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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:04,030 My husband. 2 00:01:04,900 --> 00:01:06,210 Thank you for last night. 3 00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:23,380 Thank you for last night. 4 00:01:42,810 --> 00:01:44,650 Thank you for last night. 5 00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:16,990 Hey, what do you think you're doing? 6 00:02:18,650 --> 00:02:20,040 Shit. 7 00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:39,910 Today, these visually-impaired senior citizens will fulfill a lifelong dream: 8 00:02:42,790 --> 00:02:44,480 To swim with dolphins. 9 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,260 Hey, check this out. 10 00:02:49,310 --> 00:02:51,610 - What is that? - Careful. 11 00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:53,960 That is four years of research. 12 00:02:54,130 --> 00:02:57,920 A technological breakthrough which might just save a life or two. 13 00:02:58,140 --> 00:02:59,920 - What's it for? - A device to prevent... 14 00:03:00,050 --> 00:03:01,920 ...the beaching of cetaceans. 15 00:03:02,090 --> 00:03:04,970 - That's whales to you and me. - Cetaceans, huh? 16 00:03:05,130 --> 00:03:07,360 That's a pretty big word for a man-whore. 17 00:03:10,050 --> 00:03:12,570 I'm not a man-whore. 18 00:03:12,790 --> 00:03:14,930 I'm a fish enthusiast. 19 00:03:15,190 --> 00:03:17,010 I stopped man-whoring when I met my wife. 20 00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:19,480 My mom said your wife got eaten on your honeymoon... 21 00:03:19,660 --> 00:03:21,440 ...because you tried to feed the sharks. 22 00:03:21,580 --> 00:03:24,270 You tell your mom I was trying to feed the turtles. 23 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,670 I didn't realize there was meat sauce on the lettuce. 24 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:30,230 Whatever. I bet that thing doesn't even work, you stupid he-bitch. 25 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,880 - Come on, I got it. - Hey, you little bastards. 26 00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:35,360 Give that back! That's not a toy! 27 00:03:37,010 --> 00:03:39,310 That's the one. That's your grandma. 28 00:03:39,490 --> 00:03:41,320 Give me...! Come on! Give me...! 29 00:03:52,060 --> 00:03:55,180 Something seems to be going wrong. I'm not sure what's happening. 30 00:03:58,670 --> 00:04:00,110 I gotcha! I got...! 31 00:04:11,970 --> 00:04:14,190 Hey, everybody. I'm home. 32 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,980 Hi, Kate. I missed you today. 33 00:04:22,190 --> 00:04:24,410 The prototype's almost working. 34 00:04:24,710 --> 00:04:26,450 All it needs is a few minor adjustments. 35 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:35,590 Wes Takahashi in Malibu, where three blind swimmers are missing. 36 00:04:35,770 --> 00:04:37,760 I hope that man rots in hell! 37 00:04:38,670 --> 00:04:41,060 It was some weird guy. He tried to touch my ball... 38 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,680 - Hello? - Deucey, Deucey, Deucey. 39 00:04:50,850 --> 00:04:52,500 It's your old buddy T.J. here. 40 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,720 - T.J? - I'm in Amsterdam. 41 00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:57,990 Man, you'd love it here. It's like Disneyland for college students. 42 00:04:58,290 --> 00:04:59,460 You wouldn't believe this. 43 00:04:59,630 --> 00:05:02,640 Why don't you come and let your friend T.J. show you a good time. 44 00:05:02,850 --> 00:05:04,900 - Oh, that's crazy. I can't. - Look. 45 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,550 It ain't like you got something better to do over there. 46 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,630 Amsterdam is so far away. 47 00:05:09,850 --> 00:05:13,110 Police have just released a sketch of a man wanted for questioning. 48 00:05:13,290 --> 00:05:17,640 Witnesses report he is goofy-looking and probably a virgin. 49 00:05:18,330 --> 00:05:21,210 On the other hand, far away could be good. 50 00:05:24,330 --> 00:05:25,860 Is my wife gonna be okay in there? 51 00:05:26,030 --> 00:05:28,380 - She'll be fine, sir. - All right. 52 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,850 Ladies and gentlemen, Flight 10 from Helsinki is now arriving... 53 00:05:32,030 --> 00:05:34,810 Excuse me. I think there's been a mix-up. 54 00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:37,720 Oh, sorry. Sorry. 55 00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:40,990 That's okay. I always wondered what it felt like to be a white woman. 56 00:05:42,030 --> 00:05:44,120 - Can I borrow it? - Give me that. 57 00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:46,210 Hold on. 58 00:05:46,550 --> 00:05:49,300 All rows now boarding for Amsterdam. 59 00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,250 Excuse me. 60 00:05:58,510 --> 00:05:59,730 Okay. 61 00:06:08,950 --> 00:06:12,000 Hey, how many people get to do this on their honeymoon? 62 00:06:12,820 --> 00:06:14,640 You're sure it's safe to feed the turtles? 63 00:06:14,860 --> 00:06:18,560 You have nothing to worry about. I'm a fish expert, remember? 64 00:06:19,910 --> 00:06:21,870 What is that over there? 65 00:06:22,170 --> 00:06:25,380 Oh, that's just some kid with a fin on his back, trying to scare us. 66 00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:27,650 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 67 00:06:28,350 --> 00:06:31,170 Do you think the hotel would let us swim out here if there were sharks? 68 00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:36,380 Come on. This is Mexico. 69 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,560 They know what they're doing. 70 00:06:51,570 --> 00:06:53,530 This shirt's gonna be a great icebreaker. 71 00:06:53,690 --> 00:06:56,650 Fuck you, American, you imperialist bastard! 72 00:06:57,180 --> 00:07:00,260 I love America. I love President Bush. 73 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,910 Thank you for bringing democracy to Iraq. 74 00:07:03,130 --> 00:07:05,490 - Shut up! - Oh, shit! 75 00:07:07,390 --> 00:07:09,480 Oh, hello. Sir. 76 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:12,870 - Is this okay? - You did miss a spot. 77 00:07:18,790 --> 00:07:20,090 Did I get it? 78 00:07:20,660 --> 00:07:22,880 Put some elbow in it. 79 00:07:25,220 --> 00:07:26,440 Sorry, honey. 80 00:07:32,570 --> 00:07:34,220 What's with all these red lights? 81 00:07:35,530 --> 00:07:38,010 I wonder if they know their curtains are open. 82 00:07:40,870 --> 00:07:42,140 Oh, man. 83 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:46,660 Ahoy there! 84 00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:49,270 Big Deucey in Amsterdam. 85 00:07:50,750 --> 00:07:52,400 Man, get on over here. 86 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,840 Deucey. 87 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,700 - Look at this boat. - Check this out. 88 00:08:02,670 --> 00:08:04,310 You like that? 89 00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:11,710 I couldn't be happier for you. 90 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:13,490 Come, let me show you my float-crib. 91 00:08:13,790 --> 00:08:16,880 - Okay. - Looking like money. 92 00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:20,540 I'm telling you, you gonna have a good time, man, huh? 93 00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:24,670 Well, it ain't much, but it's home. 94 00:08:26,890 --> 00:08:29,620 It's nice. I like what you've done with it. 95 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:33,140 Now, if you gotta use the bathroom, lift up the toilet seat. 96 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,450 This is where I live. This is my home. 97 00:08:35,670 --> 00:08:38,370 I don't want nobody pissing on my toilet seat. 98 00:08:39,970 --> 00:08:42,760 What do you think of the float-crib? You feeling it? 99 00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:45,840 T.J., I think you got a bad leak here. 100 00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:47,630 No, no, no. It's just high tide. 101 00:08:49,010 --> 00:08:51,450 Is that what I think it is? 102 00:08:51,850 --> 00:08:54,680 Yeah. I brought Kate. 103 00:08:55,150 --> 00:08:57,540 I really wanna show her a good time, you know? 104 00:08:57,720 --> 00:08:59,810 Maybe buy her a wooden shoe. 105 00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:02,890 Deucey. 106 00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:07,320 Keeping that leg is kind of creepy. 107 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:10,550 - You gotta move on with your life. - T.J! 108 00:09:12,810 --> 00:09:14,280 Hey, Lil' Kim, what's up? 109 00:09:14,460 --> 00:09:16,370 I no more man-whore. Too much danger. 110 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:20,680 Excuse us for a moment, Deucey. 111 00:09:23,190 --> 00:09:24,510 Listen up, Lil' Kim. 112 00:09:24,670 --> 00:09:27,850 When your little bony ass had SARS, who got you out of quarantine? 113 00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:31,240 - Go make me some money. - No way! 114 00:09:31,420 --> 00:09:33,420 I take my three inches elsewhere. 115 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,500 So I thought I'd come over here and make a killing. 116 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,680 Got myself a houseboat, some ho's. 117 00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:46,030 The only thing a woman love more than a man-ho... 118 00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:48,550 - ...is a floating man-ho. - Makes sense. 119 00:09:48,730 --> 00:09:50,860 Then all these man-whore murders started. 120 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,200 My he-bitches got too scared to go to work. 121 00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:54,900 What kind of world do we live in... 122 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,770 ...where the streets ain't safe for male prostitutes? 123 00:09:58,030 --> 00:09:59,950 Here's your hashish. 124 00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:03,040 - Enjoy. - Hashish? 125 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,080 - Yeah. - No. 126 00:10:07,290 --> 00:10:08,850 I thought this was a coffee shop. 127 00:10:09,030 --> 00:10:11,550 Let me break it down for you, Deucey. You're in Amsterdam. 128 00:10:11,730 --> 00:10:14,560 If you want coffee, you go to a café. 129 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:18,910 If you want marijuana, ganji or some freaky-deaky, you go to a coffee shop. 130 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:20,870 That's where you is now. 131 00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:31,550 Put that away. Cops. Cops! 132 00:10:32,430 --> 00:10:34,390 Hold it right there. 133 00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:44,870 Now, that joint looks loose. If you want, I'll roll the next one. 134 00:10:45,950 --> 00:10:47,740 Have a good evening, huh? 135 00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:51,340 Oh, don't worry about it, Deucey. This is Amsterdam. 136 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,730 It's perfectly legal over here. You want a hit? 137 00:10:53,910 --> 00:10:55,950 No. I'm not smoking nothing. 138 00:10:56,130 --> 00:10:57,470 Oh, come on, man. 139 00:10:57,780 --> 00:10:59,860 - Deucey don't smoke. - Suit yourself. 140 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,480 Well, well, well, if it ain't Heinz Hummer... 141 00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:04,870 ...the gigolo with the most below. 142 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,650 What do you want, T.J? I'm busy. 143 00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:09,260 I wanna introduce you to my friend, Deuce Bigalow. 144 00:11:09,390 --> 00:11:12,130 - He's a gigolo from America. - Hi. 145 00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:18,470 Sometimes you're really funny, T.J. 146 00:11:18,650 --> 00:11:21,000 How much you getting for a Filthy Ramirez these days? 147 00:11:21,170 --> 00:11:22,390 I could get you more. 148 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:24,610 A Filthy Ramirez? Where have you been? 149 00:11:24,820 --> 00:11:26,480 Nobody pays for that shit anymore. 150 00:11:26,650 --> 00:11:28,000 See you around, T.J. 151 00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:29,690 The Man-whore Awards are coming up. 152 00:11:29,870 --> 00:11:31,350 You wanna win the Golden Boner? 153 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,130 I already won it twice. 154 00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:35,000 Just ask your ex-fiancée. 155 00:11:35,780 --> 00:11:37,960 Man, why you gotta bring up Delisha like that? 156 00:11:40,010 --> 00:11:42,130 I can't believe prostitution's legal here. 157 00:11:42,350 --> 00:11:44,960 Oh, yeah, it's big business. They got a union, dental plan. 158 00:11:45,140 --> 00:11:48,000 Man, if I had a he-bitch like Heinz Hummer... 159 00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:50,010 ...put me back in the game. 160 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,230 - Is he that good? - "Is he that good?" 161 00:11:52,390 --> 00:11:54,960 They don't call him "Lord of the Wangs" for nothing. 162 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,260 Man, what I wouldn't give... 163 00:11:57,740 --> 00:11:58,960 For Heinz's wang? 164 00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:02,400 No, I don't want Heinz's wang! I want him as a client. 165 00:12:04,130 --> 00:12:05,870 Hey, man, keep your voice down. 166 00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:09,100 Talking about me wanting Heinz's big juicy wang. 167 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:10,480 People would think I'm gay. 168 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,790 Now, a pimp's only got one thing in this world: 169 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:15,490 His reputation. 170 00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:18,490 Here you are, gentlemen. Fresh today. 171 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:21,580 - What is this? - Spacecake. 172 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:25,190 - Why do they call it that? - You know... 173 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,670 ...it's what the astronauts eat. Like Tang. 174 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:32,800 I'm starving. 175 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,490 - It's a little dry. - Keep eating. It gets better. 176 00:12:39,710 --> 00:12:41,970 - You sure you don't want any? - No. 177 00:12:42,100 --> 00:12:45,140 Never been high, never gonna be. 178 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:48,490 This is pretty good cake, though. 179 00:12:49,370 --> 00:12:50,670 Fucking excellent. 180 00:13:26,070 --> 00:13:27,670 You. 181 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:31,460 Come on in here. 182 00:13:31,940 --> 00:13:33,720 You...? You want me to...? 183 00:13:33,890 --> 00:13:35,370 Yes, you. 184 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,510 - Maybe you can help me. - Really? 185 00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:01,590 I don't want a man who's chiseled and sculpted. 186 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:05,020 I like soft and weak. 187 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:08,420 - You do? - I want a man who's unemployed. 188 00:14:09,810 --> 00:14:12,370 And went to a community college. 189 00:14:12,510 --> 00:14:14,940 I am, and I did. 190 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,940 - You know what really turns me on? - What? 191 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,900 Is thinking about him in his tighty whities... 192 00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:23,030 ...sitting at his computer... 193 00:14:23,250 --> 00:14:25,680 ...and visiting different porn sites... 194 00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:30,420 ...and taking the free tour with no intention of ever joining. 195 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,210 I don't have a credit card! 196 00:14:32,380 --> 00:14:35,330 - Kiss my chest. - Okay. 197 00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:38,510 Harder! 198 00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:40,120 - Bite me! - You sure? 199 00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:41,680 Harder! Bite me harder! 200 00:14:43,910 --> 00:14:47,380 Get off of my titty, you doped-up cracker! 201 00:14:49,900 --> 00:14:52,340 No more spacecakes for you. 202 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:59,080 Hey. I'm sorry about that, T.J. I must have gotten a contact buzz. 203 00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:01,380 What'd I tell you about making me look gay? 204 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,680 Not ten minutes go by and you got your sloppy mouth... 205 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,380 ...all over my breasteses. 206 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:06,870 My nipple's ruined! 207 00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:09,390 You're lucky I was born with a spare. 208 00:15:12,260 --> 00:15:14,160 There go one of my ho's. 209 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,380 The old guy in the walker's one of your ho's? 210 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:20,210 Yeah. Why ain't his ancient ass out there making me my money? 211 00:15:20,470 --> 00:15:23,600 Kaiser! Get your old ass back in the booth! 212 00:15:23,860 --> 00:15:26,120 Deucey, meet me back at the float-crib. 213 00:15:26,740 --> 00:15:29,560 Bitches out here act like they never seen a pimp before. 214 00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:33,870 I raise my hand, they look at it like it's a goddamn croissant. Then: BAM 215 00:15:35,340 --> 00:15:37,340 Feel my pimp hand. 216 00:15:39,870 --> 00:15:41,090 Where's the boat? 217 00:15:53,050 --> 00:15:55,790 Oh. You scared me. 218 00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:00,220 Hey. Do you know who I am? 219 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:04,870 I am Heinz Hummer. I'm the gigolo with the most below. Okay? 220 00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:07,570 I can give you a Filthy Lopez like you never had before. 221 00:16:07,870 --> 00:16:10,520 I could give you a Cambodian Creamsicle... 222 00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,920 ...that will make you scream all night. Okay? 223 00:16:13,090 --> 00:16:16,530 But not now because I'm busy. So leave me alone, bitch. 224 00:16:19,350 --> 00:16:21,480 Wait a second. Do I know you? 225 00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:27,920 "New-jizz-fizz... 226 00:16:29,310 --> 00:16:32,090 ...ver-bur-ger-king... "? 227 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,060 Heinz. 228 00:16:53,970 --> 00:16:55,920 Man, are you wasted. 229 00:17:01,060 --> 00:17:02,570 I gotcha. 230 00:17:04,410 --> 00:17:06,360 Coming up next, more weather. 231 00:17:08,180 --> 00:17:09,660 What's this? 232 00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:13,410 Hey, Heinz, wake up, check this out. 233 00:17:15,490 --> 00:17:17,230 Holy shit. 234 00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,980 Europe just got a little better. 235 00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:25,370 Damn. That old Kaiser's got legs. 236 00:17:26,010 --> 00:17:28,450 - You gotta keep your bitches in line. - Yeah. 237 00:17:29,450 --> 00:17:32,320 - What's he doing here? - I found him passed out in the alley. 238 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,890 I couldn't just leave him there. 239 00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:36,410 I put in a good word for you. 240 00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:38,970 Thanks, Deucey. Much appreciated. 241 00:17:39,540 --> 00:17:41,240 I knew you'd come around. 242 00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:47,020 Oh, shit. Heinz ain't passed out. Heinz is dead. 243 00:17:48,590 --> 00:17:51,850 No. He can't be. 244 00:17:52,110 --> 00:17:55,580 I'm telling you, Heinz is dead. See for yourself. 245 00:18:01,030 --> 00:18:02,330 Watch this. 246 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,200 Maybe he's just a heavy sleeper. 247 00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:19,060 I can't believe you brought a dead man-whore in my home. 248 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,030 - What were you thinking? - I didn't know you could die from pot. 249 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,890 This is no pot-related fatality. This is no ganja accident. 250 00:18:26,110 --> 00:18:27,850 This man was murdered. 251 00:18:30,380 --> 00:18:31,900 The Man-whore Killer did this? 252 00:18:34,940 --> 00:18:37,630 - We gotta call the police. - No, no, no! Hey, hey! 253 00:18:37,770 --> 00:18:39,240 Goddamn, white boy. 254 00:18:39,460 --> 00:18:41,720 You think the police gonna believe a stone-black pimp... 255 00:18:41,860 --> 00:18:44,510 ...had nothing to do with a dead prosti-dude in his float-crib? 256 00:18:55,030 --> 00:18:57,850 Before I toss your dumb ass in the canal, I just wanna say... 257 00:18:58,030 --> 00:19:00,210 ...for the record, under T.J.'s management... 258 00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:02,340 ...this would've never happened. 259 00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:08,810 I just gotta see what all the fuss was about. 260 00:19:13,290 --> 00:19:14,860 Goddamn! 261 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,730 No wonder Delisha never came back. 262 00:19:17,950 --> 00:19:20,690 That shit's the real Loch Ness monster. 263 00:19:22,390 --> 00:19:23,860 What's over there? 264 00:19:25,820 --> 00:19:28,080 - Look where his hand is. - What the shit is this? 265 00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,820 What you looking at? Turn off them damn cameras! 266 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,690 I ain't gay! I was only looking down his pants... 267 00:19:34,870 --> 00:19:37,120 ...because I heard his schlong was so big and juicy. 268 00:19:37,340 --> 00:19:39,960 Wait a minute. That didn't sound right. 269 00:19:40,170 --> 00:19:42,130 - Perv! - Give me them damn cameras. 270 00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:46,130 Where is he? 271 00:19:46,350 --> 00:19:49,780 We now interrupt Naked Seinfeld for this special report. 272 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:51,520 The suspected Man-whore Killer... 273 00:19:51,740 --> 00:19:53,870 ...has been spotted on the Prinsengracht Canal... 274 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,090 ...attempting to dispose of his latest victim. 275 00:19:57,250 --> 00:19:59,220 - I ain't gay! - The suspected killer... 276 00:19:59,350 --> 00:20:02,820 ...has been identified as Tiberius Jefferson Hicks. 277 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,960 - You idiot. - He is still at large... 278 00:20:05,130 --> 00:20:06,570 - ... and extremely... - Hold it! 279 00:20:06,780 --> 00:20:08,390 Hey. Hey, guys! How's it going? 280 00:20:09,310 --> 00:20:11,390 - Where is he? - I don't know. 281 00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:16,440 - Where is he? - I swear I don't know. 282 00:20:17,610 --> 00:20:20,130 Your loyalty is impressive, sir. 283 00:20:20,690 --> 00:20:24,000 You've once been arrested for man-whoring, were you not? 284 00:20:24,220 --> 00:20:26,220 Look, I wasn't really man-whoring... 285 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:30,430 Please, Mr. Bigalow. I've heard this a thousand times. 286 00:20:30,610 --> 00:20:32,910 You were cold, you were frightened. 287 00:20:33,050 --> 00:20:35,350 He took you under his arm and fed you. 288 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,300 He made you feel sexy. 289 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:40,750 He told you how to hide money in every orifice. 290 00:20:40,870 --> 00:20:44,570 But your friend is obviously a killer. 291 00:20:44,750 --> 00:20:46,050 T.J.'s not a killer. 292 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,880 If he isn't a murderer... 293 00:20:49,050 --> 00:20:52,010 ...then what was he doing checking out a dead man's penis? 294 00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:55,010 I guess he was curious. 295 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,700 He heard it was big and juicy... 296 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:01,180 ...and wanted to see for himself. 297 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,700 A lot of guys do that. 298 00:21:05,090 --> 00:21:08,440 No, they don't. 299 00:21:09,660 --> 00:21:11,320 Okay. 300 00:21:12,060 --> 00:21:13,400 T.J.'s gay. 301 00:21:13,790 --> 00:21:17,710 - Really? - Not normal-gay, but, you know... 302 00:21:18,140 --> 00:21:20,800 ...crazy-gay, you know? 303 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,960 Musical-theater-gay. 304 00:21:25,620 --> 00:21:27,570 Is that why he puts lipstick... 305 00:21:29,010 --> 00:21:31,710 ...on all his victims? 306 00:21:33,020 --> 00:21:34,500 Wait a minute. 307 00:21:34,700 --> 00:21:38,320 In the alley, I heard someone whistling. 308 00:21:38,750 --> 00:21:40,110 And I saw someone. 309 00:21:42,540 --> 00:21:44,280 A woman... 310 00:21:45,580 --> 00:21:48,100 ...in a leopard coat. 311 00:21:49,020 --> 00:21:52,710 People see a lot of crazy things when they're high on spacecake. 312 00:21:52,930 --> 00:21:54,970 There's drugs in spacecake? 313 00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:59,150 Mr. Bigalow, I will find your pimp whether you help me or not. 314 00:22:05,710 --> 00:22:08,100 - T.J., thank God you're here. - How'd you find me? 315 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,670 It's the only chicken and waffle place in Holland. 316 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,760 So a black man's gotta be at a chicken and waffles place? 317 00:22:13,850 --> 00:22:15,280 That's racist. 318 00:22:15,930 --> 00:22:19,320 - But you are here. - Yeah, but figuring it out is racist. 319 00:22:21,890 --> 00:22:24,330 - It's a nice place. - Did you know Holland invented... 320 00:22:24,450 --> 00:22:26,590 - ...chicken and waffles? - Really? 321 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,680 Before that, you could only get chicken or waffles. 322 00:22:29,890 --> 00:22:32,800 But they were the first to put them together. 323 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:36,890 Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that. 324 00:22:37,030 --> 00:22:39,290 You do know the Dutch started the slave trade. 325 00:22:39,810 --> 00:22:42,020 Those motherfuckers! 326 00:22:48,510 --> 00:22:49,890 Who let them print this? 327 00:22:50,110 --> 00:22:54,070 Look, we're gonna prove that you didn't kill anyone. 328 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,550 I don't give a damn about that. It's the "extremely gay" part. 329 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,370 If I'm a murderer, they'll welcome me home with open arms. 330 00:23:00,590 --> 00:23:02,370 Get out of jail and become a huge rapper. 331 00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:04,070 But a gay pimp? 332 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,290 - Like, where I'm going? Vermont? - Look, T.J... 333 00:23:07,460 --> 00:23:09,420 ...I think I saw the real killer. 334 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:10,900 It was a woman. 335 00:23:11,770 --> 00:23:13,900 Some she-john went on a he-bitch killing spree... 336 00:23:13,990 --> 00:23:16,340 ...because she wasn't satisfied with a Filthy Lopez. 337 00:23:16,510 --> 00:23:19,200 - What's a Filthy Lopez? - Forty bucks. Same as downtown. 338 00:23:19,380 --> 00:23:22,430 All we do is find the she-johns that went out with the dead gigolos. 339 00:23:22,590 --> 00:23:24,380 - One of them is our killer. - Makes sense. 340 00:23:24,590 --> 00:23:26,900 - You gotta get back on the horse. - Horse? What horse? 341 00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:28,340 The man-whore horse. 342 00:23:28,460 --> 00:23:30,120 We gonna use your white ass as bait. 343 00:23:30,300 --> 00:23:31,990 Bait? Look, I'm not man-whoring. 344 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,470 We'll find the killer using your twat-sicle. 345 00:23:34,850 --> 00:23:38,380 Twat-sicle? Gross! No. 346 00:23:41,380 --> 00:23:43,210 Give this to my mama. 347 00:23:43,510 --> 00:23:45,860 Tell her I'm sorry I was a disappointment to her. 348 00:23:46,030 --> 00:23:48,650 Sorry I called her friends in the middle of the night... 349 00:23:48,820 --> 00:23:50,780 ...when I was pleasuring myself. 350 00:23:50,900 --> 00:23:53,950 And tell her she don't have to worry anymore about her baby. 351 00:23:56,340 --> 00:24:00,910 Even if I wanted to, how are we gonna find a dead gigolo's customers? 352 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,340 We'll go to the man-whore union. But be careful. 353 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:04,740 They'll be looking for me. 354 00:24:07,390 --> 00:24:11,130 Meeting of the Royal Order of European Man-whores... 355 00:24:11,300 --> 00:24:13,600 ...is now in session. 356 00:24:13,780 --> 00:24:16,340 These are the highest paid he-bitches in Europe. 357 00:24:16,740 --> 00:24:19,390 That? That's Rodrigo. He's from Spain. 358 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:21,910 He can tie shoelaces with his tongue. 359 00:24:22,950 --> 00:24:25,000 That? That's Enzo. He's Italian. 360 00:24:25,220 --> 00:24:27,480 His nutsack is insured for a million dollars. 361 00:24:27,700 --> 00:24:30,040 - That's 500 grand each. - Check it out. 362 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,310 That's Assapopulus from Greece. 363 00:24:32,430 --> 00:24:35,390 He can actually kiss you with his butthole. 364 00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,040 I'd like to never see that. 365 00:24:37,390 --> 00:24:41,390 I'd like to say a few words about our fallen comrade, Heinz Hummer. 366 00:24:41,610 --> 00:24:42,870 Who's the blond guy? 367 00:24:43,090 --> 00:24:46,350 Chadsworth Buckingham. Comes from a long line of ho's. 368 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:49,440 His great-great-great grandmother gave Henry VIII crabs. 369 00:24:49,660 --> 00:24:52,610 But I know Heinz would like to be remembered for most... 370 00:24:53,260 --> 00:24:56,350 - ...was being a male prostitute. - Hear, hear. 371 00:24:56,530 --> 00:24:59,350 He was also a supercilious cunt. 372 00:25:00,090 --> 00:25:03,790 - Who's that guy? - Gian-Carlo. Silverback he-bitch. 373 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,910 Heinz Hummer was undercutting all of us. 374 00:25:07,050 --> 00:25:08,750 - What? - Yes. 375 00:25:08,870 --> 00:25:11,740 He was charging the same price for straight sex... 376 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,220 ...as he was for a Turkish Snow Cone. 377 00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:16,400 - What? - Oh, yes. 378 00:25:16,660 --> 00:25:20,830 He was also charging the same price for a Belgian Steamer... 379 00:25:21,010 --> 00:25:24,180 ...as he was for a Portuguese Breakfast. 380 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,970 As we sow, so shall we reap. 381 00:25:29,190 --> 00:25:32,270 Thank you, Gian-Carlo, for those kind words. 382 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:34,490 Until this insane killer is apprehended... 383 00:25:34,660 --> 00:25:38,010 ...the union is going to institute a new security measure. 384 00:25:38,180 --> 00:25:41,830 This ring locks snugly over your va-guy-na... 385 00:25:42,830 --> 00:25:45,970 ...and then communicates directly with a global satellite system. 386 00:25:46,140 --> 00:25:50,180 There are rings of all sizes available, smaller for our Asian members. 387 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:52,310 Y'all know me. 388 00:25:53,310 --> 00:25:55,140 My name is McManus. 389 00:25:55,670 --> 00:26:00,280 I joined this union some 20-odd years ago for two reasons: 390 00:26:00,450 --> 00:26:03,150 To have intercourse in exchange for cash... 391 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,320 ...and two, to protect me rights as a man-whore. 392 00:26:06,490 --> 00:26:07,710 But... 393 00:26:08,620 --> 00:26:10,360 ...three years ago... 394 00:26:10,580 --> 00:26:14,840 ...when this union told we man-whores... 395 00:26:15,010 --> 00:26:19,190 ...that we were to stop having intercourse with underage girls... 396 00:26:19,410 --> 00:26:21,720 ...I strongly disagreed. 397 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,840 But I did not stand up. 398 00:26:24,190 --> 00:26:27,330 I'm ashamed to say I stood down! 399 00:26:27,810 --> 00:26:30,020 And then three months later... 400 00:26:30,190 --> 00:26:33,540 ...this union told we man-whores... 401 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:39,150 ...that we were to begin washing our private areas between customers. 402 00:26:39,370 --> 00:26:41,800 Our private areas. 403 00:26:42,630 --> 00:26:46,580 And once again, I'm ashamed to report to you gentlemen... 404 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:48,540 ...I stood down! 405 00:26:49,370 --> 00:26:54,500 But now, sir, for what am I to tell my 8-year-old boy... 406 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:57,100 ...when he comes to me and he says: 407 00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,200 "Daddy. Daddy. 408 00:26:59,370 --> 00:27:04,590 What's that thing hanging off of your he-pussy?" 409 00:27:05,330 --> 00:27:07,280 How am I to tell him, sir? 410 00:27:13,770 --> 00:27:16,370 Deucey, you can do this. 411 00:27:16,500 --> 00:27:18,280 Due to high demand... 412 00:27:18,460 --> 00:27:21,550 ...each member will be only allowed two tickets... 413 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,730 - ...to this year's Man-whore Awards. - How's it going? 414 00:27:25,370 --> 00:27:28,640 I'm Deuce Bigalow. I'm a gigolo from America. 415 00:27:29,900 --> 00:27:33,160 My friend Tiberius Jefferson is not the Man-whore Killer. 416 00:27:33,380 --> 00:27:34,680 Homo! 417 00:27:35,770 --> 00:27:39,070 Now, I'm convinced that the real killer... 418 00:27:40,330 --> 00:27:41,550 ...is a she-john. 419 00:27:43,500 --> 00:27:45,860 Which means any one of you could be next. 420 00:27:47,510 --> 00:27:49,850 Now, there are a couple hundred gigolos in this room. 421 00:27:50,030 --> 00:27:52,420 Now, if we all work together... 422 00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:54,640 ...we can find out who the real killer is. 423 00:27:56,470 --> 00:27:58,160 What do you say? 424 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:06,940 How come you didn't tell them I wasn't gay? 425 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:10,120 Did you not just see me get thrown through a window? 426 00:28:10,470 --> 00:28:12,470 - What do we do now? - T.J. has an old friend... 427 00:28:12,650 --> 00:28:16,640 ...who just might be able to help us. Come on. Watch your step. 428 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:20,380 Right this way, please. 429 00:28:20,910 --> 00:28:22,170 Deuce. 430 00:28:24,340 --> 00:28:26,170 Antoine? 431 00:28:26,690 --> 00:28:28,740 - Sit down. - It's good to see you. 432 00:28:28,900 --> 00:28:30,120 It's been a long time. 433 00:28:36,130 --> 00:28:38,520 This is the list from the man-whore union. 434 00:28:39,380 --> 00:28:43,000 It's got all the clients that went out with the dead gigolos. 435 00:28:43,170 --> 00:28:44,470 Awesome! 436 00:28:48,820 --> 00:28:52,260 Please be quiet. I went through a great deal of trouble to get this. 437 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:55,260 - Sorry. - Now, if you want to compete... 438 00:28:55,390 --> 00:28:57,170 ...with the European man-whores... 439 00:28:57,350 --> 00:29:00,650 ...you need to learn how to really please a woman. 440 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,560 - I should write some of this down. - Go ahead. 441 00:29:04,390 --> 00:29:07,570 You must be able to pleasure a woman with... 442 00:29:08,870 --> 00:29:10,130 With your... 443 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:12,390 Pleasure her with...? 444 00:29:17,350 --> 00:29:18,740 Do you want me to try? 445 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:29,130 All right. 446 00:29:30,130 --> 00:29:32,130 Women really like that? 447 00:29:42,390 --> 00:29:43,870 Man-whore down. 448 00:29:48,700 --> 00:29:50,920 Get the list. It's in his pants. 449 00:29:51,140 --> 00:29:53,400 All right. I think I got it. 450 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:01,960 Can't a brother stick his hand down another man's pants... 451 00:30:02,180 --> 00:30:04,360 ...without setting off the faggot alarm? 452 00:30:06,530 --> 00:30:09,050 Marlene Alsmere. She went out with Diego and Heinz. 453 00:30:09,270 --> 00:30:11,100 What am I gonna do if she tries to kill me? 454 00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:14,010 Distract her with your magic she-nis, I'll look for evidence. 455 00:30:14,180 --> 00:30:16,100 The lipstick and the leopard coat. 456 00:30:20,710 --> 00:30:25,140 All right. Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow. Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow. 457 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,410 Hi, I'm Deuce-- Biggest lady I've ever seen. 458 00:30:29,530 --> 00:30:31,670 That's a huge bitch. 459 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:36,760 Hi. 460 00:30:39,890 --> 00:30:41,370 Cute kids. Are they yours? 461 00:30:41,490 --> 00:30:45,840 Those pictures, they come with the frames. I'm unable to have children. 462 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:49,890 I'm so sorry. That must be very hard for you. 463 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:00,240 Evidence. 464 00:31:04,070 --> 00:31:05,890 That big ho got food everywhere. 465 00:31:07,540 --> 00:31:08,980 You're a nice man. 466 00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:11,370 Now, take off your clothes. 467 00:31:11,580 --> 00:31:14,710 Don't you wanna talk a little more? You seem very interesting. 468 00:31:14,970 --> 00:31:16,590 Take them off! 469 00:31:19,410 --> 00:31:21,100 "Dutch Bride. " 470 00:31:43,940 --> 00:31:45,940 Baby walk to Mommy. 471 00:31:46,850 --> 00:31:48,890 Come, come. 472 00:31:49,110 --> 00:31:51,460 No! Like baby! 473 00:31:51,630 --> 00:31:54,640 Baby walk to Mommy. 474 00:31:56,900 --> 00:31:58,850 Good baby. 475 00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:06,380 Come to Mommy. 476 00:32:12,900 --> 00:32:15,640 Baby hungry? Want booby? 477 00:32:17,770 --> 00:32:19,680 Baby never eat again. 478 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,990 You like them big hairy balls, don't you? 479 00:32:50,210 --> 00:32:52,780 Bad pussy! Bad pussy! 480 00:32:56,780 --> 00:32:58,030 Hold it! 481 00:32:58,250 --> 00:33:01,300 Hold it right there. Is this truck full of marijuana? 482 00:33:01,430 --> 00:33:05,080 Is this truck full of marijuana? Can't you read the sign? 483 00:33:05,220 --> 00:33:08,130 No unloading pot in the red zone. 484 00:33:08,430 --> 00:33:09,990 Write him up. 485 00:33:10,170 --> 00:33:12,820 - But, sir, it's my daughter's birthday. - Inspector. 486 00:33:12,950 --> 00:33:15,960 She's turning 13. We need all this pot for the party. 487 00:33:16,180 --> 00:33:19,390 Inspector. I got these lipsticks from Marlene Alsmere. 488 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,790 She was a customer of Heinz. She's big and strong. 489 00:33:21,950 --> 00:33:24,910 - She could easily be the killer. - The lipstick the killer uses... 490 00:33:25,090 --> 00:33:26,340 ...is a very rare one. 491 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:32,480 Shimmer Lavender Love number 66. Discontinued in 1984. 492 00:33:32,610 --> 00:33:33,730 But... But... 493 00:33:33,870 --> 00:33:37,740 Sir, I have a list of the women who went out with the murdered gigolos. 494 00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:41,260 - Will you stop doing that? - Will you stop playing these games... 495 00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:44,050 - ...and tell me where T.J.'s hiding? - T.J.'s innocent. 496 00:33:44,220 --> 00:33:46,650 Oh, don't make me laugh. "T.J.'s innocent." 497 00:33:47,870 --> 00:33:50,520 Uncle! You forgot your lunch. 498 00:33:50,740 --> 00:33:53,140 That's very nice. Thanks. 499 00:33:58,570 --> 00:34:02,140 - Let me... Let me help you with that. - Thank you. 500 00:34:04,220 --> 00:34:06,490 Excuse me for asking... 501 00:34:06,660 --> 00:34:08,790 ...but why did you slap yourself like that? 502 00:34:10,270 --> 00:34:11,920 Promise you won't laugh? 503 00:34:12,530 --> 00:34:13,780 I promise. 504 00:34:15,660 --> 00:34:19,350 I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. 505 00:34:20,390 --> 00:34:23,920 I have these little rituals that I can't help doing. 506 00:34:24,050 --> 00:34:27,620 I can't touch doorknobs, I snap my fingers when I see a bus. 507 00:34:27,790 --> 00:34:30,490 And when someone sneezes, I slap myself three times. 508 00:34:30,670 --> 00:34:33,010 I've heard of that. That's not so bad. 509 00:34:35,180 --> 00:34:37,840 I'm sorry. Bells make me do that. 510 00:34:38,660 --> 00:34:40,190 It got me kicked out of school. 511 00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:43,150 It's okay. Everyone's got a few weird habits. 512 00:34:43,350 --> 00:34:46,840 Actually, I've got about 130. 513 00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:49,490 So you're above average. 514 00:34:50,540 --> 00:34:52,360 I mean... I'm Deuce. 515 00:34:53,890 --> 00:34:55,890 I'm Eva. 516 00:34:57,060 --> 00:34:58,540 Is that a Sudanese Sweetlips? 517 00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,930 - How did you know? - It's, like, my top-five favorite fish. 518 00:35:02,540 --> 00:35:04,840 They have one here at the aquarium. 519 00:35:05,230 --> 00:35:06,890 I heard this place is incredible. 520 00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:13,670 The doorknob? 521 00:35:15,100 --> 00:35:16,970 I'll get it. Okay. 522 00:35:17,890 --> 00:35:20,370 Thanks. Thank you. 523 00:35:21,150 --> 00:35:22,500 He's beautiful. 524 00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:24,890 That's really good. 525 00:35:25,410 --> 00:35:27,020 Thank you. 526 00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:44,110 Excuse me, but in America they don't allow smoking in aquariums. 527 00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:49,890 Well, in Europe, we don't unilaterally attack a country just to steal their oil. 528 00:35:50,850 --> 00:35:52,290 What? 529 00:35:52,410 --> 00:35:56,420 "What?" Did I offend you? Are you going to shock and awe me? 530 00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:00,370 Maybe you should check my pockets for weapons of mass destruction! 531 00:36:00,550 --> 00:36:03,030 What? I just asked you to put your cigarette out. 532 00:36:03,250 --> 00:36:04,460 And then what is next? 533 00:36:04,670 --> 00:36:06,680 Take wine away from my children? 534 00:36:07,020 --> 00:36:10,980 I put out this cigarette. God bless America. 535 00:36:13,630 --> 00:36:16,070 The nicotine in that cigarette is poisonous. 536 00:36:16,250 --> 00:36:18,940 - So they say. - It could kill every fish in that tank. 537 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:20,860 Poor little fishy. 538 00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:26,630 Hey. Why are you with that loser? 539 00:36:36,850 --> 00:36:39,070 You have a nice ass. 540 00:36:42,290 --> 00:36:44,300 I think this belongs to you. 541 00:36:50,590 --> 00:36:52,120 You dick! 542 00:36:52,510 --> 00:36:55,080 I would like to take you from behind. 543 00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:01,590 My penis is uncircumcised. 544 00:37:03,380 --> 00:37:05,120 No head. 545 00:37:05,300 --> 00:37:07,340 It's like a torpedo. 546 00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:11,990 - You pig. - Oh, are you tired of swimming? 547 00:37:12,210 --> 00:37:15,690 Did the little fishies not want to play with you? 548 00:37:26,860 --> 00:37:29,340 Fuck off, you Yank! 549 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:33,910 I'm staying with my uncle for the summer. 550 00:37:34,090 --> 00:37:36,030 Then I go back to art school in Brussels. 551 00:37:36,430 --> 00:37:38,870 Could I take you out for coffee sometime? 552 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:40,440 You mean like a date? 553 00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:42,650 Well, yeah. 554 00:37:47,650 --> 00:37:49,820 Oh, the siren. 555 00:37:51,390 --> 00:37:54,040 Right. Right. Siren. 556 00:37:54,220 --> 00:37:58,000 Before I can go on a date I have to collect five different colored tulips... 557 00:37:58,170 --> 00:38:01,870 ...eat two herring and drink a beer from a wooden shoe. 558 00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,440 Well, that sounds doable. 559 00:38:10,350 --> 00:38:11,870 What is it? 560 00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:16,080 The accordion player? 561 00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:25,830 The Smelly Finger Dance. 562 00:38:33,130 --> 00:38:35,130 One cheek at a time. 563 00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:40,440 Hey, guys. I need a quick gigolo fix. What do you say? 564 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:45,090 I'm judging a sandcastle-building competition this afternoon... 565 00:38:45,270 --> 00:38:46,920 ...so I can't help you. 566 00:38:47,700 --> 00:38:50,520 The dog ate my penis. 567 00:38:53,620 --> 00:38:56,870 You don't have to walk me any further. I just work over there. 568 00:38:57,050 --> 00:38:59,790 - I don't mind. - I'm kind of embarrassed of my job. 569 00:38:59,960 --> 00:39:03,220 I'm kind of embarrassed of my job too. What do you do? 570 00:39:04,140 --> 00:39:05,790 Bye, Deuce. 571 00:39:06,450 --> 00:39:11,010 Well, well, well. If it isn't Deuce Not-So-Big-Below. 572 00:39:14,140 --> 00:39:15,660 It's Bigalow. 573 00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,010 What's your going rate, Douche? 574 00:39:18,150 --> 00:39:21,270 Well, I was getting $10. 575 00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:27,670 Okay, gigolo. Do you even know when a woman is having an orgasm? 576 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:29,840 Sure I know. It's when she says: 577 00:39:30,050 --> 00:39:34,140 "Please stop. It's okay. You tried. 578 00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:37,190 Now, get off me." 579 00:39:41,370 --> 00:39:44,010 I bet he doesn't even know how to give a Sneaky Castro. 580 00:39:44,230 --> 00:39:48,460 Well, that depends. If she wants it regular sneaky or extra sneaky. 581 00:39:48,620 --> 00:39:51,410 There is no such thing as an Extra Sneaky Castro. 582 00:39:53,150 --> 00:39:54,850 Is there? 583 00:39:55,710 --> 00:39:57,410 It's when you stick it in their... 584 00:39:57,630 --> 00:40:01,890 It's pretty convenient, your friend killing off all the competition. 585 00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:05,370 I've got my eye on you, Small-Below. 586 00:40:05,550 --> 00:40:07,540 Small-Below. 587 00:40:12,110 --> 00:40:14,070 I'll be right down. 588 00:40:19,850 --> 00:40:21,110 Okay. 589 00:40:22,540 --> 00:40:24,500 This is the woman that went out with Heinz... 590 00:40:24,720 --> 00:40:26,770 ...the night before he was murdered. 591 00:40:29,460 --> 00:40:33,380 Don't worry about it, Sherlock Ho. I ain't gonna let you out of my sight. 592 00:40:36,940 --> 00:40:39,470 Hi, you must be Lily. I'm Deuce. 593 00:40:39,630 --> 00:40:41,850 Nice to meet you. 594 00:40:52,590 --> 00:40:54,380 Would you like some bread? 595 00:40:54,590 --> 00:40:56,600 Oh, I can't have bread. 596 00:40:56,820 --> 00:40:59,460 It makes my esophageal lining swell up... 597 00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:02,070 ...and could block my throat-hole. 598 00:41:03,110 --> 00:41:05,120 - Excuse me for a second. - Sure. 599 00:41:11,550 --> 00:41:13,990 Pardon me. I had to clear. 600 00:41:14,990 --> 00:41:16,510 Yeah. 601 00:41:17,770 --> 00:41:20,240 - So, what do you do? - I just got fired. 602 00:41:20,380 --> 00:41:23,290 - I'm sorry. - I was a phone-sex operator. 603 00:41:25,070 --> 00:41:29,160 I only lasted a week. They were jealous of me. 604 00:41:30,340 --> 00:41:33,210 I heard that Heinz Hummer had a bit of a jealous streak. 605 00:41:33,380 --> 00:41:35,080 I bet you're glad he's dead. 606 00:41:35,290 --> 00:41:40,080 Heinz was the most gentle man I ever knew. 607 00:41:40,300 --> 00:41:44,120 I miss him and his mangina. 608 00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,130 I can't take it anymore. 609 00:41:49,950 --> 00:41:52,860 I'm sorry. I can see that you really liked Heinz. 610 00:41:54,340 --> 00:41:57,430 - Here, let me get that for you. - Thanks. 611 00:42:04,170 --> 00:42:07,120 - Let's go. - I think I'm gonna puke. 612 00:42:07,300 --> 00:42:10,390 I started smoking again when I lost my job. 613 00:42:10,610 --> 00:42:14,260 If I don't find another one pretty soon, I'm gonna lose my house. 614 00:42:14,430 --> 00:42:17,040 Well, we'll just have to find you a new one. 615 00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:21,430 - Relax. Have some wine. - Thanks. 616 00:42:34,570 --> 00:42:37,090 I don't normally drink red wine so... 617 00:42:38,570 --> 00:42:40,000 I have hiccups. 618 00:42:43,050 --> 00:42:46,170 - Gone down the wrong hole, I think. - Check, please. 619 00:42:47,830 --> 00:42:51,180 Deuce, I can't thank you enough. 620 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:54,920 It's good for you, it's good for them. I'm just glad it worked out. 621 00:42:57,170 --> 00:43:00,610 - I better get to work. - I'll be hearing from you. 622 00:43:00,790 --> 00:43:02,310 Okay. 623 00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:08,870 The white zone is for loading and unloading of vehicles only. 624 00:43:09,050 --> 00:43:11,530 There is no parking in the white zone. 625 00:43:11,660 --> 00:43:14,620 Thanks, Deuce. I had fun last night. 626 00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:16,050 The white zone... 627 00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:19,870 I am Rodrigo Bollas de Madera. 628 00:43:21,090 --> 00:43:25,180 I am here for my 12:30 ass-hair bleaching. 629 00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:27,270 Okay. How blond do you wanna go? 630 00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:30,310 Gwyneth. 631 00:43:31,050 --> 00:43:32,310 Good choice. 632 00:43:43,890 --> 00:43:45,190 Oh, hey. 633 00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:49,540 I got a real Janeane Garofalo situation back there, so go for it. 634 00:43:55,370 --> 00:43:57,970 So, Enzo... 635 00:43:58,190 --> 00:44:00,580 ...got any she-johns lined up for tonight? 636 00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:04,100 Well, I did a Chili Rainbow last night so I'm exhausted. 637 00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:07,530 What about you, Assapopulus? 638 00:44:07,710 --> 00:44:10,020 I've got the herpes so... 639 00:44:10,230 --> 00:44:11,760 What are you gonna do? 640 00:44:13,670 --> 00:44:14,840 Liar! 641 00:44:15,060 --> 00:44:17,850 - Mahmoud! - What's your excuse? 642 00:44:18,070 --> 00:44:21,190 I just realized I'm gay. 643 00:44:23,150 --> 00:44:25,670 Any of you guys want a blowjob? 644 00:44:27,970 --> 00:44:29,450 I do. 645 00:44:30,850 --> 00:44:32,500 Well... 646 00:44:32,670 --> 00:44:37,060 Okay, then. I better go put that penis in my mouth. 647 00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:39,500 You're all afraid of the Man-whore Killer. 648 00:44:39,720 --> 00:44:41,150 - No. Come on. - No, we're not. 649 00:44:41,290 --> 00:44:44,240 - Get down! - I don't wanna die! 650 00:44:44,590 --> 00:44:47,500 You really should find a better hiding place. 651 00:44:48,630 --> 00:44:50,240 Oh, you haven't heard. 652 00:44:51,070 --> 00:44:54,070 - Rodrigo's been killed. - No. 653 00:44:54,290 --> 00:44:57,540 Oh, my God, why? He was just having his ass hair bleached. 654 00:44:57,680 --> 00:45:00,070 He got much more than that, I can assure you. 655 00:45:03,630 --> 00:45:06,550 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very happy that Scotland Yard... 656 00:45:06,720 --> 00:45:10,800 ...has now joined the search for the gay killer, Tiberius Jefferson. 657 00:45:10,940 --> 00:45:12,420 Thank you very much. 658 00:45:13,550 --> 00:45:16,850 So how about this next one? Svetlana Revenko. 659 00:45:17,250 --> 00:45:19,770 The Russian women are a little freaky down below. 660 00:45:19,900 --> 00:45:23,340 Hair start in the front, don't end till it get to the back. 661 00:45:23,500 --> 00:45:25,550 So if you gotta give a little mouth-to-south... 662 00:45:25,770 --> 00:45:27,550 ...put a clothespin on your nose. 663 00:45:28,210 --> 00:45:29,680 I'll keep that in mind. 664 00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,080 Wish me luck. 665 00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:37,290 Gasov. You mind changing that to the weather channel? 666 00:45:40,330 --> 00:45:42,030 It's gonna be cold tomorrow. 667 00:45:44,380 --> 00:45:46,820 I have been waiting for you, Mr. Bigalow. 668 00:45:50,950 --> 00:45:54,730 Aren't you afraid to work with the Man-whore Killer on the loose? 669 00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:56,300 What do you know about it? 670 00:45:56,460 --> 00:45:59,770 Apparently there's some maniac who's killing them all. 671 00:45:59,910 --> 00:46:02,330 Some people say they deserve it. What do you think? 672 00:46:02,510 --> 00:46:05,820 I think everything happens for reason. 673 00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:09,300 You're probably wondering why I'm wearing this veil. 674 00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:13,470 I wasn't, but if you wanna talk about it, cool. 675 00:46:13,690 --> 00:46:15,030 I grew up in Chernobyl. 676 00:46:15,210 --> 00:46:16,430 Chernobyl. 677 00:46:17,470 --> 00:46:19,820 - What a pretty name. - My mother... 678 00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:23,820 ...she work in nuclear reactor when she was pregnant with me. 679 00:46:24,300 --> 00:46:29,000 Instead of a nose, I was born with an appendage on my face. 680 00:46:30,300 --> 00:46:32,820 A male appendage. 681 00:46:35,260 --> 00:46:36,610 No shit? 682 00:46:37,610 --> 00:46:41,820 I have always been a little self-conscious about it. 683 00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:44,340 Well, you shouldn't. I mean... 684 00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:49,830 A lot of women would love to have a guy's dick on their face. 685 00:46:49,950 --> 00:46:52,130 Yours is just permanent. 686 00:46:54,300 --> 00:46:55,910 You are sweet. 687 00:46:56,780 --> 00:46:59,430 And very handsome for an American. 688 00:47:02,830 --> 00:47:04,350 I like you. 689 00:47:12,130 --> 00:47:15,310 I would love to hear some Latin music. 690 00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:17,780 Well, I'll see if the penis knows any. 691 00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:21,270 I mean the pianist. 692 00:47:21,970 --> 00:47:23,960 The guy playing the piano. 693 00:47:25,610 --> 00:47:29,310 The band has started. Aren't we lucky? 694 00:47:48,530 --> 00:47:50,360 Damn, no lipstick. 695 00:47:50,580 --> 00:47:53,660 - You smell nice. What is it? - It's Old Nice. 696 00:47:54,750 --> 00:47:57,090 It's a knockoff of Old Spice. 697 00:47:57,270 --> 00:48:01,490 I like it, but I think it makes me sneeze. 698 00:48:01,700 --> 00:48:03,700 What happens when you sneeze? 699 00:48:06,050 --> 00:48:08,190 Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry. 700 00:48:09,150 --> 00:48:12,710 Oh, good Lord. Now is a good time to turn. 701 00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:25,280 Hi. 702 00:48:37,140 --> 00:48:39,360 How long are you going to be staying in Holland? 703 00:48:39,540 --> 00:48:41,750 Only until I can prove my friend T.J.'s innocent. 704 00:48:42,190 --> 00:48:44,280 Is there someone waiting for you back home? 705 00:48:45,630 --> 00:48:47,100 It's kind of hard to explain. 706 00:48:48,460 --> 00:48:50,240 Would you like to meet her? 707 00:48:50,890 --> 00:48:52,590 She's here in Amsterdam? 708 00:48:53,590 --> 00:48:55,410 It's my wife. 709 00:48:57,320 --> 00:48:59,890 I got her right here in my duffle bag. 710 00:49:05,290 --> 00:49:08,070 Kate, this is my new friend, Eva. 711 00:49:09,460 --> 00:49:12,100 She passed away a couple of years ago... 712 00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:14,460 ...and this is all I have left of her and I... 713 00:49:19,850 --> 00:49:21,900 Nice to meet you. 714 00:49:22,110 --> 00:49:27,290 She was very lucky to have someone so devoted to her. 715 00:49:43,590 --> 00:49:45,860 Hey, can I see you when you get off work? 716 00:49:45,980 --> 00:49:49,940 Oh, you know, I'd really love to, but I'm going to be so tired. 717 00:49:50,070 --> 00:49:52,030 - Bye. - Okay. 718 00:50:04,550 --> 00:50:06,550 Eva. Eva. 719 00:50:07,340 --> 00:50:10,560 Did you just kiss me nine times because of your OCD? 720 00:50:10,720 --> 00:50:13,380 No. It's because I like you. 721 00:50:15,290 --> 00:50:16,690 Excuse us, coming through. 722 00:50:20,340 --> 00:50:22,340 What are they doing in there, anyway? 723 00:50:22,950 --> 00:50:24,730 They're making a movie. 724 00:50:24,860 --> 00:50:27,330 Cool. What kind of movie? 725 00:50:32,740 --> 00:50:35,170 - I better get to work. - Okay. 726 00:50:35,430 --> 00:50:37,950 In there? You work in there? 727 00:50:38,870 --> 00:50:41,990 - Yeah. Well... - Hi, Eva. Great work yesterday. 728 00:50:42,170 --> 00:50:44,340 - Thank you. - Eva. Eva. Listen... 729 00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:47,950 ...we really need you on the set. All the guys are waiting. 730 00:50:48,170 --> 00:50:51,430 - All the guys? - Yeah. I can't keep them waiting. 731 00:50:51,610 --> 00:50:52,860 Bye, Deuce. 732 00:50:53,860 --> 00:50:56,380 I'll put your name on the list. 733 00:51:12,430 --> 00:51:13,910 Hey, whoa, whoa. 734 00:51:14,130 --> 00:51:15,870 Back of the line, buddy. 735 00:51:16,090 --> 00:51:18,780 Trust me, she's worth the wait. 736 00:51:22,830 --> 00:51:24,430 It's a closed set, you can't come in. 737 00:51:24,650 --> 00:51:26,000 Like hell I can't. 738 00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:29,260 Get off her, you little freak! 739 00:51:37,740 --> 00:51:39,440 Eva, you don't have to do this. 740 00:51:42,260 --> 00:51:45,700 Hey, I agreed to one midget, not two! 741 00:51:48,390 --> 00:51:49,960 Deuce? 742 00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:52,660 Eva, you don't have to do this. 743 00:51:53,100 --> 00:51:54,360 Do what? 744 00:51:55,260 --> 00:51:57,310 - This. - What? 745 00:51:59,010 --> 00:52:00,530 This. 746 00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:04,780 You painted that? 747 00:52:05,580 --> 00:52:07,660 I'm a scenic artist. 748 00:52:07,830 --> 00:52:10,090 So that's what you do here. 749 00:52:13,310 --> 00:52:15,360 Hey, little friend. I guess I owe you a big... 750 00:52:19,180 --> 00:52:21,930 Stoner Steve here! Who wants to get high? Stoner Steve! 751 00:52:22,140 --> 00:52:24,360 - T.J., is that you? - Quiet, you dumb prosti-dude. 752 00:52:24,490 --> 00:52:26,960 I've went out with every girl on that list in Holland. 753 00:52:27,100 --> 00:52:30,270 - Find the rest of those bitches. - Those women live in other countries. 754 00:52:30,450 --> 00:52:34,710 Goddamn, white boy! Pack up that snatch-pole and go find the real killer! 755 00:52:34,840 --> 00:52:37,490 Stoner Steve! Stoner Steve Café! 756 00:52:48,660 --> 00:52:49,710 Hi. 757 00:52:51,140 --> 00:52:52,230 Hi. 758 00:53:54,670 --> 00:53:56,150 Hey, look at that. 759 00:53:56,330 --> 00:53:57,850 Look at that, right there. 760 00:54:09,240 --> 00:54:10,640 Are you sure? 761 00:54:41,250 --> 00:54:42,550 T.J., there you are. 762 00:54:42,730 --> 00:54:44,940 The girl with the giant ears heard Heinz talking... 763 00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:48,560 ...about some photo in the man-whore society. We gotta get in there. 764 00:54:48,730 --> 00:54:51,990 - Why aren't you in disguise? - I'm in disguise. 765 00:54:52,650 --> 00:54:54,170 I'm in blackface. 766 00:54:55,040 --> 00:54:57,000 - But you're black. - Yeah, but I'm disguised... 767 00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:58,950 ...as a different black guy. 768 00:54:59,120 --> 00:55:01,120 - You look the same. - What you trying to say? 769 00:55:01,340 --> 00:55:03,510 - We all look alike? - No, that's not it. 770 00:55:03,690 --> 00:55:06,950 You're such a racist. I got half a mind to stop helping you save me. 771 00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:09,000 Come on. Jeez, let's go. 772 00:55:15,650 --> 00:55:19,260 Excuse me. This is a private club. Man-whores only. 773 00:55:19,340 --> 00:55:22,340 Hey, I'm a real good man-whore. Just go ask your mama. 774 00:55:24,390 --> 00:55:27,090 Still. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. 775 00:55:27,300 --> 00:55:29,960 That's what your mama said after I bang her. 776 00:55:32,480 --> 00:55:33,820 Okay, that's it. 777 00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:35,470 Go, go, go! 778 00:55:40,820 --> 00:55:43,130 Hey, your mama is in here. 779 00:55:43,300 --> 00:55:45,080 It's okay. I know what I'm talking about. 780 00:55:45,260 --> 00:55:48,830 If you're going to stick two in there, you're gonna need a lot of lubricant. 781 00:55:49,210 --> 00:55:51,170 I know what I'm talking about, huh? 782 00:55:51,350 --> 00:55:53,000 Okay, I gotta go now, Ma. 783 00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:23,180 Hey, this thing is locked. 784 00:56:32,140 --> 00:56:35,350 Man! I only heard about this place. 785 00:56:35,570 --> 00:56:38,360 This is where man-whoring all started. 786 00:56:39,920 --> 00:56:42,320 Check it out. You know who this is? 787 00:56:42,440 --> 00:56:44,880 He was the first guy to keep from shooting his load... 788 00:56:45,010 --> 00:56:46,270 ...by thinking about sports. 789 00:56:48,750 --> 00:56:52,010 This guy, here? Baron Von Doggy Style. 790 00:56:52,180 --> 00:56:54,750 Led a pimping expedition to the Arctic Circle. 791 00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:57,450 Froze to death sixty-nining a moose. 792 00:56:57,670 --> 00:57:00,710 The only thing left of him is this stick... 793 00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:04,020 ...which he used to bitch-slap Eskimos. 794 00:57:08,970 --> 00:57:12,320 Now, this brother here, Kunta Kuntlicker. 795 00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:15,580 He's the Jackie Robinson of ass-eating. 796 00:57:18,410 --> 00:57:19,930 Vladmir Suckmeov. 797 00:57:20,530 --> 00:57:23,150 The first man-ho in space. They were studying... 798 00:57:23,360 --> 00:57:25,670 ...the effects of zero gravity on the reach-around. 799 00:57:25,840 --> 00:57:29,760 - Will you cut it out? - I'm sorry. This is my Graceland. 800 00:57:32,270 --> 00:57:34,710 Hey. Wait a minute. Hey, check this out. 801 00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:40,060 That's the blond lady with the leopard coat. This must be the killer. 802 00:57:41,890 --> 00:57:44,550 So, what are you going to wear to the Man-whore Awards? 803 00:57:44,750 --> 00:57:48,200 I thought I'd go with a tux and satin chaps with my ass-plug cuff link... 804 00:57:49,620 --> 00:57:52,760 - You left the trophy case open again. - Whoa, papa, that wasn't me. 805 00:57:52,930 --> 00:57:54,370 Deucey. 806 00:57:55,330 --> 00:57:57,930 - I gotta fart. - You gotta what? 807 00:57:58,150 --> 00:58:00,630 - I gotta fart. - Well, hold it. 808 00:58:02,940 --> 00:58:04,240 I hear something. 809 00:58:07,770 --> 00:58:10,940 I think the building is squeaking. 810 00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:12,840 Maybe it's a bird. 811 00:58:19,330 --> 00:58:20,890 You idiot! 812 00:58:24,540 --> 00:58:26,070 - Go. - Bigalow! 813 00:58:26,980 --> 00:58:29,410 Security! Stop them! 814 00:58:31,460 --> 00:58:33,030 T.J. 815 00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:48,120 - Move the curtain! - What the hell? 816 00:58:48,240 --> 00:58:49,860 Somebody smoked a he-bitch! 817 00:58:52,330 --> 00:58:54,900 - Enzo? He kill Enzo. - No, no, I didn't do it. 818 00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:57,120 What is that? 819 00:58:58,200 --> 00:59:00,640 That is not a dick in my hand. 820 00:59:00,820 --> 00:59:04,850 Anybody got some antibacterial gel? I got burnt dick on my hand. 821 00:59:12,820 --> 00:59:14,770 Eva. Eva. 822 00:59:14,910 --> 00:59:17,250 - I'm in the shower. - T.J.'s been arrested. 823 00:59:17,390 --> 00:59:19,820 I can't hear you! I'll be out in a minute! 824 00:59:19,900 --> 00:59:23,600 In his gayest murder yet, the homosexual Man-whore Killer... 825 00:59:23,820 --> 00:59:26,430 ...murdered famed gigolo Enzo Giarraputo. 826 00:59:26,950 --> 00:59:31,300 Our meteorologist Truus is sick today. Filling in is Henk van de Berg. 827 01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:23,350 What's the matter? Why are you looking at me like that? 828 01:00:23,520 --> 01:00:25,050 Like what? 829 01:00:35,870 --> 01:00:38,830 I'll get that. I was a Boy Scout for almost a week. 830 01:00:41,140 --> 01:00:42,920 So is your uncle home? 831 01:00:43,480 --> 01:00:46,480 No. We're completely alone. 832 01:00:47,750 --> 01:00:49,440 Would you like some cheese? 833 01:00:49,570 --> 01:00:50,960 I'm lactose intolerant. 834 01:00:51,610 --> 01:00:53,580 Why are you so jumpy? 835 01:00:54,100 --> 01:00:55,880 Maybe I can help you relax. 836 01:01:00,570 --> 01:01:02,310 You're shaking. 837 01:01:03,920 --> 01:01:05,440 Maybe it's because I'm cold. 838 01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:07,580 I can fix that. 839 01:01:08,140 --> 01:01:10,010 Why don't you pour us a drink. 840 01:01:15,050 --> 01:01:18,620 So I guess we're all alone, huh? 841 01:01:20,360 --> 01:01:21,830 Yes. 842 01:01:23,310 --> 01:01:25,620 Deuce. You're scaring me. 843 01:01:26,320 --> 01:01:27,580 Eva. 844 01:01:30,060 --> 01:01:34,970 Listen, everything I'm about to do is because I really care for you. 845 01:01:35,620 --> 01:01:36,970 Oh, Deuce. 846 01:01:37,400 --> 01:01:38,840 Now, I don't know why... 847 01:01:40,620 --> 01:01:44,670 I don't know why you've done this, but I'm gonna give you everything I've got. 848 01:02:12,320 --> 01:02:13,720 Deuce? 849 01:02:23,330 --> 01:02:25,240 - Don't go in there. Stop! - Gaspar. Gaspar. 850 01:02:25,370 --> 01:02:28,760 I know who the killer is. I know who the killer is. 851 01:02:35,500 --> 01:02:36,760 I know who the killer is. 852 01:02:36,900 --> 01:02:39,980 I knew sooner or later someone would figure it out. 853 01:02:45,290 --> 01:02:47,590 I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you. 854 01:02:52,420 --> 01:02:53,990 It's Eva. 855 01:02:55,370 --> 01:02:57,070 It's Eva? 856 01:02:58,940 --> 01:03:01,020 You mean my niece Eva? 857 01:03:01,240 --> 01:03:03,240 I know it sounds crazy... 858 01:03:03,420 --> 01:03:06,370 ...but I found the lipstick. The same lipstick the killer used. 859 01:03:06,550 --> 01:03:10,500 Shimmer Lavender Love number 66, at your house. 860 01:03:10,680 --> 01:03:14,550 And you found it in the pocket of a trench coat hanging in the closet? 861 01:03:14,770 --> 01:03:18,690 Exactly. Plus, I heard her whistling the same song I heard the killer whistle. 862 01:03:18,850 --> 01:03:20,250 Like: 863 01:03:27,330 --> 01:03:29,910 Now, you tell me. Why would anyone but the killer... 864 01:03:30,110 --> 01:03:33,470 ...be whistling that specific song? The odds would be astronomical. 865 01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:35,420 Maybe the song got stuck in her head... 866 01:03:35,600 --> 01:03:37,950 ...because she overheard the real killer whistling it. 867 01:03:38,160 --> 01:03:40,210 And maybe the real killer is someone... 868 01:03:41,250 --> 01:03:44,820 ...very near and dear to her, though she doesn't realize. 869 01:03:46,260 --> 01:03:50,120 Sure. Or maybe the Hamburglar did it and escaped with the Great Pumpkin. 870 01:03:50,770 --> 01:03:54,030 Look, I understand this must be very difficult for you... 871 01:03:54,210 --> 01:03:56,860 ...to be out-thunk by a civilian like myself. 872 01:03:57,040 --> 01:03:59,080 But we have to put our egos aside right now... 873 01:03:59,210 --> 01:04:00,690 ...and do what's best for Eva. 874 01:04:00,860 --> 01:04:02,910 She's clearly ill and she needs our help. 875 01:04:03,130 --> 01:04:04,550 You're absolutely right. 876 01:04:04,730 --> 01:04:08,080 You know, the only thing I can't think of is motive. 877 01:04:08,210 --> 01:04:10,420 I mean, what could she have against man-whores? 878 01:04:10,640 --> 01:04:15,210 Maybe because they represent a decline of this once glorious city... 879 01:04:15,350 --> 01:04:18,430 ...which has become a new Sodom and Gomorrah for rich college kids... 880 01:04:18,600 --> 01:04:21,740 ...to smoke hash, to fornicate with Venezuelan hookers... 881 01:04:21,860 --> 01:04:25,870 ...or to defecate on our historic cobblestone streets. 882 01:04:26,090 --> 01:04:28,610 They don't defecate on the streets. 883 01:04:33,700 --> 01:04:37,090 Well, how do you know he's a tourist? I mean, he could be a local. 884 01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:43,870 Where is Eva now? 885 01:04:45,080 --> 01:04:46,870 She's at your house. 886 01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:48,650 Good. 887 01:04:56,000 --> 01:04:58,180 Do you really think you need all those weapons? 888 01:04:58,310 --> 01:05:00,390 She doesn't seem that dangerous. 889 01:05:00,610 --> 01:05:04,390 - You're not gonna hurt her, are you? - You can never be too careful. 890 01:05:06,350 --> 01:05:10,180 - That poor guy. - What a dipshit. 891 01:05:10,960 --> 01:05:12,700 Tonight, the sexually-inadequate men of Europe can breathe easy... 892 01:05:12,750 --> 01:05:14,440 Tonight, the sexually-inadequate men of Europe can breathe easy... 893 01:05:14,610 --> 01:05:18,580 ...safe in the knowledge that all of the continent's finest gigolos... 894 01:05:18,740 --> 01:05:22,050 ...are right here under one roof, all asking: 895 01:05:22,270 --> 01:05:26,230 "Who is gonna walk away with the Golden Boner?" 896 01:05:26,350 --> 01:05:30,000 In this car, we have Assapopulus and his date for the evening. 897 01:05:30,180 --> 01:05:31,740 - Damn it. - His mother. 898 01:05:31,790 --> 01:05:35,790 She's the woman that made me start into prostitution... 899 01:05:35,870 --> 01:05:39,050 ...made me go into prostitution. I wanted to become a doctor, but... 900 01:05:39,270 --> 01:05:41,140 Uncle, you home? 901 01:05:42,100 --> 01:05:45,100 What a beautiful couple, mother and man-whore. 902 01:05:46,490 --> 01:05:48,410 "Man-Whore Awards"? 903 01:05:49,050 --> 01:05:51,880 Please welcome your host for this evening. Johnny Vaughan. 904 01:05:52,060 --> 01:05:56,530 Thank you very much. Can I just say, ladies, gentlemen, man-whores... 905 01:05:56,750 --> 01:06:01,530 ...a night where we celebrate guys who can get wood no matter what. 906 01:06:01,750 --> 01:06:03,580 Do you know, they have gay-pride days. 907 01:06:03,800 --> 01:06:06,100 - Oh, my God. - Yes. 908 01:06:08,800 --> 01:06:12,150 - I'm going to kill them all. - But why? 909 01:06:12,360 --> 01:06:15,400 Don't you see what's happening to our country? 910 01:06:20,100 --> 01:06:22,450 But it's murder. 911 01:06:24,110 --> 01:06:28,800 During the final number, when these man-whores are gathered on-stage... 912 01:06:28,930 --> 01:06:31,320 ...I push this little button and: 913 01:06:32,590 --> 01:06:34,750 Bye-bye, gigolos. 914 01:06:34,890 --> 01:06:39,540 Shouldn't be that hard to pin the crime on your good friend Deuce Bigalow. 915 01:06:39,720 --> 01:06:40,930 I won't let you! 916 01:06:43,800 --> 01:06:45,850 If you wanna stop me... 917 01:06:48,500 --> 01:06:51,840 ...it's as simple as touching this doorknob. 918 01:06:57,630 --> 01:07:00,590 - Where's Eva? - Eva's gone to the Man-whore Awards. 919 01:07:00,760 --> 01:07:03,280 - I'm going there too. - I'm coming with you. 920 01:07:03,940 --> 01:07:07,330 Yes. Yes, you should be there too. 921 01:07:21,680 --> 01:07:22,940 Now let me give you all the lowdown on T.J. 922 01:07:22,980 --> 01:07:24,240 Now let me give you all the lowdown on T.J. 923 01:07:24,420 --> 01:07:29,630 In Thailand, I got a job in a carnival sideshow, eating broken glass. 924 01:07:29,810 --> 01:07:33,510 We did six shows a day. That's a lot of broken glass. 925 01:07:33,720 --> 01:07:37,020 And it's all collected in the lining of my anus. 926 01:07:37,680 --> 01:07:41,550 My ass is like one big, nasty cheese grater. 927 01:07:43,550 --> 01:07:46,510 Here to perform his signature move, the Chili Rainbow... 928 01:07:46,680 --> 01:07:51,200 ...would you please welcome Assapopulus Borealis. 929 01:08:15,030 --> 01:08:16,470 Deuce! 930 01:08:16,650 --> 01:08:18,290 Deuce! Right here! 931 01:08:18,470 --> 01:08:20,780 - Hey, Eva's right behind us. - Deuce, stop! 932 01:08:23,380 --> 01:08:25,340 What are you doing? She's right back there. 933 01:08:26,600 --> 01:08:28,550 - He's the killer! - What? 934 01:08:28,770 --> 01:08:30,170 You're with the killer! 935 01:08:30,340 --> 01:08:32,820 - I'm with the dealer? - He's the Man-whore Killer! 936 01:08:33,040 --> 01:08:34,860 Eighteen-wheeler? 937 01:08:35,740 --> 01:08:37,120 My uncle is the killer! 938 01:08:37,910 --> 01:08:40,830 Oh! I'm with the... You're the k... 939 01:08:40,990 --> 01:08:44,430 She says that I am the killer, you stupido. 940 01:08:50,170 --> 01:08:52,470 But why? What did man-whores ever do to you? 941 01:08:52,610 --> 01:08:54,350 What did they do to me? 942 01:08:55,740 --> 01:08:59,170 All my life I dreamed of being one thing: A gigolo. 943 01:08:59,340 --> 01:09:01,690 Yes, me. Gaspar Voorsboch. 944 01:09:03,050 --> 01:09:06,430 I'll never forget that day. Never. 945 01:09:06,650 --> 01:09:09,400 It was my first semester at Man-whore University. 946 01:09:09,560 --> 01:09:10,920 Now, today, class... 947 01:09:11,130 --> 01:09:15,790 ...we shall learn how to give a lady a proper Portuguese Breakfast. 948 01:09:15,950 --> 01:09:18,440 You take an egg and you crack it. 949 01:09:18,960 --> 01:09:21,000 You mix them up. 950 01:09:21,180 --> 01:09:24,130 Now, this is a good chance to sweet-talk the client. 951 01:09:24,530 --> 01:09:26,790 - And? - And we pour that in there. 952 01:09:26,910 --> 01:09:30,570 - Beautiful. Very nice, now. And... - And don't forget the Canadian bacon. 953 01:09:30,780 --> 01:09:32,400 Canadian bacon. I was getting to that. 954 01:09:32,620 --> 01:09:34,870 - What are you doing? - It's a penis enlarger. 955 01:09:35,050 --> 01:09:37,170 Just a few pumps and it gets your thing bigger. 956 01:09:37,350 --> 01:09:39,350 You mind if I give myself a few pumps? 957 01:09:39,490 --> 01:09:40,830 Go nuts. 958 01:09:40,960 --> 01:09:43,180 There we go. So there you have it. 959 01:09:43,360 --> 01:09:46,750 Tell me. How was your Portuguese Breakfast? 960 01:09:46,920 --> 01:09:48,440 Delicious. 961 01:09:48,610 --> 01:09:50,830 - Elsa? - Gaspar? 962 01:09:57,920 --> 01:09:59,710 They knew she was my fiancée. 963 01:09:59,830 --> 01:10:02,310 And tonight I will get my revenge. 964 01:10:09,310 --> 01:10:10,830 Leave it! 965 01:10:22,310 --> 01:10:25,360 I'm from Canada and I'm wasted! 966 01:10:27,580 --> 01:10:28,840 - Are you all right? - Yeah. 967 01:10:29,060 --> 01:10:31,020 - Are you okay? - Stop! Stop! 968 01:10:31,230 --> 01:10:32,840 Police business. 969 01:10:33,450 --> 01:10:34,790 Come on, we gotta stop him. 970 01:10:36,050 --> 01:10:38,540 Stop! Stop! Man-whore business. 971 01:10:38,670 --> 01:10:41,320 Before we present the award for Man-whore of the Year... 972 01:10:41,540 --> 01:10:45,630 ...let's take a moment to honor those gigolos who have recently passed. 973 01:11:04,720 --> 01:11:07,580 Hey, Daddy. I was looking in your underwear drawer and I found... 974 01:11:07,800 --> 01:11:09,370 ...this bracelet. 975 01:11:10,370 --> 01:11:13,460 Holy mother of God. That's not a bracelet, boy. 976 01:11:13,670 --> 01:11:17,410 That is a device that your daddy has to wear on his he... 977 01:11:17,760 --> 01:11:18,930 His he... 978 01:11:19,190 --> 01:11:21,330 His he... 979 01:11:22,670 --> 01:11:24,940 Happy birthday, son, you got a bracelet. 980 01:11:25,150 --> 01:11:26,420 Great. 981 01:11:28,200 --> 01:11:29,420 Let's go. Come on. 982 01:11:29,540 --> 01:11:31,410 Now the award you've all been waiting for: 983 01:11:31,590 --> 01:11:33,070 The Man-whore of the Year. 984 01:11:33,290 --> 01:11:36,020 Listen. Go get help. I'll get all the gigolos off the stage. 985 01:11:36,240 --> 01:11:38,160 Okay. Good luck. 986 01:11:38,800 --> 01:11:40,060 Excuse me. 987 01:11:40,280 --> 01:11:42,810 You have to get off the stage now or you'll all be killed! 988 01:11:42,980 --> 01:11:45,810 Get the hell out of here, Douche, before I have you thrown out. 989 01:11:45,890 --> 01:11:48,590 - There's a bomb on the stage! - You idiot. 990 01:11:48,760 --> 01:11:50,500 You're all gonna die! 991 01:11:51,500 --> 01:11:53,680 I'm the Man-whore Killer. This is a bomb! 992 01:11:53,850 --> 01:11:57,200 Everybody out! Everybody get out! 993 01:11:57,330 --> 01:11:59,110 You gotta get out of here! 994 01:12:04,290 --> 01:12:07,290 You'll die with the rest of them, Bigalow. 995 01:12:09,640 --> 01:12:13,030 Those gigolos robbed me of my manhood. 996 01:12:13,200 --> 01:12:17,420 I was never able to satisfy a woman. I'll see to it that they won't either. 997 01:12:22,550 --> 01:12:26,860 You don't have to kill anyone, Gaspar. Because you can please a woman. 998 01:12:28,250 --> 01:12:30,510 Those gigolos don't know what they're talking about. 999 01:12:30,730 --> 01:12:32,690 Is he talking about us? 1000 01:12:36,860 --> 01:12:38,560 Do you really think all a woman wants... 1001 01:12:38,770 --> 01:12:40,770 ...is some guy to give her a Mud Pretzel... 1002 01:12:40,910 --> 01:12:44,080 ...or Turkish Snow Cone or an Irish Facial? 1003 01:12:45,340 --> 01:12:48,120 - Yes, they do, liar. - No, they don't. 1004 01:12:49,040 --> 01:12:52,870 A woman wants a guy who'll ask her about her day and really listen to her. 1005 01:12:53,080 --> 01:12:55,030 - Or at least pretend to. - Yes. 1006 01:12:55,430 --> 01:12:56,910 What? 1007 01:12:57,120 --> 01:12:58,820 When she's hurting... 1008 01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:00,690 ...ask her how she feels. 1009 01:13:01,950 --> 01:13:04,250 - Cry with her. - Yeah! 1010 01:13:04,390 --> 01:13:06,350 These gigolos are just ripping women off! 1011 01:13:07,910 --> 01:13:11,340 I've never had any complaint from any of those freaks! 1012 01:13:13,820 --> 01:13:15,560 I faked it. 1013 01:13:17,570 --> 01:13:20,040 A woman doesn't care if you wear a Rolex watch... 1014 01:13:20,260 --> 01:13:22,700 ...or have a gigantic schlong like Heinz Hummer. 1015 01:13:23,780 --> 01:13:25,560 This guy knows his shit. 1016 01:13:29,050 --> 01:13:30,610 What are you doing? 1017 01:13:32,000 --> 01:13:33,920 Anyone else? 1018 01:13:39,310 --> 01:13:42,830 If you let a woman know you care, maybe she'll give you an Irish Facial. 1019 01:13:53,000 --> 01:13:55,920 We will die together, man-whore. 1020 01:13:57,660 --> 01:14:00,790 - You don't have to do this. - They ruined my life. 1021 01:14:00,920 --> 01:14:04,180 - Give me the detonator. - No. 1022 01:14:04,350 --> 01:14:06,140 My penis exploded. 1023 01:14:07,570 --> 01:14:09,830 Okay, that's a tough one. I'll give you that. 1024 01:14:11,530 --> 01:14:15,660 But having a penis is way overrated. Trust me. 1025 01:14:17,400 --> 01:14:19,660 No. No. 1026 01:14:19,790 --> 01:14:21,310 Gaspar! 1027 01:14:30,180 --> 01:14:31,880 Are you okay? 1028 01:14:34,050 --> 01:14:36,090 We did it. 1029 01:14:41,960 --> 01:14:44,220 That's the grossest thing I've ever seen. 1030 01:14:44,320 --> 01:14:46,400 And I've seen some pretty gross things. 1031 01:14:46,580 --> 01:14:47,309 - In the car. - Put your head down. 1032 01:14:47,310 --> 01:14:48,010 - In the car. - Put your head down. 1033 01:14:48,230 --> 01:14:50,150 I'll be seeing you again, man-whore. 1034 01:14:51,360 --> 01:14:55,100 Deuce, you saved the Man-whore Society. 1035 01:14:55,840 --> 01:14:57,580 The Golden Boner belongs to you. 1036 01:14:57,800 --> 01:15:00,110 Thanks. I'm... That's very... 1037 01:15:01,490 --> 01:15:03,190 This belongs to you too. 1038 01:15:04,800 --> 01:15:06,660 Hang it to the left. 1039 01:15:07,190 --> 01:15:08,800 You gonna eat that? 1040 01:15:08,930 --> 01:15:11,320 - Knock yourself out. - Thank you. 1041 01:15:14,450 --> 01:15:17,880 So I guess this means you're a real gigolo now. 1042 01:15:18,020 --> 01:15:19,800 I don't want you to treat me differently. 1043 01:15:19,930 --> 01:15:21,970 How much would you charge me for a kiss? 1044 01:15:22,370 --> 01:15:24,450 Well, the first one's always free. 1045 01:15:28,940 --> 01:15:31,450 - Deuce! - What? 1046 01:15:32,060 --> 01:15:33,760 Oh, no. No, it's... 1047 01:15:33,890 --> 01:15:35,540 It's just this. 1048 01:15:57,770 --> 01:15:59,670 Deucey! 1049 01:15:59,810 --> 01:16:01,420 Thank you, Jesus. 1050 01:16:02,330 --> 01:16:03,840 Did anybody hurt you in there? 1051 01:16:05,020 --> 01:16:08,330 Oh, you asking if I got ass-punked. Is that what's happening right now? 1052 01:16:08,550 --> 01:16:13,160 - Not if you don't wanna talk about it. - Well, turns out I'm not that attractive. 1053 01:16:13,330 --> 01:16:15,020 Well, you've been cleared of murder... 1054 01:16:15,200 --> 01:16:17,680 - ...but people still think you're gay. - Hey, hey, hey. 1055 01:16:17,850 --> 01:16:19,940 Don't tell nobody I'm not gay. Look at it: 1056 01:16:20,110 --> 01:16:22,980 T.J., the gay man's pimp. 1057 01:16:23,110 --> 01:16:25,940 I mean, I'm gonna corner the market. Check out my new bitches. 1058 01:16:26,120 --> 01:16:28,200 - Hello, darling. - Hi, sweetie. 1059 01:16:28,330 --> 01:16:29,900 Love you. 1060 01:16:31,730 --> 01:16:33,420 Let's get chicken and waffles. My treat. 1061 01:16:33,590 --> 01:16:36,900 So the first thing a brother wants out of prison is chicken and waffles? 1062 01:16:37,080 --> 01:16:39,380 - Oh, come on. - Get your she-cocks back to work. 81758

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