Original subtitles

Clair: Cliff?

Hey.

We're Leaving

For Sondra And Elvin's Housewarming Party

In Half An Hour.

You Going To Take A Shower?

Don't Worry.

I Will Get Ready

And If You're In That Much Of A Hurry

Dabnis And Vanessa Are Coming.

You Go Ahead And I'll Ride Over With Dabnis.

Who Knows, He And I May Stop

And Fix A House.

We've Got A Present.

Guess What We Got For Sondra And Elvin.

Uh... A Microwave Oven.

Yes!

How Did I Know?

Russell, That Is Such A Generous Housewarming Gift.

When My First Grandchild Moves Into Her First House

It's No Time To Pinch A Penny.

What Did You Get Them, Heathcliff?

It Is Not The Size, It Is The Thought That Counts.

And What Did You Think About?

I Thought About...

Address Labels?

Yes.

Yes.

These Are Address Labels

But Once Again, This Is The Thought Behind It.

Here, My Dear.

Read That, And I Will Tell You

That This Is Pure Poetry.

Olivia, Why Don't You Go Upstairs?

To Get Some Wrapping Paper For The Microwave?

Mm-Hmm.

Yes!

This Is The Most Thoughtless Gift I've Ever Seen.

Thoughtless.

But Every Time

Sondra And Elvin Take One Of These Off

And Put It Onto The Envelope

When They're Mailing In The Check For The Mortgage

They Will Think About Us.

We Co-Signed The Loan.

Just Like Your Mother And I Did For You, Heathcliff?

When You Co-Signed For Us

The Interest Rate Was Minus Four Percent.

Clair, You Are Welcome To Sign Your Name

On The Card For The Microwave.

Well, Thank You.

Well, Go Ahead.

I Doesn't Care.

Have You Heard From Dabnis And Vanessa?

Oh, Yes.

They're Driving Up From Pennsylvania

For Sondra And Elvin's Party.

Uh-Huh.

Well, They May Have Another Reason.

That Is, If Gladys Rodgers Is Correct.

Oh, Lord.

Let's See, Gladys Rodgers...

That's Your Cousin's Church-Going Friend

Who Never Gets Her Stories Straight.

That's The One.

And What Did Gladys Rodgers

Allegedly Overhear?

The Story Is That Dabnis And Vanessa

Have Set A Date For The Wedding.

I Mean, Where Are You All?

So She... Finally Made A Decision.

I'm Glad It's Settled.

At Least She Picked A Good Man.

Dust Off Your Tux.

And Dust Off My Tool Belt.

(Phone Ringing)

Hello?

Hey, Elvin, How You Doing?

We're Getting Ready To Come Over To Your Housewarming.

Huh?

Well, Just A Minute.

I'm Wrapping Your Gift Right Now.

He Wants To Talk To You.

Don't Do Nothing I Wouldn't Do

Till I Get There.

Give Me This Phone.

Hi, Elvin.

Yeah. What's Up?

Oh. Oh, Your Furnace.

That's Terrible.

So When Can You Get Somebody There To Fix It?

Not Until Tomorrow?

Why Didn't He Tell Me That?

You Know How You Can Be.

No, No, No.

Really. It's Fine.

It's Just Family, Right?

So, Bring The Party Over Here.

I'll Just Tell Everybody We Changed The Venue.

Okay. Bye.

How Can You Have A Housewarming

At Somebody Else's House?

They're Going To Have A Housewarming Party

At A House They Don't Even Own.

The Furnace Broke Down.

This Boy Can't Fix A Furnace By Himself.

Got A Son-In-Law Coming

Who Will Fix A House.

Dabnis... Brickleby.

And When Dabnis And Vanessa Get Married

If Things Break Down Here, I Call Dabnis--

My Main Son-In-Law.

Drive 200 Miles

Come And Fix His Father-In-Law's... Anything.

Okay.

Here's The Party Glasses.

Oh, Here Come Dabnis And Vanessa.

Remember, Everybody, Not A Word.

We'll Let Them Surprise Us.

With The Ews-Nay Of The Edding-Way.

Ooh. I'm Going To Be An Ower-Flay Irl-Gay.

Hi!

Hi, Mr. Huxtable.

Dad.

Yes. Nice To See You.

Hi, Grandpa.

How You Doing, Sir?

Well, Everything's Fine.

Just Fine, D.B.

Yeah.

Yeah. 'Course, I Been

A Little Busy Myself.

Delivering A Lot Of Babies?

No, No, No.

Just Uh... Fixing Up Around The House.

Like For You To Give

A Little Inspection--

The Old D.B. Inspection.

I'd Be Happy To.

Done Beautifully.

Thank You.

Grandpa, Aren't You Supposed To Be At Sondra And Elvin's?

Oh, Plans Have Been Changed.

The Party's Here.

Oh. Mom, Can I Talk To You And Dad

In The Living Room?

Oh, Certainly.

Keep On Apping-Wray.

Now, Listen.

No Peeking.

(Laughing)

So, Uh...

Vanessa, Dabnis, Share.

Well, We Realized That When We Became Engaged

We Kept It From You Too Long

And We've Learned From That.

Even Though Our Relationship Is Private

We Feel That Any Decisions That Affect The Family

We Want To Be Forthright.

Expedient. Direct.

Okay. Get On With It.

Well, We've Given This A Lot Of Thought

And Given The Fact That Dabnis Here

Isn't Getting Any Younger

We've Mutually Decided To Separate.

Yes, And I'm Going To Wear My Tuxedo.

I'll Put On My Tuxedo...

No, No.

I'll Give You Away...

No Tuxedo?

She Said They're Going To Separate.

They're Breaking Up.

That's Right.

You're Leaving Us?

We've Spent A Lot Of Time Talking This Through.

And We've Decided It's The Best Thing For Us.

And... And That's It?

That's It.

Dabnis.

You're Leaving Us?

Maybe We Should Keep This Between The Four Of Us.

We Don't Want To Ruin The Housewarming.

Dabnis.

All: It's Party Time!

Elvin: Hi, Everybody.

Thanks So Much

For Letting Us Do This Here.

Can Someone Help Me With This Sign?

Hot Stuff Coming Through.

Hey, Grandpa.

Dabnis, Hey, How You Doing?

I'm Moving On.

I Need Help With The Lasagna.

Dabnis, Could You Spare Your Fiancee For One Minute?

Sure. Take All The Time You Want.

Wait, Wait, Wait, Ladies.

We Have To Have A Toast.

That's Right, And I'm Sure

We All Have Something

To Toast About.

Okay.

Mom, Dad, Family...

A House Is Different Things To Different People.

You Got That Right.

To A Builder, It's A Job.

To A Termite

It's A Hearty Meal.

Dad, Remind Me To Talk To You

About Something.

Home.

"H" Is For The Hugs

That We'll Always Share.

"O" Is For The Oh, So Many Memories.

"M" Is...

Is For The Mortgage.

Thank You, Dad. Thank You, Mom.

We Haven't Forgotten.

"E" Is For...

The Exterminator.

No, No, No, No.

That I'm Paying For.

"E" Is For Evaporation.

My Drink's Drying Up.

All: Hear! Hear!

I'd Like To Make Another Toast.

We Never Did Get A Chance

To Properly Welcome Dabnis Into Our Family

And This May Be The Appropriate Time.

Uh, Dad...

No, That's Right.

That Was Actually My "E" Before I Was Cut Off.

"E" Is...

Especially For Dabnis And Vanessa

Who Came All The Way From Pennsylvania

To Warm Our Home

And One Day We Will Toast Them

In Their Own Home.

To Another Brother-In-Law.

Vanessa, Could We Speak To You, Please?

Sure.

Dabnis, Is Everything All Right?

Oh, My, Yes.

I Can't Think Of A More Happy Occasion.

A New Home, New Beginnings.

Here's To Everybody Finding Their Place In Life.

Hear! Hear!

All: Hear! Hear!

Welcome To The Family.

All Right, Vanessa, What Happened, Really?

Dabnis And I Have Been Out Of Sync For Some Time Now.

Every Time I Talk To Him About The Wedding

We Get More Out Of Sync.

So One Night We Were Taking A Walk Around Campus

And We Stopped At The Quad Lawn Where He First Saw Me--

You Know, That Begonia Bed

He Was Riding Around With His Mower?

That Night, To My Surprise, There Just Weren't Any Begonias.

Well, Sweetheart, It's Winter.

Yes.

Mother, I Know That It's Winter

But There Wasn't Even Any Dirt.

Dabnis Had Cemented Over The Entire Begonia Bed.

Cement?

Ce-Ment.

Now, He Said

It Was A Drainage Problem

And I'm Sure That It Probably Was

But I Saw That Slab Of Cement As A Symbol

And It Made Me Take A Long, Hard Look At Our Relationship.

Yeah, Cement Will Do That To You.

And You Know What I Saw In That Cement?

Dabnis Really, Really Wants To Get Married.

And You Know What?

I'm Just Not Ready.

You're Very Wise.

Thank You.

I Hope You Understand.

The Important Thing Is

That You And Dabnis Have Reached An Understanding.

A Complete And Final Understanding.

Oh, Definitely.

I've Given Dabnis Back His Ring

And He's Slowly But Surely Putting His Life Back Together.

Vanessa...

We'll Always Be Here For You.

Thank You, Mom...

Dad.

Yes.

You Going To Be All Right?

I'll Be Fine.

You Can Get On With Your Life?

Yes.

You'll Be Fine?

I'll Be Fine.

Will You Be Fine?

Oh, I'm Going...

I'm Going To Be Wonderful.

All Right.

Go Ahead.

I Think I Owe The Family An Explanation.

Yes. Yes.

All Right.

Thanks, Dad.

Oh, You're Welcome.

I'm Going To Put Her Out And Bring Dabnis In Here.

You See, He Makes More Sense Than She Does.

She's Worried About A Begonia Bed.

So We Will Take Up The Cement And Give Her All The Begonias

But I Want Dabnis With Me.

I'm Not Sick.

I Know...

But Whatever Happened To The Dark Side Of Life?

Repeat.

(Emphatically:) I Know The Dark Side.

You Think I Don't Know The D..?

I Know That Love Can Be A Flue Ride Through Space

Spiraling Down To Death, Destruction, And Old Age.

I Know The Dark Side

But As Long As Dabnis Is By My Side

I Can Face The Dark Side...

Until...

The Rake.

The Hoe. Edger.

My Shovel!

(Knocking)

Huh? Come In.

Bringing You Down Some Dinner, Dr. Huxtable.

Oh, Thank You. Thank You.

Just Doing A Little Inventory.

Thank You.

If You Want To Be Alone, I'd Understand.

No, No, No... It's Okay.

Pull The Chair Up, Man.

Thank You.

Pull The Chair Up, Dabnis.

Come On, Come On, Come On.

Well, Well, Well, Well

Well, Well, Well...

So...

That's It?

Yeah.

You Know, I, Um...

I Know The Beginning...

You Know?

The Begonia Bed...

You Know?

I Know The End...

The Cement Block.

But Fill Me In On The Middle.

I Mean, What... What Happened?

Well, Sir...

Your Daughter...

Yeah.

Vanessa...

Oh, Yes.

Vanessa's A Good Person, Sir.

She's Got A Captivating Beauty

A Driven Intelligence

A Healthy Curiosity

And A Wonderful Vocabulary.

You're Not Vanessa's Campaign Manager.

Tell Me.

What..?

What Happened?

Well, Sir... Dr. Huxtable...

Your Daughter, Vanessa...

There You Go.

Vanessa Is... Tall...

She's Well-Received

She's Immaculately Groomed...

And She's Got A Tremendous Vocabulary.

Dabnis?

Yes, Sir?

Okay.

You're Flying An Airplane...

Yes, Sir.

You've Made Two Approaches...

Uh-Huh.

And You Keep Pulling Up.

I Want You To Land This Plane Now.

Bring It On In.

Okay.

Vanessa Is...

Vanessa Is Everything I Thought I Wanted.

I'm Running Out Of Fuel, Dabnis.

Vanessa Is Annoying!

Are You Happy?!

No, I'm Not Happy.

I'm Not Happy That My Daughter Is Annoying.

Nobody's Happy With That.

See... Dr. Huxtable

Vanessa Just Makes Everything So Complicated.

Take For Instance Our Relationship.

Instead Of Just Saying What's On Her Mind

She Goes All The Way Around Robin Hood's Barn

And Analyzes Everything.

She Compared Us To A Forest.

Then We Were Sailboats.

You Were Here For The Emotional Map To The Salad Bar.

I Was Here For The Salad Bar.

One Thing Was Clear...

I Realized Three Months Ago

This Girl Did Not Want To Get Married.

But She Couldn't Admit That The Engagement Was A Mistake

So I Made It Easy For Her.

I Pushed Her To Set A Date Till She Couldn't Stand It

And Broke Up With Me.

It Didn't Register

While She Was Running You All Over The Place

That Something Was Wrong, And Maybe You Should Push Her?

Well...

Hmm?

I Thought We'd Work It Out.

So You're A Little Funny Yourself.

Obviously, Uh...

You Know...

You're Going To Be Missed Around Here.

I, Uh...

Got A Lot Of Things Around Here That, Uh...

I'm Going To Fix, And 'Cause I Can...

I'm Going To Do It Myself.

Yes, You Can Fix Them.

But Sure Would Have Been Nice If You Could Have Been Here

But, You Know

Now That You've Broken Up, It, Uh...

Just Wouldn't Be The Same, Would It?

Maybe I Could Come Sometime

And Help You Fix Some Of This Stuff.

You Could, Couldn't You?

But You're Right.

It Wouldn't Be The Same.

Yeah.

It Wouldn't Be The Same.

Elvin, From What You Say, Your Furnace Problem

Could Simply Be That Your Nozzle Is Blocked.

You Think So?

Got To Be, Man.

To Fix It Takes About An Hour.

You Just Prime Your Pump

Clean Your Nozzle And Your Electrodes

Scrape Your Filter, And Start It Up.

Um... Excuse Me.

Yes, Sir?

Are You Saying That This Sounds Like About An Hour's Work

And If That Was Done

Then He Could Be Back In A Heated Home

In About An Hour?

Yes, Sir.

Elvin, What Did You Do

With Those Stickers That I Gave You?

Right Here, Dad.

Okay, Give Me These Stickers.

Sondra, You Have The Keys To Your House?

Sure.

That Will Be Just Fine.

Give Me The Keys, Thank You.

Um, Dad?

Russell: Yes?

I Want You To Do Me A Favor, And Give Me About 45 Minutes

And Then Everything That You See With A Sticker Like This On It

You Put It In The Car

And Send It On Out To New Jersey.

We're Fixing The House.

No, Wait, I Got To Go...

No, You Stay Here.

You Don't Know How To Fix Anything.

You Stay Here!

I'm Going With My Man, Dabnis.

See You, Everybody.

All Right? Now...

Everybody, Show Slides.

Turn The Lights Out.

That Way, They'll Really Be Ready To Come Home.