All language subtitles for Black Tar Road

(radio chatter)

- [Voiceover] Everyone has a story.

I'm Heather, and this is mine.

- The lot is

pretty much where the truckers
kinda tend to hang out,

you know, it's a place
where they can stop over,

and they sleep when they're
on their long-night ride

and all that.

(honking)

- Hey lady.

I saw you earlier today.

You still working commercial companies?

- I'm walkin'.

- Walkin'?

Woah, woah, woah, come
here, come here, come here.

Look, look, look, look.

Wanna party?

Come on in.

Atta girl, that's my girl.

That's my girl.

(radio chatter)

(somber music)

Think I'm some kinda
faggot or somethin', huh?

You're gonna fuck me, God dammit.

That's what I'm (grunting)

just fuckin' that asshole, huh?

That's it.

Fuckin' that asshole.

That's what you like.

That's what I like, isn't it?

I'm gonna come, fuck it.

Fuckin' bitch, I'm gonna
come in your fuckin' asshole.

♫ I don't know what time it is

♫ And I

♫ Don't even know the day

♫ My eyes

♫ Fill up with tears for you darlin'

♫ You know

♫ I still love you today

♫ If, if

♫ If only dreams came true

♫ Then I

♫ Would be back in your arms again

♫ Yeah

♫ If this were

♫ Guessed it'd be too much for you baby

♫ You know ♫

- [Heather] They don't care
that I'm not beautiful.

I don't even think they look at me.

That's not what I'm there for.

Most times, they don't even want me

to be fuckin' naked.

Just hike up the skirt
and bend at the waist.

And they sure don't
want me to look at them.

Facin' them, or facin' away,

as long as I'm on my knees
and not meetin' their eyes,

it's money well-spent.

There's a poetry to pain.

It's in all the storybooks, songs, movies.

I've always fuckin' hated that.

Pain is just somethin' that happens

while you live your life.

It doesn't make you special.

You do what you have to do to survive,

and if what you have to do sucks,

well, then it sucks.

There are no Prince Charmin's,

'cause at the end of the day,

every guy wants the same thing.

Property.

Something to show off to people,

to hang on his arm at parties and say,

look what the fuck I have.

Something he won, or earned, or paid for.

Property isn't supposed to feel or think.

It's just supposed to lay
there and be walked on.

The world is the world
and there's no point

fuckin' hatin' it.

Wasted energy.

Same with dreaming.

But still, it would be nice to once,

just once, know that I
could look at someone,

and them at me,

and not still feel lonely.

(gentle music)

(dog barking)

- Yeah she was kind of a mystery,

and maybe that's part of
what intrigued me about her

in the first place, 'cause
she was so different

than everybody else in town.

Where did she come from?

And I knew, I knew she had a rough life,

I knew that she was probably
runnin' from somethin'.

I know somethin' real bad happened,

and I never talked
about it, I never asked.

I think, because, I
didn't wanna have to ask.

(country music)

Funny thing to say.

You know, 'cause she's a
woman and all, but the thing

that women usually say about men,

like that they feel
protected and they feel safe,

there was somethin' about
Charlie that made me feel

safe with her, and made me feel protected.

- I'm here.

Yeah.

Long haul, yeah.

- So the last load is in.

- I dropped it at the back lot.

Yeah, back row.

Back row, yeah.

Lizard row, it's there.

- You know where you are, right?

Keep a low profile and don't,

don't do that shit that you always do

and start fuckin' shit up.

- I'm not gonna fuck it up, God.

- You know how you fuck shit up.

Just don't do it.

- I know, I know, lay low.

Got it, I got it.

Look, I'll do the best I can.

- On more haul tomorrow, all right?

- Right.

I know, I'm doing a
turnaround in the morning.

I'm just layin' low tonight,
and tomorrow I'm off.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, that's my last one.

- The feds are bucklin'
down, so we're gonna,

we're gonna start runnin'
light after this one.

Don't bring any attention
to the operation.

- I just want my debt paid off, that's it.

Then I wanna be done.

We made the deal.

- Yeah.

I know.

- So you glad I'm back?

- Stupid bitch.

(country music)

- Charlie.

- [Charlie] Hey!

- Where the fuck you been?

- Hangin' out with my lower companions,

you know, the usual.

- Oh you mean, like truckers?

They're havin' a party
down the street, wanna go?

- I don't know, are you going?

- Of course.

I'll be there in some incapacity.

(laughs)

- All right.

Fuck yeah, all right, I'll go.

I'll see you thee.

- Okay.

(upbeat country music)

(shouting)

(people chattering)

- Hey, so a lot's happened
since I saw you last.

- Oh my God, I know.

- Yeah, totally well,

after I found out he was bisexual,

I had him ride the Harley
and get the divorce papers.

(laughs)

Right?

- Right, I guess, yeah.

- What can I do, man?

Wanna ride?

Wanna ride on Sunday?

- Yeah, I gotta go to Texas.

- Okay.

- Next time.

- Okay, sure.

(people chattering)

- Yeah, did you see
the tits on that bitch?

(laughter and chattering)

- Hey.

What kind of Halloween costume is this?

What the hell is that anyway?

What the hell you supposed to be, anyway?

- Oh come on, that's the best you've got?

- Oh, I can do a lot better than that.

I got lots better.

- Good, I'm sure you do.

- I do.

Come on, let's have some fun.

Let's party.

- All right.

All right, I'll be right back.

- [Voiceover] Oh, sorry.

- Hey.

Dude, I've been looking for you.

- I figured soon.

What are you looking for?

- Got shiva?

- [Woman] Yeah, I got your
black, how much do you want?

- Half piece?

- I got a half piece, 350?

- [Charlie] 320.

- Fuck.

Yeah, I'll do it tonight.

But that's it for that.

Be careful, it's strong.

- All right.

All right, good seein' ya

- I'm just gonna go.

(laughter)

- Oh, what's wrong, buttercup?

- I don't feel good.

- You're okay, you just need
to walk it off, that's all.

Come on.

- [Charlie] But I just had that one.

- You're gonna be all right.

(gagging and coughing)

I got your hair.

That's all right.

You're all right.

- I feel better.

- Yeah, you feel real good right now.

- [Charlie] No, I feel good, I'm going.

- [Man] Hey, where are you goin'?

Hey, hey, come here.

You're not going anywhere.

- What?

No, no, no.

- The party is just beginning, honey.

Now you hold still.

- What are you doing?

Get off.

Don't!

- [Man] We're gonna have
a little fun right now.

- Get the fuck off of me!

Stop it!

(shouts)

- You bitch!

You hit me?

You dare hit me?

You dare to hit me?

I'm gonna tear you up.

Woah, woah, woah.

All right now.

Hold on, take your finger off the trigger.

- Fuck you.

- Come on, now.

(gunshot)

(groaning)

(phone ringing)

- Yeah.

What now?

- I shot someone.

Ducky, I don't know what to do.

- You shot someone?

- What do I do?

- You know what?

This is how you don't bring attention

to the operation.

- Should I come over there?

- No, you cannot come here.

- [Voiceover] I'll do the last haul.

- Yeah, you will do the last haul.

- Okay, well what do I do?

- You'll get the money,
and you'll send it here,

but don't call me ever again.

And you can start over wherever you want.

But do not contact me again.

- Okay, I'm hanging up.

- Charlie,

she had this dark spirit about her,

you know, it's like
when I think of a color,

I guess I'd think of black.

And she liked to wear black (laughs)

all the time, and she had
black hair and black eyeliner,

black pants, black tank
tops, black shirts, you know.

I always said, you know,
maybe she'd throw in

a little color here and
there, but I don't know,

I guess maybe I was her color, you know.

And she was that neutral tone.

Along with that there was
always somethin' she was hidin'.

Maybe she had a non-interference
pact with herself

or some fuckin' thing.

A promise to not open up
and let anyone in her mind

or her heart.

But that's good.

That's protection.

It's like cellophane-covered.

Seran-wrapped up tight so
nothin' gets in or out.

(coughing)

We were all just the
walking wounded, anyway.

Inhaling lungs full of fucking hash.

Life is short, or life is long.

Who even knows?

(coughing)

(gentle music)

Charlie was hardly a saint.

On the other hand, maybe she was.

(rock music)

- There's your map,
directions to get there.

Hook up your rig and get outta here.

♫ Get down, get in her face

♫ My bad reputation got me the best place

♫ Gotta have it, gotta have it, they say

♫ Should no longer 'til
we got up in your case ♫

- [Heather] I have to say,
Charlie came into town

like a lightning storm, or
a hurricane or somethin'.

Suddenly, she was just there.

Yeah, she could knock down anyone's world.

She said she like livin'
in isolation and that,

bein' a loner is better than bein' lonely.

I think she was lonely, though.

Funny thing is that nothing ever changes,

and Charlie knew that,
and it worked for her.

Even in the Bible it says,

there's nothin' new under the sun.

I used to read the Bible.

(upbeat country music)

(chattering and laughing)

♫ 17 days on the road and
I'm as high as a kite ♫

- This place is dead.

- Yeah?

Just the way I like it.

- What's the matter,
you don't like people?

♫ She made it out on Sunday mornin' ♫

- I've never been the saint,

and I've been doing the
sinner since I was a kid.

Nothin' here in this shit town.

We just started chattin' a little bit,

and it was kinda funny, kinda nice,

I don't know, she just seemed like she

paid attention to me, you know?

♫ She's gonna see the way

♫ She's gonna find another way

♫ She's got a lifetime to remember

♫ Nothin' more to say
when you feel alone ♫

(twangy guitar music)

- Got a ciggy?

- Smoking kills.

- I'm no quitter.

- Yeah, you got ambition.

- Look, I don't need new friends,

I just need to bum a fuckin' ciggy.

- Give me a lighter.

Busy lot here, yeah?

(laughs)

- Yeah, busy as a dead bee.

Or a cricket.

Just about every day I think I'm gonna

stick out my thumb and bail on this place.

Make it as far as the
Eiffel Tower, or Mexico.

Maybe even Pasadena.

(laughs)

Pasadena, gonna go see
that Golden Gate Bridge

they got out there.

- Pasadena, yeah, it's a bad idea

to hang around bridges.

- I seem to be good at bad ideas.

- Well if you hate it so
much, why don't you just

ditch on out of here?

- And jeopardize my career?

- Yeah, you're really movin'
up the ladder here, huh?

(motorcycle rumbling)

- I don't want your ciggies.

I got my own all by myself.

- I really don't think a girl like you

should be by herself.

- Spider well you just get in here

and shut the door.

- Itchy fur and like a porcupine
(mumbles) or somethin'.

- You know,

I once scene porcupines humpin'.

(coughing)

- Like two cactuses in love, shit.

- I bet you didn't see anything.

- I did too.

- I saw a bat once, but it flew away.

It would have been romantic if it bit me.

(laughter)

- Bit like a porcupine.

(grunting goofily)

- Spider.

Spider.

Spider.

- What's up?

- Do I look okay?

- You don't look as hot
as you did in high school,

but you look okay, yeah.

- Just get out of here, just go.

I used to be beautiful.

At least that's what people say.

(dog barking)

(gentle, twangy guitar music)

(truck horn blowing)

- You know, there's someone new in town.

Yeah, I saw her, she saw me, and I know

maybe nobody wants to
hang around me anymore

like they did in high school,
but she did talk to me.

I don't know, maybe
she'll talk to me again.

Maybe I could talk to
her, and she could listen.

Whatever.

Maybe we could party together.

And that's the world out there, grandma.

Hard to keep up.

Try it?

All right.

We need it to phase out.

We needed more drugs, and she
knew just how to find them.

(yells)

You scared the shit out of me!

(laughter)

You're late, you look like shit.

- Yeah, but do I look good?

- Do I look good?

(laughs)

Oh, well, get in the car.

(laughs)

- What, you expected the
Boogie Man or somethin'?

- Scary like the friggin' Bogie Man.

So where the hell we goin'?

(grunts)

- Wasn't sure you'd really meet me.

This lady, she died of cancer.

I circled and organized
all the obituaries,

like in order of how they
died, what they died from,

and so I can know what kind of
prescription drugs they took.

- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.

So she'd have pain from the cancer, right?

So she's take pain prescriptions!

- [Charlie] Right!

- Oh yeah, okay.

So, but we need an address.

- I called the mortuary,
and told them I was family.

- And they just gave it to you?

- I played the cousin
callin' to send flowers card.

You know, everybody's got a cousin.

- I see like, these fleas jumpin'.

Did you see anything?

Look at that.

- You're fine.

- [Heather] I see, like, fleas,

I see them jumpin' all over the place.

Can't sleep.

Can't ever sleep.

- Yeah, me either.

Don't worry, I've done this before.

Follow my lead.

Put this on.

- Followin' your lead.

- How do I look?

- Thank you.

(knocking)

(knocking)

- [Charlie] Hi, Mr. Tabernacle?

We're so sorry for your loss.

- We're not the Jehovah's
Witnesses, or Mormons,

or Avon, (mumbles), anything like that.

- Who are you?

- We're here from the hospital,

and we're here to pick up
all of your late wife's

prescription medications.

- Yeah, so you don't
have to throw them away,

you know, toxic waste and stuff

is not good for society.

- I'm sorry, this is not a good time.

- You're in love.

I love love.

- You do?

- Well, I love the thought of it, yeah,

you know, it's (mumbling)

- You're from the hospital?

- Yeah, yeah, yes, can we come in?

- Okay, come into the living room

and I'll get the prescriptions.

Don't touch anything.

- It's like a real home here.

Really homey and shit.

We should have brought flowers.

(bell tolling)

- I got her prescriptions.

Which ones do you want?

- All of them.

- All of them, everything,
we need all of those.

(cheering)

Yeah!

- You are fucking crazy, girl!

(barking)

- [Charlie] Yeah!

- [Heather] Give me a swig of that shit.

- [Charlie] Where we goin'?

(barking)

- I wanna show you somethin'.

Woo.

(laughs)

Yeah it was really excitin', you know,

something woke up in me that I had never

experienced before with men.

(horn honking)

- Look.

These say take in anticipation of pain.

All right.

- Life is pain.

(laughter)

Oh.

Is that you rockin' the boat?

- Woah!

(laughter)

- Don't rock the boat.

Oh, I just chipped my tooth.

(laughs)

Everything I have ever known is right here

in the middle of nowhere like nothin'.

(laughs)

It all adds up to nothin'.

- Yeah, well I'd rather be nowhere

than somewhere that I'm not wanted, right?

Right?

- When I was a kid, my
grandma used to bring me here

when my mama drank too much Boone's.

- Boone's?

Boone's, like Strawberry Hill?

(laughs)

Oh my god.

What's your mom like?

- Oh, no mom now.

Never knew of the dad.

- [Charlie] Yeah.

Do you know anybody who's got a dad?

- No.

Shit. (laughs)

- No?

(laughs)

- Sorry I blew smoke right in your face.

(laughter)

- You're makin' me have ugly face again.

- [Heather] Where are
you takin' me, Charlie?

- Come on.

We're just exploring.

Stand right here.

- Why?

- Just stand there and relax.

- Why?

- Do you trust me?

- Trust is...

- Sh, close your eyes.

- Okay.

- Close, stay, keep them closed.

- They're closed.

- Okay.

My beauty queen.

- My trophy crown.

Miss Dairy Chill, 1998.

(laughter)

- Close your eyes!

- What?

- They told me at the bar
this used to be yours,

so I stole it.

Okay, I borrowed it.

Stole it.

- Can I open my eyes, you shit?

- Okay.

Open your eyes.

(laughter)

God, you're beautiful.

- Charlie, I'm not a gay,

I'm not a dyke like you.

- Are you sure?

- Um.

No.

(muttering)

- Okay, look, look, look,

just don't put anything in a box, okay?

We don't need to be like
checked off or something, okay?

I just,

I just wanna know you, okay?

All of you.

- It's just that...

It's just, I, I never
kissed someone like you.

- Like me?

- Someone who matters.

(laughs softly)

(laughs)

- Okay, Charlie.

- Yeah?

- I just wanted to be with her.

It wasn't about who she
was, or what she did,

or what she looked like, or any of that.

It was just, (sighs) I don't know,

as pure as can be, and
just bein' with someone

who cared about you, and who accepted you.

I mean, accepted me for
everything I was, you know?

It didn't matter to
her that I was a hooker

or a drug addict, you know?

None of that shit mattered.

She'd just look in my eyes,
and I'd look in her eyes,

and we'd just forget about
all that shit, you know?

So I guess maybe, in a way,
it's another kind of addiction,

in a way, 'cause you know, we kind of

became addicted to each other.

I never kissed someone like you.

Someone who matters.

(gentle music)

(laughter)

I guess what's funny about
it, when I think about it now,

is that

a lot of that was a cover, you know,

that I didn't really realize at first,

I was kinda attracted
to this tough exterior,

but it was that sort of soft interior

that I fell in love with.

- Hey.

What, what, what's in that

red box over there?

- I got you somethin'.

(laughs)

- Aw.

Oh, these, aw, these are real pretty.

I don't wanna ruin these.

I'm gonna save them for somethin' special.

- Yeah, I want you to wear
'em when you go to work,

that way whenever somebody like,

pulls your panties down, or
rips 'em off or somethin',

you can think about me.

- Yeah.

Okay.

- Where'd you get these flowers?

- Well, (laughs)

I kinda took 'em from the graveyard.

- You stole somebody's flowers from a,

you stole from a dead person.

- No, well you know,
you can't really steal

from a dead person.

- [Charlie] You kiddin' me?

- A dead person's already dead.

- You stole flowers from a dead person.

- No, no, no, they were already dead.

Somebody else bought
'em for a dead person,

but they were dyin' anyways,
so I take the flowers

that are gonna die, and I bring 'em here

and I try to plant 'em and
give 'em some new life.

(laughs)

- Why don't you just plant
them at the graveyard then,

you know, by the grave,
instead of bringing them here

to your tub?

- 'Cause, I don't know,
it's like a special place,

you know, that I used to
come here with my grandma,

so I like to have the flowers here,

but they don't seem to
grow very well, actually.

Most of the time they die.

- Well, there's a few that are dying.

- I'm thinking that eventually
they'll take root, maybe.

- [Charlie] Maybe.

- So I think this is a good one.

- I can't even take care of
myself, much less some flowers.

- I don't know, you
seem to do pretty well.

It's just you in that
big old truck, right?

- I can drive a rig.

I can drive the fuck out of a rig.

- You ever get lonely, Charlie?

- What kind of question is that?

You and your questions.

- What do you mean, what
kind of question is that?

- You know, I heard about
those programs that they have

for some of my trucks that you can

adopt a dog and take it
out on the road with you.

They do that, and then
they have their road dog

with 'em all the time, and
then they're never lonely.

- Oh, that sounds good.

- Yeah, I don't know if I could
keep a dog alive, you know,

I would have to do the plant first.

Keep the plant first,
and then you get a dog,

and then you get a soul mate.

(laughs)

Or you could just skip right ahead.

- Do you ever have one of those?

- A plant?

(laughs)

- No.

You know, ah, you don't like
those questions, never mind.

So Charlie was really kinda different

from regular people in town, and I think

she really freaked people out
because she walked through

like, you know, she was somethin' special,

but in a good way.

So people didn't really fuck with her.

It was like they knew
there was something there

just not to fuck with.

(upbeat country music)

- All right, Jay, we'll catch
you next week, all right?

(murmuring)

- Folks, would you like a
little more coffee over here?

So you think you can just pretty much

do anything you want in here, huh?

- Hey, we're just celebrating.

- It's just fun, like a game.

- Yup, she lost a bet.

- Well I don't know what they do in places

away from here, but here

we don't allow clitty-lickers.

Now get out.

- I'm sorry.

We didn't mean--

- Listen to me, you
lesbo butch, macho-Mary,

you get your tails out of here,

you grab your dyke friend

and get the hell out of here right now.

- Who the fuck do you
think you're talking to?

You don't fuckin' talk to me like that.

Fuck you.

- [Man] Get out!

- Whatever.

(shouting)

- [Man] Get on out of here!

- [Charlie] Fuck you!

Fuck you!

- I'll be prayin' for you.

- [Charlie] Fuck off!

- Charlie.

- (laughs) What?

- Come over here.

Oh, does this mean I'm gay?

Such as I am.

Maybe I do believe you.

(laughs)

(laughs)

- [Charlie] Pull these down.

- [Heather] Always askin' me
to pull my pans down, my God.

- [Charlie] Your pants look better down.

- Here, come up here for a second.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

(gasping)

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

It's a lot of responsibility.

I got my own space, you know.

- Yeah?

- (laughs) Yeah.

Then life became days passin'.

One after another, and the memories began

while we had no idea we were
livin' in the middle of 'em.

As they spun, spun, spun by.

- George Bush dressed like a woman.

It's okay, I nod off sometimes, too.

(truck rumbling)

- [Heather] She stayed at home
with Grandma while I worked,

just like real families do

when they love one another.

(gentle music)

- I'm crashing my fucking brains out here.

No backup fucking plan, no forward plan,

no path, no future, no left, no right.

- You ever made love to a man?

- Why do you wanna know that?

- I just wanna know.

- Maybe.

Nothin' before this matters.

I bet your grandma's really
glad when you're here.

- Yeah.

I can't always be here though, you know?

Sometimes I just, I need to get some air.

Get some candy corn, or get a drink.

- You know, if you could see

the beauty that I see in
you, you wouldn't even

have to go out there on the
lot and do what you do and--

- Charlie, you can never ask
me to stop workin' the lot.

You gotta promise me.

I want you to fuckin' promise me.

See, I'm, I'm, I'm sick and tired

of bein' alone, and fuck, so

you and me, and we, we need
each other in some way.

- Yeah, you wanna be your own boss,

just like me.

(laughter)

Oh ho.

(screeches)

- Oh, woop!

(laughter)

- Ah.

Don't push me now

- You fuckin' bitch.

(laughter)

(murmuring and laughter)

- Do I look glamorous?

(laughter)

(laughter)

I just threw my ashes in the water.

Here.

I hate doin' dishes.

Nothin' worse than doin' dishes.

Okay, maybe I can think of
a few things that are worse,

but not many.

- I can't stop smellin' dick.

(laughs)

And thinkin' about this town
and the jobs and the men.

I think about the lake.

About how when you came here

it's like a came out of
a trance or somethin'.

Like swimmin',

I was washed.

(laughs)

- Me too.

You know, it's kind of like I just

woke the fuck up or somethin'.

I have never felt more
alive than I feel right here

right now, doin' dishes with you.

(laughs)

(gentle guitar music)

- Well, you know, I mean,
I've been doin' drugs

since I was probably 12.

I mean, I just started early.

My mom's always been kind
of been doin' speed, meth,

you know, I got into the cocaine

probably more than anything.

Meth was a little too much for me.

A little too jittery, you know,

but the cocaine, boy that
just made me feel good,

and it just made me feel
like I could do no wrong,

and I guess I needed
something to get my brain

off of what was going on
constantly in my life,

and when I was on cocaine, it was, I was,

you don't even have to think about that.

You just feel like you're
on top of the world.

(helicopter whirring)

- You hear helicopters?

(laughs)

(upbeat guitar music)

- Gotta to do that.

Fuckin fun to do.

- Get up.

- Here?

There?

- There.

There.

- I think I'm gonna be
strangled by this tension.

I am dry ice.

Oh Charlie, let's talk.

Let's talk about something, you know?

(mumbling) paper airplanes,
and I'm gonna send to you,

and then you read it, and then

I'll talk, and then I'll write that down,

but you can't read it until I say, okay?

Okay.

And then you can talk like,

about history like
Germany, or like Russia,

you know, Russia, it's
got bombs, it's like bam!

(laughs)

okay, so just talk.

Just talk, talk about, about everything.

I wanna know, I wanna
know about you, Charlie,

like, your life and things.

Oh my gosh, that was perfect.

Tell me what was before me.

- I fucked girls who didn't give a fuck.

(murmuring)

- [Heather] Where the fuck'd
you get a gun, Charlie?

- Don't touch that, it's loaded.

- I love you, Charlie.

I know I love you.

- Give me that.

- I'm gonna blow your fucking brains out!

(laughs)

- You're fucked up.

(murmuring)

You're fucked up.

- Just chill out, baby.

Just talk to me.

Tell me anything.

Tell me about yourself.

- [Charlie] What the fuck
do you want me to tell you?

- I don't know who you are, Charlie.

Just talk.

(gentle piano music)

- Come here .....

(murmuring)

(helicopter whirring)

(yelping)

- So, um, I have a story.

There's a story I have about a spider.

There was this spider, and it uh,

it went up this water cell,

no it went up a water spout, like,

you do it with your
hands kind of, like this.

And then, but, it's not
like a church steeple

or anything, it's not a steeple,
it's just like a spider.

But it goes up the water spout,

and then there's this, um,

there's some rain, and
the rain comes down.

And then after the rain comes and washes

the spider away or something, and then,

I don't know, the spider's gone, but then

it's not like a sad story.

I don't know.

The spider.

The spider and the water spout,

and then rain,

and then it washes it away.

I don't know why it's
not bad that the spider

gets washed away, but I
guess it's just washed away,

but I don't think it killed the spider,

or else they wouldn't
kept tellin' that story.

Huh.

(gentle guitar music)

- [Heather] And then she would disappear,

jut like a mirage.

There, then gone, then back again.

I never knew where she went or why,

but I missed her every
moment she wasn't near.

♫ Don't cry baby

♫ I ain't gonna change my mind

♫ Some day, maybe

♫ You will be okay in time

♫ 'Cause everybody knows
it's how the story goes

♫ Bound to leave you in the end

♫ Now baby's got new shoes

♫ But it won't take away those blues

♫ So you listen to the message I sent

♫ Don't cry baby

♫ You don't want the neighbors to see ♫

- I know I, I stashed a
bag in here somewhere.

I can't find it.

I can't find it, I don't
have anything left.

I hid it in one of these pockets

so that no one could
find it, and now I can't.

- Fuck.

- Trucker got me.

- My veins are fucked.

Pull this shit.

(murmuring)

- You're just gonna leave me

just like everybody else?

Is that it?

One more, fuckin' one more!

One more fuckin' fuckers leave me.

(shouting hysterically)

- Guess what?

Fuckin' what.

I wonder, too, okay.

I mean, where the fuck
is everyone always goin'?

Huh?

Where's everyone goin' all the time?

Think I don't care?

I fuckin' do.

- Charlie.

- What?

- I want everythin'

you have in you to be put in me.

What were you like before here?

- [Charlie] You don't wanna know.

(whimpering)

- Charlie, I need you right now.

- This doesn't last forever.

- I know.

I just thought that maybe

you could stay with me.

- This thing that I am,
the person that I am,

I'm not gonna change.

I'm not gonna change this.

- It's too late.

- Too late for what?

- Too late for you.

(gentle music)

- Hey lady,

I saw you earlier today.

Still working commercial companies?

- I'm walkin'.

- Walkin?

Woah, woah, woah.

Come here, come here, come here.

Look, look, look, look.

Wanna party?

Come on in.

Atta girl, that's my girl.

That's my girl.

(heavy metal music)

(muttering angrily)

♫ Jealous dream, chapters close

♫ Nothin' happens, nothin' smoked, yeah

♫ You saw a body bag

♫ Wishes and dreams don't always last

♫ Things arise from the inside

♫ So mad, don't smile,
it's okay, it's all right

♫ All right

♫ It's a guillotine

♫ You know, you're killin' me, yeah

♫ You're so messed up, hold on too tight

♫ Too tight

♫ Now I can barely breathe

♫ You're fuckin' killin' me, yeah

♫ You kill me ♫

- It's like the more tricks you do,

the more drugs you take,
the more sex you have,

the more got somebody
pou-poun-poundin' you,

the more you don't think about

how fucked up your life really is.

♫ When I dream

♫ Just rise from the inside

♫ So mad, don't smile,
it's okay, it's all right

♫ All right

♫ Like a guillotine

♫ You know you're killin' me, yeah

♫ You're so messed up, hold on too tight

♫ Too tight

♫ Now I can barely breathe

♫ You're fuckin' killin' me, yeah ♫

(gagging and coughing)

(gentle guitar music)

- Hey, hey there's a
Sizzler in Houston, I think.

We should go sometime.

- Yeah.

I usually go to Taco Bell

when I eat hot food.

- Look, look, look.

Right there, that black.

That black right there.

- [Charlie] There's nothing there.

- It moved, it moved, it jumped.

- [Charlie] There's nothin' there.

- It just jumped, it just moved.

- There's nothin' there.

- Anxiety, it brings it to the surface.

Just when you, you think you can stop,

when you really wanna
stop, it's just usin',

you can't, it's...

- See?

Anybody can stop with enough will power.

I choose not to stop.

I'm no quitter.

- It doesn't matter really, I love her.

You know, no matter what
she did, I always loved her.

I don't know, I really thought

she wanted to get clean.

And she really did.

She really did, I know, fuck.

(moaning)

(gagging and coughing)

(crying)

(gunshot)

(gagging)

(crying)

- So what the fuck do you want me to do?

(crying)

(somber music)

- [Heather] Hang in there.

- [Charlie] I'm gonna die.

- No, hang in there.

It's okay, it's okay.

(moaning)

- That was the baptism.

Demanding the evil be gone.

Get the darkness out.

We got it out, amen.

You know what I like?

Or what I always wanted to like?

- [Charlie] What?

- That I know who I am again.

And people don't expect much.

It's like my grandmother used to take me

to these dance lessons and I was too young

to even know where I was, or too young

to even understand, and she had

these hopes and these
dreams, and you know,

they're all gone now, but

at least I know who I am.

I never found pain to
be poetic, that's true.

But there is something cleansing about it.

If you can swim through the pain,

and if you walk through
the rain, then maybe,

just maybe, you deserve at
least some time in the sun.

Clean and forgiven.

Maybe it's my fault, that
she just looked so...

She just wanted to do it
one more time, you know.

Just one more.

She was gonna be fine, and I wanted

to make her happy.

I tried.

I tried to wake her up, you
know, I just sat there with her

and I just held her and just shook her.

I never got a chance
to say goodbye to her,

and tell her, I mean,
I told her I loved her,

I did,

many times,

but I just wonder if she
ever really understood

what that meant to me.

(breathing heavily)

(sirens wailing)

She changed my life.

I mean, I was nowhere, I was nothin'.

I couldn't do anything.

I couldn't think of
anythin', and then she came

into my life, this one little bright spot.

She just held me in my arms
and made me feel so special

and so loved, that I...

In spite all of this, it's the best thing

that ever happened to me, I mean,

it sounds absurd that I'm
even fuckin' sayin' this,

because it's horrible for this to happen,

but you know, I mean, I felt somethin'

I had ever felt before.

(gentle music)

♫ Love is a gift

♫ And this I give to you

♫ Love is the truth

♫ In which I live for you

♫ My heart is twisted inside my chest

♫ I bring your head down

♫ Gently upon my breasts

♫ And I cry

♫ For you

♫ And I die

♫ For you

♫ Would you die for me too

♫ Walkin' down the lonely street, I

♫ Find myself beneath the ground

♫ Things ain't like they used to be, baby

♫ Everything's been turned around

♫ Again

♫ I know what you miss me, brother

♫ A penny saved is a penny earned

♫ It burned

♫ Always been so sweet to one another

♫ Another fucking lesson learned

♫ And I cry

♫ For you

♫ And I die

♫ For you

♫ And I cry

♫ For you

♫ And I cry

♫ For you

♫ Would you cry for me ♫