Original subtitles

(Giggles)

What Are You Doing?

Nothing.

You're Playing

The Word Scramble Game, Aren't You?

Maybe I Am, Maybe I'm Not.

Okay.

Well, I Think Maybe You Am.

Let Me Play.

That's Quite All Right.

No, Come On...

You Always Spoil It.

But You Got An Empty Space.

Let Me Try...

Okay, Okay.

The Letters Are E, L, X, E, F, R.

E, L, X...

E, F, R.

Make A Real Word, Cliff.

F-E-L-X-E-R.

That's Felxer.

Felxer.

Felxer.

When You Go To The Pharmacy

With A Soda Foundain

And You Have A Lot Of Acid Or Something

And You Want To Get Rid Of It

You Ask For A Glass Of Felxer

Which Is, Uh...

It's Really Soda, But It's Got Twice The Fizz.

No, No, No, Wait.

Okay, If You Don't Like That...

No, Felxer's Fine.

Okay, How About This?

Okay, Let's See.

How About, Um...

E-E-L-F-X-R.

E-L-L-F-X-R.

Now That Would Be An Eel...

Eel Fixer.

See...

Shut Up, Cliff.

No, No, I Got Another.

No, That's All Right.

I've Got My Choices, Honey.

(Broken Doorbell RingsPitifully)

How About Bell Fixer?

I'm Trying.

I'm Trying.

I'm Trying To Fix That Up.

Oh, No.

Look At This.

Well, Well, Mademoiselle Danielle

And Crepe Suzette.

Both: Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

Rudy! Danielle And Susan Are Here.

Hey, You Guys.

Come On In.

We'll Be In The Kitchen Awhile.

We Need Our Privacy, Okay?

Listen, If You Want

Your Mother And I Can Go Outside

And Sit In The Car.

All Right, Dad, Whatever.

Yeah, Uh, Rudy?

Can I See You, Please?

All Right.

I Just Want A Kiss.

I'm Not Going Anywhere.

But I Just... Need... A Litle Kiss.

'Cause I'll Miss You.

Cliff, You're Bleeding.

Yes.

You Have Some Very Sharp Lips.

It's Not Even Lipstick.

It's Just...

...A Little Lip Balm.

So My Lips Won't...

...Get Chapped.

Dad, Everyone...

...In The World... ...Wears Makeup.

But It's...

It's True. It's True.

Now Just Take That

And Wipe It Off.

No, No, No.

Wipe It Off.

Daddy, I Wiped It.

No...

Okay, I'm Wiping It.

Okay.

For That Kissable Look...

Pooh. Pooh.

Excellent.

Oh My Gosh!

What?

J.T. Freeze.

Our J.T. Freeze.

Does He Have A New Song?

No, But He's Got A New Haircut.

(Both Sigh)

Did You Ask Your Parents About The Exchange Club?

Not Yet.

Why Not?

My Parents Would Never Let Me Go To A Dance Club

Even If Their Future Son-In-Law Is There.

But You Could Be The Lucky Winner

Of The Happy Birthday Dance With J.T.

Brought To You By...

♪Da-Dah!♪

♪Wuvv--The Station That Wuvs You!♪

Also By Blem Away Medicated Pads.

When Your Face Breaks Out...

(Horrified Screams)

...Blem Away Kicks In.

Hello! Hello! Hello!

Are You Going To Get Permission Or What?

What Did You Tell Your Parents?

I'm Going To Bible Study.

They Believed That?

They Wanted To Believe It.

I Told My Dad My Mom Said Yes.

She's On A Retreat So He Can't Check.

He's Even Driving Us Both Ways.

Come On, Rudy.

You Just Have To Be Creative.

And, If It Helps

J.T. Really Likes Mature, Assertive Women.

Right.

X-E-L-F-E-R.

Xelfer.

See, The "X" Takes On A "Z" Sound.

Xelfer.

Xelfer Is... A...

Military Base In Mexico.

And I'm Surprised That The Pentagon

Has Allowed This Kind Of Information

To Be Included In A Word Game.

The Word Is "Reflex," Darling.

It Was "Reflex" 45 Minutes Ago, And It's "Reflex" Now.

Okay, If That's The One You Want To Put In There.

Fine.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Dad.

Hello, Rudy.

How You Doing?

Fine.

Susan And Danielle Invited Me To A Real Special Event.

It's In The Village

On 14th Street, Off Union Square.

It's Called The Exchange...

The Cultural Exchange.

It's A Teen Bible Club

And There's Going To Be...

A Guest Speaker From A Retreat.

Just To Help Me Clarify

What Is This Place?

It's A Place Where People Come To Exchange Culture.

You Know, Culture-- Like The Museums And Opera.

And The Bible Too.

Naturally.

And Susan's Father Would Drive Us Both Ways.

Well... It Sounds Like Everything's On The Up And Up.

How About You, Clair?

Sounds Okay To Me.

It Does?

Mm-Hmm.

(Chuckles)

Listen, I'm Pretty Sure

You'll Get A "Yes" On This

But Give Us A Little Time To Think It Over.

Okay.

Thank You.

Bye-Bye. Bye-Bye.

Nice Talking To You.

(Broken Doorbell Rings)

I'm Tired, Honey.

Please, I'm So Tired

I'm Too Tired To Answer The Doorbell.

Would You Please?

You're Too Tired To Fix It Too.

No, You're Too Tired.

Lance. Good Evening, Mrs. Huxtable.

Dr. Huxtable. Hey.

Wait A Second...

Pam! Charmaine!

Yes, Sir?

Smooth Groove Is Here.

All Right.

You Got A New Doorbell.

Some Jazz Fusion Happening.

Have A Sit-Down.

I Want To Ask You A Question.

Um...

Do You Know Of A Club

Called The Cultural Exchange Club?

No. I Know A Club Called The Exchange.

Rudy Says It's On 14th, Off Of Union Square.

Yeah, That's The Block, But That's The Exchange.

Does It Have Anything To Do With Culture?

The Museum?

Opera?

Bible Study?

Bible..! No, No.

What Is The Exchange Club?

It's Just This Whack Club...

A What?

It's Whack.

It's This Little Nothing Club.

You're Supposed To Be 16 To Get In

But Junior High Kids Dress Up Older

And They Let Them In Too.

Basically, They Good Kids

Sneaking Out On Their Parents...

Ohh!

I Ain't In This.

You Are Now.

Hey. Hi, Lance.

Let's Go.

I Hate Missing The Opening Credits.

Your Little Cousin Is About To Socially Self-Destruct.

What?

Rudy Is Going To The Exchange.

Oh, No! Oh, No!

When?

No, No, You Don't Have To Talk Loud About It.

She's Going Tomorrow.

I Can't Let This Happen To My Cousin.

Let Me Ask You.

This Is A Club.

Is There Any Alcohol There?

No. It's Just A Bunch Of Lame, Old-Head Dudes

That Hang Out There.

Old Heads?

You Know, Dudes Pushing What-- 19, 20?

These Guys Can't Swing With Their Own Peers

And They Prefer The Challenge Of 13-Year-Olds.

Well, Let Me Ask You All A Question.

Is It Possible That You All Could Take Tomorrow

And Go Down To The Club

And Do A Little Surveillance Work For Us?

Sir, I'm There.

Count Me In.

We Would Be More Than Happy

To Cover Your Expenses.

That's Okay, Mrs. Huxtable.

Just Helping You Out-- That's Enough.

No, That's Very True

However, What With The Cost Of Admissions

Uh... Disguises

Surveillance Beverages

And Cab Fare

The Evening Could Become Quite Prohibitive.

What Kinds Of Disguises Do You Plan To Use?

Well, Disguises So We Won't Be Recognized As Old Heads.

I Don't Want Nobody Mistaking Me For A Bird Of Prey.

I Accept What You're Saying

And What Mrs. Huxtable And I Would Love To Do

Is Treat You To A Sort Of Pre-Surveillance Dinner.

All Right.

Keep Our Energy Up.

And May I Suggest A Little

Post-Surveillance De-Briefing Dessert?

Okay, We Will Cover That

And I Do Want You To Know, Lance, Sir Lance

That No Matter What This Evening Costs Us

Mrs. Huxtable And I Will Always Be In Debt To You.

Dr. Huxtable, You Have No Idea.

Both: Good Night.

Good Night.

What If They Ask For I.D.?

They Won't Ask If We Look 16.

Do I Look 16?

You're Stressing Me Out.

I'll Break Out.

It's A Good Thing We Have Our Complimentary

Blem Away Travel Kits.

Look, There's Rudy.

Shh, Get Back.

You Don't Want Her To Recognize Us.

Whoo, Man, It's Hot Under Here.

Lance, You Picked Out That Stupid Disguise.

A Simple Hat Would Have Been Enough.

I'm Not Taking Any Chances Tonight.

Stop Calling Me Lance.

My Name Is Trevor.

Oh! Good Evening.

Keep Your Ticket Stubs.

You Could Have The Winning Number

For The Birthday Dance With J.T. Freeze.

Oh, Sorry.

What Can I Get You To Drink?

I'm Not Thirsty.

Me Either.

I'm Driving Tonight.

We Don't Serve Alcohol Here.

When Did That Start?

When We Opened.

Charmaine, What Are They Up To?

They're Embarrassing Themselves.

What Are They Doing?

Standing There With Bad Makeup Jobs.

I'm Doing All I Can To Hold Myself Back.

Excuse Me, My Fair Lady

But Do You Know C.P.R.?

Why Do You Ask?

Because Your Beauty Just May Stop My Heart.

You Have Got To Be Kidding.

No, Baby, The Only Thing I've Got To Be Is By Your Side.

Fly, Fly Away.

Oh, To Be A Fly On The Wall Of Your Life.

Lookie Here.

I Asked You To Go Away.

I'll Go Away

But The Memory Of You Shall Linger In My Soul Forever.

(Girls Gasping)

Rudy: There He Is.

Look, That's Him.

There He Is.

I See His Hair.

Oh, My Gosh.

Oh, My Gosh.

Guys, Guys, You Have To Calm Down.

He Likes Mature, Assertive Women.

Not Like Those Girls.

Look At Them-- They're Mauling Him.

Susan: That's So Declasse.

Let's Go Over.

No, No, No.

Let Him Find Us.

Mmm, Excuse Me, My Fair Ladies.

Have I Just Won A Triple Crown Of Beauty Or What?

What? What? What?

I Said Your Once, Twice, Three Times The Ladies.

What? What? What?

Shall We Throw Caution To The Wind

And Dare Ourselves To Dance?

What? What? What?

Do Y'all Want To Dance?

Which One Of Us?

Baby, I Don't Care.

We All Dance Together.

We Come As A Package Deal.

Mmm, Three Fine Mice.

Let's See How They Dance.

Lance, What Are They Doing?

They Dancing With That C.P.R. Fool.

At Least, It Look Like Dancing.

Charmaine, What's Your Diagnosis?

I'd Call The Vet On That Hound.

Oh, Excuse Me.

No Problem... Mon.

Yo, Yo, Cinderlovelies.

Come Over Here.

Come Here.

Excuse Me, Mon.

I Noticed Your Dance Steps.

You Give Lessons?

I Can Show You Later.

I Got Three Fish To Fry.

They're Too Small.

You Better Throw Them Back.

You The Game Warden?

That's Right, And They're In My Custody.

Before You Try Dancing With Them Three

These Two Want To Cut In.

No Problem, Man.

Look, You Keep That Side.

I'll Work With This Side.

Excuse Me.

May I Have Your Attention, Please.

I'd Like To Introduce Our Guest Of Honor.

Our Own Homeboy.

The Master Of Rap Disaster.

The Emperor Of Emotion.

Mr. J. T. Freeze.

♪ Hello, Everybody ♪

♪ And Thanks For Coming To My Party ♪

♪ I Appreciate Your Help To Celebrate ♪

♪ So I'm Pulling Out The Ticket With The Girl Of My Dreams ♪

♪ Take A Look At The Numbers And Control Your Screams ♪

♪ The First Is One And Oh, Sweet Heaven ♪

♪ The Next Is Five And The Last Is... Four? ♪

I Thought It Was Seven.

No, My Brother, It's Four.

The Winner Is 154.

Oh! I Won! I Won!

Mr. J.T. Freeze!

I Can't Believe It.

We Won! We Won!

It's Pam.

And Charmaine.

They Stole Our Man.

Come On, Baby.

Charmaine: Get Him, Girl.

Go On, Homie.

Oh My Gosh.

They're Coming This Way.

Rudy, Calm Down.

Rudy, Danielle, Susan--

I'd Like You All To Meet J. T. Freeze.

Hello.

Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday.

Haircut, Nice.

♪ Rudy, Danielle, Susan, So Fine ♪

♪ I'll Always Remember This Birthday Of Mine. ♪

Excuse Me, But I Think

You Got A Spider On Your Face.

Oh, I'm Sorry.

That's Your Eyelash.

Here.

Oh, No!

(Sobbing)

Is Your Friend All Right?

Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday.

(Wailing)

Happy Birthday.

I'm Assertive.

Happy Birthday.

I'm Assertive.

I Only Danced With Him Because Of The Contest.

You Know How Competitive I Am.

Is That Why You Kept Yelling

"I'm Mrs. Freeze! I'm Mrs. Freeze!"?

What You Talking About, Charmaine?

Thank God You Lost Your Grip On His Hood Ornament.

The Driver Would Have Ran You Over.

I Was Just Checking His Tire Pressure.

Pam: Um, Rudy?

A Note Here Says There's An Important Message For You

On The Answering Machine.

(Giggles)

I Hope It's None Of My Friends

Asking How Tonight Went.

Rudy, This Is Your Father.

I'm Going To Bed, But Before I Do...

Clair: Tell Her I'm Tired, Cliff.

I'm Tired Of 13-Year-Olds.

Cliff: Your Mother's Tired, Rudy.

And I'm Tired.

And What You Did Is Tired.

But We Understand Your Desire To Be With Older People.

In Fact, We Feel You Should Spend Time

With Older People.

So You And Your Friends Will Spend Every Saturday

For The Next Six Months Volunteering

At The Ellen P. Bartow Retirement Home.

What?!

Good Night.

You Took The Man's Wrist Watch?

It Fell Off On His Way Out.

I Was There.

He Flung It At You To Save His Arm.

I'll Send It Back Tomorrow.

I Live Closer To The Post Office.

I'll Send It Back Tomorrow.

No, I Will Return It Tonight.

They're Going To The Palomino.

The Palomino?

Yippee-Ki-Ay, Let's Ride!

My Fair Ladies!