Original subtitles

How come you don't want to live with your boyfriend?

I just don't want to ruin it.

Honestly, I'll be out of here before you know it.

If you really want to do this, let's do it together.

Le Peau Peau face cream needs two people to fly out for the pitch.

Paris! We got Le Peau Peau? Me... and Pat.

Which brings me on to Ekko Chamber.

I've known Jamma my whole life, he's born to do this campaign.

All yours, Jamma.

Have you had any letters from the council recently?

He's a coward mouse.

Whatever happens tonight, let's just remember - routine, OK?

She would give anything not to see me with a man, especially one

that's old enough to be my dad!

This was meant to be my big moment. Our big moment.

What do all these women have in common?

I'm a full-time mum.

I'm a bus driver...

...and a full-time mum.

I'm a coalminer.

We all celebrate the skin we're in.

Le Peau Peau's new anti-ageing formula

with triple-moisture technology

for firmer, softer-looking skin.

Le Peau Peau, because we're all the same when it comes to skin.

How much of this did you take? Four... teen.

I don't know! Oh, you're so naughty! That's like £1,000.

I know... You want to sample the goods, you dirty thief!

THEY LAUGH

Can you hurry up? I've got more viewings.

Yes, sorry.

Yeah, we got lost in the fantasy...

You definitely don't want to live with Guy? No, no, no.

It just makes things, you know, serious.

Look, I want to live here with you.

Imagine the parties we'd have on the mezzanine.

I do love a mezzanine party.

Do you know what I mean?!

Come on, come on, you cheeky boy!

Oh... You got me, you got me, you got me!

It's a yes! SHE LAUGHS

# It's a mezzanine party

♪ You're invited

♪ No, you're invited No, you're invited

# To my mezzanine party! ♪

You need to tell your housemates. You need to tell Guy. Already on it.

Hey, sexy boy! Hey.

Woke up and you weren't there.

Yeah, no, I was meeting Winnie, because...

OK, so, basically...

Are you avoiding me after what happened?

What happened? HE SIGHS

At the restaurant, last week.

You know, because we haven't really spoken about it.

Yeah, do we need to?

Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, cool...

I can make us dinner tonight.

Yeah, all right Great! OK, great.

Great.

Hell of a view. Yeah, hell of a view, too.

Oh! Sorry, sorry.

I just love him. I want to eat him. Me, too.

Some people are just born...

What the hell? "Bad Boy of Gunkr"?

What is he wearing?

How cool is Isaac?

Isn't he a visionary?

I wish I was Isaac.

I mean, of course he's on the front cover of magazines. Look at him!

He's like a software update of Jamma. Who's Jamma?

ALL CHATTER

We need someone like Isaac.

I need to speak to you.

Take a seat.

It's fine, I'll stand, this won't take long.

I could sit, I'll sit, thank you.

The Paris campaign should have gone to me. Why?

I'm more experienced,

the clients love me, and I can speak French.

Well, then, it's settled.

It's all yours.

OK. Really?

Thank you!

Or should I say, feliz navidad?

No. OK.

Oh, who should I give Ekko Chamber to?

That's still yours.

Oh, but both pitches are in on Monday.

Yes. I'll be in Paris on Monday.

Good point. We'll fly the clients over here,

save you going to Paris.

You can work over the weekend.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I...

Hey, bro.

Look, I'm really sorry, but the boss wants me to do Le Peau Peau.

Erm, you're not doing Le Peau Peau.

Yeah, I am, Pat, actually, so...

Bro, this industry, man... Well, that's ruthless.

Ruthless, exactly - and, you know, like, it's whoever's best

for the campaign... Me and Isaac are the ones going to Paris.

Pat, no-one's going to Paris, OK?

Isaac, come on, man, say something.

Who the bloody hell are you?

Yo, you want to get lunch? Uh...

Erm... I just spoke to the boss. Yeah, me, too. What do you mean?

This morning she gave me the full rundown.

The product, it's bad.

She thinks it needs someone with experience.

Yeah, or no moral compass. What do you mean?

"We're all the same when it comes to skin"?

Who writes this stuff?

Fred.

Yeah.

I passed. You passed?

This ad campaign that doesn't see colour?

Hell, yeah, I passed.

What was your chat?

No, we just talked about a pay rise.

Do you want to pay for lunch? Yeah, sure!

...I-N-G, "ing".

I-N-G, "ing".

Good! Now, put together.

Yorkshire pudding.

Pudd-ING.

The article, the article!

What's happened?

Oh, my God, look at my picture!

"Behind the modest..." One minute.

Nadeem, camera.

Yes, I'm ready.

"Behind the modest doors of this deteriorating Megacentre

"lies, talent, beauty and heaps of personality.

"And that's just Farida Jamshidi." Oh!

THEY CHEER

SHE LAUGHS

What is it?

I haven't seen Dad since your dinner thing, and neither has Mum.

He's probably in the basement playing solitaire.

Wait, you coming in? No, I've got like a million things to do.

MUFFLED SCREAM

What happened?

"Over a third of London's community centres

"are facing closure," duh, duh, duh...

"Unfortunately, the Farida Megacentre is no exception."

Oh, my God! "Luxury offices are set to replace the centre."

Luxury? I like luxury.

It's not for us, Uncle. I don't understand.

They're shutting us down.

They're shutting down? ALL MUTTER

This is a right-wing newspaper.

No, no, no...

Enough!

No-one is going to shut me down.

Do you know who I am?

You are Farida Jamshidi.

Exactly! So now, come on, back to class.

I think we should take this seriously.

No, Jamal, it's the fake news.

If the council was going to shut me down, they would have sent letters.

It'll all be fine, don't worry.

Eat.

M-O-U-S-E, mouse.

Dad?

HE SIGHS

Dad, man...

HE SHRIEKS

SQUEAKING

HE GRUNTS

CRASHING

HE WHIMPERS

SQUEAKING

He took the samosa?

Holy shit!

Pakistani mouse.

Dad?

PHONE VIBRATES, CRASH

Fuck!

HE SIGHS

Hello, sexy boy. Hey, I can't really talk right now.

Can you pick up some tahini on the way home?

Yeah, yeah, sure, yeah.

Jamma, are the post-it notes really necessary?

Yeah, just keep things simple for when we...

When we what? When I leave.

Look, can we talk about this later?

I'm just having a bit of a situation with my dad.

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

Hell of a view.

LINE HANGS UP

Dad, just come out and talk to me, we can sort this out together.

SQUEAKING

Dad, I can see you, this is ridiculous!

Fine! I'll wait.

"Immersive podcast experience.

"Gasmask but for podcasts.

"Pod gasmask.

"Hard cap... Peas in a pod."

I'm a podcast. Fuck!

HE SIGHS

"Party cat. Party in the USA!

"Peas, happy, be merry... pod."

Fuck!

Do you know what, Dad? I think you're actually quite selfish!

You're not getting rid of your problems,

you're just passing them on to me.

Mum's right, you're just a coward.

Good luck, yeah? Catch you later.

DOOR SHUTS

SQUEAKING

SQUEAKING

Hold on, I got you now! SQUEAKING

Stop it! Dad, please!

I'm worried about your mental health!

Isaac! I found Dad, he's in here.

Cool.

Mum needs you to print off 100 copies of this leaflet.

She says it's important.

Why can't you do it? I'm busy. With what?

I've got to pick up chicken wire. Oh, great! I'm glad that's covered.

I'm finding your tone quite reductive.

I've got to save this family,

figure out how to sell a stupid podcast helmet

and racist face cream,

tell my very sensitive boyfriend

I don't want to live with him, and pick up tahini.

You're doing the Peau Peau? Le Peau Peau.

Yeah. Why?

Because it's my actual job,

not just some ironic experiment for art school.

OK, well, it's not my fault you do too much.

You don't do enough. Maybe I don't want to be like you.

Oh, that's funny, because you were in my hand-me-downs,

living in my room, and now you're in my job.

You don't know who I am.

Yeah, because I don't think you know who YOU are.

Artist?

What art do you actually do?

What do you think the chicken wire's for?

Gah.

Great!

Jamma...

ALL TALK AT ONCE

VOICES ECHO

HEARTBEAT THUMPS

CLAMOUR OF VOICES

SOUND CEASES

How comes you never taught me cards as a kid?

Or anything, for that matter?

You can't keep running away from your problems, Dad.

Hey, Jamma speaking.

It's getting late, are you coming? Just call me back as soon as you...

..can!

It's different.

SQUEAKING

What, me?

I don't even... How will I...?

Just...

OK, just a quick one, then.

What do I do?

Just...? OK.

Oh, and... OK, yeah.

And then - what do you...?

Oh, and...

...and... then it all... all reshuffles.

HE LAUGHS That's good. Yeah, very good!

Yeah!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

HE LAUGHS Oh, the cards are so...

You think living together helps?

Fuck the police!

Are the post-it notes really necessary?

Love is not enough, Jamal.

Dad, Dad, he's gone.

I'm going to do it on Monday.

Today is Monday, Jamal.

CLOCK CHIMES

The pitches!

Excuse me. Excuse me!

HE YELLS

Excuse me. Thank you.

Oh, I need you to print Mum's leaflets. Can't, I just quit.

What do you mean, you quit?

You're right, I should focus on my art.

Jam Jar? The clients are here!

Shit...

Here he is, Judas Jamshidi. Not only did he steal my campaign,

he convinced his own brother to quit.

Do you know what? Just piss off, Pat!

Today's not the day to fuck with me, OK?

You want to be helpful, go and get some teas in,

some mini croissants, yeah? That's said it! That goes for all of you!

You want to see the real Bad Boy of Gunkr?

You're looking at him!

Jesus!

CLATTERING

Who put that there?! Jamma! What is your plan?

Don't have one. What?

Isaac can wing it, why can't I? OK, I'm coming with you!

What even is it?!

I'm going to level with you.

I've not slept all weekend.

Or maybe I've overslept, who knows?

I just had a million things to sort out,

and I had to stop my dad from nibbling through cables. Jamma...

I know, I know, I'm being honest.

We hate honesty in marketing.

But do you know why no-one buys your product?

Because it's hideous. What he means to say, guys...

No, Winnie, please. It looks like a skinned chicken!

No-one wants to sit on the bus

looking like a dickhead skinned chicken!

And yet, this hideous thing

got me through my hideous weekend.

When it all got too much,

I put this on and I was alone.

But also connected.

Right, so... Exactly!

This is not a podcast device.

It's a safe space.

That's an impressive pitch.

Just one thing,

how does it stop you from ageing?

Jamma, this is Camille and Clement from Le Peau Peau.

CLOCK CHIMES

Here are the refreshments you ordered, Mr Jamma.

Anything else I can get you?

How about your personal printing?

OK, I think it's best we reschedule.

No, no, it's not my personal printing.

Really? Looks a lot like your mum.

No, that...

SQUEAKING

Dad? SQUEAKING

Argh! Ooh!

No, no-one move! It's not... No, no, no, it's fine, it's fine.

No, no, no! No!

I've got it, I've got it!

THEY YELL

No! No! Get back, get back, get back!

HE RETCHES

No!

SHE SCREAMS

It wasn't awful, per se, it was... memorable?

And memorable is what you want from a pitch.

Hey, do you want to get fucked up and run away

from all of our problems? Yeah.

No, no, no, I don't want to end up like my dad.

Hey, you are nothing like your father.

You haven't met him.

Yeah, you've met one, you've met them all. Anyway, chin up, bad boy.

Look what I got you. HE GASPS

A jam jar! Ho-ho! Wing Wings!

I love you.

We're going to be homies.

How did Guy take it?

Really well. Yeah? Yeah. Good. HE CHUCKLES

PHONE VIBRATES

Oh, shit!

Guy?

Guy?

Oh, fuck...

DOOR CREAKS

Guy?

SHOWER FLOWS

HE SOBS

OK, I'm going to reduce the power.

Oh! Ah, shit!

Oh!

I'm so sorry. I've had the maddest weekend.

I cannot be this far down on the list.

I need to know you're committed to me

and not just using my house as a fucking storage unit.

I mean, it's a lovely storage unit.

Jam.

Sorry.

If you're going to be here, you need to be here.

Yeah. I AM here.

I need you to be here properly,

otherwise I'm not sure I can do this.

OK. Brilliant.

Yeah. You'll move in - unpack and everything?

Yeah! Yeah? Yeah!

HE LAUGHS

Come here, you idiot.

Go on.

HE GRUNTS

♪ It's a mezzanine party

♪ Don't you wanna come party?

♪ Heaven knows I need a party

♪ We don't care about the first floor

♪ We don't care about the second floor

♪ Life is better in between

♪ When you're on a mezzanine... ♪