Original subtitles

Oh, thank heavens you're here, Sister.

Come in.

One of those mornings, huh?

Oh, yes.

Go on up.

- Okay. - All right.

Thanks, Alice.

Mm-hmm.

Ah, you're nothing but a pill pusher.

Filling me full of poison and mumbo jumbo medicine.

Now, you leave me alone!

Get out! Get out!

Looks like he got some strength back.

I don't care if that old monster never takes his medicine.

At last, the only honest soul within shouting distance.

So what's this bull about you not taking your medicine?

What difference would it make?

I'm dying anyway; you know that.

No complaints, but I am.

Well, let God set the date, all right?

Okay, I'm out of here.

Ah.

Sister Strong Arm.

Well?

Ah.

Marie sent you another fruitcake.

With two drops of rum again.

Like long-distance sex.

Mr. Hemmings, worse men than you have tried to make me blush.

Early Christmas, huh?

Always glad to help.

Yeah.

♪ Boom-boom, boom-boom, ba-boom-boom, boom-boom... ♪

That's a lovely old tune, Mr. Hemmings,

but it doesn't distract me one bit.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Knocking with five, Sister.

Caught me with 40.

Well, the rich get richer.

There you go.

I'll bankrupt the parish yet.

Mr. Hemmings?

Mr. Hemmings?

Nurse!

Mr. Hemmings?

At least he died happy.

"To my long-suffering housekeeper, Alice Carmichael,

"I bequeath the sum of $50,000.

"To Marie Brody of St. Michael's Rectory,

"I leave $500,

"so she can put more rum in those fruitcakes of hers.

"To Father Frank Dowling of St. Michael's,

"I leave my gold watch,

so he can edit those long-winded sermons of his."

Dear Dad, he had such a wonderful sense of humor.

So I see.

"As for my oldest son, Harold Junior,

"I leave the sum of $50,

"which is more than anyone ever gave me.

"If he's finally learned how to handle money,

"maybe he can do something with this.

"To my daughter, Justine,

"I leave something she would do well to accept:

"a word of advice.

"You don't get something for nothing

"in this life, and certainly not from me.

"And last, my youngest son, Jake.

"I was always hoping to get something from him...

"a simple 'thank you' would have sufficed...

"but I never did.

"So, Jake, I'm leaving you with two words:

"thank you.

You might try using them sometime."

Who gets the money?

"My remaining liquid assets,

"in the sum of $6 million,

"I leave in the trust of Sister Stephanie of St. Michael's,

"to endow any worthy cause or causes of her choice.

"Unlike my three children,

"Sister Stephanie possesses that rare ability to actually

recognize a worthy cause outside herself."

Sister.

What'd you do, promise the old man paradise?

Jake, surely the sister isn't going to go along with this.

I'm not?

You are?

Well, you don't expect her

to disobey your father's wishes, now, do you?

She doesn't, we'll have her in court so fast

her wimple will spin.

Excuse us, please.

I'm with you, Father.

But wait.

Surely it seems the will can be broken.

Oh, I'm afraid not.

I'd have to attest that your father was of sound mind

when he wrote it.

Anyway, you can't touch the money.

Your father transferred it to a trust fund months ago.

You're the family banker, Sara; is that true?

Several months ago, your father did establish

the Families and Futures Trust.

Look, I realize this is a big disappointment,

but it's what your father wanted,

and there's nothing I can do.

We'll see about that.

$6 million?

That's a huge responsibility; I-I'm not up to it.

Mr. Hemmings thought you were, and so do I.

What's so hard about giving away money?

They do it in Washington all the time, with their eyes shut.

I'm in position.

All ready to go.

Right. As soon as the crowd thins out.

Don't worry, it's in the bag.

Or, should I say, in the box.

I'll check with you when it's over.

Go away.

Now, I told you before, will you please just go away?

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Excuse me. Thank you.

Oh, come right in, Father.

Thank you, Marie.

Yeah, that sounds like

a very worthwhile cause.

Why don't you submit it in writing

and Sister Stephanie will review it.

Okay?

Well, welcome to the Wheel of Fortune.

Gimme, gimme, gimme, in 12 languages. Ugh!

- St. Michael's Rectory. - No, she's not available.

- Yeah, this is Sister Stephanie. - Why don't you just submit it

in writing and then... what?

No, we don't have a fax machine.

- No, this is not like a lottery. - Hello? Hello?

You have to have a cause, you have to bring it in writing.

Yeah, well, I realize that that's a lot of trouble.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Okay, fine. Well, I'll-I'll be waiting at the mailbox.

That is the best idea today.

Well, it has been quite a morning.

I have been closeted with the bishop for hours

trying to determine which project

should get first consideration.

Excuse me, Father Prestwick, but it seems to me

that I remember Mr. Hemmings saying that he wanted

Sister Stephanie to distribute this money.

Mr. Hemmings can rest assured his money is in good hands.

Yeah, mine.

Father Prestwick, can I talk to you for a minute?

Privately?

Look, Phil, first of all,

you don't understand, this is not my money.

Father Prestwick.

And of course it's your money, Sister.

Mr. Hemmings left it to you.

Therefore, it belongs to the church.

You took a vow of poverty.

I know.

I'm not keeping any of this.

Mr. Hemmings trusted me to pick worthy causes,

and that is what I'm going to do.

I can't believe what I'm hearing.

Well, you better believe it, Phil.

Father Prestwick.

You realize I'll have to report this to the bishop?

Report it to whoever you want; I am not changing my mind.

And where is your respect for your vow of obedience?

That's the vow I've always had trouble with.

Uh, excuse me.

Sister Stephanie, we have to make that clothing pickup

before we go to the D.O.C.

- Right. - Wait, wait.

What is this D.O.C.?

Department of Correction.

Sister Stephanie and I have been doing some counseling

at the various jails.

Oh.

Let it ring, Marie.

The one thing you can count on is they'll call back.

I-I'm sure I left my glasses case,

uh, in the chapel yesterday.

Good-bye.

This is a test.

I know it's a test.

Bundles for Africa.

I beg your pardon?

Bundles... for...

Africa!

There must be some mistake.

I...

You're the bundle.

I'm not going to Africa.

Get in.

Yeah, in.

Make a sound, and I'll shut you up permanently.

- Ha! - Hello. What's happening here?

- Bundles for Africa. - Bundles for Africa? Oh.

Here, let me give you a hand.

Thanks, Father.

Oh, I hope to see you in church on Sunday.

Get me out of here!

If this is a real kidnapping

and not some kind of a scavenger hunt,

you're not as smart as you think you are.

Who's gonna pay ransom for a nobody like me?

The nun with all the bread, you're important to her.

Yeah, I guess I am.

Trudy? Trudy!

Keep an eye on her.

I don't like these things.

You don't have to like it.

Real sweetheart.

You don't have to be scared.

You got a better idea?

It's me. I got her.

She better be worth your old man's fortune to that nun.

She told Father Prestwick that she actually knew

- where the Holy Grail was. - Oh, that's...

Hey, Frank, look at this.

Marie never lets anything boil over.

Hmm. That's odd.

Wonder where she can be.

I don't know.

She hasn't even set the table for lunch.

Oh, Father Prestwick, have you seen Marie?

No, but I haven't had a moment to breathe.

More of those petitioners clogging the phones.

And that shipping man who made the pickup

for Bundles for Africa.

Bundles for Africa?

What pickup?

St. Michael's Rectory.

- Sister Stephanie? - Yes?

We've got your housekeeper.

- What? Pick up the phone. - Huh?

Is she all right?

She is for now. You want her to stay that way,

you do exactly what I tell you.

Is someone joining us?

This is Father Dowling.

Okay, you can listen, too. Listen good.

You two want to see her again, you line up $6 million.

You'll be hearing from me.

And don't even think about going to the police.

Now wait a minute. We want to talk to Marie.

I'll give her your best.

How-how do we know that you have her

unless you let us talk to her?

Hello?

Marie, are you all right?

Are they treating you okay, Marie?

Yeah, don't worry about me. I'm fine.

These crumb-bums don't scare me.

Hey, hey...

I know how much you care about Marie, but this job looks like

the work of a pro,

so will you let the professionals deal with it?

Sergeant, the actual kidnapper may have been a pro,

but you can bet that one of the Hemmings family hired

whoever it was to do it.

Maybe so, but we can't prove anything

until we nail the kidnapper.

You should have seen Jake Hemmings and his sister turn

against Steve after the will was read.

Yeah, and they warned us

that they were gonna get the money back.

I can't arrest anyone for that.

Look, I'm putting on a covert watch here at the rectory

and someone to monitor the phone,

but once the ransom drop is arranged, we'll move in.

Oh, now really, Clancy.

With Marie in danger,

do you expect Steve and I to stand around and do nothing?

It would be very nice if you did, Father.

Let's go.

Oh, good afternoon.

Hi, Alice. We're here to see Jake.

Uh, won't you come in?

If you'll just wait up here.

Yeah, what is it?

Father Dowling and Sister Stephanie are here to see you.

What do they want now, the deed to the house?

Get rid of them. You heard me.

Uh, your lunch.

Who can eat?

Yes, sir.

I'm, uh, afraid that Mr. Jake is-is unavailable.

I'll bet.

Let me help you with that tray, Alice.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, that turnover looks scrumptious.

Do you really think so?

I have a lot more in the kitchen.

This way, Father. You must try them.

They're my special recipe.

Well, if you insist.

Oh, oh, Father, sit down, please.

Oh, thank you.

And what's a turnover without a nice cup of tea.

What indeed. It's like a ship without a sail.

Oh...

Tell me something, Alice.

How long have you been with the family?

Yeah?

Oh, that's all we need right now.

The place will be crawling with cops.

No, stay cool. I'll be right over.

You must have seen a good deal in those 23 years.

If only these walls could talk, huh?

I'm not one to tell tales, Father,

but I will say this

about those three self-centered, spoiled children of his.

Father Frank.

Not now, Sister.

Frank, it's important.

Not now, please.

Oh, would you allow me? I never quite had lunch today.

You and the walls were saying?

You won't think I'm a gossip?

Oh, perish the thought.

Hey, Jake, how you doing?

Jake!

So it was Mr. Hemmings Jr. Who caused

his father so much grief, huh?

He wasn't the only one, believe you me.

I could tell you plenty about Miss Justine

and her new Parameters Computer Company.

Uh, Alice, could you give me a lift downtown, please?

Oh, of course.

Then maybe while we're driving you can tell me

a little bit about Justine's new Parameters, hmm.

That's good. Bring it back!

What are you up to, honey?

- I'm looking for a job. - Oh, yeah?

Why don't you go see the manager?

Is that the manager, the guy in the car?

Him? Nah, that's the owner. The other guy's the manager.

The owner doesn't spend a lot of time around here, huh?

He does when he has business.

Something wrong?

No.

What could be wrong?

Father Dowling, you're not inferring that someone in

the Hemmings family is behind this.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I'm sure that despite their father's will,

they're all financially sound.

Aren't they?

Oh, excuse me.

Father Dowling. What a pleasant surprise.

Miss Coolidge.

Your escrow papers won't be ready

until tomorrow, Mr. Hemmings.

We tried to reach your office, but you'd already left.

Well, thank you.

What brings you here, Father?

Their housekeeper, Marie, was kidnapped this morning.

Oh, dear, how shocking.

Uh, this is very confidential,

but I'm here to arrange for the ransom money.

Look, I-I realize

that $6 million in cash is a lot,

but I'd be very grateful if you could make sure that the bank

can get that much cash together.

Right away.

Oh, good day, Father.

Oh, Mr. Hemmings, I'm sure you'll understand

that I'm very upset about Marie,

but I hope you won't be offended

if I ask you a personal question.

Oh, no, no, whatever you want to know, Father.

Well, why are you in debt

to the city's most notorious loan shark?

Max Milgrim is not your friendly credit union.

May I ask you

how you know about myself and Mr. Milgrim?

I have my sources.

All right.

All right, the truth is I made some bad investments, Father,

and I was unable to secure a bank loan to cover them,

and so I was forced to borrow from Max Milgrim.

I expected to pay him back from my inheritance.

Well, we can always find a place

for an able-bodied girl like you.

But there's one thing I gotta tell you.

The owner hires ex-cons,

you know, gives them a chance to go straight.

That bother you?

Well, I didn't put it on my application,

but, um, I've done a little time myself.

One of the joints out West?

Real convent.

Question: can you drive a truck?

Is the Pope Catholic?

Frankly, Father, I find your questions very hurtful.

Well, please forgive me.

I'm really not myself today.

You have to understand, Marie is so important to us.

You can see I'm doing a volume business.

Why would I stoop to a kidnapping?

Why would you, indeed?

You're not at all upset about the fact

that your stock is dropping.

How do you know my stock is dropping?

Oh, I have my sources.

The Wall Street Journal.

You're a scamp, Father.

The sad fact is I'm much too patient about collecting bills.

And there are so many corrupt people in this world.

Don't you agree?

Oh, yes.

Yes, there are corrupt people.

Do you have to go to work?

Won't look very good if I don't, will it?

Oh.

That's too tight.

Trudy, I'm doing this.

Ooh.

- Ouch! - You're hurting her.

Trudy, I'm having a rough time here.

You want to cooperate, please?

You got a real way with yourself, don't you?

Ow!

Minefield!

Come on, boys, bring them out.

Yeah, get that ladder!

- Yeah! - Come on!

That'll be good!

Drive that thing!

Hey!

You did good, kid.

Go pick up your time card.

Good going, honey.

You know, Spellman, I know that broad from somewhere.

Now, how?

She's from out West, you just got out of the joint.

Come on.

Mm-mm-mm.

It'll come back to me.

Funny, I can't remember that body,

but I'll never forget that face.

What are you doing?

I am going to cook dinner for you and Father Dowling.

How does Marie do this?

One... a half a teaspoon of... A half a cup of...

I mean, you need to be a chemist.

You don't need to cook dinner, Father Prestwick.

Yes, I do.

I need to make amends for the terrible thing I've done.

Well, nobody's blaming you.

No, you're all being very charitable.

But I can see it on your faces.

I mean, I-I'm the one who let that kidnapper

walk right out the front door with Marie.

I even helped him.

You didn't do it on purpose.

Oh, that poor woman.

Imagine what she's going through at this very moment.

I can't bear to think about it.

Father Prestwick...

I-I'll never forgive myself.

Well, I think you should.

You haven't done anything wrong.

But I'm the one who open...

Look, if I came in and I saw a guy who looked like a moving guy

and he had a big crate that said "Bundles for Africa" on it,

I would've thought he was legit.

I-I would've helped him.

You would?

Yeah. So would Frank, so would anybody.

You just happened to be the one who came in.

You know, Marie would be the first one to say

that this is not your fault.

She would?

Yeah, she would.

You're right.

That is exactly what she'd say.

I am going to make you the best dinner you've ever had.

Can't wait.

Sister Stephanie?

Yeah?

Thank you for this little chat.

I feel much better.

I'm glad, Father Prestwick.

Oh, please... Philip.

Phil.

Where are you going?

Justine is up to something very mysterious

at her computer plant.

As I was leaving, I heard two of the workers arguing in Korean.

Well, that's a big help.

Ah, you forget, I was a chaplain in Korea.

I know I put that paprika somewhere.

Justine has not been meeting her payroll,

and one of the workers is ready to quit,

and the other one says that the problem will be solved

within the next 24 hours.

Marie's ransom?

Who knows?

But it certainly deserves

another tour of the computer plant.

A private tour.

Let's go.

Oh, Steve, not again.

Frank, it was open.

So far, so good.

Mm.

Hey, look at this.

That's not a dollar sign, but what is it?

That's the symbol for the rand... South African money.

Justine is selling to South Africa?

That's against federal law.

It's also very profitable.

Uh-oh.

I think we're in trouble.

He wants us to stop.

Well, ignore him.

Okay.

♪♪

Oh, Frank!

What'd you say, Frank?

I told him to take it easy.

Father Dowling, I think you've gone a shade too far.

Well, what do you call selling computers to South Africa?

And letting your own company stock go down,

without anyone becoming suspicious?

All right, everyone, freeze!

FBI.

You have the right to remain silent.

If you give up the right to remain silent, anything you say

can and will be used against you in a court of law.

Oh, I-I suppose you're wondering what we're doing here.

You have the right to speak to an attorney

and to have an attorney present during questioning.

I should've let them haul you in, too.

I begged you to let us handle this.

Well, at least we know now

that Justine isn't behind the kidnapping.

Sister, I...

Uh, thank you, Sergeant.

We'll always be grateful for your kindness.

Thank goodness I'm in at Apaca Van Lines.

Steve, that place is not for you.

It's dangerous.

Frank, it's the only hope we've got.

Well, then I better go with you.

Oh, no.

Just to keep an eye on you.

Don't worry, I'll stay out of sight.

Come on.

♪♪

Shh!

I don't know why you kicked the habit, Sister,

but if anybody catches you in here, they'll skin you alive.

Shh! Quiet.

Who are you?

Look, I'm not gonna hurt you.

I'm an ex-con from the joint over there in Joliet.

You and that priest come by for a visit, you know?

- Oh, yeah. - You made a big impression on me.

Look, I gotta get you out of here.

Come on, let's go.

You again?

What now, Sister?

Jake, it's, it's okay. She's okay.

I'm trying to find out

which of your drivers kidnapped Marie for you.

For me?

Do you just hire ex-cons for brownie points, Jake?

I hire them because I'm a ex-con myself.

I passed some bad checks a while back.

You know, I really want to believe you, Jake. I really do.

What about that phone call you got yesterday

that had you hightailing it over here?

Well, is there anything you don't know about?

One of my drivers was filching from the customers.

Ask Spellman.

Yeah, I believe you.

If you tell me which one of your drivers

drove truck number 12 yesterday.

Spellman's filing system.

Uh...

Dolph drove number 12 yesterday, but if he did the kidnapping,

they won't even have to book him.

I'll break his neck first.

I always mix a little ketchup with my mayonnaise.

Oh, well, Dolph's really picky about his food.

Besides, his stomach has been bothering him a lot lately.

He has every reason to be nervous.

Trudy, he's never gonna marry you.

You know that, don't you?

Sure he will.

Well, why should he?

You're his housekeeper already, and you're his lady friend.

Men don't buy what they can borrow.

Dolph promised me.

As soon as we get this money.

And you believed him?

Well, yeah.

You're making a big mistake, Tru...

Huh.

Bologna again?

What's the matter, you got no imagination?

I thought you liked it.

We had bologna yesterday.

You know, can't we have a little variety?

You know, salami, maybe?

No, that's too hard on my stomach.

Cheese.

Cheese would be good.

Wait till you try the food in jail.

Dolph, can we get married right away?

Dolph!

Trudy, why are you doing this?

This is a very tense situation here.

I don't want to talk about something like that right now.

Look, I want to talk about it.

You know, you're really getting on my nerves.

You know that?

Where are you going?

To get a decent lunch.

Trudy, now, you're a good girl at heart, I know that.

For your own sake, as much as mine, get me out of here.

If you don't go to jail this time,

you certainly will the next time.

Hey, Dolph! You have a phone call.

I'll be there.

Thanks. I'll be back.

We gotta speed things up.

That priest and the nun keep sniffing around.

Who knows how close they're getting.

Fine by me. The old lady's trashing my home life.

It's all there.

Just follow the game plan.

When we phone you, you release the old lady.

Done.

That's Sara from the bank.

Oh... oh!

I should have done this a long time ago.

- Oh... - You've got to hurry.

- Come with me. - No.

Trudy, this can only end badly for you.

Men like Dolph care for themselves... period.

Hurry up and go, please.

Tie her up again.

You know, paying off Dolph in advance

isn't the only odd move that Junior's made.

From the minute that will was read,

he and his Miss Coolidge have acted

in a very desperate fashion.

They arranged to have Marie kidnapped the next morning,

and they're asking for every dollar that's in the trust fund.

It's not exactly low-profile body snatching,

but greed is greed.

Yeah, I just wonder if that's all it is.

You know something, Steve?

What?

What if they're trying to stop you

from making any withdrawal from the fund?

Even the smallest amount.

You think so?

I'm not sure.

Father Dowling.

Okay, we do business.

Tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow's Saturday; the bank's closed.

Work it out.

You'll find a suitcase

in the vestibule to hold the six mil.

You'll hear from me.

Well?

He left a suitcase for the ransom.

Okay, that's fine.

Six, seven, eight, nine.

Six million.

I appreciate your bringing the money here, Miss Coolidge.

It seemed a lot safer than our coming to the bank.

Anything to help, Father.

Oh, we knew you'd feel that way.

Now, if you'll just sign this withdrawal slip.

Oh, that's a lot of zeros.

Hello.

May I ask who's calling?

It's for you, Father.

A very rough voice.

This is Father Dowling.

That dimwit priest at the rectory said

I could reach you here. You got the money?

Yes.

Then leave it under the stairs to the elevator

at the northwest corner of Wells and Van Buren.

- Everything okay? - Yes. Yes.

Well, you've been great, both of you.

I do hope everything goes smoothly.

- Thank you. - Good luck.

- Good luck, Father. - Thank you.

Bye, Harold.

Bye, Sister.

And it's all ours.

Look at it.

Finally.

Not quite.

No wonder you paid off Dolph in advance.

This wouldn't ransom a cat.

Well, there must be some mistake.

The mistake you made,

Mr. Hemmings, was demanding every last dime

that was supposed to be in that trust fund.

Supposed to be, but you and Miss Sara here

had already embezzled all of your father's liquid assets.

There is no money in the trust fund, is there?

You took it and spent it before your father died.

Well, th-this is all absurd.

Kidnapping Marie was a clever way... clever but cruel...

Of stopping Sister Stephanie from withdrawing anything

from an empty fund.

That money you brought here today,

that's the bank's money, isn't it?

And you almost got away with it.

You had my withdrawal slip for $6 million;

you were gonna put back the bank's $6 million;

you were almost home free.

Almost.

Harold, I think we need a lawyer.

Oh, I think that's good thinking.

Whew!

I made a bargain with Trudy.

She promised to go back to her family

if I'd use my victim's rights to get her a suspended sentence.

Well, that's good bargaining, Marie.

Yeah, thank God you're safe, Marie.

Say, you folks must be starving.

Oh.

Welcome home, Marie.

You must be starving.

My casserole is almost ready.

His casserole? Oh.

Oh! Oh, oh...

I think I want to be kidnapped again.