Original subtitles

This Is Going To Be Good.

Good Morning.

Good Morning, Mom.

Rudy And I Made Breakfast For Everybody.

Oh, Great.

So, All I Have To Do Is Get Some Water For Tea.

(Pipes Banging)

Uh-Oh. You Know What That Means.

Dad Will Get Out His Tool Belt.

The Pipes Will Be All Over...

Your Father Is Not Going To Touch That Sink.

Mom, If He Hears It

You Can't Stop Him.

If He Hears It.

We Have To Keep Him From Hearing It

Until I Get A Plumber Over Here, Okay?

Good Morning.

Good Morning, Love.

Vanessa: Hi, Dad.

Good Morning.

What Are You Doing?

I Am Going To Have

(British Accent:) A Nice Glass Of Water, You See.

Let Me Get That For You.

But Dear, I Don't Want Any Kettle Water.

It's From The Same Tap, Dad.

Did You Think I Thought It Was Coming

From The Well?

It's All H2o.

Low In Cholesterol.

Yo. What's Up?

Good Morning.

Hey, Big Brother, Come To See Me Off?

Nope.

I Want You To Have A Safe Trip

But I Came To Pick Up A New Jacket For My First Day.

Your Clothes Are Not Here.

Come On, Dad.

Did Orientation Go Okay?

Great.

Orientation Went So Well

I Think This New Job Is Going To Be A Cinch.

Job?

You... You Got A...

Yes, A Job.

It's Part Of His Internship From School.

You Have A Job.

Dad, Come On, You Know Internships Don't Pay.

Well, Then It's Not A Job.

Well, I Haven't

Heard About It.

Because It's Not A Job.

You're Looking At The New Seventh-Grade Junior Counselor

At Benjamin Banneker Community Center.

You?

I'll Be Working

In An Afterschool Program With Kids Your Age.

Do They Know Who They're Getting?

Rudy, Your Brother Is A Very Responsible Person.

Responsible?

The Same Guy Who Was Going To Move To New Jersey

With Monopoly Money.

If You Don't Mind, That Happened A Long Time Ago

And Your Brother Has More Than Made Up For It.

He Has A Job Now

And That Doesn't Pay Any Real Money Either.

But This Is The Same Man Who Was Going To Shave His Head

To Be In A Video.

Let's Not Dwell In The Past.

Thank You, Mom.

Ever Since I Chose Pediatric Psych As My Major

I've Always Wanted To Work With Kids

And Now, I Got My Chance.

I Think You're Choosing A Very Promising Career Path.

Student Counseling Could Be A Real Money-Maker.

I'm Not In It For The Money.

I Want To Give Back To The Community.

You Could Give Back To The Entire Nation.

You Could Start Your Own Chain Of Afterschool Programs

Across The Country.

I Told You, I'm Not In It For The Money.

We Know That.

Look, Theo, I Understand That You're Dedicated

But There's Nothing Wrong With A Little Profit Motive.

Think Of It-- Seminars, A Home Video Course

Franchises, Man, Franchises.

Good-Bye, Vanessa.

See You Guys Later.

Thanks For Breakfast.

Where Are You Going With That Syrup?

Oh, Sorry.

There You Go.

See You Later.

Come On, Theo, Call Me About This.

Mom And Dad Could Lend Us The Seed Money.

Where Are You Going?

Two Reasons:

Number One, She's A Brilliant Person

But I Never Could Eat Vanessa's Cooking.

Number Two:

I'm Going To Get My Tool Belt And Fix The Pipe Under The Sink.

Oh, This Is Cute.

I Used To Do This In Grammar School.

Hey.

Go, Theo! Go, Theo! Go, Theo! Go, Theo! Go, Theo!

Yes!

Any Challengers?

Is There Anyone Who Would Like To Do Better Than That?

Don't Pull.

There You Go. Pick It Up.

Pick It Up.

Five, Six, Seven...

And Touch It, And Touch It.

Back, Back, Front, Front

Back Kick.

Five, Six, Seven, Eight.

Right, Left, Middle, Out.

One, Two, Three.

Whoo, Hey, You Guys, That's Great.

I'm Theo. I'm The New Counselor.

That's Cool.

Wow!

Well, You Seem Very Happy Today.

Oh, Mrs. Hudson, I Am Indeed.

Good, Because Enthusiasm Is Important.

Mrs. Hudson, Enthusiasm Is Me.

I Get The Feeling You're A Changer.

I Beg Your Pardon?

My Junior Counselors

Usually Fall Into One Of Four Categories:

There's The "I'm Just Like You" Type--

They Want To Be Everybody's Pal

The "Over-Empathizer"--

They Feel Sorry For Everybody

The "Authority" Type--

They Tell Everybody To Sit Down And Shut Up.

And Then There's

The "I'm Going To Change The World" Type.

To Be Honest, I Think My Category

Is "I Just Hope I Don't Fall On My Face."

That Makes Two Of Us.

Okay.

Mrs. Hudson, What's This?

Oh, I Call That My Wall Of Achievement.

Of Course, The Kids Refer To It

As Hudson's Heroes.

But We've Got Lawmakers, Community Leaders, Dentists...

Wow, That's Cool.

All Right, All Right, All Right.

You See, I Believe There Is No Such Thing

As A Kid Who Cannot Be Influenced

Either Positively Or Negatively.

Now, Our Job Is To Stress The Positive.

I've Had My Share Of Instructors Whose Idea Of Teaching

Was To Tell Everybody To Sit Down And Shut Up.

That's Not Me.

I'm Glad.

You'll Be Taking Over The Rosa Parks Group.

Okay, I'll Be Taking Over The Rosa Parks Group.

My Group.

All Right!

If You'll Come With Me, I'll Show You Your Room.

My Room.

All Right!

Are You Going To Keep Doing This?

I'm Almost Afraid To Give You Your Key.

After They've Finished Their Homework

And You've Checked It

Then, And Only Then

Are They Allowed Extracurricular Activities.

And That Does Not Mean

Roaming The Halls Or The City.

We Wouldn't Do That. Oh, No.

Now, I Want You All To Meet Theo Huxtable

Your New Junior Counselor.

What's Up? What's Up?

If You Need Me, I'll Be In My Office.

Thank You.

All: Bye, Mrs. Hudson.

Good Afternoon.

Okay, Rosa Parks Group.

Let's Say You Get Started On Your Homework

And I'll Come Around While You're Working

And I'll Talk To You Individually.

Yo, Theo Huggable, What Should We Call You?

Actually

It's Huxtable, But Call Me Theo.

What's Your Name?

Stanley.

How You Doing?

Where Are You From?

Brooklyn.

Are You Married?

No, I'm Not Married.

Where Did You Get Those Clothes?

The Store.

You Like Those Clothes?

Very Much.

Let's Get With This Homework.

Yo, Man, What School Did You Go To?

N.Y.U.

You Like It?

You Got A Girlfriend There?

Time For Questions Later.

I Know You Got English Or Math Or Something To Do

So, Let's Hit It.

Can't You See The Man Wants Us To Do Our Homework?

We're Ready, Theo, As Soon As You Give Us Our Snack.

All: Yeah!

Snack?

We Always Have A Snack Before Homework.

He's Right, Sir.

The Rule Is Snack, Then Homework.

He's Right, Man.

Mrs. Hudson Never Mentioned Anything About A Snack.

Well, She's Getting A Little Old, Sir.

Sometimes She Forgets.

I'm Usually The One That Goes To Her Office To Remind Her.

Wait, Wait, Excuse Me...

Uh... Stanley, Sit Down, Man.

All Right, You Want A Snack.

All: Yeah!

Okay, What Should Our Snack Be?

Maybe... I Don't Know... Pizza?

(Cheering)

Yes, Everybody Likes Pizza.

Now, Pizza Usually Comes In, What?

Eight Slices.

Now, Since There's, Uh... 13 Of Us

We'll Need...

Two Pizzas.

There You Go.

Two Pizzas.

One, Two.

Now, If All Of Us Were To Have Just One Slice

What Percentage Of The Second Pie

Will Be Left Over?

None.

Eugene And I Plan To Eat It.

Okay, Cool

But What Percentage Do You And Eugene Plan On Eating?

And, If Only Half Of Us Wanted A Second Slice Of Pizza

What Percentage Would Remain?

And...

Forget About It.

We're Not Even Hungry.

Since No One's Hungry

I Guess We Could Get Back To Our Homework, Huh?

Are You Sure You're New At This?

Forget It, Man, This Guy's A Pro.

All Right, All Right.

Good, Good.

Hey, Stanley, What's This, Man?

Hey, I Know My Notebook Looks A Little Messy

But That's 'Cause Everything's Up Here.

Oh, Isn't That Cute.

Stanley: Yo, Theo. I Got To Go

To The Bathroom.

Okay, But, Uh, You Can Go

But You Got To Be Back In 1/12 Of An Hour.

All Right, Man.

How Much Time Is That?

Well, Sit Down, Figure It Out And Then You Can Go.

I Don't Have To Go That Bad.

Yo, Well, I Do.

Theo, Five Minutes?

Five Minutes.

Five Minutes.

Guys, Guys.

Let's Synchronize Wrists.

Starting...

Both: Now.

(Boys Shouting)

Yeah, What's Your Name Again, Man?

Rahim.

I've Got To Go

To The Bathroom.

You Can Go When The Guys Come Back.

They're Back.

I Believe These Two Belong To You.

I Sent Them To The Bathroom Ten Minutes Ago.

Their Sense Of Geography Is A Little Off.

They Were On The Basketball Court.

Have A Seat, Fellas.

I'm Sorry...

It's Okay.

We Just Wanted To Let You Know

That We Did Go To The Bathroom.

We Just Had Three Minutes Left Over.

You Know--

1/20 Of A Hour?

The Game Took A Little Longer Than We Thought.

About A Twelfth Of An Hour Longer.

But Don't Worry, We Won.

We Upheld The Honor And The Dignity

Of The Rosa Parks Group.

Yeah!

(Chanting:) Rosa, Rosa...

Yo! Yo!

Come On, Chill With That Noise.

Get Back To Your Homework.

(Chanting:) Rosa, Rosa

Rosa, Rosa...

Hey, Guys!

Guys! Guys!

Rosa.

Rosa.

Rosa.

Rosa.

Rosa.

Rosa.

Rosa.

All: Rosa! Rosa! Rosa! Rosa...

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Now, I Want Everybody To Sit Down And Shut Up!

Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

Hey, Honey.

What Are You Doing?

Well, I Got Some Air Trapped In The Pipe

And I Have To Let It Out.

Can I Help?

Yeah, You Can Be

My Assistant.

All Right!

When I Ask For A Tool From Up Here

You Hand It To Me, Okay?

Okay.

Do You Need Anything, Dr. Huxtable?

Oh, No, No, Not Yet.

Oh, Here's The Tool Family.

Hello, Mr. Screwdriver.

(Deep Voice:) Hello, Olivia!

And You Must Be...

Hmm...

Dr. Huxtable?

Huh?

What Is This?

Oh, That's A Wrench, Honey.

A Wrench.

Hello, Mrs. Wrench.

(High Voice:) Hello, Mr. Screwdriver.

This Is Our Daughter, Baby Screwdriver.

She Looks Just Like Me.

(Laughing)

I Have To Go To Work Now.

Bye.

Bye.

Olivia?

Yes?

Olivia, I Need The Big Screwdriver, Please.

Mr. Screwdriver's Not Here.

He Went To Work.

I Need The Screwdriver-- Now, Okay?

He's At The Plant.

Well, His Job

Is To Be Here With Me, Okay?

Not At The Plant.

Now, Give Me The Yellow Screwdriver, Okay?

I Can't.

Baby Screwdriver's Taking A Nap.

Uh, Do Me A Favor.

Hand Me The Screwdriver

With The Big, Yellow Handle

And Give Me The Right One, Please.

All Right.

♪ You Got The Right One, Baby. ♪

Uh-Huh.

All Right, Class.

Now, Yesterday We Got Off To A Bad Start

But Today, We're Going To Have Fun.

Later On, In Arts And Crafts

We're Going To Make Belts Out Of Leather

But First You Got To Do Your Homework

So Let's Get To It.

Stanley, You Too.

I Ain't Got No Homework.

You And Leticia Are In The Same Class.

How Come She Has Homework?

'Cause She Ain't As Smart As I Am.

At Least I Didn't Get A "D" In Social Studies.

That "D" Is Wet.

I Know That Stuff.

They Make Those Questions To Fool You.

Do You Have A Test There, Leticia?

Let Me See Your Test.

All Right.

Now, Stanley, You Know These Answers?

That's Right. Ask Me Anything.

Who Was Eli Whitney?

He Invented The Cotton Gin.

What About Robert Fulton?

He Was The Steam Engine Man.

Who Was James Madison, Stanley?

He Was A President.

The Question Is

"Which One Of These Men Is Not An Inventor--

Eli Whitney, Robert Fulton Or James Madison?"

See? They Don't Ask Them Questions Right.

He Doesn't Read Too Well.

I Read Better Than You.

Oh, Yeah?

Then Read This, And Read It Fast.

I Don't Have To Read Nothing For You.

Wait, Wait, Wait. Hold It.

Hey, Leticia, Leticia.

Don't Mess With Me. Don't Mess With Me.

Uh, Leticia, Please, Just Finish Your Homework.

All Of You Guys, Finish Your Homework.

Come On, Stanley, Let's Take A Walk.

We're Going Out In The Hallway Now.

I Want You Guys To Do Your Homework, Behave

And I'm Leaving The Door Open.

Come On.

I Don't Care If He Leaves

The Door Open.

I'll Do What I Want.

So, Go Close It.

I'm Doing My Homework.

You Go Close It.

I Don't Care What Leticia Say.

I Know How To Read.

Listen, I Believe You.

Then Why Dis Me In Front Of The Class?

Look, Stanley, I Just Want You To Know

That I Know How You Feel.

Yeah, Right.

Do You Like To Read?

Why?

Forget About That.

When You Read, Do You Read Fast Or Slow?

Let Me Tell You Something About Myself.

When I Read, I Read Real Slow

And When I Was Younger, Kids Used To Tease Me

And I Used To Be Embarrassed By It.

What That Got To Do With Me?

Yep.

I Used To Act The Same Way.

Look, Man

My Handwriting Is Sloppy, My Notebook Was A Mess.

That Sound Familiar?

Maybe.

Last Thing I Wanted To Do Was Read.

I Know What You Saying.

You Know What I'm Saying.

Stanley, You Know What I'm Saying!

Come Here, Man.

I Want You To Read Something...

Right Here.

It's Just Me And You, Nobody Else.

What You Want Me To Read?

This Passage On The Declaration Of Independence.

All Right, Here We Go.

Right There, Man.

"The Dee-Cluh..."

Oh, "The Declaration Of Independence

"Was Sig... Sig-Ned By The Memories...

Sig-Ned By The Memories."

All Right.

That's "Signed By The Members."

Yeah. That's What I Meant.

"Signed By The Members."

All Right, Now, That's A Big Word.

We Can Sound It Out Together.

Both: "Con-Ti-Nental.

"Con-Tie...

"Con-Tin-Ental.

"Continental... Con-Gress.

Continental Congress."

See? I'm Smart.

Yeah, Man, You Are.

So Then Why Do I Feel So Dumb?