Original subtitles

How's It Look?

It Looks Great.

We Make Great Parties.

Grandma And Grandpa Will Be So Surprised

To See Mr. And Mrs. Fields.

They're The Funniest People.

How Would You Know?

You Were Seven The Last Time They Visited From Florida.

I Wasn't Brainless.

It Was Grandma And Grandpa's Golden Anniversary.

Mr. Fields Let Me Dance On His Feet.

He Pulled Quarters Out Of My Ear.

You Fell For That Old Trick?

All I Know Is I Got Rich.

Vanessa: Hey, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Oh, This Looks Nice.

Thank You.

Looks Nice.

Honey, I Bought It.

Anniversary Present For My Parents--

A 19th Century Nigerian Ritual Bowl.

Oh, Cliff, That's Lovely.

What Rituals Was It Used For?

Uh, Probably For Marriages Or Potato Salad.

(Sneezes)

Ho, What Is This Sneeze?

Huh?

(Hoarsely:) I Don't Feel Too Good.

Oh, No.

I Think She's Catching A Cold, Cliff.

And I'm Making Something

That Will Take Care Of That.

Do You Think You'll Be Able To Sing

For My Mother And Father's Anniversary?

Whoa!

Now, Talk To Me.

What Do You Want Me To Say?

Can You Sing ♪ Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi ♪?

(Croaking:) ♪ Mi, Mi... ♪

I Don't Think You'll Make It Tonight.

Why Don't You Go Upstairs And Just Rest

And I'll Bring You Up Some Juice, Okay?

That's Right, Olivia.

I'll Bring Up Your Soup.

Okay.

(Sneezes)

Oh, Poor Thing.

She Had Her Heart Set On Singing For Russell And Anna Tonight.

(Knocking)

Hello. Afternoon.

Afternoon, Mrs. Huxtable.

Afternoon, Dr. Huxtable.

I'm So Happy That Hank Sent You.

No Heat In The Dining Room, Huh?

Don't Worry.

For Ten Years Now I've Worked On That Heater.

That's Good To Hear, Because...

You Got A Big Party.

I Wouldn't Want To Put A Damper

On The Anniversary.

Oh, My, That Smells Good.

Oh, Thank You.

Dave, I Have A Watch On, And You Don't Start To Get Paid

Until Your Feet Hit The Basement.

Oh, Yeah, I Got A Watch Too, Right Here.

Mmm, Pardon Me.

Pardon Me.

Smells...

Smells Good.

That's Right.

This Soup Will Help Olivia Get Over Her Cold.

You Don't Mind A Medical Opinion?

Please.

Oh...

It's Supposed To Taste Like That.

Why?

This Is My Great-Aunt Becky's Garlic And Lemon Rowboat Soup.

Oh...

Every Spring When The Mississippi Flooded

Everybody Would Get Colds.

Great-Aunt Becky

Put Big Cast Iron Kettles Of This Soup In Her Rowboat.

After People Drank It

They Were Cured Before She Floated Away.

Aunt Becky Rowed And Spooned Till The Waters Went Down.

So Your Aunt Becky Was A Strong And Determined Woman

Who Couldn't Cook.

All I Know Is

Everybody Who's Ever Tasted It Got Well.

How You Feel?

How Do I Look?

Mom, Table's Polished.

Thank You, Son.

Ooh, Food.

No, No, That's Not Food.

This Is My Great-Aunt Becky's Garlic And Lemon Rowboat Soup.

Rowboat Soup.

Sounds Good.

Uh-Huh.

I'll Take Some Of That.

Son, Son, Son.

Woo-Whee!

That Soup's Got Kick.

Nice Little Tang There.

This Is For Olivia's Cold.

If That Soup Doesn't Work, I'm Making Pot Likker.

Pot Likker?

My Grandmother Used To Make It.

You Cook Greens In A Pot, Boil It All Down

And Drink It.

Every Time We Got Sick

She Slimed Us With That Stuff.

You Got Over That Cold.

You Want To Help Somebody Get Over A Cold

Brew Some Camellia On That Stove.

Camellia?

What You Call Chamomile.

Looks Like A Flower, Smells Like An Apple

With The Kick Of A Czechoslovakian Mule.

The First Thing My Parents Packed

When They Came From Prague.

This House Is Full Of Doctors.

(Doorbell Ringing)

Hey, Charmaine.

Hey, Pam.

You Ready For A Good Afternoon Of Hanging Out?

I Can't.

I'm Finishing A Big Afghan

For Cousin Cliff's Parents' Anniversary.

Oh, That's Sweet.

Lance And I Used To Celebrate Our Anniversary Month By Month--

Give Each Other Gifts--

Until I Realized

One Was Giving And The Other Was Taking.

I Think Of Anniversaries As A Yearly Thing.

I'm Saving Up For Our Biggie.

Lance Is Correct.

The Word Anniversary

Comes From The Latin Annus, Meaning Year

And Vertos, Meaning Turn.

So A Monthly Anniversary

Is Linguistically Contradictory.

Listen To The Man With The Facts.

We Men Have Too Much On Our Minds

To Keep Monthly Tabs On The Love Calendar.

Ain't That Right, Aaron?

When Was The First Time

You And Pam Went Out Together?

October 14.

Both: Four Months, Three Weeks, And Two Days Ago.

If You Care, You'd Remember.

I Care.

My Philosophy Is That You Diminish Anniversaries

If You Have One For Every Event.

"Our First Pizza."

"Our First Pizza With Pepperoni."

A Person Would Need An Anniversary Computer

To Keep Up With All Those Dates.

Aaron Remembers.

What Was The Date Of Our First Kiss?

November 2, 10:15 P.M.

It Lasted 23 Seconds.

He's Something, Isn't He, Charmaine?

Yes, He's Something.

A Kiss Is Easy.

When Was The First Time You All Held Hands?

That's Easy.

Aaron?

Let's See, There Have Been So Many Times.

He's Talking About The Firsttime.

Do You Remember, Pam?

I Do.

Come To Think Of It, So Do I.

It Was The Evening Of October 24.

I Remember That Because It Was Misty

And It Gave Your Skin This Beautiful Glow.

Oh, Man.

As We Walked From The Library

I Took Your Hand In Mine.

That Was The Third Time.

But I'll Take It.

Lance, Why Don't You Try A Stab At Our First Kiss.

I Know It Was A Lot Longer Than 23 Seconds.

We Have To Remember That What's Important To One Person

Many Not Be As Important To Another.

I Remember The First Time

We Went To The Library Together, Do You?

You Can't Compare Studying With Holding Hands.

Yes, I Can.

We Were Studying Biology

And You Were Nibbling An Apple.

I Thought How Beautiful

Your Digestive Tract Must Be.

Oh, Man.

(Whispering:) Hello.

♪ Aaaaah! ♪

♪ Hello, Hello, Hello ♪

♪ Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi ♪

♪ Le-Dee, Le-Dee, Le-Dee ♪

♪ Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi ♪

(Croaking:) ♪ Mi, Mi... ♪

It Doesn't Work.

Okay.

Well, Maybe You'll Sing

For My Mother And Father Another Time.

But I Said I'd Sing Them A Special Song

For Their Anniversary.

Yeah, But, Honey, You Just Can't.

My Dad Said It's Wrong To Break A Promise.

I Know, But In This Case You Can't Do Anything

So Maybe You Can Give Them Something Else.

Like What?

I'm Not Big.

I Can't Sew Like Pam.

You And Mrs. Huxtable Won't Let Me Cook Anything.

I Can't Buy Them Anything.

I'm Broke.

What Happened To All Your Money?

I Don't Know.

I Bought Some Bubble Gum.

Ha Ha! Here's Another Quarter.

Thank You.

Wait A Minute.

Another One.

Thank You.

Mr. And Mrs. Fields

I Cannot Wait To See Grandma And Grandpa's Faces

When They See You.

I Can't Wait To See The Look On Russell's Face

Because He Owes Me Five Dollars.

I'm Asking For It In Quarters.

Why Does He Owe You Five Dollars?

Because 55 Years Ago Today

I Bet Russell That His Marriage Would Not Last.

You Never Said That.

Yes, I Did.

Their Car Just Pulled Up!

When They Come In, We Take A Picture.

Stand Over Here

And Then You Can Jump Out And Say, "Surprise."

Both: Surprise!

All These Years We've Been Coming Here On Our Anniversary

Walking Through This Door The Same Way.

This Year We Decided To Spice It Up A Little.

That's Right.

These Are My Parents.

That's The Same Way They Looked When They Got Married.

What A Surprise!

Let's Go Sit Down.

Hi, Grandma.

Here's My Baby.

Hi, Grandpa.

Grandma, Grandpa, The Surprises Are Not Over Yet.

Rudy And I Have Something For You In The Kitchen.

Something Very Special That They're Preparing

And We Have These Gifts For You Later On.

This Is From Sondra And Elvin.

They're At A Medical Convention.

Martin Is Shipping Out.

Denise Is With Him.

Didn't They Leave A Little Representative Behind?

She's Got A Little Cold.

Did You Put Asafetida Around Her Neck?

What's Asafetida?

It's A Healing Herb.

It's A Stinking Herb.

Put This Around Your Neck

And It Smells Like Rotten Potatoes.

But It Worked.

Asafetida Around Your Neck

And Your Feet In Hot Water With Mustard Plaster--

Knock The Cold Right Out Of You.

Dad, They Made You Put Your Feet In Mustard Plaster?

You Have No Idea How Fortunate You Are Your Father's A Doctor.

This Woman-- My Mother-- And Her Mother...

I Have Chicken Pox.

They Came Up To The Room.

Had A Bowl Of Oatmeal.

Made Me Take All My Clothes Off.

Put Wax Paper Over The Sheet.

Took This Oatmeal And Smeared It All Over My Body.

Oatmeal Paste.

And You Stopped Itching And Squirming, Didn't You?

Yes, Because I Was Afraid Of What Else

You All Were Going To Do.

I Thought You All Were Going To Come Up

And Put Brown Sugar And Nuts And Raisins All Over Me

And Open The Window

And Let All Of The Birds Come In.

Can't Olivia Visit With Us For A Little While?

She's Embarrassed.

She Promised She Would Sing That Song For You.

Now She Can't.

Is She Congested?

Kerosene And Sugar Will Break That Up.

For Chest Congestion

Everybody Knows It's Turpentine And Sugar.

Turpentine And Kerosene For Chest Congestion.

All You Got To Do Is Light A Cigarette.

Your Chest Will Open Right Up.

Cliff, Stop That Now.

Don't Make Fun Of Home Remedies.

I'm Telling You That These People

Are Talking About A Teaspoon Of Kerosene Or Turpentine

And These Things, Taken Internally, Are Toxic.

You Can't Digest That Stuff.

You Will Open Up... The Heavenly Gates.

Olivia Hasn't Got A Fever, Has She?

No, Not Anymore.

I'm Not Recommending This.

Good.

When I Was A Boy

To Reduce Fever

People Gave Children Rolled-Up Spider Webs.

How Do You Swallow Spider Webs?

A Little Orange Juice-- Goes Right Down.

I Had A 104 Temperature Once.

Took Two Of Those Rolled-Up Spider Webs.

Couple Of Hours Later, 98.6.

Dad, Come On, Spider Webs?

Antipyretic.

I Guess, In That Case

When A Patient Calls With A High Fever, Just Say

"Go Down To Your Basement, Take A Flashlight

"Look In The Darkest Corner, Find A Big Spider Web

"Put It In Your Mouth

"Take Some Orange Juice Along With A Little Kerosene

And Then Call Me In The Morning After You Dip In Some Oatmeal."

My Roommate Had Asthma.

We Took Him To This Cureologist In The Village.

Cureologist?

Yeah.

Is That My Sport Coat?

Yeah, Mine Was In The Cleaners.

Thanks, Dad.

We Went To This Cureologist.

He Had This Wooden Sign On His Door

With 100, 150 Things Listed.

My Friend Walked In.

He Was Coughing And Wheezing.

The Man Mixed Up A Concoction Right There.

He Took Goat's Milk

And He Boiled It Up.

Took A Little Pinch Of Salt, A Pinch Of Cocoa

And Then This Man Got A Little Green Lizard

And Dropped It Right In.

A Live Lizard?!

He Drank It With That Live Lizard In It?

He Took One Look At That Lizard Swimming Around

And Ran Away.

Stopped His Wheezing For Life.

Fluids.

Garlic.

Lemon.

What? Whoa.

What Is This, Hon?

I Got To Sing.

I Got To Sing.

What Is This For?

Fluids, Garlic And Lemon Rowboat.

You're Not Planning On Drinking This, Are You?

Yes.

No, No, You Can't.

You Can't Drink It.

I Have To.

You Don't Have To.

Stop It.

Stop It!

Listen To Me.

Listen To Me Carefully.

Come Here.

Don't Sneeze In My Face, Okay?

You Can't!

Calm Yourself.

We'll Go Upstairs, And I Will Figure Something Out

So You Can Give My Parents The Best Present

They've Ever Had.

Okay?

All Right.

Oh, Russell, We Got Such Lovely Gifts.

Oh, Thanks, Clair.

Here's Another One.

I Wanted To Make You An Afghan

But I Didn't Know How Hard Crocheting Was

So Instead You Got

His And Hers Hot Pads.

Thank You.

You Can Never Have Too Many Hot Pads.

You Guys Got A Good Haul There.

And The Fun Is Just Beginning.

Ladies And Gentlemen

The Cafe De Huxtable Is Very Proud To Present

For Your Listening Entertainment

Enjoyment And Pleasure

The One And Only B.B. Hooker!

Plus And To Add On To Which

Mr. Hooker Along With Dame Rudith

Will Be Accompanying For

Your Listening Pleasure, Entertainment And Enjoyment

The One And Only

Olivia!

♪ Oh, Yeah! ♪

♪ Oh, Yeah ♪

♪ Everything, Everything, Everything Gonna Be All Right ♪

(Heavy Blues Beat)

♪ When I Was A Little Girl ♪

♪ Only 12 Years Old ♪

♪ I Couldn't Do Nothin' ♪

♪ To Save My Doggone Soul ♪

♪ My Mama Told Me ♪

♪ The Day I Was Grown ♪

♪ She Said, "Sing The Blues, Child ♪

♪ Sing It From Now On" ♪

♪ I'm A Woman ♪

♪ Oh, Yeah ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ I'm A Woman ♪

♪ I Know My Stuff ♪

♪ I'm A Woman ♪

♪ I Ain't Never Had Enough ♪

♪ I'm Gonna Hold Back The Lightnin' ♪

♪ With The Palm Of My Hand ♪

♪ Shake Hands With The Devil ♪

♪ Make Him Crawl In The Sand ♪

♪ I'm A Woman ♪

♪ Oh, Yeah ♪

♪ I'm A Woman ♪

♪ Oh, Yeah! ♪