Original subtitles

- Hey, Mrs. S, hello.

- Hi, Sal. - What can I get you?

- Do you see the lines on these black and white cookies?

- Yeah. - Do you think

they're supposed to go horizontal, vertical or diagonal?

- I've never really thought about that before.

You okay misses S? - Huh, oh.

Yeah, uh, I just got a touch of something.

- Hi mom. - Hi kids.

- Mommy, we did finger painting

and then Jeffery pulled my hair,

and the teacher gave him a time out, and then,

- Linda, let me talk.

Ma, Randy invited me over for a sleepover on Saturday,

And I need five dollars for

the school trip to the United Nations.

- Uh huh, that's nice.

So, I'm the only one who's doing

a science fair project on phototropism.

- Oh wow, that's great Henry. - Yeah.

- Mike and I got all that wood cut up,

so we can slap together that box this weekend, alright?

- Daddy, can I help? - Sure sweetie, absolutely.

What are you doing Joanne?

Huh, oh, nothing.

Do you want decaf?

- Jo, where are ya, Jo?

Oh god, Jo, honey, Jo.

Are you okay?

- Good morning, Brian.

- So what the hell happened?

What do you mean?

What am I doing out here?

- Oh, Jesus, get up, get up.

Sit down over here.

Jo, how did you get out here?

- I can't remember. - Take it easy, take it easy.

Are you sure you can't remember anything?

You must have come out and passed out.

Thank god it wasn't winter, you could have frozen to death.

- I wasn't passed out, I was just asleep.

I guess I was just more tired then I realized.

- There may be something medically wrong,

neurologically and what not.

I think you ought to go see a doctor.

I don't know.

- I can't find anything wrong.

I'll get the test results tomorrow,

and then we can think about an MRI.

- What about this mark on my side?

- It looks like a bruise from the bathtub facet.

- I noticed it before I took a bath.

- That's the way you remember it.

- Yes, my memory is fine.

I just don't remember going out

on the deck and falling asleep.

- Joanne, have you been under

any unusual stress or strain lately?

- Nothing unusual. - Because, sometimes,

when something is bothering us, deep down,

We can do peculiar things

- What do you mean? - I think it would be

a good idea if you saw my colleague, Dr. Moss.

- She's a psychiatrist.

- Uh, huh. - You think

I need a psychiatrist? - It couldn't hurt.

- I'll think about it. - Please, do.

Hey how did it go at the doctor's?

- He said if I wanted I could go see a psychiatrist.

- Well what do you think?

- I don't think I need it, do you?

- Well, I don't know, you seem kind of,

different, you know, I don't know.

Kind of sad, even before this happened.

- I know I've been a little blue lately,

but I don't think I need to see a shrink.

- Suit yourself, suit yourself.

- Brian, would you mind taking the kids to school?

I already put out breakfast.

- Yeah, sure, what's going on?

- Nothing, I just want to get

a jump on some errands, see you later.

Bye.

- Good morning Mrs. Schwartzbaum.

- Mrs. Kim, do you mind if I just hang out and look around?

- No, of course not. Look as long as you like

Thank you.

I have some beautiful swordfish, on the house.

You can take them home, right now.

- That's so sweet Ms. Kim but I'm just going

to defrost chicken breast for dinner tonight.

- Yes, please, is this Mr. Schwartzbaum?

- Brian, what are you doing here?

- Joanny, it's time to go home.

- What have you been so unhappy about?

- Uh, there's something missing, I think.

There's no purpose to anything,

like I'm just going through the motions.

Hmm.

How's your sex life? - That's a personal question.

- Well it's my job to ask personal questions.

And I know it's hard, you and Brian, have sex?

- Uh, I, uh. - And?

- Look, I don't have any right to be unhappy.

I'm a very fortunate person,

Brian is the greatest guy in the world.

- Mh hmm. - He's always there for me.

And he's really good with the kids.

- Mh hmm. - Lately, I've just,

been feeling, lonely. - Hmm.

- I'm unconnected to Brian, and sometimes to the kids.

- Mh hmm. - I feel really horrible

about that, like, I don' belong there.

- Hmm. - Like life is

just this cruel hoax, Doctor what's wrong with me?

- You have M.O.A.D.

Manic obsessive anxiety disorder.

I'm going to prescribe something.

This should make you feel a little better.

And I think we should see each other

twice a week until we can root out the 'cause.

Which I'm confident we can do.

- Okay. - Don't worry.

Then you'll be happy, or at least, minimally functional.

- You need to put some more glue

on that piece over there, all right?

Linda, will you hold this please sweetheart?

Okay, daddy.

Would you mind leaving it on one channel please?

The testimonies of these alleged contactees,

abductees and crackpot close encounters,

has never withstood the test of scientific scrutiny.

- I was driving home one night, on a deserted road.

Suddenly, there were these colored lights, my car stopped,

and I was transported up into this strange spacecraft.

Where alien creatures decided to explore, in great detail,

every one of my six orifices.

Colored lights, strange spacecraft, alien creatures.

- Did you see that? - What?

- On the TV. - What the UFO guy,

he said he's a fruitcake. - But, he seems so sincere.

- Sweetheart, you've been spending

too much time reading those

supermarket tabloids in the check out lines.

These people, they're either phonies

or they're mentally sick.

- Who Daddy? - Nobody, nobody, nobody.

Shh, shh. - But, the man on TV,

said he met aliens.

- Mommy, do you believe in aliens?

- There are probably other life forms in the universe.

- I'm scared. - Ah, sweetheart,

why do you have to upset them?

They're never going to get to sleep.

There's no such thing as aliens Linda.

- But, isn't superman an alien?

- Yes, he is. - Superman is not an alien.

He's an American.

- He is from the planet Krypton.

- Why don't you just shut up.

- I'm going to bed. - Good idea,

here hold on to this, come here, come here.

There's no aliens, unbelievable.

- I didn't feel like myself anymore.

The flashing colors, the spinning wheel,

I felt, mesmerized, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat,

I ended up losing my job, my family, everything.

I lost it all, to the roulette wheel.

- Excuse me, is this room 112?

- No, this is room 125, Gamblers Anonymous.

- Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

What the hell is she in for?

- All right, humans, I'd like to call

this meeting to order please.

We're running late.

Well, well, well, wonderful to see you all.

All right, would anyone care to make a sighting report?

No sightings?

- Ah. - Well, I think I had one

over in Coney Island avenue.

- Oh, Jerry, please share.

- I made my sighting last Tuesday night at 4 a.m..

- 4 a.m. huh, very interesting

that that precisely coincides

with the time that all the bars close.

- Shut the hell up, Rosselli.

I was driving home and I saw

a round red light hovering over the street.

- Yeah, it's called the stop light.

- Come on Larry, do something. - All right.

Would you please stop fooling around?

- You know what, you're so full of shit Jerry.

You didn't see a thing.

He's just trying to break the sightings record.

- Hey, screw you Rosselli.

I'm in regular contact you dumb dentist.

- I happen to be an orthodontist.

And for your information mister expert,

The aliens, have designated me,

a level eight ambassador for this entire galaxy quadrant.

In your dreams.

- Everybody, relax.

Please, try and show some compassion.

I mean, contact can be a traumatic experience.

Now, I'm sure that we'll all agree,

that in the last few weeks there has been

a marked increase in the frequency of sightings.

There could be some sort of cosmic event shaping up.

So earthlings, please stay focused.

Jerry, I want you to make a written report.

Excuse me, did you get a flyer for our barbecue?

- Oh, thank you. - Sure, you know it's funny,

people are always asking me,

Why are UFO's attracted to the greater metropolitan area,

Well, it's really quite simple,

now I mean there's three reasons,

large populations centers,

several major airports close to location,

forget Roswell, New Mexico.

Why the hell would any self-respecting alien

go all the way out there, to study tumbleweeds?

No, they like the big apple.

- Yeah, right. - Listen, come back any time.

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

- Good night. - Good night.

- Hi. - Hello.

- Was that your first time? - Yes.

- You? - Yes.

Did you think it was kind of, weird?

Those people were crazy.

- Yeah, why did you go?

- I don't know, I was looking for some answers,

or at least the right questions.

- Listen, uh, would you like to grab

a quick cup of coffee? - Sure.

- I actually saw myself float

across the living room to the drapery.

I don't know what happened to me that night

but I have felt different ever since.

- I know exactly what you mean.

Thank you. - No thanks.

If you don't mind me asking, what happened to you?

- It was late at night, and I was

trying to call overseas but couldn't get through.

And I went up to the roof of my building to have a cigar.

My roommate don't like the smoke.

I'm up there a few seconds

when all of a sudden a light shines on me.

the next thing I know, I wake up,

it's morning and I'm late for work.

I don't know what happened in those hours I lost.

I don't know if it was a UFO or the aliens,

but it's driving me crazy.

- Wow, I thought it was just me.

You're not originally

from Brooklyn are you? - No.

- Well, you speak English very well.

- Thank you, my stop is coming up.

- It's probably all in our imagination,

just a bad dream. - I hope so.

- By the way, I forgot to mention one detail.

- What's that? - That morning,

after my experience, I found this.

- Oh my god. - What's wrong?

- I have the same mark.

I think we should exchange phone numbers

or something just in case

we need to, - Get in touch?

- Bye, Abraham, I'm glad we met.

- Bye, Joanne, nice meeting you too.

- Mommy? - Honey,

why aren't you asleep? - Read me a book.

- It's too late. - Please?

- Okay, just one book, all right.

The seven wonders of the ancient world.

- What's that Mommy, read it.

- The last of the wonders was

the Pharaoh's lighthouse, in the greatest city

of the ancient world, Alexandria, Egypt.

- Okay, listen up, today we got Swatch,

Seiko and my personal favorite Omega.

So I expect some nice sales today, alright?

- Hey, Sam, what kind of shit are you giving me?

These two are broken.

- Sometimes the merchandise settles in shipping.

- Bullshit. - You know

you've been tripping out lately, man.

- Why are you so pissed off?

- This funny stuff is hard enough to sell.

- So I guess you've got a better product line to push?

I mean if you do Abe-babe I suggest you take it.

Okay, gents look here, let's keep our wits about us today.

The man is out in force, all right?

Let's make that money, baby.

- Gucci, Seiko, Gucci, Seiko.

The best watches for the best prices.

Special today,

Hey, you have good taste my friend.

That's the finest time piece I sell.

Only $50, but for you, 35. - Why do you sell it so cheap?

- Hey, I cut out the middle man,

- Is it waterproof? - Sure, waterproof

up to 50 meters, all the astronauts where them.

Astronauts?

- You want it? - I don't know.

- Forty dollars, take it or leave it.

- Deal, do you take traveler's checks?

- Sorry, my friend, cash only.

- I don't have the cash on me, will you still be here later,

Hey, where are you going?

Damn, I wanted that watch.

- Hello? - Listen, Joanna,

I need to talk to you, something weird happened.

Here, look at this.

- It's a children's book.

- This is a picture of the last built

wonder of the world, the Pharaoh's lighthouse.

- So what does this mean?

- Well, I think it may be why I was drawn to the fish store,

- Fish store? - Remember I told you

about the fish store, I spent hours there.

But it wasn't about the fish,

the name of the shop is Lighthouse Fish Store.

I think I was attracted to it

because lighthouse is some kind of clue.

- So what do we do with this hunch?

- I, uh, we should do some research

on this Pharaoh's lighthouse, at the library.

- Library, what library? - I don't know.

There's a big one over on 42nd street.

- Why that one? - Well, you know,

it's the main branch.

- I was there today, I think I was led there.

- By who? - By this crazy homeless guy.

He gave me the finger and he made me

chase him down to library. - Then what happened?

- He went down these subway stairs

and sort of vanished into thin air.

- Oh my god, this creeps me out, I got the goose bumps.

- Why didn't you tell me this before?

- I'm telling you, that's why I called.

But you started telling me about your lighthouse.

- You should have interrupted me.

- Where I come from, women are not allowed to speak,

but when they do, men have to listen very carefully

because the truth may come out of their mouths.

- So, what do we do now? - I thought you wanted

to go to the library? - You're a cab driver?

- I do a lot of things.

- Name and address, you may have a seat

in chairs three and four and I'll

bring over the books you've requested.

- Thank you. - Thanks.

- You can start with these, I'll bring the rest later.

And remember, pencils only for note taking.

- The lighthouse of Alexandria, on the island of Pharaoh's

was built in 200 B.C.

The only one of the seven wonders with a practical purpose.

It was a beacon to the legendary city of Alexandria,

the greatest city of the ancient world,

cross roads of the globe.

Its magnificent sea quad was the hub

where which the east and the west traded.

It was a free city, open to all manner of men and ideas,

its crown jewel was the Great Library of Alexandria,

created to collect and preserve

every existing book in the world.

It housed all the great texts of science and literature.

It was staffed by the most

learned writers, scientists and scholars,

and generously funded by the kings of Egypt.

The library endured almost ten centuries,

until a fire in the year 640 AD

destroyed every scroll within.

Scholars have long lamented

the devastating loss of knowledge, gone up in flames

when the Great Library burnt to the ground.

This is all very educational.

But what the hell does this ancient Egyptian crap

have to do with UFO's over Brooklyn?

- How should I know, you wanted to come here.

- Don't blame me. - You're the one

who had a mystical experience in a fish store.

- You're the one who claims

to see a man disappear on 42nd street.

- I never said I actually saw him disappear.

Whatever.

I don't even know anything about you.

Where are you from anyway?

- Ivory Coast. - Excuse me,

but is that a country? - Yes, in west Africa.

- Oh, Africa. - No one here knows

anything about Africa. - Oh shit, I got to get home.

I have to return the taxi.

- Mon Dieu. - What?

- Look. - Oh my god.

Listen, I don't think we should tell anybody about this.

They might think we're fools.

Who would I tell?

- Well, I'm not going to tell my husband.

Call me if you find anything. - You too.

- Hey kids hurry up, breakfast is ready.

- Yeah, relax, relax, don't bust my balls, okay.

When are they pouring the concrete?

Okay, well I'll be there after I finish my coffee.

Okay, hang on, I'll ask her.

Joey said he came by yesterday

to deliver that cabinet you ordered and nobody was around.

- Oh, I got stuck in the city.

- All right, well are you going to be around today?

Can he drop it by? - Sure. I'll be here.

- Yeah she'll be here, yeah, okay

Surprised to learn that a mysterious scroll,

as found inside a sealed urn from ancient Egypt,

that was recently bequeathed to the museum.

Experts have determined that the papyrus document

is 22 centuries old.

The scroll will soon be unrolled,

and its unknown contents, revealed.

From the Brooklyn Museum, Perry Smilo, New York One.

- Bye honey. - Love you mommy.

- Bye, I love you too.

Oh, hello, can I speak with Abraham, please?

- He's not here, he's working at the market today.

What market?

- Hey Abraham. - Hey.

- I need to talk to you. - Sure, let me just

drop this off, Frank, these are all the wall hangings.

Would you mind, please?

I need to talk to my friend for a minute.

In private. - Oh, no problem, Abraham.

- I saw on the news this morning,

they just discovered a mysterious ancient scroll,

that the Brooklyn Museum is going to open up and study.

It's from Egypt, they say its 2,200 years old.

- Wow. - Read this.

- The Great Library was founded in 330 B.C.

- So it could be from the Alexandria Library.

- But all the scrolls were destroyed?

- All I know is that there's

some freaky coincidences going on here,

and I got a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

- Another hunch, so what do we do now?

- Hi, how are you doing today?

- Fine, can I help you?

- I hope so, I'm taking a course at NYU,

a continuing education program,

I have to do a term paper on ancient Egypt.

- Well, you've come to the right place,

what are you looking for?

- I'm hoping to find out information

on this newly found scroll at the Brooklyn Museum,

Particularly, the names of the people

that are working on it.

- Well, I keep that information

in my current clippings file.

- I'd love to see your clippings.

- If you don't mind signing in.

Oh no, not at all.

- Why don't you have a seat at chair two

and I'll be back in a jiffy. - Fantastic.

- Thank you, so much. - You're very welcome.

I hope you found what you were looking for.

- I might need to come back.

- Anytime, it's a pleasure

to deal with a nice, normal, courteous person.

You don't know how many geeky Egyptologists

and oddballs I have to endure.

- Oddballs? - Well, just yesterday

there was a couple, very strange.

- How so? - Well, he was African

and she was a dumb Brooklyn girl.

There was something weird about them.

They cleaned out every circulating book

I had on the Alexandria library.

- Hmm. - I think it's very admirable

that you're taking continuing education courses.

- Well, I believe the human mind is like a muscle.

- Mm. - It requires

constant stimulation, if you don't use it, you lose it.

- How very true. - I think the classroom

is a great environment for healthy social interaction.

- Really? - Oh yeah.

It's a great place to meet interesting, intelligent people.

You see, I'm single. - Me too.

- Really, small world, I'm Steve Sanders.

- Miriam Douglass, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- How many tickets, please?

- Oh, uh, we need to see the person

in charge of the old scrolls.

- The old scrolls? - From ancient Egypt.

- Oh you mean the curator

of the Egyptian classical art department?

- Yes, we need to see the curator.

- Okay, is he expecting you?

- Not really. - Sorry the curator's

office doesn't handle walk on's,

All his business is strictly by appointment only.

- Um, well, will you at least relay a message to him?

- Sure. - Well, you just tell him

that I got the results of the paternity test,

and the sonogram. - Sonogram?

- I am her OB/GYN

- You sure you're talking about our curator?

- Look, you tell that selfish bastard

since he won't see me, I'm going straight to my lawyers.

Come on, Doctor, let's go.

- Uh, just a moment. - My assistant said

something about a private personal matter,

what the heck is this about?

Now I am very busy today.

- We need to talk to you about the ancient scroll.

- The scroll? - The one you just discovered.

We think we know something about it.

- Well nobody knows anything about it,

it hasn't been opened for 2,000 years,

that's why we're studying it.

Now, who are you anyway, are you Egyptologists?

- Not professionally. - Collectors?

- No, but we know about it. - Oh, well, I'm all ears.

- Are you at all familiar with the library of Alexandria?

- Very, I wrote my dissertation on it.

- What if we told you that the scroll

is from the Great Library?

- I'd have to tell you that

you don't know what you're talking about.

It's a common fact that not one written document

survived the burning of the library.

- But what if it was true and one scroll still exists?

- It would be an unprecedented historical event.

- We believe that there is a connection

between the scroll and the library.

- And this is based on? - All right,

Abraham and I have both recently had contact,

with what we believe to be an alien spacecraft.

And we've been given clues, - And we've put together

the connection between the library

of Alexandria and your scroll.

We don't know what it is all about, but we believe,

- We believe we've been sent on

a very important mission that we don't really understand.

- Did you say alien spacecraft?

- Mm hmm. - Let's show him our bruises.

- Bruises?

- Look familiar? - Ah, uh, no.

- Look closer, does this look

like anything you've ever seen before?

- Well, I suppose it looks a little like papyrus leaves.

- That was the symbol of the Great Library.

- I never heard of a symbol for the library.

Besides the papyrus leaf was

a common design motif in ancient Egypt, what does it prove?

- The aliens made this mark on us.

- He already thinks that you're crazy, Joanne.

- No, I would never say that.

- Smith and Sadlow, please.

I'd never call you crazy, the term I'd use is delusional.

I swear if I find either of you on museum property again,

I will personally see to it that you're arrested,

and institutionalized to the fullest extent of the law.

- Whatever it is we were trying to do we blew it.

- We've done everything we can do,

that's the only information we have.

- I just feel like we screwed up

but something important depends on us.

Listen to me, something important.

You know what, Abraham, I must be crazy.

I mean, I'm just some dumb,

depressed housewife from Brooklyn.

- Hey, you're not dumb.

From what I can see, you're pretty smart.

- What did you do in the Ivory Coast?

- I was a civil engineer.

- Really, why did you become an engineer?

- I always liked building things.

Besides, it's funny to see your first stuff.

Because when I was a kid,

I loved looking at the stars in the sky,

imagining I was an astronaut.

Back home, you can see all the stars.

- Would you relax, we're about to humidify it.

- What are those brown markings on the edge?

- Looks like singe marks.

I would guess this scroll survived a fire.

- Fire, please proceed.

Get me the second this opens,

because if it turns out to be what I think it might be,

this museum will make history, in T-shirt sales alone.

- You married? - No.

- Girlfriend? - Nothing serious.

I was engaged once. - Kids?

- No, but I know you do.

How many? - A boy and a girl.

Linda and Henry. - Those are good names.

- They are really good kids.

- Your husband, what does he do?

- He owns a construction business, Brian.

- Is he okay? - Yeah, of course.

What do you think, I married a jerk?

- I'm just asking. - I'm just kidding.

Like you said, we did all we could do.

Guess it's time to go back to our regular lives now.

- Yes, you're right.

- Oh, shit, I gotta get my kids, I gotta run.

You're a very nice man, Abraham.

I wish you the best luck. - Same to you.

I hope you find happiness. - Thanks.

Thank god, you got 'em.

- Hi kids. - Hi, mom.

- Yeah, when you didn't show up

after school they called me at work.

What happened to you?

- I'm so sorry, I had to run into the city,

I had to go to the Brooklyn Museum, I lost track of time.

- Museum? - Mom, I got soccer

in the morning, I can't be late.

It's picture day. - Okay, sweetie,

I promise, I will get you there on time.

- Joanne, can I show you something over here?

Joanne, what the hell is going on?

- What do you mean? - You told me

you're gonna be around today, remember?

So I rescheduled the cabinet delivery

and the guy came around again, you weren't here again.

- Alright, I forgot. - Joanne, you've been acting

really spaced out lately. - Okay, so I've been a little

spaced out. - I checked Joanne, you're not

taking your pills.

- There's nothing wrong with me.

- Joanne, what's the problem,

don't you have a good life here?

- Maybe I was just trying

to do something important to help people.

Maybe I felt like I had an unusual opportunity,

like I had a purpose to my life.

- I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.

- Doesn't matter now, didn't work out anyway.

It's all over.

Give me the pills, I'm going in.

- Let me be frank, I get steamed

when I thing about what you librarians have to put up with.

Like yesterday, that weird couple you had to deal with.

- Something was definitely up with them.

- I wonder what they were looking for.

- They didn't even know themselves,

the Pharaoh's lighthouse, ancient Alexandria,

they wanted to borrow every book

they could on the Great Library.

- Wonder what they were after.

- Who knows, they could be nuts, or cult members

or maybe even book thieves, I've seen them all.

- Never realized how on the front lines your librarians are.

You deserve combat pay.

Uh oh, oh no, I left my notebook back in the library.

It's got a bunch of really important phone numbers

I kind of need to call tonight, damn.

- The library doesn't open again till 9 a.m.,

but what the hell?

I can let you back in after dinner.

- That's fantastic, you're a life saver.

I want to treat you to the cab ride home.

- That won't be necessary.

- Be my pleasure, Miriam, my pleasure.

- Steve. - Miriam,

you have the most beautiful mouth.

Do me a favor, say the words, Dewey Decimal System.

- Dewey Decimal System. - Fantastic.

Do you remember where I was sitting?

- Chair Number two. - Would you mind

looking over there, I'll look over here.

Could be anywhere. - Any luck?

- No. - Look.

- Oh, Miriam, you're a life saver.

- Who was the girl who called you?

- Her name is Joanne. - Is she the mad white woman

who was with you in the market?

- How did you hear about that?

- How do you think?

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,

boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, the drums.

- More like friends. - Is she pretty?

- She's just a friend. - Oh, you sly dog.

How did you meet her? - At a meeting.

- A meeting, what kind of meeting?

What is the matter?

- Nothing, you go ahead, I have something to do.

- Are you sure? - I'll catch you later.

Go. - You're weird.

- I found these books in the cabinet over there.

All I've ever seen you read is that Us Weekly

and People Magazine or what not.

Now all of a sudden you're interested

in the libraries of ancient Egypt.

Jo, what the hell is going on around here?

- I'm trying to educate myself.

- Well, since when you're interested

in these classical antiquities, classical antiquity?

- I saw a show on cable.

What, I can't grow and expand my horizons?

- Are you having an affair?

- No, of course not, are you crazy?

- Hello. - May I please speak

to Joanne? - Just a second, Jo.

For you. - Hello?

Hi, Abraham, no, it's fine.

What, where?

- He's sleeping outside a church on fifth and 53rd.

- Don't do anything till I get there.

I'm leaving now, I gotta go.

You gotta take the kids to soccer.

- Now wait, Jo, I need some kind of explanation here.

- Brian, I wish I could tell you the truth,

but you wouldn't believe me. - You don't trust me anymore?

- It has nothing to do with trusting you.

I'm sorry, I just don't have the time right now.

- Who was that on the phone? - A friend, just a friend.

Where is he from,

what's that accent? - Ivory Coast.

- Ivory Coast that's the name of a soap.

- It's a country in West Africa.

- Africa.

- What the hell is he doing?

- He's obviously schizophrenic.

Hey, this is what happened last time, come on.

- He went to the top. - Let's go.

Who are you, homeless guy?

- I'm a manifestation of an alien life form,

native to a distant part of this galaxy.

- You're an alien.

- From an extremely advanced civilization.

- Then what's the story with that suit?

- It was observed in a transmission,

of an obscure 1950s low-budget

science fiction movie entitled The Thing From Planet It.

We felt the uniform would make

my appearance more impressive.

- Why did you choose to become an Asian?

- There are 3.7 billion Asian bodies on the planet.

It's the most popular model.

- Is this about the scroll?

- As the library was still aflame,

one special scroll was rescued and hidden

from harm in an urn by a heroic librarian.

- What's on it? - It contains an inscription

that unlocks the mystery of nature,

transforming your species onto a new evolutionary plane.

- Wow. - But the museum

is already planning to open the scroll,

so what's your problem?

- There was a sort of translation problem.

The equation as written will cause chaos and destruction.

- What do you mean by chaos and destruction?

- When the Great Library was destroyed,

humanity entered into the so called dark ages.

This will make those times look like Disney World.

The whole damn Milky Way will be in the crapper.

- That's not good. - No.

That is why we have made a duplicate scroll

with a corrected formula.

- So what does all of this have to do with us?

- There are rules and regulations

in this universe that are too complex to explain.

Suffice it to say it must be accomplished by human hands.

- Okay, so you guys screwed up.

So we have to risk our necks

and possibly face jail time to save your ass?

- And I'm assuming we don't get paid.

- Why the hell should we do it?

- Your motivation is in saving your fellow beings.

Or I could threaten to vaporize you.

- Hey, of course we'll help our planet.

- No problem. - Good.

There is the replacement scroll.

Now bring me back the original, there's little time.

- One more question, why us?

- We made contacts with many

homo sapiens in the Tri-state area,

but you were the only two who joined together,

pieced together the puzzle, recognized the signs.

You possess unique skills that complement each other.

Now hurry, the fate of our worlds is in your hands.

- Shit.

- Abraham Conga home? - He's out, can I help you?

- What's your connection to him?

- I'm one of his roommates, what do you want?

- I need to take a look around.

- Excuse me, who are you, I'm calling the police.

- Go ahead, can't help you.

- Who are you? - FBI, CIA, Triple A,

take your pick, you a citizen? - No.

- I assume your papers are in order.

Maybe I should check them. - Is that necessary?

Not if you cooperate, where's the stuff?

- You know I didn't know the watches were counterfeit.

- What watches? - Never mind.

- What's Abraham's relationship with Joanne Schwartzbaum?

- I never heard of her.

I just know he's friends with some white woman.

- Friends, huh, yeah, right.

- Perhaps you could do it without touching the meat.

- Here, you do it yourself.

- When I was abducted, they didn't lay a paw on me.

- You're lucky, they probed me

up the wazoo without lubrication.

- Ouch. - Mm hmm.

- Quick, look at this.

- Nah, it's a plane out of JFK.

- I could have sworn he pulled a mach five maneuver.

- You know Jerry, you should really lay off the la cerveza.

- Shut up, Rosselli, you loud mouth puchakki.

- Guys, please, don't start, okay?

We're trying to just have a nice peaceful barbecue,

Hi, hey I'm so glad you guys made it.

- Burgers, or uh, - No, thanks.

We didn't come for the barbecue.

- We need help. - What kind of help?

- It's a crazy situation. - Can I make an announcement?

- Sure, yeah, everyone, I want your attention, please?

We have, an announcement.

- Thanks, sorry to interrupt the barbecue,

but this is very urgent.

This may seem a little crazy, even to all of you.

Abraham and I have had contact with an alien life form,

and we've been given a very momentous mission

that will affect the whole world.

The thing is we can't do it alone.

- We need your help.

- If it's so important, how come the aliens

didn't notify me personally?

- You're being notified right now.

We've all been chosen to be part of it.

The entire planet depends on us.

And for some reason I don't quite understand,

the destiny of mankind will be decided tonight,

here in Brooklyn.

And it's up to all of us whether that fate's good or bad.

- So what do you say?

- You're asking us to take a big, big leap of faith.

You're saying our future depends it,

and we don't know if you're telling the truth,

or you're a full of it.

But if you are right,

and the fate of the whole damn planet

is gonna be decided right here on our home turf,

who better to handle the job.

We may not have much of a civilization,

but it is the only one we've got.

Count me in.

Me too, me too.

- All right, first things first, Frieda, douse the barbecue.

Abraham, Joanne, what's the plan?

- Wait a minute, let me think, she's been gone all day?

- Well yeah, she left this morning,

she wouldn't tell me where she was going.

- Is it her medication? - No, she's not taking

the pills, but I don't think that's the whole problem.

- What do you mean? - Well I think mom, oh God.

I think she's having an affair.

- What? - Oh God.

- Maybe that's her. - She's got the keys.

- I don't believe it. - Take it easy.

- Schwartzbaum? - Yeah.

- I'm with a government agency.

I prefer not to identify it at this time,

I'm sure you can understand.

- Well what can I do for you? - It's a matter involves

your wife. - Joanne.

You know where she is? - I don't know where,

but I believe I know with whom, may I come in?

- Please, it's about Jo.

This gentleman's a government agent.

These are my parents. - Sorry to bother

you folks this evening. - Mo Schwartzbaum.

- Steve Sanders, that's just my deep cover name.

- Oh. - Is Joanne in trouble?

- Big trouble, we believe

she's mixed up with an international criminal.

A foreign national, Abraham Conga, from the Ivory Coast.

- Oh, Dear God. - He was in the counterfeit

watch racket, now he's in something really big.

- What? - He's suspected of working

for an unknown hostile power, involved in

the illegal smuggling of a rare document.

- That's serious stuff. - May not be too late.

I might be able to intercept your wife

before she commits felony, but I'll need your help.

- Anything, what? - I'd like to inspect

her personal belongings, it might

give us a clue to her whereabouts.

- All right follow me. - You know, I prefer

to look around alone, a cup of coffee

would be nice. - Coming right up.

Fantastic.

Well I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything.

I'd appreciate that, I really would.

I should give you my number.

- That won't be necessary, I have all of your numbers.

- Oh, right, right, of course,

thank you. - Thank you Mr. Schwartzburg.

- How could I be so blind?

- Where the hell is the Ivory Coast?

- West Africa. - He's not even

African-American, he's African-African.

It's his heart.

- Jesus, that was a bad one.

- Are you okay? - Yeah, but I have to go home

and take my medication. - I told you.

He always forgets his pills. - I don't always forget.

Thank you very much. - No problem.

- Excuse me, you drop these keys?

- Oh, shit, thanks.

Show's over, folks, museum's closing.

- Are you all right? - Yeah.

My foot is falling asleep, we gotta move.

Oh, Abraham, are we fool?

- Yes, about each other.

- We got to go. - Yes.

It won't open, if I try to break through,

it'll make noise. - What are we going to do?

- Hey, you want toppings, man? - Like what?

- Sausage, mushrooms, - Mixed together?

- Or half and half. - Half sausage

and half mushrooms, or spinach.

Well, which one?

- Chicken, pork, ice cream on top.

- You don't know what the hell

you are talking about half of the time, you know that, Ivan?

Just pick one so I can call an order it.

- Surprise me. - All right,

But I don't want to hear any shit

if you don't like what I pick.

- Jesus. - He's out cold.

- You don't talk. - So what?

He fainted and he hallucinated the whole thing.

I can't tell the difference.

- I think this one brings the end of the world

and that one helps the human race.

Right.

- Mission accomplished? - All done A-Okay.

- Great, so what are you doing now?

- Now we return the scroll to,

- To the alien? - Yeah.

- Can I come? - Oh uh, that's not such

a great idea, I don't think

we're supposed to bring anybody back with us.

- Yeah, Okay. - Now I know I don't need

to tell you this, but we gotta keep this all a secret.

- What secret, nothing ever happened.

Besides, nobody'd believe us anyway.

Henry, let's go, I got a 7 a.m. tea off.

- Okay, goodbye. - Bye.

- Oh, how sweet, how sweet.

I think your husband is waiting for you to phone home.

And you my African friend,

should've stuck to hawking fake Timex's the jungle.

- What do you want? - The scroll.

- Hey. - Fan-fucking-tastic.

You two stole this from a fine cultural institution.

Now I'm stealing it from you.

I can't tell you how easy you've made this for me.

- Who are you? - It's on a need

to know basis, and you won't be needing to know.

Get out of the car.

Get out of the car, we're gonna take a stroll in the park.

Let's go. - Why are you doing this?

- Because the whereabouts of the scroll

have to remain a secret.

You two pathetic fools know way too much.

Even though you have no idea what the hell the thing is.

- Sure we do, it's the last

existing text from the Alexandria Library.

- Joanne, keep it quiet. - It doesn't matter now.

It contains a formula that could change the whole planet.

- Where'd you hear that, who told you that?

- We were told by an alien. - What are you doing?

- Abraham, the truth is our only hope.

We are on a mission for the aliens.

We removed that scroll which will cause

darkness and suffering and replaced it

with one that will transform

the entire human race to the next evolutionary level.

- Who do you think you're bullshitting?

It's just a very old piece of paper.

Should fetch a pretty penny on the black market.

Lord, lord.

I saw I saw a huge lighthouse.

I was there. - Who are you?

- I'm a professional art thief and grave robber.

- What should we do with him?

- Look, I don't know what

this scroll is and where it came from.

Just keep it away from me.

I'll do anything you want, just keep it away for me.

And, sorry about this. - Ah, nice.

- What, what, what happened? - We switched them.

Here it is.

- You have both performed heroically.

You have corrected our great error,

or as Joanne would say our screw-up.

We are indebted to you.

- No problem. - Forget about it.

- In appreciation of your great deed,

I've been authorized to offer you

an all-expense paid voyage to my neck of the galaxy.

You will witness splendors un-conveyable by mere words.

- Wow, that's awesome. - Great.

- Yeah. - You will be the first

of your kind to go beyond this reality.

It's a historic momentous honor.

Are you ready? - You mean right now?

- Yes, the calculations have been made.

- When do we return? - You may not want to return.

Could we have a moment?

- Joanne. - Abraham, you have to go.

You must go and I really, really,

really wish I could go with you, but I can't.

I have my family and they need me.

I can't just leave, I hope you understand.

- Yes, I understand, Joanne.

- If it wasn't for you. - We were both lucky.

All the astronauts wear them.

- Wow, promise me you'll at least send me a postcard.

I'm ready.

And I will think of you. - I'll think of you too.

Goodbye. - Farewell.

And thank you, Joanne Schwartzbaum.

- Don't forget to return my library books.

- Some sort of ancient Greek text.

- Well what does it say?

- Some mumbo jumbo about time and space.

I can't make heads or tails out of it.

- Well maybe we'd better call

Columbia and get Professor Luton

to come to take a look at it.

- That's a good idea.

- That's Sirius, part of Canis Major, the dog.

- Mom, are we in our own constestations?

- It's constellations.

- Well, I would like to learn

as many stars as I can. - Me too.

- All right, guys, I'm sorry

to be the bearer of bad tidings,

but it's time for bed, it's way past your bedtime.

- Do we have to? - I'm afraid so.

- Yes, you do, school.

Come on, put on your PJs

and brush your teeth. - Good night.

- So how are you doing? - I'm okay.

- You seem, you seem happier. - I am.

- You ever going to tell me what happened?

I mean know you don't think I believe you, but I will.

- Yeah, I'll tell you, someday.

You wise guy.

You're gonna come up?

- Uh, yeah, in a minute.

- Okay.

? Long ago, longer than we can remember ?

? Our peoples came from the sky ?

? And someday we may return ?

? Our past and our future ?

? Are in the stars ?

? But for now treasure your time ?

? On earth ?