Original subtitles

This is Camille and Clement from Le Peau Peau.

You're not doing Le Peau Peau? Yeah, I am, Pat, actually.

No!

Look, one of my old movies playing in here.

I acted in more than 45 films.

I was in love with a woman.

She's lying. That's a lie!

So I didn't really know my dad,

so I just took it all out my mum.

Maybe you could be my therapist.

No, that would be highly inappropriate.

It's a yes!

Jam jar, we're going to be homies.

How did Guy take it?

You want to move in?

Yeah.

There you are.

I need your help.

I've nearly finished filming the greatest film of all time,

but my leading lady has got herself caught up in a forbidden romance

with a mysterious lover.

The lover's father, Ghazanfar, is a notorious gangster.

And now he's after me.

You must help me finish my film before he arrives to destroy

the studio and my legacy with it.

Be careful.

You have one hour.

Laboured backstory.

I've never done an escape room.

Exciting, innit?

So we just lock ourselves in a room and solve made-up problems?

Yeah, you should be used to that. Ha-ha!

OK, hold my hand.

Oh, what's that?

Oh...

"Helluva View"? Mm-hm.

It's moving-in gift.

What company are you with?

Er, Gunkr. It's, like, a boundary-pushing, marketing...

No, sorry. I don't actually care.

I'm just here to check your plus ones.

Oh, that's me. I'm Patricia.

Pat's mum.

And... Oh, yeah. Winnie. My plus one cancelled.

Winnie. Well, shit me sideways!

What's my therapist doing here?

I'm not your therapist.

Mum, come meet my therapist.

Just to warn you, she can be really, really annoying. Right.

Mum!

Thank you for everything you've done for my son.

So cute you brought Guy.

Yeah. He invited himself.

He's been really needy.

Look, at least your plus one turned up.

Basil's still pissed off at me for leaving.

Yeah, erm, look, about the flat...

Can you believe they've replaced me already?

We won't invite them to the mezzanine party.

♪ It's a mezzanine party!

♪ It's a mezzanine pa... ♪ No, do you know what?

Let's not talk about it today.

Let's just, like, immerse ourselves in the experience...

OK, if you follow me...

INDISTINCT CHATTER

I'm scared!

LAUGHTER

So, Guy, have you done an Escape Room before?

Erm, nope. I haven't.

Oh, a gin and tonic.

I like your style. Cheers!

Cheers. To living with Jamma.

To living with Jamma.

Ah... Now, let's get trapped in a room together!

Is it possible to have two teams?

The plus ones could do a different room.

Trying to play solo, are you?

I'm guessing you're Jamma.

OK, great. Yeah. I'll send that to you now.

Ooh...

OK. Ooh, this is cool!

Enjoy the team-building, everyone.

Right, I'm off.

You're going to have to do it with them. Six-person minimum.

No. No...

Hi. Patricia. Pat's mum.

And you are?

The boss. No, I meant your name.

Yes, I know.

I'm at a work thing, Mum. I can't really talk right now.

Erm...

Are you OK?

Her name was Nazra.

Who?

Concentrate!

Now, YOU are on very thin ice.

No, I...

WINNIE SCREAMS What? What?

Dead body! Oh.

Oh, it's only a mannequin!

Give us a clue, you dramatic bitch!

SHE SHRIEKS AGAIN What?!

Clock's started. OK, right, let's start looking for clues.

Right. OK, OK, OK, right!

Er, chair, table, lamp... OK, well, he's just naming things in the room.

Oh, a clue! "Exit here in case of emergency." Oh, I think that's just

the fire exit sign. Just the fire exit sign, yeah.

Have you tried checking the drawers?

Yes, yeah! OK, I was actually going to say that, so...

Whoa, I found a key, I found a key!

Yes! Yay!

I'm Patricia, Pat's mum. Not that you asked.

You're both called Pat?

Yes.

I think you owe Pat an apology.

Which one?

OK, I'm just going to...

He has no idea, has he?

Just leave it, Mum. It's not worth it.

No, I don't think I will leave it, because I think you...

Everyone, everyone! Guy's amazing.

Yeah, it's just a fluke, everyone. It really is.

The Le Peau Peau contract was mine and Isaac's

and you stole it from us. Oh, it's just moisturiser, Pat!

Just... You've got a nerve, young man.

Look, I really should keep my boyfriend company, OK?

So I'm just going to...

Guy, I've got the key. You need the key, right?

No, no, no. We're fine, thank you.

It always has to be the Jamma show.

Jamma has to be the star.

He's just like your Auntie Patsy.

Is everyone in your family called Pat?

I'm not getting a signal. Pat, your phone, give it to me.

What are you doing? Don't give her your phone.

I gave you that. I don't know. It's, er...

What are you guys talking about? Sh!

"Look... into...

"..the dead man's eyes."

Well, it's the mannequin. Mannequin, yeah.

Sorry. Yeah.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

You do it. No, you do it.

I'm not doing it!

Oh, for God's sake.

Argh!

Well done.

You seem to be the right people for the job.

But wait - Ghazanfar's men have surrounded the building.

Here, quickly, take this.

Oh, what's it for?

Best Supporting Actor.

No, I mean, what's it...

Ugh! Oh! Oh!

I'm dead.

Hey, what's the Wi-Fi password? The Wi-Fi password?

Trophy cabinet.

Trophy cabinet. Oh! Yeah, yeah.

If we look at all the bases, they fit into the holes.

So we should... Do an awards ceremony!

No... Could I get a clue?

THEY CONFER IN THE BACKGROUND

Please.

Ah, OK. That one goes there, so we need one with a circular thing...

This one... Yeah, so we just need to find...

Thank you.

Guys, I think I've found some...

Oh. Oh, hey! Yes! Yes, Guy!

Is it open?

Yeah. Argh! Woohoo!

Are you sure you haven't done this before?

No. No, no, no.

Whoa!

Oh, you are...

Oh, thank God it's over!

No, that was just the first room.

What?

The booking said "escape room", not "rooms"!

Right, so...

Oh.

ORCHESTRAL MUSIC

Erm...

Sorry. Er, excuse me.

How do I get back to the other room?

Er, are you allowed to do that?

You speak Urdu?

What are the odds?

Er, ticket?

Erm...

Oh. Oh, right, yeah.

Is this a clue?

Get the shot ready!

Lahore to London?

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Right! Make-up, costume, now!

OK, er... So film props.

What does this do if you twist that?

Ah. Ah! Here we go. Oh, what's this?

There we go. Oh. Oh!

Oh, let's have a go.

No.

It's OK, love. You can do the next one.

Right, OK. Erm...

American accent. Here we go. HE LAUGHS

My love,

everything's ready for our escape... No.

Yeah, you're right. We should just...

...just give this one to Jamma. Where's Jamma?

Yeah, I really need to get back.

The mole. I need the mole.

Uh-huh! The mole?

Beauty spot!

No! Look, I just...

I really shouldn't be here.

OK, fine.

What I have to do?

Er...

OK, but who am I meant to be?

Oh, my God.

I'm the star.

Ready for rehearsal!

So what you want to do is hook the bucket with the handle.

So, Guy, you're smart, you're practical.

Forward, forward... How about we sack off Jamma and live together?

Winnie, do you want to grab one of those... On it.

Mum, you're not... Go round it. No, the hanger.

♪ Go, go, go, Guy!

♪ Go, go... ♪ PHONE VIBRATES

Oh, yeah. Camille? Clement?

Oh, yeah, great to touch base. ♪ Keep going, Guy, keep going! ♪

A debrief?

Yeah, absolutely. Well, I'm... ♪ Keep going, Guy

♪ You are just as well! ♪

Shit in my arse!

I need an ETA on this.

OK, yeah, I'm trying my best!

Well, you've just got to commit!

FUNKY MUSIC

HE MOUTHS ALONG

Come on, lady!

Cut, cut, cut!

Woo! All right! What the hell was that?

Oh, OK.

Your hero is standing up there.

Oh, God. He's here!

That'll have to do.

Ghazanfar!

Hey! That was actually quite fun.

What do we do now?

About what?

Wait, wait, wait. Who's going to kill us?

Oh, Ghazanfar!

Forbidden romance. Oh, my God, naughty us!

DISTANT SHOUTING

Doongi Ground, yeah. What is that, an anagram?

OK.

Oh, you really must stop... doing that.

Oh, wait. Which one's my dressing room?

You're doing great, son.

Take your time.

Ah... Right in my ear!

And I nearly had that.

I know you did!

I think the game's broken.

Can we just let Guy do it?

Why don't you have a go, Winnie?

No. It takes me, like, 30 minutes to fish out a moon cup.

Pat, hurry the fuck up or your job is on the line.

I'd appreciate it if you didn't speak to my son like that.

I'd appreciate it if you didn't speak to me at all.

OK, guys, guys, there's a suitcase here.

Don't do this, don't be this. Not here, not now.

Not here. I will not let my son be trampled over like that.

His father did that quite enough.

Let me guess. The father left.

I wonder why.

Oh, you... nasty little bitch!

Mum, put your shoes back on!

Mum, stop! GONG SOUNDS

For God's sake. Enough!

If we want to get out of here, we need to work together as a team.

Patricia, please stop mollycoddling your son.

It does not make you a better mum.

It just infantilizes him.

I told you that. You...

What even is your name?

Guy, no!

Susan.

Susan. Thank you.

Fear is not the same as respect.

If you want to get out of here, you need to muck in.

Winnie, sweet, sweet Winnie, I really appreciate your energy,

but instead of bigging me up, big yourself up for a change, yeah?

Hit me, big man. I can take it.

You need to seek professional help. From...

Mmm, not from me. I suppose you think you're perfect, do you?

No, I don't, Patricia. I don't.

Far from it, Patricia, because I've lied.

I have done an escape room before.

What?

I've done fucking loads of them, Winnie.

That's a weird thing to lie about.

Yeah, I know, but I just wanted to impress you all.

Why? Because I wanted a certain someone to think that I was fun,

and he's not even here!

Sounds like you're the one that needs to talk to a therapist.

Mum, shut up. He's being vulnerable.

GUY EXHALES

For God's sake.

Well, you heard the man.

Muck the fuck in.

Oh, fantastic. OK, so look at the next clue.

SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC

Hey! Oh, sorry. I'm looking for...

MAN SHOUTS What the...

You're actually hurting me.

Ow! What the f...

SHOUTS AND GROANS

DRAMATIC MUSIC

Let me out!

Oh...

Beauty spot?

Susan, Susan, Susan, Susan!

Something in the U-bend...

Ooh! You're doing great, Susan.

Mum, what about me? What can I do?

You're a big boy. You work it out for yourself.

Yes, boundaries. Love that, Mum.

Come on, guys. There's three minutes on the clock.

Winnie, what have we got between us?

Er, chemistry, rapport, synergy...

And clues?

Oh, I've got this business card.

Well, call the number! The red telephone.

SHE DIALS NUMBER

Oh, it's ringing! It's ringing!

I'm a genius. Woo!

Why didn't you tell me, Mum?

You know how it was in Pakistan in 1960s.

No, Mum, I don't.

You married a man because he had clean feet?

He looked good in sandals.

You know he's left you, right?

Jamal, please.

What, at the restaurant?

It's not a competition!

Then why did you give me such a hard time?

Because I'm jealous!

I'm jealous of what you've got with Guy.

Why didn't you follow your heart, Mum?

I did.

Exit! Oh!

Oh, yes! Excellent.

Yes!

Great.

It's still locked!

Oh, we need a key, we need a key - quick!

Wait, hang on. Jamma had a key. Oh... Oh, for fuck's sake!

Jamma is such a let-down!

I can't believe you decided to live with him, Winnie!

Wait, what?

I'm... living with him. What?

ALARM BUZZES

Oh, well, where is he?!

Nazra.

Shame on you.

Shit!

ALARM BUZZES

Give me the fucking key.

Well done.

You broke the record.

Oh, well, that's good.

The only group to never make it out.

My office, first thing Monday morning.

Mm.

Hmm.

I'm so proud of the way you handled that.

Oh, shut up, Mum!

You OK?

Yeah, I think so.

Anything you need to tell me?

Yeah.

Hmm.

I'll get the car.

You dropped this.

Oh, thank you.

Oh!

Do you want this?

Yeah.

Are you sure you want it?

Yeah.

Well, go and get it, then.

Wait...

Who are you?