Original subtitles

[Music playing]

(Singing) Love, love exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, love is life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat, soon we'll be making another round.

The love boat, promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love, love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile, on a friendly shore.

The love boat, soon we'll be making another round.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

Welcome aboard it's love.

Where can she be?

If she misses the ship, we'll have to reschedule the wedding.

Captain, it's gonna be all right.

You're just a little nervous. - No.

I am not nervous.

What makes you think I'm nervous?

Your forgot your captain insignias.

Did I do that?

I never forget those.

You have a lot on your money.

Everyone's nervous before their wedding.

Well, not me.

I'm fine.

Merrill.

Oh, merrill, I missed you so much.

Not as much as I missed you.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Merrill, this is Monica Douglas.

Monica, this is my fiance, caption

merrill stubing, and Judy McCoy, the cruise director.

Hello.

How do you do?

I promise you, your wedding is going to be so fabulous.

Well, that's certainly nice to know.

I promise, you will never get married again.

Ms. Douglas, why don't I show you

to your cabin and we'll leave captain

and Emily alone together?

Who is that?

Monica Douglas is a wedding coordinator.

She's gonna make everything go without a hitch.

She does celebrity weddings.

She did all of Elizabeth Taylor's.

I told you about her.

Don't you remember?

Oh, well, sure I remember.

Captain always remembers.

Then, why did you forget your captain's insignias?

Well, I can't wear them all the time.

That's like bragging.

Come on.

Let's talk about you.

Happily Ever After

Have I Got a Job for You

Mr. Smith goes to Minikulu

Why anybody want to send me a video cassette?

I don't know.

It's one of those movie of the month clubs.

Oh, yeah.

I know.

They sucker you in with a big chill.

And then, from month to month, you

keep getting things like "it came from under the sink."

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait a minute.

This is from Slade Collins.

I don't care if it's from Joan Collins.

I'm not interested.

Slade Collins.

Gopher, don't you remember?

He took a cruise a couple of months ago.

We all ended up in that bar in mazatl n.

What bar?

Slade Collins, gopher.

He's the guy that goes all over the world

buying and selling hotels.

And you told him your entire theory on hotel management.

Yeah, I do remember him.

He bought our drinks.

So why's he sending me a cassette?

I don't know. Why don't we watch it?

I've already watched my movie of the month.

Was that the night I set my tie on fire?

No. That was acapulco.

Man, I've got to get off my dogs.

This job's running me ragged.

Yeah.

It's not easy being assistant cruise director, huh?

Tell me about it.

How do you remember everything?

Spencer, I'm gonna share my system with you, all right?

Please.

Now, when I became assistant purser,

I made an extensive list of all my responsibilities,

spreading them out over each day of the week,

giving each day a different colored notebook.

Monday, blue.

Tuesday, red.

And so on and so on.

Ace, today is Tuesday.

Why do you have Monday's notebook?

Tuesday?

All day.

That means I'm a day behind.

Your system's too complicated.

I'll stick to writing on my hand.

[Sound effects]

Now, if you prefer a more intimate setting

than the international lounge, you

could choose the ceremony to be on the fiesta deck

with a mariachi band.

, well you've certainly given us lots of choices.

Well, it's not difficult at all.

The ship is so beautiful, captain.

You must be very proud of her.

Captain?

Oh, yes?

I said, you must be very proud of her.

Oh, I'm very proud of her.

Very much in love with her too.

The ship?

Emily.

Oh, of course.

Oh, merrill, now you're better acquainted with the ship

than I am.

Why don't you choose the location for the wedding?

Me?

Oh, well, ok.

Well, yeah, the lido deck would be nice.

But we've already used that.

The lounge, that would be good.

Of course, there's always the dining room.

Oh.

Oh, now, this is good.

That's the cover of my sketchpad.

Well, it's very nice.

Emily, the wedding's gonna be so big.

Oh, merrill, you know, I hope you

don't think I'm silly at my age to want all this.

But Leo and I eloped.

I never had a real wedding.

Well, whatever you want will be wonderful.

You know, we could even get married

in a little chapel in acapulco.

Why don't you decide the location?

Well, you know, the ship is right here.

But acapulco is so pretty.

Do I have to give you my answer right now?

Oh, of course not.

Why don't we move on to the color scheme?

Do I have to decide that?

I'll take that.

What do you think about if we went with dusty Rose and white?

It would complement my ivory dress.

Whatever makes you happy.

Today, gopher--

that's him.

I bet you never expected to see me again.

Oh, I remember this guy.

I just wanted to say how much I

enjoyed our night on the town.

And I found your theory of hotel management fascinating.

I thought you might be interested in my latest

hotel development.

We have taken the island of minikulu

and turned it into a vacation paradise unparalleled

anywhere in the world.

Minikulu?

Never heard of it.

Many people have never heard of minikulu.

But soon, it will be a household word

and a coveted game show prize.

The grand opening is in three months.

And we'd like you to be there.

Oh, I get it.

Come on.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

When my investors said to me, Slade, who's got the savvy

to run this ocean paradise?

I said, I know the chap, burl Smith.

Gopher, you're the man for the job.

I've always gone with my instinct.

And even though I only spent six hours with you,

my gut tells me you're my man.

This guy must be out of his mind.

Slade (tv): Gopher, I'm offering you a gold plated opportunity.

I want you to come down and run the place.

You can name your own price.

I'm anxiously awaiting your earliest reply.

You gonna take that job?

Magnificent minikulu.

This is gonna be a hard one for us to turn down,

you know that?

Us?

I didn't hear him offering me any job.

Hey, if I go, you go.

You heard what the guy.

Said I can name my price, my price

includes Isaac Washington.

Now, what do you say we look at this tape again, partner?

Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know you were busy.

I'll come back later.

No, you won't.

There's nothing so pressing that I

can spend a few minutes trying to solve a problem

for a member of my crew.

I consider that my most important duty.

Oh, that's good to know, sir.

So go ahead.

Burden me with whatever difficulty you've encountered.

The tougher, the better.

What kind of punch do you want at your wedding reception?

Punch?

That's it?

Punch?

Yes, sir.

Mr. Evans, do you realize I am the sole commander of a ship

with a gross tonnage of 20,000 tons, a ship that carries 626

passengers, a ship that can cruise at 20

knots, a big, powerful ship?

I know that, sir.

Then, why are you bothering me with such nonsense?

I'm sorry.

Monica Douglas wanted to know.

Oh.

Yes.

Look, i'm-- I'm sorry if I snapped at you.

I just have so much on my mind.

I understand with the wedding and all--

no, not the wedding and all, the ship.

Haven't you've been listening?

Right, sir.

[Music - "oh, promise me"]

Monica, "oh, promise me."

Is that too old fashioned?

It's cute.

Look, we have a lot of decisions to make.

And we're running out of time.

Ok.

I'll get merrill.

Oh, don't.

It's nothing personal, but if we wait

for him to make a decision, you'll have your wedding

in the old sailors' home.

Merrill has a lot of other things on his mind.

Running a ship is a demanding job.

The man is having trouble making decisions.

He can't decide sock lengths.

Well, maybe merrill wouldn't mind if we made

a few of the little decisions.

Good.

I'm anxiously awaiting your earliest reply.

So what do you think?

Well, gopher, on the surface, it would

appear to be a great offer.

But on the other hand, it may not

be all that Mr. Collins claims.

What do you mean by that?

Well, let me put it this way.

Mr. Collins just might be some nutcase

who stole a video camera.

Hey, what do you think you're dealing with, an amateur here?

I called the minikulu hotel.

I spoke to Slade Collins.

I could even hear the waterfall in the lobby.

All right?

So what did you say?

I said that this is a very big decision.

I said I have been working on this ship for nine years

and I love it here.

So what did he say?

He doubled the money.

So I accepted the offer and I said

that you're coming with me.

Ladies and gentlemen, dinner is now being

served in the dining room.

Great partnerships have been the backbone of our country.

Lewis and Clark, barnum and Bailey, neiman and Marcus.

I'd like to propose a toast to america's

next great partnership, Haywood and stubing.

Haywood and stubing.

I'm next.

From the first time I set foot on this ship,

you all made me feel so welcome.

I'd like to think we would've been friends,

even if merrill and I had never fallen in love.

But isn't it nice that we did?

To my new friends and my new family.

Captain, what?

You're supposed to make a toast.

Oh, yes.

Here's to dinner, years of eating

together, and dinners to come.

I really can't think on an empty stomach.

Why don't we eat first and toast later?

Here, here.

I think that's a wonderful idea.

Let's eat.

Gopher, I'd like to speak to you for a minute.

Yes, sir.

Get all my expertise while you can.

Gopher, what I want to say to you is not easy.

But I want you to know--

sir, sir, I think I understand here.

You're not a man who's comfortable

expressing his emotions.

Let me make this easy for you.

I'll miss you too.

Gopher, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about.

Sorry.

What'd you want to talk to me about?

Gopher, I'm aware that Mr. Collins'

proposition is very attractive.

But the decision to pull up your roots

and move halfway around the world,

I mean, how can you make a big decision like that so fast?

Well, it's what I've always dreamed of.

Yes.

But if you make a commitment and it doesn't work out,

well, you're trapped.

Well, I suppose if it doesn't work, I could always back out.

Not if you make a commitment, a solemn

promise before god and man.

Sir, I'm going to run a resort, not a monastery.

Yes.

Yes, well, i--

I just think that we should be more

careful about our decisions.

I've given this a great deal of thought.

Yes, and so have I. And good luck to you and to me.

Gopher.

Gopher, I've got something very important to ask you.

More important than my prime rib?

It's important all right.

Come here.

What about me?

What about you?

Well, I just found out that you're leaving.

Now, how is that going to affect me?

It'll be painful at first.

But after a while, the memory will fade,

and you'll go on with your life.

Now, can I eat?

No, look, you don't understand.

Suppose this new purser hates me and traps me

into making a horrible mistake?

Suppose he doesn't trap me and I make a horrible mistake anyway?

Ace, you're going to be fine.

When I was the assistant purser, I didn't

know half as much as you do.

Really?

Of course, I didn't have me as a teacher.

Yeah.

Look, you don't know what this new guy's gonna to be like.

Well, if you feel that way, then why don't

you apply for the job yourself?

Me chief purser already?

Sure.

You know the ship.

You look terrific in a uniform.

Heaven knows you're organized.

You really think I have a shot?

I don't see why not.

It's mid-season.

All the good competition already have jobs.

I'll tell you what, why don't you come by my office

and pick up an application and find out?

And now, I am gonna eat.

Hey, this is really exciting.

Goph, I'm happy you're leaving.

I mean-- I mean, i'm happy for you leaving.

Actually, i-- i'm happy for both of you.

It's really hard to believe, you know, isn't it?

Short time ago, we didn't know one another existed.

Now, day after tomorrow, we're gonna be saying I do.

On the ship, or on the shore.

It's hard to believe.

And just exactly where are we gonna say I do, merrill?

I'm working on that, Emily.

But of course, you know, anything can happen between now

and then.

Robert redford could come on board ship,

sweep me off my feet.

I suppose.

Merrill, it's a joke.

Are you feeling all right?

I don't know.

I guess.

I have a hard time catching my breath.

Maybe it's too much fresh air.

Why don't we go to the lounge?

I thought we were going to the lounge.

No, the lounge is there.

The lounge is there.

It's not the lounge.

Was it something you said?

Oh, you won't believe this, man.

I haven't had a moment's peace all through dinner.

Well, I'm afraid dessert isn't gonna be any better.

What's the problem?

Have you noticed that ever since we got the news that we

were leaving for the island of minikulu, one of us has been

sky high and one of us hasn't?

Well, you just haven't got used to the idea yet,

that's all.

Well, it's more than that, gopher.

I've been doing a lot of thinking.

And I've decided not to go with you.

We always do things together, always.

Isaac: Hear me out.

Whenever we talked of leaving the ship,

it was always to open up a little hotel of our own,

with a small nightclub.

We were gonna be our own bosses.

Yeah, but this is a great opportunity.

Well, I agree.

It is a great opportunity, for you.

But it's not what I want to do.

I've decided to stay here on the ship.

Well, when did you first start having these symptoms?

Well, I was in my cabin trying to decide where

to have the wedding ceremony and I

felt this shortness of breath.

It's a heart attack, isn't it?

Merrill, you're not having a heart attack.

You're gonna be just fine.

Well, I don't feel fine.

Here.

This'll help.

Breathe into this whenever you feel short of breath.

That's it?

Dr. Bricker: You had an anxiety attack.

You were hyperventilating.

Breathing into a paper bag will help.

There's no reason for me to have anxiety attacks.

How about the fact that you're getting

married in less than 48 hours?

That can't be it.

I love Emily.

Well, in that case, take two aspirin

and call me in the morning.

Good night, merrill.

Night, Adam.

Hello, sir.

Hello, girls.

Everyone is so excited about your getting married.

Thank you.

You and Mrs. Haywood make such a cute couple.

Thank you very much.

Only two more days.

I bet you can't wait.

Yes.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Ok, gopher, I finished my application.

Now, there might be a few typos in the essay part.

But it's done.

Ok.

I'll put it in the file.

I thought it had to be finished and sent off today.

Yeah, ace, I've been given this minikulu

thing a lot of thought.

Yeah.

And I think I've been selfish.

I just cannot run off and leave the captain stranded like this.

He depends on me.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

You-- you're not going, are you?

I don't think so.

I stayed up all night.

I drank three pots of coffee.

I turned the thermostat down to 55, just so I could stay awake

to finish that and for nothing?

Ace, good work is never wasted.

What are these drawings of?

It's a redesign of the aloha deck.

What difference does it make?

Oh, look on the bright side. Ace: What?

At least it's done.

Oh, the last wedding I did at sea

was Princess grace's cousin.

It was a smash.

Good morning, ladies.

Oh, merrill.

Oh, good morning.

Merrill, I hope you don't mind,

but Monica and I have gone ahead and we have settled almost all

of the plans for the wedding.

Oh, well, of course I don't mind.

I'm just sorry that my duties prevented me from helping

you make your decisions.

What's that?

It's a bran muffin.

Oh.

Bagel.

Maybe I should have taken one of those.

What do you think?

Some decision maker.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, I was just saying that we still

need some decisions to be made.

You know, you're the only one who

can resolve the question as to where

we're gonna hold the ceremony.

Yes.

Well, I thought all of the arrangements

had already been made.

Well, I reserved the church in acapulco.

And I also have the crew on call to prepare any one

of the locations on the ship.

Now, if you could just give me your answer right now,

we have plenty of time left to get everything done.

Yes, well, I'd like to help you, Ms. Douglas,

but unfortunately, i'm needed on the bridge.

I didn't hear any announcement calling you to the bridge.

No, Emily, I always know when they need me on the bridge.

It's a sense we captains have.

I thought that Sean and Madonna's wedding was tough,

but this takes the cake.

Monica, excuse me a minute.

Are you all right?

Inspection.

A good captain inspects everything.

Ok, what else?

Flowers for the Johnson's cabin.

It's their wedding anniversary.

Right.

And I got all the hors d'ouevre for the cocktail party

at the admiralty suite.

Gopher: We got to double the caviar.

Know to do that. [Inaudible]

Judy: All right.

Gopher, there'll be plenty.

Gopher: Mm-hm.

Oh, oh.

The ice swan.

We've got to have--

Judy: It's in the freezer.

Ok.

Well, ok.

Ice swan, caviar, Johnson-- that's it.

Good. - Ok.

Good.

That fine eye for detail is going to make us rich.

Mr. Collins, what are you doing here?

I couldn't wait for you to come to minikulu,

so I came here.

I want your input.

You came all the way here to see me?

Gopher, I can build multimillion dollar hotels,

but you're the man who's going to have to make it work.

Now, what do think about this new wing?

If you don't like it, we can tear it down and start again.

Well, Mr. Collins, to be honest with you,

I'm having second thoughts about the job.

Of course you are.

That's normal, dear boy.

Gopher, do you think eisenhower wasn't nervous before d-day?

Do you think Walt wasn't nervous the first time he

drew that mouse?

Well--

I mean, a mouse with big ears?

Why, the man could've been laughed out of town.

Gopher, we're on the verge of making hotel history.

How would you like to be the man who invented Hawaii?

That's going to be us.

Men invented Hawaii?

That's why I chose you.

You're like me.

You have vision.

Now, come along, partner.

We have things to discuss.

Do you think if we put gold fixtures in the rooms,

people would steal them?

Have you thought of attaching them?

Brilliant.

I'll get my man onto it straight away.

[Knocking]

Hi.

Hi.

Can we talk? - Sure.

Come on in.

Have you noticed anything strange about your father's

behavior on this cruise?

Well, he has been a little hard to talk to lately.

Let's not mince words.

He's acting like a loon.

That too.

I've never seen him like this.

Have you?

Once.

When?

When he had take me shopping for my first bra.

He just went to pieces.

He wore dark glasses and spoke with a French accent.

That doesn't sound like merrill.

Listen, it didn't sound like a frenchman either.

Emily, under normal circumstances,

my father is a very competent man.

He can handle any situation that he comes up against,

unless he's thrown a curve.

Like my asking him to marry me.

Right.

No.

Wrong.

Listen, this isn't coming out right.

Yes, it is.

And believe me, I know exactly what

your father's going through.

You do?

I just wish there was some way that I

could make him understand that.

Ace.

Ace.

How long have you been asleep?

Oh, i-- I wasn't sleeping.

I was just resting my eyes.

Oh.

How come there's a paper clip on your cheek?

I can't see out of my left eye.

Is my hair all right?

Oh, come on.

Get it together.

There's a farewell party for gopher tonight.

Farewell party?

I thought he said he wasn't leaving.

Change of plans.

He's leaving tomorrow.

What is this?

First, he's leaving.

Then, he isn't leaving.

Now, he's leaving.

My gosh.

I threw away my application.

Ace, everyone's been invited to the party.

You don't need an application.

I think the rehearsal went quite well.

Believe me.

It's always better when the groom shows up.

Well, but that's unimportant.

Well, call me crazy, but it really helps when

the groom comes to rehearsal.

You know, merrill has performed

hundreds of these ceremonies himself so he know how they go.

So we have nothing to worry about.

Do we?

You know, when you've done as many of these things as I have,

you can recognize the danger signs.

He looks to me like a man who's got cold feet.

You worry about the wedding.

I'll worry about the feet.

Why don't you do what I did at my wedding?

Just in case the groom was a no show,

I prepared a little speech.

Ladies and gentlemen, don't take it personally.

The man just wasn't ready.

Then, what happened?

I made the speech.

Did I just give that a couple a $20 or a $50.

A $20.

Gopher, are you all right?

Yes, I'm fine.

I just was testing you.

That's all.

Hi, guys.

Hi.

Hi.

Boy, you look swamped.

Do you need any help? - No.

We don't need any help.

Who said we needed any help?

No one.

Listen, could I have a list of the cabin assignments of people

boarding in acapulco, please?

I don't remember any cabin assignments.

Gopher, I sent you a memo.

What memo?

Oh, here you go, Judy.

I checked out the cabins myself.

Thank you, ace.

I'm sorry, gopher.

I saw the memo sitting on your desk

and thought I better take care of it.

I hope it's all right.

What is happening to me?

I can't make change.

I forget about cabinet assignments.

I don't even put on matching socks anymore.

What makes me think that I can run

a big resort when I can't even run this ship or dress myself?

Come on gopher, don't take it so hard.

Come on.

Oh, ace, I think this minikulu job may

be a little bit over my head.

I think I should stay right here.

You're not leaving?

No.

No.

I'm sorry.

I know these changes have been hard on you.

This can't be happening to me.

You're not the only one who's effect, you know?

The travel agent has had to cancel six

sets of airline reservations.

Wait a minute.

Wait just a minute.

I think I know what this is all about.

This is another test. Isn't it?

No. I'm serious.

You can drop the act, gopher.

I know what you're trying to do.

You're trying to gaslight me.

You-- you're trying to make me think that I'm crazy,

aren't you?

Well, let me tell you something, you little pipsqueak.

You're not gonna break me.

Killing the purser will not look good on your resume.

You're right.

I-- I'm sorry.

I-- i-- I just lost control.

I haven't been getting much sleep lately.

I need to lie down.

Yeah, well-- happens to everybody, ace.

[Knocking]

I'm sorry, Emily.

It's been a hectic day.

Don't give me that.

You've been hiding.

Nonsense, I'm a busy man.

I have a ship to run.

I've been on four cruises, merrill.

You had plenty of time for me on all the other three.

I've got a ship to run just won't wash.

All right.

I have been avoiding you, but not without a good reason.

Emily, I have to tell you some things

and, well, it's not gonna be easy.

I'm listening.

Emily, it's not fair for me to marry you without revealing

everything about myself.

And I know it's not going to be too pretty.

Go on.

Emily, I never married Vicki's mother.

I know.

Vicki told me.

And she also told me that her mother went away, without ever

telling you she was pregnant.

Ok.

Here's another one.

I'm a recovering alcoholic.

I figured that out.

When somebody would order champagne

you would bring out the club soda.

So I understand that you're fighting

a very difficult battle.

I'm with you 100%.

I snore.

I know.

Merrill, if you think I'm gonna

let you get out of this marriage without a struggle,

you're crazy.

Why would I want to get out of marrying you?

Because you're afraid.

That's ridiculous.

And I can understand why you couldn't talk about it,

because you're the captain.

You're the one people come to when they're afraid.

But merrill, i'm not one of the crew.

I'm the woman who loves you.

And you don't have to put on a brave front with me.

Emily, I don't understand.

Every time I start thinking about tomorrow,

I go off the deep end.

What's wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with you.

That's a perfectly normal reaction for such

a huge change in your life.

Well, it's a bigger change for you.

And look at you.

You're as cool as they come.

Right now, but you should've seen me last week.

I couldn't sleep and I couldn't eat.

I was even hyperventilating.

Breathing in a paper bag helps.

I know.

Then, one night, something happened

that made me see so clearly that marrying you

was the right thing to do.

What happened?

I tried to draw a picture in my mind's eye of a life

without you.

I tried so hard, merrill.

And I couldn't visualize living the rest of my life

and you not being a part of it.

I couldn't.

And I wasn't afraid anymore.

Would you like to try that?

Ok.

What do you see?

Merrill?

Oh, I'm sorry I took too long.

I-- I just couldn't imagine my life without having you in it.

And I was thinking about how beautiful you're

going to look walking down that aisle

tomorrow, if you'll still have me?

You bet I will.

[Knocking]

It's open.

Hey, everybody's at the farewell party

except the guest of honor.

I can't go to that party.

Gopher, the crew gave up their free time to be with you.

And I'm not supposed to tell you this,

but the mermaids have worked up a special dance

number in your honor.

I'm kidding myself, Isaac.

I can't run that resort.

Hey, you run this place, don't you?

I used to.

I'm losing it.

Blondie has been covering for me all day.

So you had a bad day.

That happens to everybody.

Isaac, if I mess up in minikulu

the way I mess up around here, I am

going to be out in the streets.

Gopher, nobody can give you a magic charm

to guarantee that you'll be a big hit in the south pacific.

You can.

You can come with me.

I've made my decision.

You can't let that stop you.

I can't do this alone.

Ok.

Where is he?

Where's who?

Gopher Smith.

This is "invasion of the body snatchers," right?

Where the alien creatures with no guts

take on the form of the ship's purser?

This has got nothing to do with guts.

It does from where I'm standing.

Gopher, it takes a lot of courage

to say yes to your shot at something better.

The coward's way out is to let that shot go by.

My friend gopher Smith is not a coward.

I hope he makes it to his party.

Leave it gopher to be late for his own goodbye party.

Excuse me.

Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you for coming.

And I'm sure if gopher were here, he'd thank you himself.

Gopher: Gopher is here, sir.

Well, I had this really nice little speech prepared

for tonight, but when I started chickening out of leaving,

I tore it up.

So now, I guess what I'm gonna have

to do is stand up here, cold and tell all you people how I feel.

And that's not gonna be very easy.

My mom told me, when you've been someplace

and you've had a nice time and it's time to go,

you should say thank you.

So I'm gonna begin by saying thank you to Vicki, who came

on board this ship as a small child

and for many years was the only person here

that acted younger than I did.

And I want to say thank you to ace,

who came on board this ship and did something

nobody ever dared do before.

He asked me for advice.

And thank you to Judy, who is my good friend and my colleague

and who sometimes, through no fault of her own,

reminded me a little bit too much of her sister.

And to doc, thank you for teaching me everything

I know about chasing women and nothing about what to do

with them once I caught them.

And thank you to you, sir, for teaching me everything I know.

Period.

And finally, I want to say thank you to my friend Mr. Washington

here, who is my partner and who will

always be my partner, even if I wind

up managing motels on pluto.

Now, I was gonna end by saying something really deep

in minikulu, but apparently this island

is so far away from anything, nobody ever leaves there.

So they got no word for goodbye, which lets me off the hook,

because neither do I. So you know I'm gonna miss you a lot.

I hope you miss me a little bit.

Why don't we just leave it at that?

Here are some other friends that

want to say goodbye to you.

[Music playing]

(Singing) Bye, bye, baby.

Remember you're my baby, when they give you the eye.

And just to show that you care, won't

you write [inaudible] on the loose,

you will stay on the square.

We'll be lonely.

But even though we're lonely, there'll be no other guy.

Though you'll be gone for a while,

[inaudible] We'll be smiling with our baby by and by.

We're gonna miss you, gopher.

With our baby, by and by.

We are now arriving in acapulco.

We hope that you enjoy your time here

and remind you that the ship will be sailing at midnight.

You're shaking.

There.

You're hair is perfect.

Thank you.

Now for the wedding dress.

Oh, oh, Emily, wait a minute.

Aren't you forgetting something old, something new, something

borrowed, and something blue? - Oh, dear.

I forgot all about that.

Oh, well, your dress is new.

That's one.

And I'm old.

I mean my veil is old.

It's an heirloom.

That's two.

That's two.

Oh, you can borrow my handkerchief.

That's three.

Borrowed.

So now, we need something blue.

Listen, three out of four, that's good enough.

Oh, no, no. Wait a minute.

That's bad luck.

Something blue.

Here.

Take this.

No, Vicki, I couldn't.

This was your mother's.

Oh, no.

It's still in the family.

Besides, I feel like my mother's wearing it again.

Oh, Vicki.

Oh.

I think we both made the right decision, don't you, sir?

You're right, gopher.

This is a big day for both of us.

Gopher, I want you to know, if you ever need anything,

I'll be there.

I'll be there for you, sir.

I'll be there in minikulu.

But I'll be there.

[Knocking]

Almost ready, merrill?

Almost.

No turning back now, sir.

Don't worry.

Full speed ahead.

Captain, we've got something for you.

A token of our esteem.

Thank you.

Diamond cufflinks?

Beautiful.

I can't accept these.

They're much too expensive.

Oh, please, merrill, everyone in the crew chipped in.

We want you to know how we feel about you.

In that case, I'll put them on right now.

Here, here.

With the light in here, I just can't--

oh, captain, let us help you out.

[Interposing voices]

You're the best.

[Wedding march]

I brought a paper bag just in case.

I won't be needing it.

I might.

Dearly beloved, we are assembled here

in the presence of god to join this man and this woman

in holy marriage.

I, merrill stubing--

take you, Emily Haywood, to be my wedded wife.

Take you, Emily Haywood, to be my wedded wife.

Preacher: And I promise to make a covenant

before god and these witnesses.

And I promise to make a covenant before god

and these witnesses--

preacher: To be your loving and faithful wife.

To be your loving and faithful wife.

Preacher: In plenty and in want--

Emily: In plenty and in want--

preacher: In joy and in sorrow--

in joy and in sorrow--

preacher: In sickness and in health--

in sickness and in health--

preacher: As long as we both shall live.

As long as we both shall live.

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

[Fanfare playing]

Everybody, it's them.

Here they come.

Emily, over here.

Over here.

Over here.

[Inaudible] To me.

Oh.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]