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Subtitles by explosiveskull
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(EXHALES)
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00:01:03,746 --> 00:01:06,111
Well, good news.
4
00:01:06,113 --> 00:01:08,313
I found your car keys.
5
00:01:08,315 --> 00:01:10,716
(CHUCKLES)
That's where I left them.
6
00:01:10,718 --> 00:01:13,153
You know, you have the
prostate of an 18-year-old.
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00:01:13,155 --> 00:01:15,320
Nice! I'd rather have
his dick,
8
00:01:15,322 --> 00:01:17,223
but you get what you get.
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00:01:17,225 --> 00:01:19,959
Next time,
buy me dinner first.
10
00:01:19,961 --> 00:01:21,563
(ALL LAUGHING)
11
00:01:22,731 --> 00:01:24,697
That's a good one.
12
00:01:24,699 --> 00:01:25,831
I like that joke.
13
00:01:25,833 --> 00:01:28,336
I hadn't heard that before.
14
00:01:33,541 --> 00:01:35,542
ETHAN: Come on.
Why do I have to go?
15
00:01:35,544 --> 00:01:36,575
KATHERINE: Because
16
00:01:36,577 --> 00:01:37,810
it's his weekend
and you're not missing
17
00:01:37,812 --> 00:01:38,843
your grandmother's wedding.
18
00:01:38,845 --> 00:01:39,945
ETHAN: It's no fun there.
19
00:01:39,947 --> 00:01:41,313
Last time he made me watch
20
00:01:41,315 --> 00:01:43,582
an entire Super Bowl
from 1979.
21
00:01:43,584 --> 00:01:45,718
Who watches a 30-year-old
football game?
22
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:49,388
He's always angry
or pissed off...
23
00:01:49,390 --> 00:01:51,090
KATHERINE: Don't say that
about your father.
24
00:01:51,092 --> 00:01:52,591
ETHAN: It's not my fault
he's an asshole.
25
00:01:52,593 --> 00:01:53,860
KATHERINE: We're not
having this discussion.
26
00:01:53,862 --> 00:01:55,227
Go get your bag.
27
00:01:55,229 --> 00:01:56,965
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
28
00:02:05,574 --> 00:02:07,009
(DOOR SLAMS)
29
00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:10,910
TERRY BRADSHAW: (ON TV)
Pick Enterprise.
30
00:02:10,912 --> 00:02:12,310
We'll pick you up.
31
00:02:12,312 --> 00:02:13,779
MALE NARRATOR:
In New York City,
32
00:02:13,781 --> 00:02:15,515
the dedicated detectives
who investigate
33
00:02:15,517 --> 00:02:17,850
these vicious felonies
are members of
34
00:02:17,852 --> 00:02:20,153
an elite squad known as
the Special Victims Unit.
35
00:02:20,155 --> 00:02:22,054
These are their stories.
36
00:02:22,056 --> 00:02:23,691
- (DRAMATIC BANG ON TV)
- (MOUTHING)
37
00:02:38,573 --> 00:02:40,275
(BOTH LAUGHING)
38
00:02:41,710 --> 00:02:43,108
PETER: Hello.
39
00:02:43,110 --> 00:02:44,845
HELEN: Ah, there you are.
40
00:02:44,847 --> 00:02:45,911
Hello.
41
00:02:45,913 --> 00:02:47,012
- Hey, Peter.
- Sweetheart.
42
00:02:47,014 --> 00:02:48,280
Mom, you look radiant.
43
00:02:48,282 --> 00:02:49,516
- Thank you.
- Hi, Sheila.
44
00:02:49,518 --> 00:02:51,149
These are for Mom's bunions.
45
00:02:51,151 --> 00:02:53,118
If you want her
on her feet in two hours,
46
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,553
you'll make sure
she wears those.
47
00:02:54,555 --> 00:02:56,723
HELEN: Thank you, darling.
That was sweet.
48
00:02:56,725 --> 00:02:57,957
You know, Peter,
49
00:02:57,959 --> 00:03:00,527
if ever you start questioning
your sexuality,
50
00:03:00,529 --> 00:03:04,363
I'd love to introduce you
to my son, Jason.
51
00:03:04,365 --> 00:03:07,399
- He's got a tight little butt.
- HELEN: Ooh.
52
00:03:07,401 --> 00:03:09,168
I'll be downstairs
if you need me.
53
00:03:09,170 --> 00:03:11,104
- Thank you, Sheila.
- HELEN: Wow.
54
00:03:11,106 --> 00:03:12,573
- Good to know.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
55
00:03:13,674 --> 00:03:15,208
Good for Jason.
56
00:03:15,210 --> 00:03:17,410
(CHUCKLING) Where's Ethan?
57
00:03:17,412 --> 00:03:20,215
Uh, he's here somewhere.
Happy as a clam.
58
00:03:22,015 --> 00:03:24,384
Oh, don't be discouraged.
59
00:03:24,386 --> 00:03:25,821
You're a great dad.
60
00:03:26,587 --> 00:03:28,119
Just love him
61
00:03:28,121 --> 00:03:30,390
and be there for him.
62
00:03:30,392 --> 00:03:33,228
And maybe loosen up a little.
63
00:03:33,862 --> 00:03:35,229
I'm loose.
64
00:03:36,732 --> 00:03:38,731
I mean...
65
00:03:38,733 --> 00:03:40,600
I'm loose, whatevs.
66
00:03:40,602 --> 00:03:42,468
Have you seen
your brother yet?
67
00:03:42,470 --> 00:03:45,004
Hmm? Oh, you invited him?
68
00:03:45,006 --> 00:03:46,508
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
69
00:03:49,109 --> 00:03:51,277
Life is so crazy, man.
70
00:03:51,279 --> 00:03:54,380
One minute, you're napping
in Maui, unemployed,
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00:03:54,382 --> 00:03:57,016
uneducated,
30 bucks to your name,
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00:03:57,018 --> 00:03:59,351
the next minute, some guy's
walking up to you,
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00:03:59,353 --> 00:04:01,220
asking if he can
put your picture
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00:04:01,222 --> 00:04:03,321
on a barbeque sauce bottle.
75
00:04:03,323 --> 00:04:04,958
And the next minute
76
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,760
they're giving you three cents
for every bottle they sell.
77
00:04:07,762 --> 00:04:08,962
And the next minute
78
00:04:08,964 --> 00:04:11,697
they're selling 30 million
of these bad boys.
79
00:04:11,699 --> 00:04:13,166
BOTH: And then
the next minute...
80
00:04:13,168 --> 00:04:15,702
You're wearing
a white leather jacket
81
00:04:15,704 --> 00:04:18,670
and white high-tops
to your mom's wedding.
82
00:04:18,672 --> 00:04:19,838
Pete! (CHUCKLING)
83
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:21,439
(PETER GRUNTING)
84
00:04:21,441 --> 00:04:23,542
It is so good to see you.
85
00:04:23,544 --> 00:04:25,811
I haven't seen this guy
in two years.
86
00:04:25,813 --> 00:04:27,146
Four. Actually.
87
00:04:27,148 --> 00:04:28,715
- Has it been that long?
- Mmm-hmm.
88
00:04:28,717 --> 00:04:31,283
Shut the front door.
Are you messing with me?
89
00:04:31,285 --> 00:04:32,585
He loves messing with me.
90
00:04:32,587 --> 00:04:34,687
- Are you messing with me?
- I'm not.
91
00:04:34,689 --> 00:04:36,021
God, you got to
come over to Hawaii.
92
00:04:36,023 --> 00:04:37,189
When are you gonna visit?
93
00:04:37,191 --> 00:04:39,059
- Yeah...
- Hey, Kaylani! Come here!
94
00:04:39,061 --> 00:04:41,427
I want you to meet someone
really special to me.
95
00:04:41,429 --> 00:04:43,396
Someone I've been
sleeping with exclusively
96
00:04:43,398 --> 00:04:44,896
for the past six months.
97
00:04:44,898 --> 00:04:46,365
Wow, six whole months?
98
00:04:46,367 --> 00:04:47,867
That's what I'm saying.
99
00:04:47,869 --> 00:04:49,901
It's really special.
100
00:04:49,903 --> 00:04:51,670
Aloha, Peter.
101
00:04:51,672 --> 00:04:52,874
Hi.
102
00:04:58,280 --> 00:04:59,715
Oh, okay.
103
00:05:01,349 --> 00:05:02,784
(KAYLANI INHALES DEEPLY)
104
00:05:04,551 --> 00:05:06,188
(KYLE INHALES DEEPLY)
105
00:05:08,623 --> 00:05:11,023
I can feel
your brother inside you.
106
00:05:11,025 --> 00:05:12,860
I am inside you.
107
00:05:13,761 --> 00:05:14,893
You are?
108
00:05:14,895 --> 00:05:16,295
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
109
00:05:16,297 --> 00:05:17,865
We're twins.
110
00:05:20,835 --> 00:05:23,335
That's called a Honi.
111
00:05:23,337 --> 00:05:26,038
That is a sacred
Hawaiian greeting
112
00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:27,807
that you just got.
113
00:05:27,809 --> 00:05:29,008
Yeah.
114
00:05:29,010 --> 00:05:30,610
Is that right?
115
00:05:30,612 --> 00:05:31,944
So,
116
00:05:31,946 --> 00:05:35,213
how psyched are you for Mom
finding true love again?
117
00:05:35,215 --> 00:05:36,749
It's awesome.
118
00:05:36,751 --> 00:05:39,655
God, I just wish Dad could've
been here to see this.
119
00:05:42,323 --> 00:05:43,723
- (SIGHS)
- ETHAN: Yo, Uncle Kyle!
120
00:05:43,725 --> 00:05:44,790
Yeah?
121
00:05:44,792 --> 00:05:45,924
You got to see this.
122
00:05:45,926 --> 00:05:47,395
What's your boy's name?
123
00:05:48,296 --> 00:05:49,795
It's Ethan.
124
00:05:49,797 --> 00:05:52,867
You gotta meet Ethan.
He is the best kid. Come on!
125
00:06:08,850 --> 00:06:10,383
OFFICIANT:
Do you take this man
126
00:06:10,385 --> 00:06:13,018
to be your lawfully
wedded husband?
127
00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:16,792
Do you take this woman to be
your lawfully wedded wife?
128
00:06:18,092 --> 00:06:21,794
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
129
00:06:21,796 --> 00:06:22,795
MAN: Beautiful!
130
00:06:22,797 --> 00:06:24,963
OFFICIANT:
You may kiss the bride.
131
00:06:24,965 --> 00:06:26,234
(GUESTS CHEERING)
132
00:06:30,004 --> 00:06:32,037
(GLASSES CLINKING)
133
00:06:32,039 --> 00:06:33,342
KYLE: Clink, clink, clink!
134
00:06:34,643 --> 00:06:36,744
It's so nice to be here today.
135
00:06:38,546 --> 00:06:41,379
There's a saying
in Hawaii that goes
136
00:06:41,381 --> 00:06:43,352
a little something
like this...
137
00:06:44,085 --> 00:06:45,821
(SPEAKING HAWAIIAN)
138
00:06:50,325 --> 00:06:52,758
That translates
very simply as,
139
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:57,129
"Life is alive once more
inside of me
140
00:06:57,131 --> 00:06:59,331
"from my love of you."
141
00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:00,699
And, Gene,
142
00:07:00,701 --> 00:07:05,304
my mother's life
is so alive right now
143
00:07:05,306 --> 00:07:06,739
with you inside her.
144
00:07:06,741 --> 00:07:09,508
- So, I want to raise a toast.
- Hey now.
145
00:07:09,510 --> 00:07:11,880
- (GUESTS LAUGHING)
- To mean Gene
146
00:07:13,582 --> 00:07:15,651
and the greatest mom on Earth.
147
00:07:16,785 --> 00:07:20,119
Cheers!
Hey, l'chaim, everybody!
148
00:07:20,121 --> 00:07:21,920
HELEN: Thank you, darling.
149
00:07:21,922 --> 00:07:23,524
KYLE: Cheers!
150
00:07:25,326 --> 00:07:26,660
- That went good.
- (INAUDIBLE)
151
00:07:26,662 --> 00:07:28,028
What?
152
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,095
What?
153
00:07:29,097 --> 00:07:30,162
Yes.
154
00:07:30,164 --> 00:07:31,997
- No way!
- I'm serious.
155
00:07:31,999 --> 00:07:33,965
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
One more thing to say.
156
00:07:33,967 --> 00:07:35,367
Wait, everybody hold on.
157
00:07:35,369 --> 00:07:37,470
Forget about that 70-inch TV
we gave you
158
00:07:37,472 --> 00:07:40,840
because we've got
another wedding gift.
159
00:07:40,842 --> 00:07:43,208
You're finally gonna
be a grandmother!
160
00:07:43,210 --> 00:07:44,578
- (GASPS) Oh!
- Yeah.
161
00:07:45,746 --> 00:07:46,845
Yes!
162
00:07:46,847 --> 00:07:48,314
I mean, a grandmother again!
163
00:07:48,316 --> 00:07:50,283
I'm sorry, Pete.
164
00:07:50,285 --> 00:07:51,852
(GUESTS CHEERING)
165
00:07:58,525 --> 00:08:00,660
KYLE: My life is so perfect!
166
00:08:00,662 --> 00:08:01,960
MALE NARRATOR: (ON TV)
...an elite squad
167
00:08:01,962 --> 00:08:03,429
known as
the Special Victims Unit.
168
00:08:03,431 --> 00:08:04,896
These are their stories.
169
00:08:04,898 --> 00:08:06,465
(DRAMATIC BANG)
170
00:08:06,467 --> 00:08:09,400
I told you, Detective,
I can press charges.
171
00:08:09,402 --> 00:08:10,735
Out of respect for...
172
00:08:10,737 --> 00:08:14,107
Shh. Let's cut to
the chase, Nigel.
173
00:08:14,109 --> 00:08:15,710
May I call you Nigel?
174
00:08:18,011 --> 00:08:20,112
You see, Nigel,
175
00:08:20,114 --> 00:08:22,383
I know that men have needs.
176
00:08:23,852 --> 00:08:26,518
But when a wife
can't fill those needs,
177
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,922
men have to look elsewhere.
178
00:08:28,924 --> 00:08:30,025
Yes.
179
00:08:45,138 --> 00:08:46,972
What the fuck?
180
00:08:46,974 --> 00:08:48,274
I need to talk
to both of you guys.
181
00:08:48,276 --> 00:08:49,843
- What?
- Okay.
182
00:08:49,845 --> 00:08:51,109
Mom, I need to talk to you.
183
00:08:51,111 --> 00:08:52,747
- Oh, okay.
- Thanks.
184
00:08:53,915 --> 00:08:55,848
- Boom!
- KYLE: What a beauty.
185
00:08:55,850 --> 00:08:57,149
Boy, she is
such a good actress.
186
00:08:57,151 --> 00:08:58,318
Hot.
187
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,489
No, no, not her.
188
00:09:00,955 --> 00:09:02,521
Boom.
189
00:09:02,523 --> 00:09:04,024
- BENSON: Now!
- Mmm-hmm?
190
00:09:06,527 --> 00:09:08,560
Foot fetish. (CHUCKLES)
191
00:09:08,562 --> 00:09:10,496
I like this guy.
192
00:09:10,498 --> 00:09:12,464
PETER: No, no, not that.
193
00:09:12,466 --> 00:09:13,934
Don't you see the resemblance?
194
00:09:15,503 --> 00:09:17,237
KYLE: The resemblance to who?
195
00:09:17,239 --> 00:09:18,905
Our father!
196
00:09:18,907 --> 00:09:20,405
He's alive!
197
00:09:20,407 --> 00:09:21,873
KYLE: To our father?
198
00:09:21,875 --> 00:09:24,510
Are you on acid
right now, Pete?
199
00:09:24,512 --> 00:09:27,279
No, Kyle,
look at his birthmark.
200
00:09:27,281 --> 00:09:29,781
KYLE: Yeah, I'm looking.
201
00:09:29,783 --> 00:09:31,449
Mom, can you tell him
this isn't our father.
202
00:09:31,451 --> 00:09:33,019
He isn't your father.
203
00:09:33,021 --> 00:09:34,853
Mom, I've been
looking at his picture
204
00:09:34,855 --> 00:09:36,889
every day since I was
four years old.
205
00:09:36,891 --> 00:09:38,857
That birth mark
is unmistakable!
206
00:09:38,859 --> 00:09:40,258
GENE: Honey,
is everything okay?
207
00:09:40,260 --> 00:09:41,660
Well, Pete is, uh,
208
00:09:41,662 --> 00:09:43,463
lost touch with reality.
209
00:09:43,465 --> 00:09:46,332
The man in the photos
I gave you
210
00:09:46,334 --> 00:09:48,200
wasn't actually your father.
211
00:09:48,202 --> 00:09:49,269
Okay, what?
212
00:09:49,271 --> 00:09:50,472
What?
213
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:53,238
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
214
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,242
Okay, he was a friend of mine
from college.
215
00:09:56,244 --> 00:09:58,511
He was an English
exchange student.
216
00:09:58,513 --> 00:10:00,078
He went back after graduation.
217
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,415
I just thought
you'd never see him.
218
00:10:02,417 --> 00:10:03,549
He's not my dad?
219
00:10:03,551 --> 00:10:05,184
He was studying
to be a Botanist,
220
00:10:05,186 --> 00:10:06,352
for crying out loud.
221
00:10:06,354 --> 00:10:07,852
He's an orphan,
222
00:10:07,854 --> 00:10:09,689
and then he got colon cancer.
223
00:10:09,691 --> 00:10:10,892
HELEN: No.
224
00:10:11,426 --> 00:10:13,192
(SIGHS)
225
00:10:13,194 --> 00:10:15,928
I made up all those stories
about your father.
226
00:10:15,930 --> 00:10:19,332
That he was an orphan,
that he came from England.
227
00:10:19,334 --> 00:10:21,570
That he died of colon cancer.
228
00:10:22,069 --> 00:10:23,135
Wow.
229
00:10:23,137 --> 00:10:24,770
HELEN: The truth is,
230
00:10:24,772 --> 00:10:29,375
and I probably should've
told you a long time ago...
231
00:10:29,377 --> 00:10:30,979
I think you should have.
232
00:10:32,814 --> 00:10:35,917
I wasn't sure
who your father was.
233
00:10:38,820 --> 00:10:40,254
How does that work?
234
00:10:41,254 --> 00:10:43,389
Yeah, how does that work?
235
00:10:43,391 --> 00:10:44,991
Well,
236
00:10:44,993 --> 00:10:46,791
you've got to understand...
237
00:10:46,793 --> 00:10:49,862
It was the '70s.
It was the crazy '70s.
238
00:10:49,864 --> 00:10:52,098
It was disco era.
239
00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:54,000
I was a young girl
living in New York.
240
00:10:54,002 --> 00:10:56,168
And if you went partying
in places
241
00:10:56,170 --> 00:10:58,704
like Studio 54...
242
00:10:58,706 --> 00:11:02,574
And, you know, everybody
was high and fucking
243
00:11:02,576 --> 00:11:05,343
and monogamy wasn't
exactly a priority.
244
00:11:05,345 --> 00:11:08,814
I mean, you just go in there
and the mood, it would...
245
00:11:08,816 --> 00:11:10,782
♪ Baby tonight
Hot stuff ♪
246
00:11:10,784 --> 00:11:11,983
Remember that?
247
00:11:11,985 --> 00:11:13,386
And then,
you know, you just...
248
00:11:13,388 --> 00:11:15,187
- PETER: We get it.
- All these great people
249
00:11:15,189 --> 00:11:17,122
in exactly the same situation
you were,
250
00:11:17,124 --> 00:11:19,157
feeling exactly the same thing
you were in.
251
00:11:19,159 --> 00:11:21,059
You would dance with them,
you know,
252
00:11:21,061 --> 00:11:22,694
and then you go and you just,
253
00:11:22,696 --> 00:11:24,896
you know,
you'd sleep with them.
254
00:11:24,898 --> 00:11:28,166
It's true. The priority
was smoking weed and fucking.
255
00:11:28,168 --> 00:11:29,234
Well, sure, yeah.
256
00:11:29,236 --> 00:11:30,770
KYLE: Studio 54?
257
00:11:30,772 --> 00:11:32,804
- How awesome is that?
- Yeah.
258
00:11:32,806 --> 00:11:34,305
- (CHUCKLES)
- PETER: Awesome?
259
00:11:34,307 --> 00:11:36,008
You think this is awesome?
260
00:11:36,010 --> 00:11:38,044
KYLE:
Well, it's not not awesome.
261
00:11:38,046 --> 00:11:41,112
It helps to explain
my zest for love making.
262
00:11:41,114 --> 00:11:43,284
I've always wondered
where I got that from.
263
00:11:45,753 --> 00:11:47,352
Now we know.
264
00:11:47,354 --> 00:11:50,723
I spent my whole life trying
to honor my father's memory.
265
00:11:50,725 --> 00:11:52,091
And you have.
266
00:11:52,093 --> 00:11:53,492
What memory?
267
00:11:53,494 --> 00:11:56,062
I stare at assholes
all day long
268
00:11:56,064 --> 00:11:59,365
because of a fictional man's
colon cancer.
269
00:11:59,367 --> 00:12:02,133
Pete, could you pivot
into plastic surgery
270
00:12:02,135 --> 00:12:04,503
or something
less butt-related.
271
00:12:04,505 --> 00:12:07,005
I mean, you're really smart,
I don't see why not.
272
00:12:07,007 --> 00:12:09,507
Kyle, how are you
not freaking out right now?
273
00:12:09,509 --> 00:12:10,843
Okay, that's not fair!
274
00:12:10,845 --> 00:12:12,111
You can't tell people
how to freak out.
275
00:12:12,113 --> 00:12:13,812
Now I want everybody
to calm down, all right?
276
00:12:13,814 --> 00:12:15,747
I am so sorry, you guys,
277
00:12:15,749 --> 00:12:17,149
but the light is
going quickly.
278
00:12:17,151 --> 00:12:18,851
It's the last chance
for family photos.
279
00:12:18,853 --> 00:12:20,354
Not a good time, Annie!
280
00:12:21,556 --> 00:12:22,987
It's a perfect time, Annie.
281
00:12:22,989 --> 00:12:24,223
Okay, just get
a little bit tighter
282
00:12:24,225 --> 00:12:25,657
and we'll get
a nice family shot.
283
00:12:25,659 --> 00:12:27,959
Oh, you guys look so good.
Hold on.
284
00:12:27,961 --> 00:12:29,562
- This looks perfect.
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
285
00:12:29,564 --> 00:12:30,865
Oh, so good!
286
00:12:31,932 --> 00:12:33,832
That is going to be
a good one.
287
00:12:33,834 --> 00:12:34,967
You can't leave just yet.
288
00:12:34,969 --> 00:12:36,635
We need Mom and her sons.
289
00:12:36,637 --> 00:12:38,337
Oh, good idea.
290
00:12:38,339 --> 00:12:40,141
Okay. Come back up here.
291
00:12:41,341 --> 00:12:44,275
I'm gonna need you guys
looking forward,
292
00:12:44,277 --> 00:12:45,777
big smiles.
293
00:12:45,779 --> 00:12:46,911
Perfect, Kyle.
294
00:12:46,913 --> 00:12:48,613
Oh, my God, Dr. Reynolds...
295
00:12:48,615 --> 00:12:51,415
This means he's out there.
296
00:12:51,417 --> 00:12:53,418
He's out there somewhere.
297
00:12:53,420 --> 00:12:54,953
Not now, Peter.
298
00:12:54,955 --> 00:12:57,155
Dr. Reynolds, if I can get you
looking at the camera.
299
00:12:57,157 --> 00:13:00,059
He's been out there
this whole time.
300
00:13:00,061 --> 00:13:02,493
That is true. I mean,
who do you think it was?
301
00:13:02,495 --> 00:13:03,896
As we got older, surely...
302
00:13:03,898 --> 00:13:05,296
Was there someone that we
started to remind you of?
303
00:13:05,298 --> 00:13:07,098
Just stop it.
Will you just please stop it.
304
00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:10,435
None of the men I was with
would have made a good father.
305
00:13:10,437 --> 00:13:12,070
I was trying to protect you.
306
00:13:12,072 --> 00:13:13,771
Protect yourself more like it.
307
00:13:13,773 --> 00:13:15,940
Hey, wait a minute.
308
00:13:15,942 --> 00:13:19,211
I need a name.
I think you owe me a name.
309
00:13:19,213 --> 00:13:20,279
I think you...
310
00:13:20,281 --> 00:13:22,147
ANNIE: Hey, Reynolds!
311
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,884
Camera! Now!
312
00:13:25,152 --> 00:13:27,352
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- Perfect.
313
00:13:27,354 --> 00:13:29,487
We got it.
314
00:13:29,489 --> 00:13:30,955
Fucking thank you.
315
00:13:30,957 --> 00:13:33,260
I can't talk
about this now, Peter.
316
00:13:34,595 --> 00:13:37,829
Okay, she... Mom has spoken.
317
00:13:37,831 --> 00:13:40,631
Pete, you're spinning
out of control literally.
318
00:13:40,633 --> 00:13:41,934
Just calm down.
319
00:13:41,936 --> 00:13:43,301
Stop telling me to calm down!
320
00:13:43,303 --> 00:13:44,535
Okay?
321
00:13:44,537 --> 00:13:46,972
I just need to know this!
322
00:13:46,974 --> 00:13:49,507
Just give me something.
323
00:13:49,509 --> 00:13:50,778
Please.
324
00:13:51,778 --> 00:13:53,280
Terry Bradshaw.
325
00:13:56,417 --> 00:13:58,617
Four-time Super Bowl champion,
Terry Bradshaw?
326
00:13:58,619 --> 00:14:00,151
Yeah.
327
00:14:00,153 --> 00:14:02,521
The Enterprise Rent-A-Car
spokesman, Terry Bradshaw?
328
00:14:02,523 --> 00:14:04,990
Fox sports TV commentator,
Terry Bradshaw?
329
00:14:04,992 --> 00:14:06,758
Yep. Terry Bradshaw.
330
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,359
No, no, no.
331
00:14:08,361 --> 00:14:10,429
(STAMMERS) That's insane!
332
00:14:10,431 --> 00:14:12,564
We started dating
333
00:14:12,566 --> 00:14:13,931
the fall of '74,
334
00:14:13,933 --> 00:14:15,501
just after he gave up
335
00:14:15,503 --> 00:14:19,040
his starting position
to Joe Gilliam.
336
00:14:21,242 --> 00:14:23,809
There's no way she would know
who Joe Gilliam was.
337
00:14:23,811 --> 00:14:24,943
Pete!
338
00:14:24,945 --> 00:14:26,277
Wait, Mom, this is...
339
00:14:26,279 --> 00:14:28,079
Do you realize
how incredible this is?
340
00:14:28,081 --> 00:14:30,015
This is the guy
you loved growing up!
341
00:14:30,017 --> 00:14:32,418
Gene, he had every poster
on the wall!
342
00:14:32,420 --> 00:14:35,353
- I know...
- Can I get a smile now?
343
00:14:35,355 --> 00:14:36,955
Now, will you relax?
344
00:14:36,957 --> 00:14:39,424
- I love Terry Bradshaw.
- I know!
345
00:14:39,426 --> 00:14:40,793
PETER: He's the greatest!
346
00:14:40,795 --> 00:14:41,993
- KYLE: Yeah.
- Yup.
347
00:14:41,995 --> 00:14:44,029
Which raises
the inevitable question,
348
00:14:44,031 --> 00:14:46,799
why did you not
349
00:14:46,801 --> 00:14:48,633
tell us
350
00:14:48,635 --> 00:14:51,805
that the coolest man on Earth
was our father?
351
00:14:53,340 --> 00:14:55,640
Well, he wasn't
352
00:14:55,642 --> 00:14:57,912
the man you saw on TV.
353
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:01,950
He was violent.
354
00:15:02,984 --> 00:15:04,516
He hit you?
355
00:15:04,518 --> 00:15:05,753
No.
356
00:15:06,921 --> 00:15:08,786
But as a football player
357
00:15:08,788 --> 00:15:12,491
he was frequently violent.
358
00:15:12,493 --> 00:15:13,791
As a football player?
359
00:15:13,793 --> 00:15:15,496
Yeah, on Sundays.
360
00:15:16,397 --> 00:15:17,965
Sometimes Monday nights.
361
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,032
Oh, on game days
362
00:15:21,034 --> 00:15:22,300
he was violent... I got it.
363
00:15:22,302 --> 00:15:24,102
Yeah, because
that was his job.
364
00:15:24,104 --> 00:15:25,938
That's what he did
for a living!
365
00:15:25,940 --> 00:15:27,640
(CHUCKLES)
366
00:15:27,642 --> 00:15:29,341
Oh, my God!
367
00:15:29,343 --> 00:15:32,111
Do you have any idea what
my life might have been like
368
00:15:32,113 --> 00:15:34,445
with Terry Bradshaw
in the picture?
369
00:15:34,447 --> 00:15:36,782
I might even be
in the NFL right now!
370
00:15:36,784 --> 00:15:38,183
- Oh, come on!
- Well, we don't know!
371
00:15:38,185 --> 00:15:39,551
You didn't even make
our middle school team.
372
00:15:39,553 --> 00:15:41,786
That's because
I didn't have Terry Bradshaw
373
00:15:41,788 --> 00:15:43,088
teaching me the fundamentals.
374
00:15:43,090 --> 00:15:46,424
Oh, Peter, please,
just please...
375
00:15:46,426 --> 00:15:50,762
My life is basically
crap right now,
376
00:15:50,764 --> 00:15:53,467
and it's your fault.
377
00:15:54,435 --> 00:15:55,936
That's not fair.
378
00:15:56,503 --> 00:15:59,170
Pete. Hey!
379
00:15:59,172 --> 00:16:01,441
Mom, let me talk to him.
380
00:16:02,575 --> 00:16:04,709
KYLE: Hey, Pete!
381
00:16:04,711 --> 00:16:06,011
Pete, come here for a second.
382
00:16:06,013 --> 00:16:08,112
Hey, Pete,
where are you going?
383
00:16:08,114 --> 00:16:10,415
Come on, you got to apologize.
384
00:16:10,417 --> 00:16:11,516
Apologize for what?
385
00:16:11,518 --> 00:16:14,419
Well, you're being
really tough on Mom.
386
00:16:14,421 --> 00:16:17,455
Hey, what are you doing?
No! You're not driving.
387
00:16:17,457 --> 00:16:20,593
Look, maybe I blew
my stack at Mom.
388
00:16:20,595 --> 00:16:22,194
It's just...
389
00:16:22,196 --> 00:16:24,262
She kept Dad from us.
390
00:16:24,264 --> 00:16:25,497
I know.
391
00:16:25,499 --> 00:16:26,799
What the hell?
392
00:16:26,801 --> 00:16:30,870
You know how many times
I just wanted to know him?
393
00:16:30,872 --> 00:16:34,205
I just wanted him
there to ask about
394
00:16:34,207 --> 00:16:37,944
Ethan, about Katherine,
about...
395
00:16:37,946 --> 00:16:40,612
About everything, you know?
396
00:16:40,614 --> 00:16:42,314
Yeah, I know how much
you wanted that.
397
00:16:42,316 --> 00:16:46,220
Yeah, I don't think you do,
man. I just... Well...
398
00:16:51,158 --> 00:16:53,791
I can talk to him.
399
00:16:53,793 --> 00:16:55,295
- Yeah.
- It's Terry Bradshaw.
400
00:16:58,031 --> 00:16:59,400
I'm gonna go find him.
401
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,567
I'm gonna find Dad.
402
00:17:01,569 --> 00:17:03,068
Great! Let's do it.
403
00:17:03,070 --> 00:17:04,869
- Oh, no. You can't come.
- Oh, I'm coming.
404
00:17:04,871 --> 00:17:06,003
You never gave
a shit about Dad.
405
00:17:06,005 --> 00:17:07,873
He's my father, too!
406
00:17:07,875 --> 00:17:09,907
I don't take
my orders from you.
407
00:17:09,909 --> 00:17:11,342
I take them from the universe.
408
00:17:11,344 --> 00:17:14,046
And the universe wants us
to go together.
409
00:17:14,048 --> 00:17:15,414
You're not coming.
410
00:17:15,416 --> 00:17:16,915
Wait, hold on,
wait, who was that?
411
00:17:16,917 --> 00:17:19,050
Hello, yes?
412
00:17:19,052 --> 00:17:20,720
It's the universe?
413
00:17:20,722 --> 00:17:22,221
Yeah.
414
00:17:22,223 --> 00:17:25,257
You want me
to go with my brother?
415
00:17:25,259 --> 00:17:27,792
Pete doesn't want me to go.
416
00:17:27,794 --> 00:17:30,228
- Fuck him?
- (CHUCKLES)
417
00:17:30,230 --> 00:17:32,163
I know.
You said it with a wink.
418
00:17:32,165 --> 00:17:34,866
Okay. I love you, too.
419
00:17:34,868 --> 00:17:37,069
That was the universe.
420
00:17:37,071 --> 00:17:38,273
Now where does he live?
421
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:40,241
Miami.
422
00:17:40,942 --> 00:17:42,273
Done. Miami.
423
00:17:42,275 --> 00:17:44,608
That's where we meet him.
424
00:17:44,610 --> 00:17:47,780
- We're going to Miami.
- God damn it. Yes!
425
00:17:47,782 --> 00:17:49,080
- Come on!
- KYLE: Fine.
426
00:17:49,082 --> 00:17:52,387
You can come,
but don't be annoying.
427
00:17:56,223 --> 00:17:58,890
Let me look at you. Kiss.
428
00:17:58,892 --> 00:18:01,092
(KAYLANI CHUCKLES)
429
00:18:01,094 --> 00:18:03,328
KYLE: Okay, what's our plan?
430
00:18:03,330 --> 00:18:06,030
Um, we're still in good shape.
431
00:18:06,032 --> 00:18:08,032
Mr. Bradshaw will be
432
00:18:08,034 --> 00:18:09,635
at the grand opening
433
00:18:09,637 --> 00:18:12,636
of North Miami Beach
Bradshaw Motors.
434
00:18:12,638 --> 00:18:14,405
- Yeah.
- This afternoon.
435
00:18:14,407 --> 00:18:16,575
Okay, well, that's where
we're gonna meet him.
436
00:18:16,577 --> 00:18:17,842
Yup.
437
00:18:17,844 --> 00:18:19,511
By the way, thank you
for letting me upgrade us.
438
00:18:19,513 --> 00:18:21,446
I think you're gonna
love first class.
439
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:23,182
I think it's kind of
a waste of money.
440
00:18:23,184 --> 00:18:24,482
Not when it's my money.
441
00:18:24,484 --> 00:18:27,086
Look, Pete,
money is never wasted
442
00:18:27,088 --> 00:18:29,620
when it's spent on
the ones you love.
443
00:18:29,622 --> 00:18:31,155
Like a brother.
444
00:18:31,157 --> 00:18:33,526
Or a jet ski.
445
00:18:33,528 --> 00:18:35,596
Or a party boat.
446
00:18:36,798 --> 00:18:38,864
Push play. Can I see that?
447
00:18:38,866 --> 00:18:41,599
TERRY: I hate to run.
But not running is worse.
448
00:18:41,601 --> 00:18:44,136
So, if I've got to run, it's
going to be in the most...
449
00:18:44,138 --> 00:18:46,605
KYLE: (CHUCKLING)
Look at that Adonis.
450
00:18:46,607 --> 00:18:47,806
That's our dad.
451
00:18:47,808 --> 00:18:49,875
I can't believe it.
452
00:18:49,877 --> 00:18:51,009
FLIGHT ATTENDANT:
Mr. Reynolds...
453
00:18:51,011 --> 00:18:52,644
Oh, and Mr. Reynolds.
454
00:18:52,646 --> 00:18:54,379
- Are you guys married?
- PETER: No.
455
00:18:54,381 --> 00:18:56,182
We're just watching some
footage on our father.
456
00:18:56,184 --> 00:18:57,616
We're on our way
to meet him
457
00:18:57,618 --> 00:18:58,916
for the very first time.
458
00:18:58,918 --> 00:19:02,154
So, we're a little nervous
and a whole lot excited.
459
00:19:02,156 --> 00:19:04,223
(GASPS) Aren't you
just the sweetest thing.
460
00:19:04,225 --> 00:19:05,657
If you think I'm sweet,
461
00:19:05,659 --> 00:19:07,425
let me introduce you
to big bro here.
462
00:19:07,427 --> 00:19:09,360
He is like a ripe
honeydew melon.
463
00:19:09,362 --> 00:19:10,863
Ooh. A honeydew, huh?
464
00:19:10,865 --> 00:19:12,098
I love honeydews.
465
00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:13,898
Yeah, they're really yummy.
466
00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:15,500
They're delicious.
467
00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:18,069
There is this thing, though,
you should know about fruit.
468
00:19:18,071 --> 00:19:20,438
A lot of melons in particular.
The skin
469
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,008
is a breeding ground
for bacteria,
470
00:19:23,010 --> 00:19:24,309
E.coli and stuff.
471
00:19:24,311 --> 00:19:26,344
It's just something
to be aware of, you know.
472
00:19:26,346 --> 00:19:28,413
Something to keep in mind
473
00:19:28,415 --> 00:19:31,649
in your fruit-related
endeavors moving forward.
474
00:19:31,651 --> 00:19:32,951
He's a doctor.
475
00:19:32,953 --> 00:19:35,087
Always saving lives.
476
00:19:35,089 --> 00:19:36,387
Oh, a doctor.
477
00:19:36,389 --> 00:19:39,390
Dr. Reynolds. (GIGGLES)
478
00:19:39,392 --> 00:19:40,492
- I'll be careful.
- Yes.
479
00:19:40,494 --> 00:19:42,726
You're welcome. Be careful.
480
00:19:42,728 --> 00:19:44,197
(CHUCKLES)
481
00:19:44,697 --> 00:19:46,030
God!
482
00:19:46,032 --> 00:19:47,599
What are you doing?
483
00:19:47,601 --> 00:19:48,466
What?
484
00:19:48,468 --> 00:19:49,967
You guys had some chemistry.
485
00:19:49,969 --> 00:19:52,504
I was trying to facilitate it.
486
00:19:52,506 --> 00:19:55,139
I think it's called
being a wingman.
487
00:19:55,141 --> 00:19:58,344
I don't need a wingman.
All right?
488
00:19:58,346 --> 00:20:00,544
I'm not on this trip
to get laid.
489
00:20:00,546 --> 00:20:01,879
Come on.
490
00:20:01,881 --> 00:20:04,549
There was a little electricity
there between you two.
491
00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:05,517
Did you notice
492
00:20:05,519 --> 00:20:07,485
a little chemistry there
between them?
493
00:20:07,487 --> 00:20:10,454
I bet she's a real cock tease.
494
00:20:10,456 --> 00:20:12,156
Yeah, right. Stop projecting.
495
00:20:12,158 --> 00:20:13,692
Listen,
496
00:20:13,694 --> 00:20:16,794
how many women have you
been with since the divorce?
497
00:20:16,796 --> 00:20:17,798
Ten?
498
00:20:18,666 --> 00:20:20,130
Yup. Ten.
499
00:20:20,132 --> 00:20:22,033
And it's been a year?
500
00:20:22,035 --> 00:20:24,936
- Three.
- Ten in three years?
501
00:20:24,938 --> 00:20:26,139
Yeah.
502
00:20:27,207 --> 00:20:28,642
(SIGHS)
503
00:20:30,010 --> 00:20:32,778
I'm really sorry.
I had no idea.
504
00:20:32,780 --> 00:20:35,446
I'm being sarcastic.
505
00:20:35,448 --> 00:20:38,416
I haven't had sex with anyone
since Katherine.
506
00:20:38,418 --> 00:20:42,287
I haven't had sex with anyone
besides Katherine.
507
00:20:42,289 --> 00:20:43,888
We got married in college.
508
00:20:43,890 --> 00:20:44,990
Remember?
509
00:20:44,992 --> 00:20:46,293
What?
510
00:20:55,601 --> 00:20:58,303
ANNOUNCER: Welcome to
Miami International Airport.
511
00:20:58,305 --> 00:21:00,873
Peter, Peter, Peter,
is it like a physical thing?
512
00:21:00,875 --> 00:21:03,174
- PETER: What?
- KYLE: Is it like a blood flow?
513
00:21:03,176 --> 00:21:04,742
PETER: God, no!
514
00:21:04,744 --> 00:21:06,912
No, my penis is fine!
515
00:21:06,914 --> 00:21:08,046
Well, what is the deal?
516
00:21:08,048 --> 00:21:09,280
Ever since the divorce,
517
00:21:09,282 --> 00:21:10,648
I've been a little
depressed, okay?
518
00:21:10,650 --> 00:21:12,817
That makes sense.
And it just...
519
00:21:12,819 --> 00:21:13,918
Don't patronize me, okay?
520
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:15,553
You wouldn't know
anything about that.
521
00:21:15,555 --> 00:21:17,321
Of course I do.
You don't think I know
522
00:21:17,323 --> 00:21:18,691
what it's like
to be depressed?
523
00:21:18,693 --> 00:21:21,326
The saddest
I've ever seen you is like...
524
00:21:21,328 --> 00:21:23,694
I've never seen you sad!
525
00:21:23,696 --> 00:21:24,995
You can't get into
a contest...
526
00:21:24,997 --> 00:21:26,330
That is actually sad.
527
00:21:26,332 --> 00:21:27,165
...on who's more sad
than the other guy.
528
00:21:27,167 --> 00:21:28,267
That's weird!
529
00:21:28,269 --> 00:21:30,569
No. It's weird
that you keep...
530
00:21:30,571 --> 00:21:32,671
Dr. Reynolds, good luck
meeting your father.
531
00:21:32,673 --> 00:21:35,340
Thanks. Good luck
with your uniform.
532
00:21:35,342 --> 00:21:36,811
(FLIGHT ATTENDANTS GIGGLING)
533
00:21:38,646 --> 00:21:41,078
No, I'm not going to let you
do that anymore.
534
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:42,380
Do what?
535
00:21:42,382 --> 00:21:44,549
Just deliberately
self-sabotage. Okay?
536
00:21:44,551 --> 00:21:46,751
The top mission
is still bonding with Dad.
537
00:21:46,753 --> 00:21:48,686
Sub-mission
is getting you laid.
538
00:21:48,688 --> 00:21:51,757
Mission below that is gonna be
having stone crabs.
539
00:21:51,759 --> 00:21:54,262
Mission below that,
swimming with dolphins.
540
00:22:01,267 --> 00:22:02,767
PETER: Hey, when we
get to the dealership,
541
00:22:02,769 --> 00:22:04,603
you have to do
all the talking.
542
00:22:04,605 --> 00:22:07,238
KYLE: You cannot be nervous,
Peter. He's a regular guy,
543
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,241
just like us.
544
00:22:09,243 --> 00:22:10,841
TERRY: There you go.
545
00:22:10,843 --> 00:22:12,010
Thank you.
546
00:22:12,012 --> 00:22:13,811
Don't forget to buy a car.
547
00:22:13,813 --> 00:22:15,313
Just kidding. (CHUCKLES)
548
00:22:15,315 --> 00:22:16,915
Hey, fellas, how you doing?
549
00:22:16,917 --> 00:22:18,582
Hi, Terry Bradshaw.
550
00:22:18,584 --> 00:22:20,388
- Yeah.
- (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
551
00:22:28,329 --> 00:22:29,730
Is he okay?
552
00:22:31,197 --> 00:22:33,464
Aw! Bless his heart.
553
00:22:33,466 --> 00:22:35,300
You're one of my special fans,
aren't you?
554
00:22:35,302 --> 00:22:36,702
Hey, bub.
555
00:22:36,704 --> 00:22:38,536
How you doing? God bless you.
556
00:22:38,538 --> 00:22:40,105
Oh, no. He's not special.
557
00:22:40,107 --> 00:22:42,007
No, no. I am special, Pete.
558
00:22:42,009 --> 00:22:43,844
We're both special.
559
00:22:48,982 --> 00:22:50,415
Do I know you?
560
00:22:50,417 --> 00:22:52,717
Oh, I don't think so.
I'd remember.
561
00:22:52,719 --> 00:22:55,020
TERRY: Really? Are you sure?
562
00:22:55,022 --> 00:22:57,655
You really do look familiar.
563
00:22:57,657 --> 00:22:59,157
- Show him.
- PETER: Yeah.
564
00:22:59,159 --> 00:23:00,791
Well, um...
565
00:23:00,793 --> 00:23:04,029
Do you remember a woman
named Helen Baxter?
566
00:23:04,031 --> 00:23:05,866
Helen Baxter?
567
00:23:06,966 --> 00:23:08,934
Helen Baxter...
568
00:23:08,936 --> 00:23:10,771
Oh, my God.
569
00:23:13,674 --> 00:23:14,742
Wow.
570
00:23:15,341 --> 00:23:16,841
God.
571
00:23:16,843 --> 00:23:19,944
Well, talk about
a blast from the past.
572
00:23:19,946 --> 00:23:21,314
(BOTH GASP)
573
00:23:23,216 --> 00:23:25,783
This woman was something else.
574
00:23:25,785 --> 00:23:27,953
She had the tightest ass
you've ever seen.
575
00:23:27,955 --> 00:23:29,320
I mean, awesome.
576
00:23:29,322 --> 00:23:31,559
Yeah, but Helen was
much more than that.
577
00:23:32,193 --> 00:23:34,059
She had a mouth.
578
00:23:34,061 --> 00:23:35,327
Oh!
579
00:23:35,329 --> 00:23:37,863
And a tongue. Oh!
580
00:23:37,865 --> 00:23:40,331
(CHUCKLING)
And I'm telling you,
581
00:23:40,333 --> 00:23:42,733
it damn near cost us
the Super Bowl.
582
00:23:42,735 --> 00:23:46,738
Well, Mom was
a Browns fan so...
583
00:23:46,740 --> 00:23:48,807
Did you say
that Helen is your mother?
584
00:23:48,809 --> 00:23:50,140
Yeah.
585
00:23:50,142 --> 00:23:52,778
Well, technically, I said it,
sir, because we're...
586
00:23:52,780 --> 00:23:55,446
We're both her sons.
We're twins.
587
00:23:55,448 --> 00:23:57,317
You're Helen Baxter's son?
588
00:23:58,051 --> 00:24:00,117
We're both her boys, yes.
589
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:01,353
That is...
590
00:24:01,355 --> 00:24:03,955
That is what
we are saying. Yes.
591
00:24:03,957 --> 00:24:05,292
How is she?
592
00:24:06,694 --> 00:24:08,894
- Well, she's great.
- Yeah.
593
00:24:08,896 --> 00:24:11,061
You know, uh,
she just got married.
594
00:24:11,063 --> 00:24:14,867
And she's a lot different
than how you remember her.
595
00:24:14,869 --> 00:24:15,966
That's for sure.
596
00:24:15,968 --> 00:24:18,169
KYLE: Just a little.
597
00:24:18,171 --> 00:24:19,539
Oh, my...
598
00:24:21,975 --> 00:24:23,343
KYLE: Say it.
599
00:24:24,244 --> 00:24:25,780
Say it.
600
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,549
You're my son, aren't you?
601
00:24:31,217 --> 00:24:32,983
I... I think so.
602
00:24:32,985 --> 00:24:34,886
Well, technically,
we both are because,
603
00:24:34,888 --> 00:24:36,988
like I was saying earlier,
we're twins.
604
00:24:36,990 --> 00:24:39,023
We're both her sons.
605
00:24:39,025 --> 00:24:41,326
You're my son.
606
00:24:41,328 --> 00:24:42,596
Yes.
607
00:24:43,163 --> 00:24:44,365
(GASPS)
608
00:24:47,667 --> 00:24:49,634
Come here. Come here.
609
00:24:49,636 --> 00:24:53,007
Oh, this is just amazing.
610
00:24:54,507 --> 00:24:56,609
Oh, my God.
611
00:24:59,847 --> 00:25:02,513
I had no idea
that she was even pregnant.
612
00:25:02,515 --> 00:25:04,014
You gotta believe me.
Helen never...
613
00:25:04,016 --> 00:25:05,117
She never said a word.
614
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:07,152
We know. Don't worry about it.
615
00:25:07,154 --> 00:25:08,685
I mean, I can't believe this.
616
00:25:08,687 --> 00:25:10,989
I mean, you guys have been
out there the whole time.
617
00:25:10,991 --> 00:25:12,824
- It's really emotional.
- I know, yeah.
618
00:25:12,826 --> 00:25:16,027
I already have a son.
His name is Trent.
619
00:25:16,029 --> 00:25:18,029
But he's kind of a nob.
Do you know what I'm saying?
620
00:25:18,031 --> 00:25:19,430
So is my son.
621
00:25:19,432 --> 00:25:21,666
Oh, man.
Do you have any plans?
622
00:25:21,668 --> 00:25:23,001
You guys got anything to do?
623
00:25:23,003 --> 00:25:24,202
No.
624
00:25:24,204 --> 00:25:25,671
Look, why don't you come over
to the house,
625
00:25:25,673 --> 00:25:27,204
and we'll have
some food and drinks.
626
00:25:27,206 --> 00:25:28,639
- What do you say?
- That would be incredible.
627
00:25:28,641 --> 00:25:30,075
- Great. Yeah.
- Okay?
628
00:25:30,077 --> 00:25:31,108
Uh... (STAMMERING)
629
00:25:31,110 --> 00:25:33,011
Pete, why don't you
ride with me.
630
00:25:33,013 --> 00:25:35,981
And, Donald... Donald,
you can just follow, okay?
631
00:25:35,983 --> 00:25:37,348
Okay. It's Kyle.
632
00:25:37,350 --> 00:25:38,482
Is this your car?
633
00:25:38,484 --> 00:25:41,086
Yeah. This is a '75 Stingray.
634
00:25:41,088 --> 00:25:42,587
It's my favorite car!
Literally!
635
00:25:42,589 --> 00:25:44,322
You like it? Really?
636
00:25:44,324 --> 00:25:46,457
Here. You drive.
637
00:25:46,459 --> 00:25:48,026
Donald,
see if you can keep up.
638
00:25:48,028 --> 00:25:50,529
- It's still Kyle.
- Come on. Let's go.
639
00:25:50,531 --> 00:25:52,966
You like this, huh? (LAUGHS)
640
00:26:04,711 --> 00:26:07,311
This is amazing, Mr. Bradshaw!
641
00:26:07,313 --> 00:26:08,445
Please.
642
00:26:08,447 --> 00:26:10,815
Just call me Terry, okay?
643
00:26:10,817 --> 00:26:12,850
PETER: All right!
Well then Terry it is!
644
00:26:12,852 --> 00:26:14,051
- (ENGINE REVVING)
- Whoo!
645
00:26:14,053 --> 00:26:16,553
KYLE: Okay,
take it easy, lead foot.
646
00:26:16,555 --> 00:26:18,691
I'm in a Ford Focus here.
647
00:26:19,525 --> 00:26:21,795
Damn it, slow it down!
648
00:26:36,042 --> 00:26:37,943
(TERRY LAUGHS)
649
00:26:37,945 --> 00:26:39,944
TERRY: Hey, hey, I'm home!
650
00:26:39,946 --> 00:26:41,646
Did you pick up the
fresh garlic I needed?
651
00:26:41,648 --> 00:26:43,080
The fresh garlic.
652
00:26:43,082 --> 00:26:44,782
No, I didn't get
the fresh garlic.
653
00:26:44,784 --> 00:26:46,283
Got something better, though.
654
00:26:46,285 --> 00:26:47,586
Oh, what did you pick up?
655
00:26:47,588 --> 00:26:50,355
I picked up a son. (CHUCKLES)
656
00:26:50,357 --> 00:26:51,990
Pete. Say hi, Pete.
657
00:26:51,992 --> 00:26:53,058
Hi.
658
00:26:53,060 --> 00:26:54,158
How are you?
659
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:55,562
(CHUCKLES) Pete.
660
00:26:57,563 --> 00:26:59,598
This is a joke. Right?
661
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,265
No, no, this is not a joke.
662
00:27:01,267 --> 00:27:04,235
His mother and I used to have
unprotected sex all the time.
663
00:27:04,237 --> 00:27:05,404
Don't worry, Pete. All right?
664
00:27:05,406 --> 00:27:07,571
She knows
all about my crazy past.
665
00:27:07,573 --> 00:27:09,507
I'm Peter Reynolds.
So glad to meet you.
666
00:27:09,509 --> 00:27:12,009
It's nice to meet you, Peter.
667
00:27:12,011 --> 00:27:14,812
Sweetie, could I have a word
with you in the kitchen?
668
00:27:14,814 --> 00:27:16,714
- Me? Okay.
- Yeah.
669
00:27:16,716 --> 00:27:18,950
Hey, Pete,
make yourself at home.
670
00:27:18,952 --> 00:27:21,485
My home is
your home now. (CHUCKLES)
671
00:27:21,487 --> 00:27:22,986
My home is your home now.
672
00:27:22,988 --> 00:27:24,321
- Can you believe I said that?
- Yeah, I heard that.
673
00:27:24,323 --> 00:27:25,824
I think we need to,
kind of, just talk.
674
00:27:25,826 --> 00:27:27,658
TERRY: What?
What do you wanna talk...
675
00:27:27,660 --> 00:27:30,028
Listen, sweetie,
this is insane, okay?
676
00:27:30,030 --> 00:27:32,963
You can't just invite somebody
into our home.
677
00:27:32,965 --> 00:27:34,464
I mean, he could be, like,
678
00:27:34,466 --> 00:27:36,067
a con artist
looking for money.
679
00:27:36,069 --> 00:27:38,136
- Money? You're serious?
- Yes. Did you think about...
680
00:27:38,138 --> 00:27:39,404
- Yes.
- No way.
681
00:27:39,406 --> 00:27:40,704
Pete!
682
00:27:40,706 --> 00:27:42,174
Do you need money?
683
00:27:42,176 --> 00:27:44,509
Are you here to rob us?
684
00:27:44,511 --> 00:27:46,344
Oh, no, I'm good.
685
00:27:46,346 --> 00:27:47,848
I'm a physician actually.
686
00:27:49,116 --> 00:27:50,616
Did you hear that?
687
00:27:50,618 --> 00:27:53,284
My boy is a doctor. (LAUGHS)
688
00:27:53,286 --> 00:27:56,021
You're a doctor, son.
Proud of you!
689
00:27:56,023 --> 00:27:57,088
Thanks!
690
00:27:57,090 --> 00:27:58,690
TERRY: I've got
a doctor in my family.
691
00:27:58,692 --> 00:28:01,228
Go deep, Pete! Deep, deep!
692
00:28:03,363 --> 00:28:05,163
- (GRUNTS)
- (TERRY WHOOPS)
693
00:28:05,165 --> 00:28:06,831
Nice grab, Pete!
694
00:28:06,833 --> 00:28:09,033
Atta boy! Great catch, son.
695
00:28:09,035 --> 00:28:11,104
Way to go, babe.
696
00:28:12,638 --> 00:28:15,005
I gotta tell you, Pete.
697
00:28:15,007 --> 00:28:18,209
Had a bit of a colon cancer
scare a few years back.
698
00:28:18,211 --> 00:28:19,376
- Really?
- Yeah.
699
00:28:19,378 --> 00:28:22,446
Thank God I had a good GI doc.
700
00:28:22,448 --> 00:28:25,983
I know you guys, you know,
you catch a lot of guff.
701
00:28:25,985 --> 00:28:28,720
But, man,
it's a noble profession.
702
00:28:28,722 --> 00:28:30,324
Noble as heck.
703
00:28:32,024 --> 00:28:33,893
Really appreciate
you're saying that.
704
00:28:34,526 --> 00:28:36,828
Really do.
705
00:28:36,830 --> 00:28:38,229
Be cool, man.
706
00:28:38,231 --> 00:28:40,530
You know, when I first came
into the league,
707
00:28:40,532 --> 00:28:42,500
I was a bit of a hot head.
708
00:28:42,502 --> 00:28:45,369
I mean, it didn't take so much
as a slight breeze,
709
00:28:45,371 --> 00:28:47,472
and God, I'd go off.
710
00:28:47,474 --> 00:28:49,440
Hey, say hello to this guy.
711
00:28:49,442 --> 00:28:52,176
Mr. Powder Keg.
Horrible temper.
712
00:28:52,178 --> 00:28:53,310
Shut the fuck up.
713
00:28:53,312 --> 00:28:54,646
TERRY: Your mother, boy,
714
00:28:54,648 --> 00:28:57,982
she had this amazing
patience about her.
715
00:28:57,984 --> 00:29:01,353
She had this way of channeling
all my anger
716
00:29:01,355 --> 00:29:02,953
into things that were good.
717
00:29:02,955 --> 00:29:05,792
Not only on the field,
but, you know, off the field.
718
00:29:06,459 --> 00:29:07,959
God!
719
00:29:07,961 --> 00:29:11,494
That woman
just drove me crazy sometimes.
720
00:29:11,496 --> 00:29:13,598
That sounds like Mom.
721
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:15,299
I know one thing.
722
00:29:15,301 --> 00:29:18,403
I wouldn't have made it
through a single season
723
00:29:18,405 --> 00:29:20,437
had it not been for your mom.
724
00:29:20,439 --> 00:29:22,240
That's the truth.
725
00:29:22,242 --> 00:29:24,242
God, I loved that woman.
726
00:29:24,244 --> 00:29:25,777
I really did.
727
00:29:25,779 --> 00:29:27,214
Wow. That's...
728
00:29:28,881 --> 00:29:30,783
That's beautiful.
729
00:29:31,584 --> 00:29:32,951
Hey, Terry.
730
00:29:32,953 --> 00:29:34,551
Hey, you want to see
someone who can catch,
731
00:29:34,553 --> 00:29:36,087
hit me on a bomb.
732
00:29:36,089 --> 00:29:37,725
Go, go.
733
00:29:43,897 --> 00:29:44,995
- Oh!
- (KYLE GROANS)
734
00:29:44,997 --> 00:29:46,297
(TERRY AND PETER GASP)
735
00:29:46,299 --> 00:29:47,835
KYLE: God! (GROANS)
736
00:29:50,471 --> 00:29:52,337
Sorry, son.
737
00:29:52,339 --> 00:29:54,438
Old habits die hard.
738
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:56,507
Rod Hamilton.
739
00:29:56,509 --> 00:29:57,974
Big fan.
740
00:29:57,976 --> 00:29:59,876
I played 10 years
with that guy.
741
00:29:59,878 --> 00:30:01,146
He missed me so much,
742
00:30:01,148 --> 00:30:02,946
the bastard
moved in next door.
743
00:30:02,948 --> 00:30:05,916
- (LAUGHS)
- Hey! You still got it, Rod!
744
00:30:05,918 --> 00:30:07,388
He caught the ball.
745
00:30:09,488 --> 00:30:10,655
I love it.
746
00:30:10,657 --> 00:30:12,991
He's still on the juice, baby.
747
00:30:12,993 --> 00:30:15,827
He's still on the juice.
748
00:30:15,829 --> 00:30:18,232
(LAUGHTER)
749
00:30:19,832 --> 00:30:20,965
To Rod.
750
00:30:20,967 --> 00:30:22,867
PETER: Just demolished you.
751
00:30:22,869 --> 00:30:24,534
You son of a bitch.
752
00:30:24,536 --> 00:30:26,738
You need some Advil.
753
00:30:26,740 --> 00:30:27,938
Hey, Rod.
754
00:30:27,940 --> 00:30:30,774
Does the name
Helen Baxter ring a bell?
755
00:30:30,776 --> 00:30:31,975
Ring a bell?
756
00:30:31,977 --> 00:30:33,944
It does more than ring a bell.
757
00:30:33,946 --> 00:30:35,914
I think I just
came in my pants.
758
00:30:35,916 --> 00:30:37,748
- No, Rod...
- ROD: Damn, man.
759
00:30:37,750 --> 00:30:39,050
That woman could fuck.
760
00:30:39,052 --> 00:30:40,617
TERRY: Oh, Rod,
you really might...
761
00:30:40,619 --> 00:30:41,886
ROD: Look, the woman
762
00:30:41,888 --> 00:30:44,388
was like a dick whisperer.
763
00:30:44,390 --> 00:30:47,524
Like, she'd get all up inside
the head of the dick
764
00:30:47,526 --> 00:30:49,394
and know exactly
what it wanted.
765
00:30:49,396 --> 00:30:51,962
Yeah, she'd get
all up in that shaft,
766
00:30:51,964 --> 00:30:53,463
and then in them balls
767
00:30:53,465 --> 00:30:55,465
and in the tip.
768
00:30:55,467 --> 00:30:58,436
Ooh. I'm getting hard
just thinking about it.
769
00:30:58,438 --> 00:31:01,473
So, what makes you think
about Helen Baxter?
770
00:31:01,475 --> 00:31:03,209
- She's our mom.
- Yeah.
771
00:31:04,477 --> 00:31:05,976
I don't know no Helen Baxter.
772
00:31:05,978 --> 00:31:07,377
Sounds like you did.
773
00:31:07,379 --> 00:31:09,181
All we did was cuddle.
774
00:31:09,183 --> 00:31:10,514
Word.
775
00:31:10,516 --> 00:31:14,018
(STAMMERS) It's okay, Rod,
you didn't know.
776
00:31:14,020 --> 00:31:16,788
It's a little awkward,
but, yeah, she's our mom.
777
00:31:16,790 --> 00:31:19,890
Hey, Rod, turns out,
778
00:31:19,892 --> 00:31:21,192
I'm their father.
779
00:31:21,194 --> 00:31:22,426
- KYLE: That's right.
- How about that?
780
00:31:22,428 --> 00:31:24,229
These are my boys.
How about that?
781
00:31:24,231 --> 00:31:26,397
- Whoa! (CHUCKLES)
- TERRY: Yeah!
782
00:31:26,399 --> 00:31:27,831
Congratulations.
783
00:31:27,833 --> 00:31:29,501
Thank you. Cheers.
784
00:31:29,503 --> 00:31:33,002
Evidently, I knocked Helen up
sometime after Super Bowl IX.
785
00:31:33,004 --> 00:31:34,271
Yeah, we were reading,
786
00:31:34,273 --> 00:31:35,940
that's when you went off
to Australia
787
00:31:35,942 --> 00:31:38,076
to record the country
and western album.
788
00:31:38,078 --> 00:31:41,646
Cowboys and Kangaroos,
I believe was the name.
789
00:31:41,648 --> 00:31:42,914
That shit was awful,
wasn't it?
790
00:31:42,916 --> 00:31:44,182
You realize what that means...
791
00:31:44,184 --> 00:31:45,049
What?
792
00:31:45,051 --> 00:31:46,983
We were conceived
in Australia.
793
00:31:46,985 --> 00:31:48,819
- KYLE: Yeah.
- PETER: We're Aussies.
794
00:31:48,821 --> 00:31:49,921
Out in the outback.
795
00:31:49,923 --> 00:31:51,391
TERRY: No, Pete.
796
00:31:52,492 --> 00:31:54,526
You know,
now that I think of it,
797
00:31:54,528 --> 00:31:56,961
Helen didn't make that trip.
798
00:31:56,963 --> 00:31:58,863
We got in this big fight
799
00:31:58,865 --> 00:32:01,566
'cause she didn't
have a passport.
800
00:32:01,568 --> 00:32:02,634
God, I was such a jerk to her.
801
00:32:02,636 --> 00:32:04,234
ROD: Wait, wait.
802
00:32:04,236 --> 00:32:07,271
Isn't that when she started
dating the Wall Street guy?
803
00:32:07,273 --> 00:32:08,673
Yeah, that skinny,
white dude,
804
00:32:08,675 --> 00:32:10,508
he used to throw around
his money and coke.
805
00:32:10,510 --> 00:32:11,876
Roland.
806
00:32:11,878 --> 00:32:14,578
Yeah, yeah, Roland.
Roland Hunt, asshole.
807
00:32:14,580 --> 00:32:15,847
- Nobody liked him.
- No.
808
00:32:15,849 --> 00:32:17,050
Yeah.
809
00:32:18,551 --> 00:32:20,219
What? No.
810
00:32:21,588 --> 00:32:23,287
Terry.
811
00:32:23,289 --> 00:32:24,688
Come on.
812
00:32:24,690 --> 00:32:25,857
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait, wait.
813
00:32:25,859 --> 00:32:27,060
Look at him.
814
00:32:29,696 --> 00:32:32,396
He actually looks like Roland.
815
00:32:32,398 --> 00:32:34,231
No, I don't.
816
00:32:34,233 --> 00:32:37,337
You know, you do.
You do, Pete.
817
00:32:38,838 --> 00:32:40,739
The, uh, eyes?
818
00:32:40,741 --> 00:32:41,806
The nose?
819
00:32:41,808 --> 00:32:42,941
ROD: The peanut head.
820
00:32:42,943 --> 00:32:44,541
TERRY: The long, skinny neck.
821
00:32:44,543 --> 00:32:45,710
ROD: The mouth?
822
00:32:45,712 --> 00:32:47,377
TERRY: Yeah. The mouth.
823
00:32:47,379 --> 00:32:48,745
No, he's right.
824
00:32:48,747 --> 00:32:51,081
You just said Roland was an
asshole, nobody liked him.
825
00:32:51,083 --> 00:32:52,716
Why would Mom sleep with him?
826
00:32:52,718 --> 00:32:54,985
Charity fuck? I don't know.
827
00:32:54,987 --> 00:32:57,588
No, no.
We already figured this out.
828
00:32:57,590 --> 00:32:59,056
Terry is our dad.
829
00:32:59,058 --> 00:33:01,128
You're our dad, right?
830
00:33:07,201 --> 00:33:09,099
Uh... No.
831
00:33:09,101 --> 00:33:10,201
TERRY: Gosh, fellas.
832
00:33:10,203 --> 00:33:11,469
I don't know what to say.
833
00:33:11,471 --> 00:33:13,937
I'm so sorry
I'm not your dad. Really.
834
00:33:13,939 --> 00:33:15,240
- That's all right.
- Yeah.
835
00:33:15,242 --> 00:33:17,541
- It's not your fault.
- Donald. Thanks.
836
00:33:17,543 --> 00:33:18,742
It's still Kyle.
837
00:33:18,744 --> 00:33:20,611
Was that fun, throwing
the ball on the beach?
838
00:33:20,613 --> 00:33:21,678
So fun.
839
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:22,745
You guys are good, good hands.
840
00:33:22,747 --> 00:33:24,182
I thought it was a blast.
841
00:33:24,184 --> 00:33:26,550
I love you, Terry.
842
00:33:26,552 --> 00:33:28,286
Yeah. Okay.
843
00:33:28,288 --> 00:33:29,720
KYLE: We'll see you
down the road.
844
00:33:29,722 --> 00:33:31,956
All right, man. All right.
Y'all be good, hear?
845
00:33:31,958 --> 00:33:33,457
You take care, Mr. Bradshaw.
846
00:33:33,459 --> 00:33:34,591
I will.
847
00:33:34,593 --> 00:33:36,661
Hey, tell your mom I said hi.
All right?
848
00:33:36,663 --> 00:33:38,128
Yeah.
849
00:33:38,130 --> 00:33:40,333
All right. See you guys!
850
00:33:51,476 --> 00:33:54,578
Hey, maybe you'll get along
even better with Roland.
851
00:33:54,580 --> 00:33:58,015
Aren't you bummed out
Terry Bradshaw's not our dad?
852
00:33:58,017 --> 00:33:59,916
How fucking cool
would that be?
853
00:33:59,918 --> 00:34:01,152
KYLE: Listen,
854
00:34:01,154 --> 00:34:04,254
the universe
is saying look 'em up.
855
00:34:04,256 --> 00:34:06,691
And the universe has
a tendency to point you
856
00:34:06,693 --> 00:34:09,128
in the right direction
if you listen to it.
857
00:34:15,435 --> 00:34:17,469
(KYLE SIGHS)
858
00:34:17,471 --> 00:34:19,536
PETER:
I found a Roland Hunt,
859
00:34:19,538 --> 00:34:23,407
investment banker,
in Beacon, New York.
860
00:34:23,409 --> 00:34:25,009
Two hours north of Manhattan.
861
00:34:25,011 --> 00:34:28,047
KYLE: All right, looks like
we're going to New York.
862
00:35:03,715 --> 00:35:04,949
Make it quick!
863
00:35:04,951 --> 00:35:06,851
I'm pulling out in 30 seconds.
864
00:35:06,853 --> 00:35:08,451
Time me.
865
00:35:08,453 --> 00:35:10,954
I want to get to Roland's
office by noon.
866
00:35:10,956 --> 00:35:14,060
Twelve. 13. 14.
867
00:35:17,397 --> 00:35:18,665
- (URINATING)
- (EXHALES)
868
00:35:21,067 --> 00:35:22,333
MAN: Alex, stop it.
869
00:35:22,335 --> 00:35:24,469
Stop it, Alex.
Get back here right now.
870
00:35:24,471 --> 00:35:26,270
No! It stinks!
871
00:35:26,272 --> 00:35:27,771
(KYLE LAUGHING)
872
00:35:27,773 --> 00:35:29,639
You got a jail break there.
873
00:35:29,641 --> 00:35:30,775
MAN: Sorry, man.
874
00:35:30,777 --> 00:35:32,110
I'd come out if I could.
875
00:35:32,112 --> 00:35:33,878
Just let me know
if he's bothering you.
876
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:35,179
He's doing good.
877
00:35:35,181 --> 00:35:36,880
I actually got
a bun in the oven, too.
878
00:35:36,882 --> 00:35:38,148
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
879
00:35:38,150 --> 00:35:40,150
Whoa. I got a call.
Alex, excuse me.
880
00:35:40,152 --> 00:35:41,386
Kapono, talk to me.
881
00:35:41,388 --> 00:35:43,954
(KAPONO CHATTERING ON PHONE)
882
00:35:43,956 --> 00:35:46,393
What? No, no,
you're breaking up.
883
00:35:48,427 --> 00:35:50,994
They're going another way?
884
00:35:50,996 --> 00:35:52,963
What does that mean?
885
00:35:52,965 --> 00:35:54,368
(URINE SLOSHING)
886
00:35:55,368 --> 00:35:57,768
Hey! Whoa, whoa! Hey! Whoa!
887
00:35:57,770 --> 00:35:59,036
I've got flip-flops on!
888
00:35:59,038 --> 00:36:00,103
MAN: Is he peeing on you?
889
00:36:00,105 --> 00:36:01,373
Yeah, has he done this before?
890
00:36:01,375 --> 00:36:03,007
MAN: Unfortunately, yes.
It's a real problem.
891
00:36:03,009 --> 00:36:04,375
Sir, this is crazy,
892
00:36:04,377 --> 00:36:05,576
but you're going to
have to pee on my kid.
893
00:36:05,578 --> 00:36:06,643
You want me
to pee on your kid?
894
00:36:06,645 --> 00:36:07,712
MAN: Please, dad to dad.
895
00:36:07,714 --> 00:36:08,779
He needs to
learn consequences.
896
00:36:08,781 --> 00:36:10,213
I'm not going to...
897
00:36:10,215 --> 00:36:12,717
Do you hear that, Alex?
Is that what you want?
898
00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:14,121
Stop!
899
00:36:14,686 --> 00:36:16,056
There! Yeah.
900
00:36:16,956 --> 00:36:18,158
Chaos theory.
901
00:36:19,792 --> 00:36:21,525
He started it.
902
00:36:21,527 --> 00:36:24,497
I swear. This is justified.
903
00:36:28,435 --> 00:36:30,237
Hey. That kid had it coming.
904
00:36:44,784 --> 00:36:46,420
How much did Ethan cost?
905
00:36:47,420 --> 00:36:49,253
Well, we didn't buy him.
906
00:36:49,255 --> 00:36:51,524
To raise him. I know
you guys didn't buy him.
907
00:36:52,259 --> 00:36:54,558
Um, well...
908
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:55,927
Four more years
of private school,
909
00:36:55,929 --> 00:37:00,331
four years of college,
tutors, summer camp.
910
00:37:00,333 --> 00:37:03,735
Every single Apple product
that ever comes out.
911
00:37:03,737 --> 00:37:07,038
Uh, once all said and done,
we're probably pushing a mil.
912
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:09,907
A million dollars?
913
00:37:09,909 --> 00:37:11,342
To raise a kid?
914
00:37:11,344 --> 00:37:13,447
What do you care?
You're loaded.
915
00:37:13,846 --> 00:37:15,378
Besides,
916
00:37:15,380 --> 00:37:18,983
"Money's never wasted
on the ones you love." Right?
917
00:37:18,985 --> 00:37:24,688
No, I know. I was just worried
about you and Ethan.
918
00:37:24,690 --> 00:37:27,824
Good thing Roland's
a financial wizard, right?
919
00:37:27,826 --> 00:37:29,559
PETER: I thought
we were going to his office.
920
00:37:29,561 --> 00:37:31,228
This is all residential.
921
00:37:31,230 --> 00:37:32,697
KYLE: Maybe
he works from home.
922
00:37:32,699 --> 00:37:35,335
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Destination is on your right.
923
00:37:40,373 --> 00:37:41,675
(DOORBELL RINGING)
924
00:37:59,292 --> 00:38:00,623
Why are you copying me?
925
00:38:00,625 --> 00:38:01,925
- I just did that.
- I'm not copying you.
926
00:38:01,927 --> 00:38:03,126
I did all of those things.
927
00:38:03,128 --> 00:38:05,165
You weren't
touching this thing.
928
00:38:05,831 --> 00:38:07,764
This is cold.
929
00:38:07,766 --> 00:38:09,701
So?
930
00:38:09,703 --> 00:38:13,172
I don't think anyone's
been here for hours.
931
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:15,840
Door knob tell you that?
932
00:38:15,842 --> 00:38:17,007
These are painted shut.
933
00:38:17,009 --> 00:38:19,376
PETER: So, what?
Kyle, where are you going?
934
00:38:19,378 --> 00:38:21,177
Come on! Kyle.
935
00:38:21,179 --> 00:38:22,447
This is locked.
936
00:38:22,449 --> 00:38:24,315
Of course it's locked.
He's not home.
937
00:38:24,317 --> 00:38:25,949
Come on. What are you doing?
938
00:38:25,951 --> 00:38:27,183
You hear those vibrations?
939
00:38:27,185 --> 00:38:28,386
You're hearing vibrations?
940
00:38:28,388 --> 00:38:29,922
'Cause I'm getting
a weird vibe.
941
00:38:32,125 --> 00:38:34,625
Oh. Oh, God.
942
00:38:34,627 --> 00:38:37,295
Looks like you picked the
wrong house, motherfuckers.
943
00:38:37,297 --> 00:38:38,563
Pete, don't do anything funny.
944
00:38:38,565 --> 00:38:39,963
Why would you
put that in his head?
945
00:38:39,965 --> 00:38:41,099
KYLE: No karate.
946
00:38:41,101 --> 00:38:42,800
Fucking no karate.
947
00:38:42,802 --> 00:38:44,668
I haven't done karate
in 30 years.
948
00:38:44,670 --> 00:38:46,369
He's got a gun.
And that beats karate.
949
00:38:46,371 --> 00:38:47,640
Shut the fuck up.
950
00:38:50,043 --> 00:38:53,444
What the fuck kind of B & E
guys are you two assholes?
951
00:38:53,446 --> 00:38:55,079
We're not robbers.
952
00:38:55,081 --> 00:38:57,614
We're just looking for a guy
named Roland Hunt. That's it.
953
00:38:57,616 --> 00:38:59,083
What do you want with him?
954
00:38:59,085 --> 00:39:02,219
He dated our mom,
Helen Baxter, in the '70s.
955
00:39:02,221 --> 00:39:04,822
Oh, shit!
956
00:39:04,824 --> 00:39:08,826
You guys are
Lenny Baxter's kids?
957
00:39:08,828 --> 00:39:10,194
You called her Lenny?
958
00:39:10,196 --> 00:39:12,230
You're Roland Hunt?
959
00:39:12,232 --> 00:39:16,032
I can't believe I almost shot
one of Lenny Baxter's kids!
960
00:39:16,034 --> 00:39:17,201
That is hilarious.
961
00:39:17,203 --> 00:39:18,634
And gave this one
a heart attack.
962
00:39:18,636 --> 00:39:20,538
Yeah.
Almost took you both out.
963
00:39:20,540 --> 00:39:23,407
- Two for one.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
964
00:39:23,409 --> 00:39:24,608
I mean, I guess
you probably don't think
965
00:39:24,610 --> 00:39:25,809
it's that funny, but...
966
00:39:25,811 --> 00:39:28,045
Oh, fuck, yeah,
I'm sorry about the gun.
967
00:39:28,047 --> 00:39:29,246
Listen, I only got this
968
00:39:29,248 --> 00:39:30,614
because we got
a lot of break-ins
969
00:39:30,616 --> 00:39:32,416
in the neighborhood.
Got it for protection.
970
00:39:32,418 --> 00:39:33,884
Better safe than sorry.
971
00:39:33,886 --> 00:39:35,786
Honestly, I don't even like
holding the thing.
972
00:39:35,788 --> 00:39:36,920
Here, you take it.
973
00:39:36,922 --> 00:39:39,590
- No, no, no.
- Come on in the house, boys.
974
00:39:39,592 --> 00:39:41,491
KYLE: I thought
you were gonna flip him.
975
00:39:41,493 --> 00:39:43,495
You're dangerous.
976
00:39:45,531 --> 00:39:47,967
Mom! We got company!
977
00:39:48,701 --> 00:39:50,237
Mom!
978
00:39:51,605 --> 00:39:53,436
Mom!
979
00:39:53,438 --> 00:39:54,971
Could that be Grandma?
980
00:39:54,973 --> 00:39:56,107
MRS. HUNT: Hello!
981
00:39:56,109 --> 00:39:57,308
KYLE: Hi!
982
00:39:57,310 --> 00:39:59,242
Roland!
They got a fucking gun!
983
00:39:59,244 --> 00:40:01,579
- No.
- Don't hold it like that.
984
00:40:01,581 --> 00:40:02,880
Drop the fucking gun,
motherfucker.
985
00:40:02,882 --> 00:40:05,081
Fuck! It's just the gun
you handed me,
986
00:40:05,083 --> 00:40:06,483
like, a minute ago.
987
00:40:06,485 --> 00:40:08,886
Oh, right. Yes. God damn it.
So sorry. Shit!
988
00:40:08,888 --> 00:40:11,221
I don't know
what's going on with me.
989
00:40:11,223 --> 00:40:12,288
It's tense with
all the break-ins
990
00:40:12,290 --> 00:40:13,357
in the neighborhood.
991
00:40:13,359 --> 00:40:15,058
I'm really sorry.
992
00:40:15,060 --> 00:40:16,360
Putting this down.
993
00:40:16,362 --> 00:40:17,695
You should've seen
your faces, though.
994
00:40:17,697 --> 00:40:19,496
You looked like
you shit yourselves.
995
00:40:19,498 --> 00:40:21,498
They looked scared as shit.
996
00:40:21,500 --> 00:40:23,433
- Right?
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
997
00:40:23,435 --> 00:40:24,869
Come on and say hi to Mom.
998
00:40:24,871 --> 00:40:27,103
You're holding it in
such a threatening way.
999
00:40:27,105 --> 00:40:28,438
You can't do that.
1000
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:29,940
Hey, Mom, it's okay.
1001
00:40:29,942 --> 00:40:32,009
These are Lenny Baxter's kids.
You remember Lenny?
1002
00:40:32,011 --> 00:40:33,013
Oh, Lenny.
1003
00:40:33,779 --> 00:40:35,545
What a sweet man!
1004
00:40:35,547 --> 00:40:37,949
So, what are you doing here?
1005
00:40:37,951 --> 00:40:39,916
Is everything okay
with your mom?
1006
00:40:39,918 --> 00:40:41,719
Everything's good.
We're on a quest.
1007
00:40:41,721 --> 00:40:44,355
And I'll just
cut right to the chase.
1008
00:40:44,357 --> 00:40:46,690
Did you know Lenny
1009
00:40:46,692 --> 00:40:50,460
between April and May of 1975?
1010
00:40:50,462 --> 00:40:52,396
Know her, like,
in a biblical sense.
1011
00:40:52,398 --> 00:40:53,463
Sorry.
1012
00:40:53,465 --> 00:40:54,965
No, she's heard it all.
1013
00:40:54,967 --> 00:40:56,500
Okay.
1014
00:40:56,502 --> 00:40:59,036
Yeah. '75, that sounds
about right. Yeah.
1015
00:40:59,038 --> 00:41:00,639
Why do you ask?
1016
00:41:03,641 --> 00:41:05,678
We think we're your sons.
1017
00:41:06,911 --> 00:41:08,512
Your boys.
1018
00:41:08,514 --> 00:41:10,279
Me and Pete.
1019
00:41:10,281 --> 00:41:12,017
You're our dad.
1020
00:41:16,755 --> 00:41:17,757
(SIGHS)
1021
00:41:20,826 --> 00:41:21,828
Hi.
1022
00:41:39,578 --> 00:41:40,947
(KYLE INHALES DEEPLY)
1023
00:41:50,623 --> 00:41:54,561
Will you just excuse me
for a minute?
1024
00:42:01,034 --> 00:42:02,331
That was one of
the most powerful things
1025
00:42:02,333 --> 00:42:03,433
I've ever seen.
1026
00:42:03,435 --> 00:42:06,003
He just inhaled us.
1027
00:42:06,005 --> 00:42:07,070
Yeah.
1028
00:42:07,072 --> 00:42:08,338
Did you smell him?
1029
00:42:08,340 --> 00:42:09,639
- You smelled him?
- Yes!
1030
00:42:09,641 --> 00:42:10,940
What did he smell like?
1031
00:42:10,942 --> 00:42:13,076
He smelled like
1032
00:42:13,078 --> 00:42:14,311
- home.
- Home?
1033
00:42:14,313 --> 00:42:16,380
- ROLAND: Fuck this! No!
- (OBJECTS SHATTERING)
1034
00:42:16,382 --> 00:42:17,681
There is no fucking way
1035
00:42:17,683 --> 00:42:19,717
those two jackasses
are my kids!
1036
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:21,451
They don't even
fucking look like me!
1037
00:42:21,453 --> 00:42:22,686
MRS. HUNT:
The one with the beard
1038
00:42:22,688 --> 00:42:24,221
has your beautiful eyes.
1039
00:42:24,223 --> 00:42:25,489
ROLAND: Big fucking deal.
1040
00:42:25,491 --> 00:42:26,824
Fuck 'em! They look like
1041
00:42:26,826 --> 00:42:28,092
a couple of total
fucking dickheads!
1042
00:42:28,094 --> 00:42:32,029
Oh... We are not
descended from that.
1043
00:42:32,031 --> 00:42:33,500
That's not our dad.
1044
00:42:37,002 --> 00:42:39,704
Would you boys like
anything to drink?
1045
00:42:39,706 --> 00:42:42,538
I would love a Hinano beer.
1046
00:42:42,540 --> 00:42:44,507
I'll see if we have one.
1047
00:42:44,509 --> 00:42:46,009
It's an awesome Tahitian beer.
1048
00:42:46,011 --> 00:42:47,945
She is so adorable.
1049
00:42:47,947 --> 00:42:49,112
I'm out of here.
1050
00:42:49,114 --> 00:42:51,114
If he is our father,
I don't want to know.
1051
00:42:51,116 --> 00:42:52,516
Come on, Pete.
1052
00:42:52,518 --> 00:42:56,253
He's in shock, all right?
I'm getting good energy here.
1053
00:42:56,255 --> 00:42:57,688
Based on what?
1054
00:42:57,690 --> 00:43:01,257
We are all out of Mojumbo.
1055
00:43:01,259 --> 00:43:02,759
But
1056
00:43:02,761 --> 00:43:06,865
Roland has something
that he'd like to say to you.
1057
00:43:07,766 --> 00:43:09,266
(QUIETLY) I'm sorry.
1058
00:43:09,268 --> 00:43:11,737
MRS. HUNT:
I don't think they heard you.
1059
00:43:13,072 --> 00:43:16,607
I'm sorry!
1060
00:43:16,609 --> 00:43:18,007
Well, three time's the charm.
1061
00:43:18,009 --> 00:43:21,545
Oh, this is just
such a blessing.
1062
00:43:21,547 --> 00:43:23,882
I'm finally a grandma.
1063
00:43:24,917 --> 00:43:27,052
Well, I'm gonna go finish up.
1064
00:43:29,755 --> 00:43:31,691
Well, listen.
It's a pleasure. Really.
1065
00:43:33,226 --> 00:43:35,962
Something I want to show
you guys. Come here.
1066
00:43:36,696 --> 00:43:38,228
Go ahead, guys.
1067
00:43:38,230 --> 00:43:39,732
After you.
1068
00:43:40,665 --> 00:43:42,733
(WHISPERS) Are you happy?
1069
00:43:42,735 --> 00:43:44,300
He's gonna kill us down here.
1070
00:43:44,302 --> 00:43:45,536
He's not going to kill us.
1071
00:43:45,538 --> 00:43:47,371
Yes, he is.
1072
00:43:47,373 --> 00:43:49,306
Is there a light down here?
1073
00:43:49,308 --> 00:43:50,574
ROLAND: No, that bulb's out.
1074
00:43:50,576 --> 00:43:52,275
You can use
your phone, I guess.
1075
00:43:52,277 --> 00:43:53,511
KYLE: Did you bring the gun?
1076
00:43:53,513 --> 00:43:55,045
PETER: No,
I did not bring the gun.
1077
00:43:55,047 --> 00:43:56,779
- KYLE: Damn it.
- PETER: I left it upstairs.
1078
00:43:56,781 --> 00:43:58,215
ROLAND: Take a left
at the bottom of the stairs.
1079
00:43:58,217 --> 00:43:59,748
PETER: Oh, my God.
1080
00:43:59,750 --> 00:44:01,251
Why are there mannequins?
1081
00:44:01,253 --> 00:44:02,956
KYLE: Pete, I'm scared.
1082
00:44:04,690 --> 00:44:07,123
PETER: How are
the vibes now, Kyle?
1083
00:44:07,125 --> 00:44:08,227
KYLE: Not good.
1084
00:44:10,563 --> 00:44:12,029
There we go.
1085
00:44:12,031 --> 00:44:13,065
Now...
1086
00:44:14,567 --> 00:44:16,833
I think this is it.
1087
00:44:16,835 --> 00:44:18,605
Pete, you want to
do the honors?
1088
00:44:23,442 --> 00:44:24,808
(SCREAMS)
1089
00:44:24,810 --> 00:44:26,012
ROLAND: Oh, shit!
1090
00:44:28,147 --> 00:44:31,014
That is the wrong box.
1091
00:44:31,016 --> 00:44:32,018
Sorry.
1092
00:44:32,451 --> 00:44:33,652
Uh...
1093
00:44:34,353 --> 00:44:36,255
Gotta be this one.
1094
00:44:37,656 --> 00:44:39,255
Okay.
1095
00:44:39,257 --> 00:44:41,525
I'll do it for you.
1096
00:44:41,527 --> 00:44:43,061
No rodents.
1097
00:44:44,163 --> 00:44:45,164
Go ahead.
1098
00:44:48,034 --> 00:44:49,235
Is that Mom?
1099
00:44:49,668 --> 00:44:50,936
What?
1100
00:44:52,105 --> 00:44:53,337
Oh, my God.
1101
00:44:53,339 --> 00:44:55,239
Look at you guys.
1102
00:44:55,241 --> 00:44:57,373
You look incredible.
1103
00:44:57,375 --> 00:44:59,108
Yeah, she looks really happy.
1104
00:44:59,110 --> 00:45:01,013
She was
1105
00:45:01,712 --> 00:45:03,917
just an amazing woman.
1106
00:45:04,516 --> 00:45:06,317
Okay.
1107
00:45:06,319 --> 00:45:10,487
You don't have to tell us
what an amazing lay she was,
1108
00:45:10,489 --> 00:45:11,922
and how suckable
1109
00:45:11,924 --> 00:45:14,358
her candied nipples are...
1110
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:15,759
What the hell is the matter...
1111
00:45:15,761 --> 00:45:17,895
This is your mom
we're talking about. Jesus.
1112
00:45:17,897 --> 00:45:20,096
Pete! That's not appropriate!
1113
00:45:20,098 --> 00:45:21,232
Sorry, Roland.
1114
00:45:21,234 --> 00:45:22,866
ROLAND: Whatever, anyway.
1115
00:45:22,868 --> 00:45:25,735
(SIGHS) My point being,
1116
00:45:25,737 --> 00:45:28,808
she's the only woman
I ever truly loved.
1117
00:45:30,074 --> 00:45:31,775
Oh, man.
1118
00:45:31,777 --> 00:45:34,543
I think that's why I got
a little kind of
1119
00:45:34,545 --> 00:45:36,313
bent out of shape
upstairs there
1120
00:45:36,315 --> 00:45:39,016
when you guys dropped
the bombshell on me,
1121
00:45:39,018 --> 00:45:42,686
and, honestly,
I was just kind of
1122
00:45:42,688 --> 00:45:45,625
regretting
what might have been.
1123
00:45:46,292 --> 00:45:47,791
Hmm.
1124
00:45:47,793 --> 00:45:50,628
I mean, I'm not
exactly living the dream here.
1125
00:45:50,630 --> 00:45:52,098
PETER: Sometimes, um...
1126
00:45:54,667 --> 00:45:56,967
You just...
1127
00:45:56,969 --> 00:45:58,934
Sometimes
you just find yourself
1128
00:45:58,936 --> 00:46:01,674
not where you want to be.
1129
00:46:04,310 --> 00:46:05,576
Yeah. I'm sorry.
1130
00:46:05,578 --> 00:46:07,179
Thanks, Pete.
1131
00:46:09,949 --> 00:46:12,181
Well, I got a work thing,
guys. I gotta go. Sorry.
1132
00:46:12,183 --> 00:46:15,018
What, you got like a little
Wall Street deal going on?
1133
00:46:15,020 --> 00:46:16,686
ROLAND: No. I'll tell you
what I've learned.
1134
00:46:16,688 --> 00:46:18,989
You've got to diversify.
1135
00:46:18,991 --> 00:46:20,556
And I don't care
if you're making
1136
00:46:20,558 --> 00:46:21,958
10 grand a year or 10 million.
1137
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:23,860
You don't want it
all coming from one place.
1138
00:46:23,862 --> 00:46:25,561
That's how guys get burned.
1139
00:46:25,563 --> 00:46:27,163
Really?
1140
00:46:27,165 --> 00:46:29,368
PETER: Oh, yeah. Don't want
all your eggs in one basket.
1141
00:46:31,235 --> 00:46:32,404
Come on.
1142
00:46:34,607 --> 00:46:35,773
ROLAND: Lately,
I've been doing
1143
00:46:35,775 --> 00:46:37,074
a lot of work with creditors.
1144
00:46:37,076 --> 00:46:39,976
Helping them to
reacquire merchandise
1145
00:46:39,978 --> 00:46:43,012
when the debtor can no longer
afford the payments.
1146
00:46:43,014 --> 00:46:44,614
KYLE: Oh, like a repo man.
1147
00:46:44,616 --> 00:46:45,750
ROLAND: Yeah, exactly.
1148
00:46:45,752 --> 00:46:46,983
Of course now, I gotta call
1149
00:46:46,985 --> 00:46:48,251
a fucking cab
just to do this job.
1150
00:46:48,253 --> 00:46:50,453
KYLE: We can
give you a ride, right?
1151
00:46:50,455 --> 00:46:52,422
ROLAND: Oh, no, I couldn't
impose on you guys.
1152
00:46:52,424 --> 00:46:53,757
PETER: Oh, come on.
1153
00:46:53,759 --> 00:46:55,726
Besides, it can be dangerous,
repo work.
1154
00:46:55,728 --> 00:46:56,960
You know, people don't like
1155
00:46:56,962 --> 00:46:58,596
having their stuff
taken from them.
1156
00:46:58,598 --> 00:47:00,429
Hey, people don't like having
their anuses probed either,
1157
00:47:00,431 --> 00:47:03,969
but that's how I've made
a living the last 12 years.
1158
00:47:05,337 --> 00:47:07,471
As a doctor.
1159
00:47:07,473 --> 00:47:08,570
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
1160
00:47:08,572 --> 00:47:11,810
Come on. Let us help you.
1161
00:47:12,511 --> 00:47:14,777
So, what happens
1162
00:47:14,779 --> 00:47:17,380
if they show up
while you're doing this?
1163
00:47:17,382 --> 00:47:18,681
Well...
1164
00:47:18,683 --> 00:47:21,485
Hope for the best, prepare
for the worst, you know?
1165
00:47:21,487 --> 00:47:22,985
If he does show up,
1166
00:47:22,987 --> 00:47:25,688
you can expect to hear
some top-shelf bullshit.
1167
00:47:25,690 --> 00:47:27,157
Is that right?
1168
00:47:27,159 --> 00:47:29,793
"Repossessed? I've never even
missed a payment!
1169
00:47:29,795 --> 00:47:32,061
"Got to be a computer error."
1170
00:47:32,063 --> 00:47:34,063
That is classic bullshit.
1171
00:47:34,065 --> 00:47:36,766
ROLAND: They're late
on their child support,
1172
00:47:36,768 --> 00:47:38,569
they'll even deny
they have kids.
1173
00:47:38,571 --> 00:47:39,668
PETER: What?
1174
00:47:39,670 --> 00:47:42,273
God! Just sick.
1175
00:47:42,275 --> 00:47:44,141
(ENGINE REVVING)
1176
00:47:44,143 --> 00:47:46,775
Got to love that sound,
huh, Pete?
1177
00:47:46,777 --> 00:47:48,078
- There you go.
- Oh, wow!
1178
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:49,512
Plus, there's only
going to be room for
1179
00:47:49,514 --> 00:47:50,746
- two of us, so who draws...
- KYLE: Shotgun!
1180
00:47:50,748 --> 00:47:52,081
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.
1181
00:47:52,083 --> 00:47:53,683
ROLAND: No, no. No worries.
1182
00:47:53,685 --> 00:47:55,851
We're within
our legal rights here.
1183
00:47:55,853 --> 00:47:58,454
Just doing our jobs.
1184
00:47:58,456 --> 00:48:00,023
What the fuck you doing
to my property?
1185
00:48:00,025 --> 00:48:01,224
Your car's being repossessed.
1186
00:48:01,226 --> 00:48:03,059
I'd advise you
to just stand back
1187
00:48:03,061 --> 00:48:04,261
and let us do our jobs.
1188
00:48:04,263 --> 00:48:06,163
You're going to
repossess my car?
1189
00:48:06,165 --> 00:48:09,099
I've never missed
a single payment.
1190
00:48:09,101 --> 00:48:10,666
Guys, this has got to be
some kind of computer error.
1191
00:48:10,668 --> 00:48:12,636
Check your little computer
things, and you'll find out.
1192
00:48:12,638 --> 00:48:13,902
Two for two.
1193
00:48:13,904 --> 00:48:15,773
PETER: My God!
1194
00:48:15,775 --> 00:48:17,541
Word on the street is
you even missed
1195
00:48:17,543 --> 00:48:18,909
your child support payments.
1196
00:48:18,911 --> 00:48:20,143
Come on, man.
1197
00:48:20,145 --> 00:48:21,777
Hey, genius,
I don't have any kids.
1198
00:48:21,779 --> 00:48:23,779
I'm sorry. Paying your bills,
1199
00:48:23,781 --> 00:48:25,815
very basic adult
responsibility.
1200
00:48:25,817 --> 00:48:27,918
- Yup. Well said, Pete.
- Thank you.
1201
00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:29,686
This is insanity.
I'm calling the police.
1202
00:48:29,688 --> 00:48:31,054
Well, feel free,
1203
00:48:31,056 --> 00:48:32,088
but it is going to be
pretty embarrassing
1204
00:48:32,090 --> 00:48:34,391
when I show them
the paperwork.
1205
00:48:34,393 --> 00:48:35,858
I left it in the car.
1206
00:48:35,860 --> 00:48:37,061
Kyle, can I have the keys?
1207
00:48:37,063 --> 00:48:38,427
And I'll run down there
and get it.
1208
00:48:38,429 --> 00:48:39,529
PETER: Give him the keys.
1209
00:48:39,531 --> 00:48:41,030
Thank you.
1210
00:48:41,032 --> 00:48:43,666
And make sure they don't
escape in the old Ferrari.
1211
00:48:43,668 --> 00:48:44,933
Make sure I don't
steal my own car.
1212
00:48:44,935 --> 00:48:46,302
We got this. We got this.
1213
00:48:46,304 --> 00:48:47,637
- Yeah, Pete's got this.
- Deadbeat asshole.
1214
00:48:47,639 --> 00:48:49,306
Are you fucking kidding me?
1215
00:48:49,308 --> 00:48:52,509
Let me tell you something,
McEnroe,
1216
00:48:52,511 --> 00:48:54,344
you're not too big to fail.
1217
00:48:54,346 --> 00:48:55,712
That's right.
1218
00:48:55,714 --> 00:48:57,114
You failed today.
1219
00:48:57,116 --> 00:48:59,882
Because we're taking
your Ferrari.
1220
00:48:59,884 --> 00:49:02,520
You just double faulted.
1221
00:49:02,522 --> 00:49:06,023
And the bank broke your serve.
1222
00:49:06,025 --> 00:49:07,324
- You know what, buddy?
- What?
1223
00:49:07,326 --> 00:49:10,927
Life isn't about
just accumulating stuff.
1224
00:49:10,929 --> 00:49:12,563
All right?
1225
00:49:12,565 --> 00:49:15,799
The fast cars
and the big house in Hawaii
1226
00:49:15,801 --> 00:49:17,099
and the white clothes
1227
00:49:17,101 --> 00:49:18,235
and the model girlfriend.
1228
00:49:18,237 --> 00:49:19,770
This is freaking New York!
1229
00:49:19,772 --> 00:49:21,770
This is my wife. Hello.
1230
00:49:21,772 --> 00:49:23,338
You think I'm a model?
1231
00:49:23,340 --> 00:49:26,043
Well, he doesn't think you're
a model, you're 5'2".
1232
00:49:26,045 --> 00:49:27,277
Yeah, she's got
a wedding ring.
1233
00:49:27,279 --> 00:49:29,112
I didn't see the wedding ring.
1234
00:49:29,114 --> 00:49:31,081
Oh, my God. You know what?
1235
00:49:31,083 --> 00:49:33,683
This ain't worth it.
Fine, you guys are right.
1236
00:49:33,685 --> 00:49:34,750
I'll just cut you a check.
1237
00:49:34,752 --> 00:49:36,520
Could we just
end this, please?
1238
00:49:36,522 --> 00:49:38,288
Do me a favor,
go get the check book.
1239
00:49:38,290 --> 00:49:39,889
It's in the closet.
My side of the bed, please?
1240
00:49:39,891 --> 00:49:41,092
- Okay.
- Thank you.
1241
00:49:41,661 --> 00:49:43,259
All good.
1242
00:49:43,261 --> 00:49:44,694
ROLAND: Yeah, it's me.
That Ferrari didn't work out.
1243
00:49:44,696 --> 00:49:48,498
You know anybody who can move
a Chevy Malibu?
1244
00:49:48,500 --> 00:49:50,136
All right, call me back.
1245
00:49:54,839 --> 00:49:56,975
You gotta be kidding me.
1246
00:50:02,848 --> 00:50:04,483
Damn it, Lenny.
1247
00:50:05,516 --> 00:50:07,518
Where's Roland?
1248
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:08,451
He's coming.
1249
00:50:08,453 --> 00:50:09,786
- WOMAN: Honey!
- MAN: Yeah?
1250
00:50:09,788 --> 00:50:10,987
I've got the check book.
1251
00:50:10,989 --> 00:50:12,391
- Great.
- (PETER AND KYLE YELP)
1252
00:50:13,692 --> 00:50:14,991
Come on, let's go!
1253
00:50:14,993 --> 00:50:16,192
Give me the gun.
Don't point it at me!
1254
00:50:16,194 --> 00:50:17,494
- We're taking the Ferrari!
- Pete!
1255
00:50:17,496 --> 00:50:18,628
Do it for Dad!
1256
00:50:18,630 --> 00:50:19,728
Come on!
1257
00:50:19,730 --> 00:50:21,630
Babe, give me the gun!
1258
00:50:21,632 --> 00:50:23,368
- Shit!
- Go, go, go!
1259
00:50:24,136 --> 00:50:25,936
Let go of the fucking gun!
1260
00:50:25,938 --> 00:50:27,306
Stop!
1261
00:50:29,741 --> 00:50:30,907
Roland, we got it!
1262
00:50:30,909 --> 00:50:33,476
We got the car!
1263
00:50:33,478 --> 00:50:34,645
(GROANS)
1264
00:50:34,647 --> 00:50:35,648
Stop!
1265
00:50:37,616 --> 00:50:38,949
MAN: Oh, shit.
1266
00:50:38,951 --> 00:50:40,016
God!
1267
00:50:40,018 --> 00:50:41,116
What was that?
1268
00:50:41,118 --> 00:50:43,121
I think it was a person.
1269
00:50:43,989 --> 00:50:45,121
Roland!
1270
00:50:45,123 --> 00:50:46,590
Oh, my God, you killed Dad!
1271
00:50:46,592 --> 00:50:47,824
- Roland!
- Dad!
1272
00:50:47,826 --> 00:50:49,328
Dial 911!
1273
00:50:52,764 --> 00:50:54,665
So, I guess Dad's a bad guy.
1274
00:50:54,667 --> 00:50:56,134
Oh, yeah.
1275
00:50:58,069 --> 00:51:00,704
I understand
how Luke Skywalker felt now.
1276
00:51:00,706 --> 00:51:03,172
Yeah, seriously.
1277
00:51:03,174 --> 00:51:05,377
She's really beautiful.
1278
00:51:06,377 --> 00:51:08,878
KYLE: She looks great here.
1279
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:10,146
Glowing.
1280
00:51:10,148 --> 00:51:12,583
Roland even looks good.
Who's this?
1281
00:51:12,585 --> 00:51:16,088
Who's this guy
with the scratched out face?
1282
00:51:18,857 --> 00:51:20,456
Excuse me, Doc.
1283
00:51:20,458 --> 00:51:22,692
Doc, any word?
1284
00:51:22,694 --> 00:51:25,929
Well, the good news is that
he's in stable condition.
1285
00:51:25,931 --> 00:51:27,096
- Great!
- Okay. All right.
1286
00:51:27,098 --> 00:51:28,364
The bad news, however,
1287
00:51:28,366 --> 00:51:30,366
is that his blood
is AB positive.
1288
00:51:30,368 --> 00:51:31,800
What? That doesn't sound...
1289
00:51:31,802 --> 00:51:33,003
No, no, it's just that
1290
00:51:33,005 --> 00:51:35,172
the blood you gave
is O negative.
1291
00:51:35,174 --> 00:51:38,541
Negative? Mine is?
1292
00:51:38,543 --> 00:51:41,043
It means that, uh,
1293
00:51:41,045 --> 00:51:43,112
he can't be our father.
1294
00:51:43,114 --> 00:51:44,880
Genetically.
1295
00:51:44,882 --> 00:51:47,986
DOCTOR: You can go in
and see him if you like.
1296
00:51:48,819 --> 00:51:50,121
Thank you.
1297
00:51:54,427 --> 00:51:58,226
You're awake.
How you doing there, champ?
1298
00:51:58,228 --> 00:52:00,096
Mmm, feeling no pain.
1299
00:52:00,098 --> 00:52:01,299
Yeah.
1300
00:52:02,067 --> 00:52:04,101
Sorry we ran over you.
1301
00:52:04,103 --> 00:52:06,637
And sorry
you're going to jail.
1302
00:52:06,639 --> 00:52:08,605
Be good to get off
the hamster wheel.
1303
00:52:08,607 --> 00:52:09,706
KYLE: I hear ya.
1304
00:52:09,708 --> 00:52:11,210
PETER: Hey, Roland,
let me ask you something.
1305
00:52:12,810 --> 00:52:15,177
When did you know
1306
00:52:15,179 --> 00:52:16,514
that we weren't yours?
1307
00:52:17,583 --> 00:52:18,782
I don't know,
1308
00:52:18,784 --> 00:52:20,817
like, two minutes ago
when the doc told me.
1309
00:52:20,819 --> 00:52:22,152
PETER: Unbelievable.
1310
00:52:22,154 --> 00:52:23,353
So, as far as you knew,
1311
00:52:23,355 --> 00:52:25,621
you were intentionally duping
1312
00:52:25,623 --> 00:52:28,692
your own sons into
committing a felony?
1313
00:52:28,694 --> 00:52:30,027
Yeah. So? Whatever.
1314
00:52:30,029 --> 00:52:32,429
Don't be such
a fucking pussy about it.
1315
00:52:32,431 --> 00:52:36,264
My dad was an asshole, too.
He ran out, he was a crook.
1316
00:52:36,266 --> 00:52:37,933
Life sucks. Life is hard.
1317
00:52:37,935 --> 00:52:39,069
Get over it.
1318
00:52:39,071 --> 00:52:41,971
Life is hard, Pete.
1319
00:52:41,973 --> 00:52:44,907
Wait a minute. You know what?
1320
00:52:44,909 --> 00:52:48,677
Fuck! I should've known
you guys weren't mine.
1321
00:52:48,679 --> 00:52:49,980
'75 you said, right?
1322
00:52:49,982 --> 00:52:51,547
Spring of '75?
1323
00:52:51,549 --> 00:52:52,849
Right.
1324
00:52:52,851 --> 00:52:55,351
I started dating Lenny in '74.
1325
00:52:55,353 --> 00:52:56,853
By the spring of '75,
1326
00:52:56,855 --> 00:52:59,590
I was doing
my first stint in the joint.
1327
00:52:59,592 --> 00:53:01,791
I got busted dealing coke
in this nightclub
1328
00:53:01,793 --> 00:53:04,194
by some fucking disco-permed,
1329
00:53:04,196 --> 00:53:06,195
roller-skating,
motherfucking narc.
1330
00:53:06,197 --> 00:53:07,400
KYLE: Wait.
1331
00:53:09,368 --> 00:53:10,599
You mean this guy.
1332
00:53:10,601 --> 00:53:12,402
ROLAND: Yeah. That's the guy.
1333
00:53:12,404 --> 00:53:14,471
I don't know what pissed me
off more, he put me in jail
1334
00:53:14,473 --> 00:53:16,438
or he started
schtupping your mom
1335
00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:18,208
the second I was behind bars.
1336
00:53:18,210 --> 00:53:20,710
This guy was schtupping
our mother?
1337
00:53:20,712 --> 00:53:22,415
Hey. (SIGHS)
1338
00:53:23,281 --> 00:53:26,016
That guy is your fucking dad.
1339
00:53:26,018 --> 00:53:29,085
I should've known. You look
like a couple of junior narcs.
1340
00:53:29,087 --> 00:53:31,320
Well, do you have a name?
1341
00:53:31,322 --> 00:53:33,023
Give me 1,000 bucks
and I'll tell you.
1342
00:53:33,025 --> 00:53:34,791
- Fuck you! Come on, Kyle.
- Pete...
1343
00:53:34,793 --> 00:53:36,626
Okay, nice meeting you.
1344
00:53:36,628 --> 00:53:37,763
Roland...
1345
00:53:41,967 --> 00:53:44,400
Would you take $400?
1346
00:53:44,402 --> 00:53:46,335
- Sparkly P?
- KYLE: Yup.
1347
00:53:46,337 --> 00:53:51,340
You just paid Roland
$1,000 for the name Sparkly P!
1348
00:53:51,342 --> 00:53:52,942
You got conned, Kyle!
1349
00:53:52,944 --> 00:53:55,712
I paid him $680
and I had $1,000.
1350
00:53:55,714 --> 00:53:58,047
I conned him. Yeah!
1351
00:53:58,049 --> 00:54:00,583
And now I think we're ready
to make a little inquiry
1352
00:54:00,585 --> 00:54:02,853
into this Sparkly P character.
1353
00:54:02,855 --> 00:54:05,355
Yeah? Where? The white pages?
1354
00:54:05,357 --> 00:54:07,458
Huh? The glitter store?
1355
00:54:07,460 --> 00:54:10,226
Do you realize
how insane you sound?
1356
00:54:10,228 --> 00:54:12,329
We're going home!
1357
00:54:12,331 --> 00:54:13,862
KYLE: You're just
gonna give up?
1358
00:54:13,864 --> 00:54:15,498
We almost got killed!
1359
00:54:15,500 --> 00:54:18,467
We? Roland almost got killed.
What are you talking about?
1360
00:54:18,469 --> 00:54:20,670
We just had one of the best
adventures of our lives.
1361
00:54:20,672 --> 00:54:21,804
No, we didn't.
1362
00:54:21,806 --> 00:54:22,973
What happened to
1363
00:54:22,975 --> 00:54:25,275
Mr. "I won't rest
until we find our dad"?
1364
00:54:25,277 --> 00:54:27,476
The universe
doesn't like quitters, Pete.
1365
00:54:27,478 --> 00:54:29,978
You know what?
Fuck the universe!
1366
00:54:29,980 --> 00:54:31,648
The universe sucks!
1367
00:54:31,650 --> 00:54:33,083
Don't say that.
1368
00:54:33,085 --> 00:54:35,284
You realize this whole time
it's been telling us it's time
1369
00:54:35,286 --> 00:54:38,087
to shut down Operation
Who's Your Daddy?
1370
00:54:38,089 --> 00:54:39,790
That's a good name
for it, Pete.
1371
00:54:39,792 --> 00:54:43,626
That's a good name
for the quest.
1372
00:54:43,628 --> 00:54:47,529
But before we close the book
on Operation Who's Your Daddy,
1373
00:54:47,531 --> 00:54:48,831
let me say one thing, Pete...
1374
00:54:48,833 --> 00:54:51,902
It's too late.
Kyle, book is closed.
1375
00:54:51,904 --> 00:54:53,136
- That's it?
- Yup. That's it.
1376
00:54:53,138 --> 00:54:55,005
- You don't want to hear it?
- No!
1377
00:54:55,007 --> 00:54:57,940
I got us on the 10:00 p.m.
flight out of JFK.
1378
00:54:57,942 --> 00:54:59,411
That is what we're doing.
1379
00:55:00,578 --> 00:55:01,811
KYLE: Look at this poor guy.
1380
00:55:01,813 --> 00:55:04,212
No one will even give him
the time of day.
1381
00:55:04,214 --> 00:55:05,447
Well, we're not stopping.
1382
00:55:05,449 --> 00:55:06,583
We're not picking up
a hitchhiker.
1383
00:55:06,585 --> 00:55:08,585
What do you think
is gonna happen?
1384
00:55:08,587 --> 00:55:12,188
You think he's gonna just
murder you, rob you, rape you?
1385
00:55:12,190 --> 00:55:13,523
Yeah. All three.
1386
00:55:13,525 --> 00:55:15,791
Okay, all of the above.
Look at him.
1387
00:55:15,793 --> 00:55:17,561
I am looking at him.
1388
00:55:17,563 --> 00:55:19,663
You know somebody
your whole life,
1389
00:55:19,665 --> 00:55:21,598
and then you wake up
and you realize
1390
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:23,699
you've been
lying next to a racist.
1391
00:55:23,701 --> 00:55:25,534
What?
It's not 'cause he's black.
1392
00:55:25,536 --> 00:55:27,103
It's 'cause he's a stranger
1393
00:55:27,105 --> 00:55:28,538
and a hitchhiker
1394
00:55:28,540 --> 00:55:30,974
and could very easily
be a serial killer.
1395
00:55:30,976 --> 00:55:34,677
There are
no black serial killers, Pete.
1396
00:55:34,679 --> 00:55:35,846
That's a fact.
1397
00:55:35,848 --> 00:55:37,480
PETER: Just don't make
eye contact, please?
1398
00:55:37,482 --> 00:55:39,382
Because then
I'll have to pull over,
1399
00:55:39,384 --> 00:55:40,951
and it'll be awkward
1400
00:55:40,953 --> 00:55:43,286
and we'll have to give him
a ride and all that. Just...
1401
00:55:43,288 --> 00:55:45,788
You're looking
in his direction.
1402
00:55:45,790 --> 00:55:46,956
I'm not looking.
1403
00:55:46,958 --> 00:55:48,558
PETER: You're totally
turning your head.
1404
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:50,192
- My eyes are wandering.
- PETER: I'm watching you.
1405
00:55:50,194 --> 00:55:51,694
Look this way.
1406
00:55:51,696 --> 00:55:53,429
- KYLE: Pete, I'm not looking.
- Look out the left.
1407
00:55:53,431 --> 00:55:54,563
You're totally
looking right at him.
1408
00:55:54,565 --> 00:55:55,833
KYLE: My peripheral vision.
1409
00:55:56,868 --> 00:55:58,936
Oh, God damn it!
1410
00:55:58,938 --> 00:56:00,402
What? I didn't look at him!
1411
00:56:00,404 --> 00:56:02,640
- Ah, he got me.
- KYLE: What?
1412
00:56:03,875 --> 00:56:06,541
(GRUNTS) I blew it.
That one's on me.
1413
00:56:06,543 --> 00:56:08,011
- KYLE: You made eye contact?
- PETER: Yeah.
1414
00:56:08,013 --> 00:56:09,212
Shit.
1415
00:56:09,214 --> 00:56:10,445
We're still not
picking him up,
1416
00:56:10,447 --> 00:56:11,980
so let him down easy.
1417
00:56:11,982 --> 00:56:13,215
Hey, how you doing?
1418
00:56:13,217 --> 00:56:15,217
You stopped. Thank you.
1419
00:56:15,219 --> 00:56:16,853
Thank you. Thank you both.
1420
00:56:16,855 --> 00:56:18,322
- You're welcome.
- Thank you so much.
1421
00:56:18,324 --> 00:56:19,456
Even if you don't
give me ride,
1422
00:56:19,458 --> 00:56:21,558
thank you just for stopping.
1423
00:56:21,560 --> 00:56:22,858
I was beginning to think
1424
00:56:22,860 --> 00:56:24,360
black was the new
invisible out here.
1425
00:56:24,362 --> 00:56:26,262
You know what I mean?
The gesture means a lot.
1426
00:56:26,264 --> 00:56:27,663
Where are you headed?
1427
00:56:27,665 --> 00:56:29,433
North. Worcester, Mass.
1428
00:56:29,435 --> 00:56:31,668
Just trying to get to my kid's
birthday tomorrow.
1429
00:56:31,670 --> 00:56:33,936
We're really sorry.
We're going south.
1430
00:56:33,938 --> 00:56:36,304
We're going to JFK, so...
1431
00:56:36,306 --> 00:56:37,440
How about this?
1432
00:56:37,442 --> 00:56:38,842
There's a train station,
1433
00:56:38,844 --> 00:56:40,976
it's like two miles south.
You take me there?
1434
00:56:40,978 --> 00:56:42,110
Now, I don't see why...
1435
00:56:42,112 --> 00:56:43,346
Are you fucking crazy?
1436
00:56:43,348 --> 00:56:45,482
I'm gonna have to ask you...
1437
00:56:45,484 --> 00:56:47,016
We got a Nervous Nelly here.
1438
00:56:47,018 --> 00:56:49,652
So I know this is gonna sound
like a funny question,
1439
00:56:49,654 --> 00:56:51,656
but are you a serial killer?
1440
00:56:53,357 --> 00:56:54,724
No. No.
1441
00:56:54,726 --> 00:56:56,626
I get it. There's a lot of
nuts out there.
1442
00:56:56,628 --> 00:56:58,994
I am a stranger,
I am a hitchhiker...
1443
00:56:58,996 --> 00:57:00,329
Satisfied?
1444
00:57:00,331 --> 00:57:04,366
...but I swear to you,
I am not a serial killer.
1445
00:57:04,368 --> 00:57:06,436
- Hmm...
- Well, did you notice how you
1446
00:57:06,438 --> 00:57:07,637
emphasized the word "serial,"
1447
00:57:07,639 --> 00:57:10,005
which makes it sound like
1448
00:57:10,007 --> 00:57:13,842
you're a killer,
just not a serial one.
1449
00:57:13,844 --> 00:57:14,978
Oh, man, okay.
1450
00:57:14,980 --> 00:57:17,145
Now that was
totally unintentional.
1451
00:57:17,147 --> 00:57:18,413
I promise you that.
1452
00:57:18,415 --> 00:57:19,882
Didn't mean that.
1453
00:57:19,884 --> 00:57:21,650
But you're still not saying,
"I'm not a killer."
1454
00:57:21,652 --> 00:57:25,323
It seems like that's what
a non-killer would say.
1455
00:57:26,023 --> 00:57:28,358
I'm an idiot, man. Idiot!
1456
00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:29,958
I've been
a non-killer too long
1457
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:31,594
to not know
the non-killer rules.
1458
00:57:31,596 --> 00:57:33,395
You know what I mean?
1459
00:57:33,397 --> 00:57:35,563
How about this?
We'll give you a ride...
1460
00:57:35,565 --> 00:57:36,965
Are you fucking crazy?
1461
00:57:36,967 --> 00:57:38,067
Let me finish, Pete.
1462
00:57:38,069 --> 00:57:40,402
We can give you
a ride to the station,
1463
00:57:40,404 --> 00:57:41,637
but, and this is
a pretty big but,
1464
00:57:41,639 --> 00:57:43,340
only if we can tie you up.
1465
00:57:43,342 --> 00:57:44,974
That way you can't rape
1466
00:57:44,976 --> 00:57:48,614
or kill or murder
Mr. Paranoia here.
1467
00:57:54,118 --> 00:57:55,321
Uh...
1468
00:57:58,089 --> 00:57:59,322
KYLE: You okay?
1469
00:57:59,324 --> 00:58:00,456
Those aren't too tight,
are they?
1470
00:58:00,458 --> 00:58:02,458
Almost kill you.
Can't kill you.
1471
00:58:02,460 --> 00:58:04,360
(CHUCKLING)
1472
00:58:04,362 --> 00:58:05,862
KYLE: Don't even joke around
1473
00:58:05,864 --> 00:58:07,029
with our driver.
1474
00:58:07,031 --> 00:58:08,197
Sorry to interrupt.
1475
00:58:08,199 --> 00:58:09,699
I'm still not getting
a phone signal here.
1476
00:58:09,701 --> 00:58:11,733
Are you sure there's
a train station this way?
1477
00:58:11,735 --> 00:58:14,137
100%. I grew up one town over.
1478
00:58:14,139 --> 00:58:16,739
I used to play ice hockey
at the rink across the street.
1479
00:58:16,741 --> 00:58:18,907
Just make a left up there.
1480
00:58:18,909 --> 00:58:20,946
PETER: I don't see
street signs.
1481
00:58:22,346 --> 00:58:24,114
We are fucked.
1482
00:58:24,116 --> 00:58:25,415
Fucked!
1483
00:58:25,417 --> 00:58:26,782
We're gonna miss our flight.
1484
00:58:26,784 --> 00:58:28,016
- Take it easy, Pete.
- Do you realize that?
1485
00:58:28,018 --> 00:58:29,619
Okay, then we'll catch
another one.
1486
00:58:29,621 --> 00:58:31,253
Okay? It's not a big deal.
1487
00:58:31,255 --> 00:58:35,391
Classic Kyle! Nothing's ever
a big deal. Must be nice.
1488
00:58:35,393 --> 00:58:39,496
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I am sensing
a very disturbing vibe here.
1489
00:58:39,498 --> 00:58:41,663
Pete, are you mad at your
brother about something?
1490
00:58:41,665 --> 00:58:44,634
Yes! I'm mad!
And it's probably obvious.
1491
00:58:44,636 --> 00:58:48,103
There's like a rage pulsing
through his entire body.
1492
00:58:48,105 --> 00:58:49,971
Classic Pete right here.
1493
00:58:49,973 --> 00:58:52,507
Luckily, I'm sort of
the Pete whisperer.
1494
00:58:52,509 --> 00:58:55,378
I always know
how to calm this guy down.
1495
00:58:55,380 --> 00:58:56,512
- Ah...
- HITCHHIKER: Good.
1496
00:58:56,514 --> 00:58:58,447
Let me turn on a little music
1497
00:58:58,449 --> 00:59:01,384
and just lullaby you
into just relaxing.
1498
00:59:01,386 --> 00:59:02,884
- PETER: Wow.
- KYLE: There.
1499
00:59:02,886 --> 00:59:07,090
A, please don't patronize me
and B, no music, okay?
1500
00:59:07,092 --> 00:59:08,625
I just need
to focus right now.
1501
00:59:08,627 --> 00:59:11,161
Well, I think music
will help you guys relax.
1502
00:59:11,163 --> 00:59:12,728
- (SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
- Makes a great point.
1503
00:59:12,730 --> 00:59:14,431
You can't focus
if you're too tense, Pete.
1504
00:59:14,433 --> 00:59:15,833
I just need it quiet, okay?
1505
00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:17,603
(MUSIC STOPS)
1506
00:59:18,402 --> 00:59:19,469
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1507
00:59:19,471 --> 00:59:20,570
(MUSIC STOPS)
1508
00:59:20,572 --> 00:59:22,204
What are you, 10?
1509
00:59:22,206 --> 00:59:23,739
Can't you just
listen to music?
1510
00:59:23,741 --> 00:59:26,875
No! I don't want
to listen to music.
1511
00:59:26,877 --> 00:59:28,080
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- (MUSIC STOPS)
1512
00:59:29,112 --> 00:59:30,313
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1513
00:59:30,315 --> 00:59:31,650
(VOLUME INCREASES)
1514
00:59:32,482 --> 00:59:33,949
(TIRES SCREECH)
1515
00:59:33,951 --> 00:59:36,421
Enough with the
fucking radio, Kyle!
1516
00:59:37,388 --> 00:59:38,790
(KEYS CLINKING)
1517
00:59:39,456 --> 00:59:40,824
Oh, that was...
1518
00:59:40,826 --> 00:59:43,291
That was brilliant.
Go get 'em, you idiot.
1519
00:59:43,293 --> 00:59:44,626
I'm not gonna go get 'em.
1520
00:59:44,628 --> 00:59:46,262
Untie me, I'll go get 'em.
1521
00:59:46,264 --> 00:59:47,764
We're not gonna get the keys
1522
00:59:47,766 --> 00:59:50,233
until you tell me what
your problem is with me.
1523
00:59:50,235 --> 00:59:51,467
We're going to be here a while
1524
00:59:51,469 --> 00:59:53,203
because I have a million
problems with you.
1525
00:59:53,205 --> 00:59:55,572
- Like what?
- Yeah. Elaborate, Pete.
1526
00:59:55,574 --> 01:00:00,309
All you've ever done is rub
your amazing life in my face.
1527
01:00:00,311 --> 01:00:02,645
Your trophies and your friends
1528
01:00:02,647 --> 01:00:05,415
and your black Amex
and your sunsets.
1529
01:00:05,417 --> 01:00:07,516
Sorry for sending you sunsets.
1530
01:00:07,518 --> 01:00:09,117
I love sunsets.
1531
01:00:09,119 --> 01:00:10,152
Growing up was literally
1532
01:00:10,154 --> 01:00:11,520
like watching
The Kyle Reynolds Show
1533
01:00:11,522 --> 01:00:13,155
24 hours a day.
1534
01:00:13,157 --> 01:00:14,357
Girls just liked you more.
1535
01:00:14,359 --> 01:00:16,259
Pete, I thought you liked
hearing about my hook-ups
1536
01:00:16,261 --> 01:00:19,228
the same way I liked hearing
about your hook-ups.
1537
01:00:19,230 --> 01:00:20,596
What hook-ups?
1538
01:00:20,598 --> 01:00:21,931
The girl you went out with
in ninth grade.
1539
01:00:21,933 --> 01:00:23,866
Remember her, with the
glasses and the bad skin?
1540
01:00:23,868 --> 01:00:25,168
- Pamela Hartley.
- Yes!
1541
01:00:25,170 --> 01:00:27,003
Yeah, she only dated me
to get to you.
1542
01:00:27,005 --> 01:00:29,038
And guess what? The second
her skin cleared up,
1543
01:00:29,040 --> 01:00:30,038
he banged her.
1544
01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:32,041
Not cool, Kyle.
I'm Team Peter.
1545
01:00:32,043 --> 01:00:33,442
You even had
the balls to come home
1546
01:00:33,444 --> 01:00:34,476
and brag about
how you nailed her
1547
01:00:34,478 --> 01:00:35,710
in the back of a Papa John's.
1548
01:00:35,712 --> 01:00:36,913
That girl that
I messed around with
1549
01:00:36,915 --> 01:00:38,581
at Papa John's
didn't even wear glasses.
1550
01:00:38,583 --> 01:00:40,315
Mistaken identity.
Back on Team Kyle.
1551
01:00:40,317 --> 01:00:41,483
PETER: Guess what?
1552
01:00:41,485 --> 01:00:43,119
Junior year, she got contacts
1553
01:00:43,121 --> 01:00:44,887
and her skin cleared up
and you banged her
1554
01:00:44,889 --> 01:00:47,857
right after having a sausage
lover's pizza, apparently.
1555
01:00:47,859 --> 01:00:49,625
"This chick loves
sausage, Pete."
1556
01:00:49,627 --> 01:00:50,893
I don't remember that.
1557
01:00:50,895 --> 01:00:52,795
If I have to hear
about your goddamn
1558
01:00:52,797 --> 01:00:55,197
barbeque sauce fortune
one more time.
1559
01:00:55,199 --> 01:00:58,233
The picture on the bottles
could be literally anybody!
1560
01:00:58,235 --> 01:01:01,203
And you've lucked out
your entire life.
1561
01:01:01,205 --> 01:01:02,237
The way you've lived,
1562
01:01:02,239 --> 01:01:03,706
you should be broke
and homeless,
1563
01:01:03,708 --> 01:01:06,141
not chillaxing on a beach
1564
01:01:06,143 --> 01:01:08,777
with your perfect girlfriend
and your perfect house
1565
01:01:08,779 --> 01:01:10,547
and your soon-to-be
perfect family!
1566
01:01:10,549 --> 01:01:11,848
Fuck you!
1567
01:01:11,850 --> 01:01:14,050
Stop blaming me
for everything.
1568
01:01:14,052 --> 01:01:17,219
You know, just because you
think your life sucks. Okay?
1569
01:01:17,221 --> 01:01:18,554
Take some responsibility
1570
01:01:18,556 --> 01:01:20,088
for some of the
decisions you made.
1571
01:01:20,090 --> 01:01:21,857
You decide to
go ahead and marry
1572
01:01:21,859 --> 01:01:23,393
the first girl
you ever mess around with,
1573
01:01:23,395 --> 01:01:25,962
and then, big shocker,
it doesn't work out?
1574
01:01:25,964 --> 01:01:28,498
You decide to look at
assholes for a living.
1575
01:01:28,500 --> 01:01:30,032
That's my fault?
1576
01:01:30,034 --> 01:01:32,701
Spent your whole life
trying to impress a dead guy.
1577
01:01:32,703 --> 01:01:35,538
It's not my fault.
It's your fault.
1578
01:01:35,540 --> 01:01:37,040
In fact, maybe if you tried
1579
01:01:37,042 --> 01:01:38,741
to be like me
a little bit more,
1580
01:01:38,743 --> 01:01:40,775
you wouldn't be
such a miserable dick!
1581
01:01:40,777 --> 01:01:42,580
And your son
wouldn't hate you!
1582
01:01:44,348 --> 01:01:45,447
(GROANS)
1583
01:01:45,449 --> 01:01:47,949
God damn it.
1584
01:01:47,951 --> 01:01:51,020
(GROANS) God damn it!
You broke my glasses.
1585
01:01:51,022 --> 01:01:52,188
Fuck!
1586
01:01:52,190 --> 01:01:53,588
Guys, use your words.
1587
01:01:53,590 --> 01:01:55,157
Fuck you, Kyle!
1588
01:01:55,159 --> 01:01:56,326
I hate conflict.
1589
01:01:56,328 --> 01:01:57,960
PETER: Fuck you!
1590
01:01:57,962 --> 01:01:59,195
Asshole!
1591
01:01:59,197 --> 01:02:03,232
Hey, guys, my Negro
spider senses is tingling.
1592
01:02:03,234 --> 01:02:04,800
(BELL DINGING)
1593
01:02:04,802 --> 01:02:08,038
I think we may be
on a choo-choo track.
1594
01:02:08,040 --> 01:02:10,172
PETER: While you were lying on
a beach in Maui, I was home,
1595
01:02:10,174 --> 01:02:11,474
taking care of Mom!
1596
01:02:11,476 --> 01:02:13,175
I don't like this.
1597
01:02:13,177 --> 01:02:15,244
Yup, that is definitely
a choo-choo train.
1598
01:02:15,246 --> 01:02:16,980
Mom is an independent
vibrant sexual woman!
1599
01:02:16,982 --> 01:02:18,081
Okay.
1600
01:02:18,083 --> 01:02:20,550
KYLE: Stop taking care
of people!
1601
01:02:20,552 --> 01:02:22,384
It's not the soul train, guys.
1602
01:02:22,386 --> 01:02:25,387
You want to stop fighting
and look out the window...
1603
01:02:25,389 --> 01:02:28,525
Motherfuckers, we're on the
motherfucking railroad tracks!
1604
01:02:28,527 --> 01:02:30,659
- There's a train coming!
- (TRAIN HONKING)
1605
01:02:30,661 --> 01:02:33,262
There is a train!
1606
01:02:33,264 --> 01:02:34,762
Get me off the tracks!
1607
01:02:34,764 --> 01:02:36,232
Train. Pete, get out!
1608
01:02:36,234 --> 01:02:37,703
Help! Now!
1609
01:02:38,837 --> 01:02:40,339
- Get out!
- (HONKING INTENSIFIES)
1610
01:02:41,572 --> 01:02:42,773
My seatbelt!
1611
01:02:49,114 --> 01:02:50,349
Kyle!
1612
01:02:59,424 --> 01:03:00,692
Kyle!
1613
01:03:01,293 --> 01:03:02,628
(SOBBING)
1614
01:03:11,969 --> 01:03:13,371
(CONTINUES SOBBING)
1615
01:03:24,683 --> 01:03:25,884
KYLE: Pete!
1616
01:03:28,185 --> 01:03:29,286
Pete!
1617
01:03:32,491 --> 01:03:33,859
PETER: Kyle!
1618
01:03:35,293 --> 01:03:36,795
Pete!
1619
01:03:38,163 --> 01:03:40,496
Kyle!
1620
01:03:40,498 --> 01:03:41,766
Pete!
1621
01:03:43,368 --> 01:03:45,670
Yes!
1622
01:03:53,744 --> 01:03:55,147
Yeah!
1623
01:04:22,607 --> 01:04:23,809
(PETER GROANS)
1624
01:04:28,513 --> 01:04:30,012
KYLE: No. They're literally
1625
01:04:30,014 --> 01:04:32,315
replacing me
with a monkey or a seal,
1626
01:04:32,317 --> 01:04:33,549
some kind of animal.
1627
01:04:33,551 --> 01:04:35,884
Because apparently animals
don't get residuals.
1628
01:04:35,886 --> 01:04:38,823
A monkey can't do your job.
1629
01:04:41,192 --> 01:04:43,391
How much do you have left?
1630
01:04:43,393 --> 01:04:45,462
Not as much as I owe.
1631
01:04:45,464 --> 01:04:47,764
Yeah, I'll probably
have a repo man
1632
01:04:47,766 --> 01:04:50,965
showing up at my house
in a few weeks.
1633
01:04:50,967 --> 01:04:53,038
Take my Ferraris back.
1634
01:04:53,804 --> 01:04:55,804
Ferraris, plural?
1635
01:04:55,806 --> 01:04:57,109
Three.
1636
01:04:58,442 --> 01:05:02,177
- You are incorrigible.
- (CHUCKLING)
1637
01:05:02,179 --> 01:05:05,880
I'm just an idiot, Pete.
You said so yourself.
1638
01:05:05,882 --> 01:05:08,217
You're not an idiot, Kyle.
1639
01:05:08,219 --> 01:05:10,422
You're not, you're just...
1640
01:05:10,855 --> 01:05:11,954
What?
1641
01:05:11,956 --> 01:05:13,989
You're overly optimistic.
1642
01:05:13,991 --> 01:05:15,123
That's all.
1643
01:05:15,125 --> 01:05:17,995
That's a nice way to put it.
1644
01:05:18,795 --> 01:05:19,929
Well, I don't know.
1645
01:05:19,931 --> 01:05:22,199
Who am I kidding?
1646
01:05:23,268 --> 01:05:24,699
I honestly started thinking
1647
01:05:24,701 --> 01:05:26,001
that Kaylani and our kid
1648
01:05:26,003 --> 01:05:27,770
would be better off
without me.
1649
01:05:27,772 --> 01:05:30,105
Maybe I ought to
just bail now.
1650
01:05:30,107 --> 01:05:33,442
For their sake because then,
maybe, Kaylani
1651
01:05:33,444 --> 01:05:36,445
could tell the kid a cool
story the way Mom did.
1652
01:05:36,447 --> 01:05:41,583
"Yeah, your dad was base
jumping into a volcano
1653
01:05:41,585 --> 01:05:43,853
"and the lava got him."
1654
01:05:43,855 --> 01:05:47,058
Or I was a brilliant doctor,
like you.
1655
01:05:48,560 --> 01:05:52,464
You have the kindest heart of
anyone I have ever met.
1656
01:05:55,632 --> 01:05:59,034
And a little while ago,
I thought I lost you forever,
1657
01:05:59,036 --> 01:06:03,507
and it was the worst feeling
I've ever felt.
1658
01:06:05,109 --> 01:06:07,846
No one's better off
without you, Kyle.
1659
01:06:08,746 --> 01:06:11,313
You're gonna be a great dad.
1660
01:06:11,315 --> 01:06:15,420
You know how you were always
asking Mom about Dad?
1661
01:06:16,920 --> 01:06:20,255
I wasn't that curious.
1662
01:06:20,257 --> 01:06:22,526
I think because I had you.
1663
01:06:23,261 --> 01:06:24,527
What?
1664
01:06:24,529 --> 01:06:27,697
Yeah, I had a lot of friends
and girlfriends
1665
01:06:27,699 --> 01:06:29,098
and people that love me
1666
01:06:29,100 --> 01:06:30,866
because I'm, kind of,
you know,
1667
01:06:30,868 --> 01:06:32,902
bon vivant, a raconteur,
1668
01:06:32,904 --> 01:06:35,103
or whatever you want to say.
1669
01:06:35,105 --> 01:06:37,973
But you never thought
I was any of those things,
1670
01:06:37,975 --> 01:06:40,076
but you were still there.
1671
01:06:40,078 --> 01:06:41,476
Getting on me.
1672
01:06:41,478 --> 01:06:44,012
"Hey! Don't jump off the roof
into the pool.
1673
01:06:44,014 --> 01:06:45,480
"You'll break your neck.
1674
01:06:45,482 --> 01:06:48,085
"Here, let me show you
how to tie your tie."
1675
01:06:49,018 --> 01:06:50,819
Always kind of thought
1676
01:06:50,821 --> 01:06:53,525
that was the type of stuff
our dad would've been saying.
1677
01:06:56,793 --> 01:06:58,895
I'm sorry about your glasses.
1678
01:06:58,897 --> 01:07:00,061
Don't be.
1679
01:07:00,063 --> 01:07:01,963
I don't need them.
1680
01:07:01,965 --> 01:07:03,165
What do you mean?
1681
01:07:03,167 --> 01:07:05,867
I don't need glasses.
1682
01:07:05,869 --> 01:07:08,005
I have 20/20 vision.
1683
01:07:08,639 --> 01:07:09,871
What?
1684
01:07:09,873 --> 01:07:11,239
Yeah, I just had this image
1685
01:07:11,241 --> 01:07:13,007
of who I thought I should be
1686
01:07:13,009 --> 01:07:15,844
and glasses fit the bill.
1687
01:07:15,846 --> 01:07:17,145
There you go.
1688
01:07:17,147 --> 01:07:20,148
That's why you're brilliant.
1689
01:07:20,150 --> 01:07:22,884
Why did I wear glasses
for 20 years?
1690
01:07:22,886 --> 01:07:25,020
KYLE: Because you're an idiot.
1691
01:07:25,022 --> 01:07:26,855
I'm a fucking idiot.
1692
01:07:26,857 --> 01:07:29,592
I'm a big dumb idiot.
1693
01:07:29,594 --> 01:07:32,228
Boom! That's right.
1694
01:07:32,230 --> 01:07:34,197
"Oh, my God! I'm still alive!"
1695
01:07:34,199 --> 01:07:36,764
And that's basically
how it all went.
1696
01:07:36,766 --> 01:07:39,869
It's crazy. This is one night
we're talking about.
1697
01:07:39,871 --> 01:07:40,869
Yeah.
1698
01:07:40,871 --> 01:07:41,936
Yeah.
1699
01:07:41,938 --> 01:07:43,405
I guess we missed our flight.
1700
01:07:43,407 --> 01:07:45,875
You want to check
and see when the next one is?
1701
01:07:45,877 --> 01:07:47,112
Nope.
1702
01:07:49,047 --> 01:07:50,712
I feel
1703
01:07:50,714 --> 01:07:53,014
very confident
that the universe
1704
01:07:53,016 --> 01:07:56,284
is telling us to proceed
1705
01:07:56,286 --> 01:07:58,152
with Operation
Who's Your Daddy.
1706
01:07:58,154 --> 01:07:59,887
Are you messing with me?
1707
01:07:59,889 --> 01:08:01,324
We started
this goddamn mission
1708
01:08:01,326 --> 01:08:02,592
to find our father together,
1709
01:08:02,594 --> 01:08:04,592
and we are gonna
finish it together.
1710
01:08:04,594 --> 01:08:05,927
Come hell or high water.
1711
01:08:05,929 --> 01:08:08,198
God damn it,
that's the spirit!
1712
01:08:10,034 --> 01:08:12,099
Let's do this!
1713
01:08:12,101 --> 01:08:13,268
PETER: We're going in!
1714
01:08:13,270 --> 01:08:14,636
KYLE: We're going in!
1715
01:08:14,638 --> 01:08:17,238
PETER: This is happening!
1716
01:08:17,240 --> 01:08:19,241
PETER: Thank you
for driving all the way
1717
01:08:19,243 --> 01:08:20,775
out here with the new rental.
1718
01:08:20,777 --> 01:08:22,310
Appreciate it.
1719
01:08:22,312 --> 01:08:24,279
OFFICER 1: Okay, guys,
I think these might be yours?
1720
01:08:24,281 --> 01:08:25,980
Yes, sir. Thank you.
1721
01:08:25,982 --> 01:08:27,449
All right.
1722
01:08:27,451 --> 01:08:29,051
That's gonna be one big
fucking insurance mess.
1723
01:08:29,053 --> 01:08:31,219
But we got everything we need,
1724
01:08:31,221 --> 01:08:32,654
so you're free to go.
1725
01:08:32,656 --> 01:08:33,922
Thanks a lot, officers.
1726
01:08:33,924 --> 01:08:35,056
It's no problem.
1727
01:08:35,058 --> 01:08:37,193
Really appreciate it.
1728
01:08:37,195 --> 01:08:40,061
What now?
How do we find Sparkly P?
1729
01:08:40,063 --> 01:08:41,530
- Leg work.
- Yes.
1730
01:08:41,532 --> 01:08:44,535
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you just say "Sparkly P"?
1731
01:08:45,602 --> 01:08:46,702
Yeah.
1732
01:08:46,704 --> 01:08:48,637
- The police officer...
- From the '70s?
1733
01:08:48,639 --> 01:08:49,704
Yeah.
1734
01:08:49,706 --> 01:08:50,805
You've heard of him?
1735
01:08:50,807 --> 01:08:52,140
Are you kidding me?
1736
01:08:52,142 --> 01:08:54,042
There's not a cop in the
whole state who hasn't.
1737
01:08:54,044 --> 01:08:55,277
OFFICER 2: Yeah.
1738
01:08:55,279 --> 01:08:58,680
Patrick O'Callaghan
aka Sparkly P.
1739
01:08:58,682 --> 01:09:01,117
Had one of the biggest
coke busts in history.
1740
01:09:01,119 --> 01:09:02,318
We spent like two weeks
1741
01:09:02,320 --> 01:09:03,752
studying him
back in the academy.
1742
01:09:03,754 --> 01:09:05,054
The guy's a legend.
1743
01:09:05,056 --> 01:09:07,989
Holy shit, Pete.
We could be Irish.
1744
01:09:07,991 --> 01:09:09,292
Yes!
1745
01:09:09,294 --> 01:09:11,927
I'm Irish, too,
on my sister's side.
1746
01:09:11,929 --> 01:09:13,565
You know where to find him?
1747
01:09:16,700 --> 01:09:20,168
So, I just talked to my buddy
in the force
1748
01:09:20,170 --> 01:09:24,140
and apparently
Mr. Patrick O'Callaghan
1749
01:09:24,142 --> 01:09:27,476
retired the NYPD back in '86.
1750
01:09:27,478 --> 01:09:30,112
This right here
is his last known address.
1751
01:09:30,114 --> 01:09:31,313
If anyone comes asking,
1752
01:09:31,315 --> 01:09:33,116
I didn't tell you shit.
1753
01:09:33,118 --> 01:09:35,253
I'm trusting you with this.
1754
01:09:35,852 --> 01:09:38,153
Don't fuck me.
1755
01:09:38,155 --> 01:09:40,258
Not gonna fuck you.
1756
01:09:47,132 --> 01:09:48,333
What?
1757
01:09:50,834 --> 01:09:52,067
What?
1758
01:09:52,069 --> 01:09:54,002
- Guess where he lives?
- Where?
1759
01:09:54,004 --> 01:09:55,805
You're not gonna believe this.
1760
01:09:55,807 --> 01:09:57,575
Worcester, Mass.
1761
01:09:58,610 --> 01:09:59,808
Worcester, Mass!
1762
01:09:59,810 --> 01:10:01,245
You've been leading us
there the whole time!
1763
01:10:03,646 --> 01:10:07,149
KYLE: It's the universe, Pete.
The universe is magic!
1764
01:10:07,151 --> 01:10:09,016
HITCHHIKER: I'm magic.
I'm a magic man.
1765
01:10:09,018 --> 01:10:13,223
PETER: All right. Okay.
I guess we're all going home.
1766
01:10:15,293 --> 01:10:16,628
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
1767
01:10:20,565 --> 01:10:21,732
Well,
1768
01:10:23,433 --> 01:10:26,002
thanks for letting me keep
a little souvenir.
1769
01:10:26,004 --> 01:10:27,403
Sure.
1770
01:10:27,405 --> 01:10:30,206
This has been magnificent.
Thank you, guys.
1771
01:10:30,208 --> 01:10:32,207
I appreciate your assistance.
1772
01:10:32,209 --> 01:10:34,279
Have a good night.
1773
01:10:35,178 --> 01:10:36,413
KYLE: Hey!
1774
01:10:37,048 --> 01:10:38,180
Yeah?
1775
01:10:38,182 --> 01:10:39,916
We don't even know your name.
1776
01:10:39,918 --> 01:10:41,583
Oh, Kyle,
1777
01:10:41,585 --> 01:10:44,556
you've known it
the whole time.
1778
01:10:46,190 --> 01:10:48,189
That's beautiful.
1779
01:10:48,191 --> 01:10:49,757
I think he's messing with us.
1780
01:10:49,759 --> 01:10:50,960
No, he's not.
1781
01:10:50,962 --> 01:10:52,927
- Yeah, yeah.
- No.
1782
01:10:52,929 --> 01:10:54,499
He was messing with us.
1783
01:11:12,749 --> 01:11:14,015
PETER: Ding!
1784
01:11:14,017 --> 01:11:16,452
KYLE: May we get a room?
1785
01:11:16,454 --> 01:11:19,521
Your cheapest room, please.
1786
01:11:19,523 --> 01:11:22,526
(VERY QUIETLY) Well, every
room in here is cheap, so...
1787
01:11:24,695 --> 01:11:25,860
Sorry?
1788
01:11:25,862 --> 01:11:27,831
(VERY QUIETLY) Every room
in here is really cheap.
1789
01:11:30,767 --> 01:11:32,736
Okay. Here you go.
1790
01:11:33,905 --> 01:11:35,770
We're gonna nab one from ya.
1791
01:11:35,772 --> 01:11:39,107
(VERY QUIETLY)
So, just the one room?
1792
01:11:39,109 --> 01:11:40,311
Mmm-hmm.
1793
01:11:41,078 --> 01:11:42,577
One night?
1794
01:11:42,579 --> 01:11:43,714
Yeah.
1795
01:11:44,147 --> 01:11:45,350
Two beds.
1796
01:11:47,651 --> 01:11:49,717
Oh. Um...
1797
01:11:49,719 --> 01:11:52,854
Can we still get food
and drinks at the bar?
1798
01:11:52,856 --> 01:11:55,090
(VERY QUIETLY)
Right back there behind you.
1799
01:11:55,092 --> 01:11:57,391
Food for about another
1800
01:11:57,393 --> 01:12:00,697
10 minutes,
and drinks till 2:00.
1801
01:12:01,665 --> 01:12:02,930
Till, sorry?
1802
01:12:02,932 --> 01:12:04,666
Till 2:00.
1803
01:12:04,668 --> 01:12:06,801
You're going to have to
speak up, Biz Markie,
1804
01:12:06,803 --> 01:12:08,403
'cause I can't hear you.
1805
01:12:08,405 --> 01:12:09,871
(VERY QUIETLY)
For 10 more minutes,
1806
01:12:09,873 --> 01:12:11,442
and drinks until 2:00.
1807
01:12:16,614 --> 01:12:17,848
Okay.
1808
01:12:20,551 --> 01:12:23,284
Hey, do you remember
1809
01:12:23,286 --> 01:12:25,854
when Mom tried to
teach us about sex?
1810
01:12:25,856 --> 01:12:28,090
Yeah. (LAUGHING)
1811
01:12:28,092 --> 01:12:29,424
You had already Papa John'd
1812
01:12:29,426 --> 01:12:31,894
half the girls at school
at that point.
1813
01:12:31,896 --> 01:12:33,996
Turns out, we probably
should have listened to her.
1814
01:12:33,998 --> 01:12:35,296
Amen.
1815
01:12:35,298 --> 01:12:37,433
It's like we passed up
basketball tips
1816
01:12:37,435 --> 01:12:39,400
from Michael Jordan,
as it turns out.
1817
01:12:39,402 --> 01:12:40,969
We really did.
1818
01:12:40,971 --> 01:12:41,973
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1819
01:12:43,440 --> 01:12:46,311
I'm gonna hit the head.
Excuse me.
1820
01:13:06,495 --> 01:13:08,766
(SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
1821
01:13:10,700 --> 01:13:13,001
Hi, excuse me.
I couldn't help but notice
1822
01:13:13,003 --> 01:13:14,936
that you're
1823
01:13:14,938 --> 01:13:16,104
crying.
1824
01:13:16,106 --> 01:13:19,274
No. I'm fine.
1825
01:13:19,276 --> 01:13:20,743
I often have
that effect on women.
1826
01:13:20,745 --> 01:13:23,011
Just not usually this fast.
1827
01:13:23,013 --> 01:13:24,345
Sorry. I'll leave you alone.
1828
01:13:24,347 --> 01:13:26,716
No. You know what,
please don't.
1829
01:13:26,718 --> 01:13:28,315
Just sit.
1830
01:13:28,317 --> 01:13:29,520
Buy me a drink.
1831
01:13:32,088 --> 01:13:33,755
All right.
1832
01:13:33,757 --> 01:13:35,157
Another...
1833
01:13:35,159 --> 01:13:36,292
Scotch on the rocks.
1834
01:13:36,294 --> 01:13:37,560
Oh, nice.
1835
01:13:37,562 --> 01:13:39,497
- Make that two.
- BARMAN: Right up.
1836
01:13:42,365 --> 01:13:43,967
Thank you.
1837
01:13:47,303 --> 01:13:48,505
So,
1838
01:13:49,472 --> 01:13:50,807
want to talk about it?
1839
01:13:52,610 --> 01:13:53,611
No.
1840
01:13:56,579 --> 01:13:58,315
No sob stories.
1841
01:14:00,884 --> 01:14:02,251
I like that rule.
1842
01:14:02,253 --> 01:14:04,318
Cheers.
1843
01:14:04,320 --> 01:14:05,453
No sob stories.
1844
01:14:05,455 --> 01:14:06,723
All right.
1845
01:14:07,857 --> 01:14:09,958
WOMAN: Do you
want to talk about
1846
01:14:09,960 --> 01:14:11,426
that?
1847
01:14:11,428 --> 01:14:12,864
- This?
- Mmm-hmm.
1848
01:14:14,831 --> 01:14:16,467
Uh... Well...
1849
01:14:19,169 --> 01:14:20,969
I can't.
1850
01:14:20,971 --> 01:14:22,373
Why?
1851
01:14:23,673 --> 01:14:25,776
Because I'm a secret agent.
1852
01:14:27,209 --> 01:14:30,013
I don't think you were
supposed to tell me that part.
1853
01:14:31,115 --> 01:14:32,413
- Well...
- (LAUGHS)
1854
01:14:32,415 --> 01:14:35,150
Why don't you
let me worry about
1855
01:14:35,152 --> 01:14:38,586
how secret agent-ing works,
1856
01:14:38,588 --> 01:14:40,055
seeing as how I am
the secret agent.
1857
01:14:40,057 --> 01:14:41,523
WOMAN: You're right.
1858
01:14:41,525 --> 01:14:43,257
You should see the other guy.
1859
01:14:43,259 --> 01:14:44,493
Sorry to interrupt, Peter.
1860
01:14:44,495 --> 01:14:45,661
I just got an urgent call
from the client.
1861
01:14:45,663 --> 01:14:46,828
I'm gonna have to go in.
1862
01:14:46,830 --> 01:14:49,096
Apparently old Gary Peterson
1863
01:14:49,098 --> 01:14:51,699
really shat the bed
on the LBJ proposal.
1864
01:14:51,701 --> 01:14:53,702
Guy's just useless.
1865
01:14:53,704 --> 01:14:56,404
He's been screwing up
since the beginning.
1866
01:14:56,406 --> 01:14:57,706
Anyway,
I'm gonna go in the office,
1867
01:14:57,708 --> 01:14:58,939
I'm probably going
to spend the night,
1868
01:14:58,941 --> 01:14:59,975
and I will see you
tomorrow, okay?
1869
01:14:59,977 --> 01:15:01,109
Are you sure?
1870
01:15:01,111 --> 01:15:02,579
I'm gonna see you tomorrow.
1871
01:15:04,114 --> 01:15:05,616
All right.
1872
01:15:07,183 --> 01:15:08,984
Was that the other guy?
1873
01:15:08,986 --> 01:15:10,586
He looks like shit.
1874
01:15:10,588 --> 01:15:12,720
That guy's actually
my partner.
1875
01:15:12,722 --> 01:15:14,523
He's another secret agent.
1876
01:15:14,525 --> 01:15:16,692
See, you keep saying "secret,"
1877
01:15:16,694 --> 01:15:19,293
but then you keep
telling me about it.
1878
01:15:19,295 --> 01:15:22,064
I am failing at this job.
1879
01:15:22,066 --> 01:15:23,732
I will tell you this...
1880
01:15:23,734 --> 01:15:25,833
I'm also a secret agent.
1881
01:15:25,835 --> 01:15:27,301
No!
1882
01:15:27,303 --> 01:15:28,738
Sent here to kill you.
1883
01:15:28,740 --> 01:15:29,604
What?
1884
01:15:29,606 --> 01:15:32,006
That drink, it's poison.
1885
01:15:32,008 --> 01:15:33,442
Wait, what?
1886
01:15:33,444 --> 01:15:34,810
Sorry.
1887
01:15:34,812 --> 01:15:37,011
You surreptitiously
poisoned me?
1888
01:15:37,013 --> 01:15:38,680
Surreptitiously.
1889
01:15:38,682 --> 01:15:42,520
You're so good.
I had no idea this is poison.
1890
01:15:44,155 --> 01:15:47,523
Yeah! That's, like,
almost all poison.
1891
01:15:47,525 --> 01:15:49,224
No, taste mine.
You'll taste the difference.
1892
01:15:49,226 --> 01:15:50,795
- Little bit.
- Yeah.
1893
01:15:51,829 --> 01:15:52,927
BOTH: Mmm.
1894
01:15:52,929 --> 01:15:53,862
Poison.
1895
01:15:53,864 --> 01:15:55,064
There is a little
difference, yeah.
1896
01:15:55,066 --> 01:15:56,431
- Yeah.
- I do taste that.
1897
01:15:56,433 --> 01:16:00,836
So, I'm sorry to tell you,
but two hours left to live.
1898
01:16:00,838 --> 01:16:04,273
Well, guess I'd better
make these two hours count.
1899
01:16:04,275 --> 01:16:05,407
Yeah, you better.
1900
01:16:05,409 --> 01:16:06,975
Yeah.
1901
01:16:06,977 --> 01:16:08,710
My name is Sarah.
1902
01:16:08,712 --> 01:16:11,616
Code name Babydoll.
1903
01:16:12,615 --> 01:16:14,949
Well, Sarah, my name's Peter.
1904
01:16:14,951 --> 01:16:16,853
Code name...
1905
01:16:19,222 --> 01:16:21,288
Pinky Pants.
1906
01:16:21,290 --> 01:16:22,424
I've heard about you.
1907
01:16:22,426 --> 01:16:24,059
Yeah, I'm legendary.
1908
01:16:24,061 --> 01:16:25,594
Well,
1909
01:16:25,596 --> 01:16:27,831
here's to your last two hours.
1910
01:16:34,237 --> 01:16:37,704
Hi. Hey! Can you see me?
1911
01:16:37,706 --> 01:16:40,042
- Aloha.
- Aloha.
1912
01:16:40,044 --> 01:16:42,176
Are you ready
for naked Facetime?
1913
01:16:42,178 --> 01:16:43,244
Yeah.
1914
01:16:43,246 --> 01:16:44,613
I'm wearing your favorite bra.
1915
01:16:44,615 --> 01:16:45,948
KYLE: Oh, my gosh.
1916
01:16:45,950 --> 01:16:48,449
Wait, why aren't you naked?
1917
01:16:48,451 --> 01:16:50,952
- Um...
- Where are you?
1918
01:16:50,954 --> 01:16:52,953
I'm actually in the car.
I'm just kind of settling in.
1919
01:16:52,955 --> 01:16:55,256
I'm trying to give Pete
a little privacy
1920
01:16:55,258 --> 01:16:56,658
because he met a girl.
1921
01:16:56,660 --> 01:16:57,862
- (KNOCKING)
- Oh.
1922
01:16:59,996 --> 01:17:00,998
Hey.
1923
01:17:02,531 --> 01:17:04,600
Got some
room service out here.
1924
01:17:04,602 --> 01:17:05,900
Yeah, bet you don't deliver
1925
01:17:05,902 --> 01:17:07,435
out to the parking lot
too much,
1926
01:17:07,437 --> 01:17:10,238
but I'm just trying to give
my brother some privacy.
1927
01:17:10,240 --> 01:17:13,375
Here, wave to Kaylani.
That's the room service guy.
1928
01:17:13,377 --> 01:17:14,643
Hi, room service dude.
1929
01:17:14,645 --> 01:17:15,879
Okay. Thank you.
1930
01:17:17,114 --> 01:17:18,846
Okay.
1931
01:17:18,848 --> 01:17:21,015
I might get some
breakfast later.
1932
01:17:21,017 --> 01:17:22,520
No problem.
1933
01:17:24,855 --> 01:17:26,491
KAYLANI: How's your trip been?
1934
01:17:31,661 --> 01:17:33,095
Hey, honey,
1935
01:17:33,097 --> 01:17:34,662
there's something
I need to tell you.
1936
01:17:34,664 --> 01:17:36,030
KAYLANI: Is everything okay?
1937
01:17:36,032 --> 01:17:38,233
No, everything's going great
with the trip.
1938
01:17:38,235 --> 01:17:39,400
(STAMMERING)
1939
01:17:39,402 --> 01:17:41,071
It's kind of a recent setback.
1940
01:17:42,572 --> 01:17:44,038
What's up?
1941
01:17:44,040 --> 01:17:47,110
I think it's gonna be
good, actually.
1942
01:17:57,420 --> 01:17:58,519
There's so many buttons.
1943
01:17:58,521 --> 01:17:59,586
- Here...
- Help.
1944
01:17:59,588 --> 01:18:00,988
I'll help and go
from the bottom.
1945
01:18:00,990 --> 01:18:02,690
- Here we go.
- Help.
1946
01:18:02,692 --> 01:18:05,029
Oh, God. That's really
slowing me down.
1947
01:18:14,405 --> 01:18:16,637
Oh, my God. You have buttons.
1948
01:18:16,639 --> 01:18:19,507
Listen, there's something
you should know.
1949
01:18:19,509 --> 01:18:21,510
- (SIGHS)
- What?
1950
01:18:21,512 --> 01:18:23,077
I don't manscape.
1951
01:18:23,079 --> 01:18:25,180
Well, what are we
working with?
1952
01:18:25,182 --> 01:18:27,015
Well, here you go.
1953
01:18:27,017 --> 01:18:28,152
Oh, no.
1954
01:18:30,521 --> 01:18:32,354
It is what it is.
1955
01:18:32,356 --> 01:18:33,657
Works for me.
1956
01:18:34,557 --> 01:18:36,192
(BOTH MOANING)
1957
01:18:50,206 --> 01:18:51,642
Ahoy!
1958
01:18:58,714 --> 01:19:00,114
Good morning.
1959
01:19:00,116 --> 01:19:01,483
Good morning.
1960
01:19:01,485 --> 01:19:03,251
Yes. Yes.
1961
01:19:03,253 --> 01:19:06,057
Any news to report?
1962
01:19:06,656 --> 01:19:07,857
Um...
1963
01:19:09,459 --> 01:19:10,994
(CHUCKLING)
1964
01:19:12,395 --> 01:19:14,496
You are incorrigible.
1965
01:19:14,498 --> 01:19:15,997
Where is she?
1966
01:19:15,999 --> 01:19:19,000
I don't know actually.
I woke up and she was gone.
1967
01:19:19,002 --> 01:19:22,871
You experienced
a pure one-night stand.
1968
01:19:22,873 --> 01:19:24,204
Do you know how rare that is?
1969
01:19:24,206 --> 01:19:25,707
You were visited by
an angel last night.
1970
01:19:25,709 --> 01:19:27,076
Plain and simple.
1971
01:19:27,078 --> 01:19:30,114
Well, she did,
she did leave a note.
1972
01:19:31,949 --> 01:19:35,652
"Thanks for a really
fun night. I needed it."
1973
01:19:37,120 --> 01:19:38,854
"I needed it!"
1974
01:19:38,856 --> 01:19:41,325
Guess who gave it to her?
This guy!
1975
01:19:43,861 --> 01:19:46,694
KYLE: I just like
seeing you giddy.
1976
01:19:46,696 --> 01:19:48,596
You're just gleeful.
1977
01:19:48,598 --> 01:19:51,466
This is the Pete
I've been trying to get.
1978
01:19:51,468 --> 01:19:52,734
Come on, Worcester!
1979
01:19:52,736 --> 01:19:54,138
Come on.
1980
01:19:57,607 --> 01:19:59,207
Okay.
1981
01:19:59,209 --> 01:20:00,574
AUTOMATED VOICE: You have
arrived at your destination.
1982
01:20:00,576 --> 01:20:02,112
KYLE: This is it.
1983
01:20:05,414 --> 01:20:07,916
Sparkly P likes to party.
1984
01:20:07,918 --> 01:20:09,420
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
1985
01:20:13,690 --> 01:20:15,390
(EXHALING DEEPLY)
1986
01:20:15,392 --> 01:20:17,128
Breathe.
1987
01:20:18,896 --> 01:20:20,894
What is going on?
1988
01:20:20,896 --> 01:20:22,396
LIAM: Dad gets Clemens to come
1989
01:20:22,398 --> 01:20:24,733
and pitch batting practice
for us at the park.
1990
01:20:24,735 --> 01:20:26,033
Fucker beaned me,
1991
01:20:26,035 --> 01:20:27,935
like, twice but still
greatest day of my life.
1992
01:20:27,937 --> 01:20:29,637
Hey, fellas. Welcome.
1993
01:20:29,639 --> 01:20:30,771
PETER: Thank you.
1994
01:20:30,773 --> 01:20:32,439
There's beer, liquor.
1995
01:20:32,441 --> 01:20:34,042
There's food in the back.
1996
01:20:34,044 --> 01:20:35,443
Make yourselves at home.
1997
01:20:35,445 --> 01:20:36,845
(LIAM GRUNTS)
1998
01:20:36,847 --> 01:20:40,448
Hey, I am so fuckin' happy
you're my brother.
1999
01:20:40,450 --> 01:20:42,117
I love you so much.
2000
01:20:42,119 --> 01:20:44,286
LIAM: I love you too, bro.
You know.
2001
01:20:44,288 --> 01:20:48,122
Okay. Sorry to interrupt.
Do you know if Paddy's here?
2002
01:20:48,124 --> 01:20:50,558
Oh, yeah. Dad's inside.
2003
01:20:50,560 --> 01:20:54,798
Come on. He's in the study.
I'll take you over. Come on.
2004
01:20:57,668 --> 01:20:59,837
Oh, Dad's over there, guys.
2005
01:21:13,984 --> 01:21:16,217
So, how do you guys
know my dad?
2006
01:21:16,219 --> 01:21:18,720
Liam, Sean needs your help
changing the keg.
2007
01:21:18,722 --> 01:21:20,488
Oh, for fuck's sakes.
2008
01:21:20,490 --> 01:21:23,091
Sorry, fellas,
my brother's a moron.
2009
01:21:23,093 --> 01:21:24,458
Hey. Watch your mouth.
2010
01:21:24,460 --> 01:21:26,161
That's my boyfriend
you're talking about.
2011
01:21:26,163 --> 01:21:27,729
My fuckin' 10-year-old
cousin can change a keg.
2012
01:21:27,731 --> 01:21:29,032
Are you kidding me?
2013
01:21:34,170 --> 01:21:35,905
Oh, man.
2014
01:21:37,139 --> 01:21:40,108
I'm sorry we're too late.
2015
01:21:40,110 --> 01:21:42,346
I would have really
loved to get to know you.
2016
01:21:43,946 --> 01:21:46,613
He seems like a good man.
2017
01:21:46,615 --> 01:21:49,786
Raised a good family.
2018
01:21:52,522 --> 01:21:54,758
Did he just die?
2019
01:21:56,293 --> 01:21:58,292
Presumably, yeah.
2020
01:21:58,294 --> 01:22:01,662
KYLE: Do you think he died
in the line of duty?
2021
01:22:01,664 --> 01:22:04,399
PRIEST: Paddy O'Callaghan
2022
01:22:04,401 --> 01:22:07,435
was many things
to many people.
2023
01:22:07,437 --> 01:22:10,404
There was no role
he treasured more
2024
01:22:10,406 --> 01:22:12,274
than being a father.
2025
01:22:12,276 --> 01:22:13,808
And I know there's no one
2026
01:22:13,810 --> 01:22:15,877
he would rather hear
from right now
2027
01:22:15,879 --> 01:22:18,713
than his dear sweet daughter.
2028
01:22:18,715 --> 01:22:21,350
Are you okay to talk, hon?
2029
01:22:21,352 --> 01:22:22,787
Thank you, Father.
2030
01:22:26,656 --> 01:22:28,088
My father and I
2031
01:22:28,090 --> 01:22:30,324
didn't always get along.
2032
01:22:30,326 --> 01:22:33,193
He was a cop
who saw the worst in people.
2033
01:22:33,195 --> 01:22:36,096
That's the girl
from last night.
2034
01:22:36,098 --> 01:22:37,498
SARAH: He practically
arrested this...
2035
01:22:37,500 --> 01:22:38,569
No.
2036
01:22:39,969 --> 01:22:41,301
PETER: That's Babydoll.
2037
01:22:41,303 --> 01:22:42,470
I saw...
2038
01:22:42,472 --> 01:22:44,305
Oh, my God.
2039
01:22:44,307 --> 01:22:46,975
We've all slept with
the wrong woman.
2040
01:22:46,977 --> 01:22:48,542
Yeah, but it's our sister.
2041
01:22:48,544 --> 01:22:52,380
No, I know. But I've slept
with some squirrelly women.
2042
01:22:52,382 --> 01:22:54,181
Super squirrelly.
2043
01:22:54,183 --> 01:22:56,484
PETER: It doesn't matter
how squirrelly they are,
2044
01:22:56,486 --> 01:22:57,920
they're not our sister.
2045
01:22:57,922 --> 01:23:00,121
No, listen to me.
It didn't happen, okay?
2046
01:23:00,123 --> 01:23:02,056
It didn't happen.
Just erase it.
2047
01:23:02,058 --> 01:23:04,326
It didn't happen!
2048
01:23:04,328 --> 01:23:07,362
Is that why it was so good?
2049
01:23:07,364 --> 01:23:09,331
I'm a monster.
2050
01:23:09,333 --> 01:23:11,300
I love you, Pop.
2051
01:23:11,302 --> 01:23:14,002
I'm gonna miss you so much.
2052
01:23:14,004 --> 01:23:15,603
- We have to go.
- No!
2053
01:23:15,605 --> 01:23:17,773
Stop. Peter. Peter, stop.
2054
01:23:17,775 --> 01:23:18,974
Peter!
2055
01:23:18,976 --> 01:23:20,041
Peter!
2056
01:23:20,043 --> 01:23:21,143
LIAM: The fuck!
2057
01:23:21,145 --> 01:23:22,976
KELLY: What the fuck! Sean!
2058
01:23:22,978 --> 01:23:25,281
It wasn't fucking me.
2059
01:23:26,383 --> 01:23:27,415
Did he get you?
2060
01:23:27,417 --> 01:23:29,649
Don't touch! Oh, my...
Get your...
2061
01:23:29,651 --> 01:23:31,051
Hey, douchebag!
2062
01:23:31,053 --> 01:23:33,787
- Where's the apology?
- Whoa. Hey. I'm sorry.
2063
01:23:33,789 --> 01:23:35,857
- Where's the apology?
- Jesus!
2064
01:23:35,859 --> 01:23:37,792
What were you talkin' about?
2065
01:23:37,794 --> 01:23:38,926
Just let us go.
2066
01:23:38,928 --> 01:23:40,194
Why are you not apologizing?
2067
01:23:40,196 --> 01:23:42,663
Hey, stop. Come here. Stop it.
2068
01:23:42,665 --> 01:23:43,898
Contact, bro?
2069
01:23:43,900 --> 01:23:45,832
Contact in O'Callaghan's yard?
2070
01:23:45,834 --> 01:23:47,034
Okay, just stop! Hold it!
2071
01:23:47,036 --> 01:23:48,168
LIAM: In my yard?
2072
01:23:48,170 --> 01:23:49,537
Hey! We just want an apology!
2073
01:23:49,539 --> 01:23:51,305
Come on,
just say you're sorry.
2074
01:23:51,307 --> 01:23:53,007
- I'd really rather not.
- Peter, come on!
2075
01:23:53,009 --> 01:23:54,442
Summer's over,
you ready for the fall?
2076
01:23:54,444 --> 01:23:55,877
Don't be prideful.
Come on, just...
2077
01:23:55,879 --> 01:23:57,511
I'm not being prideful.
2078
01:23:57,513 --> 01:23:59,881
It's hard to apologize when I
just got shoved off a porch.
2079
01:23:59,883 --> 01:24:01,415
Charged up!
2080
01:24:01,417 --> 01:24:03,518
I saw you spill the drink on
the girl. She's soaked.
2081
01:24:03,520 --> 01:24:05,052
That's true,
and I am sorry about that.
2082
01:24:05,054 --> 01:24:06,988
Okay, but don't tell me,
tell them! Just say it.
2083
01:24:06,990 --> 01:24:08,488
- Fine!
- SEAN: Fuck you guys!
2084
01:24:08,490 --> 01:24:09,560
I'm sorry!
2085
01:24:11,962 --> 01:24:13,360
To who?
2086
01:24:13,362 --> 01:24:15,997
To the douchebag's girlfriend.
2087
01:24:15,999 --> 01:24:18,466
(PEOPLE MURMURING)
2088
01:24:18,468 --> 01:24:20,104
Close enough.
2089
01:24:22,204 --> 01:24:24,005
- It's too late.
- KYLE: What?
2090
01:24:24,007 --> 01:24:26,507
Look, you can't
move the goalpost.
2091
01:24:26,509 --> 01:24:27,574
They moved.
2092
01:24:27,576 --> 01:24:28,743
He just apologized.
2093
01:24:28,745 --> 01:24:30,511
That's more than I've ever
gotten from him.
2094
01:24:30,513 --> 01:24:33,014
Come on, you're lucky we're
not demanding an apology!
2095
01:24:33,016 --> 01:24:34,215
He wants an apology.
2096
01:24:34,217 --> 01:24:36,216
- Here's an apology, bro.
- (KYLE GROANS)
2097
01:24:36,218 --> 01:24:38,588
- That's an O'Callaghan sorry.
- CROWD: Whoa!
2098
01:24:43,692 --> 01:24:45,326
I got his ankle, Pete!
2099
01:24:45,328 --> 01:24:46,696
I got him in a foot lock.
2100
01:24:49,700 --> 01:24:51,065
I'm gonna sprain his ankle.
2101
01:24:51,067 --> 01:24:53,134
Hey, hey! What are
you boys doing? Get up!
2102
01:24:53,136 --> 01:24:55,673
What the hell's going on,
boys? Huh?
2103
01:24:56,906 --> 01:24:58,107
Whoa!
2104
01:24:58,741 --> 01:25:00,408
Paddy!
2105
01:25:00,410 --> 01:25:01,475
He's alive!
2106
01:25:01,477 --> 01:25:03,144
LIAM: It's not Paddy,
you idiot.
2107
01:25:03,146 --> 01:25:04,345
That's our Uncle Kevin.
2108
01:25:04,347 --> 01:25:05,947
He's Paddy's twin brother.
2109
01:25:05,949 --> 01:25:08,114
My brother's
lying dead in there.
2110
01:25:08,116 --> 01:25:09,551
Show a little respect.
2111
01:25:09,553 --> 01:25:10,955
- For Christ's sake.
- Peter?
2112
01:25:11,655 --> 01:25:12,921
Hey.
2113
01:25:12,923 --> 01:25:14,988
What are you doing here?
2114
01:25:14,990 --> 01:25:16,957
Wait a minute,
you know this d-bag?
2115
01:25:16,959 --> 01:25:18,359
Yeah.
2116
01:25:18,361 --> 01:25:19,726
KELLY: Wait, is this the guy
from last night?
2117
01:25:19,728 --> 01:25:21,061
What guy from last night?
2118
01:25:21,063 --> 01:25:22,195
Is he why
you didn't come home?
2119
01:25:22,197 --> 01:25:23,864
Did you fuck our sister?
2120
01:25:23,866 --> 01:25:25,667
- Oh, God.
- Language.
2121
01:25:25,669 --> 01:25:27,568
Did you eff our sister?
2122
01:25:27,570 --> 01:25:28,636
That's better.
2123
01:25:28,638 --> 01:25:31,271
Stop it, you guys.
I'm a grown woman!
2124
01:25:31,273 --> 01:25:32,707
Easy. She's right, boys. Easy.
2125
01:25:32,709 --> 01:25:34,676
Come on.
We're acting like animals.
2126
01:25:34,678 --> 01:25:36,845
I'm pretty sure that your
sister's had sex before,
2127
01:25:36,847 --> 01:25:39,713
and I can tell you that Peter
is a considerate lover.
2128
01:25:39,715 --> 01:25:41,248
- Oh, God!
- KYLE: I'll vouch for that.
2129
01:25:41,250 --> 01:25:43,317
LIAM: You come to my home.
2130
01:25:43,319 --> 01:25:47,156
To my father's wake the day
after fucking my sister?
2131
01:25:48,157 --> 01:25:49,823
I'm going to break your dick.
2132
01:25:49,825 --> 01:25:51,859
- (ALL SHOUTING)
- Liam, hold off.
2133
01:25:51,861 --> 01:25:54,229
I know I was saying
relax a couple of seconds ago.
2134
01:25:54,231 --> 01:25:55,863
But if someone
came over to my house
2135
01:25:55,865 --> 01:25:57,230
and effed my grieving sister,
2136
01:25:57,232 --> 01:25:59,100
I'm pretty sure
that I'd want to
2137
01:25:59,102 --> 01:26:00,600
just rip him
limb to limb, okay?
2138
01:26:00,602 --> 01:26:02,703
I'd want to
just mutilate his ass.
2139
01:26:02,705 --> 01:26:03,838
What?
2140
01:26:03,840 --> 01:26:05,139
Deservedly.
2141
01:26:05,141 --> 01:26:06,440
But guess what?
2142
01:26:06,442 --> 01:26:07,574
What?
2143
01:26:07,576 --> 01:26:10,612
Someone did just eff
my grieving sister.
2144
01:26:10,614 --> 01:26:12,180
- Yeah.
- What?
2145
01:26:12,182 --> 01:26:13,881
Peter, do the honors.
Chime in.
2146
01:26:13,883 --> 01:26:15,082
- No!
- Chime in.
2147
01:26:15,084 --> 01:26:17,452
I don't think
we should do the honors.
2148
01:26:17,454 --> 01:26:21,725
Liam, Sean, darling Sarah...
2149
01:26:23,093 --> 01:26:25,993
Paddy's our father.
You're our brothers.
2150
01:26:25,995 --> 01:26:27,496
You're our sister.
2151
01:26:27,498 --> 01:26:28,563
What?
2152
01:26:28,565 --> 01:26:30,264
What the fuck
are you talking about?
2153
01:26:30,266 --> 01:26:32,332
What the hell is going on?
2154
01:26:32,334 --> 01:26:34,235
Our mom's name
is Helen Baxter.
2155
01:26:34,237 --> 01:26:36,106
Did Paddy ever mention her?
2156
01:26:37,406 --> 01:26:39,543
- You're Helen's boys?
- PETER: Yes!
2157
01:26:40,075 --> 01:26:41,274
The twins?
2158
01:26:41,276 --> 01:26:43,244
- (SARAH GROANS)
- (ALL GASPING)
2159
01:26:43,246 --> 01:26:45,148
You don't pick your family.
2160
01:26:45,848 --> 01:26:47,081
Oh, God!
2161
01:26:47,083 --> 01:26:48,149
SEAN: I'm gonna
fucking kill you!
2162
01:26:48,151 --> 01:26:49,216
I'm going to fucking kill you!
2163
01:26:49,218 --> 01:26:50,283
Seanie! Seanie!
2164
01:26:50,285 --> 01:26:52,720
Stop it!
You two stay right here.
2165
01:26:52,722 --> 01:26:54,088
What is happening?
2166
01:26:54,090 --> 01:26:56,024
All right, everybody whose
last name isn't O'Callaghan,
2167
01:26:56,026 --> 01:26:57,358
get in the house.
2168
01:26:57,360 --> 01:26:59,429
- Oh, God. (GROANS)
- KEVIN: Come on, move.
2169
01:27:00,562 --> 01:27:01,764
Oh, God!
2170
01:27:02,598 --> 01:27:04,767
Oh, fuck!
2171
01:27:07,036 --> 01:27:09,037
KEVIN: All right, settle in.
2172
01:27:09,039 --> 01:27:10,538
I'll try to clear
this up for you.
2173
01:27:10,540 --> 01:27:11,471
Good.
2174
01:27:11,473 --> 01:27:13,507
Paddy could not
be their father.
2175
01:27:13,509 --> 01:27:15,342
How do you know that, Kevin?
2176
01:27:15,344 --> 01:27:17,445
Because Paddy and their mother
never had sex.
2177
01:27:17,447 --> 01:27:19,213
What?
2178
01:27:19,215 --> 01:27:21,382
I mean, you can't
know that for sure.
2179
01:27:21,384 --> 01:27:23,685
Paddy thought he was
gonna marry your mother.
2180
01:27:23,687 --> 01:27:25,720
And despite
the sexual climate,
2181
01:27:25,722 --> 01:27:28,823
for him, that meant saving it
for their wedding night.
2182
01:27:28,825 --> 01:27:30,690
Yeah, like Sarah's
saving her muff.
2183
01:27:30,692 --> 01:27:33,027
Shut the fuck up, Liam.
You're no angel.
2184
01:27:33,029 --> 01:27:34,394
Shut up, you two.
2185
01:27:34,396 --> 01:27:37,665
My brother Paddy
took this very seriously.
2186
01:27:37,667 --> 01:27:40,103
If you don't believe me,
ask your mother.
2187
01:27:40,837 --> 01:27:41,969
Not now,
2188
01:27:41,971 --> 01:27:43,171
you moron!
2189
01:27:43,173 --> 01:27:44,605
You said go ask Ma.
2190
01:27:44,607 --> 01:27:45,473
Sit down.
2191
01:27:45,475 --> 01:27:47,410
Jesus Christ! Sit down.
2192
01:27:47,977 --> 01:27:49,976
So what happened?
2193
01:27:49,978 --> 01:27:51,246
Well, what happened was,
2194
01:27:51,248 --> 01:27:53,247
a guy by the name
of Walter Tinkler.
2195
01:27:53,249 --> 01:27:55,515
A veterinarian student
from down in New York.
2196
01:27:55,517 --> 01:27:57,318
Dr. Tinkler? We know him!
2197
01:27:57,320 --> 01:27:59,287
The guy who killed
Chairman Meow.
2198
01:27:59,289 --> 01:28:00,954
PETER: He didn't
kill Chairman Meow.
2199
01:28:00,956 --> 01:28:04,324
Well, was Chairman Meow alive
when we dropped him off?
2200
01:28:04,326 --> 01:28:06,260
Was he dead
when we picked him up?
2201
01:28:06,262 --> 01:28:07,996
In my book, that's murder.
2202
01:28:07,998 --> 01:28:09,433
KEVIN: Hey. Hey.
2203
01:28:10,266 --> 01:28:12,266
It was just a fuckin' cat.
2204
01:28:12,268 --> 01:28:16,637
We both loved Chairman Meow.
2205
01:28:16,639 --> 01:28:20,640
I can't believe Tinkler's been
in our lives this whole time.
2206
01:28:20,642 --> 01:28:22,842
You see, this Tinkler guy
and your mother
2207
01:28:22,844 --> 01:28:25,179
had this on-again
off-again relationship
2208
01:28:25,181 --> 01:28:27,014
apparently since high school.
2209
01:28:27,016 --> 01:28:28,482
Paddy was always worried
2210
01:28:28,484 --> 01:28:30,818
that she'd wind up
going back to him.
2211
01:28:30,820 --> 01:28:33,653
Ultimately, she did.
2212
01:28:33,655 --> 01:28:35,555
But she did tell my brother
she'd always have
2213
01:28:35,557 --> 01:28:37,792
a warm spot
in the heart for him.
2214
01:28:37,794 --> 01:28:39,560
She let him down soft.
2215
01:28:39,562 --> 01:28:42,663
But this Tinkler guy
was the love of her life,
2216
01:28:42,665 --> 01:28:44,666
and that she was
going to marry him.
2217
01:28:44,668 --> 01:28:47,135
Mom got married?
2218
01:28:47,137 --> 01:28:48,335
To Tinkler?
2219
01:28:48,337 --> 01:28:49,836
Last I heard,
2220
01:28:49,838 --> 01:28:52,607
she had twins and moved back
to Ohio to raise 'em.
2221
01:28:52,609 --> 01:28:53,841
What?
2222
01:28:53,843 --> 01:28:56,310
So, if their mom hadn't broken
our dad's heart,
2223
01:28:56,312 --> 01:28:58,348
then the three of us
2224
01:28:58,981 --> 01:29:00,448
never been born?
2225
01:29:00,450 --> 01:29:02,686
That's one way
of looking at it.
2226
01:29:03,319 --> 01:29:05,222
Sorry, fellas,
2227
01:29:05,821 --> 01:29:07,257
you made me.
2228
01:29:08,892 --> 01:29:10,327
You gave me life.
2229
01:29:12,594 --> 01:29:15,831
That's not good logic.
2230
01:29:17,267 --> 01:29:21,234
That's all I got.
I'm stuck with this.
2231
01:29:21,236 --> 01:29:22,569
Enjoy your fuckin' life.
2232
01:29:22,571 --> 01:29:24,407
Thanks, Uncle Kevin.
2233
01:29:26,877 --> 01:29:28,443
And you two
2234
01:29:28,445 --> 01:29:31,112
are off the hook. Officially.
2235
01:29:31,114 --> 01:29:32,445
PETER: Yeah.
2236
01:29:32,447 --> 01:29:33,848
You were sweatin' it there
for a second.
2237
01:29:33,850 --> 01:29:35,382
- SARAH: Yeah.
- I was, too. I know I said
2238
01:29:35,384 --> 01:29:37,118
it wasn't a big deal
effing your sister.
2239
01:29:37,120 --> 01:29:38,452
It's a big deal.
2240
01:29:38,454 --> 01:29:40,654
- It's a big deal.
- KYLE: It's criminal.
2241
01:29:40,656 --> 01:29:42,359
- Oh, my God.
- (ALL CHUCKLING)
2242
01:29:43,159 --> 01:29:44,492
Oh, my God!
2243
01:29:44,494 --> 01:29:46,797
Looks like we're going home.
2244
01:29:55,137 --> 01:29:56,606
(INAUDIBLE)
2245
01:30:02,178 --> 01:30:03,513
(HORN HONKING)
2246
01:30:06,915 --> 01:30:08,317
What was that?
2247
01:30:09,584 --> 01:30:12,119
- You honked.
- (CHUCKLES)
2248
01:30:12,121 --> 01:30:13,522
You asshole.
2249
01:30:24,433 --> 01:30:26,067
(DINGS)
2250
01:30:26,069 --> 01:30:28,272
- Hello!
- Hello!
2251
01:30:29,204 --> 01:30:30,773
I just did...
2252
01:30:31,340 --> 01:30:32,540
Hello?
2253
01:30:32,542 --> 01:30:34,308
Yup. Heard you the first time.
2254
01:30:34,310 --> 01:30:35,877
KYLE: Sorry.
2255
01:30:35,879 --> 01:30:36,877
How can I help you?
2256
01:30:36,879 --> 01:30:38,813
PETER: We really need to
see Dr. Tinkler.
2257
01:30:38,815 --> 01:30:40,881
- Kind of a family emergency.
- Yeah.
2258
01:30:40,883 --> 01:30:42,315
Well, I'm sorry.
He's with a patient
2259
01:30:42,317 --> 01:30:44,219
and doesn't
want to be disturbed.
2260
01:30:44,221 --> 01:30:45,385
Well, I'm sorry.
We didn't want to
2261
01:30:45,387 --> 01:30:46,787
grow up without a father.
2262
01:30:46,789 --> 01:30:47,688
Yeah.
2263
01:30:47,690 --> 01:30:48,989
Could you please disturb him?
2264
01:30:48,991 --> 01:30:51,958
Okay, I can't really
speak to your experience.
2265
01:30:51,960 --> 01:30:54,362
Although, I did get kicked out
of a threesome in college
2266
01:30:54,364 --> 01:30:55,697
and that was very traumatic.
2267
01:30:55,699 --> 01:30:57,666
- No.
- ALI: Yeah.
2268
01:30:57,668 --> 01:30:59,600
- They just kicked you out?
- ALI: Yes.
2269
01:30:59,602 --> 01:31:00,902
They went like this...
2270
01:31:00,904 --> 01:31:02,369
(CLICKING TONGUE)
2271
01:31:02,371 --> 01:31:04,171
In flagrante
and then you're gone?
2272
01:31:04,173 --> 01:31:05,239
They said I was
underperforming.
2273
01:31:05,241 --> 01:31:06,440
I thought I was doing great.
2274
01:31:06,442 --> 01:31:08,442
Can we just stay focused here?
2275
01:31:08,444 --> 01:31:09,810
This is super important.
2276
01:31:09,812 --> 01:31:13,079
We have to see
the doctor stat,
2277
01:31:13,081 --> 01:31:14,381
which is a medical term.
2278
01:31:14,383 --> 01:31:16,484
(SIGHS) Okay,
he has an opening...
2279
01:31:16,486 --> 01:31:17,618
Ooh! Thursday.
2280
01:31:17,620 --> 01:31:19,119
- I'll pencil you in.
- (DINGS)
2281
01:31:19,121 --> 01:31:20,554
- PETER: No!
- KYLE: Now!
2282
01:31:20,556 --> 01:31:22,790
- Pencil us in now!
- Right now! This is urgent.
2283
01:31:22,792 --> 01:31:23,858
Please!
2284
01:31:23,860 --> 01:31:25,827
Ali, could you bring me
Butterball's
2285
01:31:25,829 --> 01:31:27,796
immunization records, please?
2286
01:31:27,798 --> 01:31:28,863
Hello.
2287
01:31:28,865 --> 01:31:29,866
(KYLE EXHALES)
2288
01:31:34,303 --> 01:31:35,705
Peter.
2289
01:31:37,406 --> 01:31:38,842
Kyle.
2290
01:31:39,909 --> 01:31:41,078
Walter.
2291
01:31:41,977 --> 01:31:43,346
Dad.
2292
01:31:44,347 --> 01:31:45,682
(GASPS)
2293
01:31:46,715 --> 01:31:48,515
- What the... Come on.
- Get him.
2294
01:31:48,517 --> 01:31:50,551
You gotta get down here
right away. They're here.
2295
01:31:50,553 --> 01:31:52,586
Walter, what are you doing?
We're your sons.
2296
01:31:52,588 --> 01:31:54,087
WALTER: Well,
you gotta get down here.
2297
01:31:54,089 --> 01:31:55,323
Walter is your father?
2298
01:31:55,325 --> 01:31:57,056
You said
you never wanted children!
2299
01:31:57,058 --> 01:31:59,394
I didn't. I don't.
Ali, it's complicated.
2300
01:31:59,396 --> 01:32:00,927
You know what's complicated?
2301
01:32:00,929 --> 01:32:02,162
Dating a man who went to
high school with my mother.
2302
01:32:02,164 --> 01:32:03,530
You should just open the door.
2303
01:32:03,532 --> 01:32:05,099
Second door, sucker.
2304
01:32:05,101 --> 01:32:06,399
Pete, I'm in.
2305
01:32:06,401 --> 01:32:07,568
Now you're gonna talk.
2306
01:32:07,570 --> 01:32:09,369
Kyle, please. Guys, calm down.
2307
01:32:09,371 --> 01:32:10,671
Your mother, I think,
2308
01:32:10,673 --> 01:32:12,140
really should
have this conversation.
2309
01:32:12,142 --> 01:32:14,908
Well, that hasn't worked
for the last 40 years.
2310
01:32:14,910 --> 01:32:17,344
Look. We're not trying
to shake you down,
2311
01:32:17,346 --> 01:32:18,815
Dad, we just wanna...
2312
01:32:21,683 --> 01:32:23,551
You sick son of a bitch.
2313
01:32:23,553 --> 01:32:25,786
Is this how you butchered
Chairman Meow?
2314
01:32:25,788 --> 01:32:27,587
Nobody butchered
Chairman Meow.
2315
01:32:27,589 --> 01:32:29,457
It's called putting him down.
2316
01:32:29,459 --> 01:32:31,059
It's called death.
2317
01:32:31,061 --> 01:32:32,993
Death. Yes.
2318
01:32:32,995 --> 01:32:35,529
It comes to us all.
Even the kitties.
2319
01:32:35,531 --> 01:32:37,230
Enough, all right.
2320
01:32:37,232 --> 01:32:41,301
We know you're our father.
Why can't you just say it?
2321
01:32:41,303 --> 01:32:43,103
We just want some answers.
2322
01:32:43,105 --> 01:32:44,305
KYLE: Ooh. Looky here.
2323
01:32:44,307 --> 01:32:45,573
Is this what you do?
2324
01:32:45,575 --> 01:32:47,507
You just shoot the cats
in the head?
2325
01:32:47,509 --> 01:32:50,444
It's a tranquilizer gun.
Every vet has one.
2326
01:32:50,446 --> 01:32:51,712
Not on my watch.
2327
01:32:51,714 --> 01:32:52,980
You're not going
to put him down.
2328
01:32:52,982 --> 01:32:55,116
- This has to stop.
- We're just snipping him.
2329
01:32:55,118 --> 01:32:56,686
This cat lives...
2330
01:32:59,355 --> 01:33:00,653
Pete, you gotta see this.
2331
01:33:00,655 --> 01:33:02,357
Kyle, stay focused.
2332
01:33:02,359 --> 01:33:04,127
Oh, my God. Those are huge.
2333
01:33:05,093 --> 01:33:07,094
Those are big balls.
2334
01:33:07,096 --> 01:33:08,128
Unnerving.
2335
01:33:08,130 --> 01:33:09,829
KYLE: Gotta tip your hat
to the little guy.
2336
01:33:09,831 --> 01:33:11,632
You're a doctor,
is that normal?
2337
01:33:11,634 --> 01:33:15,034
No. Yeah. But for a gorilla.
2338
01:33:15,036 --> 01:33:17,570
KYLE: That's beautiful.
Well done.
2339
01:33:17,572 --> 01:33:19,305
Wow! That's...
2340
01:33:19,307 --> 01:33:20,509
He's gone!
2341
01:33:21,477 --> 01:33:22,913
We got a runner!
2342
01:33:23,980 --> 01:33:25,613
Run, Walter, run!
2343
01:33:25,615 --> 01:33:28,482
Where are you going?
We know where you live.
2344
01:33:28,484 --> 01:33:30,784
- (TRANQUILIZER GUN FIRES)
- (GROANING)
2345
01:33:30,786 --> 01:33:33,119
Whoa! You shot Dad.
2346
01:33:33,121 --> 01:33:35,459
Because this ends now.
2347
01:33:40,663 --> 01:33:42,697
PETER: Walter!
2348
01:33:42,699 --> 01:33:44,265
Is he all right?
Pete, you're a doctor, look.
2349
01:33:44,267 --> 01:33:46,367
- I know. I think he's okay.
- Sweetheart, come through.
2350
01:33:46,369 --> 01:33:47,701
Give him some water.
2351
01:33:47,703 --> 01:33:48,868
PETER: Yeah, it's gonna
be okay. Right?
2352
01:33:48,870 --> 01:33:50,337
KYLE: Give me your eyes.
It's me, Kyle.
2353
01:33:50,339 --> 01:33:51,738
Why did you run?
2354
01:33:51,740 --> 01:33:53,341
You see how it feels?
It doesn't feel good.
2355
01:33:53,343 --> 01:33:54,609
Hey, come on.
2356
01:33:54,611 --> 01:33:56,476
What the fuck
did you do to Walter?
2357
01:33:56,478 --> 01:33:57,677
Mom, what are you doing here?
2358
01:33:57,679 --> 01:33:59,581
Yeah, what are you doing here?
2359
01:33:59,583 --> 01:34:01,280
You just called me!
Are you kidding?
2360
01:34:01,282 --> 01:34:02,916
I'm sorry. I got shot
2361
01:34:02,918 --> 01:34:06,354
by a tranquilizer dart
and I'm a little woozy.
2362
01:34:06,356 --> 01:34:08,021
(STAMMERING) It was a whole...
2363
01:34:08,023 --> 01:34:10,257
We shot him because
he was trying to escape.
2364
01:34:10,259 --> 01:34:11,626
PETER: What the hell, Mom?
2365
01:34:11,628 --> 01:34:13,627
I mean, our Dad was here
the whole time,
2366
01:34:13,629 --> 01:34:15,429
you sent us on
this wild-goose chase.
2367
01:34:15,431 --> 01:34:16,896
Okay. This family has issues.
2368
01:34:16,898 --> 01:34:18,733
I didn't think you'd go, okay?
2369
01:34:18,735 --> 01:34:20,868
Although, I thought
it might be a nice idea
2370
01:34:20,870 --> 01:34:22,769
for you guys to go on
a road trip together
2371
01:34:22,771 --> 01:34:24,537
since you can't stay
in the same room
2372
01:34:24,539 --> 01:34:26,174
together for two minutes.
2373
01:34:26,176 --> 01:34:27,875
We can and we did.
2374
01:34:27,877 --> 01:34:29,777
Yeah, we drove halfway
around the country
2375
01:34:29,779 --> 01:34:32,613
looking for a guy
who lives next door to us.
2376
01:34:32,615 --> 01:34:34,381
By the way,
kind of a bumpy ride.
2377
01:34:34,383 --> 01:34:35,783
He didn't live next door.
2378
01:34:35,785 --> 01:34:37,018
He actually lived
three or four houses down.
2379
01:34:37,020 --> 01:34:38,286
No, it's definitely
our street.
2380
01:34:38,288 --> 01:34:39,586
Over. But I know
what you mean.
2381
01:34:39,588 --> 01:34:40,421
No, it wasn't.
It was the next street.
2382
01:34:40,423 --> 01:34:41,488
It was.
2383
01:34:41,490 --> 01:34:42,622
Stop it!
2384
01:34:42,624 --> 01:34:43,991
Stop it!
2385
01:34:43,993 --> 01:34:46,659
Just take a big
deep breath, okay?
2386
01:34:46,661 --> 01:34:48,764
Please. Sit down.
2387
01:34:49,231 --> 01:34:50,600
Sit down.
2388
01:34:51,234 --> 01:34:52,433
(HELEN SIGHS)
2389
01:34:52,435 --> 01:34:54,771
There's something
I have to say.
2390
01:34:59,008 --> 01:35:01,077
It was, um... (CLEARS THROAT)
2391
01:35:02,378 --> 01:35:03,978
(SIGHS)
2392
01:35:03,980 --> 01:35:09,649
Okay. It was December 1975,
three days before Christmas.
2393
01:35:09,651 --> 01:35:11,952
That's... That's our birthday.
2394
01:35:11,954 --> 01:35:13,121
Yeah.
2395
01:35:13,123 --> 01:35:14,889
HELEN: I was doing
community outreach,
2396
01:35:14,891 --> 01:35:20,060
working with women who were
in pretty bad situations.
2397
01:35:20,062 --> 01:35:22,529
What kind of bad situations?
2398
01:35:22,531 --> 01:35:23,730
Really bad, Kyle.
2399
01:35:23,732 --> 01:35:25,099
ALI: Drugs,
2400
01:35:25,101 --> 01:35:26,199
abuse,
2401
01:35:26,201 --> 01:35:27,868
destructive
May-December relationships
2402
01:35:27,870 --> 01:35:29,369
they can't pry themselves
away from?
2403
01:35:29,371 --> 01:35:32,672
Ali, don't bring your
own drum to the concert.
2404
01:35:32,674 --> 01:35:34,574
Let Helen talk.
2405
01:35:34,576 --> 01:35:36,109
(SCOFFS)
2406
01:35:36,111 --> 01:35:38,612
There was one
young girl in particular
2407
01:35:38,614 --> 01:35:40,514
that I got very close to.
2408
01:35:40,516 --> 01:35:45,319
There was something
incredibly special about her.
2409
01:35:45,321 --> 01:35:47,921
She was six months pregnant.
2410
01:35:47,923 --> 01:35:50,724
She went into labor early.
2411
01:35:50,726 --> 01:35:53,027
It was dangerously early.
2412
01:35:53,029 --> 01:35:59,399
And she had a very, very long
and hard delivery.
2413
01:35:59,401 --> 01:36:01,970
But, at the end,
2414
01:36:01,972 --> 01:36:08,044
she produced two
beautiful baby boys.
2415
01:36:13,917 --> 01:36:15,819
Your birth mother.
2416
01:36:22,758 --> 01:36:24,360
Your mother
2417
01:36:26,594 --> 01:36:28,263
didn't survive.
2418
01:36:35,004 --> 01:36:37,637
Oh, my God.
This just got really sad.
2419
01:36:37,639 --> 01:36:39,306
So, with no family on record,
2420
01:36:39,308 --> 01:36:42,042
the hospital was required
to call social services.
2421
01:36:42,044 --> 01:36:45,011
But Helen didn't want to
put you into that system
2422
01:36:45,013 --> 01:36:46,380
and maybe get split up.
2423
01:36:46,382 --> 01:36:50,253
She loved you from
the moment she saw you.
2424
01:36:51,587 --> 01:36:54,720
So, I started
the process of adoption.
2425
01:36:54,722 --> 01:36:56,756
WALTER: Despite my objections.
2426
01:36:56,758 --> 01:36:58,626
See, as much as I loved Helen,
2427
01:36:58,628 --> 01:37:00,260
I couldn't imagine sacrificing
2428
01:37:00,262 --> 01:37:03,163
my future for two tiny
strangers. You know?
2429
01:37:03,165 --> 01:37:07,167
Kids were
never part of my plan.
2430
01:37:07,169 --> 01:37:09,503
I'm better with animals,
I guess.
2431
01:37:09,505 --> 01:37:14,241
Helen, on the other hand,
could imagine nothing else.
2432
01:37:14,243 --> 01:37:19,682
And I brought you here
to Westerville to raise you.
2433
01:37:35,831 --> 01:37:38,232
What was her name?
2434
01:37:38,234 --> 01:37:40,003
Our birth mother.
2435
01:37:41,637 --> 01:37:43,238
Jenny.
2436
01:37:46,875 --> 01:37:48,277
Jenny who?
2437
01:37:48,910 --> 01:37:51,311
I don't know.
2438
01:37:51,313 --> 01:37:53,747
The reason why young girls
came to us
2439
01:37:53,749 --> 01:37:57,417
was because
we didn't ask questions.
2440
01:37:57,419 --> 01:38:01,387
We weren't certain
that that was her real name.
2441
01:38:01,389 --> 01:38:03,258
What about our dad?
2442
01:38:04,927 --> 01:38:06,860
We never knew.
2443
01:38:06,862 --> 01:38:09,595
She wouldn't talk about it.
2444
01:38:09,597 --> 01:38:14,837
She just wanted to start a
new life for the three of you.
2445
01:38:27,616 --> 01:38:28,817
(SIGHS)
2446
01:38:37,093 --> 01:38:39,395
I need to get some air.
2447
01:38:45,167 --> 01:38:47,236
- I'll talk to him.
- Yeah.
2448
01:38:54,776 --> 01:38:56,011
Hey.
2449
01:38:56,846 --> 01:38:58,147
Talk to me.
2450
01:38:59,847 --> 01:39:02,582
What's going through
your head?
2451
01:39:02,584 --> 01:39:05,551
Biological mother
dies at childbirth?
2452
01:39:05,553 --> 01:39:07,854
Which I guess is another way
of saying we killed her.
2453
01:39:07,856 --> 01:39:09,355
No.
2454
01:39:09,357 --> 01:39:10,824
At a certain point, I just
gotta say, you're right.
2455
01:39:10,826 --> 01:39:12,560
The universe is an asshole.
2456
01:39:12,562 --> 01:39:14,894
I think we're
a couple of born losers
2457
01:39:14,896 --> 01:39:18,131
fulfilling our
born loser identity.
2458
01:39:18,133 --> 01:39:21,201
I mean, you don't think
that's an asshole move?
2459
01:39:21,203 --> 01:39:23,540
- Fuck the universe!
- (SIGHS)
2460
01:39:24,472 --> 01:39:25,706
What do you call that?
2461
01:39:25,708 --> 01:39:28,775
I'll grant you,
the universe is a little wily,
2462
01:39:28,777 --> 01:39:31,311
a little unpredictable.
2463
01:39:31,313 --> 01:39:33,413
But it's pretty
fucking amazing
2464
01:39:33,415 --> 01:39:37,020
when you consider
it also gave us Mom.
2465
01:39:38,454 --> 01:39:43,192
And Mom gave up
everything for us.
2466
01:39:44,360 --> 01:39:47,394
Where would we be
right now without Mom?
2467
01:39:47,396 --> 01:39:50,997
And I hate to even
contemplate this.
2468
01:39:50,999 --> 01:39:54,304
We might be
running around out there,
2469
01:39:55,871 --> 01:40:00,576
not even aware
that each other exists.
2470
01:40:04,946 --> 01:40:06,512
We're not losers.
2471
01:40:06,514 --> 01:40:09,716
We're survivors. Okay?
2472
01:40:09,718 --> 01:40:12,388
And that's because of Mom.
2473
01:40:14,022 --> 01:40:15,521
And because of Mom,
2474
01:40:15,523 --> 01:40:18,628
we can survive anything
the universe throws at us.
2475
01:40:20,797 --> 01:40:22,264
I like that.
2476
01:40:23,031 --> 01:40:25,299
All right. Good.
2477
01:40:25,301 --> 01:40:26,936
Survivors.
2478
01:40:28,004 --> 01:40:29,369
That's good.
2479
01:40:29,371 --> 01:40:33,541
But the universe is on
probation with me, Pete.
2480
01:40:33,543 --> 01:40:35,245
Fair enough.
2481
01:40:43,018 --> 01:40:44,551
(SIGHS)
2482
01:40:44,553 --> 01:40:48,555
I should've told you as soon
as you could understand,
2483
01:40:48,557 --> 01:40:51,524
but I didn't,
2484
01:40:51,526 --> 01:40:55,695
and it just got
harder and harder.
2485
01:40:55,697 --> 01:40:57,467
I was so afraid.
2486
01:40:57,932 --> 01:40:59,201
Of what?
2487
01:41:00,002 --> 01:41:02,237
Of hurting you.
2488
01:41:04,440 --> 01:41:05,942
Losing you.
2489
01:41:09,645 --> 01:41:12,511
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
2490
01:41:12,513 --> 01:41:13,583
No.
2491
01:41:23,424 --> 01:41:25,594
(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT
OVER PA)
2492
01:41:28,062 --> 01:41:29,331
So... (SIGHS)
2493
01:41:31,333 --> 01:41:33,033
I got hit by a train.
2494
01:41:33,035 --> 01:41:35,705
- You got hit by a train.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
2495
01:41:38,807 --> 01:41:40,239
I'm gonna miss you.
2496
01:41:40,241 --> 01:41:42,244
I'm gonna miss you.
2497
01:41:43,478 --> 01:41:48,215
Well, you get after that
fantastic girl of yours
2498
01:41:48,217 --> 01:41:49,984
and give her Honi for me.
2499
01:41:49,986 --> 01:41:51,786
Fuck that!
I'm gonna give you a Honi.
2500
01:41:51,788 --> 01:41:53,153
I don't need a Honi. I'm good.
2501
01:41:53,155 --> 01:41:54,087
You do need a Honi.
We all need Honis.
2502
01:41:54,089 --> 01:41:55,723
- Hey...
- Peter.
2503
01:41:55,725 --> 01:41:57,992
- I'm giving you a Honi.
- All right.
2504
01:41:57,994 --> 01:41:59,696
You know what they say,
2505
01:42:00,629 --> 01:42:01,994
a Honi a day...
2506
01:42:01,996 --> 01:42:03,398
(PETER CHUCKLING)
2507
01:42:29,557 --> 01:42:30,824
PETER: Blue, 32!
2508
01:42:30,826 --> 01:42:32,395
Hut! Hut!
2509
01:42:33,663 --> 01:42:34,763
In the end zone.
2510
01:42:36,197 --> 01:42:38,698
- (ETHAN WHOOPING)
- Yeah! It's a catch!
2511
01:42:38,700 --> 01:42:39,733
ETHAN: Great throw, Dad.
2512
01:42:39,735 --> 01:42:41,702
Damn, you could've
been in the NFL.
2513
01:42:41,704 --> 01:42:43,636
- Eh. Probably.
- Hey, you ready for this?
2514
01:42:43,638 --> 01:42:46,008
Probably could've been.
Yeah. Hit me. Hit me.
2515
01:42:49,544 --> 01:42:51,211
Oh, shit!
2516
01:42:51,213 --> 01:42:53,113
Boom! You like that?
2517
01:42:53,115 --> 01:42:55,218
Oh, my God. Nice hit.
2518
01:42:56,384 --> 01:42:57,753
- Come here, you.
- (SQUEALS)
2519
01:42:59,254 --> 01:43:00,854
ETHAN: Oh, gross, guys.
2520
01:43:00,856 --> 01:43:02,357
Come on. Really?
2521
01:43:05,960 --> 01:43:08,061
Life is such a crazy ride.
2522
01:43:08,063 --> 01:43:11,864
One minute you're on this epic
quest with your brother.
2523
01:43:11,866 --> 01:43:15,335
The next minute you're getting
replaced by a monkey,
2524
01:43:15,337 --> 01:43:16,503
about to lose it all.
2525
01:43:16,505 --> 01:43:17,771
PETER: And the next minute,
2526
01:43:17,773 --> 01:43:19,805
you think
your brother's been killed
2527
01:43:19,807 --> 01:43:21,375
by a speeding locomotive.
2528
01:43:21,377 --> 01:43:23,176
And the next minute you think
2529
01:43:23,178 --> 01:43:25,746
your brother's having sex
with his sister.
2530
01:43:25,748 --> 01:43:27,982
But the next minute
you're very happy
2531
01:43:27,984 --> 01:43:29,882
to find out that
she can't be your sister
2532
01:43:29,884 --> 01:43:33,220
because her father didn't
believe in premarital sex.
2533
01:43:33,222 --> 01:43:34,520
I'm not sure
they're quite ready
2534
01:43:34,522 --> 01:43:36,422
to hear about
all your adventures.
2535
01:43:36,424 --> 01:43:37,924
You're gonna have to
educate those girls
2536
01:43:37,926 --> 01:43:39,292
about premarital sex
2537
01:43:39,294 --> 01:43:41,561
because we come from
a long line of people
2538
01:43:41,563 --> 01:43:43,796
with a zest for love making.
2539
01:43:43,798 --> 01:43:45,966
Never hold back on love.
2540
01:43:45,968 --> 01:43:47,768
You hear that? Never.
2541
01:43:47,770 --> 01:43:49,936
But let's not get distracted.
Now, where were we?
2542
01:43:49,938 --> 01:43:53,506
Yes, one minute, Dad's getting
replaced by a monkey...
2543
01:43:53,508 --> 01:43:55,408
PETER: Yeah,
but the next minute,
2544
01:43:55,410 --> 01:43:57,510
you're inventing an app
with your brother
2545
01:43:57,512 --> 01:44:01,314
that sends people optimistic
messages from the universe.
2546
01:44:01,316 --> 01:44:03,884
And then the next minute,
you're making $3.99
2547
01:44:03,886 --> 01:44:06,787
- every time it's downloaded.
- Every single time.
2548
01:44:06,789 --> 01:44:07,854
And the next minute,
2549
01:44:07,856 --> 01:44:09,389
it's been downloaded
a million times.
2550
01:44:09,391 --> 01:44:11,160
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
- A million times.
2551
01:44:13,161 --> 01:44:15,996
Hi, it's me. The Universe.
2552
01:44:15,998 --> 01:44:19,198
Remember, life is not a race.
2553
01:44:19,200 --> 01:44:21,635
It's the journey that counts.
2554
01:44:21,637 --> 01:44:22,737
Okay?
2555
01:44:23,338 --> 01:44:24,673
I love you.
2556
01:44:26,542 --> 01:44:29,245
By the way,
the Illuminati is real.
2557
01:44:30,845 --> 01:44:35,845
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