Original subtitles

And that's what I knew, of course.

It takes six hours to drive from Matawan to Chicago.

And Larry Wilkes claimed he saw Monica Stokes for lunch at 1.

At a Thai restaurant, where he says they ate pork satay and peanut sauce.

But Monica Stokes is allergic to peanuts.

Exactly. So she couldn't be the murderer.

Oh, Father, you make is seem so simple.

It is simple, Sister.

As Sherlock Holmes once said,

when you eliminate the improbable,

whatever remains, however impossible, becomes the truth.

No! No! No! For God's sake, Mark!

Do you think you might possibly give me the correct line?

If it's not too great a strain on your intellect.

The line is "eliminate the impossible," not "eliminate the improbable."

- Look out! - Aah!

- Are you all right? - Yeah, I'm fine.

- How about you, Mr. Prince? - Yeah, I'm okay.

Where's the writer? Cahill!

Not now, Sandra.

I have to know, Brian. What are we dealing with here?

Is this a deliberate plot to drive me crazy, or just plain incompetence?

- Cameron, I know you're upset... - Upset?

Shooting this pilot on location has been nothing but one disaster after another.

Can't you change this dialogue so our actor can understand it?

It has to go that way, it's part of the plot.

All right. Never mind.

Armstrong, I want that idiot driver of yours off my set now. This minute.

It wasn't Lou's fault, Mr. Prince. The brake pedal froze.

I don't care!

Send him back to the stock-car derby. He's finished.

And so are you, Tannen, if you can't master this brilliant dialogue.

- I'm sorry, Cameron. - Sorry?

"Sorry" doesn't put film in the can.

Darling, Mark's been working very hard on this.

At least he's working, darling.

You could have phoned your performance in.

Cam, was this necessary?

Sandra's my wife, Brian. I know how to handle her.

Armstrong, you've got ten minutes to re-rig that car. This time you drive.

Yes, sir.

Let's get with the program, people! We're losing the light!

I'm glad I'm not an actor.

What a way to make a living.

Phil, I don't know how you talked me into letting these people film

this TV pilot here at St. Michael's.

It's $10,000 for a new parish bus.

Yeah. Don't forget the old one broke down five times last month.

Not to mention the morning it got stuck in reverse

and backed into Mrs. Gurdy's mailbox.

Heh, heh. And besides, to have a television series

named Father Flaraghty Investigates?

That's wonderful promotion for the church.

Mark makes an excellent priest. Don't you think?

Oh, he's dashing.

You know, I took an acting class in the seminary.

It was marvelous. So fascinating.

- The smell of grease paint. - The roar of the crowd.

Exactly.

You know I played Rosencrantz in Hamlet?

No.

Fascinating character. I wish I had more lines. Heh.

There's Sandra Soames. I wonder if she'd autograph a copy of my script.

Speaking of Sister Eugenia, isn't she wearing too much makeup for a nun?

Well, I guess that's what you call dramatic license.

- That's dramatic all right, huh. - I don't know, Marie.

How do you think I'd look with a little lipstick and hairspray?

About as funny as Father Dowling with a California tan.

Oh, I think I have things to do inside.

Father Dowling? Sister Stephanie?

Uh, it would never occur to Cameron to thank you for saving his life, Sister.

So allow me. You have quick reflexes.

It comes from playing stickball in a rough neighborhood.

Mr. Cahill, now that you're here,

I was looking at the script a little while ago.

And you have a few suggestions. Of course, Father.

Did we get a feast day wrong?

Well, actually, I don't quite follow Father Flaraghty's logic

in the last scene.

Wouldn't he suspect that Eleanor was the killer once he noticed

that the flower box was missing from the window in act one?

Sorry?

Yeah, and what about the police forensics team in act three?

Oh, yes.

A real detective wouldn't let a hunch get in the way of following evidence.

Oh, we already have a police expert, Father.

You, uh, trying to do my job again, Frank?

- Bob. - Heh, heh, heh. How are you?

Lt. Foster is our technical advisor, Father. You know each other?

Oh, yeah, Father Dowling and I go back a long way.

In fact, he and I at one time shared a high-school gym locker.

Even then he had a very nasty habit of stuffing his socks in my sneakers.

You, uh, already told him about the forensic team.

Oh, yeah. That was the second thing I noticed.

Right after the mix-up over St. Swiffen's Day.

St. Swiffen's?

Ha, ha. I gotcha. You play in your yard, Frank, I'll play in mine.

Tannen, what is the problem?

I thought you were an actor, but you're an incompetent idiot.

Do your homework! Learn the lines!

Looks like I've got another of Cameron's fires to put out.

Excuse me, Father, Sister.

Well, Frank, that's entertainment.

Excuse me, Father.

I hope I'm not bothering you. I was wondering if I could use a phone.

Why not, Mr. Armstrong? Come in.

You sure I'm not bothering you?

Nothing bothers me. Phone's right over there.

Herby? It's Lex.

Uh, not so good. We blew a car gag.

Prince came real close to getting himself killed.

Well, that's what I'm trying to find out.

Did you see anybody mess with that car last night?

Well, somebody did something to it, Herb.

No, the brakes locked up as soon as Lou touched the pedal.

Yeah, all right.

No, I'll call you back after we wrap. Yeah.

Thanks, Father.

Not at all.

I couldn't help listening, Mr. Armstrong.

Are you saying that the car was deliberately tampered with?

I'm not saying anything, Father.

Well, I heard you say...

All I know is the adjustment bolts on the master cylinder were loosened.

And that would have caused the car to go out of control?

Looks like it.

If the stunt had gone off as planned, what would have happened?

A near-miss by the two actors.

Who could have done such a thing?

Well, the car was, uh, in the garage overnight with the rest of the vehicles.

I mean, anybody could have gotten to it.

All they'd need would have been an Allen wrench and a bad attitude.

Hm.

Look, Father, I have to get back to the set.

- Of course. - Thanks.

Sorry. Am I interrupting?

No. No, no. I was just talking to the boss.

Oh?

Oh, heh. Right. Right.

Truth is, I'm not a Catholic myself, Father.

I was kind of hoping you could give me a few pointers.

Such as?

Well, when you're crossing yourself, for instance.

- Is that too much? - That's fine. Very authentic.

Great. Great.

I was watching you perform, Mr. Tannen.

Oh, please, call me Mark.

Not that I'm, uh, much of a judge on acting.

Mark, I think you're doing a very fine job.

Well, thanks, Father. Really.

I'm glad someone appreciates what I'm doing.

Mr. Prince comes down on you pretty hard, doesn't he?

Well, you know, he's a perfectionist.

Well, that's no excuse for rude behavior.

I'm surprised to hear you defending him.

Father, I wasn't the network's choice for this part.

Cameron made casting me part of his deal as co-creator of the show.

If it's a hit, I'm going to owe my career to him.

And Cameron's under a lot of pressure too.

Yes, but even so...

Shooting a pilot's stressful enough, Father,

but for Cameron to do it while his marriage falls apart...

His marriage?

There's a rumor going around the set

that Sandra's in an affair with someone in the production.

Sandra Soames? Sister Eugenia?

Yeah. Life doesn't always imitate art, Father.

Tannen!

What the hell do you think you're doing? My AD's been looking for you.

Mr. Prince, watch your language please.

You don't understand, Father. He's holding up a shot.

If you can't handle the work, there's a hundred other actors who can.

Now, let's get on the stick.

Thanks, Father.

Hey, Frank. Look at what the prop guy gave me.

Oh, Sister Stephanie, you'll shatter my illusions.

Illusion is what film is all about, Father.

- I was wondering. - Well, now you know.

- What can I do for you, Mr. Prince? - That tree on the lawn outside.

Yes, our stately oak.

- It's a sycamore, Frank. - Oh, sycamore.

- Beautiful, isn't it? - We're going to have to lose it.

Lose a tree! What are you talking about?

It's messing up my establishing shot of the church. It's got to go.

That tree is over 50 years old, you know.

Sister, trees live and die. Film is forever.

It's probably for me.

Prince here.

Look, I don't want to discuss it.

All right, Dooley's. Yes, I'll be there, but it's a waste of time.

- About that tree, Mr... - Later, Father, I've got things to do.

Oh. A bar called Dooley's, where is it?

Oh, my Uncle Jack used to hang out there.

You go out the door, you turn right.

It's about 5 blocks, on the corner of Ashland.

I'll walk.

It's a rough neighborhood.

Sister, I haven't needed a crossing guard since first grade.

You know, Steve, I have been a priest for 32 years,

and I've managed to find at least one thing to like in every person I meet.

So, what do you like about Cameron Prince?

I'm thinking.

Psst.

Psst.

What is this, a joke?

One of their stunt guys told me that if you want to skid the car,

you just pull the emergency brake up when you turn left.

I knew that. You drive that way all the time.

I'll get it!

- Where is he, Marie? - In there.

Robert. If you're looking for Mr. Prince, he's not here.

Prince is dead.

Well, Frank, it looks pretty cut and dry to me.

His wallet's gone. His watch is gone. Even his wedding band.

So you think he was mugged?

I hate to say it happens all the time, Sister, but it happens all the time.

- Not this time. - Oh, here it comes.

No bruises, no scrapes, no clothes ripped.

Now, Bob, you knew Cameron Prince.

You think anyone could mug him without him struggling?

The man was on his way back to his hotel,

took a shortcut through the alley, and somebody jumped him.

He wasn't walking back to his hotel.

No, he was going to meet someone at Dooley's.

Look. That light, it's broken. That means this alley was very dark.

Cameron Prince would not walk in here unless someone called him.

Someone he knew.

You'd better take a look at this.

I found it in his hand.

What's this?

Father Dowling? Lt. Foster? What's going on?

Mind if we come in?

Mark, Cameron Prince was killed last night.

What?

Mr. Tannen, is this your costume?

Uh, yeah, but what's it doing here?

Father, what's going on?

I'm placing you under arrest for the murder of Cameron Prince.

You're making a mistake, Lieutenant. I didn't do that. I swear to you.

Read him his rights.

Father, I didn't kill him. You gotta believe me.

You have the right to remain silent.

If you give up this right, anything you say...

It all fits in so neatly, doesn't it?

Yeah, it sure does. Well, it looks like I owe you one, Frank.

I'm not so sure about that, Bob.

- How did this happen? - Are we working, or what?

Sister Stephanie, Marie, this is a disaster.

That's for sure.

Frank's been in there all morning talking to Lt. Foster.

A man dead, another up on murder charges. An entire day of filming lost.

Some of the crew think that the whole shoot may be canceled.

I can't eat this.

No appetite, Father?

No cream cheese.

There's no point arguing with you anymore, your mind is made up.

I've got six witnesses

that'll testify they heard Prince threaten to replace Tannen.

I know, I heard him say so myself.

Okay, there's your motive.

The lapel pin we found places Tannen at the scene. There's your opportunity.

I just can't believe he'd do this.

Ooh. Aren't you the guy who once said to me

a real detective would never let a hunch get in the way of following evidence?

I think you're making a mistake, Bob.

Tell you what, Francis. Why don't we let a jury decide it?

Ladies.

If Tannen is innocent, we're gonna have to find the real killer

before they finish this movie and everyone leaves town,

and we don't have much time.

Unless Lt. Foster is right, Frank.

I mean, Prince did have that pin in his hand,

and we found the torn jacket in Tannen's hotel room.

I know. That's what puzzles me, Steve.

Excuse me.

Is, uh, this where they keep the wardrobe?

That's right.

You two should have turned yours in when we wrapped Monday night.

Heh. No, you don't understand.

I'm Father Dowling and this is Sister Stephanie.

Father Dowling, Sister Stephanie... I don't have these characters listed.

Did we get another rewrite? Nobody ever gives me the new pages.

No, no. We're the real thing.

This is our church.

Oh, that explains it. Those are your costumes?

Yes.

Uh, are all the actors supposed to return their costumes at the end of the day?

- Absolutely. - Even the lead actors?

Principals and extras, in particular.

Excuse me, I have to go get a wimple ready for Sister Eugenia.

That means that Tannen must have turned in his costume

before he left Monday night,

which would explain why he seemed so shocked

when Foster found it in his room.

The murderer must have pulled Mark's lapel pin off of his coat,

planted it in Cameron's hand when he killed him,

and then put Mark's costume back in his hotel room while Mark was asleep.

Yeah, but how did the murderer get the costume?

That's a good question.

Sorry, just one more thing?

Father, please, I'm really very busy.

Yes, um, is this trailer always locked when you're not here?

Sure, I'm responsible for everything inside there.

She didn't lock it.

Attention, please, everybody.

Can I see everybody at the trailer, please?

Can I have your attention, please? Come on, gather around me here.

I spent yesterday on the phone with the network.

Last night, they finally agreed to continue shooting.

Now, I'll be taking over as director.

And Glenn Evert here just flew in from L.A. this morning

to be our new Father Flaraghty.

And we're lucky to have him.

Now, I know this isn't going to be easy for any of us.

But we're professionals, and we owe it to Cameron

and to ourselves to make this the best show we possibly can.

Let's get to work. We'll start with scene 72. Thanks a lot.

It's not right. They can't just replace Cameron.

Not like this.

Take it easy, Miss Soames.

Excuse me.

I'm gonna go see if there's anything I can do.

Come in.

Yeah, hold the condolences, Lou. This is business.

Oh, heh. Yeah, it was a terrible thing. I know.

Lou, listen to me for a minute.

They're going ahead with the project, and they're replacing Mark Tannen,

which means they're gonna need me for reshoots, right?

Well, that's my point. Heh.

I'm saying, why don't we renegotiate my deal?

We're not holding them up. We're just taking advantage of a new situation.

Lou.

Lou. I want you to go to the network and lay it on the line, all right?

How can they say no?

Okay, all right. Well, let me know what they say.

And, Lou, thanks for the condolences.

Okay. Bye.

What can I do for you, Sister?

Well, I saw that you were kind of upset outside,

and I was just hoping there was something I could do for you.

But, uh, you seem to be doing fine.

Don't be fooled by the bravado.

I'm having a very difficult time right now.

But I have no choice. I have to get on with my life and my career, so...

Yeah, I guess so.

You have to understand, in this industry,

you take what you can get, when you can get it.

I guess I just don't understand show business, you know.

No, I don't suppose you do. Heh.

Well, like Prince said, people come and go, but film is forever.

I guess he'd approve.

You didn't like Cameron Prince very much, did you, Mr. Armstrong?

The only people that liked Prince were the ones paid to like him.

Me, all I get paid to do is rig stunts.

Like the accident with the car the other morning, huh?

Odd about that.

How so?

Well, if Sister Stephanie hadn't pulled Cameron Prince out of the way,

whoever killed him on Monday night might have been saved the trouble.

The brake pedal froze, Father.

Besides, the police say that Mark Tannen killed Prince.

Yeah, that's what someone wants us to think anyway.

You're getting at something, Father. What is it?

I don't know yet.

You see, I'm somewhat like Father Flaraghty,

an armchair detective.

Do you always wear gloves, Mr. Armstrong?

A few years ago, a fire gig on a show went sour.

They got barbecued. Occupational hazard.

Whose idea was the fire?

The director's, Cameron Prince.

Anything else I can help you with, Father?

- No, not for the moment. - Then, uh, if you'll excuse me.

Heck of a way to make a living, huh, Father?

That whole background area has to be clear.

Phone call for you, Miss Soames.

Hello?

Are you crazy, calling me on the set?

If anybody finds out about us...

I know, darling. I do too.

But I can't see you right now.

Tonight, in your room.

Of course, sweetheart. I love you too.

- Father Dowling? - What?

I'm sorry, Father. I didn't mean to startle you.

Mark? What are you doing here?

I just got out on bail.

I came in the back way. I didn't want to run into anyone in the film company.

I can understand that.

It's very important to me that you believe that I didn't kill Prince.

I do believe you, Mark.

I'm glad someone does.

- What about your attorney? - Heh.

He's not too optimistic.

I can't explain how that torn costume got into my hotel suite.

Well, did he talk to the staff at the hotel?

I've been all over the hotel myself.

Nobody saw anyone near my room that night.

I did find a door jimmied open, but that doesn't prove anything.

What can I do for you?

Would you keep your eyes open on the set?

Maybe you'll see or hear something that might help me.

I think I can manage that.

Thanks, Father.

- Father? - Hm?

Even though I'm not Catholic, I would appreciate your blessing.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Thanks, Father.

Good luck.

I'll just slip out the back.

Frank. Wonderful news.

What's that, Phil?

I'm in the movies. Brian Cahill has asked me to be a stand-in.

- Oh. I'm so happy for you. - Ha, ha.

Just exactly what does a stand-in do?

While the director and the cameraman are setting up the next shot,

the actors are in their dressing rooms rehearsing their lines.

So the stand-in, well, he stands in.

You... You just stand there?

It's more difficult than you think, Frank.

Also, I've been looking over the script. I have a few ideas. Heh.

Oh, I'm sure you do, Phil.

Great. Thanks, guys.

Father? PHILIP: Yes?

We need you over here. - Oh. Okay.

Now, what is my motivation for this scene?

You're paralyzed with terror. You can't move a muscle.

How's this?

Perfect.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

See what I mean, Frank?

Mr. Cahill?

Taking over under such trying circumstances must be rather difficult.

I wouldn't have agreed to do it if this project weren't so personal.

Oh. I thought that Cameron Prince created this show.

His main contribution to Father Flaraghty Investigates

was forcing us to cast Mark Tannen in the lead.

You know how that turned out.

Cameron's reputation exceeded his ability.

Well, I heard he won a lot of awards.

Six years ago, he won an Emmy for a movie of the week that I produced.

Oh.

I wrote the script, I cast the show,

I made the final cut, and I supervised the postproduction.

But Cameron won the award. It made his reputation.

So, really, all this worked out very well for you.

With Prince dead, now you get all the credit.

Don't take this armchair-sleuth thing too far, Father.

The police have their suspect.

Humor me.

Where were you when Prince was killed?

Asleep in my hotel.

Alone.

All right, let's have a rehearsal.

All right, Jeff, this is the scene where you finally make the connection

between Uncle Mark and his illness, and the disappearance...

Remember, you're a priest. Now, Sandra...

Oh. Father.

They've been poking around here all morning. I can't get any work done.

They're going to duplicate our rectory on a sound stage downtown, Marie.

They got to get the details right.

Why do they need two rectories?

Well, they're going to film their inside scenes on their rectory

to match their outside scenes from our rectory. Hm?

I don't get it.

Well, that's the way they do things in the movie business.

Let's just count our blessings.

- Father Dowling? - Hm?

Sister Stephanie wants you to meet her in the church hall.

Oh. Excuse me, Marie.

Ready when you are. - A camera's ready.

- We're all set. - Pull it back.

- Good. Perfect, Owen. Thanks. - Yeah.

Is everybody out of the background?

- Watch the boom. - Good. Thank you, Billy.

All right, let's go over it one last time for everybody.

Okay, everybody, listen up. I'm going to go through this one more time.

Now, Sandra's stunt double runs into the hall. We give it a three count.

I hit the button and boom. You got that?

Roll two camera.

Roll two camera. MAN 7: All radios off. We're locking up.

Action!

One thousand two, one thousand three...

Good. Very nice, very nice. That's great.

Father, Sister, are you all right?

Uh, Billy, can we see B camera, please?

Cut, cut, cut! What's going on?

Father, Sister, are you all right?

Good. That looks great. Heh.

You know, Father, with the right editing, we might be able to use that.

- What do you think, Billy? - Should cut together pretty well.

Oh. I'm so glad.

You know, you two are lucky to be alive.

Considering we were kind of unlucky to be there in the first place.

I, uh, had no idea that you used two cameras to film a scene, Mr. Cahill.

Only when we shoot a stunt,

like that car scene Monday and this scene today.

One wide angle, one tighter angle.

That way we get the coverage we need.

And, you know, speaking of coverage,

we're gonna have to get some close-ups of Sandra and Glenn

to match you and Sister Stephanie in the explosion.

Excuse me.

Hey.

Hey!

You know, you're talking like there is nothing wrong here.

This isn't a movie. Somebody tried to get Father Dowling killed.

Sister, the PA who told Father Dowling to meet you in the church hall

said he got a call on his walkie-talkie,

but there was so much static, he isn't sure what he heard or who was talking.

Heh. It was just an accident, Father.

Pretty handy accident.

What are you saying, Sister?

What Sister Stephanie is saying is that it's been a stressful day, it's late,

and she's a little bit upset.

- Frank, that is not... - Accidents happen, Sister Stephanie.

Look at this rectory. Huh?

- I mean, isn't this amazing? - Uh-huh.

Wait till we get it done. You won't be able to tell it from the real thing.

Illusion and reality, Father.

I think I prefer reality.

Maybe you're right. Anyway, I've got to get back to work.

Excuse me.

Frank, that was an accident like Sandra Soames is a nun.

Whoever killed Cameron Prince is afraid you'll expose them.

That thought has crossed my mind.

Well, then shouldn't we do something, Frank?

You said you overheard Sandra on the phone

making plans to meet someone in his hotel room tonight?

That's right.

Well, it won't be the first time that infidelity has lead to homicide.

Father Dowling, Sister, what are you doing here?

We need your help, Mr. Armstrong.

My help?

We want to talk to you about who killed Cameron Prince.

Um, Mark Tannen killed Prince.

No, no, no. No, I'm certain that Tannen was framed.

But you can help us identify the real killer.

Well, I'll do whatever I can, but why don't I meet you at the hotel bar?

I was about to take a shower.

Like to talk to you too, Miss Soames.

What's the point in hiding anymore, Lex?

Cameron's dead. He can't hurt us now.

How'd you guess, Father?

Well, I didn't think that this belonged to Mr. Armstrong.

You're a good detective, Father Dowling.

Miss Soames, did Prince find out about your affair with Mr. Armstrong?

- Did he threaten you with divorce? - Is that why you killed him?

Father, she didn't kill anyone.

And we're not having an affair.

Well, then, what would you call it?

When my marriage fell apart with Cameron,

Lex was there to pick up the pieces.

And we got married two weeks ago.

But you were still married to Prince?

We were divorced a month ago.

Cameron asked us to keep it a secret until the end of production.

He said if we didn't, he'd make trouble with the settlement.

If you ask me, he just didn't want to admit that he'd lost her.

Anyway, I hope this lets us out as suspects.

Well, not necessarily, Mr. Armstrong. You still had another motive.

Your hands.

Father, you want the truth?

I'm glad Prince is dead, but we didn't kill him.

We have an alibi for Monday night when Cameron was killed.

Lex and I were having dinner here in his room.

If you don't believe us, check it out with room service.

That room service waiter seemed pretty sure they were both there.

Hm.

Well, I suppose a dinner order of oat bran and yogurt is hard to forget.

Maybe Mark Tannen did kill Cameron Prince, you know?

Sandra and Lex were our best suspects.

Yeah.

- Absolutely brilliant. - You think so?

- Absolutely, it's great. Heh. - All right.

But not our only suspect.

Steve.

I could send it to you when I'm done.

Please, do that.

Ah. Father Dowling. There you are.

We're having a crisis and we need your help.

Oh? What's going on Phil?

I've rewritten the climax. Father Prestwick had a terrific idea.

Sister Eugenia is going to find Martin stabbed to death in the rectory pantry.

- Not in my pantry. - Uh, not in our rectory, Marie.

No, they're going to kill Uncle Martin on the sound stage downtown.

- Isn't that right, Mr. Cahill? BRIAN: Mm-hm.

Why doesn't somebody tell me these things?

Wait a minute.

The script I read, Martin was the killer.

No, not anymore. Now it's Buffy.

Buffy, the blind maid?

Interesting twist, don't you think?

Excuse me.

St. Michael's Rectory.

Who?

Oh. Just a minute. Mr. Cahill.

Brian Cahill.

What?

Who is this?

Where?

Hello?

Hello...

We'll have to continue this tomorrow. Something's come up. Good night.

Good night.

You know, Brian was so excited with my idea

that he promised to cast us all as extras.

We are going to be on television.

Phil, this may come as a shock to you,

but many people live happy and fruitful lives

without ever once appearing on TV.

- Did it work? - I'm afraid so.

Steve called Cahill from the sacristy phone.

Yeah. I said, "I know what happened to Cameron Prince.

Meet me at Dooley's Bar in ten minutes."

Heh. I don't understand.

Well, Cahill and the production crew are all from out of town.

So the only one who would know where to find Dooley's

is whoever killed Cameron Prince. - Cahill had a motive,

and now it looks like he had the means and the opportunity.

So Brian Cahill killed Cameron Prince.

Excuse me. Does anyone here know the way to a bar called Dooley's?

And that's when I knew, of course.

It takes seven hours to drive from Matawan to Chicago.

And Larry Wilkes claimed he had lunch with Monica Stokes at 1.

At a Thai restaurant, where he says they ate pork satay with peanut sauce.

But Monica Stokes is allergic to peanuts.

Exactly. Which is why she couldn't be the murderer.

Oh.

You make is seem so simple, Father.

It is simple, Sister.

As Sherlock Holmes said: "When you eliminate the impossible,

whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

Cut!

Print it. Very nice. Very nice, people.

I told Cameron you'd be much better than Mark. I wish he'd listened.

All's well that ends well, right?

So, Father, what's your professional opinion?

Oh, ho, ho. As a priest or a detective?

Well, I'm not much of a judge when it comes to acting, Mr. Evert,

but I thought you were very good.

Thank you.

It's great to be back here in Chicago.

Will you excuse me? I have three new pages to memorize.

It seems we have a new killer.

Yeah, Buffy the maid.

Actually, it's Casper Leech.

The giveaway is when his car explodes.

- Who's Casper Leech? - Casper's the friendly killer.

When his car explodes, he'll be known as Casper the Friendly Toast.

Forgive me, Father.

Very nice, Lex. Very nice.

That's the way it should have gone the first time.

- Steve? - Yeah?

This stunt didn't go the way the first one did.

Yeah, I know. The car went out of control because the brakes failed.

And if you hadn't pulled him out of the way, Prince would've been killed.

Right. Somebody fixed the brakes so Prince would be killed

and make it look like an accident.

But that's what puzzles me, Steve.

Now, both of these cameras were pointed over there.

If Prince doesn't run out into the street and yell at Tannen,

he wouldn't have ended up anywhere near that runaway car.

So what are you thinking?

Maybe we've been concentrating on the wrong victim.

Maybe Cameron Prince wasn't the target at all.

Steve, I got an idea. Come on.

As Sherlock Holmes once said:

"When you eliminate the improbable,

whatever remains, however improbable, becomes the truth."

No! No! No! For God's sake!

Mark, do you think you might possibly give me the correct line,

if it's not too great a strain on your intellect?

The line is "eliminate the impossible"! Not "eliminate the improbable"!

Could you stop it there, please?

Can we see a closer angle of this?

The B camera. You got it, Father.

Freeze it right there, please.

You were right, Frank.

Can you make a print of that frame?

Yeah. I'll have to get the negative from the vault.

- Would you do it, please? BILLY: You want to come back later?

No, no. I'll wait here, if that's all right.

Suit yourself.

There's coffee over here. I'll be back as soon as I can.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Phil!

Oh. Sister Stephanie, where is Father Dowling?

I'm in a scene first thing after lunch

and I was kind of hoping he'd be here for moral support.

Listen. Frank's got a really good idea who killed Cameron Prince.

He's in the editing room right now, getting some evidence together.

But don't tell anyone, all right? He doesn't want anybody to know yet.

Sister Stephanie, my lips are sealed.

Shh.

Billy, is that you?

Who's there?

Who are you looking for, Father Dowling?

I was looking for the man who killed Cameron Prince.

Looks like I've found him, Mr. Evert.

"Come into my parlor," said the spider to the fly.

Hm.

You should have stayed out of camera range

when you tried to kill Mark Tannen.

Very clever, Father Dowling.

You're even better than Father Flaraghty.

Hm.

When Prince ruined your attempt to get Tannen,

you decided to kill him instead

and frame Tannen for the murder.

Get two for the price of one.

The important thing was to get the part. I was perfect for it.

Prince didn't think so.

No. No.

He said I lacked commitment. Heh.

But he was wrong.

A lot of actors say they'd kill for the part.

I actually did.

How's that for commitment, Father?

It's too bad you had to get involved.

Well, I couldn't stand by

and let an innocent man go to jail for your crime.

You were actually in Chicago before the murder, and then you left.

And then you came back again afterwards to establish your alibi.

But I noticed that there were two flight tags on your luggage.

Ah. The fatal flaw. Heh, heh.

There's always a fatal flaw, isn't there?

There is when you try and get away with murder.

Well, this one's easy to fix.

Freeze!

Hold it right there, Evert. Don't you even blink.

- Are you all right, Frank? - Yeah, I'm fine.

Hey, that was some acting, Frank. You looked scared to death.

I wasn't acting, Bob.

Well, like you said, Mr. Evert, there's always a fatal flaw.

But, hey, that's show business.

- Popcorn, Father? - I can't eat now, Marie.

My scene is coming on any minute.

He could have climbed the drain pipe

to reach Casper's second-story window.

So Sister Eugenia's long-lost cousin Fritz turned out to be the murderer.

Should have known when the dog didn't lick his face.

Look. Look, here I come.

Here I am.

There I am. There! Ha, ha. There I am.

Ah! The newspaper was my idea.

You know, Phil, I really think they caught your best side.