Original subtitles

WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE, FRICK AND FRACK.

COME TO DINNER, HUH?

WELL, I WANT MY KISS AND MY HUG NOW.

GIVE ME MY KISS.

HEY, YOU.

HEY, YOU, GIVE ME MY HUG.

HOW YOU DOING, MAN?

HOW YOU DOING?

OH, YOUR CUPS ARE EMPTY.

I'LL FILL THEM FOR YOU, OKAY?

DO YOU WANT WATER, MILK OR JUICE?

JUICE.

DON'T MOVE.

OH, THOSE TWINS.

I COULD JUST EAT THEM UP.

COUSIN CLAIR, IF YOU WANT

I COULD BABY-SIT THE TWINS TOMORROW NIGHT.

OH, THANKS, PAM.

I WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH THEM.

CAN THE TWINS EAT CORN?

YEAH.

BUT TAKE IT OFF THE COB.

I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE MADE PEAS.

HI, MOM.

HOW WAS YOUR DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT?

OH, I AM HEALTHY.

I'M IN GREAT SHAPE

AND I AM BEGINNING MENOPAUSE.

SHOULD I LEAVE THE ROOM SO YOU CAN TALK ABOUT THAT?

HE'S SO SILLY.

IT'S JUST A PART OF LIFE.

WOW! SHE SURE IS TAKING IT PRETTY WELL.

YEAH, SHE SEEMS ALMOST HAPPY WITH IT.

NO, NO, MOM IS JUST PUTTING UP A BRAVE FRONT.

GOT TO BE.

THIS IS THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM.

THAT'S RIGHT.

I HAVE READ MAGAZINE ARTICLES.

THERE WERE CASES WHERE WOMEN CRIED SO MUCH

THEY NEEDED SURGERY ON THEIR TEAR DUCTS.

VANESSA, MOM IS NOT A CRIER.

WE SHOULD BE MORE CONCERNED WITH THE STATE OF CONFUSION

SHE'LL BE IN.

THAT'S RIGHT.

STATE OF CONFUSION. COME ON.

MRS. PEABODY FROM AROUND THE CORNER?

I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN A LONG TIME.

FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND, ONE DAY IT JUST HIT HER.

THE POOR WOMAN GOT UP ONE DAY

AND COULDN'T DECIDE WHAT TO WEAR.

A SIMPLE THING LIKE A SKIRT OR A SUIT

A BLACK SWEATER OR A RED SWEATER.

FINALLY, SHE GOT SO FLUSTERED

SHE THREW ON A HOUSECOAT

AND NEVER LEFT THE HOUSE AGAIN.

THAT'S SO SAD.

BUT TRUE.

DON'T FORGET THE HOT FLASHES.

I HEARD ABOUT THOSE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THE LADY THAT OWNED THE TROPICAL FISH STORE

IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD GOT THEM.

SHE LEFT THE AIR CONDITIONER ON HIGH ALL WINTER

KEPT THE DOORS OPEN.

THE FISH FROZE.

THAT'S SO SAD.

IT'S TRUE.

SHE HAD TO MOVE TO ALASKA.

WOMEN ALSO PASS OUT.

FROM WHAT I HEARD ABOUT COCKROACH'S MOTHER

HER HUSBAND STOPPED TAKING HER PLACES

'CAUSE SHE KEPT PASSING OUT.

EVERYBODY AT CHURCH THOUGHT SHE GOT THE HOLY GHOST.

I KNOW WHAT MOM WILL MISS.

SHE CAN'T HAVE ANY MORE CHILDREN.

MOM DOESN'T WANT MORE CHILDREN.

YEAH, THEO, BUT STILL.

SHE WAS ALWAYS SUCH A STRONG, VITAL MOTHER.

YEAH, SHE WAS, WASN'T SHE?

I HAVEN'T BEEN HERE THAT LONG

BUT SHE WAS ALWAYS VITAL WITH ME.

THEO, IS THE TWINS' DINNER READY?

YEAH, MOM.

I'LL JUST GET THESE IN PLACE

AND I'LL BRING IN THE DINNER GUESTS.

THESE THINGS ARE PRETTY HEAVY.

HOW COULD SHE LIFT BOTH OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME?

PEOPLE UNDER STRESS

OFTEN HAVE EXTRAORDINARY STRENGTH.

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS TO WOMEN IN THIS STAGE OF LIFE.

All: MENOPAUSE.

WHAT'S UP, PAM?

DO WE HAVE PLANS FOR SATURDAY NIGHT?

OF COURSE WE DO.

THAT'S WHEN WE RENDEZVOUS

FOR OUR EVENING OF CULTURE AND ENLIGHTENMENT.

YOU MEAN AT MY HOUSE

IN FRONT OF THE TV?

WHY DON'T WE DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT?

WHY? YOUR TV BROKE?

NO. I JUST WANT TO DO SOMETHING OUTSIDE.

LIKE WHAT?

LIKE ICE SKATING.

LOVE TO, BABY

BUT THE WEATHERMAN

WON'T COOPERATE.

HE ASSURED ME IT'S GOING TO RAIN.

I KNOW HOW DELICATE YOU ARE.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO CATCH A COLD.

SUGAR MELTS IN THE RAIN.

OH, LANCE, YOU SO SENSITIVE.

YES, I AM.

PAM, I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WERE BUSY THIS SATURDAY NIGHT.

NOT THAT YOU WOULDN'T BE...

AARON, I'M FREE.

AARON, I'M FREE.

I'VE BEEN READING UP ON OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.

THERE ARE MANY HISTORICAL HOUSES THERE.

IT WOULD BE NICE IF WE TOOK A MOONLIT WALKING TOUR.

THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA.

THANK YOU.

NOT ON SATURDAY.

IT'S GOING TO RAIN.

I CHECKED THE FORECAST.

IT WILL BE 48 DEGREES

UNSEASONABLY WARM FOR THE SEASON

AND CLEAR.

YOU HEAR THAT, LANCE?

HIS WEATHERMAN SAYS IT'S GOING TO BE CLEAR.

PAM, I WAS LOOKING AT YOUR KEY RING.

THE CLASP IS WEAK.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO LOSE YOUR KEYS.

THAT'S WHY I GOT YOU THIS.

ACTUALLY, I MADE IT.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

I READ HOW TO DO IT.

IT'S JUST SIMPLE HANDCRAFTED LEATHER TOOLING.

THE PROCESS HAS BEEN AROUND FOR CENTURIES.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR KEY RING.

"TO KATE, FROM HENRY V"

YOU PROBABLY FORGOT

YOU WERE READING HENRY V WHEN WE FIRST...

I REMEMBER.

WHAT? KATE?

THAT AIN'T EVEN HER NAME.

I JUST WANT TO SAY ONE THING:

ON SATURDAY NIGHT

IF I AM SITTING IN FRONT OF MY TELEVISION

I'LL BE SITTING THERE ALONE.

I SAID I WOULD WALK.

I'M THE ORIGINAL WALKMAN.

I CAN WALK, PLAY MY OWN MUSIC...

GOSH, I JUST PUT THEM TO BED

AND I MISS WINNIE AND NELSON ALREADY.

I'M SURE YOU DO, MOM.

IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT.

YES, IT WILL.

ISN'T IT HOT IN HERE?

OH, YEAH!

WHOO!

AND NO WONDER.

WHO TURNED THIS THING UP TO 82 DEGREES?

MOM, WHY DON'T YOU RELAX.

THEO AND I ARE MAKING DINNER.

THERE'S NO SENSE TROUBLING YOU.

THANK YOU, VANESSA

BUT AT LEAST I COULD DRESS THE SALAD, DARLING.

NOW LET'S SEE.

UM... FRENCH.

WE HAVEN'T HAD THIS IN A LONG TIME.

BUT THEN, POPPY SEED IS RATHER NICE TOO.

WHY DON'T WE HAVE BOTH?

YEAH, THAT WILL BE A DELICIOUS BLEND.

SOUNDS GREAT, MOM.

THAT WAY, YOU WON'T CONFUSE YOURSELF.

CONFUSE MYSELF?

HEY, THEO, HEY, VANESSA.

(solicitously:) HELLO, COUSIN CLAIR.

HI, PAM.

IS THE OFFER STILL GOOD FOR SATURDAY NIGHT?

I DID MAKE A DATE, BUT I'LL BE HAPPY TO BREAK IT.

NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

I DON'T WANT TO UPSET YOU.

YOU WON'T UPSET ME.

NO. I'LL BREAK IT.

THAT WOULD UPSET ME.

I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

WHAT WAS I DOING?

THAT'S RIGHT, THE SALAD.

TAKEN CARE OF, MOM.

THEN I'LL WARM THESE BUNS.

TAKEN CARE OF.

WHY DON'T YOU RELAX?

ALL RIGHT.

OKAY.

I'LL DO THAT.

I'LL DO JUST THAT.

CLIFF.

HMM?

THERE ARE THREE IDIOTS IN THE KITCHEN.

YOU HAVE TO BE

MORE SPECIFIC.

VANESSA, THEO AND PAM.

I MADE THE MISTAKE

OF TELLING THEM

THAT I WAS BEGINNING MENOPAUSE.

THEY'RE TREATING ME LIKE I HAVE

ONE FOOT IN THE HOME.

THERE WERE THREE BURNERS ON, THE OVEN WAS ON

THE THERMOSTAT WAS UP TO 82 DEGREES.

THEY THOUGHT I WAS HAVING HOT FLASHES.

SO THEY'RE PULLING OUT ALL THE CLICHES.

THEY TALKED TO ME LIKE MY MIND WAS ON VACATION.

YOU WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN?

NOW, BE RIGHT, NOW.

Theo: ALL RIGHT.

JUST IN TIME FOR DINNER.

OKAY.

TURKEY BURGERS ALL AROUND.

OH, TURKEY BURGERS.

PLEASE PUT ONE ON MY PLATE.

EXCUSE MY HANDS.

WHAT SHALL I PUT ON IT?

WHY DON'T YOU PUT MUSTARD ON IT, SWEETIE.

DON'T PATRONIZE ME!

I KNOW WHAT I WANT.

I WANT...

I WANT THE RED STUFF.

MOM, IT'S KETCHUP.

THEO.

IT'S RED STUFF.

GET ME SOME WATER, RUDY.

MOM, I'M VANESSA.

WHOEVER YOU ARE, GET ME SOME WATER.

PUT ICE IN IT.

OKAY.

NO, NEVER MIND.

JUST BRING LOTS OF ICE.

PAM, WET A TOWEL.

COMING RIGHT UP.

FORGET IT!

GET OUT OF MY WAY, PLEASE!

THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER.

GET ME SOME ICE CREAM WHILE YOU'RE IN THERE, PLEASE.

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?

ICE CREAM WOULD MELT IN THIS ROOM.

A PERSON COULD BURN UP IN THIS ROOM.

NEVER MIND.

LET'S JUST GET THROUGH THIS DINNER.

NOW WHERE IS RUDY?

Vanessa: DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

DENISE TOOK HER AND OLIVIA OUT TO DINNER.

WHO IS DENISE?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S THE CHILD'S SISTER.

MOM, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME CORN?

I WAS HOPING WE'D HAVE CARROTS.

I CAN FIX YOU SOME CARROTS, MOM.

IT'S JUST TOO LATE, IT'S TOO LATE.

I WANTED SOMETHING ORANGE.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.

WHY DIDN'T YOU FIX SOME CARROTS?!

CHILDREN ARE NOT WORTH A NICKEL AROUND HERE.

I CAN'T STOP CRYING!

COME ON.

WE'LL GET YOU SOMETHING ORANGE TOMORROW.

MOM, DON'T WORRY.

THEY HAVE TEAR DUCT SPECIALISTS FOR THIS.

NO, MY TEAR DUCTS ARE FINE.

IT'S MY CHILDREN WHO ARE SO STUPID!

GOTCHA!

Clair: GOTCHA!

HEY!

ANY BABIES TODAY?

NO BABIES TODAY, DEAR

BUT YESTERDAY, BOOM, AN EXPLOSION.

I MEAN, THEY WERE COMING LEFT AND RIGHT

AND DR. HUXTABLE WAS CATCHING THEM ALL.

ZAM, BOOM, ZOOM, SEND THEM OUT.

I WANT TO HAVE LOTS OF BABIES.

HOW MANY, YOU THINK?

NINE.

NINE?

ALL GIRLS.

NOT ONE BOY?

NAH, NO BOYS, NO WAY.

OH, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

NOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH BOYS?

BOYS ARE BAD NEWS.

THEY PUSH YOU

AND THEY PULL YOUR HAIR

AND MAKE NOISE WHEN THEY EAT.

THEY HAVE THINGS IN THEIR TEETH AND THEY LOOK UP LIKE THIS.

(smacking)

YEAH.

IS THERE ONE BAD ONE IN PARTICULAR?

YES. JONATHAN.

WHENEVER I LOOK AT HIM

HE MAKES AN UGLY MONSTER FACE LIKE THIS.

NO, DON'T DO THAT.

NO. THAT'S ENOUGH.

BOYS HAVE A FUNNY WAY OF TELLING YOU THEY LIKE YOU.

HE'S PROBABLY DOING THAT 'CAUSE HE LIKES YOU.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

HE HATES GIRLS.

OKAY, I BELIEVE YOU.

BUT YOU'RE GOING

TO HAVE ALL GIRLS?

YES, ALL NINE.

WHAT WILL YOU NAME THEM?

ONE OLIVIA.

TWO OLIVIA.

THREE OLIVIA.

FOUR OLIVIA. FIVE OLIVIA.

SIX OLIVIA.

SEVEN OLIVIA.

EIGHT OLIVIA.

NINE OLIVIA.

NINE OLIVIAS?

OKAY, NOW SUPPOSE YOU WANT A CERTAIN OLIVIA.

HOW WOULD YOU CALL THAT OLIVIA?

OLIVIA, ONE OLIVIA.

I JUST NEED ONE OLIVIA.

OH!

SO THEN YOU SAY "FIVE OLIVIA" AND FIVE OLIVIA WILL COME?

YEAH.

THERE'S NO CONFUSION?

YEAH.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING WHEN I CAME IN?

WELL, COLORING.

I SEE.

I WANT TO COLOR TOO.

(screaming)

...THEN HE RETURNED HERE AFTER THE CIVIL WAR.

PEOPLE SAY YOU CAN STILL HEAR

HIS SPIRIT PLAYING THE BUGLE.

I NEVER KNEW THIS NEIGHBORHOOD WAS SO HISTORICAL.

I LIKE THIS.

IT'S ENTERTAINING AND EDUCATIONAL.

VERY ECONOMICAL.

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, BOY.

WHEN IT COME TO MY LADY, MONEY IS NO OBJECT.

IT'S NO SUBJECT EITHER.

ISN'T IT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT?

THAT'S THE BIG DIPPER

WHICH IS PART OF THE URSA MAJOR.

THAT'S LATIN FOR BIG BEAR.

URSA MAJOR.

WHAT A PRETTY NAME.

SEE THAT STAR RIGHT THERE, BABY.

WHICH ONE?

THE CUTE ONE.

I'M GOING TO NAME THAT ONE AFTER YOU.

OH, LANCE.

Pam: NIGHTS LIKE THIS

YOU DON'T WANT TO GO INSIDE.

MAYBE WE SHOULD FINISH OUR WALKING TOUR.

THERE'S THREE MORE BUILDINGS I WANT TO SHOW YOU.

THAT'S THREE MORE BUILDINGS I WANT TO SEE.

YOU GUYS GO ON AHEAD.

WE'LL CATCH UP.

I GOT SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY TO CHARMAINE.

WHAT?

SIT DOWN... PLEASE.

HERE, I MADE IT FOR YOU.

OH, LANCE, A HEART-SHAPED BOX.

YEAH. IT'S FOR YOUR KEEPSAKES AND YOUR EARRINGS.

GO AHEAD, OPEN IT UP.

WHAT'S THIS?

IT'S THE KEY TO MY HEART.

OH, LANCE.

DON'T LOSE IT

'CAUSE ON MONDAY, I'M GOING TO NEED IT.

IT'S ALSO THE KEY TO MY GYM LOCKER.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING STILL UP?

WAITING FOR YOU.

I'LL JUST BE A LITTLE INNOCENT LAMB

LED TO SLAUGHTER AGAIN.

I WAS OVER AT THE HOSPITAL GIFT SHOP

AND I SAW THESE.

I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW WHICH ONE TO GIVE YOU.

"HAPPY GRADUATION"?

MM-HMM.

"CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PROMOTION."

YES, PLEASE.

"THANKS FOR THE LOVELY TIME"?

THAT'S FOR TOMORROW MORNING.

YOU ARE SO SWEET.

THANK YOU, HONEY.

FEEL ALL RIGHT?

I REALLY DO.

I FEEL FINE.

MM-HMM. WELL, LOOK

YOU KNOW, THERE ARE TIMES IN A PERSON'S LIFE WHEN...

WELL, IT'S JUST THE END OF SOMETHING, AND...

YOU KNOW

WHEN I WAS AT HILLMAN...

IT WAS THE LAST FOOTBALL GAME

AND I WENT IN FOR THE GAME TO GET DRESSED

AND I KNEW IT WAS THE LAST GAME.

I KNEW I WOULD NEVER PLAY FOOTBALL AGAIN.

THE FEELING, THE EMOTION WOULD WELL UP

AND I WOULD FIGHT IT BACK.

AND I PUT ON MY SHOULDER PADS

AND IT JUST STARTED TO GET HEAVIER AND HEAVIER

AND I PUT MY JERSEY ON

AND I SAT DOWN.

I JUST COULDN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE

AND I JUST STARTED TO CRY.

AND JUST... TEARS WERE JUST FALLING INTO MY HELMET.

REALLY?

YOU CRIED IN YOUR HELMET?

YES.

SO NOW YOU KNOW

HOW I FEEL?

WELL, YES...

UH... I'M JUST SAYING THAT, YOU KNOW, IN EVERYBODY'S LIFE

YOU RUN OUT OF OPTIONS.

OH, YOU'VE RUN OUT OF OPTIONS?

YEAH.

WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY, DEAR, IS THAT...

FOR INSTANCE... I, AT MY AGE

CAN NO LONGER APPLY FOR A JOB AS A FIREMAN OR AN ASTRONAUT.

I MEAN, THOSE APPLICATIONS SAY "MEN AGED 35 NEED NOT APPLY."

I MEAN, THAT'S IT FOR ME.

I AM TOO OLD TO BE DRAFTED

OR ACCEPTED IN THE ARMED SERVICES.

I CAN'T GO TO WAR, CLAIR.

YOU WANT TO GO TO WAR?

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WAR.

WHAT I'M SAYING, HONEY

IS I DON'T HAVE THOSE OPTIONS ANYMORE.

ARE YOU COMPARING BRINGING LIFE INTO THIS WORLD

TO PLAYING FOOTBALL

TO BECOMING A FIREMAN OR A PILOT OR GOING TO WAR?

DO YOU SEE ANYTHING AT ALL STRANGE WITH THAT COMPARISON?

I KNOW YOU'RE GETTING ANGRY, BECAUSE WHEN YOU GET ANGRY

YOU SAY ANYTHING

AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.

ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT A WOMAN CAN HAVE BABIES

LONGER THAN A MAN CAN PLAY FOOTBALL.

GO TO SLEEP, CLIFF

'CAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO NEED A HELMET

IF YOU KEEP THIS UP.

WELL, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL

AND I KNOW EXACTLY THE FACT THAT I HAVE FAILED

IN TRYING TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS.

BUT I'M SORRY, MY DEAR, I DO HAVE ANOTHER OPTION

AND I'M GOING TO EXERCISE IT RIGHT NOW.

(laughing)

CLIFF, STOP IT.

(Clair laughing)

Well, Look Who's Here, Frick And Frack.

Come To Dinner, Huh?

Well, I Want My Kiss And My Hug Now.

Give Me My Kiss.

Hey, You.

Hey, You, Give Me My Hug.

How You Doing, Man?

How You Doing?

Oh, Your Cups Are Empty.

I'll Fill Them For You, Okay?

Do You Want Water, Milk Or Juice?

Juice.

Don't Move.

Oh, Those Twins.

I Could Just Eat Them Up.

Cousin Clair, If You Want

I Could Baby-Sit The Twins Tomorrow Night.

Oh, Thanks, Pam.

I Want To Spend Time With Them.

Can The Twins Eat Corn?

Yeah.

But Take It Off The Cob.

I Knew I Should Have Made Peas.

Hi, Mom.

How Was Your Doctor's Appointment?

Oh, I Am Healthy.

I'm In Great Shape

And I Am Beginning Menopause.

Should I Leave The Room So You Can Talk About That?

He's So Silly.

It's Just A Part Of Life.

Wow! She Sure Is Taking It Pretty Well.

Yeah, She Seems Almost Happy With It.

No, No, Mom Is Just Putting Up A Brave Front.

Got To Be.

This Is The Calm Before The Storm.

That's Right.

I Have Read Magazine Articles.

There Were Cases Where Women Cried So Much

They Needed Surgery On Their Tear Ducts.

Vanessa, Mom Is Not A Crier.

We Should Be More Concerned With The State Of Confusion

She'll Be In.

That's Right.

State Of Confusion. Come On.

Mrs. Peabody From Around The Corner?

I Haven't Seen Her In A Long Time.

From What I Understand, One Day It Just Hit Her.

The Poor Woman Got Up One Day

And Couldn't Decide What To Wear.

A Simple Thing Like A Skirt Or A Suit

A Black Sweater Or A Red Sweater.

Finally, She Got So Flustered

She Threw On A Housecoat

And Never Left The House Again.

That's So Sad.

But True.

Don't Forget The Hot Flashes.

I Heard About Those.

That's Right.

The Lady That Owned The Tropical Fish Store

In My Neighborhood Got Them.

She Left The Air Conditioner On High All Winter

Kept The Doors Open.

The Fish Froze.

That's So Sad.

It's True.

She Had To Move To Alaska.

Women Also Pass Out.

From What I Heard About Cockroach's Mother

Her Husband Stopped Taking Her Places

'Cause She Kept Passing Out.

Everybody At Church Thought She Got The Holy Ghost.

I Know What Mom Will Miss.

She Can't Have Any More Children.

Mom Doesn't Want More Children.

Yeah, Theo, But Still.

She Was Always Such A Strong, Vital Mother.

Yeah, She Was, Wasn't She?

I Haven't Been Here That Long

But She Was Always Vital With Me.

Theo, Is The Twins' Dinner Ready?

Yeah, Mom.

I'll Just Get These In Place

And I'll Bring In The Dinner Guests.

These Things Are Pretty Heavy.

How Could She Lift Both Of Them At The Same Time?

People Under Stress

Often Have Extraordinary Strength.

That's What Happens To Women In This Stage Of Life.

All: Menopause.

What's Up, Pam?

Do We Have Plans For Saturday Night?

Of Course We Do.

That's When We Rendezvous

For Our Evening Of Culture And Enlightenment.

You Mean At My House

In Front Of The Tv?

Why Don't We Do Something Different?

Why? Your Tv Broke?

No. I Just Want To Do Something Outside.

Like What?

Like Ice Skating.

Love To, Baby

But The Weatherman

Won't Cooperate.

He Assured Me It's Going To Rain.

I Know How Delicate You Are.

I Don't Want You To Catch A Cold.

Sugar Melts In The Rain.

Oh, Lance, You So Sensitive.

Yes, I Am.

Pam, I Was Wondering If You Were Busy This Saturday Night.

Not That You Wouldn't Be...

Aaron, I'm Free.

Aaron, I'm Free.

I've Been Reading Up On Our Neighborhood.

There Are Many Historical Houses There.

It Would Be Nice If We Took A Moonlit Walking Tour.

That's A Wonderful Idea.

Thank You.

Not On Saturday.

It's Going To Rain.

I Checked The Forecast.

It Will Be 48 Degrees

Unseasonably Warm For The Season

And Clear.

You Hear That, Lance?

His Weatherman Says It's Going To Be Clear.

Pam, I Was Looking At Your Key Ring.

The Clasp Is Weak.

I Don't Want You To Lose Your Keys.

That's Why I Got You This.

Actually, I Made It.

It's No Big Deal.

I Read How To Do It.

It's Just Simple Handcrafted Leather Tooling.

The Process Has Been Around For Centuries.

It's Beautiful.

Ain't Nothing Wrong With Your Key Ring.

"To Kate, From Henry V"

You Probably Forgot

You Were Reading Henry V When We First...

I Remember.

What? Kate?

That Ain't Even Her Name.

I Just Want To Say One Thing:

On Saturday Night

If I Am Sitting In Front Of My Television

I'll Be Sitting There Alone.

I Said I Would Walk.

I'm The Original Walkman.

I Can Walk, Play My Own Music...

Gosh, I Just Put Them To Bed

And I Miss Winnie And Nelson Already.

I'm Sure You Do, Mom.

It Will Be All Right.

Yes, It Will.

Isn't It Hot In Here?

Oh, Yeah!

Whoo!

And No Wonder.

Who Turned This Thing Up To 82 Degrees?

Mom, Why Don't You Relax.

Theo And I Are Making Dinner.

There's No Sense Troubling You.

Thank You, Vanessa

But At Least I Could Dress The Salad, Darling.

Now Let's See.

Um... French.

We Haven't Had This In A Long Time.

But Then, Poppy Seed Is Rather Nice Too.

Why Don't We Have Both?

Yeah, That Will Be A Delicious Blend.

Sounds Great, Mom.

That Way, You Won't Confuse Yourself.

Confuse Myself?

Hey, Theo, Hey, Vanessa.

(Solicitously:) Hello, Cousin Clair.

Hi, Pam.

Is The Offer Still Good For Saturday Night?

I Did Make A Date, But I'll Be Happy To Break It.

No, You Don't Have To Do That.

I Don't Want To Upset You.

You Won't Upset Me.

No. I'll Break It.

That Would Upset Me.

I Definitely Don't Want To Do That.

What Was I Doing?

That's Right, The Salad.

Taken Care Of, Mom.

Then I'll Warm These Buns.

Taken Care Of.

Why Don't You Relax?

All Right.

Okay.

I'll Do That.

I'll Do Just That.

Cliff.

Hmm?

There Are Three Idiots In The Kitchen.

You Have To Be

More Specific.

Vanessa, Theo And Pam.

I Made The Mistake

Of Telling Them

That I Was Beginning Menopause.

They're Treating Me Like I Have

One Foot In The Home.

There Were Three Burners On, The Oven Was On

The Thermostat Was Up To 82 Degrees.

They Thought I Was Having Hot Flashes.

So They're Pulling Out All The Cliches.

They Talked To Me Like My Mind Was On Vacation.

You Want To Have Some Fun?

Now, Be Right, Now.

Theo: All Right.

Just In Time For Dinner.

Okay.

Turkey Burgers All Around.

Oh, Turkey Burgers.

Please Put One On My Plate.

Excuse My Hands.

What Shall I Put On It?

Why Don't You Put Mustard On It, Sweetie.

Don't Patronize Me!

I Know What I Want.

I Want...

I Want The Red Stuff.

Mom, It's Ketchup.

Theo.

It's Red Stuff.

Get Me Some Water, Rudy.

Mom, I'm Vanessa.

Whoever You Are, Get Me Some Water.

Put Ice In It.

Okay.

No, Never Mind.

Just Bring Lots Of Ice.

Pam, Wet A Towel.

Coming Right Up.

Forget It!

Get Out Of My Way, Please!

This Is So Much Better.

Get Me Some Ice Cream While You're In There, Please.

Have You Lost Your Mind?

Ice Cream Would Melt In This Room.

A Person Could Burn Up In This Room.

Never Mind.

Let's Just Get Through This Dinner.

Now Where Is Rudy?

Vanessa: Don't You Remember?

Denise Took Her And Olivia Out To Dinner.

Who Is Denise?

Oh, That's Right.

That's The Child's Sister.

Mom, Would You Like Some Corn?

I Was Hoping We'd Have Carrots.

I Can Fix You Some Carrots, Mom.

It's Just Too Late, It's Too Late.

I Wanted Something Orange.

Please, Please, Please.

Why Didn't You Fix Some Carrots?!

Children Are Not Worth A Nickel Around Here.

I Can't Stop Crying!

Come On.

We'll Get You Something Orange Tomorrow.

Mom, Don't Worry.

They Have Tear Duct Specialists For This.

No, My Tear Ducts Are Fine.

It's My Children Who Are So Stupid!

Gotcha!

Clair: Gotcha!

Hey!

Any Babies Today?

No Babies Today, Dear

But Yesterday, Boom, An Explosion.

I Mean, They Were Coming Left And Right

And Dr. Huxtable Was Catching Them All.

Zam, Boom, Zoom, Send Them Out.

I Want To Have Lots Of Babies.

How Many, You Think?

Nine.

Nine?

All Girls.

Not One Boy?

Nah, No Boys, No Way.

Oh, Now, Wait A Minute.

Now What's Wrong With Boys?

Boys Are Bad News.

They Push You

And They Pull Your Hair

And Make Noise When They Eat.

They Have Things In Their Teeth And They Look Up Like This.

(Smacking)

Yeah.

Is There One Bad One In Particular?

Yes. Jonathan.

Whenever I Look At Him

He Makes An Ugly Monster Face Like This.

No, Don't Do That.

No. That's Enough.

Boys Have A Funny Way Of Telling You They Like You.

He's Probably Doing That 'Cause He Likes You.

Are You Kidding?

He Hates Girls.

Okay, I Believe You.

But You're Going

To Have All Girls?

Yes, All Nine.

What Will You Name Them?

One Olivia.

Two Olivia.

Three Olivia.

Four Olivia. Five Olivia.

Six Olivia.

Seven Olivia.

Eight Olivia.

Nine Olivia.

Nine Olivias?

Okay, Now Suppose You Want A Certain Olivia.

How Would You Call That Olivia?

Olivia, One Olivia.

I Just Need One Olivia.

Oh!

So Then You Say "Five Olivia" And Five Olivia Will Come?

Yeah.

There's No Confusion?

Yeah.

What Were You Doing When I Came In?

Well, Coloring.

I See.

I Want To Color Too.

(Screaming)

...Then He Returned Here After The Civil War.

People Say You Can Still Hear

His Spirit Playing The Bugle.

I Never Knew This Neighborhood Was So Historical.

I Like This.

It's Entertaining And Educational.

Very Economical.

Speak For Yourself, Boy.

When It Come To My Lady, Money Is No Object.

It's No Subject Either.

Isn't It A Beautiful Night?

That's The Big Dipper

Which Is Part Of The Ursa Major.

That's Latin For Big Bear.

Ursa Major.

What A Pretty Name.

See That Star Right There, Baby.

Which One?

The Cute One.

I'm Going To Name That One After You.

Oh, Lance.

Pam: Nights Like This

You Don't Want To Go Inside.

Maybe We Should Finish Our Walking Tour.

There's Three More Buildings I Want To Show You.

That's Three More Buildings I Want To See.

You Guys Go On Ahead.

We'll Catch Up.

I Got Something I Want To Say To Charmaine.

What?

Sit Down... Please.

Here, I Made It For You.

Oh, Lance, A Heart-Shaped Box.

Yeah. It's For Your Keepsakes And Your Earrings.

Go Ahead, Open It Up.

What's This?

It's The Key To My Heart.

Oh, Lance.

Don't Lose It

'Cause On Monday, I'm Going To Need It.

It's Also The Key To My Gym Locker.

Well, What Are You Doing Still Up?

Waiting For You.

I'll Just Be A Little Innocent Lamb

Led To Slaughter Again.

I Was Over At The Hospital Gift Shop

And I Saw These.

I Really Didn't Know Which One To Give You.

"Happy Graduation"?

Mm-Hmm.

"Congratulations On Your Promotion."

Yes, Please.

"Thanks For The Lovely Time"?

That's For Tomorrow Morning.

You Are So Sweet.

Thank You, Honey.

Feel All Right?

I Really Do.

I Feel Fine.

Mm-Hmm. Well, Look

You Know, There Are Times In A Person's Life When...

Well, It's Just The End Of Something, And...

You Know

When I Was At Hillman...

It Was The Last Football Game

And I Went In For The Game To Get Dressed

And I Knew It Was The Last Game.

I Knew I Would Never Play Football Again.

The Feeling, The Emotion Would Well Up

And I Would Fight It Back.

And I Put On My Shoulder Pads

And It Just Started To Get Heavier And Heavier

And I Put My Jersey On

And I Sat Down.

I Just Couldn't Hold It Back Anymore

And I Just Started To Cry.

And Just... Tears Were Just Falling Into My Helmet.

Really?

You Cried In Your Helmet?

Yes.

So Now You Know

How I Feel?

Well, Yes...

Uh... I'm Just Saying That, You Know, In Everybody's Life

You Run Out Of Options.

Oh, You've Run Out Of Options?

Yeah.

What I'm Trying To Say, Dear, Is That...

For Instance... I, At My Age

Can No Longer Apply For A Job As A Fireman Or An Astronaut.

I Mean, Those Applications Say "Men Aged 35 Need Not Apply."

I Mean, That's It For Me.

I Am Too Old To Be Drafted

Or Accepted In The Armed Services.

I Can't Go To War, Clair.

You Want To Go To War?

I Don't Want To Go To War.

What I'm Saying, Honey

Is I Don't Have Those Options Anymore.

Are You Comparing Bringing Life Into This World

To Playing Football

To Becoming A Fireman Or A Pilot Or Going To War?

Do You See Anything At All Strange With That Comparison?

I Know You're Getting Angry, Because When You Get Angry

You Say Anything

And I Don't Want You To Anything Right Now.

All I'm Saying Is That A Woman Can Have Babies

Longer Than A Man Can Play Football.

Go To Sleep, Cliff

'Cause You're Going To Need A Helmet

If You Keep This Up.

Well, I Know How You Feel

And I Know Exactly The Fact That I Have Failed

In Trying To Express My Feelings.

But I'm Sorry, My Dear, I Do Have Another Option

And I'm Going To Exercise It Right Now.

(Laughing)

Cliff, Stop It.

(Clair Laughing)