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1
00:00:06,970 --> 00:00:09,290
- and we're very happy
to welcome back our old friend
2
00:00:09,290 --> 00:00:12,730
jane pauley for another segment
in her series ''life reimagined.''
3
00:00:12,730 --> 00:00:15,090
and, jane, it sounds like
your guest this time has had
4
00:00:15,370 --> 00:00:17,370
a lot of time to
reimagine his life.
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00:00:17,370 --> 00:00:18,890
- nothing but time, matt.
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00:00:19,170 --> 00:00:21,889
currently serving a five-
to seven-year prison term,
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00:00:21,889 --> 00:00:25,889
senator vernon smits is
a man at a crossroads.
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00:00:25,889 --> 00:00:28,689
i caught up with him recently
at the federal correctional
9
00:00:28,689 --> 00:00:30,889
institution in
cumberland, maryland.
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00:00:30,889 --> 00:00:34,529
the two-term senator's life
has been turned upside down
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00:00:34,529 --> 00:00:37,649
by his conviction,
although he's lost none
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00:00:37,649 --> 00:00:39,689
of his mischievous charm.
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00:00:39,689 --> 00:00:44,649
senator smits, so much has
changed since we last sat down.
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00:00:44,649 --> 00:00:47,609
you'd just been
re-elected, and now,
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00:00:47,609 --> 00:00:49,128
you find yourself incarcerated.
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00:00:49,128 --> 00:00:52,808
- we all live in prisons, jane.
come on, huh?
17
00:00:52,808 --> 00:00:56,888
sure, some have
orange clothes and bad food,
18
00:00:56,888 --> 00:01:00,768
but there are others that
are hellholes of the mind,
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00:01:01,048 --> 00:01:06,448
inescapable pits
of self-loathing and fear.
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00:01:06,728 --> 00:01:10,368
i used to live
in one of those pits.
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- so prison has freed your mind?
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- my soul, really.
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00:01:16,128 --> 00:01:19,567
it's freed me to re-envision
my life of service,
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00:01:19,567 --> 00:01:23,687
so now instead
of serving 700,000...
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00:01:23,967 --> 00:01:27,927
mostly white people,
i now serve
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00:01:27,927 --> 00:01:32,367
the source of all creation.
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- god?
- good guess.
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- and yet...
- and yet.
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- you'll always live with what
you did that day
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00:01:41,847 --> 00:01:46,046
at the amusement park,
won't you?
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00:01:46,046 --> 00:01:48,886
- aw...
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00:01:49,126 --> 00:01:53,406
jane, what happened
to you, hmm?
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We provide some luxury/relief
at torrenting. ––––– Try put.io.
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00:02:26,325 --> 00:02:31,245
- so, apparently leland saw
some pretty serious action
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00:02:31,525 --> 00:02:33,085
over in the sandbox.
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00:02:33,085 --> 00:02:34,925
something that i know
a little bit about.
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00:02:35,165 --> 00:02:37,645
- oh, please, daddy,
don't remind me.
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00:02:37,645 --> 00:02:39,444
- oh, fair enough, sweetheart.
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00:02:39,444 --> 00:02:41,004
i put the family
through a lot.
40
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:44,844
- oh, this says that colonel
grimmel dragged nine men
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00:02:44,844 --> 00:02:47,684
to safety...
under heavy fire.
42
00:02:47,924 --> 00:02:50,324
- just doing his job.
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00:02:50,324 --> 00:02:53,404
i suspect he
didn't even report it.
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i wouldn't have.
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00:02:58,364 --> 00:02:59,444
- oh.
46
00:02:59,444 --> 00:03:02,604
- can i...
47
00:03:02,924 --> 00:03:04,164
- pretty impressive gathering.
48
00:03:04,164 --> 00:03:06,884
- medal of honor's
a pretty big deal, man.
49
00:03:07,163 --> 00:03:09,003
- so how do you get one of these
bad boys anyway?
50
00:03:09,243 --> 00:03:11,963
- you've got to distinguish
yourself conspicuously
51
00:03:11,963 --> 00:03:15,643
by gallantry and intrepidity
at risk of life.
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00:03:15,643 --> 00:03:17,163
- well, there must
be a way to game it.
53
00:03:17,443 --> 00:03:18,803
who nominates?
54
00:03:18,803 --> 00:03:20,083
- it comes up through
the chain of command,
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but sometimes the skids
needs a little greasing.
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00:03:22,163 --> 00:03:25,843
it was my great honor
to help out a former player.
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00:03:26,083 --> 00:03:28,403
- so he owes you double,
and now you've got a war hero
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00:03:28,723 --> 00:03:29,803
campaigning for you
in the general.
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00:03:30,083 --> 00:03:32,163
- well, we hadn't
discussed that,
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00:03:32,403 --> 00:03:35,882
but...i can't stop him
if that's what he wants to do.
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00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,202
it's a free country,
thanks to heroes like him.
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00:03:38,202 --> 00:03:39,762
- i got to start giving you
more credit, gil.
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00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:41,642
you're always thinking
two moves ahead.
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00:03:41,642 --> 00:03:44,962
- his idea of a good time isn't
a big ceremony like this one.
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00:03:44,962 --> 00:03:46,602
he'd rather be somewhere
up in the mountains,
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00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:51,202
or on a trail surrounded by
cedar trees instead of cameras.
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00:03:51,202 --> 00:03:55,722
but i think our nation needs
this ceremony today.
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00:04:06,041 --> 00:04:08,361
- that's my boy.
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00:04:13,801 --> 00:04:15,921
- any word
on the pardon for vern?
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00:04:15,921 --> 00:04:17,521
he's not doing
too well in the can.
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00:04:17,801 --> 00:04:19,921
it's just not a good fit.
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00:04:19,921 --> 00:04:22,561
- you know, i'm not in the loop
on the pardon stuff,
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00:04:22,761 --> 00:04:25,521
but realistically,
i see no chance for him.
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00:04:25,521 --> 00:04:26,521
- why is that?
75
00:04:26,801 --> 00:04:29,401
- well, two words..
amusement park.
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00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:42,240
- who jacks food
from the white house?
77
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:43,840
- you didn't do this
when you were an aide?
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00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,400
load up at receptions?
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00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:46,760
- yeah, cheese cubes
and crackers,
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00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,560
but you're boosting
high-end shit.
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00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:49,920
- i need carbs.
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00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,280
this is my only real meal
of the day.
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00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,960
- flash hug!
- oh.
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00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,800
- i never get to see him
anymore, senator.
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00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,439
you are working him too hard.
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00:05:05,759 --> 00:05:08,319
- worse than you think.
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00:05:08,639 --> 00:05:12,879
see you back at the house.
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00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:17,359
- leland, god damn it, son.
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00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:20,799
what a proud day for you,
and for the whole state,
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00:05:20,799 --> 00:05:22,439
and for me.
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00:05:22,679 --> 00:05:25,119
look at you, medal of honor
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00:05:25,119 --> 00:05:27,358
hanging proud from
our tar heel colors.
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00:05:27,358 --> 00:05:30,198
- yeah, it does kind
of feel like home, huh?
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00:05:30,198 --> 00:05:32,078
hey, listen, coach, i was
wondering if we could get
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00:05:32,318 --> 00:05:35,258
together today, you know,
away from all the crowd.
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00:05:35,258 --> 00:05:38,078
- hell yeah, son, we got
a lot of catching up to do.
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00:05:38,078 --> 00:05:40,158
you come by the office
later this afternoon.
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00:05:40,158 --> 00:05:42,038
i'll have tammy
clear my schedule.
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00:05:42,038 --> 00:05:44,398
and get us some cigars,
good ones.
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00:05:44,398 --> 00:05:45,998
- got you covered, big guy.
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00:05:45,998 --> 00:05:47,838
habanos, i'll send some over.
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00:05:48,118 --> 00:05:50,398
colonel, andy guzman,
heard a lot about you.
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00:05:50,398 --> 00:05:52,758
- i wonder who from.
- from your citation.
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00:05:53,038 --> 00:05:55,837
went on a bit,
but it was very impressive.
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00:05:56,117 --> 00:05:57,157
we should talk.
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00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,997
i'd love to get you down
to florida.
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00:05:58,997 --> 00:06:01,037
- hmm.
- ahem.
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00:06:01,037 --> 00:06:02,837
- oh, excuse me...
109
00:06:03,117 --> 00:06:05,677
colonel, this is my fiancee,
adriana de portago.
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00:06:06,037 --> 00:06:09,397
- ma'am.
- fiancee? senator! ma'am!
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00:06:09,397 --> 00:06:12,397
- he proposed in puerto vallarta
during recess.
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00:06:12,397 --> 00:06:15,317
he played the ukulele,
and sang the most beautiful
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00:06:15,317 --> 00:06:16,957
little song.
- i just rewrote the lyrics
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00:06:16,957 --> 00:06:18,237
to blurred lines,
that was all.
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00:06:18,237 --> 00:06:21,356
- ah, well, congratulations,
sir, and ma'am.
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00:06:21,356 --> 00:06:24,236
- thank you, and to you, and
thank you for your service,
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00:06:24,556 --> 00:06:27,756
and your gallantry,
and your intrepidity.
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00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:29,516
- those words
don't get out enough.
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00:06:29,516 --> 00:06:32,716
- andy!
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00:06:32,956 --> 00:06:35,596
- excuse me, colonel,
we'll talk, okay?
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00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,916
- ooh, look at that.
it's so big.
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00:06:37,916 --> 00:06:40,356
- kudos on the straw poll,
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00:06:40,676 --> 00:06:41,756
you freaking rookie.
- oh.
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00:06:42,076 --> 00:06:42,876
- who died and made
you front-runner?
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00:06:43,116 --> 00:06:44,876
- christie.
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00:06:45,076 --> 00:06:47,116
seriously, those things
are meaningless, lamar.
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00:06:47,116 --> 00:06:48,995
i probably should've
pulled myself out.
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00:06:48,995 --> 00:06:51,635
truth is,
i'm still exploring.
129
00:06:51,635 --> 00:06:53,115
- i don't envy you.
130
00:06:53,355 --> 00:06:57,035
glad my senator doesn't see
a president in the mirror.
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00:06:57,035 --> 00:07:02,315
he sees yves st. laurent.
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00:07:02,315 --> 00:07:03,875
mm.
- what?
133
00:07:04,115 --> 00:07:05,075
- not here.
134
00:07:05,355 --> 00:07:07,115
- i thought we'd agreed
to stop hiding.
135
00:07:07,115 --> 00:07:09,435
- not hiding is different than
mauling me in the east room.
136
00:07:09,675 --> 00:07:14,435
- excuse me? your partner is
lightly touching your shoulder.
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00:07:14,755 --> 00:07:16,075
deal.
138
00:07:16,075 --> 00:07:17,474
- look!
- what is it?
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00:07:17,474 --> 00:07:21,994
- um, the south lawn.
look how lush it is.
140
00:07:22,274 --> 00:07:25,634
who knew the democrats
gave a whit about lawn care?
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00:07:25,634 --> 00:07:27,714
- well, they have to, daddy.
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00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:29,754
it's the people's lawn.
143
00:07:29,994 --> 00:07:31,834
- oh, christ.
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00:07:31,834 --> 00:07:34,714
- what?
- got to go.
145
00:07:34,714 --> 00:07:36,354
- both phones.
146
00:07:37,994 --> 00:07:40,634
look at this guy, here.
world can't get enough of him.
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00:07:40,634 --> 00:07:43,074
- you need to get back
to the office right away.
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00:07:43,074 --> 00:07:44,433
- yeah.
excuse me.
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00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,473
let's go.
150
00:07:46,473 --> 00:07:48,393
- what's going on?
- nothing.
151
00:07:48,673 --> 00:07:50,873
- not nothing, politico just--
- politico just posted
152
00:07:50,873 --> 00:07:52,433
some story about
the tv light falling
153
00:07:52,753 --> 00:07:55,113
during my rebuttal speech.
they're saying it was staged.
154
00:07:55,113 --> 00:07:57,233
- so bizarre. who stages
nearly getting killed
155
00:07:57,233 --> 00:07:59,273
just to look unflappable?
- more to the point,
156
00:07:59,273 --> 00:08:01,993
who makes up a story like that?
- that is more to the point.
157
00:08:02,233 --> 00:08:04,593
who is capable of this?
rand paul?
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00:08:04,833 --> 00:08:06,433
i wouldn't have thought so.
159
00:08:06,713 --> 00:08:08,873
- rand paul, of course!
160
00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,193
- whoever it is,
it can't go unanswered.
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00:08:11,193 --> 00:08:14,392
i'll put out a blanket denial.
- uh, blanket?
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00:08:14,392 --> 00:08:16,272
you think we should go
full blanket?
163
00:08:16,272 --> 00:08:18,872
let's call in the team,
explore our options,
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00:08:19,112 --> 00:08:20,752
war-room it.
- yeah, this could blow up.
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00:08:20,752 --> 00:08:22,072
you better war-room it.
166
00:08:22,352 --> 00:08:26,792
- you guys know we don't
actually have a war room, right?
167
00:08:27,072 --> 00:08:28,592
- it's got to be rand paul.
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00:08:28,592 --> 00:08:30,792
- what do you smell?
169
00:08:31,072 --> 00:08:34,272
could it be chateaubriand
170
00:08:34,272 --> 00:08:37,192
from the chef
at the white house?
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00:08:37,432 --> 00:08:39,751
yes, it could.
yes, it could.
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00:08:39,751 --> 00:08:41,671
- your wife, senator.
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00:08:41,671 --> 00:08:42,951
- what is it, maddie?
174
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,551
- gil, have you heard
what charlotte's doing?
175
00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:46,831
- oh, i have, ma'am.
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00:08:47,111 --> 00:08:48,951
i saw it this morning on tmz.
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00:08:48,951 --> 00:08:50,271
- christ, what now?
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00:08:50,271 --> 00:08:52,911
- she's in one of those
reality shows.
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00:08:53,151 --> 00:08:55,551
- real daughters of d.c.
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00:08:55,551 --> 00:08:57,431
- a reality show?
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00:08:57,431 --> 00:09:00,111
how could you approve
a reality show?
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00:09:00,111 --> 00:09:02,951
- approve?
she's 26, gil john.
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00:09:02,951 --> 00:09:05,751
- but she lives
in west hollywood.
184
00:09:05,751 --> 00:09:08,110
how could she be
a d.c. daughter?
185
00:09:08,110 --> 00:09:09,110
- ''all the girls are daughters
186
00:09:09,390 --> 00:09:11,430
''of actual
united states senators.
187
00:09:11,430 --> 00:09:15,870
they bond over the resentment
of their powerful parents.''
188
00:09:16,150 --> 00:09:17,750
- excuse me, senator.
189
00:09:17,750 --> 00:09:20,910
colonel grimmel here to see you.
190
00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:24,830
- leland's there?
191
00:09:25,150 --> 00:09:27,550
- please come in, sir.
192
00:09:27,550 --> 00:09:30,150
- i better get
over to the house.
193
00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:31,830
i'll see you there, senator.
194
00:09:34,390 --> 00:09:35,349
colonel.
195
00:09:35,589 --> 00:09:38,949
- nice to see you again,
ms. stackhouse.
196
00:09:38,949 --> 00:09:40,269
- go, go!
197
00:09:40,269 --> 00:09:43,789
- hey, coach.
- leland, darling boy!
198
00:09:43,789 --> 00:09:45,429
- mrs. biggs.
199
00:09:45,429 --> 00:09:48,589
- we could not be prouder of you
if you were our own child.
200
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:50,669
- actually, we could,
considering what our
201
00:09:50,909 --> 00:09:52,469
own child is doing.
- hush.
202
00:09:52,469 --> 00:09:54,869
leland, i just saw you on
the news in your dress blues.
203
00:09:54,869 --> 00:09:56,109
you looked good enough to eat!
204
00:09:56,109 --> 00:09:57,349
you should run
for office someday.
205
00:09:57,669 --> 00:09:59,909
shouldn't he, gil?
you could groom him!
206
00:10:00,269 --> 00:10:02,628
- now, maddie, i'm sure the last
thing leland wants to do
207
00:10:02,628 --> 00:10:05,188
is run for county commissioner
or whatever.
208
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:07,108
- well, actually, coach,
that's what i wanted to come
209
00:10:07,348 --> 00:10:08,908
speak to you about.
210
00:10:09,188 --> 00:10:11,348
last month, after news
of the medal broke,
211
00:10:11,628 --> 00:10:15,828
the party kind of put out
some feelers.
212
00:10:16,068 --> 00:10:18,148
- good lord, you are
running for something.
213
00:10:18,148 --> 00:10:19,628
that's wonderful news.
214
00:10:19,868 --> 00:10:22,748
- which party is that, leland?
215
00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:25,588
- well, the democratic perty.
216
00:10:25,588 --> 00:10:30,028
- in north carolina?
bad move, son.
217
00:10:30,028 --> 00:10:31,347
what seat did you
have your eye on?
218
00:10:31,347 --> 00:10:34,416
- yeah, well, that's
the thing of it, coach.
219
00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:37,107
i'm running for yours.
- i'm sorry, what?
220
00:10:37,107 --> 00:10:38,627
- say again, son.
221
00:10:38,627 --> 00:10:41,227
- coach, look, the wing nuts
in our state have been
222
00:10:41,227 --> 00:10:43,627
rolling back
30 years of progress,
223
00:10:43,627 --> 00:10:44,947
and you've just stood by.
224
00:10:45,267 --> 00:10:47,347
north carolina
used to lead the way, man,
225
00:10:47,667 --> 00:10:49,507
pulling the south
out of its past.
226
00:10:49,507 --> 00:10:51,387
someone's got to say no
to all you--
227
00:10:51,387 --> 00:10:53,067
- are you fucking kidding me?
228
00:10:53,307 --> 00:10:56,867
you ungrateful little judas,
who do you think gave you
229
00:10:56,867 --> 00:10:58,426
your start 20 years ago?
230
00:10:58,426 --> 00:11:01,186
who made you a star?
gil john.
231
00:11:01,186 --> 00:11:02,786
and you think you're wearing
that medal because
232
00:11:02,786 --> 00:11:05,706
you're so much bigger and badder
than all our other heroes?
233
00:11:05,946 --> 00:11:08,946
it's there because
gil john biggs put it there!
234
00:11:08,946 --> 00:11:11,346
you get your treacherous
little ass out of this office
235
00:11:11,626 --> 00:11:13,386
right now, out!
you hear me? buster!
236
00:11:13,386 --> 00:11:17,066
attack him, boy!
attack that son of a bitch!
237
00:11:17,066 --> 00:11:19,866
christ, i'm so mad i could spit!
238
00:11:24,146 --> 00:11:25,426
is he gone?
239
00:11:34,545 --> 00:11:36,905
- do you need something,
senator?
240
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:40,105
- oh, no.
no, no, no.
241
00:11:40,105 --> 00:11:43,105
carry on.
242
00:11:43,105 --> 00:11:45,385
actually...um...yes.
243
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:50,185
could you step into my office
for a moment, please?
244
00:11:52,105 --> 00:11:55,944
so, hi.
245
00:11:56,144 --> 00:11:58,304
- hi.
246
00:12:02,384 --> 00:12:05,184
okay,
what's happening right now?
247
00:12:05,504 --> 00:12:08,384
- nothing.
it's just been a long time
248
00:12:08,384 --> 00:12:10,864
since we had a friendly chat,
249
00:12:11,104 --> 00:12:12,424
and talked about
our personal lives.
250
00:12:12,424 --> 00:12:14,584
- we have never talked
about our personal lives.
251
00:12:14,584 --> 00:12:16,144
- we always talk about our
personal lives.
252
00:12:16,384 --> 00:12:19,304
- how many siblings do i have?
253
00:12:19,304 --> 00:12:21,663
- well, we should talk
about our personal lives.
254
00:12:21,663 --> 00:12:25,143
so...how's your
gay relationship going?
255
00:12:25,383 --> 00:12:27,503
- fine.
you ask because?
256
00:12:27,743 --> 00:12:29,343
- because i noticed
at the white house
257
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:33,063
that the two of you
were on full display.
258
00:12:33,063 --> 00:12:35,943
full flower, so to speak.
259
00:12:35,943 --> 00:12:38,623
lesbianic flower.
260
00:12:38,623 --> 00:12:41,783
- katharine had
her hand on my back.
261
00:12:42,063 --> 00:12:43,103
is that what you mean?
262
00:12:43,383 --> 00:12:47,263
- look, julie...
263
00:12:47,583 --> 00:12:49,982
say i liked,
i don't know, pole vaulting.
264
00:12:49,982 --> 00:12:53,422
and say we're in a country where
pole vaulting gives
265
00:12:53,422 --> 00:12:56,302
some people the willies...
for some reason.
266
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:59,422
now, i don't have to stop
pole vaulting in private.
267
00:12:59,422 --> 00:13:03,022
i mean, this imaginary country
is free.
268
00:13:03,262 --> 00:13:07,982
but it might make things
easier, all around,
269
00:13:08,182 --> 00:13:11,222
if i just pretended not to like
270
00:13:11,222 --> 00:13:13,622
pole vaulting
in certain situations.
271
00:13:13,622 --> 00:13:17,941
- senator, is my relationship
a problem for you?
272
00:13:17,941 --> 00:13:20,861
- for me?
no, no.
273
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:24,341
but if my wife found out...
274
00:13:24,621 --> 00:13:26,101
you know she thinks of you
like a daughter, julie...
275
00:13:26,341 --> 00:13:27,581
- mm-hmm.
- and nobody wants to see their
276
00:13:27,861 --> 00:13:30,101
own daughter burning in hell
for eternity.
277
00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:31,461
- no, i certainly wouldn't.
278
00:13:31,461 --> 00:13:35,621
- see?
now you're just being smart.
279
00:13:35,621 --> 00:13:39,021
so, we won't have to talk
about this anymore?
280
00:13:39,021 --> 00:13:40,101
- oh, no.
no, no, no.
281
00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:42,061
uh, in fact, senator,
i insist on it.
282
00:13:42,061 --> 00:13:45,500
if you even mention my sexual
orientation one more time,
283
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:48,180
i will be quitting faster than
you could say
284
00:13:48,180 --> 00:13:50,060
''gay pole vaulting.''
285
00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:55,300
- raising the question,
was the accident staged?
286
00:13:55,580 --> 00:13:58,620
- well, that's the fastest
i've ever seen something
287
00:13:58,900 --> 00:13:59,660
become a ''gate.''
288
00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:01,820
- our phone sheet
is 15 pages long
289
00:14:01,820 --> 00:14:03,460
and everyone's on it--
anderson,
290
00:14:03,740 --> 00:14:05,940
o'reilly, all the fox blondes.
291
00:14:05,940 --> 00:14:10,340
we need to get a denial
out there right away.
292
00:14:10,340 --> 00:14:14,899
- i don't know if that's
such a good idea.
293
00:14:15,179 --> 00:14:16,979
- are you guys...
294
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:20,659
are you...
295
00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:29,339
please, please, please don't
tell me this thing was staged.
296
00:14:29,339 --> 00:14:31,139
- i'm not saying that.
- good.
297
00:14:31,139 --> 00:14:35,619
- but i am saying, we shouldn't
say it wasn't staged.
298
00:14:35,619 --> 00:14:39,618
- oh, god.
this is real.
299
00:14:39,618 --> 00:14:41,738
did you know?
wait, don't answer that.
300
00:14:41,738 --> 00:14:43,638
i can't afford
a washington lawyer.
301
00:14:43,638 --> 00:14:45,618
- i don't know anything
about anything,
302
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,578
because there's nothing
to know anything about,
303
00:14:48,578 --> 00:14:51,098
as far as i know, right?
304
00:14:51,338 --> 00:14:54,538
- right, but here's the thing.
305
00:14:54,538 --> 00:14:58,418
let's just say, hypothetically,
306
00:14:58,418 --> 00:15:00,778
someone arranged this.
307
00:15:01,058 --> 00:15:03,338
the only other person
who would know about it,
308
00:15:03,618 --> 00:15:06,258
again, hypothetically,
is the gaffer who actually
309
00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:08,337
knocked over the light.
310
00:15:08,337 --> 00:15:09,897
and, hypothetically,
311
00:15:09,897 --> 00:15:11,457
i'm sure we would've
taken care of the gaffer
312
00:15:11,737 --> 00:15:15,657
financially, not to mention,
he works for the campaign.
313
00:15:15,657 --> 00:15:19,097
so who could be
the source on this story,
314
00:15:19,097 --> 00:15:22,617
hypothetically?
- oh, my god.
315
00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:25,617
- what?
- i fired the gaffer.
316
00:15:25,617 --> 00:15:29,457
- you did what?
- what were you thinking?
317
00:15:29,697 --> 00:15:31,457
- yeah, what was i thinking?
318
00:15:31,777 --> 00:15:34,537
he knocked a light over
and almost killed my boss.
319
00:15:34,537 --> 00:15:37,216
i should've given him a raise
and a trip to hawaii.
320
00:15:37,216 --> 00:15:38,936
- you didn't think
to run it by me?
321
00:15:38,936 --> 00:15:41,856
- you didn't think to run your
mentally challenged plan by me?
322
00:15:42,096 --> 00:15:44,256
- are you kidding me?
323
00:15:49,056 --> 00:15:52,696
- uh, something about
shutting the fuck up.
324
00:15:52,696 --> 00:15:56,456
- listen...
whatever happened here,
325
00:15:56,776 --> 00:15:58,696
it should have never
have gotten out.
326
00:15:58,976 --> 00:16:01,336
that's your fault,
the two of you.
327
00:16:01,616 --> 00:16:03,815
so i'll tell you
what's gonna happen next.
328
00:16:04,095 --> 00:16:06,935
all of us are gonna figure out
the right way to handle this,
329
00:16:06,935 --> 00:16:09,775
except for andy, who's gonna
put on his earbuds and listen
330
00:16:09,775 --> 00:16:11,335
to that lorde song
that he likes on repeat
331
00:16:11,615 --> 00:16:15,055
so his deniability
isn't compromised further.
332
00:16:15,335 --> 00:16:16,855
- i love you.
333
00:16:16,855 --> 00:16:19,495
- oh, you better.
334
00:16:19,495 --> 00:16:21,375
i'll wave
if we need you, okay?
335
00:16:21,375 --> 00:16:24,775
- okay.
336
00:16:25,095 --> 00:16:27,495
- kill me.
337
00:16:31,934 --> 00:16:35,134
- hello, babies
338
00:16:35,374 --> 00:16:37,614
it's the love doctor
coming to you
339
00:16:37,614 --> 00:16:39,774
with some sweet, sweet, sweet--
340
00:16:40,014 --> 00:16:42,494
oh, jesus.
341
00:16:42,494 --> 00:16:44,654
this is exactly what i did not
want to happen.
342
00:16:44,654 --> 00:16:47,494
louis!
- what's up, doc?
343
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:50,654
- can you grab the sound guy
before he goes?
344
00:16:50,654 --> 00:16:53,054
- senator bettencourt?
- yes, marta?
345
00:16:53,254 --> 00:16:55,094
- who is ''love doctor''?
346
00:16:55,334 --> 00:16:58,013
- well, i'm the love doctor.
347
00:16:58,013 --> 00:17:02,493
i prescribe commitment
to love-deficient singles,
348
00:17:02,493 --> 00:17:04,973
12 successful matches so far.
349
00:17:04,973 --> 00:17:08,093
- you arrange marriages, sir?
- i facilitate them.
350
00:17:08,373 --> 00:17:11,733
- my grandmother had an arranged
marriage, and a dowry.
351
00:17:11,733 --> 00:17:13,613
- that's pretty old school.
oh, you know,
352
00:17:13,893 --> 00:17:15,493
things have changed for women
since then, huh?
353
00:17:15,813 --> 00:17:20,613
- oh, yes, my sister
works in sex trade.
354
00:17:20,613 --> 00:17:22,213
- that's really not necessary,
senator.
355
00:17:22,493 --> 00:17:24,093
- well, maybe not,
but you never know where
356
00:17:24,093 --> 00:17:26,772
these glasses might have been.
- they've been in a dishwasher.
357
00:17:26,772 --> 00:17:30,332
- hmm, which explains
the lack of clarity.
358
00:17:30,332 --> 00:17:31,852
look at this, louise.
359
00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:34,652
the flute manager at the
bellagio would have a coronary.
360
00:17:34,972 --> 00:17:36,252
- now, now, mr. braggy pants.
361
00:17:36,612 --> 00:17:38,652
things can't always
be like at home.
362
00:17:38,652 --> 00:17:41,572
- i'm just saying, if our
great casinos used filmy
363
00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:44,492
stemware like this,
they'd be out of business.
364
00:17:44,492 --> 00:17:46,092
- this arrived for you
at the office, daddy.
365
00:17:46,092 --> 00:17:48,012
hand delivery from
the heritage foundation?
366
00:17:48,252 --> 00:17:49,812
oh!
- my bush!
367
00:17:49,812 --> 00:17:50,892
- your what?
368
00:17:50,892 --> 00:17:54,091
- i won a bush at
the gala dinner auction.
369
00:17:59,171 --> 00:18:01,531
- oh, my goodness.
370
00:18:01,531 --> 00:18:03,291
president bush painted that?
371
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:04,891
what do you suppose
he was thinking?
372
00:18:05,131 --> 00:18:06,451
- isn't that
painting famous, daddy?
373
00:18:06,771 --> 00:18:08,331
i think i saw it on buzzfeed.
374
00:18:08,331 --> 00:18:11,211
- it's possible.
i like it.
375
00:18:11,211 --> 00:18:14,091
it captures
a certain something.
376
00:18:15,611 --> 00:18:18,571
when i look at my feet
in the bathtub,
377
00:18:18,851 --> 00:18:21,010
that's exactly
what it feels like.
378
00:18:21,010 --> 00:18:24,010
- yeah.
379
00:18:24,010 --> 00:18:27,570
- it really elevates the room,
don't you think?
380
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:32,290
- whoa.
381
00:18:32,290 --> 00:18:33,370
is that what i think it is?
382
00:18:33,650 --> 00:18:34,690
- early dubya.
383
00:18:34,970 --> 00:18:36,330
- i mean,
you can't hang it there.
384
00:18:36,330 --> 00:18:37,630
i'm not gonna eat my cheerios
385
00:18:37,630 --> 00:18:39,850
looking at bush's bathwater.
386
00:18:39,850 --> 00:18:42,010
well, it's about time.
387
00:18:42,010 --> 00:18:44,090
where's young soo and susan?
- uh, held up at work.
388
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,370
don't worry, sir.
they'll be here on time.
389
00:18:46,650 --> 00:18:48,130
- they better be.
they owe me everything.
390
00:18:48,130 --> 00:18:49,209
their lives were empty.
391
00:18:49,209 --> 00:18:51,009
- and your wife will be here.
392
00:18:51,009 --> 00:18:53,289
- she will?
- driving down today.
393
00:18:53,289 --> 00:18:54,889
she's been trying to reach you.
394
00:18:54,889 --> 00:18:57,829
- i know. i've--i've been--
i've been busy.
395
00:18:57,829 --> 00:18:59,929
it's about time.
- i'm sorry, senator.
396
00:18:59,929 --> 00:19:01,249
i got held up.
397
00:19:03,369 --> 00:19:05,209
- held up where, james?
398
00:19:05,489 --> 00:19:08,449
- the bank.
i had to make a deposit.
399
00:19:08,449 --> 00:19:12,169
- i don't want
to talk about it.
400
00:19:12,449 --> 00:19:15,329
- neither do i,
but you asked.
401
00:19:15,329 --> 00:19:19,368
- spreading your seed
that way is sinful, james.
402
00:19:19,368 --> 00:19:21,328
- it's $130, lola,
which i need,
403
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,848
and i'm helping the childless,
who, i might add,
404
00:19:24,168 --> 00:19:26,248
had been abandoned
by the so-called creator.
405
00:19:26,568 --> 00:19:28,368
- that's awful, james.
- it's true.
406
00:19:28,688 --> 00:19:32,608
i'm just filling in, and if i
can bring joy to a fertile
407
00:19:32,848 --> 00:19:37,848
would-be mom, then $130
is a small price to...take.
408
00:19:37,848 --> 00:19:40,368
what's wrong?
- i just don't see how you
409
00:19:40,368 --> 00:19:42,248
can sneak off
to have a paid orgasm,
410
00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:44,367
and then show up at
a garden party like nothing
411
00:19:44,647 --> 00:19:46,767
happened at all.
- what?
412
00:19:47,007 --> 00:19:48,647
i was thinking of you.
413
00:19:48,647 --> 00:19:52,087
i used your selfie
from daytona beach!
414
00:19:52,087 --> 00:19:56,087
- you all know me as dr. robert,
the love doctor...
415
00:19:56,087 --> 00:19:58,367
rat on! rat on! rat on!
416
00:19:58,367 --> 00:20:02,927
- but in real life,
i play a united states senator.
417
00:20:03,207 --> 00:20:07,007
so with the power vested in me
by the state of euphoria,
418
00:20:07,007 --> 00:20:11,007
which governs such occasions,
i hereby proclaim
419
00:20:11,007 --> 00:20:14,366
young soo and susan formally
engaged.
420
00:20:14,646 --> 00:20:17,486
- aww.
421
00:20:17,806 --> 00:20:21,606
- mm, and i hereby tweeteth.
422
00:20:23,086 --> 00:20:25,646
- the love doctor has
his own twitter feed.
423
00:20:25,886 --> 00:20:28,246
- lol! lol!
424
00:20:28,246 --> 00:20:29,286
- what does that mean again?
425
00:20:29,566 --> 00:20:30,366
- ''lots of love.''
426
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,006
- lol, lol.
427
00:20:32,006 --> 00:20:34,606
- hashtag, hashtag.
428
00:20:34,606 --> 00:20:37,006
- if i might take the baton...
- i am tweeting.
429
00:20:37,006 --> 00:20:40,645
- from the good doctor,
i haveth a little surprise
430
00:20:40,925 --> 00:20:43,445
for the happy couple,
who are here...
431
00:20:43,725 --> 00:20:48,765
to celebrate
a little ''dream'' of their own.
432
00:20:48,765 --> 00:20:49,765
gentlemen.
433
00:20:50,045 --> 00:20:52,485
- jesus christ,
singing senators.
434
00:20:52,805 --> 00:20:54,925
i am so sorry.
- forget it.
435
00:20:55,205 --> 00:20:58,125
♪ bom, bom, bom, bom, bom
436
00:20:58,125 --> 00:21:00,045
♪ bom, bom, bom
bom, bom, bom, bom, bom ♪
437
00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:02,805
- * mr. sandman...
- * yes?
438
00:21:02,805 --> 00:21:04,805
- * bring me a dream
- * bom, bom, bom, bom
439
00:21:05,085 --> 00:21:07,724
- * make him the cutest
that i've ever seen *
440
00:21:08,004 --> 00:21:10,484
- * bom, bom, bom, bom
- * give him the word
441
00:21:10,484 --> 00:21:12,404
♪ that i'm not a rover
442
00:21:12,404 --> 00:21:16,324
♪ then tell him that his
lonesome nights are over ♪
443
00:21:16,324 --> 00:21:19,284
♪ sandman, i'm so alone
444
00:21:19,564 --> 00:21:21,844
- * don't have nobody
- * don't have nobody
445
00:21:21,844 --> 00:21:24,044
♪ to call my own
446
00:21:24,044 --> 00:21:27,084
♪ please turn on
your magic beam ♪
447
00:21:27,324 --> 00:21:32,044
♪ mr. sandman bring me a dream
- excuse me.
448
00:21:32,284 --> 00:21:33,564
robbie.
- eve!
449
00:21:33,804 --> 00:21:35,883
aaron told me
you were coming down.
450
00:21:35,883 --> 00:21:39,843
why didn't you call?
- i did, as you know.
451
00:21:39,843 --> 00:21:40,843
but i can see you've been busy.
452
00:21:41,083 --> 00:21:42,403
- two weddings up on schumer.
453
00:21:42,403 --> 00:21:45,003
- and they say nothing
gets done in this town.
454
00:21:45,003 --> 00:21:46,603
listen, can we go upstairs
and talk for a minute?
455
00:21:46,843 --> 00:21:47,843
like, right now?
456
00:21:48,123 --> 00:21:52,883
- what, and miss louis' solo?
please.
457
00:21:52,883 --> 00:21:56,043
- * and lots of wavy hair
like liberace! *
458
00:21:56,323 --> 00:21:58,203
- they know this
is a chick song, right?
459
00:21:58,203 --> 00:22:01,363
about a guy?
- but liberace was gay.
460
00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:04,682
- yeah, but at the time,
everyone pretended he wasn't.
461
00:22:04,682 --> 00:22:06,282
remind you of someone?
462
00:22:06,562 --> 00:22:08,122
- oh, by the way,
463
00:22:08,362 --> 00:22:11,482
he noticed you touching me
at the white house.
464
00:22:11,482 --> 00:22:12,842
- what?
- mm-hmm.
465
00:22:12,842 --> 00:22:14,402
we had a little chat.
466
00:22:14,402 --> 00:22:17,842
- give me a fucking break.
- * bring us a dream
467
00:22:17,842 --> 00:22:20,482
- that's it.
468
00:22:22,322 --> 00:22:24,922
- oh, my heart's bells!
469
00:22:27,842 --> 00:22:30,361
- hey.
- amazing.
470
00:22:30,361 --> 00:22:32,001
just when things seem bad,
471
00:22:32,001 --> 00:22:35,001
life gives you
a little present.
472
00:22:37,601 --> 00:22:39,201
- say something.
473
00:22:41,321 --> 00:22:44,201
robbie--
- what do you want me to say?
474
00:22:44,201 --> 00:22:47,241
- i'm sorry, robbie.
i didn't see this coming.
475
00:22:47,481 --> 00:22:49,161
i certainly didn't expect it.
476
00:22:49,161 --> 00:22:50,721
- who is he?
477
00:22:50,721 --> 00:22:52,841
- it doesn't matter.
- who is he?
478
00:22:53,841 --> 00:22:55,881
- someone i met at the opera.
479
00:22:56,081 --> 00:23:00,000
- the opera?
but that's--that's ours.
480
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,600
- it was ours, years ago.
481
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:04,960
he had the seat behind yours.
482
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:06,800
one evening, he asked
why it was always empty.
483
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:08,400
i started crying.
484
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:12,680
- what does he do?
485
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,440
- nothing.
- psh, there's a future.
486
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:18,320
- he's in the motorcar trade.
487
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:22,120
- are you kidding me?
''the motorcar trade''?
488
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:24,480
does he--does he use
writing instruments?
489
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:25,599
does he wear timepieces?
490
00:23:25,599 --> 00:23:27,819
i mean, he makes fucking cars,
eve.
491
00:23:27,819 --> 00:23:31,879
he makes--what kind?
- lamborghinis.
492
00:23:34,039 --> 00:23:36,679
- we're going away, robert,
tomorrow night.
493
00:23:36,679 --> 00:23:40,999
- what? where?
- monaco, the grand prix.
494
00:23:40,999 --> 00:23:43,039
he wants me by his side.
495
00:23:43,279 --> 00:23:45,119
it's nice to be needed again.
496
00:23:45,319 --> 00:23:47,719
you know,
i never minded that part.
497
00:23:47,999 --> 00:23:52,159
i actually missed it.
498
00:23:52,439 --> 00:23:54,638
nelson is drawing up the papers,
but you'll need
499
00:23:54,638 --> 00:23:56,198
to get your own lawyer.
500
00:23:56,198 --> 00:23:58,358
i gave the key to
the safe deposit box to jill,
501
00:23:58,358 --> 00:24:00,278
if you want to dust off
the prenup.
502
00:24:00,278 --> 00:24:01,818
- * lollipop, lollipop
503
00:24:01,818 --> 00:24:03,438
- there doesn't have to
be a whole lot of drama,
504
00:24:03,438 --> 00:24:06,998
robert, and it shouldn't
hurt your campaign.
505
00:24:07,318 --> 00:24:09,358
no one cares about this
personal stuff anymore.
506
00:24:09,358 --> 00:24:12,038
- * lolli--lolli--lollipop
- it happens to everyone.
507
00:24:14,598 --> 00:24:18,038
- senator, you just missed
the singing senators!
508
00:24:18,038 --> 00:24:22,837
they did, like,
the entire chordettes' songbook.
509
00:24:22,837 --> 00:24:27,277
- i'll be in the basement.
510
00:24:27,277 --> 00:24:30,217
- you should've invited
colonel grimmel over, sir.
511
00:24:30,217 --> 00:24:32,597
everyone would have been
thrilled to meet him.
512
00:24:32,597 --> 00:24:34,917
you did a great thing
getting him that medal.
513
00:24:34,917 --> 00:24:36,237
he's a true hero.
514
00:24:36,237 --> 00:24:40,317
and so handsome,
and well-spoken,
515
00:24:40,597 --> 00:24:42,717
and...
516
00:24:42,717 --> 00:24:46,437
i wouldn't be surprised
if he ran for office one day.
517
00:24:46,437 --> 00:24:49,316
- and that's all you think
it takes to do this job?
518
00:24:49,316 --> 00:24:52,036
a uniform, and a smile,
and a fancy damn medal.
519
00:24:52,036 --> 00:24:53,316
do you think
that's all it takes?
520
00:24:53,636 --> 00:24:58,076
- no, sir, there are
other parts to the package...
521
00:24:58,316 --> 00:25:00,476
like intelligence, judgment,
522
00:25:00,476 --> 00:25:02,356
mental toughness,
and perseverance.
523
00:25:02,356 --> 00:25:05,276
- you just assume leland
has all these qualities?
524
00:25:05,276 --> 00:25:08,196
- oh, i know, sir.
i mean, i spent days
525
00:25:08,396 --> 00:25:10,796
poring over his
service records to write
526
00:25:11,076 --> 00:25:12,356
your medal of honor
recommendation,
527
00:25:12,596 --> 00:25:14,356
and--and i couldn't
find one single flaw!
528
00:25:14,356 --> 00:25:16,835
- well, look harder,
god damn it!
529
00:25:17,075 --> 00:25:19,315
- sir!
530
00:25:19,555 --> 00:25:21,995
- my bush!
531
00:25:22,315 --> 00:25:24,155
gil john, for the love
of all that's holy,
532
00:25:24,155 --> 00:25:26,315
do you know how much
i paid for this painting?
533
00:25:27,835 --> 00:25:29,915
- you paid money for that?
534
00:25:33,675 --> 00:25:37,675
- louis, how long do you think
julie and katharine
535
00:25:37,915 --> 00:25:40,875
have been
pleasuring each other?
536
00:25:41,115 --> 00:25:45,274
- louise! we don't know
that they ever have.
537
00:25:45,554 --> 00:25:48,714
what you saw
could have been a...
538
00:25:48,714 --> 00:25:51,114
a social kiss gone awry,
539
00:25:51,114 --> 00:25:53,274
an innocent slip
of the tongue,
540
00:25:54,314 --> 00:25:56,434
or maybe they
were experimenting.
541
00:25:56,434 --> 00:25:59,394
haven't you ever been curious?
i haven't.
542
00:25:59,394 --> 00:26:02,114
but i'm sure
it'll all blow over.
543
00:26:02,114 --> 00:26:04,074
- hmm, louis,
i know what i saw,
544
00:26:04,074 --> 00:26:05,474
and there was intentionality.
545
00:26:05,474 --> 00:26:07,874
i'm positive as pie.
546
00:26:08,154 --> 00:26:10,554
i think it's all
joseph smith's fault.
547
00:26:10,554 --> 00:26:12,873
- what?
louise...
548
00:26:12,873 --> 00:26:15,513
- no, it is.
it's the legacy of polygamy.
549
00:26:15,513 --> 00:26:17,553
all those wives, sitting
around the parlor when it
550
00:26:17,553 --> 00:26:20,673
wasn't their turn,
what were they supposed to do?
551
00:26:20,673 --> 00:26:22,613
a woman needs intimacy.
552
00:26:22,613 --> 00:26:24,473
it's natural adaptation--
553
00:26:24,473 --> 00:26:26,033
make that unnatural adaptation.
554
00:26:26,273 --> 00:26:29,313
no wonder good mormon girls
like julie think it's okay
555
00:26:29,313 --> 00:26:31,153
to be with other girls.
556
00:26:31,153 --> 00:26:33,593
it's probably
in their genes by now.
557
00:26:33,833 --> 00:26:35,073
- you think so?
- i do.
558
00:26:35,073 --> 00:26:39,592
it just makes
scientific common sense.
559
00:26:39,832 --> 00:26:41,392
- hmm.
560
00:26:41,392 --> 00:26:43,712
- here's the problem, maddie.
we just assumed that
561
00:26:43,712 --> 00:26:46,992
the primary was the worst of it,
so we don't have a war chest
562
00:26:46,992 --> 00:26:48,552
left to deal
with this son of a bitch.
563
00:26:48,792 --> 00:26:51,212
so we're gonna have
to go after dark money
564
00:26:51,212 --> 00:26:53,552
as soon as he announces.
- what dark money?
565
00:26:53,552 --> 00:26:56,112
- the super pacs--
they can hit leland
566
00:26:56,392 --> 00:26:58,312
lower and harder than i can.
567
00:26:58,312 --> 00:27:01,992
i'm gonna have louis make
an intro to the watt brothers.
568
00:27:02,232 --> 00:27:04,312
i might have to kiss
one or both rings,
569
00:27:04,592 --> 00:27:07,151
but those old boys
can make the mud fly.
570
00:27:07,151 --> 00:27:09,311
- hmm.
- it's not gonna be easy.
571
00:27:09,311 --> 00:27:12,071
leland's a tough son of a bitch,
hard to rattle.
572
00:27:12,391 --> 00:27:15,031
you rip his face off,
he grows another.
573
00:27:15,031 --> 00:27:17,951
- honey bear?
- hmm?
574
00:27:18,191 --> 00:27:20,871
- you're beginning to scare me,
darling.
575
00:27:20,871 --> 00:27:23,311
- yeah?
- yeah.
576
00:27:23,311 --> 00:27:26,551
it's kind of a turn-on.
577
00:27:26,791 --> 00:27:29,471
- such a strange day.
one minute, katharine's
578
00:27:29,831 --> 00:27:32,511
calling me out for
embarrassing the campaign.
579
00:27:32,511 --> 00:27:35,310
the next minute, i come home
to find her making out
580
00:27:35,590 --> 00:27:38,630
with julie in front of
50 people, one of whom probably
581
00:27:38,630 --> 00:27:40,230
tweeted a picture of it.
582
00:27:40,230 --> 00:27:41,790
i mean, i hope not,
for katharine's sake.
583
00:27:41,790 --> 00:27:44,070
although, i'd probably
check it out,
584
00:27:44,070 --> 00:27:45,350
you know, if it was out there.
585
00:27:45,670 --> 00:27:48,350
- sir, what does
''self-deportation'' mean?
586
00:27:48,630 --> 00:27:52,070
- not a word you need to know,
marta, i promise.
587
00:27:52,070 --> 00:29:36,000
synch and corrected by kiberline
588
00:29:37,305 --> 00:29:43,847
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