Original subtitles

Oh, Doctor.

Alicia's Getting Dressed.

She'll Be In In A Minute.

It's Been A Long Nine Months.

Thank You, Doctor

For Being With Us Every Step Of The Way.

In Appreciation, I'd Like To Give You Some More Bread

I Baked Especially For You.

Ray, I Have Enough Bread.

You Got To Have The Egg Bread

And The Seven-Grain.

That's The Sourdough.

You Gave Me This...

You Haven't

Eaten That Yet?

No, Not Yet.

Learning To Bake Bread

Has Been So Fulfilling To Me.

Being A High School Basketball Coach

Is A Tense Profession.

Yes, Yes...

Baking Relieves That Tension

And Allows Me To Be Creative.

I Baked You This Pumpernickel

In The Shape Of A Doctor's Bag

Especially For You.

You Might Find

These Tongue Depressor Breadsticks Amusing.

Say "Ah."

The Doctor Says I'm In Great Shape, Ray.

Yes, You Are

And I Want You Guys To Know

That You Will Be New Parents Any Day Now.

Well, We've Had A Full Nine Months To Prepare.

And We're Ready.

Cliff: As Prepared

As You Think You Are, There May Be Some Surprises.

You Don't Understand, Doctor.

For Us, There Will Be No Surprises.

You See, We Have Planned For Every Eventuality.

Oh, Good.

We Have Completed Childbirth Classes.

We've Watched The Pbs Birth Chronicles.

This Book Has Been Our Salvation--

Pregnancy And Childbirth The Natural Way.

It Shows The Process From Conception To Birth.

It Even Has Today--

Our Last Visit To The Obstetrician.

That's 283.

Oh, There It Is.

See? Our Last Visit To The Obstetrician.

Well, There You Go.

You Guys Have Everything Under Control.

But Wait. That's Not All.

You Know What A Terrific Basketball Coach Ray Is.

It's High School-- Montgomery Cubs High.

City Champs. City Champs.

He's Developed A Winning Strategy

For The Birth.

Should We Show Him Our Game Plan?

I Don't Think It Will Do Any Harm.

Okay, Play Three.

Play Three-- Beginning Labor.

I Feel A Contraction.

Take Your Zone, Honey, As I Pull Out My Stopwatch

Because We Breathe.

30 Seconds.

I Make A Note Of That

And Start My Stopwatch, Because...

I Feel Another Contraction.

They're Five Minutes Apart.

Then Do You Know What I Do?

I Go Over To The Phone

I Pick It Up, And I Call The Doctor.

That's You.

Hello? Dr. Huxtable?

This Is Ray Evans.

My Wife Is Experiencing Labor Pains.

And Then You Say...

You Say, "How Far Apart Are They?"

How Far Apart Are They?

Good.

They're Five Minutes.

And Then You Say...

You Say, "You Better Get Her Over To The Hospital."

You Better Get Her Over

To The Hospital.

Then I Take My Prepacked Bag

We Take A Cab To The Hospital

I Have The Baby, And In A Few Days, We're Home.

We're On Top Of The Game, Doctor.

I'm A Little Concerned About You.

Ray!

How Far Apart Are They?

You're There.

Get Her To The Hospital.

Hey, How Are You?

Good.

How Can I Make Some Money?

What Do You Want Money For?

For Some Shampoo And A Big Brush.

For What?

For The Pony I'm Getting

For My Birthday.

What Makes You Think You're Going To Get A Pony?

Last Year I Wanted A Tricycle, And I Got It.

This Year, I Want A Pony.

Well, I Don't Know About All That, See

Because Last Year

I Wanted A Maserati For My Birthday

And Mrs. Huxtable Wouldn't Let Me Have One.

Well, If You Tell Daddy And Denise

That I Want A Pony

I'll Tell Mrs. Huxtable That You Want A Mister Ragi.

Now, Wait, Because Mrs. Huxtable Is Tough.

You Understand?

Yeah, And She Doesn't Care About Little, Cute Faces.

So I'll Be Mrs. Huxtable.

Okay, I'm Sitting Here.

Mrs. Huxtable?

Yes, Olivia?

Can Dr. Huxtable Have A Mister Ragi, Please?

No, And Don't Come To Me Again Asking Me That Question.

What I'm Saying Is, That's Not Good Enough.

Don't You Have Something Else?

I Got It.

Go Ahead.

Mrs. Huxtable?

Yes, Darling?

What's The Matter, My Little Olivia?

Can Dr. Huxtable Have A Mister Ragi, Please?

Oh, You Look So Cute And So Sad, Honey

But The Answer Is No.

See, You Got To... I'm Telling You, She's Tough.

Come On, You Got To Go Lower.

Please! Please!

Give Dr. Huxtable A Mister Ragi, Please!

(Screams)

Oh!

Ow! Uh-Oh...

Don't Ask. We Lost.

Double Overtime, 77-75.

(Groans)

That's Exactly How I Felt.

I Wouldn't Have Minded It So Much

But It Was Such A Perversion Of Justice.

Honey, I Think...

I Wish The Ref Could Think.

He Should Have Been Working The Tyson Fight

Instead Of A Basketball Game.

My Kid Goes Up For A Three-Pointer

And Is Practically Mugged.

Ohh!

Tell Me About It.

But Do We Hear A Whistle?

What Do You Do To Get A Whistle?

Lose A Limb?

Honey...

Don't Try To Soothe Me.

I'm Fine!

He Calls My Man For Traveling.

Ref, If You Don't Have The Ball, It's Called Running.

I Was So Upset, I Almost Yanked My Kids Off The Court

And Went Home.

Is Something The Matter, Sweetheart?

I'm Having A Contraction.

Now?

Yes!

Why Didn't You Blow The Whistle?

Well, I Tried

But I Was Having A Contraction.

But Aren't You Early?

Dr. Huxtable Said It Could Be Any Day Now.

He's The Doctor.

He Should Know Exactly When Our Baby Will Be Born.

He Could Only Give An Estimate.

We're Paying Him Good Money.

You Don't Pay For An Estimate.

We Have Practiced For This For Months.

It's Game Time.

Are You Ready To Play?

I'm Ready.

Play Three.

I Don't Have My Stopwatch.

It's On The Bookcase.

Now You Go Get My Suitcase.

The Blue Bag?

Closet, Closet.

It's In The Closet.

Okay, No Problem.

We Got This Down Here.

Are You Sure It's In The Closet?

I'm Positive.

It's Not In The Closet.

You're Right.

It's Right There.

It's Supposed To Be In The Closet.

Make Sure We Have Everything.

We Have Everything.

We Packed It Together.

It's Just That We Need The Book.

I've Got The Book-- Our Little Baby Bible.

Ow! Ow!

Hang On.

See? Page 502?

Your Cervix Is Starting To Dilate

So That Means We Have To Make

A Fast Break For The Hospital Right Now.

Where Are You Going?

I'm Going To Put On Some Makeup.

Alicia, You Don't Need Makeup.

I'm Not Going Looking Like This.

Don't Forget The Wedding Picture.

The Wedding Picture, Yeah.

I Got It.

And We Mustn't Forget You-Know-Who.

Franklin, Yeah.

Won't Forget You, Big Fella.

And Those Sweet Little Pillows I Made.

The Pillows. I'll Get Them.

Here They Are.

And Shouldn't We Call Dr. Huxtable?

Why? For Another Estimate?

Honey, Play Three.

Yeah, Play Three.

And Don't Forget The Apple Juice

And Those Plastic Champagne Glasses.

Right.

I'll... I'll Get Them In A Second.

Hello, Dr. Huxtable.

This Is Ray Evans.

Yeah, Ray.

We Better Get To The Hospital

Right Away.

How Far Apart Are They?

That's Perfect.

What Are You Talking About, Ray?

You Said It

Just Like We Practiced It.

Will You Give Me An Answer?

What's The Question?

How Far Apart Are They?

I Don't Know.

Wait A Second.

Honey, How Far Apart Are They?

I'd Say About Five Minutes.

She'd Say About Five Minutes.

Okay, Then Why Don't You Guys Get Over To The Hospital.

What If She Has The Baby Before We Get To The Hospital?

You've Got A Book, Right?

Right Here.

Anything About The Baby

Coming Out In The House?

Oh, My God. Let Me Look.

Oh, God, I Didn't Write That Down.

Okay, Ray, Do Me A Favor.

When She Comes Out

Get The Bags.

You Guys Head For The Hospital.

When You Get There, Call Me.

Okay. Thank You.

Hey, Listen, Ray?

How Far Apart Are They?

(Laughing)

Sweetheart?

Honey?

Yes?

Don't Forget ThatSoothing Sounds Of Nature Cd.

Did You Want The Brazilian Rain Forest

Or Whales In Love?

Um...

I'll Just Bring Both Of Them.

Okay?

What's Going On Down There?

Nothing. I... I Just Cleared The Table.

Honey, What Happened?

I Had A Little Accident.

(Groaning)

I'll Be All Right.

(Panting)

Did You Call The Cab?

You...

That's Right.

I'm Supposed To Call The Cab.

Remember What It Says In The Book, Sweetheart.

Don't Panic, And Breathe.

You Know, I Think I'm Doing It Wrong.

Oh, Honey, Are You All Right?

Just A Minute.

She'll Talk To You.

We Need A Cab To 3266 Union.

Mr. And Mrs. Evans.

Thank You.

Yes, Right Away.

Cab's On Its Way.

(Choking)

What Are You Doing?

I'm Making This For You.

It's A Honey Wheat Berry Sneaker.

What Size Are You?

You Can't Knead Dough In The Birthing Room.

It Helps Me Stay On Top Of My Game.

You Want To Be On Top Of The Game...

Is Over Here.

So Take That Dough Out

And Get To The Game.

I'm Just Going To Get Rid Of This And Go Wash My Hands.

Okay, I'll Miss You, Sweetie.

I'll Miss You Too.

And Don't Forget.

We Came In As Two.

We're Going Out As Three.

Concentrate On The Wedding Picture.

Just Focus On The Wedding Picture.

(Hums The "Wedding March")

Are You All Right, Hon?

She's Just Fine, Doctor.

He Asked Me, Okay?

I'm Sorry.

I'm Doing As Good As Can Be Expected

For Someone Waiting Three Hours To Have A Baby.

You're On Schedule.

You're Going To Be Fine.

We're Going To Be Terrific.

We? What We?

All You're Doing Is Holding Up That Dumb

Wedding Picture.

May I See You Outside, Please?

Sweetheart... Honey, Get Ready.

You're Going To Have Another One.

Here It Goes.

I Think This Is Going To Be A Biggie.

(Loud Moaning)

Yeah! Yeah!

Ka-Boom!

(Yelling)

You Should See This.

Will You Stop Looking At That Stupid Monitor?

It's An Amazing Machine.

Ray...

Yes, Alicia. Just Breathe.

Oh, My Back...

Your Back..?

... Is Killing Me.

Hang On, Sweetheart.

Let Me Get The Tennis Balls, And I'll Massage You.

Wait A Second... Massage...

Here We Go.

There. That Feel Any Better?

You're Doing It All Wrong.

It Says Here In The Book, "A Circular Motion..."

Forget The Book!

That Is Not Helping My Back At All.

Try It Straight Up And Down.

Excuse Me. It's My Back.

Oh... Just An Up And Down Motion.

Here.

Why Don't You Just Focus On The Wedding Picture.

That's The Last Thing I Want To See.

Honey, You Don't Mean That.

Yes, I Do.

If It Wasn't For You

I Wouldn't Be In This Agony.

Dr. Huxtable, She's Totally Out Of Control.

Can You Give Her Something?

Well, If You Want Natural Childbirth, No.

Well, What Should I Do?

Well, I Wouldn't Show Her The Wedding Picture Anymore.

It's Not The Wedding Picture.

It's The Man In It.

(Gasps)

I Can't Do This Anymore.

Go On.

I Can't Do It.

Ray?

What?

What Did You Think It Was Going To Be, Son?

Hit A Few Jumpers And Go Home?

I've Never Seen Her So Exhausted And So Upset.

That's Not My Wife.

She Can't Stand Me.

She Doesn't Like Me Anymore.

I Can't Go Through With It.

I Don't Think She Can, Either.

Oh, She's Going To Go Through With It.

Now She's Going To Have The Baby

Whether You Go In There Or Not.

She Threw The Bear.

(Whimpers)

Ray?

What?

You're A Great Coach.

I'm A Good Coach. Okay... Great.

That Woman In There

And That Rookie Ready To Come Out

Will Be The Two Greatest People You Ever Coached.

I Want You To Go In, And I Want You To Coach

Just Like You Did That Time For The Montgomery...

Uh... Uh... Bears.

Montgomery Cubs.

Montgomery Cubs.

And Ray, I Understand

That You Won The League Championship.

City.

Okay, You Won

The City Championship, And What Happened?

You Were Down In The Third Quarter

15 Points...

Last Quarter, 18 Points.

Last Quarter.

18 Points.

You Were Down, And What Did They Say?

"We Got Them.

The Old Pit Bull Has Had It."

They Call Me Bear Claw.

The Old Bear Claw... That He's Finished.

They Told Me I Was Finished.

They Thought They Were Going To Take

That Championship Trophy.

They Were Going To Engrave It With Their School Name.

I Said, "Uh-Huh. Uh-Huh."

I Called My Men Over, And I Said

"Boys, Boys, Listen Up.

"It's Very, Very Easy To Win When You're Winning.

It Takes Real Winners To Win When You're Losing."

What?

It Didn't Make Sense Then

And It Doesn't Make Sense Now, But It Worked.

And They Were Down.

Then They Got Up.

Hah! Because You Talked To Them.

You Believed.

I Was Cool.

And Ray, Inside There, Inside...

You've Got One Player And A Rookie.

Coming Up.

I Hear You, Doctor.

All Right. I'm Ready To Go.

Ready... Break!

(Alicia Groaning)

The Ball's In Play.

Here Is To The Prettiest Woman In The World

And The Most Beautiful Little Baby Girl In The Nursery.

Honey, I'm Sorry

I Called You Those Names.

I Didn't Even Know You Knew Them.

And I Do Like Your Mother.

She's A Lovely Woman

And, Of Course, I Will Let You Touch Me Again.

Sometime.

Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey!

Six Weeks, I Told You.

Dr. Huxtable, We're Real Sorry.

I Think We've Got To Apologize.

We Might Have Seemed A Little Overconfident

In Your Office.

It's All Right.

I've Seen All That Before...

Except For The Dough Part.

I've Never Seen The Dough.

I Think We Did Pretty Good

Despite A Couple Of Glitches That Were Beyond Our Control.

Actually, I'm Pretty Proud Of Us.

Actually, You Did Fine.

You Got Your Rookie

And Now You Have To Bring Her Up.

Hey. We're Ready.

Wait Till You See This.

No! No More Bread. No More Bread.

No, It's A Book.

A Parental Guide For The 21st Century.

We've Also Ordered The Companion Video Cassette Series.

It's All Right Here, Doctor.

It's A Brand-New Ball Game.

Solid Foods At Three Months.

With No Teeth?

So She'll Sleep Through The Night.

At Six Months, Potty Training.

We Can Be Liberal About That.

And Then At Eight Months, Teething.

Ray: We Might Want To Start That A Little Earlier.

They Call The Terrible Twos...