Original subtitles

(Cows mooing)

Playful music

Girl laughing

This is Pappi

aka Bargad

just crossed 37

He is not getting married despite many efforts.

Its because of this that everybody calls him Chhada

Hey pappi

Its you dad?

(sarcastically) No, Dhinchak Dooja

(sings) Dilo ka scooter hai mera putter

Dilo ka scooter hai mera putter

What is this?

You spilled the milk

You king of Bachelors!

You are daydreaming again?

Look at your sister Kaato

She got a scholarship and moved to Canada

And you?

You are here spilling the milk

He is Pappi's father

Aka Fitness Arora

He was a well settled man once

But because of his bad habits

He lost a lot

Why are you always after my son?

What's the big deal? Its just milk

Our cow has plenty of it

You won't get weak if you dont have milk one day

Your fitness is not going anywhere

Gulabo

Gulabo and fitness never go along

Mrs Fitness Arora

Gulabo and fitness never go along

They have never done anything together

Except one thing

and that remains unsuccessful till date

and that is Pappi's wedding

come my son come here

(someone at the gate) Uncle...

Uncle... Are you home?

(sarcastically) not at all

I am watching Ram Leela someplace else

A 6 foot tall handsome man is standing in front of you

And you are still asking?

(mimicking) Uncle...Are you home?

wait a second

Why are you lying?

6 feet?

you are just 5 feet 5 inches tall

(boys laughing)

All hail the Maths teacher

If only you had put so much mind into studies.

you could have been a teacher in reality

lazy idiot

And him on top of that King of idiots

He is in a bad mood since morning

how did you come by son

Nothing much Aunt

Just collecting some mattresses and sheets

Its our Kaalo's wedding

our Kaalo?

I mean Uncle's daughter's wedding

she got married as well?

yes

You're the only one not getting married

you bloody idiot Let me set up your wedding

Run brother run

he is Tota

No, not the bird kind

Pappi's friend

Couldn't even clear the 10th standard

But a master of mobile phones

and also the master of spreading news

Get it?

He is the master of internet

Stop you idiot

I wil get hurt brother

Name's Keedi

servant of the house

he was part of the dowry

and why is he staying in the house of such misers?

you will know it soon enough

Greetings!

Greetings everyone! Praise the matchmaker!

Greetings pandit ji

(Playful music)

come... come...

come pandit ji. Have a seat

Let me bring you a cup of tea

its been a long time pandit ji

you came in the winters last year

and now its summer

(laughter)

bring a table

Yes, of course

Pandit ji brought happiness with him

My friend, matches are made in heaven

Pandit Fadka Nand is just the middleman

(laughter)

Praise the matchmaker

Do something pandit ji

Pappi is still unmarried

he is already 38 now

wait a minute

Not 38 years

37 years and only 3 months

Yes! 37 years and only 3 months

Let me show you something my friend

The girl looks as innocent as a cow

Praise the matchmaker!

We dont need a cow pandit ji

Cow?

Don't mind Pandit ji

she looks more like a rabbit to me

Just look at her rabbit teeth

that's okay But now looks at this

the girl is beautiful and educated

Praise the matchmaker!

It seems like she owns a bakery pandit ji

Dont beat around the bush

she is fat and tan

like a buffalo

Forget about her my friend

look at her

she looks like Miss Pooja

is she that pretty?

No

she is a midget, look at her

forgive me sister

But there is only so much a middleman can do

Look at your son as well

He will be an old man in a year or two

Moreover his stars dont look bright to me

Praise the matchmaker!

Stop!

Put that cup back on the table

Didn't you hear me?

You scoundrel

(shouting) I am coming for you

What happened son?

Bloody scoundrel!

(everybody getting crazy)

don't hurt me young lad

Somebody stop him Stop this nonsense Pappi

Oh Pappi Stop..Stop..

Help. Help..

You are Calling me an Old Man.

He is pandit pappi

Somebody save me

(everybody getting crazy)

I will not forget this

You should not have messed with me

i will bring you such crazy matches

you will be crying for ages

What happened old man?

Have you never seen beautiful girls?

old man?

you forgot the pandit pappi bro

Do not move an inch you pandit

(scooter stops)

Earlier, people used to come to their house with proposals

But they rejected everyone

Now they are begging for a match

But now nobody is interested in them

Dad, sister ran away with the neighbour's dumb son

And when they come with their own proposal

It never ends well for them

(playful music rises)

(Music stops)

Where are you going old man?

Have you taken the responsibility of interrupting everyone?

Idiot

And we are not going anywhere we are coming. Any problem?

Not you uncle. I am asking uncle Pappi

Stop there you scoundrel

(running and shouting)

Your daughter in law, my wife

makes an omlette

with her pretty little hands and says

(blushes) Father, please taste these scrambled eggs

What a beautiful dream

It is right?

pappi, I dont think this dream will ever come true

So I don't want this scrambled egg

okay then keeping eating whatever mom cooks for you

Keep cooking mom

(funny music)

I, Gulaabo take a solemn vow

until my Pappi gets married

Pappi's father will not sit on the bed

Never

Never ever

you stupid old lady

where were you hiding when god was imparting wisdom in us

its nothing but bullshit in your mind

What have I done now?

Will Pappi get married if I sit on the floor?

Oh God!

This never came to my mind

You shouldn't put much pressure on your mind my dear

Your brain is not made to think

bring me a glass of water

Why? Are you thirsty?

(sarcastically) Not at all

Just needed to check my throat for any leakages

Please check your throat later

How much do people's parents do for them?

They pray to all the gods out there

and you?

Can't you sit on the floor for a few days?

I hope this ends in a few days

Otherwise I won't be able to show my face to anyone

Anyways Miss Gulabo

please bring his horoscope

I have called pandit Fadkanand ji

lets hope he knows how to solve this problem

I will do it

but you better tell your son

not to bite him once he arrives

Am I a dog who will bite him?

Teach your pandit some manners as well

He calls me an old man

Also tell him not to bring photographs of ugly witches

Okay okay I will tell him

Bring his horoscope Gulaabo

Your friend Raunki called earlier

He asked to bring him more milk today

He needs it for a ceremony

his grandson is 11 days old now

Raunaki has a grandson now?

and I am still a bachelor

Why do you hate me so much god?

(stammers)

(whispers)

(whispers)

(whispers) Pappi?

(whispers) Pappi?

Not this you idiot. Bargad. where is he?

Come inside Pandit ji come inside

Gulaabo, Pappi Pandit ji is here

Dont be afraid Pandit ji Pappi will not attack you

Come

greetings everyone

His horoscopr pandit ji

Oh my god!

Oh god, bless the child

Oh god, bless the child

Oh god, bless the child

Oh god!

It cannot be...

Oh god, bless the child

He has hit

What? A jackpot?

(celebrates)

No. He has hit rock bottom. There are big troubles ahead

His stars look very troubled right now

He is in a big problem

What?

yes my child a big problem

he will get married

But once the daughter in law arrives

Pappi's mother will be no more

What?

Why god why? Why is it always me?

(cries dramatically)

Pandit ji, I might or might not live by happily

You start finding a girl for him

What?

I mean, I will live by any means possible

but our son needs to get married

Pandit ji isn't there a way out?

one, where my son gets married

and I remain alive as well

For this he may have to marry many many times

Really?

I am ready for it

I am talking about Pappi my friend

What are you saying pandit ji?

We can't find a single girl for him

You are talking about multiple marriages

But you won't need a girl for those marriages my friend

Then how is it possible Pandit ji

before marrying a girl, he needs to marry a mare

What?

also a fig tree

What?

Also a snake

Praise the matchmaker!

What is all this Mom?

At first he brought ugly witches for me

and now animals?

(cries)

I don't think I will ever sit on my bed my whole life

Pandit ji? is this the only way?

Either this or you die. Your choice

Note down this stuff my friend

250kg wood

and white cloth around 7 or 7.5 meters

What is this for Pandit ji?

I have already warned you my friend

(mother cries)

The daughter in law comes to marry and mother leaves for the cremation

(cries dramatically)

I will find the craziest dog around and let it bite you

Or even kill you, you idiot

What are you doing Pappi? Leave him. Leave him

Relax pandit ji, Relax

You too.

Let me calm him down

Pappi my son

Listen to the wise man

Or else prepare for my departure

(cries dramatically)

Kill me God. Kill me!

Please listen to this poor thing god

Be quiet dad

and you stop your emotional outrage mom

I will do as he says

But pandit ji, if I remain a bachelor even after that

Then you better run away for your own sake. get it?

Run?

I will not run. I will dance. I will dance

(Pandit ji reciting mantras)

Did you lock the door?

Of course. I don't want to embarrass myself as well

please bring the mare

I mean call the future Mrs. Pappi

Pandit ji, mare wasn't available. Will a hen work?

Its not a real wedding afterall

Yes yes, it will work

(chanting mantras)

(hen clucking)

(chanting mantras)

(chanting mantras)

Now both the bride and groom should stand up

Be quick everybody

The groom will move ahead

Not there Mr groom. Come here.

(playful music)

Now you both may sit down

Sit down, sit down

Now the groom should put the ring on the bride

Be quick gentleman, time is running away

Where should I put the ring on?

Put it on the claws

(chanting mantras)

Not his claws, Claws of the bride gentleman

Be quick gentleman. Be quick

(feels relaxed)

now lift the bride's veil

Be quick gentleman

(hen clucking)

Wait a minute! This is a rooster

(shouting angrily) You idiot

Pappi bro, Pandit ji did not come Instead he sent his son

Now what will you do?

What more I have to do for a wedding?

(crow flying away)

(laughing)

(kids laughing)

he is the king of bad lucks

(pandit chanting mantras)

Now pull out the snake from the box

I mean the future Mrs Pappi

Spit on the snake

Spit on it?

I mean offer some milk to her

forget the words, feel my emotions

(snake charmer plays the flute)

Mr snake charmer. Why isn't the snake showing up?

(snake hissing)

Now apply sindhoor on the bride's forehead.

Time is running gentleman, Be quick.

Don't be scared

Apply the sindoor

Apply it, quickly

Be strong gentleman

(shouts in concern)

Oh my god!

What happened to my pappi?

Why do you overreact at everything my dear

He just fainted out of fear

and you are reacting as if he is dead

now somebody wake the groom up by shoe smell

Do something quickly

(farts)

(everybody coughing)

My son woke up...

(snake hissing)

Bring some food mother I am very hungry right now

(gulping water)

Eat this my son

Thankyou so much mother

(Wedding band music)

(slides plate)

Bargad... Bargad

How many times I have asked you not to call me Bargad dad?

Superb

Now if I don't call you Bargad, then what should I call you? banana?

You should ignore the music and eat your food

I dont want to eat

Please my dear, listen to your father

Ignore him

He wouldn't get thin if he doesn't eat one time

he will have some in dinner

You go and give water to the buffaloes

They must be thirsty

Great! You can think about the buffaloes but not about your own son

Even the buffalos are getting married now

Have some shame. Kids in the village are now calling me uncle

Even my beard is turning grey

Why are you always after my son?

you are busy doing nothing Can't you go and do it yourself?

How dare you?

(Tota shouting)

Pappi... Pappii...

Look at this Pappi

Get away. How many times I have asked you not to disrespect my name?

You should call me Bargad

Tell me what are you upto now?

I have a good news for you brother

Look at all these girls. I found this ad online

Read the message

Oh yes! We deal in all kinds of matches

Even if you are a widower

Even if you have one foot in your grave

Even if you are a divorcee

You must contact us once

Feel free to

C..O..N..T..A..C Leave it, leave it

The name is- Dhakkan Dalaal

Contact- 9211921192

It means we can marry regardless of our age

What?

I am not talking about myself

Just thinking about his marriage

I think you should call him

(dialing number)

(phone buzzing)

Dhakkan Dalal speaking

hello I wanted to talk about marriage

What are you saying man? I am a happily married guy

No No No. I meant my marriage

Then you have called the right guy

I have closed the cases of many many bachelors around

And you seem like a nice man

I didn't understand

You just send me your home address

I will come to your home and close your case

He is asking for the address Send it. send it

Will I get married if I simply sent you the address

Yes of course man. Then I shall send it to you

(keypad dialing)

They have sent me the address already

Looks like they are very desperate

I shall be quick

Lets go

Seems like now I will finally marry

Thank God

(scooter stops)

(keypad dialing)

Quickly brother. Dhakkan must be on his way

(phone rings)

Its him

Where are you brother?

I can't find your house man

Where are you right now?

Standing outside someone's shop

Why at someone's shop. Come straight to my house

I told you I can't find it

You can ask anyone in the village about Bachelor Pappi

Even the kids know about him. Infact they will drop you here themself

Bachelor Pappi?

Bachelor Pappi? he lives over there

Come son. drop me there

So now you will call me bachelor like evryone else

Are you a friend or an enemy?

I am your friend of course but what should I call a bachelor? Non-bachelor?

I will tell you what to say Leave me Pappi brother

So I am welcomed with a shoe on my face

I am very sorry Mr Dhakkan Dalaal

Come.. Please come...

Dad... Yes Bargad

You are calling me Bargad again.

But you were just asking Tota to call you Bargad

Mr Dhakkan dalaal is here, - Dhakkan dalaal

Oh.. Mr Dhakkan Dalaal. Come inside Sir.

Come Sir, come.

(starts celebrating) My son's wedding...My son's wedding

My dear, Pappi is still unmarried. Stop overreacting again

Welcome Mr Dhakkan.

Come.

Have a seat

It looks nicer now

So Mr Dhakkan where are the bangles?

bangles?

He means girls. Pardon him. He has a stammering tongue

His name is Tota. Idiot Tota

Girls are in my bag. Bag?

I mean their photographs

Come on now. Have a look at these

SImply amazing. Such respect for the future daughter in law

And she is not even here yet

I thought it was a holy book. No no, these are the girls

Now forget all the worries and look at my book of magic

It contains half of the beauty of Punjab

Where is the other half?

their cases are already closed. They are already married.

Fasten your seat belts

here is the first photograph

(everyone gets scared)

Nothing to fear

Its just a prank by my son

Its made out of plastic

Nothing to fear

Look at these beautiful girls

Let me see first

Your father seems more interested than you

I will look first. Don't create a fuss. Let me look

Its you who is creating the fuss. I will be the first one

A man is the head of the family. So its my right

And a woman is the heart of the family. and we should all listen to our hearts

A demon would have been a better husband than him

It could have if incest was morally acceptable

What are you saying?

Don't you get it?

Even I saw plenty of photographs and yet I got you for a wife

What?

Means you looked much better in photographs than in reality

Nobody showed my your photograph

I only knew your name Fitness Arora

and I thought the boy must be a tall and handsome guy

But you are neither tall nor handsome.

Keep it down you guys

I am the groom so I will look at the album

What do you say Mr Dhakkan?

Give it to me. Quickly!

(phone rings) Let me take this call

Hello. Dhakkan Dalaal speaking

Yes yes we have the most beautiful items

One look and you will be mesmerized

It moves like a peacock and the color is just marvellous.

Trust me man. Have a look at least

This is a limited edition piece

It is in high demand

You should not let it go. just give me your address and some earnest

Think of it as an investment

I am telling you its a strong one

You shameful dog. You are doing human trafficking in front us, in our house?

Why are you looking at me? Pick up a shoe and teach him a lesson

Hit this shameful dog

Come here you...

(smashing him)

Save me somebody

Stop it guys. Stop it.

I wasn't saying anything wrong

I was just selling my truck

(in pain)

Lookt at my visiting card. I run a business of trucks.

(cries)

You misunderstood me

Forgive us Mr Dhakkan. please sit down But how?

Looks like I will not be able to sit anymore

Please at least try to sit

(cries in pain)

Really sorry Mr Dhakkan.

(cries in pain)

You guys have beaten the hell out of me

Mr Dhakkan, I apologise for my father's mistake

Mother please bring some milk for Mr Dhakkan

I will put some herbs in it as well

(crying in pain)

We apologize once again Mr Dhakkan.

Mr Dhakkan, can she close my case?

Close your case?

I mean to say please fix her marriage with me

Really?

Your choice is really very good

Let me talk to them once and then it will be just be...

They also want a quick marriage

Today is 19

Shall I set a meeting on 21st?

If its okay then its time to celebrate

You must taste this pudding

Actually I am on a kind of diet these days

What?

I meant is the marriage final?

Its a done deal Mr Dhakkan. 100 percent

For how long will a father take the responsibility?

Have you thought this through? The boy is a bit old

And our daughter is just 27. The match looks a bit weird

The boy was also young once.

But they kept on rejecting marriages and now the boy is 38

Don't forget that his sister resides in Canada

He might as well take your daughter to Canada

Really? Absolutely. Canada...

Dad, I have opened my account in the bank

Very good my dear. Which bank by the way?

Yes, a bank

Ofcourse its a bank. The police station doesn't offer that facility

I was asking the name of the bank

That's what I am telling you. Yes is the Bank.

Has she gone mad?

The girl means to say its Yes Bank.

Yes. I was saying exactly that

You never talk straight with us

Mom, you asked me not to speak in English in front of you

That's alright. She is my daughter, Hasmukh

(awkward laughter)

Greet him my dear. Namaste uncle

Namaste.

Go and make tea my dear

But I do not drink tea anymore

then make it for all of us dear

You should have said this mom. I am going now.

She is a bit childish. Isn't she?

We know, we have spoiled her a little

Its more common than you think. Every parent spoils their child

But I am telling you this by heart, this boy is one of a kind.

And your daughter is also one of a kind

(awkward laughter)

Then its a done deal Mr Dhakkan

Okay then. Today's 19, lets arrange a meeting on 21st

Perfect. You should call them. Fine by me

(keypad dialing)

Hello. Okay Mr Dalal. I will start the preparations

Take care good sir.

Listen to me Bargad's mom... Where are you my dear?

I am not deaf. Why are you shouting?

Tell me what happened?

My dear, if someone doesn't look beautiful she should at least talk beautifully

Mr Dhakkan called just now. We are meeting the family on 21st

Our son will get married? Yes

(starts crying)

Stop crying my idiot wife. Its celebration time.

Be happy

Its been a long time since I heard such good news out of your mouth

Oh really? Shall I say something as well? Yes

Not only your name is Gulaabo, but your looks like a flower as well

(blushes) Really? Like a rose?

No. Cauliflower. One with the worms inside

You be quiet Mr. all the boys in my village wanted to marry me

It was my bad fate that my parents chose you

Stop it guys. Save something for you daughter in law also

And for that you have to focus on my marriage

We have done that my son. The girl's family has said yes

Come again mother? The girl's family has said yes

Then why are you looking dull? Its a happy occasion. Say that happily

The girl's family has said yes and we are meeting them on 21st

(celebration dance)

Listen to me all you villagers. I will be tying the knot on 21st

Everyone has to come. Make sure you wear new dresses

Iron your suits friends. Tota my friend. Yes brother

Save the date 21st. God has finally answered my prayers

Then today you should host a party. Ofcourse. Let me come there.

Be quick. I can't wait anymore.

Cheers!

(gulping and chewing)

On this happy occassion, I present to you a dance show by Ms Anjali

Stop it. He is my friend. I want you to sing for him.

Stop it. Only I will hold Anjali's hand.

No, I will hold her hand

Anjali, why don't you decide yourself?

Give us our payment. What payment?

Payment for all the dancing

(News anchor speaking)

(phone rings)

Pick up the phone Gulaabo. Its right beside you. You pick up

I won't. Its beacuse of you that the phone is on the bed and I am not

Stupid!

Its my brother.

Hello brother. Hello sister. many many congratulations

Your son's getting married

Congratulations to you too. he is your nephew as well

How's my brother in law?

Leave him. He is still a grumpy old man

He has not changed even a bit. Moreover he's drunk now.

Is he asking about me? No, he is asking about the street dog.

He can ask about the street dog but not about his brother in law

Sure sure. Let me pass the phone to Bargad Where is Bargad?

He must be at the tubewell. I am right here dad. Right here.

And aren't you complaining about me a little too much

Pappi, its your uncle. He wants to talk to you.

Greetings Uncle. Yes yes everything's great

(shout outside) Pappi...

What happened Uncle? Why are you sitting on the floor?

You should now sit on the bed with pride

Your daughter in law is soon to come. What will she think of you?

How are you? I am good Come inside brother

What happened? Why are you glowing so much?

Just happy for you. But why do you look sad?

Dad is grinding about the tubewell incident so much

Is that so? Come here (whispers)

Oh yes yes. Oh he is looking at us

(singing happily)

Stop it Gulaabo. Stop fighting guys. Lets celebrate.

(starts singing)

(celebrating)

You sit Tota. I will bring pudding for you. Pudding? I love it Aunty

Son, you have to handle everything at his wedding

Thats fine. But if you sing the same song ever again then I will chop your tongue off

Don't worry Uncle. I will hire the best singer for our Pappi's wedding

Really? Who? The one who is popular everywhere. Lakha Lakhbir?

Lakha Lakhbir is an emotional singer. Devotional, idiot. Devotional.

Devotional? ok. Uncle let me check it on the internet

Quickly

The network is always down at your place

Uncle. We can also find on the televesion. Yes yes sure. Do it.

What's this channel? Fashion TV?

The remote is not working

There is something in my mouth. I think we can call them.

What do you mean call them? What are you watching?

Tota is saying that we should call them on Pappi's wedding.

I said we should call them afterwards. And tell them to stop doing all this.

I didn't say it Aunty

Total lockdown is going to happen from 12 o'clock tonight

What is happening to my family god? (cries)

(Door locks)

(exerting pressure)

Come out. Come out please.

Don't be afraid. I promise not to eat you

Who's texting me now?

(reads) I like you Mr Fitness. Oh really?

I love you very much.

I want to meet you

I don't know if you want to meet me or not? I do I do...

Then see you at the tubewell this evening. Yours truly. Preeto

(phone rings) Who's calling now?

Yes Khilaare? Namaste brother in law. Namaste

What are you doing? Failing in the toilet

That is pretty much what I do. Sometimes, pretty much everyone does that

You tell? Why did you call? We won't be able to make it on 21st

There is a lockdown in our city. I wish it remains forever.

What? I am saying thats old news. Tell me something new.

Please can you give phone to sister But how?

I am busy somewhere. Will call you in a while

Whenever you get some time. Okay fine Bye.

Dad...

Be quick dad. The city is under lockdown not my bowels.

A man cannot poop anywhere in peace

How can I come out until I am done?

But I am under pressure dad. Then handle the pressure son.

Are you guys done or not?

I am done. I am done.

Me too... Idiots!

(snoring)

(snoring)

(snoring)

(snoring)

(snoring)

(footsteps leaving)

(door creaking)

(windchimes moving)

(Lock opens)

(door closes)

(Door creaks)

(footsteps)

(footsteps)

(footsteps)

(footsteps)

Has Uncle arrived or not Pappi? Shhh Shhh. He is here.

(water running)

(kissing sound)

Miss Preeto, I know that you love me a lot

I love you too (photography click)

You are such a beauty and my wife is a witch. (photography click)

(photography click)

On one side its you and on the other side that witch and her son

May I know who's the witch and her son?

You? what are you doing here? And what are you doing here dad?

I..umm... Actually my stomach was upset so...

Oh.. And you are here to refill the cylinder?

And who is this girl? Girl? Who?

This one. Please show us your beautiful face madam

hello uncle. Tota.. You? Go to hell!

Lets go home dad and mom will tell you who is going to hell

We should not involve a lady in the matter of men

Exactly. But you don't stop talking about my incident in front of her

Since now the scores are tied. Lets forget about both the incidents

Ok then. I will leave now. Bye bye dad. (Tota laughs)

(high five)

The matter is over Tota. Lets go. Our plan worked brother

I brought it for her. But you should have it instead

Here, at your feet. Just don't say a word to Gulaabo.

Bloody Rascal. Looking at me with those eyes

Like he has never seen a beautiful buffalo before

I wish I could file a molestation case against him

Mr Bargad

Mr Bargad

Please do not call me that. Should I give in writing?

What should I call you instead? A Banyan tree?

Can you tell me why are you staring at the buffalo?

That desperate?

I think you should not talk about desperation

You know quite well who is more desperate. But mom doesn't know that

Should I tell her?

Lets leave it. You have to

And I am not staring at the buffalo. I am just thinking about my wedding

My king of bachelors.

If you could only have put that much thought in your studies

Then you would also be sitting in Canada like your sister

Only if you could have controlled your drinking father

Then our condition would have been great. Also our house.

Lets leave this as well. You have to.

You will get married soon. How could have we known about the lockdown?

And what would you achieve after marriage?

Look at me. What did I achieve after marriage? You. Bargad.

Pappi. Call me Pappi.

Pappi. With a P.. Got it?

Like your could have given birth to Babbu Mann.

Huh.. My actual lockdown started when I was born in this family

I don't want tea. I want to get married

Look at him, chewing like an idiot. Who gave him a chocolate?

It must have been a gentleman. Why do you care?

Please bring some food. I am hungry. And I don't want to have tea.

Bloody leech. Living off my money.

To hell with this lockdown!

(shouts) Pappi....Pappi brother...

Listen to me brother

Listen to me. What is your problem man?

Why do you say my name with your stammering mouth?

Everyone in village makes fun of me because of you.

Don't sweat about it. Tell me where are you going all alone?

Going to die. You interested? No. First I want to marry a beautiful girl

Brother.

Give me one last souvenir before you die

Are you my friend or an enemy?

You are not stopping me, instead asking for a souvenir? Ok then. Suicide is cancelled.

That's what I wanted. Now tell me why do you want to die?

What should I do instead? I was not getting married earlier.

Finally it was happening but the lockdown started

Thats it? Don't worry my friend. Tota's here.

We can use my laptop and do the ceremony online

Online ceremony? Ofcourse. Everything is online these days.

Then why can't your ceremony be online?

Oh yes. It can happen. Of course.

But my mom wants to call all her relatives for the ceremony

Who will convince her?

We can ask for Mr Dhakkan's help. Oh yes, he can help.

He has closed cases of many bachelors.

And you seem like a nice man

Call him. 921 921 92

Hello Mr Dhakkan.

(Weird laughter)

Is he the boy?

What's up Tota? All set? Yes brother

Go and fly then.

Where? In the skies of course!

Move

OK now you should move Tota

Where? Outside. Be quick

What's this nonsense? Turbans are for weddings, not the first meeting

He will never let my son be happy

Namaste everyone. Namaste all of you.

lets starts the ceremony

Yes yes. Lets start. Nobody cared to introduce me. Huh.

I was just going to do that brother

What's the point now?

It must be clear by now to everyone. He is the groom's uncle.

She is my sister Sukhi. And she is our daughter Kaato.

Oh mom. I am not kaato. My name is Cat.

And My name is Tota. I am Pappi's friend

Don't waste the time in introductions gentleman

Or else the auspicious time will pass.

Pandit ji. You should start the ceremony. But nobody has introduced me yet.

you are going to spend your life together. Plenty of time to introduce yourself

They won't need an introduction as they will keep fighting like us

Now the bride should put a ring on the groom's hand

Yes daughter. Come on. Be quick.

Done. its done.

Done? He says so.

I mean lets assume its done. Afterall its an online ceremony

Oh yes yes.. (everyone celebrates)

Congratulations everyone

And now the groom will put the ring

Useless!

I am sorry. Come on find it.

Done. Its done. I mean lets assume again. Clap everyone, clap.

(everyone celebrates)

Now let the bride and groom will eat something sweet

He means this sweet my dear. You dog...

Don't be shy

Its done. She has eaten brother

Congratulations Bargad

Thankyou. Congratulations to you as well.

Nobody cares about me.

You both should take the blessings of your dear uncle.

What's this respected Uncle?

congratulations everyone

Congratulations from our side as well.

(Everyone celebrates)

Wow....

Congrats once again.

She's gone.

Finish him. Finish him brother.

Tota, did you do it?

Don't fear when Tota is here.

Write her number.

Can I use your phone? My front camera doesn't work

That's cool. I will call her.

(phone rings)

Okay now fly away Where? In the skies

(blushes) Hi, its me.

(blushes) I can see that.

I mean...

I mean our wedding was finalised that day but you didn't even tell me your name?

(laughs shyly)

You shouldn't feel shy. Afterall we are going to live together now

I am not feeling shy. I am telling you my name- Hasmukh

And your name? (kissing sound)

Oh my god!. What's this? Please don't do such stuff before marriage.

No no. you misunderstood me. I was also telling my name- Pappi

And from today onwards I am Hasmukh's Pappi

What? I mean Hasmukh's husband

I miss you a lot. Do you?

I don't have time for that

I am sorry? I am busy with my kaalu all the time

Kaalu? yes, my puppy

Pappi? You have another Pappi?

Oh I mean my doggy.

Ok ok. A dog

Don't call him a dog. He is your little brother in law

As you say. I am coming to meet you tonight

What are you saying? The lockdown is still going on

Police is covering all the corners

What then? Lovers cannot be stopped by some boundaries

What?

Mr Sunny deol from Gadar

The police will beat the hell out of you if you get caught

Be quiet you idiot

But he is right. I don't care

Once I commit to something then I don't even listen to him

Now smile please. What's there to smile?

Nothing nothing Hasmukh.

I am coming to meet you near your house

(blushes)

You can make a cup of coffee for me

And please send me your location quickly

Coming kaalu. Okay then bye bye

Do you need your phone Mr Birdie?

Yes, give it to me

No. get ready and come at my place

And dont bring your scrap scooty. We will go on your motorcycle

I won't be able to walk that far. so be quick

That's not fair to me brother. Listen to me. Listen to me...

I hope she comes soon

(foot gets wet)

Such a bad omen on our first meeting

Tota is also not here yet. (bike approaches)

Where were you? Now we will get late

What's this? Shit? No, its mud

Can't you even smell it?

Biscuit for your brother in law, Woof Woof

Think about it again Pappi. I have a bad feeling

If the police catch us they will beat us a lot. I can't even imagine the pain

Why are you scaring the hell out of me?

I am not afraid of police. But i am afraid of a beating

Can't you bear this once for your best friend?

Don't cry Pappi. Your friend is with you

Now even if the army comes Your friend will be just behind you

You should be standing beside me not behind me

I think the behind is better. Shall we go now? Fine, move.

(bike starts) Keep it slow brother

(bike moving)

Stop the bike Tota. The police is here

Stop right there. Where are you going? Don't you guys know its a lockdown?

You want to break the law?

Mr Bacchan has advertised everywhere Keep distance and wear a mask

And what are you doing? Sir, Myself Tota..My name is Tota

(high pitched crying)

And I am a pheasant

And Sir hasn't asked your name yet. Idiots!

You are introducing yourself instead of apologising?

Do you even know who he......

Inspector Belta Singh

We never asked your name either Sir

Insult! Inspector's insult

Get off. Get off the bike. Both of you

(gets hit) (high pitched crying)

Dont forget my name Inspector Belta Singh

We know sir. Its written on your uniform

Are you joking with me, you rascals. Make them a chicken

Chicken?

You didn't tell us about the party sir?

And today is tuesday. Do you eat non veg on a tuesday?

I can even eat you on a tuesday

But I am not talking about that chicken. They should sit like a chicken

Yes sir!

We are sorry sir. We needed some... We were going to meet his wife to be

So its a matter of love

You Rascals.

I, Teetar singh is working 24/7 here to save you from Covid

What? You?

I mean you sir. I mean you.

(clears throat)

And you are playing Romeo and Juliet here.

Are you lying to Inspector sir?

Sir, Should I make them a chicken?

I say, we do it.

Excuse me! Who is the Inspector here?

You Sir. Then who will give the order?

You Sir.

Yes do it.

Can I ask something sir? What was wrong with my order?

Even I said the same thing

Shutup. I am going home. Take good care of these idiots

Yes sir. (stromps foot)

You idiot. Sorry sir

(footsteps leaving)

You two. Sit like a chicken.

How are you saying that? Who is the Sir?

Inspector belta Singh. But he is gone now

Who's the sir right now?

You Sir

Then who will give the order? You sir.

Now its my order. Do it

Forgive us sir

Do it quickly

Don't get up without laying eggs

Eggs? Sir? Isn't that a bit difficult sir?

You are the ones giving eggs Why would it be difficult for sir?

Be grateful we are not punishing you harshly

Look at what the previous convicts lay here

We took watermelons from them

Sir, I am 40 years old. I can't be a chicken

can I be a dog?

Huh.. You don't look 40 by the way

Do it correctly. Why are you moving like a fan?

Actually there is my phone in my pocket

Oh. I thought you were already giving eggs

Give it to me

Again!

The phone should not fell down. Got it?

(talking secretly)

(Phone vibrates)

Pappi, your phone is buzzing. I can feel that. Look who is calling

Who else? Its her. Your wife to be

He is not picking up the phone What shall I do now?

Shall I call again?

(phone vibrates)

(whispering) Hello

What happened? Why are you whispering?

And where are you? The coffee has gone cold

You are worried about coffee. Here we are about to get cold ourselves

What?

The police has caught us

Oh my god. They have caught you?

Not me. Tota

And now? Now what? he is in chicken position

What are you saying? You too? No no.. Not me..Only him

What chicken is he? Dry or Gravy?

You are joking? We are in a very bad situation here

Oh sorry sorry. What are they saying?

They are asking him to lay eggs What?

I mean I have to help him. Pleae wait for me

Sir.... Please forgive us sir.

How dare you stand up?

We got tired sir.

And we tried our best sir but couldn't lay eggs

I am afraid something else might come out

Take this money sir and please buy the eggs from market

What are you saying you idiot?

I don't touch bribes

How much is it? 50 rupees sir

You weren't even wearing the mask

That's why we gave you biscuits Sir.

I have got it sir.

Okay okay. Get lost And don't come back

get lost

(crying in pain)

My Punjabi teacher used to punish me like that

And my maths teacher was the same

(crying in pain)

If they punished us a bit more, I think we would have given

What? eggs?

(slaps) No you idiot

Life. we would have given up our life Okay okay

By the way. When I failed the 9th standard, you were with me

Yes yes I know

You were also with me when I had an accident 2 years back

The one on the scooter? Yes yes I remember

And you were with me yesterday as well

I am your best friend afterall.

You are not my best friend, you are my bad luck

You are in love and I was punished

And I am the one who is wretched?

I won't talk to you. I am leaving

Leave then. Who cares (phone rings)

My love is calling me. You better leave

Sister in law? I am not going anywhere

Hello my love

I won't talk to you. You asked to meet and then didn't come at all.

I waited like Mirza and then fell asleep there only

What can I say now?

Nothing. Did I ask you?

You better meet me tonight. I will be waiting

What are you saying? The whole city is under lockdown

The security is very tight. I can't come today

What then? I thought that love cannot be stopped by some boundaries

What? You wanted to be Sunny Deol

You were boasting yourself yesterday. Answer her now. Come on answer (slaps)

But he is right

You said that Once I commit to something then I don't even listen to him

Now smile. Whats there to smile? Its sad my dear

I will wait nevertheless. Bye

Listen to me.. Okay bye I am leaving

Where are you going brother? To fly in the sky

Where have you gone Pappi?

In your feet my best friend

But am I not the wretched one?

I wasn't in my right mind then, my tongue slipped. please forgive me friend

My best friend.. Forgive me

This time we have to plan well. Don't fear when Tota is here.

Tell me what to do (whispers)

Get it?

Seems like sir has eaten chicken today. how do you know?

I can smell it

Leave it Bhola. Sir

Curse those bat eaters

They are the ones who created corona and now the whole world is struggling

Come here Bhola singh. Yes Sir

Quickly. Coming sir.

Sir

What is this in your hand?

This is my baton sir

No. this is not a baton. Its your pride, your honor. This is your mother

What is it? My mother. My mother

You can go now

Mother...

Come here Constable Teetar Singh. Yes Sir

Sir

What's in your hand?

Its Bhola's pride. His honor. Its his mother, sir.

And my aunt

Very good. Brilliant.

My name is Inspector Belta Singh. We know Sir.

Keep it down guys. I am a heart patient

Yes sir!

Look over there

Everywhere is silent because of my fear

Isn't the silence because of lockdown?

You know more than me? Get back to your work

Look (bike approaches)

Nobody dares to be outside in this pandemic

But look (bike approaches)

Some idiot is still riding a bike

Stop them. Hey you stop here

Stop here. Quickly

Turn off the bike Where are you going? To your honeymoon?

Oh no no.. The matters have gone past honeymoon now

What do you mean? I mean she is my wife and she is pregnant

I need to take her to the hospital

They seem to be genuine people

I think you should let them go. yes yes its a serious issue

Okay then. You can leave. Come

Not you sir. Come, my dear.

You can't go like this.

Exactly. Sir is right. This will not be comfortable for you, my dear

Who's the Senior here? You Sir.

Then who gives the order? You Sir.

Now you can leave. Thankyou sir. Sit my dear (scooter starts)

Oh my god Sir. Fraud

The delievery happened right here sir.

(dogs barking)

(song begins)

Our problems just never end And nobody ever understands

Neither yesterday, nor ever

Where is my good luck hiding?

Its over. Its over..

Its over...Its over brother.. Ist over

Its over... Its over brother

Its over. Its over.. Its over brother

The wedding dream has done its magic

Anywhere we went, everybody stared at us

There is a no for us everywhere

Nothing is working for us

Our dignity is being blown over us like dust

Neither here, Nor there

I just cannot find a way I just cannot find a way

No girl will accept you and you will be worthless

You will die a bachelor, you will never get married

You will remain alone, you will never marry

Either kill me god or watch over us with a kind eye

Bless me with hands of a beautiful woman to put some bangles on

We are made fun of we have become the joke

I can't sleep. The dreams of my wife are tearing my heart apart

And the boys around, are taking angels for their bride

Are we fighting God? If not then why delay my happiness?

But in dreams I walk down the aisle

Its over...Its over brother.. Ist over

I make the food myself, I make the tea myself

My one wish didn't come true

People's children are now married And here I remain a bachelor yet

You will be living on the streets Killing flies to kill time

Neither will you get cindrella, nor any of her sisters

My dreams are laid to waste

Nobody will surprise me on my birthday, my destiny have only downs and downs

The pain of being alone has sucked the blood out of me

Its over...Its over brother.. Ist over

(blushes) No no...

I....

Don't worry son

I will teach you a lesson

Always on the phone. Huh...

Matches, Oh dear matches!

You make me a lot of money

(phone rings)

Someone's calling

Yes.... Mr Dhakkan?

Speaking

Fitness Arora here Yes Yes...

I think you should come home today evening

Its something urgent regarding Pappi's marriage

Oh please.. It hurting.. Itr hurting. leave me please

No Sir, please don't ask me to come. Why do you want us to get beaten

10 10 Policemen attack a person just like the players hit the ball in hockey

What can we do brother? We are also worried

The marriage has been finalized with great difficulty

Don't fear man. The girl is not going to go away

What to do brother. Its been a whole month now. Pappi has changed.

He is on the phone 24/7

It seems like the wedding will be cheaper than his mobile recharge

If I say anything, then he gets annoyed. He gets very angry very easily now

He is always on guard like a pregnant dog and doesn't listen to us at all

Relly?

Do you have Tragacanth gum in your home?

What? Tragacanth gum

Tragacanth gum? uh...I think so

He should consume that. It will cool him down

What are you saying brother?

Yes brother. Its tried and tested

My grandfather was a healer. Mr Ghandu Singh, from Bhagalpur

Why are you talking about Tragacanth gum, or your grandfather?

I am talking about my son's wedding and you are talking nonsense

Don't mind brother. And don't worry as well, I will do something

Yes brother. Do something

What? I am sitting on the floor only

(humming with music)

Hasmukh... Yes?

Yes?

Are you okay my dear? Yes

Why are you so happy watching the news? Because its a happy news. Look

(Grinding spices)

Greetings brother. Yes yes. How are you?

All good.. All good. Oh, you are looking for match for my nephew

What? I should help you?

No No brother. I am not good at wedding decisions. You should go

Ok.. ok..!

Huh...

(grinding spices) Fatty idiot

Yes, Smiley

(mother laughs)

What are you doing?

Nothing you idiot

What happened to your voice?

Who are you talking to? What the hell mom? What do you want?

Your father asked you to give an advance to the baker. Did you?

He didn't give me the advance. I can't give the advance till I have it

He has gone somewhere. talk to him. Huh...

Will talk to him later. His daughter's calling me right now. (phone rings)

Yes sister

Pappi bro, your wedding is not happening. I just heard a news

What? Is Hasmukh running away? No not that?

She has a boyfriend? listen to me brother

What's there to listen? Is she already married? I knew it

What's wrong with you brother? Listen to me carefully

Didn't you hear the news? What news?

All international flights have been cancelled. I can't come to India right now

And you are not to wed in my absence

What are you saying sister? I was bachelor for a long time

And now that I am getting married you are acting like a roadblock

I don't know. I have only one brother. You will not marry till I come there

If the flights don't open, and if my Hasmukh runs away with some one then...

Mom, Kaato is saying flights are cancelled so she won;t be able to come

She wants me to cancel the wedding. Mommmm What?

talk to her. Okay, give me the phone

yes my dear, how are you? Please don't act stubborn my dear

What mom. I had so many plans for the Jaago ceremony and party

When you come back, we will have a huge party then also

We will even do the jaago ceremony again

Mom says we will do all the cermonies again once you come back

talk to her

My dear did you to what I just said and what your brother repeated?

You promise?

Pinky promise

Then he can marry but once I come back it will be wedding season all over

Done done. I would love to marry once again. Come soon

(song begins)

Finally the Bachelor's wedding is happening

Finally the Bachelor's wedding is happening

Finally the Bachelor's wedding is happening

Finally the Bachelor's wedding is happening

The boy is smiling The wedding season suits him

The boy is smiling The wedding season suits him

(Song goes in the background)

You should be ashamed Today's your wedding

And by the way, I am the one who will marry that girl

She is very beautiful

She is beautiful right? Yes she is

She is my wife

(Song begins again)

Look at him jumping and dancing, Seems like he's gonna be crazy

Finally the Bachelor's wedding is happening

Only 30 were allowed and 80 people came

I am afraid we will face food shortage. You had to call all your relatives.

And you sister came as well with her 4 children and 4 neighbors as well

Everywhere I see her children

Look at them eating our limited food

My dear, are we in trouble?

Oh god please save us from any trouble. look at that

He is walking with a swag, The end of the bachelor's tag

Finally the Bachelor's wedding is happening

Seems like stars are shining Seems like stars are shining

Or is this the people dancing?

All doubts will be vanished, and we will be witnessing

All friends are dancing crazy, All friends...

All friends are dancing crazy, Their steps aren't even matching

Finally the Bachelor's wedding is happening

Finally the Bachelor's wedding is happening

Hello..

Mr Policeman

Forgive me Gulaabo. You broke my heart and so I broke your son's heart

Now you will understand what pain actually means

Finally the Bachelor's wedding is happening

Ladies and Gentleman, Has everyone had their photographs clicked?

Last chance. Anybody can come

I am left brother

Who are you and where are you from Mr?

What are you waiting for? Come quickly

Sir, why did you need to come. we could have video called you

Now that you are here, please come on the stage

No no no. Its a special wedding in the lockdown

So we have some gifts

One they will always remember. Am I right Bhola & Teetar?

Yes sir.

Keep it down idiots. I have a heart issue

Come on. Move

Yes...

Parents of bride and groom, please come forward

Come come. Don't be scared

If anybody else is left, Then they must come here

Sir i am Tota.

He has closed cases of many bachelors. Come there

Hello sir.

Lag ghe.