Original subtitles

Cliff: Hey, How's Everybody?

Hello. Fine.

Boy, Oh, Boy, Work Out.

You're Just Going To Wear Those Little Thumbs Of Yours Out

And I Don't Have Any Money To Buy Any New Thumbs.

(Sarcastic Laughter)

Look, Why Don't You Turn Down That Medieval Mayhem.

That's Much Better.

Hello, Son.

Hey, Dad, How You Doing?

Hi, Grandpa. Hi, Grandpa.

Hello, There.

You Ready To Baby-Sit?

Absolutely.

Everything Will Be Easy.

Sondra And Elvin Took The Twins.

And These Two--

Anytime You Want To Feed Ms. Thang

You Just Unplug Both Of Them

And Send Him Home.

Russell, Hi.

We Better Get Going, Cliff.

We'll Be Late

For The Community Center.

I Have A Legal Clinic

And I Know That You Don't Want To Miss A Moment

Of "For Men Only."

There You Go.

"For Men Only," And You Didn't Invite Me?

Dad, This Is A Class For Teenaged Men.

I'm Sorry.

Theo Came To Me And Said

"Dad, I'd Like You To Go Down To One Of The Community Centers

And Teach This Class."

They Said This One Will Be For Men Only

And It's Going Pretty Well.

This Is My Second One, And If This Works Out All Right

I Might Even Take It On The Road--

Get A Bus--

"Dr. Cliff Huxtable, 'For Men Only'."

If I Get Enough Out Of This, I Might Take You As A Roadie.

And Exactly What Kind Of Knowledge

Is Your Husband Passing On To These Young People?

He Won't Tell Me.

That's Because It's For Men Only.

Don't You Understand?

But I Will Tell You.

What I'm Doing Is

I'm Talking To These Boys About Careers

And I'm Giving Them All Kinds Of Ideas

About How To Get Jobs.

And You Think You Should Be Teaching This?

None Of Your Children Have Jobs.

And Yours Do, Clair?

I Think That You're Absolutely Jealous

And I Hope You Do Not Talk To Those Young Men

The Way You're Talking To Me Now

And Ridiculing Me In Front Of My Father.

Clair Can't Say Anything About You

That I Don't Already Know.

Thank You, My Father.

In This Box Contains The Key To Job Success.

What Is In This Box?

♪ Fa-Ta-Ta-Dah! ♪

Cliff, That Is Olivia's "Luv My Dolly."

That's Okay, He Can Borrow It.

What I'm Starting Out With Here

Is The Way We Come Into The World--

With No Fear.

That's What I Want To Deliver To The Boys.

There's No Fear.

All You Have To Do Is Get What Is Rightfully Yours.

The Way You Come In.

You Understand That?

Well, If You Don't Understand It

Then You Have A Defeatist Attitude.

It's A Great Message

But That Is The Sorriest Symbol

I've Ever Seen.

It Is Not A Sorry Symbol.

This Is A Great Symbol.

This Is The Way You Come In.

Look At The Innocence Of It.

It Has No Fear.

You Say, "Go Get It"

It Will Do It.

They'll Understand It

Because They Will Not Have A Defeatist Attitude.

If You Didn't Have Such A Defeatist Attitude

I Might Let You Sit In My Class.

I Might Enjoy That But It's For Men Only.

Yeah, Well, I'll Get You A Mustache.

Ah, Tu-Tu-Lu.

So, Either Of You Young People Hungry?

No.

Thirsty?

No.

Alive?

(Sarcastic Laughter)

Man, I Got Things To Do.

I Don't Need To Be Here.

It's Mandatory If You Want To Play Basketball.

Last Week He Taught Us About Etiquette.

Like I'm Going To Use Etiquette On The Basketball Court.

Personally, I Learned A Lot.

What Did You Learn?

How To Make Proper Introductions.

For What?

You Don't Know Nobody.

Okay, Gentlemen, It's Time.

I See You Learned Something

About Etiquette.

I'm Impressed.

I Would Like To Reintroduce Our Guest, Dr. Huxtable

For The Second Week Of Our Seminar, "For Men Only."

What's Up? What's Up, Doc?

I'll Leave Them In Your Hands, Okay?

Thank You.

Gentlemen.

Gentle Men.

All Right, Any Questions?

I Have To Take Issue With You On An Etiquette Matter.

All Right.

According To Your Teachings, When Going Down The Stairs

The Man Should Precede The Woman.

Absolutely.

What We're Talking About Is Etiquette.

You Go First.

If The Woman Stumbles, You Are There To Break Her Fall.

Okay, That's Fine In Theory, Sir

But Suppose The Woman Weighs 240 Pounds.

I Mean, Don't You Think

Etiquette Would Tell Her To Go First?

There Is No Sense In Taking Both Of Us Out.

In This Particular Case, Abe

I Think That I Have To Agree With You

And If You Ever Find Somebody That Large

Put Them On The Elevator.

What's In The Box?

I'm Glad You Asked.

Gentlemen, In This Box Is The Key To Your Success.

In This Box, Gentlemen, I Tell You Now

Is The Core, The Root, And The Center To Your Careers.

Gentlemen...

That's A Baby.

Exactly.

It's Not My Baby!

It's Not My Baby.

And We Know It's Not Dan's Baby.

No, No, Wait A Minute.

This Is The Old Scam.

We Come Here For Job Advice

But Instead, We Get A Birth Control Lecture.

All: Aw, Man...

No, No, That Is Not What This Is.

This Is A Symbol, Gentlemen.

We're Tired Of Hearing About All Of This.

We Hear This In School, In Church

And On Pbs Specials.

Man, You Don't Watch Pbs.

I Watched That One Special Called

"Inner City Male Youth:

For The Love Of God, Run For Your Life."

They Keep Calling Us The Lost Generation

But I'm Not Lost.

Are You Lost?

I'm Not Lost.

I'm Right Here.

I'm Not Going Anywhere.

I'm Tired Of Being Blamed For Everything.

They're Starting To Blame Us

For The Greenhouse Effect.

And If A Whale Is Missing, We Stole It.

If You All Are Finished, Then I Will Continue.

This Is About Careers.

Why Did You Bring The Baby In?

It Has Nothing To Do With The Baby.

Then Why Did You Bring The Baby?

Press "A" To Move Faster, "B" To Go Backwards.

"C" To Jump Up

And "D" To Fire The Flaming Ball Of Death.

That Seems Reasonable.

Ahh.

Now Where Am I?

You're The Winged Prince In The Corner.

You Mean That Well-Muscled Lad.

Yeah.

What Am I Supposed To Do?

Go To The Tree And Get The Gold Acorns.

Throw Them At The Giant Squirrel.

I Got The Acorns.

Where's The Squirrel?

He'll Show Up.

You Have To Put Them In Your Satchel.

I Don't Have A Satchel.

Get It From Under The Rock.

Get The Chalice!

You Need It For Power.

But He Needs The Satchel.

He Has To Put The Chalice In The Satchel Anyway.

He Can Put The Acorns In The Chalice!

There's No Time!

Oh, No, There's The Giant Squirrel!

What Do I Do?

Run For Cover Under The Bush!

Throw The Acorns!

The Acorns?

Hit "B."

Then Hit "A."

Then "C," "B," "D."

You Threw The Fireball.

The Bush Is Burning.

Get The Hose.

Aw, Grandpa. Aw, Grandpa.

Whew.

You Want To Start Over, Grandpa?

We'll Start You Over Again.

No, No. That's Okay.

I Didn't Realize You'd Have These Games.

I Brought Another Game We Can All Play.

Load It Up.

This One Doesn't Need A Tv.

It's A Pocket Game, Like Game Guy.

I Love Game Guy.

No, It's Not A Game Guy.

Actually, It's A Game That's Been Played

By Millions Of People From Beijing To Brooklyn

And All The Huxtables.

Wow!

What Is It?

It's, Uh, Well...

Clear The Table.

It's Called Pick-Up Sticks.

Where's The Rest Of It?

There Is No More.

That's It.

That's It?

There's No Batteries Or Anything?

What Kind Of Game Is This?

It Don't Need Any Batteries.

No Batteries?

How Do You Play?

You Drop The Colorful Sticks

Then You Try To Pick Them Up With Your Fingers.

Where's The Real Game?

This Is It.

If You Move Any Of The Other Sticks

You Lose Your Turn.

The One With The Most Sticks Wins.

Want To Try?

I Don't Think So.

We're Better With Our Thumbs.

Well, Then You'll Love Tiddledywinks.

Timbly Finks?

What's Wrong With Him?

Whatever It Is, Win Fast

So We Can Get Back To The Real Game.

All Right, The Baby's Going Into The Box.

We Are Not Worried About The Baby Anymore.

We Are Now Talking

About Other Issues Of Responsibility.

I'll Take Responsibility

But I'm Tired Of Taking The Blame

For Everything Bad That Happens.

People Think We Are Negative Statistics.

They Think Half Are In Prison

And The Other Half Are Making Babies.

And Frankly, I'm Not Doing Either One.

We Know That, Dan.

All I Know Is, I'm Just Trying To Make It.

Make What?

The Only Thing You've Made Is Two Babies.

What?

What, Uh..?

Who Made What?

I Made Two Babies

But I'm Not Like Those Guys

On The Pbs Special.

I Take Care Of My Kids.

When?

When I'm Not With You Guys, Man.

You're With Us All The Time.

I See My Girl The First Saturday Of The Month

And I See My Boy The Last Saturday.

Wait A Minute.

You Have Two Babies And Two Girl Friends?

And No Job.

Exactly.

That's Why I Can't See My Babies.

Their Mothers Won't Let Me

Until I Have A Job.

Why Don't You Get A Job?

There Are No Jobs Out There.

I Don't Understand.

I Got A Job.

I May Not Have A Date, But I Got A Job.

Dan, You're A Copy Boy.

Oh, I'm Sorry

But I Couldn't Wait For A $50,000-A-Week Job.

My Job Pays Cold, Hard Cash.

Danny, Put Your Money Away.

Okay?

Put It Away, Little Man.

It's Fine By Me.

I'll Be Standing As Tall As You

Once I'm Standing On My Wallet.

Do Me A Favor.

How Many Of You In This Room Do Not Have Jobs?

Raise You Hand, Please.

While Your Hand Is Up

Please Look Down At Your Feet.

I See Some Very Expensive Sneakers.

I Run Errands.

I'll Scuffle If I Have To.

I Got Mine For My Birthday.

You Should Have Gotten Birthday Money

And Given It To Your Kids.

What Am I Supposed To Do For Sneakers?

Buy Discount Skiffs.

Eddie: He's Bugging.

Not The Shoes, Ben.

Not The Shoes.

You Would Rather Keep Those Sneakers

Than Feed Your Kids?

Copy Shop, Shoe Money

Is Not Going To Take Care Of Your Kids.

At Least I Would Have Made An Effort.

Now We're Getting To The Statistics.

Why Don't You Tell Everyone Here

About Your Girl Friend, Ben?

Okay, My Girl Friend's Pregnant

And We're Getting Married And I'm Getting A Job.

Where Do You Intend To Find This Job, Ben?

The Classifieds

And If I Have To, The Obituaries.

I Know Those People Won't Be Working On Monday.

Let's Get Past That.

Now, Cal, Do You Want A Job?

Yeah, I Want One That Pays Well.

I Understand That, But Life Doesn't Work That Way.

You Just Don't Stand On The Corner

Hoping For People To Come By

And Say, "Is There Anybody Here

"With Two Kids And Two Girl Friends

Who Wants $55,000 A Week?"

Now, What Can You Do?

I Don't Know What I Can Do.

I Don't Know How To Do Anything.

I Had A Job At The Supermarket.

It Paid Minimum Wage, And They Treated Me

Like I Was At The Bottom Of The Pile

And That's Where I Was Going To Stay.

Okay, You Don't Know How To Do Anything

And I'm Telling You That What You've Got To Do Now

Is You've Got To Learn How To Want To Be Something.

How?

You Pick!

Pick?

That's All I Have To Do?

That's All.

I Mean, The Second Thing You Do After You Pick

Is Figure Out If That's Really What You Want To Do

What You Want To Be.

Then The Next Thing You Do Is Find Out How To Become That.

That's Easy For You To Say, Dr. Huxtable.

You're A Doctor!

I Hate To Tell You This, Man, But I'm Not The Issue.

I Have A Job.

Don't Throw It This Way.

It Belongs In Your Court, Son.

I'm Trying To Help You To Think.

Now Pick.

What Would You Like To Be?

Um... I Want To Be A Lab Technician.

Great.

And You Just Happen To Know A Person Who's In Medicine.

You're Giving Me A Job?

I'm Not Giving You A Job.

What Kind Of Business Do You Think I'm Running?

No, But I'm Going To Help You Get Started

En Route To Becoming One.

Fine. You Helped Cal, Dr. Huxtable

But What About Me?

What About You?

What Do You Want To Be?

A Wild Animal Trainer.

I Want You To Go Out To The Zoo First Thing In The Morning.

Go In The Cage.

You Understand Me?

And Then You Dance Around

And If They Don't Eat You Up, Then That's What...

Anybody Here Seriously Want To Talk

About What They Want To Become?

Yes, Sir.

I'd Like To Be A Singer.

(Students Laughing)

Wait. Now, Wait.

We're Onto Something Here That I Think I Can Handle.

Now, If You Want To Be A Singer, Then You Take Lessons.

Have You Taken Lessons?

Yes, Sir

I Have Taken Lessons.

You've Taken Lessons

And None Of Your Friends

Know Anything About These Lessons?

In A Garage.

Then You Wouldn't Be Embarrassed To Sing For Us.

Not At All.

Go Ahead.

♪ I Can Tell You How I Feel For You ♪

♪ And All The Things That I Could Do ♪

♪ To Show You The Love I Have Is True ♪

♪ There Are Many Words That I Could Say ♪

♪ Some Melodies That I'd Like To Play ♪

♪ And This Will Show You The Love I Have Is True. ♪

Thank You Very Much.

(All Cheering)

There We Have In This Room The Only Person

Who Can Go Out On The Street Corner

And Wait For Somebody To Come By And Get Him.

That's Our Seminar For Today, Men.

(All Objecting)

It Seems Like Things Perked Up Once I Left The Room.

No, We're Just Really Getting Warmed Up Now

And If We Could Have More Time

It Would Be Wonderful.

Okay.

I'll See If I Can Move The For-Women-Only Group

To Room 203 Then.

All: Thank You Very Much.

All Right.

Yeah.

Okay, Now What I Want To Tell You...

Oh! Oh, Man!

I Thought I Told You Kids To Put That Thing On The Muted!

Hey, Listen...

Hee, Hee, Ooh.

Ha, Ha.

Dad, Did Clair Come In?

Hmm, Hmm, Hmm.

Well, What About Olivia?

Did You..?

Mm, Mm, Ohh.

Did You Send Marlon Home?

What, What, What, What, What?

Whoa.

You're On The 20th Level.

Yeah.

Watch Out Behind You.

The Squirrel's Behind You.

Squirrel Of Death.

Watch This.

I Got Him.

I Got Him.

I Got Him.

Die, Squirrel, Die.

That's The Last Nut You'll Ever Steal.