Original subtitles

Last Time, Cousin Pam Spoke To Cliff.

Is Anything Wrong?

No, No.

Oh.

Would You Consider Taking Me On As A Patient?

Absolutely.

Now, There You Go!

You've Got It. My Patient.

Could You Give Me A Prescription For Birth Control Pills?

And Now...

Forget I Mentioned Any Birth Control Pills.

I Don't Know What Got Into Me.

Forget I Was Even Here.

Pam.

When We Talked

I Said You Could Come To Me For Anything

And You Did Exactly That

And One Day, I'll Forgive You For That.

But I Want You To Know

That It's Best That You Call Your Mother.

My Mother?

In California?

Well, You Have A Mother Someplace Else?

No. That's The One.

You Call Her.

Get Permission From Her, And I Will Give You The Name

Of The Most Wonderful Gynecologist In The World

Dr. Rochelle Hawkins.

She Counsels Young Women.

Okay.

Thanks, Cousin Cliff.

All Right, Cousin Pam.

And Cousin Pam.

Yes, Sir.

Call Me Anytime.

Okay.

...Ask Me Anything.

Hi, Pam, Did You Talk To Your Mother Yet?

No. I'm Not Sure What To Say.

Whatever Happened To Our Agreement

About Waiting Till We Fell In Love?

I Think I Am.

Aren't You And Lance?

Honey, Right Now, We Kind Of On The Borderline

Between Intense Affection And Get Out Of My Life.

Slide Gets On My Nerves, Too, Sometimes.

How About Playing A Little Of This Ping Pong?

Look At Him.

He Wants To Show His Homeys I Have To Come To Him.

They're Always Trying To Prove Something.

My Serve.

Look At Him Showing Off For Me.

Nice Going, Babycakes.

We Just Feed Into It.

Why Do We Put Up With It?

'Cause They Look Good And Talk Sweet.

Let's Just Stop Talking About Boys.

Okay, You're Right.

Let's Stop.

Oh, Look At Lance.

That Boy Is Just Too Cute.

Lance.

Olivia, Guess What?

I Just Found My New Leg Warmers All Balled Up Under Your Bed.

I Didn't Do It.

Then Who Did?

Dwayne.

Olivia, There Is No Dwayne.

Yes, There Is.

And He's Very Sorry.

Olivia, Dwayne Can't Be Sorry

Because Invisible Dogs Aren't Sorry

Because There's No Such Thing As Invisible Dogs.

I Know That.

I'm No Dummy.

Why Do You Pretend He's There?

He Gets Me Stuff.

I Say He Likes To Watch Me Eat Ice Cream

And They Give Me Ice Cream.

My Parents Fall For That?

Yes.

Even Dr. Huxtable Has An Invisible Parrot.

Do You Think Dwayne Could Work For Me Too?

Sorry, Rudy.

He's A One-Kid Dog.

Hello, Cousin Clair.

Hi, Pam.

How Was Your Appointment With Dr. Hawkins?

Fine.

She Gave Me Some Counseling And Some Protection.

Pam, Have A Seat.

I Know You've Thought About This

But I Want To Share Something.

It's A Love Story.

Happened Between A Boy And A Girl.

They Really Believed They Were In Love

And Everything Was Going Just Rosy

Until This Boy Began To Turn On The Heat.

Of Course, He Disguised This

With Things Like Love Poems

Carving Of Initials On Trees.

The Girl Loved The Attention

But She Told Him This Is As Far As It Goes.

Then He Came Up

With The Timeless Speech, "Everybody Else Is Doing It."

Who Wrote That Speech?

Moses.

Probably Adam.

Anyway, All Of This Was To No Avail.

Then In Desperation He Says, "Look, If You Loved Me

You Would Help Me Get Rid Of These Bumps On My Face."

When That Didn't Work

One Evening, They Went To The Movies.

The Boy Turned Into An Octopus.

Eight Arms And Legs Flailing In Every Conceivable Direction

Under One Big, Empty Head.

The Girl Started Doing Hand Exercises

Just So She Would Have The Strength To Keep His Hands

On Her Shoulders.

So What Happened To Them?

They Got Married.

If The Man

Is Good, He Will Understand It Is Your Decision.

Cousin Cliff.

What's That All About?

Have Some Orange Juice.

It's So Good

For Your Complexion.

Hey, Slide.

Hey, Pam.

Where You Been Hiding These Last Couple Of Days?

Well, I've Been Thinking About Us

And I Don't See What The Harm Is If We Wait.

Why?

What's The Rush?

I'm Not Saying Until We're Married.

If You're Not Sure About This

Then You're Not Sure About Me.

Slide, Why You Say That?

I Love You And It Hurts To Know You Don't Love Me.

You Know I Love You.

I Hear The Words, But That's About It.

I Don't Mean It?!

If I Didn't Mean It

Why Would I Go To The Doctor's And Get These?

Happy Now?

I Just Thought You'd Take Care

Of This Kind Of Stuff.

I Am Taking Care Of It.

I Thought You'd Get Some Of Those Pills.

My Doctor Said These Are Better For All Around.

What Doctor?

The Gynecologist That Dr. Huxtable Recommended.

You Told Dr. Huxtable About Us?

He's My Guardian.

He Doesn't Have To Guard Everything.

I Don't Want To Use These Things.

I Don't Want To Have A Baby.

Don't You Trust Me?

It's Not About Trust.

What If We Did Have A Baby?

We're Planning On Staying Together, Right?

We Can't Afford A Baby.

I've Worked Before.

Slide, That Was Part Time.

There Is No Such Thing As A Part Time Baby.

Besides, We're In High School.

We Don't Even Know

How We're Going To Feel About Each Other Later.

Now I Know Where I Stand.

Nothing's Changed.

Except You.

You See, Pam, That's How Men Are.

They Wreck Your Life

And Then Look For Somebody Else To Crash Into.

You Should Have Seen Him.

Here I Embarrass Myself

And He Says, "Don't You Trust Me?"

Like Anita Trusted Julio?

Now She's Having His Baby.

She Wanted To Study Nursing.

Thanks To Him, She'll Be Nursing.

And There's Nothing She Can Do.

It's Done.

It May Be Done, But It Ain't Over.

What If Julio Leaves Her?

Men Do Things Like That From Time To Time.

That Would Never Happen With Me And Slide.

Please! That's What You And Slide Do Best--

Break Up.

Did Lance Ever Put That Pressure On You?

He Tried.

I Told Him Where It Was

And That He Was In No Position To Get It.

If He Tried, It Would Move, And I Would Move With It.

Aren't You Afraid Of Losing Him?

Him I Can Get Back.

If I Lose Me, I'm Gone For Good.

What If Slide Doesn't Come Back?

Then Later, Potato.

Let Him Walk.

If He Ain't Got Time For You, You Ain't Got Time For Him.

They Got To Listen To Us

And Forget What Their Homeys And Hormones Are Telling Them.

Men!

Yeah, Men!

Where Are They?

Hey, Cuz.

How You Feeling?

What Are You Reading?

The Toni Morrison Book.

Yeah, All Right.

Can I Ask You Something?

Sure.

What's Up?

Why Are Men Such Worms?

What?

In The Book, This Man Marries Nell

But Has A Thing With Sula.

Why Do You Men Do That?

That's A Book. That's Fiction.

You Said That Good Fiction Is Based On The Truth.

I Did, Didn't I?

The Truth Is, Men Are Worms.

That's True, But Only To A Degree.

That's Because Men Are Always Evolving.

See, When I Was Slide's Age, I Used To Be A Worm.

But Now, I'm Only Part Worm.

People Are Supposed To Be Better Than That.

People Should Be Human And Control Their Instincts

Not Like A Rabbit Or A Bull Moose.

I Went To School With A Lot Of Bull Moose

But They Didn't Stay That Way.

See, As We Get Older

The Herd Thins, We Get More Sophisticated.

Then, When A Woman Says "No," We Know How To Accept It.

We May Not Like It.

Okay, We May Cry A Little Bit.

But We Accept It.

Well, Slide's A Bull Moose

And I'm Wondering What He'll Think Of Me

If I Give In To Him.

Well, If He Is A Bull Moose, I Got To Tell You

They're Migrating Animals.

They Just Graze And Move On.

Well, I'm Probably Better Off Without Him.

But I Sure Do Miss Him.

Hi, Pam.

Hi.

Did You Hear That?

Yes, I Did.

Poor Thing.

Losing Her Boyfriend.

( Laughing )

What Makes You Think She Lost Her Boyfriend?

Oh, Men Are So Blind.

Trust Me, Love.

Slide Has Slid Away.

( Doorbell Rings )

( Imitating Clair's Laugh )

I'm Afraid Slide Has Slid Down Here.

How Are You Doing, Slid?

Arthur.

Arthur.

Mrs. Huxtable.

How Are You Doing, Mrs. Huxtable?

I'm Fine, Slide.

How Are You?

Fine.

Hey, Slide.

Hi, Pam.

Is It All Right If We Go Outside And Talk A Little?

Ask Mrs. Huxtable.

Is It Okay, Mrs. Huxtable?

If That's What Pam Wants.

Get Back Over By That Door.

Get By That Door.

I Want To Know What's Going On Out There.

Dear, That Would Be Spying.

Do It.

What Are They Doing?

Well, They're Out There Just...

They're Just... Just Talking.

Does It Look Like They're Arguing?

No, They're Just... Just Talking And, Uh...

Uh-Oh.

She Pushed Him Away.

Well, He's... He's... He's Walking Away.

Good.

Whoa, Wait, Wait, He's Coming Back.

Keep Walking, Fool.

Not You, Him.

Well, He's Putting His Arms Around Her.

He's Pulling Her Close.

Oh, Clair, Looks Like You're Going To Lose.

Yeah, They're Kissing Now.

Don't Just Stand There.

Do Something.

What Do You Want Me To Do?

Turn On The Sprinklers.

We Don't Have Sprinklers.

They're Still Kissing.

Mmm.

Why Don't We Go Back To My Place.

My Folks Aren't Home.

There You Go Again.

The Minute Things Are Nice, You Bring That Up.

I'll Let You Know When I'm Ready

So Stop Sweating Me.

Don't Act Like You're Doing Me Some Big Favor.

A Lot Of Women Are Interested In The Kid.

You Mean Like Shaniqua Watkins?

Well...

If I Don't Give In, You'll Start Seeing Shaniqua?

That's An Option.

Don't Let Me Stop You.

I'm My Own Woman With My Own Mind

And I Intend To Use It.

Good Night.

And Give My Best To Shaniqua.

It's A Good Thing I Had Four Other Daughters, Man.

I Wouldn't Have Known To Hold On To My Paper.

I Told You Slide Has Slid Away.

( Phone Ringing )

Hello.

Ah, Elaine.

Yes?

Okay, Why Don't You Go On Ahead To The Hospital.

Can Your Parents Take You?

No?

Okay, Well, Take A Cab.

Right.

Get Right Over.

There You Go.

Good Example.

Got A 16-Year-Old Girl Ready To Deliver Sometime Tonight.

Parents Want To Have Nothing To Do With Her.

The Boy That Did It Says

"It's Not Mine.

I Told You To Protect Yourself."

All She's Going To Do Is Have A Baby.

Hey, Homey.

How You Doing, Man?

All Right.

Hey, If You Down, You Can Get Up.

Ain't That Easy, Man.

Hey, Pam.

Hello, Lance.

Go Over And Talk To Her.

She Won't Even Look At Me.

I Ain't Never Seen

Nobody Get Ignored So Good.

I Played The Wrong Card, Lance.

Yep, Played That Shaniqua Card.

I Wasn't Even Serious.

I Just Got Mad.

You Go Over There And Tell Her That.

I Would, But She Won't Listen.

I'll Back You Up.

The Way She Looks, You Better Get In The Front.

Hey, Pam, How Are You Feeling Today?

Fine, Lance.

Hi, Pam.

She Ain't Talking To Me, Man.

I Can See That.

Go Try It Again, Man.

How Was School Today?

Oh, Lance?

Would You Please Tell That Man

I'm Not Interested In Anything He Has To Say

And I'm Very Busy

So Please, Get Out Of My Face.

At The Current Time

Her Attention Is Directed Elsewhere.

However, By The Inflection In Her Voice

She Might Be Interested In An Apology.

Tell Her I've Been Thinking About It.

My Man Says

That He Has Devoted His Entire Brainpower

To Your Image.

You May Tell Mr. Bartell

That I Have Not Been Thinking About Him

And He's A Pain In The You-Know-What.

She Says While You Are Not In Her Uppermost Thoughts

You Are Not Very Far From Her Heart.

All Right, Tell Her I'm Sorry She's Depressed

And That If My Mentioning Shaniqua Watkins

Has Anything To Do With Me Being Far From Her Heart

Then I'm Very Sorry.

Although My Man Is Quite Learned

Shaniqua Is No Longer A Part Of His Vocabulary.

Then Ask Him Why He Threw Her In My Face Like That?

You Heard Her, Homey.

Why Did You Do That?!

I've Done Some Thinking.

You Shouldn't Do Anything You Don't Want To

And Neither Should I.

Not That I Don't Want To.

You Know What I Mean?

I Know What You Mean, And I Appreciate It.

I Sure Have Missed You, Smooch.

I Missed You Too, Slide.

I Can See My Work Is Done Here.

Lance Knows Romance.

Rudy Said You Wanted To See Me, Dr. Huxtable.

That Is Correct.

Would You Have A Seat, Please.

Come On, Dwayne.

Look, People Have Been Talking About Dwayne Lately

And They're Not Very Happy With His Behavior.

What?

It Seems That Dwayne Has Gotten Into

And Has Been Using Denise's Makeup.

( Gasps )

I Really Don't Know How Dwayne Did It

But He Went Into The Kitchen And Got A Knife

And Cut A Big Piece Of Chocolate Cake.

He Won't Do That Again.

He Also Is Doing Some Terrible Things

And Blaming You For These Things.

Yes.

Your Shoe Prints Were On Our Sheets

Looking Like Somebody Was Jumping Up And Down On The Bed.

I Know It Had To Be Dwayne Putting On Your Shoes

And Doing That.

So My Point Is... Is That, Um...

Just Outside The Door There, There's An Invisible Family

And They Told Me That They Were Missing Their Invisible Dog.

The Dog Fits Dwayne's Description.

And I Think It's Time For You

To Give Dwayne Back To Those Invisible People.

Okay.

Thank You.

Come On, Dwayne.

Phew!

Hi, Nice To Meet You.

Go On, Dwayne.

What?

One Minute.

What Are You Doing?

They Want Howard Your Parrot Too.