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00:00:50,228 --> 00:00:58,228
Downloaded from
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(EXHALES)
3
00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:07,472
Well, good news.
4
00:01:07,474 --> 00:01:09,674
I found your car keys.
5
00:01:09,676 --> 00:01:12,077
(CHUCKLES)
That's where I left them.
6
00:01:12,079 --> 00:01:14,514
You know, you have the
prostate of an 18-year-old.
7
00:01:14,516 --> 00:01:16,681
Nice! I'd rather have
his dick,
8
00:01:16,683 --> 00:01:18,584
but you get what you get.
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00:01:18,586 --> 00:01:21,320
Next time,
buy me dinner first.
10
00:01:21,322 --> 00:01:22,924
(ALL LAUGHING)
11
00:01:24,092 --> 00:01:26,058
That's a good one.
12
00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:27,192
I like that joke.
13
00:01:27,194 --> 00:01:29,697
I hadn't heard that before.
14
00:01:34,902 --> 00:01:36,903
ETHAN: Come on.
Why do I have to go?
15
00:01:36,905 --> 00:01:37,936
KATHERINE: Because
16
00:01:37,938 --> 00:01:39,171
it's his weekend
and you're not missing
17
00:01:39,173 --> 00:01:40,204
your grandmother's wedding.
18
00:01:40,206 --> 00:01:41,306
ETHAN: It's no fun there.
19
00:01:41,308 --> 00:01:42,674
Last time he made me watch
20
00:01:42,676 --> 00:01:44,943
an entire Super Bowl
from 1979.
21
00:01:44,945 --> 00:01:47,079
Who watches a 30-year-old
football game?
22
00:01:47,081 --> 00:01:50,749
He's always angry
or pissed off...
23
00:01:50,751 --> 00:01:52,451
KATHERINE: Don't say that
about your father.
24
00:01:52,453 --> 00:01:53,952
ETHAN: It's not my fault
he's an asshole.
25
00:01:53,954 --> 00:01:55,221
KATHERINE: We're not
having this discussion.
26
00:01:55,223 --> 00:01:56,588
Go get your bag.
27
00:01:56,590 --> 00:01:58,326
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
28
00:02:06,935 --> 00:02:08,370
(DOOR SLAMS)
29
00:02:10,838 --> 00:02:12,271
TERRY BRADSHAW: (ON TV)
Pick Enterprise.
30
00:02:12,273 --> 00:02:13,671
We'll pick you up.
31
00:02:13,673 --> 00:02:15,140
MALE NARRATOR:
In New York City,
32
00:02:15,142 --> 00:02:16,876
the dedicated detectives
who investigate
33
00:02:16,878 --> 00:02:19,211
these vicious felonies
are members of
34
00:02:19,213 --> 00:02:21,514
an elite squad known as
the Special Victims Unit.
35
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,415
These are their stories.
36
00:02:23,417 --> 00:02:25,052
- (DRAMATIC BANG ON TV)
- (MOUTHING)
37
00:02:39,934 --> 00:02:41,636
(BOTH LAUGHING)
38
00:02:43,071 --> 00:02:44,469
PETER: Hello.
39
00:02:44,471 --> 00:02:46,206
HELEN: Ah, there you are.
40
00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:47,272
Hello.
41
00:02:47,274 --> 00:02:48,373
- Hey, Peter.
- Sweetheart.
42
00:02:48,375 --> 00:02:49,641
Mom, you look radiant.
43
00:02:49,643 --> 00:02:50,877
- Thank you.
- Hi, Sheila.
44
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,510
These are for Mom's bunions.
45
00:02:52,512 --> 00:02:54,479
If you want her
on her feet in two hours,
46
00:02:54,481 --> 00:02:55,914
you'll make sure
she wears those.
47
00:02:55,916 --> 00:02:58,084
HELEN: Thank you, darling.
That was sweet.
48
00:02:58,086 --> 00:02:59,318
You know, Peter,
49
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,888
if ever you start questioning
your sexuality,
50
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:05,724
I'd love to introduce you
to my son, Jason.
51
00:03:05,726 --> 00:03:08,760
- He's got a tight little butt.
- HELEN: Ooh.
52
00:03:08,762 --> 00:03:10,529
I'll be downstairs
if you need me.
53
00:03:10,531 --> 00:03:12,465
- Thank you, Sheila.
- HELEN: Wow.
54
00:03:12,467 --> 00:03:13,934
- Good to know.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
55
00:03:15,035 --> 00:03:16,569
Good for Jason.
56
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,771
(CHUCKLING) Where's Ethan?
57
00:03:18,773 --> 00:03:21,576
Uh, he's here somewhere.
Happy as a clam.
58
00:03:23,376 --> 00:03:25,745
Oh, don't be discouraged.
59
00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,182
You're a great dad.
60
00:03:27,948 --> 00:03:29,480
Just love him
61
00:03:29,482 --> 00:03:31,751
and be there for him.
62
00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:34,589
And maybe loosen up a little.
63
00:03:35,223 --> 00:03:36,590
I'm loose.
64
00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,092
I mean...
65
00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:41,961
I'm loose, whatevs.
66
00:03:41,963 --> 00:03:43,829
Have you seen
your brother yet?
67
00:03:43,831 --> 00:03:46,365
Hmm? Oh, you invited him?
68
00:03:46,367 --> 00:03:47,869
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
69
00:03:50,470 --> 00:03:52,638
Life is so crazy, man.
70
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,741
One minute, you're napping
in Maui, unemployed,
71
00:03:55,743 --> 00:03:58,377
uneducated,
30 bucks to your name,
72
00:03:58,379 --> 00:04:00,712
the next minute, some guy's
walking up to you,
73
00:04:00,714 --> 00:04:02,581
asking if he can
put your picture
74
00:04:02,583 --> 00:04:04,682
on a barbeque sauce bottle.
75
00:04:04,684 --> 00:04:06,319
And the next minute
76
00:04:06,321 --> 00:04:09,121
they're giving you three cents
for every bottle they sell.
77
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:10,323
And the next minute
78
00:04:10,325 --> 00:04:13,058
they're selling 30 million
of these bad boys.
79
00:04:13,060 --> 00:04:14,527
BOTH: And then
the next minute...
80
00:04:14,529 --> 00:04:17,063
You're wearing
a white leather jacket
81
00:04:17,065 --> 00:04:20,031
and white high-tops
to your mom's wedding.
82
00:04:20,033 --> 00:04:21,199
Pete! (CHUCKLING)
83
00:04:21,201 --> 00:04:22,800
(PETER GRUNTING)
84
00:04:22,802 --> 00:04:24,903
It is so good to see you.
85
00:04:24,905 --> 00:04:27,172
I haven't seen this guy
in two years.
86
00:04:27,174 --> 00:04:28,507
Four. Actually.
87
00:04:28,509 --> 00:04:30,076
- Has it been that long?
- Mmm-hmm.
88
00:04:30,078 --> 00:04:32,644
Shut the front door.
Are you messing with me?
89
00:04:32,646 --> 00:04:33,946
He loves messing with me.
90
00:04:33,948 --> 00:04:36,048
- Are you messing with me?
- I'm not.
91
00:04:36,050 --> 00:04:37,382
God, you got to
come over to Hawaii.
92
00:04:37,384 --> 00:04:38,550
When are you gonna visit?
93
00:04:38,552 --> 00:04:40,420
- Yeah...
- Hey, Kaylani! Come here!
94
00:04:40,422 --> 00:04:42,788
I want you to meet someone
really special to me.
95
00:04:42,790 --> 00:04:44,757
Someone I've been
sleeping with exclusively
96
00:04:44,759 --> 00:04:46,257
for the past six months.
97
00:04:46,259 --> 00:04:47,726
Wow, six whole months?
98
00:04:47,728 --> 00:04:49,228
That's what I'm saying.
99
00:04:49,230 --> 00:04:51,262
It's really special.
100
00:04:51,264 --> 00:04:53,031
Aloha, Peter.
101
00:04:53,033 --> 00:04:54,235
Hi.
102
00:04:59,641 --> 00:05:01,076
Oh, okay.
103
00:05:02,710 --> 00:05:04,145
(KAYLANI INHALES DEEPLY)
104
00:05:05,912 --> 00:05:07,549
(KYLE INHALES DEEPLY)
105
00:05:09,984 --> 00:05:12,384
I can feel
your brother inside you.
106
00:05:12,386 --> 00:05:14,221
I am inside you.
107
00:05:15,122 --> 00:05:16,254
You are?
108
00:05:16,256 --> 00:05:17,656
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
109
00:05:17,658 --> 00:05:19,226
We're twins.
110
00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:24,696
That's called a Honi.
111
00:05:24,698 --> 00:05:27,399
That is a sacred
Hawaiian greeting
112
00:05:27,401 --> 00:05:29,168
that you just got.
113
00:05:29,170 --> 00:05:30,369
Yeah.
114
00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:31,971
Is that right?
115
00:05:31,973 --> 00:05:33,305
So,
116
00:05:33,307 --> 00:05:36,574
how psyched are you for Mom
finding true love again?
117
00:05:36,576 --> 00:05:38,110
It's awesome.
118
00:05:38,112 --> 00:05:41,016
God, I just wish Dad could've
been here to see this.
119
00:05:43,684 --> 00:05:45,084
- (SIGHS)
- ETHAN: Yo, Uncle Kyle!
120
00:05:45,086 --> 00:05:46,151
Yeah?
121
00:05:46,153 --> 00:05:47,285
You got to see this.
122
00:05:47,287 --> 00:05:48,756
What's your boy's name?
123
00:05:49,657 --> 00:05:51,156
It's Ethan.
124
00:05:51,158 --> 00:05:54,228
You gotta meet Ethan.
He is the best kid. Come on!
125
00:06:10,211 --> 00:06:11,744
OFFICIANT:
Do you take this man
126
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:14,379
to be your lawfully
wedded husband?
127
00:06:14,381 --> 00:06:18,153
Do you take this woman to be
your lawfully wedded wife?
128
00:06:19,453 --> 00:06:23,155
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
129
00:06:23,157 --> 00:06:24,156
MAN: Beautiful!
130
00:06:24,158 --> 00:06:26,324
OFFICIANT:
You may kiss the bride.
131
00:06:26,326 --> 00:06:27,595
(GUESTS CHEERING)
132
00:06:31,365 --> 00:06:33,398
(GLASSES CLINKING)
133
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,703
KYLE: Clink, clink, clink!
134
00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:38,105
It's so nice to be here today.
135
00:06:39,907 --> 00:06:42,740
There's a saying
in Hawaii that goes
136
00:06:42,742 --> 00:06:44,713
a little something
like this...
137
00:06:45,446 --> 00:06:47,182
(SPEAKING HAWAIIAN)
138
00:06:51,686 --> 00:06:54,119
That translates
very simply as,
139
00:06:54,121 --> 00:06:58,490
"Life is alive once more
inside of me
140
00:06:58,492 --> 00:07:00,692
"from my love of you."
141
00:07:00,694 --> 00:07:02,060
And, Gene,
142
00:07:02,062 --> 00:07:06,665
my mother's life
is so alive right now
143
00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:08,100
with you inside her.
144
00:07:08,102 --> 00:07:10,869
- So, I want to raise a toast.
- Hey now.
145
00:07:10,871 --> 00:07:13,241
- (GUESTS LAUGHING)
- To mean Gene
146
00:07:14,943 --> 00:07:17,012
and the greatest mom on Earth.
147
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:21,480
Cheers!
Hey, l'chaim, everybody!
148
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,281
HELEN: Thank you, darling.
149
00:07:23,283 --> 00:07:24,885
KYLE: Cheers!
150
00:07:26,687 --> 00:07:28,021
- That went good.
- (INAUDIBLE)
151
00:07:28,023 --> 00:07:29,389
What?
152
00:07:29,391 --> 00:07:30,456
What?
153
00:07:30,458 --> 00:07:31,523
Yes.
154
00:07:31,525 --> 00:07:33,358
- No way!
- I'm serious.
155
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,326
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
One more thing to say.
156
00:07:35,328 --> 00:07:36,728
Wait, everybody hold on.
157
00:07:36,730 --> 00:07:38,831
Forget about that 70-inch TV
we gave you
158
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:42,201
because we've got
another wedding gift.
159
00:07:42,203 --> 00:07:44,569
You're finally gonna
be a grandmother!
160
00:07:44,571 --> 00:07:45,939
- (GASPS) Oh!
- Yeah.
161
00:07:47,107 --> 00:07:48,206
Yes!
162
00:07:48,208 --> 00:07:49,675
I mean, a grandmother again!
163
00:07:49,677 --> 00:07:51,644
I'm sorry, Pete.
164
00:07:51,646 --> 00:07:53,213
(GUESTS CHEERING)
165
00:07:59,886 --> 00:08:02,021
KYLE: My life is so perfect!
166
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,321
MALE NARRATOR: (ON TV)
...an elite squad
167
00:08:03,323 --> 00:08:04,790
known as
the Special Victims Unit.
168
00:08:04,792 --> 00:08:06,257
These are their stories.
169
00:08:06,259 --> 00:08:07,826
(DRAMATIC BANG)
170
00:08:07,828 --> 00:08:10,761
I told you, Detective,
I can press charges.
171
00:08:10,763 --> 00:08:12,096
Out of respect for...
172
00:08:12,098 --> 00:08:15,468
Shh. Let's cut to
the chase, Nigel.
173
00:08:15,470 --> 00:08:17,071
May I call you Nigel?
174
00:08:19,372 --> 00:08:21,473
You see, Nigel,
175
00:08:21,475 --> 00:08:23,744
I know that men have needs.
176
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,879
But when a wife
can't fill those needs,
177
00:08:27,881 --> 00:08:30,283
men have to look elsewhere.
178
00:08:30,285 --> 00:08:31,386
Yes.
179
00:08:46,499 --> 00:08:48,333
What the fuck?
180
00:08:48,335 --> 00:08:49,635
I need to talk
to both of you guys.
181
00:08:49,637 --> 00:08:51,204
- What?
- Okay.
182
00:08:51,206 --> 00:08:52,470
Mom, I need to talk to you.
183
00:08:52,472 --> 00:08:54,108
- Oh, okay.
- Thanks.
184
00:08:55,276 --> 00:08:57,209
- Boom!
- KYLE: What a beauty.
185
00:08:57,211 --> 00:08:58,510
Boy, she is
such a good actress.
186
00:08:58,512 --> 00:08:59,679
Hot.
187
00:08:59,681 --> 00:09:01,850
No, no, not her.
188
00:09:02,316 --> 00:09:03,882
Boom.
189
00:09:03,884 --> 00:09:05,385
- BENSON: Now!
- Mmm-hmm?
190
00:09:07,888 --> 00:09:09,921
Foot fetish. (CHUCKLES)
191
00:09:09,923 --> 00:09:11,857
I like this guy.
192
00:09:11,859 --> 00:09:13,825
PETER: No, no, not that.
193
00:09:13,827 --> 00:09:15,295
Don't you see the resemblance?
194
00:09:16,864 --> 00:09:18,598
KYLE: The resemblance to who?
195
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,266
Our father!
196
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:21,766
He's alive!
197
00:09:21,768 --> 00:09:23,234
KYLE: To our father?
198
00:09:23,236 --> 00:09:25,871
Are you on acid
right now, Pete?
199
00:09:25,873 --> 00:09:28,640
No, Kyle,
look at his birthmark.
200
00:09:28,642 --> 00:09:31,142
KYLE: Yeah, I'm looking.
201
00:09:31,144 --> 00:09:32,810
Mom, can you tell him
this isn't our father.
202
00:09:32,812 --> 00:09:34,380
He isn't your father.
203
00:09:34,382 --> 00:09:36,214
Mom, I've been
looking at his picture
204
00:09:36,216 --> 00:09:38,250
every day since I was
four years old.
205
00:09:38,252 --> 00:09:40,218
That birth mark
is unmistakable!
206
00:09:40,220 --> 00:09:41,619
GENE: Honey,
is everything okay?
207
00:09:41,621 --> 00:09:43,021
Well, Pete is, uh,
208
00:09:43,023 --> 00:09:44,824
lost touch with reality.
209
00:09:44,826 --> 00:09:47,693
The man in the photos
I gave you
210
00:09:47,695 --> 00:09:49,561
wasn't actually your father.
211
00:09:49,563 --> 00:09:50,630
Okay, what?
212
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:51,833
What?
213
00:09:53,401 --> 00:09:54,599
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
214
00:09:54,601 --> 00:09:57,603
Okay, he was a friend of mine
from college.
215
00:09:57,605 --> 00:09:59,872
He was an English
exchange student.
216
00:09:59,874 --> 00:10:01,439
He went back after graduation.
217
00:10:01,441 --> 00:10:03,776
I just thought
you'd never see him.
218
00:10:03,778 --> 00:10:04,910
He's not my dad?
219
00:10:04,912 --> 00:10:06,545
He was studying
to be a Botanist,
220
00:10:06,547 --> 00:10:07,713
for crying out loud.
221
00:10:07,715 --> 00:10:09,213
He's an orphan,
222
00:10:09,215 --> 00:10:11,050
and then he got colon cancer.
223
00:10:11,052 --> 00:10:12,253
HELEN: No.
224
00:10:12,787 --> 00:10:14,553
(SIGHS)
225
00:10:14,555 --> 00:10:17,289
I made up all those stories
about your father.
226
00:10:17,291 --> 00:10:20,693
That he was an orphan,
that he came from England.
227
00:10:20,695 --> 00:10:22,931
That he died of colon cancer.
228
00:10:23,430 --> 00:10:24,496
Wow.
229
00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:26,131
HELEN: The truth is,
230
00:10:26,133 --> 00:10:30,736
and I probably should've
told you a long time ago...
231
00:10:30,738 --> 00:10:32,340
I think you should have.
232
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:37,278
I wasn't sure
who your father was.
233
00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,615
How does that work?
234
00:10:42,615 --> 00:10:44,750
Yeah, how does that work?
235
00:10:44,752 --> 00:10:46,352
Well,
236
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,152
you've got to understand...
237
00:10:48,154 --> 00:10:51,223
It was the '70s.
It was the crazy '70s.
238
00:10:51,225 --> 00:10:53,459
It was disco era.
239
00:10:53,461 --> 00:10:55,361
I was a young girl
living in New York.
240
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:57,529
And if you went partying
in places
241
00:10:57,531 --> 00:11:00,065
like Studio 54...
242
00:11:00,067 --> 00:11:03,935
And, you know, everybody
was high and fucking
243
00:11:03,937 --> 00:11:06,704
and monogamy wasn't
exactly a priority.
244
00:11:06,706 --> 00:11:10,175
I mean, you just go in there
and the mood, it would...
245
00:11:10,177 --> 00:11:12,143
♪ Baby tonight
Hot stuff ♪
246
00:11:12,145 --> 00:11:13,344
Remember that?
247
00:11:13,346 --> 00:11:14,747
And then,
you know, you just...
248
00:11:14,749 --> 00:11:16,548
- PETER: We get it.
- All these great people
249
00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:18,483
in exactly the same situation
you were,
250
00:11:18,485 --> 00:11:20,518
feeling exactly the same thing
you were in.
251
00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:22,420
You would dance with them,
you know,
252
00:11:22,422 --> 00:11:24,055
and then you go and you just,
253
00:11:24,057 --> 00:11:26,257
you know,
you'd sleep with them.
254
00:11:26,259 --> 00:11:29,527
It's true. The priority
was smoking weed and fucking.
255
00:11:29,529 --> 00:11:30,595
Well, sure, yeah.
256
00:11:30,597 --> 00:11:32,131
KYLE: Studio 54?
257
00:11:32,133 --> 00:11:34,165
- How awesome is that?
- Yeah.
258
00:11:34,167 --> 00:11:35,666
- (CHUCKLES)
- PETER: Awesome?
259
00:11:35,668 --> 00:11:37,369
You think this is awesome?
260
00:11:37,371 --> 00:11:39,405
KYLE:
Well, it's not not awesome.
261
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:42,473
It helps to explain
my zest for love making.
262
00:11:42,475 --> 00:11:44,645
I've always wondered
where I got that from.
263
00:11:47,114 --> 00:11:48,713
Now we know.
264
00:11:48,715 --> 00:11:52,084
I spent my whole life trying
to honor my father's memory.
265
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,452
And you have.
266
00:11:53,454 --> 00:11:54,853
What memory?
267
00:11:54,855 --> 00:11:57,423
I stare at assholes
all day long
268
00:11:57,425 --> 00:12:00,726
because of a fictional man's
colon cancer.
269
00:12:00,728 --> 00:12:03,494
Pete, could you pivot
into plastic surgery
270
00:12:03,496 --> 00:12:05,864
or something
less butt-related.
271
00:12:05,866 --> 00:12:08,366
I mean, you're really smart,
I don't see why not.
272
00:12:08,368 --> 00:12:10,868
Kyle, how are you
not freaking out right now?
273
00:12:10,870 --> 00:12:12,204
Okay, that's not fair!
274
00:12:12,206 --> 00:12:13,472
You can't tell people
how to freak out.
275
00:12:13,474 --> 00:12:15,173
Now I want everybody
to calm down, all right?
276
00:12:15,175 --> 00:12:17,108
I am so sorry, you guys,
277
00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:18,510
but the light is
going quickly.
278
00:12:18,512 --> 00:12:20,212
It's the last chance
for family photos.
279
00:12:20,214 --> 00:12:21,715
Not a good time, Annie!
280
00:12:22,917 --> 00:12:24,348
It's a perfect time, Annie.
281
00:12:24,350 --> 00:12:25,584
Okay, just get
a little bit tighter
282
00:12:25,586 --> 00:12:27,018
and we'll get
a nice family shot.
283
00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:29,320
Oh, you guys look so good.
Hold on.
284
00:12:29,322 --> 00:12:30,923
- This looks perfect.
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
285
00:12:30,925 --> 00:12:32,226
Oh, so good!
286
00:12:33,293 --> 00:12:35,193
That is going to be
a good one.
287
00:12:35,195 --> 00:12:36,328
You can't leave just yet.
288
00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:37,996
We need Mom and her sons.
289
00:12:37,998 --> 00:12:39,698
Oh, good idea.
290
00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:41,502
Okay. Come back up here.
291
00:12:42,702 --> 00:12:45,636
I'm gonna need you guys
looking forward,
292
00:12:45,638 --> 00:12:47,138
big smiles.
293
00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:48,272
Perfect, Kyle.
294
00:12:48,274 --> 00:12:49,974
Oh, my God, Dr. Reynolds...
295
00:12:49,976 --> 00:12:52,776
This means he's out there.
296
00:12:52,778 --> 00:12:54,779
He's out there somewhere.
297
00:12:54,781 --> 00:12:56,314
Not now, Peter.
298
00:12:56,316 --> 00:12:58,516
Dr. Reynolds, if I can get you
looking at the camera.
299
00:12:58,518 --> 00:13:01,420
He's been out there
this whole time.
300
00:13:01,422 --> 00:13:03,854
That is true. I mean,
who do you think it was?
301
00:13:03,856 --> 00:13:05,257
As we got older, surely...
302
00:13:05,259 --> 00:13:06,657
Was there someone that we
started to remind you of?
303
00:13:06,659 --> 00:13:08,459
Just stop it.
Will you just please stop it.
304
00:13:08,461 --> 00:13:11,796
None of the men I was with
would have made a good father.
305
00:13:11,798 --> 00:13:13,431
I was trying to protect you.
306
00:13:13,433 --> 00:13:15,132
Protect yourself more like it.
307
00:13:15,134 --> 00:13:17,301
Hey, wait a minute.
308
00:13:17,303 --> 00:13:20,572
I need a name.
I think you owe me a name.
309
00:13:20,574 --> 00:13:21,640
I think you...
310
00:13:21,642 --> 00:13:23,508
ANNIE: Hey, Reynolds!
311
00:13:23,510 --> 00:13:25,245
Camera! Now!
312
00:13:26,513 --> 00:13:28,713
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- Perfect.
313
00:13:28,715 --> 00:13:30,848
We got it.
314
00:13:30,850 --> 00:13:32,316
Fucking thank you.
315
00:13:32,318 --> 00:13:34,621
I can't talk
about this now, Peter.
316
00:13:35,956 --> 00:13:39,190
Okay, she... Mom has spoken.
317
00:13:39,192 --> 00:13:41,992
Pete, you're spinning
out of control literally.
318
00:13:41,994 --> 00:13:43,295
Just calm down.
319
00:13:43,297 --> 00:13:44,662
Stop telling me to calm down!
320
00:13:44,664 --> 00:13:45,896
Okay?
321
00:13:45,898 --> 00:13:48,333
I just need to know this!
322
00:13:48,335 --> 00:13:50,868
Just give me something.
323
00:13:50,870 --> 00:13:52,139
Please.
324
00:13:53,139 --> 00:13:54,641
Terry Bradshaw.
325
00:13:57,778 --> 00:13:59,978
Four-time Super Bowl champion,
Terry Bradshaw?
326
00:13:59,980 --> 00:14:01,512
Yeah.
327
00:14:01,514 --> 00:14:03,882
The Enterprise Rent-A-Car
spokesman, Terry Bradshaw?
328
00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:06,351
Fox sports TV commentator,
Terry Bradshaw?
329
00:14:06,353 --> 00:14:08,119
Yep. Terry Bradshaw.
330
00:14:08,121 --> 00:14:09,720
No, no, no.
331
00:14:09,722 --> 00:14:11,790
(STAMMERS) That's insane!
332
00:14:11,792 --> 00:14:13,925
We started dating
333
00:14:13,927 --> 00:14:15,292
the fall of '74,
334
00:14:15,294 --> 00:14:16,862
just after he gave up
335
00:14:16,864 --> 00:14:20,401
his starting position
to Joe Gilliam.
336
00:14:22,603 --> 00:14:25,170
There's no way she would know
who Joe Gilliam was.
337
00:14:25,172 --> 00:14:26,304
Pete!
338
00:14:26,306 --> 00:14:27,638
Wait, Mom, this is...
339
00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,440
Do you realize
how incredible this is?
340
00:14:29,442 --> 00:14:31,376
This is the guy
you loved growing up!
341
00:14:31,378 --> 00:14:33,779
Gene, he had every poster
on the wall!
342
00:14:33,781 --> 00:14:36,714
- I know...
- Can I get a smile now?
343
00:14:36,716 --> 00:14:38,316
Now, will you relax?
344
00:14:38,318 --> 00:14:40,785
- I love Terry Bradshaw.
- I know!
345
00:14:40,787 --> 00:14:42,154
PETER: He's the greatest!
346
00:14:42,156 --> 00:14:43,354
- KYLE: Yeah.
- Yup.
347
00:14:43,356 --> 00:14:45,390
Which raises
the inevitable question,
348
00:14:45,392 --> 00:14:48,160
why did you not
349
00:14:48,162 --> 00:14:49,994
tell us
350
00:14:49,996 --> 00:14:53,166
that the coolest man on Earth
was our father?
351
00:14:54,701 --> 00:14:57,001
Well, he wasn't
352
00:14:57,003 --> 00:14:59,273
the man you saw on TV.
353
00:15:01,841 --> 00:15:03,311
He was violent.
354
00:15:04,345 --> 00:15:05,877
He hit you?
355
00:15:05,879 --> 00:15:07,114
No.
356
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,147
But as a football player
357
00:15:10,149 --> 00:15:13,852
he was frequently violent.
358
00:15:13,854 --> 00:15:15,152
As a football player?
359
00:15:15,154 --> 00:15:16,857
Yeah, on Sundays.
360
00:15:17,758 --> 00:15:19,326
Sometimes Monday nights.
361
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:22,393
Oh, on game days
362
00:15:22,395 --> 00:15:23,661
he was violent... I got it.
363
00:15:23,663 --> 00:15:25,463
Yeah, because
that was his job.
364
00:15:25,465 --> 00:15:27,299
That's what he did
for a living!
365
00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:29,001
(CHUCKLES)
366
00:15:29,003 --> 00:15:30,702
Oh, my God!
367
00:15:30,704 --> 00:15:33,472
Do you have any idea what
my life might have been like
368
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:35,806
with Terry Bradshaw
in the picture?
369
00:15:35,808 --> 00:15:38,143
I might even be
in the NFL right now!
370
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:39,544
- Oh, come on!
- Well, we don't know!
371
00:15:39,546 --> 00:15:40,912
You didn't even make
our middle school team.
372
00:15:40,914 --> 00:15:43,147
That's because
I didn't have Terry Bradshaw
373
00:15:43,149 --> 00:15:44,449
teaching me the fundamentals.
374
00:15:44,451 --> 00:15:47,785
Oh, Peter, please,
just please...
375
00:15:47,787 --> 00:15:52,123
My life is basically
crap right now,
376
00:15:52,125 --> 00:15:54,828
and it's your fault.
377
00:15:55,796 --> 00:15:57,297
That's not fair.
378
00:15:57,864 --> 00:16:00,531
Pete. Hey!
379
00:16:00,533 --> 00:16:02,802
Mom, let me talk to him.
380
00:16:03,936 --> 00:16:06,070
KYLE: Hey, Pete!
381
00:16:06,072 --> 00:16:07,372
Pete, come here for a second.
382
00:16:07,374 --> 00:16:09,473
Hey, Pete,
where are you going?
383
00:16:09,475 --> 00:16:11,776
Come on, you got to apologize.
384
00:16:11,778 --> 00:16:12,877
Apologize for what?
385
00:16:12,879 --> 00:16:15,780
Well, you're being
really tough on Mom.
386
00:16:15,782 --> 00:16:18,816
Hey, what are you doing?
No! You're not driving.
387
00:16:18,818 --> 00:16:21,954
Look, maybe I blew
my stack at Mom.
388
00:16:21,956 --> 00:16:23,555
It's just...
389
00:16:23,557 --> 00:16:25,623
She kept Dad from us.
390
00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:26,858
I know.
391
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,160
What the hell?
392
00:16:28,162 --> 00:16:32,231
You know how many times
I just wanted to know him?
393
00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:35,566
I just wanted him
there to ask about
394
00:16:35,568 --> 00:16:39,305
Ethan, about Katherine,
about...
395
00:16:39,307 --> 00:16:41,973
About everything, you know?
396
00:16:41,975 --> 00:16:43,675
Yeah, I know how much
you wanted that.
397
00:16:43,677 --> 00:16:47,581
Yeah, I don't think you do,
man. I just... Well...
398
00:16:52,519 --> 00:16:55,152
I can talk to him.
399
00:16:55,154 --> 00:16:56,656
- Yeah.
- It's Terry Bradshaw.
400
00:16:59,392 --> 00:17:00,761
I'm gonna go find him.
401
00:17:01,561 --> 00:17:02,928
I'm gonna find Dad.
402
00:17:02,930 --> 00:17:04,429
Great! Let's do it.
403
00:17:04,431 --> 00:17:06,230
- Oh, no. You can't come.
- Oh, I'm coming.
404
00:17:06,232 --> 00:17:07,364
You never gave
a shit about Dad.
405
00:17:07,366 --> 00:17:09,234
He's my father, too!
406
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:11,268
I don't take
my orders from you.
407
00:17:11,270 --> 00:17:12,703
I take them from the universe.
408
00:17:12,705 --> 00:17:15,407
And the universe wants us
to go together.
409
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:16,775
You're not coming.
410
00:17:16,777 --> 00:17:18,276
Wait, hold on,
wait, who was that?
411
00:17:18,278 --> 00:17:20,411
Hello, yes?
412
00:17:20,413 --> 00:17:22,081
It's the universe?
413
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,582
Yeah.
414
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:26,618
You want me
to go with my brother?
415
00:17:26,620 --> 00:17:29,153
Pete doesn't want me to go.
416
00:17:29,155 --> 00:17:31,589
- Fuck him?
- (CHUCKLES)
417
00:17:31,591 --> 00:17:33,524
I know.
You said it with a wink.
418
00:17:33,526 --> 00:17:36,227
Okay. I love you, too.
419
00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:38,430
That was the universe.
420
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:39,634
Now where does he live?
421
00:17:40,401 --> 00:17:41,602
Miami.
422
00:17:42,303 --> 00:17:43,634
Done. Miami.
423
00:17:43,636 --> 00:17:45,969
That's where we meet him.
424
00:17:45,971 --> 00:17:49,141
- We're going to Miami.
- God damn it. Yes!
425
00:17:49,143 --> 00:17:50,441
- Come on!
- KYLE: Fine.
426
00:17:50,443 --> 00:17:53,748
You can come,
but don't be annoying.
427
00:17:57,584 --> 00:18:00,251
Let me look at you. Kiss.
428
00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:02,453
(KAYLANI CHUCKLES)
429
00:18:02,455 --> 00:18:04,689
KYLE: Okay, what's our plan?
430
00:18:04,691 --> 00:18:07,391
Um, we're still in good shape.
431
00:18:07,393 --> 00:18:09,393
Mr. Bradshaw will be
432
00:18:09,395 --> 00:18:10,996
at the grand opening
433
00:18:10,998 --> 00:18:13,997
of North Miami Beach
Bradshaw Motors.
434
00:18:13,999 --> 00:18:15,766
- Yeah.
- This afternoon.
435
00:18:15,768 --> 00:18:17,936
Okay, well, that's where
we're gonna meet him.
436
00:18:17,938 --> 00:18:19,203
Yup.
437
00:18:19,205 --> 00:18:20,872
By the way, thank you
for letting me upgrade us.
438
00:18:20,874 --> 00:18:22,807
I think you're gonna
love first class.
439
00:18:22,809 --> 00:18:24,543
I think it's kind of
a waste of money.
440
00:18:24,545 --> 00:18:25,843
Not when it's my money.
441
00:18:25,845 --> 00:18:28,447
Look, Pete,
money is never wasted
442
00:18:28,449 --> 00:18:30,981
when it's spent on
the ones you love.
443
00:18:30,983 --> 00:18:32,516
Like a brother.
444
00:18:32,518 --> 00:18:34,887
Or a jet ski.
445
00:18:34,889 --> 00:18:36,957
Or a party boat.
446
00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:40,225
Push play. Can I see that?
447
00:18:40,227 --> 00:18:42,960
TERRY: I hate to run.
But not running is worse.
448
00:18:42,962 --> 00:18:45,497
So, if I've got to run, it's
going to be in the most...
449
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,966
KYLE: (CHUCKLING)
Look at that Adonis.
450
00:18:47,968 --> 00:18:49,167
That's our dad.
451
00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:51,236
I can't believe it.
452
00:18:51,238 --> 00:18:52,370
FLIGHT ATTENDANT:
Mr. Reynolds...
453
00:18:52,372 --> 00:18:54,005
Oh, and Mr. Reynolds.
454
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,740
- Are you guys married?
- PETER: No.
455
00:18:55,742 --> 00:18:57,543
We're just watching some
footage on our father.
456
00:18:57,545 --> 00:18:58,977
We're on our way
to meet him
457
00:18:58,979 --> 00:19:00,277
for the very first time.
458
00:19:00,279 --> 00:19:03,515
So, we're a little nervous
and a whole lot excited.
459
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,584
(GASPS) Aren't you
just the sweetest thing.
460
00:19:05,586 --> 00:19:07,018
If you think I'm sweet,
461
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:08,786
let me introduce you
to big bro here.
462
00:19:08,788 --> 00:19:10,721
He is like a ripe
honeydew melon.
463
00:19:10,723 --> 00:19:12,224
Ooh. A honeydew, huh?
464
00:19:12,226 --> 00:19:13,459
I love honeydews.
465
00:19:13,461 --> 00:19:15,259
Yeah, they're really yummy.
466
00:19:15,261 --> 00:19:16,861
They're delicious.
467
00:19:16,863 --> 00:19:19,430
There is this thing, though,
you should know about fruit.
468
00:19:19,432 --> 00:19:21,799
A lot of melons in particular.
The skin
469
00:19:21,801 --> 00:19:24,369
is a breeding ground
for bacteria,
470
00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:25,670
E.coli and stuff.
471
00:19:25,672 --> 00:19:27,705
It's just something
to be aware of, you know.
472
00:19:27,707 --> 00:19:29,774
Something to keep in mind
473
00:19:29,776 --> 00:19:33,010
in your fruit-related
endeavors moving forward.
474
00:19:33,012 --> 00:19:34,312
He's a doctor.
475
00:19:34,314 --> 00:19:36,448
Always saving lives.
476
00:19:36,450 --> 00:19:37,748
Oh, a doctor.
477
00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:40,751
Dr. Reynolds. (GIGGLES)
478
00:19:40,753 --> 00:19:41,853
- I'll be careful.
- Yes.
479
00:19:41,855 --> 00:19:44,087
You're welcome. Be careful.
480
00:19:44,089 --> 00:19:45,558
(CHUCKLES)
481
00:19:46,058 --> 00:19:47,391
God!
482
00:19:47,393 --> 00:19:48,960
What are you doing?
483
00:19:48,962 --> 00:19:49,827
What?
484
00:19:49,829 --> 00:19:51,328
You guys had some chemistry.
485
00:19:51,330 --> 00:19:53,865
I was trying to facilitate it.
486
00:19:53,867 --> 00:19:56,500
I think it's called
being a wingman.
487
00:19:56,502 --> 00:19:59,705
I don't need a wingman.
All right?
488
00:19:59,707 --> 00:20:01,905
I'm not on this trip
to get laid.
489
00:20:01,907 --> 00:20:03,240
Come on.
490
00:20:03,242 --> 00:20:05,910
There was a little electricity
there between you two.
491
00:20:05,912 --> 00:20:06,878
Did you notice
492
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:08,846
a little chemistry there
between them?
493
00:20:08,848 --> 00:20:11,815
I bet she's a real cock tease.
494
00:20:11,817 --> 00:20:13,517
Yeah, right. Stop projecting.
495
00:20:13,519 --> 00:20:15,053
Listen,
496
00:20:15,055 --> 00:20:18,155
how many women have you
been with since the divorce?
497
00:20:18,157 --> 00:20:19,159
Ten?
498
00:20:20,027 --> 00:20:21,491
Yup. Ten.
499
00:20:21,493 --> 00:20:23,394
And it's been a year?
500
00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:26,297
- Three.
- Ten in three years?
501
00:20:26,299 --> 00:20:27,500
Yeah.
502
00:20:28,568 --> 00:20:30,003
(SIGHS)
503
00:20:31,371 --> 00:20:34,139
I'm really sorry.
I had no idea.
504
00:20:34,141 --> 00:20:36,807
I'm being sarcastic.
505
00:20:36,809 --> 00:20:39,777
I haven't had sex with anyone
since Katherine.
506
00:20:39,779 --> 00:20:43,648
I haven't had sex with anyone
besides Katherine.
507
00:20:43,650 --> 00:20:45,249
We got married in college.
508
00:20:45,251 --> 00:20:46,351
Remember?
509
00:20:46,353 --> 00:20:47,654
What?
510
00:20:56,962 --> 00:20:59,664
ANNOUNCER: Welcome to
Miami International Airport.
511
00:20:59,666 --> 00:21:02,234
Peter, Peter, Peter,
is it like a physical thing?
512
00:21:02,236 --> 00:21:04,535
- PETER: What?
- KYLE: Is it like a blood flow?
513
00:21:04,537 --> 00:21:06,103
PETER: God, no!
514
00:21:06,105 --> 00:21:08,273
No, my penis is fine!
515
00:21:08,275 --> 00:21:09,407
Well, what is the deal?
516
00:21:09,409 --> 00:21:10,641
Ever since the divorce,
517
00:21:10,643 --> 00:21:12,009
I've been a little
depressed, okay?
518
00:21:12,011 --> 00:21:14,178
That makes sense.
And it just...
519
00:21:14,180 --> 00:21:15,279
Don't patronize me, okay?
520
00:21:15,281 --> 00:21:16,914
You wouldn't know
anything about that.
521
00:21:16,916 --> 00:21:18,682
Of course I do.
You don't think I know
522
00:21:18,684 --> 00:21:20,052
what it's like
to be depressed?
523
00:21:20,054 --> 00:21:22,687
The saddest
I've ever seen you is like...
524
00:21:22,689 --> 00:21:25,055
I've never seen you sad!
525
00:21:25,057 --> 00:21:26,356
You can't get into
a contest...
526
00:21:26,358 --> 00:21:27,691
That is actually sad.
527
00:21:27,693 --> 00:21:28,526
...on who's more sad
than the other guy.
528
00:21:28,528 --> 00:21:29,628
That's weird!
529
00:21:29,630 --> 00:21:31,930
No. It's weird
that you keep...
530
00:21:31,932 --> 00:21:34,032
Dr. Reynolds, good luck
meeting your father.
531
00:21:34,034 --> 00:21:36,701
Thanks. Good luck
with your uniform.
532
00:21:36,703 --> 00:21:38,172
(FLIGHT ATTENDANTS GIGGLING)
533
00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:42,439
No, I'm not going to let you
do that anymore.
534
00:21:42,441 --> 00:21:43,741
Do what?
535
00:21:43,743 --> 00:21:45,910
Just deliberately
self-sabotage. Okay?
536
00:21:45,912 --> 00:21:48,112
The top mission
is still bonding with Dad.
537
00:21:48,114 --> 00:21:50,047
Sub-mission
is getting you laid.
538
00:21:50,049 --> 00:21:53,118
Mission below that is gonna be
having stone crabs.
539
00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:55,623
Mission below that,
swimming with dolphins.
540
00:22:02,628 --> 00:22:04,128
PETER: Hey, when we
get to the dealership,
541
00:22:04,130 --> 00:22:05,964
you have to do
all the talking.
542
00:22:05,966 --> 00:22:08,599
KYLE: You cannot be nervous,
Peter. He's a regular guy,
543
00:22:08,601 --> 00:22:10,602
just like us.
544
00:22:10,604 --> 00:22:12,202
TERRY: There you go.
545
00:22:12,204 --> 00:22:13,371
Thank you.
546
00:22:13,373 --> 00:22:15,172
Don't forget to buy a car.
547
00:22:15,174 --> 00:22:16,674
Just kidding. (CHUCKLES)
548
00:22:16,676 --> 00:22:18,276
Hey, fellas, how you doing?
549
00:22:18,278 --> 00:22:19,943
Hi, Terry Bradshaw.
550
00:22:19,945 --> 00:22:21,749
- Yeah.
- (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
551
00:22:29,690 --> 00:22:31,091
Is he okay?
552
00:22:32,558 --> 00:22:34,825
Aw! Bless his heart.
553
00:22:34,827 --> 00:22:36,661
You're one of my special fans,
aren't you?
554
00:22:36,663 --> 00:22:38,063
Hey, bub.
555
00:22:38,065 --> 00:22:39,897
How you doing? God bless you.
556
00:22:39,899 --> 00:22:41,466
Oh, no. He's not special.
557
00:22:41,468 --> 00:22:43,368
No, no. I am special, Pete.
558
00:22:43,370 --> 00:22:45,205
We're both special.
559
00:22:50,343 --> 00:22:51,776
Do I know you?
560
00:22:51,778 --> 00:22:54,078
Oh, I don't think so.
I'd remember.
561
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,381
TERRY: Really? Are you sure?
562
00:22:56,383 --> 00:22:59,016
You really do look familiar.
563
00:22:59,018 --> 00:23:00,518
- Show him.
- PETER: Yeah.
564
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,152
Well, um...
565
00:23:02,154 --> 00:23:05,390
Do you remember a woman
named Helen Baxter?
566
00:23:05,392 --> 00:23:07,227
Helen Baxter?
567
00:23:08,327 --> 00:23:10,295
Helen Baxter...
568
00:23:10,297 --> 00:23:12,132
Oh, my God.
569
00:23:15,035 --> 00:23:16,103
Wow.
570
00:23:16,702 --> 00:23:18,202
God.
571
00:23:18,204 --> 00:23:21,305
Well, talk about
a blast from the past.
572
00:23:21,307 --> 00:23:22,675
(BOTH GASP)
573
00:23:24,577 --> 00:23:27,144
This woman was something else.
574
00:23:27,146 --> 00:23:29,314
She had the tightest ass
you've ever seen.
575
00:23:29,316 --> 00:23:30,681
I mean, awesome.
576
00:23:30,683 --> 00:23:32,920
Yeah, but Helen was
much more than that.
577
00:23:33,554 --> 00:23:35,420
She had a mouth.
578
00:23:35,422 --> 00:23:36,688
Oh!
579
00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:39,224
And a tongue. Oh!
580
00:23:39,226 --> 00:23:41,692
(CHUCKLING)
And I'm telling you,
581
00:23:41,694 --> 00:23:44,094
it damn near cost us
the Super Bowl.
582
00:23:44,096 --> 00:23:48,099
Well, Mom was
a Browns fan so...
583
00:23:48,101 --> 00:23:50,168
Did you say
that Helen is your mother?
584
00:23:50,170 --> 00:23:51,501
Yeah.
585
00:23:51,503 --> 00:23:54,139
Well, technically, I said it,
sir, because we're...
586
00:23:54,141 --> 00:23:56,807
We're both her sons.
We're twins.
587
00:23:56,809 --> 00:23:58,678
You're Helen Baxter's son?
588
00:23:59,412 --> 00:24:01,478
We're both her boys, yes.
589
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:02,714
That is...
590
00:24:02,716 --> 00:24:05,316
That is what
we are saying. Yes.
591
00:24:05,318 --> 00:24:06,653
How is she?
592
00:24:08,055 --> 00:24:10,255
- Well, she's great.
- Yeah.
593
00:24:10,257 --> 00:24:12,422
You know, uh,
she just got married.
594
00:24:12,424 --> 00:24:16,228
And she's a lot different
than how you remember her.
595
00:24:16,230 --> 00:24:17,327
That's for sure.
596
00:24:17,329 --> 00:24:19,530
KYLE: Just a little.
597
00:24:19,532 --> 00:24:20,900
Oh, my...
598
00:24:23,336 --> 00:24:24,704
KYLE: Say it.
599
00:24:25,605 --> 00:24:27,141
Say it.
600
00:24:29,041 --> 00:24:30,910
You're my son, aren't you?
601
00:24:32,578 --> 00:24:34,344
I... I think so.
602
00:24:34,346 --> 00:24:36,247
Well, technically,
we both are because,
603
00:24:36,249 --> 00:24:38,349
like I was saying earlier,
we're twins.
604
00:24:38,351 --> 00:24:40,384
We're both her sons.
605
00:24:40,386 --> 00:24:42,687
You're my son.
606
00:24:42,689 --> 00:24:43,957
Yes.
607
00:24:44,524 --> 00:24:45,726
(GASPS)
608
00:24:49,028 --> 00:24:50,995
Come here. Come here.
609
00:24:50,997 --> 00:24:54,368
Oh, this is just amazing.
610
00:24:55,868 --> 00:24:57,970
Oh, my God.
611
00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:03,874
I had no idea
that she was even pregnant.
612
00:25:03,876 --> 00:25:05,375
You gotta believe me.
Helen never...
613
00:25:05,377 --> 00:25:06,478
She never said a word.
614
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,513
We know. Don't worry about it.
615
00:25:08,515 --> 00:25:10,046
I mean, I can't believe this.
616
00:25:10,048 --> 00:25:12,350
I mean, you guys have been
out there the whole time.
617
00:25:12,352 --> 00:25:14,185
- It's really emotional.
- I know, yeah.
618
00:25:14,187 --> 00:25:17,388
I already have a son.
His name is Trent.
619
00:25:17,390 --> 00:25:19,390
But he's kind of a nob.
Do you know what I'm saying?
620
00:25:19,392 --> 00:25:20,791
So is my son.
621
00:25:20,793 --> 00:25:23,027
Oh, man.
Do you have any plans?
622
00:25:23,029 --> 00:25:24,362
You guys got anything to do?
623
00:25:24,364 --> 00:25:25,563
No.
624
00:25:25,565 --> 00:25:27,032
Look, why don't you come over
to the house,
625
00:25:27,034 --> 00:25:28,565
and we'll have
some food and drinks.
626
00:25:28,567 --> 00:25:30,000
- What do you say?
- That would be incredible.
627
00:25:30,002 --> 00:25:31,436
- Great. Yeah.
- Okay?
628
00:25:31,438 --> 00:25:32,469
Uh... (STAMMERING)
629
00:25:32,471 --> 00:25:34,372
Pete, why don't you
ride with me.
630
00:25:34,374 --> 00:25:37,342
And, Donald... Donald,
you can just follow, okay?
631
00:25:37,344 --> 00:25:38,709
Okay. It's Kyle.
632
00:25:38,711 --> 00:25:39,843
Is this your car?
633
00:25:39,845 --> 00:25:42,447
Yeah. This is a '75 Stingray.
634
00:25:42,449 --> 00:25:43,948
It's my favorite car!
Literally!
635
00:25:43,950 --> 00:25:45,683
You like it? Really?
636
00:25:45,685 --> 00:25:47,818
Here. You drive.
637
00:25:47,820 --> 00:25:49,387
Donald,
see if you can keep up.
638
00:25:49,389 --> 00:25:51,890
- It's still Kyle.
- Come on. Let's go.
639
00:25:51,892 --> 00:25:54,327
You like this, huh? (LAUGHS)
640
00:26:06,072 --> 00:26:08,672
This is amazing, Mr. Bradshaw!
641
00:26:08,674 --> 00:26:09,806
Please.
642
00:26:09,808 --> 00:26:12,176
Just call me Terry, okay?
643
00:26:12,178 --> 00:26:14,211
PETER: All right!
Well then Terry it is!
644
00:26:14,213 --> 00:26:15,412
- (ENGINE REVVING)
- Whoo!
645
00:26:15,414 --> 00:26:17,914
KYLE: Okay,
take it easy, lead foot.
646
00:26:17,916 --> 00:26:20,052
I'm in a Ford Focus here.
647
00:26:20,886 --> 00:26:23,156
Damn it, slow it down!
648
00:26:37,403 --> 00:26:39,304
(TERRY LAUGHS)
649
00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:41,305
TERRY: Hey, hey, I'm home!
650
00:26:41,307 --> 00:26:43,007
Did you pick up the
fresh garlic I needed?
651
00:26:43,009 --> 00:26:44,441
The fresh garlic.
652
00:26:44,443 --> 00:26:46,143
No, I didn't get
the fresh garlic.
653
00:26:46,145 --> 00:26:47,644
Got something better, though.
654
00:26:47,646 --> 00:26:48,947
Oh, what did you pick up?
655
00:26:48,949 --> 00:26:51,716
I picked up a son. (CHUCKLES)
656
00:26:51,718 --> 00:26:53,351
Pete. Say hi, Pete.
657
00:26:53,353 --> 00:26:54,419
Hi.
658
00:26:54,421 --> 00:26:55,519
How are you?
659
00:26:55,521 --> 00:26:56,923
(CHUCKLES) Pete.
660
00:26:58,924 --> 00:27:00,959
This is a joke. Right?
661
00:27:00,961 --> 00:27:02,626
No, no, this is not a joke.
662
00:27:02,628 --> 00:27:05,596
His mother and I used to have
unprotected sex all the time.
663
00:27:05,598 --> 00:27:06,765
Don't worry, Pete. All right?
664
00:27:06,767 --> 00:27:08,932
She knows
all about my crazy past.
665
00:27:08,934 --> 00:27:10,868
I'm Peter Reynolds.
So glad to meet you.
666
00:27:10,870 --> 00:27:13,370
It's nice to meet you, Peter.
667
00:27:13,372 --> 00:27:16,173
Sweetie, could I have a word
with you in the kitchen?
668
00:27:16,175 --> 00:27:18,075
- Me? Okay.
- Yeah.
669
00:27:18,077 --> 00:27:20,311
Hey, Pete,
make yourself at home.
670
00:27:20,313 --> 00:27:22,846
My home is
your home now. (CHUCKLES)
671
00:27:22,848 --> 00:27:24,347
My home is your home now.
672
00:27:24,349 --> 00:27:25,682
- Can you believe I said that?
- Yeah, I heard that.
673
00:27:25,684 --> 00:27:27,185
I think we need to,
kind of, just talk.
674
00:27:27,187 --> 00:27:29,019
TERRY: What?
What do you wanna talk...
675
00:27:29,021 --> 00:27:31,389
Listen, sweetie,
this is insane, okay?
676
00:27:31,391 --> 00:27:34,324
You can't just invite somebody
into our home.
677
00:27:34,326 --> 00:27:35,825
I mean, he could be, like,
678
00:27:35,827 --> 00:27:37,428
a con artist
looking for money.
679
00:27:37,430 --> 00:27:39,497
- Money? You're serious?
- Yes. Did you think about...
680
00:27:39,499 --> 00:27:40,765
- Yes.
- No way.
681
00:27:40,767 --> 00:27:42,065
Pete!
682
00:27:42,067 --> 00:27:43,535
Do you need money?
683
00:27:43,537 --> 00:27:45,870
Are you here to rob us?
684
00:27:45,872 --> 00:27:47,705
Oh, no, I'm good.
685
00:27:47,707 --> 00:27:49,209
I'm a physician actually.
686
00:27:50,477 --> 00:27:51,977
Did you hear that?
687
00:27:51,979 --> 00:27:54,645
My boy is a doctor. (LAUGHS)
688
00:27:54,647 --> 00:27:57,382
You're a doctor, son.
Proud of you!
689
00:27:57,384 --> 00:27:58,449
Thanks!
690
00:27:58,451 --> 00:28:00,051
TERRY: I've got
a doctor in my family.
691
00:28:00,053 --> 00:28:02,589
Go deep, Pete! Deep, deep!
692
00:28:04,724 --> 00:28:06,524
- (GRUNTS)
- (TERRY WHOOPS)
693
00:28:06,526 --> 00:28:08,192
Nice grab, Pete!
694
00:28:08,194 --> 00:28:10,394
Atta boy! Great catch, son.
695
00:28:10,396 --> 00:28:12,465
Way to go, babe.
696
00:28:13,999 --> 00:28:16,366
I gotta tell you, Pete.
697
00:28:16,368 --> 00:28:19,570
Had a bit of a colon cancer
scare a few years back.
698
00:28:19,572 --> 00:28:20,737
- Really?
- Yeah.
699
00:28:20,739 --> 00:28:23,807
Thank God I had a good GI doc.
700
00:28:23,809 --> 00:28:27,344
I know you guys, you know,
you catch a lot of guff.
701
00:28:27,346 --> 00:28:30,081
But, man,
it's a noble profession.
702
00:28:30,083 --> 00:28:31,685
Noble as heck.
703
00:28:33,385 --> 00:28:35,254
Really appreciate
you're saying that.
704
00:28:35,887 --> 00:28:38,189
Really do.
705
00:28:38,191 --> 00:28:39,590
Be cool, man.
706
00:28:39,592 --> 00:28:41,891
You know, when I first came
into the league,
707
00:28:41,893 --> 00:28:43,861
I was a bit of a hot head.
708
00:28:43,863 --> 00:28:46,730
I mean, it didn't take so much
as a slight breeze,
709
00:28:46,732 --> 00:28:48,833
and God, I'd go off.
710
00:28:48,835 --> 00:28:50,801
Hey, say hello to this guy.
711
00:28:50,803 --> 00:28:53,537
Mr. Powder Keg.
Horrible temper.
712
00:28:53,539 --> 00:28:54,671
Shut the fuck up.
713
00:28:54,673 --> 00:28:56,007
TERRY: Your mother, boy,
714
00:28:56,009 --> 00:28:59,343
she had this amazing
patience about her.
715
00:28:59,345 --> 00:29:02,714
She had this way of channeling
all my anger
716
00:29:02,716 --> 00:29:04,314
into things that were good.
717
00:29:04,316 --> 00:29:07,153
Not only on the field,
but, you know, off the field.
718
00:29:07,820 --> 00:29:09,320
God!
719
00:29:09,322 --> 00:29:12,855
That woman
just drove me crazy sometimes.
720
00:29:12,857 --> 00:29:14,959
That sounds like Mom.
721
00:29:14,961 --> 00:29:16,660
I know one thing.
722
00:29:16,662 --> 00:29:19,764
I wouldn't have made it
through a single season
723
00:29:19,766 --> 00:29:21,798
had it not been for your mom.
724
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:23,601
That's the truth.
725
00:29:23,603 --> 00:29:25,603
God, I loved that woman.
726
00:29:25,605 --> 00:29:27,138
I really did.
727
00:29:27,140 --> 00:29:28,575
Wow. That's...
728
00:29:30,242 --> 00:29:32,144
That's beautiful.
729
00:29:32,945 --> 00:29:34,312
Hey, Terry.
730
00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:35,912
Hey, you want to see
someone who can catch,
731
00:29:35,914 --> 00:29:37,448
hit me on a bomb.
732
00:29:37,450 --> 00:29:39,086
Go, go.
733
00:29:45,258 --> 00:29:46,356
- Oh!
- (KYLE GROANS)
734
00:29:46,358 --> 00:29:47,658
(TERRY AND PETER GASP)
735
00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:49,196
KYLE: God! (GROANS)
736
00:29:51,832 --> 00:29:53,698
Sorry, son.
737
00:29:53,700 --> 00:29:55,799
Old habits die hard.
738
00:29:55,801 --> 00:29:57,868
Rod Hamilton.
739
00:29:57,870 --> 00:29:59,335
Big fan.
740
00:29:59,337 --> 00:30:01,237
I played 10 years
with that guy.
741
00:30:01,239 --> 00:30:02,507
He missed me so much,
742
00:30:02,509 --> 00:30:04,307
the bastard
moved in next door.
743
00:30:04,309 --> 00:30:07,277
- (LAUGHS)
- Hey! You still got it, Rod!
744
00:30:07,279 --> 00:30:08,749
He caught the ball.
745
00:30:10,849 --> 00:30:12,016
I love it.
746
00:30:12,018 --> 00:30:14,352
He's still on the juice, baby.
747
00:30:14,354 --> 00:30:17,188
He's still on the juice.
748
00:30:17,190 --> 00:30:19,593
(LAUGHTER)
749
00:30:21,193 --> 00:30:22,326
To Rod.
750
00:30:22,328 --> 00:30:24,228
PETER: Just demolished you.
751
00:30:24,230 --> 00:30:25,895
You son of a bitch.
752
00:30:25,897 --> 00:30:28,099
You need some Advil.
753
00:30:28,101 --> 00:30:29,299
Hey, Rod.
754
00:30:29,301 --> 00:30:32,135
Does the name
Helen Baxter ring a bell?
755
00:30:32,137 --> 00:30:33,336
Ring a bell?
756
00:30:33,338 --> 00:30:35,305
It does more than ring a bell.
757
00:30:35,307 --> 00:30:37,275
I think I just
came in my pants.
758
00:30:37,277 --> 00:30:39,109
- No, Rod...
- ROD: Damn, man.
759
00:30:39,111 --> 00:30:40,411
That woman could fuck.
760
00:30:40,413 --> 00:30:41,978
TERRY: Oh, Rod,
you really might...
761
00:30:41,980 --> 00:30:43,247
ROD: Look, the woman
762
00:30:43,249 --> 00:30:45,749
was like a dick whisperer.
763
00:30:45,751 --> 00:30:48,885
Like, she'd get all up inside
the head of the dick
764
00:30:48,887 --> 00:30:50,755
and know exactly
what it wanted.
765
00:30:50,757 --> 00:30:53,323
Yeah, she'd get
all up in that shaft,
766
00:30:53,325 --> 00:30:54,824
and then in them balls
767
00:30:54,826 --> 00:30:56,826
and in the tip.
768
00:30:56,828 --> 00:30:59,797
Ooh. I'm getting hard
just thinking about it.
769
00:30:59,799 --> 00:31:02,834
So, what makes you think
about Helen Baxter?
770
00:31:02,836 --> 00:31:04,570
- She's our mom.
- Yeah.
771
00:31:05,838 --> 00:31:07,337
I don't know no Helen Baxter.
772
00:31:07,339 --> 00:31:08,738
Sounds like you did.
773
00:31:08,740 --> 00:31:10,542
All we did was cuddle.
774
00:31:10,544 --> 00:31:11,875
Word.
775
00:31:11,877 --> 00:31:15,379
(STAMMERS) It's okay, Rod,
you didn't know.
776
00:31:15,381 --> 00:31:18,149
It's a little awkward,
but, yeah, she's our mom.
777
00:31:18,151 --> 00:31:21,251
Hey, Rod, turns out,
778
00:31:21,253 --> 00:31:22,553
I'm their father.
779
00:31:22,555 --> 00:31:23,787
- KYLE: That's right.
- How about that?
780
00:31:23,789 --> 00:31:25,590
These are my boys.
How about that?
781
00:31:25,592 --> 00:31:27,758
- Whoa! (CHUCKLES)
- TERRY: Yeah!
782
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,192
Congratulations.
783
00:31:29,194 --> 00:31:30,862
Thank you. Cheers.
784
00:31:30,864 --> 00:31:34,363
Evidently, I knocked Helen up
sometime after Super Bowl IX.
785
00:31:34,365 --> 00:31:35,632
Yeah, we were reading,
786
00:31:35,634 --> 00:31:37,301
that's when you went off
to Australia
787
00:31:37,303 --> 00:31:39,437
to record the country
and western album.
788
00:31:39,439 --> 00:31:43,007
Cowboys and Kangaroos,
I believe was the name.
789
00:31:43,009 --> 00:31:44,275
That shit was awful,
wasn't it?
790
00:31:44,277 --> 00:31:45,543
You realize what that means...
791
00:31:45,545 --> 00:31:46,410
What?
792
00:31:46,412 --> 00:31:48,344
We were conceived
in Australia.
793
00:31:48,346 --> 00:31:50,180
- KYLE: Yeah.
- PETER: We're Aussies.
794
00:31:50,182 --> 00:31:51,282
Out in the outback.
795
00:31:51,284 --> 00:31:52,752
TERRY: No, Pete.
796
00:31:53,853 --> 00:31:55,887
You know,
now that I think of it,
797
00:31:55,889 --> 00:31:58,322
Helen didn't make that trip.
798
00:31:58,324 --> 00:32:00,224
We got in this big fight
799
00:32:00,226 --> 00:32:02,927
'cause she didn't
have a passport.
800
00:32:02,929 --> 00:32:03,995
God, I was such a jerk to her.
801
00:32:03,997 --> 00:32:05,595
ROD: Wait, wait.
802
00:32:05,597 --> 00:32:08,632
Isn't that when she started
dating the Wall Street guy?
803
00:32:08,634 --> 00:32:10,034
Yeah, that skinny,
white dude,
804
00:32:10,036 --> 00:32:11,869
he used to throw around
his money and coke.
805
00:32:11,871 --> 00:32:13,237
Roland.
806
00:32:13,239 --> 00:32:15,939
Yeah, yeah, Roland.
Roland Hunt, asshole.
807
00:32:15,941 --> 00:32:17,208
- Nobody liked him.
- No.
808
00:32:17,210 --> 00:32:18,411
Yeah.
809
00:32:19,912 --> 00:32:21,580
What? No.
810
00:32:22,949 --> 00:32:24,648
Terry.
811
00:32:24,650 --> 00:32:26,049
Come on.
812
00:32:26,051 --> 00:32:27,218
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait, wait.
813
00:32:27,220 --> 00:32:28,421
Look at him.
814
00:32:31,057 --> 00:32:33,757
He actually looks like Roland.
815
00:32:33,759 --> 00:32:35,592
No, I don't.
816
00:32:35,594 --> 00:32:38,698
You know, you do.
You do, Pete.
817
00:32:40,199 --> 00:32:42,100
The, uh, eyes?
818
00:32:42,102 --> 00:32:43,167
The nose?
819
00:32:43,169 --> 00:32:44,302
ROD: The peanut head.
820
00:32:44,304 --> 00:32:45,902
TERRY: The long, skinny neck.
821
00:32:45,904 --> 00:32:47,071
ROD: The mouth?
822
00:32:47,073 --> 00:32:48,738
TERRY: Yeah. The mouth.
823
00:32:48,740 --> 00:32:50,106
No, he's right.
824
00:32:50,108 --> 00:32:52,442
You just said Roland was an
asshole, nobody liked him.
825
00:32:52,444 --> 00:32:54,077
Why would Mom sleep with him?
826
00:32:54,079 --> 00:32:56,346
Charity fuck? I don't know.
827
00:32:56,348 --> 00:32:58,949
No, no.
We already figured this out.
828
00:32:58,951 --> 00:33:00,417
Terry is our dad.
829
00:33:00,419 --> 00:33:02,489
You're our dad, right?
830
00:33:08,562 --> 00:33:10,460
Uh... No.
831
00:33:10,462 --> 00:33:11,562
TERRY: Gosh, fellas.
832
00:33:11,564 --> 00:33:12,830
I don't know what to say.
833
00:33:12,832 --> 00:33:15,298
I'm so sorry
I'm not your dad. Really.
834
00:33:15,300 --> 00:33:16,601
- That's all right.
- Yeah.
835
00:33:16,603 --> 00:33:18,902
- It's not your fault.
- Donald. Thanks.
836
00:33:18,904 --> 00:33:20,103
It's still Kyle.
837
00:33:20,105 --> 00:33:21,972
Was that fun, throwing
the ball on the beach?
838
00:33:21,974 --> 00:33:23,039
So fun.
839
00:33:23,041 --> 00:33:24,106
You guys are good, good hands.
840
00:33:24,108 --> 00:33:25,543
I thought it was a blast.
841
00:33:25,545 --> 00:33:27,911
I love you, Terry.
842
00:33:27,913 --> 00:33:29,647
Yeah. Okay.
843
00:33:29,649 --> 00:33:31,081
KYLE: We'll see you
down the road.
844
00:33:31,083 --> 00:33:33,317
All right, man. All right.
Y'all be good, hear?
845
00:33:33,319 --> 00:33:34,818
You take care, Mr. Bradshaw.
846
00:33:34,820 --> 00:33:35,952
I will.
847
00:33:35,954 --> 00:33:38,022
Hey, tell your mom I said hi.
All right?
848
00:33:38,024 --> 00:33:39,489
Yeah.
849
00:33:39,491 --> 00:33:41,694
All right. See you guys!
850
00:33:52,837 --> 00:33:55,939
Hey, maybe you'll get along
even better with Roland.
851
00:33:55,941 --> 00:33:59,376
Aren't you bummed out
Terry Bradshaw's not our dad?
852
00:33:59,378 --> 00:34:01,277
How fucking cool
would that be?
853
00:34:01,279 --> 00:34:02,513
KYLE: Listen,
854
00:34:02,515 --> 00:34:05,615
the universe
is saying look 'em up.
855
00:34:05,617 --> 00:34:08,052
And the universe has
a tendency to point you
856
00:34:08,054 --> 00:34:10,489
in the right direction
if you listen to it.
857
00:34:16,796 --> 00:34:18,830
(KYLE SIGHS)
858
00:34:18,832 --> 00:34:20,897
PETER:
I found a Roland Hunt,
859
00:34:20,899 --> 00:34:24,768
investment banker,
in Beacon, New York.
860
00:34:24,770 --> 00:34:26,370
Two hours north of Manhattan.
861
00:34:26,372 --> 00:34:29,408
KYLE: All right, looks like
we're going to New York.
862
00:35:05,076 --> 00:35:06,310
Make it quick!
863
00:35:06,312 --> 00:35:08,212
I'm pulling out in 30 seconds.
864
00:35:08,214 --> 00:35:09,812
Time me.
865
00:35:09,814 --> 00:35:12,315
I want to get to Roland's
office by noon.
866
00:35:12,317 --> 00:35:15,421
Twelve. 13. 14.
867
00:35:18,758 --> 00:35:20,026
- (URINATING)
- (EXHALES)
868
00:35:22,428 --> 00:35:23,694
MAN: Alex, stop it.
869
00:35:23,696 --> 00:35:25,830
Stop it, Alex.
Get back here right now.
870
00:35:25,832 --> 00:35:27,631
No! It stinks!
871
00:35:27,633 --> 00:35:29,132
(KYLE LAUGHING)
872
00:35:29,134 --> 00:35:31,000
You got a jail break there.
873
00:35:31,002 --> 00:35:32,136
MAN: Sorry, man.
874
00:35:32,138 --> 00:35:33,471
I'd come out if I could.
875
00:35:33,473 --> 00:35:35,239
Just let me know
if he's bothering you.
876
00:35:35,241 --> 00:35:36,540
He's doing good.
877
00:35:36,542 --> 00:35:38,241
I actually got
a bun in the oven, too.
878
00:35:38,243 --> 00:35:39,509
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
879
00:35:39,511 --> 00:35:41,511
Whoa. I got a call.
Alex, excuse me.
880
00:35:41,513 --> 00:35:42,747
Kapono, talk to me.
881
00:35:42,749 --> 00:35:45,315
(KAPONO CHATTERING ON PHONE)
882
00:35:45,317 --> 00:35:47,754
What? No, no,
you're breaking up.
883
00:35:49,788 --> 00:35:52,355
They're going another way?
884
00:35:52,357 --> 00:35:54,324
What does that mean?
885
00:35:54,326 --> 00:35:55,729
(URINE SLOSHING)
886
00:35:56,729 --> 00:35:59,129
Hey! Whoa, whoa! Hey! Whoa!
887
00:35:59,131 --> 00:36:00,397
I've got flip-flops on!
888
00:36:00,399 --> 00:36:01,464
MAN: Is he peeing on you?
889
00:36:01,466 --> 00:36:02,734
Yeah, has he done this before?
890
00:36:02,736 --> 00:36:04,368
MAN: Unfortunately, yes.
It's a real problem.
891
00:36:04,370 --> 00:36:05,736
Sir, this is crazy,
892
00:36:05,738 --> 00:36:06,937
but you're going to
have to pee on my kid.
893
00:36:06,939 --> 00:36:08,004
You want me
to pee on your kid?
894
00:36:08,006 --> 00:36:09,073
MAN: Please, dad to dad.
895
00:36:09,075 --> 00:36:10,140
He needs to
learn consequences.
896
00:36:10,142 --> 00:36:11,574
I'm not going to...
897
00:36:11,576 --> 00:36:14,078
Do you hear that, Alex?
Is that what you want?
898
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:15,482
Stop!
899
00:36:16,047 --> 00:36:17,417
There! Yeah.
900
00:36:18,317 --> 00:36:19,519
Chaos theory.
901
00:36:21,153 --> 00:36:22,886
He started it.
902
00:36:22,888 --> 00:36:25,858
I swear. This is justified.
903
00:36:29,796 --> 00:36:31,598
Hey. That kid had it coming.
904
00:36:46,145 --> 00:36:47,781
How much did Ethan cost?
905
00:36:48,781 --> 00:36:50,614
Well, we didn't buy him.
906
00:36:50,616 --> 00:36:52,885
To raise him. I know
you guys didn't buy him.
907
00:36:53,620 --> 00:36:55,919
Um, well...
908
00:36:55,921 --> 00:36:57,288
Four more years
of private school,
909
00:36:57,290 --> 00:37:01,692
four years of college,
tutors, summer camp.
910
00:37:01,694 --> 00:37:05,096
Every single Apple product
that ever comes out.
911
00:37:05,098 --> 00:37:08,399
Uh, once all said and done,
we're probably pushing a mil.
912
00:37:08,401 --> 00:37:11,268
A million dollars?
913
00:37:11,270 --> 00:37:12,703
To raise a kid?
914
00:37:12,705 --> 00:37:14,808
What do you care?
You're loaded.
915
00:37:15,207 --> 00:37:16,739
Besides,
916
00:37:16,741 --> 00:37:20,344
"Money's never wasted
on the ones you love." Right?
917
00:37:20,346 --> 00:37:26,049
No, I know. I was just worried
about you and Ethan.
918
00:37:26,051 --> 00:37:29,185
Good thing Roland's
a financial wizard, right?
919
00:37:29,187 --> 00:37:30,920
PETER: I thought
we were going to his office.
920
00:37:30,922 --> 00:37:32,589
This is all residential.
921
00:37:32,591 --> 00:37:34,058
KYLE: Maybe
he works from home.
922
00:37:34,060 --> 00:37:36,696
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Destination is on your right.
923
00:37:41,734 --> 00:37:43,036
(DOORBELL RINGING)
924
00:38:00,653 --> 00:38:01,984
Why are you copying me?
925
00:38:01,986 --> 00:38:03,286
- I just did that.
- I'm not copying you.
926
00:38:03,288 --> 00:38:04,487
I did all of those things.
927
00:38:04,489 --> 00:38:06,526
You weren't
touching this thing.
928
00:38:07,192 --> 00:38:09,125
This is cold.
929
00:38:09,127 --> 00:38:11,062
So?
930
00:38:11,064 --> 00:38:14,533
I don't think anyone's
been here for hours.
931
00:38:15,801 --> 00:38:17,201
Door knob tell you that?
932
00:38:17,203 --> 00:38:18,368
These are painted shut.
933
00:38:18,370 --> 00:38:20,737
PETER: So, what?
Kyle, where are you going?
934
00:38:20,739 --> 00:38:22,538
Come on! Kyle.
935
00:38:22,540 --> 00:38:23,808
This is locked.
936
00:38:23,810 --> 00:38:25,676
Of course it's locked.
He's not home.
937
00:38:25,678 --> 00:38:27,310
Come on. What are you doing?
938
00:38:27,312 --> 00:38:28,544
You hear those vibrations?
939
00:38:28,546 --> 00:38:29,747
You're hearing vibrations?
940
00:38:29,749 --> 00:38:31,283
'Cause I'm getting
a weird vibe.
941
00:38:33,486 --> 00:38:35,986
Oh. Oh, God.
942
00:38:35,988 --> 00:38:38,656
Looks like you picked the
wrong house, motherfuckers.
943
00:38:38,658 --> 00:38:39,924
Pete, don't do anything funny.
944
00:38:39,926 --> 00:38:41,324
Why would you
put that in his head?
945
00:38:41,326 --> 00:38:42,460
KYLE: No karate.
946
00:38:42,462 --> 00:38:44,161
Fucking no karate.
947
00:38:44,163 --> 00:38:46,029
I haven't done karate
in 30 years.
948
00:38:46,031 --> 00:38:47,730
He's got a gun.
And that beats karate.
949
00:38:47,732 --> 00:38:49,001
Shut the fuck up.
950
00:38:51,404 --> 00:38:54,805
What the fuck kind of B & E
guys are you two assholes?
951
00:38:54,807 --> 00:38:56,440
We're not robbers.
952
00:38:56,442 --> 00:38:58,975
We're just looking for a guy
named Roland Hunt. That's it.
953
00:38:58,977 --> 00:39:00,444
What do you want with him?
954
00:39:00,446 --> 00:39:03,580
He dated our mom,
Helen Baxter, in the '70s.
955
00:39:03,582 --> 00:39:06,183
Oh, shit!
956
00:39:06,185 --> 00:39:10,187
You guys are
Lenny Baxter's kids?
957
00:39:10,189 --> 00:39:11,555
You called her Lenny?
958
00:39:11,557 --> 00:39:13,591
You're Roland Hunt?
959
00:39:13,593 --> 00:39:17,393
I can't believe I almost shot
one of Lenny Baxter's kids!
960
00:39:17,395 --> 00:39:18,562
That is hilarious.
961
00:39:18,564 --> 00:39:19,995
And gave this one
a heart attack.
962
00:39:19,997 --> 00:39:21,899
Yeah.
Almost took you both out.
963
00:39:21,901 --> 00:39:24,768
- Two for one.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
964
00:39:24,770 --> 00:39:25,969
I mean, I guess
you probably don't think
965
00:39:25,971 --> 00:39:27,170
it's that funny, but...
966
00:39:27,172 --> 00:39:29,406
Oh, fuck, yeah,
I'm sorry about the gun.
967
00:39:29,408 --> 00:39:30,607
Listen, I only got this
968
00:39:30,609 --> 00:39:31,975
because we got
a lot of break-ins
969
00:39:31,977 --> 00:39:33,777
in the neighborhood.
Got it for protection.
970
00:39:33,779 --> 00:39:35,245
Better safe than sorry.
971
00:39:35,247 --> 00:39:37,147
Honestly, I don't even like
holding the thing.
972
00:39:37,149 --> 00:39:38,281
Here, you take it.
973
00:39:38,283 --> 00:39:40,951
- No, no, no.
- Come on in the house, boys.
974
00:39:40,953 --> 00:39:42,852
KYLE: I thought
you were gonna flip him.
975
00:39:42,854 --> 00:39:44,856
You're dangerous.
976
00:39:46,892 --> 00:39:49,328
Mom! We got company!
977
00:39:50,062 --> 00:39:51,598
Mom!
978
00:39:52,966 --> 00:39:54,797
Mom!
979
00:39:54,799 --> 00:39:56,332
Could that be Grandma?
980
00:39:56,334 --> 00:39:57,468
MRS. HUNT: Hello!
981
00:39:57,470 --> 00:39:58,669
KYLE: Hi!
982
00:39:58,671 --> 00:40:00,603
Roland!
They got a fucking gun!
983
00:40:00,605 --> 00:40:02,940
- No.
- Don't hold it like that.
984
00:40:02,942 --> 00:40:04,241
Drop the fucking gun,
motherfucker.
985
00:40:04,243 --> 00:40:06,442
Fuck! It's just the gun
you handed me,
986
00:40:06,444 --> 00:40:07,844
like, a minute ago.
987
00:40:07,846 --> 00:40:10,247
Oh, right. Yes. God damn it.
So sorry. Shit!
988
00:40:10,249 --> 00:40:12,582
I don't know
what's going on with me.
989
00:40:12,584 --> 00:40:13,649
It's tense with
all the break-ins
990
00:40:13,651 --> 00:40:14,718
in the neighborhood.
991
00:40:14,720 --> 00:40:16,419
I'm really sorry.
992
00:40:16,421 --> 00:40:17,721
Putting this down.
993
00:40:17,723 --> 00:40:19,056
You should've seen
your faces, though.
994
00:40:19,058 --> 00:40:20,857
You looked like
you shit yourselves.
995
00:40:20,859 --> 00:40:22,859
They looked scared as shit.
996
00:40:22,861 --> 00:40:24,794
- Right?
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
997
00:40:24,796 --> 00:40:26,230
Come on and say hi to Mom.
998
00:40:26,232 --> 00:40:28,464
You're holding it in
such a threatening way.
999
00:40:28,466 --> 00:40:29,799
You can't do that.
1000
00:40:29,801 --> 00:40:31,301
Hey, Mom, it's okay.
1001
00:40:31,303 --> 00:40:33,370
These are Lenny Baxter's kids.
You remember Lenny?
1002
00:40:33,372 --> 00:40:34,374
Oh, Lenny.
1003
00:40:35,140 --> 00:40:36,906
What a sweet man!
1004
00:40:36,908 --> 00:40:39,310
So, what are you doing here?
1005
00:40:39,312 --> 00:40:41,277
Is everything okay
with your mom?
1006
00:40:41,279 --> 00:40:43,080
Everything's good.
We're on a quest.
1007
00:40:43,082 --> 00:40:45,716
And I'll just
cut right to the chase.
1008
00:40:45,718 --> 00:40:48,051
Did you know Lenny
1009
00:40:48,053 --> 00:40:51,821
between April and May of 1975?
1010
00:40:51,823 --> 00:40:53,757
Know her, like,
in a biblical sense.
1011
00:40:53,759 --> 00:40:54,824
Sorry.
1012
00:40:54,826 --> 00:40:56,326
No, she's heard it all.
1013
00:40:56,328 --> 00:40:57,861
Okay.
1014
00:40:57,863 --> 00:41:00,397
Yeah. '75, that sounds
about right. Yeah.
1015
00:41:00,399 --> 00:41:02,000
Why do you ask?
1016
00:41:05,002 --> 00:41:07,039
We think we're your sons.
1017
00:41:08,272 --> 00:41:09,873
Your boys.
1018
00:41:09,875 --> 00:41:11,640
Me and Pete.
1019
00:41:11,642 --> 00:41:13,378
You're our dad.
1020
00:41:18,116 --> 00:41:19,118
(SIGHS)
1021
00:41:22,187 --> 00:41:23,189
Hi.
1022
00:41:40,939 --> 00:41:42,308
(KYLE INHALES DEEPLY)
1023
00:41:51,984 --> 00:41:55,922
Will you just excuse me
for a minute?
1024
00:42:02,395 --> 00:42:03,692
That was one of
the most powerful things
1025
00:42:03,694 --> 00:42:04,794
I've ever seen.
1026
00:42:04,796 --> 00:42:07,364
He just inhaled us.
1027
00:42:07,366 --> 00:42:08,431
Yeah.
1028
00:42:08,433 --> 00:42:09,699
Did you smell him?
1029
00:42:09,701 --> 00:42:11,000
- You smelled him?
- Yes!
1030
00:42:11,002 --> 00:42:12,301
What did he smell like?
1031
00:42:12,303 --> 00:42:14,437
He smelled like
1032
00:42:14,439 --> 00:42:15,672
- home.
- Home?
1033
00:42:15,674 --> 00:42:17,741
- ROLAND: Fuck this! No!
- (OBJECTS SHATTERING)
1034
00:42:17,743 --> 00:42:19,042
There is no fucking way
1035
00:42:19,044 --> 00:42:21,078
those two jackasses
are my kids!
1036
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:22,812
They don't even
fucking look like me!
1037
00:42:22,814 --> 00:42:24,047
MRS. HUNT:
The one with the beard
1038
00:42:24,049 --> 00:42:25,582
has your beautiful eyes.
1039
00:42:25,584 --> 00:42:26,850
ROLAND: Big fucking deal.
1040
00:42:26,852 --> 00:42:28,185
Fuck 'em! They look like
1041
00:42:28,187 --> 00:42:29,453
a couple of total
fucking dickheads!
1042
00:42:29,455 --> 00:42:33,390
Oh... We are not
descended from that.
1043
00:42:33,392 --> 00:42:34,861
That's not our dad.
1044
00:42:38,363 --> 00:42:41,065
Would you boys like
anything to drink?
1045
00:42:41,067 --> 00:42:43,899
I would love a Hinano beer.
1046
00:42:43,901 --> 00:42:45,868
I'll see if we have one.
1047
00:42:45,870 --> 00:42:47,370
It's an awesome Tahitian beer.
1048
00:42:47,372 --> 00:42:49,306
She is so adorable.
1049
00:42:49,308 --> 00:42:50,473
I'm out of here.
1050
00:42:50,475 --> 00:42:52,475
If he is our father,
I don't want to know.
1051
00:42:52,477 --> 00:42:53,877
Come on, Pete.
1052
00:42:53,879 --> 00:42:57,614
He's in shock, all right?
I'm getting good energy here.
1053
00:42:57,616 --> 00:42:59,049
Based on what?
1054
00:42:59,051 --> 00:43:02,618
We are all out of Mojumbo.
1055
00:43:02,620 --> 00:43:04,120
But
1056
00:43:04,122 --> 00:43:08,226
Roland has something
that he'd like to say to you.
1057
00:43:09,127 --> 00:43:10,627
(QUIETLY) I'm sorry.
1058
00:43:10,629 --> 00:43:13,098
MRS. HUNT:
I don't think they heard you.
1059
00:43:14,433 --> 00:43:17,968
I'm sorry!
1060
00:43:17,970 --> 00:43:19,368
Well, three time's the charm.
1061
00:43:19,370 --> 00:43:22,906
Oh, this is just
such a blessing.
1062
00:43:22,908 --> 00:43:25,243
I'm finally a grandma.
1063
00:43:26,278 --> 00:43:28,413
Well, I'm gonna go finish up.
1064
00:43:31,116 --> 00:43:33,052
Well, listen.
It's a pleasure. Really.
1065
00:43:34,587 --> 00:43:37,323
Something I want to show
you guys. Come here.
1066
00:43:38,057 --> 00:43:39,589
Go ahead, guys.
1067
00:43:39,591 --> 00:43:41,093
After you.
1068
00:43:42,026 --> 00:43:44,094
(WHISPERS) Are you happy?
1069
00:43:44,096 --> 00:43:45,661
He's gonna kill us down here.
1070
00:43:45,663 --> 00:43:46,897
He's not going to kill us.
1071
00:43:46,899 --> 00:43:48,732
Yes, he is.
1072
00:43:48,734 --> 00:43:50,667
Is there a light down here?
1073
00:43:50,669 --> 00:43:51,935
ROLAND: No, that bulb's out.
1074
00:43:51,937 --> 00:43:53,636
You can use
your phone, I guess.
1075
00:43:53,638 --> 00:43:54,872
KYLE: Did you bring the gun?
1076
00:43:54,874 --> 00:43:56,406
PETER: No,
I did not bring the gun.
1077
00:43:56,408 --> 00:43:58,140
- KYLE: Damn it.
- PETER: I left it upstairs.
1078
00:43:58,142 --> 00:43:59,576
ROLAND: Take a left
at the bottom of the stairs.
1079
00:43:59,578 --> 00:44:01,109
PETER: Oh, my God.
1080
00:44:01,111 --> 00:44:02,612
Why are there mannequins?
1081
00:44:02,614 --> 00:44:04,317
KYLE: Pete, I'm scared.
1082
00:44:06,051 --> 00:44:08,484
PETER: How are
the vibes now, Kyle?
1083
00:44:08,486 --> 00:44:09,588
KYLE: Not good.
1084
00:44:11,924 --> 00:44:13,390
There we go.
1085
00:44:13,392 --> 00:44:14,426
Now...
1086
00:44:15,928 --> 00:44:18,194
I think this is it.
1087
00:44:18,196 --> 00:44:19,966
Pete, you want to
do the honors?
1088
00:44:24,803 --> 00:44:26,169
(SCREAMS)
1089
00:44:26,171 --> 00:44:27,373
ROLAND: Oh, shit!
1090
00:44:29,508 --> 00:44:32,375
That is the wrong box.
1091
00:44:32,377 --> 00:44:33,379
Sorry.
1092
00:44:33,812 --> 00:44:35,013
Uh...
1093
00:44:35,714 --> 00:44:37,616
Gotta be this one.
1094
00:44:39,017 --> 00:44:40,616
Okay.
1095
00:44:40,618 --> 00:44:42,886
I'll do it for you.
1096
00:44:42,888 --> 00:44:44,422
No rodents.
1097
00:44:45,524 --> 00:44:46,525
Go ahead.
1098
00:44:49,395 --> 00:44:50,596
Is that Mom?
1099
00:44:51,029 --> 00:44:52,297
What?
1100
00:44:53,466 --> 00:44:54,698
Oh, my God.
1101
00:44:54,700 --> 00:44:56,600
Look at you guys.
1102
00:44:56,602 --> 00:44:58,734
You look incredible.
1103
00:44:58,736 --> 00:45:00,469
Yeah, she looks really happy.
1104
00:45:00,471 --> 00:45:02,374
She was
1105
00:45:03,073 --> 00:45:05,278
just an amazing woman.
1106
00:45:05,877 --> 00:45:07,678
Okay.
1107
00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:11,848
You don't have to tell us
what an amazing lay she was,
1108
00:45:11,850 --> 00:45:13,283
and how suckable
1109
00:45:13,285 --> 00:45:15,719
her candied nipples are...
1110
00:45:15,721 --> 00:45:17,120
What the hell is the matter...
1111
00:45:17,122 --> 00:45:19,256
This is your mom
we're talking about. Jesus.
1112
00:45:19,258 --> 00:45:21,457
Pete! That's not appropriate!
1113
00:45:21,459 --> 00:45:22,593
Sorry, Roland.
1114
00:45:22,595 --> 00:45:24,227
ROLAND: Whatever, anyway.
1115
00:45:24,229 --> 00:45:27,096
(SIGHS) My point being,
1116
00:45:27,098 --> 00:45:30,169
she's the only woman
I ever truly loved.
1117
00:45:31,435 --> 00:45:33,136
Oh, man.
1118
00:45:33,138 --> 00:45:35,904
I think that's why I got
a little kind of
1119
00:45:35,906 --> 00:45:37,674
bent out of shape
upstairs there
1120
00:45:37,676 --> 00:45:40,377
when you guys dropped
the bombshell on me,
1121
00:45:40,379 --> 00:45:44,047
and, honestly,
I was just kind of
1122
00:45:44,049 --> 00:45:46,986
regretting
what might have been.
1123
00:45:47,653 --> 00:45:49,152
Hmm.
1124
00:45:49,154 --> 00:45:51,989
I mean, I'm not
exactly living the dream here.
1125
00:45:51,991 --> 00:45:53,459
PETER: Sometimes, um...
1126
00:45:56,028 --> 00:45:58,328
You just...
1127
00:45:58,330 --> 00:46:00,295
Sometimes
you just find yourself
1128
00:46:00,297 --> 00:46:03,035
not where you want to be.
1129
00:46:05,671 --> 00:46:06,937
Yeah. I'm sorry.
1130
00:46:06,939 --> 00:46:08,540
Thanks, Pete.
1131
00:46:11,310 --> 00:46:13,542
Well, I got a work thing,
guys. I gotta go. Sorry.
1132
00:46:13,544 --> 00:46:16,379
What, you got like a little
Wall Street deal going on?
1133
00:46:16,381 --> 00:46:18,047
ROLAND: No. I'll tell you
what I've learned.
1134
00:46:18,049 --> 00:46:20,350
You've got to diversify.
1135
00:46:20,352 --> 00:46:21,917
And I don't care
if you're making
1136
00:46:21,919 --> 00:46:23,319
10 grand a year or 10 million.
1137
00:46:23,321 --> 00:46:25,221
You don't want it
all coming from one place.
1138
00:46:25,223 --> 00:46:26,922
That's how guys get burned.
1139
00:46:26,924 --> 00:46:28,524
Really?
1140
00:46:28,526 --> 00:46:30,729
PETER: Oh, yeah. Don't want
all your eggs in one basket.
1141
00:46:32,596 --> 00:46:33,765
Come on.
1142
00:46:35,968 --> 00:46:37,134
ROLAND: Lately,
I've been doing
1143
00:46:37,136 --> 00:46:38,435
a lot of work with creditors.
1144
00:46:38,437 --> 00:46:41,337
Helping them to
reacquire merchandise
1145
00:46:41,339 --> 00:46:44,373
when the debtor can no longer
afford the payments.
1146
00:46:44,375 --> 00:46:45,975
KYLE: Oh, like a repo man.
1147
00:46:45,977 --> 00:46:47,111
ROLAND: Yeah, exactly.
1148
00:46:47,113 --> 00:46:48,344
Of course now, I gotta call
1149
00:46:48,346 --> 00:46:49,612
a fucking cab
just to do this job.
1150
00:46:49,614 --> 00:46:51,814
KYLE: We can
give you a ride, right?
1151
00:46:51,816 --> 00:46:53,783
ROLAND: Oh, no, I couldn't
impose on you guys.
1152
00:46:53,785 --> 00:46:55,118
PETER: Oh, come on.
1153
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,087
Besides, it can be dangerous,
repo work.
1154
00:46:57,089 --> 00:46:58,321
You know, people don't like
1155
00:46:58,323 --> 00:46:59,957
having their stuff
taken from them.
1156
00:46:59,959 --> 00:47:01,790
Hey, people don't like having
their anuses probed either,
1157
00:47:01,792 --> 00:47:05,330
but that's how I've made
a living the last 12 years.
1158
00:47:06,698 --> 00:47:08,832
As a doctor.
1159
00:47:08,834 --> 00:47:09,931
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
1160
00:47:09,933 --> 00:47:13,171
Come on. Let us help you.
1161
00:47:13,872 --> 00:47:16,138
So, what happens
1162
00:47:16,140 --> 00:47:18,741
if they show up
while you're doing this?
1163
00:47:18,743 --> 00:47:20,042
Well...
1164
00:47:20,044 --> 00:47:22,846
Hope for the best, prepare
for the worst, you know?
1165
00:47:22,848 --> 00:47:24,346
If he does show up,
1166
00:47:24,348 --> 00:47:27,049
you can expect to hear
some top-shelf bullshit.
1167
00:47:27,051 --> 00:47:28,518
Is that right?
1168
00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:31,154
"Repossessed? I've never even
missed a payment!
1169
00:47:31,156 --> 00:47:33,422
"Got to be a computer error."
1170
00:47:33,424 --> 00:47:35,424
That is classic bullshit.
1171
00:47:35,426 --> 00:47:38,127
ROLAND: They're late
on their child support,
1172
00:47:38,129 --> 00:47:39,930
they'll even deny
they have kids.
1173
00:47:39,932 --> 00:47:41,029
PETER: What?
1174
00:47:41,031 --> 00:47:43,634
God! Just sick.
1175
00:47:43,636 --> 00:47:45,502
(ENGINE REVVING)
1176
00:47:45,504 --> 00:47:48,136
Got to love that sound,
huh, Pete?
1177
00:47:48,138 --> 00:47:49,439
- There you go.
- Oh, wow!
1178
00:47:49,441 --> 00:47:50,873
Plus, there's only
going to be room for
1179
00:47:50,875 --> 00:47:52,107
- two of us, so who draws...
- KYLE: Shotgun!
1180
00:47:52,109 --> 00:47:53,442
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.
1181
00:47:53,444 --> 00:47:55,044
ROLAND: No, no. No worries.
1182
00:47:55,046 --> 00:47:57,212
We're within
our legal rights here.
1183
00:47:57,214 --> 00:47:59,815
Just doing our jobs.
1184
00:47:59,817 --> 00:48:01,384
What the fuck you doing
to my property?
1185
00:48:01,386 --> 00:48:02,585
Your car's being repossessed.
1186
00:48:02,587 --> 00:48:04,420
I'd advise you
to just stand back
1187
00:48:04,422 --> 00:48:05,622
and let us do our jobs.
1188
00:48:05,624 --> 00:48:07,524
You're going to
repossess my car?
1189
00:48:07,526 --> 00:48:10,460
I've never missed
a single payment.
1190
00:48:10,462 --> 00:48:12,027
Guys, this has got to be
some kind of computer error.
1191
00:48:12,029 --> 00:48:13,997
Check your little computer
things, and you'll find out.
1192
00:48:13,999 --> 00:48:15,263
Two for two.
1193
00:48:15,265 --> 00:48:17,134
PETER: My God!
1194
00:48:17,136 --> 00:48:18,902
Word on the street is
you even missed
1195
00:48:18,904 --> 00:48:20,270
your child support payments.
1196
00:48:20,272 --> 00:48:21,504
Come on, man.
1197
00:48:21,506 --> 00:48:23,138
Hey, genius,
I don't have any kids.
1198
00:48:23,140 --> 00:48:25,140
I'm sorry. Paying your bills,
1199
00:48:25,142 --> 00:48:27,176
very basic adult
responsibility.
1200
00:48:27,178 --> 00:48:29,279
- Yup. Well said, Pete.
- Thank you.
1201
00:48:29,281 --> 00:48:31,047
This is insanity.
I'm calling the police.
1202
00:48:31,049 --> 00:48:32,415
Well, feel free,
1203
00:48:32,417 --> 00:48:33,449
but it is going to be
pretty embarrassing
1204
00:48:33,451 --> 00:48:35,752
when I show them
the paperwork.
1205
00:48:35,754 --> 00:48:37,219
I left it in the car.
1206
00:48:37,221 --> 00:48:38,422
Kyle, can I have the keys?
1207
00:48:38,424 --> 00:48:39,788
And I'll run down there
and get it.
1208
00:48:39,790 --> 00:48:40,890
PETER: Give him the keys.
1209
00:48:40,892 --> 00:48:42,391
Thank you.
1210
00:48:42,393 --> 00:48:45,027
And make sure they don't
escape in the old Ferrari.
1211
00:48:45,029 --> 00:48:46,294
Make sure I don't
steal my own car.
1212
00:48:46,296 --> 00:48:47,663
We got this. We got this.
1213
00:48:47,665 --> 00:48:48,998
- Yeah, Pete's got this.
- Deadbeat asshole.
1214
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:50,667
Are you fucking kidding me?
1215
00:48:50,669 --> 00:48:53,870
Let me tell you something,
McEnroe,
1216
00:48:53,872 --> 00:48:55,705
you're not too big to fail.
1217
00:48:55,707 --> 00:48:57,073
That's right.
1218
00:48:57,075 --> 00:48:58,475
You failed today.
1219
00:48:58,477 --> 00:49:01,243
Because we're taking
your Ferrari.
1220
00:49:01,245 --> 00:49:03,881
You just double faulted.
1221
00:49:03,883 --> 00:49:07,384
And the bank broke your serve.
1222
00:49:07,386 --> 00:49:08,685
- You know what, buddy?
- What?
1223
00:49:08,687 --> 00:49:12,288
Life isn't about
just accumulating stuff.
1224
00:49:12,290 --> 00:49:13,924
All right?
1225
00:49:13,926 --> 00:49:17,160
The fast cars
and the big house in Hawaii
1226
00:49:17,162 --> 00:49:18,460
and the white clothes
1227
00:49:18,462 --> 00:49:19,596
and the model girlfriend.
1228
00:49:19,598 --> 00:49:21,131
This is freaking New York!
1229
00:49:21,133 --> 00:49:23,131
This is my wife. Hello.
1230
00:49:23,133 --> 00:49:24,699
You think I'm a model?
1231
00:49:24,701 --> 00:49:27,404
Well, he doesn't think you're
a model, you're 5'2".
1232
00:49:27,406 --> 00:49:28,638
Yeah, she's got
a wedding ring.
1233
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:30,473
I didn't see the wedding ring.
1234
00:49:30,475 --> 00:49:32,442
Oh, my God. You know what?
1235
00:49:32,444 --> 00:49:35,044
This ain't worth it.
Fine, you guys are right.
1236
00:49:35,046 --> 00:49:36,111
I'll just cut you a check.
1237
00:49:36,113 --> 00:49:37,881
Could we just
end this, please?
1238
00:49:37,883 --> 00:49:39,649
Do me a favor,
go get the check book.
1239
00:49:39,651 --> 00:49:41,250
It's in the closet.
My side of the bed, please?
1240
00:49:41,252 --> 00:49:42,453
- Okay.
- Thank you.
1241
00:49:43,022 --> 00:49:44,620
All good.
1242
00:49:44,622 --> 00:49:46,055
ROLAND: Yeah, it's me.
That Ferrari didn't work out.
1243
00:49:46,057 --> 00:49:49,859
You know anybody who can move
a Chevy Malibu?
1244
00:49:49,861 --> 00:49:51,497
All right, call me back.
1245
00:49:56,200 --> 00:49:58,336
You gotta be kidding me.
1246
00:50:04,209 --> 00:50:05,844
Damn it, Lenny.
1247
00:50:06,877 --> 00:50:08,879
Where's Roland?
1248
00:50:08,881 --> 00:50:09,812
He's coming.
1249
00:50:09,814 --> 00:50:11,147
- WOMAN: Honey!
- MAN: Yeah?
1250
00:50:11,149 --> 00:50:12,348
I've got the check book.
1251
00:50:12,350 --> 00:50:13,752
- Great.
- (PETER AND KYLE YELP)
1252
00:50:15,053 --> 00:50:16,352
Come on, let's go!
1253
00:50:16,354 --> 00:50:17,553
Give me the gun.
Don't point it at me!
1254
00:50:17,555 --> 00:50:18,855
- We're taking the Ferrari!
- Pete!
1255
00:50:18,857 --> 00:50:19,989
Do it for Dad!
1256
00:50:19,991 --> 00:50:21,089
Come on!
1257
00:50:21,091 --> 00:50:22,991
Babe, give me the gun!
1258
00:50:22,993 --> 00:50:24,729
- Shit!
- Go, go, go!
1259
00:50:25,497 --> 00:50:27,297
Let go of the fucking gun!
1260
00:50:27,299 --> 00:50:28,667
Stop!
1261
00:50:31,102 --> 00:50:32,268
Roland, we got it!
1262
00:50:32,270 --> 00:50:34,837
We got the car!
1263
00:50:34,839 --> 00:50:36,006
(GROANS)
1264
00:50:36,008 --> 00:50:37,009
Stop!
1265
00:50:38,977 --> 00:50:40,310
MAN: Oh, shit.
1266
00:50:40,312 --> 00:50:41,377
God!
1267
00:50:41,379 --> 00:50:42,477
What was that?
1268
00:50:42,479 --> 00:50:44,482
I think it was a person.
1269
00:50:45,350 --> 00:50:46,482
Roland!
1270
00:50:46,484 --> 00:50:47,951
Oh, my God, you killed Dad!
1271
00:50:47,953 --> 00:50:49,185
- Roland!
- Dad!
1272
00:50:49,187 --> 00:50:50,689
Dial 911!
1273
00:50:54,125 --> 00:50:56,026
So, I guess Dad's a bad guy.
1274
00:50:56,028 --> 00:50:57,495
Oh, yeah.
1275
00:50:59,430 --> 00:51:02,065
I understand
how Luke Skywalker felt now.
1276
00:51:02,067 --> 00:51:04,533
Yeah, seriously.
1277
00:51:04,535 --> 00:51:06,738
She's really beautiful.
1278
00:51:07,738 --> 00:51:10,239
KYLE: She looks great here.
1279
00:51:10,241 --> 00:51:11,507
Glowing.
1280
00:51:11,509 --> 00:51:13,944
Roland even looks good.
Who's this?
1281
00:51:13,946 --> 00:51:17,449
Who's this guy
with the scratched out face?
1282
00:51:20,218 --> 00:51:21,817
Excuse me, Doc.
1283
00:51:21,819 --> 00:51:24,053
Doc, any word?
1284
00:51:24,055 --> 00:51:27,290
Well, the good news is that
he's in stable condition.
1285
00:51:27,292 --> 00:51:28,457
- Great!
- Okay. All right.
1286
00:51:28,459 --> 00:51:29,725
The bad news, however,
1287
00:51:29,727 --> 00:51:31,727
is that his blood
is AB positive.
1288
00:51:31,729 --> 00:51:33,161
What? That doesn't sound...
1289
00:51:33,163 --> 00:51:34,364
No, no, it's just that
1290
00:51:34,366 --> 00:51:36,533
the blood you gave
is O negative.
1291
00:51:36,535 --> 00:51:39,902
Negative? Mine is?
1292
00:51:39,904 --> 00:51:42,404
It means that, uh,
1293
00:51:42,406 --> 00:51:44,473
he can't be our father.
1294
00:51:44,475 --> 00:51:46,241
Genetically.
1295
00:51:46,243 --> 00:51:49,347
DOCTOR: You can go in
and see him if you like.
1296
00:51:50,180 --> 00:51:51,482
Thank you.
1297
00:51:55,788 --> 00:51:59,587
You're awake.
How you doing there, champ?
1298
00:51:59,589 --> 00:52:01,457
Mmm, feeling no pain.
1299
00:52:01,459 --> 00:52:02,660
Yeah.
1300
00:52:03,428 --> 00:52:05,462
Sorry we ran over you.
1301
00:52:05,464 --> 00:52:07,998
And sorry
you're going to jail.
1302
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:09,966
Be good to get off
the hamster wheel.
1303
00:52:09,968 --> 00:52:11,067
KYLE: I hear ya.
1304
00:52:11,069 --> 00:52:12,829
PETER: Hey, Roland,
let me ask you something.
1305
00:52:14,171 --> 00:52:16,538
When did you know
1306
00:52:16,540 --> 00:52:17,875
that we weren't yours?
1307
00:52:18,944 --> 00:52:20,143
I don't know,
1308
00:52:20,145 --> 00:52:22,178
like, two minutes ago
when the doc told me.
1309
00:52:22,180 --> 00:52:23,513
PETER: Unbelievable.
1310
00:52:23,515 --> 00:52:24,714
So, as far as you knew,
1311
00:52:24,716 --> 00:52:26,982
you were intentionally duping
1312
00:52:26,984 --> 00:52:30,053
your own sons into
committing a felony?
1313
00:52:30,055 --> 00:52:31,388
Yeah. So? Whatever.
1314
00:52:31,390 --> 00:52:33,790
Don't be such
a fucking pussy about it.
1315
00:52:33,792 --> 00:52:37,625
My dad was an asshole, too.
He ran out, he was a crook.
1316
00:52:37,627 --> 00:52:39,294
Life sucks. Life is hard.
1317
00:52:39,296 --> 00:52:40,430
Get over it.
1318
00:52:40,432 --> 00:52:43,332
Life is hard, Pete.
1319
00:52:43,334 --> 00:52:46,268
Wait a minute. You know what?
1320
00:52:46,270 --> 00:52:50,038
Fuck! I should've known
you guys weren't mine.
1321
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:51,341
'75 you said, right?
1322
00:52:51,343 --> 00:52:52,908
Spring of '75?
1323
00:52:52,910 --> 00:52:54,210
Right.
1324
00:52:54,212 --> 00:52:56,712
I started dating Lenny in '74.
1325
00:52:56,714 --> 00:52:58,214
By the spring of '75,
1326
00:52:58,216 --> 00:53:00,951
I was doing
my first stint in the joint.
1327
00:53:00,953 --> 00:53:03,152
I got busted dealing coke
in this nightclub
1328
00:53:03,154 --> 00:53:05,555
by some fucking disco-permed,
1329
00:53:05,557 --> 00:53:07,556
roller-skating,
motherfucking narc.
1330
00:53:07,558 --> 00:53:08,761
KYLE: Wait.
1331
00:53:10,729 --> 00:53:11,960
You mean this guy.
1332
00:53:11,962 --> 00:53:13,763
ROLAND: Yeah. That's the guy.
1333
00:53:13,765 --> 00:53:15,832
I don't know what pissed me
off more, he put me in jail
1334
00:53:15,834 --> 00:53:17,799
or he started
schtupping your mom
1335
00:53:17,801 --> 00:53:19,569
the second I was behind bars.
1336
00:53:19,571 --> 00:53:22,071
This guy was schtupping
our mother?
1337
00:53:22,073 --> 00:53:23,776
Hey. (SIGHS)
1338
00:53:24,642 --> 00:53:27,377
That guy is your fucking dad.
1339
00:53:27,379 --> 00:53:30,446
I should've known. You look
like a couple of junior narcs.
1340
00:53:30,448 --> 00:53:32,681
Well, do you have a name?
1341
00:53:32,683 --> 00:53:34,384
Give me 1,000 bucks
and I'll tell you.
1342
00:53:34,386 --> 00:53:36,152
- Fuck you! Come on, Kyle.
- Pete...
1343
00:53:36,154 --> 00:53:37,987
Okay, nice meeting you.
1344
00:53:37,989 --> 00:53:39,124
Roland...
1345
00:53:43,328 --> 00:53:45,761
Would you take $400?
1346
00:53:45,763 --> 00:53:47,696
- Sparkly P?
- KYLE: Yup.
1347
00:53:47,698 --> 00:53:52,701
You just paid Roland
$1,000 for the name Sparkly P!
1348
00:53:52,703 --> 00:53:54,303
You got conned, Kyle!
1349
00:53:54,305 --> 00:53:57,073
I paid him $680
and I had $1,000.
1350
00:53:57,075 --> 00:53:59,408
I conned him. Yeah!
1351
00:53:59,410 --> 00:54:01,944
And now I think we're ready
to make a little inquiry
1352
00:54:01,946 --> 00:54:04,214
into this Sparkly P character.
1353
00:54:04,216 --> 00:54:06,716
Yeah? Where? The white pages?
1354
00:54:06,718 --> 00:54:08,819
Huh? The glitter store?
1355
00:54:08,821 --> 00:54:11,587
Do you realize
how insane you sound?
1356
00:54:11,589 --> 00:54:13,690
We're going home!
1357
00:54:13,692 --> 00:54:15,223
KYLE: You're just
gonna give up?
1358
00:54:15,225 --> 00:54:16,859
We almost got killed!
1359
00:54:16,861 --> 00:54:19,828
We? Roland almost got killed.
What are you talking about?
1360
00:54:19,830 --> 00:54:22,031
We just had one of the best
adventures of our lives.
1361
00:54:22,033 --> 00:54:23,165
No, we didn't.
1362
00:54:23,167 --> 00:54:24,334
What happened to
1363
00:54:24,336 --> 00:54:26,636
Mr. "I won't rest
until we find our dad"?
1364
00:54:26,638 --> 00:54:28,837
The universe
doesn't like quitters, Pete.
1365
00:54:28,839 --> 00:54:31,339
You know what?
Fuck the universe!
1366
00:54:31,341 --> 00:54:33,009
The universe sucks!
1367
00:54:33,011 --> 00:54:34,444
Don't say that.
1368
00:54:34,446 --> 00:54:36,645
You realize this whole time
it's been telling us it's time
1369
00:54:36,647 --> 00:54:39,448
to shut down Operation
Who's Your Daddy?
1370
00:54:39,450 --> 00:54:41,151
That's a good name
for it, Pete.
1371
00:54:41,153 --> 00:54:44,987
That's a good name
for the quest.
1372
00:54:44,989 --> 00:54:48,890
But before we close the book
on Operation Who's Your Daddy,
1373
00:54:48,892 --> 00:54:50,192
let me say one thing, Pete...
1374
00:54:50,194 --> 00:54:53,263
It's too late.
Kyle, book is closed.
1375
00:54:53,265 --> 00:54:54,497
- That's it?
- Yup. That's it.
1376
00:54:54,499 --> 00:54:56,366
- You don't want to hear it?
- No!
1377
00:54:56,368 --> 00:54:59,301
I got us on the 10:00 p.m.
flight out of JFK.
1378
00:54:59,303 --> 00:55:00,772
That is what we're doing.
1379
00:55:01,939 --> 00:55:03,172
KYLE: Look at this poor guy.
1380
00:55:03,174 --> 00:55:05,573
No one will even give him
the time of day.
1381
00:55:05,575 --> 00:55:06,808
Well, we're not stopping.
1382
00:55:06,810 --> 00:55:07,944
We're not picking up
a hitchhiker.
1383
00:55:07,946 --> 00:55:09,946
What do you think
is gonna happen?
1384
00:55:09,948 --> 00:55:13,549
You think he's gonna just
murder you, rob you, rape you?
1385
00:55:13,551 --> 00:55:14,884
Yeah. All three.
1386
00:55:14,886 --> 00:55:17,152
Okay, all of the above.
Look at him.
1387
00:55:17,154 --> 00:55:18,922
I am looking at him.
1388
00:55:18,924 --> 00:55:21,024
You know somebody
your whole life,
1389
00:55:21,026 --> 00:55:22,959
and then you wake up
and you realize
1390
00:55:22,961 --> 00:55:25,060
you've been
lying next to a racist.
1391
00:55:25,062 --> 00:55:26,895
What?
It's not 'cause he's black.
1392
00:55:26,897 --> 00:55:28,464
It's 'cause he's a stranger
1393
00:55:28,466 --> 00:55:29,899
and a hitchhiker
1394
00:55:29,901 --> 00:55:32,335
and could very easily
be a serial killer.
1395
00:55:32,337 --> 00:55:36,038
There are
no black serial killers, Pete.
1396
00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:37,207
That's a fact.
1397
00:55:37,209 --> 00:55:38,841
PETER: Just don't make
eye contact, please?
1398
00:55:38,843 --> 00:55:40,743
Because then
I'll have to pull over,
1399
00:55:40,745 --> 00:55:42,312
and it'll be awkward
1400
00:55:42,314 --> 00:55:44,647
and we'll have to give him
a ride and all that. Just...
1401
00:55:44,649 --> 00:55:47,149
You're looking
in his direction.
1402
00:55:47,151 --> 00:55:48,317
I'm not looking.
1403
00:55:48,319 --> 00:55:49,919
PETER: You're totally
turning your head.
1404
00:55:49,921 --> 00:55:51,553
- My eyes are wandering.
- PETER: I'm watching you.
1405
00:55:51,555 --> 00:55:53,055
Look this way.
1406
00:55:53,057 --> 00:55:54,790
- KYLE: Pete, I'm not looking.
- Look out the left.
1407
00:55:54,792 --> 00:55:55,924
You're totally
looking right at him.
1408
00:55:55,926 --> 00:55:57,194
KYLE: My peripheral vision.
1409
00:55:58,229 --> 00:56:00,297
Oh, God damn it!
1410
00:56:00,299 --> 00:56:01,763
What? I didn't look at him!
1411
00:56:01,765 --> 00:56:04,001
- Ah, he got me.
- KYLE: What?
1412
00:56:05,236 --> 00:56:07,902
(GRUNTS) I blew it.
That one's on me.
1413
00:56:07,904 --> 00:56:09,372
- KYLE: You made eye contact?
- PETER: Yeah.
1414
00:56:09,374 --> 00:56:10,573
Shit.
1415
00:56:10,575 --> 00:56:11,806
We're still not
picking him up,
1416
00:56:11,808 --> 00:56:13,341
so let him down easy.
1417
00:56:13,343 --> 00:56:14,576
Hey, how you doing?
1418
00:56:14,578 --> 00:56:16,578
You stopped. Thank you.
1419
00:56:16,580 --> 00:56:18,214
Thank you. Thank you both.
1420
00:56:18,216 --> 00:56:19,683
- You're welcome.
- Thank you so much.
1421
00:56:19,685 --> 00:56:20,817
Even if you don't
give me ride,
1422
00:56:20,819 --> 00:56:22,919
thank you just for stopping.
1423
00:56:22,921 --> 00:56:24,219
I was beginning to think
1424
00:56:24,221 --> 00:56:25,721
black was the new
invisible out here.
1425
00:56:25,723 --> 00:56:27,623
You know what I mean?
The gesture means a lot.
1426
00:56:27,625 --> 00:56:29,024
Where are you headed?
1427
00:56:29,026 --> 00:56:30,794
North. Worcester, Mass.
1428
00:56:30,796 --> 00:56:33,029
Just trying to get to my kid's
birthday tomorrow.
1429
00:56:33,031 --> 00:56:35,297
We're really sorry.
We're going south.
1430
00:56:35,299 --> 00:56:37,665
We're going to JFK, so...
1431
00:56:37,667 --> 00:56:38,801
How about this?
1432
00:56:38,803 --> 00:56:40,203
There's a train station,
1433
00:56:40,205 --> 00:56:42,337
it's like two miles south.
You take me there?
1434
00:56:42,339 --> 00:56:43,471
Now, I don't see why...
1435
00:56:43,473 --> 00:56:44,707
Are you fucking crazy?
1436
00:56:44,709 --> 00:56:46,843
I'm gonna have to ask you...
1437
00:56:46,845 --> 00:56:48,377
We got a Nervous Nelly here.
1438
00:56:48,379 --> 00:56:51,013
So I know this is gonna sound
like a funny question,
1439
00:56:51,015 --> 00:56:53,017
but are you a serial killer?
1440
00:56:54,718 --> 00:56:56,085
No. No.
1441
00:56:56,087 --> 00:56:57,987
I get it. There's a lot of
nuts out there.
1442
00:56:57,989 --> 00:57:00,355
I am a stranger,
I am a hitchhiker...
1443
00:57:00,357 --> 00:57:01,690
Satisfied?
1444
00:57:01,692 --> 00:57:05,727
...but I swear to you,
I am not a serial killer.
1445
00:57:05,729 --> 00:57:07,797
- Hmm...
- Well, did you notice how you
1446
00:57:07,799 --> 00:57:08,998
emphasized the word "serial,"
1447
00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:11,366
which makes it sound like
1448
00:57:11,368 --> 00:57:15,203
you're a killer,
just not a serial one.
1449
00:57:15,205 --> 00:57:16,339
Oh, man, okay.
1450
00:57:16,341 --> 00:57:18,506
Now that was
totally unintentional.
1451
00:57:18,508 --> 00:57:19,774
I promise you that.
1452
00:57:19,776 --> 00:57:21,243
Didn't mean that.
1453
00:57:21,245 --> 00:57:23,011
But you're still not saying,
"I'm not a killer."
1454
00:57:23,013 --> 00:57:26,684
It seems like that's what
a non-killer would say.
1455
00:57:27,384 --> 00:57:29,719
I'm an idiot, man. Idiot!
1456
00:57:29,721 --> 00:57:31,319
I've been
a non-killer too long
1457
00:57:31,321 --> 00:57:32,955
to not know
the non-killer rules.
1458
00:57:32,957 --> 00:57:34,756
You know what I mean?
1459
00:57:34,758 --> 00:57:36,924
How about this?
We'll give you a ride...
1460
00:57:36,926 --> 00:57:38,326
Are you fucking crazy?
1461
00:57:38,328 --> 00:57:39,428
Let me finish, Pete.
1462
00:57:39,430 --> 00:57:41,763
We can give you
a ride to the station,
1463
00:57:41,765 --> 00:57:42,998
but, and this is
a pretty big but,
1464
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,701
only if we can tie you up.
1465
00:57:44,703 --> 00:57:46,335
That way you can't rape
1466
00:57:46,337 --> 00:57:49,975
or kill or murder
Mr. Paranoia here.
1467
00:57:55,479 --> 00:57:56,682
Uh...
1468
00:57:59,450 --> 00:58:00,683
KYLE: You okay?
1469
00:58:00,685 --> 00:58:01,817
Those aren't too tight,
are they?
1470
00:58:01,819 --> 00:58:03,819
Almost kill you.
Can't kill you.
1471
00:58:03,821 --> 00:58:05,721
(CHUCKLING)
1472
00:58:05,723 --> 00:58:07,223
KYLE: Don't even joke around
1473
00:58:07,225 --> 00:58:08,390
with our driver.
1474
00:58:08,392 --> 00:58:09,558
Sorry to interrupt.
1475
00:58:09,560 --> 00:58:11,060
I'm still not getting
a phone signal here.
1476
00:58:11,062 --> 00:58:13,094
Are you sure there's
a train station this way?
1477
00:58:13,096 --> 00:58:15,498
100%. I grew up one town over.
1478
00:58:15,500 --> 00:58:18,100
I used to play ice hockey
at the rink across the street.
1479
00:58:18,102 --> 00:58:20,268
Just make a left up there.
1480
00:58:20,270 --> 00:58:22,307
PETER: I don't see
street signs.
1481
00:58:23,707 --> 00:58:25,475
We are fucked.
1482
00:58:25,477 --> 00:58:26,776
Fucked!
1483
00:58:26,778 --> 00:58:28,143
We're gonna miss our flight.
1484
00:58:28,145 --> 00:58:29,377
- Take it easy, Pete.
- Do you realize that?
1485
00:58:29,379 --> 00:58:30,980
Okay, then we'll catch
another one.
1486
00:58:30,982 --> 00:58:32,614
Okay? It's not a big deal.
1487
00:58:32,616 --> 00:58:36,752
Classic Kyle! Nothing's ever
a big deal. Must be nice.
1488
00:58:36,754 --> 00:58:40,857
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I am sensing
a very disturbing vibe here.
1489
00:58:40,859 --> 00:58:43,024
Pete, are you mad at your
brother about something?
1490
00:58:43,026 --> 00:58:45,995
Yes! I'm mad!
And it's probably obvious.
1491
00:58:45,997 --> 00:58:49,464
There's like a rage pulsing
through his entire body.
1492
00:58:49,466 --> 00:58:51,332
Classic Pete right here.
1493
00:58:51,334 --> 00:58:53,868
Luckily, I'm sort of
the Pete whisperer.
1494
00:58:53,870 --> 00:58:56,739
I always know
how to calm this guy down.
1495
00:58:56,741 --> 00:58:57,873
- Ah...
- HITCHHIKER: Good.
1496
00:58:57,875 --> 00:58:59,808
Let me turn on a little music
1497
00:58:59,810 --> 00:59:02,745
and just lullaby you
into just relaxing.
1498
00:59:02,747 --> 00:59:04,245
- PETER: Wow.
- KYLE: There.
1499
00:59:04,247 --> 00:59:08,451
A, please don't patronize me
and B, no music, okay?
1500
00:59:08,453 --> 00:59:09,986
I just need
to focus right now.
1501
00:59:09,988 --> 00:59:12,522
Well, I think music
will help you guys relax.
1502
00:59:12,524 --> 00:59:14,089
- (SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
- Makes a great point.
1503
00:59:14,091 --> 00:59:15,792
You can't focus
if you're too tense, Pete.
1504
00:59:15,794 --> 00:59:17,194
I just need it quiet, okay?
1505
00:59:17,761 --> 00:59:18,964
(MUSIC STOPS)
1506
00:59:19,763 --> 00:59:20,830
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1507
00:59:20,832 --> 00:59:21,931
(MUSIC STOPS)
1508
00:59:21,933 --> 00:59:23,565
What are you, 10?
1509
00:59:23,567 --> 00:59:25,100
Can't you just
listen to music?
1510
00:59:25,102 --> 00:59:28,236
No! I don't want
to listen to music.
1511
00:59:28,238 --> 00:59:29,518
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- (MUSIC STOPS)
1512
00:59:30,473 --> 00:59:31,674
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1513
00:59:31,676 --> 00:59:33,011
(VOLUME INCREASES)
1514
00:59:33,843 --> 00:59:35,310
(TIRES SCREECH)
1515
00:59:35,312 --> 00:59:37,782
Enough with the
fucking radio, Kyle!
1516
00:59:38,749 --> 00:59:40,151
(KEYS CLINKING)
1517
00:59:40,817 --> 00:59:42,185
Oh, that was...
1518
00:59:42,187 --> 00:59:44,652
That was brilliant.
Go get 'em, you idiot.
1519
00:59:44,654 --> 00:59:45,987
I'm not gonna go get 'em.
1520
00:59:45,989 --> 00:59:47,623
Untie me, I'll go get 'em.
1521
00:59:47,625 --> 00:59:49,125
We're not gonna get the keys
1522
00:59:49,127 --> 00:59:51,594
until you tell me what
your problem is with me.
1523
00:59:51,596 --> 00:59:52,828
We're going to be here a while
1524
00:59:52,830 --> 00:59:54,564
because I have a million
problems with you.
1525
00:59:54,566 --> 00:59:56,933
- Like what?
- Yeah. Elaborate, Pete.
1526
00:59:56,935 --> 01:00:01,670
All you've ever done is rub
your amazing life in my face.
1527
01:00:01,672 --> 01:00:04,006
Your trophies and your friends
1528
01:00:04,008 --> 01:00:06,776
and your black Amex
and your sunsets.
1529
01:00:06,778 --> 01:00:08,877
Sorry for sending you sunsets.
1530
01:00:08,879 --> 01:00:10,478
I love sunsets.
1531
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:11,513
Growing up was literally
1532
01:00:11,515 --> 01:00:12,881
like watching
The Kyle Reynolds Show
1533
01:00:12,883 --> 01:00:14,516
24 hours a day.
1534
01:00:14,518 --> 01:00:15,718
Girls just liked you more.
1535
01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:17,620
Pete, I thought you liked
hearing about my hook-ups
1536
01:00:17,622 --> 01:00:20,589
the same way I liked hearing
about your hook-ups.
1537
01:00:20,591 --> 01:00:21,957
What hook-ups?
1538
01:00:21,959 --> 01:00:23,292
The girl you went out with
in ninth grade.
1539
01:00:23,294 --> 01:00:25,227
Remember her, with the
glasses and the bad skin?
1540
01:00:25,229 --> 01:00:26,529
- Pamela Hartley.
- Yes!
1541
01:00:26,531 --> 01:00:28,364
Yeah, she only dated me
to get to you.
1542
01:00:28,366 --> 01:00:30,399
And guess what? The second
her skin cleared up,
1543
01:00:30,401 --> 01:00:31,399
he banged her.
1544
01:00:31,401 --> 01:00:33,402
Not cool, Kyle.
I'm Team Peter.
1545
01:00:33,404 --> 01:00:34,803
You even had
the balls to come home
1546
01:00:34,805 --> 01:00:35,837
and brag about
how you nailed her
1547
01:00:35,839 --> 01:00:37,071
in the back of a Papa John's.
1548
01:00:37,073 --> 01:00:38,274
That girl that
I messed around with
1549
01:00:38,276 --> 01:00:39,942
at Papa John's
didn't even wear glasses.
1550
01:00:39,944 --> 01:00:41,676
Mistaken identity.
Back on Team Kyle.
1551
01:00:41,678 --> 01:00:42,844
PETER: Guess what?
1552
01:00:42,846 --> 01:00:44,480
Junior year, she got contacts
1553
01:00:44,482 --> 01:00:46,248
and her skin cleared up
and you banged her
1554
01:00:46,250 --> 01:00:49,218
right after having a sausage
lover's pizza, apparently.
1555
01:00:49,220 --> 01:00:50,986
"This chick loves
sausage, Pete."
1556
01:00:50,988 --> 01:00:52,254
I don't remember that.
1557
01:00:52,256 --> 01:00:54,156
If I have to hear
about your goddamn
1558
01:00:54,158 --> 01:00:56,558
barbeque sauce fortune
one more time.
1559
01:00:56,560 --> 01:00:59,594
The picture on the bottles
could be literally anybody!
1560
01:00:59,596 --> 01:01:02,564
And you've lucked out
your entire life.
1561
01:01:02,566 --> 01:01:03,598
The way you've lived,
1562
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:05,067
you should be broke
and homeless,
1563
01:01:05,069 --> 01:01:07,502
not chillaxing on a beach
1564
01:01:07,504 --> 01:01:10,138
with your perfect girlfriend
and your perfect house
1565
01:01:10,140 --> 01:01:11,908
and your soon-to-be
perfect family!
1566
01:01:11,910 --> 01:01:13,209
Fuck you!
1567
01:01:13,211 --> 01:01:15,411
Stop blaming me
for everything.
1568
01:01:15,413 --> 01:01:18,580
You know, just because you
think your life sucks. Okay?
1569
01:01:18,582 --> 01:01:19,915
Take some responsibility
1570
01:01:19,917 --> 01:01:21,449
for some of the
decisions you made.
1571
01:01:21,451 --> 01:01:23,218
You decide to
go ahead and marry
1572
01:01:23,220 --> 01:01:24,754
the first girl
you ever mess around with,
1573
01:01:24,756 --> 01:01:27,323
and then, big shocker,
it doesn't work out?
1574
01:01:27,325 --> 01:01:29,859
You decide to look at
assholes for a living.
1575
01:01:29,861 --> 01:01:31,393
That's my fault?
1576
01:01:31,395 --> 01:01:34,062
Spent your whole life
trying to impress a dead guy.
1577
01:01:34,064 --> 01:01:36,899
It's not my fault.
It's your fault.
1578
01:01:36,901 --> 01:01:38,401
In fact, maybe if you tried
1579
01:01:38,403 --> 01:01:40,102
to be like me
a little bit more,
1580
01:01:40,104 --> 01:01:42,136
you wouldn't be
such a miserable dick!
1581
01:01:42,138 --> 01:01:43,941
And your son
wouldn't hate you!
1582
01:01:45,709 --> 01:01:46,808
(GROANS)
1583
01:01:46,810 --> 01:01:49,310
God damn it.
1584
01:01:49,312 --> 01:01:52,381
(GROANS) God damn it!
You broke my glasses.
1585
01:01:52,383 --> 01:01:53,549
Fuck!
1586
01:01:53,551 --> 01:01:54,949
Guys, use your words.
1587
01:01:54,951 --> 01:01:56,518
Fuck you, Kyle!
1588
01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:57,687
I hate conflict.
1589
01:01:57,689 --> 01:01:59,321
PETER: Fuck you!
1590
01:01:59,323 --> 01:02:00,556
Asshole!
1591
01:02:00,558 --> 01:02:04,593
Hey, guys, my Negro
spider senses is tingling.
1592
01:02:04,595 --> 01:02:06,161
(BELL DINGING)
1593
01:02:06,163 --> 01:02:09,399
I think we may be
on a choo-choo track.
1594
01:02:09,401 --> 01:02:11,533
PETER: While you were lying on
a beach in Maui, I was home,
1595
01:02:11,535 --> 01:02:12,835
taking care of Mom!
1596
01:02:12,837 --> 01:02:14,536
I don't like this.
1597
01:02:14,538 --> 01:02:16,605
Yup, that is definitely
a choo-choo train.
1598
01:02:16,607 --> 01:02:18,341
Mom is an independent
vibrant sexual woman!
1599
01:02:18,343 --> 01:02:19,442
Okay.
1600
01:02:19,444 --> 01:02:21,911
KYLE: Stop taking care
of people!
1601
01:02:21,913 --> 01:02:23,745
It's not the soul train, guys.
1602
01:02:23,747 --> 01:02:26,748
You want to stop fighting
and look out the window...
1603
01:02:26,750 --> 01:02:29,886
Motherfuckers, we're on the
motherfucking railroad tracks!
1604
01:02:29,888 --> 01:02:32,020
- There's a train coming!
- (TRAIN HONKING)
1605
01:02:32,022 --> 01:02:34,623
There is a train!
1606
01:02:34,625 --> 01:02:36,123
Get me off the tracks!
1607
01:02:36,125 --> 01:02:37,593
Train. Pete, get out!
1608
01:02:37,595 --> 01:02:39,064
Help! Now!
1609
01:02:40,198 --> 01:02:41,700
- Get out!
- (HONKING INTENSIFIES)
1610
01:02:42,933 --> 01:02:44,134
My seatbelt!
1611
01:02:50,475 --> 01:02:51,710
Kyle!
1612
01:03:00,785 --> 01:03:02,053
Kyle!
1613
01:03:02,654 --> 01:03:03,989
(SOBBING)
1614
01:03:13,330 --> 01:03:14,732
(CONTINUES SOBBING)
1615
01:03:26,044 --> 01:03:27,245
KYLE: Pete!
1616
01:03:29,546 --> 01:03:30,647
Pete!
1617
01:03:33,852 --> 01:03:35,220
PETER: Kyle!
1618
01:03:36,654 --> 01:03:38,156
Pete!
1619
01:03:39,524 --> 01:03:41,857
Kyle!
1620
01:03:41,859 --> 01:03:43,127
Pete!
1621
01:03:44,729 --> 01:03:47,031
Yes!
1622
01:03:55,105 --> 01:03:56,508
Yeah!
1623
01:04:23,968 --> 01:04:25,170
(PETER GROANS)
1624
01:04:29,874 --> 01:04:31,373
KYLE: No. They're literally
1625
01:04:31,375 --> 01:04:33,676
replacing me
with a monkey or a seal,
1626
01:04:33,678 --> 01:04:34,910
some kind of animal.
1627
01:04:34,912 --> 01:04:37,245
Because apparently animals
don't get residuals.
1628
01:04:37,247 --> 01:04:40,184
A monkey can't do your job.
1629
01:04:42,553 --> 01:04:44,752
How much do you have left?
1630
01:04:44,754 --> 01:04:46,823
Not as much as I owe.
1631
01:04:46,825 --> 01:04:49,125
Yeah, I'll probably
have a repo man
1632
01:04:49,127 --> 01:04:52,326
showing up at my house
in a few weeks.
1633
01:04:52,328 --> 01:04:54,399
Take my Ferraris back.
1634
01:04:55,165 --> 01:04:57,165
Ferraris, plural?
1635
01:04:57,167 --> 01:04:58,470
Three.
1636
01:04:59,803 --> 01:05:03,538
- You are incorrigible.
- (CHUCKLING)
1637
01:05:03,540 --> 01:05:07,241
I'm just an idiot, Pete.
You said so yourself.
1638
01:05:07,243 --> 01:05:09,578
You're not an idiot, Kyle.
1639
01:05:09,580 --> 01:05:11,783
You're not, you're just...
1640
01:05:12,216 --> 01:05:13,315
What?
1641
01:05:13,317 --> 01:05:15,350
You're overly optimistic.
1642
01:05:15,352 --> 01:05:16,484
That's all.
1643
01:05:16,486 --> 01:05:19,356
That's a nice way to put it.
1644
01:05:20,156 --> 01:05:21,290
Well, I don't know.
1645
01:05:21,292 --> 01:05:23,560
Who am I kidding?
1646
01:05:24,629 --> 01:05:26,060
I honestly started thinking
1647
01:05:26,062 --> 01:05:27,362
that Kaylani and our kid
1648
01:05:27,364 --> 01:05:29,131
would be better off
without me.
1649
01:05:29,133 --> 01:05:31,466
Maybe I ought to
just bail now.
1650
01:05:31,468 --> 01:05:34,803
For their sake because then,
maybe, Kaylani
1651
01:05:34,805 --> 01:05:37,806
could tell the kid a cool
story the way Mom did.
1652
01:05:37,808 --> 01:05:42,944
"Yeah, your dad was base
jumping into a volcano
1653
01:05:42,946 --> 01:05:45,214
"and the lava got him."
1654
01:05:45,216 --> 01:05:48,419
Or I was a brilliant doctor,
like you.
1655
01:05:49,921 --> 01:05:53,825
You have the kindest heart of
anyone I have ever met.
1656
01:05:56,993 --> 01:06:00,395
And a little while ago,
I thought I lost you forever,
1657
01:06:00,397 --> 01:06:04,868
and it was the worst feeling
I've ever felt.
1658
01:06:06,470 --> 01:06:09,207
No one's better off
without you, Kyle.
1659
01:06:10,107 --> 01:06:12,674
You're gonna be a great dad.
1660
01:06:12,676 --> 01:06:16,781
You know how you were always
asking Mom about Dad?
1661
01:06:18,281 --> 01:06:21,616
I wasn't that curious.
1662
01:06:21,618 --> 01:06:23,887
I think because I had you.
1663
01:06:24,622 --> 01:06:25,888
What?
1664
01:06:25,890 --> 01:06:29,058
Yeah, I had a lot of friends
and girlfriends
1665
01:06:29,060 --> 01:06:30,459
and people that love me
1666
01:06:30,461 --> 01:06:32,227
because I'm, kind of,
you know,
1667
01:06:32,229 --> 01:06:34,263
bon vivant, a raconteur,
1668
01:06:34,265 --> 01:06:36,464
or whatever you want to say.
1669
01:06:36,466 --> 01:06:39,334
But you never thought
I was any of those things,
1670
01:06:39,336 --> 01:06:41,437
but you were still there.
1671
01:06:41,439 --> 01:06:42,837
Getting on me.
1672
01:06:42,839 --> 01:06:45,373
"Hey! Don't jump off the roof
into the pool.
1673
01:06:45,375 --> 01:06:46,841
"You'll break your neck.
1674
01:06:46,843 --> 01:06:49,446
"Here, let me show you
how to tie your tie."
1675
01:06:50,379 --> 01:06:52,180
Always kind of thought
1676
01:06:52,182 --> 01:06:54,886
that was the type of stuff
our dad would've been saying.
1677
01:06:58,154 --> 01:07:00,256
I'm sorry about your glasses.
1678
01:07:00,258 --> 01:07:01,422
Don't be.
1679
01:07:01,424 --> 01:07:03,324
I don't need them.
1680
01:07:03,326 --> 01:07:04,526
What do you mean?
1681
01:07:04,528 --> 01:07:07,228
I don't need glasses.
1682
01:07:07,230 --> 01:07:09,366
I have 20/20 vision.
1683
01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:11,232
What?
1684
01:07:11,234 --> 01:07:12,600
Yeah, I just had this image
1685
01:07:12,602 --> 01:07:14,368
of who I thought I should be
1686
01:07:14,370 --> 01:07:17,205
and glasses fit the bill.
1687
01:07:17,207 --> 01:07:18,506
There you go.
1688
01:07:18,508 --> 01:07:21,509
That's why you're brilliant.
1689
01:07:21,511 --> 01:07:24,245
Why did I wear glasses
for 20 years?
1690
01:07:24,247 --> 01:07:26,381
KYLE: Because you're an idiot.
1691
01:07:26,383 --> 01:07:28,216
I'm a fucking idiot.
1692
01:07:28,218 --> 01:07:30,953
I'm a big dumb idiot.
1693
01:07:30,955 --> 01:07:33,589
Boom! That's right.
1694
01:07:33,591 --> 01:07:35,558
"Oh, my God! I'm still alive!"
1695
01:07:35,560 --> 01:07:38,125
And that's basically
how it all went.
1696
01:07:38,127 --> 01:07:41,230
It's crazy. This is one night
we're talking about.
1697
01:07:41,232 --> 01:07:42,230
Yeah.
1698
01:07:42,232 --> 01:07:43,297
Yeah.
1699
01:07:43,299 --> 01:07:44,766
I guess we missed our flight.
1700
01:07:44,768 --> 01:07:47,236
You want to check
and see when the next one is?
1701
01:07:47,238 --> 01:07:48,473
Nope.
1702
01:07:50,408 --> 01:07:52,073
I feel
1703
01:07:52,075 --> 01:07:54,375
very confident
that the universe
1704
01:07:54,377 --> 01:07:57,645
is telling us to proceed
1705
01:07:57,647 --> 01:07:59,513
with Operation
Who's Your Daddy.
1706
01:07:59,515 --> 01:08:01,248
Are you messing with me?
1707
01:08:01,250 --> 01:08:02,685
We started
this goddamn mission
1708
01:08:02,687 --> 01:08:03,953
to find our father together,
1709
01:08:03,955 --> 01:08:05,953
and we are gonna
finish it together.
1710
01:08:05,955 --> 01:08:07,288
Come hell or high water.
1711
01:08:07,290 --> 01:08:09,559
God damn it,
that's the spirit!
1712
01:08:11,395 --> 01:08:13,460
Let's do this!
1713
01:08:13,462 --> 01:08:14,629
PETER: We're going in!
1714
01:08:14,631 --> 01:08:15,997
KYLE: We're going in!
1715
01:08:15,999 --> 01:08:18,599
PETER: This is happening!
1716
01:08:18,601 --> 01:08:20,602
PETER: Thank you
for driving all the way
1717
01:08:20,604 --> 01:08:22,136
out here with the new rental.
1718
01:08:22,138 --> 01:08:23,671
Appreciate it.
1719
01:08:23,673 --> 01:08:25,640
OFFICER 1: Okay, guys,
I think these might be yours?
1720
01:08:25,642 --> 01:08:27,341
Yes, sir. Thank you.
1721
01:08:27,343 --> 01:08:28,810
All right.
1722
01:08:28,812 --> 01:08:30,412
That's gonna be one big
fucking insurance mess.
1723
01:08:30,414 --> 01:08:32,580
But we got everything we need,
1724
01:08:32,582 --> 01:08:34,015
so you're free to go.
1725
01:08:34,017 --> 01:08:35,283
Thanks a lot, officers.
1726
01:08:35,285 --> 01:08:36,417
It's no problem.
1727
01:08:36,419 --> 01:08:38,554
Really appreciate it.
1728
01:08:38,556 --> 01:08:41,422
What now?
How do we find Sparkly P?
1729
01:08:41,424 --> 01:08:42,891
- Leg work.
- Yes.
1730
01:08:42,893 --> 01:08:45,896
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you just say "Sparkly P"?
1731
01:08:46,963 --> 01:08:48,063
Yeah.
1732
01:08:48,065 --> 01:08:49,998
- The police officer...
- From the '70s?
1733
01:08:50,000 --> 01:08:51,065
Yeah.
1734
01:08:51,067 --> 01:08:52,166
You've heard of him?
1735
01:08:52,168 --> 01:08:53,501
Are you kidding me?
1736
01:08:53,503 --> 01:08:55,403
There's not a cop in the
whole state who hasn't.
1737
01:08:55,405 --> 01:08:56,638
OFFICER 2: Yeah.
1738
01:08:56,640 --> 01:09:00,041
Patrick O'Callaghan
aka Sparkly P.
1739
01:09:00,043 --> 01:09:02,478
Had one of the biggest
coke busts in history.
1740
01:09:02,480 --> 01:09:03,679
We spent like two weeks
1741
01:09:03,681 --> 01:09:05,113
studying him
back in the academy.
1742
01:09:05,115 --> 01:09:06,415
The guy's a legend.
1743
01:09:06,417 --> 01:09:09,350
Holy shit, Pete.
We could be Irish.
1744
01:09:09,352 --> 01:09:10,653
Yes!
1745
01:09:10,655 --> 01:09:13,288
I'm Irish, too,
on my sister's side.
1746
01:09:13,290 --> 01:09:14,926
You know where to find him?
1747
01:09:18,061 --> 01:09:21,529
So, I just talked to my buddy
in the force
1748
01:09:21,531 --> 01:09:25,501
and apparently
Mr. Patrick O'Callaghan
1749
01:09:25,503 --> 01:09:28,837
retired the NYPD back in '86.
1750
01:09:28,839 --> 01:09:31,473
This right here
is his last known address.
1751
01:09:31,475 --> 01:09:32,674
If anyone comes asking,
1752
01:09:32,676 --> 01:09:34,477
I didn't tell you shit.
1753
01:09:34,479 --> 01:09:36,614
I'm trusting you with this.
1754
01:09:37,213 --> 01:09:39,514
Don't fuck me.
1755
01:09:39,516 --> 01:09:41,619
Not gonna fuck you.
1756
01:09:48,493 --> 01:09:49,694
What?
1757
01:09:52,195 --> 01:09:53,428
What?
1758
01:09:53,430 --> 01:09:55,363
- Guess where he lives?
- Where?
1759
01:09:55,365 --> 01:09:57,166
You're not gonna believe this.
1760
01:09:57,168 --> 01:09:58,936
Worcester, Mass.
1761
01:09:59,971 --> 01:10:01,169
Worcester, Mass!
1762
01:10:01,171 --> 01:10:02,891
You've been leading us
there the whole time!
1763
01:10:05,007 --> 01:10:08,510
KYLE: It's the universe, Pete.
The universe is magic!
1764
01:10:08,512 --> 01:10:10,377
HITCHHIKER: I'm magic.
I'm a magic man.
1765
01:10:10,379 --> 01:10:14,584
PETER: All right. Okay.
I guess we're all going home.
1766
01:10:16,654 --> 01:10:17,989
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
1767
01:10:21,926 --> 01:10:23,093
Well,
1768
01:10:24,794 --> 01:10:27,363
thanks for letting me keep
a little souvenir.
1769
01:10:27,365 --> 01:10:28,764
Sure.
1770
01:10:28,766 --> 01:10:31,567
This has been magnificent.
Thank you, guys.
1771
01:10:31,569 --> 01:10:33,568
I appreciate your assistance.
1772
01:10:33,570 --> 01:10:35,640
Have a good night.
1773
01:10:36,539 --> 01:10:37,774
KYLE: Hey!
1774
01:10:38,409 --> 01:10:39,541
Yeah?
1775
01:10:39,543 --> 01:10:41,277
We don't even know your name.
1776
01:10:41,279 --> 01:10:42,944
Oh, Kyle,
1777
01:10:42,946 --> 01:10:45,917
you've known it
the whole time.
1778
01:10:47,551 --> 01:10:49,550
That's beautiful.
1779
01:10:49,552 --> 01:10:51,118
I think he's messing with us.
1780
01:10:51,120 --> 01:10:52,321
No, he's not.
1781
01:10:52,323 --> 01:10:54,288
- Yeah, yeah.
- No.
1782
01:10:54,290 --> 01:10:55,860
He was messing with us.
1783
01:11:14,110 --> 01:11:15,376
PETER: Ding!
1784
01:11:15,378 --> 01:11:17,813
KYLE: May we get a room?
1785
01:11:17,815 --> 01:11:20,882
Your cheapest room, please.
1786
01:11:20,884 --> 01:11:23,887
(VERY QUIETLY) Well, every
room in here is cheap, so...
1787
01:11:26,056 --> 01:11:27,221
Sorry?
1788
01:11:27,223 --> 01:11:29,192
(VERY QUIETLY) Every room
in here is really cheap.
1789
01:11:32,128 --> 01:11:34,097
Okay. Here you go.
1790
01:11:35,266 --> 01:11:37,131
We're gonna nab one from ya.
1791
01:11:37,133 --> 01:11:40,468
(VERY QUIETLY)
So, just the one room?
1792
01:11:40,470 --> 01:11:41,672
Mmm-hmm.
1793
01:11:42,439 --> 01:11:43,938
One night?
1794
01:11:43,940 --> 01:11:45,075
Yeah.
1795
01:11:45,508 --> 01:11:46,711
Two beds.
1796
01:11:49,012 --> 01:11:51,078
Oh. Um...
1797
01:11:51,080 --> 01:11:54,215
Can we still get food
and drinks at the bar?
1798
01:11:54,217 --> 01:11:56,451
(VERY QUIETLY)
Right back there behind you.
1799
01:11:56,453 --> 01:11:58,752
Food for about another
1800
01:11:58,754 --> 01:12:02,058
10 minutes,
and drinks till 2:00.
1801
01:12:03,026 --> 01:12:04,291
Till, sorry?
1802
01:12:04,293 --> 01:12:06,027
Till 2:00.
1803
01:12:06,029 --> 01:12:08,162
You're going to have to
speak up, Biz Markie,
1804
01:12:08,164 --> 01:12:09,764
'cause I can't hear you.
1805
01:12:09,766 --> 01:12:11,232
(VERY QUIETLY)
For 10 more minutes,
1806
01:12:11,234 --> 01:12:12,803
and drinks until 2:00.
1807
01:12:17,975 --> 01:12:19,209
Okay.
1808
01:12:21,912 --> 01:12:24,645
Hey, do you remember
1809
01:12:24,647 --> 01:12:27,215
when Mom tried to
teach us about sex?
1810
01:12:27,217 --> 01:12:29,451
Yeah. (LAUGHING)
1811
01:12:29,453 --> 01:12:30,785
You had already Papa John'd
1812
01:12:30,787 --> 01:12:33,255
half the girls at school
at that point.
1813
01:12:33,257 --> 01:12:35,357
Turns out, we probably
should have listened to her.
1814
01:12:35,359 --> 01:12:36,657
Amen.
1815
01:12:36,659 --> 01:12:38,794
It's like we passed up
basketball tips
1816
01:12:38,796 --> 01:12:40,761
from Michael Jordan,
as it turns out.
1817
01:12:40,763 --> 01:12:42,330
We really did.
1818
01:12:42,332 --> 01:12:43,334
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1819
01:12:44,801 --> 01:12:47,672
I'm gonna hit the head.
Excuse me.
1820
01:13:07,856 --> 01:13:10,127
(SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
1821
01:13:12,061 --> 01:13:14,362
Hi, excuse me.
I couldn't help but notice
1822
01:13:14,364 --> 01:13:16,297
that you're
1823
01:13:16,299 --> 01:13:17,465
crying.
1824
01:13:17,467 --> 01:13:20,635
No. I'm fine.
1825
01:13:20,637 --> 01:13:22,104
I often have
that effect on women.
1826
01:13:22,106 --> 01:13:24,372
Just not usually this fast.
1827
01:13:24,374 --> 01:13:25,706
Sorry. I'll leave you alone.
1828
01:13:25,708 --> 01:13:28,077
No. You know what,
please don't.
1829
01:13:28,079 --> 01:13:29,676
Just sit.
1830
01:13:29,678 --> 01:13:30,881
Buy me a drink.
1831
01:13:33,449 --> 01:13:35,116
All right.
1832
01:13:35,118 --> 01:13:36,518
Another...
1833
01:13:36,520 --> 01:13:37,653
Scotch on the rocks.
1834
01:13:37,655 --> 01:13:38,921
Oh, nice.
1835
01:13:38,923 --> 01:13:40,858
- Make that two.
- BARMAN: Right up.
1836
01:13:43,726 --> 01:13:45,328
Thank you.
1837
01:13:48,664 --> 01:13:49,866
So,
1838
01:13:50,833 --> 01:13:52,168
want to talk about it?
1839
01:13:53,971 --> 01:13:54,972
No.
1840
01:13:57,940 --> 01:13:59,676
No sob stories.
1841
01:14:02,245 --> 01:14:03,612
I like that rule.
1842
01:14:03,614 --> 01:14:05,679
Cheers.
1843
01:14:05,681 --> 01:14:06,814
No sob stories.
1844
01:14:06,816 --> 01:14:08,084
All right.
1845
01:14:09,218 --> 01:14:11,319
WOMAN: Do you
want to talk about
1846
01:14:11,321 --> 01:14:12,787
that?
1847
01:14:12,789 --> 01:14:14,225
- This?
- Mmm-hmm.
1848
01:14:16,192 --> 01:14:17,828
Uh... Well...
1849
01:14:20,530 --> 01:14:22,330
I can't.
1850
01:14:22,332 --> 01:14:23,734
Why?
1851
01:14:25,034 --> 01:14:27,137
Because I'm a secret agent.
1852
01:14:28,570 --> 01:14:31,374
I don't think you were
supposed to tell me that part.
1853
01:14:32,476 --> 01:14:33,774
- Well...
- (LAUGHS)
1854
01:14:33,776 --> 01:14:36,511
Why don't you
let me worry about
1855
01:14:36,513 --> 01:14:39,947
how secret agent-ing works,
1856
01:14:39,949 --> 01:14:41,416
seeing as how I am
the secret agent.
1857
01:14:41,418 --> 01:14:42,884
WOMAN: You're right.
1858
01:14:42,886 --> 01:14:44,618
You should see the other guy.
1859
01:14:44,620 --> 01:14:45,854
Sorry to interrupt, Peter.
1860
01:14:45,856 --> 01:14:47,022
I just got an urgent call
from the client.
1861
01:14:47,024 --> 01:14:48,189
I'm gonna have to go in.
1862
01:14:48,191 --> 01:14:50,457
Apparently old Gary Peterson
1863
01:14:50,459 --> 01:14:53,060
really shat the bed
on the LBJ proposal.
1864
01:14:53,062 --> 01:14:55,063
Guy's just useless.
1865
01:14:55,065 --> 01:14:57,765
He's been screwing up
since the beginning.
1866
01:14:57,767 --> 01:14:59,067
Anyway,
I'm gonna go in the office,
1867
01:14:59,069 --> 01:15:00,300
I'm probably going
to spend the night,
1868
01:15:00,302 --> 01:15:01,336
and I will see you
tomorrow, okay?
1869
01:15:01,338 --> 01:15:02,470
Are you sure?
1870
01:15:02,472 --> 01:15:03,940
I'm gonna see you tomorrow.
1871
01:15:05,475 --> 01:15:06,977
All right.
1872
01:15:08,544 --> 01:15:10,345
Was that the other guy?
1873
01:15:10,347 --> 01:15:11,947
He looks like shit.
1874
01:15:11,949 --> 01:15:14,081
That guy's actually
my partner.
1875
01:15:14,083 --> 01:15:15,884
He's another secret agent.
1876
01:15:15,886 --> 01:15:18,053
See, you keep saying "secret,"
1877
01:15:18,055 --> 01:15:20,654
but then you keep
telling me about it.
1878
01:15:20,656 --> 01:15:23,425
I am failing at this job.
1879
01:15:23,427 --> 01:15:25,093
I will tell you this...
1880
01:15:25,095 --> 01:15:27,194
I'm also a secret agent.
1881
01:15:27,196 --> 01:15:28,662
No!
1882
01:15:28,664 --> 01:15:30,099
Sent here to kill you.
1883
01:15:30,101 --> 01:15:30,965
What?
1884
01:15:30,967 --> 01:15:33,367
That drink, it's poison.
1885
01:15:33,369 --> 01:15:34,803
Wait, what?
1886
01:15:34,805 --> 01:15:36,171
Sorry.
1887
01:15:36,173 --> 01:15:38,372
You surreptitiously
poisoned me?
1888
01:15:38,374 --> 01:15:40,041
Surreptitiously.
1889
01:15:40,043 --> 01:15:43,881
You're so good.
I had no idea this is poison.
1890
01:15:45,516 --> 01:15:48,884
Yeah! That's, like,
almost all poison.
1891
01:15:48,886 --> 01:15:50,585
No, taste mine.
You'll taste the difference.
1892
01:15:50,587 --> 01:15:52,156
- Little bit.
- Yeah.
1893
01:15:53,190 --> 01:15:54,288
BOTH: Mmm.
1894
01:15:54,290 --> 01:15:55,223
Poison.
1895
01:15:55,225 --> 01:15:56,425
There is a little
difference, yeah.
1896
01:15:56,427 --> 01:15:57,792
- Yeah.
- I do taste that.
1897
01:15:57,794 --> 01:16:02,197
So, I'm sorry to tell you,
but two hours left to live.
1898
01:16:02,199 --> 01:16:05,634
Well, guess I'd better
make these two hours count.
1899
01:16:05,636 --> 01:16:06,768
Yeah, you better.
1900
01:16:06,770 --> 01:16:08,336
Yeah.
1901
01:16:08,338 --> 01:16:10,071
My name is Sarah.
1902
01:16:10,073 --> 01:16:12,977
Code name Babydoll.
1903
01:16:13,976 --> 01:16:16,310
Well, Sarah, my name's Peter.
1904
01:16:16,312 --> 01:16:18,214
Code name...
1905
01:16:20,583 --> 01:16:22,649
Pinky Pants.
1906
01:16:22,651 --> 01:16:23,785
I've heard about you.
1907
01:16:23,787 --> 01:16:25,420
Yeah, I'm legendary.
1908
01:16:25,422 --> 01:16:26,955
Well,
1909
01:16:26,957 --> 01:16:29,192
here's to your last two hours.
1910
01:16:35,598 --> 01:16:39,065
Hi. Hey! Can you see me?
1911
01:16:39,067 --> 01:16:41,403
- Aloha.
- Aloha.
1912
01:16:41,405 --> 01:16:43,537
Are you ready
for naked Facetime?
1913
01:16:43,539 --> 01:16:44,605
Yeah.
1914
01:16:44,607 --> 01:16:45,974
I'm wearing your favorite bra.
1915
01:16:45,976 --> 01:16:47,309
KYLE: Oh, my gosh.
1916
01:16:47,311 --> 01:16:49,810
Wait, why aren't you naked?
1917
01:16:49,812 --> 01:16:52,313
- Um...
- Where are you?
1918
01:16:52,315 --> 01:16:54,314
I'm actually in the car.
I'm just kind of settling in.
1919
01:16:54,316 --> 01:16:56,617
I'm trying to give Pete
a little privacy
1920
01:16:56,619 --> 01:16:58,019
because he met a girl.
1921
01:16:58,021 --> 01:16:59,223
- (KNOCKING)
- Oh.
1922
01:17:01,357 --> 01:17:02,359
Hey.
1923
01:17:03,892 --> 01:17:05,961
Got some
room service out here.
1924
01:17:05,963 --> 01:17:07,261
Yeah, bet you don't deliver
1925
01:17:07,263 --> 01:17:08,796
out to the parking lot
too much,
1926
01:17:08,798 --> 01:17:11,599
but I'm just trying to give
my brother some privacy.
1927
01:17:11,601 --> 01:17:14,736
Here, wave to Kaylani.
That's the room service guy.
1928
01:17:14,738 --> 01:17:16,004
Hi, room service dude.
1929
01:17:16,006 --> 01:17:17,240
Okay. Thank you.
1930
01:17:18,475 --> 01:17:20,207
Okay.
1931
01:17:20,209 --> 01:17:22,376
I might get some
breakfast later.
1932
01:17:22,378 --> 01:17:23,881
No problem.
1933
01:17:26,216 --> 01:17:27,852
KAYLANI: How's your trip been?
1934
01:17:33,022 --> 01:17:34,456
Hey, honey,
1935
01:17:34,458 --> 01:17:36,023
there's something
I need to tell you.
1936
01:17:36,025 --> 01:17:37,391
KAYLANI: Is everything okay?
1937
01:17:37,393 --> 01:17:39,594
No, everything's going great
with the trip.
1938
01:17:39,596 --> 01:17:40,761
(STAMMERING)
1939
01:17:40,763 --> 01:17:42,432
It's kind of a recent setback.
1940
01:17:43,933 --> 01:17:45,399
What's up?
1941
01:17:45,401 --> 01:17:48,471
I think it's gonna be
good, actually.
1942
01:17:58,781 --> 01:17:59,880
There's so many buttons.
1943
01:17:59,882 --> 01:18:00,947
- Here...
- Help.
1944
01:18:00,949 --> 01:18:02,349
I'll help and go
from the bottom.
1945
01:18:02,351 --> 01:18:04,051
- Here we go.
- Help.
1946
01:18:04,053 --> 01:18:06,390
Oh, God. That's really
slowing me down.
1947
01:18:15,766 --> 01:18:17,998
Oh, my God. You have buttons.
1948
01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:20,868
Listen, there's something
you should know.
1949
01:18:20,870 --> 01:18:22,871
- (SIGHS)
- What?
1950
01:18:22,873 --> 01:18:24,438
I don't manscape.
1951
01:18:24,440 --> 01:18:26,541
Well, what are we
working with?
1952
01:18:26,543 --> 01:18:28,376
Well, here you go.
1953
01:18:28,378 --> 01:18:29,513
Oh, no.
1954
01:18:31,882 --> 01:18:33,715
It is what it is.
1955
01:18:33,717 --> 01:18:35,018
Works for me.
1956
01:18:35,918 --> 01:18:37,553
(BOTH MOANING)
1957
01:18:51,567 --> 01:18:53,003
Ahoy!
1958
01:19:00,075 --> 01:19:01,475
Good morning.
1959
01:19:01,477 --> 01:19:02,844
Good morning.
1960
01:19:02,846 --> 01:19:04,612
Yes. Yes.
1961
01:19:04,614 --> 01:19:07,418
Any news to report?
1962
01:19:08,017 --> 01:19:09,218
Um...
1963
01:19:10,820 --> 01:19:12,355
(CHUCKLING)
1964
01:19:13,756 --> 01:19:15,857
You are incorrigible.
1965
01:19:15,859 --> 01:19:17,358
Where is she?
1966
01:19:17,360 --> 01:19:20,361
I don't know actually.
I woke up and she was gone.
1967
01:19:20,363 --> 01:19:24,232
You experienced
a pure one-night stand.
1968
01:19:24,234 --> 01:19:25,565
Do you know how rare that is?
1969
01:19:25,567 --> 01:19:27,068
You were visited by
an angel last night.
1970
01:19:27,070 --> 01:19:28,437
Plain and simple.
1971
01:19:28,439 --> 01:19:31,475
Well, she did,
she did leave a note.
1972
01:19:33,310 --> 01:19:37,013
"Thanks for a really
fun night. I needed it."
1973
01:19:38,481 --> 01:19:40,215
"I needed it!"
1974
01:19:40,217 --> 01:19:42,686
Guess who gave it to her?
This guy!
1975
01:19:45,222 --> 01:19:48,055
KYLE: I just like
seeing you giddy.
1976
01:19:48,057 --> 01:19:49,957
You're just gleeful.
1977
01:19:49,959 --> 01:19:52,827
This is the Pete
I've been trying to get.
1978
01:19:52,829 --> 01:19:54,095
Come on, Worcester!
1979
01:19:54,097 --> 01:19:55,499
Come on.
1980
01:19:58,968 --> 01:20:00,568
Okay.
1981
01:20:00,570 --> 01:20:01,935
AUTOMATED VOICE: You have
arrived at your destination.
1982
01:20:01,937 --> 01:20:03,473
KYLE: This is it.
1983
01:20:06,775 --> 01:20:09,277
Sparkly P likes to party.
1984
01:20:09,279 --> 01:20:10,781
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
1985
01:20:15,051 --> 01:20:16,751
(EXHALING DEEPLY)
1986
01:20:16,753 --> 01:20:18,489
Breathe.
1987
01:20:20,257 --> 01:20:22,255
What is going on?
1988
01:20:22,257 --> 01:20:23,757
LIAM: Dad gets Clemens to come
1989
01:20:23,759 --> 01:20:26,094
and pitch batting practice
for us at the park.
1990
01:20:26,096 --> 01:20:27,394
Fucker beaned me,
1991
01:20:27,396 --> 01:20:29,296
like, twice but still
greatest day of my life.
1992
01:20:29,298 --> 01:20:30,998
Hey, fellas. Welcome.
1993
01:20:31,000 --> 01:20:32,132
PETER: Thank you.
1994
01:20:32,134 --> 01:20:33,800
There's beer, liquor.
1995
01:20:33,802 --> 01:20:35,403
There's food in the back.
1996
01:20:35,405 --> 01:20:36,804
Make yourselves at home.
1997
01:20:36,806 --> 01:20:38,206
(LIAM GRUNTS)
1998
01:20:38,208 --> 01:20:41,809
Hey, I am so fuckin' happy
you're my brother.
1999
01:20:41,811 --> 01:20:43,478
I love you so much.
2000
01:20:43,480 --> 01:20:45,647
LIAM: I love you too, bro.
You know.
2001
01:20:45,649 --> 01:20:49,483
Okay. Sorry to interrupt.
Do you know if Paddy's here?
2002
01:20:49,485 --> 01:20:51,919
Oh, yeah. Dad's inside.
2003
01:20:51,921 --> 01:20:56,159
Come on. He's in the study.
I'll take you over. Come on.
2004
01:20:59,029 --> 01:21:01,198
Oh, Dad's over there, guys.
2005
01:21:15,345 --> 01:21:17,578
So, how do you guys
know my dad?
2006
01:21:17,580 --> 01:21:20,081
Liam, Sean needs your help
changing the keg.
2007
01:21:20,083 --> 01:21:21,849
Oh, for fuck's sakes.
2008
01:21:21,851 --> 01:21:24,452
Sorry, fellas,
my brother's a moron.
2009
01:21:24,454 --> 01:21:25,819
Hey. Watch your mouth.
2010
01:21:25,821 --> 01:21:27,522
That's my boyfriend
you're talking about.
2011
01:21:27,524 --> 01:21:29,090
My fuckin' 10-year-old
cousin can change a keg.
2012
01:21:29,092 --> 01:21:30,393
Are you kidding me?
2013
01:21:35,531 --> 01:21:37,266
Oh, man.
2014
01:21:38,500 --> 01:21:41,469
I'm sorry we're too late.
2015
01:21:41,471 --> 01:21:43,707
I would have really
loved to get to know you.
2016
01:21:45,307 --> 01:21:47,974
He seems like a good man.
2017
01:21:47,976 --> 01:21:51,147
Raised a good family.
2018
01:21:53,883 --> 01:21:56,119
Did he just die?
2019
01:21:57,654 --> 01:21:59,653
Presumably, yeah.
2020
01:21:59,655 --> 01:22:03,023
KYLE: Do you think he died
in the line of duty?
2021
01:22:03,025 --> 01:22:05,760
PRIEST: Paddy O'Callaghan
2022
01:22:05,762 --> 01:22:08,796
was many things
to many people.
2023
01:22:08,798 --> 01:22:11,765
There was no role
he treasured more
2024
01:22:11,767 --> 01:22:13,635
than being a father.
2025
01:22:13,637 --> 01:22:15,169
And I know there's no one
2026
01:22:15,171 --> 01:22:17,238
he would rather hear
from right now
2027
01:22:17,240 --> 01:22:20,074
than his dear sweet daughter.
2028
01:22:20,076 --> 01:22:22,711
Are you okay to talk, hon?
2029
01:22:22,713 --> 01:22:24,148
Thank you, Father.
2030
01:22:28,017 --> 01:22:29,449
My father and I
2031
01:22:29,451 --> 01:22:31,685
didn't always get along.
2032
01:22:31,687 --> 01:22:34,554
He was a cop
who saw the worst in people.
2033
01:22:34,556 --> 01:22:37,457
That's the girl
from last night.
2034
01:22:37,459 --> 01:22:38,859
SARAH: He practically
arrested this...
2035
01:22:38,861 --> 01:22:39,930
No.
2036
01:22:41,330 --> 01:22:42,662
PETER: That's Babydoll.
2037
01:22:42,664 --> 01:22:43,831
I saw...
2038
01:22:43,833 --> 01:22:45,666
Oh, my God.
2039
01:22:45,668 --> 01:22:48,336
We've all slept with
the wrong woman.
2040
01:22:48,338 --> 01:22:49,903
Yeah, but it's our sister.
2041
01:22:49,905 --> 01:22:53,741
No, I know. But I've slept
with some squirrelly women.
2042
01:22:53,743 --> 01:22:55,542
Super squirrelly.
2043
01:22:55,544 --> 01:22:57,845
PETER: It doesn't matter
how squirrelly they are,
2044
01:22:57,847 --> 01:22:59,281
they're not our sister.
2045
01:22:59,283 --> 01:23:01,482
No, listen to me.
It didn't happen, okay?
2046
01:23:01,484 --> 01:23:03,417
It didn't happen.
Just erase it.
2047
01:23:03,419 --> 01:23:05,687
It didn't happen!
2048
01:23:05,689 --> 01:23:08,723
Is that why it was so good?
2049
01:23:08,725 --> 01:23:10,692
I'm a monster.
2050
01:23:10,694 --> 01:23:12,661
I love you, Pop.
2051
01:23:12,663 --> 01:23:15,363
I'm gonna miss you so much.
2052
01:23:15,365 --> 01:23:16,964
- We have to go.
- No!
2053
01:23:16,966 --> 01:23:19,134
Stop. Peter. Peter, stop.
2054
01:23:19,136 --> 01:23:20,335
Peter!
2055
01:23:20,337 --> 01:23:21,402
Peter!
2056
01:23:21,404 --> 01:23:22,504
LIAM: The fuck!
2057
01:23:22,506 --> 01:23:24,337
KELLY: What the fuck! Sean!
2058
01:23:24,339 --> 01:23:26,642
It wasn't fucking me.
2059
01:23:27,744 --> 01:23:28,776
Did he get you?
2060
01:23:28,778 --> 01:23:31,010
Don't touch! Oh, my...
Get your...
2061
01:23:31,012 --> 01:23:32,412
Hey, douchebag!
2062
01:23:32,414 --> 01:23:35,148
- Where's the apology?
- Whoa. Hey. I'm sorry.
2063
01:23:35,150 --> 01:23:37,218
- Where's the apology?
- Jesus!
2064
01:23:37,220 --> 01:23:39,153
What were you talkin' about?
2065
01:23:39,155 --> 01:23:40,287
Just let us go.
2066
01:23:40,289 --> 01:23:41,555
Why are you not apologizing?
2067
01:23:41,557 --> 01:23:44,024
Hey, stop. Come here. Stop it.
2068
01:23:44,026 --> 01:23:45,259
Contact, bro?
2069
01:23:45,261 --> 01:23:47,193
Contact in O'Callaghan's yard?
2070
01:23:47,195 --> 01:23:48,395
Okay, just stop! Hold it!
2071
01:23:48,397 --> 01:23:49,529
LIAM: In my yard?
2072
01:23:49,531 --> 01:23:50,898
Hey! We just want an apology!
2073
01:23:50,900 --> 01:23:52,666
Come on,
just say you're sorry.
2074
01:23:52,668 --> 01:23:54,368
- I'd really rather not.
- Peter, come on!
2075
01:23:54,370 --> 01:23:55,803
Summer's over,
you ready for the fall?
2076
01:23:55,805 --> 01:23:57,238
Don't be prideful.
Come on, just...
2077
01:23:57,240 --> 01:23:58,872
I'm not being prideful.
2078
01:23:58,874 --> 01:24:01,242
It's hard to apologize when I
just got shoved off a porch.
2079
01:24:01,244 --> 01:24:02,776
Charged up!
2080
01:24:02,778 --> 01:24:04,879
I saw you spill the drink on
the girl. She's soaked.
2081
01:24:04,881 --> 01:24:06,413
That's true,
and I am sorry about that.
2082
01:24:06,415 --> 01:24:08,349
Okay, but don't tell me,
tell them! Just say it.
2083
01:24:08,351 --> 01:24:09,849
- Fine!
- SEAN: Fuck you guys!
2084
01:24:09,851 --> 01:24:10,921
I'm sorry!
2085
01:24:13,323 --> 01:24:14,721
To who?
2086
01:24:14,723 --> 01:24:17,358
To the douchebag's girlfriend.
2087
01:24:17,360 --> 01:24:19,827
(PEOPLE MURMURING)
2088
01:24:19,829 --> 01:24:21,465
Close enough.
2089
01:24:23,565 --> 01:24:25,366
- It's too late.
- KYLE: What?
2090
01:24:25,368 --> 01:24:27,868
Look, you can't
move the goalpost.
2091
01:24:27,870 --> 01:24:28,935
They moved.
2092
01:24:28,937 --> 01:24:30,104
He just apologized.
2093
01:24:30,106 --> 01:24:31,872
That's more than I've ever
gotten from him.
2094
01:24:31,874 --> 01:24:34,375
Come on, you're lucky we're
not demanding an apology!
2095
01:24:34,377 --> 01:24:35,576
He wants an apology.
2096
01:24:35,578 --> 01:24:37,577
- Here's an apology, bro.
- (KYLE GROANS)
2097
01:24:37,579 --> 01:24:39,949
- That's an O'Callaghan sorry.
- CROWD: Whoa!
2098
01:24:45,053 --> 01:24:46,687
I got his ankle, Pete!
2099
01:24:46,689 --> 01:24:48,057
I got him in a foot lock.
2100
01:24:51,061 --> 01:24:52,426
I'm gonna sprain his ankle.
2101
01:24:52,428 --> 01:24:54,495
Hey, hey! What are
you boys doing? Get up!
2102
01:24:54,497 --> 01:24:57,034
What the hell's going on,
boys? Huh?
2103
01:24:58,267 --> 01:24:59,468
Whoa!
2104
01:25:00,102 --> 01:25:01,769
Paddy!
2105
01:25:01,771 --> 01:25:02,836
He's alive!
2106
01:25:02,838 --> 01:25:04,505
LIAM: It's not Paddy,
you idiot.
2107
01:25:04,507 --> 01:25:05,706
That's our Uncle Kevin.
2108
01:25:05,708 --> 01:25:07,308
He's Paddy's twin brother.
2109
01:25:07,310 --> 01:25:09,475
My brother's
lying dead in there.
2110
01:25:09,477 --> 01:25:10,912
Show a little respect.
2111
01:25:10,914 --> 01:25:12,316
- For Christ's sake.
- Peter?
2112
01:25:13,016 --> 01:25:14,282
Hey.
2113
01:25:14,284 --> 01:25:16,349
What are you doing here?
2114
01:25:16,351 --> 01:25:18,318
Wait a minute,
you know this d-bag?
2115
01:25:18,320 --> 01:25:19,720
Yeah.
2116
01:25:19,722 --> 01:25:21,087
KELLY: Wait, is this the guy
from last night?
2117
01:25:21,089 --> 01:25:22,422
What guy from last night?
2118
01:25:22,424 --> 01:25:23,556
Is he why
you didn't come home?
2119
01:25:23,558 --> 01:25:25,225
Did you fuck our sister?
2120
01:25:25,227 --> 01:25:27,028
- Oh, God.
- Language.
2121
01:25:27,030 --> 01:25:28,929
Did you eff our sister?
2122
01:25:28,931 --> 01:25:29,997
That's better.
2123
01:25:29,999 --> 01:25:32,632
Stop it, you guys.
I'm a grown woman!
2124
01:25:32,634 --> 01:25:34,068
Easy. She's right, boys. Easy.
2125
01:25:34,070 --> 01:25:36,037
Come on.
We're acting like animals.
2126
01:25:36,039 --> 01:25:38,206
I'm pretty sure that your
sister's had sex before,
2127
01:25:38,208 --> 01:25:41,074
and I can tell you that Peter
is a considerate lover.
2128
01:25:41,076 --> 01:25:42,609
- Oh, God!
- KYLE: I'll vouch for that.
2129
01:25:42,611 --> 01:25:44,678
LIAM: You come to my home.
2130
01:25:44,680 --> 01:25:48,517
To my father's wake the day
after fucking my sister?
2131
01:25:49,518 --> 01:25:51,184
I'm going to break your dick.
2132
01:25:51,186 --> 01:25:53,220
- (ALL SHOUTING)
- Liam, hold off.
2133
01:25:53,222 --> 01:25:55,590
I know I was saying
relax a couple of seconds ago.
2134
01:25:55,592 --> 01:25:57,224
But if someone
came over to my house
2135
01:25:57,226 --> 01:25:58,591
and effed my grieving sister,
2136
01:25:58,593 --> 01:26:00,461
I'm pretty sure
that I'd want to
2137
01:26:00,463 --> 01:26:01,961
just rip him
limb to limb, okay?
2138
01:26:01,963 --> 01:26:04,064
I'd want to
just mutilate his ass.
2139
01:26:04,066 --> 01:26:05,199
What?
2140
01:26:05,201 --> 01:26:06,500
Deservedly.
2141
01:26:06,502 --> 01:26:07,801
But guess what?
2142
01:26:07,803 --> 01:26:08,935
What?
2143
01:26:08,937 --> 01:26:11,973
Someone did just eff
my grieving sister.
2144
01:26:11,975 --> 01:26:13,541
- Yeah.
- What?
2145
01:26:13,543 --> 01:26:15,242
Peter, do the honors.
Chime in.
2146
01:26:15,244 --> 01:26:16,443
- No!
- Chime in.
2147
01:26:16,445 --> 01:26:18,813
I don't think
we should do the honors.
2148
01:26:18,815 --> 01:26:23,086
Liam, Sean, darling Sarah...
2149
01:26:24,454 --> 01:26:27,354
Paddy's our father.
You're our brothers.
2150
01:26:27,356 --> 01:26:28,857
You're our sister.
2151
01:26:28,859 --> 01:26:29,924
What?
2152
01:26:29,926 --> 01:26:31,625
What the fuck
are you talking about?
2153
01:26:31,627 --> 01:26:33,693
What the hell is going on?
2154
01:26:33,695 --> 01:26:35,596
Our mom's name
is Helen Baxter.
2155
01:26:35,598 --> 01:26:37,467
Did Paddy ever mention her?
2156
01:26:38,767 --> 01:26:40,904
- You're Helen's boys?
- PETER: Yes!
2157
01:26:41,436 --> 01:26:42,635
The twins?
2158
01:26:42,637 --> 01:26:44,605
- (SARAH GROANS)
- (ALL GASPING)
2159
01:26:44,607 --> 01:26:46,509
You don't pick your family.
2160
01:26:47,209 --> 01:26:48,442
Oh, God!
2161
01:26:48,444 --> 01:26:49,510
SEAN: I'm gonna
fucking kill you!
2162
01:26:49,512 --> 01:26:50,577
I'm going to fucking kill you!
2163
01:26:50,579 --> 01:26:51,644
Seanie! Seanie!
2164
01:26:51,646 --> 01:26:54,081
Stop it!
You two stay right here.
2165
01:26:54,083 --> 01:26:55,449
What is happening?
2166
01:26:55,451 --> 01:26:57,385
All right, everybody whose
last name isn't O'Callaghan,
2167
01:26:57,387 --> 01:26:58,719
get in the house.
2168
01:26:58,721 --> 01:27:00,790
- Oh, God. (GROANS)
- KEVIN: Come on, move.
2169
01:27:01,923 --> 01:27:03,125
Oh, God!
2170
01:27:03,959 --> 01:27:06,128
Oh, fuck!
2171
01:27:08,397 --> 01:27:10,398
KEVIN: All right, settle in.
2172
01:27:10,400 --> 01:27:11,899
I'll try to clear
this up for you.
2173
01:27:11,901 --> 01:27:12,832
Good.
2174
01:27:12,834 --> 01:27:14,868
Paddy could not
be their father.
2175
01:27:14,870 --> 01:27:16,703
How do you know that, Kevin?
2176
01:27:16,705 --> 01:27:18,806
Because Paddy and their mother
never had sex.
2177
01:27:18,808 --> 01:27:20,574
What?
2178
01:27:20,576 --> 01:27:22,743
I mean, you can't
know that for sure.
2179
01:27:22,745 --> 01:27:25,046
Paddy thought he was
gonna marry your mother.
2180
01:27:25,048 --> 01:27:27,081
And despite
the sexual climate,
2181
01:27:27,083 --> 01:27:30,184
for him, that meant saving it
for their wedding night.
2182
01:27:30,186 --> 01:27:32,051
Yeah, like Sarah's
saving her muff.
2183
01:27:32,053 --> 01:27:34,388
Shut the fuck up, Liam.
You're no angel.
2184
01:27:34,390 --> 01:27:35,755
Shut up, you two.
2185
01:27:35,757 --> 01:27:39,026
My brother Paddy
took this very seriously.
2186
01:27:39,028 --> 01:27:41,464
If you don't believe me,
ask your mother.
2187
01:27:42,198 --> 01:27:43,330
Not now,
2188
01:27:43,332 --> 01:27:44,532
you moron!
2189
01:27:44,534 --> 01:27:45,966
You said go ask Ma.
2190
01:27:45,968 --> 01:27:46,834
Sit down.
2191
01:27:46,836 --> 01:27:48,771
Jesus Christ! Sit down.
2192
01:27:49,338 --> 01:27:51,337
So what happened?
2193
01:27:51,339 --> 01:27:52,607
Well, what happened was,
2194
01:27:52,609 --> 01:27:54,608
a guy by the name
of Walter Tinkler.
2195
01:27:54,610 --> 01:27:56,876
A veterinarian student
from down in New York.
2196
01:27:56,878 --> 01:27:58,679
Dr. Tinkler? We know him!
2197
01:27:58,681 --> 01:28:00,648
The guy who killed
Chairman Meow.
2198
01:28:00,650 --> 01:28:02,315
PETER: He didn't
kill Chairman Meow.
2199
01:28:02,317 --> 01:28:05,685
Well, was Chairman Meow alive
when we dropped him off?
2200
01:28:05,687 --> 01:28:07,621
Was he dead
when we picked him up?
2201
01:28:07,623 --> 01:28:09,357
In my book, that's murder.
2202
01:28:09,359 --> 01:28:10,794
KEVIN: Hey. Hey.
2203
01:28:11,627 --> 01:28:13,627
It was just a fuckin' cat.
2204
01:28:13,629 --> 01:28:17,998
We both loved Chairman Meow.
2205
01:28:18,000 --> 01:28:22,001
I can't believe Tinkler's been
in our lives this whole time.
2206
01:28:22,003 --> 01:28:24,203
You see, this Tinkler guy
and your mother
2207
01:28:24,205 --> 01:28:26,540
had this on-again
off-again relationship
2208
01:28:26,542 --> 01:28:28,375
apparently since high school.
2209
01:28:28,377 --> 01:28:29,843
Paddy was always worried
2210
01:28:29,845 --> 01:28:32,179
that she'd wind up
going back to him.
2211
01:28:32,181 --> 01:28:35,014
Ultimately, she did.
2212
01:28:35,016 --> 01:28:36,916
But she did tell my brother
she'd always have
2213
01:28:36,918 --> 01:28:39,153
a warm spot
in the heart for him.
2214
01:28:39,155 --> 01:28:40,921
She let him down soft.
2215
01:28:40,923 --> 01:28:44,024
But this Tinkler guy
was the love of her life,
2216
01:28:44,026 --> 01:28:46,027
and that she was
going to marry him.
2217
01:28:46,029 --> 01:28:48,496
Mom got married?
2218
01:28:48,498 --> 01:28:49,696
To Tinkler?
2219
01:28:49,698 --> 01:28:51,197
Last I heard,
2220
01:28:51,199 --> 01:28:53,968
she had twins and moved back
to Ohio to raise 'em.
2221
01:28:53,970 --> 01:28:55,202
What?
2222
01:28:55,204 --> 01:28:57,671
So, if their mom hadn't broken
our dad's heart,
2223
01:28:57,673 --> 01:28:59,709
then the three of us
2224
01:29:00,342 --> 01:29:01,809
never been born?
2225
01:29:01,811 --> 01:29:04,047
That's one way
of looking at it.
2226
01:29:04,680 --> 01:29:06,583
Sorry, fellas,
2227
01:29:07,182 --> 01:29:08,618
you made me.
2228
01:29:10,253 --> 01:29:11,688
You gave me life.
2229
01:29:13,955 --> 01:29:17,192
That's not good logic.
2230
01:29:18,628 --> 01:29:22,595
That's all I got.
I'm stuck with this.
2231
01:29:22,597 --> 01:29:23,930
Enjoy your fuckin' life.
2232
01:29:23,932 --> 01:29:25,768
Thanks, Uncle Kevin.
2233
01:29:28,238 --> 01:29:29,804
And you two
2234
01:29:29,806 --> 01:29:32,473
are off the hook. Officially.
2235
01:29:32,475 --> 01:29:33,806
PETER: Yeah.
2236
01:29:33,808 --> 01:29:35,209
You were sweatin' it there
for a second.
2237
01:29:35,211 --> 01:29:36,743
- SARAH: Yeah.
- I was, too. I know I said
2238
01:29:36,745 --> 01:29:38,479
it wasn't a big deal
effing your sister.
2239
01:29:38,481 --> 01:29:39,813
It's a big deal.
2240
01:29:39,815 --> 01:29:42,015
- It's a big deal.
- KYLE: It's criminal.
2241
01:29:42,017 --> 01:29:43,720
- Oh, my God.
- (ALL CHUCKLING)
2242
01:29:44,520 --> 01:29:45,853
Oh, my God!
2243
01:29:45,855 --> 01:29:48,158
Looks like we're going home.
2244
01:29:56,498 --> 01:29:57,967
(INAUDIBLE)
2245
01:30:03,539 --> 01:30:04,874
(HORN HONKING)
2246
01:30:08,276 --> 01:30:09,678
What was that?
2247
01:30:10,945 --> 01:30:13,480
- You honked.
- (CHUCKLES)
2248
01:30:13,482 --> 01:30:14,883
You asshole.
2249
01:30:25,794 --> 01:30:27,428
(DINGS)
2250
01:30:27,430 --> 01:30:29,633
- Hello!
- Hello!
2251
01:30:30,565 --> 01:30:32,134
I just did...
2252
01:30:32,701 --> 01:30:33,901
Hello?
2253
01:30:33,903 --> 01:30:35,669
Yup. Heard you the first time.
2254
01:30:35,671 --> 01:30:37,238
KYLE: Sorry.
2255
01:30:37,240 --> 01:30:38,238
How can I help you?
2256
01:30:38,240 --> 01:30:40,174
PETER: We really need to
see Dr. Tinkler.
2257
01:30:40,176 --> 01:30:42,242
- Kind of a family emergency.
- Yeah.
2258
01:30:42,244 --> 01:30:43,676
Well, I'm sorry.
He's with a patient
2259
01:30:43,678 --> 01:30:45,580
and doesn't
want to be disturbed.
2260
01:30:45,582 --> 01:30:46,746
Well, I'm sorry.
We didn't want to
2261
01:30:46,748 --> 01:30:48,148
grow up without a father.
2262
01:30:48,150 --> 01:30:49,049
Yeah.
2263
01:30:49,051 --> 01:30:50,350
Could you please disturb him?
2264
01:30:50,352 --> 01:30:53,319
Okay, I can't really
speak to your experience.
2265
01:30:53,321 --> 01:30:55,723
Although, I did get kicked out
of a threesome in college
2266
01:30:55,725 --> 01:30:57,058
and that was very traumatic.
2267
01:30:57,060 --> 01:30:59,027
- No.
- ALI: Yeah.
2268
01:30:59,029 --> 01:31:00,961
- They just kicked you out?
- ALI: Yes.
2269
01:31:00,963 --> 01:31:02,263
They went like this...
2270
01:31:02,265 --> 01:31:03,730
(CLICKING TONGUE)
2271
01:31:03,732 --> 01:31:05,532
In flagrante
and then you're gone?
2272
01:31:05,534 --> 01:31:06,600
They said I was
underperforming.
2273
01:31:06,602 --> 01:31:07,801
I thought I was doing great.
2274
01:31:07,803 --> 01:31:09,803
Can we just stay focused here?
2275
01:31:09,805 --> 01:31:11,171
This is super important.
2276
01:31:11,173 --> 01:31:14,440
We have to see
the doctor stat,
2277
01:31:14,442 --> 01:31:15,742
which is a medical term.
2278
01:31:15,744 --> 01:31:17,845
(SIGHS) Okay,
he has an opening...
2279
01:31:17,847 --> 01:31:18,979
Ooh! Thursday.
2280
01:31:18,981 --> 01:31:20,480
- I'll pencil you in.
- (DINGS)
2281
01:31:20,482 --> 01:31:21,915
- PETER: No!
- KYLE: Now!
2282
01:31:21,917 --> 01:31:24,151
- Pencil us in now!
- Right now! This is urgent.
2283
01:31:24,153 --> 01:31:25,219
Please!
2284
01:31:25,221 --> 01:31:27,188
Ali, could you bring me
Butterball's
2285
01:31:27,190 --> 01:31:29,157
immunization records, please?
2286
01:31:29,159 --> 01:31:30,224
Hello.
2287
01:31:30,226 --> 01:31:31,227
(KYLE EXHALES)
2288
01:31:35,664 --> 01:31:37,066
Peter.
2289
01:31:38,767 --> 01:31:40,203
Kyle.
2290
01:31:41,270 --> 01:31:42,439
Walter.
2291
01:31:43,338 --> 01:31:44,707
Dad.
2292
01:31:45,708 --> 01:31:47,043
(GASPS)
2293
01:31:48,076 --> 01:31:49,876
- What the... Come on.
- Get him.
2294
01:31:49,878 --> 01:31:51,912
You gotta get down here
right away. They're here.
2295
01:31:51,914 --> 01:31:53,947
Walter, what are you doing?
We're your sons.
2296
01:31:53,949 --> 01:31:55,448
WALTER: Well,
you gotta get down here.
2297
01:31:55,450 --> 01:31:56,684
Walter is your father?
2298
01:31:56,686 --> 01:31:58,417
You said
you never wanted children!
2299
01:31:58,419 --> 01:32:00,755
I didn't. I don't.
Ali, it's complicated.
2300
01:32:00,757 --> 01:32:02,288
You know what's complicated?
2301
01:32:02,290 --> 01:32:03,523
Dating a man who went to
high school with my mother.
2302
01:32:03,525 --> 01:32:04,891
You should just open the door.
2303
01:32:04,893 --> 01:32:06,460
Second door, sucker.
2304
01:32:06,462 --> 01:32:07,760
Pete, I'm in.
2305
01:32:07,762 --> 01:32:08,929
Now you're gonna talk.
2306
01:32:08,931 --> 01:32:10,730
Kyle, please. Guys, calm down.
2307
01:32:10,732 --> 01:32:12,032
Your mother, I think,
2308
01:32:12,034 --> 01:32:13,501
really should
have this conversation.
2309
01:32:13,503 --> 01:32:16,269
Well, that hasn't worked
for the last 40 years.
2310
01:32:16,271 --> 01:32:18,705
Look. We're not trying
to shake you down,
2311
01:32:18,707 --> 01:32:20,176
Dad, we just wanna...
2312
01:32:23,044 --> 01:32:24,912
You sick son of a bitch.
2313
01:32:24,914 --> 01:32:27,147
Is this how you butchered
Chairman Meow?
2314
01:32:27,149 --> 01:32:28,948
Nobody butchered
Chairman Meow.
2315
01:32:28,950 --> 01:32:30,818
It's called putting him down.
2316
01:32:30,820 --> 01:32:32,420
It's called death.
2317
01:32:32,422 --> 01:32:34,354
Death. Yes.
2318
01:32:34,356 --> 01:32:36,890
It comes to us all.
Even the kitties.
2319
01:32:36,892 --> 01:32:38,591
Enough, all right.
2320
01:32:38,593 --> 01:32:42,662
We know you're our father.
Why can't you just say it?
2321
01:32:42,664 --> 01:32:44,464
We just want some answers.
2322
01:32:44,466 --> 01:32:45,666
KYLE: Ooh. Looky here.
2323
01:32:45,668 --> 01:32:46,934
Is this what you do?
2324
01:32:46,936 --> 01:32:48,868
You just shoot the cats
in the head?
2325
01:32:48,870 --> 01:32:51,805
It's a tranquilizer gun.
Every vet has one.
2326
01:32:51,807 --> 01:32:53,073
Not on my watch.
2327
01:32:53,075 --> 01:32:54,341
You're not going
to put him down.
2328
01:32:54,343 --> 01:32:56,477
- This has to stop.
- We're just snipping him.
2329
01:32:56,479 --> 01:32:58,047
This cat lives...
2330
01:33:00,716 --> 01:33:02,014
Pete, you gotta see this.
2331
01:33:02,016 --> 01:33:03,718
Kyle, stay focused.
2332
01:33:03,720 --> 01:33:05,488
Oh, my God. Those are huge.
2333
01:33:06,454 --> 01:33:08,455
Those are big balls.
2334
01:33:08,457 --> 01:33:09,489
Unnerving.
2335
01:33:09,491 --> 01:33:11,190
KYLE: Gotta tip your hat
to the little guy.
2336
01:33:11,192 --> 01:33:12,993
You're a doctor,
is that normal?
2337
01:33:12,995 --> 01:33:16,395
No. Yeah. But for a gorilla.
2338
01:33:16,397 --> 01:33:18,931
KYLE: That's beautiful.
Well done.
2339
01:33:18,933 --> 01:33:20,666
Wow! That's...
2340
01:33:20,668 --> 01:33:21,870
He's gone!
2341
01:33:22,838 --> 01:33:24,274
We got a runner!
2342
01:33:25,341 --> 01:33:26,974
Run, Walter, run!
2343
01:33:26,976 --> 01:33:29,843
Where are you going?
We know where you live.
2344
01:33:29,845 --> 01:33:32,145
- (TRANQUILIZER GUN FIRES)
- (GROANING)
2345
01:33:32,147 --> 01:33:34,480
Whoa! You shot Dad.
2346
01:33:34,482 --> 01:33:36,820
Because this ends now.
2347
01:33:42,024 --> 01:33:44,058
PETER: Walter!
2348
01:33:44,060 --> 01:33:45,626
Is he all right?
Pete, you're a doctor, look.
2349
01:33:45,628 --> 01:33:47,728
- I know. I think he's okay.
- Sweetheart, come through.
2350
01:33:47,730 --> 01:33:49,062
Give him some water.
2351
01:33:49,064 --> 01:33:50,229
PETER: Yeah, it's gonna
be okay. Right?
2352
01:33:50,231 --> 01:33:51,698
KYLE: Give me your eyes.
It's me, Kyle.
2353
01:33:51,700 --> 01:33:53,099
Why did you run?
2354
01:33:53,101 --> 01:33:54,702
You see how it feels?
It doesn't feel good.
2355
01:33:54,704 --> 01:33:55,970
Hey, come on.
2356
01:33:55,972 --> 01:33:57,837
What the fuck
did you do to Walter?
2357
01:33:57,839 --> 01:33:59,038
Mom, what are you doing here?
2358
01:33:59,040 --> 01:34:00,942
Yeah, what are you doing here?
2359
01:34:00,944 --> 01:34:02,641
You just called me!
Are you kidding?
2360
01:34:02,643 --> 01:34:04,277
I'm sorry. I got shot
2361
01:34:04,279 --> 01:34:07,715
by a tranquilizer dart
and I'm a little woozy.
2362
01:34:07,717 --> 01:34:09,382
(STAMMERING) It was a whole...
2363
01:34:09,384 --> 01:34:11,618
We shot him because
he was trying to escape.
2364
01:34:11,620 --> 01:34:12,987
PETER: What the hell, Mom?
2365
01:34:12,989 --> 01:34:14,988
I mean, our Dad was here
the whole time,
2366
01:34:14,990 --> 01:34:16,790
you sent us on
this wild-goose chase.
2367
01:34:16,792 --> 01:34:18,257
Okay. This family has issues.
2368
01:34:18,259 --> 01:34:20,094
I didn't think you'd go, okay?
2369
01:34:20,096 --> 01:34:22,229
Although, I thought
it might be a nice idea
2370
01:34:22,231 --> 01:34:24,130
for you guys to go on
a road trip together
2371
01:34:24,132 --> 01:34:25,898
since you can't stay
in the same room
2372
01:34:25,900 --> 01:34:27,535
together for two minutes.
2373
01:34:27,537 --> 01:34:29,236
We can and we did.
2374
01:34:29,238 --> 01:34:31,138
Yeah, we drove halfway
around the country
2375
01:34:31,140 --> 01:34:33,974
looking for a guy
who lives next door to us.
2376
01:34:33,976 --> 01:34:35,742
By the way,
kind of a bumpy ride.
2377
01:34:35,744 --> 01:34:37,144
He didn't live next door.
2378
01:34:37,146 --> 01:34:38,379
He actually lived
three or four houses down.
2379
01:34:38,381 --> 01:34:39,647
No, it's definitely
our street.
2380
01:34:39,649 --> 01:34:40,947
Over. But I know
what you mean.
2381
01:34:40,949 --> 01:34:41,782
No, it wasn't.
It was the next street.
2382
01:34:41,784 --> 01:34:42,849
It was.
2383
01:34:42,851 --> 01:34:43,983
Stop it!
2384
01:34:43,985 --> 01:34:45,352
Stop it!
2385
01:34:45,354 --> 01:34:48,020
Just take a big
deep breath, okay?
2386
01:34:48,022 --> 01:34:50,125
Please. Sit down.
2387
01:34:50,592 --> 01:34:51,961
Sit down.
2388
01:34:52,595 --> 01:34:53,794
(HELEN SIGHS)
2389
01:34:53,796 --> 01:34:56,132
There's something
I have to say.
2390
01:35:00,369 --> 01:35:02,438
It was, um... (CLEARS THROAT)
2391
01:35:03,739 --> 01:35:05,339
(SIGHS)
2392
01:35:05,341 --> 01:35:11,010
Okay. It was December 1975,
three days before Christmas.
2393
01:35:11,012 --> 01:35:13,313
That's... That's our birthday.
2394
01:35:13,315 --> 01:35:14,482
Yeah.
2395
01:35:14,484 --> 01:35:16,250
HELEN: I was doing
community outreach,
2396
01:35:16,252 --> 01:35:21,421
working with women who were
in pretty bad situations.
2397
01:35:21,423 --> 01:35:23,890
What kind of bad situations?
2398
01:35:23,892 --> 01:35:25,091
Really bad, Kyle.
2399
01:35:25,093 --> 01:35:26,460
ALI: Drugs,
2400
01:35:26,462 --> 01:35:27,560
abuse,
2401
01:35:27,562 --> 01:35:29,229
destructive
May-December relationships
2402
01:35:29,231 --> 01:35:30,730
they can't pry themselves
away from?
2403
01:35:30,732 --> 01:35:34,033
Ali, don't bring your
own drum to the concert.
2404
01:35:34,035 --> 01:35:35,935
Let Helen talk.
2405
01:35:35,937 --> 01:35:37,470
(SCOFFS)
2406
01:35:37,472 --> 01:35:39,973
There was one
young girl in particular
2407
01:35:39,975 --> 01:35:41,875
that I got very close to.
2408
01:35:41,877 --> 01:35:46,680
There was something
incredibly special about her.
2409
01:35:46,682 --> 01:35:49,282
She was six months pregnant.
2410
01:35:49,284 --> 01:35:52,085
She went into labor early.
2411
01:35:52,087 --> 01:35:54,388
It was dangerously early.
2412
01:35:54,390 --> 01:36:00,760
And she had a very, very long
and hard delivery.
2413
01:36:00,762 --> 01:36:03,331
But, at the end,
2414
01:36:03,333 --> 01:36:09,405
she produced two
beautiful baby boys.
2415
01:36:15,278 --> 01:36:17,180
Your birth mother.
2416
01:36:24,119 --> 01:36:25,721
Your mother
2417
01:36:27,955 --> 01:36:29,624
didn't survive.
2418
01:36:36,365 --> 01:36:38,998
Oh, my God.
This just got really sad.
2419
01:36:39,000 --> 01:36:40,667
So, with no family on record,
2420
01:36:40,669 --> 01:36:43,403
the hospital was required
to call social services.
2421
01:36:43,405 --> 01:36:46,372
But Helen didn't want to
put you into that system
2422
01:36:46,374 --> 01:36:47,741
and maybe get split up.
2423
01:36:47,743 --> 01:36:51,614
She loved you from
the moment she saw you.
2424
01:36:52,948 --> 01:36:56,081
So, I started
the process of adoption.
2425
01:36:56,083 --> 01:36:58,117
WALTER: Despite my objections.
2426
01:36:58,119 --> 01:36:59,987
See, as much as I loved Helen,
2427
01:36:59,989 --> 01:37:01,621
I couldn't imagine sacrificing
2428
01:37:01,623 --> 01:37:04,524
my future for two tiny
strangers. You know?
2429
01:37:04,526 --> 01:37:08,528
Kids were
never part of my plan.
2430
01:37:08,530 --> 01:37:10,864
I'm better with animals,
I guess.
2431
01:37:10,866 --> 01:37:15,602
Helen, on the other hand,
could imagine nothing else.
2432
01:37:15,604 --> 01:37:21,043
And I brought you here
to Westerville to raise you.
2433
01:37:37,192 --> 01:37:39,593
What was her name?
2434
01:37:39,595 --> 01:37:41,364
Our birth mother.
2435
01:37:42,998 --> 01:37:44,599
Jenny.
2436
01:37:48,236 --> 01:37:49,638
Jenny who?
2437
01:37:50,271 --> 01:37:52,672
I don't know.
2438
01:37:52,674 --> 01:37:55,108
The reason why young girls
came to us
2439
01:37:55,110 --> 01:37:58,778
was because
we didn't ask questions.
2440
01:37:58,780 --> 01:38:02,748
We weren't certain
that that was her real name.
2441
01:38:02,750 --> 01:38:04,619
What about our dad?
2442
01:38:06,288 --> 01:38:08,221
We never knew.
2443
01:38:08,223 --> 01:38:10,956
She wouldn't talk about it.
2444
01:38:10,958 --> 01:38:16,198
She just wanted to start a
new life for the three of you.
2445
01:38:28,977 --> 01:38:30,178
(SIGHS)
2446
01:38:38,454 --> 01:38:40,756
I need to get some air.
2447
01:38:46,528 --> 01:38:48,597
- I'll talk to him.
- Yeah.
2448
01:38:56,137 --> 01:38:57,372
Hey.
2449
01:38:58,207 --> 01:38:59,508
Talk to me.
2450
01:39:01,208 --> 01:39:03,943
What's going through
your head?
2451
01:39:03,945 --> 01:39:06,912
Biological mother
dies at childbirth?
2452
01:39:06,914 --> 01:39:09,215
Which I guess is another way
of saying we killed her.
2453
01:39:09,217 --> 01:39:10,716
No.
2454
01:39:10,718 --> 01:39:12,185
At a certain point, I just
gotta say, you're right.
2455
01:39:12,187 --> 01:39:13,921
The universe is an asshole.
2456
01:39:13,923 --> 01:39:16,255
I think we're
a couple of born losers
2457
01:39:16,257 --> 01:39:19,492
fulfilling our
born loser identity.
2458
01:39:19,494 --> 01:39:22,562
I mean, you don't think
that's an asshole move?
2459
01:39:22,564 --> 01:39:24,901
- Fuck the universe!
- (SIGHS)
2460
01:39:25,833 --> 01:39:27,067
What do you call that?
2461
01:39:27,069 --> 01:39:30,136
I'll grant you,
the universe is a little wily,
2462
01:39:30,138 --> 01:39:32,672
a little unpredictable.
2463
01:39:32,674 --> 01:39:34,774
But it's pretty
fucking amazing
2464
01:39:34,776 --> 01:39:38,381
when you consider
it also gave us Mom.
2465
01:39:39,815 --> 01:39:44,553
And Mom gave up
everything for us.
2466
01:39:45,721 --> 01:39:48,755
Where would we be
right now without Mom?
2467
01:39:48,757 --> 01:39:52,358
And I hate to even
contemplate this.
2468
01:39:52,360 --> 01:39:55,665
We might be
running around out there,
2469
01:39:57,232 --> 01:40:01,937
not even aware
that each other exists.
2470
01:40:06,307 --> 01:40:07,873
We're not losers.
2471
01:40:07,875 --> 01:40:11,077
We're survivors. Okay?
2472
01:40:11,079 --> 01:40:13,749
And that's because of Mom.
2473
01:40:15,383 --> 01:40:16,882
And because of Mom,
2474
01:40:16,884 --> 01:40:19,989
we can survive anything
the universe throws at us.
2475
01:40:22,158 --> 01:40:23,625
I like that.
2476
01:40:24,392 --> 01:40:26,660
All right. Good.
2477
01:40:26,662 --> 01:40:28,297
Survivors.
2478
01:40:29,365 --> 01:40:30,730
That's good.
2479
01:40:30,732 --> 01:40:34,902
But the universe is on
probation with me, Pete.
2480
01:40:34,904 --> 01:40:36,606
Fair enough.
2481
01:40:44,379 --> 01:40:45,912
(SIGHS)
2482
01:40:45,914 --> 01:40:49,916
I should've told you as soon
as you could understand,
2483
01:40:49,918 --> 01:40:52,885
but I didn't,
2484
01:40:52,887 --> 01:40:57,056
and it just got
harder and harder.
2485
01:40:57,058 --> 01:40:58,828
I was so afraid.
2486
01:40:59,293 --> 01:41:00,562
Of what?
2487
01:41:01,363 --> 01:41:03,598
Of hurting you.
2488
01:41:05,801 --> 01:41:07,303
Losing you.
2489
01:41:11,006 --> 01:41:13,872
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
2490
01:41:13,874 --> 01:41:14,944
No.
2491
01:41:24,785 --> 01:41:26,955
(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT
OVER PA)
2492
01:41:29,423 --> 01:41:30,692
So... (SIGHS)
2493
01:41:32,694 --> 01:41:34,394
I got hit by a train.
2494
01:41:34,396 --> 01:41:37,066
- You got hit by a train.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
2495
01:41:40,168 --> 01:41:41,600
I'm gonna miss you.
2496
01:41:41,602 --> 01:41:43,605
I'm gonna miss you.
2497
01:41:44,839 --> 01:41:49,576
Well, you get after that
fantastic girl of yours
2498
01:41:49,578 --> 01:41:51,345
and give her Honi for me.
2499
01:41:51,347 --> 01:41:53,147
Fuck that!
I'm gonna give you a Honi.
2500
01:41:53,149 --> 01:41:54,514
I don't need a Honi. I'm good.
2501
01:41:54,516 --> 01:41:55,448
You do need a Honi.
We all need Honis.
2502
01:41:55,450 --> 01:41:57,084
- Hey...
- Peter.
2503
01:41:57,086 --> 01:41:59,353
- I'm giving you a Honi.
- All right.
2504
01:41:59,355 --> 01:42:01,057
You know what they say,
2505
01:42:01,990 --> 01:42:03,355
a Honi a day...
2506
01:42:03,357 --> 01:42:04,759
(PETER CHUCKLING)
2507
01:42:30,918 --> 01:42:32,185
PETER: Blue, 32!
2508
01:42:32,187 --> 01:42:33,756
Hut! Hut!
2509
01:42:35,024 --> 01:42:36,124
In the end zone.
2510
01:42:37,558 --> 01:42:40,059
- (ETHAN WHOOPING)
- Yeah! It's a catch!
2511
01:42:40,061 --> 01:42:41,094
ETHAN: Great throw, Dad.
2512
01:42:41,096 --> 01:42:43,063
Damn, you could've
been in the NFL.
2513
01:42:43,065 --> 01:42:44,997
- Eh. Probably.
- Hey, you ready for this?
2514
01:42:44,999 --> 01:42:47,369
Probably could've been.
Yeah. Hit me. Hit me.
2515
01:42:50,905 --> 01:42:52,572
Oh, shit!
2516
01:42:52,574 --> 01:42:54,474
Boom! You like that?
2517
01:42:54,476 --> 01:42:56,579
Oh, my God. Nice hit.
2518
01:42:57,745 --> 01:42:59,114
- Come here, you.
- (SQUEALS)
2519
01:43:00,615 --> 01:43:02,215
ETHAN: Oh, gross, guys.
2520
01:43:02,217 --> 01:43:03,718
Come on. Really?
2521
01:43:07,321 --> 01:43:09,422
Life is such a crazy ride.
2522
01:43:09,424 --> 01:43:13,225
One minute you're on this epic
quest with your brother.
2523
01:43:13,227 --> 01:43:16,696
The next minute you're getting
replaced by a monkey,
2524
01:43:16,698 --> 01:43:17,864
about to lose it all.
2525
01:43:17,866 --> 01:43:19,132
PETER: And the next minute,
2526
01:43:19,134 --> 01:43:21,166
you think
your brother's been killed
2527
01:43:21,168 --> 01:43:22,736
by a speeding locomotive.
2528
01:43:22,738 --> 01:43:24,537
And the next minute you think
2529
01:43:24,539 --> 01:43:27,107
your brother's having sex
with his sister.
2530
01:43:27,109 --> 01:43:29,343
But the next minute
you're very happy
2531
01:43:29,345 --> 01:43:31,243
to find out that
she can't be your sister
2532
01:43:31,245 --> 01:43:34,581
because her father didn't
believe in premarital sex.
2533
01:43:34,583 --> 01:43:35,881
I'm not sure
they're quite ready
2534
01:43:35,883 --> 01:43:37,783
to hear about
all your adventures.
2535
01:43:37,785 --> 01:43:39,285
You're gonna have to
educate those girls
2536
01:43:39,287 --> 01:43:40,653
about premarital sex
2537
01:43:40,655 --> 01:43:42,922
because we come from
a long line of people
2538
01:43:42,924 --> 01:43:45,157
with a zest for love making.
2539
01:43:45,159 --> 01:43:47,327
Never hold back on love.
2540
01:43:47,329 --> 01:43:49,129
You hear that? Never.
2541
01:43:49,131 --> 01:43:51,297
But let's not get distracted.
Now, where were we?
2542
01:43:51,299 --> 01:43:54,867
Yes, one minute, Dad's getting
replaced by a monkey...
2543
01:43:54,869 --> 01:43:56,769
PETER: Yeah,
but the next minute,
2544
01:43:56,771 --> 01:43:58,871
you're inventing an app
with your brother
2545
01:43:58,873 --> 01:44:02,675
that sends people optimistic
messages from the universe.
2546
01:44:02,677 --> 01:44:05,245
And then the next minute,
you're making $3.99
2547
01:44:05,247 --> 01:44:08,148
- every time it's downloaded.
- Every single time.
2548
01:44:08,150 --> 01:44:09,215
And the next minute,
2549
01:44:09,217 --> 01:44:10,750
it's been downloaded
a million times.
2550
01:44:10,752 --> 01:44:12,521
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
- A million times.
2551
01:44:14,522 --> 01:44:17,357
Hi, it's me. The Universe.
2552
01:44:17,359 --> 01:44:20,559
Remember, life is not a race.
2553
01:44:20,561 --> 01:44:22,996
It's the journey that counts.
2554
01:44:22,998 --> 01:44:24,098
Okay?
2555
01:44:24,699 --> 01:44:26,034
I love you.
2556
01:44:27,903 --> 01:44:30,606
By the way,
the Illuminati is real.
2557
01:44:32,206 --> 01:44:37,206
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