Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

Starring Buddy Ebsen.

Also starring Lee Meriwether.

With guest stars

Janice Rule,

Darleen Carr,

Victoria Shaw.

Special guest star William Shatner.

Going to Catalina.

Now? Tonight?

I told you yesterday that I was.

I didn't know that you meant definitely.

I thought of maybe having dinner at the club on Saturday.

I'll be back Monday.

I'll call you ship-to-shore.

All right.

Bye, darling. Have fun.

(door opens)

(door closes)

(easy listening music playing)

Good evening, Mr. Carlyle.

Scotch? Yeah, please.

Going out tonight?

Uh-huh. Catalina.

Funny, I, I never been in Catalina.

I mean, there it is, just 34 miles away,

but I've never been there.

Been to Hong Kong on a package tour once,

but I've never been to Catalina.

Is there a Mr. Carlyle here?

Yes. That's me.

Telephone.

Thank you.

Hello.

Hello, Mr. Carlyle. Mike.

You told me to call at 8:00 sharp.

That's right.

Meet me at the boat will you, Mike?

Yes, sure. When?

Right now.

And don't tell anyone.

Don't let anyone see you, either.

Okay.

Hey, why all the spy stuff, Mr. Carlyle?

I'll tell you when I see you.

Bye.

Bye.

Hi, Mr. Carlyle.

Oh, hello, George.

Working late?

Always.

A sailor's a beast of burden.

A regular jackass. (chuckles)

Except when he's sailing.

(chuckles)

(timer ticking)

(clicking)

(whispering): Mr. Carlyle.

No one saw me. I came by dinghy.

What's the deal?

The deal is, you take the boat to Catalina,

I'll fly over tomorrow and meet you.

I get it. Your wife...

Yes, you get it. That's right.

Some people on my tail.

We'll come back together on the boat Monday.

Have fun.

You, too.

(boat engine starting)

(boat engine revving)

(keys jangling)

(engine starting)

(timer ticking)

(faucet shuts off)

(imitates gun firing)

I lost my boyfriend, Mr. Jones.

It sounds silly like that, doesn't it?

Lost my boyfriend.

I sound like some hysterical high school girl.

No, not at all.

A human being is a very important thing to lose.

Did you go to the police?

Well, no.

I've debated all week what to do.

Here's your milk, Barnaby.

That was one sugar and a little cream, Miss Barton.

Thank you.

Please call me Julie.

Oh, and you forgot this on my desk.

Oh, yes.

This has been kind of upsetting, Miss...

Mrs. Jones.

(chuckling): Oh, that's my daughter-in-law.

Dad's secretary. Betty.

He's certainly very attractive.

Yes.

If he only had a little more sense.

I mean was more practical.

You were going to tell me why you couldn't go to the police

about your Mike Hartney.

(sighs)

Well, I guess I'd better start at the beginning.

Or what's important.

Well, what's important is that Mike has really disappeared.

Usually I wouldn't worry about that so much

because Mike is gone a lot.

He crews on boats sometimes.

Ensenada Transpac Race, like that.

He's out of the country more than he is in.

But this is different.

He isn't crewing on any boat now

because he always tells me.

About the police was the question.

Well, this time I know why he's hiding.

That check.

A bad check for $600.

I don't understand.

I mean, that's hardly a sterling characteristic,

passing bad paper.

No, of course it isn't.

Even if he had a good reason.

It's the only time he's done anything like that.

And he thought sure he'd cover it.

But when he couldn't, he just... just disappeared...

Completely.

But what he didn't know is that just out of the blue,

my mom and dad sent me $500 for my birthday.

And, well, I-I covered it just in time.

That still doesn't clear him of passing it.

No. No, it certainly doesn't.

(bell dings)

Excuse me.

Most detectives send their lab work out, I guess.

BARNABY: Sorry about the interruption.

You were saying?

Well, I'm-I'm botching this all up.

I'm making Mike sound so terrible.

You must think...

Well, he's not that way at all.

You really care about this Mike.

(light chuckle)

That's pretty obvious, isn't it?

And you think maybe he's gone for good this time?

Well, if somebody doesn't find him

to tell him I covered the check, I do.

What's his address? Is this it?

You will help, then?

I'll look into it for you.

Oh, thank you.

Now, I... guess I'd better get started.

Um, that is, if you're finished with your coffee.

Oh, yes, I am.

Well, thanks for everything.

I feel so much better now.

I just know you'll find Mike.

Well, let's hope so.

Bye, Julie. We'll be in touch.

Since when do we take cases like this, hmm?

Where would you send her?

(sighs)

(chuckles)

RADIO NEWS ANCHOR: On the Carlyle death.

The Coast Guard has called off its search

for millionaire sportsman Philip Carlyle.

The body, they say, will probably never be found

due to strong currents

and evidence of blue shark in the area.

And now back to Rock Time.

Hi. I'm, um, Fred A. Williams.

I think my checks might be ready.

Oh, yes, Mr. Williams.

Happy to meet you, sir.

One moment, please.

Mr. Williams?

I'm Eugene Adams, manager of the bank.

Oh. How do you do?

It's always a pleasure to meet one of our friends

who banks by mail.

Arizona, isn't it?

Yuma.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Hey!

(chuckling): Hey.

Ha, ha! Hey!

Meet Fred A. Williams from Yuma, Arizonie.

(both laughing)

Howdy, Freddie.

I'm Diana Stewart from Los Angeles.

Oh, pleased to meet you.

(laughing)

Oh, darling, I don't know

whether I like this "naked face" look or not.

I don't know which is sexier.

But fun finding out, huh?

(laughing)

Ooh, what a feeling. I'm Fred Williams.

A whole new man. I get another shot at it.

(chuckling)

Hey, little doggie, why aren't we drinking, hmm?

I don't know.

Oh, honey, just a second.

Look what I've got for you.

Oh, darling.

How beautiful.

Now we're Indians, living off the land.

Oh, rich, rich, rich, rich, rich, rich Indians.

I love it.

Oh, that's heaven.

(both laughing)

And then what?

And then we relax.

We goof off. We fish.

We make love. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Did you have any trouble with the passports?

No trouble whatsoever.

I got them from the same

friendly neighborhood passport supplier

that sold us all our other IDs.

Good.

How's old Dorsey?

Oh, my darling.

My wife of 20 years has done nothing in the past ten,

except grow older and colder, which is why we're here, right?

You know, the one thing I wish I'd be around to see

is the look on her father's face next month

when he tries to figure out what happened

to the trustee account I handled for him.

And on Dorsey's when she realizes

how I milked all our assets.

(laughing)

Oh...

Passports.

Passports. Passports.

When do we get to use them? That's what I want to find out.

When it's time. That's when.

When everything dies down.

We'll snuggle in here for three or four months,

out of sight.

We'll get used to being Mr. And Mrs. Fred A. Williams.

(chuckles) Catch our breath.

Man, I feel ten years younger already.

Hey!

Hey, I get another shot at it!

Mike Hartney... Of course I know him.

He and my husband were

old drinking buddies.

Mike had a little talent, too, you know... painting.

Did Mike actually work for your husband?

Oh, the Mikes of this world

don't actually work, Mr. Jones.

He did odd jobs.

Oh, that's fine, Roger.

Phil always loved

wine, fruit, cheese.

I tried to have anything he wanted.

Some dessert, Mr. Jones,

some fruit or cheese?

No, thank you, Mrs. Carlyle, I've had my dinner.

That's a tricky little gadget, isn't it?

Oh, Phil loved gadgets.

Expensive gadgets,

expensive cars, expensive boats.

Look what it got him.

Oh, I beg your pardon, Mr. Jones.

You came about Mike Hartney.

I'm sorry I couldn't see you earlier today.

Oh, that's all right, Mrs. Carlyle.

It seems that Mike's been missing

for the last nine days.

Oh, he is always disappearing.

On those sailing races, you mean?

Yes, Acapulco, Mazatlán, the islands,

and if he isn't doing that, then he's up on cloud nine,

wherever that is, with that sexy girlfriend of his.

Miss Barton?

No, he's not with Miss Barton

and he's not on any sailing race either.

I checked.

Who is Miss Barton?

Julie Barton.

I don't know any Julie.

Why, I was speaking of Diane.

Diane Stewart is the love of Mike's life.

Oh.

Well, that's not exactly the way I understood it.

Diane Stewart, you say?

Is that with an "E-W" or a "U-A," or would you know?

"E-W."

Frankly, she's a knockout.

I can understand how Mike feels.

Uh, do you happen to know where Miss Stewart lives?

Chatham Apartments.

I don't know if she's still there.

I seem to remember something about a modeling assignment

in the Bahamas or the... West Indies.

Oh, I don't know, Mr. Jones.

Chatham Apartments?

Yes, below the Strip on Doheny.

We dropped her off there a couple of times

when the four of us were out together.

We were quite a foursome once...

Phil and me and Mike and Diane.

Hey, you know what?

The Greek Islands look great...

Remote but not too remote...

And Athens is a real city.

Forget Athens.

(singing fanfare)

Oh, Mr. Abercrombie, we were just expecting Mr. Fitch.

Look, I have always wanted to trout fish,

especially with flies.

I know who sold you that idea.

It was Mi...

Go on, say it.

S-Say it, say M... will you... Diane, will you say it?

Say "Mike sold you on trout fishing."

Look, we've got nothing to be afraid of.

We're brand-new.

We're Mr. and Mrs. Fred Williams,

and nobody knows any different.

More like Mr. and Mrs. Fred Hermit, if you ask me.

Y-You don't get caught doing nothing.

You get caught doing something.

That's why we're going to do nothing,

and I, for one, intend to make the best of it.

Well, at least could I send for Cotton?

Aw, come on, what's the matter

with my having my pussycat with me?

I miss her more than I miss people.

Forget Cotton.

We buy ourselves that villa, we'll have a dozen cats.

There's nobody like Cotton.

You'll get her someday.

♪ ♪

WOMAN: No, no, no, I hate it.

It's not it, it's just...

I mean, that's it, but it's not quite it.

It's just still too dark.

I-I'm sorry, but I just cannot stand for it to be that way.

Please don't argue with me because I know what I want.

That's not it; that's not the color I want.

It's still too dark.

I beg your pardon,

but is this or was this Diane Stewart's apartment?

Oh, I don't know... Diane somebody.

Uh, her lease ran out and I took over.

I'm Billie Thompson.

How do you do? Hi.

Do you know where Diane went?

Nope, I don't know, I haven't the faintest idea.

I wish I did because I don't know

if she wants all that junk she left out there or not.

Say, you can help us.

Come here.

Is this robin's egg blue?

I know it is.

I'm asking him.

Well?

I'd say... powder blue.

See, see, see?

See what?

Powder blue is closer to a robin's egg blue

than your sky blue.

BILLIE: Ugh, I can see it in my mind, but I can't explain it.

Come on, get some...

Get some yellow in that.

I think that'll do it.

Yeah, yellow.

MAN: Oh, Miss Stewart?

Yes, she's been bringing her pets here for years.

She recommends us very highly.

In fact, her lovely Persian, Cotton...

Does Cotton know you?

Well, he's staying with us right now.

You have a little animal friend, too?

No. No.

You see, it's very important that I talk to Miss Stewart.

Uh, looks like a job for her.

I'm with, uh, Central Talent, Doctor.

Uh, would you have her new address?

Oh, I'm sorry. No.

Our clients' addresses are as confidential

as a pet's personal diet.

(dog whining)

Uh, excuse me just one minute.

It's a new spaniel.

He's a little homesick.

(dog barking)

Afternoon.

Hi.

My grandfather'll be back in half an hour.

Need a trout fishing license.

That's the best idea I heard all day, son,

but it's gonna have to wait.

I'm looking for a relative of mine.

I wonder if maybe you might have seen her around here lately.

Who? What's her name?

Her name's Diane Stewart.

Miss Stewart.

That name doesn't ring any bells.

But I sure know her.

That's who I'm looking for.

That's Mrs. Williams.

Mrs. Fred A. Williams.

They took the Bentley house up by the lake.

Mrs. Fred A. Williams.

I could retire

if I could just get Mrs. Williams makeup concession.

Her name is Mrs. Williams?

Yeah. She buys it all.

Shampoo, powder.

Bought every jar of Nocturnal Miracle Massage.

The last tube of Angel Drops.

She asks us for stuff I don't even know what it's for.

You know where Mrs. Williams lives?

Sure.

Oh.

It's good practice to catch a bush fish once in a while. (laughs)

Any luck?

Uh, no, not yet.

Well, you know, I think

that you are clutching the rod too tight.

Huh?

You got to keep your wrist loose, relaxed,

you know, take it easy.

Your thumb should go right in line with the rod here.

Mm-hmm.

Then center it on the target.

Try it again.

Hey. That's pretty good.

You see? Yeah.

One thing you got to remember about fly casting.

You're casting the line, not the fly.

What can I do for you?

Huh?

I'm, um... I'm Fred Williams.

That's my cabin up there.

Can I help you?

Oh, I, uh, didn't mean to trespass, Mr. Williams.

I-I just saw you down here, and I...

What a beautiful spot.

Yes, it is, isn't it?

You just, uh, looking around, or what?

Oh, I'm Barnaby Jones.

I'm... I'm looking for a man named Hartney.

Uh, Michael Hartney.

Michael... Hartney?

Well, no, no, no.

Well, actually, I think

maybe your wife may have heard of him.

Do you, uh...

Do you suppose I could talk to her for a moment?

Sure. She's, uh, she's up there somewhere.

Diane?

Yeah, ask her anything you want.

Yes, darling?

Um, this is Barnaby Jones.

He's, uh, looking for a friend of yours,

a Mr. Mike something.

Mike Hartney.

Uh, how do you do, Mrs. Williams?

Mike?

Yes, from Los Angeles.

He's a friend of yours, isn't he?

Yeah, sort of.

Why?

What do you want him for?

Well, uh, he thinks

that he's in a real bad bind about a check,

but actually, he isn't.

When's the last time you saw him, Mrs. Williams?

Gee, I don't know.

A long time ago.

Couple months.

And since then you've been making preparations

for the wedding and not seeing many people.

That's very understandable.

What a fine place for a honeymoon.

How did you know we just got married?

Does it show? (laughs)

JONES: Well, Mike's friend described you

as Miss Stewart, that's all.

Or maybe I should have said Ms.,

or maybe I still should.

No, no, no. We're old-fashioned about a couple of things,

and one of them is Mr. and Mrs.

You mean you drove up here

all the way from L.A. to get my wife's help?

Well, it was important,

and, uh, I thought I might get in a little fishing.

Oh. You know, business and pleasure.

Certainly is a beautiful spot.

Uh-uh-uh, -uh.

Mr. Williams, relax.

Oh, yeah.

You know, all this expensive equipment

you've got here ought to make it easy for you.

That's a split bamboo pole.

Uh-huh.

First one of those I've seen in a long time.

And you've got a nice assortment of flies there, too.

Mind if I take a look?

No. By all means.

Ah. Hand-tied.

Yeah, they are.

There's an interesting one.

Is that a steel head?

Yeah. A, a steel head and trout.

Did you tie this?

Yes, I did, as a matter of fact.

(laughs)

Funny-looking eyes. How come?

Well, you see what that is?

Two beads joined together on a... on a beaded chain,

and that's painted.

(chuckles)

I'll be, son of a gun.

Yeah, it's based on Lady Godiva,

only I added my own ideas.

I painted that.

I call it Lady Diane.

(laughing)

You know, this is very interesting.

You learned how to tie flies

before you learned how to cast flies.

I'm an old-time fisherman,

and I never ran across anybody who ever did that before.

(thud)

Yeah, that's it.

Now you're getting it.

All right.

Well, I guess I've done all I can about Mike up here.

Sure do hate to waste this fresh air

and unpolluted lake.

Huh.

Say, you wouldn't happen to have some extra tackle

I could borrow, would you?

I forgot mine.

Yeah, up on the back porch.

Thanks.

Phil, why did you let him hang around?

Fred. Can you keep that on your tongue? Fred?

It's all backfired.

I didn't mind pretending I was Mike's girl

so the three of us could go out together.

And it was sweet the way he always left us alone discreetly.

It was fun then, but now it's backfired.

Take it easy.

The guy's a troubleshooter for the bank, that's all.

He's not here to tell Mike he's in the clear.

He's looking for Mike because Mike bounced a check.

That's all. Cool.

Listen, I've got an idea. What?

Let the old guy prove

what an expert he is with all this stuff,

and I'll go up to the house and make us drinks,

and then I'll dial L.A., and by some weird coincidence,

I'll find out where old Mike is,

and we'll send the old guy on his way.

(both laughing)

Then we can relax again and goof off,

and whatever that third thing you said was

that I kind of like.

Would you like something cool to drink?

JONES: Yes, thank you.

Some milk.

To each his own.

Find what you need?

You have some mighty fine tackle here.

Thank you.

It's, uh, mostly ocean tackle, though.

I see by your license plates you're from Arizona.

Right.

That's a long way from salt water.

Well, not so far from Yuma.

You know, there's the Sea of Cortez, Gulf of California.

Oh, that's right.

Down below in Nogales there.

Big marlin.

Guess what?

I called my girlfriend in Beverly Hills.

She ran into Mike down at the marina.

I mean, she just mentioned it.

I didn't even have to tell her you were looking for him.

JONES: No!

DIANE: You see, my girlfriend's boyfriend...

He's part of that bunch who put the Getaway in dry dock.

They're scraping the hull.

Mike's working every day.

Oh, that's great.

I-I hoped I'd get lucky up here,

but I never figured I'd get this lucky.

The Getaway, you say? Yeah.

Well, Mr. Williams, I guess I'll have to take a rain check

on your tackle here.

Sure hate to leave this place.

You can bet I'll get back up here as soon as I can.

Have a good trip, Mr. Jones.

Bye.

Thanks again.

And remember, your thumb points to the target.

(car door closes, engine starting)

I don't like the vibes

I'm getting from that guy, Phil.

I don't care what you're getting.

Don't call me Phil again! Do you understand?

You got rid of him.

Relax.

Yeah, what was that crack he made

about taking a rain check on the tackle?

He'll be back, you know. Stop being paranoiac.

Relax.

He was just being folksy.

I never did like just plain folk.

And incidentally, I don't like rustic cabins

and murmuring pines.

I've had it.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm packing.

I'm all for using those passports right now.

Phil, you're hurting me. Don't you...

Stop it!

Okay.

Okay.

We can check on him.

You call up the Bel Air house.

My... the late Phil Carlyle's house.

What are you talking about?

And you use a southern accent or whatever.

And you tell them that you're Mrs. Barnaby Jones

and your husband gave you this number to reach him.

And that way,

we can find out if he's been there.

Are you sure?

Area code 213-459-1082.

I remember the number I was never allowed to use.

MAN: Carlyle residence.

Hello, this is, uh, Mrs. Jones.

Uh, my husband gave me this number for emergencies.

Uh, Mrs. Barnaby Jones.

I wondered if you happen to know his whereabouts.

Mr. Jones isn't expected today, as far as I know.

He was here yesterday.

Would you like me to see if Mrs. Carlyle is available?

He was there yesterday?

Oh, no.

No, thank you.

How did Jones know you were here?

Dorsey doesn't know about this place.

I haven't the vaguest idea.

I'm getting out of here.

People who run get chased!

We're staying here!

(glass shattering)

Oh!

Now, who knew you were here?

Nobody. What do you mean nobody?

Don't you know I can see...

I can see every wheel in your head clicking!

I didn't... How'd he trace you here?

I didn't tell anybody except...

Except? I...

just in case of emergency, if Cotton got sick, the vet.

Uh, but just the mailing address. The cat.

The cat! The cat! The cat! The cat!

How can you be so damn stupid?! I'm not so stupid

as to stay here, and you're not gonna stop me, Fred!

Diane, honey, just a minute, please.

Don't. I'm sorry.

I know, I know nobody stops you

when you really mean it.

Can they?

Honey, please, don't.

Hon-Honey, don't.

(groans, grunts)

Stop that!

Honey, I'm sorry.

I'm s...

It's...

You're just... you're sensational when you're like this.

You are.

I guess it's... I guess it's good for me to...

To be told where to get off now and then, huh?

At least we settled that.

(laughing): Attagirl.

Come on. Come on.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Barnaby, I, uh, I checked Marina Del Ray.

There just isn't a boat named the Getaway

berthed there at all.

What next?

Well, I thought I was gonna be on my way back home, but,

uh, now I think I'll hang around up here a little longer,

ask a few more questions.

Maybe she didn't get the name of the boat straight.

Everything else under control?

No problems.

Hey, keep me posted, huh?

Bye, honey.

She took, uh, 15 and six-tenths, sir.

That'll be $6.33

She doesn't need any oil.

Credit card? No. Cash.

Oh.

Say, uh, my grandson, Ray, uh,

told me that relative of yours, uh,

Mrs. Williams is a... Is an actress.

She ever done anything on the... the TV?

Mm, just commercials.

She's a model.

Oh. How much was that?

Uh, $6.33.

Pretty enough to be one, that's for sure.

Most pretty ones like her don't pay so much attention

to-to homemaking, but she sure does.

Uh, how do you mean? Well, the way...

The particular way she wants her steaks cut, just...

Just so and... extra-fancy fruit.

She's a goer for that husband of hers.

She sure is.

Say, uh...

what-what about him, anyway?

Sticks, uh, sticks to himself, doesn't he?

Does he?

Well, it's been, uh, what,

honeymoon's been two weeks or so...

He ain't been down here not even once.

Not one soul has laid eyes on him.

I'm kind of insulted.

Most folks from L.A. or San Francisco

think us Tomac natives are real quaint.

(chuckling)

♪ ♪

(car engine starts)

Back soon now!

Safe trip.

(vehicle approaching)

♪ ♪

(knocking on door)

Be there in a minute.

(knocking continues) Coming.

Well!

You gotta excuse me, Mr. Williams, for, uh,

using your rain check a lot sooner than I figured.

That's all right, Mr. Jones.

What's up? Well, I guess

I just didn't get the information

about Mike Hartney exactly right from your wife.

So, uh, I wonder if it'd be too much of a bother

to talk to her for a minute.

Well, she's gone for a walk...

Up in the hills, she said. Oh.

Well, it, uh, gets cold enough for a coat

this time of the evening.

Well, Diane likes cashmere sweaters.

Cozy.

Looks like somebody's been practicing fly casting

in the living room. Yeah, looks like it, doesn't it?

I don't want to intrude,

but, uh, would it be all right

if I waited around to see Mrs. Williams

when she comes back? Frankly, Jones,

I was gonna have some cheese and wine

and then hit the sack for a while until she comes back.

This, uh, altitude kind of gets you.

So...

So, unless you want to take the time...

Have another glass of milk.

Why don't you come back tomorrow?

Does it make it taste better

when you slice it fancy like that?

As a matter of fact, it does.

Tomorrow, you say?

Um, then I could see the both of you tomorrow?

Probably.

Okay, uh, let's, uh...

Let it stay that way, then.

Oh, uh, in case you run across anybody

who, uh, might need an office like mine.

Oh, sorry, I gave you the wrong one.

Here.

Fingerprints?

Funny you should say that, Mr. Williams.

(cocks gun) Oh.

Well, I guess it's not so funny,

after all, Mr. Carlyle.

You follow the trail pretty well.

From Bel Air to a cabin in the woods.

Outside.

I keep my eyes open.

Be amazed at what you can see.

Funny little fishing flies

made by a man who's missing.

Fancy little doodads for cutting up fruit.

Back door.

Gonna be messy killing me, Mr. Carlyle.

People are gonna look for me.

The lake is deep.

Killing Diane was simple.

You did kill her, didn't you?

Who's gonna worry about her? Her cat?

But with me now,

lots of people are gonna worry about me.

Lots of different people like the people down at the store.

They saw me come up here again.

They're gonna think it's awful funny.

(groans)

All right, hands up against the wall.

Don't move.

Operator, get me the police.

Mrs. Williams?

I got that new hairdo stuff you wanted.

Mighty fine plan, Mr. Carlyle.

You just made one mistake.

Picking Mike to kill.

Mike wasn't as much of a loner as you figured.

He did have someone who cared about him.

I loved him.

There'll be others for you to love, Julie.

I guess so.

You're very young.

I feel awfully old.

(seagulls crying)

Ready to walk back?

No, I think I'll stay out here for a while.

Don't worry about me.

I like to watch the boats coming back.

♪ ♪

(theme music playing)