Original subtitles

I'm always on time.

Well, that's very commendable, mister.

No mister. Just Stuart from Toronto.

I'm new in town.

- You could be the chief of police. - Oh, you want ID?

Ten thousand dollars. Is that enough ID for you?

Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Vale.

Who's the mark?

Right here.

This lovely little lady. Right here.

Ten thousand more when it's done.

You got it.

- Hi, Marie. - Hi.

Will you tell Frank that I got the car?

I gotta make my clothing pickups downtown.

What is it?

I'm sorry, Sister, I just can't get over it.

Over what?

Well, you and this princess here in the paper.

Well, she's practically your spitting image.

Princess? What princess?

She's not exactly a princess though,

she's more like a royal cousin. - Hmm?

"Lady Cara Winston, cousin by marriage

to the Prince of Wales, spotted outside a London dance club

with her rumored fiancé, rowdy Manchester rock star,

Sean McAllister."

Lady Cara, heh. Father Dowling, you know,

I'm hoping to meet her this evening.

- Really, Father Prestwick? - Heh, yes, yes, it's really very exciting.

Lady Cara is in Chicago with the British Trade Delegation.

The delegation is hosting a reception at the consulate.

I've been invited.

You, Father?

Well, actually, it's the bishop's invitation but because he's out of town

- I'm going as his aide, heh. - Hmm.

I don't know. Do you really think there's a resemblance?

Well, I don't see it.

She's royalty, Sister Stephanie. Heh, you're a nun.

Dear, no, I'm afraid today's completely booked, Lady Cara.

Interviews with the local press.

Luncheon with the Chicago Chamber of Commerce.

Wait, you're free at 11:00.

No, sorry that's when you'll receive a floral presentation

from a delegation of schoolchildren.

This is impossible.

Won't I have any time to see Chicago alone?

Uh, ugh.

Sean. He's waiting for me downtown.

Sir Robert is head of the delegation. He can overrule the consulate staff.

Yes, but Gloria, you know he watches me like a hawk.

If he suspects I'm meeting Sean,

he'll chain me up in the attic or something.

So think of something else.

All right.

I'm sorry, Robert, I didn't realize you were occupied.

Never mind, it isn't important.

My dear Cara, what is it?

- Uh, I... - What's wrong?

I feel like a circus bear. I truly do.

Mrs. Gibbons has me shuffling...

from one horrible press conference to another.

- Dear girl. - I haven't any time for myself,

you see, and I so wanted to buy a new dress for the reception tonight.

Now I can't and it's just awful.

A new dress? Here in Chicago? Whatever for?

Foreign exchange.

Economic diplomacy at its most practical.

Of course you shall have your new dress.

I'll make the appropriate excuses to Mrs. Gibbons.

Thank you. Thank you, uncle.

You're a darling. I'll have Gloria ring up a taxi.

Oh, that won't be necessary.

Stuart can drive the consular limousine.

- Stuart? - My bodyguard.

Sir Robert's taken him on loan.

Oh, I'm sorry. Lady Cara Winston, may I present Mr. Louis Vale.

Mr. Vale is a Chicago businessman

with, uh, investments in British industry.

- I don't need a bodyguard. - Oh, you trust me on this, Lady Cara.

The kind of crazies we got in the States,

anybody who ever had their picture in the paper needs a bodyguard.

I'm afraid he's right, Cara. Chicago can be a very dangerous city.

Who knows whom you might meet out there.

Yes, this is lovely. I'd like to try it on.

Our dressing room is in back.

Stuart, I am not about to dash out the rear door.

Of course not. I'll just keep an eye on things.

- Really, you needn't bother. - No bother. It's part of my job.

Hi. I'm Sister Steve from St. Michael's.

I'm here to pick up some stuff for our clothing drive.

Oh, yes. Mr. Scalazi has a nice big load all ready for you, Sister.

Oh, great. Okay.

This is gonna keep a lot of homeless women warm.

Sister, I have to go and help up front.

- Can you manage? - Oh, sure, no problem. Thanks.

Um...

I'm sorry. Are you all right?

I've never been more miserable in my life.

- Hey, you're her. - You're me.

No, you're Lady Cara. You're that princess in the paper.

Who are you?

You're a nun.

No, I'm Stephanie Oskowski. My friends call me Steve.

You wouldn't have any relatives in Poland would you?

- I don't know what to say. - Heh.

We look enough alike to be sisters, Sister.

More than sisters.

Really, we change clothes,

I don't think our best friends could tell us apart.

This is so weird. Wait until Father Prestwick hears about this.

Could we get a picture together or something?

Sister, do you believe in miracles?

Well, it depends on the miracle, I guess.

I need your help.

I am in love with a wonderful man.

He's handsome, passionate.

He understands me better than anyone else.

But my uncle Robert, my guardian, he hates him.

You're talking about that rock star in the paper, right?

Sean McAllister.

He loves me, Sister.

He loves me. He followed me to America.

Last night he sent me a message.

He asked me to meet him at Union Station

at 11:00 this morning.

He said if I didn't come that he'd know it was over between us.

- It's almost 10:30 now. - Sister, I need him desperately.

I'm afraid if I don't meet him today, I may lose the man I love forever.

I guess you'd better see this guy, huh?

My bloody bodyguard won't let me out of his sight.

Sister,

you're my only chance.

Oh, ha, no, no, no, no. I couldn't.

But you said yourself, if we exchanged clothes

no one could tell us apart.

Look, go with my bodyguard, Stuart.

I'll see Sean and then you and I will meet in one hour

at Delmonico's, the restaurant.

We'll change back and no one is ever the wiser.

Yeah, but, I... You're a princess. I mean, I couldn't.

- I wouldn't know what to do. - Shop for an hour.

You needn't buy anything. Just look.

Most shopkeepers are deliriously happy

just to have a royal hanging about.

Please, Sister.

I realize you're a nun.

Surely once in your life you felt for a man as I do for Sean.

- Ahem. - Aah!

Very nice.

- Brief yet, uh, stylish, heh. - Heh.

How much did you say it was?

Well, of course it's a Scalazi original. Ten thousand.

Ten thousand dollars?

Lady Cara, we have to get back to the consulate.

Oh, uh, no. I have to be at lunch at Delmonico's in an hour.

I'm afraid not. Apparently there's a reporter from Channel 3

wanting an interview.

Oh, Lady Cara,

the reporter who wanted to do the interview, he's just canceled.

- I'm so sorry. - Oh, good.

Then I can still make lunch downtown.

No, dear. No. You're having luncheon with the Chamber of Commerce

and afterwards the floral presentation and then of course

there's the press conference.

Press conference?

Is there a phone I could use?

Well of course. Hmm, in the parlor.

- That way? - Yes.

Thank you.

Don't worry. Even if our little lady

doesn't go out again there'll be plenty of people at tonight's reception.

Lots of cover. You can take her there.

Heh, hey, this one is so easy I ought to do it myself.

Consider it done.

I'm Father Dowling from St. Michael's. Someone sent a car.

Father Dowling.

Oh, how good of you to come on such short notice.

The Archbishop will be pleased.

The Archbishop of Chicago?

Oh, no. Dear, no. Canterbury.

He isn't even Catholic.

Lady Cara promised the Archbishop

she'd see you when she came to Chicago.

Unfortunately, she only informed me this morning.

Um, I'll just let her know that you and Detective Sgt. Clancy are here.

Clancy?

Apparently I'm an old pal of the chief inspector

- at Scotland Yard. - At Scotland Yard. Mm-hm.

Yeah.

Lady Cara, may I introduce Father Francis Dowling

and Detective Sergeant Maureen Megan Clancy.

How charming. What a pleasure to meet you both.

Thank you very much, Mrs. Gibbons, you may go now.

Frank, you better sit down.

You too Clancy. You are never gonna believe this.

- Steve? - What?

Clancy, it's Ste... Sister, what on earth are you doing here?

That's what I wanted to tell you.

Things may have gotten just a little bit out of hand.

So when I couldn't get away I tried calling you at the rectory,

Frank, but I picked up the phone and somebody was on the line.

- And this is where it gets crazy. - Now it's crazy.

Clancy, whoever was on the phone

is planning a snatch at the reception later.

- A kidnapping? - Yes, and I am the target.

Or Lady Cara is, which right now is me, unless of course she shows up

which she shouldn't because then she'd be in danger

which right now she's not because I'm here, see?

- They're gonna kidnap Lady Cara. - Yes, Frank.

- And this is my plan. - Your plan?

My plan. I'm gonna stay here and be Lady Cara.

- Oh, Steve, no. - Now Clancy, that will give you

plenty of time to call the FBI and arrange protection

- for tonight's reception. - Sister Stephanie.

We can't let the consulate know. We don't know who's involved.

- What? I... - Shh.

I'll tell you what. The answer is no.

What if they take you before the reception?

I heard them say on the phone that they weren't gonna make a move

unless I went out again,

which means I'm safe until the reception.

And if I'm safe then Lady Cara is safe.

Now you both have to admit, it makes sense.

Oh.

Don't go out. Stay within sight of at least

two or three people at all times.

- If anything happens, you call 911. - Mm.

I'll be back before the reception with half a squad.

Yeah.

- I can't believe I'm letting you do this. - Well, you know I'm right.

I hope my captain sees it your way.

Steve, I really don't think this is a good idea.

But there's no other...

- Steve, what are you doing? - Frank, I know that guy.

What guy?

That guy. Willie Lupinski.

Back in the neighborhood we used to call him Willie the Whisper.

Why are we watching him?

Frank, Willie never did an honest day's work in his life.

His specialty is carrying the bag for the bad guys.

Now that guy is a truck driver like I'm a princess.

- Why did he switch cases? - I don't know.

I think maybe I should have a talk with your old neighbor, Willie.

Where can I find him?

Probably AI's Pool Hall downtown, Frank.

Take the limo. What are you gonna do with Lady Cara?

Well, maybe she'll stay at the rectory.

To tell you the truth, I don't think she's the type.

Now, you listen to me. You be careful.

Somebody here is planning a kidnapping.

- If they suspect that you suspect... - Don't worry about it.

- I got them buffaloed. - Yeah.

You got me buffaloed too.

Oh.

Lady Cara.

- Lady Cara, please. - What do you want?

I'm Father Dowling from St. Michael's Church.

Sister Stephanie, she's an associate of mine.

She can't meet you now.

I can't explain it here but it's very important

that you come with me right away.

A priest.

Who's your uncle gonna send next, the Buckingham Palace Guard?

I assure you this has nothing to do with Lady Cara's family.

With all due respect, Father,

would you please stay out of matters that don't concern you?

Now, Cara,

this is our last chance.

You've got to make up your own mind.

Darling, we have been over this.

Yes, you can let Sir Robert run your life and that's what you like.

I'm not gonna let him run mine.

I'm leaving for New York tomorrow morning.

Come with me.

- Please don't do this. - I love you.

And I know you love me too.

If I can't have all of you, I'll have none of you.

Right.

Tell your uncle he's won, then.

I think I'm ready for last rites, Father.

Not yet. I'm afraid I have more bad news for you.

This will only take a minute, I hope.

- Good to see you. - Hey, how's it going?

Oh.

I thought you were gonna wait in the car.

Father Dowling, from what I understand

most of this concerns me more than it does you.

And besides, if anyone inside the consulate is involved

I can identify them. You can't.

Hello.

Uh, excuse me.

We're looking for a man named, uh, Willie Lupinski.

Well, you might know him as Willie the Whisper.

Maybe we should leave. This is really more

Sister Stephanie's territory than mine.

What would she do?

- Steve? - Yes.

Huh. She'd probably challenge that big guy to a game of pool

in exchange for Willie's address.

- Oh, I can do that. - Heh.

I used to watch my uncle play snooker at the family estate in Carlisle.

- No. - You there.

Hello. I propose a friendly match of billiards.

If I win, you tell us where to find this gentleman.

What was his name, Father Dowling? William Lupinski?

- Willie. Willie. - Yes, of course.

- Willie. - Yeah?

Uh, so, what if you, uh, lose?

In that unlikely case, this will be yours.

Uh-huh.

Rack them up.

- Oh, yes, very good. - Mm.

Whoa!

Clear the table, please, I'd like to have another go.

- Sister, stop. - Sister's just getting warmed up.

Right. Somebody called for him from Nectar Bottling,

down by the railroad yard at Union Station.

He's supposed to be there at 5:00.

That's all I know. Now please get her out of here.

Right. Thank you, my son. Come, Sister.

- Well, I guess we showed them. - We certainly did.

You're not Lady Cara.

We've been together since we were girls.

I know her like a sister.

Who are you?

Anything I can do for you ladies?

Not at all. Lady Cara and I were just discussing

the musical selections for tonight's reception.

If we need you, Stuart, we'll call.

For a minute there I thought you were gonna turn me in.

- Heh. - Why didn't you?

Well as I've told you, Sister, I've known Lady Cara

since we were girls and switching places with you

is just the sort of silly thing she would do.

Heh, come on.

Take a look at this.

Ugh, there had to have been 100,000 dollars in here.

- Who took it? - I don't know.

Whoever's behind the kidnapping.

As I'm sure you understand, out of respect for tradition,

a certain quality of decorum should be maintained

when meeting with a member of the Royal Family.

We rise when she appears.

We sit when she sits.

We stand when she stands.

Now, you're all ready for Lady Cara so if you'll excuse me,

I'll go and fetch her.

As long as the kidnappers think that I'm Lady Cara then she's safe.

So I've got to be her. How long is...?

Acting like royalty is harder than you thought.

Well, tell me about it, Gloria, I really need your help.

Oh, my goodness.

You're not even changed yet.

And the press conference starts in 10 minutes.

- Press conference? - Oh, dear, yes.

It's your favorite topic.

World politics?

- Foreign trade? - Dear, no. High fashion.

Now, come on.

No, no!

Father Philip Prestwick is here. I just saw his car outside.

It's better that you remain Steve for a while.

Keeping secrets is not one of Phil's strong points.

Well, Willie the Whisper won't be at the bottling plant until 5.

I'm gonna give Steve a call at the consulate.

Father Dowling, I have been waiting for you for hours.

Tell me, how did it go at the consulate?

- Oh, it was a revelation. - Heh, did you see Lady Cara?

Were you able to arrange an audience for me at the reception?

I'm afraid she wasn't there.

Such a disappointment for me, Sister.

I really hoped I'd have a chance to meet Lady Cara in person.

- Why? - Oh, Sister.

Royalty have a aura that sets them apart.

It's a certain style from centuries of breeding and tradition.

It doesn't matter what you call it. Glamor, charisma, you cannot,

you cannot be in the same room with a royal without feeling it.

- If I could have shaken her hand, heh. - Mm.

Oh, Sister, and you're a nun. This isn't something you'd understand.

- I saw Princess Di. - Hmm.

On television, when she visited the United States.

You know what I'm talking about?

I have to get ready for the reception.

- I'm sorry I can't stay for dinner. - It's all right, Father.

He's already eaten half the dessert.

I need a little help out in the kitchen. We've got carrots to scrape.

Carrots?

Now, don't forget. If they curtsey you simply bow.

- I bow. - When you stand, they stand.

- When I stand, they stand. - I'll give you a signal when to end.

- Just thank them and leave. - I don't know.

- I'm really nervous about this. - Don't be.

- You'll be fine. - Okay. Let's go.

Uh, Lady Cara, for many people on both sides of the Atlantic,

the Royal Family's the final arbiter of good taste.

How would you describe your personal style?

Very uncomplicated.

Seriously, Lady Cara, would you say you favor the Avant Garde in fashion

or do you prefer a more traditional, unstudied elegance?

Um...

I don't think you can go wrong with basic black.

- Uh, but you're wearing hot pink. - Oh, do you mean this? Um...

Well, actually I don't dress like this all the time, you see.

- Lady Cara? - Yes?

Exactly which designers do you patronize?

Well, I don't really shop around, you see?

So you have your own private couturier?

Who is it? Valentino? Chanel? Ungaro?

Look...

Don't you think there's something wrong talking about...

About $10,000 dresses and high fashion

when there are people on the street

who don't even have a coat to wear or a place to sleep at night.

I mean, aren't their lives more important

than where I get my hair done or what kind of shoes I wear?

I mean, don't you think?

- Hey, Sister, I'm running late. - I'm sorry.

It's harder than it looks.

You're not Sister Stephanie.

You're that princess from the newspaper.

- Your Highness. - Oh, please don't.

I don't believe it.

You're really her? I mean, you, right here in my kitchen?

- Oh, here, let me do that. - Oh, no, I don't mind. Honestly, Marie.

But you're a princess. If you cut yourself,

you'll be spilling royal blood.

I'll survive. I really wish you wouldn't make a fuss.

Heh, whatever you say, Your Highness.

What are you doing here, dressed like that?

It's a long story, I'm afraid.

Bet it's all about that boyfriend of yours. Well, now don't you worry.

Father Dowling's gonna see that everything comes out all right.

- Say, you're doing just fine. - Yes, I am, aren't I?

Oh, Father, what ever happened to Sister Stephanie?

Can't fool you, can I, Marie?

I just tried to reach Steve, she's holding a press conference.

- Oh, my. - I hope she knows what she's doing.

- I hope I know what I'm doing. - It's almost 5:00.

That's when that large man said we'd find William the Whisperer. Shall we?

Mm.

- Oh Father, I... - I'll explain it all to you later, Marie.

Hello?

Oh, look, I don't know if I've got anything to say to you.

Well, I have something to say to you.

Cara and I have had a little talk about your situation

and I must say she makes a very persuasive argument.

Right. So, just why are you calling me?

Well, I'm not saying that I've changed my mind

but I am willing to hear you out.

Well, I'll come over right now.

Now isn't such a good time. Let's make it later.

We're hosting a reception but I'll find time.

Uh, come to the back and you'll avoid the press.

Use the garden gate.

I'll see you, say, 6:00?

- All right, see you then. - That will be fine.

He'll be there.

Get your supplies and get out.

- Come on, Lou, talk to me. - Get out!

You owe your bookies five large, that's your problem. End of discussion.

Get out of here.

Father Dowling, I know that man.

Huh?

This one.

He was at the consulate this morning.

He was chatting with Uncle Robert, his name is Louis Vale.

- Hmm, he's also quite a world traveler. - Hmm.

Canceled airline tickets. Bogota, Panama City,

Zurich, Miami, the Bahamas.

Sir Robert, your guardian,

isn't he connected with the British Trade Delegation?

Hmm, yes, he's head of it.

Would he be entitled to diplomatic privileges?

I mean, could he go through customs without being searched?

Naturally. Why?

Willie's an idiot. I think it's time we retired that boy.

Look at those beauties.

That's it.

Hey.

- Everything set at your end? - Sir Robert has everything set.

The reception starts in a hour.

- No serial numbers. - Correct.

And with the rock and roller taking the rap,

you got a clean shot at taking her out. All right?

Let's get out of here.

Taking her out? This isn't a kidnapping, it's murder.

- They're gonna kill you. - What?

Oh, my God. Not you, Steve.

Too bad Sister Stephanie isn't here to open this.

I don't understand.

What in the world is going on?

This is the same crate that Willie took from the consulate.

Now it looks like your uncle, Sir Robert,

has been using his diplomatic immunity

to smuggle diamonds through customs for Mr. Louis Vale.

Yes, but why would they want to kill me?

I don't know.

But Sir Robert wouldn't... Oh.

He wouldn't be in cahoots with a man like Louis Vale

unless he was being blackmailed or needed money.

Father Dowling, Sir Robert is my guardian.

If he wanted money, he could have gotten it from my estate.

Yes, but if he did, you'd know about that, wouldn't you?

No, I don't check the account. I'm not a bookkeeper.

And anyway, I don't officially inherit until my 25th birthday.

- And when is that? - Next month.

- Well, then that's the answer. - What is?

I think Sir Robert has been embezzling from your estate

and if he has, he can't run the risk of you finding out.

He's gotta get you out of the way right now

before you come in to your inheritance.

Oh, my God, Sister Stephanie is in danger.

That's why we gotta get out of here.

- Well, could we break the glass? - No, it's been reinforced.

But wait a minute. Maybe, just maybe

- we can burn our way out. - Oh, my God.

Pick up lines one and two.

I promise you, it wasn't a prank.

- I am a priest. - Relax, Father.

I used to be a parishioner at St. Michael's.

I saw you practically every Sunday.

I'll call Sergeant Clancy. We'll get this straightened out.

In the meantime, I think I know where I can find you.

Heh, thanks.

Father Dowling, the reception starts in 20 minutes.

Oh.

- Used to be a parishioner? - Father Dowling?

Oh.

I have men posted at all the doors. Nobody's taking you anywhere, Sister.

Did you call the rectory?

Marie said Father Dowling and Lady Cara left hours ago.

Hmm, I hope Frank's okay.

Excuse me, Father, do you have an invitation?

- No but I, I... - No one gets in without an invitation.

- I'm sorry, sir. - Ugh.

I know another way. Come on.

Father Philip Prestwick.

- Thank you, Father. - Heh, thank you.

It's just about time for Lady Cara to make her appearance.

- How do I look? - Like a true lady.

No, thank you, heh.

Cara!

Sean.

Cara!

Oh, he's been knocked out. I think he'll be okay though.

- I swear I didn't do it, Father. - I know you didn't.

Sir Robert is trying to blame you for Cara's murder.

- Lovers' quarrel, your hot temper. - Cara's murder?

Yes. It's Steve. The girl who changed places with me.

- They're going to kill her. - Please! We have to hurry.

Stay here.

Get her out of here.

Clancy, Sir Robert. He's behind this.

Sean.

- Steve? - I'm okay. I'm all right.

- Argh. - Oh.

Father Prestwick? Phil?

Father Prestwick, are you all right?

Thank you. Bye.

- Pleasure to meet you. - Thank you.

Thank you very much, Sister.

Thanks to you both.

Lady Cara, it was very colorful, to say the least.

Some say I wasn't a very good nun but you were a very fine princess.

Take care of yourself, all right?

- Goodbye. - Bye.

- So long. - Bye.

Bye.

Well, how did it feel to be princess for a day, huh?

Ah, Frank, catered to your every whim.

Waited on you hand and foot.

Your wish was their command. It was awful.

Awful?

Yeah, they wouldn't let me drive the car.

Get in.