --> 00:12:03,474
sending you platonic love notes.
216
00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:06,685
What's a platonic love note?
217
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:11,106
I just thought it was
going to be you and me.
218
00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:13,317
Well, Jonathan knew
where this place was
219
00:12:13,484 --> 00:12:15,778
and it just seemed easier
if we all came together.
220
00:12:15,945 --> 00:12:18,155
Plus, he split the car service with me.
221
00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:22,117
If it meant being alone
I could have paid for the car.
222
00:12:22,284 --> 00:12:24,703
Well, tonight is on me... and Jonathan.
223
00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,747
Oh, good.
224
00:12:28,874 --> 00:12:32,002
A little bit of potato sauce.
225
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:33,837
Thank you.
226
00:12:37,633 --> 00:12:40,511
( Makes zapping noises )
227
00:12:40,678 --> 00:12:42,263
What are you doing?
228
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:45,766
I'm zapping it like Iceman
from the X-men series.
229
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:47,977
Remember I drew them for Marvel?
230
00:12:48,143 --> 00:12:51,272
Can we please not talk
about comics for one night?
231
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:55,609
Okay, to the prettiest girl
in Brighton Beach.
232
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,736
That's better.
233
00:12:59,113 --> 00:13:00,656
A kiss.
234
00:13:03,075 --> 00:13:04,952
Hi, Leah. Hey, Ray.
235
00:13:05,119 --> 00:13:07,121
- Hey, want some vodka?
- Okay.
236
00:13:07,288 --> 00:13:09,498
I thought there would be
more people here.
237
00:13:09,665 --> 00:13:11,083
I thought there would be less.
238
00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:14,044
Well, we don't know these
people yet, but you'll see,
239
00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:16,714
pretty soon this place is gonna be
like a big Russian wedding.
240
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,133
By the end we're all gonna
know each other pretty well.
241
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:23,220
Unlimited vodka here...
this is where the value is.
242
00:13:23,387 --> 00:13:25,681
To the drug Czar.
243
00:13:27,016 --> 00:13:29,476
Cheers.
244
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:34,523
I thought you said
you weren't drinking tonight.
245
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:36,567
Oh, well,
246
00:13:36,734 --> 00:13:38,402
it was just a celebratory toast.
247
00:13:38,569 --> 00:13:41,989
You know, when in Moscow...
248
00:13:42,156 --> 00:13:43,907
I'll switch to water now.
249
00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:45,242
So to water.
250
00:13:45,409 --> 00:13:47,786
To water.
251
00:13:50,748 --> 00:13:52,499
Ray:
Oh, that's good.
252
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:53,834
Let's all dance.
253
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,502
That's a good idea.
254
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,629
No, my toes are all fused.
My toes are fused.
255
00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,798
Come on, don't be a baby.
256
00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,470
It's been awhile
since we danced together.
257
00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:11,769
Sir.
258
00:14:13,145 --> 00:14:17,941
I know I said we would
only dance three feet apart but...
259
00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:20,152
is two feet okay?
260
00:14:20,319 --> 00:14:24,281
Yeah, I guess two feet is okay.
261
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:26,075
Isn't this fun?
262
00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,452
Yeah, it really is.
263
00:14:30,621 --> 00:14:32,664
You can come closer if you want.
264
00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:36,126
Really?
265
00:14:45,386 --> 00:14:48,055
Man:
Everyone please sit down.
266
00:14:48,222 --> 00:14:50,057
Ladies and gentlemen,
267
00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:52,851
welcome to the stage
268
00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:58,524
Nadya, the Lonely Sparrow.
269
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:13,414
♪ The falling leaves ♪
270
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:17,835
♪ Drift by the window ♪
271
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:21,880
♪ The autumn leaves ♪
272
00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:26,135
♪ Of red and gold... ♪
273
00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:29,263
I think that's the woman
I'm looking for.
274
00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:31,640
She is beautiful.
275
00:15:31,807 --> 00:15:33,517
What are you guys talking about?
276
00:15:33,684 --> 00:15:35,602
Sorry, do you know her?
277
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:38,605
No no, not at all. Not yet.
278
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:40,524
It's complicated.
279
00:15:40,691 --> 00:15:42,901
( Phone buzzing )
280
00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:45,070
Oh shit. It's George.
281
00:15:45,237 --> 00:15:47,364
I'm sorry, I have to take this.
282
00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:50,409
But you're having fun here, right?
283
00:15:50,576 --> 00:15:51,952
We're in Brighton Beach.
284
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,121
I'm sorry.
285
00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:57,416
Hello, George.
286
00:15:57,583 --> 00:15:59,835
Wait, hold on. It's loud here.
287
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:03,547
Sorry, George. What's up?
288
00:16:03,714 --> 00:16:06,300
What if I do this
and I don't come back?
289
00:16:06,467 --> 00:16:07,801
What do you mean?
290
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:10,095
That I turn completely gay.
291
00:16:10,262 --> 00:16:13,182
Well, then it was meant to be.
292
00:16:15,267 --> 00:16:18,937
You know what?
You're absolutely right.
293
00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:22,524
I have to remember that it helped
Jann Wenner's career.
294
00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:25,777
All his magazines thrived
after he became homosexual...
295
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,446
really boosted sales.
296
00:16:27,613 --> 00:16:29,448
Thank you.
297
00:16:29,615 --> 00:16:33,118
Okay, so...
298
00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:35,871
do you know how I could
find a male escort?
299
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:39,041
- No, I don't know.
- Sorry, what? The reception's bad here.
300
00:16:39,208 --> 00:16:41,126
I don't know how to find a male escort.
301
00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:43,420
- Well, you should know these things.
- No, I shouldn't.
302
00:16:43,587 --> 00:16:46,423
Look, just Google
"male escort New York City."
303
00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:47,758
Wait, I can't hear you.
304
00:16:47,925 --> 00:16:50,469
The reception is terrible.
Is it me or you?
305
00:16:50,636 --> 00:16:52,095
Just Google
306
00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,473
"male escort New York City."
307
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:58,018
Actually, Google "gay male escort
308
00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:00,687
New York City."
309
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:03,565
George, I've gotta go.
I'm at a Russian nightclub.
310
00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:06,652
A Russian nightclub?
Hey, I want to go.
311
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,654
Sorry about that.
312
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:11,657
My friend just... never mind.
313
00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:13,450
You guys work here, right?
314
00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:14,952
Can you tell me...
315
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,787
did Nadya the Lonely Sparrow
316
00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:19,665
use to be Irenna the Lonely White Dove?
317
00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:21,333
Why you want to know so much?
318
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,752
Last night you told waitress
319
00:17:23,919 --> 00:17:27,256
a boyfriend is looking
for the Lonely Dove.
320
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:29,883
Who's the boyfriend?
Who do you work for?
321
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:32,553
Nobody.
Look, let's just forget it.
322
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,429
I've forgotten it.
323
00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:37,099
So I'm just going to go back inside.
324
00:17:37,266 --> 00:17:38,600
You are a fool.
325
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,394
Hey. Ow. Don't touch me.
326
00:17:40,561 --> 00:17:42,938
Wait wait wait.
My friends are inside, okay?
327
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:45,315
I've already paid
for two meals... $38.
328
00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:47,234
Don't ever come in here again.
329
00:17:47,401 --> 00:17:49,528
- What about my friends?
- Fuck friends.
330
00:17:49,695 --> 00:17:51,572
Hey, come on,
get your hands off me.
331
00:17:53,282 --> 00:17:55,993
If we see you here again
we will break you.
332
00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:04,626
Shit.
Shit.
333
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:08,964
You work for Dimitri?
334
00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:11,091
He's my friend.
335
00:18:11,258 --> 00:18:13,260
She wants you to call her...
336
00:18:13,427 --> 00:18:17,598
The girl, the singer, Irenna.
337
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,975
- Call her tomorrow, eh?
- Who are you?
338
00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:21,893
I cannot talk to you.
It's not safe for me.
339
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:23,895
Wait, can you help me
get back in there?
340
00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:26,273
My girlfriend's in there.
341
00:18:33,572 --> 00:18:35,449
Ray?
342
00:18:38,035 --> 00:18:41,246
I say in the ad that I'm an unlicensed
private detective,
343
00:18:41,413 --> 00:18:44,082
which makes it more legal, sort of.
344
00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:47,544
Anyway, the guy I'm that
working for is an ex-con,
345
00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:50,922
but he's a real romantic
and I'm trying to help him.
346
00:18:53,592 --> 00:18:54,926
Are you guys listening to me?
347
00:18:55,093 --> 00:18:56,720
I'm listening.
348
00:18:56,887 --> 00:18:58,138
Thank you, Ray.
349
00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:01,016
Jonathan, you've got to understand this
from my perspective.
350
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:04,353
I thought that tonight was gonna be the
Brighton Beach night that we never had.
351
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,104
Remember that's what you told me?
352
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,273
And I stupidly believed you.
353
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,942
Instead you drink vodka
and you leave me alone
354
00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:13,111
while you chase after
some Russian singer
355
00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,322
because you're investigating a case.
356
00:19:15,489 --> 00:19:17,324
But I was doing it in the name of love...
357
00:19:17,491 --> 00:19:19,117
somebody else's love but...
358
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:21,703
You weren't doing this
for anybody else but you.
359
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:25,248
You're selfish.
You live in a selfish fantasy world.
360
00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:26,625
Suzanne, please...
361
00:19:26,792 --> 00:19:29,419
Please just do me one favor
and don't talk to me.
362
00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:32,130
The next subway, please, sir.
363
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:37,219
At least it wasn't me
this time, right, baby?
364
00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:41,056
Ow. Hey.
365
00:19:42,808 --> 00:19:45,352
Hey, look, for what it's worth,
I'm on your side.
366
00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:48,105
( Seagulls cawing )
367
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:57,114
Irenna?
368
00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:00,450
Yes. And you're the private cop?
369
00:20:00,617 --> 00:20:02,703
Yes, or detective
or investigator.
370
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,162
They all work.
371
00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:07,249
Thank you for coming.
I don't like the phone.
372
00:20:07,416 --> 00:20:10,001
It's okay. It's beautiful here.
373
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:14,297
So let me make sure
I got things straight...
374
00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:17,259
you used to sing as
the Lonely White Dove. Is that right?
375
00:20:17,426 --> 00:20:18,427
Yes.
376
00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:20,929
Why did you switch
to the Lonely Sparrow?
377
00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:22,681
I like birds.
378
00:20:22,848 --> 00:20:24,808
Every year I'm a new bird
379
00:20:24,975 --> 00:20:26,476
and always a lonely bird.
380
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:29,104
Maybe you won't have to be
lonely any more.
381
00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:31,106
Dimitri hired me to find you.
382
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:33,442
Why?
383
00:20:33,608 --> 00:20:36,194
Because he's in love with you.
384
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:40,699
He is still in prison?
385
00:20:40,866 --> 00:20:41,867
No.
386
00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:44,369
He's out and wants to see you.
387
00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:46,621
Do you want to see him?
388
00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:54,921
Yes, I want to see him very much.
389
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:58,717
Thank you very much,
my little detective.
390
00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:17,360
My... my therapist
suggested I try this...
391
00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:19,362
medical advice, really.
392
00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:24,493
- You're coming out of the closet?
- Well, no, not exactly.
393
00:21:24,659 --> 00:21:27,287
No, see, I'm trying to get in touch
394
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:29,998
with the feminine side of my nature.
395
00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:32,918
You see, I'm...
396
00:21:33,084 --> 00:21:34,753
I run a magazine.
397
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:38,089
And we've lost nearly half
of our women readers
398
00:21:38,256 --> 00:21:41,593
and I've got to reach them somehow.
399
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,720
And you think that this will help you?
400
00:21:43,887 --> 00:21:45,472
Maybe. You know, I'm just...
401
00:21:45,639 --> 00:21:47,599
I want to open my mind.
402
00:21:47,766 --> 00:21:51,269
If you want to open your mind,
403
00:21:51,436 --> 00:21:54,022
don't think in terms of
male and female.
404
00:21:54,189 --> 00:21:56,191
I mean, it's binary. It's boring.
405
00:21:56,358 --> 00:21:58,109
How about no definitions?
406
00:21:58,276 --> 00:22:00,028
Have you read Klaus Kinski's memoir?
407
00:22:00,195 --> 00:22:02,697
I haven't.
408
00:22:02,864 --> 00:22:05,492
You're talking about
Werner Herzog's muse?
409
00:22:05,659 --> 00:22:08,787
Yeah. Kinski could fuck
or get fucked.
410
00:22:08,954 --> 00:22:10,914
It didn't matter.
He did what he wanted to.
411
00:22:11,081 --> 00:22:13,250
He defined himself.
He was all sexes,
412
00:22:13,416 --> 00:22:15,001
beyond definition.
413
00:22:15,168 --> 00:22:17,963
You want your magazine
to do better?
414
00:22:18,129 --> 00:22:20,257
Try to be like Klaus Kinski.
415
00:22:21,675 --> 00:22:25,512
Have you read a Woody Allen story
"The Whores of Mensa"?
416
00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:29,099
I haven't. But I love Woody's prose
even more than his movies.
417
00:22:29,266 --> 00:22:30,767
( laughs )
418
00:22:30,934 --> 00:22:32,978
So...
419
00:22:34,771 --> 00:22:36,481
you want to give this a try?
420
00:22:36,648 --> 00:22:41,111
I mean, I think that
you're a good-looking guy,
421
00:22:41,278 --> 00:22:43,905
kind of like a buff Samuel Beckett.
422
00:22:47,242 --> 00:22:49,786
Jonathan: So I'm escorting
Dimitri to Tatiana's tonight.
423
00:22:49,953 --> 00:22:51,663
And he says he needs me
to be his backup,
424
00:22:51,830 --> 00:22:53,415
especially since he's breaking parole.
425
00:22:53,582 --> 00:22:55,166
- He said "backup"?
- Yeah.
426
00:22:55,333 --> 00:22:57,419
- That sounds dangerous.
- He explained
427
00:22:57,586 --> 00:22:59,254
that it's more of
a Russian wingman position.
428
00:22:59,421 --> 00:23:01,089
- And I'm an excellent wingman.
- I don't know.
429
00:23:01,256 --> 00:23:04,092
I don't think you should have ever
gotten involved with this guy.
430
00:23:04,259 --> 00:23:06,386
Leah's still mad that I took her
to that club last night.
431
00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:08,430
It ruined our first date
in three months.
432
00:23:08,597 --> 00:23:11,725
I know. I am sorry, Ray. She shouldn't
be mad at you. It's my fault.
433
00:23:11,892 --> 00:23:13,518
Yeah, it is your fault.
434
00:23:13,685 --> 00:23:15,604
And now to make up
for last night's disaster
435
00:23:15,770 --> 00:23:18,565
I'm doing timed massages.
It's an intimacy exercise.
436
00:23:18,732 --> 00:23:20,817
She out buying an egg timer right now.
437
00:23:20,984 --> 00:23:22,777
- An egg timer?
- Are you really going to be
438
00:23:22,944 --> 00:23:25,572
this guy's backup Russian wingman?
439
00:23:25,739 --> 00:23:27,574
Yes, I gave him my word.
440
00:23:27,741 --> 00:23:29,743
He thinks I'm a brave detective.
441
00:23:29,910 --> 00:23:31,703
And he's already paid me $200.
442
00:23:31,870 --> 00:23:35,081
Okay, well, in that case
I have something for you.
443
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,966
These are my uncle's.
They mean a lot to me.
444
00:23:45,133 --> 00:23:47,761
He died of cirrhosis of the liver.
445
00:23:47,928 --> 00:23:49,346
These were also his.
446
00:23:49,512 --> 00:23:51,514
Here, drink up. Don't lose those.
447
00:23:56,186 --> 00:23:58,313
Ray, I'm excited.
448
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,107
I got a really good egg timer.
449
00:24:01,274 --> 00:24:02,567
(timer dings)
450
00:24:04,903 --> 00:24:07,656
I love the boardwalk.
It reminds me of the Black Sea.
451
00:24:07,822 --> 00:24:10,408
Only I wish the girls were
topless like in Russia,
452
00:24:10,575 --> 00:24:12,577
In America people are
shy and disturbed.
453
00:24:12,744 --> 00:24:15,580
I don't know, why be scared
of the naked breast?
454
00:24:15,747 --> 00:24:17,415
I've never been to a topless beach.
455
00:24:17,582 --> 00:24:18,750
Oh, I hope you go.
456
00:24:18,917 --> 00:24:21,419
Listen, I was thinking
about you yesterday.
457
00:24:21,586 --> 00:24:23,838
You should take this girl
that you loved
458
00:24:24,005 --> 00:24:25,924
and bring her here
to Brighton Beach.
459
00:24:26,091 --> 00:24:28,551
Maybe you'll get back together
and get married.
460
00:24:28,718 --> 00:24:30,845
Well, you must be
psychic or something,
461
00:24:31,012 --> 00:24:33,932
because last night I tried that.
462
00:24:34,099 --> 00:24:37,394
And, well, I screwed the whole thing up.
463
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,187
Oh, I'm sorry.
464
00:24:39,354 --> 00:24:40,647
That's all right.
465
00:24:40,814 --> 00:24:43,024
It's like my heart's broken again,
466
00:24:43,191 --> 00:24:45,360
but it's not as bad since I'm used to it.
467
00:24:46,903 --> 00:24:49,739
Irenna. You found her.
468
00:24:49,906 --> 00:24:51,866
Irenna.
( speaks Russian )
469
00:24:52,033 --> 00:24:54,244
Irenna.
470
00:24:54,411 --> 00:24:57,038
My brother is in prison
because of you, bastard!
471
00:24:57,205 --> 00:24:59,916
- Hey hey hey.
- Go home, private dick.
472
00:25:01,084 --> 00:25:03,086
This doesn't involve you.
473
00:25:04,254 --> 00:25:05,630
Hey.
474
00:25:29,487 --> 00:25:31,990
Ow! Ow!
475
00:25:34,242 --> 00:25:36,411
( Car alarm blaring )
476
00:25:38,997 --> 00:25:41,624
Come on, come on.
477
00:25:41,791 --> 00:25:44,044
This way, Jonathan.
478
00:25:48,256 --> 00:25:49,716
We hide here.
479
00:25:52,093 --> 00:25:54,012
- Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
- What are you doing?
480
00:25:54,179 --> 00:25:56,514
Extra hiding. We're gonna die.
481
00:25:56,681 --> 00:25:58,892
You're not gonna die.
You're fine. You did good.
482
00:25:59,059 --> 00:26:01,102
You saved me.
483
00:26:01,269 --> 00:26:02,854
I am grateful to you.
484
00:26:03,021 --> 00:26:04,272
I did okay?
485
00:26:04,439 --> 00:26:05,774
Yeah, you are real man.
486
00:26:05,940 --> 00:26:07,901
You showed me tonight...
very brave.
487
00:26:08,068 --> 00:26:10,695
You hit the boss right in the nose.
488
00:26:10,862 --> 00:26:13,615
- It was beautiful.
- I wasn't actually aiming for him.
489
00:26:13,782 --> 00:26:14,824
- What?
- Nothing.
490
00:26:14,991 --> 00:26:17,118
Nothing. I was just...
491
00:26:17,285 --> 00:26:19,704
I'm glad we took
those jerks out.
492
00:26:19,871 --> 00:26:23,333
So wait, what happened with you
and Irenna's brother?
493
00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,168
Why did she turn against you?
494
00:26:25,335 --> 00:26:26,836
We were doing a deal
495
00:26:27,003 --> 00:26:28,755
and when the cops got me, they got him.
496
00:26:28,922 --> 00:26:31,591
- And he's still in prison?
- Yeah.
497
00:26:31,758 --> 00:26:33,802
I didn't think she would
hold it against me
498
00:26:33,968 --> 00:26:37,388
after our night of great tenderness.
499
00:26:37,555 --> 00:26:40,391
But now my love for her is buried.
500
00:26:40,558 --> 00:26:43,061
But I will go on like you did,
501
00:26:43,228 --> 00:26:45,271
with a broken heart.
502
00:26:45,438 --> 00:26:47,565
- ( Footsteps, Russian speech )
- Shh.
503
00:26:51,069 --> 00:26:53,321
What do we do now?
504
00:26:53,488 --> 00:26:55,782
They go this way...
we go this way.
505
00:26:55,949 --> 00:26:57,992
Okay.
506
00:26:59,369 --> 00:27:01,079
(grunts)
507
00:27:06,793 --> 00:27:08,920
Goodbye, my new friend.
508
00:27:09,087 --> 00:27:11,089
I don't know if I'll ever
see you again,
509
00:27:11,256 --> 00:27:14,425
but I hope your heart
is broken many times
510
00:27:14,592 --> 00:27:17,303
because it means you will
have loved many times.
511
00:27:27,188 --> 00:27:29,816
Hi, George.
Listen, I know it's late.
512
00:27:29,983 --> 00:27:32,735
I'm sorry to bother you,
but I have had
513
00:27:32,902 --> 00:27:34,737
the most incredible, insane night.
514
00:27:34,904 --> 00:27:36,656
Would you want to meet for a drink?
515
00:27:36,823 --> 00:27:39,242
Now's actually not a great time for me.
516
00:27:39,409 --> 00:27:40,577
I have company.
517
00:27:40,743 --> 00:27:43,037
Do you remember what
you told me to Google?
518
00:27:43,204 --> 00:27:44,539
Holy shit.
519
00:27:44,706 --> 00:27:46,249
How's it going?
520
00:27:46,416 --> 00:27:50,336
Well, I'm no Danny Kaye,
if you know what I mean.
521
00:27:50,503 --> 00:27:53,840
I love Danny Kaye,
especially "The Inspector General."
522
00:27:54,007 --> 00:27:55,884
- Really?
- Yeah.
523
00:27:56,050 --> 00:27:57,844
I have "The Inspector General."
524
00:27:58,011 --> 00:27:59,554
We could watch it if you'd like.
525
00:27:59,721 --> 00:28:01,514
I have all of Danny Kaye's films.
526
00:28:01,681 --> 00:28:03,183
- I would love that.
- Hey, Jonathan,
527
00:28:03,349 --> 00:28:04,934
we're gonna watch
"The Inspector General."
528
00:28:05,101 --> 00:28:06,853
You could come over if you'd like.
529
00:28:07,020 --> 00:28:08,229
He's a really nice guy.
530
00:28:08,396 --> 00:28:10,982
( "The Inspector General"
Playing )
531
00:28:19,115 --> 00:28:21,743
( laughing )
532
00:28:29,751 --> 00:28:32,754
I hope Jonathan does not
lose those brass knuckles.
533
00:28:32,921 --> 00:28:35,465
Could you please
not talk about Jonathan?
534
00:28:35,632 --> 00:28:37,926
This is an intimacy exercise about us.
535
00:28:38,092 --> 00:28:39,928
I'm sure he's fine.
536
00:28:40,094 --> 00:28:41,137
(timer dings)
537
00:28:42,388 --> 00:28:43,681
( theme music playing )
538
00:28:45,934 --> 00:28:49,979
♪ All the shadows in the city ♪
539
00:28:50,146 --> 00:28:54,150
♪ Used to love you,
what a pity ♪
540
00:28:54,317 --> 00:28:57,904
♪ I miss the questions
you used to ask me ♪
541
00:28:58,071 --> 00:29:01,658
♪ All the shadows in the city ♪
542
00:29:01,824 --> 00:29:03,326
♪ All right ♪
543
00:29:06,412 --> 00:29:10,541
♪ Bored to death,
plus expenses ♪
544
00:29:10,708 --> 00:29:14,671
♪ The only trouble
is my sentence ♪
545
00:29:14,837 --> 00:29:18,341
♪ You said you'd never
love another ♪
546
00:29:18,508 --> 00:29:22,679
♪ A Russian doll
one inside the other. ♪
39834
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