All language subtitles for American Dad 14x17 - The Legend of Old Ulysses

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:06,671 ? Let me tell you a story that few live to tell ? 2 00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:09,207 ? 'Bout a thousand-year-old fish ? 3 00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:11,075 ? Surely sent from hell ? 4 00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:15,814 ? Spawn of a demon whale and a drunk King Kong ? 5 00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:20,352 ? He's as big as a bus with a 12-foot dong ? 6 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:25,023 ? With a 12-foot dong ? 7 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:29,294 ? Just his sideways glance smashes men to bits ? 8 00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:33,966 ? He takes hundred-year naps and two-ton shits ? 9 00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:38,036 ? And two-ton shits ? 10 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:43,508 ? He's the beast from beneath and king of the fishies ? 11 00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:47,712 ? He goes by the name of old Ulysses ? 12 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:52,517 ? Old Ulysses ? 13 00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,653 ? Born in a volcano ? 14 00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:58,991 ? Old Ulysses, Old Ulysses ? 15 00:00:58,993 --> 00:01:05,664 ? Will kill everyone you know ? 16 00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:07,400 _ 17 00:01:11,318 --> 00:01:12,671 Ahh. 18 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:16,475 I never understood why only little girls got to have tea parties. 19 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:20,813 They are a wonderful way to unwind after a stressful day. 20 00:01:20,815 --> 00:01:23,415 I know you drank my last Monster Energy drink! 21 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,083 You ruined my special plans. 22 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,552 I was gonna drink it after Francine went to sleep 23 00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:30,154 and make prank calls all night long. 24 00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:31,156 It wasn't me. 25 00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:33,692 My sensitive tummy can't handle that stuff. 26 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,760 I have to water down my Sprite. 27 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,563 This wasn't just a regular Monster Energy drink, Steve. 28 00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:40,965 This was Baller's Blend Punch, Steve! 29 00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:43,101 A high-performance fuel inspired by the streets 30 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,704 and optimized for the true baller. Oh, wait. 31 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:48,640 - You're a fake-ass baller, if anything. - Ahh! 32 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:51,109 Well, I won't keep you from your little tea party. 33 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,511 Later, cucks. 34 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,646 Geez. Your dad's a real jerk. 35 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:57,516 Eh, he's just telling it like it is. But I don't mind. 36 00:01:57,518 --> 00:02:01,319 Tomorrow we leave for our annual trip to Possum Lake. 37 00:02:01,321 --> 00:02:04,122 All I have in my room is a Burger King wrapper 38 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,390 I taped to the wall. 39 00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:08,993 A wee bit of color in my otherwise drab life. 40 00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:12,597 Yeah, at Possum Lake there are all these father-son events... 41 00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:15,200 hot-dog-eating contest, chicken fights, 42 00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:17,602 and a big boat race at the end of the week. 43 00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:19,738 My dad is always so proud of me up there 44 00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,473 because all we do is win. 45 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:25,210 Geez, Steve, you're starting to make me wish my dad wasn't dead. 46 00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:27,345 Oh you're really gonna wish your dad wasn't dead 47 00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:28,613 when you hear this. 48 00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:31,083 Up there, we never have to shower. 49 00:02:31,085 --> 00:02:33,952 We just take some Pert Plus into the lake. 50 00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,353 Lake baths? 51 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,491 Ew, you nasty. 52 00:02:40,837 --> 00:02:43,295 Oh, no, Baller's Blend in my bowl? 53 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,297 I can't afford to party for days. 54 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,498 I have plans! 55 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:50,302 Errr-ohhhhh, yeah! Get it, boy! 56 00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,904 Now I've got the edge I need, 57 00:02:51,906 --> 00:02:53,371 whether I'm hitting the clubs 58 00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:55,274 or hitting the courts! 59 00:02:56,658 --> 00:03:00,512 ? Spawn of a demon whale and a drunk King Kong ? 60 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:05,050 ? He's as big as a bus with a 12-foot dong ? 61 00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:07,719 Why have I never had a jaunty song written about me? 62 00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:10,255 I'm over 1,600 years old. Where's my song? 63 00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:12,791 Isn't Bon Jovi's "Bad Medicine" written about you? 64 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:16,661 No, I've come to realize that I slept with a different Richard Sambora. 65 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:19,798 Well, I couldn't be more excited for Possum Lake. 66 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,401 This is the first year I've been able to make the trip. 67 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:25,070 I thought this was the first time we ever invited you to come along. 68 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,872 - I didn't invite him. - Who invited him? 69 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,741 Oh, look! The lake. 70 00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:32,611 - Wanna lay out and tan for a bit? - Sure. 71 00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,813 Hey, I have an idea for a film adaptation 72 00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:37,282 of Hungry Hungry Hippos. You wanna hear about it? 73 00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:38,550 Of course. 74 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:39,951 It's the year 3000. 75 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:44,355 Marbles are scarce and hippos are used only for sex. 76 00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,359 A giant, freshwater lake? 77 00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:51,162 I can finally ditch my bowl 78 00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:54,299 and be free to roam around wherever I please. 79 00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:56,501 Freeeeeeedommm! 80 00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,438 Oh, crap. 81 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:05,044 Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! 82 00:04:05,046 --> 00:04:07,846 - How much time left, Possum Dave? - Two hours. 83 00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:09,981 Time to kick it into high gear! 84 00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:12,985 _ 85 00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,457 Stan and Steve are our winners! 86 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:25,396 ? Nobody beats the best ? 87 00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:28,867 ? We're super good, yeah, uh-huh ? 88 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,538 Did you know that some people stretch by themselves? 89 00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:34,806 Those poor souls. 90 00:04:35,091 --> 00:04:35,807 Ahh. 91 00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:37,476 Here we are. 92 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,144 Snot? 93 00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,211 Tuttle? 94 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:42,547 In the flesh. 95 00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:44,883 Hey, Snot. But what are you doing here? 96 00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:47,552 Hearing you talk about this trip with your dad 97 00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:48,954 made me so jealous. 98 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,757 I decided I had to find a father of my own. 99 00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:56,361 I was inspired by one of my favorite romantic comedies. 100 00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,365 Hello, you're on the air. 101 00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:01,700 Lonely in Langley? 102 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,702 That's what she called him on the show. 103 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:07,772 Says here the kid's already gotten over two thousand letters. 104 00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:09,908 Ugh. No leads on a dad, 105 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,611 but we got another clue from the Zodiac Killer. 106 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:18,517 You're gonna slip up sooner or later, you son of a bitch. 107 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:19,785 What is wrong with me? 108 00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:23,254 I'm obsessed with some boy I've never even met. 109 00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:26,191 What I really don't want to do is end up always wondering 110 00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:27,326 what might have happened 111 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:30,129 and knowing I could have done something. 112 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,130 _ 113 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,671 Maybe he found a better dad. 114 00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,280 It's you. 115 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,150 It's me... 116 00:05:51,152 --> 00:05:52,283 Tuttle. 117 00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:55,020 It was a pretty wild day and a half. 118 00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,088 Well, I should go help my da... 119 00:05:57,090 --> 00:06:00,359 Tuttle unpack. 120 00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:03,094 So, Tuttle and Snot, huh? 121 00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,163 I guess that makes sense. 122 00:06:04,165 --> 00:06:06,565 They're both very... "New York". 123 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:08,900 - After you. - After you. 124 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,369 - Unh. - Unh. 125 00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:12,103 They seem a little awkward around each other. 126 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,505 Maybe we should help them out. 127 00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,440 - Oh can we, Papa? - Let's do it. 128 00:06:15,442 --> 00:06:19,778 And I know the perfect thing for two fellas trying to bond. 129 00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:22,447 Lake baths! 130 00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:23,648 It's weird. 131 00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:25,316 Tuttle and Snot seem even more awkward 132 00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:28,554 around each other now that they're naked and in a public lake. 133 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:33,325 I'm so bored. 134 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:39,464 Ugh, and now a boring bird is on my shoulder. 135 00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:42,000 Actually, I'm a human who's been turned into a bird 136 00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,535 by an evil corp... 137 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,404 So boring! 138 00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:48,006 I can't believe our tour guide never showed up. 139 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,674 What are we gonna do now? 140 00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:52,677 Sorry I'm late. 141 00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:54,946 I'm your tour guide, Wheelie Pedalaton. 142 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:57,682 But it says our guide is named Schwinn Chafecrotch. 143 00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:59,751 Really? That's a good one. 144 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,686 So, hi, I'm Schwinn Chafecrotch. 145 00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,022 Everyone on your bikes! 146 00:07:03,024 --> 00:07:05,424 If you can't keep up, you will be left behind! 147 00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,960 Ahhh! I fell in the sticker bush. 148 00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:12,564 Just gonna rub this leaf on my wounds as a topical ointment. 149 00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:13,832 Uhp, that's poison ivy. 150 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,834 Well, these organic mushrooms should fix that. 151 00:07:16,646 --> 00:07:17,636 Argh! 152 00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:22,641 Why don't we go around in a circle and say where we're all from. 153 00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:25,510 Hey, you guys gonna do the father-son chicken fight, too? 154 00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:29,514 Yeah! We saw it on the activities list and thought it sounded fun. 155 00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:31,049 Hey, that's super. 156 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,718 Yeah, good for you guys. 157 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,987 So, I've been wondering, who puts on all these activities? 158 00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:39,725 Uh, the same company that's behind everything great in America. 159 00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:42,193 Halliburton. 160 00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:45,264 "American Dad!" salutes Halliburton 161 00:07:45,266 --> 00:07:48,934 and all the wonderful things they secretly fund. 162 00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:52,003 They're behind all your favorite things. 163 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:54,406 They control everything! 164 00:07:54,408 --> 00:07:57,075 All hail, Halliburton. 165 00:07:57,077 --> 00:08:00,946 Don't cross them or they'll turn you into a bird. 166 00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:03,348 _ 167 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:04,549 Ohh! 168 00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:06,151 ? Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi... ? 169 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,487 ? Chi... Chicken fight! ? 170 00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,155 ? Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi... ? 171 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,890 ? Chicken fight! ? 172 00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:16,628 ? When a son is on a dad, things are all right! ? 173 00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:18,830 Oopsie! Sorry. 174 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,099 Not very stable. 175 00:08:20,101 --> 00:08:23,034 You're the most stable man I have in my life. 176 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,636 - Really? - Yeah! 177 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,640 Hahhhhhh! 178 00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,775 Ahhh! 179 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:38,249 That's my ribbon. 180 00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:43,855 ? Nobody beats the best ? 181 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,858 Whoa, they're doing your dance! 182 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,861 I'm going up for air, Possum Dave. 183 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,697 Don't follow me. 184 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,402 I'll do my own scalp. 185 00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:59,805 But we always do each other's scalps. 186 00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:01,072 Is this about the chicken fight? 187 00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,540 Of course it's about the chicken fight! 188 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,942 No, I don't mind that you're Jewish. 189 00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:06,544 I hope you're okay with me being a Wiccan. 190 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:07,679 Steve, come on. 191 00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:11,349 Today is a whole new day with all new activities for us to crush. 192 00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:12,951 Tuttle and Snot just got lucky. 193 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,219 They blind sided us... 194 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,887 and they did it right in our face. 195 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,755 Hmm, maybe you're right. 196 00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:18,957 Of course I am. 197 00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:21,827 You really think "Tuttle" and "Snot" are any match for us? 198 00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:23,295 Now let me at that scalp. 199 00:09:23,297 --> 00:09:25,230 There we go. Don't worry. 200 00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,433 We're gonna win like crazy today. 201 00:09:27,435 --> 00:09:29,234 We lost every single event! 202 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,236 They made us look like chumps out there! 203 00:09:32,542 --> 00:09:34,306 You like looking like a chump? 204 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:36,708 No. 205 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,113 Ugh, still not dark enough. 206 00:09:41,115 --> 00:09:42,514 I'm an "Autumn Bronze", 207 00:09:42,516 --> 00:09:45,851 but I want to be a "Dried Tobacco". 208 00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,185 Sunscreen? 209 00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:49,521 What, are you trying to scare the sun? 210 00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:52,190 We need to wine and dine the sun. 211 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,859 Show a little skin. 212 00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:55,527 That's what he likes. 213 00:09:55,529 --> 00:09:57,395 That is what I like. 214 00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,264 See? 215 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:02,000 You're doing great. Just throw that leg over. 216 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,401 When you talk, you move the bike. 217 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:06,204 So, our tour guide can't ride a bicycle? 218 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,206 Best way to learn is to teach. 219 00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,475 But we all know how to ride. 220 00:10:09,477 --> 00:10:12,410 Then why'd you hire an expert cyclist? 221 00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:14,346 Oh, sticker bush! 222 00:10:14,348 --> 00:10:15,947 Oh, fire ants! 223 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,483 Oh, sticker bush! 224 00:10:17,485 --> 00:10:20,218 There's even more fire ants in here! 225 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:27,425 All this open water, Klaus must be having the time of his life. 226 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,168 Who cares about all those dumb contests? 227 00:10:36,170 --> 00:10:39,838 The only thing that really matters is the big boat race tomorrow. 228 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,306 We bring home that trophy, 229 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,375 then we're still the real winners, right, Dad? 230 00:10:43,377 --> 00:10:45,577 Absolutely. And we're going to win for sure. 231 00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:47,179 Tuttle doesn't even know how to sail. 232 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,718 What's that sound? 233 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,387 It's "Orinoco Flow". 234 00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:59,057 ? Sail away, sail away, sail away ? 235 00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:01,126 I just learned how to sail! 236 00:11:02,006 --> 00:11:03,329 Aw, man! 237 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,864 I'm sick of losing! 238 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,265 There's only one solution... 239 00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:09,401 we have to break up Snot and Tuttle. 240 00:11:09,403 --> 00:11:12,270 We can't do that. Snot's your best friend. 241 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:15,541 - Fine, fine, I won't. - Good. 242 00:11:15,543 --> 00:11:17,876 Hey, you think Francine's still got it? 243 00:11:20,348 --> 00:11:22,080 I hate that the sun is setting. 244 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,015 I know! I want to keep tanning! 245 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:28,420 You know, I heard a rumor once that stars are actually suns. 246 00:11:28,422 --> 00:11:30,622 Then I say we keep sun tanning. 247 00:11:30,624 --> 00:11:33,359 I think you mean star tanning. 248 00:11:47,441 --> 00:11:50,508 Have we had any water today? 249 00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:56,448 You gotta let me explain, SnottySnot! 250 00:11:56,450 --> 00:11:58,584 Oh, I think I get it! 251 00:11:58,586 --> 00:12:00,252 Steve. 252 00:12:00,254 --> 00:12:02,520 I know what you did this summer! 253 00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:05,390 - Eh? - You broke up Tuttle and Snot, didn't you? 254 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,726 I did what had to be done. 255 00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:10,396 I broke them up with a page out of their own book... 256 00:12:10,398 --> 00:12:13,265 a Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan rom-com. 257 00:12:14,003 --> 00:12:15,333 "Joe Versus the Volcano"! 258 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,603 No, "You've Got Mail". 259 00:12:17,605 --> 00:12:18,737 The worst one. 260 00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:22,007 I seduced Tuttle online, presenting myself 261 00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:25,010 as a better, more appealing son than Snot. 262 00:12:25,933 --> 00:12:27,345 The rest was easy. 263 00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,147 I turn on my computer. 264 00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:30,416 I go online. 265 00:12:30,418 --> 00:12:32,484 And my breath catches in my chest 266 00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:34,953 until I hear three little words... 267 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,421 - You've got mail. - You've got mail. 268 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,156 In a city where everyone 269 00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,025 is looking for someone, 270 00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:42,160 Tuttle and Steve have discovered 271 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,029 the best way to meet someone 272 00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:46,698 is to never meet at all. 273 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:49,034 I know I'm in a relationship with Snot. 274 00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,769 I'm just e-mailing with this other kid. 275 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,103 It's really nothing. 276 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,238 But... 277 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,373 I might be falling for him. 278 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:56,908 What they don't realize... 279 00:12:56,910 --> 00:13:00,245 is that one of them is just a huge dick. 280 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:01,647 - Hey! - What? 281 00:13:01,649 --> 00:13:03,181 You're ruining your best friend's life 282 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,850 all to win a stupid boat race. 283 00:13:04,852 --> 00:13:07,719 Uh, the Possum Lake Regatta is not stupid. 284 00:13:07,721 --> 00:13:09,655 Do you even hear yourself right now? 285 00:13:09,657 --> 00:13:11,056 Wait, you're a bird? 286 00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:12,724 We're all gonna be birds! 287 00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:13,859 Don't you get it? 288 00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,927 Don't you see what Halliburton is doing... 289 00:13:20,334 --> 00:13:22,267 My plan worked perfectly. 290 00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:24,336 Tuttle fell in love with me, this morning, 291 00:13:24,338 --> 00:13:26,538 Snot found all the secret e-mails, 292 00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:28,206 and now they're in a huge fight. 293 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,746 With Tuttle and Snot out of the way, 294 00:13:34,748 --> 00:13:36,214 we'll win for sure now. 295 00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:38,016 Don't you want to taste it again? 296 00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,617 Taste... what? 297 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:43,021 The winning! The delicious taste of winning. 298 00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,156 Gobble, gobble! 299 00:13:44,158 --> 00:13:45,557 I don't want to win like this. 300 00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:47,959 I'm sorry, but I can't do the Possum Lake Regatta 301 00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:48,960 with you, Steve. 302 00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,295 Well, don't worry. 303 00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:53,165 With that attitude, I don't want to do the race with you! 304 00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:56,568 Tuttle, will you be my partner for the big boat race? 305 00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:59,037 - Sure, but... - Great, shut up! 306 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,772 Whoa! Did you see that? 307 00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:04,376 The back seat of Tuttle's Ford Probe is full of weathered prosthetic limbs. 308 00:14:04,378 --> 00:14:06,021 Let's build a guy! 309 00:14:07,604 --> 00:14:09,848 A tradition unlike any other, 310 00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:11,517 the sporting event of the summer... 311 00:14:11,519 --> 00:14:14,119 This is The Possum Lake Boat Race. 312 00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:17,255 I'm Kenny "The Jet" Smith with Cris Collinsworth. 313 00:14:18,162 --> 00:14:19,457 That's the start of the race. 314 00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,727 Let's take you down to the action live for the start 315 00:14:21,729 --> 00:14:23,328 of our 14 hours of coverage... 316 00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:25,263 14 hours? 317 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:28,934 This boat is amazing. 318 00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:30,869 Plus it has a mini-fridge 319 00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:33,539 packed with every drink you could ever imagine. 320 00:14:33,541 --> 00:14:36,141 I can imagine rainbow juice. 321 00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:38,544 Oh, I miss Snot. 322 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:43,582 Huh, was Steve the one who knew how to sail? 323 00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,753 Look at me! Are you looking? 324 00:14:47,755 --> 00:14:50,355 You're doing great, honey! 325 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,357 Oh, people! Thank God. 326 00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:53,491 Who are you? 327 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,026 I'm Schwinn Chafecrotch. 328 00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,494 Isn't that your name, honey? 329 00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:58,496 Barbara, I love when you call me honey. 330 00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:01,233 I was walking in the woods when I was attacked... 331 00:15:01,235 --> 00:15:03,435 by the Possum Lake monster! 332 00:15:03,437 --> 00:15:05,503 Old Ulysses from the song? 333 00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:10,508 No, this was a land-based monster whose song has yet to be written. 334 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,710 It had a big, swollen head. 335 00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:15,447 No nose. Droopy witch-belly. 336 00:15:15,449 --> 00:15:17,583 Long, probing fingers. 337 00:15:17,585 --> 00:15:22,921 I'll never forget the disgusting feel of that gray, papery skin. 338 00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,456 Okay, that's enough. 339 00:15:24,458 --> 00:15:25,857 You can't blame this poor, 340 00:15:25,859 --> 00:15:28,594 land-based monster for the dry mountain air. 341 00:15:28,596 --> 00:15:30,996 And "monster", that's a bit of a loaded word, isn't it? 342 00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:33,399 - The words we use matter. - But it attacked him. 343 00:15:33,401 --> 00:15:35,400 Oh, don't be such a stupid bitch, Barbara. 344 00:15:36,154 --> 00:15:37,535 I won't apologize. 345 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,538 I think this two-day bike lesson is over. 346 00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:43,541 You think this is over? This is far from over! 347 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:46,812 Because this land-based monster never forgets. 348 00:15:46,814 --> 00:15:48,614 That's right, I'm admitting it. 349 00:15:48,616 --> 00:15:50,816 And you fools made a terrible mistake... 350 00:15:50,818 --> 00:15:53,419 You taught the monster to ride a bike. 351 00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,491 Mm-hmm. They should call it Pricker Lake. 352 00:15:59,493 --> 00:16:02,694 I ain't seen one possum 'round here, I'll tell you that. 353 00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:05,563 Looks like Steve and Tuttle are going to win this one easily. 354 00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:07,433 They've already started their victory dance. 355 00:16:07,435 --> 00:16:10,902 ? Nobody beats the best ? 356 00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:15,240 ? We're super good, yeah, uh-huh ? 357 00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:16,574 Wait a second. 358 00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:20,245 It looks like one of our competitors is having some sort of revelation. 359 00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,448 My God. What have I done? 360 00:16:22,450 --> 00:16:24,582 Tuttle, I don't think I can do this. 361 00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:29,787 No way. I-It can't be. 362 00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:32,190 Yes, it is. It's real. It's... 363 00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:36,394 ? Old Ulysses, Old Ulysses ? 364 00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:43,068 ? Will kill everyone you know ? 365 00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:57,015 Think fast, Stan, what do we do? 366 00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,216 What do fish hate? 367 00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,486 Well, I know what fans of the band Phish hate... 368 00:17:00,488 --> 00:17:02,020 deodorant. Zing! 369 00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,756 Ah crap, I wasted all my time on that perfect zinger! 370 00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:07,126 God of Jokes, I've earned your protection! 371 00:17:08,162 --> 00:17:10,896 We have to turn around and help my dad! 372 00:17:10,898 --> 00:17:12,564 But we're about to win! 373 00:17:12,566 --> 00:17:14,099 I don't care about winning. 374 00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,501 I have to save my dad! 375 00:17:15,503 --> 00:17:18,303 - Ah! - I'm coming, Dad! 376 00:17:30,718 --> 00:17:33,385 Steve. You saved me. 377 00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:35,187 Great, now save me! 378 00:17:48,331 --> 00:17:50,068 Dad! 379 00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:51,603 Oh, no, wake up! 380 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,341 Oh, if only there was something powerful enough... 381 00:17:55,343 --> 00:17:58,644 Every drink you could ever imagine. 382 00:17:58,746 --> 00:18:02,280 Every drink you could ever imagine. 383 00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:04,482 That's it! Thanks, Tuttle! 384 00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:08,286 Stay out of the back seat of my Probe. 385 00:18:11,959 --> 00:18:14,893 Baller's Blend! Alright! 386 00:18:14,895 --> 00:18:17,095 Let's do this! 387 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:20,299 No. We're stronger together. 388 00:18:23,237 --> 00:18:24,903 ? Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi... ? 389 00:18:24,905 --> 00:18:26,572 ? Chicken fight! ? 390 00:18:26,574 --> 00:18:28,173 ? Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi... Chi... ? 391 00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,841 ? Chicken fight! ? 392 00:18:29,843 --> 00:18:33,645 ? When the son is on the dad, things are all right! ? 393 00:18:40,388 --> 00:18:41,987 We did it! 394 00:18:43,657 --> 00:18:45,123 Well, I was helping, too. 395 00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,192 I was punching him from the inside. 396 00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:48,526 Got in some good licks. 397 00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:51,663 Hey, this fish is funny! 398 00:18:51,665 --> 00:18:54,866 The chapter of Old Ulysses is over. 399 00:18:54,868 --> 00:18:57,669 Thus, a new chapter begins. 400 00:18:57,671 --> 00:19:02,140 Our star tanning has given us great powers. 401 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:06,878 It is time for the gods to leave this realm. 402 00:19:18,426 --> 00:19:19,958 Every year. 403 00:19:25,032 --> 00:19:27,633 Sorry, Dad. I guess I kinda ruined our trip. 404 00:19:27,635 --> 00:19:29,435 What are you talking about? It was amazing. 405 00:19:29,437 --> 00:19:31,236 I got to kill a mythical fish. 406 00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:34,105 I just don't understand why you got so obsessed with winning. 407 00:19:34,107 --> 00:19:36,174 I was worried that if we started losing, 408 00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:39,377 we would also lose that special bond that we have up here. 409 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,846 Special bond? 410 00:19:40,848 --> 00:19:43,782 Yeah, you're so happy up here because we're always winning. 411 00:19:43,784 --> 00:19:46,051 No, I'm happy because I'm not working. 412 00:19:46,053 --> 00:19:47,385 I hate work. 413 00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:49,655 I wish I was a baby again. 414 00:19:50,991 --> 00:19:54,660 I... probably should go apologize to Snot now. 415 00:19:58,065 --> 00:20:00,999 I'm so sorry, Snot. I really messed up. 416 00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:02,868 No, I messed up. 417 00:20:02,870 --> 00:20:06,004 I butted in on your special trip with your dad. 418 00:20:06,006 --> 00:20:09,074 I guess I'm just jealous of what you guys have. 419 00:20:09,076 --> 00:20:10,208 Hey, listen. 420 00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:11,877 If you ever want to join me and my dad 421 00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:15,147 for a camping weekend, all we gotta do is ask. 422 00:20:15,149 --> 00:20:17,149 - Really? - Come on. 423 00:20:17,151 --> 00:20:18,584 No. 424 00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:26,692 ? Old Ulysses was killed by father and son ? 425 00:20:26,694 --> 00:20:32,364 ? Now the land-based monster's the only one ? 426 00:20:32,366 --> 00:20:34,032 I got my song! 427 00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:38,036 ? He skulks the woods with his lumbering gait ? 428 00:20:38,038 --> 00:20:39,104 Hey! 429 00:20:39,106 --> 00:20:42,174 ? Varicose veins and a balding pate ? 430 00:20:42,176 --> 00:20:43,509 Oh, come on. 431 00:20:43,511 --> 00:20:47,179 ? This chinless creature with gnome-like features ? 432 00:20:47,181 --> 00:20:48,580 Gnome-like? 433 00:20:48,582 --> 00:20:57,322 ? You can smell his ass all over the lake! ? 434 00:20:57,324 --> 00:20:58,323 Well, that's true. 435 00:20:58,325 --> 00:21:00,225 Bye! Have a beautiful time! 436 00:21:02,023 --> 00:21:04,076 synced and corrected by sot26 www.addic7ed.com 31581

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